#but in a sense i guess all this effort to learn more is more evidence of me caring huh

[miss-menhera]

HELLO THERE!!! Trying to cope with OR UNDERSTAND Adam's death? The denial and "what ifs" just get stronger?!?!?!?

Me too tbh I'm fucking miserable

BUT!!!! YOU WILL FIND OUT THAT THIS SHITHEAD COMING BACK IS ACTUALLY MORE PLAUSIBLE THAN YOU THINK! (W.O.W!!!!)

I actually also have some pretty solid theories about season 2 in here so be warned.

(This is a bit different from my usual goofy post I might delete this and separate into parts since I talked about too much)

VIVZIEPOP MADE A COUPLE STATEMENTS THAT COULD BE GAME-CHANGING AND WON'T LEAVE US GRASPING AT STRAWS ANYMORE. I'LL DISCUSS EVERY GROUND THERE IS TO COVER AND EVERY COPIUM THERE IS TO INHALE, AT THE MOMENT!! (Might update this or make a new post if more comes out)

Ok so to start this off, don't be put off by this person's perspective, just listen to me. Vivzie talked to this fan at megacon and got asked if Adam was still alive, all she said was "he lives on in a way", I'm gonna take my delulu aside and the most pessimistic guess would be that someone (pfff lute obviously)avenges him or that his death has an everlasting impact that changes the story, BUT we already got that made clear, like that was pretty obvious already.

(It's made obvious by this scene, Adam's death created a whole other big problem)

(Unless what she means by it is that his death is honored? Like maybe we get to delve deeper into his history, but again i dont think so) SO I DONT THINK THATS IT, I feel like if it was either of the ones I mentioned she would just say "Nope, he's deceased BUT he lives on in a way" But ALL she said was "He lives on in a way" which is very different, although it could be she expressed herself badly or the person writing the tweet didn't quote it word for word. But taking it in the literal sense, this might be pretty much confirmation he lives. There's a way he lives right? So considering that.... could it be that after Lute took his halo,(which was also broken which often renders an angel as "fallen" by default) and left his body there, he just... like woke up as a sinner? Yes yes, I know everyone's been talking only about that, I'm not giving any groundbreaking revelations but I'm just saying that there's alot of options that open up to that possibility. Or who knows! What if he actually doesn't get reincarnated? What if he just wakes up with no halo, so no place to come back to or what if the ever-absent God takes notice of his death and fixes up his first loyal creation?

Besides that if they THINK Adam is dead, (hesnotdeadhesnotdeadhesnotdeadhesnotdeadhesnotdeadhesnotdeadhesnotdeadhesnotdeadhesnotdeadhesnotdeadhesnotdeadhesnotdeadhesnotdeadhesnotdeadhesnotdead)

They make these huge ass changes in tactics, and need to find another way to deal with what Charlie is doing; IF Adam actually becomes a sinner, and his life is super important to heaven... with evidence that sinners can now be redeemed... What if people like LUTE, or LILITH actually become allies of the hotel in an effort to redeem him? He WAS God's first, most loyal and favorite creation, HELL THE REASON HE WAS ALLOWED TO DO WHATEVER HE WANTED AND WAS BASICALLY IMMUNE TO THE LAW IN HEAVEN IS BECAUSE OF HOW MANY PRIVILEGES HE HAS, I don't think God would be too pleased with his soul dissipating or whatever the fuck. That might actually be a plot point, he's way too important to just be killed off like this, am I the only one who got that impression? He's the FIRST MAN, first man, the first man being THE FIRST TO DIE IN THIS SHOW IS ABSOLUTELY MIND-FUCKING AND ALSO A CRUEL JOKE anditskindafunny OF FATE FOR HIM.

Something else I want to add is that my personal take on it is that if I learned anything about this show, Lilith will show up in the next season and pretend to be an ally to the hotel, she will pretend to support Charlie and basing this off the theory that Alastor made a deal with Lilith to keep her daughter safe, he failed to meet the end of his deal. So now she's coming to take matters into her own hands after all these pesky men failed, (ermmm girlboss!!) Stop, and manipulate everyone in the hotel into giving up on the idea. Considering how she deliberately kept Charlie away from her dad her whole life, there's gonna be a whole lot of family drama. And we might see Alastor lose his shit for good. Still tryna figure out wtf does "Lilith thrived and empowered demonkind with her voice" if her voice is that powerful, and her words are just as powerful, we're gonna get 1. FIRE ASS SONGS 2. Mother Gothel ass song with Charlie, I just know it holy shit. Not to mention that they actually don't know that Sir Pentious went to heaven, Lilith definetely will know and won't tell anyone. Lucifer will definetely be the one to step up in the situation yet again. Anyway after I yapped my heart out about what I think will happen in this show, I just wanna say one thing.

There is this DUMBASS thing everyone in the fandom is talking about when someone says Adam is gonna be reborn as a sinner. "He is not gonna come back because he was killed with an angelic blade and Pentious was not" That is the most stupid bullshit I've ever read and if you genuinely believe it for a second, i feel sorry for u cuz how did your brain go and make this correlation?

Most of these people say that the show explicitly stated that Angelic metal SPECIFICALLY and just if it's metal, it can castrate a soul or whatever. Which is literally NOT true, at no point was it established that Angelic steel was the only thing able to exorcise demons. You really need just a bit of common sense to come to this conclusion, what makes the weapons dangerous for demons and angels isn't that they're steel specifically. It's that they're ANGELIC guys.. Have y'all seen Helluva boss at all?

There are blessed ropes, Angelic guns, Angelic bullets. These are just items that replicate the power of Holy magic. A PURE,HUGE, HOLY BEAM of unfiltered angelic power is not stronger than a little dagger infused with a fraction of it? Not only does that not make sense from the show's lore perspective, but using common SENSE that sounds even dumber. This is the only argument I can completely scratch off the lists of why Adam can't come back, and it's the most popular one...

Man you know what guys, after he died, whether he comes back or not, he's never gonna be the same again I just can't picture it. He's gonna be much more insecure, without a mask and not funny and goofy............. Or he is just gonna come back and go full joker. He just cant possibly keep being a light-hearted dark humor andrew tate stan after the most, first immature man in history pulled a gentle smile like that. That just can't be, like take a look at the way he always smiles to the last smile we saw him have.

THAT IS A CHANGED MAN YALL, THATS ANOTHER ENTITY 😭

I HIGHKEY DONT WANT HIM TO GET A REDEMPTION ARC EITHER :(( MAN WHY DID THEY HAVE TO DETHRONE THE LITTLE GUY, THEY RUINED EVERYTHING. One small little theory floating in my mind was that, what if the news of Adam being dead could result in some powerful overlord or even A SIN we've never seen or know the power of, revive him and have him work under them? Even if he actually comes back as a sinner, this little theory I haven't brainstormed much about could be explored.

But y'all know what? Let's say he's dead okay? Let's say he's dead dead, then what did they do with his BODY? I didn't see anyone dig him a grave, yet he died on the hotel, I didn't see anyone even move his body after the angels left. And we know damn well they didn't take him, that's too much of a big detail to leave it out unless they REALLY screwed up with the writing and animation direction in the rush to have the serie come out, but the animation has always been so detailed with almost unnecessary background details. I think they left it out intentionally to have that worked out in season 2, heard some people say it could be they just built the hotel over his body? But I doubt it. If so maybe he could become part of the hotel or just condemned to never leave the hotel in a.... a... ghooooost.... like form...?(Massive amounts of copium). Someone could argue his body just dissolved or something but 1. That makes no sense pookie 2. In the first episode they found the body of the dead exorcist long after it died, and we definetely know atleast it's head was still perfectly intact by episode 3. AND i also went back to check, after Lute takes the Halo they purposefully never show Adam's body, ONCE. Not once, not even as they show all the corpses on the ground as the exorcists depart. So that couldn't be it, one thing we know for sure is that Vivzie is definetely letting on there's something more to his death she doesn't want to reveal yet. It could be she's doing that just to leave it ambiguous to delusional theorists like myself,,,,,since my type of stupid is usually the kind of idiocy infectious enough to rot everyone's brain into pointless speculation based on minor details. Which definetely sells the show better AND keeps discourse and attention alive till more is fed to us, which in that case, very effective marketing strategy at the cost of everyone's mental health Viv! Good job, the prospect you might be giving us false hope cuz its good for business is really making me reconsider signing the christian mom petition to make Amazon prime cancel tis' demonic blasphemous show. (And yes that is a serious threat, I will even fund the petition with 100 euros watch what you write, i don't want any mammon ass marketing tactics pls)...... or... she just doesn't wanna spoil the surprise and im reading too much into it... BUT YOU NEVER KNOW OK?? I NEED TO EXPLORE EVERY SINGLE POSSIBILITY AND NOT LEAVE ONE UNCOVERED. I seriously think I've thought of almost anything-Except that he's just dead, we'll see his funeral in the next season and he actually makes no other appearance......... BUT THAT'S BORING AND I WILL DROP THE SHOW IF THAT HAPPENS! By the way kinda can't wait for Adam merch to drop, cus it means SHE STILL FINDS HIM RELEVANT ENOUGH TO MARKET HIM!!!......and i just really want to have physical objects of him...... But u know what guys Vivzie likes adam alot, he's one of the characters she retweets stuff about the most, along with Lucifer and Alastor. And she also kinda admitted to it.

NOT TO MENTION THERE IS MORE THAT PROVES ITS NOT OUT OF THE WINDOW FOR HIM TO MAKE A COMEBACK CUZ ALEX BRIGHTMAN(Adam's va) ANNOUNCED HE WILL BE IN SEASON 2. and I know he voices Sir Pentious too,(insane range btw wtf) but like i said if they're keeping it a surprise (Thats been pretty much confirmed, Vivz refuses to give too many details so she obviously wants to keep us guessing, which would be cruel if it was for nothing, and i think she knows would leave fans very disappointed) the possibility of Adam still being present in the show could work out.

VIVZ UNLESS YOU'RE A SADISTIC EVIL WOMAN YOU WOULD NEVER HOPE PEOPLE LIKED HIM IF YOU DIDNT HAVE BIG THINGS PLANNED FOR HIM, RIGHT? RIGHT? VIVZIIEIEIEIEIEI3IE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 GIVE US BACK OUR FRATBOY BEETLEJUICE UNSCATHED PLS NO MORE PAIN!!!

Also guys look adam actually changed out of that smelly ass robe and dolled himself up for the early extermination!!!!

#adam hazbin hotel #hazbin adam #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel adam x reader #adam x reader #dickmaster #my little mysoginist </3 #vivienne. #hazbin adam x reader #hazbin hotel headcanon #hazbin theory #hazbin thoughts #hazbin hotel theory #hazbin hotel god #hazbin hotel lilith #hazbin god dont be a bitch #save your loyal holy child this instant

[babacontainsmultitudes]

Okay, I have these stupid long essays in my head comparing the S2 dads with the S1 dads

Full of specific evidence and explanations and all that... What I *don’t* have is the time to write those up without destroying myself. 

So instead, what I have for you here are some point-form notes full of my hot takes, predictions and senseless switching between second and third tense!

Will these make sense to anyone? Fuck I hope so, but honestly who can say. Nevertheless, I need to get these thoughts out of my head so that I can move on to other stuff. Bulk of the post below the cut, cause it’s long, but here’s a little peek at the structure/mappings:

Sparrow = Glenn

Grant = Henry

Terry Jr. = Darryl

Nicky = Ron

Got that? Okay then, let’s get into it!

Sparrow and Glenn

It’s obvious that you love your son to death, but he wants so badly to hear that you’re proud of him and you are so, so bad at offering that

“Loss of fatherhood status” as a looming threat thank you Jodie and Lark

Probably the most controversial/polarizing/scrutinized dads of their seasons?

The pen is mightier than the sword but if that doesn’t work, yeah, they will kill you

Actually the friendliest with the kids that aren’t their own/the most willing to take them seriously (no really!!!)

I think this is likely gonna be viewed as a hot take for Sparrow but… These two trust their kids and believe in their ability to make their own decisions the most!

This is partially reflected in their lax parenting styles. And yet…

Quite willing/able to step in and be protective/draw a line when required

Greatest tendency to think of things with respect to the long-term (and “play the long game” more generally), also reflected in their parenting.

Somehow resilient to the point that it’s a flaw

Something something sneaky bastards that hold their cards very close

Overall, perhaps most heavily in contrast with Henry and Grant

If Sparrow really is Glenn: It’s gonna get better, I think, but first it’s gonna get much worse. Fate will force you to finally acknowledge your trauma, and in the meantime… You’re gonna carry that weight.

Grant and Henry

The pride, love, and acceptance you have for your son(s) is endless, and we love you for that

But you’ve failed to prepare them for the real world, and they will suffer as a result

As far as you’re concerned they can be whoever they want to be… As long as they don’t end up like you!

Very keen on not making the same mistakes as their fathers

Reactive, impulsive… But means well!

Really, such big hearts… And so much self-hate

Just constantly going through it, really

The thought of your kid hating you is a deeply terrifying one, and unfortunately fate seems to have it out for you

When push comes to shove, they struggle to have faith in their sons, and tend to baby them

Tendency to second guess and overthink, but this makes them flexible, and capable of self-reflection

Probably put the most conscious effort into being a good parent and adapting to their sons’ needs

As established, polar opposite of Sparrow and Glenn

If Grant really is Henry: oh god oh fuck ohhhh god oh fuuuuck You’ll try so very hard to make sure your son still loves you but… Will you ever learn to love yourself?

Terry Jr. and Darryl

You both try really hard to give your kid the dad that you had, who you loved dearly

But… They don’t need *your* dad

Absolutely overflowing with unconditional love

Struggle to give their kids space, and a bit oblivious to this fact

(Related) They try quite hard to be there for their kid it’s just… Never quite in the way that their kid wants/needs

“Tough love” is near impossible for them

Seriously they’re such pushovers for their kids lol

Particularly protective

Probably the most well-rounded and emotionally stable, overall

Highest level of contrast with Nicky and Ron

If Terry Jr really is Darryl: The good news is, your kid actually really doesn’t hate you at all. The bad news is, it’s still gonna take you a while to figure out how to get through to them. But… You can do it!!!

Nicky and Ron

Yes, seriously, there’s something here I swear

It’s not that you don’t want to be present in your kid’s life you just… Don’t know how.

Seriously, for all intents and purposes you might as well have met your kid yesterday

And your relationship with your dad(s) is… Particularly confusing and complicated and ultimately marked by absence so… It’s not like you really have much to go off of!

Their kids? Well on the surface they couldn’t be bothered to care about having a new parental figure in their lives but… Is that even remotely true?

It’s not a question of being a perfect dad or getting it right on the first try, it’s a question of whether or not you’re willing to put in the effort and show that you actually give a shit beyond the bare minimum.

Contrast with Terry and Darryl

If Nicky really is Ron: He’ll step up!!! He’ll figure it out and find his way into his son’s life one way or another and… Probably be the best off by the end of the season tbh.

Okay that’s it that’s it thank you for entertaining my thoughts on this dear reader now I’m off to sleep!

#And Jodie and Lark are the secret fifth dads #dndads #dungeons and daddies #glenn close #sparrow oak #henry oak #grant wilson #terry jr #darryl wilson #nick foster #ron stampler #feel free to pester me to explain myself on any of these #Why am I actually so nervous posting this lol #I know why it's cause Sparrow and Glenn are controversial lmao #dndaddies #just a fair warning that if you ask me to explain a point I might be slow to respond cause I'll want to be thorough about it haha #gee I hope somebody actually likes this post #nicky freeman #normal oak #taylor swift #nick close #dndads spoilers #scary marlowe #jodie foster #lark oak #lincoln li wilson #actually the Grant and Henry stuff is probably a bit controversial too #but I was excited to talk about them #sparrow oak garcia #lark oak garcia

[waterfallmelody]

That Wordsearch - A Masterpost

So I got a request from @drowninnoodles on this post for an explanation of the Ice-E wordsearch and I thought, why not use the opportunity to collect together all the weirdness surrounding this wordsearch in a masterpost.

The Ice-E wordsearch is basically a two-second gag in Undertale that serves to play up Sans's laziness. The game promises a puzzle and then instead delivers you an unplayable wordsearch that does nothing, it's pretty funny.

But thanks to a little game called Deltarune, it gained a whole new dimension of weird.

[Image ID: A screenshot from Undertale showing the "Monster Kids Word Search". It's a kids' word search featuring a mascot labelled "Ice-E" who looks like an ice cube with a bear's face.]

This wordsearch lives rent free in my brain. It features a character only found in Deltarune... but it appears in Undertale? It's clearly from Ice-E's restaurant in Deltarune but describes the four areas of Undertale perfectly? Giasfcfebrehber?

Let me break this down.

The Undertale Interpretation

The wordsearch itself makes its only appearance in Undertale. Its purpose is just to be a somewhat functional puzzle for the purposes of the joke but many keen-eyed players noticed that there's a cool secret in it: the word list references the areas and bosses in the game. The first column describes the four areas: "fall" is the Ruins, "winter", Snowdin, "spring" Waterfall and "summer" Hotland. Corresponding to each of these is the boss in each area: "monster" refers to Toriel, "skeletons" Papyrus (Sans too, presumably), "mermaid" is Undyne and "robot" is Mettaton.

As for the final column, I did a bit of digging and thanks to this Reddit post I learned that there is an NPC that appears to be smoking a cigar in the game: one of the Snowdin library NPCs. She's also the one who happens to calls herself the "number-one word-search creator in the entire underground". (I always thought she was chewing on her pen. Guess this makes more sense.)

[Image ID: a pixelated sprite from Undertale of one of the Snowdin NPCs: a lady who appears to be leaning on a piece of paper and smoking a cigar.]

"Hot" seems to match the Hotland-related words on that row. As for "giasfclfebrehber", it feels like something Toby would write after he got tired of thinking up words.

The other weird little detail about this wordsearch is that when the Fun Value is set to 56 or 57, a second character appears on the wordsearch, a snowman labelled "Nightmare":

[Image ID: the same wordsearch, this time featuring an extra mascot character who is a snowman labelled "Nightmare".]

Weird.

Anyway, that's all there is to the wordsearch. The evidence pretty clearly indicates that the lady in the library made it, Sans used it as a puzzle instead of going to the effort of making his own, and there's a fun little Easter egg in the word list. Done and dusted.

Nah, just kidding. It's way more interesting than that.

The Deltarune Interpretation

So Ice-E never actually appears anywhere in Undertale.

Isn't that odd.

But one place where Ice-E very prominently DOES make an appearance is in Hometown in Deltarune. There's a restaurant called Ice-E's P"e"zza which has Ice-E as its mascot. There are several references to Ice-E in the game's dialogue and there's also a whole lot of weirdness surrounding the character of Ice-E themselves, but I'll try to stay on track and just stick to the wordsearch specifically.

Yeah... Ice-E only appears in Deltarune. Ice-E's restaurant only appears in Deltarune. The wordsearch looks remarkably like something you'd receive in a restaurant as a kid to keep you entertained while you wait for your meal.

What's something from Ice-E's restaurant doing in Undertale?

More to the point, why does Sans have it?

There are plenty of theories (better than mine) already on the topic of Sans and Papyrus originally being from Deltarune and crossing universes into Undertale, but this has got to be one of my favourite pieces of evidence for it. I made a post about it a couple of years ago which got big for some reason.

Giasfclfebrehber

see also: giasfelfebrehber, giasfclfubrehber

[Image ID: A screenshot from Deltarune. A letter puzzle is set out on the ground and Susie, Kris and Ralsei stand in front of it. The puzzle has been completed to say "GIASFELFEBREHBER".]

Deltarune sees the return of fan favourite characters such as Toriel, Sans, Undyne, and, in a chapter 2 exclusive, the one and only "Giasfelfebrehber"! Yes, it's that keysmash from Ice-E's wordsearch that I said Toby probably put in when he got fed up with thinking of real words.

Except it isn't! It's a single letter different to Undertale's "giasfclfebrehber"! Which, in turn, is a single letter different from the word that can actually be found in the body of the wordsearch, "giasfclfubrehber"! Why must you torment me, Toby, I have tags to write.

The word can be found in the leftmost teacup puzzle in Cyber Fields. The puzzle rewards a picture of Ice-E which glitches out, and a blue checkmark. If you speak to Susie while attempting the puzzle, she says it's "Ice-E's catchphrase".

What does it mean? Honestly, I just had a good chuckle when I first played this scene. Toby took a tiny part of a previous game and wove it into a joke five years later. But when you dig a little deeper, it's not just a punchline. Susie reckons it's Ice-E's catchphrase - and it appears in the Undertale wordsearch. Unless a) Ice-E exists in the Undertale universe and b) has the same catchphrase across all universes, this seems like pretty clear evidence that the wordsearch isn't from Undertale. The wordsearch is in the wrong game. Somehow, a little piece of paper crossed the boundary between universes.

Conclusions

(Edited now that I'm more awake)

There are plenty of incidences in Undertale and Deltarune of world-breaking between the games. Sans's dialogue in chapter 1 suggesting he knows he's met us before, Fun Value events, Clam Girl's dialogue changing just before Deltarune's release. Gaster. But the reason why the wordsearch is so interesting is because it's a tangible object. A piece of paper that's been zapped across universes and transplanted into another game. It's evidence of not just a metaphysical, but a physical connection between the two game universes.

If it turns up as an actual object in a future Deltarune chapter I'm gonna go feral.

#deltarune #undertale #deltarune theory #undertale theory #ice-e #deltarune chapter 2 #giasfclfebrehber #giasfelfebrehber #giasfclfubrehber

[waugh-bao]

Yes I was very surprised and disappointed to learn it was just two tracks. I know you can’t just take a Charlie drum track and build a song around it (well you could but that’s not the usual way) but they couldn’t have found a way to incorporate more from all the unreleased stuff they have? I didn’t get the sense that any songs were specifically about Charlie either. I’m not in a charitable mood towards them at the moment so I’ll just say that I was annoyed there was no Charlie in the Angry video either. I thought it was cool how they used past performances but it almost seemed like they went out of their way for Charlie not to be seen? We don’t need to see him specifically drumming like he’s on the track because we know he isn’t but a glimpse of him would have worked especially since he was there on every single thing they showed! I don’t know if I want to say it’s deliberate Charlie erasure and I know they love him but it rubs me the wrong way. I don’t know. Maybe I’m not being sympathetic enough and too Charlie focused rather than band focused but damn!

I mean, according to Don Was, Keith used to sit in the studio, listen to Charlie play/warm up, and take that as the starting point for many of ‘his’ songs. So theoretically it should have been at least somewhat possible for him. Either way, I’m entirely mystified as to why they decided to throw away everything recorded before 2019. They’ve been working on this since the last album in 2005, and, according to everyone in the band, the sessions that produced Blue and Lonesome (recorded 2015) were primarily for that new album. Never mind what’s going on with this producer they’ve never worked with before having so many co-writing credits. It feels odd (that’s the nicest possible adjective I can muster at the moment) that they evidently didn’t try very hard to preserve or include more of Charlie’s work. Let’s be real, we all know he isn’t the reason this album took so long to materialize.

Thank you for saying this! I thought I was loosing it, because I was also struck by how there was basically no Charlie in the “Angry” video, and the bits where he did appear were with the whole band, often with him specifically obscured by something else on screen. I can’t figure out what they hell they’re doing anymore, honestly. If this is their way of welcoming Steve fully into the band/inducting him as Charlie’s replacement (something they said they wouldn’t do, but I don’t think there’s much use setting stock by what they say on that anymore), I guess I understand the intent, but it mostly comes across as cruel and dismissive. Also, even though they’ve been adamant the whole time leading up to this that Charlie is on the album, they’ve made very little effort to acknowledge that in any of the promo. I’m disappointed, too, and increasingly feeling like the post-2021 Stones aren’t something I want to have that much engagement with.

#ask response #anonymous #charlie watts

[bloodandgunsmoke]

A Close Shave

@nothinglikegod A handful of fingers swept from his forehead to his the back of his skull. They shuffled through his golden roots and abandoned the dust that had hidden between them to warm water. They would do this action many times, to the left... to the right; over ears and well-concealed scars. They combed him smooth with great care. This would be more than a wash. It would be ritualistic in its vigilance. "Oh, you know." Wolfwood tilted his face to watch his own hand traverse a forest of dandelion strands. He wasn't going to answer - not really, not yet. Probably not ever. There were practical reasons for retrieving Vash but they hardly compared to the real one. He had missed him; mourned him, searched for him in vain and lashed out at anyone who had tried to quell his efforts. And why? Because he loved this man. He knew that now... it had taken losing him to understand, but. The scent of shampoo announced the next step. Wolfwood cleared his throat. It had been wise to start here, at hair-washing. It felt intimate enough to massage suds over Vash's mind. A fine warmup before he'd have to secure that strongly angled face to run a razor down it. "No Man's Land has been shittier than usual. Turns out you were doing some good out there. So, now it's time to come back."

Vash couldn't help but sigh at the careful and gentle way Wolfwood threaded his fingers through his hair, handling him as though he was something precious, something worthy of tenderness. When was the last time someone other than Lina or Sheryl had touched him softly? He strained his memory but everything still felt so distant and ephemeral, images fading as soon as they were summoned to mind like grains of sand slipping through his fingers. Would this moment fade too? Would time weather away the sense of safety and comfort he felt here and now with Wolfwood? His hair would need washing again, whatever was cut would grow back and all physical evidence of Wolfwood's gentleness would fade. The feeling of his hands, so real and present now, would be another ghost to haunt him in the years to come.

The thought brought a crease to his forehead and he opened his eyes again, determined to commit it all to memory, to brand himself with it as clearly as the scars that littered his skin. Vash would have shaken his head to clear it but he didn't want to dissuade his friend from touching him. It occurred to him that maybe this was something he might have wanted to share with his friend for...how long? Two years gone now in the blink of an eye and it would be a lie to say he hadn't thought of Wolfwood in all that time. Hadn't considered the man who had seen through him to his core within mere minutes of meeting him, and hadn't wielded what he learned as a weapon. And that brought so much back to him, Wolfwood shaking his hand, leaning in close to confide in him, Wolfwood's arm slung casually across Vash's shoulder's like he wasn't the most... well *second* most dangerous person on this planet.

He searched the face of the man hovering above him, so awash in those memories and his dedication to making this a new one, that he almost lost track of what was being said. He replayed those words again and then felt them sink into his chest like a bullet. Warm blue eyes widened and then looked askance as he took it in, feeling some color rising to his cheeks. Of course he couldn't stay here forever. If Wolfwood had been able to find him here, it was only a matter of time before Legato and Knives followed and if that happened... Perish the thought. But the assertion that his presence in the world had been a good one? He was well aware that Wolfwood had penchant for stretching the truth, and thought it hadn't really troubled Vash overmuch, this didn't feel like one of those times. There was some sincerity in his voice. It had been there this whole time. Even if this wasn't the whole truth, it was part of it.

"Ha- I guess when you put it like that, it would be pretty selfish of me to stay."

#nothinglikegod #verse: getting used to my life #// I hope this is okay!! #a close shave

[synchronousemma]

24th July: John Knightley writes

Read the post and comment on WordPress

Read: Vol. 3, ch. 17; pp. 305–306 (“Emma grieved that she could not” to “‘always tired now’”).

Context

Emma thinks about her declining friendship with Harriet. Isabella has been sending news of Harriet; now she writes to say that her visit will be extended. John Knightley has responded to Mr. George Knightley’s news of his engagement; his letter was likely packaged with his wife’s.

This probably occurs a bit less than a fortnight after Harriet’s arrival in Brunswick Square, and before the beginning of “August” (p. 305).

Readings and Interpretations

A Serious Smile

J. F. Burrows writes that If the conversation about “spoilt children” in the previous section “exhibits Mr Knightley’s new understanding of spoilt children, the next exhibits Emma’s new understanding of plain speaking”:

For, as is implied by Mr Knightley’s intercessions, his brother is “‘rather cool’” in Emma’s praise. But Mr Knightley’s efforts are not needed. Emma now recognises that sincerity, even so outspoken and untimely a sincerity as this, is more servicable than all the amiable flourishes of a Frank Churchill, much less a Philip Elton: when she declares, “‘He writes like a sensible man…. I honour his sincerity’”, she is announcing one of the chief discoveries of her twenty-second year. So, too, when she accepts John Knightley’s wish that she may eventually become worthy of his brother. With these remarks, moreover, she brings us back to our original point of departure. In the Introduction to this study, I suggested that this passage is a paradigm of the novel as it has usually been read; but that, while Emma does well to regard herself so humbly, the novel does not really accede to her assessment of her relationship with Mr Knightley; and that, while Emma needed to learn more respect for “sensible men”, we need not regard “sensible” as Jane Austen’s epithet for absolute virtue.

In these closing episodes, Jane Austen still writes with the “sort of serious smile” that she attributes to Emma. Even a passing sally can cut deep into the novel, as when Emma urges Mr Knightley to ask William Larkins’ consent before removing to Hartfield or as when she forsees her father’s reception of their news: “‘I wish I may not sink into “poor Emma” with him at once’”. For a profounder humour, however, one turns to longer passages: to the whole discussion of spoilt children […]; and, ultimately, to the novel as a whole, a novel whose riches seem inexhaustible. (p. 126–7)

Anatomy of Melancholy

Michael Suk-Young Chwe argues that “Austen is centrally concerned with strategic thinking,” and the “most specific ‘smoking gun’ evidence” thereof is “how she employs children: when a child appears, it is almost always in a strategic context” (p. 180). Children are frequently “brought in as students of strategic thinking”:

When Mr. Knightley is engaged to Emma, Mr. Knightley wonders why his brother does not seem entirely surprised, and guesses, “I dare say there was a difference when I was staying with them the other day. I believe I did not play with the children quite so much as usual. I remember one evening the poor boys saying, ‘Uncle seems always tired now.’” Thus the task of sensing engagements is imputed to children. (p. 181)

Juliet McMaster writes of this passage in the context of symptoms of love, arguing that Austen both “made fun of the love convention” that she inherited from Renaissance writers “and used it” (p. 117). She notes that while “the women are more definitely debilitated,” “[m]en who are crossed in love, like Edward Ferrars, Colonel Brandon, and Captain Benwick, generally give themselves away by showing ‘oppression of spirits’ (SS, 50, 90; P, 97). Even Mr. Knightley loses his physical vigour when he supposes Emma is about to marry Frank Churchill, and prompts the sad comment from his nieces and nephews, ‘Uncle seems always tired now’” (p. 125). Thus the “Renaissance conception of love as a physical state […] is still perceptible, even if only in a vestigial form,” in Austen’s novels. And the “read[ing] for symptoms” that these oblique descriptions of love inspire “is one of the great pleasures of reading the novels — much more fun than combing for clues in a detective novel” (p. 122).

Discussion Questions

Is Emma correct in her avowed opinion of her and Mr. Knightley’s relative merits in this section? Does the novel ‘agree’ with her? Does she believe what she is saying?

Did John Knightley in fact anticipate “something of the kind” of Mr. George Knightley’s news, or is this merely an assertion made in hindsight? How would such a prediction affect the novel’s working out of the themes of perception and observation?

Bibliography

Austen, Jane. Emma (Norton Critical Edition). 3rd ed. Ed. Stephen M. Parrish. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, [1815] 2000.

Burrows, J. F. Jane Austen’s ‘Emma’. Sydney: Sydney University Press (1968).

Chwe, Michael Suk-Young. Jane Austen, Game Theorist. Princeton: Princeton University Press (2013).

McMaster, Juliet. Jane Austen the Novelist: Essays Past and Present. London: Macmillan Press (1996).

#Emma #Jane Austen #Emma Woodhouse #Harriet Smith #Mr. Knightley #John Knightley #Isabella Knightley #e

[littlerosetrove]

Here’s the thing. I understand that 911 is a show about first responders, which means the majority of the focus and screen time will be dedicated to the first responders. I also understand that any other characters that aren’t first responders (re: any of the kids, Karen, small recurring characters like Sue or Josh, etc) just aren’t going to get that much screen time. I really do get it. 

However. IF the people at 911 are so set on pairing off Buck and Eddie with female love interests, particularly as an endgame (whenever that happens. right now we have no idea what Natalia and Marisol will end up being), then I’m gonna need them to step up their game. Again, IF the folks at 911 are truly set on Buddie not becoming canon (yes we’ll have to wait and see, but the season 6 choices have really, uh, dampened my faith about this), then I truly hope they put legit effort into making whoever the endgame love interests are decent and some level of interesting characters. 

Will I care about whoever the endgame LI will be? Probably not because nothing will compare to Buddie for me, and I’m allowed to feel this way. BUT I want to at the very least be able to say, “they actually tried to make each person interesting, and each couple decent.” I really hope to be able to give out a “you tried” sticker because so far? They continue to do a poor job at even trying. 

I think some people forget that Abby was a main character in season one, which is why she was more developed compared to any other person Buck has been with romantically. For Shannon... honestly in some ways we still don’t know all that much about her. We just know the big things like her and Eddie didn’t know how to work as a team, Shannon’s mom got sick, the Diaz parents didn’t seem to like Shannon (even before she left), Shannon abandoned her son for 2+ years with no contact, and before she died she - I believe - was going to leave again. Shannon generally seemed to be a kinda selfish person. 

But anyway.

Can’t say much about Ali because she was in, what, 4 episodes total and 3 of them kinda briefly. The biggest thing was that she couldn’t handle the reality of Buck’s job, so she left. The actress and Oliver had I guess decent chemistry.

Can’t say much about Ana either beyond she’s a teacher, she’s some level of ableist, and uhhh has a family? Like y’all, we didn’t learn anything about her cfgvjhlj. (side note? we were only ever told that Chris loved Ana, but we saw no true evidence of this. we saw zero legit bonding moments between Ana and Chris). The actress and Ryan had zero chemistry. 

Unfortunately TK go a lot of screen time, but it was all to say what we’ve known since her first appearance in episode 2x06. TK is career driven and will do whatever she has to to get ahead. She’s selfish, possess little sympathy or empathy for anyone. Has trauma from her childhood that she clearly never worked through, and uses it as an excuse to exploit other peoples trauma in the name of “sharing the truth” or whatever bullshit. Idk, she’s not a good person. I’ll truly never understand what Buck supposedly saw in her, but whatever. And you guessed it, the actress and Oliver had zero chemistry. Hm, I’m sensing a pattern here...

As of right now we know nothing about Natalia beyond her profession. Well - and she thinks Buck’s death was “so cool,” she got overwhelmed at Buck’s life and ran, but came back because?????? and thinks buying a couch with a guy she’s been on like 4 dates is normal I guess (Buck is weird for this too). And once again the actress and Oliver have zero chemistry, ffs.

Don’t know anything about Marisol beyond liking DIY. The actress and Ryan have no chemistry. No seriously, why are Ryan and Oliver now constantly stuck with acting partners they have no chemistry with???? This makes it even less enjoyable to watch.

Hell, Eva got more development than most of the love interests I just talked about. I actually felt like the show tried with David, too, Michael’s partner (husband now? still fiance??). So I’m just baffled at how Buck and Eddie continue to get the short end of the stick with their love interests. 

tl;dr I wish the writers would just. try with the love interests they give Eddie and Buck, because the evidence so far tells me they don’t. Also, I’m begging them to hire acting partners that have literally any chemistry with Ryan and Oliver. 

#911 discourse #911 critical #9-1-1 #Eddie Diaz #Evan Buckley #and for tagging purposes I'll add #Shannon Diaz #Ali #Ana Flores #Taylor Kelly #anti Taylor Kelly #Natalia #Marisol #my thoughts

[thetaekookcloset]

Hello. I read your introduction on Jikook and it seems you took the effort to check on that ship ‘biggest’ hits to form an opinion.

I wanted to ask if you are aware of other ships ‘evidences’ as well. I am not in the fandom for long but Long enough to notice that every ship has their ‘If X ship isn’t real, then explain this ‘ …

So I wanted to ask about Jinkook. It is a very small ship compared to the big one but like every ship, their have their believers.

One of the ‘evidences’ it seems to be that JungKook is caught calling Jin ‘Yeobo’ more than once, sometimes correcting himself. It seems it’s a term only used between couples … meaning darling, honey or something like that. And not a very common term at all outside of this kind of relationship.

Do you know these occasions? What do you make of it?

Sometimes I wonder that people focus a lot on Taekook and Jikook and if it’s. Ot possible that, if a relationship really exists, if it’s not one of these low keys, very disreet and almost unnoticed like Vhope and Jinkook that nobody is looking.

Anyway, what do you think of these (about 3 different occasions ) that Jungkook called Jin Yeobo? ( imthink Jinkook shippers have other things also but this one is the one I found more suspicious).

By the way, I don’t believe in Jinkook… But maybe it’s because i don’t see it.

I’ll be honest, I’m definitely not as up on the big ship moments outside of Taekook and Jikook.

The thing about Jikook is that they do seem different to me.  Not in the sense that I think there’s actually anything going on between them, but with Jikook, I do think there’s a certain combination of tension and visible closeness that -- after looking into them more for myself early on -- I learned didn’t seem to have any indication of romantic interest or intimacy to me, but which I can understand other people leaning into and seeing the possibility of something more.  To me, their relationship reads so consistently as bro-y that I can’t say I really get it, but I at least understand the jumping off point, if that makes sense.

With Jinkook, on the other hand, I don’t even see that much.  I think you’ve really hit the nail on the head with your last sentence, anon: a lot of this stuff just comes down to the vibes we get, and with Jin and Jungkook I just truly don’t see anything other than an extremely familial platonic bond.

Because of that, I’m obviously not really going to see any possibility of the two of them being together romantically.  In fact, I feel like out of everyone in BTS, Jin and Jungkook have the bond that seems the most like true family to me.

They obviously love each other a lot, they go out of their way to bug each other but also comfort, and find comfort in, each other, and at the same time, keeping in constant close contact is clearly not a huge priority to either of them (based on the fact that they seem to often not even have each other’s phone numbers saved).

As far as their “shippable” moments, most of what I’ve seen very much seems like the stereotypical clips that have been slowed way down, tiny instances played over and over again because the “interaction” they’re meant to be showing is so brief that it’s hard to catch, and moments where the shipper is apparently a mind reader and can explain exactly what the members involved are thinking based on nothing more than completely normal eye movements.

I hadn’t heard about the “yeobo” thing, so I looked it up, and even in a compilation of occurrences, it was hard to tell if that was even what Jungkook was saying at all.  Not knowing Korean myself, I can’t really say one way or another, but based on the read I already have of their relationship, and the fact that “yeobo” is presumably only really used as a term of endearment between married couples, my guess would be that if Jungkook calls Jin this, he does it as a joke.

As for the larger point about ships like Vhope and Jinkook in general, and the likelihood of these less popular ships being the “real” ones, I have a few points. 

One is that everyone who says it’s not very likely for any intra-group ships to be real is technically right.  It’s not like it’s a statistical probability that one of the ships within BTS is real and therefore maybe it’s one of the less obvious ones that’s the real truth.  If they seem less obvious, and therefore less likely, then it’s probably because they are less likely.

Another is sort of similar but different, which is related to your point about these being the ships that people are paying less attention to.  Because, I mean, why do you think that is?  Maybe people are paying less attention to them because there’s less to pay attention to.

Why assume that they’re secretly living out a whole romance that no one is picking up on when it’s much simpler to figure that the people who act the most couple-y are the most likely to be a real couple, especially considering that the odds are against any “real” couples within the group in the first place?

Obviously we all have different ideas of what’s obvious and what’s subtle, what’s couple behavior and what’s purely platonic, and we all come to our own conclusions about the pairings most likely to be “real” within BTS as a result, but I do think there’s something to be taken from the fact that certain pairings are not just the most popular, but also the most vehemently believed in.

All that said, Jinkook are wicked cute, I just can’t imagine seeing them as anything other than brother-esque friends, and I feel similarly about the other common but less popular BTS ships.

#ask #taekook and members

[theadmiringbog]

Everyone has low days. Everyone. But we all differ in how frequent the low days are and how severe the low mood. Something that I have come to realize over the years of working as a psychologist is how much people struggle with low mood and never tell a soul. Their friends and family would never know. They mask it, push it away and focus on meeting expectations. Sometimes people arrive at therapy after years of doing that.

--

awareness starts off with hindsight. We look back on the day and choose moments to look at in detail. Then, with time and practice, that builds our ability to notice them in the moment. This is where we get the opportunity to change things.

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Feeling down is more likely to reflect unmet needs than a brain malfunction.

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reflect on your current coping strategies for low mood. When feeling low, what are your go-to responses? Do those responses provide instant relief from the pain and discomfort? What effect do they have in the long term? What do they cost you? (Not in money, but in time, effort, health, progress.)

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thought biases that we commonly experience when mood is low.

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we all spend much of our lives making guesses about what other people are thinking and feeling. But when we’re feeling down, we are more likely to assume that those guesses are true.

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Overgeneralization When we are struggling with low mood it only takes one thing to go wrong, and we have that tendency to write off the whole day.

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Overgeneralization is when we see this one event as a sign that today will be ‘one of those days’.

--

feelings are not facts either. Emotions are information, but when that information is powerful, intense and loud, as emotions can be, then we are more vulnerable to believing in them as a true reflection of what is going on. I feel it therefore it must be a fact.

--

Musts and shoulds Beware of those musts and shoulds! I don’t mean the healthy and normal sense of duty we have to our community. I mean the relentless expectations that send us on a downward spiral of unhappiness. I must be more this, and I should feel that.

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All-or-nothing thinking

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when we think in absolutes or extremes. I am either a success or a complete failure. If I don’t look perfect, I’m ugly. If I make a mistake, I should never have bothered.

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One strategy against the downward spiral this can cause is understanding that how we feel is not evidence that our thoughts are true. Another strategy is taking a stance of curiosity. Get some distance from those thoughts by becoming familiar with the common biases, noticing when they appear and labelling them as biases, not facts.

--

Now I am not about to tell you that you can manifest things in your life just by focusing on them. But we have to look where we are going if we want to stay on course. Your attention is valuable and helps to create your experience of life. So learning to control where you direct it can have a powerful impact on your life and your mood.

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one of the simplest ways to redirect things, when we are not sure of the way out, is a question: ‘What would I do if I was at my best?’

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Friends or a therapist will listen carefully to each one. But they can be great at holding up a mirror to our minds by reflecting back to us what they notice. They help to build our self-awareness and provide prompts or cues to call a stop to the rumination and shift to something new and more helpful to our wellbeing.

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When your mood is low and the small daily tasks feel like too much, don’t go setting yourself extreme goals that feel out of reach. Pick one small change that you know you can action every day.

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If you do one thing today, make it exercise. Choose something you enjoy and you increase your chances of keeping it going.

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Prioritizing sleep will help your mental health, and making changes to your day will affect your sleep. How you feed your brain influences how you feel. Traditional Mediterranean, Japanese and Norwegian diets show benefits for mental health.

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Motivation is a wonderful by-product of action. It’s that great feeling you get when you are on your way out of the gym, not on your way in.

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Mastering motivation is building the capacity to do what matters most to you, even when a part of you does not feel like

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If something matters to you and could benefit your health, don’t wait until you feel like it – do it anyway.

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Motivation does not come from a specific location in your brain. It is not a fixed part of your personality. It’s also not an essential tool that we use to make us move. It is most often a consequence of that movement.

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Adding in some form of exercise, however moderate, will pay you back in feelings of motivation.

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I think one of the reasons that some of my clients say they feel so much more motivated after an appointment is because they have spent time reconnecting with their goals. If that thing we are working on is not fresh in our minds we can quickly lose momentum.

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The skill of acting opposite to an urge, to instead choose a behaviour that is more in line with where you want to go, is a key skill that people learn in therapy

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When our goals are underlined by our intention to become the person we want to be, or even better, when we have decided that this is who we are now, then we can act in line with that even on the days when motivation is low.

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Emotions are real and valid, but they are not facts. They are a guess. A perspective that we try on for size. An emotion is the brain’s attempt to make sense of the world so that you can meet your needs and survive. Given that what you feel is not a factual statement, neither are thoughts.

-

the Feeling Wheel (Willcox, 1982)

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Most people don’t want to be told what to do. But they do want someone to keep showing up to check in and show they care.

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Don’t forget that the person you are supporting will have an idea of what they need. So asking them how they would like you to support them can help to give you guidance, while also communicating to them that you are listening.

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Be honest. If you want to be supportive but you are not sure how, say that out loud. Ask the person to let you know if you are saying or doing something that is not helpful. This

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people tend to criticize others based on their own rules for living

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Living the life you want to live in the face of criticism means getting clear on: The opinions that truly matter to you and why. Whose opinions matter most to you?

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when those with low self-esteem were told it is OK to experience negative thoughts, their mood improved. They no longer had to battle with trying to convince themselves of something they didn’t yet believe. Therefore, on the days when we don’t feel strong, we don’t need to tell ourselves that we are. We can acknowledge that feeling this way sometimes is a part of being human.

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how other people respond to my failures does not provide an accurate assessment of my personality and worthiness as a human, but instead indicates how that person relates to failure.

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Values are not a set of actions that can be completed. Values are a set of ideas about how you want to live your life, the kind of person you want to be and the principles you want to stand for.

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I am not suggesting that you should never set yourself goals. But when you work towards something, it helps to be clear on why you are working towards it and to recognize that all the good in life is not waiting at the end point of goals, but in the process we go through along the way.

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Rather than hoping things are better in the future, what if life could be meaningful and purposeful now, by living in line with what matters most to you?

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Try this: Another way to do a more regular values check-in is to incorporate it into journalling or some simple self-reflection. Here are a few questions to help prompt that reflection. I like to use these both personally and with others in therapy when exploring values. Questions to explore: If you were to look back on this next chapter of your life and feel proud and content with how you faced life’s challenges, how would you be approaching daily life? What would the next chapter look like? In your answer try to focus on your own choices, actions and attitude, not other people or events that are out of your control. Try to consider how you would approach life, whatever happens. What do you want to stand for in your relationship with yourself, your health and personal growth? What is important to you about these? What kind of person do you want to be for the people in your life? How do you want to interact with them and contribute to their lives? How do you want the people in your life to feel when you are around? What do you want to represent in your circle of friends and family? If you only get to live once, what impact do you want to have while you are here? If no one knew how you spent your time, would you still be doing this? As you move forward through this day or this week, what is one value that you will try to bring to each choice and action? Examples here might be ‘Today I choose to bring enthusiasm/courage/compassion/curiosity to each experience, choice and action. I will do this by . .

--

The strongest of relationships will have down days, periods of disconnection, disagreement. There will be times when one or both partners face failure or huge loss, or illness and pain. There will be times when you have mixed emotions or you feel less passionate than before. There will be times when one or both partners feel confused about what the other person wants or needs. There will be times when we get it wrong and cause the other person pain.

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Anxious attachments can show up in people-pleasing behaviours; struggles in expressing personal needs or avoidance of confrontation and conflict, a focus on meeting the needs of the partner to the detriment of one’s own personal needs.

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the anxiously attached partner can practise creating a sense of safeness independently from their partner by building their sense of self and learning to soothe themselves.

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the avoidantly attached must build up tolerance of the vulnerability involved in opening up to close connection. A partner can help with that by developing an understanding of why intimacy feels unsafe or uncomfortable and working alongside them to gradually nurture closeness.

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Safe emotional connection is a top priority for our brain, whose job is to help us survive. When we shout, scream, cry, withdraw and stay silent, we are all asking the same thing, just in a different way. The questions are ‘Are you there for me? Do I matter enough for you to stay? When I need you most, what are you going to do?’

#Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before #books

[anangelofheaven]

Sermon 15

It's a delightful weekend!

Before you say that every weekend is a delightful weekend when you're an angel, I would remind you that even angels weep. We do feel wrath. But it is righteous wrath, sympathetic sorrow, experienced at the behest of God.

Most of the time, you're right. Assured in our purpose, we are grateful to be instruments of the Lord. Each day I saunter into the Serpent's Tavern and swing up onto the dance pole, I praise God for giving me a life of bringing pleasure to others.

But it was especially so this weekend. The Feast of Indulgence was so splendid and pleasant, it reminded me of Romans 14:17-19:

"17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, 18 because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval. 19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification."

Put plainly, it says that though material sustenance is important, it's spiritual sustenance that really fuels our lives. That was evident at the Feast this week, as Dorothy made a special gesture to not only please the crowd, but make me feel special as well.

It's those little gestures of gratitude, generosity and praise that feed the spirit. They make us believe in ourselves. They remind us that we're on the right track and encourage us to keep forging along it. They brighten our days, which all of us, even those who spend them walking on sunshine, can use.

Yet, we often forget this kind of sustenance. We forget to feed ourselves and we forget to feed others. As essential as nourishing the spirit is, we too often lose sight of that necessity and neglect it.

This is an oft-unspoken sorrow, for two distinct reasons.

When it comes to feeding others' souls, it's a meal for them that costs nothing. Perhaps a few seconds, and no more. Sometimes, it costs humility, and sometimes, courage, but both are virtues. And if it costs forgiveness, that's all the better. Extending a kind word to others who have been your enemies is what God Himself recommends for a life lived with a lighter spirit, a happier soul.

So the next time you have a chance to say something nice, or take an interest, or lift the spirits of somebody, especially someone who you feel has wronged you, do so. It's not just a gift for them, it's going to make you feel lighter and better. God knows what He's talking about.

As for the other reason it's sad that we don't see to feeding the spirit, we can give ourselves that kind of care. We can do things that foster our sense of wonder, kindle our dreams and increase that all-important inner peace.

This might be spending time by oneself reading or meditating or gazing at the clouds. It could be doing charity work, learning about philosophical or spiritual matters, or even exercising to better oneself. For me, I often meditate, I pray, and I do tours of Pandemonium. And, as should surprise nobody who's met me, I love spending hours creating a new look for myself or the place I live.

So why don't we? Usually, we surrender to anxiety, thinking we have to do something else than care for our spirit. We race from one obligation to the next, as if we could ever be entirely done. Guess what; we can't. Man plans and God laughs.

We can only work with what the Lord sets before us, and He usually gives us mysteries. But He's also given us a soul to listen to, and minds to listen to it with. If we let ourselves be quiet, we can hear it.

I danced with my friend the other day, talked with a very nice demon, and made magic in many a garden. I know my life is blessed. I bless it all the more by sharing those blessings.

A big heart floats, my friends. A helping hand helps both ways. But we must remember to set aside time specially to feed that heart. And we must remember that helping others, through just a friendly word to friend and enemies alike, takes almost no time at all.

#fantasy #god #godisgood #pandemonium #second life #angel #art #female writers #roleplay #writers and poets

[lightsinthesky]

Well, shit.

This morning I woke up in peace. And after doing some work and some unintended contemplation, I’m filled with a sense of nervous anticipation…

It’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s that unsettling feeling that can be summarized simply by the question of, “OK, so what’s next?”

We are biologically wired to experience some degree of fear or discomfort (or however you want to characterize it) with the unknown. I think I’ve simply gotten to a point of routine and a baseline of stability that I’m now starting to anticipate the next “big thing.” I have no idea what it is or what it will look like. I’m honestly not scared of it, I just don’t know what the hell it could possibly be, so there is an inherent trepidation in my ability to receive and then handle it. It could be terrible or it could be amazing. I don’t have a fucking clue.

The optimist in me is excited. And that’s the winning part of me. I’m fundamentally optimistic. It’s marred by those emotional dips that historically would take me out, but that I now simply endure with persistence and patience. I’m also cautious. I don’t want to set expectations or characterize whatever it could be as something it isn’t. Been there, done that.

So I sit and wait. I’m going to keep inching forward and make sure I keep my bearings. All the signs are pointing towards… something. But I don’t know the timeline, either. So I’m not going to get caught up in that overwhelming sensation of anticipation. Maybe it’s today, tomorrow, in a week, a month, a year. Again, as is a running theme in all of these writings, I don’t know shit outside of myself.

I think a part of this is that I finally feel ready to receive again. I had closed myself off for a minute, there. It wasn’t that long in the scheme of things, but it was an extremely unfamiliar thing. I’d never gotten to a point of “so traumatized/hurt/damaged that I’m not open to anything new” before. It was sad more than anything. It was like I was mourning a part of myself while having to continue being myself. I’m glad that in the span of a day from acknowledging that feeling for what it was, I’m able to more or less shed myself of it.

It’s still baffling to me how quickly these major “a-ha” moments occur and, by extension, the frequency with which they occur. All of the major pieces have already settled into place, but these little nuggets of information continue to pour in. And I don’t believe there will be an end in sight regarding that so long as I continue to “risk” remaining open.

I guess the ultimate question in the face of the unknown is, “am I ready?” I don’t have an answer for that. But I’m at least confident that I have the mindfulness and self-awareness to reflect on whatever it may or may not be and address it in accordance with all that I’ve learned, experienced, and internalized.

I’m not going to sit here and start creating scenarios in my head of what’s to come. That leads to expectation, which leads to disappointment. What I am going to do is continue to cultivate this sense of openness, retain my hope and trust, and just let it all unfold as I continue to make the little efforts in every moment afforded to me to ensure that I find success in accordance with my highly personalized definition of what that looks like.

In these writings, I pretty consistently harp on my trust and belief in my “higher power,” my conception of God/the universe/whatever. But one thing I haven’t really touched on is my trust in others. I’m not the type of person to give blind to trust to anyone. I will always try to sincerely give a benefit of the doubt and try to see the best in people, but in order to be fully let in, you have to rock my fucking world. And I’m fortunate to have a core group of individuals who I can maintain that degree of trust with. And they’ve been telling me a lot of things lately. And I guess I finally believe them.

In terms of understanding things and internalizing certain beliefs, evidence, or pieces of information, I can be stubborn as hell. Oftentimes I will require firsthand experience to believe something. I’m trying to put a little more stock, a little more faith and trust into what those who have come before me have to say, but it’s difficult. I can’t wrap my head around something fully until I’ve experienced it for myself. Perhaps it’s some form of self preservation? I’ve been burned before, after all. Yet I still don’t allow that to close me off and shut me down. My willingness to believe and to trust stems from the overwhelming desire to do so. So, even though it can be hard to fully achieve, I know that when I experience that degree of connection and intimacy with someone (in any form), it’s something that becomes critical to me.

At the end of the day, we have to rely on ourselves, yes. No one is coming to save us. But there are countless who are willing to lend a hand along the way and in allowing space for that, every aspect of my life has become more comfortable and manageable.

It’s great to grow in the shadow and the light of others. To follow in footsteps and to set an example. And to see that, in the context of those who have come before me, there’s still so much on the horizon. Everything that once felt like some unattainable fairy tale can absolutely become reality. I just had to get to the place where my heart, mind, and soul could become a safe haven for it. I had to let go of so much baggage. “Drop the rock.” And so I did, so I continue to do, and in that freeing lightness, I am left with the willingness and optimism to carry on in confidence.

I have pretty great ambition. I’m a creative person by nature and I find immense purpose and fulfillment in expressing it. And I’m trying to discover how to marry that with the ability to help others. And I think that the authenticity of the connection borne from that type of vulnerable expression is a perfect avenue by which to do it.

We are all longing to be understood. To be heard. To be known. And I try my hardest to give that to those I have the energy for. It’s not always easy, especially when experiencing life through the fixed lens of being uniquely ourselves. But I strive to be that level of support and understanding for those I love. And even those on the periphery, I do my best to help build and guide and support.

It can be fucking exhausting. Sometimes, I have to rest. But generally speaking, my capacity for it is pretty significant. I hear about selfishness and self-seeking constantly within the context of this program. And while I have absolutely been guilty of each, I am not fundamentally either. They didn’t play a major role in my “character defects” exploration. Each instance of them came from the desperation of seeking love and comfort in times of duress. It is the opposite of humility to say how amazing I am, but the simple truth is that, by no credit to myself, I was raised with a fierce determination to be in services of others, ESPECIALLY those I love and hold precious. I am the sum of my nature and my experiences, but I will always credit my best qualities to my grandmother, parents, brothers, friends, and all of the loved ones who have helped me to find that sense of purpose and gratification in being a light in their lives.

It all makes the retrospective darkness so much more tragic. The ultimate selfishness lies in how I succumbed to my worst impulses of self-destruction and deprived all of these wonderful, loving, and caring people of what it is that I have to offer.

And as much as I now know about myself, I will once more maintain that I don’t know much. Any humility I’ve been able to achieve is in my recognition that, despite all I believe in, I  don’t always know best. No amount of intellect or intention can be the sole source of right action. So I put my faith and my stock in what and who I believe in to guide me forward. So that I may forever continue to self-actualize and reach the ceiling of potential that lies within me. I owe it to this world to give away all that has been given to me. And I aim to do that with consistency and sincerity. I’ll never ever be perfect. I’ll never “have this” and make the right decision 100% of the time. But the willingness to try is there. The humility to accept my mistakes as lessons and course correct is there. The drive and belief in myself is ever-present.

It’s not a matter of “I want to do this” so much as it has become a matter of “I have to do this.”

So, as with every morning for the last 12,290 days, I will move forward to the best of my present ability.

If I love you, you already know. And I thank you for that. For allowing me to. To everyone else, tomorrow is unwritten and, in the words of Sarah Connor, “no fate but what we make.”

We can’t control anything, really. Only influence. But it’s never a wasted effort to wield that influence in the name of love and all that is good and worth having in this world.

Into the (super)unknown - as with every day before…

#recovery #superunknown

[neon-lights-stardust-nights]

thinking very normal thoughts

Animals could be invaluable to therapy. Zacharie had a peculiarly aggressive reaction to dogs though. Some of it made sense, like how the loud licking seemed to irritate already sore sensory issues. Other parts though seemed entirely irrational (or at the least, there was no logical way to explain it in a way that didn't tie back to an aversion to dogs in general.)

So next was cats. Therapy cats were less common, but they could be support animals as well. Strange essentially arranged a test meeting, the cat's trainer waiting outside the office during. Kronos and Zacharie hadn't been fully separated into different personas. It wasn't entirely safe, and he didn't want to ruin what might otherwise be a positive experience. After all, if it went well: they got a cat.

It was hard to tell at first if it was more Zacharie or more Kronos, but the rigid posture told him that it was more likely Kronos. That made enough sense--the person he would turn into Zacharie was a complete fabrication. Kronos was a more suitable default.

It was a bombay. Beautiful, black fur that shined in the light. Kronos was more stiff than usual, which was saying something, because it seemed like even trances couldn't force faer to fully untense. Fae had faers knees drawn up to faers chest, hands gripping the tops of them. Kronos watched the cat walk around the ground, tail up and friendly.

A trained support animal it was, the cat was very keen to faers distress. It meowed up at faer the way kittens usually meow to their mothers. Kronos flinched away as it tried to reach up and mark against faers foot--basically the only thing easily in reach of it.

"I would've expected a more positive response," was how Strange broke the silence.

Kronos evidently wasn't listening very hard. "I guess."

It meowed again. Though Kronos was glued to the chair, Strange wasn't behind the desk. He was beside the chair, debating how to go about this.

In the end, he reached for Kronos' wrist. Fae didn't resist much, but he did have to put forth effort to guiding faer to hold faers hand out within reach of the cat. "Let's give this a real try, hmm?"

"What if I hurt it?" Kronos blurt it out so suddenly that Strange wasn't actually prepared with an immediate answer.

"Why would you?"

It was marking against faers hand, but that was shaking. Perhaps this all struck an expected nerve, but he was learning too much to back out now. "Stuff pisses you off, you don't think... My first reaction to that kind of thing is violence."

"And it's made you oddly afraid." At least now he had the full picture.

"Yeah." Kronos must have trusted him a good deal to have even let him in on any of this. "Because what if it shits outside its litter one day, or it just keeps doing something. What if I don't think?"

"From what you've told me, you're rather fond of cats. So fond of them, you couldn't even cut open a dead one in a zoology class."

Kronos quirked a brow, focusing more on him than the cat (who at this point was licking at faers loose fingers.) "You seriously remembered that?"

Strange chuckled. "You think I don't listen?"

"No, well..."

"I think even if you began, you wouldn't commit to it."

Kronos looked back at the cat. Finally, faers feet touched the floor. It didn't ask permission--the perfect thing just jumped up onto faer. Its paws ended up on faers chest, stretched out across faer to get to faers face. Kronos did wince a little as it sniffed around faers nose, seemingly holding faers breath.

"You may get the urge," he went on, "but isn't that what we're striving to alleviate? Separating you from all the tamer parts of yourself?"

It started to lick faers nose. That tickled. Despite that--"explain."

"If you truly were going to do something that awful, then all I would need to do is say the word. You'd swap places with a neurotic, but ideal patient again. Someone who could never even dream of what you were thinking about moments ago."

"If you aren't there?"

"Paranoid?"

"A little."

The cat was purring--a loving sound from its chest, rumbling with all the love in the world. Strange was considering how to answer, but then Kronos spoke first. "Or... No."

Fae scratched the cat behind the ear some, tears welling up in the corners of faers eyes. He hadn't anticipated this being such an overwhelming event for faer, but it still seemed to be going rather well... Kronos tried to place a kiss on its head, but instead the cat just followed the movement to keep licking faers face. Each time its mouth opened came that sound of rapid breathing--the mechanism behind the purr.

"No, I'll be fine."

Because fae had hurt a lot of things, on purpose or in act of passion...

But fae had never hurt a cat.

Perhaps Strange ought to start likening himself to one in faers eyes.

#sanya writes #tangled web #WHOOOOOOO this is a vent #people always assume violent thoughts and impulses are like #not distressing to the person having them? #anyway savomir kept trying to climb somewhere he wasn't allowed with unfathomable stubbornness #and I had some very nasty thoughts that immediately sent me crying #I hate how like vivid and graphic mine always are... #The crying though was a good way to ground myself in that they were just thoughts! #if I were braver maybe I'd write whole posts about Strange helping with those #or using them as the basis for the creation of Kronos as a weapon of mass destruction... #but I'm already so scared talking about when I have these kinds of moments #might delete later

[w-ht-w]

The perils of following your career passion (WorkLife podcast)

passionate work is a luxury, while income is a necessity. And there's also the question of talent. Not everyone can be anything. Don't just take it from me. Take it from the great psychologist Chris Rock, 

"I want you children to know you can be anything you want to be!" Like, lady, why are you lying to these children? Maybe four of them could be anything they want to be. But the other 2,000 better learn how to weld. Tell the kids the truth. You could be anything you're good at, as long as they're hiring.

^ I don’t think this is entirely true. If you find a need in an underserved community, you could make your own way and become an entrepreneur. Collect best practices, and take it to a place that needs it. If the job market does not reflect the needs of the world, you can create your own work.

The thing about passions is that we often settle on them when we're young. The danger is getting locked in. Most of the time, our early passions are not the best guide to our later careers. There are so many things about the future and about yourself that you don't understand. You don't know what future you is going to be like.

I'm all for working in a career that's a perfect fit for your passion. But hunting for that perfect fit can be a real source of agony. There's evidence that searching for a calling leaves college students feeling indecisive, uncomfortable and confused. You might be one of the fortunate few to quickly find a career outlet for your passion. Everyone else just flounders around feeling lost.

Passion can develop over time; don’t quit / give up immediately.

Passion is a consequence of effort, not just a cause. Take a recent study of entrepreneurs. When they weren't excited about their start-ups, but put time in anyway, they actually became more enthusiastic over the next week. Their passion grew as they made progress.

When people try to follow their passion, they were less likely to consider other areas of interest where passion could develop, and less likely to anticipate difficulties. And when they did run into obstacles, they were more likely to lose interest and give up.

When young adults have the idea, the mind-set that passions are discovered whole, they're, like, in you, you just have to poke around for a while and get to it, they are much more likely, for example, to get easily discouraged when they try something like reading a difficult passage on a topic that was initially interesting. Very quickly, that interest falls off if you have that mind-set.

So the problem is the advice to "follow your passion" reflects a fixed mind-set. It assumes your interests are stable. So if you don't immediately enjoy a field or a task, the writing is on the wall: this must not be your passion. But that's a mistake. You don't want to quit the moment you don't like a job, because passion can grow over time.

For so many people, the first year on the job is not a great year.And it would be very easy to get discouraged and think, "Oh, I thought medicine was for me," or law or marketing or whatever,"but I guess not."

So, [as] a rule: you don't quit on a bad day.

You should not quit things when you're in that acute period of pain and disappointment and self-doubt. I always recommend quitting things on good days. You know, if you come in and it's a nice Thursday morning and everything is going reasonably well, and you still want to quit, well, there is maybe something going on.

Conventional wisdom is outdated in a fast-changing world. Instead of a plan-and-implement approach, try test-and-learn.

As wise as older generations can be, [their] career plans for us are not always on target.

conventional wisdom used to be wise. ... Now, today, the world's changing so fast that people become wise for a world that's no longer there.

In a stable world, it made sense to figure out your career goal and then map the steps to achieve it. That's what my students often try to do. Experts call it the plan-and-implement strategy.

When my dad was a kid, you know, you pick a career and you go into, basically, a 40-year tunnel and you come out for retirement.

But today, careers are rarely that linear. You're not picking a tunnel anymore. Careers are really fluid and the world's changing quickly.

So instead of plan-and-implement, we might be better off with a different approach. It's called test-and-learn. Think of yourself a little like a scientist, running experiments on your career. You have a hypothesis that a job might be a good learning opportunity, and you're going to try it out to find out if you're right or wrong. One recent study looked at people who had career catapults that launched them onto the fast track to become CEOs or top executives in major companies. They didn't plan those moves in advance. They just kept their eyes open for interesting challenges. For some, it was taking a step sideways or even backward to build something from scratch. For others, it was inheriting a big mess and proving they could clean it up. For many, it was taking a big leap outside their comfort zones.

It doesn't have to be perfect. A lot of times, you get surprised by something you learn when you're there and it leads to something you never expected.

Focus less on having a picture-perfect career; focus more on being competent.

Expecting to love your work is a really high bar. Take a study of college seniors. The ones who were looking for the ideal job felt more negative emotions throughout the job search and ended up less happy with the job they ultimately got. The higher your expectations, the more disappointed you are by everything you don't enjoy about a job. When you're aiming for nirvana, there's a bigger gap between what you want and what you get. You're always evaluating, never experiencing. 

You're left wondering whether there's something better, so you end up comparing the job you have to what might have been, which leaves you with regret. Chasing happiness can chase it away. 

Besides, most entry-level jobs aren't designed to be fun. ... recruiters often try to paint a rosy picture of the job to entice you. Extensive research shows it works. But then it leaves you less productive and more likely to quit. You want to go in with a realistic job preview: an honest portrait of the work, warts and all. Yeah, you might be a little less excited to start. But the data show you're more likely to perform well and stick around.

Often, we're so enamored with the ideal of a job that we don't pay enough attention to what it involves day-to-day. 

Not everyone is going to find a personal paradise at work. Some colleagues and I have found that many people have unanswered callings: passions they never got to pursue in their careers. Sometimes, they're perfectly content to do them as hobbies on the side. In other cases, they find small ways to incorporate those passions into their jobs. 

So, when you're thinking about your career, the best place to start is not to follow your passion. ... a better place to start is ... 

Your job is not always going to fulfill you. And the number one lesson I could offer you, where your work is concerned, is this: become so skilled, so vigilant, so flat-out fantastic at what you do, that your talent cannot be dismissed.

1. https://www.ted.com/talks/worklife_with_adam_grant_the_perils_of_following_your_career_passion/transcript?referrer=playlist-worklife_with_adam_grant_mar_2019&language=en

#career

[fluxactivecompleteoffer]

Fluxactive Complete Reviews: Ingredients , Benefits That Really Work?

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[yuzukult]

bittersweet. (m) || kmg & reader

title: bittersweet. pairing: kim mingyu x reader genre: angst, fluff, smut, established relationship!au word count: 3.1k warnings: dirty deed is done (aka explicit sex if you didn't catch that). profanity. prompt: you're always fighting. he doesn't get you. so why are you even still together? a/n: before any of my friends make fun of me, shaddup. anyways, this is for @/ficscafe dialogue prompt event! i'll be using #14: you make me weak.

He’s so adamant.

The crinkle in between his brows, the scrunch of his nose, and his incessant blinking from all the nerves, despite it all, he still stands firm on his beliefs.

But you’re fighting. Always fighting.

He doesn’t get you—he spends most of the time he's with you arguing about how insensitive you are as a person, how nonchalant you can be when you should be reacting with some type of emotion, and how he wished you’d been more affectionate with him.

But he doesn’t understand you. He thinks you’re selfish (sure, he didn’t outright state this, but you can sense him feeling this way.)

Albeit you’re unsure how you got yourself in this position—back flat against the wall, his hands on your wrists with his crotch pinning yours as your legs wrap around him securely to meet his gaze from the height difference.

“I need you to talk to me,” he rasps, anger filled in his voice. “I’m so tired of making this into some guessing game. Why can’t you just tell me how you feel?”

Although he’s got you cornered, rutting his hips into you once again, it's not persuasive enough. “Talk to me.”

“If you can’t figure me out, maybe we should just break up. I didn’t want to date in the first place.”

Jaw clenched, his eyes continue to melt into yours. He’s looking for anything—a sign, a glimpse, a crack in your exterior to see whatever it is you’re truly feeling inside. “Why do you always use that as a solution? Instead of just communicating?”

“Because—“ you halt, breath hitching when he shifts, the head of his cock rubbing against your bud through your thin material shorts. “—Because it’s an easier solution. What do you expect from me?”

“To tell me and show me if you like me or not. You’re like a fucking boulder. I can’t move you.”

You quirk a brow. “Your fucking holding me down right now. You’ve evidently proved you can move me elsewhere.”

“Emotionally,” he says, exasperated. “The most I can get you to feel something is when we’re fucking. I’m surprised we’re even fucking in the first place. You barely let me hold your hand!”

Rolling your eyes, you pull your arms from his hold and he lets go easily. It’s the type of person Mingyu is—he’s gentle, the complete opposite of you, with a heart of gold that everyone loves and appreciates. He’s lovable, known to many, and desired by them all, and somehow, you got him in your grasp and truthfully… you’re not sure what to do.

He’s fragile, but you have rough hands with toughened skin from years of experience and encounters. There’s this fear that you’ll drop him, shatter him into pieces as brittle as chinaware. So you hold the front, keep yourself strong with a facade tougher than concrete, because you’re afraid if you hold on too tight, he might break. And at the same time, he might break you too.

“You wanna know why?” You finally blurt, words firm and sharp. “Because you make me weak. And I don’t like being weak. I don’t like being known as weak. And you—you do that to me. I hate it.”

He furrows his brows. “I make you weak? The one girl I know to be the most resilient?” Mingyu has to scoff in disbelief because it’s the first time he’s hearing this. “You realize how insane you sound? It’s okay to have feelings for me. It’s why we’re together.”

Nose twitching, you suck in your cheeks. “I hate it. I hate this. I hate that when you turn to look at me in the morning, you give me that fucking… smile. Like I’m your whole world. Like you’re head over heels for me and I’m all that you see.”

“And why do you hate that?”

“Because, some part of me, deep down into the abyss, wants to look at you like that too.”

His jaw loosens, just like the restraints he had over his heart in the past hour of arguing, hands now finding purchase on your thighs to pull you back up closer. “Baby…” he calls out for you softly, the term of endearment nearly bursting your heart, but you keep yourself calm and collected as you normally do. “Then do it. Why are you so scared?”

“I told you.”

“That’s not a good enough reason.”

“Well, it’s good enough for me.”

He heaves a heavy breath. “Baby, I can’t keep doing this. I feel like I’m chasing you but I’m getting nothing out of it.”

Then, you reiterate the same words you’ve said multiple times, but there’s never any genuinity in it because you never actually… meant it. “Then let’s break up.”

“We’re not breaking up.”

“Then what do you want to do? Tell me. If breaking up isn’t the option, then tell me instead of having me up the wall if we’re not gonna fuck.”

“Fucking only happens when you’re pissed or when you’re making up.”

“So, what now?”

It’s Mingyu’s turn to roll his eyes. “We make up. I need you to talk to me. I can barely read you—the only thing I know for sure is that you don’t want this to end because you just admitted to me that you wanna look at me the same way I look at you.”

Frustrated, you let your head drop onto the wall behind you. “This is annoying. I don’t like expressing stuff. You just take what you get or leave. If you can’t figure out what’s going through my mind, what’s the point? Why put in the effort?” Eyes fluttering shut, you feel yourself wanting to crawl into a ball and just… hide. Despite being fully clothed, you feel naked when Mingyu asks for more. And what he’s asking for isn’t even unreasonable—you’re just horrible at telling people what you’re feeling. “I just… why can’t I just let you lay your head on my lap when you get home from work? Or… cook dinner with you. Even have it ready when you have long nights at work. Maybe even fold your laundry—I don’t know. I don’t like PDA but if you asked me, I’d hold your hand under the table. Or… hold it in your pocket on cold days.”

Then, Mingyu stays silent (for the first time).

It finally hits.

You’re not outspoken when it comes to soft things. You’re loving but not in the same way he is. You’re also honest and straightforward about everything except when it comes to admitting feelings for him.

And for once, when you say those words, he… he feels loved by you.

He remembers those days—after spending hours at the gym despite having a long work day, he’d come home and you’re there waiting for him on the couch so you could shower together. You’d help scrub his limp body, even though he moans and groans about how sore he is, but you do it nonetheless because you like him. Or when you stopped by at his apartment, one he shares with all his friends, because he was stuck with helping one of them build their beds and you brought them all, including himself, lunch. And that wasn’t to mention you were already working twelve hour days.

“Can you answer one question for me, then? I won’t force you to tell me again. I just need to hear it once.”

Your eyes open, and it feels like a mistake because your heart drops into your stomach. His gaze is hypnotizing, like he’s got you in a trance, and you respond with a ‘yes’ without much thought because of him.

Mingyu swallows all his anxiety before asking that million dollar question.

“Do you love me?”

Although you feel small being put on the spot like that, the one thing you’ll admit is that you’ve already predetermined the answer to this. And just as much courage as Mingyu puts into asking, you’ll reciprocate and do the same in answering because he’s admirable for even trying.

“Yes.”

Without much thought, he presses his lips against yours. You love him, although you rarely if not never say it, but you finally said those words and all he needs is to hear it just once for assurance. To know that there’s something he’s chasing for, that he’s not running in place like on a treadmill.

Arms snaking around his neck, you keep your hold there as his hands reach to your jaw, leveraging the kiss in an angle he’d prefer. When you kiss, he feels complete. He’s never felt like this with another girl before, this feeling of home, the feeling of comfort. You’re colder than brisk winters, but something about having you in his arms makes him warm.

Your fingers comb through his locks, and although it’s doused in gel and spent hours on doing this morning, he doesn’t mind because he knows he’s yours. When you kiss him back, he’s as anxious as he was when he had to go on stage and perform in front of people for the first time.

Gently pulling away, both your lips are pink and swollen with a string of saliva connecting between. Pants brushing against each other’s face, a soft smile tugs on the edges of your lips as you feel heat creeping up your neck.

“I love you too,” he says, as low as a whisper. “And… I’m okay if you don’t say it again. You know how I show you that I love you… and I should’ve been better at learning what you’re comfortable with in showing how you love. But I still need you to help, too, to make this… better. I need you to talk to me, when you need me. When I need you. I need you to be here for me too.”

“Okay,” you respond, volume matching his. “If that’s the case, I love you. Just… as another reminder since I only said yes the first time.”

He lets out a chuckle, vibrating from his chest and everything about him makes your heart race. “Good. Can I show you how much I love you?”

“No,” you retort quickly and bashfully. But he knows you’re playing because you nod afterwards, allowing him to carry you to the couch. “Maybe.”

“I need a yes, love,” Mingyu says cheekily, face nuzzled into the crook of your neck. “You know I’m not going to go any further until I hear it.”

“Yes,” you reply embitterly, but Mingyu knows better now. He knows what you want, because all he needed was assurance. “Please show me how much you love me.”

And fuck, because he never knew how much he needed to hear those words all his life.

You’re so pretty when he has you stripped down to nothing, laid out on the leather couch of your living room; hair messy, mouth gaped open from all his teasing, and with an arm covering your face because it’s all too much for you. Mingyu is a passionate lover, you’ve come to recognize, and although it’s all an unfamiliar territory, you love him and you’re willing to step into the unknown.

“How am I doing?” He asks, as if he doesn’t have his head in between your legs and a grip on the meat of your thighs. He loves the taste of you, he reminds you plenty of times, but dirty talk coming from such an innocent face makes you slightly embarrassed. “Feels good?”

“Shut up,” you hiss, avoiding his infatuated stare. “Just… just fucking do it, you asshole.”

“What? Show you how much I love you?”

There’s a tornado in the pit of your stomach. He keeps saying things that make you awkward because you’ve never been loved like how Mingyu loves.

You don’t react, and this displeases him. Laying his tongue flat out against your cunt, he gives you another lick that lets a whimper escape from your lips. “Tell me, baby. Am I doing a good job?”

“Yes,” you croak, only because you feel like he’s got you in this position for so long. You’re so exposed, and he at least has his boxers to protect him like a shield, but you’re all out in the open. (Not to mention his fucking built body. He makes you feel so insecure about yours—how is this puppy looking boy so… wide? What the fuck?) “Can you… can you take that off?”

He leans up, tilting his head in confusion and now you can see how hard he is in his undergarments. “My… my boxers?”

“Yeah. I feel like… I’m the only one exposed here.”

He laughs. “Baby, we’ll get to that.”

“Now.”

Mingyu snorts. “Anything my baby wants.” He bumps foreheads with you gingerly, something he's always done playfully, and tugs off his boxers swiftly as requested. “Let me make you cum first and—“

“No,” you interject, eyes closed and biting down on your bottom lip. It's the only way to remain bold—to not look him in the eye because he’ll melt you like a stick of butter left on the kitchen counter. “Show me how you love me.”

Mingyu doesn’t hesitate to shuffle quickly through the little stash hidden on the first shelf underneath your coffee table (he likes to be prepared in every situation even though this is your apartment) and finally spots the condom he hid a week ago. Tearing it open rapidly, he gives himself a couple pumps that have beads of precum building at the top and slips the rubber on with ease. “Ready?”

“For you?” Mingyu gulps, because before today, you’ve rarely said anything that made his heart stutter. “Anything.”

With a push of the head of his cock into your heat, a quiet wince escapes from your lips and his chocolate orbs are saturated in apologies. He doesn’t want you to feel pain, especially not you, but even his efforts to loosen you up beforehand, you still manage to be so tight around him every time. It feels good to have you around him snugly, yet he knows the consequence of the beginning is the ache in between your legs from the first intrusion.

“I’m sorry, bub,” Mingyu presses a tender kiss on your forehead. “Bear with me, yeah?”

“Mm,” you hum dismissively, warming up when he finally slides himself all the way in. He stills, in fear that you’re hurt, but instead, you’re surprisely impatient as you cross your legs behind him and pull him close. Bringing your lips close to his ears, you breathe, “fuck me, baby.”

Mingyu laughs brightly, and your jaw clenches. “What?”

“After today, I’m not going to fuck you.” You quirk a brow. “I’m gonna make love to you.”

“Don’t make me throw up. You’re ruining the moment.”

He grins mischievously before pulling out and shoving himself back in swiftly that earns a groan from you. “Oh? Am I?”

“Stop playing, Mingyu,” you state sternly, but Mingyu is enjoying himself too much. “Or else you're not getting any for the month.”

Well, that does the trick.

He has his hands on your hips, pushed down against the seat cushions of your loveseat couch, hips once flushed against yours now thrusting into your throbbing pussy. God, you’re fucking done for, honestly, because he’s a pro with his hips when he angles it just right that he’s brushing against your swollen clit, hitting so deep into you.

“Fuck—“

“You curse too much, baby,” Mingyu puffs, pecking the side of your lips sloppily. “Everyone thinks I’m such a nice guy and when they meet my—fuck—g-girlfriend and find out how much of a dirty mouth she has, they’re always struck.”

“Too fucking bad,” you spit, fingers digging into the skin of his shoulders. He’s so big, stretching you with each shove, but you’d never tell him that or his ego would inflate. “Stop talking and fuck me harder.”

Mingyu loves. He loves and loves, and although you won’t pretend that he comes to your home often with crumpled pieces of papers with girls’ names and numbers on them that fall into the catch-all bowl by the door with his keys, you don’t forget that besotted daze he falls into the moment he sees you. So when you ask for something, he delivers without fail.

Abiding by your urge, his hips move briskly, pistoning into you as fast as he can. Biceps tense, you can’t help but let your hands slip there, gripping onto the muscle and has you wondering fuck, how did you get so lucky? He’s hot, cute, sweet, loving and geez, he could fuck. He’s so clumsy, so dumb sometimes, but he’s so freaking lovable it makes you sick. Lovesick.

His pretty eyes shut close, you notice, because those two cups of hot chocolate are gone and he’s chewing on his bottom lip as he groans, ends of his hair that brush over his eyes now drenched in sweat. His skin glistens underneath the dim lights, and he reminds you of the stars in the night sky—so gorgeous, so special. Always a sight to see.

“Fuck,” the not-so-innocent boy curses (even though he just said you curse too much) “Baby, you just got so tight. Are you about to cum?”

“Possibly,” you manage to say, still attempting to play games even though Mingyu could very so threaten to steal your orgasm away from the tip of your fingers. But when he slightly shifts in the midst of his pounding, you let out a raspy, “Almost,” because he’s rubbing against your nub incessantly that you’re losing all your focus.

When you finally see those stars, you let go.

Mingyu feels this, grunting when you convulse around his dick, head dropping to watch you tug and tug around him, begging for him to cum. Thankfully, it doesn’t take long because after a couple thrusts, he stills, spilling ropes of cum into the condom and dropping the entirety of his weight onto you, face snug into the crook of your neck once again.

“I—“

“You’re heavy.”

“Fuck, baby, we just had sex and that’s the first thing you say?”

He can’t see you, but there’s a smile on your face. “Yeah. And you got my couch all sticky from your sweat. Not to mention the cum. Are you gonna clean it after?”

Mingyu doesn’t care. He’s blissful. He’s happy. He knows you’re going to toss a damp rag at him later, despite his dick out and still drenched in your arousal, and tell him to ‘wipe down the fucking couch because that’s gross.’

All because he knows that you love him.

#caratwritersclub #ficscafe #ficscafe dpe #mingyu smut #seventeen smut #seventeen fanfic #svt fanfic #mingyu fanfic #mingyu x reader #gyukultfics #idk what to tag this i give up

[ryouverua]

Saimota is a fantastic ship that only improves with age and their respective maturity. Right from the get-go we see this in canon, too! They have a tumultuous first clash at the end of chapter 1 which is immediately turned on its head, and the subsequent growth and development of their in-game relationship really stands out that much more because of it.

This is a long one, so strap in!

Kaito realizes his mistake in his approach after punching him the night before and rectifies it immediately the next morning when he notices Shuichi hasn’t come to breakfast, rightly guessing that he’s stewing in his own grief and misery. And then, being the emotionally intelligent guy he is, he follows up that night and drags him out to exercise (which, y’know, releases endorphins and is scientifically proven to help with mood boosts and even depression) - a move which Shuichi says in chapter 5 saved his life.

A couple days pass and a body drops. Kaito supports him through the investigation knowing that Kaede had been with him last time and that there’s a danger of him relapsing. In the trial, too, Kaito makes every effort to let Shuichi know that he isn’t alone and someone does have his back if he fumbles. This is the real moment that Shuichi chooses to depend on Kaito and is rewarded for it, and while Kaito does get plenty of ego-feed out of it, he believes in Shuichi and his talent wholeheartedly (enough so that it’ll come back to bite him later). But despite it being framed as a ‘hero and sidekick’ relationship, it’s not just for Kaito’s self-worth - it’s to take some of the mental load off of Shuichi, who really, really doesn’t want the pressure of everyone’s lives solely on his shoulders, and is now dealing with the guilt of two cases where uncovering the guilty party hurt him.

(quick chapter 2 interlude! while this is where a lot of the big hero-worship begins for Shuichi and happens to be where I also did his first FTE and got to witness this:

this is also the chapter when these moments happen, post-breakfast and post-casino scene respectively:

and this happens in the very next FTE:

mmm yes, the duality of man. Suffice it to say, while Shuichi has definite rose-coloured glasses on for a lot of the game, Kaito is definitely not an invincible, untouchable hero in his eyes)

Interestingly enough, despite Shuichi still very much leaning into their friendship (and vice versa), they don’t spend a lot of time together in Chapter 3 after he brings Maki out to training that first night! While Chapter 4 is their real ‘break’, Kaito spends a lot of time in his room in the second half while Shuichi gets to know Maki better. And while Maki is a much, uh, meaner investigation partner (love you girl, but that tongue is sharp), they make a great team. Shuichi also starts poking at Kaito’s reason for holing up in his room, incorrectly guess that it’s just related to the occult being brought up. Most importantly, Shuichi is able to do an investigation on his own independent of Kaito just a week after the end of Chapter 1.

Chapter 4 and its immediate aftermath in 5 is great because it showcases Kaito’s flaws and insecurity, and what conflict between the two of them look like. It’s because Kaito respects Shuichi so much that cracks in his own confidence start appearing - and while Shuichi can be obtuse and awkward at times, he shows signs of wanting to broach some more sensitive topics with Kaito; if you do FTEs with Kaito in Ch 4, he even has an inner narrative in which he notes that Kaito had said his stomach hurt before.

He’s not so self-absorbed as to not worry about his friend (but narratively we gotta save that juicy plot point and subsequent reveal for the end of the trial) but hey, Kaito wants to chill and just shoot the shit - so why not have some downtime with his friend in the murder school. Btw, their FTE availability ends here - so if Shuichi has completed them with Kaito, he’s already had his canon-saimota thoughts at this point. While I have given Shuichi the side-eye for his ‘I can rely on Kaito for anything’ spiel, he is fully able and willing to stand up to Kaito in the Chapter 4 trial despite his canon feelings for him at that point. By the way, it’s been a week and a half since the end of Chapter 1 at this point. Shuichi and Kaito have had an arc together where they become fast friends in a pressure-cooker situation and bonding over shared grief for Kaede (even if Kaito’s is less obvious), Shuichi starts as dependent on Kaito’s emotional support but learns to stand on his own two feet, and Kaito is forced to confront his own weakness and hero persona, all while classmates are dropping (including Kaito’s own ex-hero figure, a stark reminder that ‘heroes’ do have flaws).

So the beginning of Chapter 5 is wild to me because of how it’s so often misinterpreted as Kaito immaturely giving Shuichi the silent treatment despite the entirety of the game preceding it explicitly showing that Kaito will tell you, loudly, when he’s angry at you, and that’s purely because we’re in Shuichi’s perspective and he thinks that’s what’s going on - but that’s a bit of a tangent. What I like about it is how we get to see what happens when Kaito (as sick as he is at that point) feels badly and embarrassed with someone he is close to; he withdraws as opposed to lashing out. And while Shuichi is really, really bad at reaching out too without an inciting incident (tunnel escape), he does try and broach the topic when push comes to shove. He’s not lost in hero worship, not even close - he is rightfully upset that the person he’s closest to at the school is upset while still maintaining to himself and the others that his actions were correct. He doesn’t waver on this, despite his attempt to offer an olive branch at the window of the hangar’s bathroom. He truly stands by his own choices in the last class trial and know he won't back down on that if push comes to shove, and that's important - he won't yield the point just to appease Kaito. Shuichi then manages the investigation on his own, leads the trial on his own, faces off with Maki (and who he thinks is Kokichi) on his own, because he has *reached* a point where he can be independent. And to bring it back to how we get a look at ‘saimota in conflict’, Shuichi and Kaito both make amends with each other by the end of the chapter. Even if it’s spurred by it being their final goodbye, Shuichi gets to say his piece, Kaito lays out one of his own vulnerabilities so he can make peace with Shuichi - and even if I’d love to have had them delve into all of Kaito's various issues, there is a very murderous robobear overseeing this which makes time a factor - and I firmly believe that if they had more time, they could’ve resolved even more of the issues that would come up for Saimota. The groundwork wasn’t just there; there was already half the structure in place. And that’s what makes saimota even more appealing to me, tbh. We get to see them build a relationship, run into a big issue, struggle through it and resolve it by the end of the game - and it means that there’s precedent for them to do it again as more interpersonal challenges come up! It’s a goldmine of ship exploration, and they care about each other enough to work through it.

… By the way, at this point they are 2 weeks past the end of Chapter 1.

Imagine if they had more time. Imagine if Shuichi, who is absolutely dogged in pursuing an issue once he catches wind of it (despite how he can get wrapped up in his own head), who cares a lot for other people, who doesn’t just find runaways as part of his detective talent, but follows up with them after because he cares about more than just finishing the job, had the chance to spend years with Kaito and realize he uses his hero persona to protect a much more fragile sense of self. Imagine Shuichi forming that initial friendship with Kaito without the albatross of Kaede’s death hanging around his neck; about how he’ll still look up to Kaito and his fantastic positivity, passion and excellence in his chosen field, and that would only be matched by Kaito’s own admiration of Shuichi’s skills as a detective. Imagine if Kaito, who repeatedly shows the ability to reflect and change his mind when presented with evidence against his viewpoint and was able to express his own insecurity and jealousy to Shuichi in the end, was given the breathing room and space to get more comfortable with doing so. Imagine how difficult and emotionally mature they were to navigate as well as they did in a life-or-death situation that took place over a couple of weeks tops, and how much more they could grow if given the time and space for it.

... And this was nearly going to be where I ended the post, until Ira reminded me of TDP and sent me this wonderful Saimota event (which takes place before the final graduation/training trio event):

Oh hey, Shuichi picked up his catchphrase! It's quite cute how he's finishing Kaito's sentence here - he's spent a couple of years being friends with Kaito at this point, and has even taken up exercising on his own for stress relief. I wonder whose influence that was?

Anyway -

Shuichi has figured out at this point that he does need to firmly extend that helping hand to Kaito rather than worry and keep it to himself. On the other side, Kaito has learned that it is okay to accept that outstretched hand, even if he doesn't need it right now - that he can admit that some day, he might. He's being blase, sure, but it is a far cry from his in-game 'I don't/won't need help'. Good for you, Kaito - you've grown a lot! And that's the most important thing their TDPs show - their capacity for growth not just as individuals, but in a relationship. Of course there will be bumps along the way - it’s very rare that any relationship won’t have them! - but they've proven that they can work these problems in the worst of circumstances. This is by far one of the strongest ships with canon foundation in the entire series, and my goodness do I still love it years later.

#saimota #Kaito Momota #momosai #Shuichi Saihara #Danganronpa v3 #spoilers #drv3 spoilers #saimota.... is good #long drv3 posts in 2021? it's more likely than you think