#wrote this when i was sad last night but basically the plotline of this is that older siblings need to be comforted the same way

[i23kazu]

♡ the comfort you give should be returned

summary: being an older sibling is tiring, and sometimes all you need is some of the comfort you give.

warnings: general family pain, a bit of gaslighting (?) idk abt that one

a/n: im not feeling the best rn bc #oldersiblingissues! except that the older sibling is me and im the one whos having issues. am i procrastinating on homework because i need to satiate my hunger for big sibling fics? maybe. shh. i need it and so do my other older sibling people. i gotchu <3 its so so so hard. and yes this is a vent fic

"go away! i hate you, you're not mom!" your younger brother yelled bitterly. you irritating, stuck up brat, you thought.

"i'm not mom! that's why i care about you like this!" you grew increasingly frustrated. all this over a curfew, seriously? dude, all you said was to come back by 10. that was hella gracious already! when you were his age, your curfew was 5pm sharp. anything later and you could say goodbye to that phone your parents so kindly let you have.

sighing in frustration, you closed the door gently, lest you alert your mother that you were in a mood – no, no; that wouldn't do. no door slamming from you, no showing any signs of displeasure or disappointment towards anyone unless you wanted someone to reprimand you for "scaring your younger siblings" and "taking out your anger on people who love you and don't deserve this".

it's been like that for years. 

always being resented by your gaggle of siblings for not being that fun, wild-spirited older sibling that they always saw in the movies.

always getting scolded by your parents for not keeping your siblings in check when in reality, they refused to listen to you.

always needing to pick yourself up with the world came crashing down on your shoulders and there was no one to comfort you when you cried.

no crying in front of your siblings unless you wanted to be teased and judged for being weak when you were supposed to be the glue of the family.

always needing to be the family therapist – parents included, but mostly the receiving side of your care.

years of this. you were sick of it to say the least – anyone would be. years of constantly feeling invalidated and of your feelings put lower than your younger siblings would do that to anyone. i take care of everyone, you thought upsettingly. when will someone take care of me? 

you wanted someone to be able to sit down with you – to talk you through the days when everything felt like too much and you were balancing the emotions of everyone in your household.

you wanted someone whom you could make mistakes with freely. you wanted someone to comfort you, tell you when to stop, when to push, when to apologise. enough about all that bullshit from your end, you wanted to hear it from someone who cared for you unconditionally. not because of a title they held in their hand. someone who chose to stick by you so they could guide you.

those who you took care of in your life took you for granted, because they didn't know how much you wanted the same care you gave.

resent me all you want. i'm just being the person i wish was there for me.

#[📝 stewardess' notepad!] #wrote this when i was sad last night but basically the plotline of this is that older siblings need to be comforted the same way #they take care of others #and not a lot of people realise it but its painful being an older sibling sometimes #you get gaslighted and feelings invalidated and getting lesser chances to be vulnerable and you're the free babysitter #so this is a love letter to all my other older sibs out there. you're seen you're heard you're loved you're wanted you're needed #and you really need to get taken care of. please #im not expecting this to get notes bc of how niche it is – but i hope to all the hurting older siblings out there; this helps you a bit #also there'll be a pt. 2 where you get taken care of!! yayy #older siblings #older sibling fic #comfort fic #vent fic

[zet-sway]

@the-wip-project day 35:

I don't know what today's question is but I gotta write a wall of text about what happened last night because holy shit

I was on the verge of falling asleep and, like I usually do, I decided to hunt for some spicy fanfics to read on my phone. I found one.

All my posts are long but this one is real fucking long. CW for touching on dub-con and injury mentioned in the type of context it probably shouldn't be.

It's time for me to admit that not only am I a oneshot writer, I'm also a oneshot reader. I am drawn to short fanfics. If I click on a chaptered fic, it's (usually) because it's rated E for smut and I'll go in with every intention of skimming it for the spicy bits. I'm not proud of this. I've avoided saying this for years because I don't want to disappoint people who work hard on their very long and well thought out chaptered stories. I have a short attention span, and I know what I want.

But anyway, last night I clicked on a fic with 5 chapters and some amount of words, around 30k? Long, by my standards, but I was tired and I just wanted something to read while I dozed off.

This particular fic hooked me in, though. I still skimmed it, but the writing was so unique in a way that made me writhe with writer's envy and admiration. Whoever wrote this had their own language - nothing borrowed - their own vision.

I guess I should tell the good people who read my posts (ya'll, seriously, thank you) that the fic in topic is called Fault Lines by Recidiva on AO3. I would link to it but uhhhh I may be using my work PC for "extracurricular purposes" right this moment ^^; so maybe when I get home I'll remember to add it.

I skimmed it - like I said above - for the spicy parts. It generally follows the plot of Bioware's canon. Thane begins as possessive and manipulative, likely uncomfortably close to dub-con for a lot of people. He kisses her and knows full well that his kiss will make her willing but intoxicated, and how he will use that to fulfil himself. But as the story progresses, he falls in love. Their relationship is what I'll call "edgy." Both of them are renegades. There's a scene where they get down in the shuttle after a fight and they're both still injured and it borders on downright unrealistic but fuck it, it's fanfic and I bought it. However their relationship develops a certain heart-wrenching tenderness. She asks him what Siha means over and over again, and eventually tells him she thinks "bitch" when he says it. But in that moment they have a playful banter, he knows full well she's probably already looked it up on the extranet, and they fall into bed together. The smut is mind-boggling.

By the time it gets to Shepard's arrest, he's taken up a place on Earth and visits her, breaks into her house arrest. There's a scene where they see each other for the first time in a while, she tells him how much she's missed his mouth and how it's not right how bad she wants him, and wants him bad enough to smother him with affection. She says something to the effect of "if you're looking to die, I'd volunteer to be the cause," implying that her lust is powerful enough to endanger his life. And it was at this moment I realized I fucked up.

It's established that I live in my own headcanon and I'm not burdened with considering the end of Thane's life as part of my fics. And the suspension of disbelief was such that I forgot he doesn't make it. So at this moment in the fic, chapter 4 out of 5, I realized "Oh shit this isn't going to have a happy ending." I skipped to the end right away, I wanted to confirm my fears.

In their final exchange, she asks him to lie to her - something that's repeated in other chapters of the story. I forget what he says, I was reading desperately, but he asks her in return to tell him something true. She kisses him and tells him she loves him, and he breathes his last breath with the lingering tingle of their kiss to carry him to the other side.

I was so entrenched in the depth of their relationship up to that point. The level of fathomless love the author conveyed, unlike anything I've ever managed to write before, but more realistic to my own understanding of love as I've experienced it. Not because they're renegades, but just the selflessness with which they feel, communicate, banter, and make love.

When I read that last paragraph, something inside me broke. That sounds dramatic but that's honestly how I would describe it. It felt like waking up from a night terror, when you bolt up in bed from a dream so bad you immediately get up even if it's 4am because nothing feels real and you're so terrified you have to get up and do something - literally anything to take your mind off it, to ease you back into reality. I put my phone down and stared into the darkness of my bedroom and told myself "it's just a fanfic, no need to get upset." And then I started to cry and I didn't stop for 30 minutes.

My husband was downstairs watching Bohemian Rhapsody and I went down there and wrapped myself around him so tight and cried. Bless this man, from the bottom of my heart - bless him - for his unfathomable kindness. I felt like a fucking fool because I was crying over fanfiction but he paused his movie and just listened while I tried to articulate how it wasn't exactly about the character death, or the characters at all, it was just the writing and how it wormed into my brain so convincingly. I felt the loss like it was my own loss. I am terrified of losing my husband. So many feelings coalesced and I realized one day I may be in that situation, kissing the man I love goodbye for the last time, never to hold him again. I'm at work right now and I'm tearing up because it's so hard.

I tip my hat to the author, but I genuinely wished I hadn't read that fanfic. And isn't it kind of funny after that grandstand I took yesterday about not wanting to write the pain of loss and grief, that I ended up reading it instead and probably fucking myself up just as badly, if not worse, than if I had tried to write it myself?

It gets worse, too. Because it got me thinking about my own writing, and how I could never hope to achieve what that author did. So I sat there crying out my painfeelings while simultaneously feeling like a shit writer and like nothing I put out matters. I got up from the couch, sat down at my PC and picked up where I left off in the Omega DLC in ME3 because video games are great for taking the mind off things. It didn't exactly help with the intensity I'd hoped for, but I managed to fall asleep, by 3am.

Fast forward to this morning. I dragged my sorry ass out of bed 4 hours later and drove to work. By some fucking miracle, no one is here right now except our field director. And I'm stewing in how this one fic really fucked me up bad, reconsidering everything. I feel like I've been put in my place.

So what changed?

Yesterday I posted about how I'm struggling to write a plotline. I know what happens, but I'm not interested in the little bits that tie it together. I want to write the romance. I think there's a way to write the plot and the romance at the same time, but it's damn hard.

I started doing this because I wanted to grow my skills as a writer, and I knew it might be more than I could chew. I'm at that moment now where I'm about ready to give up.

Even if I felt like a shit writer last night (and still kinda do this morning), I know that the stuff I've put out has value. We can't all write these epically tragic smut-romance-renegades-to-lovers tales, we'd all be sad all the damn time. There's a time and a place and - I would argue - even a need for lighterhearted fic out there. There are really no rules. I'm confident in what I know how to do.

But the plot. Fuck it, man. I think maybe I'm trying too hard to be something I'm not. I'm trying really hard to write like other people. I may have mentioned before that I saw a post about how many artists spend their time pining for the skills of others, thinking "wow, when I can draw like that, I'll have made it as an artist." That same post cautioned against this, basically saying you already have your own unique style, it's just harder to see through the lens of your own eyeballs. It's fine to challenge yourself but try to acknowledge what you do that sets you apart already. I feel like I have that something - maybe not to the extent that I wish, but I have something.

So what's the point of the plot? Why do I need to tell my readers how I cured Keprals? I'm asking myself important questions here. I like to think I've come up with ideas that no one else has, but as I said above, I don't read a lot of chaptered fics. I very well may have come to the same ideas as other writers and I'm not even aware of it. I don't know if my ideas are unique but I still arrived at them all by myself.

The challenge here - the thing I'm struggling so much with - is how to put them together with the same elegance of my fellow writers. I'm looking at you, shrios fam (yeah I'm calling you that, yall know who you are). I know I can write words, but it's like I have a bunch of pieces from completely different jigsaw puzzles and I'm struggling to make a new picture out of them. I struggle with the transitions between them.

The point here is I have to find my own way. And I have to stop taking myself so seriously. In fact this level of "seriousness" is one of the things that got me into so much angst over World of Warcraft over the last two years. At least I know how to recognize it.

I have to find my own way. I have my own things that are worth sharing. The author I read last night had a language all their own, and I have a language all my own too. Their wordplay was actually more choppy than I would ever write. I've talked before about how I'm scared of starting too many sentences with pronouns, how I maybe write too many run-on sentences, whatever. This author did that with reckless abandon. It worked for them. So if they can make that shit work, I can make my own shit work.

I have to find my own way.

My most current WIP is Thane and Shepard's first time. I've been working on it pretty nonchalantly because I hadn't intended to publish it until I built up to it. It takes place further into my timeline, and it would probably ruin the point of a slow burn if I put it out there now. There are some really memorably moments in this WIP, and there are other moments that need to be smoothed over as well. I never knew what I'd really imagined for their first time but I think I've mostly developed something that's unique in its own right, and I think will be fun for people to read.

I'm just so fucking torn over what to do with it. I feel guilty for working on it. I should be writing "other shit" leading up to it but I don't fucking want to. I actually wrote probably 2-3k words this weekend, which is a pretty staggering amount by my standards. Some of it was for this smutty WIP and some was for something I just threw together, Thane observing Shepard on Horizon and the emotional toll it takes on her. He's seeing her humanity. I don't know if it's worth it to continue but I wrote a lot of it and the words are more precise than usual for a draft, I don't know. I have so much fucking insecurity. Fuck dude. I want to write this longfic, but I don't want to write it. I want to skim to the spicy bits like I always do.

I am wracked with insecurity, of my own making. I know what I can do but I feel compelled to see this idea through. Somehow I have to find my own way.

TLDR I feel like if I don't publish something soon I'm going to burst and I don't even know what the fuck to work on first and fjslfjsojoiejrj

I would be really down for, like, a bunch of hugs and a bowl of ice cream shared over memes and fanservice.

#this post is EXTREMELY fucking long send help #ITT: i read something that probably changed my brain chemistry for a few hours and it's painful #zet vs 100days #i'm just glad to get this off my chest good lord #anyway if people want to send me links to their favorite shrios fluff i would welcome it

[elriell]

Hi! I’m that anon who said that Elriel’s conflict with Beron could be the winning argument for our ship since they are tied closely with each other based on Rhysand’s warning in Azriel POV. If you decide to answer that question, would you mind if you answer this one instead? As I’m pretty much still stand on that point however I’d like to add and correct some statements that I think I don’t express clearly in my previous question:)

If you don’t mind, I’d like to post my theory here, anonymously, since I’m not confident enough to post my thoughts online yet as I’m afraid I’ll be judged harshly lol. And perhaps other metas such as you would like to elaborate more on the matter since I think it is a vital plot for Elriel’s book. It’s quite long, I do apologize for that:)

Like I said, Beron allegiance with Briallyn didn’t make any sense to me and it also took me by surprise when I read ACOSF. Why?

A. Briallyn lived on the continent and Beron is in Prythian. Wouldn’t it be better for him to seek an ally that is closer to him instead? We know that Beron wants to be an ally with her because he heard about her ambition. And I suspect that Beron wants to be the High King or kill Feyre since he knows that she has his power. But one thing for sure is that he wants more power.

B. If he indeed wants to be High King or kill Feyre then I don’t believe that the other high lords would comply with him. Therefore, Beron wouldn’t stand a chance against the other high lords and lady in Prythian since it is two (before the queen was killed by Nesta) versus six. Plus, Briallyin lived in the continent thus her allegiance was not something that he could hold on to, imo.

So obviously we know that Briallyn is dead and her allegiance doesn’t mean anything anymore. However, from her allegiance with Beron we now know that Beron for sure set to be the other villain of this new overarching plot alongside Koschei. And I also think that Beron would be the main villain for the next book because a villain as big as Koschei would likely be dealt in the last book.

Now, why is it tied with Elriel? I think Rhysand’s warning in Az’s POV explains it plainly, and I can’t help but think that it is a set up, a foreshadowing, of what would happen in the next book, especially since Koschei’s plotline is not foreshadowed enough in ACOSF and we only know of his onyx box which we get from ACOWAR.

If we acknowledge that Elriel is endgame and their story is next, then Beron surely comes to play in the next book. Their relationship will push the overarching plot one step closer to its climax.

FYI, I can’t see Lucien invoke the Blood Duel himself, he is a decent person so he will respect and understand Elain’s choice to be with Azriel since it is definitely where we are going in the matter of endgame. But, Beron, as cruel as he is, will surely make use of the situation to profit himself, to reach his ambition that is momentarily squashed with Briallyn dead.

These are possible results of what could happen with Blood Duel plotline:

1. Beron would ally himself with Koschei as Briallyn did before because he knows he is outnumbered if he declared a war against the Night Court.

2. Beron could convince other high lords in Prythian to go against the Night Court if Lucien was killed in the Blood Duel, I pray that it will not happen though Lucien deserve some peace and happiness with the woman who wants and loves him voluntarily.

3. Eris would rebel against his father's order for Lucien to invoke the duel, and Beron would be dethroned by Eris and he would be the next high lord of Autumn Court.

I personally lean more on number three, because with Eris being the high lord wouldn’t it be one of the key topics for Mor’s book? It is already confirmed that Sarah pitched Mor’s story as one of the books and she admits that she doesn’t know what the novella is going to be. So, it’s safe to assume that Mor will get a full novel, not a novella one. Seeing her sparse appearance and development we’ve seen of her in ACOSF, then it is also logical to assume that Mor will not be the next book main character.

In conclusion, Elriel needs to happen to address Beron's situation and bring the overall plot of the series a bit higher before it reaches climax in the final book. Is it also possible that Beron’s scenario still can be addressed without it being tied to Elain and Azriel? Yes, but, I will say it again, Rhysand’s warning is a clue, a foreshadowing, of what conflict will be covered in the next book. For an author to drop something as big as that but not happening is a lazy writing in my opinion.

In the previous question I also mentioned that Elriel’s story is kinda similar to Iliad. Their set up is pretty much similar to me, however, I don’t think Elriel’s story will end in tragedy since Sarah doesn’t like to read, write, sad endings.

I’m sorry if I come off as ordering you around, but I really appreciate it if you and other metas also put your thought in the whole Beron/Elriel situation since I’m 95% sure Elain book is next and Azriel will be her LI seeing there is no progress with her and Lucien yet.

And I still stand by my point, you and other Elriel metas keep me sane when all of Elriel antis trying their hardest to discredit all of Elriel’s interaction and feeling in order to make their ship endgame. Thank you so much❤️❤️❤️

I have answered the first one under a read more before I read this and realised what you put hahaha SORRY.

Don’t worry I don’t feel ordered around, and I am going to keep this brief because you basically wrote what I would say, and I want to share it like this so people can read it themselves! You have amazing thoughts and I am happy you chose to share them with me! You certainly have a attention to detail.

I think this is for sure an avenue we need to be looking at in future analyses!! 

But yes, I agree wholeheartedly that Elriel needs to happen in terms of the plot. 

#m for ts #replies #long post #elriel

[thatiranianphantom]

I've read your take on the new season. I do believe that Betty and Jughead will eventually be back together, but it seems it will take a while. B*rchie will be explored and Jughead will apparently date Tabitha. Do you think the writers could wait until the end of the season to reunite Bughead?

Thank you for sending me this! I purposely left it till the end because this may get long. 

I made that post awhile ago, and I am still basically sticking to it, but some small things have changed. First of all, when did we hear that Jughead will date Tabitha? You may be right but I’d also be skeptical. Jughead’s romantic plate is a bit full. Actually, his plate, in general, is quite full with the season’s mystery and both Betty and Jessica. We know Riverdale doesn’t delegate well, and it doesn’t stop to take a breath in between plotlines. This has been accused of being the Jughead Jones show, but the reality is we can’t spend the entire time on Jughead and he's already quite busy. 

As to where the season will go, my guess is the following, accompanied by gifs from Dr. Horrible:

☞ The first episode, it has been said, is not bughead-heavy. The bed scene isn’t in this episode and it features very little prom. Likely, what happens here is Veronica sings Archie’s song and she finds out about the kiss. 

☞ In 5x02 and 5x03, they reveal the (*deep sigh*) auteur. It’s likely Charles and/or Chic, because Wyatt Nash’s last filmed episodes were these two. Likely, Jughead finds out here, and it is where the bed scene occurs. This is also when Bret comes back and I am hype. I literally cannot wait to see him stare longingly at Jughead again. I want to see the shrine to Jughead we all know Bret has, or the lock of Jughead’s hair that Bret strokes lovingly every night. Sean Depner, the love of my life, would agree with this. FP leaves in this episode, and what I’m getting is that he has carte blanche to come back, and he and Alice will probably not break up. Best for everyone. Can’t imagine Skeet’s phone is ringing off the hook. My money, frankly, is on Varchie breaking up here, but Bughead staying together. They will time jump at the end after graduation, so you’ll likely see a few minutes at the end of 5x03 that take place after the time jump. Long-ponytail Betty is likely from here, and we will see Jughead with someone who is *gasp* not Betty. 

☞ I would guess that 5x04 is all setup. They will introduce us to where the Core 4 are seven years later. Jughead’s (ex?) girlfriend, Veronica’s husband, Archie in the army, Betty working for the FBI. Exposition all over the place. TBF, I am oddly excited for this episode. I want to see adult Core 4. I think, despite how fast Riverdale moves through things, setup is needed here. They’re putting the show in a completely different place. That needs some time. Jughead is apparently an alcoholic now? Awesome. I am sure they’ll handle that with all the sensitivity they do everything with. 

They’d be called back to Riverdale (maybe Jughead and Toni are still there?) at the end of this episode. I swear to god Riverdale, if you tell me that any of these kids didn’t graduate, I will finally take this shitshow out of your hands. We may see the Core 4 reunite at the end of this episode. We’ll also see that Toni is pregnant now. My bet’s on surrogacy. You guys ever watched Hamilton? Remember “...and Peggy?” Well, “...and Kevin!” 

☞ Actual reunions start in 5x05. It’ll likely be super awkward. I’ve said it before, I hope there’s not actual anger. It’s been seven years. I get being hurt, I get it being awkward, but it’s been nigh on a decade, so I hope there’s not active anger, since that’s childish as hell. If speculation is right, though, Betty will spend time with both Jughead (case) and Archie (we’ll get there.) We can expect pining. I love pining. Longing looks? Bring it on. We got so few scenes before Bughead got together, and I thrive off the auto shop scene in 5x06. It’s so angsty. I die. Anyway, this is when we introduce the new Biggie Baddie. Mothmen, apparently. This is our first villain that is not an organic Riverdale villain. I miss villains like Buffy wrote them, but god, I sat through some S2 Evil-Hiram plotline and it made me long for stupid shit like mothmen because that plot was boring. 

☞  Look, I ain’t going to lie to you. I have no idea how they’ll tie in the mothmen plotline since like, mothmen don’t murder? But we all know that’s just secondary to the romantic stuff. I’m going to reiterate that regardless of how this shakes out, I could not be less interested in a full season of drama. However, in 5x06/5x07, we’ll likely see some Barchie. If there is sad!Dating, it’ll likely happen here, paired with some Bughead angst. Spoilers also tell us that Chad comes to Riverdale and is jealous of Varchie’s “friendship?” That requires at least a few scenes of them together, so we’ll likely see Varchie pining too. 

☞ I’m going to go out on a limb and say they’d probably currently be filming episodes 8 and 9. Chad is already there, as is Tabitha. The recent casting spoilers that came out will probably be in this episode, up to episode 10. I am going to say it’s likely that this’ll be about mid-season, which means the explosive action for the couples will probably happen here. Most indications of people I’ve spoken to say the couples will likely be back by mid-season(ish). So by the time the casting spoilers role is in the show, Barchie will be on its way out. This seems very mid-seasony to me. It’s usually right before a break and it entices people to come back for the back 9. So around episodes 8-10, expect rising action. 

☞ I very much doubt that Barchie will last past episode 12. The back 9 of the season will be pretty standard Riverdale fare - mystery and couple drama, but likely nothing as dramatic as the end of S4 or beginning of S5. As I said, Riverdale doesn’t delegate well. They do not breathe between plotlines. They grab the bit between their teeth and run. 

☞ Few stray observations: Veronica is married, and still tied to her family. That’s not as easy to leave behind as a short-term relationship. I would say I wonder how they’re going to get her out of that, but like, it’s Riverdale. Do also wonder if they’re going to forget about the alcoholism plotline. I would like to link the writer’s to the TVTropes page on Chekhov’s Gun. If it’s not essential, Riverdale, don’t include it. Also a bit curious to see how Choni reunite, since they inevitably will. And how they’ll write the baby out. 

(this is a wonderful interpretation of my relationship with this show. The show is Captain Hammer. I am Dr. Horrible.) 

#Answered #Riverdale #Anonymous #Varchie #Choni #This is LONG #And did I even answer the question? #I have my doubts #WHY WON'T THIS GO IN THE TAG #BUGHEAD #The tags hate me I am gonna fling myself off a cliff

[skullsandwineglasses]

To Dear Myself Review/Rant

If you’ve had the patience to watch all 45 episodes until the end, then you probably know what I’m going to talk about in this review. I feel like it’s pretty unanimous that the ending was awful. 

It’s a slow burn slice-of-life drama. I don’t normally watch these types of dramas and instead go for the ones that are fantastical and far away from reality so that I can completely get lost in another world. But Liu Shishi and Zhu Yilong are familiar faces, and I’m more likely to start a bad drama with familiar actors than a good drama with unfamiliar actors, because I’m basic and want to invest as little attention and mental effort as possible (it takes work to warm up to new faces). 

The drama started off promising: it introduced obstacles that normal couples and families would face. Obstacles like money, social class, infidelity, unemployment, workplace competition, the value and desirability of “aging” women who prioritize work over love. It was relatable, even though some of these are unfamiliar experiences for me, a psychology grad student in her mid-20s. I didn’t expect this drama to be inspiring. I didn’t want this drama to be inspiring. But I wanted it to be at least logical, if not realistic. The drama seemed to promise reality though, which I held out hope for, but instead it butchered the character arc for most of the leads. 

[spoilers ahead]

The devolution of Li Si Yu and Chen Yi Ming’s relationship was laughable. 

LSY is afraid of marriage, while CYM believes that the ultimate goal in life is to get married and have a family. They don’t see eye to eye on this, and so the pressure causes them to break up. I respect this. It’s a common problem: you can’t really move forward when one isn’t ready to settle down, and the other isn’t willing to wait or support them. CYM is portrayed as a calm, composed, and morally upright person who feels uncomfortable when LSY makes a questionable decision. But CYM is also a hypocritical person who suppresses his feelings. Whenever he’s displeased, he acts as thought everything is fine until he can’t hide it anymore and explodes with unbidden rage. He punches the roof of the car, he slams the desk. It’s a little scary tbh. LSY is portrayed as a passionate and impulsive career-driven woman. She has to make tough decisions, and you understand why she makes them. Whenever she’s unhappy, she’ll let you know. The drama seems to set up a character development arc for these two flawed characters. 

LSY starts her own company, but then fails, and ends up learning that while it’s important to fight for what you believe in, but you shouldn’t be too caught up in whether your fail or succeed. It’s the classic “it’s about the journey, not the destination” kind of lesson. 

After a bout of heartbreak, CYM is swept off his feet by the manipulative Wang Ziru. She lies to him, evades him, controls him. At this point in the drama, we think that LSY is better off without him because he seemed to have moved on so swiftly. CYM and WZR seem to have a calmer relationship than the one he had with LSY. They never argue. We see that he’s easily attracted to confident, powerful women, but expects them to settle down with him when they’re not ready. For a third of the drama, he’s happily in love with WZR and doesn’t think about or interact with LSY (except when he comes to her office to tell her to shut her company “for her own good”). It looks like he completely moved on.

LSY on the other hand, misses him. She’s always looking at the only picture that she’s saved of them together. She still loves him. 

I liked that they introduced Guan Xiao Tong as a potential love interest for LSY. Despite being over a decade younger than LSY and constantly being looked down by her because of this, I thought he was quite mature. I also liked how LSY wasn’t “moved” by him. The typical drama would have her eventually reciprocate his feelings and make him her rebound. Yes, she was amused by him, but she knew that he wouldn’t grow up fast enough with her, and so she never led him on. It made their relationship wholesome. Even though LSY  wasn’t attracted to him, I liked how the drama normalized a potential may/december relationship between a woman and man. Though I don’t think I can forgive the drama was making him disappear so abruptly after he found out that his dad was struggling financially. Maybe the drama implied that GXT was too busy “growing up” by helping with his dad’s business so his relationship with LSY came to an end and that he was no longer relevant to drama, but that wasn’t made clear at all. 

Zhi Zhi also stopped appearing after the 3rd last episode of the drama when she decided not to marry the misogynistic Su Li Xing and to instead stay in Shanghai for her career, which also implied that there could be a chance for her and Liu Yang to get back together (their storyline is a whole other can of worms, but I have to admit that no other drama, movie, or book has made me cry as hard as Zhi Zhi confronting the mistress and then getting publicly slapped by her husband. Not sure if it was the drama itself that had the power to move me, or if it was because I watched that scene at 3am on a Thursday, or because it reminded me of some personal experiences, but either way, I sobbed hella hard that night).

But back to LSY and CYM. In the last 2 episodes of the drama, they start appearing together in scenes again. There are some unresolved emotions. There is still attraction. Nervous, longing, awkward glances. After nearly 20 episodes of believing that a reconciliation is impossible, you start wondering if the drama is hinting that they’re gonna force them back together in the last 2 episodes. CYM sells his apartment to support LSY’s project. Haowen tells LSY that CYM still calls out her name when he’s drunk (although it’s still unclear if this was just a gimmick to distract her to sign the sale agreement). 

CYM can’t give WZR a straight answer about whether or not he still loves LSY. He punches Gong Jing in the face for cheating LSY out of her shares. 

And even after all this, guess what happens? He confronts WZR. She tells him she lied to him to help him preserve his dignity. She tells him she had to do underhanded, unethical things in order to save the livelihood of an entire company that she’s responsible for. He’s moved. He’s grateful for her thoughtfulness towards him. He stands by her. He chooses her. 

I mean, what? Does he really love her that much that he’s willing to look past everything she’s done? All the crimes and hurt she’s committed? I don’t need to him to get back together with LSY. I don’t want them to. I think he’s a terrible character who believes that happiness and fulfilment only comes form finding a woman who’s willing to let him love and dote on her. But this decision just doesn’t match the morally upright character we’ve been sold with at the beginning of the drama. LSY only made one morally questionable decision, of which she apologized for, and yet CYM was already questioning whether or not they should continue their relationship because he felt like they were going different ways. And yet he forgives WZR? Because he loves her? But? What about those ambiguous, uncomfortable faces he made when he was with her? Like that scene when he helped take off her coat before she went into the awards ceremony, and he stood back, leaning by the door, staring off into the distance looking sad and regretful?? What are we supposed to make of those scenes and expressions? I probably shouldn’t victim blame, especially since WZR created an uneven power dynamic in their (lowkey toxic) relationship, but I’m just not sure what the scriptwriter was trying to do with this plotline. It felt like they were condoning WZR’s behaviour (despite saying she was arrested in a voiceover) because CYM forgave her. Or were they condemning CYM’s passiveness? Again, not clear.

And then the final scene with the women marching on happy and hopeful, and then men staring out onto the city skyline looking lost and depressed? Female empowerment is great, and it was nice that they were all single at the end (except for Xiao Ling, I guess), but was it really necessary to tear men down to emphasize this? But then again, the drama kind of had to since they wrote shitty male characters. I just dislike creating the winner/loser dichotomy. 

I respect that Liu Yang is working his way towards forgiveness and has found what he’s passionate about. But I don’t know if he’s forgivable, because what he did was pretty unforgivable, but he’s showing growth and is working towards redemption, which is somewhat admirable. 

Haowen went from being the most level-headed one to becoming the most impulsive and obsessive one. 

CYM is just blank. Absolutely blank. There is nothing interesting about him. At first you pity him for being the one who’s always chasing after LSY and being the one to give in first for the sake of the relationship, but then you realize that he’s just trying to mold himself into what he thinks is the “ideal” boyfriend, which he thinks is someone who is able to succeed without the help of his girlfriend. He thinks it’s weak to rely on the help of his girlfriends, which is ironic since most of the career moves he made in the drama were directly because of his girlfriends. 

Anyway, I could just go on about how much I didn’t enjoy this drama, and other people on youtube and mydramalist have ranted more eloquently about this. I usually don’t write drama reviews unless there’s something I’m deeply unhappy about. 

My recommendation? Don’t watch this. But if you’re curious, don’t be afraid to jump and skip scenes. There are no likable characters. Even Zhi Zhi doesn’t start to become likable until she decides to leave her husband. Is this a feminist drama? Yes to the extent that it normalizes women in their 30s who are single and career-driven (which is a pretty big deal in China where unmarried women over 25/27 are considered “leftover” women), but I’m just not sure whether the plot does justice to these women. The verdict is still out on that. Thoughts?

Oh and one final qualm that I have with this drama is the LSY and WZR never had a final face-to-face confrontation. After everything that WZR did to LSY, LSY never got to interrogate WZR. WZR could have even gave LSY some final parting words. Instead, CYM took LSY’s place and the drama made it seem that WZR was only answerable to him and no one else. There was just absolutely no closure from this messy, messy drama.

#to dear myself #亲爱的自己 #朱一龙 #cdrama #zhu yilong #liu shishi #qin ai de zi ji #crdama review #陈一鸣 #chen yi ming

[dashuisofanubis]

Ghost AU

A house named after a deity of death has many secrets to hide.

A/N I came up with this AU over 2 years ago now, and started writing a fic for it, but I never finished it, so here's a tidied up version of the plotline. I might write some oneshots for this AU at some point but idk.

KT, Eddie and Willow are students at the University of Liverpool and are searching for somewhere to live. They find a house which, despite its size and grandeur, is cheaper than most houses around. They work things out with the landlord, Trudy and are soon ready to move in. They find out the reason this house was so cheap is because 5 years ago a student died at a party after having a tainted drink, and no one really wanted the house after that, saying it had a bad energy. While disturbed by the news, they move in anyway.

Willow says the energy isn't bad, if anything the house feels sad, or lonely. Trudy agrees with her and says the house could use some company.

They plan to get more roommates to help cover the costs, but first they have to clean the place up. Then they realise they already have some roommates....

Order of Appearance:

1822 - Victor (???)

1898 - Amber, 20 (Fell down the stairs) - hallway

1907 - Fabian, 19 (Fire) - tower room

1916 - Jerome, 18 (???)

1919 - Alfie, 16 (illness. His family moved out soon after) - lower bedroom

1953 - Joy, 17 (murdered) - attic

1953 - Patricia, 17 - (murdered, 2 weeks after joy, they were best friends and she was searching for her) - attic

1977 - Mara, 16 (drowned in the pond outside)

1996 - Mick, 15 (went in the house for a dare while it was derelict and fell through the floor) - tower room

2008 - Nina, 20 (tainted drink)- lounge

Amber and Fabian know roughly how Jerome died, but they're not telling. Alfie has some idea, but refuses to pry.

Mick, Mara, Patricia and Joy did not live in the house, they just died there. Jerome technically didn't live their either, he was staying with family friends (the Lewises)

They appear as they did when alive, but in times of stress or extreme emotion, they will look how they did at the moment of their death, i.e. Mara will drip water, Fabian will be covered in burns. While usually incorporeal, they can go poltergeist, which allows them to cause havoc. Usually this happens when they're angry, but they can do it just to mess about.

Jerome's usually silent and brooding, but Alfie can get him to loosen up and have fun. The few weeks before Eddie, KT and Willow know about the ghosts, they mess with them constantly.

For instance, Eddie is certain he left his keys on the counter, but for some reason they're in the fireplace. Both his housemates deny any allegations, but he still thinks KT did it.

Willow is most aware, feeling almost imperceptible changes in temperature. Plus, it doesn't help that she saw Amber looking back at her through the mirror on their first day. Now she just need to convince the others.

KT is confused when she sees the word 'same' written on her desk, right under her pride flag, but guesses she wrote it last night while drunk.

The ghosts try to help, in their own way. Fabian and Mara like to help with the budgeting, Joy and Patricia like to shout film recommendations, Alfie likes to try and help cook.

Each ghost has some negative habits, brought about due to their deaths. Fabian has a fear of fire, so even candles and incense are banned, though Fabian and Willow came to an agreement that she could keep some in her room, so long as she kept the door shut when using them. Nina has a habit of smashing bottles of alcohol left on the side. Patricia tends to talk about all the details of her and Joy's deaths when she's nervous, and neither will go in the attic.

There's also an old ghost in the place, even older than Amber, who appears at 10 o'clock every night in the foyer. No one knows anything about him, except his name, which Amber knew from her childhood.

Jerome and Alfie keep trying to guess Eddie's full name

(They know exactly what it is, but it's fun)

"Edward could you lend a hand?"

"Theodore?"

"Edwina?"

Trudy knows about the ghosts, and was glad when she got some people to come live with them.

At some point Eddie, KT and Willow have to search for new housemates because despite having 7 that laze about in the house NONE OF THEM PAY RENT.

It's just unfortunate (or potentially fortunate) that their first applicant, a 22 year old music student, turns out to be Mick's baby sister. She ends up not moving in, but comes to visit so often she might as well have.

So yeah, basically this au is tired, suffering uni students trying to deal with coursework, adult stuff, and ghostly shenanigans at 3 in the morning.

#house of anubis #ghost au #hoa #im just a sucker for ghost stories that arent scary #also me? putting sanna into hoa things just bc i stan her? its more likely than you think #hoa au

[tamakomarket]

as requested on twitter

i use tumblr literally once a month at this point in my life and this time its for the vanven fic rec list someone requested over there

under a readmore so i don’t stretch any dashes

the word counts and au/canon tags all vary, but as a general rule of thumb these are all sfw! ill post ratings too tho

god, there are so many

tide me over, love and life - G, 9k, modern au. vanitas used to be an amazing part of the swim team but finds himself distracted and his times slowing lately. ven, the team manager, takes it upon himself to help vanitas out. very introspective heavy, featuring beautiful turns of phrase and a laid back pacing appropriate for your favorite slice of life anime. this is probably my favorite vanven fic, tbh

Heart Is Where The Home Is - G, 341k, canonverse. one sided roxas/vanitas. this is VERY LONG but its 1 the fic that got me into vanven and 2 in my mind, THE GOLD STANDARD FOR HEART HOTEL FIC. it bounces back and forth between two plotlines - a messy vanitas redemption as he and ven learn to live with each other, and how things get complicated once roxas and xion join the hotel. the characters are all amazingly written, the worldbuilding is very in-depth, and it also features one of the best written xion arcs i’ve ever seen in fic. DEF worth the read

You’re not the boy you used to be. - T, 176k, modern au, namixi sideship, mentioned terqua, sorikai, and leaisa. HUGE FOCUS on the friendship between vanitas and xion. hahaha you really thought i wouldn’t write a rec list and NOT include my own fics? blease. this is a story about grieving an abusive parent that got distracted by a romantic subplot. it’s a non-linear fic, following three different parts of vanitas’s life at the same time. there’s a xion quote that sums it up best imo: “We carry our childhoods with us. For better or worse, we still do. But we can be better from where we came from. We always can.”

Belief, Faith - G, 2k, post kh3-vanitas-somehow-redeemed-au. also my fic. vanven go on a trip and vanitas struggles with being accepted and loved. very introspective-heavy.

my heart’s on the (drum)line - G, 9k, marching band au, rokunamixi as a secondary ship. my last fic! this is 100% a romantic comedy in fic form, featuring the most obtuse vanitas ever seen. vanitas gets a huge crush on ven and is legit too stupid to figure it out, so he spends all his time being angry and melodramatic instead. props to his long-suffering best friend namine, who obsessively polishes her flute to blind the people who are mean to her and is a complete disaster about her own crushes. 

Only You - G, 2k, canonverse. a heart hotel fic. waywardriot wrote an entire series of fics for vanven week and while i recommend all of them, this one is my favorite! basically vanitas finds redemption through the power of love. its cute as heck. 

Salvation - G, 17k, canonverse, wip. a post-kh3 fic where vanitas is taken in by the guardians of light and very slowly redeemed. eventual vanven. no romance yet, but i LOVE how vanitas is written here (so much bitterness! he’s like a wounded feral anime) and i especially love his interactions with kairi and xion here. 

Chains Unbroken - T, 72k, canonverse, side terqua and sorikai. post-kh3, post heart-hotel where vanitas gets to chill with the rest of the squad. he was stolen by xehanort and forced to become one of the 13 darknesses and it broke his heart, so ven and pals look for a way to help him out. the pov rotates between multiple characters, so you get a good look into many different relationships here!!! i especially love kairi here, too. 

Codenames - G, 4k, modern au. vanitas is a secret agent and ven is the little voice in his ear keeping him on track. well-paced, funny, cute, and with enough intrigue to make the heist aspect super gripping! 

we follow our own steps - T, 13k, canonverse. post-kh3 where vanitas doesn’t die, but finds himself with nothing other than his intense attachment to ven. this vanitas is SO fun and SO snappy, and learns how to be something other than completely unhinged. it’s also adorable and very sweet.

has no one ever? G, 390 words, canonverse. all lower-case, but it’s so short that it doesn’t bother me. this prose is ABSOLUTELY lovely and sad and it’s exactly what it says on the tin - ven helps vanitas clean up after a fight. vanitas does not understand what a gentle touch is. it’s good. 

As He Sleeps - Not Rated (but sfw), 1.5k, canonverse. slight body horror warning. this features some BEAUTIFUL PROSE and it reads the way being in a dream that isn’t-quite-bad-but-isn’t-good feels. the kind of dream that you KNOW affected you deeply but slips through your memories the moment you wake up. fitting, since it’s a fic about ven’s dreams as he sleeps during the ten year gap. featuring some beautiful metaphors and comparisons to vanitas as a fallen angel. this makes me want a canonverse fic where vanitas is somehow alive and acts like a knight to ven’s sleeping body. please. someone grant me this wish.

Habit - G, 2k, canonverse. ven develops this weird habit of seeing vanitas at night. it develops into something more. very sweet, very cute, a good read overall.

heart to heart - G, 1k, canonverse. vanitas finds out ven is in love with him through their empathy connection. also adorable. 

Come, My Purrloiner of Nightmares - G, 1k, modern au. LOOK. I JUST. IM A SUCKER FOR THE “CUDDLING DURING NIGHT TERRORS” TROPE

recovery is a long road (but there’s no traffic) - T, 10k, implied terqua and a bigger focus on the individual relationships between the wayfinders + vanitas than romance, canonverse. a REALLY GOOD post-kh3 fic exploring the wayfinders + vanitas healing after the big war. the prose is lovely and the exploration of every character is beautiful (AQUA IS MY FAVORITE IN THIS FIC, ACTUALLY) 

ok these last two are in french but uh, look, LOOK. they’re readable with google translate. there are some weird translation things but these plots are good enough to push past that

Safety Lock - T, 10k, superhero au. LOOK. I LOVE SUPERHEROES. I *REALLY* LOVE SUPERHEROES. the worldbuilding here is SOOO MUCH FUN. ven is part of an agency of superheroes called the guardians of light, and when local supervillain vanitas starts stirring up more trouble, ven takes it upon himself to stop him personally. it’s what ya gotta do, when you have a shared past the way they do. it is SUCH a fun read and ven is SO MUCH FUN, it’s just a good time all around. 

Eux, premiere partie (translation: Them, part one) - T, 38k, au. i have a huge weakness for a very specific type of story and that is “really rich kid is, for whatever reason, unable to leave their mansion and their life changes drastically when someone new enters their life” and this story is 100% that. the world outside vanitas’s family’s property is dangerous, filled with these people that aren’t really human anymore. ven is a bodyguard hired to protect vanitas, mostly from trying to escape the mansion again. thing is, the mansion is just as dangerous for vanitas as the world outside. i will be real with you the xion here is SUUUUUUPER OOC, and while she is a compelling villain in her own right, the role she plays and the personality she has here is something more akin to larxene. even then. EVEN THEN. the worldbuilding is SOOO GOOD, the relationship between ven and vanitas is very compelling, and the way vanitas is written (as this very bitter kid) is AMAZING. there’s so much mystery and intrigue about the world outside the walls vanitas inhabits, and there’s a ton of angst but it’s just. ugh. it’s so good. i love it especially for this line here, re: what desperation does to us: “Hunger, especially. It is she who destroys what remains human.”

there are other fics i have read and enjoyed but these all are like, top tier (or at least high tier) for me!!! looking at them all in a group its very obvious what kind of tropes i like

#i forget my text post tag lmao #fic rec

[cometomecosette]

Jean Valjean the Blocking Figure

(This is a 10-page pseudo academic essay I wrote just to process all my feelings about Valjean and Cosette. In the future I might write more in the same vein: e.g. “Javert the Obsessed Pursuer” or “Éponine the...” I’m not sure what, since she’s been reduced to so many things.)

The term “blocking figure” is one often heard in academia to describe a stock character of romantic comedy, both in the classical Roman plays of Plautus and Terence and in Shakespeare. This is the character, typically the father or guardian of one of the principle young lovers, who initially prevents those lovers from marrying, but is doomed to be thwarted in the end. He most often takes the form of the senex iratus – “angry old man” or “angry father.” In the classical Roman plays, he’s usually the father of the male lover, who disapproves of the female lover because she’s beneath their station. But in Shakespeare and in later examples such as Italian commedia dell’arte and opera buffa, he’s usually the girl’s father or guardian, who uses his patriarchal authority to withhold her from the boy. In some examples he knows about their love and actively opposes it; in others the lovers know instinctively that he will oppose it, forcing them to keep their romance a secret. This trope is hardly exclusive to comedy either and not even always male.

The quintessential blocking figure/senex iratus in Shakespeare comedy is Egeus in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, the father of Hermia who opposes her romance with Lysander. The Tempest’s Prospero plays this role too when his daughter Miranda falls in love with Ferdinand, although he only feigns it in order to strengthen their love. Meanwhile, in the genre of tragedy, Othello has Desdemona’s racist father Brabantio who opposes her marriage to the Moor, while in Romeo and Juliet the role is filled collectively by the feuding Capulets and Montagues, but especially by Lord Capulet, who turns abusive when Juliet refuses to marry his choice of husband. Uneasily straddling comedy and tragedy is The Merchant of Venice’s Shylock, who keeps his daughter Jessica locked away from Christian society, only to lose her to her secret Christian lover Lorenzo.

Shylock’s style of fatherhood, in particular, echoes through various figures in later works, who not only oppose a specific match for their daughter or ward, but keep her under lock and key to prevent her from meeting any man at all. For example, there’s Dr. Bartholo in Beaumarchais’s The Barber of Seville and its famous operatic adaptation, who locks away his ward Rosine so he can marry her himself. The same scenario appears more darkly in Stephen Sondheim’s Sweeney Todd with Judge Turpin and his ward Johanna. A more genuinely fatherly, tragic example is the character of Triboulet in Victor Hugo’s 1832 play Le roi s’amuse, and his more famous incarnation, the title character of Giuseppe Verdi’s opera Rigoletto. Despite all his efforts to hide his daughter Blanche (Gilda in the opera) from the world, she meets her doom through her love for King Francois I/the Duke of Mantua. Not only do these figures have Shylock as their predecessor, they also reflect a fascinating figure from the world of fairy tale: the Witch, or Mother Gothel, in Rapunzel, who tries in vain to keep her long-haired foster daughter hidden in a tower, and has been memorably brought to life in two different musicals, Sondheim’s Into the Woods and Disney’s Tangled. Nor is she the only fairy-tale example of this trope. Just think of King Triton in Disney’s The Little Mermaid, who fiercely opposes his daughter Ariel’s passion for the human world, but can’t keep her from it in the end.

These stories all carry the universal message that the older generation can’t prevent or control young love, and more broadly, that they can’t prevent their children from growing up. With a few exceptions, most of the above-mentioned characters have genuine parental love for their daughters and genuinely think they’re doing what’s best for them. Through the extremes of their controlling behavior, real parents see themselves in them: their own futile wish that they could always protect their children, always be obeyed by them, and never have to watch them leave home.  Meanwhile, in the daughters’ thwarted love, yearning for freedom, and emotional wars with their possessive parents, we see universal adolescent rebellion. These stories seem to reverb with nods of recognition from countless parents and grown offspring in the audience.

This brings us to one of the most interesting variations on the blocking figure in classic literature: Jean Valjean, the hero of Victor Hugo’s Les Misérables. From his beginning as a victim of poverty and a cruel justice system, we follow him as he transforms into a hardened, bitter ex-convict, then into a repentant, compassionate and generous businessman, then a wanted man on the run, then a loving adoptive father and respectable yet reclusive bourgeois. Then, near the story’s eleventh hour, he becomes the blocking figure in the youthful love story between his adopted daughter Cosette and her devoted Marius.

Parallels are easy to see between Valjean’s approach to fatherhood and that of Triboulet/Rigoletto, as if Hugo were knowingly looking back to his earlier, banned play for inspiration. (In turn, it’s easy to look at Triboulet/Rigoletto and see the possible influence of Shakespeare’s Shylock, a similar outcast who locks his daughter away from a world he despises.) Like Triboulet/Rigoletto, Valjean first keeps his daughter in a convent school, and then brings her into a life of benign isolation, with only himself and a housekeeper for company. Like his predecessor, he keeps secrets from her: Triboulet/Rigoletto hides his status as the jester at the corrupt local court, while Valjean hides his status as a wanted ex-convict, and both avoid discussing their daughters’ dead mothers. Like many blocking figures, he dreads the thought of Cosette being “stolen” from him and tries to keep her from young men’s attention; he’s even dismayed when her taste in clothes becomes more mature and stylish. Like Blanche/Gilda, Cosette falls in love through wordless gazes she shares with her young man unbeknownst to her father, and they later confess their love when Marius steals into her garden by night, just like Francois/the Duke or Shakespeare’s Romeo. Like Romeo and Juliet, Lorenzo and Jessica, Rapunzel and her prince, et al, Marius and Cosette are forced to keep their love a secret. Eventually, the threat Valjean poses to the lovers’ happiness increases, as he resolves to leave France with Cosette to escape from his enemies. When he learns about their romance, his first instinct is near-murderous hatred for Marius. But like every blocking figure, he ultimately realizes that he can’t keep his daughter with him forever, and he redeems his earlier mistakes by selflessly letting her go.

In its basic outline, Valjean’s role in Cosette’s love story is a classic blocking figure’s role. There’s no question that the plotline is one of those that reverb with recognition from parents and offspring. In this father and daughter we see the universal clash of teenage longing for adult independence with a parent’s desire to shelter and cling, just as surely as we do in Rapunzel and the Witch. But at the same time, this variation on the trope is much more nuanced and complex than others. First of all, it’s a rare story where the blocking figure is the protagonist, and possibly the only one where he’s a true hero. Triboulet/Rigoletto is also his story’s main character, but morally a dark gray one whose character arc is a tragedy that he brings on himself. It’s very different from Valjean’s journey of striving to live a holy, compassionate life and succeeding. Valjean’s love for Cosette is also much more than “the thing that humanizes him and earns our pity” or even “the thing that redeems him in the end.” It’s the ultimate redemptive force in his life from the moment he finds her, completing him and motivating his heroism, in a story that glorifies love in all its forms as the answer to the social injustice it speaks out against. Then there’s the fact that Cosette was a poor, abused orphan, that Valjean saved her from a life of misery, and that it’s Valjean’s efforts and sacrifices that not only bring her joy, love and prosperity in the end, but let her become the very embodiment of hope. Of course there’s a sad double edge to this; Valjean’s own possessiveness is the last threat to Cosette’s future that he conquers, and in the end he can only ensure her happiness by withdrawing from her life. Still, the heroic context alone sets Valjean apart from the usual antagonistic blocking figure, and it only leads to more differences from the trope as we usually see it.

Reclusive though he is, Valjean doesn’t lock Cosette away from the world. He chooses to leave the convent precisely to avoid that. Father and daughter go on outings every day, to the Luxembourg Gardens and other pretty spots, occasionally to the fair, and on charity missions for the poor. True, he always chooses the most secluded pathways, and he stops taking Cosette to Luxembourg after he sees Marius regularly gazing at her there. But “not taking her to a particular park anymore” is hardly controlling behavior compared to Triboulet/Rigoletto, who forbids Blanche/Gilda from ever leaving their house except to go to church! Nor, once Cosette realizes her own beauty, does Valjean stop her from buying elegant new clothes or from showing them off in the garden to passers-by. He’s deeply distressed by these changes in her, but privately so. His fear and anguish at the thought of her falling in love and his jealous rage toward Marius are likewise internal. The traditional blocking figure’s possessiveness is strong in his mind, but he never aggressively acts on it; he’s never a senex iratus.

Cosette is equally different from the traditional blocking figure’s daughter. First of all, until she falls in love, she’s happy. The usual formula for love stories like hers is for the sheltered girl to be lonely, bored and desperate for freedom and to latch onto her lover as a means of escape. But as is natural for a formerly abused child, especially for a girl insecure about her appearance, Cosette isn’t socially inclined. For the first two years of their life outside the convent, she’s content to mostly be alone with her beloved father. Only after she realizes her own beauty and then shares glances with Marius does her life with Valjean become “not enough.” Thus Hugo never seems to blame Valjean’s overprotection for Cosette’s drifting away from him; he encourages us to see it as just a natural part of growing up and falling in love. Nor, even as the change takes place, do Valjean and Cosette argue with each other. In keeping with their mutual past trauma, both father and daughter internalize their pain and avoid conflict, and each is always concerned for the other’s happiness. As Cosette pines for Marius, Hugo describes their life as becoming “sad,” but both try to hide their sadness from each other and remain as affectionate as ever. Of course we can argue that this is unhealthy; that they should have expressed themselves and let themselves get angry if need be. Feminists in particular can argue that Cosette is too passive and that Valjean takes advantage of her trauma-bred obedience. We can argue that their secluded pre-Marius life is an unhealthy, codependent one no matter how content they both are in it. But at the same time, their eternal caring and gentleness is moving, and sets them far, far apart from the standard oppressive senex iratus and his rebellious child.

This subtle, bittersweet complication of the blocking figure trope is hard for adaptations to replicate. To begin with, stage and screen characters can rarely afford to be as introverted as book characters, because they lack the author’s narrator voice to tell us their feelings. Then there’s the controversy among readers regarding Cosette’s sweetness and passivity. So often she’s been labeled “bland” and “more of a symbol than a person”; although it’s arguably realistic for a childhood abuse victim, her passivity makes feminists label her a dull, clichéd “angel in the house”; they want her to be “stronger” and “more complex.” Valjean has likewise been labeled an “ideal” who requires effort from adaptors and actors to make him a “real, flawed and relatable” human being. Last but not least, the sheer familiarity of love stories with blocking figures likely influences adaptors’ views of Valjean, Cosette and Marius. In translating and simplifying the book for the stage or screen, they hone in on the popular archetype more than on the unique details.

The result is that many Les Misérables adaptations make their Valjean into a more blatantly possessive blocking figure and Cosette’s life into a more straightforward gilded cage. Some of the worst offenders are the 1948 Italian film, the 1998 Hollywood film, the 2000 French miniseries and most recently the 2018-2019 BBC miniseries. Adaptations like these externalize Valjean’s inner struggles and tend to replace the quieter symptoms of his trauma (dissociation, irrational self-loathing, etc.) with anger and aggression. These Valjeans will follow the example of Shylock, Mother Gothel, Triboulet/Rigoletto, et al, and keep Cosette locked in the house for periods of time, monitor her every action, reprimand her if she objects, and insist that the world is a cruel place from which he needs to protect her. Some character or other, even Cosette herself, will typically describe her as a “prisoner” or Valjean as a “jailer” at some point in these retellings. Some of these Valjeans will decide to flee to England expressly to separate Cosette from Marius rather than out of fear of Javert or Thénardier. A rare few will even be physically rough with Cosette in tense moments, or even slap her, something Hugo’s Valjean would never do. Understandably, and with an eye from the writers for creating a more “engaging” and “feminist” heroine, Cosette in these versions will be unhappier, more desperate for freedom, and more resentful and rebellious toward her senex iratus Valjean.

In these adaptations, Cosette’s increasing attachment to Marius over her father seems less like a simple part of growing up and more of Valjean’s own fault: he cuts her off from the world, but Marius opens it up to her, so although she loves Valjean, she would naturally rather be with Marius. Valjean’s ultimate act of risking his life to reunite the lovers and sacrificing his own happiness for theirs becomes more clearly an act of redemption, not chiefly from dark, possessive thoughts, but from actively having done his daughter wrong. A few versions even take the parallels with Beaumarchais’s Bartholo or Sondheim’s Judge Turpin to their full conclusion and portray Valjean as harboring a secret non-fatherly attraction to Cosette, which he “heroically” resists in the end.

Even Alain Boublil and Claude-Michele Schönberg’s beloved 1985 musical adaptation, which captures the spirit of the novel far better than most adaptations outside of France, offers a less subtle portrait of Valjean as a blocking figure. In some ways, it downplays the trope. Valjean’s resentment toward Marius is completely omitted in the stage version and only touched on briefly in the 2012 film version. As soon as he finds him at the barricade, he sings the sweet prayer “Bring Him Home,” begging God to protect the boy with total selfless magnanimity. Nor does he ever knowingly oppose the lovers. The musical’s Marius and Cosette first meet only a day before the barricades rise and Valjean has no inkling of their love until he reads Marius’s farewell letter, so there’s no equivalent of Hugo’s Valjean avoiding Luxembourg to keep Cosette away from Marius, nor of Cosette’s resulting months of secret depression. For these reasons, some will argue that Valjean and Cosette’s relationship is idealized compared to the novel.

But as if to compensate for what was cut, and to make the audience engage with Cosette despite limited stage and screen time, the musical offers a less rosy view of her pre-Marius life. Instead of finding happiness in her garden, fashion, charity and conversations with Valjean, and instead of rarely feeling the need to ask questions, the musical’s Cosette is established through the song “In My Life” as “such a lonely child,” full of longing for an “out of reach” world, as well as for answers to the mysteries that surround her. Instead of suddenly transforming her desires, Marius seems to serve as a solution to longtime yearnings; a figure who can give her what her father’s overprotection denies her. In her exchange with Valjean in the same song (their only meaningful interaction that doesn’t involve Marius), she begs to know his secrets and why they live in solitude, but he firmly refuses. Their love and care for each other is clear, but it’s still an exchange more akin to Triboulet/Rigoletto and Blanche/Gilda than the novel’s conflict-avoidant Valjean and Cosette. The 2012 film highlights Valjean’s jealous guarding with visuals too, repeatedly showing him closing doors and windows to keep dangers and prying eyes away from Cosette, and poignantly having Marius and Cosette sing their love duet separated by the prison-like bars of the garden gate. Ask any casual fan of the musical to describe Valjean and Cosette’s relationship, and they’ll most likely describe Valjean as a loving yet controlling father and Cosette as quietly chafing against her lonely life. Some will even insist that Cosette never knows real happiness until she meets Marius: a valid interpretation of the musical character, but certainly not the novel’s.

Adaptations of books always tend to simplify plot lines and externalize internal conflict. Especially if the book in question is a massive, sprawling novel like Les Misérables that needs to be condensed for time. So it’s no wonder that subtle complications of time-honored tropes are sometimes adapted into more straightforward examples of those tropes. In the “pop culture” view of Les Misérables, Valjean’s fatherhood style tends to be defined by his overprotection and he tends to be treated like a typical blocking figure in Cosette and Marius’s love story, albeit a sympathetic one. This shows the influence of the adaptations, influences new adaptations in turn, and even bleeds into commentary on the novel: see, for example, SparkNotes’ popular study guide, which describes Valjean as becoming Cosette’s “jailor” and generally exaggerates their relationship’s “discord.” But while there’s no question that Valjean is superficially a blocking figure, and that in some ways Cosette is a gilded caged bird, in many important, moving ways they defy those archetypes too. Hugo struck beautiful, delicate balance between Valjean’s possessive blocking figure traits and his truly good, selfless parenting, as well as between Cosette’s new yearnings of womanhood and her unconditional love for her father. This delicate, complex, hard-to-replicate balance is worth remembering.

#les mis #les miserables #jean valjean #shakespeare #meta #analysis #blocking figure #senex iratus #tw: child abuse #tw: incest #opera #victor hugo #tropes

[odaatlover]

Author Q&A

Q: What’s your sexual orientation? 

A: I identify as gay. 

Q: Which country are you from? 

A: The United States - more specifically the southeast. 

Q: Sometimes the level of detail and realism in the fic amazes me to no end. So I was wondering if you had taken inspiration on personal experiences or some real life people to write any scenes or describe some details? 

A: Thank you! I have taken a few things from my own life – most of it being the more sexual stuff – but for the most part I’m just putting myself into the mindset of these characters and just writing as if I am them. I’m a very empathetic person, and it’s incredibly easy for me to put myself into ‘other people’s shoes’, so to speak. So because of that, I am able to write as if I am actually Nicole, or Waverly, or whoever is speaking in the moment. I do it for every single character in my story. It’s kind of fun, because it’s almost like acting! I will say that the only character I feel that’s a little different in my story than in the show is Dolls. I think in the show he’s a little more “to the point”, but in my story he’s a bit more easy going and laid back. That wasn’t a conscious decision, it just sort of happened that way. But I feel like if he wasn’t an agent that was trained to eradicate paranormal forces, he would be more laid back like that anyways, so it works out! 

Q: Last movie you watched? 

A: The Miseducation of Cameron Post, and it was VERY good. Chloë Grace Moretz’s acting in the film is incredible. It’s very realistic and eye-opening, and I definitely recommend buying/renting it and supporting the queer woman who wrote and directed it! 

Q: What do you usually use to write your fanfictions? 

A: I use Word on my laptop, and when I’m out and get a sudden burst of inspiration I’ll pull up the Notes app on my phone and start writing. The Notes app is great because it’s linked to my laptop as well, so when I get home I can just pull up the app on my computer and everything is there from my phone, so I just copy and paste it into my Word document! Technology is great. 

Q: What does a typical day look like for you? 

A: I wake up, take my wife to work, go to my job where I teach some kids how to play percussion instruments, come home to do something creative (writing, creating music, playing an instrument, etc.), pick my wife up from work, do something with her – usually either watching TV or playing a board game, go to sleep. 

Q: What’s your favorite thing to write? 

A: Most of the time, smut. Which is why there’s so much of it in my story! But I also really enjoy writing the humorous stuff as well. 

Q: Favorite WayHaught kiss? 

A: Their first one…it was a really good first kiss 😏 

Q: Do you already have in mind other fics for the future? 

A: Actually, I’m in the process of writing one right now! It’s a WayHaught high school alternate universe story in which Waverly is a cheerleader and Nicole is a basketball player who transfers to Purgatory High in the middle of sophomore year (10th grade). The story focuses on Waverly and Nicole figuring out who they are as young adults, discovering their sexuality, and exploring their bodies – as teenagers do. The goal is to make it as true as possible to being a teenager in 2019, for all of the teens out there that are stuck in high school and need something to relate to. I feel like a lot of the high school fics are a bit outdated, or don’t “go there” enough to touch on the “uncomfortable” or “taboo” topics. And you better believe that this fic will! I’m getting close to halfway through with it – about 10 chapters so far – and have been working on it for the past month. I will begin posting that when I’ve completed it, so be on the lookout! If you’re interested in helping me out with some plotline ideas for it, you can fill out this survey here… https://www.opinionstage.com/odaatlover/wayhaught-high-school-fanfiction-topics-calling-all-teens-or-anyone-interested-in-providing-ideas 

Q: What’s your favorite holiday? 

A: Pride! …does that even count as a holiday? If not, then I’ll say Christmas. 

Q: What’s your favorite kind of date night? 

A: Something where we can converse pretty easily. Maybe dinner or walking around somewhere. 

Q: Do you brainstorm chapters before you write them? 

A: Sometimes I’ll have a layout. For example, this is the exact brainstorming layout I have written out in my notes app for the next chapter… 

Chapter 55 – (title?) 

- Dolls asks Nicole for advice on a date he has planned 

- Nedley asks Nicole to go “undercover” to find out what’s going on with Chrissy in her life 

- Waverly surprises Nicole with a romantic homemade dinner. They talk about their day, Waverly asks Nicole some questions about her past. 

There’s a little sneak peek for you guys 😉 But other than that, all of the dialogue just kind of flows naturally. There have been a couple of chapters where I didn’t have a layout at all and just let the words flow out of my brain, but most of the time I have an idea of the main plots of the chapter. 

Q: Waverly or Nicole? 

A: I relate more to Nicole, but I find Waverly to be more attractive. 

Q: Do you have any siblings? 

A: I have a sister who is 3 ½ years older than I am. 

Q: What color are your eyes? 

A: Blue. And they’re very sensitive to sunlight. I spend most of my life squinting. 

Q: Do you ever get writer’s block? 

A: Yes! Quite often, actually. Which is why your survey answers in regard to “The Grind” have been so helpful! Also, those who comment on my fic with ideas of things they want to see help too. Any time I get writer’s block, I’ll either read some fics to draw inspiration from, or I’ll just start writing something that’s completely different, just to get the creative juices flowing. Often when I have writer’s block and aren’t sure where to take the story, I’ll just do a random smutty chapter for the week. Hope you all are okay with that 😉 If you haven’t filled it out yet, you can find that survey here… https://www.opinionstage.com/odaatlover/the-grind-reader-survey 

Q: Lipstick or chapstick? 

A: If you’re asking which type of lesbian I am, chapstick. If you’re asking which one I prefer on my lips…chapstick. 

Q: Favorite concert you’ve ever been to? 

A: Blue Man Group! Although, I will say that I went to Taylor Swift’s Reputation tour back in August with my wife who is obsessed with her, and although I’m not crazy about her music, I’ll admit that the girl can perform. I thought I was going to hate it, but I actually really enjoyed it. 

Q: Is there a specific place that you write? 

A: Most of the time I just write at my house - either at the table or sometimes on the couch in my living room, but occasionally I like to go to the Barnes & Noble at the mall close to us and write there. My wife and I will go together and we’ll just sit at the same table – me writing and her reading a book – while we occasionally steal glances at each other and kick each other’s feet. It’s pretty great. 

Q: What superpower would you choose and why? 

A: Shapeshifting, because I genuinely want to know what it’s like to walk through life as other people, more specifically as a man 🤔 

Q: Windows or Mac? 

A: Mac. I have nothing against Windows, but everything I use is Apple and I’m used to it. 

Q: What’s a fun fact about you? 

A: I’m deaf in my right ear and wear a hearing aid, due to having had a lot of ear infections as a kid. Bonus round: I started wearing glasses at age of 2, but stopped needing them at 16 because my eye doctor said that my glasses corrected my vision and I didn’t need to wear them anymore, so now I’m glasses-free! 🤓 (<-- not me) 

Q: Favorite lesbian YouTuber? 

A: Rose and Rosie! They’re hilarious, and honestly remind me of my wife and myself. 

Q: Describe yourself in three words. 

A: Where’s my wallet? (Always using it, always losing it…) 

Q: What was the #1 song on the radio the day you were born? 

A: *searches song* Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-a-Lot 😂 Classic. 

Q: What languages do you speak? 

A: English and some Spanish. I can understand Spanish better than I can properly speak it. My wife is fluent in both, but her first language is Spanish, so I’m exposed to it often.

Q: Are you a DomKat fan? 

A: I love them! I genuinely enjoy watching their interviews, including the ones with them as individuals (Just Dom or just Kat). I also enjoy listening to the podcasts they’ve been featured in, more specifically Tales Of The Black Badge. I don’t ship them as a couple like a lot of people think they secretly are, but I love their friendship. You can tell they genuinely enjoy each other’s company, which in turn shows through their WayHaught scenes on screen. I love both of them, but I’m a bigger fan of Dominique. She’s just so adorable! 

Q: Do you have any celebrity crushes? 

A: Dominique Provost-Chalkley 😍 But also, Emma Watson. 

Q: What is your favorite season of Wynonna Earp? 

A: I think season 2 is my favorite. I loved season 3, but I liked season 2 better. And season 1 was inevitably them trying to figure things out since they didn’t have any fans yet. 

Q: What’s your least favorite thing about Wynonna Earp? 

A: The violence. They’ve toned it down a bit, which is good, but it was a little too much in the first season, which made it kind of difficult for me to watch. I’m not a huge fan of violence 🙅🏻 

Q: Do you have any other lesbian ships that you like? 

A: Well, I’ve watched the supercuts of pretty much EVERY lesbian ship out there, but I am a big Hollstein (Laura and Carmilla) fan. Spashley (Spencer and Ashley) was the first teen lesbian ship I was exposed to, so that will obviously always hold a special place in my heart. I loved Sanvers (Alex and Maggie), but since it ended I kind of lost interest in that ship. Big Calzona (Callie and Arizona) fan, and am super sad they’re no longer on the show. And I’m currently getting hooked on Avalance (Ava and Sara) now that we’ve just finished season 3 of Legends of Tomorrow. Basically, I’m very gay… 

Q: Do you have any fanfic recommendations? 

A: “From Afar” – Avrilsky. I know it’s popular, but I really enjoyed that one. Also, “How do I wrap my heart up for Christmas” by breezered is short, but sweet. 

Someone asked for me to tell my coming out story, and I’m going to make a separate post about that one tomorrow where I’ll share my story. So if you’re the person who asked me that, don’t worry, your question was not ignored and I will answer it! 

Thank you to all who sent me questions! ❤️

#author q&a #ao3 author #fanfiction author #fanfic #wayhaught #wayhaught fanfiction #odaatlover #get to know me #about me

[bartsugsy]

I think it would give them loads more to do? Like, how does Sebecca staying give Robron plotlines? They've hit a real lull in terms of where they can be taken, and I think losing Seb, after both of them falling for him so hard would open up so much potential for them as a family. I'd watch it, just because it would give Ryan a chance to do sheer anguish, which he does beautifully. And it would potentially give Liv and Aaron storylines as well. Plus Rossbecca deserve a happy ending.

it would certainly give them something to do, can’t argue with that one - although i don’t really see how seb and rebecca staying closes off the opportunity for robron to have storylines at all? whenever their next storyline actually kicks off

(and dear god let it be soon we’ve done our waiting)

((.........every time i say this i feel the need to point out that it’s insane given how much story they’ve had relative to most of the other characters over the past few years but i’d also like to make it known that i don’t care and it’s what they deserve))

(((i know who i am)))

whenever their next story kicks off, it really doesn’t have to be seb related bc yk... the baby cupboard exists and is put into regular use for a reason. soap couples have babies, it’s how they keep the population going. this isn’t new or even particularly challenging for writers - they’re pretty much free to give characters whatever storylines they want, regardless if there’s childcare that should be involved. 

basically what i’m saying is that i’m pretty sure robert and aaron not currently having a storyline is independent to the fact that they’re now raising a baby, it just so happens that those two things occurred at the same time. my personal view has also always been that robron needed these months of being relatively happy and healthy and with not an awful lot going on, just to... almost narratively validate why they fought so hard for their relationship in the first place? if they were instantly thrown into turmoil it would almost sort of pose the question of what they fought for in the first place, imo - given that their relationship during the affair era and then boyfriend/engagement/first wedding era was so up and down, so fraught. every time they had focus it was typically because they were breaking up for a day (or a year asklfsdj). they had so many on/off moments that it literally made me start a series of posts documenting and counting all of their break ups. 

the fact that they’ve had months of happiness together, coexisting peacefully, talking through their shit and dealing with issues together as they arise, holding their little family together etc. just sort of... proves that there’s something there to hold onto, i guess? you can’t look at the way they’ve been this year and not understand that they can make a relationship work and know how to be together.

which is great, because it opens up once more space for them to slip a little and fuck up a little - bc this is a soap and soaps love getting their drama from lies, misunderstandings, whatever. 

i don’t actually know if i’m explaining my point properly sorry aslkfsd. 

basically - they’ve had months of being happy together and tying their lives together even more than they’ve already done. 

between that and the fact that really, they’ve pretty solidly had a long-term storyline in place the whole time they’ve been around, save for probably a couple of months here and there, means that i feel like its understandable why they’d not be massively active right now (even if i think some things could benefit from them having more involvement) and i don’t particularly see how/why that would have anything to do with seb and rebecca

except ok - it makes sense that they wouldn’t have a new storyline of their own when there’s still the lachlan and rebecca stuff to tie up that at least involves robert (and should involve aaron more frankly) (one might think he’d never even stuffed lachlan in a boot smh) 

but regardless.... seb being around doesn’t really, in my opinion, have an impact on what they can do with aaron and robert in terms of a new storyline

rossbecca should get a happy ending bc they’re cute, but there’s nowhere near enough groundwork for me to be satisfied with them running off into the distance together (UNLESS they go with my scenario i used the other day whereby both rebecca and ross are forced to go on the run for different reasons and end up sticking together to do so and go off to have insane and magical adventures while they fall in love) (i’d be really into that i would literally read fic about their dramatic adventures)

and i don’t really think they have enough time to make it convincing as to why rebecca and ross would just hop off together, particularly when there’s moses to think about as well. ross also just isn’t the sort of character who should go out on a happy, sort of lacklustre note. he’s had a dramatic enough life in the village that he should go out with a bang, in my opinion. 

(i mean, unless they wrote it really well. then maybe i could get behind rossbecca riding off into the sunset and taking a leap on a new life together, free from all the shit they’ve had to deal with in the village lol) (but they’d have to write it really well for me to feel satisfied with it)

idk. i certainly think that’s it’s time to give aaron and robert a storyline again. not that i’m biased. but it’s time. this is by far the longest period we’ve ever had of them not having an overarching story to tell (and so not really having a whole heap of a lot to do outside of supporting other stories/occasional more self-contained plots) and it’s gone on long enough 😂

but i don’t think the key to putting them back into a more central role in a storyline, thereby really giving them so meat to chew on and adding some real excitement and stakes back into the relationship, is to get rid of seb and rebecca. i think the key is literally to just give them a storyline.

which will happen at some point. hopefully their time on the backburner won’t be as long as ross’ was (because he was a heavily used character that basically had nothing to do for all of last year, up until the acid attack story). it just... all depends on when the producers and storyliners decide to do it i guess lmao. the fact that they’re popular certainly helps, but it doesn’t guarantee anything in terms of when they’ll come back to the forefront of the storytelling and get something much longer reaching to do.

i’m mentally sort of... waiting until the lachlan stuff is wrapped up and the wedding is done, but after that it’s anyone’s guess.

i’m still high key hopeful that danny and ryan having all their holidays at once over the summer means that, as they’d said earlier this year, they’ll be busy through the second half of this year. so.... like.... if they could... do that. give them a storyline and make them busy.... that would be..... ideal.....

@ emmerdale if u could please not wait too long thank u and good night xoxo

THIS GOT REAL OFF TRACK SORRY ANON my point is that yes seb not being biologically robert’s would indeed give them a (sad af) storyline but also there are a hell of a lot of other dramatic things they could decide to put robron through instead that would do the same thing

my preference is that seb sticks around bc he’s cute and the alternative is like... long term heartbreaking.... but also........ my number 1 preference is that they just give them a juicy and dramatic story again bc i was right last year when i said that happy couples are nice but they’re also, bless their beautiful hearts, not the most enthralling thing to watch long-term

i need the angst and drama in my life

(.................................if the new storyline could also not be breaking them up for 6 months again bc we just did that that would be great thx lov u emmerdale ok bye xoxoo)

(i dont think it will be but it’s good to just put out there that we dont want that for good measure ok)

(better safe than sorry)

(this got so off track)

#robron #long post #answering anons

[dawnquafam]

Any tips on actually plan a fanfic? I've always wrote my fics without planning beforehand but it isn't working very well for me (as I end up with big plot holes and fanfics that have no plot whatsoever), which makes me really sad because I end up wasting hours of work on something I will never post online. Thank you for your time and have a nice day/night! 🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈✨🌈

I’m just gonna startthis off with a little disclaimer saying that everyone needs to do a differentamount of planning, and different lengths of fics are gonna require differentamounts of planning. Every author and every fic are unique. Me personally, Iair on the side of laziness, aka minimal detail when I do actually sit down andforce myself to plan something (which I never do for one-shots, onlyintentionally multi-chapter fics and my actual book). Luckily, you sound likeme, so hopefully this’ll work for you too.

Second, before I explainmy strategy, heed this quote from Leonard Snart: Make the plan. Execute the plan. Expect the plan to go off the rails.Throw away the plan.

(Ok, don’t actuallythrow away the plan. It’s the first three sentences that are important.)

If I’ve learned anything since I started writing back when I was 12, it’s that fictional charactersmay be figments of your imagination, but they have minds of their own. Thatjoke you think is absolute genius? Yeah, they ain’t gonna say it. Where didthis piece of backstory come from? Not your head, that’s for sure. Thisplotline that was supposed to be resolved within a chapter? Nope, it’s fivechapters and counting now.

Basically, they’regonna tell you what they’re gonna do. They’re like unruly children who’ll dowhatever they damn well please. Don’t bedeterred by this, and definitely do not force your will on them. If you’vegotta force it, odds are the writing will come out unnatural and clunky andyour readers will notice and you’ll hate it. You’re gonna be sad that yourgenius moment didn’t make it in, but believe me, your characters know best – it’stheir lives, after all. And sometimes, those spur of the moment ideas are farbetter than anything you could’ve come up with ahead of time.

(If you’re really attached to the idea they’rerejecting, write it in a separate doc to do something with later. Keep it foryourself. Maybe post it as a deleted scene once you’re done with the fic. Or,there was one time I started a one-shot, couldn’t figure out where to go with it, abandoned it, and it later ended up as a flashback scene in a different fic that did get posted.You never know.)

Essentially, just bewarned that no matter how much planning you do, things are gonna change. Thoseplot holes you mentioned, they’re going to create themselves, because that’sthe nature of the beast. Forge ahead anyway – fixing those is what editing isfor.

Now that I’ve spent six(6) paragraphs explaining why planning is gonna get derailed, here’s how Iplan:

First, write downkey details. Making up a new place or alien species? Give it a name (GIVE IT ANAME BEFORE YOU START WRITING ITS SCENES FOR THE LOVE OF ALL YOU HOLD DEAR, NOTDOING SO COULD TRIP YOU UP FOR HOURS) and describe it briefly (nothing fancy,you can get fancy once you’re actually writing, planning is just to get thebasics down). Same goes for any OCs you may be incorporating, be they villains orside characters or whatever – name them and give them a basic appearance andpersonality/motivation. Basically anything that needs a name, come up with itsbasics before you start writing.

A couple examplesfrom my fic Operation: Memory:

Ascorix- Criminalplanet, crowded slums, overpopulated and heavily polluted, tall narrow greybuildings, little to no plant/wild animal life

Kutral- Moarian,tall and wiry, long wavy sky blue hair, navy blue skin, unnaturally brightgreen eyes, expert art thief and murderer, superspeed (top speed 100mph);motivated by money for fancy expensive things

And while we’re onthe subject, here are some sites I use to name things, I’d be lost without them:

http://www.behindthename.com/ (forhuman peoples, and I think it can even give your person some background detailsnow!)

http://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/alien-names.php#.WvjToUxFy3A(alien peoples/species)

http://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/planet_names.php#.WvjTskxFy3A(planets/alien species - take the planet name and change the ending to -an or -er or something, like Andorians live on Andoria, Asgardians live on Asgard, etc.)

Now for the scenes(not entire chapters, just individual scenes). Just write down shortdescriptions of what you want to happen. Keep it specific enough that you canremember what you meant weeks or months later, but vague enough that you’re nottrapped and the idea isn’t completely ruined if and when an earlier scene veersoff-course. For example:

Team (minus Mantis?) goes hunting on Ascorix,split in half to cover more ground, Loki gets nervous and guilty cause itreminds him of Sakaar (“Sometimes I wonder…” “You’re a hero, Loki” “…Maybe”), trio(quad?) kidnapped

Vague enough to beflexible, specific enough for me to remember where I’m going (the level ofdetail you’ll need depends on your own preferences). And yes, you are mostcertainly allowed to not know exactly what’s gonna happen – your characterswill fill in the gaps for you. As weird as it sounds, trust the figments ofyour imagination.

If you’re like me,you’re gonna want to mark down where you think each chapter will end, and byall means, do so. But keep in mind that some scenes could go on far longer thanyou think (in my fic Hidden Heartbeat, Nidavellir was supposed to be onechapter and it turned itself into three), while others might struggle to reacheven half the length you wanted. Sometimes a good cliffhanger pops up mid-sceneand you’ll decide to end the chapter there to torture your readers (I am guiltyof this). You won’t really know until you get there.

And that sums up theofficial planning that happens before the writing begins.

Unofficially, nomatter where you are in the fic: If and when you have a random idea, WRITE IT DOWN. On a napkin, in yourphone, in your planning doc, at work/school, at 3 in the morning, it doesn’tmatter. I don’t care how good you think your memory is, just run on the ideathat YOU WILL FORGET IF YOU DON’T WRITEIT DOWN IMMEDIATELY.

And if and when yourplan switches tracks, WRITE DOWN THECHANGES BUT KEEP THE OLD SCENES SOMEWHERE. They could still inspiresomething, they could still happen but just later than you intended, the main ideasthe original scenes were supposed to convey could still be perfectly relevant,and if you’re in the middle of the story, you could eventually wind up back onthe original track. Keep every bit of your plan. Leave deleting for the actualstory.

To sum up:

Outline key details,names, and scene ideas.

Keep it flexible,but know where you’re going. Odds are details will change, but your overarchingplot will stay relatively intact.

Make a plan, butlisten to your characters if they wanna go off on a tangent. Best-case scenario,that tangent is the best part of your fic. Worst comes to worst, you can cutthe tangent from the final draft.

And, last but notleast, delete nothing, absolutely n o t hi n g, from your outline. Move it down the page, move it to a differentdoc, whatever, but keep it for futurereference.

(Whoo, that gotlong. I hope at least part of it was helpful, and good luck in your writing!)

#writing tips #planning tips #planning #fic planning

[insaneinspireddreamer]

So, a couple nights ago, after the release of Crisis on earth X part 2, I messaged @marcguggenheim to voice my and others’ thoughts regarding that particular 1 hour 20-minute long shitshow. I am posting what it was that I sent to him.

==================

Hi, I thought you should know (and I feel like I speak on behalf of a whole lot of people) you and your fellow writers of the Arrowverse have truly written one of the most vile pieces of modern television I have ever seen. It's hidden behind pop cliches and character drama and cute jokes, and it completely misses the mark on whatever it was you were even attempting for it to be. What part of "let's give nazis a pedestal" seemed like a good idea to you? Because that is exactly what you all did

In this crossover. It may seem that you plot of "the good guys are fighting nazis! they're punching them, look!" sounds like a good idea, and it is, if we were in 1943. but it seems like you're constantly shying away from tackling the real problem with the team fighting nazis. You have two LGBT characters, two Jewish characters, more than 3 POC characters. And yet, it's all ignored in favor of "oh no, the bad guys want to take kara's heart!" and "go back to your earth!!!"

You know who else would've been capable of invading earth one to take Kara's heart? ANY other fictional organization. ANY. It would've been so much more creative and less cringy if you created your own organization instead of falling back to a regime that was bested nearly 80 years ago that killed MILLIONS in its wake and sought to eradicate all but the good straight, white, christian person. Even if you named it "Killer Ponies", it would've been a better choice than actual freaking nazis

You folks on the writing team are grown adults, with lots of experience in your fields. But watching today's crossover episodes, I got the inclination that none of you took or even remember basic 10th grade history. Here's a refresher: Nazis=Bad. I had hoped that this crossover would tackle some of the actual problems present in today's sociopolitical society, with the rise of fascism among white supremacists. And yet, it's instead acting as a platform for these NAZI characters to seem human

Nazism, Racism, Sexism, Anti-semitism, Xenophobia. That is what you are giving a voice to through these nazis. Nazism is not a punchline. None of these things are. You, the writers, used them as such, and you were wrong to do so. Nazis existed, and they still do exist, they are not a fantasy and not a loosely thought out plotline for you to exploit. The sad thing is, it could have worked. But you gave Nazis a purpose, a reason to attack that isn`t inherently selfish (saving a loved one).

And in doing so, you made them human. That is a shameful fault on you. Your use of Nazis to further a FICTIONAL agenda at the cost of real people`s safety is unacceptable. I don`t care much if you do reply to me or not. But I implore you and the rest of the writers to formally apologize to the fans you let down with this terrible excuse of a crossover plot. Or at the very least assess and accept your mistakes and learn from them, but a detailed apology doing so would be better.

=======

That being said, this was two nights ago. After the Shitshow Part 2 that happened last night, I have a lot more to say.

From a writing and directing perspective, the crossover was great. Except for one crucial and critical detail. Nazis. All the good, cute, powerful, inspiring parts of the crossover were for nil because they were outweighed by the disgustingly suffocating presence of nazis. In addition to that, I do firmly believe the writers would have benefitted from going back and examining their characters to make sure they don’t write anything out of character for any of them. They didn’t though, and because of that, we saw Oliver queen negotiating with genocidal maniacs, Kara Danvers bartering with ethnic cleansers, and Barry Allen letting a Nazi Speedster live for no conceivable reason other than that he doesn’t kill. If Oliver Queen, who was TORTURED for a season to stop killing can find it in him to mercilessly take out nazi’s, why can’t Barry? It doesn’t make sense. 

Also, the entire narrative for the first 3/4 of this crossover was “Convince nazi’s to leave us alone” when we all know that the more appropriate thing would’ve been “They’re nazi’s, take them out”. And when the team ended up in an internment camp, their first thought was “We have to get out of here and go home to our loved ones” As if those prisoners didn’t have loved ones of their own. The team of heroes that I know would never, NEVER abandon those in need. They would’ve tried to come up with a lavish plan to free everyone in that internment camp. Hell, Jax alone freed a plantation farm’s worth of slaves one, remember? He never would’ve left those guy in there.

The only in-character thing Oliver did the entire crossover was killing his doppelganger. The only in-character thing Barry did was FINALLY offer Ray help with his earth.

This whole thing wasn’t beyond saving either. Remove nazis and the whole crossover becomes bearable, even good. Hell, having Stein killed at the hands of “Killer Ponies” would’ve actually been understandable. (Honestly though, big “fuck you” to you guys for doing what you did to him, sur-fucking-prise, you’re just as bad as the characters you wrote.)

There is so much more to be said about this, and I haven’t even touched on Tommy being brought back to make the audience to briefly feel sympathy for fucking NAZIS, and the blatant ignoring of the effects of having Nazis on the show (you have a really diverse group of characters, all of which would have been affected by the Holocaust had they been living 78 years in the past). I don’t care if you were following “canon”. Changing things up in this would not have been the first time you strayed from accuracy (Anybody remember Laurel Lance?). None of this was in any way acceptable and you genuinely deserve every bit of backlash thrown at you for this. And I mean all of the writers.

Watching this crossover, I felt genuine fear. For myself because of today’s sociopolitical climate and for everyone else who was in anyway affected by the Holocaust and the events of WWII. And I think that was what most inexcusable part of it all; no one should ever have to feel fear regarding nazis ever again. Millions died to ensure that. And you ignoring it makes you part of the problem.

#I swear to god #dc crossover #crisis on earth x #arrow #supergirl #the flash #legends of tomorrow #I am so fucking pissed like you have no idea #if I had the money and time #I wouldve booked a ticket to wherever the fuck these assholes are and we would've had a really nice long (fist free?) conversation regarding #their bullshit

[sharrakay-blog]

On writing

So apparently I used to write a lot. That’s basically my teenage years summed up in the photo above: writing, lots of it. I’ve been writing stories since I was five years old, and that has always been pretty much the number one dream in my life: If I can make it as a writer, if I can get published and get at least one reader who likes my story, that’ll be the only thing I ever need. And then... at some point last year I realised I had forgotten that dream.

I’ve been thinking about writing a lot lately, been kind of angry at myself because of it. I used to write a lot before I went to university, and ever since then I’ve written very little. Sure, there has been the almost-annual NaNoWriMo, the odd fic or short manuscript for a novel but nothing like... well, before, when writing was really a part of my life. I guess other things got in the way: studying, travelling, relationships, other hobbies, then later on the day job and the dog, both of which take a lot of time.

I’ve been kind of lost in my life lately. Unable to find a job that would actually allow me to pay my rent and that I would be passionate about as well, I’ve been doing an office job that is... okay, but that has nothing to do with my actual interests or passions, it’s just something that helps to pay the rent. Add in the fact that I’m living alone with a dog that takes a lot of time and exercising, and at some point I realised I’m living for everyone else but myself, making my boss happy, my co-workers happy, my parents happy, my dog happy, my friends happy... And not being very happy myself. I’ve been trying to think about what kind of a job would make me happy: communications, international relations, coaching, yada yada yada. People had also asking me that a lot, “if you don’t like your current job, what would you like to do in life?” It’s funny I never answered, “I would like to write.” Probably because I thought it’s unrealistic and therefore not even worth mentioning. Then I got a wake-up call reading some old diaries where pretty much my biggest fear in life seemed to be settling: settling for something I don’t really care about instead of living my dreams. It was kind of scary to realise that that was exactly what had happened: I had settled, and I was farther away from my dreams than I had ever been in my life.

Then a couple of other things happened. I was doing NaNoWriMo last year after not taking part for a couple of years, and after really painful couple of weeks when it felt like I was not even able to form a sentence, something clicked: I was writing again, and I was so happy when I was doing it. After spending the whole year feeling like I’m lost and is this really all there is to life I was happy again. It didn’t matter if I was sitting at an office during the day because I was thinking about writing, plotlines, characters... I was somehow feeling at home in my skin after the longest time, and all I could think about was “why did I ever stop doing this.” Around the same time I was also reading some comments posted on a veeery long fanfic that I had completed nine years (!) ago. Someone had asked, nine years after the actual fic had been completed, “does anyone know if this writer has published anything, because I would like to buy it”. I guess it just hit me because it had been almost ten years since I had finished the story, but all I could think of was the girl I was back then: dreaming about writing, and so damn convinced I would publish something by my 30th birthday. And my next thought was, it’s been a really long time since I was that girl, but I would like to be that girl again, because that girl had actual dreams that had nothing to do with working at an office and collecting a paycheck to pay the rent.

So ever since last November, this is me: Writing. Writing like my life depends on it. Mostly I’ve been really happy - and it might actually be sad, that I’m so happy when the reason for being happy is that I’m mostly hanging around in a fictional world inside my head instead of the real one... But still. Writing makes life so much better and I never want to give that up again. At the same time there’s the niggling doubt that sometimes hits me, especially at night when I can’t sleep: Will I ever be good enough? Will I ever be as good as I used to be? Because that stupid fanfic that I wrote now ten years ago might be really embarrassing and cringeworthy at times, but it also had some pretty good writing, and it makes me angry to realise that I’ve been not-writing so much in the past few years that I’m not at that level anymore. Also, though some of the plotlines were just really crazy and unrealistic I really miss the joy of writing I had back then: writing because an idea popped into my head, and just going with the flow, not really worrying if it was a good one. Not being so damn cynical but writing about love and friendship and justice and bravery and good and evil like it would be really that simple. That’s what I miss, and that’s what I’m trying to do these days: write like the 18-year-old that I used to be. Feels funny to be competing with myself, but I guess that’s just how it is because once upon a time I was too stupid and gave on my dreams.

I don’t do that anymore. Sure I’m not good enough - yet. But the way I see it, there’s only one way to become good at writing again, and that’s writing. It’s either that or give up, and I don’t want to give up again. These days when people ask me what I’d like to do with my life I give them the honest, unrealistic answer: I just want to write, and one day I’m going to get there.

#writing #personal #long post #rambling