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#being a trans woman means nothing except what I want it to mean. I refuse to derive my meaning from other's perspective
neverendingford · 6 months
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#being bigender/genderfluid feels kind of like the bisexuality conundrum. like.. just cause I'm one thing today doesn't mean I'm not both#just because I'm guy mode today doesn't mean I can't be girl mode tomorrow. being transfem one day doesn't trap me into a forever of she/her#tag talk#like the bisexuality thing where it's like “just because my current relationship is het doesn't make me any less bi”#(which I don't personally relate to cause I'm very very very gayly into men but it's the closest simile I can think of right now)#I need people to know I'm trans to keep my options open. I need to be visibly genderfuck so that I don't get locked into expectations#because the thing I fear more than death is a cage (wow look at me referencing lotr I'm so cool and smart)#like. I can't get caged into gender. I won't get locked into what people think I should be.#being a trans woman means nothing except what I want it to mean. I refuse to derive my meaning from other's perspective#idk. just thoughts. because being visible to the public eye is stressful sometimes#a guy was talking on the phone at self checkout and was like “I know what a woman sounds like” and I don't think he was talking about me...#but also my paranoia kicked in and I dropped my voice on purpose because being seen as Trying to be a woman is still terrifying#like. idkkkkkkk. I don't even know how to say it without sounding stupid#and also that thing where voicing internalized transphobia directed inwards just makes people think you're being outwardly transphobic#but like. I want to be someone who is. not someone who is trying to be.#this is where I go cheesy validation mode and go “I'm not trying to be a woman i AM a woman” and I get thirteen reddit upvotes or whatever#but like. it's the chronic man-in-a-dress fear. which is both toxic masculinity and also transphobia.#whooo intersectionality ftw I'm experiencing two forms of internalized fucked-up-ness isn't that so cool?#anyway. that one line from All The Shine: I'm not trying to come hard. I'm trying to come me.#I don't wanna be trying for anything extra. the constant accusation of trying to turn yourself into something your not.#as if your true self is this fucking husk of human skin that you've hidden inside your entire life.#I just want the freedom to be myself without all this fucking cultural detritus. this ideological scum that clings to you as you emerge#I just want out from under this massive rock.
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greenbergsays · 10 months
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Okay but I’ve been in this body for forty four years and literally just in the last two months I think I’ve finally figured out my gender. Think being the key word, we’ll see if it sticks. I’m AFAB and just always kinda assumed I was cis cause well, I wasn’t trans. But I realized that I also don’t care about how I’m gendered or pronouned, it’s all eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ to me, use what you want. Then I heard someone use the term “gender apathetic” and YES. That’s it, sounds perfect to me. So I’m not cis, trans or some secret third thing, I just don’t care 🤣
I don't really know what I am, except that I don't think I'm cisgendered hence why I've taken on nonbinary. It's a nice umbrella term, like "queer," that says, "who knows but Not That."
I don't even know why it matters to me to understand it at this stage in my life, because I've never actually cared before beyond the stubborn belief that what's between my legs shouldn't dictate anything about my life, including how I'm viewed or treated
[Side note: I have always intensely hated that men will not allow me, an AFAB/fem-presenting person, to hold the door open for them as a courtesy, and my mother has never really understood why I have such a problem with them refusing to walk through said door]
The only reason I can think of on why it matters is I've spent my whole life feeling Othered in one way or another and every time I find a label that explains why I feel a particular way, it settles that part of wounded-teenager-slash-inner-child that's convinced that I'm broken. Because if there's a label, that means a bunch of other people the same way and I'm not alone or weird.
That being said, I've spent more than half my life being Aunt [Dessie] and I can't see that changing to any other title. Like, weirdly, Aunt and Sister and even Daughter don't feel gendered to me, it's part of who I am and if I'm any of those things but my brain sort of slides sideways when I'm referred to as a girl/woman, then...well, then nothing is as cut and dry as everyone wants to make it out to be
idk man, the human brain is just super messy and complicated and the fact that we try to put everyone into boxes when those boxes never fit quite right is just weird and very, very sad
I wish it didn't matter and we could just BE without worrying about having to explain ourselves or face repercussions because we feel This Way instead of That Way
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thessalian · 1 year
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Thess vs Bad News
This country depresses the shit out of me.
A thing that’s been in the news lately was some lovely lady was growing vegetables in her allotment and giving them to the needy. Now, we probably wouldn’t have heard anything about this, except that someone else apparently took exception to this. Did they destroy the garden? Not quite in the way you’d think. They didn’t uproot plants that I know about; they salted the earth. I mean, I mostly grow herbs with the occasional strawberry and tomato; I tried some veg last year and it was only a partial success and I worked hard. I cannot imagine how that poor woman must have felt when she came to do some weeding and harvesting and found that. There’s no coming back from that. There’s no replanting until they can deal with the salination level of the soil. That’s just atrocious.
And then there’s Andrew Edwards, a councillor in Pembrokeshire. He has literally been recorded saying that “all white men should have a black man or a black woman as a slave” and “there’s nothing wrong with skin colour; it’s just that they’re lower class than us white people”. This is all still under investigation, because Edwards refuses to confirm or deny and threw it at an Ombudsman. I don’t really trust the Ombudsmen anymore, honestly, but ... oh, hell, I don’t even know anymore. I wouldn’t put it past any of them, honestly, either side of the political divide in this case.
Because there is no political divide anymore. Starmer’s throwing his entire party manifesto out the window to be in lockstep with Tory ideology, apparently trying to steal votes from them and ignoring the votes of people who don’t want any more of this shit. Recently backtracked on standing behind the Gender Recognition Act, instead saying he wants to “reach a consensus”. There is no ‘consensus’ to be reached here! Trans people just want to live as the gender with which they identify, and their allies want that for them; the other side wants them gone or dead! The only middle ground that exists there, if you want to call it that, is “They can exist but their lives have to be miserable and we have to be able to misgender them and force them into unsafe spaces all we want”, and that’s not existing! That’s not middle ground! That’s “Maybe if we make them unhappy enough, they’ll go away and / or die”, and that’s grotesque!
I cannot do anything about any of this. I live in what has been a fairly safe Labour seat (though I don’t know what’s going to happen in future given that Labour is just the Tories with a red tie now) but that means jack all when there’s an 80 seat Tory majority and a string of Prime Ministers we didn’t even get to vote for. We don’t get a vote for PM for another year at least anyway. I hate this country like you would not believe. I know it’s a vocal minority that’s being like this, but that vocal minority has the money and the power and the rest of us are stuck suffering for their comfort, all the way across the board.
So I may be ever so slightly depressed.
However, there are good things. My friends love me and I love them in return. My plants are thriving - my tomatoes sprouted already, and there’ll be pictures when the light’s a little less iffy (it’s been partly cloudy today, so the sunshine comes and goes). Somehow looking at my growing seedlings makes me feel better. And I still have a couple of days off and new House Flipper DLC, so there’s some Zen that should help. Though doing a farm DLC, and even looking at my plants, still gets me thinking of that poor woman with the allotment. At least her Gofundme to keep helping people is going well, but nothing will take away the sting of someone going that far to ruin so much hard work so completely. I hope they find that asshole and I hope they go to jail.
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ailelie · 1 year
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on gender
I tried to write this a couple years ago and ended up deleting it all about two minutes after posting. So let's try again.
This is going to be a terrible analogy. One way for me to think about gender and my feelings toward it is to think of assigned gender like being given a specific toy at birth. And, let's be super traditional/sexist here, and give girls dolls and boys trucks.
When I was born, I was given a doll. I love my doll and refuse to give it up. If you caught the bit of anxiety in that last statement, congratulations. Part of me has often feared that someone would take the doll away because I didn't play with it correctly.
Maybe five years ago, I was walking down the street. No one else was around except for myself and a guy on his phone walking the opposite way past me. As we passed each other, I heard him say something like 'the guys are out today' and then spent the next block re-assessing how I had dressed and reassuring myself it was feminine. Once I realized what I was doing, I stopped and pointed out to myself that the phone conversation had nothing to do with me.
Long before that, when I was a little girl, I hated my voice. I felt it was too deep for a girl. I would practice talking in a higher pitch. My voice is not low; I was just anxious.
I have debated posting anything about this for fear that someone might say, "Gotcha!" and take my doll away. I have zero desire to play with trucks.
Even in college when I privately flirted with the idea of a masculine nickname, what appealed to me the most was the potential of seeing people react when the name and face did not match as they'd expected. I flirted with the idea of a masculine nickname, not to make some claim on masculinity, but rather to highlight my femininity. But I worried that wouldn't come across and I've never really understood how to make a nickname take, so I dropped that idea entirely.
And this does intersect with sexuality, because I am from a conservative family, so the traditional idea is for women and men to marry and have children. I do not want to give birth. I'm not heterosexual. And part of the stress of figuring out my sexuality was also that voice in the back of my head going "you're not being a girl correctly! they're gonna take that away from you!"
What has helped the most has been having trans friends and developing a more robust understanding of gender overall. That makes it a lot easier to dismantle and destroy the idea that there is a "right" way to be a woman. Every woman has her own way. Universal standards don't exist.
And it also made me realize that I would always be a woman. If I woke up tomorrow morning with a penis, I would still be a woman. If I had been born with a penis, I would still be a woman. That is both who I am and who I choose to be. I'm just lucky my parts and appearance match general expectations.
So I don't really get gender as euphoria or feeling and I disagree that it means matching a standard. For me, control freak that I am, gender, like love, is a choice.
I am who I choose to be and no one is taking that doll from me.
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vtori73 · 5 months
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I'm so FUCKING tired of you all, I SWEAR to god like... how the fuck does it it make sense to say trans masc/men have privilege over trans women? HOW DOES ONE TRANS GROUP, BASING ONLY ON GENDER, MARGINALIZE ANOTHER??? TRANS men are TRANS... LOOK, look at me, repeat it with me please... TRANS! They don't HAVE privilege over fucking anyone UNLESS we start taking into account other identities they may hold which then, yes, ALL white trans people HAVE privilege... YES, ALL OF THEM!
Like... y'all need to stop falling for white trans people's bullshit, I've seen plenty of TRANS WOC point out that white trans women co-opt this narrative of being the most oppressed by using stats and info about violence against trans women to quiet ANY criticism of them & such when these stats and info are mostly what trans WOC face! (Yes, white trans women are still marginalized for being trans but AREN'T for being white).
Not to mention y'all seem to be okay with ignoring the issues trans men actually face in order to keep making a specific queer group into the boogyman/bad guy. Like, trans men have the highest rates of suicide, with trans woman & nonbinary individuals tied for second. Also, the fact that violence trans men face gets erased often, we know this happens with trans women so we shouldn't be surprised at ALL that this would happen to trans men especially considered trans men in general ARE often erased and treated as just tomboys or empowering women who broke gender roles!
Trans men face erasure, belittlement/ infantalization and fetishization, some of these aren't unique to just Trans Men BUT what is unique is how this sort of treatment is also hugely encouraged by other queer people to partake in and spread.
And what I find interesting about this is how this seems eerily similar to how bi women are treated by other queer people and while I'm not smart enough or knowledgeable enough to fully dissect this while doing it justice... what i WILL say is that this at least continues to prove that a lot of intercommunity bigotry is nothing but recycled talking points that get slapped onto the next acceptable target so these specific queers have an acceptable punching bag to take out their frustrations onto and not be seen as bad people for it! I mean, look at how Asexual people were treated (and still are, it's just not AS easy to find) a LOT of that rhetoric used against them ALSO sounded like old recycled biphobia.
Sorry, but I also think it's hilarious (in a haha wow y'all are not slick at all kind of way) that y'all just refuse to be critical and only decide to use intersectionality when it is convenient for y'all. I mean, some of y'all still refuse to acknowledge MOC are marginalized (yes, in general) even though we've just recently seen the horrific shit Palestinian men and boys have had to face and YET... we still have people continue to dehumanize them by refusing to acknowledge that they are victims too, only ever mentioning the women and children there and would rather continue to believe they are all evil, violent, rapists and oppressors even though that's just what white supremacy wants you to believe, and you do! Congrats.
I would feel sorry for you if I had a legit reason to but I don't, so I won't, lol! The only exception I will make is for kids who don't know any better BUT even then I'm not arguing with children, if you can't be mature and realize you may not have all the info or know all that you could about x queer topic & thus should be willing to hear queer adults out who HAVE done research, have experience, etc, then you aren't owed our time or patience. For ANY adults however... GET IT THE FUCK TOGETHER and stop being henchpeople to the white allocisheteropatriarcy.
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indigenous-gender · 11 months
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It’s so wild to me how these were some of the first gender concepts, that I was aware of when I was learning about my own gender identity, and now it seems like primarily online, but really just white queers in general, have totally thrown these terms in the garbage can, and refuse to recognize that any of these people exist. It’s really really hypocritical coming from the crowd that says that you can be whatever you want and you deserve respect no matter what, but if you dip your toes into saying I’m a man and I like Use the lesbian label or I’m a lesbian and I was like men still because I think that historically bisexual’s were still part of the lesbian community, and like anybody that identifies with more than one label for some reason is like totally invalidated and it’s fucking ridiculous like it doesn’t make sense to me that the queer community is supposed to be so excepting and doesn’t like to police anyone’s labels, and then the second that you identify with Then it’s wrong and it’s not allowed and you’re breaking the rules and they can so easily just say oh you’re not up a real trans person you’re not allowed to identify as trans but the same time will be like oh well you have to be trans your ear trans against your will. That’s the definition of trans blah blah talking bullshit like you shouldn’t be forcing terms on anyone and you shouldn’t be taking germs away from anyone Gender queer by gender. These are some of the first things that I became aware of when I was learning about my own gender, and suddenly, and last few years, it’s just become so crazy to to say that you identify with being both a man and a woman like what is so wild about that there’s nothing radical or crazy that I would identify with more than one gender, but it’s quite literally because of most of the white trans community has internalized bioessentialism and they genuinely think that Even if they don’t subscribe to bioessentialism necessarily, they still think that there are fundamental differences between men and women that means that you can’t cross the barrier you’re either one of the other you’re not allowed to be both witch mind. You is literally recycled by phobic rhetoric that you have to choose like that’s so ridiculous to me.
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chaotic-history · 1 year
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Source? I'm genuinely asking. Everyone is talking about JKR being a terf but they never provide sources. I've tried looking myself and found no such thing. What has she actually said or written???? (Again, genuinely asking. In my country nobody knows what she's up to and she's irrelant. Due to cultural and language barrier I'm struggling to find it and want to be fully informed)
Hey Anon,
I'm going to assume this ask is in good faith. There's a lot of online articles about Rowling's transphobia, but I've gone through and found some of the more obvious examples of it.
First of all, she said she was "triggered" (yes, she actually used that word) by hearing about Scotland's gender recognition bill, which just allowed for lowering the age for applying for a Gender Recognition certificate to 16 instead of 18, removing the requirements to have lived and been out for 2 years as your correct gender and to have a medical diagnosis for gender dysphoria. As Rowling puts it, it means "that all a man needs to ‘become a woman’ is to say he’s one". Which of course she's criticizing, but that's exactly why the bill is good for trans people. Only an incredibly miniscule percentage of people detransition, and an even smaller due to genuinely going back to identifying as their agab. To be triggered by someone being acknowledged as what they say their gender identity is is incredibly transphobic. She also goes on to say that the government is "playing fast and loose with womens and girls' safety" by doing this. But literally nothing is changing here except a person's legal gender identity. If it's the bathroom thing, then anyone can walk into any bathroom anyways, it's not like anyone is out there checking what the govt says your gender is. 
In the same article (that she wrote) she says this: "It would be so much easier to tweet the approved hashtags – because of course trans rights are human rights and of course trans lives matter – scoop up the woke cookies and bask in a virtue-signalling afterglow. There’s joy, relief and safety in conformity." ...Because apparently supporting trans people is just stupid woke nonsense that people are forced to do in order to conform, as though trans people aren't being literally fucking murdered just for being brave enough to be themselves. 
Then of course there's this: "I refuse to bow down to a movement that I believe is doing demonstrable harm in seeking to erode ‘woman’ as a political and biological class and offering cover to predators like few before it" because what's a terf without making broad statements that all trans women are just sexual predators? Also she's very conveniently ignoring all of the involvement trans women have had in the feminist movement. 
She also described transitioning in a tweet as "conversion therapy for young gay people" that they were somehow being forced into, despite the fact that gender affirming surgery and hormones often take incredibly long to get access to and have about a billion hurdles to jump through in order to even be considered for it. No one is forcing young people into transitioning, and like I already mentioned, 98% of trans people don't regret medically transitioning, and only ~.4% regret it for reasons outside of facing bigotry for it. The whole narrative that young confused kids are being pushed into transitioning is literally just a way to invalidate young trans men, because there is absolutely zero evidence behind it. She also writes that "Many health professionals are concerned that young people struggling with their mental health are being shunted towards hormones and surgery when this may not be in their best interests.” Which. No. No health professional who actually knows anything about trans people is concerned about this, because like I said, it is not happening. Anywhere. Under any circumstances. There are people who DIY hormones through incredibly dangerous means because they can't get access to them. There are people who have been on waiting lists for 3+ years. There are people who kill themselves because they can't access hormones. Absolutely no one is being 'shunted towards' them.
And then of course she wrote Trouble Blood, about a male serial killer who dresses up as women to kill cis women. Okay, it's been done before, but in context with everything else Rowling's said, her message is pretty clear, and it's that she sees trans women as predators who only transition to prey on cis women. 
Eddie Redmayne, Emma Watson, and Daniel Radcliffe have all spoken out against Rowling's transphobia, and Redmayne said that "As someone who has worked with both J.K. Rowling and members of the trans community, I wanted to make it absolutely clear where I stand. I disagree with Jo’s comments. Trans women are women, trans men are men and non-binary identities are valid." These are people who have worked closely with her, and they're acknowledging that her beliefs are incredibly transphobic. 
So yeah. She's absolutely a terf, and the things I've compiled here are just a few examples, if you look up "jkr transphobia" I'm sure you can find many more. Or just read her tweets, it's not hard to find.
All the quotes are from her tweets or her personal website.
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homosexuhauls · 3 years
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15 JUNE, 2021 by Chimamanda Ngozi-Adichie
IT IS OBSCENE: A TRUE REFLECTION IN THREE PARTS
PART ONE
When you are a public figure, people will write and say false things about you. It comes with the territory. Many of those things you brush aside. Many you ignore. The people close to you advise you that silence is best. And it often is. Sometimes, though, silence makes a lie begin to take on the shimmer of truth.
In this age of social media, where a story travels the world in minutes, silence sometimes means that other people can hijack your story and soon, their false version becomes the defining story about you.
Falsehood flies, and the Truth comes limping after it, as Jonathan Swift wrote.
Take the case of a young woman who attended my Lagos writing workshop some years ago; she stood out because she was bright and interested in feminism.
After the workshop, I welcomed her into my life. I very rarely do this, because my past experiences with young Nigerians left me wary of people who are calculating and insincere and want to use me only as an opportunity. But she was a Bright Young Nigerian Feminist and I thought that was worth making an exception.
She spent time in my Lagos home. We had long conversations. I was support-giver, counsellor, comforter.
Then I gave an interview in March 2017 in which I said that a trans woman is a trans woman, (the larger point of which was to say that we should be able to acknowledge difference while being fully inclusive, that in fact the whole premise of inclusiveness is difference.)
I was told she went on social media and insulted me.
This woman knows me enough to know that I fully support the rights of trans people and all marginalized people. That I have always been fiercely supportive of difference, in general. And that I am a person who reads and thinks and forms my opinions in a carefully considered way.
Of course she could very well have had concerns with the interview. That is fair enough. But I had a personal relationship with her. She could have emailed or called or texted me. Instead she went on social media to put on a public performance.
I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it. But I mostly held myself responsible. My spirit had been slightly stalled, from the beginning, by her. My first sense of unease with her came when she posted a photo taken in my house, at a time when I did not want any photos of my personal life on social media. I asked that she take it down. The second case of unease was her publicizing something I had told her in confidence about another member of the workshop. The most upsetting was when she, without telling me, used my name to apply for an American visa. Above all else was my lingering suspicion that she was a person who chose as friends only those from whom she could benefit. But she was a Bright Young Nigerian Feminist and I allowed that sentiment to over-ride my unease.
After she publicly insulted me, it was clear to me that this kind of noxious person had no business in my life, ever again.
A few months later, she sent this affected, self-regarding email which I ignored.
Friday September 15 2017 at 4.35 AM
Dearest Chimamanda,
Happy birthday. I mean this with all my heart, even though I know I have fallen (removed myself?) from your grace. It would be impossible for me to stop loving you; long before you gave me the possibility of being your friend you were the embodiment of my deepest hopes, and that will never change.
I think of you often, still – stating the obvious. I grieve the loss of our friendship; it is a complicated sadness. I’m sorry that I caused you pain, or to feel like you can no longer trust me. There’s so much that I wish could be said.
I pray this birthday is the happiest one yet. I wish you rest and quiet and abiding stability, and of course more of the kind of success that means the most to you.
I hope mothering X is everything you hoped and prayed for and more.
Have a wonderful day today.
Love always.
About a year later, she sent this email, which I also ignored.
Thursday November 29 2018 at 8.42 AM
Dear Chimamanda,
I realise this is long overdue and vastly insufficient, but I’m really sorry. I’ve spent so much time going back and forth in my head and my email drafts; wondering whether to write you, how to write you, what to say, all kinds of things. But in the end, this is the thing I realise I need to say.
I’m sorry I disappointed and hurt you by saying things publicly that were sharply critical, unkind and even disrespectful, especially in light of all the backlash and criticism you experience from people who don’t know you. I could have acted with more consideration towards you. I should have, especially given the privilege of intimacy that you had offered me. There are many reasons why I chose to behave the way I did, but none of them is an excuse. And I clearly realise now, after many, many months of needless sadness and angst and hurt and actual confusion, that I did not treat you as a friend would—certainly not as someone would to whom you had offered unprecedented access to yourself and your life.
You’ve meant the world to me since I was barely a teenager. It’s been very hard navigating the emotional fallout of the past several months, knowing you were displeased with me but truly not quite understanding why, then deciding I didn’t care, then realising that would never be true. I’ve always cared. But I was too mixed up about the situation to be able to make sense of it, or properly see past my own justifications. I’m sorry it took me so long to grasp how I let you down.
I realise that I don’t have room to ask anything of you, but I would be grateful for a chance to say this in person. Still, even if I never get that, I really hope you believe me.
Congratulations on restarting the workshop, and on all the other amazing successes of the past several months. I think of you often; it would be impossible not to. You look so happy in your pictures. I really hope you are well.
All my love,
I hoped never to hear from her again. But she has recently gone on social media to write about how she “refused to kiss my ring,” as if I demanded some kind of obeisance from her. She also suggests that there is some dark, shadowy ‘more’ to tell that she won’t tell, with an undertone of “if only you knew the whole story.”
It is a manipulative way of lying. By suggesting there is ‘more’ when you know very well that there isn’t, you do sufficient reputational damage while also being able to plead deniability. Innuendo without fact is immoral.
No, there isn’t more to the story. It is a simple story – you got close to a famous person, you publicly insulted the famous person to aggrandize yourself, the famous person cut you off, you sent emails and texts that were ignored, and you then decided to go on social media to peddle falsehoods. It is obscene to tell the world that you refused to kiss a ring when in fact there isn’t any ring at all.
I cannot make much of the hostility of strangers who do not know me – fame taints our view of the humanity of famous people. But the truth is that the famous person remains irretrievably human. Fame does not inoculate the famous person from disappointment and depression, fame does not make you any less angered or hurt by the duplicitous nature of people. To be famous is to be assumed to have power, which is true, but in the analysis of fame, people often ignore the vulnerability that comes with fame, and they are unable to see how others who have nothing to lose can lie and connive in order to take advantage of that fame, while not giving a single thought to the feelings and humanity of the famous person.
And when you personally know a famous person, when you have experienced their humanity, when you have benefited from their kindness, and yet you are unable to extend to them the basic grace and respect that even a casual acquaintanceship deserves, then it says something fundamental about you.
And in a deluded way, you will convince yourself that your hypocritical, self-regarding, compassion-free behavior is in fact principled feminism. It isn’t. You will wrap your mediocre malice in the false gauziness of ideological purity. But it’s still malice. You will tell yourself that being able to parrot the latest American Feminist orthodoxy justifies your hacking at the spirit of a person who had shown you only kindness. You can call your opportunism by any name, but it doesn’t make it any less of the ugly opportunism that it is.
PART TWO
When I first read this person’s work, which was their application to my writing workshop, I thought the sentences were well-done. I accepted this person. At the workshop, I thought they could have been more respectful of the other participants, perhaps not kept typing dismissively as others’ stories were discussed, with an air of being among people below their level. After the workshop, I decided to select the best stories, edit them, pay the writers a fee, and publish them in an e-magazine. The first story I chose was this person’s. I wrote a glowing introduction, which the story truly deserved.
They sent this email.
Fri, Aug 7, 2015, 8:20 AM
Thank you so much for that introduction. It means so much to me and I’m going to keep reading it to get through the rest of my stay at Syracuse. I sent it to my mother and she got nervous about the piece because you said ‘it disturbs’, said she’s not sure how she’s going to feel when she reads it. But she’s also one of those ‘let’s leave the past in the past’ people. My sister approved, which meant a lot because our childhoods were each other’s.
All that to say, I’m so grateful you gave me the space to write the short version of this piece, the encouragement to write the longer piece, and now, a platform for it. I definitely have plans to write more about Aba.
Thank you, with all my heart.
PS- I wanted to sign off gratefully + gracefully in Igbo but I said let me not fall my own hand 🙂
About a year later, they sent another email to let me know that their novel would be published.
Wed, Jun 8, 2016, 8:20 AM
Greetings!
I hope all’s been well with you this past year. Belated congratulations on the baby’s arrival, I hope she’s being a delight (I’m sure she is), and on the Johns Hopkins honors.
I was thinking about how this time last year, I’d just received the email from you about Farafina and I wanted to reach out with a quick update. I’ve just accepted an offer for the novel I excerpted as my application and it feels like the workshop was a catalyst for the events that’ve led me here. So, thank you, for the workshop and your words and the Olisa TV series and listening to me babble on about my story at the hotel. I deeply appreciate all of it and you.
All my best,
Before the novel was published, I spoke of it to some people, to help it get attention. I had not been able to finish reading it. I found the writing beautiful, but the story false-hearted and burdened by bathos. When I spoke of the novel, however, it was the former sentiment that I expressed, never the latter.
After I gave the March 2017 interview in which I said that a trans woman is a trans woman, I was told that this person had insulted me on social media, calling me, among other things, a murderer. I was deeply upset, because while I did not really know them personally, I felt they knew what I stood for and that I fully supported the rights of trans people, and that I do not wish anybody dead.
Still, I took no action. I ignored the public insult.
When this person’s publishers sent me an early copy of their novel, I was surprised to see that my name was included in their cover biography. I had never seen that done in a book before. I didn’t like that I had not been asked for permission to use my name, but most of all I thought – why would a person who thinks I’m a murderer want my name so prominently displayed in their biography?
Then I learned that, because my name was in the cover biography, a journalist had called them my “protegee” and they then threw a Twitter tantrum about it, calling it clickbait, viciously disavowing having received any help from me.
I knew this person had called me a murderer, I knew they were actively campaigning to “cancel” me and tweeting about how I should no longer be invited to speak at events. But this I felt I could not ignore.
I sent an email to my representative:
From: Chimamanda Adichie
Date: Wed, Feb 14, 2018 at 2:06 PM
I’m writing about X
She attended my Lagos workshop two years ago and I selected hers as one of a few pieces I published after the workshop.
Apparently I was referred to as her ‘mentor’ and/or she was referred to as my ‘protege,’ in some articles, which led to her tweeting about it. Her tweets were forwarded to me by friends. In them, she reacted quite viscerally to my being called her ‘mentor’ and her being my ‘protege.’ To be fair, she is not technically my ‘protege,’ and it is perfectly fine that she feels this way, but her ungracious tone and the ugliness of the energy spent on her tweets surprised me.
I recently received her book and noticed that my name was included in her official book bio. I was stunned. Surely if she is so strongly averse to my being considered a person who has been significant in her career, (which is my understanding of the loose use of protege/mentor) then it is unseemly to make the choice to include my name in her bio. I found it unusual, as I don’t think I’ve seen it done before in a book bio, but I also now find it unacceptably cynical.
It is only reasonable for a person who sees my name as it is used in her bio — ‘her work has been selected and edited by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’ — to assume some sort of mentor/protege relationship.
To publicly disavow this with a tone bordering on hostility and at the same time so baldly use my name to sell her book is utterly unacceptable to me.
I’d like you to please reach out to her publishers and ask that my name be removed from her official book bio. I refuse to be used in this way.
After contacting her publishers, my representative wrote:
They have asked whether your preference would be to remove the Acknowledgment to you in the back of the book also, in future reprints.
I replied:
I don’t think that is my decision to take, and so will not answer either way, although it would be ideal if she herself made the decision to do so.
On the subject of how to go about it, I was absolutely determined not to be used by this person, but I was also sensitive to the costs the publisher might incur, as this was not in any way the publisher’s fault. Instead of pulping the already printed copies, I asked that the jackets be stripped and rebound. To my representative I wrote:
I’m completely determined that I not be used in this opportunistic and hypocritical way. But I want to make sure to proceed reasonably.
I was assured that my name would be removed and I moved on.
But from time to time, I would be informed of yet another social media post in which this person had attacked me.
This person has created a space in which social media followers have – and this I find unforgiveable – trivialized my parents’ death, claiming that the sudden and devastating loss of my parents within months of each other during this pandemic, was ‘punishment’ for my ‘transphobia.’
This person has asked followers to pick up machetes and attack me.
This person began a narrative that I had sabotaged their career, a narrative that has been picked up and repeated by others.
The normal response would be to ignore it all, because this person is seeking attention and publicity to benefit themselves. Claiming that I have sabotaged their career is a lie and this person knows that it is a lie. But if something is repeated often enough, in this age in which people do not need proof or verification to run with a story, especially a story that has outrage potential, then it can easily begin to seem true.
My addressing this lie will indeed get this person some attention – may they bask in it.
Here is the truth: I was very supportive of this writer. I didn’t have to be. I wasn’t asked to be. I supported this writer because I believe we need a diverse range of African stories.
Sabotaging a young writer’s career is just not my style; I would get no benefit or satisfaction from it. Asking that my name be removed from your biography is not sabotaging your career. It is about protecting my boundaries of what I consider acceptable in civil human behavior.
You publicly call me a murderer AND still feel entitled to benefit from my name?
You use my name (without my permission) to sell your book AND then throw an ugly tantrum when someone makes a reference to it?
What kind of monstrous entitlement, what kind of perverse self-absorption, what utter lack of self-awareness, what unheeding heartlessness, what frightening immaturity makes a person act this way?
Besides, a person who genuinely believes me to be a murderer cannot possibly want my name on their book cover, unless of course that person is a rank opportunist.
PART THREE
In certain young people today like these two from my writing workshop, I notice what I find increasingly troubling: a cold-blooded grasping, a hunger to take and take and take, but never give; a massive sense of entitlement; an inability to show gratitude; an ease with dishonesty and pretension and selfishness that is couched in the language of self-care; an expectation always to be helped and rewarded no matter whether deserving or not; language that is slick and sleek but with little emotional intelligence; an astonishing level of self-absorption; an unrealistic expectation of puritanism from others; an over-inflated sense of ability, or of talent where there is any at all; an inability to apologize, truly and fully, without justifications; a passionate performance of virtue that is well executed in the public space of Twitter but not in the intimate space of friendship.
I find it obscene.
There are many social-media-savvy people who are choking on sanctimony and lacking in compassion, who can fluidly pontificate on Twitter about kindness but are unable to actually show kindness. People whose social media lives are case studies in emotional aridity. People for whom friendship, and its expectations of loyalty and compassion and support, no longer matter. People who claim to love literature – the messy stories of our humanity – but are also monomaniacally obsessed with whatever is the prevailing ideological orthodoxy. People who demand that you denounce your friends for flimsy reasons in order to remain a member of the chosen puritan class.
People who ask you to ‘educate’ yourself while not having actually read any books themselves, while not being able to intelligently defend their own ideological positions, because by ‘educate,’ they actually mean ‘parrot what I say, flatten all nuance, wish away complexity.’
People who do not recognize that what they call a sophisticated take is really a simplistic mix of abstraction and orthodoxy – sophistication in this case being a showing-off of how au fait they are on the current version of ideological orthodoxy.
People who wield the words ‘violence’ and ‘weaponize’ like tarnished pitchforks. People who depend on obfuscation, who have no compassion for anybody genuinely curious or confused. Ask them a question and you are told that the answer is to repeat a mantra. Ask again for clarity and be accused of violence. (How ironic, speaking of violence, that it is one of these two who encouraged Twitter followers to pick up machetes and attack me.)
And so we have a generation of young people on social media so terrified of having the wrong opinions that they have robbed themselves of the opportunity to think and to learn and to grow.
I have spoken to young people who tell me they are terrified to tweet anything, that they read and re-read their tweets because they fear they will be attacked by their own. The assumption of good faith is dead. What matters is not goodness but the appearance of goodness. We are no longer human beings. We are now angels jostling to out-angel one another. God help us. It is obscene.
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eddedneddy · 3 years
Note
pleas Elaborate on that double dee headcanon I wanna know
anon thank you so much for asking about the double dee ed girl. the trans of gender ed girl.
I saw this post a while ago referencing an interview with the show's writers. I have been looking for said post AND the interview itself for the past half an hour with no success and i refuse to look any further because all google is offering are reddit threads on how everybody used to think edd was a girl, so i'll just go ahead unsourced hoping i'm not insane and hallucinated it or something.
In this alleged interview, when asked what the Eds would become as adults, one of the writers replied something along the lines of "Double Dee will become a woman" and i was like well. yeah. Trans woman Double Dee makes sense. Why the fuck not. Despite never having thought about it before then. It just really feels right for some reason. I kind of forgot about it for a while, and it came back to mind while I was thinking about things and stuff for my older eds headcanons.
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I don't really plan on doing anything much with the designs and headcanons for the grown-up eds i posted not long ago, but the general idea for them was to represent the different ways in which i've found adulthood to be a gruesome ordeal to go through so far, to try and differentiate them from their tween selves representing the experience of a more or less carefree childhood.
I have this whole thing planned out in my mind about Double Dee growing up to be a painfully cautious adult, living life as a safe bet and always doing the most to never stray from the path of what is Right and Expected. Only to then have a well earned breakdown and realize that most if not all of the choices she's taken in life have been taken in order to please others. From her college choice, to the job she accepted once graduated, all the way to the belief that she has no real agency over her own identity, and that if everyone around her says she's a man and treats her as one, then disregard all the discomfort that causes her, she's gotta be one, right? Yeah no, the amount of layers of denial humans can operate under is amazing, but there comes a point in your life in which you kinda HAVE to take a good look in the mirror and put a stop to the bullshit before you go insane. A good starting point, in this case, would be to try and regain that lost authority over your own identity.
I realize nothing I wrote in that last paragraph was even remotely funny. Just me projecting onto cartoons, as I do. So yeah, to sum it up I think the idea of Double Dee being a woman is cool and The Boys would also be cool about it because why would they not.
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Let's also throw in some Eddy hcs while we're at it, because I really like the idea of Eddy having a long-time violently repressed crush on Double Dee, and that after the Big Gender Reveal his internalized homophobia would release the choke hold it had on him, leaving him free to GO FOR IT. GET THE GIRL, MAIN CHARACTER. Except he would suck at it because of all the pressure and the repressed feelings and whatnot. dont really care why he would just be bad at it. I just think it's cool when things are awkward and don't work very well.
The feelings would be mutual, too, because it just makes sense for unassertive, polite and conscious double dee to end up with someone who's ambitious, bossy and self-unaware. it makes sense as in: i think it's a really funny dynamic and i like it. And with her not exactly being a clueless idiot, she'd be aware of her own feelings being reciprocated. Her mistake would be thinking Eddy would actually take the first step.
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happy belated bi visibility day.
Also important, the name change. Which is proving to be an issue because I can't really think of anything good. You can't really change it that much, since the premise of the show is that they all have the same name.
Edda is an actual name that comes to mind but c'mon.
I mean. I'm gonna be honest, I actually kinda like the idea because my aunt is called Edda and with that Double Dee would have two aunt names. But yeah that's all I got. Let's just call her Double Dee.
I really want to go on but I don't know if anyone else but me wants me to. But anon thank you again for asking and giving me a reason to put my thoughts on this together.
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leighistired · 3 years
Text
Out Loud
A Martin character study AO3 Link
“G’night mum, love you.”
“Make sure you put the trash out, don’t want it stinking up the house.”
At 12 it occurs to Martin, he can’t recall the last time his mother said “I love you” to him. She must have. He knows she loves him, so why can’t he remember her saying it? Was it before dad left? It can’t have been that long ago. He knows if he brings it up she’ll just tell him off for being silly so he just decides to not say it unless she says it first. She doesn’t say it.
“Look how nice our neighbor’s garden is,” she says instead. “If only we could have such a nice garden.”
“The neighbors hire a man-” Martin tries to explain. He had just done law maintenance over the weekend; he would have to bring up memory issues next time they saw a doctor.
“Aren’t you happy with how I provide for you?” She snaps. “Ever since your lousy father left us I have done my best even with my health and all you can talk about is getting a bloody gardener.”
“Sorry, mum,” he says. It’s better not to argue when she gets like this.
“Forget it. Just get me my tea.”
He goes and brews her a cup of Oolong tea. It’s far too bitter for his tastes but it’s all he buys when he does the shopping. Perhaps that was it, instead of saying she loved him she just provided for him.
Martin tells himself that until she gets too sick to work and begins needling him to get a job at 14. Suddenly he’s providing for her on top of school and everything else but that didn’t mean she didn’t love him. She was just sick and the medication she was on made her tired most of the time so it wasn’t like he could expect her to be excited to see him; especially not when he’s the one bringing it to her.
“Is soup the only thing you buy?” She asks one evening when he brings her dinner.
“You didn’t have soup last night,” he reminds her patiently after a long day of school and work.
“Oh, so you think I’m ungrateful? I am your mother! I gave birth to you! You should be happy to take care of me!”
“It would be nice if you acted like a mum for once!” Martin snaps back. He regrets it as soon as he says it and doesn’t wait to hear her response. He leaves the house and sits in the park near his house for a long time and cries. Of course she loves him. It must be so hard on her to be stuck at home all day with no one to talk to and there he went snapping at her. She’s asleep by the time he comes home and neither of them mentions it in the morning.
Martin doesn’t know what he expects when he starts to transition. He hadn’t even called it a transition at first, he just likes how he looks with short hair, baggy clothes, and a sports bra. His mother disagrees. There are days she won’t even look at him and when she does it’s usually even worse.
“You cut your hair again,” she mentions one morning over breakfast. “Just when you were starting to look like a girl.”
“Yup,” Martin replies tight-lipped. He had been thinking it over for a while and he’s slowly coming to terms with the fact that he isn’t a girl. The way she says it hits him sharply. If she was never going to say “I love you” to a daughter, why would she say it to a son? He doesn’t bother coming out to her properly because he can already see the disgust on her face when he gets a proper binder.
When she decides to move into a full-time care facility, it’s almost a relief. He feels foolish for expecting her to say it when she leaves. He feels even more foolish when he says it in goodbye. The receptionist gives him a sympathetic look when she doesn’t say it back but the receptionist probably assumes his mother has memory issues and forgot who he was. She doesn’t. Still, he appreciates the gesture.
Dating is nearly impossible for most of his life. It’s easiest to blame his busy schedule; he doesn’t even have time for friends outside of school. The fact that no one even asks him out isn’t something he wants to think about. After he drops out of school and his mother leaves, dating and friendship don’t get any easier. He can’t let anyone he works with get close enough or they’ll find out his real age and utter lack of qualifications. Online dating is also out of the question for similar reasons. If one of his coworkers saw him with the age 19 in his profile they would either know he wasn’t actually 25 or they would think he was a creep and he didn’t exactly feel comfortable lying about his age to potential dates. Meeting people organically isn’t the worst thing in the world but it’s difficult. He makes a few passing friends at a local trans support group but even then, he can’t get close to anyone without risking someone discovering his falsified CV.
He doesn’t have his first real boyfriend until he’s 23 years old. They meet at a Holloween party thrown by a mutual acquaintance and date for almost five months before Martin ruins it.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Dominick, I love you,” Martin says as he serves dinner.
“Oh, uh, it’s a little fast to say that, don’t you think?” Dominick had stammered awkwardly. Was it? It didn’t seem like it to Martin and even if it was, it was true. He loved Dominick.
“I-I don’t think so,” Martin replies nervously. Some distant part of himself starts to berate him for being so needy.
“It kind of is. Let’s just pretend you never said it and we’ll see how we feel in a few more months, ok?”
“You mean we’ll see how you feel,” Martin says a little bitterly.
“Why can’t you just relax and enjoy the holiday?”
Martin had sighed in resignation and picked at the rest of his plate. They broke up a week later because Dominick felt like they were “looking for different things.”
Martin doesn’t have another serious boyfriend after that. He goes on a few more dates over the years but nothing that lasts longer than five months. Nothing that lasts long enough to say “I love you.” In some deep dark part of him, he wonders if he was ever meant for love. His father hadn’t loved him enough to stay, his mother hadn’t said she loved him in over a decade, and he’s not even sure he was in love with Dominick. He gets crushes, sure, but he just throws himself into his work at the Magnus Institute instead.
Working in the library isn’t bad. He gets along with his coworkers well enough but he can never get close to them. Not close enough to love them as friends or be loved in return.
Then he gets transferred to the Archives.
Jonathan Sims is not the first asshole boss Martin has ever had. He doesn’t understand why Mr. Bouchard sent him down to work in the Archive in the first place and his first impression with his new boss is less than stellar when a dog follows him into the building. It doesn’t help that Jon is good-looking and every once in a while Martin catches glimpses of a version of the Archivist without a stick up his ass. Like when he spends Martin’s ice cream birthday talking about emulsifiers. If only he would be clearer about what he actually wants from Martin. No report or follow-up seems to be good enough, even with the help of Tim and Sasha.
Martin works hard for Jon’s approval. He doesn’t know why he wants the recognition but it’s either this or quit and he really, really can’t quit. So he spends three full days looking for every woman named Angela over fifty in Bexley only to be berated for actually talking to one of them and then he offers to look into a case about spiders that clearly upsets Jon only to get trapped in his flat by a zombie worm woman.
When he finally escapes, he takes a few worm corpses with him and he dumps them on Jon’s desk while he’s in the middle of a statement. Let Jon try and disprove that When he gives his own statement he makes special emphasis on reminding Jon how hard he worked to meet his exacting standards. He refuses to be yelled at for this.
Except Jon believes him. More than believes him, in fact. He offers Martin a place to stay. Of course that would be enough to ignite a crush in Martin.
As soon as they get to document storage Martin sits on the cot and begins to cry with exhaustion. He expects Jon to leave but again he surprises him.
“I-it’s alright, Martin,” he says awkwardly as he pats Martin’s shoulder. “You’ll be safe here and I’m certain Elias will respond promptly to my request for extra security.”
“Thanks,” Martin sniffs. He can’t remember the last time he cried in front of another person.
“Would...would you like me to stay until you fall asleep? If- if you think it will help.”
“Oh, er...no...I’ll be fine, thank you. You should be getting home, anyway. It’s Saturday, Jon.”
Martin blacks out as soon as Jon shuts the door to document storage. When he wakes up he finds his crush on Jon stubbornly still in place.
He can’t help himself after that. He starts taking special care of Jon in hopes of encouraging the kind man he saw that night into emerging. At the very least Jon doesn’t yell at him as much and he even thanks Martin for the tea he brings. It’s then that he notices other things about Jon, like how rattled he gets by certain statements and how he’ll often go an entire day without eating or drinking anything unless someone brings him something. That someone being Martin. He also notices how late Jon leaves, if he leaves at all.
It’s on one such night of Jon still being in his office at 11 o’clock that Martin knocks on Jon’s office door.
“Jon?” He calls gently.
“Hzzmt! Martin?” Jon responds, having been startled awake from dozing at his desk. “You should be asleep.”
“And you should be home.”
“I see your point,” Jon sighs. “I’ll finish up here and head home. Unless you need something?”
“Actually….I-I was thinking,” Martin beings. “Since I sort of kicked you off your cot...D’you want to come back to document storage with me? You know, get some sleep?”
“What?”
“Er...forget I-”
“The cot would be rather cramped with both of us,” Jon warns as he gets up from his desk. “If...if you’re sure you want me to join you.”
“Yeah...I thought you had work to do?”
“It can wait until morning, no use keeping you up longer than necessary.”
Martin only half regrets offering to share a bed with his crush. Jon was right, the only way to fit both of them on the cot is for both of them to sleep on their sides (or for Jon to sleep on top of Martin but even the thought has his face burning) and it’s difficult for him to fall asleep with Jon’s back pressed against his. It’s good to hear Jon fall asleep, though, and as time wears on it’s easier for Martin to goad Jon away from work to sleep a few hours.
The more of himself Jon reveals the harder Martin falls for him. Especially after Jon accuses him of being a ghost during the Prentiss attack. Even with the guilt Martin feels every time he looks at Jon mummified in bandages. That was Martin’s fault. If he had just paid more attention then he wouldn’t have lost Jon and Tim in the tunnels. He does everything he can to try and make up for it; despite Jon becoming more and more closed off by the day. Intellectually, Martin knows that Jon has gotten like that with everyone, but something deep down makes Martin feel like it’s his fault Jon’s gotten so cold. It doesn’t help that Jon seems to have gotten friendly with the policewoman investigating the murder of the previous Archivist. Tim even seems to think they’re having an affair which does wonders for Martin’s self-esteem. Jon wouldn’t be the first straight man Martin has ever had a crush on but Martin was pretty sure Jon wasn’t straight. Again, he wonders if he’s done something wrong to push Jon away.
After Jon stumbles out of his office covered in blood claiming to have had an accident with a bread knife Martin finds all the excuse he needs to regularly drag Jon to the canteen to make sure he eats something. The silences during those lunches are hard. They had eaten together before but now Jon wasn’t talking to him. The most Martin could get out of him were a few one-word answers. He tries not to think about how it reminds him of his mum.
“So,” he tries for the millionth time while Jon picks at his sandwich. “Did I tell you what happened while you were at physical therapy the other day?”
Jon doesn’t say anything but he looks up with a gaze that bores into Martin.
“Uh...A little girl came in alone with a statement, she must’ve only been eight years old,” Martin says. Jon looks at him with an expression that almost seems afraid. “Don’t worry, it recorded fine on digital. She walked right down into the Archive, walked up to my desk, and said ‘Excuse me. My name is Beatrice Walker and I’d like to make a statement about a supernatural occurrence.’ She sounded so grown up and she refused to leave until I had recorded her statement. Turns out her dad was using the library for research and she had just wandered off.”
“What was her statement about?” Jon asks to Martin’s surprise.
“Oh, a hamster with mysteriously changing spots.”
“Ah,” Jon replies thoughtfully. “Not much need for follow-up there, I suppose.”
“Not unless you really need me to track down the shop where her parents picked up the new hamster.”
He catches the briefest of smirks from Jon before the conversation dies again.
After that Jon’s coldness and paranoia comes out in the form of a screaming accusation over letters Jon found in the trash. Martin barely manages to make it to the bathroom before he bursts into tears after coming clean about his CV. Tim thankfully doesn’t check on him while he silently curses his taste in men. Jon doesn’t meet his eye for the next week in what he bitterly hopes is guilt. He does seem slightly more willing to talk with Martin at lunch, though.
Then Jon goes missing. After trying to get Martin and Tim to go home early because Jon was feeling under the weather; he disappears. Not before apparently bludgeoning someone with a pipe and isn’t that exactly what he and Tim need to see as soon as they get back from a two-week kidnapping by a spooky door monster?
With Sasha gone, Jon missing, and Melanie King being suddenly hired by Elias, whatever’s left of Martin’s relationship with Tim deteriorates. More so when Martin becomes the only one in the world to believe Jon could be innocent. It’s probably that that makes the police detective “investigating” Jon so actively hostile toward him. Apparently, people say he and Jon are “close” and that probably only means the lunch thing but he wants to imagine it’s something more. Like people are somehow picking up that Jon likes him back.
When Jon comes back to confront Elias it’s all Martin can think to do to fall back on his tea-making. He ducks into Jon’s office with a piping cup of the overly sweet tea he spent months perfecting to Jon’s taste and finds him with his face buried in his one non-bandaged hand.
“Jon?” He calls as gently as he can while he closes the door behind him. “I brought you some tea.”
It’s when Jon looks up that Martin notices the bloody mess down the front of his shirt.
“You’re hurt. Let me go get the first aid-”
“No!” Jon interrupts frantically. “Just...Could you just stay with me for a moment?”
Martin acquiesces and they sit side by side on the sofa in Jon’s office in silence until Jon starts sniffling into his tea. He offers Jon a hug and Jon all but dives into his chest to cry. It’s the saddest most broken thing Martin has ever heard and it’s all he can do not to pull Jon into his lap and curl around him protectively.
“Martin...I-I...I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “For everything. For Sasha and Prentiss and...and for the way I treated you. You didn’t….no one deserves that.”
“None of that was your fault and I sort of deserved it. I didn’t actually know what I was doing.”
“You didn’t deserve it,” Jon insists before going back to quietly crying into Martin’s jumper. Martin doesn’t respond. He can’t recall the last time someone’s apologized to him. At least not like that. He’d been told off most of his life for not doing things up to people’s standards. A few people over the years had told him he didn’t deserve it but Jon was the first person to apologize. No wonder Martin was falling in love with him.
Damn it.
Cuddling doesn’t become a regular occurrence for them by any means but Jon begins doing more to seek Martin out after that. They eat lunch together more often and Martin stays up late to talk to Jon while he’s abroad. It drives home how deeply buried into Martin’s heart Jon has become. Especially after he comes back after going missing for a month and has the audacity to joke about being moisturized by a clown mannequin for a month.
He wonders if Jon feels the same way. Sometimes Jon will smile shyly at him, and he can almost believe that Jon would be interested in a relationship if the world wasn’t ending. The last time they speak before the Unknowing they’re in document storage.
“Are you ready?” Jon asks as he shifts nervously.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Martin signs. He heard what happened to Melanie. He knows what’s likely to happen to him. Some small part of him is screaming to just tell Jon his feelings like it’s the climax of an action movie.
“Stay safe,” Jon says.
“Come back,” Martin replies. Jon offers him a hug. It’s no movie kiss but it allows Martin to hold Jon as close as possible. Jon himself is hanging off of Martin’s neck and it feels like a final goodbye.
Then Elias confirms what Martin has always suspected deep down. That his mother never loved him or if there was a time when she did, she stopped when his father left. Even after everything. After he spent years taking care of her. After he had to quit school to care for her. All she ever saw was his father. All his transition did was to remind her further of how much he looked like his father’s son. At least it was worth it. To distract Elias so Melanie could find evidence to arrest him.
Then Peter Lukas shows up and reveals that Elias planned to get arrested. Worse than that, he offers Martin a promotion of sorts.
Then they get the news from Yarmouth. Tim’s body is found in a charred heap, Daisy is missing, and Jon is dead in all but brain activity. At least Basira is physically alive.
Martin spends as much time as he can next to Jon. He’s used to loving someone who can’t love him back. Maybe this is all he’s destined for. Love unrequited. He talks to Jon’s dreaming corpse. Tells him about his day, reads him poetry, even a statement, but nothing draws Jon out of his coma.
Then his mother dies. He barely has the emotional strength to mourn her. Instead, he scatters her ashes and mourns his childhood lost to trying impossibly to earn her love.
After the Flesh attacks, Martin makes a decision. He’ll join Lukas. It’ll probably lead to his death but what did that matter? His mother was gone and didn’t care about him anyway. Tim and Sasha were gone. Jon was basically gone. Basira and Melanie were the only people left that he vaguely cared about and by doing this he could at least protect them.
He visits Jon one last time in the hospital. He’s still covered in wires and his eyes still flit around violently behind his lids as Martin sits down next to him and takes his hand.
“Hey Jon,” he says quietly. “I...This is the last time I’m going to see you...Probably ever. I know, I know old dramatic Martin surely he’s exaggerating. I’m not. The Institute is in danger and...I have a way to keep Melanie and Basira a little safer, so I’m doing it. I just came by one last time to say...Jon, I...I love you. Goodbye.”
He gets up and presses a kiss on a part of Jon’s forehead not covered in wires before leaving. It’s alright that he doesn’t say it back. No one ever says it back to Martin.
When Jon wakes up everything becomes that much harder. Suddenly he had a reason to live and the way Jon pursues him makes him almost believe...No, even completing the thought would be dangerous for all of them. Jon trusts him enough not to be constantly badgering and that makes it worse. When Jon is there the Lonely makes Martin resent his presence and when Jon’s gone Martin resents his absence.
The final, most excruciating pain is when Jon comes after him in the Lonely. He’s excepted his fate in the chilling numbness of the Lonely. Maybe that’s why he says it. The certain, inevitable rejection would be numbed utterly. So he says it.
“I really loved you, you know?”
And Jon looks broken. Even after he rips Peter’s statement from him. Even when he reaches for Martin’s face with hands that seem far too warm and makes him See. Knowing Jon loves him isn’t like “knowing” his mother loves him. Instead of a lie born in Martin’s mind to stamp down the fear of rejection, it’s a reality pouring from Jon’s mind mingled with Jon’s fears of rejection.
Jon’s hands still feel too warm compared to the icy chill of the Lonely as he leads Martin out. Still, he refuses to let go all the way through the tunnels, the Institute, talking to Basira, packing at each other’s flats, and on to the train. The way to Daisy’s safe house feels like a blur and when they finally arrive it’s all Martin can do to remember to take off his binder before collapsing into bed with Jon’s warm arms around him.
He wakes to Jon’s quiet crying. The awful, stifled thing that breaks Martin’s heart.
“Jon,” he whispers.
“Martin? Did I wake you? I’m sorry, I’ll-”
“It’s alright, Jon,” he assures as he swaps their positions so Jon is tucked firmly against him. Jon makes another broken noise and Martin can’t stop himself from crying, too.
“I-I’m here, Martin. You aren’t on your own,” Jon soothes and Martin almost has to laugh. They lay crying and comforting each other until they both fall back asleep.
When they wake up properly they take stock of the safe house’s pantry and make a list of things to pick up in the village after breakfast. Martin gives in to the temptation to buy a new notebook to try and write poetry in. They have enough canned food to survive to the next ice age so they pick up perishable items like milk, bread, butter, and eggs. Jon also picks up fresh peaches and a box of Martin’s preferred tea. It’s easy to pretend like they going on a normal shopping trip as they walk up and down the aisles to check things off their list.
They return to the cabin and settle in. Martin sits on the sofa and tries to write out a poem while Jon tries to read a book from Daisy’s personal collection. After a while, Martin beings to feel Jon’s gaze on him.
“Is there something on my face?” He tries casually as he’s met with an expression he’s never been on the receiving end of.
“I was just thinking about how much I love you,” Jon sighs. Martin can’t stop the noise that comes out of him. All his life trying to earn love and Jon just says it while Martin’s thinking of a synonym for ‘yellow.’
“I-I don’t expect you to reciprocate,” Jon says quickly, his soft expression suddenly turning worried.
“But I do.”
“Oh…Oh!”
“Yeah.”
Jon starts giggling and it’s impossible for Martin not to follow suit until happy tears stream down both of their faces.
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danceworshipper · 3 years
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Giulio Moretti - HPMA Character Profile
template by me // images created using the zepeto app
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NOTE: I am a cisgender female. As such, I have been hesitant to make a trans oc and will not be going into much detail about Giulio's experiences specifically related to his gender. If anything in here feels iffy to anyone not cisgender, please let me know and I'll correct it
Personal
Full Name: Giulio Antonio Moretti
Gender: Male (trans)
Sexuality: Demisexual, polyamorous
Birthday: June 1st
Age: 11
Birthstone: Alexandrite
Zodiac Sign: Gemini
Blood Status: Full Veela
- I'm mostly using these headcanons written by @carmilla-the-bird, though over time I might end up changing a couple details
- I'm not certain if full Veelas would even use wands/go to magic school but these ones do because I say so
- What I'm specifically adding is that since HPMA takes place later than the full HP series, there has been a new method developed to allow full veelas to better coexist with wizards. This comes in the form of a clear gemstone that can be inserted into any piece of jewelry, usually necklaces. While the stone is worn, the charm [or allure, as I call it] that all veelas have while glamored is dampened by up to 80%. Another effect is that when angered, the veela won't be able to lash out with their fire magic, unless they've trained their magic well enough that's it's less of an instinct and more of a conscious choice. Minors are legally required to wear it at all times, except in their own home with only their family around. Once an adult the veela can choose whether they want to wear it or not. The stone has a similar trace to underaged magic, so when a Veela who's a minor takes it off, the Ministry is alerted and their location will be tracked
3 Positive Traits:
- Empathetic
- Resourceful
- Playful
3 Negative Traits:
- Irritable
- Addictive
- Pessimistic
Usual First Impression: When meeting Giulio, most people see him as a spoiled and stuck up little boy. This isn't true. He's just very wary of strangers, so he doesn't tend to leave a good first impression. Once he's more comfortable around someone, his positive traits outshine the more negative ones
Location
Birthplace: A Veela-specific clinic in southern Italy. His mother travelled there for all of her children's births, and the midwife there is the woman who delivered her
Current Home: His family home in England, a medium sized house under a strict Fidelius charm, which his aunt is the Secret Keeper for. His bedroom is on the second floor, looking out over the fish pond in the backyard
Future Home(s): Fresh out of Hogwarts he'll share an apartment with Lori with heavily warded Floo access. Later homes TBD once his love interests are planned out
Favorite Place: The little house the family rents for a month every summer in southern Italy. The town is full of good culture, and better yet, good food. It feels peaceful, even when there's a loud festival going on
Disliked Place: The woods a mile down the road from his home. The woods are the last place Giulio saw his grandmother before she went missing, and now they feel like they're haunted. He refuses to go on walks there anymore
Appearance
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Face Shape: Round, slightly pointy chin
Eye Color: Deep teal
Hair Color: Whitish blond
Hair Style: Self cut (horrifies his mother), slightly uneven, medium length. Not brushed every day, fluffy
Skin Tone: Pale
Freckles/Spots: A few beauty marks on his face, two near his right eye and one on the left side of his chin
Scars: None yet
Piercings/Tattoos: None
Height: 5'7" [fully grown]
Weight: ~ 135 lbs [fully grown]
Physique: Thin. Luckily for him, Giulio's family has always had rather "boyish" bodies - wide shoulders, not very curvy - but he's still got too much woman in him to be fully happy with his form
Clothing Style: Baggy tops, loose pants, nothing fancy. Giulio tries to attract as little attention as possible, because while he's glamored people stare at him a lot anyway, even with the dampener. He does like colored pants, but his tops are usually grey and black. His dampening necklace is the most eye catching thing he wears (as it was a gift from his missing grandmother) and he wishes he could take it off, but he legally can't
Carried Items:
- The last picture of him, his sisters, and his grandmother ever taken
- A lighter. He likes having the fire near him since he can't access his own fire magic
- His hair scissors, for whenever he feels like it needs to be trimmed
- A container of Silly Putty he got from a Muggle convenience store
- His water bottle
Magic
Wand: 10" Veela hair wand in Fir wood. A very pale colored wand that's a bit rough around the edges. The hair is from his younger sister Martina, who yanked the strand right out and handed it to the wandmaker after no wands appeared to choose a very defeated looking Giulio. The wand was made while Giulio watched, and he checked it many times throughout the process to make sure it felt like it would have him, which it did.
Animagus: As a veela, Giulio can transform into pretty much any bird shape. He has no need to go through the animagus process
Boggart Form: Him, fully matured, very womanly, and in a wedding gown just like the ones his older sister Alessia fawns over
Riddikulus Form: Him in a ridiculously exaggerated Bloody Baron costume
Amortentia (to others): Someone smelling Giulio would smell new pillows, the faint burning metal scent that clings to him, and the dry shampoo he uses
Amortentia (to them): He doesn't smell any sort of romantic interest yet. What he smells now are safe, comforting smells, like the cigars his mother and aunt smoke, the perfume all his sisters use, and the smell of his favorite restaurant in southern Italy
Patronus: Bird of Paradise
Happiest Memory: Receiving his wand once it was completed, and finally feeling the connection and power he'd heard so much about but thought he'd never have
Mirror of Erised: Some might consider it sad, but all he sees is him, happy, the way he wishes he was - including not looking at all like a Veela. Someday this will change
Family Spells: It's not really a spell, but the Morettis have a particular bird call that, when paired with the right charm, will alert every living family member to the caller's location, should one desperately need help. It's only to be used in emergencies. Giulio isn't sure he wants to know why his grandmother never used it
Inherent Magic: Veela stuff - storm sense, fire, bird transformations, allure, slight levitation abilities
Family
Grandmother: Francesca is not an ideal parental figure. She grew up in a time when full Veelas were treated with nearly the same suspicion and prejudice as werewolves, so she's very anti-human. However, she was still one of Giulio's best defenders and most treasured family members. She places a huge importance on family and is the one who came up with the idea of the special danger call. Francesca went missing when Giulio was seven, and there have been no clues as to what happened.
Mother: Valentina is a kind, gentle woman who cares for her family before anyone else. She and her sister were taught all their lives to be nothing more than a pretty face, and while Bianca rejected this, Valentina embraced it. Even now, with her own mother nowhere to be found, she has trouble remembering to be herself. She wears her necklace at all times, terrified to be without it
Father: Giulio never knew him. He's not sure he even has one
Aunt: Bianca is, in many ways, the exact opposite of her sister. Bianca embraces all of her less than proper instincts, and even walks around in public completely unglamored, acting as a good deterrent to anyone who might want to come say hi, innocent intentions or not. Gets angry very easily, and has caused public property damage more often than Valentina would appreciate
Sisters: Two older sisters, one younger. All Slytherins while in school
- Alessia, six years older, prefect. A headstrong young woman who takes advantage of her allure to get what she wants, and is skilled enough to fight off anyone who gets too "friendly". She likes to have a collection of boy toys she never lets get too close, but secretly only has eyes for the Hufflepuff prefect, Lina.
- Emilia, four years older, Quidditch captain. Hates her allure with a passion and refuses to even think about romance until she's out of school. Could kick anyone's ass, and will do so if she feels the need to. Very protective of Giulio, has gotten into at least eight shouting matches with those who misgender him
- Martina, one year younger. The baby of the family. A bit of a spoiled brat, and too young to fully understand exactly why her older siblings are all so wary of strangers, or letting her out of their sight. She dreams of being the Minister of Magic, and of being able to take her "stupid, ugly, and stupid" necklace off for good
Pets: The two family screech owls which trade off being at school/home, and an Abraxan Giulio found on Hogwarts grounds that likes him a lot
Family Values: The Morettis hold nothing higher than each other. The family's main priority is sticking together, and always doing whatever they can to help each other achieve whatever they wish. The family is also, as a whole, rather reclusive
Opinion of Family: Giulio loves his family. For all their faults, they hold true to their values and he couldn't imagine one of them ever betraying another. Even if they won't ever truly understand him, they've all tried and they do what they can, and it means more than he can say
Friendships
Introverted or Extroverted: Introverted
Best Friend: Oleander Loris. Her anger issues, her weird pink eyes, and her tendency to drag him along to social outings are all things that Giulio comes to appreciate over time. He originally became curious about her on the train ride to school, when she stumbled looking at his older sisters but didn't notice him at all, and they spoke for the first time in Flying class. Lori is definitely a force to be reckoned with, and the fact that she's not affected by his allure in the slightest makes him feel really happy
Worst Friend: TBD
Friend He Didn't Expect: Cassandra. They aren't the best of friends, and maybe they can't be considered friends at all, but she doesn't hold the contempt she seems to hold for most others for him
Who He Wishes Was His Friend: Kestra Fernera. She's got fire powers, and she doesn't have to be chained down by the Ministry. He thinks she's super cool, and is very jealous of her and how popular she is, but he's far too nervous to try and talk to her
List of Casual Friends:
- Brian Haywood-Reese @catohphm
- others TBD, but likely the main cast of the game. Mc friends welcome, if any are interested!
Romance
Current Crush: None
Current Partner: None
Past Partners: None
Future Partners: TBD
His Type: Pretty much anyone who's able to look past the allure that Giulio hates so much and also isn't afraid of him in his natural form, though most people haven't even seen it
Hogwarts
House: Slytherin
Prefect Status: No
Quidditch: Not on the team, but plays casually
Clubs: TBD
Organizations: None
Favorite Class: Flying. Duh
Least Favorite Class: Potions. It gives him a headache surrounded by all the fumes
Favorite Professor: TBD
Least Favorite Professor: TBD
Timeline
Young Childhood:
- Giulio realizes young that he hates the idea of being a girl, and insists that his mother change his name. His family thought it was a phase, but once they realized it wasn't, they became more serious and started to see what they could do to help him
- He's a sheltered child, learning early the importance of staying close to a trusted adult. He sees the horrors of what can happen to a Veela caught unaware at a young age when he almost loses his mother to someone who wanted to sell her, and never looks at strangers the same way again
- At five years old Giulio is given his dampener necklace. He refuses to wear it until his grandmother forcibly puts it on him. He decides it's not that bad, though it feels like it's choking him and he doesn't like the muted feeling in his hands that comes from the loss of his instinctual magic
- At seven years old, Giulio is on a walk with his grandmother in the woods when he hears a loud screech. She sends him back toward the house, saying she'll be right behind him. Hours pass, and she never follows. There's no evidence as to what that screech was, or what happened to his grandmother
- At eleven years old, Giulio spends a week traveling to different wandmakers around Europe trying to find a wand so he can go to school in the fall. For some reason, his magic is picky and not a single wand even comes close to working for him. When he's given up all hope, his little sister Martina asks if the wandmaker takes custom orders, and rips out her own hair to be used for Giulio's wand. It's the first time Giulio cries happy tears, hovering his hand over the uncompleted wand and feeling it call to him already
School Years: TBD once I'm able to play the game
Post Graduation: Giulio moves into an apartment with Lori soon after graduating. While she immediately starts work, Giulio takes time to find some higher education, and work on training his Veela magic now that he can take his necklace off whenever he wants
Career(s): TBD
Marriage and Children: TBD
Death: Giulio will be murdered by [redacted] in order to save [redacted]'s life, but he'll be very old (around 200) and will have outlived his lovers, so he doesn't see it as too much of a shame. He'll be buried in the family garden and have some lovely flower bushes planted over him
Notable Facts Not Previously Mentioned
- The Veela magic in Giulio recognizes him as a boy as soon as he does. When his allure kicks in, anyone attracted to men finds themself affected, while those strictly into women do not, even though male Veelas are practically unheard of
- His aunt Bianca paid a personal visit to Hogwarts before he was enrolled, ready to throw flames if he was going to be put into the female dorms. Luckily, she didn't need to worry, as once the situation was explained it was settled with a simple change in his paperwork
- Giulio hates being cooped up indoors for too long. Even in the coldest days of winter, he'll spend as much time as possible outside
- Starting in third year, Lori will figure out how to get the necklace off of him without alerting anyone [putting it on herself within a few seconds], and Giulio will occasionally spend a few hours free and in his natural form in the Forbidden Forest. Unbeknownst to him, wearing the necklace saps at Lori's magical core, and it takes her a day or so to regain her strength if she wears it for more than thirty minutes
- Giulio will likely have three partners in the future. He could never even imagine having one, so if his younger self was told he would have three he would probably have a difficult time believing it
- Cutting his hair so frequently doesn't affect his magic like his mother feared it would, though he does feel nauseous when he does it
- The dark teal eyes are something only he and his sisters have, which is how he knows they all have the same "father" or whatever they had. His mother, aunt, and grandmother all have the traditional black eyes. Not even Alessia ever saw any type of man around when her younger siblings were born, so there are no clues as to how the four of them exist
- As much as he hates the dampener, it does him a lot of good when he's younger. He gets angry easily and often feels very defensive, so without it he could have gotten into a lot of trouble
- Though he doesn't like his allure, Giulio will sometimes take advantage of it like Alessia does if he wants to get out of something. He won't fight it, he'll play nice, and let whoever he needs to back off get a little dazed
- He wanted to hide the fact that he was a Veela when he first came to Hogwarts, but with two older sisters and his allure he couldn't
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marshintobattle · 3 years
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Lets Talk About "Super Straight..."
March 10 2021
This isn’t really a journal entry. More like an opinion session.
WOULD ANYONE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL THIS IS?!?! I was looking up “Super Straight” on Google and this was one of the image results! WhY?!?!
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First off: DOUBLE STANDARD ALERT!!! DOUBLE STANDARD!!!! Protect your straight kids from trans people? Why not protect trans kids from transphobic people? When has a trans person ever bullied a straight person for being straight??? (I’m sure there has been some of that bullying, but there has been much more bullying of trans people by straight people.) Not to mention trans people can be straight.
I was going to save this point for later, but THIS IS A CALL TO ALL YOU STRAIGHT TRANS PEOPLE! JOIN THE SUPER STRAIGHT “COMMUNITY.” STEAL THE THRONE.
THE GUY HAS A BAT.
Okay, so time for the brass tax. I’ve been hearing a lot about this “Super Straight” thing for the past few days. As a trans person, I take this seriously. Here’s where I’m confused - didn’t we already go through this? I thought we weren’t letting straight people into the community (except for Allies)? Last year, right? The Hets wanted their own Pride, flag, etc. and we said “You haven’t been harassed for who you love, so no?” (in no way am I saying straights can’t be harassed for who they love [i.e. Romeo and Juliet], but I’m saying its much MUCH less common. Right?) So why are “Super lesbians” and “Super gays” becoming a thing now, too? Don’t they realize they’re only supporting, not only transphobia but also homophobia? It’s like the wolf in sheep’s clothing, except it’s the bullshit in orange and black clothing. Those are the colors of my school team, not a pride flag.
Another point I have that I saw mentioned yet not really discussed in a TikTok (it was more in general, not because of the “Super Straight” thing); This human said something along the lines of “Ok, manly man, you’re transphobic and won’t date a trans woman, does this mean you’ll date a trans man? Since gender doesn’t matter to you, he’s a woman in your eyes.” (“ah- um, no. She looks like a man..?”) “But you just said you wouldn’t date a trans woman who is far more beautiful than any cis woman who will agree to date you. Double standard much?”
(I fudged the lines a little to have it make sense. Because when I remember TikToks, they don’t make much sense.)
Really, it IS a double standard. Also, these “Super Straights” are just too flimsy in their own sexuality they need to define the straightness they have lived with for years and have been expected to live with. They aren’t secure in their gender identity, whatever it is.
I would understand the need for something akin to this if being gay was the “default” instead of being straight. Since it’s not, however, I see no reason for a straight pride, or “super straight” being added to the LGBTQ+ community. In explanation, nothing has happened to them for being straight that gives them the right to be proud about being out in the open with their sexuality. A guy likes a woman, so what? That’s not anything anyone bats their eyes about. However, when it is a trans guy liking a trans woman or any member of the LGBTQ+ community liking anyone, the homophobes/transphobes start freaking out. “Oh dear god, break out the crosses, holy water, and exorcists, and let’s crucify ‘em.”
(a little dramatic but you get my point)
Furthermore, to anyone who comes out as “Super (straight/gay/lesbian/bisexual [etc.]),” I do not respect you in any way, shape, or form. Not because of your sexuality, but because you refuse to respect others.
(I'm putting super straight in the tags so I can get hate/traction on both sides to fuel my determination. Here we go.)
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rametarin · 2 years
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Glad at the recent developments in the discourse.
When non-binaries and “gender-nonconformists” appeared, they made it about them being themselves. That they had the right to not be seen as part of the binary, which they argued, incorrectly, exists purely as a social construct and refused to adhere to it as anything but a culture or a religion. Which makes about as much sense as disregarding the shape of the earth because your religion says it isn’t a sphere, but whatever.
Well more recently they’ve argued that A.) It’s incorrect and illegal to contradict them based on how they define themselves. You cannot force them to be cisheteronormic, that’s oppression. B.) How they define themselves also applies to everybody else; IE, YOU aren’t male or female because of your biology, you’re only a boy or girl because of your self-imposed identity that exists purely and squarely in the social sphere of things. And you don’t get a say in this. Your gender does not come from your biology because they refuse to acknowledge biology plays any part in it whatsoever, and is entirely 100% a social construct C.) You cannot define yourself based on your biology, period, because to do so threatens their identity and existence and safety by your, “bigotry.”
Ergo, cisheteros are seen as inherently “hate groups” for not defining their genders on a purely social basis and even arguing biology plays a part at all is bigoted against those that define themesleves boy or girl based on social construct defined gender. They are, effectively, arguing that you cannot be cishetero and not an ideological opponent, and not just an enemy combatant, but “scientifically wrong.”
They’re arguing for nothing less than the abolition of the objective, empirical sex/gender model and to replace it with one of postmodernist philosophy where gender is merely an identity and your sex and reproductive role matters as much as your blood type- universally- for everybody.
The problem with this is that cisgendered people do not feel that way. Your biology is your gender, to a cis person. Because to be cis is not a choice, and to be trans or non-binary is not, “just an option.” It’s the result of an irregularity. Meaning, it’s abnormal. It’s an exception to the norm. And this is not just a case of, “well that’s your opinion.” This is objectively true. Doing mental gymnastics to argue for the abolition of objective biological science and mixing social oughts and idealism with knowledge and facts, smoothing and greasing them to interpret them based on ideals, is no different from demanding society still teach about evolution and such, but only in the context of whatever religious authority is in charge, at the time.
But the bottom line is they’ve stopped just arguing, “you don’t get to impose YOUR values on ME,” and are instead proactively going, “NOT using how WE see things to apply to EVERYBODY by default, is bigotry against us.” In effect, an argument to abolish male/female from the vernacular and replace recognizable boy/girl stuff with a narrative that the only thing that exists is a fabricated imaginary social role.
That’s not, “I can do what I want,” anymore. That’s, “I will define us for you, and you will live how I say you live and define yourself how I define you. Anything else is a threat to me.” Social constructionist values based on ideals and beliefs, as opposed to empirical, observable reality, WILL NOT be the basis upon which we define ourselves as a species, or sexes.
The other way around is not imposing anything on them, however. It’s recognizing that the earth is round, the statistical norm for someone with XY chromosomes is male and a man, someone with XX chromosomes is female and a woman, and that only honorary exceptions to this exist, largely on the social level. The social does not eclipse the biological reality in a secular, science and reason driven society.
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artistocrazy · 3 years
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Making my own post about this because my hope is the OP that inspired it meant well and didn’t intend to sound terfy.
Growing up afab in a sexist world that determines your genitalia and sex characteristics are the baseline of how you’re treated and viewed as a person is terrible. To lose your childhood early in a culture that says you end up growing up faster without acknowledging the traumatic things that happen to you ON TOP OF puberty is awful. But they said something about equating a cisgender girl experience of wanting to be a boy being universal as like an escape from what girlhood means socially that I just... I just need to say something about it.
I am a trans man. I have overtly known I was not cisgender for almost six years. I am admittedly a very feminine man and am fortunate enough to not view my years in ignorance/the closet as something shameful or anything I’m inclined to hide. I’d spent years learning to love my body and my voice and how I interacted with the world and other people, and it was still time well spent. At the time before I knew, I tried making it a point to say “this is the kind of ‘woman’/person that I am and that’s okay”. Except I was not okay and had not considered it was abnormal to ideate every day for years (an escapist mechanism in my depression/anxiety, which I have had for a majority of my life). I had the thought that I was supposed to be ‘made a boy’ when I was five, waaaay before puberty set in.
I want to say there is nothing wrong with acknowledging puberty is traumatic, and there is nothing wrong with admitting the world is not really a safe place for teenagers who are being demanded to grow up too fast through traumatic experiences (especially afab folks). What I am saying is that it’s very dangerous to say it is a universal cis girl experience to desire to be a boy based on the idea that amab folks have it easier (in some respects they do, but please keep in mind there are femme boys and trans girls who have experienced some of the same traumas afab folks experience when they lose their innocence).
I don’t believe OP meant harm when they said there are afab folks who have wished to be amab because we live in a sexist society and escapist fantasy is normal when you’re in a shitty, traumatic situation.
I’m saying this line of thought and rhetoric that cis girls universally wish to be boys can be dangerous to trans folks, especially trans men, because it invalidates their dysphoria/euphoria and risks pushing those boys/men deeper into a closet (especially those who were like me) and have them think they’re completely fine when in reality they’re destroying themselves. I’m in a position where I’m very lucky to have realized I’m a trans man before my ideation got worse (for those of you who don’t know, suicidal ideation and self harm urges don’t come from out of the blue - your body is trying to tell you something that you’re suppressing and refusing to listen to and so you’re looking for an escape from the stress, and trust me when I say were it not for the dysphoria, I really had very few reasons to wish for a life that wasn’t what I was currently living - that aside, I was pretty happy with what I was doing). Other than the ideation, my knowledge of not being cis came from euphoria - of being seen as I see myself.
And I am not saying all trans folks have to experience dysphoria to be trans - some of the folks who helped clue me in to not being cis were very euphoric trans folks whom I appreciate dearly. I’m just relaying my own experience and trying to put my thoughts down clearly, since there are people out there who really have no idea how the OP could be mistaken for a terf, and OP was also confused and taking a reactionary stance to receiving hate anons. But yeah, here is my attempt at an explanation on that point.
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mukhannath · 3 years
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Serious question, how do you concile being a trans woman and a radfem in the current climate where even the most progressives radfem orgs pushes for outlawing transition and would rather let people like you get killed by your partners rather than letting you enter a woman shelter? I have a lot of problems with what trans activism has become and i mostly agree with anti-porn/anti-prostitution policies radfem and conservatives defends but as it currently stand i dont think i even know 4 radfems who wouldnt consider you an abomination at worst, or at best a mentally hill man that should eather be cured with basically conversion therapy or simply excluded from the mainstream society to prevent "social contagion" and the "invasion of womens spaces"
I dont spend much time in the online communities because no one on them actually reads any books by radfem activists. saying the second wave is transphobic is a very clever tactic to discredit all the good ideas radical feminism has to offer that benefit all women including trans. if u want to read radfem thinkers who got shit done... my babes dworkin and mackinnon are right there, they did the work pushing antiporn legislation (actual activism not just angryposting online). and both of them were avowed tirfs (trans inclusive). In one of her books dworkin actually eviscerates Germaine Greer (notable terf) for being a grifter basically. 
anyway the reason i say its such a clever tactic is because radfems and libfems ought to agree on a lot, like even if both ‘sides’ feel different about it both largely support legalizing sex work as harm reduction for the women themselves. I firmly believe that trans exclusionary radfeminism was a psyop started by right wing infiltrators to guarantee that feminists would waste time arguing about that instead of learning where to form coalitions. the evidence for this is that both sides refuse to listen to each other even on points that have nothing to do with trans politics. I don’t understand why most trans people are so pro-sex work when its an industry that harms us as well-- except I do completely understand it, its because mainstream trans politics is dictated by white women who just care about what feels good and empowering instead of all the black trans women in america who are victims of sex work, and trans women abroad like thailand or south america who are victims of white men coming there for “sex tourism” (why isn’t this called smoething else??) 
In the end the way i reconcile the two is I don’t actually publicaly identify as transgender anymore, im stealth because i hate the trans communtiy so much. this doesnt mean im transphobic, my gf is trans we just both stay out of all the bullshit that the loudest voices push. shes been getting more and more radpilled and is afraid to talk about it in the community too because people assume its trasphobic. the other thing that we feel alienated from is so many trans women just vocally hating on cis women-- like .. why?? cis women hold no privilege over you, its completely unfair to say cis woman are privileged for their sex (just like its unfair to say that trans women are privileged for theirs!). its honestly so stupid how misogynist the community has become, considering how much in common the two groups have. as my gf said “we have different struggles but we can still have solidarity”. 
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bitch-in-a-bag · 3 years
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can we talk about how the LGBT movement has changed in the past 15 years?
in the light of the events surrounding Chris chan, and people prioritizing pronouns over the rape of a woman with dementia, I think it displays just how... different things are.
i personally feel like it's been co-opted by the more loud and entitled mtfs/ males/penis-havers/whatever pc term exists for the XY chromosome'd, who go too far and aren't reasonably kept in check. I think terf no longer has meaning anymore because it's just become a word we use to silence anyone that disagrees with a trans woman. immediately you're going to call me a terf, I accept that, but please continue reading. I may suprise you. calling someone who's transgender a terf is kinda messed up anyway, and that's exactly why im writing this.
I also think that everyone else (allies, ftms, etc) have followed suit because they've written this messed up narrative that EvErYoNe iS VaLiD. except for trans penis-havers, bc they're the most oppressed and the most valid, actually, regardless of their experiences.
I never used to believe the above because it was always written off as terf shit, and ignoring it kinda benefitted me, but between seeing ftms getting bashed for refusing to follow new "TME" rules as if they aren't trans too, and seeing outrage around Chris chans pronouns, I think it's time to start saying things that may make people uncomfortable. innocent people are already getting hurt by this, and we need to do better. it's time to get uncomfortable.
I want to remind you that perception is both the relying factor, and also the downfall of newer lgbt theory. if my profile were mtf coded, maybe it currently is, you'd call me a self hating trans and I wouldn't be that big of a deal. terfs would probably target me.
if my profile was ftm coded, I would be absolutely skewered for daring to speak out about these issues, even though they do actually affect ftms disproportionately. terfs would try to convince me that being trans is a plague and a mental illness, and to just ~be a cis woman~!
and if assumed cis, I would 100% be assumed radfem terf, and everything I say would immediately be dismissed because of the genuine damage terfs have done. but terfs would still probably flock to this post and berate me for daring to validate trans people At All, because to them, being transgender is a mental illness akin to an eating disorder, and "giving in" to it is "self harm". clearly I don't believe that, so hopefully you'll give me at least some benefit of the doubt.
so, does my identity matter? i have a feeling you'll say yes, because it gives us a good idea of experiences I do and don't have expertise in, and thus room to talk about. but I refuse to directly identify what I actually am because I want the focus of any resulting conversation to be my message and not my self identification. if you read between the lines and figure it out that's just fine, but I would like to be heard first and foremost.
my profile is thus an attempt at being cis female coded, somewhat out of comfort, and that is likely what I'll be assumed to be due to the beliefs I am expressing, even though there is a substantial risk of getting misgendered and dismissed, no matter what my birth sex may actually be. i will give you a hint about my identity: I am transgender, on HRT and everything, and I have been personally affected by all of this. rest assured, this is well within my lane to speak about, and it does matter if you misgender me.
I want you to really think about that. before you respond, really think about if someone saying words on tumblr, talking about their OWN experiences and their take on recent history that applies to themself, really more worthy of being misgendered and harassed than... someone who said they transitioned so they could date lesbians, and then raped their own mother with dementia.
is that fair or just? or is this just a new way of letting people with penises do whatever they want? I personally think it's the latter. we need to hold people like Chris chan accountable without getting caught up on something as minor **in comparison** as misgendering and self identification. Is it sad and confusing that someone who self IDs as transgender became 1:1 with the most dangerous stereotypes that exist for trans women? Of course it is. But it doesn't mean that self identification is suddenly more important than a literal crime being committed.
I would normally dismiss it as a fluke or outright trolling if the evidence weren't so damning that this is in fact a real event that happened. If I hadn't seen this happen to other people, and if I didn't literally know another mtf person who used their dysphoria as an excuse for date rape on multiple occasions and never got any consequences for it.
It's not a one time thing, it's a developing problem that we need to stop before more people have their lives ruined. I can't even imagine how traumatizing and messed up it is for an FTM person to be date raped, by another transgender person no less. When I, an abuse survivor, told people of this MTFs red flags, people violently silenced me. People who didn't know I was trans called me a terf and transphobic. We, as a community, could've protected someone from getting date raped, and we didn't. Trans women can be awful, horrible fucking people, because they are people. Protecting them at all costs is wrong. Protecting them from transphobia is what we should be doing.
That being said, misgendering is still skeevy, and I haven't done anything like raped a disabled woman who is no longer able to consent, or date raped my own partner. if you give a shit about respecting my identity, please use they/them for me. if not, use visual perception and make assumptions that will most likely be incorrect, skew your own argument, and put me on the same level as a rapist, and arguably a fetishist. And I do need to remind you that calling someone transgender a rapist and a fetishist without evidence is still definitely classic transphobia, to the letter, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that.
as someone who is same sex attracted, I also want to bring this up as well.
in the US in the past 15 years, the movement as a whole pretty much went "YEAH BORN THIS WAY" with Lady Gaga, and then jumped ship to prioritize mostly mtfs at every angle. do mtfs need support? absolutely. but they don't need misguided toxic positivity, and that's what it's turned into.
it's gotten genuinely homophobic to the point where actually homosexual people are constantly being erased and demonized via "genital preferences are a fetish uwu", and vulva havers, especially the trans ones, are constantly being told to shut up about their experiences.
as much as you want to deny bioessentialism, its still very much well and alive with newer trans movement sentiments when we classify ftms as not worthy of speaking about their own issues with terms like "TME". it's also incredibly ignorant towards FTMs who pass, but dress feminine for comfort, and get mistaken for MTF, and treated like garbage because of it. They are not remotely exempt from misogyny, transphobia, or the intersection of the two, and it is not anyone's job to tell them they don't ever experience that when they do. Turning ftms and biological homosexuals into our enemies-- especially when the actual cause is transphobia and harmful gender stereotypes-- does nothing good or healthy for our movement.
Dont be mistaken, though, passing isn't the focus or end all be all here, it's the perception of others that ends up drastically effecting your experiences. There are words like misogyny that imply treatment via birth sex, however this too can be reliant on external perception. If an MTF individual either transitions very young, has an abundance of resources to transition, or just gets lucky and passes well, chances are she will experience a lot more misogyny than people may give credit to. inversely, someone who just started questioning yesterday, but lived as a male their whole life up until then, they genuinely cannot speak about misogyny with that much room because they simply haven't experienced it at an accurate enough angle or for enough time to understand it as a repeated and sociological force.
It works the other way as well, though; someone who's known that they're trans for a long time and haven't had the resources to transition, or do not or cannot pass in the eyes of society; these people suffer pain that we don't neccesarily have a word for yet, imo. It makes dysphoria worse and it makes living seem hopeless. And as a community, we deal with this is in a really messed up way by over-validating them instead of solving the core issue at hand. and people who suffer from this, but also acknowledge they can't claim what they haven't experienced, are left with nowhere to go.
And its important to acknowledge these things because they're integral to the over-encompassing trans experience. Instead of lying to everyone and telling everyone they pass/giving out unconditional positive regard, our focus should be making it so that it **doesn't matter if you pass**. that you're still worth respect and dignity if you're transgender, no matter what passing is or what it means to you, and no matter how you present. But also, if you do something awful, you still need to be held accountable, especially if you use yourself, your body, or your trans status to contribute to other axi of oppression.
Transphobia is a word that encompasses and addresses all of that, regardless of birth sex. "TME" shuts that down in favor of only letting MTF's speak. Which is still very bio-essentialist, and I can't help but feel like we've gone full circle.
Once upon a time you couldn't even get married if your partner had the same genitals as you. in the US, this was less than 7 years ago. and if you care about human rights activism, you know damn well that legal modification is not the end all be all. people who are genuinely homosexual are still oppressed, but the trans movement has started stepping on them to make ground we don't deserve. homosexuals are ok and valid. it's not a genital preference, and the prescence of trans people doesn't make conversion therapy sentiments ok, ever.
we've gone full circle, and it's not right.
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