#it took me over a year to realize thats what they are and that id been manipulated so fucking bad.. which is nothing short of embarassing

[jimines]

.

#this is just a little vent/update on some stupid shit going on on here regarding someone i won’t name #but i need to talk about it and vent bc im so frustrated at this whole thing #so i cut a friend off recently.. told them in a *very* heated message how i felt about all the terrible shit they'd said and done recently #and demanded they do not try to contact me anymore and blocked them immediately after #no surprise 5mins later i got two anons from them in my inbox trying to start a fight however i blocked the IP after those two #i even went so far as to disable my webpage for a few days to try and deter them both from sending anons and from stalking my page #and i shouldnt have had to unblock them to tell them for the second time to leave me alone and to stop trying to start things with me #because the last time we argued it was six weeks of emotional damage that i am still really messed up from #after all this it was radio silence - or so i thought #because i've received word now twice that this person has been saying untrue things to friends of friends #trying to start drama and rumours all because i cut them off and they didn't get that fight and that last word they so desperately need ? #i just…why? why why why? why does everything have to become a drama? this is why narcissists scare me.. #it took me over a year to realize thats what they are and that id been manipulated so fucking bad.. which is nothing short of embarassing #the way this anxiety has been weighing on my chest lately and dulling my time here is something that shouldnt be happening #im so so tired of all of it.. the drama and the fights and the rumours.. i physically cannot go through this kind of thing again #idk if anyone is reading this but im sorry for being so absent and unresponsive and (often times) really negative on my blog #its just so hard to be happy and positive and excited when this potential drama is looming over me day after day ya know? #im trying to push through and be here because i genuinely WANT to be here but its so fucking exhausting sometimes im constantly paranoid #i pray things will come to a rest and nothing will explode bc mentally i cannot take it anymore and i wont be sticking around in that case #i refuse to put myself through the emotional trauma that nicole put me through again. i REFUSE. so if i suddenly deactivate this is why. #but i wont be going down alone thats for sure #c.text

[jaemified]

major, minor, and the things in between - nishimura riki

"are we friends, lovers, or whatevers in between?"

pairing ; nishimura riki x fem!reader

genre ; slice of life, enemies to lovers-ish (y/ns mean to riki smh), romance, drama, fluff, small angst, non idol au

warnings ; swearing, drinking, brief mention of blood (someone gets cut), mention of offing yourself but its just niki making a joke

wordcount ; 7.0k

synopsis ; though never quite well acquainted, sim y/n had always felt strongly against nishimura riki, until her brother jake had forced them to get along. but, what was meant to have them get closer turns into something a little more.

note (5/29) - there isnt rlly much mention of jake/nikis actual siblings but for one scene theirs like additional (baby) siblings

note (7/10) - its finally here!! im a little upset it took me 2 months to write 7k since i used to be able to write 4k in 8hrs but summer has been kicking my ass so im glad its out despite being 10 days past release date

taglist 🏷️ ; @stinkoscope @asyleums

read below the cut !

"'when im with you, i.. im so happy. i like you, na bora!' 'i like you. i like you too! i really really like you!'" y/n cried at her computer screen, rewatching 20th century girl for the 2nd time this week, before being so rudely interrupted by her brothers presence, bugging her with the same, repetitive question. the same question hes been asking for years on end now.

"the guys are coming over and of course you know niki is gonna be here as well. i want you to talk to him. why cant you just be friends?"

"id appreciate it a lot if youd leave, this is my space."

"i dont know if you noticed, but this is a small flat with not much room to move around. its not only you living here you know." jake reminded.

of course y/n knew there was limited space, she knew the moment she first realized she had already circled about the unit, trying to escape her brothers nagging.

"if you know theres not enough room for you and me then what makes you think theres room to accommodate an additional 6 other grown ass men. go to your room, im doing homework.'

'annoying..'

"you were literally just crying watching 20th century girl milliseconds before i walked in, and im not asking much y/n! all i want is for you to talk to him, even pretend like youre getting along, thats it!" jake remarked, before catching the pillow y/n attempted to throw at his face.

'so damn annoying.' y/n thought, growing more and more annoyed by her brothers constant nagging as each second passed.

"whats so hard about getting along with niki? hes a good kid!" jake complained. since his little sister couldnt get along with one of his best friends, it made even the intimate gatherings.. unpleasantly awkward.

"hes annoying, like you are being right now."

"no, why do you really hate him so much."

"i dont know! he just reminds me of someone i guess? and he always cheated on projects back in middle school. even stole my ideas so he could make it look like im in the wrong."

"thats it? youre holding a grudge over him just being a middle school kid from, what, 5 years ago? cmon, theres gotta be something better then that. not to mention even if there wasnt, that makes you sound hella dumb holding a grudge from the 7th grade when youre graduating next year."

y/n thought to herself. of course there was another reason, but it seemed unnecessary to bring up. and she also just didnt want to share it with jake. or maybe, it wasnt the right reason after all.

"well hes cocky as hell and is still a better dancer, basketball player, volleyball player then i, not to mention ive been playing longer and layla likes him more then she likes me!"

"thats your fault youre never home, laylas just more used to him. and me. i am clearly her favorite between you and i."

"more like his fault hes practically living in my apartment cause hes never at his own home. and how can she be more used to him when ive known her since way before she met riki.."

"tough luck." jake pat y/n on the head on his way out before shutting the door.

__________________________________________

the sound of the doorbell awoke y/n from her, well, what was meant to be a quick nap (which later turned into a 4 hour sleep). just as she slowly got out of bed to answer it, she heard jake yell from down the hall, "ive got it! make sure you dont look stupid or anything in front of my friends!"

she rolled her eyes and climbed back into bed, thinking about her outfit. standard pajamas, plaid shorts and a black tee (which probably wasnt even hers). she thought about how the one person out of the 6 she didnt want to see would be out there. truth be told, even she herself didnt know the best explanation as to why she hated riki so much. y/n figured it was because of a little mishap back during freshmen year and she just couldnt bring herself to apologize for everything that had been said during that time, so she forced herself to continue hating him. 'yeah, seems about right.'

the sound of the door opening caught her attention and the next thing she knew, there was a boy in a cream essentials hoodie jumping onto her.

"oh shit, what the f-"

"hi y/nnn!" sunoo smiled, carefully getting off his best friend.

y/n was in joy once she realized who it was, and brought him into a tight hug.

"hey sunoo! god it feels like forever since i last saw you!"

it was really only a week.

"i know right! its been too long!"

she smiled, no matter what mood she was in, sunoo always was the sunshine in the rain.

"so, whos here?"

"oh, you know the usual. sunghoon, heeseung, jake, and jay hyung. niki and jungwon are supposed to be setting up something in the courtyard."

"setting up what?"

"a volleyball net. jake was on nikis ass all week and wanted him to 1v1 you while we all played basketball. jungwon just wanted to help however he could, hes been tired all week from his job and the dance program."

no fucking way.

"youre saying i have to be alone, with nishimura riki? hell no!"

"isnt it great?" "this is a disaster!" they both exclaimed in unison.

"how is that bad?" "how is this good?!"

sunoo signaled for y/n to continue first. "i just cant stand riki. jakes been on my ass to talk to him but i didnt think hed actually talk to him, or that hed even listen either."

"seriously? i always thought you had a thing for him. i mean, you look good together, you both share mainly the same interests, mainly the same circle, not to mention the undeniable love you have when your eyes meet-"

"okay thats enough! you know what, how bout we go outside, im hungry anyway."

sunoo shrugged and went along with y/n down the hall.

he was slightly surprised when he saw niki and jungwon sitting on the couch, having a sip of their drinks.

"back already? i thought you were setting up the nets."

"yeah, but it was easier then expected. and we didnt even need to go to the lobby for the stuff. it was all already in the courtyard." jungwon told the two with a smile, proud of their work.

"y/n." niki looked at her with that stupid grin she had always hated.

"nishimura."

"i didnt know youd be here." he observed, ignoring how she had addressed him by his last name instead of niki, or riki.

she scoffed, crossing her arms.

"i live here dipshit. you think id run away just cause i knew you were coming?"

niki got up from his seat and walked closer, and closer, until their faces were mere centimeters away.

"just like you ran from all our problems in freshmen year huh?"

"you realize it was all because of what you did, dont you?"

it took niki a minute to notice how close they were. he looked down at her lips before realizing what sunoo and jungwon were saying in the background. "are they about to kiss?"

"hell no!" y/n and niki both yelled out in unison, quickly pushing away from each other.

"whatever. i need to use the bathroom, i cant stand seeing your face." she remarked to niki.

as soon as y/n closed the bathroom door, she let out a breath she never knew she was holding in, slowly trying to register what had just happened. 'did i really almost kiss him.'

minutes after being stuck in the bathroom for so long, she left and walked into the main living space, only to notice everyone was gone.

well, almost everyone.

"are you serious."

y/n dryly stared at the boy sitting on her couch, in her spot, watching her favorite show.

"i forgot you were still here." niki yawned.

"where is everyone?"

"did you seriously not hear them say theyre gonna get food and that theyll be back in.. three hours or more?"

"three hours or more? it does not take that long to get food, youre fucking with me." y/n walked into hers and jakes individual bedrooms to see if anyone was hiding from her, to her dismay, niki wasnt lying.

"it does if youre getting food from busan."

"why the fuck are they going all the way to busan for food??"

"language! my young ears cant take this!"

"shut up nishimura youre only 11 days younger."

"more like 11 years at heart cause you act like a grumpy old lady all the time.."

"whatd you just call me?"

"nothing!"

"so why are they going all the way to busan for food again?" y/n reminded, getting niki back on track.

"cause they got a friend whos house is down there and hes in town for the weekend, they said theyll bring us home our own order."

y/n walked into the kitchen, rummaging for food.

"what are you doing now?"

"looking for food, im gonna die if i see your ugly ass face any longer."

"what are you on about 'ugly'? girls at school love this face."

"and apparently you loved those girls too much in return.."

niki got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen bar, sitting down. "are you still mad at me about that?"

she stopped what she was doing and looked at niki, not saying anything, hoping it was enough of an answer.

"so you are." 'so he isnt all that dumb'

"look, i didnt know she had bad intentions, and you were right, i shouldve listened to you. but you really have to stop avoiding me. how was i supposed to tell you i didnt realize what she was trying to do if you keep running away?"

"how do you not realize no matter how many times i warned you?"

"i thought you did it because you were jealous."

"i did it because i loved you!"

niki froze, thinking he was crazy, thinking maybe he hadnt heard right.

"you what?"

"past tense. loved, not love. and how could you think so badly of me? we were supposed to trust each other, always tell the truth, and you thought i told you she would end up using you was because you thought i was jealous? how could you?"

he sighed, thinking about what he had done, realizing how badly he had mistreated y/n in the past, realizing there was no reversing it. he walked into the kitchen where y/n was, backing her into the corner as the kitchen was just as small as the apartment itself.

"get away from me!" she yelled, throwing ramen packet after ramen packet at niki.

"no. i know i havent been the best to you-" "more like you know youve been the worst."

niki glared at y/n.

"-and i know theres no reversing it. i realize i cant undo the past, but what i can do, is fix our future. i want to show you i can be better to you then i was then. we can be what we used to be before, us. our spark."

"there is no us, or we, or, our. but maybe just you, caught up in your daydreams." y/n pushed niki out the way, and walked out the kitchen, not noticing she was slowly being followed.

"i loved you too you know. except for the fact that i still do."

"can you just please leave." she turned around, now facing him.

her vision blurred, head dizzy, face stained, all as her glass like tears trickled down her cheeks.

"hey, its okay. dont cry."

"get away from me!"

niki attempted to hug y/n as she fought against him, trying to run from his grasp, struggling to no avail. she eventually fell still in his hold, forgetting its natural warmth and comfort.

"im sorry for everything." was the last thing y/n heard before falling asleep, growing tired and stressed from everything that had just happened.

__________________________________________

it was late at night by the time everyone else had come back, 2am to be exact. traffic was unusually heavy though it was a saturday night, not to mention the designated driver and his understudy (heeseung and sunghoon. yikes, scary night) ended up being the most wasted while everyone else was still tipsy. poor jungwon, still tired from a 4 hour nap after being on 2 hours of sleep all day, had to drive everyone through the slow traffic.

jake, who was slightly sobering up, turned on the lights in the dark room and dimmed them as his head was still throbbing. he walked into the living room and saw y/n, fast asleep with her head on nikis shoulder with his arm around her as he finished the rest of avengers endgame.

jake knew his sister well enough to know she had been crying once he focused on her puffy red eyes. but, it was a sweet moment, y/n was passed out, niki was barely conscious, and everyone was painfully drunk or achey. he figured he would just yell at riki for whatever happened in the morning.

sunghoon and heeseung ran into the kitchen (as best they could without tipping over) for water, jungwon had knocked out as soon as he sat down in the chair next to y/n, jay was busy trying to figure out how to use jakes water filter, and sunoo was sitting at the kitchen bar eating a pudding cup.

jay called for jakes help, just as his eyes had fluttered shut. begrudgingly so, jake got up and helped the three boys it the kitchen. "you press the bottom button, not the top button. the top is for ice."

"thanks." "yeah whatever."

"i know youre tired hyung, but so are we. where are we all supposed to sleep?" sunoo quietly asked, putting his hand on jakes shoulder.

he thought, looking at the three sprawled out in the living room, and the three bubbling nonsense in the kitchen. "jay and sunghoon can stay with me, ill move niki and y/n to her room, you can stay in the living room with jungwon and heeseung hyung. but move jungwon to the couch since he drove everyone."

"thanks-" sunoo cut himself off as he heard the sound of jakes receding footsteps.

__________________________________________

morning came, and though it wasnt a good one, y/n wanted to remedy that. or, remedy the nasty hangover she knew everyone would be experiencing.

she had woken up with her eyes puffy and red, and even though she didnt want to get up she knew she would have to eventually.

"is that hangover soup i smell?" jake asked tiredly, rubbing his eyes as he walked out his room.

"well i know riki doesnt know how to cook and jungwons still asleep. so who else would be making it?" y/n flashed a tired smile, pouring a serving for jake.

"so, why were you crying last night? and dont say you werent or that you just didnt sleep well. ive lived with you long enough now to tell the difference between your 'i didnt get enough sleep' eyes, and your 'i was crying pretty hard' eyes." he interrogated as he took a big sip of the soup. so good he almost felt better already.

"what did he tell you? or were you watching me?"

"he didnt tell me anything, he was already asleep by the time we came back. i just saw the look on your face and knew."

"just reminiscing on some bad times is all."

jake raised a brow at his sister, taking another sip.

"you dont have to tell me now if you dont want to. but i do want to hear about everything. later. when my head isnt pounding like when i heard mom push you out in the emergency room. after i take a nap. and when youve bought jungwon some coffee."

"me? why do i have to buy him coffee? im not the one who drove him because the designated drivers were too wasted."

"we typically treat him to an iced americano since hes always up taking care of us when were drunk, but we havent gotten this wasted in a while. and he spent so long getting sunghoon out the house, not to mention the long drive to the point he ended up falling asleep as soon as we got back."

y/n thought about it before mumbling a, "tough luck" to jake, patting him on the back before walking into her bedroom.

she was met with the sight of niki making the bed as she walked in. "when did you wake up?" she quietly asked.

"not too long ago, you?"

"about an hour ago. i had to cook for them."

"ah. did you sleep well? i know sleeping upright on the couch mustve been a lot less comfortable then this."

"i guess. i dont remember waking up to walk here though. jake probably carried me."

"he was way wasted, snoring loudly way before i woke up. how else do you think you got here?"

it took a minute for it to click in y/ns mind when she realized it was niki who took her to the room and slept next to her. this whole time, she thought it was her brother who lent his own room to his friends.

"of course not, he just asked me to help or make sure you got to bed safely and that i could stay with you since there was nowhere else."

'that bastard.. ill kill him one of these days. im surprised i havent already.' she spoke to herself in her head.

"so. are we good now?" niki questioned, walking over to the other side of the room.

"how can you ask me such a thing after making me relive one of the worst memories of high school ive ever had?"

"it wasnt my intention. i was just trying to explain-" "theres nothing to explain when i had already given you multiple warnings. thats on you."

y/n threw a pillow at niki and walked away, back outside.

"what was that all about?" sunghoon asked, taking a sip of the coffee he had just made. 'where did he get silk pajamas from. are- are those mine?'

"what?"

"not to bother, but i mean, you were kind of yelling." heeseung explained to y/n.

she let out a sigh, rubbing her forehead in stress.

"i dont want to talk about it right now. i- actually. you know what? ill be back."

"where are you going?" sunoo asked y/n, following her to her room just as niki walked out.

"somewhere, not sure yet. dont follow me."

"i wont, i know how much you value your alone time but- oh youre changing. hold on ill turn around. but please be safe. when will you be back?"

sunoo turned back around and saw she had changed into beige cargos and a white crop top. realizing he was staring, he looked around the room, before a certain picture caught his eyes. he walked closer to get a better look. it was baby jake feeding yogurt to baby y/n. 'awe, they were always close werent they.' he hadnt even realized y/n was talking to him, and by the time he faced where y/n was standing, she had already left out the front door.

y/n🤨; srry, u were so immersed in that picture of jake and i as kids, but i rlly wanted to leave. i cant handle being around niki. see u l8r

sunoo😴 ; no worries, have fun, stay safe, and dont take any candy from strangers lol

__________________________________________

y/n drives to her favorite cafe she always used to visit with her brother, mama han's. she sits down at the bar and scrolls deep into her camera roll, coming across some mundane memories of her and riki back when they were close.

"what can i get you, hun?" the waitress, jiwoo, asked with a small grin. she didnt look to be any younger than 40 something now, compared to the last time she visited the spot. jiwoo was always the waitress here, even served the two frequently in their childhood when they visited from australia.

"just a vanilla shake is all. extra whip please."

"sweetie, arent you lactose? it must be pretty bad if you want extra dairy."

"yeah, it is. but, im not comfortable talking about it at the moment if thats alright."

"of course it is. just hope youre doing okay." jiwoo pat y/n on the shoulder, before reaching down to get the ingredients.

"hows your brother? havent seen either one of you in a while."

"hes well, a little hungover, but hes fine."

jiwoo laughed as she poured milk into the blender. "of course. what more to expect from your brother. well, how are you? i realized i didnt really ask."

"im alright. and, do you remember niki?"

"little niki from when you were kids? the one you used to like- oh dear, dont tell me hes the reason as to why youre so down?"

"long story, but yeah. its fine though, ill deal with it. but what about you, whats going on? did you ever pursue your dream as an actress?"

"no, and i regret not going for it. i didnt get to be in stairway to heaven, but shinhye and taehee did though. which is why you need to go for what you want, otherwise you really will regret it." jiwoo advised, adding the cherry on top of the extra whip prior to sliding the glass over to y/n.

"so i should forgive him?"

"if its what you want. though i dont know the backstory, i do know that as long as its something you want then its worth a shot. the worst he can say is no, you know?"

"yeah.. oh and jiwoo, can i get a chocolate shake to go?"

"no problem, just give me 4 minutes. and- oh dont worry about it, put your card away! its on the house."

___________________________________________

y/n heard her phone buzz in the center console as she pulled into an empty parking lot. she turned the engine off the car and pulled out her phone.

sim jaeyun ; Can you come home

Y/n Sim ; can u stop using caps

sim jaeyun ; I don't think it matters but okay

sim jaeyun ; can you stop disappearing whenever you're mad at someone

Y/n Sim ; can you change my name so its not in caps

sim jaeyun ; can you stop changing the topic and just drive back because niki wants to talk to you and i was getting worried

Y/n Sim ; can u change my name

'sim jaeyun' has changed your display name to 'y/n sim'

y/n sim ; i bought u a shake from jiwoos

sim jaeyun ; no you didn't she probably got it to you for free

y/n sim ; cz im her fav sim

sim jaeyun ; im going to tell all the guys about how you pissed yourself at disneyland on splash mountain

y/n sim ; driving home rn

sim jaeyun ; no texting while driving love u

y/n sim ; lyt

she let out a small laugh at her brothers texts. she quickly got out the car, taking some pictures of the sunset for her instagram, and posting it, before driving out as the milkshake was beginning to melt.

niki got the alert y/n had posted and pressed the notification at the top of his screen. he didnt miss how the caption referenced wave to earth as it was always their favorite band to listen to together.

@/05sim_y/nn ; how can my day be bad when im with u? - [9m ago]

liked by @/02sim_ikeuu, @/suniskim, and 99 others - 20 comments

@/rikimura has liked this post ! [now]

___________________________________________

after getting back home and taking a relaxing shower (thanks to everyone leaving 2 hours prior), y/n had continued to keep herself up at night for the past week before deciding it was time to talk to riki.

she pushed her feelings aside, waking up on a random wednesday morning at the crack of dawn then randomly told herself 'ive got to do this, for my brothers sake and our friend group.' (or so she unconvincingly tried to convince herself, but thats already another thing she didnt want to get into at the moment) y/n quickly threw on whatever clothes she could gather laying about the floor, then ran to grab her car keys and hurry out the door.

as soon as she swung the big piece of metal open, she was met with the familiar sight of nishimura riki knowing when hes done wrong, his guilty face, with his hand raised and ready to knock.

"what are you doing here at the ass crack of dawn?"

"what are you doing ready to run out your apartment like its the olympics as the ass crack of dawn?" he responded to her question with a question, with the intent of knowing how much she hated it.

"actually, i was about to leave to see you. i think its time we had a talk. you know, after my.. moment, that i had last week."

"yeah. i know. its not your fault i realize now, or, im telling you that but ive realized it since the moment i lost you. i think-"

niki was interrupted by jake shouting from across the flat, "if youre gonna finally have this talk i think you should go somewhere else! can you leave soon? 'cause my girlfriends gonna come over at like 12!"

"i seriously doubt any place is open for us to be going to at 5:41 in the morning." y/n yelled in response.

"you know well mama han's is open now, and jiwoo works day and night, just go there so i can be alone!" "for 7 hours?"

niki laughed in response as he registered what jake and y/n were arguing over.

"what girlfriend?-" "-talking stage, technically, but he says theyre dating because she accidentally kissed his cheek on their first date when reaching to grab something near him."

"i remember her lips on my skin like it was yesterday, meanwhile you have yet to kiss niki." jake scoffed in english, the words flowing smoothly off his tongue with his accent before walking closer towards where y/n was standing.

"gross. if anything her accidentally very barely brushing her lips against your stupid face is the only action youll ever be getting if you keep trying to get rid of your one and only favorite little sister." y/n muttered in response, slightly ignoring niki muttering about how he thinks y/ns accent sounds cute.

"really?"

-

and so y/n found herself driving to mama han's cafe with niki after jake called their eldest brother, complaining she should listen to him because shes younger and if she wouldnt listen to jake himself then maybe she would listen to her older-older brother.

"you should listen to your older siblings but jake, if you had someone coming over you shouldve told her in advance. and what are you even gonna do alone for 6 hours??"

after being seated and placing their orders, niki brought back the conversation from earlier that had sort of been killed by jake.

"i get it, youre mad at me, and i shouldve listened to you. i know i fucked up and i know you see it too. i get it if you dont want to forgive me yet, or if you ever even will. but when you decide we could be good, im always here for you."

"why would i be here if i hadnt been prepared to forgive you?"

"huh?"

"i seriously question how dense you are sometimes."

"thanks for believing in me."

"no problem, but seriously. i forgive you. as much as i hate to admit it since i know youll use it against me, but i kinda missed having you around. i mean, you were my first love among other things but you were also one of my first and closest friends. it wont always be the same but im sure if we try enough we can get pretty damn close."

"god have you always been so philosophical?"

the two burst into laughter together, smiling as they took a sip of their milkshakes, reminiscing on the times they had spent together in their earlier high school years. it was moments like these that they has missed the most.

by far the most fun together (said niki), by far the most fun theyve had in a while (said y/n) after having spent the morning together, discussing and going over whats happened in the past few hours before going to pay. "ive got it," niki said, pulling out his card. "its the least i can do."

"thank you for today. i know i was hard on you but i needed this."

"no worries, i think ive owed you for a long time now right?"

"i need to do something in here real quick. you mind waiting in the car?"

"wait are you gonna be okay? i dont wanna leave you here alone."

"im a regular here, i know the people. its fine."

"are you sure?"

"if you go ill let you have the aux."

thats all it took for niki to run straight for the car, rushing to open the door.

y/n laughed as she saw him waving from the passengers seat, before going to talk to jiwoo who was busy wiping down the counters. she took a seat at the bar and felt comfort as jiwoo flashed the same smile she always would throughout y/ns childhood.

"thats a hell of a boy youve got there. special one isnt he?"

"you could say that in the very least. hes definitely special to me though."

"thats the boy you were tellin my sister about? he aint from round here, that right?" an distinct, familiar, voice spoke from the back kitchen.

"auntie jiwon?" y/n questioned in shock.

jiwon is jiwoos sister, she also used to work at the cafe just as much as jiwoo did. had been a favoritre of the customers including the sims themselves before moving to the countryside, only popping up on occasion. jake would call jiwon auntie since she was older and it had also grown on y/n.

"thats my name isnt it?" she chuckled as y/n ran up to hug her.

"wow, i cant believe it. i havent seen you in like, 7 years!"

"been a long time right? well, im just down here for a short while before i gotta go back. just here for a weddin and thought to visit my sister at work."

"thats great auntie, too bad you arent here for longer."

"yeah, well. thats what happens when you get 3 divorces and run out of money, that right jiwoo? but, seriously, whats with that boy of yours? he dont seem to be from here."

"hes not, hes from japan, for the dance academy we all go to."

"that explains a bunch. i always knew youd be a dance. you have quite the physique for it, no?"

jiwoo interrupted jiwon from rambling on the way she always would, quickly seeing y/ns desire to leave as she has other things to tend to.

"alright well, im sure y/n has plenty of things to do as do we, so we all really should be going. its about time for the regulars to start coming in." jiwoo awkwardly laughed as she too seemingly forgot her sisters idiosyncratic personality.

"you dont want to spend time with your auntie jiwon is it? kids nowadays have no sort of respect for their elders. you could drive a preacher to drink!"

y/n awkwardly cleared her throat and put on a smile, frozen in a sort of way as auntie jiwon hadnt seemed to be the same as she was 8 years ago.

"oh im only joking now! go on then, ill just see you in another 8 years." she sighed, overexaggerating the moment.

"its not like youre her real aunt anyway." jiwoo muttered, yet jiwon heard it.

"like your supposed to be? what are you to her anyway?"

"someone whos around of course! i practically raised her and babysitted her on top of running a restaurant with my own children whenever her parents would be in office from dusk till dawn with her brother busy at school with his own life."

"i was there too you know! she would tell me things she never told you."

"she only told you things because you made her! she was scared of you!" jiwoo rolled her eyes at jiwon before quickly gesturing for y/n to go.

"what are you doing- where is she going?" "somewhere where youre not."

-

as y/n go back into the car, she slightly scared niki in the middle of a game.

"what happened in there? looked kinda tense. never seen the other lady before."

"jiwoos sister. shes kinda crazy and possessive and scary. didnt even know she came back."

"maybe we should go.. shes kinda walking towards the car so i suggest to step on the gas."

"shit- shes what??"

------------------------------------------------------

within the next few months, niki and y/n drew closer to one another like they were before.

it was only a matter of time before their unresolved feelings for one another began to surface, yet they continued to push it down with all their might, not wanting to ruin anything like before.

so here y/n was, watching some random kdrama out of boredom, completely uninterested before she received a text from niki.

nishimura ; help

sim ; with what

nishimura ; baysitinf

sim ; the fuck

nishimura ; hold - my brother just took my phone

sim ; babysitting?

nishimura ; yes pls

nishimura ; jake literally js dropped off ur sister here while my brother was having a hyper thingy

nishimura ; hes just very hyper

nishimura ; send a swat team.

sim ; i dont rlly wanna watch sarang tho😐

nishimura ; BUT ITS UR SISTER??

sim ; yea but she’s a headache i have to deal with that like every weekend

sim ; i gave her to jake so i can have a free day just for her to bounce back to me😒 sim ; i hate guys named jake

nishimura ; thats what u get for abandoning a 5 year old

sim ; then im not helping

nishimura ; that lego set i bought you arrived today

sim ; see u in 20

and so here y/n found herself driving towards nikis apartment, reminding herself to lecture her brother once they both get home.

“good thing you came otherwise i mightve actually killed myself.”

“this better be good, i dropped crash landing on you for this.”

with that, niki stepped aside to point at the kids behind him without breaking eye contact with y/n, not wanting to look inside only to furrow his brows as she tilted her head in confusion.

“is this a joke?” she scoffed.

“what are you talking about?” his jaw dropped once he saw sarang and hiro getting along together just fine, completing some puzzle together. “i swear they werent getting along and hiro was just bouncing off the walls, plus sarang was like having a meltdown about ice cream!”

y/n slightly grinned then spoke, “you look fine. they look more then fine. you don’t need my help. did you just want an excuse to see me?”

“no! i- i mean i kinda wanted to see you but that’s not why- i, ughh!”

y/n held back a small laugh at nikis frustration before she heard the two kids watching them giggle adoringly at their older siblings.

“riki has a girlfriend!” “y/n has a boyfriend!” hiro and sarang exclaimed in excitement.

“im going home.”

“absolutely not.” y/n groaned in annoyance while niki pulled her into the house by grabbing onto her shoulder.

“so.” he awkwardly started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously with the palm of his hand.

“so??”

“about yesterday.”

“what about it.”

“we’re good right?”

“of course we are.” she reassured.

just as niki was able to reply, sarang began to cry loudly, like she saw a monster in her closet or something.

“what happened?”

“i cut myself!” she cried, showing the skin between her fingers. her and hiro had been doing small arts and crafts for the past hour, so she has hurt herself with the scissors.

“just put a bandaid on and ice it.” y/n rolled her eyes, shaking her head while not even bothering to look up from her phone.

“you’re so mean y/n unnie!” sarang pouted before holding her ‘injured’ hand up to nikis face.

“what is this, the school nurse? you gotta be a more helpful sister then that.”

“i am helpful. i asked her what happened then gave her a solution.”

“but you were so mean to her.”

“im teaching her to be tough! our parents were hard on me and my brothers, so we have to be hard on her.”

“but you aren’t your parents. you’re y/n.”

“but what if i don’t want to be just y/n?”

“well, then that’s not something you can control. you’re you whether you like it or not. you gotta learn to accept life as it is. that’s what really being hard on yourself is, and that’s what it does to you.”

niki goes over to sarang to pick her up and carry her over to the kitchen. he sets her on the counter and grabs a pastel flower print bandaid before placing a small kiss onto where he placed the bandaid.

he coos at her lovingly, with him who’d always seen her as his own sister having had watching her grow up since she was born despite her not really remembering much of him.

y/n felt her heart melt as she saw how good he was with her baby sister.

she got up from her seat to go over where they were, wrapping her arms around nikis waist to envelop him with into a warm back hug, pressing her head into the space between his shoulder and neck, letting it rest there.

“mean unnie.” sarang stuck out her tongue at y/n, pushing her face away from niki as she stuck out her tongue back.

“what are you, 5?”

“no but she is.”

niki sighed before pulling away (he really didnt want to but you didnt need to know that) grabbing his car keys, and picking up his brother.

“let’s go for some ice cream.”

so here you were, sitting at the local ice cream parlor together.

niki’s face turned as he watched you absolutely devour those three scoops (scoups) of mint chip.

“i seriously dont see how you could eat that. it tastes like toothpaste.”

“why are you talking when you’re eating plain vanilla.”

“hey, sometimes basic is better!”

“well you don’t have to like mint then. ‘cause me and this kid do!” she jokingly replied, hugging said kid (hiro) while niki and sarang rolled their eyes with their vanilla cones.

“hate to be a bother, but you guys are such a cute little family. youre just like me with my kids when they were still young. and, little girl, you really have your fathers eyes.” an elder women from a table across the parlor smiled, patting y/n and niki on the shoulder as she ignored her husbands remarks “stop disturbing the little couple!”

“do we really look like a family?”

“sort of, if you really think about it.”

“okay but she had to be lying because your eyes look nothing like sarangs.”

“i mean.. if you look closely enough.”

“you aren’t even korean!”

they laughed together, for the first time in a while.

“okay, but on a serious note. what are we? are we friends, lovers, or whatever’s in between?”

“i mean.. I guess for now, in between.”

“please date y/n unnie! shes sooo lonely and boring.” sarang interrupted, tugging on nikis sleeve.

“yeah! and i want more playdates with sarang!” hiro pouted, looking up with puppy eyes at y/n.

niki laughed at the kids’ reactions, before taking y/ns hand into his.

“well, no matter what you decide, let’s see where this takes us. they seem to be up for it anyway.”

“you’re right. alright, fine. but if you fuck this up again, you realize you’re not getting another chance, right?”

“i promise i won’t hurt you again. it already cost me everything last time.”

“glad you’re aware.” she bitterly mumbled.

“so. you will date me then?”

“ill think about it.”

#kpop imagines #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen scenarios #jake sim #niki enhypen #niki x reader #nishimura niki x reader #nishimura riki #riki imagines #enhypen niki #jungwon x reader #enhypen imagines #niki x you #nishimura niki #riki au #enhypen riki #enhypen reactions #kpop scenarios #kpop fanfic #park sunghoon #heeseung #yang jungwon #jungwon #jungwon imagines #nishimura riki x reader #enhypen jay #jaemified

[theosconfessions]

if youd like to read the stephens from the beginning you can over here:)

if youd like to read the stephens continued you can over here:)

@ohsosims

dustin- im just trying to make you aware that these guys..they dont change

river- you dont think daddy changed

dustin- daddy is...yeah he did . but hes in his sixties now riv. it took many years for him to become decent. im trying to save you the heartache riv.

river- then why are you still with him if he was so bad?

dustin- weve made right what weve needed to make right,river.hes..given me reasons to trust him again. weve been together for a very very very long time. daddy is..older.he needs me. i need him.

river- what does that even mean?

dustin- meaning..he is having a lot of memory issues now. well for years but its been getting worse. i dont know how much of it is related to what he got from that piece of shit or its just getting old. i dont know . hes denying it so he doesnt scare you guys or himself but i see it. im with him all of the time now. and even though he has his shit mainly together ..and probably because of you guys... its getting more apparent as time goes on. its a lot. add the babies on top of that i just...

river- i can help with the babies

dustin- i know you would..but its not your responsibility riv.what im trying to say to you baby.thoe and i . our relatoinship is really good now finally. but thats after nearly twenty years of me being kind of..sad..and now that its good? daddys minds checking out. i just ..times so fleeting riv. not only do i not want my son to go through life being fucking sad.i dont want you to waste your time. its so fucking important baby.

river- do you feel like you wasted your time with daddy?

dustin- i think we did. and we've spoken about it. he wishes he never took me for granted.

river- he says that all of the time.

dustin- because he realizes jsut how much time we wasted fucking eachother up. i dont know. i love him. and id make the same choices to be with him. but i want different for you,riv. blake cant be making the same mistakes theo did

river- he wont

dustin- you dont know that,baby. listen youre 18. and although id love to. i cant tell you what to do anymore. just think about everything we spoke about okay? and if you choose blake..just stop moving so fast. let him prove to you hes worth your time.

river- okay.

#needless to say dusty is going THROUGH IT RIGHT NOW #the things he does for his ole man #and being honest with riv here is so important #the stephens continued #dustin stephens #river stephens #the sims 4 #ts4 #the sims #ts4 gameplay #sims 4 #simblr #ts4 simblr #ts4 story #the sims stories

[cupoftaae]

HII i'd like to request prompt 11 "give me time, give us time" for kookiee? and if its ok id like to give u a small plot just in case you dont know how to work with this if thats okay 🥺

so the tiny tannie lil ol plot for this wuld be: jk being a bit of a workaholic (very much so.) and y/n is quite tired of it.. note that this is non!idol and married! :D they had a talk and a cool plot twist wuld be how y/n was actualy planning to surprise him abt being pregnant!!!GASPAND THEN KOOKIE NEVER NOTICED THE SYMPTOMS CUZ HES BEEN WORKING TOO MUCH!!! and like yeah she getzz rlly emotionsl

AND IF ITS OK CAN U GIVE LIKE AN AFTERMATH OF THIS? LIKE 1 OR 2 YEARS AWAY FROM THE ARGUMET? hope this isnt too much 😭

Hello!! oh my goodness this is so amazing, no one has given me a plot to write by, this is really cool and I hope that I do a good enough job portraying this for you! Thank you so much for sending this in <3

La La Land (JK drabble request)

warnings- mentions of drinking, angst, mentions of pregnancy, swearing, couple fighting, fluff, kissing (nothing major) I think thats all?

enjoy <3

"I cant tell, is this a positive or negative?"

Your voice was shaky and frail, holding up the test to your phone camera, trying to show your friend.

"blurry, cant see, read the box y/n. instructions are there" Your friend sighed, in her defense, it was late, and you called her out of slumber- but only because you were totally hyped at the sudden realization that you were finally possibly pregnant.

You and Jungkook had not necessarily been trying, nor necessarily avoiding it.

You both wanted kids, but never really specified when. Considering the fact you have now been married for 2 years, and your relatives are up your ass about when it is that you will have a baby, even though its not their business at all.

You wanted this for you, and today might be the day you get what you wished for.

"You just took it, let it sit for a moment"

you nodded at your friends words as you placed the test onto the bathroom sink, moving your hands to rest on your hips as your teeth tugged at your bottom lip in thought.

"whats on your mind, hun?" she asked

"a lot..." you giggled, drawing your eyes back to her. "If I am, I just hope Kook is happy, thats all I want"

"mm his schedule is so busy"

"I know, work always comes first with him, thats why im nervous. Its not like he told me to take birth control or anything, and we have condoms he just refuses to use one" you snicker

She laughs, "well then yeah what did he expect?"

"but hes a head manager at the company he works at, hes spent so much time climbing the ladder to get there, what if this throws him in a loop?"

"y/n....girl...listen to me, he is partially responsible for this, so he needs to be accepting or I will personally come down there and make him accepting"

You laughed at your friend, thankful you had some humor relief out of all the tension.

"and listen, you are in your 30's, its not like you are 20 years old and unmarried, you know?"

"yeah...youre right...im gonna look now, I think its ready"

"okay"

You gently flipped over the test and held it close to your eyes, a faint blue plus sign appeared, making your heart thump so loud it was audible in your ears.

"holy shit, its positive!"

"its positive?" your friends voice shot up 3 octaves

"YES!!!" you jumped around, wishing jungkook was home right now to show him, instead bathing in the moment with your best friend.

"congratulations, y/n, oh my god im so happy for you!!!"

"thank you!" you wiped a few tears, gripping the test almost as if it wouldnt be real if you let it go. "oh jesus this is so....wow!"

"remember what I said, everything will be okay"

You nodded, taking a deep breath

"everything will be okay, yeah....your right."

-

Everything, in fact, was not alright.

It's been 2 weeks since that night you found out you were pregnant, and everytime you think you are ready to tell Jungkook, something happens.

"oh gotta go babe, they are calling me into work"

"too tired to talk tonight honey, i have to get up at 5am"

"not right now baby, maybe tomorrow?"

It never ended, he was in and out the front door constantly.

It was upsetting that the only time youve had to talk with him recently was when you both took a shower a few days ago.

"you look so tired" you frowned, pushing his hair back

"I know...I am"

"you need to sleep more" you kissed his chest, resting against it under the warm water.

He let out a soft laugh, "yeah...when is there time for rest?"

"its okay to take time off, you know? youre a manager, you have more control"

"I just need to prove to everyone that I am capable of handling the position" he insisted

"Obviously you are, they wouldnt-"

"y/n, just dont worry about it....okay?" he squeezed you softly, trying to change the subject and shutting you down, because you wouldnt get it

-

You wanted your husband, you wanted him more than anything, and this feeling only turned to anger as you sat with him at the dinner table one night.

You were now almost 2 months pregnant and still have not told him.

You planned a nice meal to eat, his favorite.

You cooked all the vegetables and spent hours slaving in the hot kitchen making sure everything was up to perfection for him, just for him to come home at 2am with no text in regard to him being late.

"its late, honey, im sorry, we can eat tomorrow"

You stood to your feet before he could leave the room, all of your dishes sitting on the stove, some now cold. "no, we are gonna eat now."

You know he smelled the food, and never did he once acknowledge the fact you made his favorite dish, or thank you for it.

His eyes widened, not used to hearing the sudden tone in your voice.

"please....please just sit" your voice cracked slightly as you watched him slowly walk back to the seat, sinking into it.

"are you mad at me?" he whispered, watching your back as you heated up the food into a plate for him.

"mad..?" you chuckle to yourself, trying to gather your thoughts.

"yeah, mad. are you?"

You took the food out of the microwave and handed it to him, sitting on the other end of the table and looking at him desperatley.

"jungkook...have you noticed anything...different?"

He smiled gently, confusion in his eyes, "what do you mean?"

Your expression softened from hopeful to dissapointment.

"you dont see...you dont feel like anything is different?"

"no?" he half smiled, looking around awkwardly.

You looked down at your plate, teary eyes overcoming you as you tried hard to prevent your breakdown- but its been a long time coming.

"wha-"

"jungkook!" you cry out desperately, leaving him shocked and confused at the odd behavior.

"baby why are you crying? whats going on? what is this?" he panicked

"You!! im crying because of you!!" you stood, covering your face as you felt the embarrassment fall over you.

"what did I do?" he got up and tried to come over to hold you, but you pushed him away.

He let you talk, not knowing how to respond to anything.

"you are never home, Jungkook. I fucking miss my husband, okay? I spent 4 hours in this kitchen, sick as hell, making your favorite dish and I dont get any type of thank you, instead you come home 3 hours late and decide its time to sleep, you reek of alcohol as well" you wipe you tears hastily.

He stood, looking at you as his eyes teared up

"I know work is important, I know it is, But I matter too Jungkook!! We are married, I am your WIFE! im not just the maid and chef here, you know?

"baby I never said any of that-"

"you treat me like one!!" you cry, pacing the room, "see, you still dont even notice anything do you?"

He looked helplessly, "Im sorry, honey, I really am, but I need work-"

"not this much!!" you looked at him sharply, "Ive been home alone these past few weeks, dealing with a certain situation ive been terrified to tell you about all by myself!"

"im here now, tell me! tell me! what is going on and how can I fix this?"

"I just want you, jungkook....One fucking day, one fucking dinner" you gesture to the table "When was the last time we even woke up together and cuddled, or had a fucking cup of coffee and talked? Months...MONTHS!"

"my angel im sorry ive been neglecting you, why didnt you say something to me sooner?"

"I was trying to understand, I was trying sooo hard to put myself in your shoes but damnit, jungkook, I cant hide it anymore" you sobbed, knowing how crazy you looked to him right now. "Its...its not fair!!"

He gently grabbed your arm, leading you towards him, his eyes searching deep into your own.

You sighed, trying to adjust your breathing, "g-give me time, give us time." you wrapped your arms around yourself and looked at him.

"us?"

You swallowed harshly, trying to steady your voice, "im pregnant, Jungkook. I found out weeks ago and since then youve left me home alone with not an ounce of time for me to tell you, which is now resulting in this"

He froze, his eyes softening at you as he tears up, "pregnant? baby..."

"yes!" you step back, "and...and you didnt even notice! I tried leaving clues, I left the test in your bedside nightstand and you never fucking saw it?"

"n-no baby...youre pregnant, oh my god, honey" he brought you back to him, a soft yet sad smile on his face

"Its been all me, im the only one who has to deal with it and its not fair. If you dont have time for me, how the hell are you gonna manage to parent our child?" you glared "I refuse to parent alone, this is a team effort, jungkook. Yes money is important, but I need you, I need you to stop being a manager first and my husband second"

He took a shaky breath, part of him scared to say the wrong thing, "I- I understand honey" he nodded, holding your hands as he cried "fuck- im so sorry" you let him pull you into a tight hug "Im so sorry holy shit...im such a fucking dumbass, how could I not know?" he ran his hand up and down your back, face hidden into your shoulder as you both cried.

"you need to understand, I am serious, things have to change!"

"they will! they will! I'll change right now I promise Im gonna be here for you, for both of you" his hands held your stomach, desperation in his voice "dont leave...." he whispered

"im not going to, jungkook. But you need to stop working so much, I cant do this by myself"

"you dont have to, im here for you, whatever you need, fuck I'll take the rest of the week off for you, just let me hold you" he squeezed you tighter

"I miss you so much" your voice was quiet

"I love you, im so sorry I never noticed, Im so dumb baby....I love you,I love you" he cupped your face and pressed a delicate kiss to your lips, forehead against yours, "thank you for all you do, im an ass for not recognizing any of it"

"I love you too....just please...do it for us...?"

He nods "anything....for you, i'll do fucking anything baby." he kisses you once more as you both gently sway in the kitchen. The tension of the argument still lingering in the air, thick and prominent.

This wasnt a fixed issue, more so a stepping stone to him proving his words.

If he wanted to be a dad, he needed to show you he was ready for it.

--

"he is crying again" you sigh, rubbing your eyes and sitting up to look at the baby monitor.

"I'll get him" jungkook immediately got up and walked down the hall, following the sad cries that led him to your baby's room.

"little man...its 4am...why the tears?"he frowned at his 3 month old who's arms flared around.

the first 2 months of Kaiylin being born, you kept him in your main bedroom at night but you wanted to test out how he would sleep on his own, and so far its not been good.

"you want mama, huh?" he picked him up, holding him close and gently bouncing his knees. He didnt smell, so it wasnt his diaper, and he had just been fed not too long ago, so it was easy for jungkook to know he just missed his mommy and daddy.

He slowly walked into the bedroom, you were about to fall asleep. "oh kai" you frown as your husband places him into the bed between you both, his body facing the smaller ones so he doesnt fall out or move around.

"aw baby" you rub his head softly, "its okay now, shh, shh"

Jungkook gives you an empathetic look, "I know you havent slept im sorry"

You shrug, "i'll nap tomorrow"

"I'll take him into my office, he can sit in his rocker while you nap"

You smile softly kissing your husband, "thanks, baby"

You had to admit, Jungkook has stepped up more than you assumed he would. Hes began to work from home, giving time for not only your little family, but especially you and him.

He has been such a help with everything, from watching Kai during the night, to cooking and cleaning for you, its been 100% teamwork since you gave birth and you couldnt thank him enough for it all,

Things were finally starting to even out and you could not have been happier, the man you married in the first place was returned back to you, in the form of a loving father.

"hes sleeping again, look" jungkook whispered

Your eyes darted to the newborn in between you and your husband, you slightly giggled, "poor thing"

"co-sleeping just works I guess" he smiled, leaning over to kiss you gently, "go back to sleep honey, ill watch him for a bit, its okay."

"I love you, thank you..." you looked at him

"I love you too sweetheart"

-

a/n- ahh! I really hope this is what you wanted, it was fun to write and follow the prompt. Thanks again for sending this in! -Nini

#bts #bts fanfic #bts smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook scenarios #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook drabble #bts fluff

[autoandro-meda]

already sent this to a couple of blogs that aint answered me yet, need someone to acknowledge and praise a bit. im so desperate to start my medical transition that i lifted a couple bottles of testosterone supplements from my local pharmacy. i hope it does something, anything for me. im hoping.

Hey anon. Kink gloves off im gonna talk to you real serious right now.

Ill just rip the bandaid off: that is not going to do what you want it to do (transition you). Testosterone supplements either do one of two things; decrease estrogen production on a very small level/ridiculously high dosage, or increase existing hormone production. Unfortunately, since we typically dont produce testosterone already, taking a t supplement does not work akin to hrt. Im sorry to tell you.

I was barred from HRT for a good while due to my families rejection of it, my healthcare not covering it, and only having 4 clinics in the state that would actually treat me (despite having branches all over the state.) It was miserable, i was misgendered everyday and mostly gave up on binding or doing anything. Anon if youre not doing good right now doing risky things out of desparation isnt going to help you. At best youll stressed yourself over something you now have to hide and at worst you get caught.

I do not know your situation but here are some broad things i can suggest to hopefully try and help you out/relieve any amount of dysphoria:

-im not sure if youre in the states and if so where but plannedparenthood is the usually referenced for a reason. I got to my HRT appointment and had no insurance and not enough money. So they lied about some stuff to get my fees waived. If it is legal where you are at least google you locations treatment pages/insurance options.

-there are simple forms of voice training you can do that do help lift spirits a bit. Im sure theres tons on youtube but my usual practice was cycling through specific syllables at the lowest pitch i could possible for a bit. So like, for the duration of a shower id be prattling off strings of noises like "Beng Bong, Heng Hong, Seng Song.." or "ka-ku-ki-ka-ku-ke-ka, ha-hu-hi-ha-hu-he-ha" trying tk do it in routine. You can laugh, i hope its funny.

-im not saying go hyperdrive workout routine but if you have the ability to be a bit more active some how i suggest it. I took a hour walk most days before i could start transitioning and it didnt change much but it made me feel more confortable.

-if working out is something you would wanna look into theres a ton of options for high protein foods/drinks that do help with muscle development (i used to be more into em when i started my transition.) Check if theres a place by you that does whey protein smoothies im so goddamn serious they taste so good and are the main reason i have Something Resembling Biceps

-i am behind a screen. I have a sort of idea of how i come off to my followers but take it from me i am 1 year into my hormones and its not been a very massive change at all. I look almost the same in my comparison pics, i hardly have facial hair, you realize quickly this is gonna take time. Which i mention as to say your transition will always be waiting for you and while right now it may seem out of reach or impossible i promise that will someday change.

-tip from me: dont shit where you eat. If youre gonna shoplift dont go to a pharmacy thats local to you, try to go somewheres you dont frequent. But for real stop stealing dick pills bro.

-i am taking this ask in good faith because i dont want to potentially shut this anon out, but if this is a troll or copypasta youre a piece of shit.

-if not, sorry about above, i hope you know you have a place with trans men who would love to support you in this difficult process because we know. Its alright.

-you gotta keep trying. With love.

#ask tag

[nishipostitz]

haikyuu men as brothers best friend

scenario: them finding out they had feelings for you

gn!reader x multicharacter

prev | part 3 | tba

tw! suggestive in first part, not too much, older reader in third part. fluff world

goes by the saying of “the one who breaks my dick is the right one 🙏” and well. it happened literally. youve grown close to him because your parents take him in like their own. but he spends more time with you than your brother. at first, you were like a little sister to him. but now, the feelings have actually started developing. so you guys were on the couch together. your feet on his lap as youre scrolling your phone. your eyes started getting droopy, so you took a nap. a few minutes in, you accidentally put your heel against his balls, and he started screaming and groaning. oh poor guy 🙏. so you woke up. and realized what you did. and for some weird reason, this made him like you more. bc whatever situation he was in, you still cared for him. but OBVI you had to care for him then, you literally were the reason he’s screaming? but hey, love makes you dumb ig.

kuroo. hands down. tsuki(in it for the pain), tanaka(yall cant tell me he isnt like that), noya(literally is going to end up in a position like this 😭 ), ukai…., LMAO NOT ME PUTTING LITERALLY THE WHOLE KARASUNO TEAM—, oikawa, terushima

he was sick. he caught a cold for not wearing a sweater right after sweating. so during your free time, you would come over and take care of him. and just like that, he was revived not too long after. and as he was still not thinking straight, he really asked “so how do you feel about marriage?”

oikawa, hinata, noya, futakuchi, tendou, bokuto, suga, goshiki

coming back with the older reader trope! so he was a clumsy little guy. and you’d be the one tending to his wounds bc your brother knew absolutely nothing! and as he grew up, he always appreciated your kindness. you would also treat your brother. so when he joined the volleyball club, he was surprised to see you. you had already signed up as the manager. but sadly for him, he only gets to see you as a manager for a few years 😔 but, he still finds time to spend with you during practice. like sitting out from getting tired and helping with labor work.

kenma, akaashi, aone, ushi(man its the VIBE), ukai, kunimi, yams, suna(faking it)

man idk what to say. he literally fell in love with you at first sight. youre a year older. and he never really paid attention to ppl in school. so he didnt recognize you 💀 he saw you on his morning jog, jogging the same direction as him. so he was intrigued. it was impressive to see many ppl jogging this early in the morning. yet, you were also a beauty to the eyes as well(thats so cringy). and to his luck, you struck a convo while jogging. “so what brings you jogging this early?” “i could say the same” “well, im doing this to prepare for school. i must outrun creepos on campus” you said while chuckling nervously. “and i suppose you arent one as well?” he blushed embarrassingly. “nope. and i mean it” you laughed. “well, i was a bit skeptical” you say teasingly. now, youre really second guessing his response. bc he’s literally going the same direction as you to get home??? so you hurriedly ran to your house before he asked “is that your boyfriend’s house?” you gave him a look. “that idiot isnt my boyfriend, he’s my brother” and he was embarrassed AGAIN. “well, that brother of yours is someone id call a great friend. just dont tell him that” you smiled and waved bye. “i need to start kissing up to him later on”. he thought

ushi…, iwai, kageyama, kindaichi, daichi, tsukki, yaku, asahi, issei, osamu, aran

nah. man fell for you the moment your brother introduced you. he was mesmerized by you and didnt pay attention to anything else until “and theyre off limits you germ” he was offended. so, he would live on trying to impress you. his best friend wasnt impressed, but you were. it was funny seeing his efforts to win you over.

tanaka, oikawa, lev, shirabu, atsumu

your brother would give you to him as an offering 💀

kita.

this was worse than the last. i can’t live like this anymore.

#kuroo fanfic #tanaka fluff #ukai drabble #oikawa fic #nishinoya x you #tsukishima x y/n #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu!! #haikyuu comedy #terushima headcanons #ushijima fic #tendou fluff #iwaizumi fanfic #shirabu fluff #lev fluff #kenma fanfic #akaashi fic #aone hcs #kageyama headcanons #hinata fluff #suna scenarios #atsumu fic #osamu fanfiction #aran fluff #daichi imagine #sugawara fluff #asahi fluff #mattsukawa x reader #kita fluff

[l0viez]

May I request a reader who feels like they're falling behind in life? I feel this profound sadness when I realize others are further along where I want to be.

I'd like Kaeya for this one (And Zhongli if you have time).

Really sorry that im late for this! i had a busy scheduleT.T!, also sorry in advance if some of my writings is abit.. confusing? or not rlly that understandable! im still a newbie at these! This was in a rush so if i have some extra time ill rewrite and make it more better^^

This can be seen as romantic or platonic!💟

🗡️Kaeya! ;

Kaeya's first and honest reaction was .. kind of mixed

He felt abit little bitsy upset for the person you always look at and compare yourself too

He felt alot of concerned and sadness , concerned because of the fact you would stop talking or just go to your own world whenever you see them

He was very saddened over the fact you look and felt miserable just because of it

the first time he knew about your situation and what you were feeling these days

He felt guilty and mad at himself because he didn't get to manage to see it more earlier

Kaeya WILL visit you daily with flowers!

Theres are no ifs or buts

you will see him at the front door waiting for you

it will become a daily thing until you finally feel better again

(unless you want him to visit u everyday🤭! just request him xox)

Kaeya will be inviting you to tavern to make you feel calm down and to distract you from you feeling upset

knowing kaeya he will still tease you but he will lower it down too make sure it doesnt say anything to tigger you

he isnt a afraid to make himself look like a fool just to distract you and make you laugh

he will even skip some of works to hang out with you to distract you from all those stress or

a little headcannon : since he got em 💵💵💸 whatever your hobbies are he will buy you the items needed for your hobbies!

Cooking? you have a whole kitchen for yourself to make foods and make your own recipes!

Singing? He will rent out a whole year room just for you to sing, it has a mic and everything

Drawing? .. yeah he would probably ask albedo for some tips on what to buy good materials LMAO

Kaeya is the type of person who would distract, make you forget about your worries, spoils you rotten, be more 10x clingy, make you laugh during your bad times❤️

Kaeya is super supportive of you and respects your decisions but sometimes he worries to much for you thats why he's always looking out for you!

He will even take you to some sceneries or areas that you havent went before and explore abit !

he just wants to express his love to you and to tell you everyday that your more than good enough and that what ever you have or got is something to cherish for and that one day you will be like someone you idolize!

he will wait for you to succeed to the things you want to be in life, he will be there at your comfort <33

he's honestly so proud of you like he would be like "yess💅🏻thats my boyyy/girll!" (hes a silly lil goofy man dont mind him) if you ever surpassed or succeed on the things you want to be or you want to succeed in

(he would even throw a celebration on it too😭‼️)

He's that hype man you didn't ask for but still (thankfully) got/jk

(he gives me that "its us againist life"/jk im unfunny like cyno im sorry)

" Oh (n/n), took you long enough, almost thought Id have to spend this night by myself.. drinking (your favorite drink) by my self... Ow! that was a hard one — hey hey! I was just kidding you didn't have to hit me that hard haha.. here come sit with me! .. what's that? you still have work to do? heh. Your staying here with ME tonight. Relaxing! The night is young, how about you relax abit? Don't worry I'll help you with your problem tomorrow! Would it really kill you if you don't work for one day? "

His first reaction was most likey confused..

Dont blame the poor old man he is still learning

Ofc he would be also half upset bout it too

Cause like.. what his DEAR IS UPSET? HE is UPSET as well😤‼️

Zhongli would be so confused because like he will catch you looking down or feeling down

he would ask you if you were alright and you would tell him you were okay

but more days went by he FINALLY gets the clue

He brought you both to a fancy expensive looking restaurant (ofc childe payed for it)

When both of you got comfortable now

He legit straightward asked on what was goin on with you for the past few days

he would give you the most OBVIOUS things and asks you the most OBVIOUS things as well (his trying his best😭💔)

(but then again, I feel like he will get it already but he will act like he wouldn't just cause "communication is the key" and he didn't want to be rude and assume on what was going on so he has to make sure of it"!)

When you confessed on what was going on and how you felt down because of it

he will also visit you everyday like kaeya's! but no flowers.. well probably a pretty rock but who knows

he will use his wallet/childe to get you both in some fancy resturants whenever you both have spare times!

Zhongli would be like your spotify premium but instead of music he is like a radio.

He will tell you stories non stop to "distract" you from feeling upset

good thing his voice is calming

so while your doing your thing he would be talking in the background

Zhongli will probably even give you his specialty dish just for u<3

zhongli will be the type of person who likes to think that making things from your heart or homemade is more special that buying

(he just dont wanna admit he has no cash to buy you gifts/jk)

just like kaeya he would maybe take a day off to spend time with you

Instead of buying you newest items you wished you had, he will give you some items they used before when he was still a archon younger!

Unlike kaeya who likes to distract you and make your worries clear off ur mind, Zhongli will instead give you some "wise" advices on what you want to get good at and be more more supportive of your decisions!<3

He understands that there's a huge difference between a human and an archon but that won't stop him from giving all his best to help you get what you think its missing from you‼️

He's that "proud father" or "proud old grandpa"

He's more layback and chill than kaeya, like he will also tell you to relax and to not overwork yourself as well

If you manage to overcome or succeed or surpassed the people that you used to look at with sadness

Zhongli will most likey to celebrate that and even invite some people from liyue!

He will even take you on a peacefully calming date while you tell him about what happened

Zhongli is willing to listen to you 24/7

he will probably request you to do your hobbies or the things you love infront of him

and he will even act dense about it (sly mf)

" Greetings (Y/n) , I have some plans for us to visit somewhere special. Ah ah. *holds your hand* don't even think about going back and overworking youself now. You don't have to rush yourself always you know? Im worried about you, you might even get a fever from thinking too much.If you ever need someone to comfort you I'll be there at your call now.. I ordered us some relaxing tea at Yanshang Teahouse, let us go and grab it shall we?

This is just a little bonus message, if you ever feel sad about people who are futher along where you want to be in. Remeber to not pressure yourself to becoming a "improved" you. to not overwork youself for it. Don't be hard on your self because sooner or later you will be on the top or be the version you wanted to be. Dont rush and try to have fun along the way and to stay safe always<3.!

#genshin impact #genshin #kaeya alberich #zhongli #genshin impact x reader planotic #genshin impact x reader #fluff? #comfort #crack #not the drugs tho- #kaeya genshin #kaeya x reader #zhongli genshin impact #rex lapis #old man #zhongli x reader #genshin x reader #liyuegenshin #mondstadt

[yveltalreal]

for both: how do you feel about family

Yveltal: It's all I know, isn't it? Ever since the beginning, it was Xerneas, Me, and Zygarde. Of course, there was a beginning before that. There were other legends before that, but I Palkia, Dialga, and Giratina... they aren't siblings. They existed long before us. Same with Arceus. Especially true for Arceus. I need to have family because if I don't have one, if someone cannot look at me and go "That's Yveltal, they're like family to me" then what am I? What am I except the hurt? I need to be the love as well, don't I? I love them both. I love them a lot, and I love the others too. Maybe it was a mistake to love them like friends and children, rather than axes and hammers. To treat them as family rather than tools. Who knows. I am nothing without them. I miss them. I miss Zygarde, even if they hurt us. Maple: i think its complicated. i love my parents. they arent the best. they sucked. they were busy. but i love them. they learned. theyre trying better. they love me. its whatever. my mom especially though. i remember talking to her. she didnt want to be him. she didnt want to be her either, so she ran. she thought that if she wasnt there maybe her love wouldnt be so strong that it hurt. thats what she told me. word for word. i get it. i love a lot too. it took her a lot longer. it took her so much longer to not be afraid. she was always afraid that if she looked at me too hard that id snap. that her hands werent made for holding a child. she didnt want me. she didnt treat me like she wanted me. i mean she wasnt cruel but she just wasnt there. it took almost losing her to realize everything. for her to be there. i love her. i love her a lot. i love them all. but i dont know. sometimes at night, i wonder if they really do care, or if its the bare minimum. i wonder how long that would have gone on, a child alone in a house filled with pokemon until the end of time if grandma didnt find us.

and my brother. i love my new brother. im glad hes never going to experiance what i did. but hes so small and scared. just like my mother. but unlike her i am built for hurting. a whole body staying alive because of the stolen life of others. hes so small. hes so fragile. when i look at him i know what my mom felt and i know she felt it worse. its fine. im not his parent. im his sibling and by arc am i going to be a good one.

and outside of them. outside of blood. where does it begin and end. aspen and jaime? im married to them. we're legally family. and i love them like that. and tori shes my sister and law now but she was kinda like family too. and estelle. family friends is just family to my family, sometimes, and shes a family friend. my grandma wants her to call her grandma as well. shes like a cousin. even if i cant remember when we knew eachother when we were little well i remember knowing her now. at least a little. tami is like my mom, even if shes an absol. same with most of my moms pokemon actually. one of the few things i can remember as a kid is them all gathering around as solar taught them how a first aid kit worked. it was so interesting watching a beeheeyem try to explain things to the others even if i couldnt understand that the bad scrape i had stopped hurting. and pickle. shes been here forever. well not forever. but shes been with me for like over 10 years. what is she? a sister? idk. shes my partner. shes my starter. and heph is also kinda like family even if ive had her for less than a year and theres dash and theres bibi and glacier and little and. storm. im rambling. i love them. theyre family too. i love them a lot.

anyways family is a choice, but sometimes youre obligated to make a certain choice, i think.

#pkmn irl #pokeblr #from m #ask game

[decafbat]

8 for the artist questions?

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

ok really really long story but when i was in high school i had a big set of characters and a plan laid out for an animated short, that i ended up trying to do for my senior project (my high school did those. they could kinda be whatever you want.) it involved a possum named reuben who worked as a cook in a dilapidated Kowloon Walled City type setting. a terrible setting for the story i realize now. the characters feel plopped into a totally disconnected world. theres no thematic or lore reason i set it in a place like that, and the characters are all so entirely american lmao my little highschool self was just really interested in that kind of stuff i guess. his boss was an incompetent raccoon named pascal, and the plot involved reuben running an errand (buying some cinnamon) for the restaurant after a local celebrity, a bat named Flan, showed up. his order had cinnamon in it and pascal didnt want to have to make an incomplete dish for him because he probably had a huge crush on the guy. coincidentally reuben met up with his friend, a pidgeon named Mochi. (i wish id just leaned full on into the chowder style food names and given pascal a different name lmao idk why i didnt.) thats the gist of it, and i worked on it all throughout my senior year, though at least 80% of that work did not go into the actual animation because i planned it so incredibly poorly. most of my time went into the storyboards, which is the part i actually enjoyed the most.

next, in an act of utter foolishness, i decided to tackle the project of drawing every. single. background. and mind you i did not know how to draw backgrounds. this took me months of time i could have spend animating, and i had to get help from my internet friends just to get it done in a timely manner. i ended up with. 81 BACKGROUNDS. THE AMOUNT ACTUALLY USED IN THE FILM? ABOUT 10. MAYBE.

i did all the voice acting myself, which is the only reason im not linking the final film here beyond general embarrassment over the quality. this was pre-transition and im not comfortable sharing how i sounded back then. in the end, with only a few months left in the year, i finally began animation, and it was quite a lot of fun. sadly, i was tackling all the scenes with no lip-syncing necessary first because i assumed lip-syncing would be very hard with my snouted characters. i didnt ever get to any lip-synced shots, but the scenes i ACTUALLY did get around to animating were a lot of fun.

with my unprepared hubris, i ended up with an 8-minute slideshow of inscrutable storyboard scans punctuated occasionally with animation. i would have preferred to edit the characters into the backgrounds i had worked so hard on, but i had to crunch insanely hard to assemble the final video near the end to meet the time limit, and gladly, covid-19 made it so only my family and teachers were present during the presentation, with my classmates present over a zoom stream, which eased a lot of the embarrassment. i still had to leave the room while the short played. gladly though, they loved it, and thought it was really really funny. i stated boldly that i would FINISH THE SHORT SOMEDAY AND SEND IT OUT TO EVERYONE. at the time i probably meant what i said. id been drawing reuben, pascal, flan and mochi in the corners of my homework every day for years, i was really really passionate about them, but after the school year ended something kind of shifted. coincidentally it lined up with my coming out as trans and drawing Cath for the first time. i lost interest very quickly after that, and my parents were pretty mad that id decided to abandon the project. i guess the pressure probably got to me too. i was burnt out and even i was aware of how messy and flawed the story had come out. i didnt really draw them ever again after that except for a few times. leaving the project behind also ended my hopes of becoming an animator one day, my dream up until that point. it was probably the biggest shift in my artistic direction ive ever had, and im happy that shift happened. even though i left those characters behind almost entirely, they helped me become the person i am today. this of course involves all the times i drew reuben with boobs and thought “this is normal right? its normal that im drawing whats essentially my sona as a girl, right? its normal that i think about reuben transforming into a girl so often right?”

thanks for the question, you definitely landed on one of the ones i had the most to say about lmao, its nice to get to talk about this old abandoned project every once in a while. id still love to answer more if ppl wanna go back and read over that ask post.

[multifandoms27-blog]

Kodoku [こどく] | Angst | L x Fem!Reader

Told y’all I’d do it.

こどく (Ko-do-ku) — loneliness; isolation

~*~*~*

Content: So, this isn’t REALLY an L x reader…you’ll figure it out once you start reading :(

Warnings: Suicide, major character death, murder, mentions of murder, heavy depression themes, abandoned child

Notes: This probably wont be the only thing I’ll write to this song, so stay tuned. Kasumi belongs to a friend of mine, whereas Cade and Miriam belong to me.

~*~*~*

(Y/n) glared Light down as Matsuda had shot him. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest — it was finally over. Everything her husband and sons and herself had worked towards, was about to finally come to an end.

Aizawa and Ide moved to stop Matsuda from killing him, but (Y/n) just continued to glare Light down. For so long her husband had his suspicions, ones that (Y/n) shared. But before now, they never had any proof.

Behind them, Mikami panicked and thrust his pen into his stomach, blood spurting out. She didn’t bother to look at the ‘X-Kira.’

“Gevanni, Rester.” (Y/n) called out to the men, almost boredly.

“Right!”

“On it!”

The two men rushed to stop Mikami, as well as Aizawa and Ide, but everyone knew he was a goner.

“Mother?” Near looked up.

“Hand me the notebook.” (Y/n) held her hand out expectantly, not looking away from Light.

Near nodded and handed her the note and a pen. Light used the distraction to get up and stumble, almost drunkenly, out of the warehouse. Matsuda yelled out for him, but once he was out of sight, (Y/n) gave chase.

She didn’t know what Near would do to hold the others back, or if they’d even obey his orders. But all she knew was she was going to get her revenge for her husband and two sons.

Light heard the second pair of footsteps behind him and looked, then screamed out at the sight of (Y/n). He didn’t try to negotiate like usual, she figured it was because he wanted to save energy in case he somehow survived.

Light led her to an abandoned warehouse, he clearly had no idea where he was going.

“Light Yagami.” (Y/n) spoke with a definitive voice.

Light, panicked, looked behind him.

“I once believed we were friends. Or, partially.” She took a step towards him, making him take one back. “But then you took my husband, my sons, and so many other people.”

B flashed in her mind. Kasumi flashed in her mind. Takada, too. Soichiro, even if not directly. She narrowed her eyes even more.

“You’ve ripped everything to shreds. You’ve created chaos, not order. You are no God. You never will be.”

“S-So what’re you going to do?! Kill me?!” Light pants, screaming.

“Maybe. If this notebook is truly the real deal.” She opens it, then looks back at Light. “What do you think of that, Light? This is my perfect victory.”

She wrote his name down in the note, and Light’s eyes widened in realization. She had heard him, at L’s funeral. He could feel his left arm growing numb.

“Thats right,” (Y/n) moved to stand over him, her hair framing her face, the light streaming in from the sunset making her look even more terrifying to the young man.

And with a voice that, to Light, sounded like it had L’s in sync with hers, spoke to him.

“I win.”

Light then could no longer speak. His chest felt tight, like he couldn’t breathe, and it burned. It burned a lot. Tears welled up in his eyes as (Y/n) continued to glare at him. He could’ve sworn that L, Mello and Matt surrounded the (hair color) woman, looking down at him.

(Y/n) watched Light Yagami die slowly. As he was still dying, she sighed and sat next to him on the stairs, bringing her knees up to her chest. She could hear Light’s labored breathing. Her own tears welled up in her eyes.

(Y/n) and Light both went through memories of the task force together four years ago, but each for their respective reasons. Light, because he didn’t know what he did wrong, and maybe felt a twinge of guilt. But a little bit of guilt didn’t stop him in the past. For (Y/n), it was the nostalgia.

When she finally looked back at Light Yagami, he was still, his eyes glazed over and body stiff, just as her husband had been when he died in her arms. Clenching her eyes shut to keep from crying, she rested her chin on her knees.

“Did you see that, L…? Mello, Matt…?” She sobbed into her knees. “We won. We finally…fucking won…”

(Y/n), now feeling more alone than ever, sobbed harshly. Yes, the case was done. She’d gotten her revenge. But now she felt strangely…empty. She wont be able to share the fruits of her victory with those she lost.

She didn’t know how long she sobbed and cried out for, but it was night by the time Aizawa had put a hand on her shoulder and told her it was time to leave.

“Will you be alright, (Y/n)-chan?” Matsuda asked softly, watching the paramedics take Light’s body away.

“…maybe one day.” (Y/n) followed Matsuda’s line of sight.

Matsuda and (Y/n) shared a long hug and many crying sessions that night. Even with Matsuda, Near, Rester, Gevanni, Linder, Ide, Aizawa and Mogi, she felt alone.

When she crawled into bed that night, it was like she had lost L all over again. The pain jabbed and tore through her heart like a knife— no, a sword. It was so painful, and (Y/n) wondered for a moment if thats what Light had felt before dying.

~*~*~*

In the days following the solving of the Kira case; Misa Amane had killed herself, Mogi transferred to work in the United States, while Aizawa, Ide and Matsuda stayed as policemen in Japan. Near and (Y/n) went back to Wammy’s house in England, where they held Mello’s and Matt’s funerals. Rester, Gevanni and Linder stayed in the United States to help Mogi.

They had been buried next to L. It was a rough day for everyone.

(Y/n) now leaned against the doorframe of Matt and Mello’s old room. It was left exactly how it was before they ran away. Furniture gathering layers of dust, old consoles and games Matt was unable to take with him were left behind, the TV needed a good dusting, and the curtains hadn’t been opened in forever.

Above the nightstand, which was situated between their beds, (Y/n) saw an old photo of all of them together as a family. L in his weird sitting position with Near and his favorite Iron Man toy in his lap, (Y/n) standing next to him while Mello and Matt stand in front of her. They all seemed really happy.

She was supposed to go through their initial stuff and decide what to do with it. Roger would have done it himself, but he “wouldn’t want to intrude, ma’am.”

She started with their nightstand. That would be the least painful, right? Their dressers were still hastily open, some old clothing hanging over the edges. (Y/n) pulled one of the drawers out. A lot of it was papers filled with studies, mainly Mello’s more than Matt’s.

(Y/n) chuckled. “I forgot that Matt was only studying hard until becoming L’s successor was optional…”

She couldn’t remember how many times she’d come into the room to tell Matt to turn his games off, and that it was late. Oh, what she wouldn’t give to do that one last time.

Feeling the tears prick her eyes again, she continued. The first drawer held nothing but scraps of paper that will never be used again. The second drawer however, was filled with drawings Matt and Mello did when they were kids.

Picking up the first one carefully, (Y/n) smiled softly at the image. It was, from left to right; L, (Y/n), Mello, Matt and Near. Everyone was labelled.

That was it. Drawings upon drawings of the family, when Matt and Mello were kids. (Y/n) kept a hand to her mouth as she sobbed.

“Mom…?” Near spoke softly. “Roger said you’d be in here…”

“Oh, Near, honey…” She sniffled and rubbed the tears from her eyes.

Near wordlessly moved forward and hugged her. He had been hurting, too, he just didn’t know how to show it. He let his mom sob into his little frame, making him want to cry. But, he held himself back and didn’t.

“I came to get you because we have someone new today…” Near whispered. “He’s outside with his mom. She wants to speak with you directly.”

(Y/n) sniffled and nodded, pulling away. “Okay, um…”

Near stands with her, keeping a hand comfortingly on her back, looking at her with concern.

“Thank you, Near. C’mon, let’s go see what’s happening outside.” She threw on a smile, one that Near didn’t like, but he followed her anyway.

Outside, a woman was waiting with a small boy. The woman was crouched at her sons height, talking to him. (Y/n) remembered when that was her with her own sons.

“Hello, you said you wanted to speak with me directly, yes?”

The woman looked up, then stood. “Yes. I’m Miriam, pleased to meet you.”

“And what brings you by today?” (Y/n) threw Miriam and the boy a sweet smile, and was a bit taken aback at how much the boy looked like Mello.

“May we talk, mother to mother?”

(Y/n) nodded and shuffled away from Near and the boy with Miriam. The woman finally broke and began to cry.

“I can’t…I thought I could be like you, but I don’t know how you do it…”

“Ma’am, calm down. It’s going to be okay. Your son will be safe here.” (Y/n) wanted nothing more than to cry with her.

“No, I know. My um…boyfriend of sorts grew up here. He was actually um…” she sniffled. “one of your sons.”

(Y/n) was thrown back a little. She glanced at the boy, who was busy looking at Near’s robot toy.

“Mello…?”

“Mhm.” Miriam nodded. “We were in the same mafia group…listen, I know you don’t know me but Mello talked about you in such a good light…I can’t keep Cade in an environment like that…”

She looked back at Miriam at the mention of the boy’s name. She clenched her jaw and then nodded. “Yeah, yeah no problem. We’ll take him.”

Miriam smiles sadly. “Oh, oh thank you, (Y/n).”

She nods and glances at the ground, then looks back at Cade. Miriam takes that as a sign to hug the older woman, which she hesitantly returns. Cade turned to look at the two of them, the dirty blonde boy and the (hair color) woman making eye contact.

Cade was like his father. With one look, he understood everything. Even with Cade here, as a new child to raise with the others, everything still felt so empty. Nothing could bring her family back. Near and Cade were all she had left.

Although, when Cade was waving goodbye to Miriam, and then turned to (Y/n) with tears in his eyes, a look Near recognized, she realized she wasn’t the only one feeling alone. All three of them did, no matter the circumstances.

(Y/n) pulled both Cade and Near into a hug. Maybe, if nothing else, they could all be alone together.

#Spotify #l death note #light death note #death note matt #death note mello #death note #dn #doot noot #l x reader #l x you #death note near #death note oc

[goremet-chef]

vent/rant

its so fucking ABSURD man. "whats with the attitude?" you want me to kill the mood even more? want me to say im depressed cuz my cat is dead and i didnt even realize that on the 21st, that would be the last time id ever see her again? is that what you fucking want?

its so NON EXISTANT to EVERYONE, it means fucking nothing to them!!! how could you care so little, just because we didnt live with her? she was the last remnant of my home. a home free of yelling and violence and blood, home where my friends live, home where i was safe and now shes gone, she was the last one. i thought i had longer with her, at least with riley i got to say goodbye properly

the same thing happened with domino, when i was younger. i felt so betrayed that they didnt even let me say bye to him, i feel a similar anger now.. but i live 2 hours away, there was no convenient way for them to let me do that. i think just..

the SUDDENNESS of the decision is what breaks my heart. she didnt know she wasnt gonna wake up ever again, she probably had no idea what was happening and its. its not like i wanted to see her die, the same way we watched riley get worse until we realized there was no saving him and he wasnt gonna get better, but.. was there really nothing we couldve done? nothing at all? was euthanasia the ONLY course of action? maybe we could have saved her, but its too late now. it doesnt matter anymore

im still kind of in denial, honestly.. it doesnt feel real. some part of me thinks it was a sick joke from my sibling. i know its not, i know its real, but with how everyones acting like it didnt happen at all, you couldnt blame me for feeling that way. part of me really hopes it was a joke but. i know if i ask ill just get confirmation that it wasnt

i wish i was there at least. that way i wouldnt be stuck in this limbo of thinking its not real. i know when riley was put down, id still go to my grandmas room and go to the living room at night somewhat hoping that he'd be there when i looked, but of course he never was. one time i was zoned out and i subconsciously reached over to pet him and feeling time stop when i froze and saw i was reaching for nothing, it hurt so fucking bad, it still hurts so fucking bad man. looking up and seeing the little box he was inside, it fucking sucks i hate this so much

i wish i was there, because at least my grandma gets it. those were her cats, have been for years. she always played it off like they werent because technically artemis and riley were OUR cats, but my mom lost her home and my grandma took us in when i was like.. 8 or 9. and she decided to go back and get them for us. im so grateful she did, because they wouldnt have lived as long as they had out there.

she gets it, because she loved them too. my mom didnt love them. my brother didnt love them. my older sister literally just completely abandoned and probably forgot about riley, who was HER cat. i remember he used to attack my feet from under the bed, when i was a little kid. the only one who came close to loving them like how we do was my oldest sibling, and even still he doesnt seem sad about it at all. like i know hes sad cuz he loved her but he rarely ever saw her, it was more like a passing claim of "oh, thats my cat", yknow?

my grandma gets it. i know she knows its really hard for me. it was so hard when domino was gone. when riley was sick, she tried to be lighthearted about it and even when i saw him for the last time, and we were both crying, she told me to say bye to him in kind of a goofy voice. i know she doesnt want to see me hurting like that, and it was kind of dreadful at the time, but im really glad she let me say goodbye to him, because it was a goodbye i meant. it wasnt "goodbye, see you later", it was the real one and i didnt get to give that to arty. i just said bye like normal, because i thought shed be okay! i thought whatever was wrong with her, we could fix. i cant believe it was so cut and dry

and i cant stand it here, they dont have and kind of sympathy, i think my mom doesnt even KNOW that i know. which means she just didnt plan on telling me at all. even my sibling was confused as to why she wouldnt have. its like they cant fathom why id be sad for more than a day or two, but i loved her! i fucking loved her, i loved all of them

i dont believe in the afterlife, but part of me wants to believe that they can at least know how much i miss them, how much i love them. its the only sort of comfort i have, even if i dont really believe it. i hope they can hear me cry and they know that its because i love them so fucking much and i want to see them again

it doesnt help that, exactly like when riley was put to sleep, im having dreams about her. dreams where shes dead, but im hallucinating her and i can see her again and im petting her and its so real.. shes there in my head and everyone around me tells me "its not real" but i dont even care! i dont care if its not real, because seeing her is enough. arty, i love you so much girl, im so fucking sorry we couldnt do anything. im sorry to riley too, and domino, and talcum. im sorry marceline, im sorry ellie. i know its not my fault, there was really just nothing we could do, but man i wish that wasnt true

they lived their whole lives with us, which is why its so crazy to me that most of my family doesnt really care. no one is gonna remember them, so ill drown myself in the grief just to honor their memory, because they deserve to be cried over. they deserve to be missed, to have someone who loves them after everything. their loss should be mourned, how could i think back on their whole lives and do anything but? i know people say "oh, remember the good times! they wouldnt want you to be sad" but the good times are gone. crying affirms the fact that i loved them and ill keep loving them until im dead too, because they deserve that

#pet loss #tw pet loss #pet death #tw pet death

[twinkodium]

okay i’m freeee and finally got time to answer again 😁😁

truly!! i mean i’ve been lucky too to have been free for almost three months now + when uni was still on, i didn’t have classes every day… but now i will have work almost every day during the weekends, idk how i will manage 😭 monza will be horrible for me :((

i love them, our polite aussie boys <3 honestly racing is racing, shit happens, and im always happy when drivers don’t get too worked up about it. like sure you have a lot of emotions when you drive and it’s understandable to get upset, but i have a lot of respect for those who keep their cool and remember that it’s a rough sport, sometimes people get injured and that sucks but choose another sport if you don’t want the risk 🤷‍♀️

you’d go broke love, the piggy bank would be completely empty 😭 the old “um yeah i did it because… you know the bruises… and you needed to see them… i was karting and… 😳”-excuse! i have used it so many times before 🤭 i maaaaay have a thing for blondes…. and god idk there’s just something about his smile? i can’t help but to smile whenever i see him smile?? 🫶 i realized after sending my last ask that i literally have liam as my pfp…. idk what i meant by not having liam on my blog when he’s right there 🫠 it’s not like it’s super clear that it’s him but still, pretty boy 🥰

6-8 weeks is long but not super super long i guess!! like i love love love daniel truly but god if liam does well these next few weeks… it would make me so happy 🥹 don’t even wanna think about him getting points…….. i love him doing well in super formula but i haven’t paid for the like subscription so id rather see him in f1 yk 🤭 the rumors! you can never be sure what’s going on in rb/at this year… do they even know themselves? probably not

thank you for keeping me updated on liam pics through the day <3 would’ve gone crazy without it

(sweetheart you’re actually so cute 😭 popular extroverted friend pls 😭😭 very thankful that thirsting over oscar has brought us together!! the power he (and his hands/neck/arm) holds 🤭🤭🤭🤭)

Ayeee lucky meee🫶🏼 my dash must be loving our ask exchanges 😂 so once again a keep reading section!

Free for three months? Damn, I’m jealous 😩😩 but working on weekends doesn’t attract me, sounds awful 😭 I’m happy to have my weekends off all time, my workplace is pretty flexible and we don’t work on weekends anyway so big plus for me! I’m so sorry that you’ll be missing most of Monza 😭😭

Most of the time it’s not drivers that got worked up on a crash but their fans… drivers already move on pretty quickly while their fans talking about the same thing for months 😭 honestly I want to see honest and emotion filled interviews with drivers, it’s way better than a pr answer for everything but also not being too disrespectful to others but show those emotions 😌

Well, I am broke anyways so let’s bring it on 👀 THATS THE ONE! like no waaaay he took that photo only to show off his bruises… we all know Liam that they take thrist pics and release them when we least expect… oh blondies for the win 👀 gotta say there is something special about them, have a crush on a few myself. Now Oscar is crying in the corner LMAO he just have to get a haircut hahaha IKR I FEEL THE SAME, it’s just so captivating, like you can’t help just smile too 🥹🥹🥹 I know it’s him it’s from his streamer era 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 loved the chaotic energy he had every time he was streaming 😂 I’d have never used that you like Liam if it wasn’t for your pfp like literally no trace of him on your blog??? Just Oscar 🫨🫨 you gotta change that!

Not too bad but also he deffo needs time after that to build up the confidence again and everything but hope to see him back soon🫶🏼 uff if he gets points in Monza I’ll be screaming my lungs out! I’m already so damn happy and proud 🥺 yeah me neither plus because of the time difference I’d not be able to watch anyways 😕 I honestly have no clue, I’m just going to pray that my boys are safe and maybe Liam gets a seat next year 🥹🥹🥹 gotta manifest it😌

Awwww no worries buttercup, made me happy to see him with the boys 😍😍

(That’s deffo you, and I’m just silently supporting you and stalking like a crazy person cuz I do adore you 😭😭me tooo fans going crazy over Oscar have to stick together 😌 I’d like to see the power his hands have like… 😩😩😩😩 okay sorry tmi almost hahaha)

#asks #oscnorris #Jackie 🧡 #buttercup 🥰 #Liam #Oscar #daniel #love these long asks with you #but I’m sure dash is going crazy scrolling through them haha #its slowly turning into a Liam thirsting blog rather than Oscar hahaha #love both of them with my whole heart 🥺

[nopefer-art-tu]

OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE I ALMOST MISSED POSTING ABT BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN'S ANNIVERSARY???? im gonna get mushy here so if yall wanna skip this go for it i wont hold it against you lol but this movie means a lot to me (if u cant tell) and id just kinda like to share a little bit abt why

I remember when I first saw Brokeback, I'd been either a junior or senior in high school, and I had watched it with my ex. I literally have no clue how we got to watching it or who proposed we watch it in the first place, but I remember that even back then I had been incredibly moved by the story.

Cut to 5-6 years later, and in January of this year I'd been in the midst of a really, super dark depression thanks to some health issues that I've been dealing w for awhile now. It made it so that on top of COVID, I wasn't rly getting out of the house for anything but school, and even then doing that took a really big toll on my anxiety. So basically, from the time that the 2021 winter semester had ended for me in early December, to when school started back up again for the spring in late January, I hadn't left the house at all.

In mid January, like a week before school started back up for me, I was scrolling through Hulu, bored out of my mind and also trying to find something to occupy my time and thoughts w bc I'd been going stir crazy, and I saw that Brokeback had been listed again. I kinda lingered on it because I remember phil (@/senditothemoonn) had watched it like a month or two before and she had started talking abt it in our group chat and posting quotes abt it and stuff, and it had been awhile since I'd seen it so I was like hey! What the hell! Lets give it a watch, its time I watch it again anyways.

And like. Something happened to the world for me after that viewing. It was like it had blown apart, and when it came back together it was completelty rearranged for me.

I'm not entirely sure why that time around the movie has such a deep, DEEP impact on me when I had seen it before, and had been very touched by it back then. I think its partly that a. I never used to watch movies with subtitles, and so before I realized that I probably have issues with the way my mind processes sound, a lot of movie dialogue just kinda. Didn't get internalized by me for some reason? Even now when I rewatch old faves that I haven't seen with subtitles, I'm always astounded by what the hell theyre saying because I had never rly picked up on it before, lol.

And like...I mean if you've seen the movie then you already know this, but their accents and dialect are kinda hard to get through. ESPECIALLY when it comes to Heath as Ennis. Which isn't in any way a jab at him, I think every part of his performance is super thoughtful and well-crafted and every acting choice he makes serves the character in only positive ways. But when you already have issues processing audio, and when you have a character who's jaw is perpetually cleched so tight that the words literally have to "fight" their way out of his mouth, its just like. Not the best combination lol.

And so this time around when I saw the movie, I saw it with subtitles and it opened up a new dimension of the film to me. Honest to God, the first time I watched the movie, I had no idea that the shirts at the end were so signifigant because Jack had stolen Ennis'. I guess the first time I saw it, I didn't catch the part where Ennis talks about having left his damn shirt up there, and Jack just kinda shrugs it off and changes the subject. When I saw that moment this time, it didn't really strike me as anything important until the movie got to the end and you realize that Jack had kept the shirts all those long 20 years and UGH. I literally remember screaming with tears in my eyes, thats what happened to the shirt! There they are! And then when I saw that Ennis had put his shirt over Jack's to hang together on his closet door for the rest of his life? Dead. Dead, I was literally stabbed in the heart 50 million times and killed dead. I'd never made those connections before and now that I had I like. got it, yanno? I got why this was an oscar winner, and why people were sk devastated by its best picture loss. Not that I hadn't before, but it just hit so much harder.

So yeah, the subtitles probably had a lot to do w why its stayed lingering in my mind for a long while, but I also think its because in a few ways it kind of spoke to me and made me think about my health issues and the self-imposed quarantine that I'd put myself through for the better part of a year at that point.

To me, the whole story is about regret, about not taking the chances we have while we have them and having to learn to live with knowledge of the things we didn't let ourselves do and the memories we didn't let ourselves make.

I hadn't seen a lot of my family for awhile at that point because I just didn't want to be out of my house, and its only been recently that I realized how much life I've missed out on living for a good year and a half-ish or so. And like yeah, I have a reason, my health issues and super aggressive anxiety have kinda put me through the ringer. But I dunno like. I kind of empathized and related to Ennis' character in a really odd way, because he also let his fear control what he did and especially what he did not do, and for that, he ended up living a half-life and missed his chance of getting to spend his time with the person he loved the most.

For me, the fear of regret is one of my biggest motivators in doing literally anything. I've realized I don't want to end up like Ennis, isolating myself from my loved ones and missing out on the chance for love and life because of some issues I have. And I mean its not like they're not real issues. Just like the fears that motivated Ennis' actions, theyre very real concerns. But since seeing the movie, I've been a lot more proactive about seeing doctors and trying to get this shit fixed up, because I don't want to end up wasting my life away. I wanna find my Jack, and I wanna be happy, and I wanna live.

Anyways. Happy 17th birthday to my favorite movie in the world <3

#brokeback mountain #still brokeback posting

[spikeinthepunch]

when i watch guys like vinny vinesauce or ethoslab i think about privacy online and how you know. i never think about wanting to know more, and i never seek more, and how i kind of wish more people just did that. not like it matters to me really if some people talk about their family, relationships, location, past, etc... i just kinda wish more people did it because i think its important to be reminded thats normal and good to do? probably uh, what you should do by default?

growing up in the early age of the internet where privacy was still heavily important, it did have me thinking about that over the years. because it went from 'dont say your name/age/etc' when i was on forums. it took quite a few more years for photos of myself online became normal- 2010 at least, since thats when instagram came out, but i still had my gen 3 ipod touch with no camera for a while.

but eventually, instagram was what pulled in more urges to share personal details- sometimes my real name in relation to my account because thats what people were doing- it was like facebook. it was also a platform that i started to find communities for emotional venting where id join in on posting quite personal things related to mental health. around that time, aged 12-14 was where that detailed emotional posting really picked up and while it didnt exactly include loads of private data, its still stuff that really should not have been sitting around online.

it didnt end there of course. tumblr came in soon enough and i think above all, tumblr really broke any idea of privacy. the culture of validation and needing to state everything about yourself in order to be allowed to say anything without being deemed problematic... the DNIs and the trigger lists... and still, vent communities kept feeding the need to throw personal as hell thoughts onto a public blog.

then of course there is the present day adult- where you stably just keep a set amount of details on your profile for "work opportunities" or whatever. no big deal....

id often cringe, not at the content or feelings, but just with this feeling of "man. i wish i didnt do that- i wish i stayed more private". but something i have learned and realized- i can just... delete it. and i know, i know- i like to keep things alive. i like for the old web and my old accounts to exist so i can look back. i have my backups, dont worry. but really, truly-- as a "nobody" on the internet, not someone popular or worth noticing, i can just delete all that nonsense. i can control it. ive gone and deleted stupidly personal journals on my old DAs and i deleted two of my old tumblrs. everyone says "nothing is truly gone on the internet" and that may be true but again, whos going to give enough of a shit about me to look for it anyways? its unlikely. it doesnt matter in the end. its a sea of nonsense anyways.

while im left with the one last emotionally personal web profile of mine being on Spore, something i will never be able to clear out lol, i feel a bit better realizing i may be able to present myself with more privacy online... its not important for people to know so much.

#i delete so many text posts here too #i deleted old tumblrs entirely bc theres just SO many posts #i have them all backed up dont worry #and my first IG i cannot log into or delete so... yeah #but it has a very small amt of posts on it

[crqstalite]

also i couldn't figure out how to word it.

i. dont like koda anymore lol. i dont think i ever really did.

some analysis...ish below lol

like i doubt this is even slightly relevant to anything anymore considering i stopped writing for her like. months(?) months ago. koda was a weird almagation of everything i ever wanted to do with a shepard and her character suffered for it. she was a war hero with a crystal clean background -- a family woman who ended up with biotics in the end. she had a darkside, part of her she rarely shared. she was everything all at once, and when she couldn't be, i passed parts of her i wanted into other characters.

i originally tried passing it off as that she exhibited a lot of my own personality traits -- acting as if my own emotions weren't really a stake or issue in other people's lives. or that she didn't matter in the grand scheme of things because of her figurehead status.

and that worked. that still works for a decent story beat. she's fascinating and relatable because of it. she was my pet project and she was beloved (by me at least lol) for it.

but since i stopped writing -- i realized it was a copout. characters that came after her (not citlali, because she suffered from so many story changes even i can't remember where or who she is anymore, nor annika for the same reasons) were just. better, because i didn't feel like i was writing about a vessel for the story to flow through instead of around. brione in fact, is the only one i still feel a real desire to write about, and she was never intended to be a shepard. her story was directly about her making her own decisions and making a name for herself.

because they didn't feel like i was writing about me.

all of my first characters in any rpg are me. most of the time. (svenja/reyna/marzeyna didnt suffer from this issue for some reason). and because of that, they get the worst of me most of time. i know the self-insert/mary sue argument has been done at least ten times over since ive been old enough to grasp what it means -- but she was a self insert. a pretty big one at that lol.

writing koda as a self-insert meant i was indirectly using her as a vessel to feel like i had control over my life. she was effectively 'born' in the middle of the covid pandemic and during my sophmore year of high school. i was miserable, feeling trapped and terribly lonely. koda and mass effect in general gave me a place to get away (not healthily, though). now that im in college, she doesnt feel as much of a power fantasy to me anymore. she feels like a person. which isnt bad, but it took away a lot of exploration i felt like i "still" needed to do. the stories i "still" needed to tell didn't feel so. important anymore.

because i'd already done that exploration with myself.

its only been about 2.5 years since then. but ive grown as a person -- and i couldnt reflect those in koda. the flaws id learned to love about myself werent the same as the one id given to her. i couldnt explore them.

there was nothing left to explore. i don't know her flaws anymore, because i realize i wrote her without any real ones. she just. could. she was shepard -- because she was shepard. she was loved by most of her crew members -- because she was shepard. she didn't face conflict -- because she was shepard. she was as much a hollow shell as default shep was, just with a more distinct face and a name.

at the time, i didnt know what made some of my most favorite interpretations of shepard and their story so lovable and fascinating to me. id believed it was just the mere presence of their problems. now though, i realize its because mutuals and other authors allowed their characters to grow without being afraid it would take away from the character.

i couldnt reflect that growth because some of it, id simply never experienced. i have a better understanding of interpersonal relationships now. i can't say ive had an "awakening" or anything (thats a tad dramatic for what im trying to get across lol) -- but im a different person from then to now. two years isnt a lot, surely, but the leap in logic and reasoning from then to now is. large enough that i can recognize i and my perspective is vastly different.

theres no real conclusion to this. not a big fancy ending or some grand analysis -- i was just not great at creating characters. like real ones with real stories and real problems. everytime ive come back to redamancy over the last couple of months, i feel. off about it. not quite right. not quite proud. and i did a shit ton of work for that book when i still felt good about it. when i was still constantly writing 10k word chapters for it.

(which is a feat within itself, im struggling to write three page papers now lol)

i haven't touched it since december almost. maybe longer.

its the longest ive gone without even remotely thinking about koda.

given i suppose its growth. (most likely also that my mass effect hyperfixation died out and i didnt want to admit it. am i capable of enjoying things casually? who knows lol) learning what worked and what didn't -- but its so odd someone that basically defined my fandom presence and myself for almost a year is. really nothing but a handful of unfinished chapters and half baked ideas now.

i don't even know who koda was meant to be. what her story was supposed to represent. someone, surely. but i guess i'll never know.

i dont cringe at her. i value her as someone, maybe something that made me genuinely happy. her relationship with her sister made me happy at least -- her relationship with kaidan made me ecstatic (and arguably mirrors the same type of care and respect i have in my own relationship now, believe it or not. i believe i went and found my own kaidan lol) and her triumphs were my triumphs.

i love space. i love the cyberpunkish future it painted. im such a sucker for it.

eventually my brain juices will probably balance out enough for me to really enjoy the world of mass effect again and koda will get a chance to be revived again as someone separate from myself -- and i wont repeat the same issue with my ME4 protag.

but thats my fascinating thought for like. the next month or so until i have another lol

#welcome to my ted talk lol #anyway ive been lurking for like two days and then wrote this in 20 minutes lmao

[shushthisaintmytumbla]

a year in the books - 8/9/22

It always just amazes me how much can change from the previous time I write here. I have definitely neglected this space for quite some time (longer than usual) as its been almost a YEAR! It’s always so insane to see how much has changed and where i am now from where i was in the last post. I truly don’t even know where to begin, but I guess i will just state the fact that tomorrow is my one year anniversary of living in NYC.... HOWWW?! So much has happened over the past year. New friendships, self growth, hurt, feeling lost, finding myself, you name it its happened. Its crazy to read my last post and see how un settled this city made me feel. I can now leave my apartment and get just about anywhere by memory. I have so much to say and update on so I guess we shall start with a big part of my last post. D. 

Wowow i don’t know what to say but girlllll you were just getting started with this heartbreak. To say being in a toxic relationship is difficult is just an understatement. Its definitely been one of the biggest struggles from the past year. I have been hurt countless times, but yet i still find myself stuck in the same place. From where I was a year ago, I’ve been back and forth and pulled in every direct. From a genuine relationship to a hook up to a toxic friendship to friends to enemies and back, we still gravitate towards one another. Our relationship makes zero sense to me, but id like to think my mental state of the relationship has begun to take positive steps out of the toxicity. It’s hard to say what the future looks like but all I can hope is that I find a way through this muddy path. I know I am capable and I hope to continue to work on finding my way out... I guess thats all I can really say.

other than THAT! lol so so so much good has happened. Sometime after this post I pushed myself out of my comfortzone to make nyc MY city with MY friends. It took some trial and error, but through a literal friend dating app I found my best friends who I now could not imagine life without. Were literally going on our second trip together this weekend like thats how freaking amazing they are. They make NYC home and I couldnt be more grateful. Not only do I have them, but ive been able to connect with people who I barely knew im college, I have molly and her friends and I even had brooke (who unfortunately just moved back to LA) for so much of the past year. Once i got out of my comfort zone this city really openned up to me. My friends here are the reason I love new york as much as I do and for that I am forever grateful.

Not only have my relationships changed, but MY JOB changed. This I never thought I’d be saying a year ago, mostly because I thought my job was going to be the coolest thing ever. It was at first, dont get my wrong, but once things set into place i realized the scam that is reality TV lol. I am now at a new job that has been one of the most challenging ones yet. Hold onto your seat bc you wont believe this... I AM SO BUSY. I thought i was cursed w boring jobs hahah but not the case anymore!! I really really struggled the first few weeks, but id like to think im getting the hang of it now. Its still in influener marketing which I enjoy, but now i do everything from sourcing talent to contracting to runnning a full campaign. I hope to stay in this role for a bit and grow at the company because it definitely seems like there is a ton of room for it. Im excited to see what the future holds w this career path.

Another big thing is I started therapy this year! It is something ive always been so scared to do, but something i really needed. I am so good at venting to an online portal, but actually seeking a mental health outlet has been so good for me. Sometimes i doubt my progress, but ive been able to open up a lot more and id like to think its made me more overall healthy. 

I feel like thats a pretty lengthy update on the life status for now, but i hope to come back soon w even more life  wins and not go so long without writing here! I am so so excited to see what the future holds, how my nyc life will progress, and what new challenges will come my way to make me even stronger. 

xx,

C