#but i need to talk about it and vent bc im so frustrated at this whole thing

[anonymous-eggy]

i hate winter.

#not because im always cold #i mean #thats part of it #seasonal trauma of being so used to people leaving during this time of year i guess #it makes my brain tell me to cut everyone off and that it doesnt matter #idk im not looking for comfort #just needed a place to put these frustrations bc idk how to lean on people #I'll get over it. i always do #it just... sucks #i get so sensitive to any sort of 'hint' that someones drifting away and then freak out and stop talking to them #even if there wasnt even a hint #i want to bury myself in blankets and hibernate #im jealous of bears #and i feel guilty for feeling this way #i cant help it but i still feel like a shit person for just feeling like disappearing on friends #i care. i do. #but idk i just. feel like disappearing. #I'll probably just play romance games about it. I'll be fine eventually #vent post #tw vent #vent

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

Hhhhhh why does it always have to take me six hours to transition into doing anything it's so frustrating I just wanna write that fanfic NOW or take the shower NOW or get out of bed NOW I don't want to spend half the day hyping myself up for it >:|

#vent #<- but not a truama dumping vent or anything #just frustrated with... executive dysfunction? I think that's what this is #idk im not diagnosed I haven't talked to any professionals or ND folks all I know comes from the internet #(namely youtube and instagram shorts/reels) #just me rambling #like legitimately the not being able to shower unless I hype myself up for three and a half days thing is so frustrating #esp when combined with the brain fart of “welp! did my shower don't have to worry about that anymore:)” #*continues not to worry about it for half a week and suddenly needs a shower again* #only exaggerating a little. I do struggle to get even weekly showers done sometimes #like I manage to scrape by but it's not easy for me #fully hate being undiagnosed thank you very much #and since the tone of this is probably kinda heavy/angry: don't worry about me or anything I'm currently happy and doing alright in my life #just wanted to vent a bit bc this is one thing that does bother me still #and it does kinda lead into other issues when life gets busier #like nlt being able to keep up with homework #but I'm good for now! I'm doing well :) #anyways. yes. sorry 'bout the ranting and rambling #gonna go do something fun now bye!

[eldritch-araneae]

Uh, every single article and book out there that claims helping ppl with ADHD always goes “oh use planners and make schedules and stick to it its easy :)” except it’s so exhausting and rage inducing!

I feel this disorder poorly researched bc they never get into actual depth of it. Using planners is habit by itself, so how fuck we’re supposed to use it if we can’t really form any habits? Or hell, even remember that planner exist!

And scheduling? Sounds solid, except coming up with it is such painful, boring and exhausting task. And following it is worse bc if you finish your task way quicker than you thought, you’re stuck in the void of not be able to do anything until next scheduled task and just...ugh it’s awful. 

Perhaps the advice are aimed for medicated ppl. But that means ADHD needs to be researched properly since ADHD medication is illegal  and the disorder itself is not even recognized real in many places.

We really need strategies that can somewhat help without medication so we could escape into countries that have help and meds available.

#vent #ara talks #i get so disheartened about my dumb situation yet i have to get out somehow if i want a decent life #ugh my frustration is just pouring out at this point #the what ifs scenarios are haunting me bc i can see why i droped out of uni and why i was bused in school so badly #imagine if i had meds and therapist back then ahahah #but also i remeber those awful teachers at uni that loved berate me for being 'lazy' and asking me why the fuck im here #not a single teacher thought that maybe ive been struggling and need help #ugh fuck them

[afterthegoldrushes]

i fucking despise working in fast food i only have one shift next week because now that im twenty i have to get paid more. so they give all the shifts to the younger guys to save money. im the one who has bills to pay and i dont get shit meanwhile the guys straight out of high school and still living with their parents get rostered on the most. is that a catch 22. it feels like one

#i try and i try to not be empassioned online and to talk less about my personal life and not to vent #but these past few weeks have just been frustrating #and i cant sleep despite being so tired all day bc im stressed about work and because my knee hurts from standing all day #i need to graduate soon i cant do this much longer i dream of a 9-5 office job

[jimines]

.

#this is just a little vent/update on some stupid shit going on on here regarding someone i won’t name #but i need to talk about it and vent bc im so frustrated at this whole thing #so i cut a friend off recently.. told them in a *very* heated message how i felt about all the terrible shit they'd said and done recently #and demanded they do not try to contact me anymore and blocked them immediately after #no surprise 5mins later i got two anons from them in my inbox trying to start a fight however i blocked the IP after those two #i even went so far as to disable my webpage for a few days to try and deter them both from sending anons and from stalking my page #and i shouldnt have had to unblock them to tell them for the second time to leave me alone and to stop trying to start things with me #because the last time we argued it was six weeks of emotional damage that i am still really messed up from #after all this it was radio silence - or so i thought #because i've received word now twice that this person has been saying untrue things to friends of friends #trying to start drama and rumours all because i cut them off and they didn't get that fight and that last word they so desperately need ? #i just…why? why why why? why does everything have to become a drama? this is why narcissists scare me.. #it took me over a year to realize thats what they are and that id been manipulated so fucking bad.. which is nothing short of embarassing #the way this anxiety has been weighing on my chest lately and dulling my time here is something that shouldnt be happening #im so so tired of all of it.. the drama and the fights and the rumours.. i physically cannot go through this kind of thing again #idk if anyone is reading this but im sorry for being so absent and unresponsive and (often times) really negative on my blog #its just so hard to be happy and positive and excited when this potential drama is looming over me day after day ya know? #im trying to push through and be here because i genuinely WANT to be here but its so fucking exhausting sometimes im constantly paranoid #i pray things will come to a rest and nothing will explode bc mentally i cannot take it anymore and i wont be sticking around in that case #i refuse to put myself through the emotional trauma that nicole put me through again. i REFUSE. so if i suddenly deactivate this is why. #but i wont be going down alone thats for sure #c.text

[allofuswantgwinam]

i need friends who watch survivor bc i literally just had a breakdown bc they voted out Tevin and im also worried about Venus, who i don’t even like that much 😭😭 but people are fuckin mean and i was tryin to send her a positive DM bc she is a human being that is on a television reality show and sending her hate when she’s literally just a person and hasn’t done anything that bad except be our least favorite contestant of the season??? BUT she deleted her Twitter like .2 seconds *has to be literally .2 fuckin damn seconds :((* before i sent my DM and i just hope she’s ok. It’s a mfing game show, it is not that serious to make someone feel this bad. grow up.

#i need to VENT AITH AOMEONE #NO ONE WATCHES THIS SHOW BUT ME LOL #literally about to message Jess again lmao #and be like ‘hi ik im just some random fan who messaged you bc you were did dirty but can we pls be friends and talk about the show thx’ #im so serious #i will be lit enough in the next hour #I WANNA TALK ABOUT IT #I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS #IM AO FRUSTRATED #I WAS SO WRONG ABOUT SO MANY OPINIONS I HAD #GLAD JESS WAS THE ONE JS TUCK TO MY GUNS THO #BUT I BEEN HATIN VENUS AND I FEEL BAD EVEN THO I WASNT LIKE THE CRAZY PEIOLE #SHE JUST NOT MY FAV #PEOPLE DONT NEED TO SEND HATE #THE WORKD IS A MESS #CANT EVEN ENJOY SURVIVOR IN PEACE

[nouveauxromantics]

last weekend was the most fun i’ve had in so long i wish my friend was always here i love her so much why does she have to be 4 hours away 😭

#i just feel so happy and content when i go out with her #and it just really emphasized how awful going out with [redacted] makes me feel but i don't have anyone else to go out with usually #idkkkk sometimes i think im overreacting about [redacted] but they i used to love being around her so much and now it just makes me awful #and hate myself #like its frustrating bc everyone thinks i hate going out but in reality going out with [redacted] is so tiring and i never feel like i #can have fun #i love going out but i just want to be able to go out with people who actually seem like they want to spend time with me #okay i am just sad and venting none of this makes sense #but i just #what did i do to lose your love and how long am i gonna blame myself for losing it and kill myself trying to get it back #i hate feeling guilty and like a burden for wanting and needing to be cared for #i am so sad and i can't talk about it with anyone bc no one ive tried to talk about it with gets it #EXCEPT FUNNILY ENOUGH MY FRIEND WHO LEFT WHO'S BEEN THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDN'T BRUSH ME OFF #and well fuck now i'm crying about it like i do every week atp #vent

[undyinglantern]

every time i try to watch one of these videos, in good fucking faith mind you, i end up coming out of them more irritated than i did before going in. they present their argument like straight facts but then proceed to conveniently forget exactly one crucial bit of information; the fact that bap existed for a whole fucking year before bts. even going by their own definition of "paving the way," bap were here charting 10th place on american billboards with their debut album. do they know about bap being in new york in 2013 and basically shutting down times square from how many excited fans there were. do they know yongguk (the leader) has been writing and producing shit since before he debuted as an idol and still continues to do so even now as a soloist (hell he literally came out with an album last year and even talked about in an interview how he experimented with a lot of different sounds and rap styles on it). do they know bap was part of ts entertainment -read: omg not part of the big 3- which arguable is a way fucking shittier company than even hybe may have been back in the day. do they know bap werent just a one-hit-wonder the way psy was considered; they were huge since their debut and had hit after hit after hit with power and no mercy and one shot and 1004 until -oh youd never believe this- they went on hiatus for an entire year because they were suing their company because of how horribly they were being treated and the payment that was being withheld from them thanks to a fucking loophole the company found/created with their contracts. now look me dead in my mother fucking eyes and try to convince me kpop fans arent one of the most fickle people out there. they either pick a group they like more than others and devote themselves solely to that one specific group, OR (and this is the most common one) will latch onto the next big shiny popular artist/group everybody else seems to be talking about. look me in the eyes and tell me that after a year of silence their popularity wouldnt have taken a dip. but you sure as hell cant take any of the accomplishments they achieved beforehand away from them. "bts were the first" "bts paved the way" please just shut up

#and before anybody comes for me NO i am not denying any accomplishments theyve had after getting big #you want to talk about their accomplishments? do that. paving the way? not so much #this is the last time im talking about this bc its just exhausting so unless someone has a proper counterargument to this that that on that #they HAVE achieved a lot -arguably more than most other artists even- but that and 'paving the way' arent the same #im too tired to censor group names if i get shit thrown at me ill probably regret typing any of this but ykno #i just needed to vent/rant the frustrations #and like its not as if they didnt present any compelling points #i concede to the whole 2nd gen argument -AS SOMEONE WHOS BEEN A FAN SINCE 08 BTW #and i never bought the gangnam style argument bc everyone took it as a joke (rasicm took a large role there) plus it was only 1 song

[syscourse-confessions]

not to get into drama (op u can delete this if u want idm im just. really frustrated i need to type this out even if it is anonymous)

but seeing the replies on my VENT ABOUT PARTS LANGUAGE to see people going "well actually i like parts language bc im part of a (whole) person" is like. thats exactly why we don't like it

we're not "parts of a person", we're not parts of a whole. we are individual people in one brain sharing a body. we're a team, a support system, a collective, a plurality. we did not state if we were disordered or not, or what origin we have, so others statements about "healing" may or may not even be applicable to us.

if you need to call yourself "a part of a person" to understand you need to work together to heal, that's your problem, not mine. im aware we need to work together, even if we aren't "parts of a whole person", we share a body and we are able to acknowledge that, and we do not need to call ourselves less than to realize "hey we share a body, it might be good to work together"

i was simply venting about how we feel about it, how we feel in regards to papers and scientific documents and articles referring to us as personalities or parts as if we're just aspects of one whole person. us saying "hey i finally get why this makes us feel awful" on a blog meant to confess and vent is fine. if you dont like the post, keep scrolling.

my venting was literally about the whole "it worsens my symptoms / makes us feel bad when we apply that to us" thing with parts language, just like someone mentioned about their experience with person first language. it makes us feel less real and less accepted as people, and a lot of posts talking in parts language do imply that being one whole person instead of being multiple people is healthier. not every person feels that way, but i was venting about that experience

tldr: yall can use parts language if it makes u happy or feel more real but im allowed to vent about how we're hurt by posts/articles/essays referring to systems as inherently broken parts of a whole. because we (read, my system in our shared body) are not parts. we are people.

#syscourse #syscourse confessions

[praetorqueenreyna]

I'm reading Acotar (almost done with book 2, but I spoiled myself a little on book 3) and Im just....I didn't super care about Tamlin in book 1 (was more obsessed with Lucien, was convinced we'd get a threesome with Tamlin/Lucien/Feyre for the longest time lol I was bobo the fool) but now as it keeps going and with every 'Tamlin sucks so hard/is such a terrible abusive person' that's going on I just....feel I'm getting protective. I'm always waiting for him doing something worse but it never comes??All the fan posts that the algorithm shoves in my face always seem to misquote/misinterpret him??? Even the him locking her up feels so exaggarated in context? Like, I even liked the idea of them not working out because they both had to learn to deal with their own traumas first, but they could've just sat down like adults about it you feel me? Tamlin isnt that bad at all (by fairy standards anyway), he's just held to some weird modern moral standard while Rhysand isn't and it's pissing me off and really hindering my enjoyment of the Night Court shenanigans (which in theory I don't even hate, I think the characters are kinda enjoyable, but the book is riding the NC dick so hard while constantly dunking on Tamlin for no reason? Just leave the guy alone ahh). Sorry I'm not even in this fandom really I just needed to vent my frustration somewhere!!

ARE YOU ME? This is exactly how I felt reading through ACOTAR book 1 and then going straight into book 2! I was about 3/4 of the way through ACOMAF waiting for tamlin to do the "terrible abusive thing" that everyone claims he does before I realized that it had already happened. And yeah, him locking her up a single time isn't great, but he literally thought she was going to be kidnapped and murdered. that's not him being ABUSIVE and CONTROLLING!!!

the fan posts absolutely misconstrue his character to a comical degree. Just yesterday I saw an incorrect quotes-style post of rhysand talking to tamlin going "you begged to kiss her, she begged to fuck me. we are not the same." as if feyre wasn't slobbering after tamlin in ACOTAR while he held back and kept everything cute and chaste lmao. like yall are just making shit up now.

and YEAH I couldn't enjoy ANY of the Night Court/Inner Circle stuff because so much of those sections on the book are about comparing the NC people to tamlin (or lucien) and complaining about them. Like damn yall sure are obsessed with tamlin considering you claim to hate him. I definitely have gotten super protective of Tamlin being in this fandom bc he really is a sweet character who doesn't deserve any of this!

ANYWAY I SEE YOU and if you do decide to join ACOTAR fandom on the side of Tamlin, there are other Tamlin lovers! I'm helping to host Tamlin Week (@tamlinweek2023) in 2 weeks and I've spoken to lots of lovely people who love Tamlin and are going to participate! We are here, and we are normal lmao

#asks #acotar #tamlin #pro tamlin #HONESTLY I couldn't even finish book 2 I was so bored lmao #I kept waiting for rhysand to be likable and it never happened #then a friend was like 'why don't you just read a summary of the end of the book' and I said OKAY #THE REPORTS OF TAMLIN'S ABUSE ARE GREATLY EXAGGERATED #AND ALSO ARE LIES #pls join acotar fandom on the side of the tamlin stans #we are having a nice time!!! #ALSO SIDE NOTE love the idea of a tamlin lucien feyre three way

[melrosing]

MATE I have a feeling I am so late to this but what happened to your job!

lmao! so much! but I don’t have it anymore! ok you didn’t ask for the full story lmao but im always in the mood for venting lately so the full tale under the cut on What Happened With My Job

so without getting into detail they have been absolute asses all year!! like with each other the women in my team are like Bosom Pals but apart from a handful of pleasant people they just have no time for me lol it’s very cliquey??

anyway. we had some really difficult clients in the Spring who were ready to throw in the towel at every stage of our work process bc it was unfamiliar territory for them. I was leading the project but really struggling to meet their insane expectations like it was HUNDREDS of emails a day from like 8AM to 8PM and their ‘head of’ sometimes swearing at me on calls with a dozen other people and thinking I can work magic and get [MAJOR CELEBRITY] involved in a thing for them when objectively I can’t and just scream. anyway my directors get really uneasy because this is a big client and they don’t want them getting scared off so when the client starts reaching a crescendo of frustration they fully just scapegoat me right at the end of the campaign (at which point our results are great! lmao) and say it will be Dealt With

around the same time I start to realise that the business is failing and my ‘specialist position’ is typically the first kind to go and that COINCIDENTALLY they are on my ass day after day trying to insist im not meeting their ‘standards’ and genuinely making up the most insane reasons why not (like I know I’d be biased saying this but SERIOUSLY) so im like ohhh right. I see where this is going

THEN my dad gets goddamn incurable brain cancer and my whole life falls apart. and they suddenly have to be like ‘oh no. I am sorry this has happened. oh dear.’ I’m off two weeks having a complete mental breakdown until im kindly reminded that cough I’ve almost used up my statutory days of compassionate leave! but per company guidelines they do have to manage my workload whilst i er. struggle indefinitely w the emotional burden?? so my capacity is thus reduced and man you can tell they’re not thrilled about it

so they basically check in every Friday for a month saying ‘hope everything is ok can you take on more work yet’ CONSPICUOUSLY never asking how anything is going with dad (like when I first logged back in I had a catch up with my line manager and kind of tremulously started talking about what had happened and she literally said ‘it’s ok you don’t need to tell me the details’)

THEN I get GASTROENTERITIS 💃🏻 god knows how. but it’s a bad one and I physically can’t eat for a week man I eat like a banana a day and even that makes me sick lol. but whatever the first day I phone in and tell my director im not well. she’s like ‘WELL I ACTUALLY HAVE SO MUCH TO MANAGE RIGHT NOW SO THIS REALLY ISN’T HELPFUL LIKE I GET YOU CAN’T HELP BEING SICK BUT I REALLY NEED TO BE ABLE TO RELY ON MY TEAM TO SUPPORT COS WE HAVE A LOT COMING UP’ (I’m not even kidding)

so on the third day I log back in bc I feel like I need to just push through it but oh no im still vomiting my guts out so I message the same director ‘look I think maybe. I am still sick’ and she says NOTHING in response till I suddenly get a text from my LINE MANAGER saying ‘Hi. X says you say you still don’t feel well. We understand it’s food poisoning. That usually only lasts 24 hours’. LIKE??? apparently with all the compassionate leave I’d had to take, the sick leave was just too much for them to bear lmao so i got myself a goddamn doctor’s note and have to announce every day for the rest of that week ‘I’m still not well sorry’ (they never ever reply)

Then finally I recover and I log back in and my director doesn’t ask me how I am or anything literally just says ‘WELL let’s get straight to business’ and explains the status of everything at me for 20 mins going on about how stressful it all is.

And then an hour later I get a surprise call from my head of department telling me unforch they’re making me redundant. can’t be helped. understand this is a bad time for you personally. (said head of department has never addressed what bad thing is happening personally rn). and im in shock. till i figure that what with my dad this is probably an appalling time to make up some performance based reason to fire me so this was their only option

and then finally I see the paperwork and realise severance pay is a third of my annual salary. so i promptly get over it, log out halfway through the month whilst still being paid for my time till the end of it, and NOT ONE of those fuckers has even reached out to say goodbye in all that time but god knows I never want to hear from them again so?? fuck it! i told HR everything anyway I was like look I don’t want to take formal action but?? I think you should know.

and now im just gonna chill for Christmas w my dad and my fam and my pals and my cats and do my weird asoiaf shit on tumblr I guess lol. so there we go that’s what happened!!!!

tl;dr got made redundant lol

#ask #sorry I think this really does have to be the last time I whine about my job on my goddamn Jaime blog #I mean I don’t even have the job anymore so #but yeah. fuck corporate jobs man. I’ll probably get another one soon enough but that company I am done with forever

[dumb-doll-lips]

More venting stuff. Again, more for me to get out than anyone to read but I do like being a real person on here and not just a sex object talking about the fun stuff.

Ugh. Idk I’ve got being over sensitive. I def get told I’m too sensitive all the time so maybe. I’ve had like plenty people disconnect and ghost or whatever. It comes w the territory and it’s annoying but like not a big deal. I know it’s not just one guy who fucked me once that’s making me feel like this. He def doesn’t have that kind of power over how I feel. It just feels like there’s been more of that and more cancelled plans this month (but I’ve still like seen 4 different people so far, so it’s not even been nothing). But I just feel really alone irl and really stupid but not like the fun way, the being taken advantage of or treated badly way. I think I thought I mattered just a little bit more to some people like as a friend or at least enough to not lie to me so much. (I have plans to meet someone new tomorrow who seems genuine but what the fuck do I know.)

Things have just felt hard and lonely and all the work stress and how extremely horribly I’ve been sleeping lately isn’t helping anything. And just feels like there’s a lot.

It’s so frustrating. Like I’m def happier than I was this time a year and more ago. And like I’ve been really happy at times and having more fun then I’ve had in a long time. But the mean voice in my head I don’t like to listen to keeps making me feel like I don’t get to be happy and worrying me that I’m destroying my life trying to be, that I’d been better off when I was just aiming for not totally miserable instead of happy. It’s a mean voice and I don’t want to believe it.

I’ve like been having soo much fun having people to hook up w. Ans there’s some Im more friendly w, but i think it’s all just hookups. And the other people I see irl are family and sometimes coworkers where I feel like I can only talk about work bc the only other thing I’m doing at all is hooking up w guys and that feels like a secret. And I think people prolly need more than getting fucked and feeling like they have to hide a lot with anyone they’re physically around.

#personal #therapy is gonna be something this week #venting

[nightgarla]

// vent :/ about my current state of mind bc its bothering me so much and i keep monologuing about it instead of sleeping

ik i never talk to anyone on here so no ones rly gonna care that much but i just need to communicate what im thinking to anyone so i can sleep

but yea im currently in a crazy possibly covid worsened episode which is why all my art is old stuff i already scheduled, and i fucking HATE IT HERE !!!!!!!

i havent talked to my one (1) friend in days and from the stray notifications i catch hes getting frustrated and i hate it bc i feel rly bad and i wanna talk to him but i just CANT !!!!!!! like i literally dont have the energy for any form of socialization and its not like i just dont wanna talk to him its literally i csnt talk to anyone rn or i will cry and or pass out it sucks

and whats worse is i cant wven like justify or explain being gone bc when i have episodes like this my brain is just in a constant i hate talking i hate all people i hate having friends i hate my friends state which is NOT TRUE i love people i love having friends but i just get so tired and i dont know why bc no one else seems to struggle like that and idk how to like communicate that to someone without upsetting them :(

and it sucks cuz i don even have a therapist anymore bc NOT A SINGLE ONE gave me like a piece of paper or something so i could talk and the last we heard from bup was they "put me in the queue" for a neuropsych eval, all i have now is the bald commune man that brings us french bread everh other week but hes more a driver and occasional infodump bin than anything (no offense ily torbjörn <3)

i also got artblock again so i cant even make myself feel better by drawing little guys :((((

#vent #I HATE MENTAL ILLNESS #why cant i just ahve the normal sad why does it have to be so malicious 😭😭😭 #i barely even go on my socials during my eoisodes literally all i do is log ok schedule some art scroll mindlessly fir like a minute #then log off and go back to sleep like

[i23kazu]

♡ the comfort you give should be returned

summary: being an older sibling is tiring, and sometimes all you need is some of the comfort you give.

warnings: general family pain, a bit of gaslighting (?) idk abt that one

a/n: im not feeling the best rn bc #oldersiblingissues! except that the older sibling is me and im the one whos having issues. am i procrastinating on homework because i need to satiate my hunger for big sibling fics? maybe. shh. i need it and so do my other older sibling people. i gotchu <3 its so so so hard. and yes this is a vent fic

"go away! i hate you, you're not mom!" your younger brother yelled bitterly. you irritating, stuck up brat, you thought.

"i'm not mom! that's why i care about you like this!" you grew increasingly frustrated. all this over a curfew, seriously? dude, all you said was to come back by 10. that was hella gracious already! when you were his age, your curfew was 5pm sharp. anything later and you could say goodbye to that phone your parents so kindly let you have.

sighing in frustration, you closed the door gently, lest you alert your mother that you were in a mood – no, no; that wouldn't do. no door slamming from you, no showing any signs of displeasure or disappointment towards anyone unless you wanted someone to reprimand you for "scaring your younger siblings" and "taking out your anger on people who love you and don't deserve this".

it's been like that for years. 

always being resented by your gaggle of siblings for not being that fun, wild-spirited older sibling that they always saw in the movies.

always getting scolded by your parents for not keeping your siblings in check when in reality, they refused to listen to you.

always needing to pick yourself up with the world came crashing down on your shoulders and there was no one to comfort you when you cried.

no crying in front of your siblings unless you wanted to be teased and judged for being weak when you were supposed to be the glue of the family.

always needing to be the family therapist – parents included, but mostly the receiving side of your care.

years of this. you were sick of it to say the least – anyone would be. years of constantly feeling invalidated and of your feelings put lower than your younger siblings would do that to anyone. i take care of everyone, you thought upsettingly. when will someone take care of me? 

you wanted someone to be able to sit down with you – to talk you through the days when everything felt like too much and you were balancing the emotions of everyone in your household.

you wanted someone whom you could make mistakes with freely. you wanted someone to comfort you, tell you when to stop, when to push, when to apologise. enough about all that bullshit from your end, you wanted to hear it from someone who cared for you unconditionally. not because of a title they held in their hand. someone who chose to stick by you so they could guide you.

those who you took care of in your life took you for granted, because they didn't know how much you wanted the same care you gave.

resent me all you want. i'm just being the person i wish was there for me.

#[📝 stewardess' notepad!] #wrote this when i was sad last night but basically the plotline of this is that older siblings need to be comforted the same way #they take care of others #and not a lot of people realise it but its painful being an older sibling sometimes #you get gaslighted and feelings invalidated and getting lesser chances to be vulnerable and you're the free babysitter #so this is a love letter to all my other older sibs out there. you're seen you're heard you're loved you're wanted you're needed #and you really need to get taken care of. please #im not expecting this to get notes bc of how niche it is – but i hope to all the hurting older siblings out there; this helps you a bit #also there'll be a pt. 2 where you get taken care of!! yayy #older siblings #older sibling fic #comfort fic #vent fic

[rin-and-jade]

Hello! I really appreciate what you do with this blog! :) And wanna say thank you for this!

I'm here looking for advice on persecutors!

I recently found another portion of the headspace, wich contains multiple houses with persecutors or trauma holders in each house (i'll be calling this place "The Neighbourhood")

I as a host with "gatekeeper abilities" and general powers in headspace am totally capable to go to each house and i've actually interacted with two residents of the neighbourhood that are harmless. However, i don't really know how to get to interact with the other residents that are more dangerous or defensive, the gate that separates our regular headspace from the neighbourhood is key to our outerworld safety, so letting the residents of the neighbourhood out would be extreme chaos.

I don't really have access to my therapist right now and we've been working on our system ourselves, so at least getting to know our persecutors names would work for our system mapping.

Any advice on how to interact with them? :/

AWWWW.. And my greatest “you’re welcome” would be going on more in-depth explanation, and my own experience of handling one (two actually) probably in a step by step! But let’s do the opening first.

It’s fine if you can’t get a therapist currently, no, it’s better this way (imo) because persecutors are super reluctant to talk to people who could help them and even lash out (especially ours doesn’t need to mention a therapist, mentioning a friend to talk to also aggravates them well) so doing this alone may work better.

These people hold many traumatic moments (assuming bc both of them do, and different things) and this makes discussion harder when it comes to confronting about something specific. Their arrogance and violent tendencies acts like a cherry on top because jesus christ.. right? It couldn’t be any worse (it could) so here are the steps:

Intimidation: yes, they can be intimidated even if they look intimidating themselves. I highly recommend you talking to them as if you’re both in the same level to keep the defensiveness tamed, it also removes one more reason to act cocky to you (this applies to both of ours because they tried to fight for a position if there is one at the first place)

2. Intro: you gotta act polite to these people too, it makes them slightly more respected and would listen to what you have to say,, also, for a fact that persecutors aren’t 24/7 bad and have a chill side, though its different for everybody because it have many looks. Im just saying being nice deters more bad compared to being bad that breeds more bad.

3. Patience: the hard part is, it’s a really long process to get them to warm up with you,, if they have something to say be it hate or cuss or some honesty.. you should listen to them, no need to take it to heart but atleast have them vent those frustration or thoughts because they keep ALOT of those inside (atleast ours) so by giving them a space to let them out, it’ll be great. Although im saying there will be a boundary here, they cannot harm you or throw threats.. this part is on you because i don’t personally know them to dismiss the topic carefully.

4. Teach: they’ll use bad coping or tactics that further harm the collective if no one suggests them, or tell them what’s the right way of doing things. Im thinking this is formed from habit and because its the only thing they know how to handle things so theres no other options but exposing them to knew things they can try for a healthier outcome, for both parties. One of our persecutor doesn’t even know morals and i teached her why things are that way with good reasons like asking “do you want that to happen to you???” And get a resounding no, changed her way. Profit.

5. Healing: last but not least.. this needs them overcoming their own trauma and fears too, if they’re stuck at fear mode and with the constant anxiety if things will go wrong, it’ll perpetuate the need to keep their members in line and their justifying actions caused by violence, saying “its needed/because im being helpful/it works” and the self sabotaging urges.

Really hope this is a first aid guide that you can use to properly handle a persecutor (and more), just letting you know trial and errors are necessary here so don’t be afraid if you did something wrong or whatnot,, it’s a valuable lesson uncover patterns. Also don’t forget to not do this alone <3

- j

#did #actually did #did community #did system #did osdd #plural #dissociative identity disorder #system stuff #sysblr #janswersask

[kokikwii]

I know this is my blog so in theory I could say whatever I want but I am so afraid to say anything bc any problem I have is so minimal compared to everyone else on here and especially in the world, I'm afraid to vent on here or to anyone bc i don't want to be whiny and it isn't even that bad but I'm spiraling anyways, I want to talk to someone but I don't want to be a bother and I hate that they pay walled human connection bc i feel like i need to talk to someone who knows what im talking about but also I don't want to force anyone to be my therapist but I also need to get this out of my head and writing it down in a journal doesn't help anymore and I'm too afraid to talk to my partner about these things bc im afraid they're sick of me always having problems and every day when I do something that is frustrating or exhausting they are one step closer to breaking up with me, so every time I panic or cry over something small it becomes gargantuan because I am so so terrified THIS will be the moment they end things, and I am afraid if I keep crying about the same things forever and ever they'll realize how exhausting i am and realize they'd be better without me, I'm afraid my friends feel the same way and everyone can't wait for me to get out of their lives and are relieved when I stop talking to them

#the only thing that helps is going through ocd forums and subreddits and seeing people post exactly what i feel and i know it maybe isnt #actually helping anything. i was considering seeking a diagnosis (and maybe one for autism as well) but am so afraid that im faking it or #they will mark me non compliant bc i stopped seeijg a psychiatrist and am off all my meds bc i was too anxious to set up an appointment 3 #years ago and also that maybe having diagnoses will only make it harder for me and also that psychiatry is harmful and i am a horrible #person for perpetuating it and legitimizing it for my issues ? is fhat insane to say? it looks wrong now that i wrote it down but its #something im so scared of. #i feel insane i feel like im out of my mind i know these feelings are irrational but it doesnt make them less real and me less horrible for #having them