#I’m struggling a lot

[rosicheeks]

Been thinking about you hon, missed seeing you around. Glad to have you pop up in my feed again ❤️

#thank you so much for the kind message #idk how much I’ll be on right now tbh #I’m struggling a lot #I know I say that all the time #but it’s been bad like really really fucking bad lately #today has been especially bad because of my period and my emotions and hormones or whatever being all whack #might just be my period talking and how whack my brain is right now #but I’ve been seriously thinking about admitting (committing? idk the right word) myself to some sort of hospital #I don’t know where to go or look at…. I just want to go into some hospital and be like ‘hi I’m extremely mentally ill and I need help asap’ #but I don’t think it works like that #I would talk to my parents about it but I already know what they’re going to say #99.99999% sure they’re going to say something like ‘well have you been praying?’ #trust me i WISH praying would magically heal me but it doesn’t #anyway I was hanging out with a friend today and we watched a show and I barely even remember what it was about #the entire time I was thinking about how to get myself into inpatient or some sort of help #also freaking out that I’m almost 26 and then I’ll be off my parents insurance and feel like it’ll be 10x harder to do anything like that #I just don’t want to live like this anymore #everyone else is growing up and doing things with their lives and I’m just the same old depressed girl with nothing to show for my life #I’ve been surviving which is good don’t get me wrong #but when I die I don’t want to be like ‘wow what a good life I really survived well’ 👍 #anyway thinking about texting my sister and asking her to help me but I don’t want to be a burden or anything #lol forgot I’m probably going to get criticized for bitching in the tags so I should shut up #anyway I’m very very very unhappy #and I’m going to go eat some cereal now ✌️ #ask #anon

[xx-sketchy-xx]

Poor poppy, a three tiered cake is simply not big enough!

#wally darling #welcome home art #wally #poppy partridge #sally starlight #creepy #disturbing #horror #kay ima be honest #I forgot how much poppy’s design changed #And so I had to basically redo her xD #Cause I had her most recent design alongside their older designs #I was like oh phooey #I’m still struggling to figure out why he stares at certain things #This poor baby child lol #I’m actually like a super amateur artist #I need to work on my angles and proportions a lot #yus the life of a hooman

[lethalparade]

Saying the words out loud is difficult

Reaching out for help is difficult

Mental Health matters

#I’m struggling a lot #I tried reaching out but the part of me that is worried people will think I just want attention stops me #mental health is hard sometimes #I think I’m going to hole myself up for the next week or so #I don’t know how long I can pretend I’m okay #I relapsed today #I’m not proud of it.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Year of the Dragon!

#non mdzs #lunar new year #digital art #Still struggling with figuring out digital art stuff but I’m getting there #The year of the rabbit really was a special and lucky one for me. Maybe because sometimes it is also the year of the cat. #The energy of the rabbit might not be with me but I hope to have the wisdom of the dragon leading my days #This week is going to be filled with a lot of sappiness so I won't go into yet. #But thank you to everyone for making me feel less anxious and afraid with all the kindness you have shown me. #I have become somewhat domesticated now. I will sniff your hand if there is a treat in it. Maybe blink slowly at you from a distance. #HAVE A WONDERFUL LUNAR NEW YEAR EVERONE! We are all gonna do great B*)

[offkilterkeys]

The world isn’t ready for my alpha kid readings.

#jane crocker #jake english #roxy lalonde #dirk strider #homestuck #alpha kids #Jane is the struggler don’t you EVER contest that #many might argue it’s Jake but he doesn’t struggle inherently #usually he just vibes until he’s forced into situations wherein he struggles #Jane struggles from the beginning #her entire arc is a struggle #also had to change it from “the fujoshi” mostly cause I don’t like that and also cause it’s not as versatile as the other labels #I don’t actually think Dirk is boring btw i just think that when put up against his friends he has a lot less complexity going on #like his arc is fairly simple as opposed to Jane and Jake’s #and even Roxy’s #His problems seem inherently a lot more straight forward to me simply because he’s articulate enough to realize he has problems #Jane and Jake are almost there #problems are like on the tip of their tongues #and Roxy is kinda like the John of the team where she isn’t even gonna acknowledge the possibility of problems #girl is like “problems? haha not me #I’m the put together one in this group :)” #and just ignores all her internalized misogyny and heteronormativity #she is a mirror to Vriska in that they both put a lot of emphasis on preforming romanticism as a means of affirming their gender #anyway my alpha kid readings are way too boring so I feel like nobody would really be interested in them Sighhhh

[turtleblogatlast]

Leo frowns at his phone.

Or more specifically, at the test on his phone.

Around him, he hears the sound of his brothers tapping their own devices, much faster than he is. Looking up just makes Leo feel worse about his own progress - or lack-thereof.

Mikey’s the fastest, speeding through the test like nobody’s business. He’d been the one to make them all do this stupid test in the first place, so it makes sense that he’s having a blast.

Raph’s slower than Mikey is, but he’s still clearly answering the questions at a steady pace. Sometimes he looks unsure, but he powers through anyway.

Donnie often looks frustrated, which relieves Leo somewhat because at least someone is struggling like him. But that “struggle” isn’t nearly as big as his own, considering that Donnie is answering about as fast as Raph is.

Leo turns his gaze back down to his own test. He’s still near the beginning, he thinks.

He’d put the same answer for the past seven questions - the middle of the road answer, neither a “yes” or a “no.” Then, whenever he does come across one that is more one direction than the other, he second guesses himself and restarts the test!

Sure, there are a few he could definitely give a yes or a no to, but…never the “strongly agree” or “strongly disagree” that the test seemed to want from him.

He eyes his twin sitting nearby, the softshell absorbed in the test. Maybe Leo should copy what Donnie put for some of these…

“DONE!” Mikey’s shout makes Leo freeze in place just as he started to lean over.

“What?” Donnie squawks, “No way you’re already finished, you must’ve been cheating!”

“It’s a personality test, Dee!” Mikey stuck his tongue out, “You can’t cheat at those!”

…

Leo settles back into his seat.

Ignoring Donnie’s mutterings about how it was “just because it’s not an academic test” that he didn’t finish first, Raph smiles encouragingly at Mikey.

“Hey, good job! So what’d you get, Mike?”

Mikey looks back down at his test, reading aloud, “Says that I got the “Campaigner”!”

“What’s that mean?” Leo asks, his phone screen going dark.

“Apparently, I’m an “enthusiastic, creative, and sociable free-spirit”.” Mikey reads, smiling at them, “You think it fits?”

“Oh, to a T, bro!” Leo laughs, giving Mikey a thumbs up, making Mikey’s smile grow larger.

Inside, Leo was feeling a lot more mixed about this. He has no idea how Mikey knew himself so well. Maybe Donnie was right and Mikey did cheat, because how could he answer those questions so easily?

Leo’s phone burns in his hand. He keeps it locked.

“Wow, that really is you.” Raph says, his eyes flitting back and forth between his own test and Mikey, “Do you think it fits?”

“I guess? It’s fun to see at least!” Mikey shrugs with a grin.

“Hold on, I think…” Raph makes a noise of satisfaction, “Okay, done!”

“Sigh, now I’m relegated to the straggler group.” Donnie grumbles, his thumbs moving faster as he tries rushing through the questions.

“Ooh, what’d you get Raph?” Mikey asks, practically bouncing in curiosity.

“Says, uh…I got something called the “Consul”?” He squints his eyes to read more, “Uh, “caring, social, and community-minded.””

“Sounds about right to me.” Leo nods. Can’t be more “community-minded” than being a hero.

“Yeah, no one’s more caring than you, Raphie!” Mikey says, moving to lean across Raph’s shell.

“You do put the community in mind, that’s for sure.” Donnie states, not looking up.

Raph chuckles, a bit embarrassed, “Aw, thanks. It’s just some test, but it feels kinda good to hear that.”

Just a test. Right.

Leo unlocks his screen.

The test stares back at him.

Right. Okay. He can do this. He can.

The screen ends up going dark again.

Frustration builds up in Leo. Was he even halfway done with the test? At this rate, soon even Donnie will-

“FINISHED.”

Leo unlocks his phone.

“What’d you get, DonTon?” Leo asks as his thumb taps the top right of the screen.

Donnie puffs up proudly, a self sure grin on his face, “I got the result “Logician” which states that I, obviously, am an “innovative inventor with a thirst for knowledge.” Truly could not have described me better, if I do say so myself.”

“It is pretty accurate.” Raph agrees with a nod, “Even calls you an inventor, so extra accurate.”

“Super accurate.” Mikey jumps in, eyes shining.

“Yes, yes, almost like reading my own character synopsis.” Donnie’s grin had not dwindled since the word “innovative” had left his mouth.

Leo just nods along, eyes on his own screen as he skims the words. “Yeah, kinda creepy how close it got. Could have called you a nerd for extra accuracy, though.”

Donnie turns to him, eyes narrowing, “Have you even finished your test? I can think of a few words that’d describe you fairly well.”

“Test-y, huh?”

Before Donnie can strangle Leo, Raph cuts in.

“Ok, ok, calm it down, guys.” He rolls his eyes before turning to Leo. “But really, you’re not done yet?”

“Leo’s taking this self reflection seriously.” Mikey sports a faux intellectual expression as he gives a jokingly serious nod. “Maybe we all should’ve taken our time.”

“Says the one who sped through the whole thing in a record time.” Donnie mutters.

Leo waves them all off, “Nah, I finished it ages ago.”

He grins when Donnie immediately shoots him a suspicious glare. “Oh, you did, did you? Then what could you have possibly gotten, Nardo?”

“I’m glad you asked!” Leo clears his throat, “Neon Leon just so happens to be an “Entertainer.””

“Ah. That confirms it. This test is meaningless.” Donnie drones.

“Hey-“

“What’s an Entertainer like?” Mikey asks with a tilt of his head, still hanging off of Raph’s shell.

“Glad you asked, Miguel!” Leo exclaims, “It says that “life is never boring” around yours truly~”

He emphasizes this “result” of his by waving his phone with said “result” on screen.

It’s just an image he found of his chosen personality result, but they don’t need to know that.

Raph nods slowly, “Well, I guess that’s true…”

“”Never boring” is one way to put it.” Donnie hums.

“You are pretty fun, Leo!” Mikey says emphatically, because he’s great like that.

“Thank you, thank you, life of the party, right here.” Leo grins, pointing both thumbs at himself.

He’s careful not to go too overboard with it, or else it might tip someone off.

Not that it…really matters. It’s just a test. Like Raph said.

As the topic around him shifts to something else, jumping away from this brief activity as fast as any other among them, Leo finds himself unlocking his phone and pulling up the test again.

Unanswered questions stare at him. He knows what answers Lou Jitsu would pick. He knows what answers Jupiter Jim would pick. Hell, he knows exactly what answers his brothers would pick.

He doesn’t know what answers Leonardo would pick.

Leo stares at the test for a second longer, before he exits the site and throws himself into the conversation happening around him.

It’s just a stupid test, nothing to worry about.

Just a test…

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #could not ignore this idea that hit my brain haha #if you disagree with me on what personality types I gave the boys that’s fine tbh #picked mbti since it was the first one I thought of but again it like most of these tests isn’t super worth putting stock into #these tests are kinda dumb anyway but they’re fun to take #for some #anyway I love thinking about Leo struggling with his sense of identity #and in turn struggling with what is a persona and what is HIM #how much is a mask how much is built from taking traits from others how much is real how much is fake #even he doesn’t know #protagonist is probably a good choice for leo but I’m also tied to him secretly being the introverted type as well so #bit more of an ambivert maybe #he’s got aspects of a lot of them hence the difficulty answering questions #well most of his difficulty comes from an uncertainty of who he really is #again what is him and what is his mask #or masks #what even is his true self if his self is someone he’s never bothered to meet #a lot of the little details of his personality - the parts of him that we see peek out throughout the series and often on his own - #- they align with personality types that you would never think of when looking at him and his masks at face value #that’s not to say it’s all masks - he’s a goofy guy at his core - but he’s more than he lets on and we’re made privy to that in subtle ways #though fr protagonist is prob Leo’s most likely result

[julykings]

the last bits of 2023

#the last months I’ve mostly been busy with work but can say that I got through my first semester teaching successfully although struggled #along the way. my anxiety is at an all time high + I’m dealing with some medical stuff so I’m just trying to stayyy appreciative of every #day I feel good u kno. ugh. #I’m working on quitting my excessive weed usage lol. otherwise working out and doing pole when I can. #and watching lots of movies and doing lots of art . at least this past week since school is out #personal

[nalidyne]

Bunnysuit cowboys for Easter? Yes.

(close ups under the cut)

#the struggle I had to go through for this f palette lma0 #my angel 2p ame 🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️ #we did bunnysuit nyos last year it’s only fair I drew bois this time #also needed to practice my 2p Al since I’m gonna draw him a lot more— #hetalia #ヘタリア #hetalia world series #2ptalia #2p america #hws america

[nooskadraws]

the meeting on the turret stairs, but make it my oath of the crown paladin and his nobleman charge 🌿✨🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

#illustration #artist on tumblr #dnd #lgbt #d&d #dnd oc #don’t think this is finished yet but I’m done with it!! #better done than perfect etc etc etc etc #been feeling so super artblocked and struggling a lot lately so I just wanted to push myself a lil out of my comfort zone #the main thing to know about my paladin is his heart wrenching aching YEARNING

[bisexualseraphim]

The fact that neurotypical and able-bodied people can’t comprehend that disabled people usually don’t like consistently being told “BEING DISABLED IS BAD!!! THE WAY YOU ARE IS FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG!!! YOU NEED TO BE CURED!!!” even in a ‘nice’ or ‘woke’ way shows how little they actually value our agency or even our worth as humans.

No, Stacy, I don’t want people fiddling with eugenics because they’re uncomfortable with me existing, I want you to. You know. Treat me like a person. Have help be there when I need it without treating me like I’m an invalid. Why is that apparently so much more difficult for you than telling me my existence is wrong and spending millions fiddling in a lab for unwanted “cures?” Whatever happened to listening to others and accepting them for who they are? Or do you only see disabled people as the poor, helpless invalids you can “help” cross the street without asking so you can get another Scouts badge?

#I don’t trust disabled ‘allies’ at this point #Other disabled people can do this too btw. #I’ve seen it a lot from deaf people who get the implant and proceed to treat the deaf community so shockingly #Like ‘I’m not deaf anymore! I’m better than you guys! And you’ll be better than the others if you get the implant too!’ fuck off dude #You’ve made your decision let other people live with theirs #There’s a line between acknowledging disability comes with struggles #And acting like disability is a tragedy that must be fixed #And most people cross that line unfortunately #ableism #sanism #eugenics #disabled #disability #disability rights #chronic pain #chronic illness #chronically ill #neurodivergence #neurodiverse #neurodiversity #neurodivergent

[ali3nboyfriend]

i see a lot of talk of fellow adhd and autistic folk feeling like they’re too much for other people but i don’t see a lot of talk about feeling like you’re not enough. low energy adhd and autism where it takes a lot of effort to use words so your way of showing affection is to sit there and vibe in people’s presence but it comes off like you’re not paying attention or it’s not “active” enough to count, or forgetting to reply to DMs (or like i said, Words Hard), and it again comes off as you not caring or ignoring people. it’s really hard to be putting in so much effort to maintain friendships you value only for that effort to not be seen, or to be read as apathy, or for it to be seen but still not be what other people want. even worse when you try and talk more and be more active in a relationship but you end up burning yourself out because you don’t have enough energy to maintain it.

#starscream.txt #i struggle a lot with feeling like i’m not Enough of a presence for people #i like to just. listen to people. but i’ve had several people stop talking to me because me just listening comes off as me not caring #or finding them annoying #which it isn’t #and it fucking sucks. idk #i understand RSD and the need for validation so i don’t begrudge anyone that #i just wish i could be met on my field sometimes. i wish my natural behaviors didn’t read like apathy #or annoyance #i wish people could see my ways of showing affection for what they are #vent i guess

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

If You Have ADHD Why Are You So Quiet?

I forget what I’m going to say (even while I’m saying it)

I speak very quickly (I get embarrassed, misheard, and often told to “just slow down”

I forget words, names, and sentence structure

I’m exhausted

I’m concentrating on listening and processing

I don’t want to interrupt (when/how am I meant to join in)

I have thousands of thoughts occupying my brain

I’m concentrating on my body language (whilst tying to read yours)

I struggle to speak about things I have no experience or interest in

I’m afraid of rejection (RSD)

I CAN Network Ltd

#adhd #adhd post #why ADHDers may be so quiet #adhd things #adhd experience #adhd brain #adhd struggles #a lot of these describes many of my traits #I’m not sure if I have ADHD though #and I’m not sure if I should self diagnose #what do you all think? #neurodivergence #neurodiversity #actually neurodivergent #feel free to share/reblog #I CAN Network Ltd (Facebook)

[multiversegideons]

Women please eat enough

#I’ve been struggling with eating enough lately and it’s made me kind of insane #also that’s not good for a powerlifter #I am GONNA EAT A LOT TODAY #I feel like I’m dying lol #having regular and nutritious meals is actually difficult #at least for me #I didn’t have that growing up so it’s just stuck with me my whole life

[jestierabbit]

Ostober day 11: Family!

A redraw of one of my old arts!

#it’s been a real struggle catching up #work is so demanding rn but on the bright side I’ve gotten a lot of OT #but it’s also taking forever because I’m determined to line and color each picture whiiich I making it take longer #I’ll get there though 8) #thanks for being patient this is still so fun #oswald the lucky rabbit #Ostober #ortensia the cat

[amihyperfixatingagain]

I painted this a long while ago when the party first split cause I knew I wouldn’t have to time paint anything when the Hells finally reunited cause of my current job. I obviously thought it’d probably be Imogen in a really dark place and Laudna being full of joy etc, when they reunited, but based on last week's episode, it’s definitely going to be the opposite. Makes me want to redo this now and switch them around. Someday when I have time, maybe.

Here have some close-ups too.

Also it’s based on this still from “Portrait of a Lady on Fire”

#imodna #imogen temult #laudna #critical role fanart #cr fanart #critical role art #critical role #bells hells #critical role campaign 3 #campaign 3 #cr3 #i miss them a lot ok and im very excited and super nervous for when they see each other again #also its got my twitter handle on there though idk if I'll post this one to twitter or not but dont worry about it #I struggled so hard with the background too #like I couldn’t decide what to do at all and eventually settled on this bokeh look but I’m still not satisfied #also i finished this wayyyy before imogen got new clothes soooo #and I tried to leave some of the sketching lines in there too to add more texture and have more fun with it

[letswonderspirit]

Thank you for tagging me for Wip Wednesday @cookietastic! I am practically made out of wips and sketches.

Mostly I have unfinished drawings of mini comics, they take a lot of time to do lol. Tagging @maya-must-art @keylime-bat-art @necrocoleum @ectospacecadet if you wanna join, but it’s no pressure! 🕺

#wip wednesday #wips #sketches #my art #a lot of these have been around for months #especially the top drawings #I usually go back to #doing drawing exercises when I struggle with a drawing #and abandon it for awhile until I’m comfortable with it again #(especially when it involves perspective) #it’s not Wednesday but let’s pretend airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars #ocs