#because ronan is a sinner too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

insingersfall · 3 years

Text

Are dreamers descendants to fallen angels?

So I’ve been thinking a lot about the origin of dreamers, especially in relation to Ronan’s faith and his anxiety about creating life - a job he feels should be exclusive to God.

This is going to be long so the short story: Maybe dreamers are descendants to fallen angels?

Here’s my long ass thesis on why I think so:

Since CDTH I’ve seen this quote a lot:

In a wider sense it doesn’t have to mean anything, just a powerful ending to Bryde’s cheesy monologue about Ronan being too good for basic humanity, but I immediately read it literally.

- do you long back?

And just two pages afterwards we get this:

Coincidence? I think not.

Bryde knows what Ronan is and where he comes from - the sky.

The question of “what am I” is something Ronan struggles with during the entire course of TRC and a vital part of his storyline.

And it’s always this:

Not who am I, What am I.

During the first four books Ronan struggles both with this huge existential dilemma of “what” and with more mundane questions regarding “who” he is. I think Ronan’s coming of age-arc, especially the “why do you hate yourself”/ “I don’t” - scene in TRK is one of the most moving scenes in YA. I read that as being about “who” he is. And In CDTH he’s older, he’s figured a lot of shit out. There are no negative feelings left about him being gay for example. Not in relation to his family, himself or to his religion.

But he still has a lot of negative feelings and anxiety about being able to create life. He still struggles with his identity as a dreamer alongside his identity as a catholic.

Ronan being religious adds so much to his character and this is why I can’t help but read A LOT into the religious symbolism. And it’s there.

Maggie herself posted this a while ago to clear up why Ronan gets so mad in BLLB when the copy of him dies. It clarifies multiple things - that Ronan is very much stuck in toxic masculinity and refuses to show vulnerability while also being very vulnerable, as well as how the situation mirrors his suicide-attempt, which is obviously triggering. But for this theme I want to highlight these two paragraphs:

“First, the setting. Adam is not religious, but Ronan is, and St. Agnes is a place he goes with the broken remains of his family. Now Ronan takes Adam — someone Ronan has only just allowed himself to admit internally that he likes, a lot — not just to the church, but to a private part of the church Ronan frequents on his own. “

And

“But to Ronan, it’s not just a copy. It’s a person who just happens to look like him. Remember that Ronan has spent his life loving dreamed people just as hard as real people. Ronan has spent enough time with Matthew and Aurora to know that even though they came from dreams, their feelings are real. They are not disposable. This other Ronan is really terrified, really in pain, and really dying.

And the real Ronan killed him. He’s killed someone.”

This is one of the very few times Maggie has explained something that isn’t explicit in the book. As we know Maggie is a major spokesperson for “the only things canon are the things in the book” but here she adds additional information. Why? Because it’s really, really important to Ronan’s character. Both the religion and his feelings about creating life. Especially these two combined.

He hates himself for a lot of things, and he hates himself for the ability to create -and therefore take away- life. Something only God is allowed to do.

Well yes Adam, maybe there are two gods in this church. Or something like it.

So - fallen angels? What does that mean really?

The story of fallen angels differ a lot from religion to religion, I’ll focus on the Christian tradition since that’s what our lord and savior Ronan Lynch would like. There isn’t a lot of Bible stories about it, it’s more of a tradition arising from later accounts in religious texts and poetry.

The Devil is a fallen angel who together with a bunch of other angels rebelled against God and was expelled from Heaven to Earth.

In some older interpretations the “angels” on Earth had children with humans and created giants, who in time became demons. Or, if you’re writing YA fantasy with a religious MC, maybe these descendants of angels became dreamers.

Lucifer rebelled against God because he too wanted the power that God possessed.

“Lucifer apparently became so impressed with his own beauty, intelligence, power, and position that he began to desire for himself the honor and glory that belonged to God alone. The sin that corrupted Lucifer was self-generated pride.”

I sure think that sounds like Bryde, and it sounds a lot like the sin Ronan fears God will judge him for.

And on the subject of the Devil. Who in this series is often referred to as a “devil of a boy?”

It’s our man, Ronan.

A quick search of the word “Devil” in the Raven Cycle (1-4) led me to a number of passages, mostly as part of a saying, but at some occasion to specifically describe someone, or as a direct reference to someone.

Ronan, Niall, Kavinsky and Aurora. Dreamers and their dreams.

Coincidence? I think not.

The same search in Call Down the Hawk I would say really confirms this recognition of mine. It has for starters this wonderful paragraph:

But it also broadens the parable to all of the Lynch brothers.

The upper quote about the three brothers all being handsome devils is the only time not even Matthew can avoid the metaphor. A character who up until then has only been compared to an angel.

Contradiction? No, not in the question of descendants to fallen angels.

A creature who are - by definition - both angel and devil, savior and sinner, companion of God as well as a child of Satan.

We don’t know for sure yet how one becomes a dreamer. But we do know that it in some way it’s inherited. In some peculiar way from parent to child. From one devil father to one of his devil sons, the one he created together with another one of his creations. Because Ronan therefore is a clone of Niall? Is Hennessy a clone of her mother? Kavinsky one of his parents? Maybe the next two books will tell. Regardless I still like the idea that they all descend from the first angels on earth, mixing with humans.

I also just have to mention that Ronan not only dream of the sky, but also on multiple occasions dream about flying. Not as a bird, but with his own wings.

So what do I think this will mean in the big scheme of things?

Not a lot honestly! I’m not even sure I’m arguing that this will be a plot point.

But I do think the paradoxical identity in descending from something so torn between good/evil is fucking perfect for Ronan. Someone who’s constantly torn between his own fuck-ups and wanting to do the right thing.

Who creates marvelous life in form of magical animals, angelic brothers and light where there needs to be light, but who also creates monsters, horrors and dangers.

Who wants to protect the world from climate change and protect the people he loves from danger and for all we know might instead accidentally end the world.

Who turns to God and fears hell at the same time as he’s presenting himself to the world as a devil of a boy.

I just think it’s beautiful, whether Maggie has a storyline planned with this or not.

So I’ll just end this thread with the upper picture and with the quote describing Ronans’ birth.

#ronan lynch #cdth #call down the hawk #mister impossible #the dreamer trilogy #pynch #trc #the raven cycle #maggie stiefvater #my post

83 notes · View notes

neon-nocte · 3 years

Text

Arielle re-reads The Dream Thieves (via audiobook)

I literally don’t care if anyone reads this, it’s fun. Also to set the scene 90% of the time I have been listening to this audiobook I have been playing animal crossing

Declan’s Aglionby dorm door reads “effervescent.” Yes ma’am

Declan pointing a gun at the grey man!! God I am excited for more badass Declan in mister impossible

“Ronan, a sinner himself, wasn’t as struck by the transgression as he was by Gansey’s insistence that they continue to pretend Adam was a saint.” (Ch 3) — and earlier in the chapter, the narration reflected that Ronan’s leather bracelets smelled like gasoline, which Ronan found sexy. I love me some “Ronan Lynch is in love with Adam Parrish” foreshadowing!!!!

Also, just the way Ronan Knows Adam. Adam’s “unknowable” arc, and the above quote, and when Blue says she doesn’t know Adam during their breakup scene, and in TRK when Adam talks to Gansey about his first kiss with Ronan, Gansey says that Adam knows Ronan better but Gansey has known Ronan longer.

“Blue was a fanciful but sensible thing, like a platypus, or one of those sandwiches that had been cut into circles for a fancy tea party.” (Ch 10) — omfg I cannot believe this quote isn’t more famous in this fandom. I’m obsessed[[more]]

The way that Maura & The Grey Man have instant chemistry... could’ve been Blue & Gansey’s dynamic if she wasn’t so stubbornly “choosing” Adam

The way the Adam-mask-dream scene parallels & foreshadows the Adam-choking-Ronan scene from TRK....

The entirety of 1) Ronan writing on the rock in Cabeswater 2) Ronan dreaming of Adam in the mask and 3) the gang visiting the barns for the first time scenes are soooo good

Gansey in a t-shirt and jeans and both Ronan and Blue are a little ☺️😮 at seeing his collarbones

Ah yes the Classic “Ronan wasn’t a fan of lamps”

How Gansey holding the sleeping mouse reminded Ronan of being at the barns with Matthew as a kid.... Ronan Lynch has 3 brothers and that’s canon 😭

Adam finding the mask in the house at the barns and Ronan knocking it put of his hands, then hating everything about the house and his father and himself. 😭Cant really tell Adam “don’t mess with this particular dream object because it fucked you over in my dream and I can’t stand that because I’m in love with you, which is the whole reason why you were in my dream to begin with.”

Do you ever get that strange sense of deja vu when rereading a book and getting to a scene you don’t remember well until you read it again?

Blue going back & forth on whether Gansey was “oblivious” or “enlightened” during the argument about tarot & religion. I forgot how fun it is to watch Blue’s opinion of Gansey evolve in real time. She wants to hate him, to find him annoying, but he just keeps surprising her

Ronan cracking up at the obvious show of “men being attracted to women” when Adam & Gansey are all awed over Orla during the lake scene always sends me

Some things want to be found. !!!!!!!

I had forgotten that Ronan had dreamed about Adam tracing his tattoo on his bare back with his fingers! Foreshadowing to TRK!!!!

Seeing Adam incredibly nervous for the event with Gansey’s family one moment and then cracking the fuck up at the conversation about the pigeon show with Malory the next moment made me happy!

Mmm Blue admitting to herself that she is crushing on Gansey and NOT on Adam, finally we can get this show on the road. And by show I mean both Bluesey and Pynch

It’s the Blue picturing the dreaming tree vision of kissing Gansey to get in the mood for her kissing practice with Noah for me

The Adam/Blue breakup scene is so fucking iconic... for some reason “it’s not gonna be you” has always been hilarious to me

Adam, honey.... we should all be raging feminists. regardless of whether we are dating blue sargent.

I loveeeeeeeeee the Adam & Persephone dynamic and I’m so excited to see more of it in BLLB even tho :/ happens

I cannot stop myself from grinning like a fool during chapter 50 as Fully Psychic Adam refuses the narrative that his 3-card spread tells and pulls a 4th card. The magician!!! Yes boo!

When Adam asks Persephone if he’s different and she tells him that he already was but not the others won’t be able to stop noticing. Makes me think about Ronan, and how this is really when his & Ronan’s friendship changes, so it’s interesting that this occurs literally the very next scene after Adam’s breakup with blue

Scholar Gansey is my favorite Gansey too Blue

Blue & Gansey’s “let’s just pretend” scene 😭😭😭😭

Blue just trying to remain sensible the one time it actually fucking matters, he’s gonna be dead within the year! But she can’t resist! Because Gansey is canonically her soulmate 😭😭😭

Sometimes I get so into pynch that I forget how fucking tragically beautiful the Bluesey story is. They’re so good I love them so much

If I’m ever in a situation where I’m like “I’m not sure if I’m meant to be with This person or That person” I just need to reread all of the Bluesey scenes in this book for clarity

disregard all of the above my favorite ship in the series is blue Sargent/pink switchblade

“Gansey, who had looked aghast at the idea of the Grey Man having to abandon his books...” (ch 54) — god I love Gansey

Thinking about the TDT Ronan who is just learning how to control what he takes from his dreams vs CDTH Ronan who is like Hennessy’s Dreaming Professor

In other words, Ronan is to Hennessey in CDTH what Persephone is to Adam in TDT/BLLB. Or what Kavinsky is to Ronan minus literally everything about him besides his knowledge of how to dream

I remember when I first read this series I was lowkey shook at the “Ronan’s second secret was Adam” part even though it was obvious by then that Ronan was 1) gay and 2) gay for Adam. But as a lesbian who has been burned by queerbaiting so many times I was like yay! The bar is so low I stg

BLLB is the Book of Pining within the series so that will be extremely fun to listen to

#the raven cycle #trc #mine #the dream thieves

9 notes · View notes

ofnirvxna · 3 years

Photo

Did PRESLEY COHEN chase one of seven sins seven miles down the coast? Originally from KEY WEST, FL, the TWENTY-TWO YEAR OLD CIS-FEMALE is a WAITRESS AT BLUE HEAVEN and has lived in the Key for HER ENTIRE LIFE. SHE is suppose to call THE MEADOWS home, but there is always temptation lurking between the streets and the ocean that keeps HER from heading back. Sinners and saints take many forms, but they look like MADELYN CLINE and on their way to make decisions, good and bad, they always seem to sway to the beat of SEASHORE BY THE REGRETTES. (NADIA, SHE/HER, 29, CST)

NAME: Presley James Cohen

AGE: Twenty-Two

GENDER & PRONOUNS: Cisfemale, She/Her

FACE CLAIM: Madelyn Cline

EYE COLOR: Brown

HAIR COLOR: Blonde

HEIGHT: 5'6"

DATE OF BIRTH: August 8th, 1998

ZODIAC SIGN: Leo

LEVEL OF EDUCATION: Bachelor's in Public Relations from University of Miami

RELIGIOUS AFFILIATION: Jewish, not practicing

OCCUPATION: Waitress at Blue Heaven

HOMETOWN: Key West, Florida

NEIGHBORHOOD: The Meadows

CHARACTER HISTORY

Born with a silver spoon in her mouth, Presley was the only daughter of Nathaniel Cohen and Diane Cohen; the first child for her mother, but second child for her father.

Her brother is Galapagos Ronan, who is fifteen years her senior and her dad being much older than her mother.

Diane is very much a trophy wife

Her father, once penniless, struck it big by engineering a boat engine that was revolutionary and the Cohen's became a household name in Key West

Growing up, Presley was a social butterfly and everyone knew of her on the island

She had what seemed like the perfect life growing up, but the immense amount of pressure that surrounded her was too much to bear.

She was the apple of her dad's eye, but he was too protective of her

be That meant she became a pro at sneaking out and doing things under her father's nose

Thankfully she had her older brother, Gale around to help her behave that way

She knew he would always be there for her, even after he met his wife, a woman who came from a strict military family, who wasn't a big fan of Presley

His wife always thought Gale was enabling her awful behavior, but he still was there when she needed a ride when she was too drunk or needed a place to stay

The two grew apart over the years because of her, but he respected her brother and his marriage, so she was cautious

She became an aunt at thirteen and loved her niece more than anything, even if she wasn't able to see her often

She was the prom queen in high school, along with her high school boyfriend (WC) and everybody thought the two would eventually get married, until she suddenly broke up with him right before going to University of Miami

She felt trapped, thinking that the rest of her life was already determined, so she wanted a fresh start in Miami

She thrived in college, her studies going by the wayside, but she managed to get a degree in public relations

But after college it was hard to be employed, so she's back in the Keys, trying to figure out what her next step is in life

Now she waitresses at the Blue Heaven, much to her father's dismay

#muse: presley #sevenmiles.intro

1 note · View note

astudyinfreewill · 4 years

Note

tbh i get queer fans being mad/sad about kavinsky being killed off in that yeah, bury your guys can always be upsetting no matter the character. but it's weird to me when people go the 'he didn't DESERVE it blah blah' route because like, that has nothing to do with the trope. like i agree with queer characters always getting killed off being exhausting, but i don't get people going hard for this particular character lmao

hmm i… sort of agree. i guess i can understand fans being sad about kavinsky being killed off if they empathise with him, even though personally i just… can’t imagine relating to a character like that. but i honestly, genuinely don’t believe he’s an example of Bury Your Gays. it would be BYG if kavinsky was the only queer rep in the books, or even he killed himself specifically for being gay… which, no matter what people argue, he didn’t. but rather than give my opinion on it, i’m gonna take this chance to go through the trope systematically and explain why the shoe doesn’t fit. it’s meta time!

Why Kavinsky Dying is Not “Bury Your Gays”

[All quotes are taken directly from TvTropes, though the emphasis is mine.]

The Bury Your Gays trope in media, including all its variants, is a homophobic cliché. It is the presentation of deaths of LGBT characters where these characters are nominally able to be viewed as more expendable than their heteronormative counterparts. In this way, the death is treated as exceptional in its circumstances. In aggregate, queer characters are more likely to die than straight characters. Indeed, it may be because they seem to have less purpose compared to straight characters, or that the supposed natural conclusion of their story is an early death.

Kavinsky is never viewed as “more expendable than his heteronormative counterparts”. If you see Kavinsky as simply Ronan’s foil, then the reasoning doesn’t apply, because Ronan is gay himself, so he can’t be a “heteronormative counterpart”. However, Kavinsky apologists like to latch on to Gansey’s “We matter” quote to prove Kavinsky is treated as unimportant – but that’s a fallacy for several reasons. First, you’re taking Gansey to speak for the author, or for objective truth, when Gansey is one of the most unreliable narrators in the book, and his world view is extremely biased. Secondly, Gansey isn’t Kavinsky’s counterpart. Kavinsky is an antagonist, so you have to look at what happens to the other antagonists – his actual heteronormative counterparts. And, well: they pretty much ALL get killed off. Not just that, but they often get killed off in a way that does not have the emotional/narrative impact implied in Kavinsky’s death. By that reckoning, he gets the better shake. Additionally, we get 4 heteronormative villains killed off - Whelk, Neeve, Colin, and Piper. So in the series, queer characters are not more likely to die than straight characters (even among the protagonists, Gansey and Noah are the ones who “die”, where Ronan and Adam do not).

The reasons for this trope have evolved somewhat over the years. For a good while, it was because the Depraved Homosexual trope and its ilk pretty much limited portrayals of explicitly gay characters to villainous characters, or at least characters who weren’t given much respect by the narrative. This, conversely, meant that most of them would either die or be punished by the end.

This is not applicable to TRC, as portrayals of explicitly queer characters are not limited to villainous characters; Adam and Ronan are both explicitly queer and they are treated with huge amounts of respect by the narrative. So Kavinsky isn’t being killed for being the odd one out/the Token Evil Queer; plus, there are other reasons why he doesn’t fit the Depraved Homosexual trope (while sexual molestation is a part of this trope, TVTropes encourages you to “think of whether he’d be any different if he wasn’t gay” – and Kavinsky wouldn’t. Not only because DHs are usually extremely camp while Kavinsky’s mannerisms aren’t particularly queer-coded, but also because he is not shown to have any more respect for women than he does for men, and his abuse would look the same if he was straight).

However, as sensitivity to gay people became more mainstream, this evolved into a sort of Rule-Abiding Rebel “love the sinner, hate the sin” attitude. You could have sympathetic queer characters, but they would still usually be “punished” for their queerness in some way so as to not anger more homophobic audiences, similar to how one might write a sympathetic drug addict but still show their addiction in a poor light.

Again: Neither Ronan nor Adam – the two sympathetic queer characters – are punished for being queer, hence subverting this form of the trope.

This then transitioned into the Too Good for This Sinful Earth narrative, where stories would tackle the subject of homophobia and then depict LGBT characters as suffering victims who die tragic deaths from an uncaring world. The AIDS crisis also contributed to this narrative, as the Tragic AIDS Story became its own archetype, popularized by films like Philadelphia.

Okay, this is DEFINITELY not Kavinsky’s case. Kavinsky’s death isn’t specifically connected to being gay (e.g.: a hate crime or an STD), and he’s never depicted as some innocent suffering victim. As for the “uncaring world”… eh. Kavinsky may not have a valid support system, but that’s just as much by choice as by chance - and when Ronan extends a helping hand and tries to save him, Kavinsky rejects it. Too Good For This Sinful Earth is definitely not in play.

The only trope that kind of fits the bill is Gayngst-Induced Suicide… but only on the surface. As TVTrope puts it, Gayngst-Induced Suicide is “when LGBT characters are Driven to Suicide because of their sexuality, either because of internalized homophobia (hating themselves) or experiencing a miserable life because of their “deviant” gender or sexuality: having to hide who they are, not finding a stable relationship, homophobia from other parties, etc.”. Kavinsky certainly has quite a bit of internalized homophobia, but he is absolutely not experiencing a miserable life because of his sexuality – i.e. he’s not being bullied or taunted or subejcted to hate crimes. He doesn’t have to hide who he is: his parents are effectively out of the picture, his cronies worship him, and he constantly makes gay jokes to Ronan and Gansey. As for “not finding a stable relationship”… well that’s not exactly the problem, is it. He’s not looking for a stable relationship – he’s pursuing Ronan specifically, obsessively, through stalking and abuse. So even this trope is not applicable.

And then there are the cases of But Not Too Gay or the Bait-and-Switch Lesbians, where creators manage to get the romance going but quickly avoid showing it in detail by killing off one of the relevant characters.

Once again this is not the case with Kavinsky, as 1) there was no romance going between him and Ronan, and 2) he is not killed off before the nature of his obsession with Ronan is revealed – he gets the chance to both admit (sort of) he wants Ronan, and to confront Ronan about his sexuality, to which Ronan admits that yes, he is gay, but he is not interested in Kavinsky. So, there is no But Not Too Gay nor any Bait-and-Switch here.

Also known as Dead Lesbian Syndrome, though that name has largely fallen out of use post-2015 and the media riots about overuse of the trope. And, as this public outcry restated, the problem isn’t merely that gay characters are killed off: the problem is the tendency that gay characters are killed off in a story full of mostly straight characters, or when the characters are killed off because they are gay.

This is a very good definition of the trope and why it doesn’t apply to Kavinsky: he’s not killed off because he’s gay, and he’s not killed off in a story full of mostly straight characters; TRC is definitely not overwhelmingly diverse, but 2 of the 4 protagonists are queer, giving us a solid 50% ratio (I’m not counting Noah because his “character” status is vague, and I’m not counting Henry because he came in so late, and also because his sexuality is the matter of much speculation).

For a comparison that will make it even clearer: take a show like Supernatural. Supernatural’s range of characters is almost entirely presented as straight white cis men (as of canon – despite much of the fandom’s hopes and speculation). They’ve had problems with diversity in general, with a lot of black characters dying immediately, and a lot of women getting fridged for plot advancement or male angst (a different problematic trope altogether). Now, apart from minor inconsequential cameos, Supernatural had ONE recurring gay character: Charlie Bradbury. And they killed her off for no discernible reason other than plot advancement and male angst, in a context that had elements of Too Good For This Sinful Earth (Charlie being a fan-favourite, ~pure cinnamon roll~, being killed by actual nazis, who historically targeted gay people). See, THAT was Bury Your Gays, AND Dead Lesbian Syndrome, AND Fridging…

However, sometimes gay characters die in fiction because, well, sometimes people die. There are many Anyone Can Die stories: barring explicit differences in the treatments of the gay and straight deaths in these, it’s not odd that the gay characters are dying. The occasional death of one in a Cast Full of Gay is unlikely to be notable, either.

…But that is not the case with TRC. As I’ve said above, there are no explicit differences in the treatments of the gay and straight villain deaths. Kavinsky’s death is not Bury Your Gays; it’s Anyone Can Die – even a protagonist’s foil who has magic powers and is present for most of the book.

Believe me, I would not be cavalier about this. As you rightly said, queer characters always getting killed off is exhausting, and as a bi woman myself, I am deeply affected by instances of Bury Your Gays. When Supernatural killed off Charlie, I wrote a novel-length fix-it fic and basically stopped watching the show – a show I had been following, flaws and all, for 10 years. I don’t take it lightly. But Kavinsky’s death isn’t Bury Your Gays, nor is it homophobia. Sometimes, a character death is just a character death.

#anonymous #answer #meta #trc #trc meta #tropes #joseph kavinsky #mp #my meta

66 notes · View notes

nonbinaryparrish · 4 years

Photo

this is a love story - a playlist for @charactershoesfic fic ‘seek ye the living’

listen to the playlist here read the fic here image credit: thisherelight

tracklist + explanations under the cut :)

nonbeliever - lucy dacus

“you threw your books into the river / told your mama you’re a nonbeliever / she said she wasn’t surprised / but that doesn’t make it ok”

this song has always struck me as being a combination of being about adam parrish, and of being adam parrish addressing other characters. plus, the obligatory ‘artist raised christian from virginia writes song about christianity’ song that had to make it into a playlist for a fic about repressed gay virginian (sorta) christians.

nothing fades like the light - orville peck

“some say i should learn to cry / but i only ever learned how to fight / and i know everything must die / but nothing fades like the light”

we all know how fleabag s2 ended, right? everything good comes to an end. also, gay cowboys. also also, vibes for both adam and ronan tbh.

brakelights - omar apollo

“days by, baby i don’t got no brakelights / my car turns off when i go fast / why would you want me?”

an anthem for repressed, self loathing gays who haven’t yet gone on beautiful journeys of embracing their sexuality + discovering self worth.

smoke signals - phoebe bridgers

“one of your eyes is / always half shut / something happened when you were a kid / i didn’t know you then / and i’ll never understand / why it feels like i did / “how soon is now?” in an ‘80s sedan / you slept inside of it because your dad / lived in a campground in the back of a van / you said that song will creep you out until you’re dead”

in my opinion, this is the ultimate pynch song, particularly this verse. the idea of actively searching for your lover is also a very pynch idea, to me. plus, the atmosphere of the song is so fitting of both the fic and trc as a whole.

blue eyes - elton john

“blue eyes laughing in the sun / laughing in the rain / baby’s got blue eyes / and i am home, and i am home again”

a pynch love song :^). but also a lil sad !

weird around you - eerie summers

“i feel so weird around you / i've never really been in love / i keep my words and my problems / i'd rather keep it bottled up”

making things hard for yourself, aka chapter 7 of ‘seek ye the living’.

mirrored heart - fka twigs

“but i’m never gonna give up / though i’m probably gonna think about you all the time”

“i love you” “it’ll pass” (”i love you, too”).

because of the shame - against me!

“i watched your mother bury you today with tears in her eyes / it wasn’t her words that shook me, but the resemblance you share”

very specifically about ronan + noah, friends who got high in a church graveyard together. also about that scene in the raven boys where they watch the czernys finally get to bury their son’s body.

softly and tenderly - johnny cash

“earnestly, tenderly, jesus is calling / calling, oh, sinner come home.”

adam drives ronan home in his hondayota down a narrow virginian country lane at night. they can see bugs zipping past in the dim headlights, and johnny cash’ ‘softly and tenderly’ is playing on the radio. as adam focuses on the road, ronan stares at him from the passenger seat; the longer he stares, the more crackly and distorted the sound of the radio becomes, until he can barely make out the words anymore. suddenly, adam slams the brakes and makes a rather blasphemous comment for a seminarian. ronan stares out the windshield - a fox stares back at the headlights, its eyes glowing. the radio returns to normal.

#the raven cycle #trc #pynch #adam parrish #ronan lynch #fic rec #playlist #please if u can read the explanations for the tracks :^)#i cant get over this fic and i can't stop reading it even though i KNOW. I KNOW how s2 of fleabag endedddd!!!!!!!#mine #EDIT: REALISED I NEVER PUT THE LINK TO THE DAMN PLAYLISTTTT LAKSDJFLSDKJFSLDJFLSDJFLS IM SO DUMB

25 notes · View notes

crimeronan · 4 years

Text

an extremely small selection of rock/metal music that i find ronan & hennessy as Fuck

this is not an actual playlist because the songs have no overlapping central theme or sound or journey. the things they have in common are that

they give me dopamine

they make me think of ronan and hennessy’s friendship & narrative

they’re not too horrifically edgy to admit to in public

i’m alive - shinedown

legendary - welshly arms

angel with a shotgun - the cab

paradise (what about us?) - within temptation

dangerous - zayde wolf

burn it down - skillet

let the flames begin - paramore

where the skies end - starset

particularly choice lyrics under the cut:

i’m alive - shinedown

so you were six feet underneath me

i felt a pulse, i swear you moved

and digging deep deep down i recognized how much you had to lose

and if you wanna get out of here, wanna get out of here, save yourself

but you’ll never get anywhere, never get anywhere, not without my help

i’m alive, i’m alive when you’re dead inside

i’m a slap in the face to your lullaby

got you all tongue tied ‘cause you’re living a lie my friend, say it with me

i’m alive, i’m alive when you’re dead inside

i’m your wakeup call and you know i’m right

so make a move, let it bleed, tear your heart off your sleeve

but i’m the only one who’s gonna save your life

legendary - welshly arms

take a look around me, taking pages from a magazine

been looking for the answers ever since we were seventeen

you know the truth can be a weapon to fight this world of ill intention

a new answer to the same question - how many times will you learn the same lesson?

i think they got it all wrong

and we just gotta hold on and on and on and on

cause we’re gonna be legends, gonna get their attention

what we’re doing here ain’t just scary, it’s about to be legendary

angel with a shotgun - the cab

get out your guns, battle’s begun - are you a saint or a sinner?

if love’s a fight then i shall die with my heart on a trigger

they say before you start a war you’d better know what you’re fighting for

well, baby you are all that i adore

if love is what you need a soldier i will be

i’m an angel with a shotgun, fighting til the war’s won, i don’t care if heaven won’t take me back

i’ll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe

don’t you know you’re everything i have?

paradise (what about us?) - within temptation

you and us, or i and them, there comes a time to take a stand

the wheel is watching all, it keeps on burning

the venom works, it’s like a curse - a trojan horse, when will we learn?

the wheel embodies all that keeps returning

all in all, you’d expect the wise to be wiser, fallen from grace

and all in all i guess we should’ve known better ‘cause

what about us? isn’t it enough though we’re not in paradise?

this is who we are, this is what we’ve got

no it’s not our paradise, but it’s all we want and it’s all that we’re fighting for

dangerous - zayde wolf

i’m pulling back the wires that been holding me up like liars

step out of my way now, step out of my way now

i’m coming through the window, been shaking off all these shadows

step out of my way now, step out of my way now

no, we ain’t like them, no no, we ain’t like them

you’re gonna catch us walking on the edge

we be living so dangerous, we be living so dangerous

i like how it makes me feel, i like how it makes me feel

burn it down - skillet

do you ever feel your colors are fading, like your world might combust?

do the voices in your head make you crazy when they’re the only ones you trust?

well it’s over it’s over it’s over, i won’t be pushed around

move over move over move over, get back or just get out

set this plane up in flames

it’s over it’s over it’s over

it’s time to burn it down

this one goes to the castaways who break their backs slaving every day

all these things i can do without, gotta burn it down, burn it down

let the flames begin - paramore

somewhere weakness is our strength and i’ll die searching for it

i can’t let myself regret such selfishness

my pain and all the trouble caused, no matter how long

i believe that there’s hope buried beneath it all and hiding beneath it all and growing beneath it all and

this is how we’ll dance when, when they try to take us down

this is how we’ll sing, oh

this is how we’ll stand when, when they burn our houses down

this is what we’ll be, oh glory

where the skies end - starset

we won’t just fall away - we weren’t just born to fade

our stories are past the horizon, we’re chasing the sun til we find them

goodbye to what we made, no matter anyway

we’re climbing until we transcend higher and higher to where the skies end

these are the dreams of our fathers, there’ll be no wishing on stars

we are the sons and the daughters, let them come test who we are

can you hear me? you’re a goliath to me

i’ll be there when the guns break out til the storm is over

lay your burdens on me, i’ll be there when your fate runs out

you’ll be on my shoulders

#basically no niche bands on this list so probably music everyone has heard before. however listen again and think of Them #horrible nightmare trauma pals #cdth #ronan lynch #hennessy #cdth hennessy #writing out all these lyrics made me EMO. thank you. i'm emo #i know ppl likely don't have time to listen to all of these but look @ the choice lyrics if ur in the mood to be on some bullshit

13 notes · View notes

thethirdamell · 4 years

Note

I'm this close to selling my soul for more AO, but I would settle for more music that inspired it. Pretty please. No pressure, tho.

This is definitely not all of it but I spent a couple hours trying to sort out my playlists so here’s … some. None of them are hyperlinked because. I don’t have anything neat because half is on YouTube, half is on Spotify and none of it is neatly organized. I just really hope the read more works. Make Ready.

Fan Playlists

Amell / OghrenAfterlife - Ingrid MichaelsonCups - Anna KendrickI Will Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab For CutieToast to Tomorrow - Blackmore’s NightFollow - Crystal FightsOne Last Drink - Enter the HaggisHeroes - AlessoOne Bourbon One Scotch One Beer - George Thorogood

Amell / Zevran (Amell’s Perspective)Ship To Wreck - Florence + The MachineDarkside - Alan WalkerAmellControl - HalseySticks and Stones - The PiercesIcarus - Bastille / Icarus - ChristonAll The King’s Horses - KarminaWhite Flag - Rose CousinsWarrior - Paradise FearsPlay With Fire - Sam TinneszBlack Magic - Digital DaggersShort Change Hero - The HeavyFar Too Young to Die - Panic! At the DiscoJokes About EyesEyes - Kaskade Look at Those Eyes - Alexz JohnsonOpen Your Eyes - Snow PatrolHawkeHey Brother - AviciiLuck - American AuthorsI’m So Sorry - Imagine DragonsGame - Smash MouthGuilty Filthy Soul - AwolnationRed Eyes - The War on DrugsAre You Ready - Distant CousinsWarrior - Paradise FearsSinners - Barns CourtneyFire - Barns CourtneyHome - American AuthorsChampion - Fall Out BoyLosing My Religion - R.E.M.Bartholomew - Silent ComedyBeliever - American AuthorsDavid - Noah GundersenAmen - HalestormSail Away Sweet Sister - QueenBusy Earning - JungleHero - Family of the YearThe Other Side - SireniaAndersLocking Up the Sun - Poets of the FallStill Frame - TraptRun Boy Run - WoodkidBattle Cry - Claire GuerresoAll on Fire - Cut OneMy Demons - StarsetBurn the House Down - AJRHopeless Opus - Imagine DragonsMelanie Martinez - SoapBe Okay - Ingrid Michaelson Whistle (While You Work It) - Katy Tiz Blackout - Breathe Carolina Make Them Hear You - NineFight Song - Rachel PlattenSentimental Scar - IrisJusticeGlitter and Gold - Barns CourtneyAnders / KarlNot Gonna Get Us - t.A.T.u.Yours Truly - Paradise FearsAnders / Amell (From Anders’ Perspective)Apple - Joe BrooksHold On - Chord OverstreetRun - Snow PatrolDreaming Wide Awake - Poets of the FallSay You’ll Haunt Me - Stone SourFlesh - Simon CurtisTrust You - Rob ThomasWorld Spins Madly On - The WeepiesCan’t Feel My Face - The WeekndDo I Wanna Know? - Artic MonkeysWon’t Let Go - InMeSay You’ll Haunt Me - Stone SourPlease Don’t Say You Love Me - Gabrielle AplinAnders / Amell (From Amell’s Perspective)Bad Romance - Jay SmithYellow - ColdplayYou Owe Me Nothing in Return - Alanis MorissetteFor Your Entertainment - Adam LambertCut Your Teeth - Kyla La GrangeDesire - Meg MyersAnders / Amell (Either Perspective / In General)Spectrum - ZedMagic - Mystery SkullsIrresistible - TemposharkBruises & Bitemarks - Good With Gernandes American Beauty / American Psycho - The Whole Album - Fallout BoySuper Psycho Love - Simon CurtisAnders / Hawke (From Anders’ Perspective)Sweet Nothing - Calvin HarrisHeavy In Your Arms - Florence + The MachineThe Peasant’s Promise - Blackmore’s NightBetween Wind and Water - HaelSave Me - GotyeWhen You Say Nothing At All - Ronan KeatingAddicted To You - AviciiAppetite - IrisRoses - Poets of the FallAnders / Hawke (From Hawke’s Perspective)Love You Madly - CakeHuman - Gabrielle AplinMy Obsession - Cinema BizarrePainkiller - Three Days GraceSpit It Out - IAMXDevil’s Backbone - The Civil WarsWith You - Dan Gautreau & Wolfgang BlackOn Your Side - Gabe DixonLast of the Real Ones - Fall Out BoyLift - Poets of the FallAnders / Hawke (Either Perspective)How Do You Feel Today - Gabrielle AplinBattleships - DaughtryA Lot Like Love - The VoyagersIris - Goo Goo DollsHow Deep Is Your Love - Calvin Harrris Beautiful Now - ZeddAnders / Justice (In General)Phantom & Justice - Old Man CanyonI Will Possess Your Heart - Death Cab For Cutie War - Poets of the FallDark Doo Wop - MS MRJekyll and Hyde - Jonathan Thulin, Rapture RuckusHearts a Mess - GotyeKryptonite - 3 Doors DownTrip the Darkness - Lacuna CoilSuit - Boom! Bap! Pow! Sad Song - We the KingsEverlong - Foo FightersThree Wishes - The PiercesEmpire - Of Monsters and MenForever and Ever - Royal WoodBattle Scars - Paradise FearsRenegades - X AmbassadorsThe Wardens - AwakeningHeaven Knows - The Pretty RecklessThis Is Gonna Hurt - Sixx: A.M.DOA - Foo FightersWicked Ones - DorothyCitizen / Soldier - 3 Doors DownThe Other Side - PendulumCompassion / Anders (From Compassion’s Perspective)Count on Me - Bruno MarsVelanna / Nathaniel Sarcasm - Get ScaredObsessed - BoAFire and the Flood - Vance JoyOghrenProblematic - Get ScaredSigrunAlone Together - Fall Out BoyQuentinBones - MS MRMeredith / LeonieYou Should See Me in a Crown - Billie EilishKingdom Fall - Claire WyndhamLead on Losing Control - Corb Lund

#vik answers things #accursed ones playlist #music

17 notes · View notes

rebllious · 5 years

Text

* 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄.

there’s a quiet understanding between the tributes ( them & them alone ) that when the revolution finally starts , it is kiana’s doing & undoing , but it only makes sense for dominic to take the credit .

it’s the twenty-third day in the arena when the camera focuses on kiana’s chosen group of four , standing with her & dominic at the foot of an aging tree . chance toys with a hook he’d snagged on the fourth day , arm slung across cassie’s shoulders as she leans back against his chest , watching the tight line of samuel’s lips drag down for the tenth time in half as many minutes . “ i still don’t like it . ”

dominic’s brow ticks ; toeing the line between impatience & agitation , because they’ve gone over this already . “ samu —— ”

“ no , i get it . but it’s suicide . ” he looks between them all , starting with dominic , and landing on abby last . that gaze lingers for a beat too long to mean absolutely nothing , before he looks away . “ we do it , we get out . they’re still going to kill us for fucking up their fun . and if we do it ... ” he doesn’t finish . his jaw clenches & his eyes flash with something too close to care , before he tames it and schools the entirety of his countenance into indifference . “ i thought the point was that no one dies here . ”

cassie almost shuffles forward ; chance feels the foot that shifts between his , but he holds her a little closer , a little tighter , and drops a kiss to the crown of her head . whatever affection she plans on giving sami won’t be well-received . she doesn’t see it , but the rest of them do . taking the hint as it's given , she wraps both hands around the single arm banded across her chest , and gives sami a smile . “ it’s okay . i didn’t plan on going home in the first place . everyone else has someone to go home to . you have a sister , right ? ” sami doesn’t respond , but she’s hit a nerve & they all know it . “ she needs you to get back to her , sami . ”

kiana’s gaze settles on cassie , heavy enough that even chance feels it , even as shadows start to cast over her expression . “ if we do this right , we all go home , ” she says , slowly & carefully .

abby scoffs . “ i think you’re overestimating the margin of error here , ki . ”

“ there is no margin of error . so we have to do this right , and we all go home . ” dominic looks at each of them individually , holding their attention for as long as he desires , before moving on . “ so run through it again . what’s first ? ”

“ 𝑻𝑯𝑨𝑻 —— ” and it’s bryant , sprinting towards them , yanking abby up from the ground and shouting , “ RUN ! ”

all chance sees is a faint curl of smoke through the air . it passes so quietly , kissing a golden rose on the very tip of its petal . the entire flower disintegrates , rot spreading from the petal to the root , to the earth surrounding it , then to the trees .

he doesn’t think . scooping cassie off of the ground and into his arms is mindless , because they don’t have time for anything else .

foliage crumbles around them as they race , bryant & abby at the front , sami pulling up the rear . chance doesn’t look back, doesn’t want to know what he’ll see if he does . all he can think about is running , cassie’s arms tight around his throat & her face buried in his neck . ahead of them , dominic glances back , and maybe later , chance will feel bad about screaming at him to fucking go . there’s hesitation in his gaze , but he turns around , picking up speed , then ——

they’re breaking through the treeline , branches tearing across their faces , leaving angry red lines through their skin before they’re left behind , falling victim to the poisonous gas . there’s a group gathered in the cornucopia , too far away to see , to know . chance doesn’t get a glimpse of their faces —— doesn’t get to see if she is among them , doesn’t know if now is the right time to think about that —— before dominic is 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 , arm waving wildly as they run , praying to catch someone’s attention .

“ RUN , ” he shouts , desperation making his voice raspy , but it still reaches . people are up & moving before they even reach them , some lingering until they see what’s happening . parker’s shoving channing & luna ahead of him , and tristan is yelling , pointing , telling everyone to go ahead , he’ll be right there .

tristan , tristan , tristan ——

tristan remains stock still , avia at his side , standing stern & still despite tristan’s pleas , until bryant & abby pass him , then dominic and kiana , then , “ gimme cass . ” there’s no time to argue , there’s barely time for an exchange . chance all but throws the small girl , and tristan catches her without effort , lets chance & sami & avia all pass , before he takes the rear , unhindered by the light weight in his arms .

chance is guilty , chance is a sinner , chance is so biased . he looks .

sees adore , sees auli’i , sees dixie , ronan , jagger , aiden , mckenna , but no fucking arabella .

chance pulls ahead , sprints faster , passes channing , who’s never been much of a runner , passes them all , he has to find her .

when he’s passing parker , the boy is twisting back to find channing , skin paling & eyes widening . chance catches him around the waist before he can run into the mist , hears his shout of , “ CHANNING ! ” before he even realizes what’s wrong .

then she screams . chance looks back & suddenly gets parker’s horror & willingness to stride so confidently into hell .

the muttation with its teeth in channing’s arm used to be a dog —— he thinks . before its jaw was replaced with metal & its body was filled with whatever blackness oozes from between the plates screwed onto odd patches of its skin . before its eyes were ripped out & the sockets filled with what almost look like marbles from this distance . it creaks when it moves , and he only knows that because an entire army of them make their way through the fog , untouched by the gas that kills everything else .

parker calls out for channing again , shoving against chance’s grip , and she screams , screams , screa ——

there’s a blur , then ——

NOLAN appears from thin air , checking his shoulder into an uncovered lump of the mutt’s skin & driving his knife beneath its jaw . the mutt freezes , jaw unhinging & releasing channing . there’s enough blood pooling beneath her to make a lesser man nauseous , but nolan is already pushing her ahead of him , throwing a glance back to the legion of demons slowly gaining on him . chance sees the flash of a grin across his face , before he’s pivoting on his heel & they’re running again .

parker waits for channing , but chance doesn’t wait for them .

uriah is coming towards them when they reach the far end of the cornucopia , mckenna’s hand catching his the second she reaches him . he doesn’t even look back to see what they’re running from .

avia cries out , “ we’re missing people ! ”

carter , leonidas , arabella .

“ they’re at the water , ” uriah calls out & there’s no debate on where they go next . chance’s lungs scream as he pushes harder , pushes faster , legs pumping as fast as they can to get to the water , praying without hope that the gas isn’t coming from all directions . the mutts creak , jaws opening & snapping without anything to keep them apart .

a tree falls somewhere behind them , not fully eroded before it hits the ground , and the resulting earthquake forces chance to stumble . a hand passes over his back to push him up , and he’s on his feet in less than a second , running faster , faster , faster ——

it’s another mile before they reach the water , but they do , thank fuck they do . their missing trio is on the other side of the lake , already facing them , watching them , but it doesn’t stop chance from calling out her name . even from a distance , he can see the brief pinch of skin between her brows before her expression widens . “ everyone in the water ! ”

he doesn’t know what prompts her to say it , but it doesn’t take any thought at all for him to obey , diving headfirst into the lake . he tracks the muffled sounds of everyone else plunging into the water beside him , doesn��t come up until everyone’s in .

he hears the tail-end of carter’s name leaving arabella’s lips as he emerges . no sooner than the sound echoes through the air is a knife soaring , embedding itself between the eyes of a mutt. an arrow flies from cassie’s bow , then another , then another , taking out three more mutts in the blink of an eye . it doesn’t even make a dent in the legion , but it gives them time to recuperate , to think , to ——

“ in the water , ” avia shouts , and they listen .

arabella’s hand catches his , and they dive as the gas reaches them , skimming the top of the water but never going beneath .

they linger there , waiting , waiting , waiting ——

only ——

the gas never passes . at least , chance doesn’t remember that part .

waking up is a mess of disorientation , uncomfortable clothing , and unfiltered yelling from one rosemarie allardyce .

dominic & kiana take the brunt of that , considering they were the ones who planned this whole revolution thing . the rest of them aren’t let off the hook , because they weren’t oblivious to begin with . some didn’t believe , but they all sort of knew .

the yelling eases up when dominic hugs rosemarie & chance thinks there has to be something illegal about using everyone’s weaknesses against them like that .

anyway , the rundown is this : there’s a woman named dizzee in a place they can’t go yet , but they will , because they have to be 𝑺 𝑨 𝑭 𝑬 . but first , they have to go home , have to get the things , the people that matter , and chance doesn’t think anyone misses the way kiana freezes up . dominic’s hand squeezes hers , and chance says nothing .

“ how long do we have ? ” leonidas asks , lifting an arm for aiden to slot herself against his chest , her thin body dwarfed in the hospital gown she’s been given . he looks between the gathered mentors & escorts , stopping on terry , nina , kingston & priscilla . “ to go home and everything . ”

“ we want to reconvene in a month , ” priscilla says . her gaze flickers towards her counterparts , then back to the kids . “ we figure a month gives you time to make your decisions & prepare yourselves . ”

“ the capitol won’t touch you , either , ” malcolm adds . “ people loved what you did . the capitol might have been pissed off , but panem wasn’t . they all love you too much for the president to risk hurting any of you so soon . the peacekeepers wouldn’t stand a chance against the uprisings . ”

chance thinks about going home . he thinks about molly’s tearful eyes as they left , and kobi’s unwavering smile , and madchen’s uncharacteristic sobbing ; pohai’s quiet recklessness and kyree’s unconditional love . he thinks of going back to them , and he holds arabella a little tighter from behind , nose brushing the column of her neck . her fingers card through his hair , as if to say me , too .

“ what decisions ? ” all eyes turn to dixie at her question ; quiet , and tired , and expectant . “ you said it gives us a month to make our decisions ; what decisions do we have to make ? ”

malcolm falls quiet , but marilyn doesn’t . “ how you’re going to do this . ” she looks to each of them , her eyes lingering on parker & luna for half a beat longer . “ you all started something , and i don’t think any of you are unaware of the fact that it doesn’t stop with the games . what you started is going to be a long & hard journey & you need a plan for every single step . ”

cullen nods . “ we’ll do what we can to help , but you started this . the people are going to look to you to finish it . so if you want out , now is the time to say so . ”

chance’s eyes shoot to channing first . her arm’s all healed up , without a scratch to indicate that she was ever hurt at all . but she was the least equipped for the games ; she’s the least equipped for any of this , and he’s expecting her hand to shoot up first .

it doesn’t . if anything , her chin lifts a little higher , and she stands an immovable force .

( fucking sue him , chance is proud of that girl . )

moments pass . then a minute , then another .

then kiana steps forward , pivoting to face them . “ dominic & i were talking and we thought about … if we survived the games , how would we do this ? with twenty-four tributes publicly dissenting from the capitol , along with twenty-four escorts , that gives the president forty-eight targets . there’s no way panem will notice if one out of forty-eight dies ; no way panem will give a damn every single time . ” her eyes flicker to dominic , and something about his gaze must embolden her . she straightens her posture , the fog clearing from her eyes , and she speaks a little louder . “ in the old days , before panem , the people believed in something called the zodiac . twelve different signs for the period of time someone was born . reading about it got me thinking . if there are twelve districts , all we need is one zodiac sign per district . ”

uriah nods slowly . “ one . . . ”

“ face , ” dominic says . “ what we’re proposing is that we have one face per district . i’ve already volunteered to be the face for mine . when we speak out against the capitol , when we’re in public and we’re fighting , i’m the one who’ll represent district one . ”

avia catches on before chance does . “ so whatever happens , it happens to you . ”

oh .

dominic nods without worry . “ kiana’s a better strategist . if something happens , i trust her to lead where i can’t . ”

“ so keep the strategists behind the scenes , ” auli’i says .

“ not necessarily . for us , it makes sense . we haven’t been quiet about the fact that the protest was my idea . the capitol already knows how i feel , so i don’t get the option to hide . i wouldn’t . kiana’s brain is a blissful coincidence , but not a requirement . ” he looks between them , fully aware of what he’s asking .

what he’s asking ——

chance doesn’t get the chance to open his mouth before arabella is stepping forward . “ i volunteer . ”

it’s the REAPING all over again , but this time , chance can’t follow her .

“ i volunteer , ” nolan says , ignoring avia’s rough yanking on his arm . instead , he looks at dixie with that manic grin he does so well . “ you in ? ”

there must be some understanding between them , and chance thinks it has everything to do with tristan & avia , because dixie shrugs . “ sure . i volunteer . ”

“ i volunteer , ” uriah echoes , voice overlapping with adore’s . they speak loud enough that chance almost doesn’t hear it when abby and sami get to arguing .

“ yeah , yeah , ” parker mutters , raising his hand .

“ i’m in , ” carter says , which isn’t nearly as much of a surprise as it should be . if he’s at all swayed by cassie’s frown , he doesn’t show it .

aiden clears her throat , stepping away from leo . “ i guess i am , too . ”

kiana hesitates for only the slightest of seconds . “ not you , aiden . i need you with me . your skills only work if people don't know to look for you . and bry ... ”

“ we can get a sympathy vote out of him , ” parker says , because someone has to . “ he’s cute & sad , and that’s what people want , right ? ” tatum nudges the boy , but it does nothing to take back his words . he sighs . “ look , you’re the safest one out of all of us . the capitol can’t touch you , or we’re back at war . and no one’s going to let anything happen to you . ”

bryant starts to nod , but thinks better of it . “ can i think about it ? ”

dominic smiles at him . “ of course . we’re not forcing anyone to do anything . ”

finally , abby breaks from her argument , escaping samuel’s grasp for her arm . “ i volunteer . sami’s a leader , ” she says , before any of them can argue . “ we’re going to need people in the field , and you’re going to need people to lead them . that can’t be me . ”

mckenna clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth and lifts a hand . “ same . ronan’s a better leader than i am , too . ”

“ i volunteer , ” jagger says , but chance already knows what comes next . sees it in the way dominc & kiana look to each other , then back at him . jagger must see it , too , because his eyes narrow to slits and he glares at them , pulling auli’i behind him . “ no . ”

dominic steps forward a little . “ jagger , we’re going to need you in the background . in case something happens , we need you . ”

“ but what , auli’i’s expendable ? ”

“ i’d never say that , ” dominic says , with the kind of intonation that forces you to believe him . “ no one is expendable , but you’re strong , and you can lead . if something happens to me , or to any of us , you’re the one we’re going to need to step into that role . ”

auli’i steps out before the argument can continue . “ it’s okay , ” she promises , quiet and soft and with a squeeze to jagger’s arm . she looks to dominic and gives him a tiny but understanding smile . “ i volunteer . ”

dominic smiles back , but he doesn’t look as smug as he usually does . if anything , he looks sorry .

milo clears his throat . “ remember , you all have a month to rethink this . but in that month , you also need to decide if you’re going with us , and what or who you’re taking with you . a month isn’t as long as you think it is , so start thinking now . ”

that jitteriness returns to kiana’s bones , and she nods stiffly . “ when do we go home ? ”

“ in the morning , ” nina says . “ tonight , there’s a feast for all of you . the capitol is going to play into panem’s adoration for a while , but it’s not going to last forever . you’re safe tonight . but don’t get complacent . look out for each other , and don’t wander off . i don’t want any of you alone for a moment , do you hear me ? ” she looks to each of them with wide , frazzled eyes . “ i don’t know what they’ll do if they get their hands on you while no one is looking , and i don’t want to find out . ”

in return , she gets a quiet chorus of yes , ma’am , and chance wanders , not for the first time , with arabella standing so boldly & so out of reach , what exactly they’ve stepped into .

#𝟎𝟎. | zodiac. › group.

3 notes · View notes

monsieursquish-blog · 5 years

Text

Take some time to reflect

I am Ronan, and it would mean a lot if you took some time and read my blog! You may not agree with some of the points I present, but please understand that it is what I learned. Without further ado, take some time with me to reflect.

youtube

P.S. I don’t know how to add the mp3 file so here is the video instead.

I. Saint La Salle

I think that key components of my growth are my friends and family. My family are the ones who provide for me and fund my many interests. My friends are where my interests come from, and they help me find out who I truly am.

La Salle sees Mama Mary so highly because of her passion. She treats everyone equally, no matter what their status or their amount of sins are. Saint La Salle wants to be able to see people like that because he often deals with the rich and the poor.

I think that the key moments in my life are when I had a choice to try something new. This includes transferring to La Salle. I came to a decision because of my family, who pushed me to try La Salle because I can learn more and make new friends.

Saint La Salle was respectful to others because he was a follower of God. He knew that these people were only afraid of losing money and that they were afraid of things changing. Saint La Salle just continued what he was doing, and showed to those people that what he did made the next generation better people.

I do not know my legacy yet, but I know that God has a plan for me. I may not know it in the near future but I hope that I will see it before I die. Then I will know what my legacy is, and why God did now show it to me earlier.

II. Apostleship

To be an apostle, you have to be sent on a mission or be sent to deliver a message by Jesus Christ or God. Jesus Christ was also an apostle, as mentioned in Hebrews 3:1, along with his many descriptive titles. We can all be apostles, as long as we do the missions that Jesus left us.

To commit myself, I must have complete faith in God and trust him. I need to also utilize the gifts of the Holy Spirit to help me in staying away from temptation and sin, which will bring me closer to God.

In the current age, apostleship can be seen in the church leaders we have today. These are the bishops, archbishops, priests, and even the pope. At home, I try to be an apostle by helping around the house. Also, as the oldest among my siblings, I try my best to lead them to God. In school, I try to set an example on how to act by being polite and participating in class. In the community, I mostly just do the same things as in home and in school.

So far, I do not have a lot of contributions to the Church, none that others at my age can do. As I get older, I do hope that I will have notable contributions to the Church.

III. Jesus’ Commission

In my community, most of the people are Christians. They are baptized, follow the teachings of Jesus, and I am sure that they try their best to make disciples of all nations, but it is hard for them as they are usually busy with their jobs and school.

As a Christian, I am already baptized and I also follow the teachings of Jesus, but being a student makes it hard to make disciples of all nations. I am always busy with schoolwork and it is hard to travel at my age. I also do not earn my own money, so I have to do things with the support of others.

Just like Luke 23:51, we are like the man who is waiting for the Kingdom of God. I will do my part in speeding up the process by preparing my friends and family. What I mean by this is that I need to make sure that they have complete faith in God.

IV. Leadership

The best leader I know is Jesus Christ himself. He was a great leader, not only did he lead others, but he was also a servant. He would lead thousands of people by teaching them about God and performing miracles for them, but he would also follow the commands of the Father, and he always made sure that his apostles are properly cared for. Speaking of which, his apostles were a group of non-believers and sinners, but in the end, each and every one of them died firmly believing in God. This, I think, is the greatest feat of Jesus.

When I was grade 7, I had a tough time passing my subjects. I almost decided to just give up and fail them. However, I decided to try praying to God. At first, I didn’t understand it but I started working harder and passed my subjects. I then realized that it was because God gave me the strength to work hard and study. After that, I started to pray for strength to do almost all of my hardships, wether or not I know I can handle it.

To be a servant of a servant of God is pretty much being a disciple. I think that John 8:31-32 best sums it up. It says that whoever abides in Jesus’ word is truly his disciple. By abiding in his word, it means not only to listen, but also to live out his teachings. It also says that they will know the truth and the truth will set them free. In other words, those who follow him will be set free from the chains of evil.

Whenever my problems start to build up and be too much for me to handle, I always pray to God. Just like now, I left this blog to do at the very last minute. Not knowing what else to do, I prayed. I think that is what gave me the strength to finish this all in a day.

1 note · View note

creedtheconquer · 5 years

Text

Soundtrack of my life Pt.2

I thought this would be a fun get to know me! I've decided to share with you "the sound track of my life" these are the top 20 songs of my life in no particular order. (I will leave descriptions and links in the captions under the pictures and my favorite parts of the songs)

1.The Ballad of Maxwell Demon

2.Baby's on Fire

3.Hot One

4.Radio Ga Ga

5.Don't Stop Me Now

6.Killer Queen

7.Truly Madly Deeply

8.A thousand Words

9.Promises

10.Darkness

11.Unlovable

12.Death Of A Bachelor

13.Something Inside

14.Bach/Break

15.This Time

16.Enter Sandman

17.Turn The Page

18.Perfect

19.Fires

20.If you could see me now

"Unlovable" from the album "The Tension and the Spark" released in 2004.

Preformed by Darren Hayes- https://youtu.be/ZfzK6NFenLc

Favorite part- and yet again with him being a lyrical genius this whole song speaks volumes to me but I will only single out the 2 main verses as my favorite parts. "Cynical, jaded, faithless, disappointed, disillusioned, used

If I could take back all my sweat, my tears, my sex, my joy I would

My time, my love, my effort, passion, dedication

In case of mistaken identity I gave these things to you

If I sound angry, bitter, sad, infatuated, it's the truth

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, just a few

Stages of acceptance that it's really over

It's just so complicated and I'm stupid for believing in you" and "I had your back, I held you up, I told you you were good enough

It was not reciprocated, you kept affection and yourself apart

You fed your love to me like crumbs to pigeons in the park

Sometimes I think you're satisfied to see me begging like a dog

I wasn't armored, you were king, I gave my everything

Because sometimes you showed me just a hint of you and then

For just a moment I romanticized the notion

I can take away the torment, I can love you like they never did"

"Death of a Bachelor" from the album "Death of a Bachelor" released in 2016.

Preformed by Panic! At the Disco- https://youtu.be/Fl2OvKxMA0s

Favorite part- I can't choose one but if I had too it would be the chorus.

"Something Inside" from the soundtrack of the movie August Rush (2007) staring Freddie Highmore, Kert Russell, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Terrince Howard, and the late Robin Williams.

Preformed by Jonathan Rhys Meyers- https://youtu.be/3itqF3eoXaY

Favorite part- oh this is a hard one the whole song itself is absolutely beautiful but if I had to choose it would be either "When the one thing you're looking for is nowhere to be found, and your back stepping all off your moves trying to figure it out" or "So long you've been running in circles around what at stake. But now the time has come for your feet to stand still in one place." And lastly "It was your first taste of love, living upon what you had." What really sells this song for me is the emotion and the raspieness of his voice.

"Bach/Break" from the soundtrack for August Rush (2007)

Preformed by Jonathan Rhys Meyers- https://youtu.be/D2JFTm8_UyA

Favorite part- one of them is actually apart of the music itself, at the beginning when the orchestra fades into the rock it always gives me goose bumps and then lyric wise it's either the chorus because just his voice in the chorus is amazing and then "Falling from a night of cold, a piece of me that I can not hold."

"This Time" from the soundtrack for August Rush (2007)

Preformed by Jonathan Rhys Meyers- https://youtu.be/MRme-wcQ3JE

Favorite part- first let me just start by saying that this is an absolutely beautiful song it's my favorite from this movie/soundtrack but anyways my favorite part is probably either the chorus, "The angel on the stairs will tell you I was this. Under the front porch light, on a mystery night" or "The Neon lights in bars, and headlights from the cars have started a symphony surrounding me" and lastly "Then things I've left behind, have melted in my mind. Now there's a purity inside of me." Just the pure raw emotion in his voice leaves me with goose bumps everytime.

"Enter Sandman" from the self entitled album "Metalica" released in 1991.

Preformed by Metallica- https://youtu.be/YxRxd8aNd6I

Favorite part- the prayer

"Turn the Page" from the album "2004-08-28: Chicago, IL, USA" released in 2004. This was originally a song by Bob Seger.

Preformed by Metallica- https://youtu.be/8WVyFoMIxC4

Favorite part- in the beginning when the song drops ugh that part gets me every single time and lyric wise it has to be the bridge.

"Perfect" from the album "÷" released in 2017"

Preformed by Ed Sheeran- https://youtu.be/ORrFJ63nlcA

Favorite part- the whole song I can't choose a favorite part!

"Fires" from the album "Fires" released in 2012.

Preformed by Ronan Keating- https://youtu.be/oEjQqvalKpQ

Favorite part- it has to be "Now we're locked in time, out on the wire, I wish that I could fight the war for you." Because that line alone speaks volumes and it's the perfect "intro" to set up the rest of the song. I also really love the chorus it gives such a positive message!

"If You Could See Me Now" from the album "#3" released in 2012.

Preformed by The Script- https://youtu.be/ujrHuKRRNhE

Favorite part- I love this whole song, this song means so much to me. It reminds me so much of my mom and everytime I listen to it I always break down and cry. But my favorite parts are the chorus, "I'm trying to make you proud. Do everything you did. I hope you're up there with god saying that's my kid!" "If you could see me now would you recognize me? Would you pat me on the back of criticize me? Would follow every line on my tear stains face, put your hand on the heart that is cold as the day you were taken away?" And lastly "Would you call me a saint or a sinner? Would you love me a loser or a winner? When I see my face in the mirror we look so alike that it makes me shiver."

#velvet goldmine #savage garden #metallica #jonathan rhys meyers #ed sheeran #panic! at the disco #brian eno #august rush #the script #ronan keating #queen band #queen

16 notes · View notes

swimmingwolf59 · 6 years

Text

Vines and Ravens

(A/N) Just so you guys know, there is a scene with self-harm in this, so please proceed with caution!! ;w;

When Ronan was ten, he ran into his soulmate. Literally.

His family had been picnicking at the local park, spread out in the grass near a playground. It was a summer weekend afternoon so the park was packed; children ran every which way screaming and laughing and adults covered almost the entire area with blankets and umbrellas. After Aurora had wrestled sunscreen onto the boys, she set them loose playing tag with the other children and throwing a football with Niall.

Ronan was running his hardest to catch up to a ball that Niall had accidentally chucked too high when it happened. He hadn’t been paying attention, looking up for the ball instead of watching where he was going, and it surprised him when he solidly collided with another body. They tumbled to the ground, Ronan falling on top of the other person and rolling painfully into the dirt.

“Ow…” someone groaned, and Ronan blinked his eyes open to stare at them.

He was another boy about Ronan’s age with dirt blonde hair and eyes as blue as the ocean when he met Ronan’s gaze. Ronan found himself memorized for reasons he hadn’t understood then as he stared at the boy gingerly sitting up beside him. He almost said something to him, but just then his arms started tingling.

When he looked down, dark green vines had emerged on his fingers and were slowly crawling their way up his hands and to his wrists. He was wearing a tank-top, so he was able to watch as the vines spread up and up and up his arms until they curled into leaves on his shoulders and stopped. The other boy stared at the growing tattoos with wide eyes. He was wearing a long-sleeve shirt and pants so Ronan couldn’t tell if his marks were growing too but they had to be. There was no such thing as one-sided soulmate marks.

At ten, Ronan didn’t fully understand the implications of what had just happened. He barely understood concepts like ‘true love’ and ‘soulmates’. He did understand, though, that he was supposed to like the person who made his marks emerge.

But before he could say anything, his soulmate hurriedly stood and fled in the opposite direction.

Later, Declan told him he had a whole forest on his back. Normally, soulmate marks were small, only encompassing a wrist or a shoulder blade. But Ronan’s spanned the entire length of his back, his shoulders, and both of his arms. Aurora said that it was because the love he would share with his soulmate was larger than most people’s.

She didn’t have an answer for why, if that was true, his soulmate had turned and bolted the other way.

As Ronan grew, he gradually began to understand what had happened that day. He’d supposedly met the love of his life, who had been another boy. This meant that he was a boy that liked boys. In church, Ronan learned that this was something weird: soulmates were always between a man and a woman. But his family never said anything. They never said he was a sinner or tried to change him. Instead, they had speculated about who the boy could be and if it would be possible to find him. When Ronan entered Aglionby, they hopefully believed that Ronan might meet his soulmate there.

But Ronan had a feeling he wouldn’t. Because the other thing he had come to understand was that he had supposedly met the love of his life and, instead of wanting to get to know him, his soulmate had ran. Why? Had he found Ronan repulsive, in some way? Had he scared him? Declan always told him he had a scary face.

At first, it didn’t bother him. It wasn’t like he’d ever see the guy again.

Then he found his father beaten to death in the driveway. Then he learned that the opposite of love was hate and that it was so, so easy to hate yourself and twist everything that ever happened into another reason to hate yourself. Then he realized that if even his soulmate, who was supposed to love him more than anyone else on earth, didn’t love him, then who would? Was everyone in this world destined to leave him behind?

He soon learned to hate the marks. He’d once thought them beautiful and intricate and as a child he’d sometimes stay up late and imagine the person who would have such beautiful marks in their soul. Now he only saw it as a reminder that everything was shit and that Ronan Lynch was meant to walk the path of pain and suffering.

It hurt so goddamn much.

Throwing himself out of bed, Ronan slipped into the bathroom. He’d moved out by then, as being at home had been too agonizing, so he pulled out a beer from Gansey’s fridge and sat heavily on the toilet. From the counter, he grabbed his razor.

He stared at his arms until the vines and leaves blurred and he could no longer see their details. Where one stem dangled down the slender skin of his wrist, he slashed into it with the razor. Then he did the same with the other one. Ronan watched the blood red run down his hands and cover the green vines on his fingers.

There. Now it was all over.

Or so he’d thought.

He woke up in the hospital, his mother and Matthew crying by his bedside and his wrists pulsing with pain. Declan was talking to someone on the phone in the doorway and Gansey leaned on the wall, staring at him. He wasn’t crying, but the red rim around his eyes made it obvious that he had been, and he stared at Ronan with such fear that Ronan had to close his eyes again.

That day, he learned that he only knew how to hurt the people he cared about.

No wonder his soulmate hadn’t wanted to stick around.

Adam had been lucky with his soulmate marks.

They were large—flocks of ravens covered his chest, wrapping their wings around his heart, claws and beaks sharp against his skin—but they were confined entirely to his chest and easily covered by a shirt. This was lucky, because Adam’s father had never found his own soulmate, and Adam had known instinctively, as he watched those marks crawl up that boy’s arms, that he’d get in trouble. If his father had seen that he’d accomplished something like that when he hadn’t there would be hell to pay.

He was also lucky in the fact that his soulmate hadn’t run after him when their marks had emerged. If his father had seen that his soulmate was male…he couldn’t even bear to think about it.

But his father hadn’t seen, and so Adam went on with his life only removing his shirt when he was sure neither of his parents could see. Sometimes, at night, he stared at the ravens on his chest and wondered what his soulmate was like. He knew it was likely that he would never run into him again—and even if he did it was unlikely his soulmate would actually love him after knowing who he was—but he couldn’t help but wonder.

Part of him regretted that he hadn’t stuck around to at least learn his name.

Adam grew and worked his ass off and made it into Aglionby, despite his dad blocking him every step of the way. On the first day of class, Adam got to first period early, not wanting to seem anything less than perfect, and to his surprise found someone already there. He was standing at the whiteboard, writing something on it so fiercely that it made the marker squeak horrendously with each stroke. He was wearing a leather jacket, dark, tight skinny jeans, and combat boots and he had a completely shaved head; that on top of his behavior convinced Adam that he was a delinquent.

But he was early to class.

And he was writing in nearly fluent Latin.

And he was dangerously attractive.

Standing directly behind him, Adam observed his sentences. He couldn’t parse together all of it, but it seemed to be a crude joke of some kind. He found himself smirking, despite everything.

“You know, if you hide the eraser when you’re done your joke will be up there forever.”

The boy startled so badly he dropped the marker. Whirling around, he fixed a glare on Adam that was so deadly it could keel gods. Adam wasn’t a god, but he also wasn’t easily intimidated. He didn’t sense any danger underneath the glare.

The boy stared at him for an unsettling minute before whipping back around to the board. “I should’ve thought of that.”

Adam hid a smile in his shoulder. “Obviously you need to brush up on your delinquent tactics.”

Adam didn’t know where this was all coming from. Adam Parrish did not flirt with people who looked like they belonged in a motorcycle gang.

“Fuck off, man,” the boy said, but his posture was relaxed. “I’m not done with my masterpiece yet, though. Can I trust you with the honors…?”

It took Adam a ridiculously long time to realize that he was asking for his name. “Adam. Parrish.”

“Alright. Think fast, Parrish.” Before he was even done speaking, the boy tossed the eraser at Adam who somehow managed to catch it with only minimal fumbling.

While Adam poked around for the perfect place to hide the eraser, the boy continued his scribbling on the board, both of them silently engaged in their tasks. Adam was removing a book from the bookshelf to test if the eraser could hide behind it without giving away the fact that something was behind it when the boy suddenly spat out, “You’re not gonna ask me for my name?”

Deeming that it was pretty much unnoticeable unless someone knew to look for it, Adam carefully placed the eraser at the back of the bookshelf and put the book back in. “I figured you would tell me if you wanted me to know.”

“It’s Ronan. Ronan Lynch,” the boy said so quickly the words nearly tumbled over themselves.

Adam didn’t know what to think about the fact that Ronan had basically just admitted he’d wanted Adam to know his name.

“Okay, Lynch, then tell me this—” Adam leaned back on the bookshelf, smirking as Ronan immediately adopted a defensive posture, “—do you do this often?”

It was weird, how quickly Ronan relaxed. A savage grin even started to tug on his lips, apparently unaware that Adam was in a position where he could see it. “Only on Mondays.”

Adam laughed. “It’s Wednesday.”

“Well shit, Parrish, school just started – it’s essentially a Monday,” Ronan quipped before stepping back to admire his work. “How’s it look?”

“Like chicken scratch,” Adam admitted honestly.

“Fuck you,” Ronan replied, but his tone almost sounded playful. “Bet you don’t even know what it says.”

“Yeah, because I literally can’t read it.”

Ronan barked out a loud laugh, apparently startling them both if Ronan’s wide-eyed look was anything to go by. Abruptly, Ronan strode to a desk in the back and threw himself down into it, tossing his legs up on the table as he did so in one violent, fluid motion. He seemed incapable of moving any other way. As Adam watched him, Ronan roughly shrugged out of his jacket, not seeming to care as it fell to the floor.

Unabashedly, Adam’s eyes trailed to his arms and his heart stopped beating.

Because underneath his jacket he wore a black tank-top so that his arms and shoulders, and the marks that were on them, were on complete and total display. And Adam could never forget those marks. They reflected everything he felt inside, everything he was.

Ronan caught him looking, and for a second it felt like time itself had stopped. “Yeah, they’re fucking everywhere, I know. My mom always said it was because of some ‘true love’ bullshit, but my asshole of a soulmate ran off without a second glance. Didn’t even get the fucker’s name.”

Adam didn’t know what to say. The bitterness in Ronan’s tone was throwing him off, and he felt like a fish out of water every time his eyes scanned over those marks. He hadn’t been prepared for a scenario where he ran into his soulmate again. He hadn’t thought it was possible, and his brain still couldn’t seem to figure out that it was happening.

Ronan sucked in a breath. “…It was you, wasn’t it.”

It wasn’t a question.

Adam stared down at his shoes, angry with himself. All of those times he’d dreamed of running into his soulmate again and he couldn’t even figure out a damn word to say to him.

Ronan’s boots eventually stomped into his line of sight until he was standing toe to toe with Adam. For an insane, wild moment Adam thought he was going to kiss him. But Ronan just growled, “Fuck all the way off.”

And then left, slamming the door behind him.

Ronan felt explosive.

He couldn’t believe he ran into his soulmate again, and here of all places. He couldn’t believe that he’d been starting to like that fucker and his stupid witty remarks and his stupid freckles and his stupid gorgeous hands—

“Ronan, wait—” And there he was now, taunting Ronan at every step, just as he always had.

Ronan had nothing to say to him. He’d spent years getting over the hurt and self-loathing that Adam had helped cause and had finally gotten to a place where he felt relatively at peace with himself. He still hated himself, but the hatred didn’t run so deep that he felt like taking a knife to his skin again.

So of course Adam had to show up again now.

“Oh, now you chase after me, huh?” Ronan snarled, hastening his pace.

But somehow Adam managed to catch up to him anyway. “Just shut up and come in here with me for a sec.” Adam grabbed his arm and dragged him into the nearby bathroom.

“I don’t want to hear your fucking excuses!” Ronan growled, yanking his arm out of Adam’s grasp.

Adam turned his blue eyes on him. Honestly, Ronan should’ve guessed it right away – how could he ever forget those eyes? “I’m not giving you an excuse. I’m trying to show you why I did what I did that day.”

“So, you’re giving me an excuse.” Ronan rolled his eyes but settled back on one of the sinks and waited.

Just because he was in a better place didn’t mean he was any less self-destructive.

But instead of talking, Adam turned on a different sink and started roughly washing his face. Ronan almost snarled at him—seriously, this asshole was making him wait so he could wash his goddamn face?—but then something caught his eye and he froze.

As the water rinsed down Adam’s face, so too did a concealer of some sort, slowly revealing an ugly bruise that spanned nearly the entire half of his face around his eye. It was harsh and purple and throbbing and Ronan sucked in a hard breath at the sight of it. The anger in his gut bled into his veins and he wanted to punch the wall until his skin broke.

“…Who the fuck did this?”

Adam didn’t reply for a long time, instead staring at his reflection in the mirror. Ronan realized suddenly that this was a secret, something that he wasn’t supposed to know but was being trusted with anyway.

“My dad,” Adam eventually said, his voice so quiet Ronan barely heard him.

Ronan exhaled. He understood now. It hadn’t been about him at all; it had been about what it would’ve looked like. He understood, but he didn’t know what to do with the information. He both wanted to ask and didn’t want to know how long this had been going on; he wanted to ask where he lived so he could go beat the shit out of that bastard—

But he didn’t ask any of that.

“Can I see your marks?” Ronan asked instead, softer than he’d intended.

Adam turned and stared at him for a long time. For a second, Ronan thought he would refuse him. But then he gave a miniscule nod and started unbuttoning his uniform. Ronan watched with apt attention as he turned off the sink and draped his uniform carefully over it before shucking off his t-shirt in one smooth motion.

When there was only bare skin left, Ronan felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Ravens flooded Adam’s chest, their wings a feathered frenzy as they crossed over each other and fought each other to fly. Most of the ravens seemed to be fighting to get to Adam’s heart, and the only one at peace was the one that had its wings over Adam’s heart, but there were some ravens that were flying downwards too, their claws and tails leaving a clear trail right down to—

Ronan snapped his eyes up. He felt like he was blushing but couldn’t seem to stop.

He wondered if this was why Adam had been so speechless earlier – to see himself so clearly in art on someone else’s body…

Ronan felt weak in the knees.

Before he even knew it he was stepping forward, gently pressing his hands to the ravens on Adam’s ribs. Adam stiffened but didn’t push him away, so Ronan took it as a sign to let his fingers roam, carefully exploring over skin and ink. Adam let out a shaky breath as Ronan traced one of the raven’s beaks over his heart. His long fingers skittered up Ronan’s arms, following both his veins and the veins of the leaves. “Do you have them just on your arms?”

“No, I’ve got a whole fucking forest.” Ronan took off his tank top and turned around so that Adam could see his back.

Adam didn’t say anything for so long that Ronan almost looked back to see what his expression was. But then he felt Adam’s fingers splay out gently across his back, his hands startingly cool. Ronan barely suppressed a shiver.

“I’m sorry I hurt you by running away,” Adam said. “I regretted doing it every day since then.”

“You had your reasons.” Ronan firmly believed that now. The hurt wouldn’t heal as quickly—that shit was ingrained—but he didn’t feel so angry at Adam anymore. How could he, when he’d just been acting out of self-preservation? “Besides, I would have been fucked up these last few years anyway even if you hadn’t.”

“Yeah, but maybe I could’ve been there for you,” Adam said and suddenly started mouthing at his back.

Ronan jumped and whirled around, startled. He was definitely blushing now.

Adam was smirking, the bastard. “Too soon?”

Ronan swallowed. “No…it just, uh, tickled.”

Adam stared at him for two seconds before he burst out laughing. Ronan found himself fighting back a grin as he stepped forward and grabbed Adam’s cheeks gently in his hands.

“Shut the fuck up,” he growled, and kissed him.

Adam kissed him back hungrily, his hands gripping at Ronan’s forearms. Their marks hummed between them, warmth searing up Ronan’s arms and down his back. It was almost scary how much Ronan wanted to kiss him, how much he wanted to erase the space between them. The emotions he felt for him were like a tsunami, drowning him and knocking down the few pillars of defense that he had left.

But he never wanted it to stop. It was too exhilarating.

…Hell, maybe his mom had been right about what his marks meant.

“You better not run away this time,” Ronan murmured when they parted, both gasping for air. He’d meant it as a joke, but it didn’t come out that way.

Adam touched his cheek. “I won’t.”

#pynch #pynch week 2018 #pynch week #trc #ronan lynch #adam parrish #self-harm #mention of abuse #soulmate mark au #my writing

20 notes · View notes

thatshighlyoffensive · 6 years

Photo

That’s Highly Offensive: 2018 Golden Globes

Y’all know I only wear all black all the time, so I find the fact that Hollywood is "uniting" against whatever tonight by wearing all black to be kind of a stupid way to pussy foot around the issue, but who asked me? This should have been a night when the carpet looked the way I think it should at all times, but honestly, a lot of stuff looked makeshift and cheap to me. And WHAT was with all the skirts-over-pants nonsense?? I thought that was over. Also, forgive the overuse of the funeral garb schtick but what choice did I have?

Wow. It's rare that the first look I see ends up being the worst dressed of the night, but Debra Messing has just taken the cake, eaten it, made another cake, eaten that, made another one, and took that too. I know it's cliché but MESSing says it all. #thefacesofmeth That emerald eyeshadow and those Elvira for Family Dollar false lashes!! And WHAT is that dent in her forehead?? I’ll tell you what it is… bad Botox. Or Juvaderm. Or whatever expired baby bunny cartilage her dermo found in Karen Walker’s dumpster. Oh and also, she’s wearing the dress version of Liza’s putty kkk hood shoes and it’s all HIGHLY offensive.

Kelly Clarkson- "From Justin to King Midas" if King Midas was a lizard...

Kristin Cavallari went as 1999 Oscars Angelina Jolie but with a ballerina's bun and I'm not ok with it.

I honestly have nothing bad to say about Tracee Ellis Ross’s outfit. The phrase ‘Charmin Noir’ comes to mind, but let’s not bc you know how much I love a turban/wrap!

Meryl Streep: You bore me to tears. I like your glasses.

It seems to be literally KILLING Giuliana Rancid that she can’t ask “Who are you wearing?” bc she is incapable of NOT pointing out the fact that she’s not asking that question to every person she's interviewed. And as always, she looks like the Queen from Antz but this year her skin is a particularly orange shade of Oscar Meyer all beef frank. She also has one of the most bulbous horse hair dino ponytails I’ve ever seen. She's like the anorexic version of Starla from Napoleon Dynamite. AND HER TAN LINES! I didn't know you got those from bottled self tanner...

Catherine Zeta Jones: I am still obsessed with CZJ even after recently rewatching Ocean’s Twelve for the first time since Cat and I fell asleep in the theater. Her face, her body, her dress, her earrings, her love for her thousand year old father in law… I am fully behind all of it!

Penelope Cruz: See above. #stunning

I don't know who this woman from Outlander is but I do know she better be on her way to audition at Tweetsie Railroad.

Connie Britton: NO.

Jessica Biel and J. Tim- don’t NO ONE CARE. I don’t know one person who watched ‘The Sinner’ (most people didn’t even know what I was talking about when I asked if they’d heard of it), so the fact that she is nominated is a testament to that Sexy Back money and nothing more. Just her talking about being a producer of the show is like… We get it…you’re the only one who would pay you to be an actress anymore. PS, your arms are fabulous.

Mandy Candy Moore: Olé!

Holy shit Diane Kruger looks amazing.

Unfortunately, Sarah Paulson is one of those I feel looks like she's in something cheap. Really cheap. Like she stole a leotard from the Xanadu Mourning collection and wrapped a table cloth around herself. And I can't say I love the choppiness of her bob.

Michele Williams- I’m still not over how ridiculous you looked on Dawson’s Creek, but your pixie has grown on me over the last few years but OHMYGOD what is that shelf in the back? Lloyd Christmas called…

Seth Myers looks like the singing sword and a foot had a baby and named it Cheremy.

Jamie Chung- First of all, why are you here? Secondly, you look like the winner of a ‘Grunge Bride’ themed stripper contest sponsored by Hefty in 2002. Those shoes….

Alexis Bledel- Let’s get this out of the way: I can’t stand you. You’re a mumbler with creepy Kewpie doll eyes and mouth. But as for what you’re wearing, GASP you’re not wearing solid black so you obviously don’t care about women!! But also, you must not care about yourself either because you look like one of Ariel’s sisters and Dionysus had a baby and it came out haunted.

Why is Dave Franco wearing so much rouge????

Alison Brie- Ok, you can channel Audrey Hepburn, I guess. Although her dress does resemble my senior prom dress from Cache. Oh wait- there’s a pants leg. You’re trash.

William H. Macy: Did Grubby die? That’s the only reason I can think of for Teddy Ruxpin to show up to the Golden Globes in all black…

Gal Gadot is clearly going to an audition for "A Chorus Line" after the Globes. Why else would she steal a maitre'd's jacket and cut it in half?

Saoirse Ronan looks perfect all around. I need all of it immediately, even though I’d look more like Bruce Villanche dressed in drag doing a David Bowie tribute than her svelte awesomeness…

Eva Longoria looks like a pregnant Sharpie.

It took me a solid 3 seconds & a glance at the caption to figure out I was looking at Halle Berry and not some mixed berry bag of Skittles from a prom themed episode of the CW’s Gossip Girl revival. And her bangs look gross and ridiculous. #whywontsheage??

I take it back: Reese Witherspoon looks like the pregnant Sharpie. Or maybe her daughter has decided to become a fashion designer and this was her first foray into an origami—inspired collection? #blacktobasics

Nicole Kidman (or Nicky Kickin it in the Moulin Rouge, as Jack McFarland calls her) looks flawless, as always. The one negative thing I will say is that I find flutter fly cap sleeves to be among the most offensive things in adult female fashion (mainly because the only humans that can pull them off are pre-teens, anorexics and Kate Moss (not that she’d ever wear them).

Viola Davis wins everything. Omg that hair and makeup and jewelry and dress. ⚰️⚰️⚰️

Did Zac-without-a-K Efron want people to mistake him for Milo Ventimiglia? Is that the reason for the mustache? Why is he even there? GASP! Are they already remaking High School Musical (because you know that’s in the works…) with him starring as Troy again?!? #prayerhands

Why exactly is Naomi Campbell at the Golden Globes, must less in a piece from the never-to-be-seen sketches Vivienne Westwood did for Guy Richie’s new pandering remake starring Madonna as Herlock Holmes?

Lily James- You are gorgeous perfection and I mean that because anyone that stars in a live action Disney remake is automatically on my shit list (I’m looking at you, Emmas Stone and Watson…) but what the actual hell are you wearing? You look like a Project Runway contestant’s submission on the theme “Maleficent’s entrance to the party.”

Octavia Spencer looks like the teacher who got to play Glinda’s role in a #metoo fundraising, high school production of Wicked after the lead was stricken with mono.

Greta Gerwig- I’m tempted to allow it, but only if you’re intentionally channeling Marchesa Luisa Casati.

Angelina Jolie- oh. my. god. I know I’m biased (as one of her long lost, adopted children she’s never acknowledged or heard of) but I cannot say one bad thing about this, especially since I’ve been in 100% Bombshell Manual mode lately and anything with feathers or frills or femininity is giving me LIFE. #bestdressed

Elizabeth Moss: from Polly to Pollyana. Anyone that gets that is my lifelong friend and anyone that doesn’t please never talk to me again. But seriously honey, that waistline is not your friend.

Jessica Chastain- I think I love everything about this but am i crazy or does it make her look a little bulky? Tell me I’m crazy. I’m crazy. (Narrator: She was definitely crazy.)

omg Maggie Gyllenhaal is wearing the same Castle Greyskull, droopy-sleeve of wizard-vagine garment as Debra Messing! Is this a thing?? Gross. And those earrings are stupid too but I don’t know why.

Emilia Clarke is perfection (minus the bow but moving on) and I don’t even love GOT.

Geena Davis stole one of CZJ’S costumes from Chicago and i can’t say that I’m angry. I will say that I’m angry that the head designer at LOFT got hold of it and added a few of those filthy lace panels before she walked the red carpet, but since she still looks pretty flawless…I’LL ALLOW IT.

As always, Lena Headey looks like the drunk, badass aunt who was a groupie before falling into acting so I love her even more than when she gets drunk and sets people on fire on tv. The dress does look like something a goth would make to wear to a Renaissance fair, but who cares when she looks that cool in it?

I love Margot Robbie more than almost anyone in Hollywood today (even though she stole my life’s dream of playing Tonya Harding. Seriously, I’d started writing a short right before they announced that movie and I’m not even kidding), but I can’t say i know exactly what she was going for with this look… an Elsa-possessed mistletoe over her womb to subtly announce she’s expecting? A tribute to the portion of Fantasia where fairies ice skate to ‘Waltz of the Flowers’ as a nod to the ice goddess she plays in ‘I, Tonya?’ I’ve been staring at it for a few minutes now and can honestly say I have no clue.

Gwendolyn Christie- I have no idea what you are wearing but I do know that I am obsessed with your GOT character so you have my permission to do whatever you please.

Kerry Washington unfortunately looks like some anorexic basic at her junior prom. And those floral net booties are what a leprechaun wears to a funeral. wtf. Oh but her hair is on point.

Kate Hudson- Je refuse.

Chris Hemsworth can do no wrong even in a suit made from a brocade table cloth and VELVETEEN shoes so don’t even worry about it, honey.

Michelle Pfeiffer- omg i am heartbroken over how matronly you look!! As anyone who knows me knows, my mother could pass as your identical twin, so I take it kind of personally when you show up on the red carpet dressed as Marian the librarian’s widowed sister, Ovarian.

Zoe Kravtiz- Sweetie, it’s already been done and its name was Natalie Portman. A chunky, funky emerald earring does make you look like Audrey Hepburn's edgy cousin though. Whatever- you still look gorgeous and I love you.

Kendall Jenner- There are so many things wrong with your look, much less your existence, but I’ll just sum it up with this: T. STRAPPED. POINTY. TOED. SHOES. Also, lay off the brow botox before you look like Debra Messing, or worse, Kylie Jenner. #gasp

Sarah Jessica Parker literally went as her character from Hocus Pocus attending a funeral.

Isabelle Huppert wins the night! Nope, spoke too soon. Her dress has those damned flutter sleeves on it too! What IS that? It’s trash, is what it is…

Roseanne Barr forgot to put a dress over her Spanx…

Ok, that's all I got. I barely watched any of the actual show bc I can't with most of those self important a-holes, so I can't comment on anything "exciting" or "interesting" that might have happened. Let me know if I missed anything highly offensive🥂

6 notes · View notes

wellimhavinga3outof10day · 7 years

Text

Easter Sunday

Description: Ronan takes Kavinsky to church for the Easter Sunday service.

Part: 1/2/3

Read on AO3

“For the record, this is a stupid idea.”

Ronan ignored Kavinsky in favour of knotting his tie. He pulled it tight around Kavinsky’s neck – maybe a little tighter than necessary – and then loosened it slightly. He took a step back to look at his boyfriend dressed in a nice suit, with a nice tie, the bags under his eyes barely noticeable, and the blackness in his eyes alive with something other than drugs for once. He smiled.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Kavinsky grumbled, but he said it with a hint of pride in his voice. He turned towards the mirror to check his reflection and ran a hand through his gelled-down hair. “I look like I’m in the fucking Godfather.”

“You’re going to church, not an execution,” Ronan said. He picked up a tie from the bed and threw it around his neck. As he approached the mirror, he pretended not to notice Kavinsky watching him. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I could spontaneously burst into flames.”

Ronan smirked. “All sinners will be forgiven.”

“Only if they want to be.”

Ronan finished putting on his tie and turned to Kavinsky. He focused his best, most even look on his boyfriend, and tried not to let his smile get in the way. Kavinsky looked good cleaned up – it wasn’t Ronan’s fault he couldn’t focus. Ronan said, “This is the Easter service. My family goes to it every year. You’re coming to meet them, to be part of our traditions, to be part of the family. Got it?”

“They cut you off. I don’t get why you even bother with them.”

“Because I love them.”

“Like you love me.”

“You are aware that’s not a good comeback, right?” Ronan quirked an eyebrow. “It doesn’t embarrass me.”

Kavinsky rolled his eyes and took a step forward. He gripped Ronan’s tie and pulled him closer, until they were eye to eye, nose to nose. “Maybe it should, baby girl,” he whispered. “Maybe there’s things that should make you blush, you little whore.”

Ronan pressed a chaste kiss to Kavinsky’s lips and then pushed him back. “We’re going to church, remember?”

“I can think of better things to do.”

“Let’s confess our sins before we commit more.”

Kavinsky sat down on the end of the bed and started to play with his tie. Ronan watched him in the mirror, tried to pretend that he wasn’t. The last two months had been hard on him. He’d been released two weeks ago from rehab and ever since he’d been triggered by almost everything in the apartment. Whenever Ronan suggested moving, Kavinsky laughed and asked who would rent to them, where else could they afford to go?

“I don’t want to go to church,” Kavinsky said, his voice soft and whiny, like a child’s.

Ronan pursed his lips. He knew Kavinsky didn’t believe in God, hadn’t for a long time. He knew church was one of Kavinsky’s worst memories of his childhood, even though it was the best memory of Ronan’s. He knew dragging Kavinsky anywhere was an exercise in futility. But he also knew that he couldn’t leave Kavinsky alone.

He turned and put on his best disappointed face. Sometimes dating Kavinsky was more like taking care of a young child and the thought annoyed Ronan. He stepped towards Kavinsky and raised his chin so he’d look at him. “This is important to me,” Ronan said. “This is an important part of my life and I want you to be part of it too. Okay?”

Kavinsky grabbed his hips and pulled him forward. “There are a few things important to me too.”

Ronan pushed Kavinsky’s head back, stepped away with a sigh. He rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. “I can’t keep doing this, K.”

“Keep doing what?”

“Doing everything for you,” Ronan snapped. He turned to his boyfriend and caught the incredulous look on his face. “I can’t forget about my family and my friends and my life and my obligations because you can’t function without me. Okay? I know you have zero experience with a healthy relationship, but this isn’t one.”

Kavinsky pushed out his cheek with his tongue, nodded. He stood. “That’s what you think of me, Lynch? I’m just a fucking charity case to you? The boy you have to teach about normal, good, healthy things?” He shoved Ronan. “That’s what I am to you?”

Ronan fixed Kavinsky with a glare. “That’s not what I said.”

“It’s what I heard.”

“Because you only hear the things you can get angry about. You have two emotions – anger and nothingness. And sometimes I don’t know which one you prefer.”

“You’re such a fucking asshole.”

Ronan met Kavinsky’s eyes, tried to calm the rage bubbling in his stomach. “You have two options, K,” he said. “You can come with me to the church and meet my family and for once in your fucking life do something for someone else, or you can stay here and sulk. But if you pick that, don’t expect me to come back.”

Kavinsky blinked. “You’re gonna take all your stuff with you to church?”

“Missing the point, as always.”

Ronan turned to walk away but Kavinsky grabbed his elbow. For a second, neither of them breathed. Ronan didn’t turn but he felt Kavinsky step closer, press up against him. He braced himself for the inevitable – for Kavinsky to hit on him, try to cajole him into staying in bed – and readied himself to walk away, something he knew he wasn’t any good at. What he didn’t expect was what actually happened.

“I’m sorry,” Kavinsky whispered. He pressed his lips to Ronan’s shoulder. “I’ll come.”

“You sure?” Ronan felt himself tremble.

“Yeah.” Kavinsky turned him around and looked him in the eye. The thinnest of smiles lined Kavinsky’s lips, a smile Ronan had never seen on him before. It seemed genuine, unlike every drug-induced one he’d seen before. “You don’t need to take care of me, Lynch. I survived without you before, I’ll do it again.”

Ronan snorted. “If by ‘survived’ you mean ‘lived in a drug-induced haze’ I’m not convinced.”

Kavinsky kissed him, hard. “You saved me but they warned me about letting other people save me. They told me not to let it happen. That I had to save myself.” His black eyes shone and sparkled, exploded like nothing Ronan had ever seen before. “I forgot. Time and again, I forgot. Because all I needed was you. But the world’s not like that. And in the end, it wasn’t you that saved me at all. I saved myself.”

“You sure about that?”

Kavinsky smirked, kissed him again. “I’ll still give you the credit, if you want it.”

Ronan shoved him away, unable to help the massive smile on his lips. He nodded. “Okay. You can take care of yourself.”

“And you can leave me alone every once in a while,” Kavinsky said. When Ronan opened his mouth to protest, he added, “Don’t think I don’t know why you keep getting in the shower with me.”

Ronan laughed. “Maybe let’s not talk about that on the way to church.”

“I still think I’ll burst into flames.”

Ronan grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the bedroom. “Then I’ll burst into flames with you.”

Ronan felt the deep breath Kavinsky took tremble through his whole body. He squeezed his hand tighter. Before them, St. Agnes rose up in all its glory. The old stone walls were freshly scrubbed and bright flowers lined the stone path leading to the arched doorway. The doors were held open, people milling about the entrance, talking, laughing, reuniting.

“Should we be holding hands here?” Kavinsky asked, his voice low.

Ronan recognized the tone. He pulled Kavinsky closer and kissed him on the cheek. “It’s fine,” he said. “No one cares.”

Kavinsky nodded but he was stiff from head to toe.

“Ronan.”

Ronan turned his head at the voice, going mostly still himself as he saw Declan walking towards him. The feud between him and his brother was legendary but that didn’t mean they didn’t love each other. Ronan managed a thin smile, nodded.

“Declan,” he said. “This is my boyfriend, Kavinsky.”

“Kavinsky?” The way Declan drew out the syllables sent a chill through Ronan. He shook his head, almost imperceptively, warning his brother not to say anything about Kavinsky’s family. Declan smiled, slow and cold but kind enough. “Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah,” Kavinsky said. “You too.”

A few seconds of awkward silence passed before Matthew ran up to them. His dishevelled golden curls fell over his forehead, into his eyes. His suit was impeccable other than the tie he’d somehow managed to undo on his way from the parking lot. Without a word, Ronan stepped forward and redid the knot.

“Thanks,” Matthew said. He flashed a brilliant smile and hugged both of his older brothers. “So. Are you going to introduce me to your boyfriend?”

Ronan almost laughed but stopped himself when he saw the glare in Kavinsky’s eyes. He elbowed him in the ribs; Kavinsky flinched and forced a less disastrous smile.

Ronan made the introductions. They all stood there in awkward silence breached only by Matthew’s happy chatter for a few minutes and then headed into the church. Kavinsky hesitated just before the doorway and Ronan squeezed his fingers. “You won’t burst into flames,” he whispered. He held Kavinsky’s eyes, tried to look serious and playful at the same time. “You’re not the devil.”

Kavinsky met his gaze, smirked a little. “You sure about that, Lynch?”

“Pretty sure.” Ronan pulled him over the threshold. Nothing happened. “Would you look at that.”

“You could’ve killed me.”

Ronan snorted and started down the aisle. He slid into the pew next to Matthew and dragged Kavinsky along with him. His brother pulled him into a conversation about school and for a few seconds he was distracted. Right up until Kavinsky’s nails dug into the palm of his hand.

Ronan looked back at him, frowning. Kavinsky’s eyes were frozen on the stained glass at the front of the church. He didn’t even blink. Ronan felt a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach, wondered exactly how bad Kavinsky’s memories of church were. “K?” he whispered. He shook his arm. “You okay?”

“Sure.”

“You can tell me if this is too hard.”

Kavinsky flashed a cold, cruel smile. “Thought you didn’t want to take care of me.”

Ronan bit back his sigh, tried not to roll his eyes. “You’re such a—”

“Ooh, don’t swear in church, Lynch.”

Ronan snorted his laugh. “I get it. You’re just more comfortable when we’re arguing.”

“I don’t have to argue with you,” he said. “Anyone would do. Anything would do. I could argue with this pew, if you prefer?”

“Better the pew than the pastor.”

Kavinsky smirked and then, too fast for Ronan to stop him, leaned in and kissed him. He didn’t stop at just a peck, dragged out the kiss even when Ronan refused to open his mouth, and then bit into his bottom lip to pull it out as he moved away. Ronan shook his head at him but couldn’t resist smiling, not when Kavinsky was looking at him like he was the sun, the moon, and the stars.

“Behave,” Ronan whispered. “We’re in church.”

“That’s usually my line.”

Ronan laughed. “Seriously. Church.”

Declan shushed them both.

That only made them laugh more.

They calmed down by the time the service started. Ronan focused on the words washing over him, kept his attention on the prayers and hymns. Every once in a while, Kavinsky’s fidgeting caught his eye, but he did his best to ignore it. Nothing he’d done so far seemed too self-destructive. He picked at his nails, tapped his feet, chewed on his bottom lip. If he started scratching his arms or closed his eyes for too long, then Ronan would worry. Ronan had gotten good at noticing when Kavinsky lost control.

About halfway through the service, Ronan took Kavinsky’s hand again. He squeezed his fingers hard, hoped the pain would help keep him present. Kavinsky glanced over at him and Ronan almost pulled him out of the church right then and there. His eyes were open, glittering, so far from their normal guardedness or their out of it fog that Ronan could feel the pain emanating from them. He could feel how tough the church was on Kavinsky and how he sat there, listened, just for Ronan’s sake.

Bursting into flames had never been his real worry. It had always been about this, sitting here, listening.

“We should go,” Ronan whispered.

Kavinsky shook his head and Ronan thought maybe, just maybe, he saw tears. “This is important to you,” Kavinsky said. “I want to be here with you.”

Ronan licked his lips, glanced back at his family. Then he shook his head. “No. Don’t... don’t stay here for me if it’s hurting you. Remember what you said earlier? You have to save yourself?”

Declan shushed them again and Ronan closed his eyes.

Kavinsky brushed his thumb down Ronan’s jawbone and Ronan let his eyes flicker open. The smile on Kavinsky’s face was something he’d never seen before, something soft and patient. All Kavinsky’s smiles were really smirks or hidden laughter or cold malice or faked for the occasion. But this smile was something soft, something pure, something almost loving. Ronan felt himself sink into that expression, felt himself put too much meaning into it, but he couldn’t help thinking it meant something more.

“You’re always here for me,” Kavinsky whispered. “I want to be here for you.”

“Declan’s not exactly the same as...” Ronan quirked an eyebrow. Several of the nurses told him mentioning drugs by name would trigger Kavinsky and Ronan hadn’t yet found a good way around the topic.

Kavinsky’s forehead wrinkled. “I’m fine.”

“Don’t hurt yourself for me.”

“Don’t lie for me.”

“What?”

“I know you need support here.”

Ronan almost laughed but the sound stuck in his throat and morphed into a soft smile. He wanted more than anything to kiss Kavinsky again but they were in church, in the middle of a service, and he knew better. He settled for squeezing his hand again and turning back towards the front of the room, aware of Kavinsky’s gaze on him the whole time.

The service wrapped with little incident. They exited fast – not waiting for Declan or Matthew to catch up – and Kavinsky’s breath of relief when he exited the building was audible. Ronan looked over at him, caught his profile against the sharp light of the sun. “Can I ask?” Ronan said.

“Ask what?” And when Kavinsky looked at him, the cold boy he knew was back. The arch of his eyebrow, the near constant smirk, the deadened black eyes.

Ronan went for it anyways. “The church. What’s triggering about it?”

Kavinsky’s smirk twisted into something even crueler as he glanced back at the building. His fingers were twitching, fumbling, looking for cigarettes that weren’t there. With a sigh, he said, “My church wasn’t as... inclusive as yours. I spent years listening to sermons on how everything I wanted, everything I loved, was wrong. And when I got restless, when I skipped out in the middle, when I refused to go, my father would beat me within an inch of my life.”

Ronan stared at Kavinsky. He had no idea how to reply to that but, luckily, Kavinsky didn’t want a reply, probably would have scoffed at a reply.

Declan and Matthew met up with them a minute later. “Lunch?” Declan said, as if their answers were a foregone conclusion.

Ronan glanced at Kavinsky and shook his head. “Nah, we’re heading home. We’ll see you for dinner?”

Declan nodded as they started to walk away.

Ronan waited approximately eight seconds after Kavinsky closed the door to their apartment to kiss him. And he kissed him wildly, with little regard for what he was doing, feeling his smile in every press of their lips.

“What’s gotten into you?” Kavinsky said, the words half a breathless laugh.

“I’m so proud of you,” Ronan whispered. “I’m so happy you were there.”

Kavinsky pushed him off, laughing, trying to look like he was put off by the words. “Try not to be such a girl, Lynch. You know I’m not turned on by that.” He walked past Ronan into the kitchen, but Ronan saw the hint of pink on his cheeks. Kavinsky grabbed a glass off the counter and filled it with water. It took him a second to take a sip.

“You all right?” Ronan asked.

“Peachy.” He turned to look at Ronan, the space between them seeming suddenly insurmountable. Ronan wondered what had happened to the open, broken boy he’d seen in the church. He wondered how deep Kavinsky buried that boy, how rarely he let him out. He wondered if maybe he was the only person still alive who had seen him.

Ronan took a step closer and loosened the tie from his neck. With every step he took, he kept his eyes on Kavinsky, wary. He looked for signs that this was one of those moments when he shouldn’t touch him, one of those times when everything was so much louder for him than it should be. But he didn’t see the signs. Couldn’t see anything. Kavinsky looked like someone had turned him off, thrown him into nothingness all over again.

When Ronan leaned against the counter next to him, he waited for Kavinsky to meet his eyes. “Thank you,” Ronan said, “for coming.”

Kavinsky nodded.

“I love you.”

Kavinsky’s eyes unfocused, sharpened, and then darted over Ronan’s face like he was looking for a lie. Then, without warning, he pulled Ronan in by his collar and laid a bruising kiss against his lips. Noses still touching, lips close enough that every word brushed them together, Kavinsky whispered, “I love you too.” Then he pushed Ronan away and disappeared into the bedroom.

Ronan stared after him for a long moment, stunned, those four words still echoing in his ears.

Then Kavinsky poked his head out from the bedroom and said, “You coming?”

#rovinsky #the raven cycle #joseph kavinsky #ronan lynch #trc #mine

8 notes · View notes