#breaks down sobbing about the number seven

[kozzax]

The number 7 is so important to me.

It's the number of magic, and of luck. Everyone knows that, yknow? Those are just the standard meanings of 7.

But when I look at the number 7, I think of belief and faith in the unimaginable and childhood naivety and imagination and escapism. It's the number of believing in the good parts of the world. It's the number of having faith that everything is going to be alright.

Seven is the number of magic, both mundane and high fantasy. It's the number of suspending your disbelief and engaging your imagination. It's the number of letting the world fade away and letting your mind wander.

It's the number of the comfort of childhood, running around on the playground and pretending with your friends. It's the number of freedom from reality and attachment to the creative. It's the number of magic and luck, because it's the number of knowing these things to be true.

I just. I have a lot of emotions about the number seven.

#me vibing #7 #i dont know what to tag this as actually #i just. my musings on the number seven #its so important to me #ive ascribed a lot of meaning to it and i know most of it isnt there for most people #because the number of magic has to be important right #and if its the number of magic. then it has to be the number of belief and trust and letting yourself exist and imagination #and i just. #breaks down sobbing about the number seven

[lnfours]

number one boy | l.n

summary: racing is difficult, especially this weekend in qatar. but luckily for lando. he has you as his number one supporter.

warnings: a little bit of angsty/sad!lando, fluff, language, his radio after he crossed the line in qualifying makes me sob.

masterlist | ask box

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

you made your way through the halls, trying to ignore how the sadness and anger in the air of the mclaren garage made your emotions ten times worse. your feet carried you to the familiar area, knocking on the door before peeking your head in.

lando was sat on the couch, head in his hands. he groaned soflty, clearly annoyed, “i said i was fine-“

his head snapped up and met your gaze. you wanted to cry looking at him, a few stray tears rolling down his cheeks. you couldn’t tell if it was from anger or sadness, but with the way today had gone, you wouldn’t be surprised if it was a mix of both.

he swallowed the lump in his throat, “sorry, thought you were someone else.”

you joined him on the couch, shaking your head, “‘s okay,” you grabbed his hands, “would i be right if i assumed that ‘sorry’ was the last word you wanted to hear right now?”

he nodded back at you, letting out a soft sniffle, “yeah, you’d be right.”

he knew you felt bad for him with the look in your eyes. the way they tried to read his, searching for which emotion he was feeling in that moment. and to be honest, you couldn’t put a finger on it because of how much of a whirlwind he felt. a mix of sadness and anger, with a little bit of disappointment and embarrassment within himself.

overall, he just felt like shit.

you reached over, wiping the stray tear from the stubble on his jaw. the stubble you had grown to be a fan of over the last couple weeks. he let out a sigh, “i just am shit. like i’m honestly so shit sometimes. what the fuck is wrong with me?”

his head fell back into his hands. you poked at his ribs gently, “hey, that’s my man you’re talking about.”

he snorted, “yeah, your man sucks,”

“i think your almost seven million instagram followers and i will have to disagree,” you smiled softly, “plus, you’re sexy. so, you’ve got that going for you, too.”

he let out a laugh, a smile breaking out onto your face as you laughed too, cupping his cheek, “there he is! i got him back!”

he looked over at you and you continued, “you’re my number one boy, on and off the track, y’know? podium or not, you’re still my favorite.”

he pressed a gentle kiss to your palm as he nodded, “i know,”

you smiled, “good,”

he reached over and grabbed at you, pulling you to sit on his lap. you wrapped your arms around his neck, legs straddling his as you nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck.

“thank you,” he mumbled softly, pressing a kiss to the skin underneath your ear.

“you never have to thank me,” you smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek, “i’ll always be here to remind you.”

he hummed contently, thanking his stars that he met you and grew the guts to ask for your number that night in monaco, “i love you.”

“i love you most,” he was used to you saying ‘most’ or ‘more’ every time, but right now it made his heart clench as he pulled you closer, “always.”

#lando norris #lando norris x reader #ln4 imagine #ln4 #ln4 x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris fluff #f1 #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #mclaren formula 1 #formula 1 #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 x y/n #formula 1 x reader #fluff

[caffeinewitchcraft]

Fate and Mercy and Dead Girls

Summary: Sometimes, when things go very wrong, the Chosen One gets a wish. That’s where Danielle comes in. (Tagged with Blood, violence, child death)

--------------

Danielle is cursed.

This battlefield is nice. It’s early afternoon and the breeze that comes from the forest to the east is sweet. The fighting has only just begun and the scent of blood is still hovering at the edge of her senses. It hasn’t erased the taste of the dead girl’s last meal – bread sweetened with honey – yet. She’s used to storm clouds the size of mountains roiling overhead, the electric sting of lightning against her skin, the crash of blades against armor and arrows against shields. The sun is warm and honey-sweet against her cheek and there’s no fighting going on right now. There’s only the low murmur of voices from all around and some muffled sobbing.

If she weren’t waking up in the body of a dead girl, she’d call it picnic weather.

Time to pay attention.

“—Chosen One is dead,” a man says. His voice matches the weather more than the situation. Calm. Even. Gentle. A wave lapping at the shore before the tsunami. She can feel his aura undulating through the ground, dark and demanding. Demon King? Mad Emperor? Dark Lord? One of those types. He projects his words over the renewed sobbing. “Do you see your folly now, honorable knights? The wasted months of defiance? You were never going to defeat my army even with years and seven fabled soldiers at your mercy rather than the one. Here, the day of your final rebellion, your Hero lies dead after only one volley.”

Hero. Danielle is cursed, she shouldn’t be feeling pity for anyone but herself. But there it is, the familiar bile in the back of her throat, the prickling of her eyes, the tightening in her chest. This dead girl was their Hero. They made her their Chosen One. From the feel of it, they didn’t school in her magic or train her in swordsmanship. Her muscles are burning from death, yes, but also from overexertion.

What do you want? Danielle asks. All of the right systems are under her control now. The ground is cold against her back, the girl’s tiny curls a tickle against her face. The air is sweet underneath the scent of a dying blow and she can hear the conversations around her clearly. The Dark Lord is still gloating, giving the knights their time to mourn and his own forces time to ready the next attack. Sweetheart, what do you want?

The girl’s soul shudders. I-I’m not dead?

The arrow pierced your heart. You’re dead.

A dizzying swirl of emotions cloud the girl’s next words. Grief-sorrow-panic-relief-fury-horror. Danielle has to reinforce her barrier between her soul and the girl’s to avoid being swept away by it all. All of the dead girls Danielle is called to are strong, and this one is no different. Danielle can’t hear her clearly over the roar of her emotions, but this one is talking very quickly.

…live…wanted to…please…save…

Danielle peeks out from under her eyelashes. It’s bright for a battlefield, but there’s a familiar red staining the ground as far as she can see. The armored feet of both sides’ soldiers are about thirty feet away, a hazy barrier of magic holding them apart.

“Let down this barrier!” Knight David screams. The girl’s knowledge flows into Danielle’s mind like a spring. He’s the head of the kingdom’s number one knight squad, a former S-rank adventurer, and a mentor to the Hero. He bangs the hilt his sword against the Dark Lord’s barrier. It crackles under the assault and doesn’t break. Knight David swears. “You’ll die for what you did! She was just a little girl!”

Another memory: Knight David didn’t think of her as a little girl. He gave her a woman’s sword that took her a month to learn how to lift, much less wield. He told her he had faith in her. He told her she could do it. When she asked how, he pushed a curl behind her ear and told her victory was fated.

The Dark Lord laughs, the sound like the tide retreating into the sea. “Is the kingdom so hard-pressed for soldiers they bring children to the battlefield?”

“She was Chosen,” Knight David says. There are genuine tears in his voice. “Nobody wanted that for her. Nobody.”

“She was nobody,” the Dark Lord says. The magic barrier trembles and he smirks. “Just as you’re about to be.”

Knight David’s magic sets his sword ablaze. “You’ll pay for this.”

The demons chitter behind the Dark Lord, straining against his commands. They want blood. They want to attack. They saw the Hero fall and they’re emboldened by her death. They’ll tear the humans apart.

In contrast, Knight David’s forces aren’t so sure. Knight David’s teeth gnash and he swears at the Dark Lord, but his men look from her body to each other. It was so quick. So fast. Did they demons hold greater power than they were told to kill a Chosen One so quickly?

“Prepare yourselves,” the Dark Lord says. The barrier fades.

“To the death,” Knight David swears.

Danielle presses again. They’re running out of time. What do you want?

Save them.

The words roar through Danielle’s temporary body. Save them. Her magic ignites like coal in a furnace and she gasps, steam escaping from her lips as a dead girl’s heart restarts.

“W-what?” someone whispers.

Danielle opens her eyes.

It’s not a very big war. There are maybe thirty combatants on the side of the Kingdom. She assumed from the girl’s memories that they’d all be knights, but there are adventurers mixed in among them as well as the occasional wizard. They’re all kitted out in the colors of the Kingdom though. Armor painted with the Royal family’s crest, bandanas with the fallen star motif embroidered on, red tassels on their weapons. Maybe they don’t have the Kingdom’s army behind them, but they have the King’s favor.

The Dark Lord is the only one who’s managed to keep his mouth shut after her sudden resurrection. His side is comprised of dark wizards in tattered robes and nearly a hundred demons. Danielle can see wolves the size of horses, goblins with wooden clubs, and vampires hiding in the tree line.  It looks impressive, but the girl’s memories tell Danielle a different story.

This is the last stand for both sides.

“The Hero lives,” Knight David says through bloodless lips. He’s younger than Danielle thought, his beard only just touched with silver. His eyes shine wetly and he raises his sword over his head. “THE HERO LIVES!”

Knights, adventurers, and wizards lean back and scream their jubilation to the sky. Some of them weep openly, staggering as close to her as the Dark Lord’s barrier allows with their hands spread wide as if to embrace her.

The Dark Lord is silent as the kingdom’s forces rejoice. He looks like a human though he’s gone to great lengths to hide that fact. His long, black hair is twisted around his horns, emphasizing them. His clothes are as tattered as his forces’ and there’s dried blood staining the hem of his cape. His nails are long and painted an unending black that makes them look like talons.

If it weren’t for the depth and darkness of his magic, he wouldn’t register to Danielle as a Dark Lord at all.

“Hero,” the Dark Lord murmurs. His red eyes gleam a beat before his pupils swell, turning them black. He doesn’t raise his voice above the noise, but magic makes it so Danielle can hear him easily. “Killing you quickly was the last mercy I had for you.”

“Mercy,” Danielle says. The word echoes from her involuntarily. She pulls the arrow from the dead girl’s chest. The wet and meaty sound of it finally silences Knight David and his allies. She coughs and tastes blood.

“The fates have seen the justness of our cause and protected the Hero,” Knight David says into the silence.

“Fate,” Danielle echoes and coughs blood again.

Knight David doesn’t hear her. His chest swells. A talented orator, he knows just what to say to erase the horror of her death and reinvigorate his squad. “Dark Lord -no! – Demon, you’ve lost.” He points his sword directly at the Dark Lord. “You just don’t know it yet.” The knights cheer.

Oh, Danielle thinks, he knows it.

The Dark Lord stares down the length of Knight David’s blade impassively. His lip curls into a sneer that must look truly demonic to the knights of the kingdom. But from her vantage point, Danielle can see the way his clenched fists tremble. The barrier wavers imperceptibly and then holds. The Dark Lord can’t sustain it for much longer, not if he wants to have enough magic to fight.

As soon as it falls, the kingdom will strike. And, with the Hero on their side, they’ll have the conviction (and the magic) to take on a thousand demons. The Dark Lord only has a hundred.

Danielle staggers to her feet. This body is on the weaker side of the ones she has inhabited, but it’s not the worst she’s had to work with. Her legs hold her weight and the heart beats strongly once she uses her magic to patch it.

Knight David grins at her, the fever of battle bright in his eyes. “Hero!” He holds out his hand. “How glad I am to see you alive! Cast your strengthening spell.”

A memory: They taught her to strengthen her allies and nothing else. Training sessions ran late into the night as they pushed her to expand her range, power them up more, amplify magic higher and higher. This girl knows exhaustion more intimately than the affection of another.

Knight David slashes the barrier. He doesn’t wait to see if she’ll obey. Of course she will. This dead girl has never defied him before. She owes him and his kingdom too much. Who else would elevate an orphan to the heights of a Hero? He strikes again and this time his blow leaves a crack in the Dark Lord’s magic that splinters out like a spiderweb. He grins meanly. “Come, soldiers! Reclaim our land! Defend our home! Defeat evil!”

The knights smash their weapons against their shields and bare their teeth. “For our homes! For our families! For good!”

“Kill,” the Dark Lord hisses as his barrier fails piece by piece. He leans towards Knight David like a snake about to strike. A sword as black as night materializes in his hand. “Kill them all.”

“Hey,” Danielle says, “don’t you think you’re moving on a little fast?”

Nobody hears her. Nobody asks her if she’s alright. Nobody cares.

It’s Danielle’s curse to care.

The Dark Lord’s barrier crumbles. The air fractures and fragments tumble from the top and towards the combatants on either side like sparks. It’s ten feet in the air, eight feet, seven feet--

Her magic billows from her like smoke, scorching the grass as it balloons forward. Blood burns and vaporizes under the heat. The wolves are the first to notice it. They whine and back away from her wave of power, cowering behind their lord. Danielle hisses through her teeth and her power surges a little faster, touching the Dark Lord’s magic before the demons can alert their master. She’s powerful enough to do this even with him fighting her, but that would be…messy. She wrests control of the barrier from the Dark Lord. She builds it back up to twenty feet tall and adds new walls. The King’s forces used to be the only ones trapped. Now the Dark Lord turns and blinks at the misty cage that’s formed around him and his army.

The sudden silence hurts her ears as hundreds of eyes follow the scorch marks from the barrier to her.

Knight David’s sword wavers. “Hero…?”

“Your Hero isn’t here anymore,” Danielle says. Experience tells her to rip this bandage off quickly. She gestures to the dead girl’s clouded eyes. “Did you really think she survived an arrow to her heart?”

She can see from their faces that they did. Knight David opens his mouth and then closes it. He swallows hard. He says, “You’re not—” His face hardens. “Who are you?”

The Dark Lord watches her with black eyes, but he’s not still. His power tests her control of his barrier. He doesn’t find a crack.

“You called it fate,” Danielle says. She limps towards them. There’s an arrow in the girl’s thigh she didn’t notice before. She pulls it out without breaking stride and throws it to the side. The furnace that’s consumed the dead girl’s heart churns with rage. “You lot always believe in fate. Makes everything you do look prettier, doesn’t it? More palatable.”

“It is fate. The Oracles of Trilbia spoke of a girl with untold power who would be our savior. We needed—”

“LOOK AT HER!” Danielle roars. She slams a hand against her chest and then holds her palm high overhead. Red shines wetly on her palm. “She was a child! Fifteen summers and you stand there and call her a savior?”

“I ask again,” Knight David says. His eyes flash. “Who are you?” He draws his sword point slowly, purposefully, away from the Dark Lord. He points it directly at her. “What have you done to the Hero?”

Danielle won’t answer stupid questions. “You’re cruel. What you did to her – nothing can justify it. Especially not something as fickle as fate.”

“The Oracles—”

“Should die,” Danielle interrupts. She bares her teeth. “Or at least be honest. If they wanted a child sacrifice, they should have killed her on an altar with their own hands.”

Knight David hits her barrier. It throws him back and he shakes with rage. “Who. Are. You?”

“And you,” Danielle says, turning her attention to the Dark Lord. She holds her bloodied palm out to him. “You speak of mercy. You think giving her a quick death mercy?”

To his credit, he doesn’t deny it or flinch away. He nods shallowly, eyes never leaving hers.

“There was mercy, I’ll give you that,” Danielle says. She staggers towards him and stops just short of the barrier. They’re barely two feet apart when she says, “It was her mercy that she died quickly. Not yours.”

The Dark Lord’s nostrils flare. “I don’t understand.”

“You will,” Danielle promises. Her heart aches. This isn’t the time for that. She stokes the fires of her magic until steam escapes from her lips again. Only then does she twist towards Knight David again. “You killed this girl. You threw her into battle untrained. They may have shot her, but it was you who brought her here. This is your fault.”

“You’re some malevolent spirit,” Knight David says. He sweeps one arm out as if to banish her. Behind him, his forces tremble. “A vile devil come to sow seeds of doubt. Our conviction is firm. Oh, monstrous devil! Release our friend, release the Hero and your end may be swift yet.”

Devil? Danielle loses hold of her rage for a moment. Yes, yes she supposes she is. There are forces at play here that she might call devilish. But being called a devil by him?

Ridiculous.

“Maybe you should pray,” Danielle suggests. She nods slowly, warming to the suggestion. “Yes, that’s what you should do. You should pray the big, bad devil away.” She approaches his side of the barrier and the grass withers under her feet. “Pray, Knight David.”

“Hold fast,” Knight David says to his knights. He raises his sword to her and braces himself. “Do not be swayed by—”

“No, don’t pray,” Danielle says. She laughs without humor, chest shuddering with the effort. “Prophecize. Summon a hero to defeat me. Go on. Do it.”

“You will pay for the horrors you’ve committed today. Wearing the skin of the Chosen One damns you to the furthest—”

“Oh, fine, I’ll do it for you. There will be a knight,” Danielle says. She lurches forward and presses her hands against her barrier. Knight David stumbles back when it moves with her, allowing her closer and closer. She laughs again. “A Knight with red splashed across his breast and his shining sword melded to his hand.”

Knight David chokes on a scream as her words become truth. His sword melts under a sudden wave of heat, the silver-plating dripping through his fingers. He falls to his knees and grabs his wrist, trying to shake his hand free of the molten metal. It cools as rapidly as it melted, and he stares in horror as the silver binds his fingers to the hilt forevermore.

Danielle comes closer and the kingdom’s forces flex away from her like a school of fish in the face of a predator. “And this knight,” she says, “will be a Hero to his people. He will rise through his pain and destroy the devil that wore the skin of the little girl he sent to slaughter.” She spreads her arms wide above him, the sun beating down on her crown, and waits. After a beat she says, “Go on. Make the prophecy come true. Stab me. I’m waiting.”

Knight David keens through clenched teeth. “Y-you monster. You w-won’t—” He breathes in deeply and glares up at her. His feeble attempts to raise his arm don’t move his sword more than an inch. “You won’t break me.”

“I don’t have to,” Danielle says. Her arms fall to her sides, and she looms over the fallen knight. The air isn’t sweet now. The smell of burning flesh is more familiar than blood. “She didn’t ask me to break you.”

“Didn’t ask?”

Danielle turns. Unlike the knights, the Dark Lord isn’t backing away from her. He’s as close as he can get, pressed right up against the barrier. He’s rearranged his forces while she wasn’t looking so that the hardier demons are shielding the smaller.

“Didn’t ask,” Danielle agrees. She taps her temple. “Right before she died, I asked her what she wanted. See, nobody here gave a fuck what she wanted before she died. Fate is fake, but belief isn’t. They believed hard enough that the universe heard their pathetic little prayers for a savior. And, at the end, it took pity, but not on them. No one cared so it sent me. I asked what she wanted. She answered. Now we’re here.”

Knight David shudders at her feet.

“Are you a spirit of vengeance then?” the Dark Lord asks very casually. His shoulders are tense, undermining his nonchalance. He speaks a touch too loudly and very carefully doesn’t look back at his army. “Is that it?”

“I’m what she asked for,” Danielle says. She eyes Knight David’s comrades. There’s a wizard somewhere in there valiantly trying to heal Knight David’s wounds from afar. It’s slow going so she ignores it. “Though, between you and me, I think some vengeance is owed here, don’t you?”

The Dark Lord’s jaw flexes. “It is.” He raises his chin. “And you shall have it. I only ask that you let my people go. They are blameless in all this and only had the bad fortune to follow a misguided lord—”

Howls and screams of protest drown out his words. The demons lunge against his orders, mouths frothing and eyes wide in fear. They don’t want their lord to die, they deny his words, they can’t bear to lose him.

The Dark Lord’s power snaps over them and they quiet all at once, voices stolen by his power.

“Let it only be me. Please,” the Dark Lord finishes quietly.

Danielle watches him with interest. “You would die for them?”

“I return the loyalty I’ve been given.” He bows his head. “I will beg if you’d like.”

“What makes you believe I want your death?”

“I know my part in the Hero’s fate,” the Dark Lord says. His lips thin and he stares down at Knight David with more hatred than she thought possible. “Humans brought her here to slaughter, but I gave the order. I called it mercy to kill a child quickly so she need not suffer. We both know I lied. I killed her to keep her from strengthening the kingdom. No matter how I did it, it wasn’t mercy. It was evil and it was…not necessary. It wasn’t necessary but it was easier than the alternatives and so I killed her. I resigned myself to carrying that sin before I ever stepped foot onto the battlefield.”

Oh. Danielle has to blink very quickly as heat rises behind her eyes. The Dark Lord isn’t lying. He isn’t hiding from the truth of his actions nor is he justifying his hand in the Hero’s death. There is sorrow in his voice and his hands are loose at his sides even though his eyes are watchful, waiting for her to strike. He’d let me strike him down. He will stand there and do nothing while I slit his throat.

“It was wrong,” Danielle says. Her throat aches. “It was wrong to kill her.”

The Dark Lord’s head sinks lower. “Yes. It was.”

“She was a child.”

“She was.”

“She didn’t have a choice.”

“I know.”

“She deserved better.”

“Yes.”

Danielle’s chin trembles. This— after all the dead girls, this is a first. “You did it to save your domain.”

“I did.”

“It was evil.”

“Yes. The most evil thing I’ve done.”

“She didn’t ask me to kill you.”

“Ye—what?” The Dark Lord blinks, finally looking back up at her. His eyes are red again, pupils dilated. “She didn’t?”

“No.” Danielle lets the barrier slip out of her control. She can see the Dark Lord more clearly without the wall of smoke and his eyes are more than just red. They’re red-rimmed. Danielle reaches up with her bloodied palm and cups the Dark Lord’s cheek. He shudders at the chill of her touch but doesn’t pull away. “You had no mercy today, but she did. She knew her power would mean the end of your people. She knew she would not be able to resist the order to cast her spell when they gave it. So when the first volley came, she didn’t run. She didn’t raise her shield.”

“Mercy,” the Dark Lord breathes in revelation. His face crumples. “Oh.”

“She died quickly,” Danielle says. The girl’s memories are so hot that Danielle feels burned. All the dead girls are strong. This one is not an exception. “She knew an evil thing would be done today. She chose. She chose.”

The Dark Lord’s voice is thick with tears. “She shouldn’t have had to. She—No!”

Danielle doesn’t know what’s happened at first. The Dark Lord is staring at her in mute horror. His cheek is stained red but her hand is no longer on his cheek. Then she processes that she’s been hit quite hard in the back. She looks down.

A bloody sword is sticking out of her chest. It retracts with a sickly sound and Danielle finds herself on her knees, staring down at the river of blood gushing from her breast. She let down her barrier to speak to the Dark Lord, face to face. She didn’t think she’d be leaving her back open to the other side. Or, rather, she didn’t think Knight David would recover enough to kill her again.

“The devil speaks lies,” Knight David says. His words are thin with pain. He can no longer raise his blade to the sky. His arm is trembling from the effort of stabbing her but still he faces his forces and spurs them to action. “And lies have no place in our kingdom! Our friend, our Hero died for us! So we could win! So we could prosper! So we could—”

He killed her again.

Danielle surges to her feet. The dead girl’s heart is torn to pieces in her chest, but Danielle’s magic surges through her veins like blood. She rises up behind Knight David and shrieks, “Stop killing her!” She drives her hand through Knight David’s chest and rips out his heart.

It happens too fast for anyone to react. The Dark Lord holds his breath and the world goes still. Danielle lets the heart fall and the thud as it hits the grass is loud in the quiet.

Knight David sways once, twice, and then drops to the bloodied ground.

“You didn’t have to die,” Danielle says. She’s looking at the other knights and adventurers and idiots who believed in fate. She’s talking to Knight David. “Even after everything you put her through, she didn’t want you dead. She was good. She was great. And you killed her for it.”

“Mercy,” someone stutters. Then, another. “Mercy, please.”

“No,” Danielle says. Petulant. Like a child. “You didn’t stop him. Not a single one of you tried. She didn’t tell me to save you.”

They combust before they can run. A long time ago, her power wasn’t as controlled. Her fire didn’t get hot enough fast enough. They screamed back then. Screamed and wailed and cursed.

Her fire doesn’t give them a chance to curse her now.

When it is done and she’s satisfied that nothing but ashes remain, she turns to the Dark Lord. He doesn’t flinch from her though there’s fear in his eyes. Even now, he expects her to kill him. Even now he accepts it.

“Bury her,” Danielle says. The fire crackles behind her. “Clean her body and dress her in new clothes. Bury her somewhere where war hasn’t touched and say something kind over her grave.”

The Dark Lord swallows twice before he can speak. He doesn’t ask if this means she’s going to leave him alive. He understands what she means. He says, “I-I will.”

“She saved you,” Danielle says. She wants him to understand that. “She could have wished for anything. Revenge. Peace. A second chance. She didn’t. She wished to save you.”

“She will be honored,” the Dark Lord says. He breathes in deeply and gently reaches out to cup her cheek, an imitation of her earlier touch. His palm is warm against her cold skin. If he is repulsed by the feel of death, he doesn’t show it.  “I will see to it.”

Danielle closes her eyes. Though she doesn’t lean into his touch, she doesn’t pull away. It is the singularly most affectionate moment she’s experienced in decades, but it’s not for her. “Her name is Samira.”

The Dark Lord releases his breath. “Samira. Thank you for telling me her name.”

Danielle lets her curse sweep her to the next dead girl.

----------------

Thanks for reading! If you’d like to see stories like this or some more serialized stories, please consider supporting me on Patreon (X)! Currently I’m working on the Cinderella retelling I have posted on here :)

See y’all next week!

#my writing #long post #The Chosen One #original short story #danielle is cursed #child death #violence

[demxters]

—LOVING YOU IS ENOUGH

frat!jake seresin x f!reader

dagger squad college!au

summary: a week after the fight that tore you apart, jake finds out about the accident. (part 2 of a losing game)

wc: 9.3k 

warning(s): 18+, fem!reader, no y/n (reader goes by nickname ace), recommended to read a losing game first, angst galore, swearing, mentions of alcohol, drunk driving (don't do it), bad parental relationships, academic pressure, hospitals, description of injuries 

part of the loving you universe || find it on ao3 here

𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊, 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃!

Jake Seresin used to think he had no regrets in his life. Every time he was close to feeling as if that were so, the universe found a way to turn it around and prove to him that he made the right choice. Choosing to go to USC for instance, instead of staying in his home state of Texas, he thought was the biggest mistake he had made in his life. Then USC led him to Delta Chi where he made lifelong friends, and ultimately he met you. So no, Jake Seresin had no regrets in life. Yet as he sat under the fluorescent white lights of the sterile hospital waiting room, Jake was able to think of one. 

All the days passed by in a blur, with Jake finding himself in a robotic routine that helped him get through the day:

Wake up 

Go to class

Eat 

Do not think about Ace 

Nap 

Eat 

Do not think about Ace 

(attempt to) Sleep

It wasn’t the healthiest of routines, but it was enough to keep him surviving. At least until he began receiving your texts. Your apologies and declarations of love made him weak, making it much harder for him to stand his ground and give himself the space that he told himself he needed. With each passing day, he found it harder to convince himself that space is what he actually wanted. So he silenced your notifications. The bright red badge continued to grow in number and it took all of his power to not give in and click your contact. 

By the fifth day, Jake thought he was actually doing pretty well. He was even studying for his finals and going to every single one of his study groups that you had suggested he try. Even as one thing or another always led back to a reminder of you, his self control was much more restrained and he felt just a little bit lighter. 

Jake missed you like hell, that was for sure. But maybe this fight was a sign for him to work on himself. To be better not just for you, but for himself as well. 

So he did what he thought was best by pulling a page from your book and choosing to throw himself into his work. He shut everyone out, refusing to go to any outings with Javy and the gang. He didn’t answer his phone and barely left his room other than to go to classes or use the bathroom. Jake ignored the fact that in doing so, he was neglecting his physical and mental health. In turn, making this coping strategy of his more harmful than good. While he thought his obsession with his isolation and studying was “making himself better,” he didn’t realize that the only thing he was really doing was actively avoiding the problem at hand. 

But as day seven rolled around, Jake’s fake it till you make it attitude came crashing down. Upon returning back to his and Javy’s shared room in the Frat House after his final exam, Jake fell onto his bed and finally let himself feel. 

Jake Seresin has never felt so alone. After days of avoiding, he gave himself permission to think about you–to miss you. Remembering the last time he saw you and the last moment you shared, he could feel the tears that began to gather on his lash line. Too tired to hold it in, he let his emotions go. He let the sobs and cries for help he has been burying in his chest break free. He was tired, so damn tired, of pretending like everything was okay. Like he was okay. 

He wanted someone to notice that something was off with him, that something happened to make him feel absolutely miserable in his own skin. However, everyone was too caught up in their own whirlwinds of final exams, studying, and relationships to notice that Jake was struggling to stay afloat without his life preserver–without you. 

His heart ached and longed for you. Your voice, your touch, your love. If he could take it all back he would. He would’ve come back to you without a second thought. Jake would have gathered you in his arms and sat with you all night long until the two of you could work it out. Because he wasn’t Hangman anymore. He wouldn’t leave you out to dry. Yet somehow he managed to do exactly that. 

With the only thing on his mind being you, he finally mustered up the courage to read all of the texts you had sent him days prior. The first few made his heart ache, reading your heartfelt apologies and declarations of love was enough to make him start crying all over again. Teary eyed smiles graced his features at your small anecdotes and pictures of things that reminded you of him. 

He could hear your voice and see your mannerisms in his head at each text he reads through. 

Jake’s euphoria is interrupted by the fifth call he has received from Natasha. He rolls his eyes before immediately declining her call. Nat probably finally talked to you about what happened and he figured she was calling to rip him a new one. He definitely wasn’t in the mood for that right now. 

His smile grows as he scrolls through his phone, especially at the photo of a golden retriever you saw on campus that “looked like him.” A playful scoff leaves him at that as he imagines the way you would’ve jumped up and down on the tips of your toes, clutching onto his arm, as you justified how he was a golden retriever in human form. This was the closest he felt to you in days and he wished for it to never end. 

Jake continued on, savoring every good night and “I love you” text, every apology, and every good luck you wished him on his exams. Though one series of texts was enough to have the fullness in Jake’s heart flushed empty. He reads them over and over again, praying that he read them wrong. 

I failed my exams, Jake. I don’t know what to do. 

His heart skips a beat. 

I can’t go home this summer. I won’t. I can’t face my parents, they’ll hate me forever. 

But the worst of them all, the one he begs was a prank being played on him by the universe read: I’m taking your silence as a sign that I’ve fucked us up beyond repair. I love you, Jake Seresin, even if you no longer love me.

He’s going to be sick. Sure he was mad, but he never wanted you to ever think that he didn’t love you anymore. That was just a statement that could never be true. Jake was done wallowing. He was done making you both suffer because he wasn’t man enough to confront you. Swallowing his fears and his pride, he begins formulating a text to ask you to meet him at The Hard Deck–somewhere familiar, though not too intimate just yet. 

He’s about to press send when a phone call from Javy interrupts his screen. Jake instantly presses decline, however, he barely has another second before Javy’s name pops up again. 

With an agitated sigh, Jake finally answers the phone, swearing up and down that whatever he was calling for better be something good. “The hell you want, Javy?” 

“Jake–” he starts. 

“Look, I’ve been getting calls from Nat all day and I’m assuming that’s why you’re calling me right now,” Jake vents. “But I really, really don’t have time for a lecture from either of you right now, man.” 

“Jake.” Javy’s voice shifts into something more somber, more serious. “Ace’s been in an accident.” 

It’s as if his feet have processed the information long before his brain did. Jake blacks out, barely recognizing the actions in which he’s pulling on his shoes and rushing out of his room and into the common living area. 

The air is knocked out of his lungs, forcing him to grasp for leverage on the edge of the table. Jake can hear Bradley asking what’s wrong but all he can focus on is Javy’s breathing, the sound of people rushing around in the background. The phone slips from his hand and he feels like his entire rib cage is caving in on itself, crushing his heart. Black spots swim on his vision and there’s a hand on his chest telling him to breathe.

“Come on, Seresin,” Bradley’s voice comes through. “Breathe.” 

A heavy exhale escapes him as he desperately tries to catch his breath. He’s muttering an incoherent string of words, stumbling his way through the room and trying to get to the front door. 

Bradley is right on his tail, yanking on his own pair of shoes and grabbing the phone that Jake haphazardly dropped on the floor in the middle of his attack. “You gotta tell me what’s going on, man, you’re scaring me.” 

Jake abruptly stops at the front door, turning to look at Bradley over his shoulder with something worse than heartbreak in his eyes. He doesn’t say anything more other than, “Ace. It’s Ace.” 

That’s all Bradley needs to hear before he’s grabbing the car keys from Jake’s hands and dialing Javy’s number back into Jake’s phone. 

Jake could hardly remember when he got to the hospital, let alone how he was able to navigate himself to get to the ER without help when the only thing on his mind was you. He couldn’t even recall what Javy had said about the extent of your injuries, just that you were still unconscious from the car accident. 

Upon reaching the ER Jake saw Nat sitting in the waiting room with her head in her hands while Javy sat beside her and gently rubbed a comforting hand up and down her back. 

Bradley and Jake’s heavy footsteps alert the couple. Nat’s head shoots up, her red rimmed and teary eyes locking on Jake’s. She’s storming over in seconds, pushing at his chest angrily. 

“Why the hell didn’t you pick up your phone?” 

“Nat–” he starts, only to be silenced with another harsh shove. He takes the brunt of the hit, knowing he deserved every single one and worse. “I’m sorry.” Jake winces at how pathetic he sounds. 

Natasha shakes her head with disappointment clouding her features. “Sorry isn’t gonna fix this.” 

Javy joins the group, nodding at Bradley as he gestures for him to sit down. He places a hand on Jake’s shoulder asking him to do the same. He only brushes Javy’s hand off, taking a step closer to Nat. 

“Is she…is she okay?” He braces himself for the worst. Jake’s heart beats so fast against his ribcage that he swears he could feel the muscle begin to ache. 

Natasha inhales shakily before collapsing into the nearest seat. “I don’t know.” 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” The fear in his veins begins to mix with annoyance and fury. The rational side of him knew he shouldn’t be mad at Nat, but the only thing occupying his thoughts was the idea of you not being okay. Having to hear that you were in the hospital was already bad enough. He doesn’t think he could take anything more. 

“I mean, I don’t know!” Nat’s voice rises with that same frustration and fear. “All the lady on the phone said was that she was in a car accident with four other people from our school. From what I understand, the others made it out okay, but the car that t-boned them…” Her voice wavers, recalling the words she heard earlier that evening and imagining the worst. “The other car hit Ace’s side head on. She took most of the impact. The other four made it out okay with barely any scratches.” 

Jake’s hands are shaking as he braces them on his knees, desperate to catch his breath. He didn’t realize his knees had hit the floor until he felt the sting from the solid ground. But he didn’t have it in him to care about anything other than you right now. Jake desperately tries to piece everything together from your texts from the night before but nothing was making sense. Everything he was trying to understand came out between shallow breaths. “Where did she go? Why was she out so late? Who was she with? Why weren’t any of you with her?” 

“Jake,” Bradley interferes, squeezing his shoulder as a gentle reminder to breathe. 

Jake catches the way Javy clenches his jaw from the corner of his eye which has him demanding answers. “Javy.” There was something his friends weren’t telling him, making the searing hot anger in his blood begin to boil.��

Nat saves her boyfriend by giving up the information for him. “Before you get upset, you need to understand that she didn’t tell any of us where she was going. None of us had really seen her lately and just assumed she was stressed out from finals. We didn’t think things were this bad.” 

“What aren’t you guys telling me?” 

“Jake,” Javy starts cautiously. He kneels down beside his friend, speaking nice and slow, almost like he was conversing with a child. “If we tell you, you have to promise to stay calm.” 

He scoffs in disbelief, rolling his eyes at his best friend. “How do you think I’ll be able to stay calm? I just found out my girlfriend has been in an accident and no one wants to tell me what the hell is going on!” 

“Javy, just tell him. He deserves to know,” Bradley sighs. 

“Damn right, I deserve to know. I’m her boyfriend!” Jake’s seething as he gets up and starts pacing back and forth. People are beginning to stare but he doesn’t give a damn. 

It’s Nat’s turn to grow agitated. “Really? Because last I heard the two of you were on a break.” 

“Wait, what?” Javy looks at his best friend in bewilderment. 

Nat shoots him a look that says, I’ll explain it all later. 

“Doesn’t matter if we were on a break or not. She’s still my girl and I need to know what happened.” 

The conviction in his tone and the strength on his face are enough to make Javy and Nat cave. Hiding this from him would only make things worse than they already were. 

Nat doesn’t dare to meet Jake’s eye as she says, “She was with some Alpha Sigs and their girlfriends. Everyone in the car was intoxicated. Even the guy at the wheel. They were coming from the Alpha Sig house. I don’t know what the hell they were doing in a car like that but I know the Sigs are in interrogation with the police right now.” 

Bradley clenches his fist. “Those bastards.” 

“Ace was the only one whose condition was critical.” The word critical falls short on her tongue, being whispered into the tense atmosphere. 

Jake’s silence is unnerving. They were expecting an outburst of some sort. Some screaming, maybe even some physical aggression yet not of it came. The sound that fell from Jake’s lips was worse than anything they could’ve imagined. 

It was as if everyone in the room heard his heartbreak as he was unable to control the tears that fell from his eyes. The feeling of overwhelming guilt rushed over him at the realization that he should have been there. That this was all his fault. You would have never humored the idea of an Alpha Sig party in the first place if the two of you had just talked everything out. But you weren’t thinking straight, and neither was he, leading the both of you towards the path of least resistance. Instead, Jake had to be stubborn and sensitive. He couldn’t just man up and admit that you were more important than his ego and pride. 

Nothing matters to him anymore upon his epiphany other than needing to see you. You were the only one that could help him. 

“I need to see her,” he says through nasally breaths. 

During Jake’s spiral, Nat had let tears of her own fall. “They’re not letting any of us see her right now. Just family.” The last part tastes like acid on her tongue. 

“We’re her family. They need to let me see her,” he begs. Jake remembers you telling him that he and your friends were truly the only family you have ever known. 

“Biological, Jake. We can’t. Not until her parents get here.” She doesn’t even try to hide the scowl on her face. 

“Well, where the hell are they?” Jake questions. 

“Bora Bora? Or was it Barbados? I have no fucking clue. The nurse said it sounded like they were more upset about their vacation being cut short than their own daughter being in the hospital.” 

Jake hates that he wasn’t too surprised to hear that. How ironic that the real people you considered family were here and yet they wouldn’t even let them see you. 

Jake swallows, trying his best to ignore the stickiness of his throat. “Then I guess I’m staying here until then.” 

Javy, Natasha, and Bradley share a look of uncertainty at his words. Certainly, it wasn’t healthy for him to be there all day and all night waiting for your parents to get there. It was Jake’s determined look and sureness that also let them know that there was no talking him out of this. The three make a silent, unspoken pact to watch over the boy until then. 

Jake wasn’t giving up. Not now, not ever. Leaving you was the biggest mistake he has ever made. He was never going to let that happen again. 

Seventy-two hours later and Jake was still left in the dark about your condition. He desperately wanted to sneak into your room and see you. He was close to lying to the nurses and saying he was your cousin if that was what he needed to do. But the rest of his friends convinced him to be patient. Though it hurt, the pain lessened with them around. 

Like clockwork, the group would come to the hospital to wait for any news and to take care of Jake. The mornings would consist of Javy and Natasha bringing Jake a new change of clothes and breakfast. His afternoons were spent with Bradley dragging him back home to take a quick shower while Bob stayed at the hospital until they returned. The first day was like pulling teeth with Jake. The scene would have been quite amusing, if not for the seriousness of their situation. Bradley looked like he was dragging a child through the hospital with how stubborn Jake was being. A quick phone call to Javy had him fixing his attitude. 

“You don’t want the first impression Ace gets of you after so long to be that you stink, do you?” he had said. 

So he reluctantly obliged, returning back to the hospital freshly bathed under 45 minutes flat. 

Jake’s evenings were spent with Mickey and Reuben force feeding him dinner and trying to distract him with mediocre board games. 

The next day, the cycle would repeat. Then again on the next. Their distractions were welcomed and he appreciated how they have been there for the both of you through everything. When night fell and the waiting room emptied, Jake stayed right where he was. 

He would bury himself into the neck of his sweatshirt and try to get as much sleep as he could. Sleep didn’t come easy to Jake. All of the “what if’s” and the fear of missing the moment you’d wake clouded his thoughts to the point where sleep just seemed absolutely impossible. 

The only ones left in the waiting room were the few straggling family members waiting for their loved ones and the nurses who passed by every now and then. The dim lighting and eerie silence, bar the sound of heart monitors and the occasional code call, were more than enough to have the voices in Jake’s head amplify in volume. 

It was his own voice, berating him for not checking up on him sooner. For being hard headed and too full of pride to approach you first. It was Javy’s, telling him that you got into an accident. It was your last I love you. No, not last. He won’t entertain that idea. 

No matter how much he willed himself not to, he couldn’t help but think to the last time the both of you spoke. Jake hated himself for not saying those three words back to you. He never thought that one choice would lead to the possibility of never hearing your voice again, touching your soft skin, or seeing your bright eyes full of life. Of never loving you again. What hurt him the most though, was the possibility that your last thought of him may be that he didn’t love you anymore. That was far from the truth. 

He loved you more than he thought he was capable of loving someone. Jake has had his fair share of girlfriends and flings, but not one of them made him feel the way you did with something as simple as a look in his direction. That’s all it took with you. One look and Jake knew you were it for him. Nothing else mattered. 

Jake hated himself for making you doubt that. Jake hated himself for leaving that night and most of all he hated himself for not saying it back. Now, all he wanted to do was shower you in love and reassure you that despite the sting of your words, he never stopped loving you. He can’t imagine what he would’ve done if he was in your shoes. Right now, he wished he was. If he could be in your place and take your pain, he would. 

But he can’t and if something worse were to happen to you, Jake would be the one to live with that pain and burden. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if it came to that. 

It’s funny to think that three years ago, Jake would have rolled his eyes and scoffed at the image of himself being hopelessly in love. Now you were his everything–the thing he couldn’t imagine his life without. 

It was a miracle that he was able to fall asleep that night with no nightmares. The exhaustion must have finally caught up to him because his sleep was so deep that he woke up to Javy frantically shaking his shoulders to get him to wake. 

His eyes snapped open as he came to. His senses readjusted to the environment around him before remembering where he was and why he was there. 

Javy sounded like he was underwater as Jake shook himself awake. His vision finally clears and he sees the rest of his friends already there in the room. A quick glance outside was enough to tell him he slept through breakfast and probably lunchtime too. 

Jake, still feeling groggy, was completely disregarding everything his best friend was saying. He assumed he was being given the same spiel he’s heard for the past three days about needing to eat and take care of himself. 

Then Javy says something that has Jake snapping wide awake. 

He barely gives him another chance to repeat himself before Jake is scrambling to his feet with bleary eyes and disheveled hair. He had no other cares in the world right now other than to confirm that what Javy had said is true. 

The sweet nurse who Jake had familiarized himself with during his stay gently caught him by the wrist and tugged him towards the hall. 

“Her parents got here an hour ago, but since she woke she’s only been asking for you,” Nurse Donna informed him. 

A small flutter works its way around Jake’s rib cage and down to his stomach upon hearing her words. He can no longer contain the nerves that flood through his system as he continues to clumsily follow Donna, tripping over his own feet in the process. 

When Donna finally lets go of his wrist, he stops outside the door marked with your last name for just a moment. Hesitation and fear cloud his mind. Maybe Donna was mistaken. What if you weren’t actually asking for him? What if she had misheard? What if–

“It’s okay, honey. Go see your girl.” Donna urges him with an encouraging smile. 

His girl. God, he missed hearing that. He gives her a small nod of gratitude and exhales softly. Jake’s shaky hand reaches for the silver knob. Giving it a forceful push, he makes his way through the door frame. His feet skid to stop at the threshold and his breath hitches in his throat as he’s met with the sight of those beautiful eyes he’s been praying to see for days on end. 

Two Years Ago 

Jake didn’t understand why you were so cold towards him. You were even able to warm up to his frat brothers Javy and Reuben. He was dying for it to be his turn. It got to the point where Jake would just breathe while standing beside you and you’d let out a loud groan and move beside Bradley. 

Jake hated to admit that he was jealous of Bradley’s ability to get along with you so easily. After your little moment in the library, he thought things between the two of you would be easier, lighter. Instead, it became the absolute opposite and Jake was close to doing something stupid just so you would pay attention to him again. He doesn’t know why, but ever since that day in the library, he found himself desperate for your attention. He was filled with the satisfaction he used to get when flirting with sorority girls. He hasn’t been able to feel that since you. 

He doesn’t know what he did to make you dislike him so much. If only he knew, then maybe he could do something to rectify your predetermined notions of him. 

Even now as he attempted to butter up an Alpha Phi girl, his green eyes were constantly drawn back to your figure on the other side of the aisle. The high pitched voice of the girl in front of him turned into white noise as Jake zeroed in on you. Suddenly, getting this girl to come to the party tonight was the last thing on his mind. 

You hadn’t noticed him yet. If you had, you probably would’ve made a B-line toward the exit already. You were standing on your tiptoes with your tongue slightly poking out from the corner of your mouth. Brows furrowed in concentration, you desperately tried to grab a book on the top shelf. After a lousy first attempt, you try a second time. This time, you rock back on your heels for momentum before launching yourself upwards. Your second try is just as unsuccessful as your first. 

Jake shakes his head with amusement as he watches you try for a third time. Your third attempt was just as successful as the last two, leaving you standing empty handed. 

“Hey, Becky? Why don’t we finish this conversation another time, yeah?” He gently pats the girl on the arm, all while keeping his gaze trained on you. Jake barely waits for the girl’s response, missing her disgruntled correction of, My name’s Brittany! that falls from her lips. 

You’re staring heatedly at the book on the top shelf. He strides over to you, patiently waiting for you to notice him. He stands beside you, also looking up intently at the book, with his arms crossed over his chest. His lips quirk up at the corners as he notes the way your body tenses upon sensing his presence. 

All you do is roll back your shoulders as if preparing for one last jump. Jake stops you before you can even make your attempt. 

“Sit tight, Ace, your savior’s here.” His left hand hovers over the small of your back while he extends his right arm to reach the book you were looking for. An over dramatic sigh leaves his lips as he brings his arm down and hands the book out to you. His green eyes twinkle with delight as you cross your arms in annoyance. 

You turn to meet his gaze, your own stare burning into his. 

Jake’s stomach does the strangest thing upon catching your eye. He suddenly finds himself mesmerized by their beautiful color. The intensity of your stare makes him feel like you can see right through him, all the way into the depths of the most hidden parts of his soul. He could get lost in them if you let him. 

Breaking eye contact at the intensity of his gaze, you scoff, snatching the book from his hands. Swiftly turning on your heels, you make your way toward the end of the aisle. You stop right at the end and pause before turning over your shoulder to see Jake still eyeing you in bewilderment. “Careful on your way out, Seresin. Your head’s getting so big I’m afraid it might be a bit of a tight squeeze.” 

For once, his brain seems to have shut off and he’s unable to think up a cocky or witty remark. He watches you go with intrigue and admiration. His stomach does another somersault as he recalls the exact shade of your eyes and the sway of your hips.

 You are going to be the death of him. 

“Jake?” 

Just like that, he can finally breathe again. Tears gather in his eyes faster than his feet can bring him to the edge of the bed. Jake’s sweeping your hand that’s not hooked up to the IV in his and he lets out a breath of relief at the feeling of your skin on his. A feeling that he was afraid he’d never get to have again. 

“Jake,” you sigh, the moment his hand is in yours. You breathe his name like it was your first full breath of fresh air. It falls from your lips like a prayer. Soft, sweet, and full of conviction. 

He gives himself a moment to scan your body. Jake’s heart fractures even more than he thought was possible given everything he’s been through this past week. Upon seeing the state you were in, anguish crashes down onto his body. His shoulders feel heavy and his knees are weak at the sight of your pretty face all battered and bruised from various hits you took. There’s a nasty gash on your forehead that was barely holding itself together with the bandage that was placed there. Your right arm was in a cast and your left knee was propped up and wrapped up in a bandage of its own. He hopes that this was the worst of your injuries, but he knows that the extent of them goes deeper than what he can see with his naked eye. Your skin was adorned in a variety of scrapes and scratches, all of which Jake desperately wished he could kiss away. 

The shallow movements of your chest and the pained whimper that leaves your lips have him carefully running his other hand over the side of your head, softly soothing you. He bends down to gently rest his forehead against yours and the second his skin makes contact with yours, he’s unable to stop the tears that begin to fall. Jake’s eyes squeeze shut and the heaviness that has been pushing on his chest since the moment he walked away from you finally subsides. His grip on your hand tightens ever so slightly as if to tell himself you’re here, you’re alive, you’re okay. The same words leave him in a hushed whisper that he shares between the two of you. Though they were more of a reassurance for himself. 

A shaky exhale escapes you at his words and the way you’re gasping for air signifies that you’ve started crying as well. Part of it was from the tight pain in your chest and the other from the utter disbelief that this was real–that Jake was really here. 

The first thing you thought of the second you woke was Jake. You were positive that he wasn’t going to be there, but you desperately begged for him anyway. The shock on your parents' faces that clouded your vision quickly turned to disgust as you refused to listen to their words. Your mother had tried to reach out to you, but you thrashed in her touch and frantically shook your head as you cried out for Jake. 

You were in near hysterics and your parents were staring at you in shock and horror but you didn’t care. You didn’t care that they were there when all you wanted was Jake. 

Your mother begged Nurse Donna to sedate you. The sour look on Donna’s face was missed by your mother as she left the room. She thought that Donna had gone to grab the sedative. However, when she returned without a syringe and with a boy, your mother almost fainted. 

You, on the other hand, thought you were dreaming when you saw him walk through that door. You just couldn’t believe that even after everything, Jake was there. Then he touched you and you broke down. His scent invaded you. His touch that you’ve craved like a drug for days on end was finally yours again. The reality that he was there was more than enough to have you breaking down again. 

“I’m sorry,” you slur, still slightly drowsy from the medications. “I’m sorry,” you mutter over and over again as he places his forehead on yours. 

You feel him pull you closer and shush you gently as tears of his own run down his face. You did this. You made him cry. If your limbs weren’t so heavy and numb you would’ve brushed away all the tears that ran down his perfect face until his eyes were finally dry. 

Jake’s elation shatters at your words. You had absolutely nothing to be sorry for right now. If anything, he should be the one on his knees begging for your forgiveness. He opens his mouth to speak before getting cut off by someone in the corner of the room clearing their throat. 

Jake’s attention was so focused on you that he hadn’t noticed your parents standing there this entire time. Hot, white fury fuels him at the sight of them looking more bothered than worried for their daughter. 

“You didn’t tell us you had a boyfriend,” your mother practically sneers at him. 

Jake wills himself to pull it together, for your sake. 

“Mom–” you start. 

“How does that make you feel, son? Knowing your girlfriend didn’t tell her own parents about you?” This time, it’s your father who speaks up, eyeing Jake up and down. “Insignificant, I would say.” 

“Dad! Stop it!” 

The stress in your voice is evident and the spike of your heart monitor grabs Jake’s attention. 

You barely had enough strength to defend Jake against their venomous words. He looks at you with wide eyes, asking for your permission to speak to them. Had this been under different circumstances, Jake wouldn’t need to think twice about biting his tongue. He probably would have snapped back at them too if he didn’t notice the unnecessary stress this entire situation was putting on your shoulders. 

You shake your head at him before glancing toward your parents. “Please. Please leave.” You didn’t want them here right now. You didn’t need anyone but Jake right now. 

Offended, your mother scoffs. “You’re choosing a boy over your own parents?” 

This time, Jake decides to jump to your defense. “I believe she asked you to leave.” He looks over his shoulder, narrowing his gaze at your parents who stand unbothered across the room. 

“Why should we listen to you?” Your mother fights back. 

You start feeling lightheaded from the entire situation and you lay your head back, sliding out of Jake’s hold slightly. “Please,” you ask with the little strength you have. 

Noticing the warmth of your skin leaving him, Jake gently follows the movement of your head and cradles it while helping you lower your head to the pillow. His full attention is back on you as he scans you for any more distress. Jake was getting angrier by the minute. Couldn’t your parents see how much stress they were causing you? Why wouldn’t they just leave? He was close to yelling at them now but was saved by Donna entering the room. 

“Your daughter asked you to leave,” she tells them sternly. “Now I suggest you listen before I call security to have you both dragged out of here.” 

Your mother’s jaw drops and your father shakes his head with a scowl. Putting his hands up in surrender, your father is the first to leave. 

Your mother, however, lingers for just a moment more. “I can’t believe we left the Bahamas for this.” She always had to have the last word. 

Once the room is free of their presence you heavily exhale, looking at Donna with a grateful smile.

 She nods with a small smile of her own. “I’ll let you kids have a moment. Oh, and don’t worry, I’ll be right outside in case your parents try to come back.” 

“Thanks, Donna,” Jake sighs, his eyes never leaving yours. 

She winks at the both of you before softly closing the door on her way out. 

“Are you–” the both of you say at the same time. 

You avert your gaze with a nervous chuckle and Jake smiles, urging you to go first. 

You take a moment to observe the boy in front of you. This Jake was not the one you saw the last time. This Jake was tired and worn out. If the dullness of his green eyes and the dark circles that surrounded them weren’t a telltale sign of his exhaustion, it was the paleness of his skin and his sullen cheeks. 

“Are you okay?” You ask timidly. For the first time since you started dating, you find yourself feeling incredibly anxious about him. You were the reason why he looked like this, so empty and void of life. You didn’t even deserve for him to be here right now. 

Jake shakes his head with a sad smile playing on his lips. “You’re the one in a hospital gown and you’re asking if I’m okay?” 

He presses a sweet kiss to your forehead and you almost cry from the contact. 

“That’s my Ace, always worrying about me.” So much fondness shines in his eyes, causing you to finally break. 

The tears start flowing again, scaring Jake just a little bit. 

“Your Ace?” You sob. Somehow, you knew he had already forgiven you, but you still didn’t think you deserved it. “How can you even stand being here with me after everything I did? I hurt you, Jake. I hurt you and I am so, so sorry.” 

“Hey,” he whispers, softly stroking your hair. “It’s okay.” 

“No, no it’s not okay. Nothing about this is okay!” You hiccup and hiss at the sting it causes in your rib cage. 

“Ace, breathe for me sweetheart, come on.” He gently coaxes you with teary eyes of his own. He needs to hold it together for your sake. He needs to be strong for both of you. 

“It’s not okay,” you sniffle. 

“Shh…” Jake sees how much of a toll this entire thing has taken on you. 

Your eyelids are drooping heavily, but you will to keep them open. You’re afraid that once you close them, you’ll wake up to find that this was all just a dream. That Jake was never really here to begin with and that you were all alone. 

Jake pulls the empty chair that was beneath your bed closer to him and takes a seat. He encapsulates your hand between both of his and brings them to his lips. “It’s okay, Ace. Sleep,” he guides. 

“No.” You tiredly fight against the exhaustion that is threatening to take over. “No.” 

“Sleep,” Jake requests again. “I’ll still be here when you wake up.” 

“You promise?” You whimper. 

“I promise.” He gives your hand another kiss for safe measure, already seeing that your eyes have already begun to close. With his lips still pressed against your skin, he swears, “I’ll be here, Ace. I promise I’m never leaving you again. I love you. So fucking much.” 

Jake doesn’t miss the faint smile that ghosts your lips as sleep finally takes control of your body. 

Two Years Ago 

He finds you lying on the dewy lawn of the Delta Chi house splayed out like a starfish. “What in the…” he mutters to himself as he makes his way towards you. 

Jake stands over you, coming into your vision upside down causing you to giggle. 

“Ace?” 

“Hangman!” You exclaim with a dopey smile on your lips. 

He rolls his eyes at the name and crouches down above you. “What are you doing out here all alone?” 

You sigh dreamily. “Stargazing.” 

Jake catches the scent of cheap beer and jungle juice on your lips, letting him know you were currently far from sober. That makes him worry just a little bit. Last he heard you didn’t drink. You despised it actually. 

“How much have you had to drink?” He asks for safe measures. 

Another giggle erupts from your lips as you hold up all ten of your fingers and even your feet, wiggling your toes in your sandals. “This many.” 

That’s all Jake needs to confirm that you are long gone. “Where’s the rest of your friends?” He glances around looking for any sign of your roommates. All he sees are drunk couples making out on the front porch and the occasional flash of disco lights that escapes through the front windows and open door. 

“Dunno,” is all you say with a lazy shrug. 

Jake sighs, finding himself caught in a dilemma. He had a smoking hot blonde waiting for him to come back inside and bring her upstairs. So why did he feel so guilty about the thought of leaving you out here to fend for yourself? The two of you were hardly even friends, acquaintances at most. He only saw you after your group project because his friends mingled with your circle of friends after miraculously getting along upon meeting each other. 

Yet as he looked down at you staring awe struck up at the sky, he knew he couldn’t just leave you out here alone. Pushing himself off his knees, he groans. “Mind if I join you?” 

You shrug. “Mi casa es tu casa. Or no, wait. Tu casa es mi casa. Get it? Cause this is your house?” You laugh at your own joke. 

Your laughter is infectious, plaguing Jake with a few chuckles of his own. He lays on the damp ground beside you, resting his arms behind his head. “Not really my house, darling. It’s the fraternity’s.” 

“Same thing,” you wave him off. 

The two of you lay there in comfortable silence, watching the night sky. Jake had to admit, this was the most fun he has probably had all night even if you were doing nothing but looking at the sky. 

Out here with you, Jake felt like he could let his guard down. His cocky, playboy, frat boy persona disappeared. When around everyone else, he felt like he was expected to act a certain way but being out here with you, he knew you expected nothing of the sort. 

That was one of the first things that caught him completely off guard when he met you. All it took was one look at him and you were picking him apart, dissecting all of the fronts he put up around others. That’s why you bothered him so much. He barely knew anything about you and somehow, it was like you knew everything about him. You saw through his charms and arrogance, leaving no room for any funny business. 

Jake’s shoulders fall from his ears and he lets himself relax. 

Hearing you shift beside him, he wants to ask you what was on your mind. His curiosity never failed to make itself known when you were around. Again, he knew that you didn’t drink, so why were you absolutely wasted right now? 

The question is on the tip of his tongue, begging to be asked, but he exhales gratefully when you speak up first. 

“My parents are assholes who care about nothing but my grades and their image.” 

He’s not sure if he was meant to hear what you just said or if you realize it’s him that you’re talking to. So he stays quiet and patiently waits for you to continue. 

“It’s parents’ weekend next week and they don’t even bother to answer any of my calls or texts about it. And when I do hear back from them it’s a halfhearted apology that they can’t make because they’re off on the other side of the world.” A dry laugh escapes you. “I don’t know what I was thinking when I invited them. I knew they weren’t going to show up, whether they were actually here or not. I mean… is it too much to ask for them to just show up and be proud of me?” 

Jake sits up with a frown on his lips upon hearing your voice crack. He hesitates, unsure of what to say. He was never good at the whole comfort thing, especially when it came to crying girls. He used to try to comfort his sisters when they would cry, but he always just seemed to make things worse. He didn’t want to make you feel worse than you already did. “I’m sure they’re proud of you, Ace. They’d be idiots not to be.” 

You scoff, seemingly sobering up just enough to push yourself to sit up beside him. “I guess they’re idiots then.” 

Jake’s mouth runs faster than his brain can manage to keep up.“Hey, at least you have parents. I mean...look at Bradley.” 

That pulls a snort and a teary laugh from you. “Oh my god! Jesus, Seresin…” You’re laughing. You feel bad that you are, but the delivery of Jake’s words was so nonchalant that you couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “You’re insane.” 

He joins in your laughter, glad that he was able to pull your attention from your inner turmoil even if it was just for a minute. “What? Am I wrong?” 

“You’re not, but come on. That was so uncalled for,” you shake your head in amusement. 

Jake sends you a toothy grin, captivated by the way your smile grows. 

“Jake!” The sound of another feminine voice catches both of your attention. The blonde he left inside earlier was running down the porch steps and in their direction. “There you are,” the girl exclaims, throwing her arms around him as she joins him on the ground. She presses an obnoxiously loud kiss to his neck with a smile. “I’ve been waiting for you, Cowboy.” 

As if suddenly realizing where you were and who you were with, you tuck your chin to your sternum and avoid his gaze. He grimaces in the other girl’s hold.“Ace–”

You go to stand, still wobbling from the alcohol but you’re coherent enough to know where you were going. “Looks like duty calls, Hangman.”

The girl gives you a cheeky smile as she moves her lips from his neck to the side of his face.  

He doesn’t miss the somber note of your tone. Jake watches you sway on your feet as you make your way back inside. He wants to reach out to you, beg you to stay but he holds himself back. With a sigh, he pulls the girl who’s clinging to his side up to her feet and flashes her a halfhearted grin. 

Even with his newfound company, Jake couldn’t get you out of his head. 

True to his word, Jake never left your side since you woke up. If the doctor’s needed to personally evaluate your condition, he would step outside but immediately come back in once the doctor gave him the okay. 

Your parents haven’t made another appearance since that first day and you were relieved. Your friends have been in and out of your hospital room once you were moved to the regular hospital floor from Urgent Care. 

Your body was still pretty weak due to the severity of your injuries but you felt stronger than you have in weeks. Being surrounded by your friends, your family, gave you some of that strength back. Most important of all, being with Jake had you feeling invincible. 

The doctors were thrilled with your rate of recovery and predicted you would be discharged in the next couple of days. 

Though Jake kept his promise to you, you still had a sliver of doubt about where the two of you stood relationship wise. You tried to bring it up a couple of times, but Jake would only respond with a shake of his before telling you not to worry about it now. 

You were just a bit afraid that this was his way of letting you down easily. That this was his way of telling you that he loved you, but he just couldn’t be in a relationship with you anymore. 

But then he’d do something as small as brushing your hair gently from your face as you ate or held your hand before you fell asleep at night and that little bit of worry would subside, if only for a moment. 

You’re laughing at Reuben’s lame attempt to sink Nat’s battleship when Jake gives you a quick kiss on the cheek muttering a soft, “I’ll be right back,” into your ear. 

You shoot him a soft smile and nod, before returning your attention to your friends’ antics. 

Meanwhile, Jake makes a quick run to the coffee machine down the hall. He barely makes it five steps there when he runs into someone right outside your door. 

He looks up and almost spews out an apology before realizing exactly who he ran into. 

The look of distaste that falls upon his face is anything but subtle. 

Your mother shares a look with your father, who sneers at the sight of him. 

Being born and raised by his southern gentleman of a father and kind hearted mother, he knew he still had to show some respect towards your parents despite his dislike for them. 

He gives them a nod as a form of greeting and silently prays that they let him slip past them. 

“You should leave now before it gets worse,” your mother speaks up. 

Jake knew he should probably ignore it. Leave your mother without the satisfaction of getting under his skin. But he couldn’t. He stops in his tracks. Glaring at them from over his shoulder, he hissed, “Excuse me?” 

Your mother only shrugs, pulling her handbag tighter over her shoulder. “She’s not worth your time or the trouble. Trust us. As her parents, we would know. How does it make you feel? Knowing you must mean so little to her that she didn’t even mention your existence to her parents.”

Jake was finally tired of biting his tongue. No one, not even your own parents, talked about you like that. Not if he could help it. “With all due respect, I know she didn’t tell you about me and frankly, I don’t blame her considering the way you treat your daughter. Besides, how would either of you know anything? You’re never here so you’d never know just how worth it your daughter is. I would walk through hell for her. Something I know neither of you would ever do.

So no, you don’t know. You don't know just how thoughtful and sweet and caring she is. You don’t know just how incredibly smart she is. Most of all, you would never understand that she is worth everything.” 

Jake is breathless at the end of his speech. His chest heaves as he catches his breath and harshly swallows from his passionate spiel. You were everything and the idea that anyone would think otherwise astonished him. 

Your mother barely bats an eye. “Well, I guess you wouldn’t mind completely taking her off our hands then. Considering she moved so far away from us for college, you can tell my daughter to not even bother coming back home to visit us because apparently, we’re never here for her anyway.” She storms past Jake in suppressed fury, muttering to herself, “The Bahamas!” 

Your father, on the other hand, pauses for a moment. He opens his mouth like he wants to say something and glances through the doorway before looking back at Jake and clearing his throat. “Just, um, just tell her the hospital bill will be taken care of once it comes in the mail.” He gives one last look at your hospital room before scurrying in the same direction your mother had gone. 

A sigh of relief escapes Jake’s lips from the encounter, diminishing his prior craving for caffeine. 

He makes his way back into the room to see three pairs of eyes settled on him. Jake’s a bit unnerved at all the attention he’s receiving and he’s slightly confused by the way Nat, Reuben, and you were all staring at him. 

He nervously chuckles, running a hand down the back of his neck. 

Reuben suddenly stands up, grabbing his battleship board. “I think we should continue this outside, right Nat?” 

She nods with a smile grabbing her board as well. “Yeah, let’s. We’ll give you two a minute.” Natasha squeezes your hand as she ushers out of the room. 

Jake shifts back and forth on his feet, feeling a heat of embarrassment flow through him. “You heard all of that, didn’t you?” 

A look he can’t fully decipher on your face. “Yeah, I did.” 

“I am so sorry if I crossed a line I just—“

“I love you.” You cut him off teary eyed. 

“What?” He breathes, the wideness of his growing smile no longer contained. 

You give him a smile of your own that matches the look of love and pure happiness that lights up his features. “I said I love you. I heard you, that first night you stayed over but I was too afraid to say it back. Just in case you didn’t mean it the way I did anymore. But then you…” 

Jake cups your face in his hands, nodding to encourage you to take your time. 

“But then I heard what you said to my parents and no one has ever stood up for me that way.” 

His thumbs begin to trace gentle patterns onto the apples of your cheeks. 

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I love you and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel otherwise.” A tear finally escapes from the corner of your eye that gets gently pressed away by Jake’s lips. 

“Oh, sweetheart. I’m sorry if I ever made you doubt my love.” 

You shake your head, desperately hoping he understands that none of that matters now. “You’re here now. That’s what matters. I love you, Jake Seresin.” 

Finally, after days of waiting, he kisses you softly on the lips. It’s not rough or hungry, despite how long he’s been waiting for this moment. It’s soft, delicate, and full of love. It’s passionate and heartwarming. It’s the kind that you could feel all the way to the tips of your toes. Just like the first time. 

“I love you, Ace. You’ll never have to doubt that again.” 

Your relationship, just like your body, wasn’t one hundred percent healed. There were still many things the two of you had to talk about. 

However, knowing that Jake loved you didn’t make the unspoken parts so scary. Having him, loving him, is enough. 

a/n: a super duper, huge thank you to @blue-aconite for beta reading and being just the best support system through this entire journey <3 she even swayed my original plans for this so you should thank her for jake and ace getting back together sooner that anticipated lol as usual, reblogs, feedback, and comments are all greatly appreciated and the inbox is always open

add yourself to my taglist! 

tgm taglist: @joaquinwhorres​ @harrycherrylove @smoothdogsgirl​ @t-nd-rfoot​ @dempy​ @ollyoxenfrees​ @potato-girl99981​ @averyhotchner​ @2guysonascooter​ @loveforaugust​ @blue-aconite​ @fandom-life-12​ @stiles-banshees​ @iamdannyday​ @hotch-meeeeeuppppp​ @breezemood​ @eli2447​ @angelbabyange​ @finelytaylored​ @pono-pura-vida​ @hecate-steps-on-me​ @blueoorchid​ @aviatorobsessed​ @blackwidownat2814​ @hallecarey1​ @averagereader35​ @laneylovesglen​ @atarmychick007​ @kajjaka​ @urfavelocagirl​ @clancycumber230

#jake hangman seresin #jake seresin x reader #hangman x reader #jake seresin x f!reader #jake seresin x you #jake seresin x y/n #hangman x you #hangman x y/n #hangman x f!reader #jake seresin oneshot #hangman oneshot #frat!jake seresin x reader #college!au #hangman x ace 📚 #loving you universe #demxters writing

[hungermakesmonsters]

Catch Me If You Can

Chapter Nineteen

Plot summary : When your friend interviews for a position at Anvil, you have a chance encounter with Billy Russo. He takes you for coffee and, by the time you’re done, Billy decides he’s anything but done with you.

Pairing : Billy Russo x Reader

Story Rating : R 

Chapter Rating : R - some smut

Warnings : [This is a fic for 18+ only, minors DNI] There's some smutty behaviour and vague descriptions of a panic attack. And lots of angst. Please check the warnings on each chapter if you choose to follow this story. 

Word Count : ~3.9k

A/N : Five weeks after the heartbreak of the last part (sorry again for that). As always thanks so much everyone who's reading every week and all the new people, you're all awesome!

CHAPTER ONE | CHAPTER TWO | CHAPTER THREE | CHAPTER FOUR | CHAPTER FIVE | CHAPTER SIX | CHAPTER SEVEN | CHAPTER EIGHT | CHAPTER NINE | CHAPTER TEN | CHAPTER ELEVEN | CHAPTER TWELVE | CHAPTER THIRTEEN | CHAPTER FOURTEEN | CHAPTER FIFTEEN | CHAPTER SIXTEEN | CHAPTER SEVENTEEN | CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Chapter Nineteen

The next week passed as something of a blur.

After leaving Anvil, Karen had taken you back to her apartment and, after listening to you sob for an immeasurable amount of time, she led you to her guest room. And that was pretty much where you stayed for days. Your phone rang and buzzed; he tried to call hundreds of times, sent countless messages before Karen took your phone and blocked his number because, despite how much he’d hurt you, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

A couple of days later he turned up at Karen’s door - she didn’t let him in and you didn’t speak to him, you just heard them arguing while you fought back tears.

You hated him for how broken he’d managed to make you feel, how pathetic and weak you felt because you’d been stupid enough to believe that he could ever feel anything for you. But, as much as you hated him, there was a part of you that still loved him; a part of you that would always love him, a part of you that was worried about him, about how he was handling all of this.

After the first week, you managed to pull yourself together enough to go back to work, knowing that you needed to start earning back the money that you’d given to the PI. You stayed with Karen a little while longer before she told you that you could go home, that Billy understood that you didn’t want to see him and he wouldn’t bother you anymore. That didn’t stop you from changing your phone number though.

The welcome home you received from Tammy was awkward at best but, to her credit, she tried to make you feel better. And, soon enough, you fell back into your old rhythm of working all day and spending your evenings alone in front of the TV. After three weeks, it almost felt like the last few months had never happened and that Billy Russo had been nothing more than a fever dream. 

Eventually, things got easier; you didn’t cry yourself to sleep every night and didn’t wake yourself reaching for his body beside you. It still hurt to think about him - you were certain that it would always hurt - but it became easier to not think about him at all.

Until it came to pick the photos that you wanted to print for your show.

You’d wanted to just cancel the whole thing, but you knew you needed whatever money you could make from it. And there he was, one of the best candid shots you had, catching him as his lips were pulling into a smile - he’d been laughing at something Karen had said during his interview all those months ago. You didn’t want to use the picture but you couldn’t not, not when it was technically one of the best photographs you’d taken recently. Karen had given you a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder and, somehow, you managed to not break down.

Your brother had asked you to go to Connecticut to stay with him for a while and, without Billy as a reason to say no, you found yourself agreeing. A fresh start was just what you needed, but first you needed money, and that meant using that photo, even though it broke your heart every time you looked at it.

By the time the show rolled around, it had been almost five weeks since you’d last seen Billy so, really, you weren’t expecting what came next. 

Things had been going well, the first hour of the show had been good, everyone seemed to like your work and, for the first time in weeks, you felt almost good about yourself, like things were finally starting to get better.

And that’s when you saw him.

Your heart stuttered in your chest at the sight of him, standing in front of a photo of himself, his back to you. His shoulder ticked upwards and, from nowhere, you felt that pang of sorrow in your gut, remembering how his shoulder had been hurt. But there was something else about him, something that felt off. He seemed almost slouched, he looked defeated already before anything had even been said.

Karen appeared at your side, her eyes quickly finding him. 

“I’m sorry, I already told him to leave,” she tried to explain, keeping her voice low, obviously trying to avoid causing a scene, “I can get Frank to come get him so you don’t have to deal with him -”

“No,” you caught yourself saying, shaking your head, “it’s - it’s fine, Karen.”

“You don’t have to talk to him,” she offered softly.

“I think I do. I need this to be over.”

She looked at you for a moment and, obviously, she still had plenty she wanted to say to you but, for whatever reason, she decided not to. She just gave a nod. “I’m here if you need me.”

You hoped that you wouldn’t need her, you hoped that the small amount of peace you’d managed to cultivate over the last five weeks would be enough to face him and finally draw a line under everything that had happened so you could both move on. Moving slowly, you approached him and stopped beside him. 

He gave you a cursory glance before letting his gaze drift back to the photograph. 

“You’re the only person who’s ever made me smile like that,” he told you, already sounding defeated, like he wasn’t there to fight you, or fight for you.

“Maybe you’d be able to smile more if you weren’t always expecting the worst from people,” you answered softly, finding yourself looking at the picture, at the lit-up and carefree expression on his face. It made your heart ache to know he was hurting now, even if he did mostly bring it on himself.

“Yeah, that’s what people keep telling me,” Billy sighed.

A silence fell and you both let it linger, neither seeming to know what to say to the other. It felt like there was an insurmountable chasm between the two of you, instead of just three feet. You had thought that you would have more to say to him, you thought you’d vent your anger and frustration, and tell him all the things you couldn’t quite say the last time you’d spoken but, now, you just felt empty. It felt pointless. Billy had left a hole in your life and you weren’t sure you’d ever recover from it.

“I’m sorry,” he finally muttered. “I know it doesn’t mean anything now and it doesn’t fix what I broke, but I - I shouldn’t’ve jumped to conclusions, I should’ve talked to you first.”

“Is that all you wanted to say?”

“No,” he hesitated awkwardly, finally forcing himself to look at you, “I thought you should know that I read the file...”

It should have surprised you half as much as it did - you’d left him with a file containing decades worth of information on you, of course he looked through it. But, still, the thought made you feel light headed. Even now, when he no longer meant anything to you, you didn’t want Billy to know about your past.

“I need some air,” you muttered, turning and heading towards the fire escape. Billy waited for a moment before deciding to follow. 

You pushed the heavy door open and stepped out onto the metal balcony, shivering the moment the cold air hit your skin. Billy followed after, letting the door close behind him and, suddenly, everything felt so quiet. You looked down at the street below and, then, looked up at the ominous clouds - anything to avoid looking at Billy.

“I would have helped pay off the PI if you’d told me,” he finally broke the silence.

“I told you, there are things about my past that I didn’t want you to know,” you pulled your arms across your chest as you turned back to finally face him, trying to ward off the cold.

“You didn’t have to tell me about any of it. I still would have helped.” He told you with that oh-so familiar stubborn tone. “There’s nothing in that file that changes how I feel about you.”

(Feel. Present tense.)

You shook your head.

“It’s not that simple, Billy. That file doesn’t tell the whole story and even if it did, I didn’t want you to know.” As much as you might have wanted to, you couldn’t keep the frustration from slipping into your tone. But, still, you were taken aback - you’d always assumed he’d want nothing to do with you if he found out anything from your past.

“I’ll never ask. You never have to tell me, I -”

“Billy -” you tried to interrupt him, tried to stop that train of thought before he got too carried away, but it was already too late.

“Just tell me how to fix this. I’ll do anything.”

“I don’t think you can fix this.” You told him and your stomach knotted when you saw a flicker of pain on his face.

“So you won’t even let me try?”

“I think it’ll hurt too much if you do.”

Another silence fell and you watched as Billy struggled, obviously fighting with himself, trying not to say the wrong thing and ruin this. You hated seeing him like that; you’d never seen him look so uncertain and unsettled.

“You’re not the only one in pain,” he finally muttered, “what you said, about me being able to turn my emotions off, that - I can’t do that, not with you. Not with us. Not having you in my life hurts too much; I can’t sleep, can’t eat. I keep playing that moment over and over, wishing I’d done things differently...”

“I don’t want to make you feel like that but -”

“I know I fucked up, I know I promised you that I wouldn’t but -” for a second he looked like he was really struggling to get his thoughts in order and force the words from his lips, “- but you don’t know about my past and the shit I’ve been through either. It’s hard for me to trust people.”

You realised that he was right; you didn’t know much about his past, not really, and you’d never really asked. Beyond the snippets that he’d told you about his childhood and his mother, and what little you knew about his relationship with Krista, you never really tried to find out anything about him. Honestly, you’d always just assumed that he was like you, that he wanted to keep his past in the past.

But, looking at him now, maybe that wasn’t the case.

“Maybe that’s why this would never work,” you sighed.

“Don’t say that,” his eyes found yours and he looked at you like it was the only thing he was certain of, “just because this isn’t easy doesn’t mean we should just give up.”

“You did give up, you thought I -”

“I was wrong, and I’m so fucking sorry, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop fighting for you.” He dared to take a step closer to you.

The way he was looking at you caused a shiver to run up your spine. You could see the desperation in his eyes and, a part of you, still wanted nothing more than to reach for him, to just give into the moment. But you had too much self-respect for that. (Or maybe it was fear, maybe you were just scared of taking him back and him hurting you again?)

“You said you loved me,” his voice turned softer and the space between you seemed to shrink even more.

“I shouldn’t have told you like that.”

“You didn’t mean it?” His voice threatened to break.

It would be easy to lie, to say you hadn’t meant a word, but you couldn’t bring yourself to hurt him like that. You stayed silent for a few seconds, letting the question and your indecision hang in the air between you.

“Of course I meant it, I just - I shouldn’t have blurted it out like that,” you sighed heavily, “I was hurting and I said it because I wanted to hurt you back.”

“It did hurt,” he confessed quietly, “but it hurts more knowing that you feel like that and don’t even want to see me.”

“Billy -” you tried, but there were no words. There was nothing that you could tell him to  change any of it or make either of you feel better, it felt too late for any of that.

“I can’t let this be over,” he told you, and the silence that followed felt deafening. The air between you seemed to crack with the sort of tension that you wanted nothing more than to ignore and push aside. Despite everything you’d told him, something inside you wanted him to fight for you, wanted him to prove you wrong and show you that he could love you despite what he now thought he knew about your past. 

When you didn’t immediately tell him no, when you didn’t tell him that things were over, you allowed him hope that prompted him to move. 

Before you knew what he was doing, Billy had cleared the small distance between you, kissing you so suddenly that all you could think to do was respond. You got caught up in the moment, fingers tugging at his hair, pulling him against you. It felt so good, so right to be in his arms again, that you barely noticed him lifting you, sitting you on the cold railing. Your legs parted instinctively, letting him press closer still as the kiss turned hungry and desperate, and you could feel how the moment was already affecting him.

You didn’t even realise that he’d undone his zipper until you felt his cold fingers slide beneath your dress and up your thighs, pulling your panties to the side. Every shred of common sense you possessed told you to stop, to tell Billy to stop, but when you felt his cock start to nudge its way inside you, all you could do was moan against his lips and grip his shoulders as he filled you inch by inch.

Of course, you knew it was wrong to give him any hope that he could repair your relationship - just one more inch, you told yourself, then you’d tell him to stop - but it wasn’t long until every throbbing inch of him was buried inside you. And it felt good. It felt better than it should. Even the ache of your walls stretching to accommodate him after so long without him felt amazing. You’d missed the feeling almost as much as you’d missed him.

“Billy -” you uttered breathlessly against his lips, not getting the chance to say much more before his tongue slipped between your lips again. You let him kiss you, let him slowly draw back his hips before pitching forwards again and drawing another moan from you, your walls slickening around him, coating his cock and letting him move with ease. “Billy,” you tried again, tugging his hair, trying to make him look at you while your pussy continued to tremble as he moved, “Billy, we can’t -”

“Yes we can,” he kept moving, the wet heat of your body betraying you. Your mind wanted to say no, but your body and the way it moved against him said yes. “Tell me you don’t want this.”

He kissed you again and, this time, it was almost enough to break your resolve, the steady thrust of his hips filling you with his cock so deeply that you almost lost your mind. Moaning against his lips, your back arched, legs wrapping around his hips as you took him deeper. Yes, you wanted to moan, fuck me harder.

“Billy, stop -” you managed to gasp, finally coming to your senses.

Billy stopped immediately and you felt his body tense beneath your hands. He didn’t pull out or put you down but, similarly, you didn’t release your hold on him. You could still feel him throbbing, just as unfulfilled as you were.

“Tell me you don’t want this,” he repeated, his forehead pressed against yours, lips lingering so close that every word he spoke caused them to brush against yours. “Tell me you haven’t missed me.”

Of course he wanted to try and talk while he was still inside you and all you could think about was how you were practically dripping all over his cock. It wasn’t fair - it almost made you want him to finish before having the difficult conversation with you, but you knew that if he came inside you, or if he made you come, you’d never be able to turn him away.

“Of course I missed you, Billy,” you sighed, “but you hurt me, and fucking you isn’t going to fix that.”

“Then tell me what is,” he asked in an anguished tone that you’d never heard from him before.

“Put me down.”

Finally, he relented, pulling out and lowering you back to the ground, leaving your body aching and empty, unfulfilled and wanting. He turned from you to fix his clothes and you did the same, waiting for him to turn back, but the moment never came.

“You said you loved me,” his awkward and broken tone said it all, betraying his agony, and your heart sank, knowing that you’d just let things become a hundred times worse.

“I do, but what you did was -”

“You think I don’t know how fucked up it was?” His breath caught uncomfortably and you saw him shudder as his fingers ran through his hair. There was shame in his voice as he continued; “when Frank told me he caught you paying the PI, I felt like I was dying, it hurt so much. I thought you were -”

Another ragged breath escaped him and his hands moved to grip the railing.

“I told you that I couldn’t do this if you didn’t trust me,” you told him, trying to fill the awkward silence.

“I know and I’m so sorry,” his voice turned strained, like he was struggling to speak, and not just because of how upset he was.

You’d seen this before, that night in his bedroom. Panic, anxiety; he was struggling. But, as much as you wanted to reach for him, to hold him until it passed, you knew he wouldn’t want that and that it wouldn’t get you anywhere.

All you knew for certain was that you couldn’t keep doing this.

“Tomorrow at noon, meet me at the coffee shop you took me to the day we met,” you offered as calmly as you could manage. “We can talk then. I can’t promise that things will go back to how they were, but we can at least talk, okay?”

“Really?” He still kept his back to you.

“Really,” you told him, knowing you needed to leave before you dared to reach for him. “I need to go back inside, are you gonna be alright?”

“I’m fine,” he forced the words in one shuddered breath.

“You’re not fine, Billy. And, I think maybe that’s something we need to talk about tomorrow too.” He didn’t answer but you heard him force another breath. “Just... go home and take care of yourself, okay?”

Billy grumbled something that you didn’t quite catch, but you knew you couldn’t stay any longer; for his good and your own. But, still, against your better judgement, you reached for him, softly placing a hand on his shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. For a split-second, you were sure that you felt him relax, but the moment you let go, that awkward tension filled his body again. 

Between that moment and pulling open the door, you changed your mind about leaving him at least a hundred times, hating leaving him like that, not knowing how long the episode would take to pass or if it would pass at all. But Billy wasn’t the only one who was hurting, and all the pain and emptiness that you’d spent weeks trying to overcome came flooding back, leaving you feeling more broken and miserable than ever.

The door closed behind you, separating you and Billy, and leaving you feeling just as alone as you’d felt after leaving Anvil that day. You froze, torn between going back to Billy and walking away, filled with an aching and a longing that only he could cause, and stuck with a terrible realisation; you still loved him, you were still in love with him, and no amount of pain or heartbreak would ever change that.

“Are you alright?” You didn’t notice Karen at your side until she spoke and you struggled to think of a way to answer her. Her eyes drifted to the door. “Is he out there? What did he say to you? Did he upset you? Do you want me to -”

“No,” you finally managed to force the word, “it’s fine he just - he needs a minute and then he’s gonna leave.”

As shaken as you were by everything that had happened, you didn’t want Karen marching onto the fire escape and making Billy feel worse.

“What did he say to you?” She asked, placing a hand on your elbow and slowly leading you away from the door and towards the bathroom so you could pull yourself together in private.

“He said he wants to fix things and that he’s sorry.”

“Did you tell him about Connecticut?” She asked as the bathroom door swung closed behind you both.

You let out a sigh, leaning against the sink and looking at yourself in the mirror for a moment. It hadn’t even crossed your mind to tell him that you were planning to leave New York and, once Karen had mentioned it, you felt sick. You’d agreed to meet him for coffee tomorrow, you’d given him a reason to hope, and that had been needlessly cruel of you.

“No, I didn’t...” you reluctantly admitted.

“You need to tell him,” Karen told you with an enviable certainty, “I know he hurt you, but it’s not fair to let him think he has a chance to fix things when you’re leaving.”

“I know, I just...” you shook your head, “what if I’m wrong about him? What if leaving is the wrong thing to do?”

“Only you can decide that. Billy is - he’s complicated and I don’t think that’s ever going to change. I can’t tell you what to do, but I know you shouldn’t stay unless you’re certain.”

“You’re right,” though your tone gave away how much you hated it, “I can’t keep expecting him to change for me.” You took a few deep breaths and returned your attention to the mirror, taking a moment to fix your hair. “I guess I should get back out there and try to sell some pictures.”

“Atta girl,” Karen smiled, “you get back to selling and I’ll go see what’s left behind the bar for us.”

When you stepped out of the bathroom, your eyes moved the fire exit for a second, wondering if he was still out there, but you quickly pushed the thought away; you’d see him tomorrow and, this time, you’d tell him that you were leaving and that it was over between you. The thought made your chest ache, but that ache was bearable, unlike the pain he’d caused you. 

Forcing a smile to your lips, you started doing the rounds, talking to anyone and everyone who wanted to know about your work, distracting yourself from thoughts of Billy and tomorrow.

Chapter Twenty

END NOTES : I can't say anything because I don't want to spoil anything that's going to happen. But, if anyone is interested, this fic is now about 80k long and there's only (maybe) five chapters left (which is to say I have five planned but whether or not some of those will need breaking up into smaller chapters idk).

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this part and that it caused less emotional whiplash than the last one (sorry again for that). Thanks for reading, and thanks as always for the likes, comments and reblogs. And, if you're new to this story, hello and thanks for giving it a look! <3

If you want adding/removing from the tag list let me know (I know it’s not working for everyone - if it’s not working and you don’t want to miss a chapter, I post every Friday around 7:30pm gmt)

TAG LIST

@lincerad @sweetserendipity65 @rafaelakelley   @slayerofthevampire @rensolodriver @lovelydoveval   @doloreschanal @damagelove @danzer8705  @unlikelystarlightcowboy @schlotzshewrote @bisexualbith  @uncontainedsmiles   @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes  @lilliesofmay @billyrussoslut  @readingabouthim @arwensloanebarnes @scarlettrikstr @daughterofautumn

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo x female reader #billy russo fanfic #the punisher #cmiyc ff #billy russo imagine

[fadedmunson]

show me going r. diaz

pairing(s) : r. diaz x f!reader + remaining nine-nine squad x f!reader (platonic)

a/n : i rewatched episode 20 of season 5 and got an amazing little thing i needed to write down so please enjoy :) this is a best friend au things because those are my fav

wc : 1.1k words

warnings : rosa death rumors </3 & the nine-nine squad getting really stressed but fluffy ending ! also one tiny sexual joke because it was funny

active shooter. multiple casualties. nearby officers responding to the scene.

"what are they saying?"

"show me going and their badge number. they're telling dispatch that they're close by and they're responding." holt informs.

"diaz, 3118, show me going." is heard over the staticky radio loud and clear.

"diaz, rosa diaz?" jake repeats.

"that's her badge number. rosa's there."

the room goes quiet.

your breath hitches and you can feel your heart drop to your stomach.

there is an active shooter in a hotel in brooklyn heights and you aren't there to help.

"so there's limited information about the situation in brooklyn heights, but i did manage to speak with a captain at the nine-seven who offered an update." holt states.

"do we know how many shooters?" jake asks.

"two, possibly three. again, the situation's still developing, but as of now, there are three dead and multiple wounded, all civilians."

"excuse me, i gotta go." you quickly leap up from your seat in the briefing room and dash into the bathroom.

you're on the brink of an emotional breakdown. there's so much to take in and now you're lost in your thoughts you almost didn't hear a knock on the stall door.

"doing alright y/n?" amy asks in a soft tone.

you open the stall door to find her worried face which causes your emotions to get the best of you as tears are now streaming down your face.

"amy im gonna loose rosa." you begin to sob as she immediately takes you into her arms as she rubs your back, trying to soothe your violent shaking and cries.

"this is just so scary" hiccup "and, and im so nervous" hiccup "about whats gonna" hiccup "happen to her." ending off your sentence with a loud sob which is now muffled into amy's uniform.

"listen, the captain advised us that it's best to distract ourselves with work and other tasks in order to not think about it. plus, rosa is a badass. if anyone is going to come out of a hostage situation alive and well, it's gonna be rosa."

"you're right, ames. i can almost imagine her dragging those bad guys by the throat." you lightly giggle while you dry your face with your sleeve.

"c'mon. let's get out of this *very* gross bathroom stall." you both intertwine hands, giggling as you exit.

───────────────────────────

you end up with gina in the break-room, reheating your cup of coffee and listening to her ramble about her 'amazing song' she used to calm down.

captain holt peaks his head in as he calls for you.

"ah, detective y/l/n. come see me in my office once you're done here."

"sure thing, sir." you say almost emotionless.

he tilts his head as if in confusion but quickly walks away.

"woah there y/n. you okay girl?" gina questions while putting down her phone.

"yeah, i will be once diaz is back here from the mission." you say while nursing your mug

"it's better to not focus on it. think of something boring that doesn't really mean that much to you. for example, amy's pantsuits."

"i think talking to holt in his office would take my mind off of it. thanks linetti!" you say while walking off.

"no problem lovebug." she answers while not taking her eyes off her phone

you enter into the captains office

"hey captain you wanted too..." your words slowly die off once you see his office. there are scented candles and blankets everywhere. you can see the lights that are slowly dimmed and there's relaxing music playing in the back.

"captain what is all of this?"

"hello detective. i saw how stressed you were and it seems you're the one who has been taking this the worst. since you finished all of your work ill give you today off. i believe its in your best interest to 'netflix and chill'."

"uhhhh sir netflix and chill doesn't mean what you think it means."

"i should've known google would be my downfall. peralta has hounding me about my word choices and i felt like i should have read up on new words to use around the workplace."

"love your effort captain. anyways, why is all of this in your office?"

"it's for you. i want to monitor and make sure you don't have another panic attack. santiago told me."

"oh. im sorry for not saying anything."

"no need. its been a long day for all of us. you deserve the rest so please feel free to crash on my couch."

"thank you sir." are the last words you say before getting comfortable on the couch and dozing off

you feel someone patting your head as you slowly blink awake.

"peralta, where have you been?"

"been getting pizza for the squad. want some?" he smiles

"yeah sure that sounds really good right now."

───────────────────────────

"okay, i don't have the names of the injured officers but if diaz is unharmed, she should be contacting us shortly. or, if her phone is dead perhaps she'll be walking out the elevator shortly."

just then an elevator ping is heard and everyone turns their heads only to find scully.

everyone voices their frustration.

"come on scully!"

"you can't do stuff like that, man!"

"c'mon man go easy on him." rosa chimes in.

that was probably the best thing you heard all day.

you're the first person to run up and hug her tightly

"oh my god why did you do that you scared me half to death never do that again." you whisper.

you give her a secret little head kiss.

"missed you too, y/n" her lips creep into a smile as she admires your face for a minute and then quickly pulls back.

───────────────────────────

the squad enters shaws bar and you buy two drinks (you and rosa) as you both sit outside the bar on the stone steps.

"i was really scared something bad was gonna happen to you. well other than amy hugging you with toilet water all over you." you cringed

"oh yeah that was kinda weird but i really do love them. all of them." rosa smiled

"i love how sappy you get when no one is around." you giggle as you wrap your arms around her waist, facing her.

"shut up." she jokingly said.

she put her hand on your face but then took it off to stare at you.

"is it bad i wanna ruin our friendship?"

"read my mind." you mumbled.

your lips crashed for the first time. she tasted slightly of mint gum and beer. you felt like your insides were bubbling. you both pull back from the kiss and look around everywhere.

"that was ─"

"something. something, that was something." you answer quickly.

"do you.. regret it?" she asks nervously.

"i don't. do you?"

"nah." she quickly answers softly kissing your lips after.

you both sit and sip on your beers while you lay your head on her shoulder and intertwine fingers.

#rosa diaz x reader #b99 x reader #rosa diaz #brooklyn 99 #b99 imagine #rosa diaz imagine #b99 #stephanie beatriz

[zecretsanta]

ZEcret Santa Fic

To: @oobi-oobi

  From: @classycorgiposts

Prompt: The cast of 999 keeping up with each other after the events of the game

Me: First text to make sure I have everyone’s number. 

Clover Field: Got it!

Light Field: Received

Junpei Temyouji: No issues here

Ichiro: Here

  Lotus shot Seven a withering look from the seat next to him. “I *know* I have yours, idiot.”

  “Yeah yeah, my bad.” He rolled his eyes.

  Me: Good. Is everyone doing ok? Big lug and I are at the airport waiting on the flight now

Clover: lmao 

Clover: All good here! Light and I will be getting back home soon

Lotus: Got it. Stay safe, and like that Alice woman said, if anything weird at all happens, get in touch

Junpei: Ok mom

Lotus: I’m serious

Junpei: allright, I got it 

  ——————————————-

The moment Hazuki stepped off the plane and saw her daughters, it was like a valve opened and the turbulent emotions she’d been experiencing since the Nonary Game came pouring out, breaking her cool demeanor she’d put on for the others. Seven watched as she burst into tears and ran across the lobby, pushing her way through the crowd towards her daughters, who barreled into her arms, sobbing with joy in return.  

  Standing off to the side so as not to interrupt the moment, Seven pulled out his phone. 

  Seven: Back in Japan. Hazuki’s girls met us here- all good

  Responses came within moments. 

  Light F.: Wonderful news.

Clover F.: SEND PICS

Junpei T.: Awesome, good to hear 

Clover F.: I SAID SEND PICS 

  ——————————————-

  Sitting on the couch in his apartment’s living room, Junpei’s leg bounced up and down nervously as he watched a TV special on the news about the arrest of Cradle Pharmaceuticals CEO and the liquidation of the company. His apartment felt emptier than it had before. 

  Me: You guys see the news?

Snake: Listening to the report as we speak. 

Seven: Took longer than it should have for this to have gone public. Cradle run hospitals here in Japan have been in disarray, they’re almost certainly gonna shut down.

  Since his return home, he’d felt restless and anxious. A nervous energy coursed through him at all times with no outlet. Kanny and Aoi were gone, and all the others he could talk to about the Nonary Game were far away.

  Junpei: Any leads on them yet?

Seven: I already told you I’d let you know as soon I found something, calm down kid

Seven: I’m doing the best I can, but without some kind of lead to follow, it’s near impossible. Akane and Aoi completely took themselves off the map

  Sighing, Junpei continued watching the news. He needed to do something. Anything.

  ——————————————-

Running his hands along the desk in his study, Light felt the sounds and vibrations of the small army of groundskeepers working on maintaining the gardens and forest outside their family’s manor.

  “So what’s going on?” Lotus’s voice came over the phone. “It’s unusual for you to need help,”

  “So you say. I apologize again for the sudden call, but it’s our mother. Put frankly…she’s become tyrannical.” Light sighed. “She’s kept a close eye on us both since my accident as a child of course, but since we’ve returned home, Clover and I haven’t had a moment’s peace. We’re hardly ever allowed to leave the house, and her paranoia over something happening to us again grows day by day. The kicker is that we’re even particularly close emotionally.”

  “Hmm. Let me talk to her.” Lotus declared after a moment’s thought. “Mother to mother.”

———————————————

  “Your mom did what!?” Junpei said in disbelief. Sitting up in bed, he’d been awakened by a sudden call from Clover, groggily listening as she angrily vented on the phone. 

  “Yeah, bodyguards! How insane is that!? My brother tried talking to my mom as his soon a bunch about letting us be even a *bit* independent, but nothing worked, and there was no way she was gonna listen to me. But then Lotus tried to talk to her and she went completely ballistic, ranting about ‘dangerous strangers’ and us just being stupid kids!”

  A sudden notification while she was ranting caused Junpei’s head to swim.

  “Holy shit…I just got a huge amount of money sent to my bank account!

  “What?” Clover gasped. “You think…it’s them? It’s gotta be, right?”

  Junpei’s mind raced. “Hang on- I’ve got an idea.”

———————————————

Seven stood in his office with Junpei on speaker, in front of a cork board with countless photos, cut outs of internet articles, and maps connected by bits of string. It might’ve been cliche, but damn if it didn’t help with seeing the big picture from pieces of a case. 

  “You getting close to their estate?” He asked. 

  “Yeah, almost there. You know, I was really confident about this at first, but I’ve been getting nervous the closer I get. My palms are all sweaty.”

  Junpei was on his way to the Field estate in a car he’d bought with the large amount of money that had been mysteriously deposited into his bank account from an unknown source. 

  “Man, I still feel weird about helpin’ with this too…” Seven mumbled halfheartedly. “But their mom’s basically holdin’ them hostage.”

  “Right.” Junpei’s voice hardened. “

  “If they manage to slip out and follow the route we planned, that is. 

  “They will.” Junpei’s voice grew confident. “They’ve got this.”

———————————————

Sprinting through the carefully tended forest in the pitch black of night, leading her brother and Junpei by the hand, Clover still couldn’t help but laugh with elation. The confused shouts of the bodyguards tearing apart the estate they’d managed to give the slip after days of careful planning with Junpei, Lotus, and Seven were incredibly satisfying. 

  She left behind a cutting note for their mother, so at least she’d know why they left, and that it was extremely of their own accord this time. The money Junpei had randomly received was a lead- one that Lotus and Seven could follow to the Kurashiki siblings. They’d meet with Junpei, hitch a flight to Japan to reunite, and then…Clover didn’t know. But it was a future full of possibility. 

  “Clover, I hear a vehicle.” Light said. “Is that him?”

  A moment later, Clover heard the sound of tires. Just as they exited the dense forest behind their estate on a remote back road, a sedan screeched up the back road, and disheveled Junpei threw open the doors. “Holy shit, it actually worked- you got out.”

  “Let’s talk later!” Helping Light into the back seat, Clover hopped into the passenger seat, quickly hugged Junpei, then threw on her seat belt. 

  “We can catch up shortly.” Light said, hardly out of breath. “For now, we should make ourselves scarce.”

  “On it!” Junpei stepped down on the accelerator, and they were off. “I’m still getting used to this car, so sorry if the ride’s bumpy! I haven’t had to drive in a while!”

“I’m sure it can’t be any worse then Clover’s driving back in Nevada.” Light said wryly, a bittersweet expression on his face as they got further and further from home. Junpei may have brought up the plan for them to run away, but Light had been the one who heavily endorsed it and planned it out. It had been a necceasry evil, for him and Clover both. 

“Rude!” Clover grinned. The adrenaline of escaping from the prison of her home still coursing through her, Clover stuck her head out the window and laughed, the wind blowing on her and the trees passing by in a blur.

A future of freedom, of searching for the truth with the only people she trusted, was in sight.

#submission #999 #oobi-oobi #classycorgiposts #zecret santa 2023

[watermelonhedgie]

A Rusted Heart and A Fox Kit

this is a fic i wrote becuz i am a firm believer in baby nine and cg rusty!!! i dont write all that much tho so sorry if its not up to par w most agere fics ;w; i had fun writing this tho

characters: regressed!nine, caregiver!rusty rose

word count: 1.1k

warnings: none!

summary: after helping dread's crew and returning to new yoke, rusty finds nine running to his base crying. out of curiosity, she follows him only to find him breaking down and going baby mode.

finally making it through the portal, rusty was launched through the void and back into new yoke. but she wasn't going to see the chaos council. now that they had left her like scrap metal, she was going to help destroy the reinforcements in new yoke. see how the council likes that, eh? a taste of their own medicine.

she fell through the portal to new yoke, and roughly landed on her feet. she began to run to the heart of the city, trying to see what rebels were vulnerable and needed assistance. but as she ran, she spotted a certain yellow fox running with the shards. he tripped and fell on his knees, but quickly got back up and skidded around a corner.

rusty had never seen such behavior from nine, even at that distance. he was usually a very stable and calculated individual, but he seemed to be shaky and discombobulated. she changed her direction, following nine.

into the scareport they went, and to what appeared to be some sort of storage closet from the outside. the metal hedgehog kept her distance, watching nine punch in numbers to a keypad. as the door shut behind him, rusty went up to the door and repeated the pattern of the clicking keys. before the door could even open, she heard a crash followed by sobs.

the door opened, and she slowly walked inside. there she found nine on the floor, sobbing. the shards were scattered around him, and he was hugging his body. unsure of how to approach the two-natural-seven-mechanical tailed fox, rusty walked around to be in front of him. "nine, what are you doing here?"

nine quickly looked up and crawled backwards, away from rusty. tears flowed down his cheeks, and his knees were bleeding. "why are you here?!" he said through gritted teeth as he sighed. he tried to wipe away his tears, but they just kept running.

"you're acting strange. you seem to be much more calm and collected on average, and that's clearly not how you are now," the robotic hedgehog responded. instead of waiting for a response, rusty picked up the shards, and put them on nine's desk. they really shouldn't be on the floor like that. 

"wh— how am i supposed to react?! after all that's happened?! how am i supposed to feel okay?!" nine hugged his own body again, stifling cries. rusty contemplated what to do. being with black and batten had taught her about some emotions, but she was unsure of how to handle someone with this strong of emotion, someone who seemed to be in despair. nine stared at her as she thought.

she decided on the first thing she thought of. she helped nine up, and pulled him close to her body. sure, her body was cold and hard, but it was better to do something than to just stand there. she rubbed nine's back, the fox's body stiffening in surprise. 

instead of fighting and writhing out of the hug, he loosely hugged back, crying into rusty's shoulder. "there, there, nine. would you like to talk about it?" she tried her best to sound softer than her usual monotonal voice. 

"i just... i thought we were friends. i did everything for him. i got captured and manipulated the council from the inside, i helped him destroy chaos sonic, i even offered to start a new world with him in the grim. but he just..." nine trailed off.

"he left," rusty completed for him. she felt a twinge of some emotion in her metal body. she felt sad for nine, having felt the same betrayal from the chaos council. she felt empathetic, hugging the fox slightly tighter. in return, he hugged back with more force. 

the two stayed like this for a while, until nine began to make a whining noise. "are you okay, nine?" rusty asked. he pulled away from the hug, biting one of his fingers.

"i feel... weird," he stated. "i feel like i'm younger... what's going on...?" he seemed to be startled by his own feelings. rusty carefully took his hand in hers. "you feel... younger? how young?" she inquired. instead of responding, nine held up four fingers. his face was dusted with embarrassed blush, but his tears had stopped.

rusty tried to think... what would she do if she were taking care of a four year old? she wasn't one to take care of anyone in the first place, but out of pure care and understanding for nine, she would try her best. nine was fidgeting with his shirt, and biting his hand.

she remembered something she had found a while back. she opened her chest plate, and inside was a pacifier. back when she was with batten and black, she found this on the angel's voyage. holding it out as she closed her chest plate, she offered it to nine. 

"do you want this?" she simply asked. nine stared for a moment before hesitantly taking the pacifier. placing it in his mouth, he began to relax as he sucked on it and bit it. it was a very strangely calm feeling for the fox kit, as he doesnt remember ever being treated softly and kindly like this. 

he held rusty's hand, movingly slowly as he locked eyes with her to see her reaction. she let the fox hold her hand, and patted his head. he seemed strangely more trusting when in this state. rusty picked up nine in her arms, and he giggled in return. rusty noticed that he liked to be carried.

the fox kit rubbed his eyes, and rested against rusty's chest. rusty rocked him back and forth, and walked over to his bed. she placed him down, but nine began to whine again. he clung onto rusty's hand, desperately trying to pull her down on the bed with him. 

rusty knew she should be getting back out into the city to help the rebels, but sighed and laid down next to nine. she would just wait until he fell asleep, then she would leave him in peace.

"rus...ty...?" nine spoke, his voice softer and higher pitched than normal. "yes?" the pink hedgehog responded.

"thank you..." nine smiled, snuggling up next to rusty. rusty slightly smiled in return, satisfied in her ability to help the once scared and upset fox. "of course," rusty ruffled his fur. 

soon enough, nine had fallen asleep, pacifier still in his mouth. rusty carefully got out of the bed, and tucked the blanket around him. she took one last look around nine's base, and headed for the door. she made a mental note that if she finds any more baby supplies, she would bring them to nine as a gift.

she closed the door to his base and dashed out of the scareport. time to go kick ass and teach the chaos council not to mess with anyone anymore.

#sonic agere #sonic prime #agere #sfw agere #tails nine #rusty rose

[randoauthor]

Rookie Year (R.F)

Pairings: Robert Floyd x Reader

Warnings: none :)

Word Count: 908

Author's Note: Enjoy!

Summary: You loved your boyfriend in every sense of the word, and you supported him through high school. This year was different, this year he wanted to try something new, and like always you planned on supporting him through it.

MasterList!

"Woah, woah slow down baby," you said in as calm of a voice as you could, "what do you want to do?"

How you found yourself in this situation you have no idea. One minute you were sitting in your shared living room. It was the first day of the season that the fireplace could be turned on so you made sure you were gonna take full advantage of it.

As a Colorado native the move to Annapolis worried you, but as the show feathered down from the sky the worries you had disappeared. It wasn't until your fiancé came crashing back into the house that you decided to worry.

Hi face was bright red from the cold, his hair lightly dusted with snow, and his chest heaved slightly. The puppy that was sound asleep on your lap has jumped up excitedly at the sight of her dad coming home, hopping happily over you to go greet him at the door.

"Babe." He said panting heavily. "You'll never believe this."

He rushed around to the couch, not even bothering to take his coat off, and that is where you two sat for the next hour as he excitedly told you about his newest idea.

"Hockey?" You say slowly.

He nodded a response, his smile displaying large on his face. His eyes sat behind a pair of glasses, studying your face nervously as you let yourself think.

Robert Sebastian Floyd had never given you a reason to worry, in fact, ever since your senior year of high school the motto of your relationship had always been, support each other regardless of the decision. He supported you through your marine biology degree, and you supposed his decision to go the Naval Academy. The two of you spending the last three years of your relationship doing long distance, using every chance you had to make the almost seven hour drive to see each other. Every passion, every hobby, every crazy idea. You stood by each other's sides.

And when you finished your degree a year early, he knew getting down on one knee, practically sobbing as he asked you to be his wife. The moment will forever be sat and framed above the fireplace, the perfect moment being kept in the perfect spot.

"Babe?" He said softly, trying his best to break the strangling silence.

You snap out of your thoughts, looking at your future husband you gaze softens. He is gonna have so much of his life ahead of him.

"Bobby," you say softly, laying a hand gently on his cheek. "You have never given me a reason to worry, you are the love of my life, and if this is what you want to do then I will support you through it."

The once worried expression faded away to reveal joy.

And now you were here.

Six months later, bundled up in an ice rink. Somehow, somewhere in the middle of Canada, cheering your heart out for the boy who has sat on the bench for most of the year.

To his credit he looks really good in hockey gear, and you were still unbelievably proud of him. Spending every single evening after a game comforting his frustration.

The final game of the season seemed to be the most tense one, it was the finals after all. You sat looking just as proud of him as the game before, his name a number proudly sitting on the back of the jersey you wore. The end of the third period coming quickly to an end and the teams were tied.

Letting your mind wander slightly you were quickly snapped back in as Bob went flying past, being on the ice was unusual for him so you were going to make sure that you got to see every second it. He was flying down the ice, skating in and out of the opposing team before finally getting the puck.

It was like you were watching life in slow motion, watching as your fiancé raised his stick and with a sharp *WHAP* the puck made a home in the back of the neck. Screams and cheers erupted from the crowd as the Navy team was now up by one with less than a minute remaining in the game. Bob looked around the stadium excitedly, trying his hardest to find you as his teammates began to celebrate around him.

The game ended and a few short minutes later you found yourself on the ice weaving in and out of players and their families, desperately trying to find the love of your life.

With a gentle hand placed on your back, you were being swept off your feet in the arms of your future husband. Peppering him with kisses, you didn't care who saw at this point.

"I am so unbelievably proud of you bobby," you say in between kisses, earning a chuckle out of him. "You won the game!"

He gave you another smile before kissing you on the lips.

"Darling, I won a lot more than the game."

And now, sitting next to the picture of the greatest day of you life sits a slightly smaller picture of Robert Floyd hold you up on the ice, kissing you. One that was taken while you were both blissfully unaware. Along with it sits the puck he scored with, labeled with the date and game.

A great memory from his rookie year.

Taglist!

@itscheybaby

@turningtoclown

@daryldixonstorm

@Dilfsandtherapy

@Nickie-amore

@malindacath

@luckyladycreator2

@sadpetalsstuff

@Shanimallina87

@Wishingwell-2

@Xoxoloverb

@Majormaybe1

@Mizzy-pop

@Saramaple

@Hope-love-equality2

@toothhurtyam

@beaner-life-23

@fogle97

@justanothermagicalsara

@tallrock35

@callsigns-roo-and-bag

@marchingicenotes7

@scoopsahoy008

@oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo

@malindacath

@calsjack

@notanordinaryprincess95

@fxngsfxgxrty

@louisahale

#top gun: maverick #tg:m #top gun maverick #maverick top gun #top gun #robert bob floyd #lt. robert floyd #robert floyd #bob floyd x reader #bob floyd #bob #bob floyd x y/n #robert floyd x reader #robert floyd x you #bob floyd fluff

[mollybecameanengineer]

And How Does That Make You Feel?

Summary: Mulder and Scully do couples therapy with Karen Kosseff

word count: 2166 | General | MSR | @today-in-fic

Read on AO3 or check out the beginning below the break

This is part of an episodic series called A Second Chance. All the episodes are collected, in order, using AO3’s series feature. The concept of the series is to rewrite seasons 8 and 9. It deals with Mulder’s return from the dead, the birth of William, and Mulder and Scully trying to juggle family life with impending doom.

If you don’t want to read the whole thing, but want to read this story, here is what you need to know…

Previously on A Second Chance: After returning from the dead, Mulder and Scully moved in together and are planning to raise their baby. In their last case (see: Incubo) they have recently been confronted by their worst nightmares. (She: Mulder goes missing. Him: Scully’s baby isn’t human.) This experience left them both troubled.

When Dr. Karen Kosseff saw the appointment on her calendar, she wasn’t surprised. She’d seen Fox Mulder and Dana Scully separately, a number of times. She pulled both of their files, wanting to go over her notes from their previous sessions.

1994. The first session. When one's partner goes missing or is killed, it’s mandatory to attend a minimum of three counseling sessions. Fox had come to her to fulfill the requirement. His partner had been missing for two months. He didn’t believe she was dead. He was using all his free time to search for her. 

In her notes, Karen noted that he had a possibly unhealthy attachment to his partner. If nothing else, he blamed himself for everything that happened – rather than Duane Barry, the man who had abducted her. 

“You and your partner, you were close?” Karen asked.

Fox bit his lip. “No more so than anyone is with their partner.”

She scribbled down that they may have been in a romantic relationship and were hiding it. This would explain his guilt, and why he was having such trouble letting go.

“You know that everything you say in here is confidential. I’m only bound to report if you are planning to harm yourself or others.”

Fox laughed. It wasn’t a kind sound. “We weren’t fucking, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

Karen noted that he was defensive that she had presumed. “I’m sorry. I just–”

“Can we move on?” Fox wasn’t looking at her, but at his hands, which were folded in his lap. 

Karen wrote down that Fox was likely in love with his partner, though it may have been unrequited. “Yes,” she said, “let’s move on.”

That was the only time Fox had come to her office. She’d seen Dana on many more occasions. And after their first session, she knew Fox’s feelings weren’t unrequited, only unconsummated.  

Shuffling through her notes, Karen came upon her most recent sessions with Dana. After Fox went missing, Dana had done her three sessions, and much like Fox, seven years prior, was refusing to give up. She was sure she’d find him, just as he’d found her.

Karen would find it romantic if it weren’t so delusional. 

A few months after the end of her mandatory sessions, Dana appeared again in her office. 

“He’s dead.”

That’s how the session began. Dana told Karen how they found his body. His funeral was a week ago. The tears that Dana hadn’t shed in those first sessions flooded her eyes now. “I just can’t believe he’s gone.” 

Karen handed her a box of tissues. “How does it make you feel? Now that he’s gone, rather than missing?”

Dana laughed. It was a terrible sound. “Sad. Really fucking sad. I had hope. Now…” She shook her head, dismissing something she was about to say.

“Tell me, Dana.”

She let out a sob. “I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. We were together, Mulder and I.”

If the moment weren’t so serious, Karen would have cheered. One of them was finally honest with her. “That’s a very hard thing, Dana. You lost not only your partner, but also your significant other.”

Dana nodded. “And… I’m pregnant. But I never got to tell him.”

Dana had come weekly after that. Karen worked with her through her grief. Tried to help her see a future, where she had her child and was happy. They’d made good progress, then one day she got an email from Dana, canceling her remaining appointments. The email had been brief, only communicating that Fox was alive.

Karen didn’t understand how it could be, but she also didn’t understand a lot of what Fox and Dana told her. She’d wished that Dana hadn’t quit therapy as soon as Fox was back. She’d done the same thing after her cancer went into remission. And while these were both happy times, the trauma of the sad ones can linger. Karen saw PTSD in Scully, and could only assume Mulder suffered similarly. 

So, on that May morning when she opened her schedule to see that she had a joint appointment with Fox and Dana, Karen was happy. Not for herself, but for them. 

Continue on AO3

#x files fanfic #msr

[starsfic]

Comfort

Here’s the first day of the Traffic Light Trio Week...starting with Day 4!

-_-

“This is the place, right?”

Long Xiaojiao looked up from her phone to glance around. “This is the address he texted to me,” she said. “And this is the section of the city that the Grand Council lives in. Plus,” She gestured to the massive amount of foxes decorating the place.

“Yeah, no,” Qi Xiaotian nodded. He tried not to grip the bags he held too. One filled with spicy vegan noodles he had made himself and another was filled with a few of Red’s things. “That makes sense.”

The Grand Council had met two days ago.

Leaders of the city, headed by each of the heads of the Seven Sworn Clans, the Council had been investigating the rise of Lady Bone Demon. What had gone down Xiaotian only knew half, since he had been kicked out for the decision announcement. He had learned that Jade Faced Princess, head of the council, had apparently been given the leadership of the Demon Bull clan centuries ago, she didn’t know that DBK had been given illegal release, and DBK didn’t know about her controlling the clan.

What Wukong filled him in on about the meeting he missed was basically Jade Face, at the urging of Immortal Ruyi, had been giving Princess Iron Fan dozens of chances to be a better mother to Red. Apparently, Iron Fan had done a few things that had tipped that number into the hundreds.

And Jade Face had apparently snapped.

And now Red was living under her care and his parents were not permitted to see him. Xiaotian didn’t know what happened to the princess or the king but he was more concerned for Red. Xiaojiao had managed to get him to respond to her texts by giving them Jade Face’s address.

Xiaojiao knocked on the door.

Silence and then the door opened.

A woman, dressed in old-fashioned green and orange robes, stared at them. “Hi!” Xiaojiao said brightly. “We’re here to see Red?”

The woman stared blankly at them. Now that Xiaotian got a better look at her, he noticed that...she didn’t seem to be breathing. Before he could unpack that, she turned and walked away.

With mutual shrugs, Xiaotian and Xiaojiao followed.

Like Long Manor, the walls were decorated with green. But instead of there, decorated with paintings of ancestors, or the Demon Bull Clan, decorated with nothing, there were paintings of landscapes and foxes. Next to the paintings were pictures, some of Jade Face while others were of Red.

Then they entered a grand hall.

“-consent!”

Red stood in the hall, a bag slung over his shoulder. His hair was down and there were bags under his eyes. Across from him, Jade Face stood. She wore a hideous orange sweater and green leggings, her fox ears out as she raised her hands in a peaceful gesture. A few dozen foxes surrounded their feet, looking up at the duo. “I know this isn’t what you wanted. Believe me, if things were better, I wouldn’t resort to this at all.”

“You don’t have to! Look, I know to outsiders Mother’s ways aren’t ideal, but now she has Father supporting her.”

“Which is part of the issue of her last three strikes! Your father enables her and it breaks my heart because you three clearly love each other but it’s not enough! So, no. I can’t let you go back to them.”

Red turned his face away, revealing his eyes were filled with tears. They widened when he saw Xiaojiao and Xiaotian there. Jade Face sighed. “Look, I set up an appointment with a therapist for you. You don’t have to talk, I just want to make sure you feel safe. Okay?” She reached out but Red pulled away. “Okay. Thank you for being here, you two.”

Xiaotian jolted at the words but Jade Face, flanked by the foxes, was already walking out. Xiaojiao immediately ran to Red, wrapping her arms around him. Xiaotian followed, noting that Red’s hair sparked but soon stopped.

A sob rolled through the hall.

#TrafficLightTrioWeek2022 #Traffic Light Trio Week 2022 #LMK #Monkie Kid #Lego Monkie Kid #my writing #Traffic Light Trio #Red Son #Qi Xiaotian #Long Xiaojiao #Jade Faced Princess #fic

[chaesvoguerice]

you always know the way to my heart <3

"Are you going to order, ma'am?"

Soyeon swallowed, gazing at the all-english menu above her as she tried to find at least one word she recognized. She didn't understand the person in front of her, behind the counter, but, judging by his tapping foot, she could guess that he wanted her to hurry up. 

"I'll have the seven, without whipped cream please," she said, pleased that she had at least said the number seven in English. She just hoped that this guy understood her.

"Uh, one number seven, right?" 

Number one? Soyeon pinched the bridge of her nose. "No, no, seven."

The person behind the counter nodded, disappearing for a few moments before coming back with her coffee. She paid, and thanked him with a small sigh. She shouldn't be struggling so much to just order a coffee. She shouldn't be here, in the United States. But she was.

Soyeon had been away for weeks. Never contacted anyone, just kept to herself. No one even knew that she had left Korea. After Soojin's case... she just needed a break. Seeing her team so sad only made her cry harder at night, and she couldn't burden those around her any longer with her unhealthy cycle of grief. 

She exited the coffee shop, sighing at the sight of the whipped cream at the top of her cup when she asked for none. Oh, they didn't even get my order right! She thinks after tasting it. Or maybe American coffee just tasted like this. So bitter. Soyeon hates bitter coffee.

She throws the foul drink in a nearby trash can and crosses the street without looking both ways. Barely anyone was out right now, so early. Which is why she panicked when strong arms behind her secured themselves around her torso.

"Who the fuck–"

"I missed you." Soyeon's breath hitched as she recognized the husky voice. "I've been looking for you everywhere." Yuqi buries her face in Soyeon's neck, the younger's whole body trembling.

"Well, I didn't want to be found," Soyeon mumbled, the bitter taste in her mouth slowly fading the longer Yuqi's hot face pressed against her cold neck. 

"But we're a team," Yuqi said, struggling to keep the tears inside of her body.

Soyeon clenched her fists, getting reminded of why she left Korea temporarily in the first place. "We're not a team any-fucking-more! Soojin—"

Yuqi intertwined their fingers and turned Soyeon around to face her, not at all fazed by the older's harsh language. "I meant us. Me and you. We're a team." Yuqi gave her hand a gentle squeeze, resisting the urge to kiss the Korean's knuckles to calm her down. 

"I'm sorry for yelling... I- how did you even find me?" 

"I'm smarter than you think," Yuqi smiled softly. Soyeon took a step in, pressing their foreheads together, chuckling to herself lightly to prevent herself from losing her composure. Yuqi knows this.

"You don't have to hide... Grief shouldn't be as lonely as you want it to be, Soyeon." A tear slid down Yuqi's cheek, gliding down to her chin as she felt Soyeon break down in front of her. 

"I know," Soyeon shut her eyes, allowing a sob to wrack her skinny body. She hadn't eaten properly ever since the scandal started. 

Yuqi knows this too. But she also knows that she needs to care for Soyeon's mentality before the older will let her touch her health. So she held her. On the sidewalk somewhere in the States, far away from Cube, Shin-ae, Korea, everything.

Soyeon clenched Yuqi's coat, her attempt on trying to thank the Beijing girl only resulted in more uncontrollable cries escaping her mouth. Yuqi had created an imaginary bubble around them. This was their  bubble, no one could see, hear, or judge Soyeon as long as Yuqi had her arms around her. Yuqi knows her so well, she realized, she didn't waste her time whispering sweet nothings, and didn't ask Soyeon to talk about why she was so frustrated. She just knew.

Yuqi could feel Soyeon leaning almost all of her weight on her, and she didn't have to check twice to figure out that the older girl had fallen asleep. So cute, Yuqi thought with a small smile, reaching down to drag her arm against the back of Soyeon's knees, lifting her into her arms. 

The Chinese carried Soyeon with ease, walking purposefully back to the coffee shop, then on to where she knew the hotel was. Thank God I know her bank account password, Yuqi thinks gratefully. It was the only reason that she could find Soyeon, actually. She had entered the password and scrolled all the way down to the last thing she'd spent money on, which was a plane ticket and a hotel room in the States. 

She must look pretty odd coming into the hotel, carrying someone who appeared to be unconscious. But, she didn't mind. 

The doorman approached her with a confused but helpful smile. He held out his arms. "Do you need any help, miss?" He asked, referring to Soyeon.

What Yuqi wanted to say was "Don't you dare lay even a single finger on her." But she coughed, politely declining, "Thank you, but I can handle it. Can you help me open the doors though? Her– our room is number 607." Ah, another day when she's so lucky that she studied English. 

"Of course!" The doorman happily agrees, pressing the elevator button and unlocking the room's door once they got there. She thanked him for his kind services, before looking at Soyeon, still seemingly asleep in Yuqi's arms. 

"I'm so happy that I found you.. Don't you ever run away again without me, okay?" Yuqi whispers, walking into the bedroom and setting her down on the soft sheets.

Soyeon doesn't even know or remember when she closed her eyes, but she's startled awake when Yuqi sets her into a bed, and she was no longer tucked safely inside of their bubble. Her eyes darted between Yuqi's arms and her eyes, distress filling her. Is she going to leave me?

Soyeon grabbed the younger's hand. "You.. carried me to the hotel?"

Yuqi rubbed the back of Soyeon's hand with her thumb tenderly. "Of course I did," Yuqi murmured, leaning forward to place a gentle kiss on Soyeon's forehead. She had also bought Soyeon a non-bitter cup of coffee. But that could wait until the morning. 

"You're so strong," Soyeon commented, running her tongue over her dry, cracked lips, gazing into Yuqi's eyes with what one can only describe as lovingly.

Yuqi instinctively noticed this, and handed Soyeon a lip gloss from her pocket, a small smile tugging on the corners of her own lips. "I've been at the gym a lot these days," She replies exhaustedly. 

She didn't try to make a jab at my weight instead? Soyeon noticed that Yuqi's voice is tired and raspy, different from her usual, loud self, she's whispering. 

"You sound tired," Soyeon's eyebrows furrowed together slowly at the thought of Yuqi giving up her sleep just to make sure Soyeon isn't doing the same. 

Yuqi didn't want to worry Soyeon, but if she lied then the older would see right through it. "I am. But I'm just so happy to see you..." Soyeon knew Yuqi was hesitant about doing what she wanted freely, trying not to somehow upset Soyeon, so she sat up a little to place her lips against the other's. They moved against each other in complete sync, both of them being gentle and soft as if the other was fragile. Yuqi pulled back slowly, the taste of Soyeon still lingering on her tongue. She looked down at the Korean, eyes grazing over features that she's got memorized somewhere deep in her brain that won't ever let her forget them.

Sleep next to me, Soyeon wants to say as she stares longingly into Yuqi's eyes. Though, she would never say it out loud, nor admit that she missed being cuddled in Yuqi's warm, muscular arms.

But she doesn't have to say it, because Yuqi knows. So, she moves from hovering over Soyeon to laying down in the bed next to the older, pulling her close. She finds comfort in how Soyeon adjusts the rhythm of her breathing to match Yuqi's. Comfort in how Soyeon is no longer clinging to her like she's about to shatter, how she's begun to accept that Yuqi found her to help her heal. 

Well, Yuqi did come to help Soyeon heal. But she's also in love with her. The thought of Soyeon suffering without anyone to be there for her and stop her thoughts that usually spiral negatively, just drives her into a frenzy. I love you so much, Soyeon.. Yuqi thinks, kissing the top of Soyeon's head and tangling her thighs between the older's.

And only in that moment, did Yuqi figure out that her search was worth it. 

"I love you, Yuqi," Soyeon says against her neck, leaving a barely-there kiss on her collar-bone after she said it. 

Because Soyeon knows Yuqi too.

Yuqi was the one who fell asleep first, snoring lightly, but not loud enough to disturb Soyeon. The Korean moved back a little so that Yuqi's arms were still around her, but she could get a nice view of her face. Her eyes flickered towards a scratch right above Yuqi's eyebrow, dried blood crusted around it and it looked red and irritated. 

"Mm, Jagiya, be more careful wherever you go, won't you?" Soyeon whispered so the younger wouldn't wake up, fighting the oh-so-tempting urge to kiss the wound. She figured that would just irritate it more, so she would clean it in the morning. 

Despite being cuddled, safe and cozy under the hotel's blankets and in Yuqi's hold, Soyeon was unable to fall asleep. She sighed quietly when the sun's light disappeared, making it impossible for her to admire Yuqi's beautiful face anymore. 

The Beijing girl shifted, her hand firmly gripping the side of Soyeon's hip, but not enough to hurt her. "..I know you're awake..," She mumbled sleepily. 

"It's hard to sleep here. This isn't my bed, nor my country.."

"Try to relax," Yuqi says in a hushed voice, gently pushing Soyeon over and spooning her tightly. "How's this?"

"Better," Soyeon let herself smile, the pain of all these weeks not entirely fading, but it was getting there. Soyeon felt herself sink into the comfortable pillows, forcing her always-running mind to be silent. Yuqi traced random patterns on the expanse of Soyeon's stomach, calming her further. 

Once Yuqi knew Soyeon was asleep, she let her lips press onto the back of her neck smoothly, sitting up at the slightest to whisper in her sleeping beauty's ear, "I love you too, Soyeon. So, so much."

#(g)i-dle #gidle #yuyeon #fluff #kpop #fanfic #i dle #chaesvoguerice

[jedi-bird]

I made it through yesterday.

(Warning for death mentions and depressive episodes below cut)

I made it through yesterday. I made it through easier than I expected honestly. The days leading up to it were not good. Yesterday, I was busy and had other things to occupy my attention. Today though, not so much.

Yesterday marked seven years since my grandfather died. He was the last of my direct family and the last one who actually cared about me. I didn't get to see him or talk to him for the last four months; a combination of too much work, weird hours, and my family giving me the wrong number for him. I got blamed for everything that happened. I used to be his full time caretaker, while still working a full time job, until I had a nervous breakdown and it became either someone else take care of him or I was probably going to kill myself. At the time he moved away (because care facilities here were more than we could afford and where he went meant that he had most of his family close and visiting daily), he was the healthiest he had been in years despite the repeated strokes. In four months, he'd be dead.

I miss him a lot lately, even though we fought constantly. I was the odd one out in the family. The only one who wasn't fully white, the only one willing to take care of people, the only one who had spent half their life being abused. My grandpa wasn't great, but he tried. He kicked my stepfather out of the house and banned him from ever visiting again (his exact words were I'll burn the house down before you step foot in here again). He took me to rodeos and bought me my first hat. We went to petting zoos and the movie. He taught me to garden, though admittedly it was more what not to do since half his stuff died immediately. We raised chickens together. We used to sing along to the sound of music every year, even after I got my job and spent most of my time trying to catch up on sleep; I'd come home, exhausted and hungry and just needing to be alone for a bit but still stop and sing edelweiss with him (I can still hear his off-key voice whenever I hear the song).

My grandpa was a liar and a jerk and treated my grandma horribly when they were younger. I miss him despite it all.

The year he died, my partner was also in the hospital. They didn't know what was wrong or if he'd make it. I got the call right before going to see him before I had to leave for work. I remember being numb, just not being able to focus or cope. I called my job, begging for the day off because I was afraid to drive and afraid to think and I needed to be with someone who understood. They told my no and said I needed to come in early. So I had to leave the one person who still loved me, who was sick and needed me, to drive almost two hours in traffic to find out I wasn't even necessary that day. I broke down, screaming at my manager in the break area in front of everyone. I was hysterically. They tried to backtrack, telling me they misunderstood and that I could go home. But what was I going home to? Two more hours in traffic to miss visiting hours, to have to go to an empty house full of memories that I couldn't acknowledge yet. I spent most of my shift sobbing in the back areas, no one really knowing how to help me. During all of this too, my family kept threatening to make me homeless. I didn't want to go on.

I don't know how I made it through that time. No one spoke to me for months other than my partner, who did get better eventually. I never got to cope with any of that, or my grandma's or mom's deaths. I just had to keep going.

So I made it through this year. Today is hard but I made it. In a few weeks, it'll be fourteen years since my grandma died, the woman who loved me unconditionally and raised me, and that's going to be hard. I'm afraid that this year, my stepfather will finally find me and I can't deal with that again; he's the reason more than anything that I hate my birthday and just wish it didn't exist. Then I'll be practically alone for the first month of the year and then the numbness will lift for a bit until spring, when I'll have to confront my mother's death again. I've been in therapy for years and it helps but sometimes it's not enough. I know I'll be fine, because I've kept going this long and I can go a bit longer. Each day is a step and breaks are allowed.

But fuck I'm tired right now. I miss the numbness.