#but its so expensive 😥😥
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Teeth fucking suck
#personal#im trying so hard to hold onto those happy feelings#but i just got out of the dentist#& its so expensive sooo expensive#😥😥😥
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A promise is a promise
[DP x DC fic]
[Love at first… murder? - part 16]
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Part 1
Ao3
---
Private chat nicknames:
Fryer = Tucker
Dann-O = Danny
Other private chat nicknames:
Kangaroo = Jason
PolarBear = Danny
---
Danny has been searching online for a while now for the perfect place to take Red Hood to, for the second part of their date. He already has in mind what he wants to do, he just hopes Red Hood will like his plan.
He’ll need to make sure to get the needed materials either today or tomorrow.
Midway through his planning, his phone buzzes with a message. Danny picks his phone up, checking who sent it. He raises an eyebrow at seeing a message from Tucker in their private chat.
He opens his phone to read the text, putting his date-planning on hold for now.
---
Private chat
Fryer: so wheres my tim drake-wayne autograph danny? when am i gonna get it huh?
Dann-O: wait what? 😦
Dann-O: I still need to get it for you?? 😥😥
Dann-O: but you didn’t even end up wiping the cams ☹️
Dann-O: they were already wiped!!
Fryer: ye but I still wouldve wiped them if they werent already its all abt the intent danny
Fryer: u promised me the autograph now u gotta follow thru with it u cant just go back on ur word >:(
Dann-O: fine I’ll try and get it for you
Dann-O: I did promise 😓
Dann-O: but be prepared that it might take a while 😬😬
Fryer: great! thnx my dude knew u would come thru for me ur the best love ya danman 😘
Dann-O: yeah yeah I know 🙄😒
---
With a small sigh, Danny closes the chat between him and Tucker. He’s unsure how to go about getting that autograph.
He can’t just stalk the guy and nag him into giving the autograph, then he’d probably end up with a restraining order instead.
He could try looking online for one, but those will probably be very expensive. Though, he might be able to trick the guy into signing something? Or perhaps steal one when he’s at the manor this Saturday anyway?
However… Perhaps he can get some help with this… Danny considers.
He looks back at his phone and opens another chat.
---
Private chat
PolarBear: hey, so uh, random question ☝️
PolarBear: you wouldn’t happen to have a Tim Drake-Wayne autograph 🤔
PolarBear: or maybe know a way of getting one
PolarBear: would you?? 😅😅
Kangaroo: Why do you want one?
PolarBear: it’s not for me
PolarBear: but I kinda promised my friend I’d get one for him 😅😓
Kangaroo: Ah, okay. I’ll see what I can do.
PolarBear: really? 😲
PolarBear: thanks!! 🥰💕
PolarBear: but it’s fine if you can’t
PolarBear: like don’t feel obligated to help or something
PolarBear: if need be I’ll probably just trick him into signing something for me 🙃
PolarBear: or I could just sneak in once we’re TPing the place anyway
PolarBear: and just get one of his documents or something 👀👀
Kangaroo: Hell yeah, sign me up. This will be fun :)
---
In another realm, a bright toxic green smoke hits an unsuspecting victim, a crazed giggle following behind coming from the origin of the strange smoke.
The victim, instead of fleeing, stops right in their tracks, collapsing into themselves. Not a moment later their laughter joins in with the giggling from before.
The smoke fades away and reveals a man with bright purple hair and glowing red eyes. He’s wearing a green suit with a red vest and a purple dress shirt underneath.
In his breast pocket on the outside of his suit is a glowing red flower with purplish-black leaves that looks like a rosebud of some sort.
His face is stark white with a greenish undertone and his lips are bright red and pulled back into a deranged grin.
This insane clown who's hellbent on dragging the people of Gotham into his madness is a fairly new resident of the Infinite Realms. He’s a specter. A wraith.
A ghost.
The Joker moves closer towards the other ghost. The other ghost keeps laughing, not reacting to the Joker’s approach.
However, once the Joker is within a few meters of them, the ghost starts choking. While the ghost is unable to stop the mix of laughing and coughing, a glowing green liquid starts flowing out of their mouth.
Ectoplasm.
While they’re involuntarily laughing, their eyes are full of distress. The Joker just moves closer, humming a little tune.
Once close enough, the Joker bends down, getting right in the other ghost’s face. Ignoring the other ghost’s attempt at flinching away, the Joker drags a finger across the ghost’s face, wiping up some of the glowing green liquid.
The Joker takes a close look at it, the grin on his face becoming impossibly, inhumanely, wider.
“Oh, this! This is going to be a right laugh!” He exclaims, cackling a little. He straightens back up before continuing.
“It’ll be the show of a lifetime,” He turns around, “Don’t you agree, my friend?”
The person who has been watching the entire display from the sidelines doesn’t respond verbally, their own deranged grin forming on their face, no outside influence needed.
---
Taglist:
@i-always-say-yea @uraniumwizard @why-must-i-be-like-this @griffinthing @i23432i @imsotiredfanficlovertm @jaguarthecat @arkita-shadow @ilydana
#dp x dc#dp x dc fic#dpxdc#dcxdp#dc x dp#dp x dc crossover#dead on main#dead on main ship#sorry for the long wait#this is kinda a short chapter#but i just rlly wanted to post something#so i hope you enjoy
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Finally bought botw, i know that should've been my first purchase, but I've been trying to find it physical where the price isn't crazy expensive but no luck. Since its on sale now $40 for a almost 6 year old game seems reasonable to me, specially since this year the sequel releases at $70😥
Well so I played for what it felt like 10 minutes but it was actually an hour😂 if this were my job I'd have played more but honestly I have to put up a timer next time! What a beautiful game so far I'm still puzzled how this game looks like this but pokemon looks like uh you know lol
Hopefully I have some time to finish this game before tears of the kingdom releases, but also I'd like to draw more of this game too wanna keep a balance with work/fun when it comes to drawing so I avoid getting burnt out again.
Anyway expect more botw either me yelling about it or art✨
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Not you naming my favorites🤭🤭
I am in love with you👁👁
NSFW headcanons for court of darkness~
Rating: Explicit(18+mdni)
Tino can fuck me sideways.
Don't tell me Tino isn't amazing in bed cus I know you lying
I feel like Tino is secretly a little sadistic😳
Ok let's get this out of the way, Tino has a stupidly huge cock
Like it's so big even he is scared of it💀
Its genuinely too much cock for anyone to know what to do with
It's more than just above average it's literally like humongous, without exaggerating
12 inch punisher with 3-3½ inches of girth.
That is a whole monster cock.
He was scared of getting intimate with you at first because let's be honest that shit would be painful
I know such large dicks only exist in our wildest dreams but alas that shit can in fact kill you
Can not would but can cus some people *cough* are very reckless with their dicks
A vagina is only so deep, it can go inside you just maybe not all the way, is possible though, us uterus owners are more elastic than you think😼
Tino however is a gentleman regardless of his monster cock, he could never dream of leaving you dissatisfied at his expense, you're more important
Tino is a master at making you cum I'll tell you that
He has to be, he has to let you know you're in good hands before even letting you see his cock
He can leave you fucked out and drooling with just his fingers
At the very least he has to make you cum at least three times
Oh but when you saw his dick a look of horror flashed in your eyes
Tino started panicking "Oh! We don't have to! We can just-"
But you're one of them crazy bitches that's like "ya know what i think i can take it, Tino would never hurt me" and it was exactly at that moment Tino wanted to marry you.
Listen Tino doesn't wanna see you uncomfortable in any way but the sight of you struggling to suck his dick with flushed cheeks and tears in your eyes from lack of air and faulty gag reflex.
Hearts in his eyes.
He doesn't like seeing you cry… but crying on his cock is different--
Feelings he never thought existed started bubbling to the surface and suddenly he just had to have you for his own
You worked up to eventual penetration cus with a dick 3 inches thick you can't just put it in and expect everything to be alright no that shit can barely fit in my mouth-
You rode his fingers until you came at least twice, and he fucked your thighs/pussy job to get you there a third time
y'all had an amazing time even without penetration and it allowed you to get to know each others bodies, better, likes/dislikes and whatnot
You've tried things you probably wouldn't ever have tried before but like you said 'Tino would never hurt me'
Tino absolutely loves when you ride his thighs
He gets off to you getting off so having you sit on his lap grinding yourself on his thigh until you cum
He is on cloud nine.
When you did eventually try to take his cock, Tino almost came prematurely.
As soon as he got the tip in he was already pussy drunk
Babbling, slurring his words, he was huffing and puffing
This pussy should come with an asthma pump, he in and out in and out breathing😩😩
He was fighting against God to not literally mash your organs
He was hard before but as soon as he got a feel of your wetness on his dick, rock solid.
Tino knew the whole thing wasn't gonna fit but you were so determined to take all of him in he was really fighting demons to not demolish your insides
He was also fighting cus the tears that sprung in your eyes as he slowly eased inside both broke his heart and got him even harder
He didn't want to be the cause of your pain😥 but you started whining when he stopped
A little whimper of ".. please" as a stream of tears fell down the side of you face and he was a goner
You a lil fucked up and he like that😼
Still he asks you how your doing, if he could continue, if you wanna stop, he'll always put you first even with a rock hard cock
"You want it all in..?" "There's more?!"
You felt so full with Tinos dick finally inside you but when you looked down to where you were connected and saw a good portion of him still not inside you gulped
There's no way you could feel him all in your stomach and it's still not all the way in😳😳
You came before he was even able to bottom out.
After an amazing amount of prep and a few orgasms already just the feel of Tinos cock sliding through your folds was enough to get you there
seeing this with his own eyes Tino gulped with the fastest blush on his cheeks.
"I fear I… may lack the ability to be gentle."
Uh anyway😳 monster cock™ Tino with a size kink make me go burr
Bottom.
Listen
Bro.
Listen I think Knight can get down if he wanted but he'd be such a cute little subby boy🥺❤
I think he's just eager to please and its very endearing
He's really just focused on you throughout I love him
He's so sweet🥺❤
it doesn't matter how hard he is, if you're not satisfied it's a waste
Knight hasn't a dominant bone in his body
Everytime you go at it it's like he a virgin again💀💀
But listen that ain't a bad thing
He loosing his mind in you😩
This pussy should come with an asthma pump he in and out in and out breathing--
There is not one moment where he isn't drop dead pussy drunk
No cus he slurring his words, babbling nonsense, drooling, head blank
He's gone.
Completely left the chat.
No thoughts head empty.
The only think he can process is how tight and nice and warm and soft you feel😩😩
You have to talk to him to keep him conscious or else he will pass out
Sure he's focused on you but he will drown in your pussy juice if you not there with him
Knight will fuck himself stupid if not
If you ride him he'll sit there blushing, red as a fucking lobster breathing heavy as fuck.
He in a daze.
Again talk to him cus he will pass out
A little "you still in there sweetie?" or "Stay with me ok?" will do the trick, it's not hard to get his attention
Once he's past the drooling stage and his vision is no longer white he just wants his hands on you, he wants to touch you, feel you, be impossibly close to you
He still babbling nonsense tho.
"Good … so so good.. ughh!"
Cute♡
He'd honestly let you do whatever you want to him
Literally kiss all over his body and you can practically feel him start to heat up
I wanna leave a territorial hickey on his neck.
I feel like Knights just blushing throughout the entire ordeal
He'd probably like that shit like yass mark your territory😩😩
Knights a little fumble during foreplay
Don't matter how many times you've done this he still a little nervous
He puts foreplay at top priority when you go at it and honestly king😩 cus some *cough* of the mfs are impatient
His dick isn't big nah just average but that doesn't mean foreplay is any less important *cough*guy
Sporting a 6 incher nothing special but he likes to think it's amazing
And is.
You'll never not cum with Knight
He really wants you to be ready for him and honestly that sentence is music to my ears
He is on cloud nine but are you feeling good, are you ok, should he stop, do you like this, how's he doing?
At this point he wants you to vocalize you're thoughts
Knights efforts are just so sweet and endearing cus he's so serious about you being okay and ready it makes you even more willing to take him as is
You make love to Knight, yall don't fuck, yall make love.
Slow and steady wins the race
Yall holding hands and shit, holding each other, lots of L bombs
Even if you do pick up the pace out of needy desire, it's not like you fucking like mating rabbits
Knight is still babbling nonsense.
He stay asking if he's doing okay
He couldn't live with himself if he was doing a bad job💀
He wants to hear you say he's doing well
Call him a 'good boy' I dare you.
He'd cum on the spot.
He has the biggest praise kink omg-
Literally call him pretty while you stroke his hair and he's putty in your hands
He will hide his face in your hair and babble incoherently about how much he loves you or if he's close, or just whimpering into your neck
"Mgh! Close… s'close- are you- mm"
Knight moans like a bitch.
It's never a bad time with Knight♡
In the heat of yalls love making eventually yall just breathing into each other mouths, nose to nose, kissing, moaning, body to body, skin to skin contact
He likes looking at your sex faces
He thinks you're so damn pretty☺️
And the way you look at him has him holding on to every ounce of self control he has left
If he's losing his mind, so are you.
He'd be like no don't hide your face even tho he's doing the same damn thing💀
He wants to see you, he wants to look at you
He wants to watch you cu--
Yall fr two lovers intertwined
Like when yall get intimate, y'all really get intimate
The next morning Knights just slap happy with himself
Not cocky but he's like omg we just did that🥰
He's just smiling to himself remembering the night before
"... they were so pretty last night♡"
You'd think there was hearts in his eyes🥺❤
Then you wake up and he starts blushing cus IMPURE THOUGHTS GO AWAY‼
Pussy addict.
You gave him a taste and now he can't get enough.
Could spend all day between your legs licking sucking and slurping your shit up
He'll like stop breathing
He'd be very happy to quite literally drown in your pussy
Doesn't matter how many times you've cum already he's not finished yet.
Let the man enjoy his meal okay🙄🙄
Men who eat pussy for their pleasure go to heaven
And Rio Voleri, he's going to heaven.
He'll literally cum untouched while eating pussy he loves it so much
He LOVE LOVE LOVES when you sit on his face
Like I said he will stop breathing.
He wants to suffocate.
If Rio is to die he will die from drowning in your pussy juice.
That pussy killer™ 😩😩
This fucking glutton will eat you out until your damn near gonna pass out.
Other than that he's very attentive, he'll do whatever you want or need to get off
That pussy might be killer but Rio also a pussy killer👀👀
His tongue may be magical but his dick can do the damn thing😋
He listens to what you want and delivers
Memorizes your erogenous zones cus he likes making you feel good.
But he got a little bit too good at making you cum😳
But who's complaining👀
He learned where your clit was and suddenly couldn't leave it alone🙄
He likes just touching you sometimes, see how you react, what you want him to do to you vs what he should avoid, what you like, don't like
He likes the idea of experimenting with you
One of his favorite ways to make you cum other than eating you out is when he's making out with you while he circles your clit, he likes the way you moan against his mouth
I think he just likes playing in your puss--
He just likes making you cum multiple times
He really can't get enough of your reactions
As long as you can take it, be prepared for several orgasms at Rio's hand
He's a slut for eye contact.
He likes your sex faces so if it looks like he's staring at you don't worry he just didn't know you could make such an erotic face
And he'll compliment you on it unprovoked like he isn't literally balls deep inside you.
Speaking of balls deep, he has a very good sized meat stick
It's a very sexy dick
Above average but not too big, definitely a bit of a stretch, he has some girth to it, but like I said he wants to make you feel good so any pain or discomfort you feel he's on it, like he really wants this to be a good experience for you both
Pulling out my trusty dusty dusty ruler rn
He's got a good 8 inches of length and maybe 2-2½ inches of girth
He a thiCC boi😤😤
Rio doesn't know how big he is.
I mean sure he's seen himself but doesn't know that he's considered to be very fucking big-
The average vagina is about 6 inches deep and usually anything bigger than that would be painful without prep but ya know vaginas are very smart, they can adapt to the size of your partner like this memory foam or sum--
You're lucky Rio's a sweetheart that gets you nice and ready for him just cus he like how yo pussy taste-
Rio genuinely gets fuck drunk on you everytime you have sex
He loves how you feel and wouldn't mind being inside you forever
He fully slurring his words and babbling nonsense cus that pussy fire😩
Will overstimulate himself just cus he doesn't want it to end
He asks how you want to take him sometimes and it's like the hottest thing ever but like HOW TF DO YOU RESPOND TO THAT SHIT⁉️😖😖
Rios sex drive isn't all that high but at the same, yall can be eating donuts together and he'll be like "Alright I wanna make love to you now." just out the blue
You initiate sex most of the time but you have to be blunt with him cus I love him but this man can't take a hint to save his life
Times when he initiates sex are more like intimate moments or spur of the moment kind of things
Example, you're making out in his room and things just escalate, or your helping him in the garden and he looks at you a moment and suddenly has the urge to defile you
Overall Rio hits all the important marks and would try anything once if you really wanted to
Rio has the best dick out of all the princes.
Rio would cum inside then go down on you essentially sucking all his cum out of you😳
Hello⁉️😳✨✨
He would fuck you like no tomorrow then apologize for not being able to control himself despite how you were actually begging for more
I just think Rio would be such a good fuck
Waking up the next morning in Rios arms would be a blessing cus Rio would be so adorably clingy I love it
Morning tumble in the sheets👀👀
He wants you for breakfast😈
*chefs kiss*
@love-always-adelaide 🥺
/j
I didn't realize how long its been since my last post I been cleaning all day--
#tino maes#valentino maes#court of darkness knight#cod knight#rio voleri#court of darkness#headcanons#tw smut#voltage inc#18+ minors dni
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My Intro:
Hai I am Lil Muffin. I am a theistic Satanist High Priestess. Though this wasnt always the case. . .
Like Many children I was raised in the religion my parent choose I did not have a choice. As a result I was raised christian then muslim then hebrew etc. Yes I know its a lot of different things but each of these paths I was introduced to included one common thing and that was "God". At the age of 8 or 9 I made Hajj at Mecca and let me tell you that is not easy to do especially as a kid. Moving forward through the years I would continue to blindly serve and pray to god. That is until one big traggic event happened in my life that was so horrible it realy made stop and think.
Over a year ago on a warm christmas night I was sad and lonely😥. My mental health was struggling from dealing with the woman who gave birth to me, losing my jobs and the increased stress of college. I got on a my bag, grabbed my keys, locked the door then made my way up the street to the mini park we had. I sat their on the bench keeping aware of my surroundings before being to talk aloud. I spoke aloud to Lucifer stating how my life has been going bad, about all the bad things ive been told about him, why I hated praying to god, what lead me here and finally that I needed help. I did not ask Lucifer for money or fame and I didnt sign anything. All I did was cry out to him for help and I told him "I never once asked you about all the bad things they say about you. I need help" After that I stoof up and walked back home in the surprisingly good weather.
Very shortly after my heart to heart with Lucifer things started to get better I was doing better with college, I found ways to deal with my mother, I got help with my mental health etc. Now in present time I have graduated with a 3.9GPA, I am far away from my mother who was a misery in my life, I'm with the man I love and most of all I serve the god Lucifer who was their for me. I am finally free and happy.
Lucifer is the one who answered me and all my wants/needs are important to him. He shows me and tells me that I dont need to suffer. He doesnt require me to change anything about myself. His only rules are to live your life but not at the harm or expense of others, do not commit crimes, do not harm animals for no reason etc. He holds me accountable for all my actions because he believes in free will.
All I can say is Ave Lucifer thank you for hearing me, believing in me and lifting me up🥹
(No this is not I serve Lucifer because god did me wrong story. I just got tired of praying to wall or to a god who didnt give a shit)
Ave Lucifer always & forever
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I only started following you because of my salad fingers phase and you had a crossover comic featuring him, but now the lore of dhmis is enticing and I have no clue where to start. Can you- can you pwease explain it to me?
-dysrix anon
ok got it!!! no problem!!!!!
(before i start rambling excessively i just gotta say that's different to hear lol, i think the majority are around for the puppets and just tolerate mr sally's presence)
OK SO. dhmis is a webseries that started in 2011 as a short film made by a couple of college kids who wanted to say something about not imposing rules on how creativity should be expressed, because art school is kinda just Like That. that video was put on youtube and went really super viral and all the Reaction Video People were a "so scawy 😥" whiny baby about it. the creators wanted to make a series but left the idea alone because it was a lot of work and also expensive (puppetry). then in 2014 they were commisioned to make 2, they did, and then tony the talking clock (emphasis on those last three words) became a tumblr sexyman and a bunch of everyone started shipping him with sketchbook (who they called paige) and humanizing them and it was just this whole thing. anyway thanks to them the creators made a kickstarter to fund the rest of the series and it actually worked out, too. so i'd like to thank the clockfuckers we would not be here without you. i hope you fucked your clock. anyway then over the next two years the last four episodes came out and they were epic and gamer and increasingly Kinda Horrifying (three still messes me up a bit but none of the others ever scared me, it's just more weird than anything. in a very good way) and the last one, six, came out june 19th 2016 (which was father's day, and it hasn't been father's day june 19th since yesterday, and it won't be again until 2033), and it was awesome. then september 13th 2018 wakey wakey (thirteen second long trailer) happened and everyone lost their shit and then sundance film festival in january 2019 where they pitched that pilot they made around (and seeing as the pilot as we know it is almost certainly a lost media now, those very low-quality cam leaks on youtube are possibly all that remains). then in july 2020 they started making the show and well you know Plague Was A Thing That Happened so it was pretty quiet for a while and then august 30th 2021 they announced they finished filming and then february 25th there was a clip continuing the pirate joke and saying they were finishing lines and then late may wakey wakey disappeared aND THEN YESTERDAY FLY HAPPENED AND
and the reason i'm finishing that particular tangent very quickly is that i am now realising you were likely asking about the lore of the story itself. and not its process of existence
well
SO NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT'S ABOUT.
there sure are a lot of ideas out there!! and i have definitely got my own ideas which i don't really talk about ever because they're honestly a bit too rude to the media theory (which i hate - a lot - but also which a lot a lot a lot of other people really like. so it'd be mean)
ANYWAY THE BASIC SUMMARY OF THE WEBSERIES is there are three puppets and they're yellow guy and red guy and duck and they all live in a house together and every episode some object in their house comes alive and sings to them a lesson about an abstract, basic concept like yknow creativity and time. so it's sort of meant to resemble something like sesame street at first. but these sentient objects (who are usually called "teachers") are kinda Really Fucked Up and the lessons go wrong really fast and usually end in uhhhh murder. also their life is a lie and it's like puppet matrix and roy, yellow guy's dad, really does seem to be the guy pulling the strings behind it all. man it's like thirty minutes total on youtube i don't want to spoil it TOO much in case you ever decide to check it out lol. oh wait. oh wait you asked where to start
well you start there!!!!!!
ALSO there's a bunch of lost videos and that one puppet interview and a collection of little things around miss becky's instagram or mr joe's twitter that all just weaves together with the main thing to make A Web of Story and it's awesome. i'd be glad to tell you all about that too if you ask!!!! i'm very normal about all this that's why i have lists and notes and a handful of rambly word document essays about this everywhere
ok i'm done thanks for coming to autism hour with creech
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I sat down pretty much for the first time since uhhh 1pm and its like my body drooped into a relaxed goopy posture but when i got up
DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN, THINGS HURT SO BAD. 😱 I'm so stiff. Ow. Omg. Yikes
I'm taking a half a tramadol. Amazingly my body hasnt actively protested beyond my right hip locking up. But its gonna hurt later. So I'm gonna take double the muscle relaxants and the tramadol and hope my body just deals with the aftermath while I sleep, cause I got shit to do tomorrow.
I don't know what shit, exactly, but we're aiming to explore more than the 5 block radius around broadway. Which was great, mind you but. Y'know. The NYC experience.
I mentioned to dad someone suggested I see the Empire State building. Found out tickets were $80 and that wasnt even to the tippy top. Dad thinks I'm just being passive about my lack of determination to see anything but. I really just have no strong interest in anything.
(If the weather were decent, I would pick a carriage ride in central park and a double decker bus tour. 🤷)
I appreciate seeing the city. The cool architecture. The bright lights. The cool touristy shit. The different "culture" of a big famous city. But it's still a very mild excitment. Just appreciation. I mean, I try to be interested, but I'm just not? 😥 These people wanna take me to art museums but I just do not connect with art. It's just endless walking to me. Which isn't something I need more of.
So when he was like "I will totally pay for your ticket if thats what you want to do"
I'm just like "honestly I would rather go shopping. I wanna see the pop-up markets and Christmas lights."
A short bit later hes got cash in his hand and is like "do you want me to break your $100?"
👀
I tried to break it earlier but a shop dude couldn't. (Dude, a goddamn $2 tote anywhere else was $15. I only needed 5 20s, you lazy pos 🤣 I'm lucky I had so many 1s!!) so I said sure. Handed it to dad. He handed me the 20s. As he's taking it he's like "....do you wanna keep your hundred..."
And I'm just. "Uhh... sure..?" And he slowly hands it back in addition to the 20s. Somehow I have $200 now?
He said he was willing to shell out the 80 on a ticket to see a view, so if I'd rather shop than see sights, he could give me cash. 😲
I love my daddy. He's been so good to me this trip. 😭 the bougee bastard
All this "I have no money to host you" crap a month ago and hes taking me to new york, buying me new boots and $20 avocado toast like its nothing? Seriously, I just wanted to hang in a clean, quiet house and eat vegetables and drink coffee. I am an EASY date, man. I feel so spoiled. Jesus.
We are POOR. I mean, not go-without-food poor, but we do hit the salvation army food pantry occasionally. Just eating the organic food at dad's is bougee to me. That shit's expensive even in a small town, let alone D.C. area prices.
.. Speaking of food.
Dad said he wants me for a few months to deprogram me. I'm like "sure, I'm all for it. But know that as soon as I go back, things are going right back to where they are."
Other day dad was telling me how bad all the food they sell us is. I agree. But I cant afford the quality shit. 🤷 I also can't take care of myself, sooo... yeah. I'm at the mercy of my habitat. There's only so much I can affect without running into someone else's needs.
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hey allie, I know this is irrelevant. But can you tell me what’s its like yo live in UK in reality. I’m planning for my studies in central london and i’ve asking around.
Hi, anon! I absolutely loved living there, it’s an amazing experience, I’ll be back on the first opportunity I have without a second thought. It felt so easily like home, I don’t know where you’re from but the good thing about London is that you never really feel like an outsider, there are so many people from all over the world with different backgrounds and different accents… I felt like I belonged there since day one.
The only complaints that I have are 1) the food - thanks but no thanks, english food sucks and 2) how everything is extremely overpriced. Especially when we’re talking about Central London like… oof 😥 everything is ridiculously expensive. In general, I think it really depends on what you’re planning exactly and the conditions, but I overall highly recommend everything about it because it was an amazing experience for me and having to make the decision of coming back home was one of the worst things I ever had to do :( I miss it every single day.
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Is Netflix Dead?
Netflix may be coming to its end. Netflix has stated that it has lost approximately a million subscribers. And the reasons for Netflix's Death are...
I believe Netflix does not require any introduction, but I'd like to give you a brief.
Netflix is the world's leading premium entertainment service, with over 125 million members in over 190 countries watching TV shows, documentaries, and feature films in a variety of genres and languages.
However, since the post-pandemic, Netflix has lost thousands of customers, and recently, I mean yesterday, Netflix has stated that it has lost approximately a million subscribers across the United States and Europe.
Here are my explanations for Netflix's eventual downfall!!!
Paying directors millions of dollars to produce TV shows
Netflix is paying directors millions of dollars to create TV shows or to purchase films. Recently, Netflix set aside a budget of about $200 million for the film "The Gray Man," which was directed by the renowned Joe and Anthony Russo of "Avengers: infinity" and "Endgame." And this movie failed to live up to the expectations of the audience, making losses.
This was merely one example. Netflix spends several million dollars annually making movies, TV shows, or purchasing the rights to a title.
BUT on the other hand, as I mentioned earlier, YouTube is more than just a social media or an OTT platform.
YouTube doesn't always pay for content, but even when it does, it still generates millions of dollars daily and millions of hours of viewing every hour.
This is the #1 cause of Netflix's losses and declining customer base.
No other source of income.
I previously explained why LG left the smartphone industry in an earlier post, stating that while they were producing innovative phones with good quality, sales were lacking, and eventually they started to lose money.
This was happening with Netflix.
Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
Netflix kept all of its eggs in one basket. However, we can see that some of their main rivals, including YouTube, Amazon Prime Video, Disney+ Hotstar, Zee5, Sony Liv, and Amazon Prime Video, have kept all of their eggs in different baskets.
For instance, if Amazon Prime Video suffered a loss, it could make up for it by selling goods on Amazon, AWS, Kindle, Audible, and other platforms.
The same applies to Hotstar, Zee5, and Sony Liv. Since all of these OTT services had TV channels like Star TV, Sony, and Zee, they could make up for any losses.
Netflix, on the other hand, only has one type of source, which is a subscription. Another source could be independent documentaries that Netflix paid to keep.
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Prices are High
I don't know about other countries, but Netflix has very expensive prices, at least in India. A typical Netflix subscription costs Rs. 199, which is extremely expensive when compared to its rivals.
Okay, so it might not be a problem for some users, but when compared to Netflix, their rival's features and benefits are far superior.
Assume we have a basic plan. Rs.199 per month When it comes to Hotstar or Prime Video, the best plan is around 1500 and they offer 1080p, 4-5 devices at a time. Netflix only allows you to download and watch one device at a time and the video quality is SD (480p). Even Amazon Prime has additional benefits such as free delivery, Prime Reading, Prime Music, and more.
Netflix Losing Licensed Titles
Netflix became extremely popular with shows such as Friends and The Office, but according to reports, Netflix is losing licenses to these titles. This was another roadblock that Netflix needed to overcome. I believe these two are the evergreen watches (though I did not watch anyone😥).
Netflix has some less curated web series like Narcos, Money Heist, Squid Game, Stranger Things, and others, but Disney+ Hotstart has a larger library of Marvel Series, and HBO series like Game of Thrones, Europhia, Pixar, and much more.
I believe that businesses should keep a hook on their customers in order to keep them as repeat customers. I also got a Netflix subscription when Money Heist Season 6 was released, and I binge-watched the entire series beginning with Season 1 in a month.
Conclusion
These are my thoughts on why Netflix is losing customers. There are some common reasons, such as people having no time to watch after the pandemic ends and being preoccupied with their work, but these are my predictions based on their business model.
I hope you learned something from this. If YES, please like, share with your #Netflix Friends, and ask him not to cancel.
Follow me, and this was crucial for a new writer.
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In regards to moving to the EU, I’ve just got back from a four year stint in The Netherlands and while it was pretty expensive (because I couldn’t work for all four years and the housing market is fucked YIPPEE), it is EXTREMELY liveable. The culture shock was mild, you can live comfortably on a McDonalds salary depending on what city you’re paying rent in, and while they kinda do discourage going to the doctor for mental health reasons they’re quick to refer you to specialists and student insurance covers quite a lot. You just have to put up with the Blackface Parade each Christmas
GOD I WAS TRYING TO REMEMBER WHICH COUNTRY WAS THE ONE I READ THAT WAS DOING THAT. For some reason I was thinking that happened in Sweden? But God. There was a part of me that was hoping that was just, idk, an internet rumor, like some weird unconfirmed thing that was stopped years ago? How horrible. I, uh, honestly wouldn't even know how to respond to witnessing something like that.
Fuck, but on the other hand, being able to afford anywhere on even a "lower salary" sounds amazing. I dunno if I would be able to tolerate seeing stuff like that uh aforementioned parade though? I'm bad at keeping my mouth shut sometimes and as you guys can see on here, i can be a little defensive/feel like starting fights sometimes
What sucks is that, like, for me to even hypothetically immigrate anywhere id have to have uh like thousands and thousands of dollars at least is what I've been led to believe. And that's IF you get approved through the immigration process? I hear some countries almost uh act like they really don't want you living there unless you're basically like a doctor or something
I just. I dunno? I don't think I would ever be able to afford it realistically, but sometimes I really worry about like for example, what if im still around in like 20 or 30 years and im aging and it's getting harder for me to work but I can't afford to retire or even just take a break? What if I ever need like, knee surgeries in the future? I've literally become terrified of aging and growing older because I know, I know i live in a country where if you don't have any savings to retire on, you work until you die. Jesus Christ one of my coworkers is 66 and they took her food stamps and her health insurance because :oh you're working TOO many hours during this horrible global pandemic!"
Oh, also, I still very much need mental health care, so definitely hearing that part is discouraging too 😥 it's kind of nice to imagine me being able to afford to move my family somewhere, but even I know that's not how it works because all family members have to be approved for immigration, its not like a coupon or anything.. Like. This genuinely keeps me up at night. I know I'm shitty and bitter about my sister but I constantly worry for her safety as a thin attractive young person in this country, and how she can't afford to go the therapy because, oh working too many hours, no state healthcare. I never posted about it but my mom lost her job and like, she has no savings? And student debt? And she's 57? It's getting harder and harder for her to work because she can't do any super physical tasks and she has chronic pain. And I constantly think "oh god my mom isn't going to be able to afford to retire. Oh god, my mom is going to be needing to retire and I won't be making enough money to help support her. What about my sister. Oh God oh god oh god" and I just. I have panic attacks almost every single day. Almost every day.
I just. I want to help my family. I feel like we're all just barely balancing on supporting ourselves and within the next few years everything could just completely collapse. I feel like. I feel like I have to be the one to save my family to try and get us out of here. I just constantly think about, CONSTANTLY , how I should literally just quit my job and kill myself because I don't see the point of working when I see what a lifetime of working got my mother: nothing but debt amd body pains. I just. I dont know if I can have a future here, but if I can't make any money here, how could I ever afford to hope to move elsewhere 🤦♀️ I'm just scared all the time. I wish I had actual skills. You know I'm only 25 Nf just for the few years I've been employed, I'm already getting repetitive motion injuries? Fucking working at McDonald's and Wendy's literally damaged my fucking elbows??? And now working at a grocery store is actually very the same and sometimes my entire body hurts after a week of working? It's like.... I'll just stop. I have to get ready for my shift and I'm sitting here starting to bawl my eyes out. I just. I have to keep telling myself I can only take it a day at a time because trying to think about my future upsets me so much
#i think thats really why im so upset that like that accusation eas made against me#im just a person who os really broke and scared and my family os struggling physically and emotionally too#i just am so desperate to try and get us somewhere where we can. not worry about doctors and being evicted every single year#im just scared
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Omg!! It's over!!
#wtf that was so crazy#I was so tense#Im really glad everyone survived u_u#now... to danganronpa 2!#tho I've heard toko is on ultra despair girls and I want to play it#but its so expensive 😥😥#dang#dr
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guys . guys i truly cant wait to go back to jakarta. . .. i promised myself im gonna do that thing . i dont know what its called in english UESDJFSDK like food tour (wisata kuliner) places i wanna go to in the tags owo if u ever have the chance u all should definitely try <3
#indo : BAKMI GM FOR SUREE LMAOOOO i miss that shit . miss it soooo soososooso bad i would kill for that. i would kill for bakmi gm god bless#this is like a restaurant so u can get it anywhere i also want ketoprak mmmmm ketoprak yum yum.. i don tremmeber where it is 😥 we used to#eat it in our car#what is it that i want.. i really wanna go to kemang village -__- go to kopi kitchen... jakarta kidz things#theres this place in kemang.. idk kemang stuff is always good even tho its expensive (rich kidz area) and traffic is always so crazy god ble#i want martabak manis 🥺🤲🏽 theres this one place we always get it from i forgot.. omg this is stressing me out#i want bebek tepi sawah.. can trlly think of anywhere else except di PIM ???#that one seafood restaurant.. idk wheree it is#bubur ayam (chicken porridge) kemang. THIS ONE IS DEFINITELY IN KEMANG#omg ayam suharti.. ayam kremes i want so so bad i dont know where u actually get this tho#i want bakmi ayam (chicken noodles ? ?? ?? its not ramen) but the ones yg abang2 sell on the side of the road those hit different..#ofc the usual indo snacks 🥺🤲🏽 what is it. monami...#i also miss the malls i miss kemvill ; gancy ; pim <3 i dont rlly go to malls now that i think abt it#NOOO wait. that one noodle place in depok i dont know where it is bc my grandma orders it for us#omg wait u guys im thinking it rlly has been like 3 year ssince ive been there but more accurately 4 years ^___^#i made my friends promise me to accompany me and i'll also like pay for the first restaurant 😎 bc my money is in CAD nad converting it to#idr is actually.. well#anyway 😎 jakarta wait for me i cant wait to come home
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Oh yeah here we have the new some synonyms bullshit
Somebody messaged her again and "its totally true" because everybody knows shit about Luisa and they run to her even an F1 worker did you know that?😮😮😮🥱🥱 So apparently Luisa talked shit about Lando in front of a Lando fan!! And she's so happy to the 100k and she's also wanna get something really expensive for valentines day😥😥😥
How these fans always can hear Luisa's conversations 😱🤡
I love how she sends this to herself 😭 at least try to change your writing style a bit
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:0 my partner also has sleep paralysis like twice a week, sometimes more. He has other sleeping problems but he's undiagnosed. How did u find out you have narcolepsy? Have you ever received any medical advice for the sp? Sometimes I lay awake at night just listening for hitches in his breathing so I can wake him up. 😥
i went to a sleep specialist and i had to stay overnight for a sleep study!! i guess they diagnosed me based on the results of the study (they monitor your sleep patterns and like. the different sleep stages and stuff to see if its normal bc with narcolepsy that shit is ALL messed up lol.) unfortunately, i’ve never gotten any medical advice for the sp :( i think the only thing that is supposed to stop it is this medication called xyrem (which is crazy expensive, and hard to get a prescription for. also its GHB aka the date r*pe drug. i’m very scared of it and personally never plan on going on that medication.) i would maybe talk to your partner about seeing a sleep specialist if its currently an accessible option for him!
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better late than never. sort of? maybe? long overdue earthquake weather liveblogging, part 1. forgive me @wellhellolazlo for my sins
i haaaate that i’ve waited so long to do this, i’m Sorry. i have a million excuses and maybe like two valid reasons for why i kept putting it off but ok, it’s Gonna Happen
Chapter 1
He supposed--maybe--he was confusing muck with the snow mounting outside on the sidewalks and curbs. Maybe that was his struggle, and nothing else.
Maybe he was only remorseful that the skies seemed to darken just as soon as they lit up, and he hadn’t seen the golden afternoon sunlight spill through Carisi’s hair in ages.
The grudges he held--they weren’t all work-related. Sometimes, a man had to curse the axial tilt of the earth itself.
it’s been three months (rip in pieces) since i first read this and i still love it so very much. grumpy and in love looks great on barba
Everything he offered of himself, he took from others. It wasn’t a fair trade when Carisi offered goodness, honesty, and a hot meal, and was bilked in return. When stacked up against the younger man’s well-being, Barba saw the comments for what they were: short-sighted slights, nothing so damning, nothing so great as to merit sharing, as they would ultimately only cause Carisi undue hurt while alleviating nothing of Barba’s own.
this both hurts and soothes my soul in 6358468 different ways. barba both learning from and protecting carisi (even at his expense) has turned me into the human equivalent of 😥
He’d become a sap, and should hate himself for it, but Carisi made that particular burden easy to bear. For Barba, there was reward enough in rolling his eyes, sweetening his smile, and meeting Carisi at a compromise. They were simple things, all: coffees pressed into his empty hand at a moment’s notice, kisses stolen on harried mornings, or more generous exchanges on those that lingered like heavy stormclouds between dawn and an afternoon. Single conversations that spanned days because nothing like necessity held them to polite convention. There was a strange new freedom to be had in a lover: the promise of time.
and since i started with the emoji thing, 😍 👌 💕 💞 💓 💗 💖. i’ve said before how much i love the journey barba has been making towards letting himself live and love, and this bit right here, allowing himself to find that freedom in and with carisi is just. very emotionally fulfilling, i guess? very noice
It bothered him, still, and he seemed confounded that the animosity did not simply stop after he faced it, that the hurt didn’t ease, and his pride didn’t toughen and scar over to the point that nothing could again touch it.
Clearly, he’d looked to Barba for example. Barba didn’t have to explain that life wasn’t like that for everyone. Carisi would get there on his own soon enough.
back to The Suffering. very #relatable content. this part of carisi’s journey keeps wrecking me time and time again. protect him at all costs
“What’s that.”
Carisi followed his line of sight to his flat cap.
“What? I’ve got style.”
“I’m sure you could trade an old witch three magic beans for some. But what’s that.”
“No, you love it. It’s distinguished.”
carisi Please
People said things, sometimes because the cold and the dark and all the hunched walking left them in want of human contact. There was shock value in being honest. And sometimes, people merely said what they meant in a rush of necessity--anything to get out of the cold.
the whole exchange here is Gold and this paragraph is one of those for which i can’t really explain what exactly makes them so very great, but i love it so so much. part of it is its aesthetic value, part of it is the assertion itself, all of it is your writing style which, as usual, is the best gotdamn thing
The teasing and joking--along with the shared cab and single address given--were their new normal. Like the constant barrage of snow flurries, it found them at every turn.
Domesticity, Barba thought, suited winter. If ever two people should share a life, it would be best to do so through the unbearable cold and debilitating silence of a city under siege. They should stand flush to the corners of those shrinking buildings, and follow their example.
Proving himself to be a student of this method, Carisi tossed an arm easily across Barba’s shoulders the moment they met in the back of the cab.
“Nice scarf, by the way,” Carisi offered, smiling crookedly at the visibly soft dove-grey of the garment.
Barba was not so easily cowed. “If you say it matches my hair I might just cry.”
again!! the most lovely and beautiful images mixed in with the domesticity and their being lil shits in a perfect balance!!!
Carisi’s best mode of defense was a simple string of lightly-driven nope, nope, nopes made between teasing kisses.
As far as discouragement was concerned, it admittedly wasn’t the best tactic.
i was going to say “carisi, please” again but it’s more like “both of you, p l e a s e”
From the cab’s toasty interior, the city lights seemed to be dulled by the cold outside, then scattered by the streams of exhaust and heat spilling out of buildings and stalled vehicles. What spilled into the cab softened Carisi's features, and Barba felt like he was being spoken to by a personified lullaby. The face matched the words: sweet, dreary, and warm. Barba wanted very much to tuck into his partner, to rest a head on his shoulder and draw both arms around his middle, and simply pour his weight against this man, unique in his ability and desire to bear it.
the thing about your writing and descriptions and images, g o d. in most cases, my fluff-addicted ass would focus solely on the last bit, but everything before it, that synesthetic imagery extravaganza is so good, sososososo good. it most definitely makes me do the !!!!!!! thing
He said, “I bet I keep them up at night.”
Barba didn’t take the bait. He clicked his tongue against his teeth and tutted, “Mm. No, that’s too easy. Pass.”
“But I had, like, the best rejoinder.”
“Fine,” Barba sighed.
“No, you gotta--” Carisi, still wearing a smile, started from the top. “I bet I keep them up at night.”
“You certainly keep me up at night.”
“Yeah, you look like shit.”
“What?” Barba blurted out, the cool steel of his voice thrown now into as little shape as foam insulation. To hear his voice climb high and fracture was a habit of his Barba loathed; he could corral his posture and school his expressions, but gave himself away with his voice at the least opportune moments. At his worst--when Barba wholly loses himself to a bout of deafening anxiety--he stumbles over his words, which only adds insult to injury.
“That’s it? That’s your line? That was awful. Fuck you.”
“You wanna?” Carisi asked, eyes shining. He grinned as realization--and utter contempt--unfolded across Barba’s face. Barba gave an impressive roll of his eyes while Carisi boasted, “I’m always playing the long game.”
[...]“It'll be an interesting story,” Barba mused at last.
“What's that?” Carisi asked, practically giddy with anticipation.
“How you lost your finger.”
i think it’s the third or fourth time i’m reading this chapter and i keep losing it with this bit just as much as when i first read it. good god, they’re so great, you’re so great
Here was something he’d never tried for fear of what it meant he wasn’t.
Those thoughts fell to the wayside when, as he’d turned gingerly onto his side, Carisi found that among all the things he no longer was, alone topped the list.
i love to die
The very air that Barba passed through seemed to hold his essence just a moment longer than it afforded most others.
It was a spectacular coincidence.
Once, Carisi told Barba of his findings, and Barba laughed at him, said casually, Idiot. Have you never been in love before? and did not regret it.
❤️ 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 honestly love is fake and it only exists in your writing, nothing can compare
That the tidiness and sharp, purpose-driven lines of his preferred aesthetic suffered mattered little. Barba liked to pick up the scattered, errant things that were so abundantly Carisi’s--a well-loved book of esoteric essays bookmarked by a three-week-old section of newspaper with an article Carisi still meant to read--and turn them over in his hands, and better understand them. And he had substantial evidence to suggest Carisi did the same: misplaced titles in his Vonnegut collection--there was something pleasing, Barba thought, about seeing a man’s work in linear succession, and here Carisi had gone and mucked up the timeline, a regular Billy Pilgrim--were chief among the disturbances, but there were others. A dishtowel where one had never been, chrome gadgets in his kitchen drawers that seemed almost alien in their design, and a disturbingly large assortment of wooden spoons.
Each was a brick fit snugly in his new home, itself built with time and genuine effort, and fortified, too, not by security systems and safety measures--though Barba did not skimp on either--but chiefly in the fact that it was a shared space.
A dwelling, not a cell.
In it, Carisi was a recognizable presence, a known entity even when his work kept him away for days on end. When he turned up--as he always did--he was met by a doorman who knew his name.
These were ideals, not changes. Barba met them with great swells of pride that he could walk around with all day, drawing on their warmth when the cold of an absent body proved too great.
i’d apologize for this being 98% block quotes, 1% emojis and barely any commentary at all but just. i’ve truly run out of ways to say how much i love everything, every single aspect of your writing, holy shit
But quite simply, he loved to stir passionless resentment in Barba, to make him guffaw at a particularly awful phrase or moronic gesture. The man did not laugh or come apart so easily, but he gave heaps of beautiful face when prompted by those overly tender, sickeningly dear, and entirely genuine things Carisi took such pleasure in saying to him.
[good shit copypasta]
It wasn’t Say Anything levels of outspoken adoration, but it was more than Barba could say he’d done for any past lover.
And Carisi knew this.
And he pushed--sometimes--to see it, because there was no greater vision than Barba biting back annoyance, only to have it quickly disappear on him altogether, and for the man to blink, brow furrowed in quiet contemplation after something--he was never so quick as to guess what--had left him. To see Barba experience a moment of peace, and for that moment to overtake all else was Carisi’s greatest joy.
and this is my greatest joy so 👌 👌 👌
It was months ago that Barba first let it slip that Carisi’s family didn’t have any apparent, resounding interest in meeting him. This much, he’d gathered after months of radio silence on the matter, even from Carisi. It was perhaps a minute into that revelation that Lucia took up the task of ideal in-law, to which Barba denounced quickly: Mami, no, you are not that. She shouldered the imaginary title like a cause, and let her will be known through carefully crafted texts and oh-so-casual dinner invitations. She was pointedly inclusive of Carisi, albeit seldom by name.
You both. You two. The two of you.
Barba was initially wary of her turn, but quickly, immensely thankful for it. Her high-road approach was very much a gift he could present to Carisi: a level of acceptance and approval of which he did not personally steer the interest. His mother never could be cowed to his ideals, so when she came around to them on her own--or, indeed, out of calculated spite--it was cause for some celebration.
i still haven’t done this with the last chapter of in perfect parts so i still haven’t talked about lucía and the amazing job you did writing her and the 6854169 different feelings i have about her, but this and her role from here onward is so heartwarming and wonderful and !!!
Her eventual estimation was this: “He’s not like you at all.”
She really did mean it well.
And Barba, with decades of experience translating her moods, understood her.
like !!!!
Drawing back, Carisi pressed a chaste kiss to Barba’s cheek. “Friday for sure.”
Barba blinked, unfazed. “What’s Friday?”
“The longest I can go without seeing you,” Carisi said, his voice thrown to its hallowed altar boy roots, though he took a kind of sinister joy in getting one last adoring dig in on Barba. He was so pleased with that one, too, because it was a line Barba couldn’t throw back in his face in front of his mother, lest he explain the whole joke to her. It would come off as either idiotic or darling, and Barba would stand for neither.
“Uh-huh,” Barba grit out. He knew he’d been bested, though somehow he managed a smile.
the biggest, loudest P L E A S E
The thought alone surprised him, because when--if ever--had Barba wanted to be seen at anything but his best? At his sharpest conversation, attire, and wit? When had he gamely opted to expose himself as tired and meek?
When had the very idea of showing himself in less forgiving positions ever not strike like ice down his spine, and sink as foul food in his gut, surer signs than any that he was scaling a short edge atop a high cliff?
Idiot, he said to himself. Have you never been in love before?
🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌
Chapter 2
so, like i said when you first uploaded this chapter, it Hit Me Hard. this is the first time i’m rereading it (at first i put it off in hopes of reaching a different headspace to read it from, and then the three million excuses took over) so i don’t know if it’s going to be like the other posts i’ve done or if i’m eventually gonna have to settle for a Crying And Suffering selfie. we’ll see
Barba wondered if, even a year into this relationship, Carisi understood the simple fact that he could air his grievances at home, that the rules of polite society and willful ignorance did not cross his threshold.
💔
It unnerved him how adept Carisi was at obscuring his past--essentially, by gas-lighting a beautiful future. He did this with the purest intentions, but it was a concerted effort all the same.
💔 💔 💔
(forget about the selfie, that emoji will probably be as eloquent as this will get)
Selfishly, Barba did not want to put himself back in that long line of abusers, starting with a priest. It was poor company to keep.
“Why should you suffer and he gloat?” Barba asked, and in it was a hapless question he’d often demanded of himself. Maybe Carisi would have his answer.
“Raf, look, it was enough. It was more than enough.”
You’re letting us all off too easily, Barba thought. He looked devastated by Carisi’s hardline of excuses.
g o d. everything hurts
“No. I only ever wished my enemies dead,” Barba said, the solution as entirely simple now as it had first found him in his youth. “Please try it. It’s deeply satisfying.”
“I don’t need to do either anymore,” Carisi said, and slumped heavily against Barba’s hold, as though it was a pleasant place to fall.
😢 can i hug carisi too, please i’m dying
Sometimes, Barba hated his ability to so aptly read a room. The smug satisfaction that usually found him did not now roll over his shoulders like a pleasant tune. He thought it best to remain still and steady, and be the canvas onto which Carisi could project himself.
In response, Carisi curled inwards and gripped Barba a little tighter.
Barba would have been lying if that didn't break his heart a little bit.
“a little” is a bit of an understatement, i truly am dying
“I’d be happy with you in a cardboard box,” Carisi said, grinning at the image as it came together in his mind.
Barba scoffed. “Four walls, no ceiling. Do you know how to treat a man or what.”
“I made you dinner, didn’t I?”
Barba couldn't help himself--he smiled. Soft, charmed, and lit by a warmth kindled deep in his heart. “You made me dinner.”
my soul sort of returns to my mortal body
Barba had long assumed what he’d have in a partner would mirror what he strove for in life: order, success, formality.
Carisi had none of these qualities, at least not in the shape and color in which Barba imagined them. Order and success would undoubtedly come for the younger man, Barba thought, but only after he determined his passion. Despite Carisi’s dismissals, Barba was certain: seeking justice or winning it were vastly different concepts.
And formality--well.
Carisi didn’t know the meaning of the word.
you summarised a great deal of the appeal of this pairing so nicely i love it!!
i haven’t commented much (or like, at all except for my original comment on ao3) on the maybe more juicy content of the chapter yet and to be completely honest, it’s because i don’t even know where to begin. jjjjjjjjjjjjesus christ. someone commented on ao3 that they could only side with barba because of their experiences but in my case all i can do is just. stare blankly at the screen trying to come up with a way to express how utterly moved i’ve been since i first read the chapter by how perfectly you captured both of their positions in that heartbreaking and !!!! way of yours. my personal experiences with the intersection of catholicism and identity aren’t quite barba’s or carisi’s, and my attitudes and opinions have come and gone to and from each of theirs (and like, every other point in the continuum) for as long as i can remember, but the way you handled both their individual histories and points of view and the point at which they meet just. hit me so hard i guess? i know i go on and on about not finding the words to describe what your writing does and means to me, and in this case i’m reaching peak frustration levels because just. holy shit. i’ve been them and i’ve had friends and other people close to me that were them and i’ve had conversations like that one and i just!!! don’t know what to say!!! it’s way beyond your writing being realistic or well constructed or plainly amazing like!! holy shit!!!! i’m sorry that this is all i keep saying and that nothing makes sense and that this has been a huge run on sentence but you’ve literally broken my brain tbh
i always feel immense gratitude for what you choose to share with us, but that goes double, triple. 10000x in this particular case just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! holy shit
#i wanted to post the four chapters in one go but life kept interrupting all day so i only could read the first two#if all goes well i'll do the rest tomorrow but you already know i'm terrible at keeping this kind of promises rip#luzé reads fic#i'm sosososo sorry it took me this long rip in pieces
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