#because even if i get it at the same time as everyone else. i might still be too unwell to gif right away

[woso-dreamzzz]

Camp

Hardersson x Baby!Reader

Part of The Big Adventures Universe

Summary: Your first time at camp

The first time you go to Sweden Camp, you're still a baby.

You don't even remember it but Magda does.

Magda knows it as the day that she was no longer the favourite Eriksson in camp. It doesn't really matter that she was the only Eriksson in the team but after your arrival, she might as well have been a ghost because everyone was just so enamoured with you.

"Where is she?" Frido demands when Magda turns up on the first day of camp babyless.

"With Pernille," Magda says," She'll come in a few days. It's not easy to travel with a baby, you know."

Frido waves a hand dismissively. "But they'll be here soon, right?"

"You know they're only here for a few hours, right? They're not staying."

Frido doesn't seem to hear her or at least doesn't acknowledge Magda's said anything because she goes off to do something else while Magda stays frozen in confusion in the lobby.

Pernille arrives a few days after camp begins and a day before the match.

The team are out practising on the pitch, running through passing drills. No one notices her there for a long while until Magda does a bad pass to Frido and the ball goes flying.

Frido turns around to retrieve it and immediately sprints off in the opposite direction. It leads to a few people following her gaze and breaking off into sprints of their own.

Tragically, Magda is one of the last to notice your arrival and is kept at the back of the throng of Swedish players that now encircle you and Pernille.

She forces her way through viciously until she pops out just as Pernille transfers you to Frido's arms.

You're still tiny but are old enough now to have enough strength to support your own head so you happily sit in Frido's arms as she coos at you softly.

You giggle, reaching a hand out to smack against her nose.

"Oh!" Frido says with a little laugh," Did you get my nose? Is that my nose? I think it is!"

Ordinarily, Magda would tease Frido for how high-pitched her voice has gotten in your company but then she'd be open to being called a hypocrite because Magda's voice does the same.

"Look at you," Zećira coos," Those are good reflexes." She nudges Magda teasingly. "I'm thinking Operation Mušović for baby Eriksson?"

Magda shoves her back. "It will be a cold day in hell when you turn my baby into the second version of you."

"It doesn't matter what position she plays," Caroline says decisively as the crowd parts for their captain," Because this little lady-" She takes you from Frido. "-Is the future captain of Sweden."

Pernille, who has mostly been ignored, sighs. "Or Denmark. She's my child too, you know."

"I suppose we could lend you her," Caroline says diplomatically," Denmark youth player, Sweden captain."

"I'll settle for it the opposite way around," Pernille replies but she's waved off as Caroline presents you to the rest of the team.

"You better watch out," Caroline says," Because we might have a new Eriksson in our defensive line."

"A Harder in your offence more like," Pernille says but, like Magda, she's mostly ignored.

Neither can do much as the team passes you around like something sacred. Everyone takes the time to coo and play with you before you're moved onto the next person.

The plan was for you to be introduced to the team for a few hours but be gone by dinner. Somehow though, you've taking your bottle in the middle of the dining hall.

Even more strangely, Magda is not the one doing it.

It had been a little difficult to get you to take a bottle after months of just Pernille's breast but Magda's glad she's got the opportunity to feed you as well.

She just wishes it didn't mean that other people can feed you now too.

Right now, it's Frido and Magda should have known that she would do this. She just adores you and hoarding your time is her game plan at home as well so it's no wonder she's doing the same at camp too.

"No," Magda says as Olivia appears by the table," Don't you dare."

"Magda," Pernille says," It's sweet."

Magda ignores her, pointing at Olivia in warning. "No! I told you guys no!"

"Everyone put into a pot," Olivia says," It's a collective gift. You can't say no."

"You know what? Yes, yes I can. No! You're spoiling her!"

"She's a baby," Olivia insists," She deserves to be spoiled!"

Magda can agree with that. You do deserve to be spoiled but there's a difference between getting spoiled and whatever Olivia's got in the four bags in her arms.

"No!" Magda insists," It's too much!"

"Not enough," Frido says," I was going to get her more but Caroline put a cap on the amount of money someone could put in the pot."

"Frido!"

"What? Didn't you listen? I didn't get her as much as I wanted to!"

Magda goes to retort back but a hand on her arm from Pernille makes her fall silent.

"Thank you, girls," Pernille says, taking the bags," I hope she gets lots of use out of what you've bought her."

#woso x reader #hardersson x reader #pernille harder x reader #pernille harder #magdalena eriksson x reader #magdalena eriksson #woso community #woso imagine #woso fanfics #woso #the big adventures universe

[vvanillavveins]

I'm just going to say it: i love Good Omens for its ace-coding (and/or potential aro-coding, too). And, i think that it's very easy to view Crowley & Aziraphale as queerplatonic. When i say that, i don't mean that people are wrong for seeing their dynamic as purely romantic, i'm not at all dismissing the pair's obvious love and care and devotion towards one another. All i mean is that, if you want to, it's easy to read that love and care and devotion as platonic, i.e., a love for the other person's soul, above anything else. And that aspect of it heals a little part of my own soul every time i watch it.

Idk, it's just something about all of their little rituals, the thoughtful compliments, the favours and the gift-giving- done out of genuine kindness, not expecting anything in return except for getting to watch the other smile. Every interaction is full of symbolism and meaning, yet without being based on overt romantic love. It's also about how they can admire each other without touching- not because they don't love each other exactly- but because they are already so aware of their inherent togetherness that there is no real need to prove it through touch. Their relationship transcends physicality in the same way it seems to go beyond the boundaries of traditional romance. Even with the kiss in season 2, we know that it is not part of their established ways of showing affection, and we are shown that neither of them are comfortable with it because of that.

They've spent 6000 years cultivating their own unique love language, and the show goes to great lengths to keep expanding on that- not just throw it away or completely change it once Heaven and Hell are less involved in their lives on Earth. Crowley & Aziraphale's development together really is a beautiful thing to watch- and idk about any of you- but positive or even just neutral portrayal of non-traditional, sexless relationships feels like a rareity, especially when it comes to television. That's why this show is such a big source of comfort for me personally.

I'm autistic- so this might just be yet another case of me just not 'getting it', since i can't read faces or tones of voice- and therefore i'm just not seeing what everyone else is, but i'm hoping at least one other person out there interprets it this way too.

...

[I am talking about the TV show here; their asexuality felt a lot more overt in the book]

#especially when you compare how differently they behave in comparison with other angel/demon pairings like Gabriel & Beezlebub #i know that the show pushes the more romantic angle a lot harder than the book does - but it still isn't explicitly romantic either #asexual #aromantic #acespec #arospec #queer platonic relationship #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #asexual crowley #asexual aziraphale #asexual ineffable husbands #aroace ineffable husbands

[rainysofsunshineao3]

12 DAYS GUYS

And today, instead of anylysing another Yasmina and Sammy scene, we're analyzing THESE TWO BAMFs!!!

OMFG, these two I can't with these two I love them so dearly my lord. One of my favourite brother/sister relationships of all time. Their so supportive of each other and have a "sorry I just threw you down a mountain, it's how I show affection :)" relationship it's the best dynamic ISTG.

Like, I think Ben is the only other person Yaz voluntarily hugs (Not counting all the time's with Brooklyn cause those were kinda out of like "I protec u").

Like, Yaz didn't really have a strong relationship with Ben before he became "Island Ben", but when she sees him, instead of standing in shock like Brook and Kenji, she just throws herself at him (In a very "Sammy-like" manner, if I do say so myself lol). She obviously cares for this boy, even in when he was "Scared-Ben" and before their relationship really took off.

And she CONTINUES holding on to him like a lifeline for a good 7 seconds (Trust, I counted lol) AND THEN SHE FUCKING-

She pulls him in AGAIN. And Ben isn't like, akward about it at all. He just hugs her back instantly, which to me screams that there were never any romantic interest between them (Sorry to those who ship these two) and honestly shows need more of this. Like, these two are the only ones in this series...

ok I take it back, no one has shipped Ben and Brooklyn or Darius and Sammy as far as I'm concerned, but they have such limited screentime together I can see why.

They're the only well-developed and HEALTHY non-romantic duo in this series.

But like, Brook, Kenji, and Darius all had this really...weird and unexplained love triangle going on. Like I swear I wasn't the only one picking up on Brooklyn and Darius in Season 1 and 2, but then it shifts to Kenji for no real reason. Then obviously Yaz and Sammy were hinted at since the very first episode lol, but these two.

They're not even really as sibling-coded as Darius and Kenji (Yet another ship that I hope no one wanted to sail because...ew. their brothers yall. BROTHERS). They're just...different. I really don't know how to explain it. Honestly the best way I can explain it is with these two vvv

Yaz would definitely call Ben "Dingus" and make a "You Rule | You Suck" board I will die on this hill.

And Yaz obviously trusts this boy with her life. Like, when they were hiding from the robo-dogs (Oh my god, the demodogs and demogorgons of JWCC, the BRADS and BRAD-Xs) she's leaning into him.

And then they think their gonna die and this snipped right here actually breaks and heals my heart at the same time 🥹

Yaz just clings to him and hides her face in his shoulder and Ben doesn't waste a single goddamn moment before he tries to shield her as best he can.

*Raine pauses and watches again for science*

Screaming, crying, sobbing over them.

Can't find the GIF for it, but in season 5 when Ben sees Bumpy on get off the boat and makes a run for it, Yaz is the first one who notices Ben is gone. She's looking around for him before everyone else and she's the one who asks "Where's Ben". It's the little details in their relationship.

There's a whole other post I might make tomorrow on the amazing wingmanship between these two with Sammy and Ben's hilarious misunderstanding of Yaz being Kenji's wingman (Still not over that).

I love these two so much, my babies :))) There's so many moments between them that I caught on my rewatch.

Can't wait for JWCT, I miss the children so muchhhh

Toodles!

#Raine rambles for a bit #yasmina fadoula #ben pincus #jwcc #jwct #them your honor #yasammy

[cerise-on-top]

Hi!

I noticed you did a Tall!Husband with the Task Force, could I ask for the same prompt with Nikolai, Farah, Alejandro, and Rudy, if you haven't already?

Thanks you! /nf

Hey there! Here you go!

Alejandro, Rodolfo, Farah and Nikolai with a Very Tall Husband

Alejandro: He takes you being this tall in stride. Sure, he would have preferred being the bigger guy among the both of you, but he won’t actively go out of his way to be butthurt about it. That just means he’s finally found someone who can wrap himself around him, and for that he’s grateful. You make for a nice cuddle buddy. Alejandro is quite the cuddler in general, so he’ll often just walk up to you just to cuddle you. He’s not above asking you to get something from a high shelf either, always rewarding you with a kiss to your cheek as well. Overall, there’ll be lots of cuddles, even if he sometimes might try to climb you as well. It’s his way of showing off just how strong he is. However, he will call you things such as “skyscraper”, but he loves it as much as he loves you. You’re just such a sweetheart. Alejandro will invite you to just about anything he does, as long as it’s not related to his job. He’s well aware that you’re super intimidating and scary to everyone else, but all he can see is his lover with the biggest heart imaginable. If you scare Rodolfo too much, though, then he’ll ask you to tone it down by quite a bit. Rodolfo has done nothing wrong, plus the two of them are very close. Ideally, you and Rodolfo would also get along well with each other. But other than that? Alejandro doesn’t really mind you being this scary. It just means that people feel less inclined to walk up to the both of you and bother you while you’re out on a date. He feels a bit torn on PDA, though. Trust me when I say he wants to give you hugs and kisses in public so everyone knows you’re his, but he holds back a bit since he doesn’t wanna endanger you. Secretly dreams of dipping you under the moonlight and giving you a big old kiss. While he can get very heated himself in the right situation, he’s a real sweetheart towards you as well, so the both of you would fit very well with each other.

Rodolfo: On the one hand, he’s not happy at all with you being such a giant. On the other hand he loves it. He wanted to be the taller guy among the two of you so he can make you feel protected. At least that’s what he’ll sometimes say to you, feigning hurt. In reality he’s going wild on the inside because his lovely husband can wrap himself entirely around him and give him the best hugs imaginable. Rodolfo gets to feel calm and at ease whenever you do that. Although he normally wouldn’t be as willing to do such a thing, he’d also have an easier time walking up to you and asking you for some cuddles. Especially with him being the one to be held. It’s a huge thing for him, but you’re a guy, his husband, so it should be quite alright. Is also a lot more affectionate with you in private than he normally would be. Lots of kisses, rubbing your noses together, pressing your foreheads together, all that stuff. He actually quite likes you being this scary towards other people, that just means he doesn’t have to deal with as many people when going out, so he likely will take you with him as much as possible. Scare everyone all you want, aside from Alejandro. That’s his best friend, you really shouldn’t be scaring that guy. Not that you properly could anyway, but still. If anything, you should be getting along with him so that the three of you can hang out together more often. Everyone else is fair game, though. One thing you can definitely count on is that he’ll, without using any words, ask you to run your fingers through his hair. All Rodolfo wants is to lie on his husband, have him run his fingers through his hair, and then fall asleep. He’s such a sucker for being on the receiving end of physical affection, and lucky for him, you’re willing to give it to him. If you want to talk to him while he’s falling asleep, then you may. Your voice calms him down greatly and lulls him to sleep. In order to show his gratitude, he’ll learn how to become the best cook out there. You will be well fed under your shared roof.

Farah: She’s of average height for a woman, so roughly 1,65m. You being taller than 2,10m is quite the height difference between the both of you. However, that doesn’t stop her from sassing you out of love from time to time. She’s not intimidated by you at all. She doesn’t really care about you being this tall, but sometimes she thinks about going to the sea with you and just messing around in the water together. You’re such a sweetheart, surely you’d be on board for such a thing. She could always just ask you to lean down for a kiss, but that would be boring. She climbs you like a tree and kisses you then as she holds onto you. Farah needs to show off just how strong she is, to everyone around you too. Not that anyone would ever doubt her strength, she’s the commander, after all, but it’s the thought that counts. Because of your height difference, she loves just walking up to you and giving you a big hug. Either from the front or behind is fine by her. If she’s hugging you from behind then that means she’s asserting dominance. You may be the taller one out of the both of you, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be the dominant one. You being this scary sometimes bothers her, though, especially when children are around. The adults likely can handle themselves, especially once she tells them that you’re, for the most part, not going to hurt them. But children will start crying upon seeing you, so she asks you to tone it down around them. She knows you wouldn’t hurt anyone, but still. You can be as scary as you want to be, as long as you don’t hurt anyone. You don’t need to glare daggers at everyone, though, since no one is going to take her from you. Farah’s loyal like that. Something that Farah would have definitely loved to do with you would be to have you lie on top of her, with her running her hands over your back and telling you how much she loves you. Unfortunately, you’d likely crush her. That doesn’t mean she won’t hold you close while standing, though. Again, she needs to assert her dominance in some way. You being such a sweetheart towards her really motivates her to keep fighting the good fight, though. She wants to fight for a future in which the both of you can live together in a nice home without the fear of war. A future in which the both of you can just go out and look at the scenery as the sun rises. Either way, that future isn’t as far away as it used to be.

Nikolai: He’s a very tall lad himself, standing proud at 1,98m. However, the first time he saw you, someone even taller than him, he had to chuckle a bit. It was a rarity for someone to be much taller than him, but he doesn’t mind. Nikolai isn’t sensitive. Nothing can stop him from proving himself to you, though, and picking you up. He does it with quite ease too since he’s such a strong lad. If you’re quite the cuddler, then so is he. He’s a chameleon in that regard, he can be whatever you want or need him to be. Either way, he’ll still mostly have you lying on top of him. Although he could go either way, it’s still a pride thing for him. Having someone as tall as you be vulnerable with him, lying on top of him while not fighting him at all, it feeds his ego. Yes, he’s strong. You better know that as well. Besides, he’s pretty sure he can make you feel protected like this as well. Won’t fight you if you want to hold him for once, though. He just loves having his husband in his arms as well, holding him close and giving him a few kisses to the crown of his head. He doesn’t mind you being this scary towards other people. It just shows you that you really don’t want anyone but him, so to some degree it’s even very sweet to him. You can scare anyone you want, aside from the important people. He also likes it because that means less people will come up to him and ask him stuff. He likes being left alone with you quite a lot. Besides, as long as you don’t scare people like Price or Laswell, not that you could anyway, they’re both tough cookies, you’re all good. Anyone else isn’t as important anyway. Because you’re such a sweetheart towards him, he’ll often take you just about anywhere. To his little home in Siberia, to St. Petersburg, anywhere he knows you won’t be in too much danger. Showing you around Russia is one of his favorite things to do. He’s a patriot, so he loves combining his love for his country with his love for you. You’ll get to see a lot of places that way.

#cod #cod x reader #alejandro vargas #alejandro vargas x reader #rodolfo parra #rodolfo parra x reader #farah karim #farah karim x reader #cod nikolai #nikolai x reader

[softshuji]

y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.

#i was thinking abt it earlier #but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why #actually i do kinda know why. #i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me #earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject #too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i #was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often #especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d #everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just #cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even #consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural #but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other #peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something #something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they #move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less #sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can #always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response #and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone #it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything #not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i #feel like im not actually being heard or listened to #and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you' #or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore #god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it #for everyone else all the time #is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say #this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice #god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover #and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel #like they actually like me

[erabundus]

scaramouche  is  such  a  fun  muse,  because  he  can  be  playfully  annoying  like  a  little  brat  —  only  to  turn  around  and  do  something  genuinely  (  horrifyingly  )  malicious  without  an  ounce  of  hesitation.

#𝟎𝟎𝟒 : 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥. ◟ hc .◝ #( i don't even say this in an ''oooo he's so edgy and dangerous oooo watch out'' kind of sense i just find it deeply interesting. ) #( he's cruel in the same way you might call a child who tears the wings off a butterfly cruel ) #( he understands violence but he's kind of numb to the gravity of it all. empathy settings have been turned to low until tree therapy. ) #( he only sees violence as a tool to get what he wants? he gleans just as much amusement from breaking a bone as he does using words ) #( if one method doesn't get his desired results he'll use another and keep escalating. ) #( the danger comes in how he has no reservations ABOUT escalating bc he sees everyone else as lesser than him. ) #( he cares more about whether something would inconvenience him than whether it would be morally right or wrong. ) #( so he may appear to show mercy but it's largely because the alternative would be more tedious. he's a bit lazy at times. ) #( that's also why he usually doesn't immediately go for the most destructive option. he prefers a slow burn. testing the waters. ) #( unless he's convinced murder is the most efficient option. or you genuinely manage to anger him. ) #( in a twisted sense there's a kind of purity to his cruelty?? i just think he's neat. )

[lenievi]

being half done with s1 of SNW reminded me how the writers didn’t really disappoint me in s1 (there might be episodes I enjoyed less than others, but that’s just my taste and sometimes even how I felt that day, overall the characterization - which is the most important for me - was consistent and the characters all fun), how they more or less even validate my own readings of TOS (especially with like T’Pring, but also other small things)... and how ever since Discovery, I was never ever disappointed with their interpretation of Spock and his interpersonal relationships

which is now unfortunately leading me to have more trust in s2 too

and I really don’t want to be disappointed

#like i mean my only true issue is them not honouring kirk and spock's relationship #and by that i mean the non existence of it in this time period lol #i might be in the minority but it's really important to me that their strong connection was made because they were a captain and xo assigned #to the same ship #i don't want any stupid fate or predestination #which is what i really liked about the finale of snw... so i do have hopes #but i'm also fully prepared for them ruining it and me hating it #but also just reading their first meeting in the captain's oath that was literally just a meeting makes me want to see just a random meeting #ala the finale of snw even in the prime timeline #because that's what fits the most #i did see some old-ish interview with the cast where the interviewer was trying to pry what about kirk-spock out of them #and it also made me kind of hopeful because they were kind of evasive and peck was like changing the topic to pike #because like yeah at this time spock doesn't care about kirk. pike is his captain and 'very important to him' #kirk has his own friends - even in the pilot he was closer to gary mitchell than spock #so like i want to trust the writers that they understand this like they understand other things... but... #it's hard lol #yes it's a tv show it doesn't matter but it matters lol #i actually didn't want to talk about this but... wanted to get it out of my head #even though everyone else probably expects the complete opposite lol #leni's nonsense #ETA: on the other hand i guess since they're making spock/chapel more important they might also make this more important #but ugh #it will just ruin the development #and i will hate that #especially if they don't give kirk and mccoy's relationship its deserved due #like in aos #think whatever you want about mccoy and spock but mccoy and kirk - they were extra close and not acknowledging that would be a failure #anyway i'm shutting up but they better honour mccoy and kirk's friendship #it was a constant #even in tos films where they ignored the existence of the triumvirate

[rosicheeks]

Been thinking about you hon, missed seeing you around. Glad to have you pop up in my feed again ❤️

#thank you so much for the kind message #idk how much I’ll be on right now tbh #I’m struggling a lot #I know I say that all the time #but it’s been bad like really really fucking bad lately #today has been especially bad because of my period and my emotions and hormones or whatever being all whack #might just be my period talking and how whack my brain is right now #but I’ve been seriously thinking about admitting (committing? idk the right word) myself to some sort of hospital #I don’t know where to go or look at…. I just want to go into some hospital and be like ‘hi I’m extremely mentally ill and I need help asap’ #but I don’t think it works like that #I would talk to my parents about it but I already know what they’re going to say #99.99999% sure they’re going to say something like ‘well have you been praying?’ #trust me i WISH praying would magically heal me but it doesn’t #anyway I was hanging out with a friend today and we watched a show and I barely even remember what it was about #the entire time I was thinking about how to get myself into inpatient or some sort of help #also freaking out that I’m almost 26 and then I’ll be off my parents insurance and feel like it’ll be 10x harder to do anything like that #I just don’t want to live like this anymore #everyone else is growing up and doing things with their lives and I’m just the same old depressed girl with nothing to show for my life #I’ve been surviving which is good don’t get me wrong #but when I die I don’t want to be like ‘wow what a good life I really survived well’ 👍 #anyway thinking about texting my sister and asking her to help me but I don’t want to be a burden or anything #lol forgot I’m probably going to get criticized for bitching in the tags so I should shut up #anyway I’m very very very unhappy #and I’m going to go eat some cereal now ✌️ #ask #anon

[wrecking]

edit: i ended up just ranting abt like the current vibe™ in the tags... sorry abt that but like also whatever i don't care anymore

#d #my food therapist really said the most real thing on planet earth when she said i'm meeting me at the same time everyone else is #i feel like a cringey overzealous emotionally dumb teenager who's a total embarrassment to everyone around me while i'm trying 2 say fuck i #cuz like this is the first time in my entire life i feel like i get to actually explore my identity and do like normal young people things #and i feel just. so so exposed in the sense that everyone is watching me make a fool of myself without a single shred of self-awareness #and it makes me so fucking mad cuz like i'm finally happy with myself!! i'm finally starting to feel like a fully formed person #instead of a 2d projection or an object or something monstrous hiding in the shadows because that's how i've spent until now imo #and like. it's hard to emotionally make peace with the fact things in my social life are changing because like. there's some part of me #that thinks that maybe if i stayed in that miserable place that maybe i wouldn't have any of the problems i have now #and like my life is a lot better. and i know that and i wouldn't change a thing. but like emotionally i guess i'm just #processing it as a fault of mine to have changed bc it's changing my relationships to others #and this isn't about any one specific thing like i've been having lots of small growing pains with a lot of ppl in my life rn i just am lik #there's a lot happening to me rn emotionally so i feel like everything i do is a fuckup and i'm just bracing for more people to go ig #which might happen or it might not and tbh either is ok at this point. i need to do this in order to live i think #idk why i'm even rambling about this i just have a lot of thoughts and i want to share them i guess. not like it does anything but like #what else is this app for at this point lmfao i barely even want to talk on here anymore because i feel like everything i say on here is #just pointless. i'm thankful i have a strong support system rn cuz genuinely i don't know what i'd do if i didn't like #i feel like everything is so much more emotionally Big to me on E and it's kind of hard trying to figure out how to manage it #like i'm basically finally getting to be me. for worse AND for better. and i just am like. insecure on some level i guess #not even over my appearance tbh i've kinda made peace with that. moreso my personality and what things i share with others #this whole post is so wholly unnecessary but i feel like i'm going to go insane if i don't get this out of my head #i've genuinely been avoiding talking about my emotions or my private life on here because i don't exactly feel safe on here anymore #which is like great. love it when my primary outlet for like. socially interacting with people casually gets compromised i love it #i literally softblocked like 30 ppl off of here so i could talk abt my weird sex stuff and my body and my deeper thoughts with ppl i trust #and then i still am too conscious about it! this always happens when i make a blog for myself to talk on #maybe i'm just not meant for talking abt things

[faultsofyouth]

literally when I see women being frustrated with other women for staying with abusive men I feel like I'm watching the ouroboros. Like I get it, it happens to everyone, I've been there, but it's so self sabatoging.

#don't come at me if you're one of those girls currently angry at her friend for continuing to date an abuser after you and everyone else #told her not to #I spent 7 years watching different men beat my mother and I've had a lot of friends who faced very different kinds of abuse from other men #so when I say your anger is not constructive believe me because it is my anger too. and I know it hurts and I know it can drive you insane #but when your friend Sees that anger it will hurt her in a way you cannot understand. And if you are hurting her while you claim to love he #while you claim to have her best interests at heart -> then she cannot differentiate between the way you treat her #and the way her abuser does. And I know that's not fair I know it's not the same #And I know you probably care for her in a way her man does not. But when you tell her what to do she doesn't see You. #She sees the man who tells her what to do and how to live. She won't listen to you over that man because you sound the same #You sound eerily similar but he is manipulating her and you are just angry and upset. He will always seem to offer the better deal #so just don't be that angry friend anymore. Be an open door she can walk through whenever she needs a break from an evil man. #Be the life she Could have if she really believed she deserved it. Be good and respectful and supportive even when you feel like killing hi #show her how Everyone should treat her. Show her she deserves to be treated good; show her it is no problem for You to treat her good #And she Will start demanding that from men. From everyone. But she will do it on her own time #With her own setbacks and she will set her own standards. They might never be your standards but they will be better than what they are now #but first you have to be supportive and not angry. You have to root for what She wants and not for her relationship to fail #Even if you really truly hope the relationship will fail. You have to convince her that you want the same things she wants #You have to convince her that you want her to be happy no matter what that looks like. And Then she will ask you #To help make her life happier. And in my experience; that is the only way to truly see someone get to a better place #You have to help them get what they Want. This is way harder than being angry. Insanely harder. But I have seen women change a Lot #after I stopped feeling angry over them. After I stopped trying to convince them that I know what is best for them

[medicinemane]

You know, you have the Whorf hypothesis, which talks about how language might effect how we think

I believe one of the things he (or someone else saying similar things) brought up was the idea that:

If we for instance have barrels which used to contain a toxic chemical that's now empty, but the barrel is still dangerous, does lacking a word for "empty but dangerous" influence how we think about or treat this barrel? Would someone be less cautious around it for instance because "empty" implies to an extent that the barrel is back to how it was before it was filled?

Anyway, this is just me establishing a concept here

My thought here is if poorly fitting words may disproportionately warp people's understanding of concepts

I wonder if by using phrases like "artificial intelligence" we don't meaningfully skew perception of "ai" programs towards a thinking program, even among people who have some understanding of how it works (basically rapidly running a number of calculations until it gets an answer it thinks will be good, it's similar to those "having a simulated bird learn to walk" things you'll see, just very fast)

How much do we end up having certain terms basically become poison pills because of how ubiquitous they've become while being almost totally wrong

I'm not even really talking about things like reasonable terms used wrong, like people saying "gaslighting" when they mean "lying"

It really is specifically with terms like "ai" where... well... where I'm afraid we may have done irrevocable damage to public understanding of something, and where... I don't know that there's a way to ever fix it and shift the language used

Just something I'm thinking about tonight

#though I'm not actually thinking about ai; I'm thinking about another term that... what I have to say isn't that spicy #but I do kind of worry it would be a little too spicy for people who've really latched onto the word #even though... I literally just want to help; I literally think that term is a poison pill to the people who use it more than anyone else #and I think I have at least a candidate replacement for it in the same way I have something like 'deep modeling' to replace 'ai' #but... I don't think... I don't think I know of anyway how I could get that change to happen #even if like I... presented these thoughts to the greatest minds and everyone agreed on a new better term... could we spread it? #just drives me nuts with ai for obvious reasons #and with this term because whenever someone actually explains what the hell they mean... it's not at all what the word they use means #and a shift in words to one that... actually explains it... I mean I think it might massively make people more receptive #don't use something that's both very charged and also... kind of just the wrong word #use a word that's accurate and you can probably bring most people around on quickly #...well... whatever... I'll sprinkle these thoughts in people's ears from time to time #and hopefully it slowly takes root in enough people to have at least some small impact #in other news it's not like I remember the name of that hypothesis #I just decided that a couple minutes search could track me down a name; make me sound knowledgeable; all while being more accurate

[chisatowo]

Got another new oc!! This is the eel girl's adopted sister, Brady!

#keese draws #oc art #ocs #oc posting #eyestrain #she/he/it prns btw #Ive gotta settle on pronouns for everyone else I wanna make them lil bios on toyhouse #but yeah brady was raised by the side of the eel girl to do some fun political assasinations for their parents but brady ran away #he initially wanted to bring his sister with him but assumed that shed be better off without him thanks to a bunch of internalised shit #meanwhile her dear sister had previously believed that they always were gonna have eachother's backs so she felt super betrayed #honestly a big reason that she went with the main crew without putting up a fight is that she wanted to find her sister and get revenge #because shes like that #but by the time she finds it shes had ~character development~ and isnt sure if she even wants revenge #she still feela deeply hurt by brady's abandoning of her but honestly at that point she more so just wanted to know why than anything #she still wanted to make her feel the pain she felt but she also didnt want to hurt her at the same time #but before she could decide what to do abt finding him he freaked out abt her being there and glaring at him and he attacked her while she #was out on a night walk to think abt stuff #he quickly ended up hurting her much more than he meant to though and as he was freaking out the rest of the sister friend squad found them #still deciding how that particular series of events ends for it but Ill probably give it some side character stuff afterwards #its probably not gonna like join the main crew or anything but it might become a secondary pov idk #she has Issues lol

[chiisana-lion]

hm

#dunno what caused this but ive just been getting really scared and stupidly worried lately #sometimes i think about how i could lose someone at any moment and i might not even know #just stuck there waiting for some kind of answer for someone who wont and cant come back #and it really. terrifies me #my friends are everyhing to me and i just want them all to be okay always #and especially my best friend. if anything were to happen to him i really dont know what i'd do #i tell him and everyone else how much i love them all the time every time i can because what if they were to disappear and leave one day #and we didnt really leave off on a good note #not like i think that might happen anytime soon but just. what if #i love my friends. so much. i cant even put into words how much they mean to me and how theyve helped me get through this hell ive been #going through these past couple of years or so #maybe im annoying and talkative and sensitive and stuff. but the fact thwy still somehow like me the same is really #dunno man in elementary & middle school i lived shamelessly and yet im sure that for every friend i had there was like 5 kids who hated me #and towards high school i essentially was constantly on edge making sure i dont cause trouble for anyone because hey why should i bother #when none of them would really see me for me. just that quiet kid who draws in the corner and doesnt particularly fit in #the novelty of having a new kid transfer in lasted for like a month tops that time when everyone realized i was actually boring as hell #not into celebrities dont listen to mainstream music not interested in guy talk etc etc #i did meet a couple kids with similar interests at some point but im sure they were more casual fans and not absolutely obsessed as i am #and i feel like my sudden energy when talking about it and running my mouth w that topic kinda put them off #so i just. keep everything to myself #so really finding people who actually do like me and enjoy my rambles and i can hwar then ramble in return #and play games or talk abt our silly blorbos with is just. damn this is way more than i deserve isnt it #and i really feel like that could all just. fall apart at some point #and thats the last thing i want #but honestly #i dont mind if they grew to hate me. ill still love them nonetheless. just please dont leave me behind i cant go through that again #might delete this later im just kind of. yeah #sorry to anyone who reads this im kind of going through it

[gibbearish]

idk if that makes sense. i am currently very high and when that happens i lose all frame of reference for how the way i say things translates to others so i just put down Exactly What I Mean and just hope for the best but if its phrased weird i apologize

#interacting with others is a delicate game of telepathy wherein i try to psychically detect if you understand #the things i say and do in the ways that i mean them #bc one of my core beliefs is kinda based on the way that colorblindness works #specifically in the context of all those posts that go around where people discover for the first time in their life that they might be #colorblind #because never before had they stopped to consider that what they considered blue was not the same as what everyone else considered blue #similarly i think on some level no two peoples brains work exactly the same #our understanding and use of words is built up on a series of guesses we've been making our entire lives #and generally this doesnt cause problems because while the perceptions might not be the same‚ the differences are too small to #actually cause problems #however if you have‚ say‚ a neurotype where one of the main effects is communication difficulties #and just general 'being normal' difficulties #then thats a problem you tend to encounter a lot! and then you become paranoid about it happening so you hyper overexplain #to give as many context clues as possible so that even if youre getting the words wrong‚ your meaning still comes across #lol

[our-lady-of-mcr]

everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn

#self #for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school #and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt #trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house #for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO #and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time #i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it #is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication #which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it #but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can #and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar #but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely #on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment #her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way #i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ??? #if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to #hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very #honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer #regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend #i am not the person who put that shit in your folder #though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is #and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building #that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months #yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you #AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!! #BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!! #god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not #im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that #shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything #so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything

[whimsicmimic]

once again thinking about my post-trimax legato somehow miraculously survives despite everything au and vashgato agenda aka The Worlds Most Miserable Roadtrip

#one of these days ill get back to it #its the fucking. anger and hatred and loathing from legato @ vash #because legato and vashs entire dynamic is fucking #legato has lain down on the tracks. and he doesnt want to be saved. he needs vash to be the train that runs him over. #and then he lives. somehow. he missed his chance to die. #he had no reason to live. his one reason to carry on was for a cause he fully intended to die for and then he couldnt even do that #mirrored by vash. who also went into that confrontation with knives fully intending to not make it out #and now the world is saved! knives failed and now hes gone. and thats a whole fucking thing to unpack for everyone #the fucking anger. the grief. the whole fuckin mess of contradictory emotions that happens as a result of abuse from a family member w vash #fucking Everything wrt legato. the devastation of knowing knives is gone + he failed + legato lived + *vash* lived #the slowwwwwww realization over a long long period of time that legato worshipped the ground knives walked on #but knives only ever regarded legato with like. the same way someone might an ant. a bug. maybe a dog. #legato who only ever wanted to be Seen by knives #and knives who never particularly cared for legato beyond his usefulness #legato who begins following vash because its probably what knives would want + there is truly nothing else on this planet for him. #he has no other reason to live #and vash allowing him out of some sense of pity / resignation + being able to see that theres Nothing left for legato #+ probo some sense of obligation too. of heres another person his brother fucked up. which means hes vash’s responsibility to fix #all the while legato resents vash for living when knives isnt here. resents him for failing to kill him. #resents him for being the only other thing that knives actually cared about + who rejected knives when all legato ever wanted #was knives’ attention #and vash who frankly resents legato too. resents the fact that. of all the people who managed to survive. it was legato and not ww #resents all the shit that legato put him through. all the people he killed all the suffering he inflicted #the two of them looking at each other and the fucking. recognition of the self thru the other #and seeing all the shit they hate about themselves in the other #theres also again the shared grief of them both losing someone incredibly important to them both but who was also responsible for some #abuse to Both of them. unpacking it. working through it. moving forward. #learning How to move forward as a Whole when theyre both two deeply traumatized deeply suicidal fucks who no longer have the singular goals #thatve been their sole reason for existing for the past. many. years. and having to find new reasons to keep living #but most of all. i think they should make out sloppy in the desert thank you goodnight