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yesokayiknow · 4 months

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okay so you know how it goes: fourteen comes to life in thirteen's clothes. and they're both too short and too loose and entirely too bright for his frame of mind. they worked with a doctor who hid everything behind a too wide smile; not so much with a doctor whose pain and tiredness is written across his face

he needs to change. obviously

and then the star beast starts, and fourteen leaves the tardis, and he's still in thirteen's clothes

he just. he doesn't know. how does he choose new clothes? he feels wrong. how will wearing something else change that?

(donna tells him that it's christmas, mate; it's bloody freezing. maybe wear longer trousers, yeah? also he's both too young and too old to wear braces. just a friendly note)

he doesn't have to explain who he is to the unit scientist, not with those clothes. instead he talks about how he doesn't understand why he looks like this. why he is this. why this face? why isn't he someone new?

actually. maybe he is someone new. was he ever this open before? hm

why do you look like that, sylvia hisses, trying to hide him from the daughter he destroyed ruined left

it's a lottery, he replies, purposely ignorant

he still has his thirteenth self's screwdriver. it's too small in his hands

(the whole time they were her, her hands were too small. she didn't like touching anyway, but whenever someone took her hand, it felt wrong. they were too small. sometimes it felt like if she worked fast enough, tinkered about without stopping, she wouldn't have to look at them)

everything goes wrong. his fault, like always

(blimey. of all the things to carry over from the first time he had this face, it had to be the guilt, didn't it?)

you shouldn't look like that, the doctordonna says, and he runs a hand down his face with a tired laugh

no, the doctordonna says, not the face. a hand reaches out to grasp at the collar of his shirt, at the dangling earring chain. this isn't you. who are you, doctor?

like he knows. like they've ever-

she dies.

she lives. he doesn't deserve it. it isn't about him. he still doesn't deserve it

we're letting it go, donna says, and he looks down at himself, at another him's clothes, another him's screwdriver

well, she never was subtle, his donna

the tardis is gorgeous, though when isn't she. he tries to show off his new console to donna, and she rolls her eyes, and drags him off to the wardrobe

unlike normally, where all the clothes are scattered about, the new tardis wardrobe now also has a line of wardrobes stood against the wall. fifteen of them, to be exact

the last wardrobe is open. and empty

he goes to the second to last, and opens it to reveal a wide array of rainbow patterned shirts. she probably would've hated for her things to be organised like this. always creating mess so she wouldn't have to think about anything important. he laughs. and he takes off the sky coloured coat and the worn boots and the earrings and gently places them inside. tag, he thinks, as he closes the doors

and then he moves down to the eleventh wardrobe, full of brown coats and blue suits and neatly pressed shirts and pairs of converse. and he stands in front of it. and he wonders

after a moment, donna's like wait do you want me to leave?? you never cared about nudity before, did you? and he's like oh actually i do feel more self conscious. huh. weird.

he doesn't have to say, i think i'm a different person. not to donna. she just gives him a smile, and a shoulder nudge, and tells him she'll see him in the console room

the last wardrobe is empty

he takes a breath, and then goes to rummage about in the rest of the clothes

#13 🤝 14 (🤝 12) -> dysphoria 😔#doctor who #the doctor #fourteen #my fanfic #i mean ig #the tardis is including war. and so am i #the fugitive doctor's clothes are around somewhere also #then he leaves the wardrobe and donna's like literally all you've done is change your colour palette #and he's like oi i've only been me for a few hours! give me time to get a fashion sense!#and she's like well how long were you your last face #and he's like idk. bout a century?#and she's like i saw your clothes before this. that one had decades & never found a sense of fashion so i'm not holding my breath with you.#it's the new year i've decided to write about things only i still care abt probably dsakjlaskjl #why isn't this a proper fic. because i can't be bothered. hope that helps #bye im gonna go make brownies

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klonoadoortophantomile · 9 months

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okay fuck it actually heres a drawing from the other day

#probably all ill post maybe idk im not sure tbh…….#scribbles #klonoa #popka #uhh nothing much to say abt this tbh thats why im posting it XD so uh heres some rambling ig #i feel like ive been drawing a lot more oc stuff lately which is cool ig cuz i barely ever draw original stuff #but at the same time it Sucks cuz like. idk theyre some newer ocs i kinda feel weird abt sharing for some reason #like idk i feel like theyre lame 😔 plus im still figuring out a lot of stuff for them so idk maybe thats part of it #uhhh also uh i feel like ive been getting like? actually really fucking good st art ? and like i feel like this every #few months (which is a good thing it means im improving / enjoying how my art looks) but like.. idk it judt feels more legit this time like #idk idk it doesnt really make sense but im having fun with art and thats good #i drew like. seven full drawings yeaterday for artfight im still like . stunned by how i managed to pull that off without having #drawings i ended up hating . like even with some that were an absolute pain in the ass to draw they turned out so cooollllll #okay ill stop rambling now idk what im trying to say

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pixiestein · 9 months

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i’ve really been hoping that g3 Venus would be Indigenous bc venus flytraps the actual plant are exclusively indigenous to coastal areas in north & south carolina usa so it would make sense & be cool to see venus be part of an Indigenous nation in the same area. it’s looking like in this gen she’s going to be black/black coded but afroindigenous ppl exist so maybe i’m still holding out hope lmao

#if anyone says that they must b scottish/irish bc of their surname y’all know that’s bullshit 😐#a lot of native americans have european surnames due to colonization so they can have an ‘mc’ name & still b native #also venus flytraps are simultaneously male & female meaning venus could very much be an intersex & nonbinary character #which if they were indigenous would make them two-spirit which is such an underrepresented identity & would be a HUGE win for diversity #idk i respect their decisions but to me it feels pretty obvious w a quick google search on the plant to realize that they should b native #like it just makes the most sense? so ig i’m gonna feel p disappointed if venus isn’t indigenous in g3 #ig it doesn’t rlly matter #also they turn black in their dormant period so they should become goth in the winter😭😭#i like venus’ leaked design so far but i know damn well she will b impossible to get😭😭#monster high #mh #monster high dolls #monster high gen 1 #monster high gen 3 #venus mcflytrap

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bunnyloaves · 1 month

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hickeygibson euthanasia posting hours

thinking about the hickeygibson euthanasia scene, or more like superimposing my own feelings onto it. not to put my hickeyposter street cred on the line like this but this is what i delusionally think its all about.

the take that its all about the pragmatism is just so meh to me. that hickey really just stabbed billy out of necessity and he's the one worst for wear out of all of them or that this euthanasia scene is just a perversion of the fitzier one. this one is Wrong while the other is Noble (they are just as noble as each other, yall girlies just don't like his form and manner in having done it :pp)

he saw billy suffering and wanted to put him out of that misery before he could fully sink into that debility and pain. and like fair, coming from them two its as much an expression of love as he can provide (we can now be sad about the sparseness of love, it was there but these conditions have whetted it into a weapon, ok) but the take that it was about love doesn't have enough grit to me either, like yeah thats them but i don't think thats how they operate.

idk TO ME that whole exchange is like. if hickey could reasonably believe that billy wasn't as worse for wear as he was. like if there was some measure of life (not just lumbering around camp) then i don't think he'd have stabbed him. they were gonna make it out together, not traipsing away to some tropical island, no. but they were gonna be together even with hickey's delusions of grandeur. like to some extent, billy IS hickey's creature, or wife, (or whatever u guys want) there is some measure of culpability there, a sense of responsibility for the deterioration they've reached

so there's this aspect of being culpable and guilt, whether he is forgiven by the other or not. its about whether he still looks at you with affection or is it vacant and long-suffering. the pivotal point is, if its a look of long-suffering then, yeah he'll shank the wifey. but if its a look with recognition, then no, he won't be shanked since having recognition means that billy's still attached to hickey. and i don't see hickey as the type to hand off recuperating/caring for billy to another person. like its definitely not bc he wants to do it himself, but i think it'd be sickening for him to have a person he liked turn to another figure for such comforts, like seeking that elsewhere IS a kind of betrayal to him. that's what the stabbing is TO ME, some kind of fucked up apology for letting billy wear himself out that much. since hickey's the one who put billy in this state, he's the only person allowed to absolve/extricate him from that pain.

yeah i hear you, billy is in a state of disarray, feed him more broth or something. isn't that the obvious loving response to your partner deteriorating?

i think a lot of it hinges on whether or not hickey perceives that billy accepted his proffered comfort, like yes the logical thing is to be tender (and he IS, like that bit was so tender) but what if he looks at you with emptiness, like what if the wifey is too far gone in his debility, what then. what if the tenderness/benefaction hickey is proffering is turned away. so your partner has just shown you that they aren't dying for the comfort ur offering and isn't that a damn betrayal (and by betrayal i mean like hickey makes the biggest slights out of nothing, be forreal) that betrayal is a catalyst for the shanking, more than love or practicality, its about the fear that they don't really need u at all, not when they're this far gone and deteriorated. and any future attempts at recuperation would similarly be too far gone to be fully appreciated. that betrayal riles him up enough to do this. like if billy smiled or any bit of recognition, i just know he wouldn't have been shanking him but since he's looking so sad n dejected that means he's not absolved (this isn't something that'll just come to pass, so he's compelled to shank)

like i don't mean this in that hickey is inherently manipulative, honestly i mean this in a pathetic "i kinda cant let u seek this from anyone else, bc it would render me impotent, and being confronted by my own impotency is driving me crazy". like oh it definitely was still about love and all that putting him out of his misery, but its a secret third flavor of attachment TO ME.

#the terror #terrorposting #hickeygibson #euthanasia scene posting #is this actually grounded or am i just superimposing my own illnesses onto my blorbos hmm #i mean it makes sense to my brain like yeah u love them but also i need to euthanize you despite it all #idk if these leaps of logic make sense but ig through a lens of undisclosed personality disorder hickey this would make more sense? i guess #or like in my brain the leap from 'i love u' and 'i will still shank u' just makes sense #i think its the whole bit that your offered comforts cannot be a balm to them anymore bc its beyond fixing #and if u hinge it on that. its not outlandish at all imho #squeaks into the void

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boxwinebaddie · 3 months

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Hi Uncle Nina! What kind of movies do Ravenstan and Jerseykyle like to watch? ^^

OOOOOOOH! so as with everything, i Definitely think jersey is a snob. movies are no exception. also he does not call movies 'movies', he 100% is annoying and pretentious as fuck and uses 'film' or 'cinema'. also speaking of being pretentious, annoying and the word 'cinema', i think ravesey's dynamic is super funny for a lot of reasons but in this case, it's funny to me bc when style watches movies together, kyle says shit like 'y'know i like the plot progression of the film, but i'm not a big fan of the cinema topography."

— and stan trying to be big brain is like "ya! i also hate the cinnamontophography." <3 skdhsldsk bless him and kyle is abt to correct him bc ohhh my fucking god, but lowkey he tried his best and that was very cute, so kyle just kisses him on the cheek, squeezes his shoulder, stifles a laugh and is like "well, i guess you're the expert, cinnamon boy." <3 jersey stop being Sweet and Lovely!!!

anyways, jersey is giving me the energy of those kids in elementary school that adults say have an 'old soul' and likes really complex abstract movies, foreign films in black and white that play at some tiny theater for $5 on fridays, which, kyle is obviously a homebody and hates other people, but when he needs air or is feeling briefly zesty/willing to endure human beings enough to see a movie ( which, granted, it's def just him and the old ass man/annoying indie college student that run the place shooting the shit in there ), he will...make the trip out there and buy a pack of skittles and a sparkling ice ( okay, i had an anon say that kyle probably drinks those sparkling ice drinks and i fucking cried bc he DEFINETELY does and it's def the black cherry flavor bc kyle is cherry coded, however he will also accept the raspberry one or the fruit punch in a punch ) and ofc only eat the red skittles, smh.

i do think he still likes all the regular kyle scifi movies/high fantasy movies, stuff with dystopian societies/political uprisings ( him & stan have overlap there and obvi some high fantasy/scifi stuff but kyle has to explain a lot of it, kyle do be mansplaining shit but its okay because stan loves the sound of his voice <3 gay ) specifically things with deep complex lore, movies with puzzles/things that need to be solved, def watched interstellar a couple times and like, donnie darko bc of all the time lore ( that movie does freak him out btw, he was clenching hard the first time he watched it because he thought that the fucking rabbit dude was gonna kill everyone and it was gonna turn into a horror movie which...more on that subject l8r )

and i bet you he says his fav movie is some big brain movie in like swedish, black and white, is all philisophical and pretentious and deep but tbh...? i think jersey's favorite movies are specifically old romance movies like fkn casablanca, gone with the wind type stuff. yes, kyle being a secret romantic boy is very cute to me, i fucking love him so much, he is secretly v sentimental and warm.

if you've seen gossip girl, jersey is a blair waldorf variant

( which, okay sidebar for nina lore but i watched a fuck ton of gossip girl growing up and i had such a fat crush on serena van der woodsen, like not even blake lively, specifically serena van der woodsen like i have mental problems, i would not fumble her, fuck you so much, dan humphrey, serena please ONE CHANCE!!!!!! )

and i think he fucks very heavy with audrey hepburn and her movies, like roman holiday, sabrina, okay my fair lady is so jersey coded bc of his new jersey slaughterhouse accent/its a musical and he is a dork, he does like musicals so much buuuut i think his favorite movie is my favorite movie which is...breakfast at tiffany's. WHICH???

okay, if you think about it is super interesting given stan's previous line of work ( which okay, i know he wasn't really doing anything and just sort of enduring it to be able to sing, but being trapped in that uncomfortable, hypersexual environment and being constantly percieved & being constantly obsessed over. )

he do be skipping over the all the really insensitive shit w/ the overblown racist asian caricature of holly's neighbor ( that man is too loud anyways he's like please shut up, his ears are sensitive...both to sound and just in general, fml there's a nsfw headcannon abt that ) but idk all the romantic stuff is very cute, he likes the cinnamontophography, all of holly's stuff about getting over her fear of commitment, the fashion statements...chef's kiss to him.

i think he also fucks secretly with pride and prejudice like pep!kyle wHERE IS THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE THEMED MARRIAGE PROPOSAL STAN I'M WAITING!!!! kyle can quote it line for line, i think he likes when they're set in victorian periods like omg i bet you he watched bridgerton and was obsessed lmaooo, all the adpations of emma jane austen movies, atonement...stuff like that. he does make stan watch them with him sometimes and stan is so hopeless his adhd is so bad he needs ACTION also all the shakespeare-y speak stresses him out so bad, he asks so many questions and can't sit still.

he does...sigh, strategically time makeout sessions In The Middle Of Movies when he gets bored, kyle is like stanley marsh that is not going to work...it does...work everytime skdhshds speaking of that nsfw hc, kyle's neck and ears are hella sensitive so if you like drag ur teeth along his ear or start trailing kisses down his neck, his mind goes completely blank, stan does it when kyle's yelling at him about stuff all the time, kyle gets so mad at him later...and i do mean later because he is like i have to do something first ( hint: it's stan, lmao )

SPEAKING OF STAN!!!!! in vein of them being opposites attract kings, stan is naught an old soul ( i mean, in terms of music, he is sorta vintage ) and fucks very heavy with new movies. he really likes actiony stuff, lots of explosions and shit, very loud, very fast-paced. i feel like he likes superhero movies, like part of the stan name is because he was like eight and thought stan lee was a GENIUS. he watched into the spiderverse like...40 times. he has mental problems. stan likes cars, he does like the fast and furious movies, smh.

i think he...Specifically likes horror movies, though? because he is a spooky ooky edgy boy halloween KING? they just scratch an itch in his brain and he is engaged the entire time because there is either constant suspense or crazy amounts of action and running around. KYLE HATES IT, BTW!!!! kyle is a scaredy cat. like he is the scariest motherfucker on planet earth in person, but the silences and shit freak him out so much, he is not good with jump scares, he is behind his hands, in stan's lap, swearing soooo much like stanstanstan what the fuck I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT WAS THE INVISIBLE MAN, I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF, HOLY SHIT DID THAT JUST mOVE??? stan is deeply amused and thinks it is adorable, so he does subject kyle to stan spooky scary movie hour sometimes just to hold him...gaaaaay! idk which one is his favorite i have to get back to you on that. if you have suggestions like me know haha i am also...a scaredy cat.

a couple last things on stan and horror movies though is, i feel like that might be a contreversial take because stan doesn't like blood, but i think the scenarios being fake and because he works with so much fake blood doing whore-ror crimson dawn music videos, he just knows what it looks like and can tell hella quick. if he knows it's not real, it does not freak him out. i think he only thing he doesn't like is animals being killed...like people are fine??? help??? oh my god??? but not dogs or anything. he will cry and cower.

i also think that...weirdly...it combats his ptsd? specfifically final girl type movies where someone lives and kills the antagonist in a horror movie because it's very...relevant to him and reminds him that you can survive something horrible and be okay. and again, even when it's a total wipeout and not a happy ending, the catharsis of being scared and surprised is relaxing to him and knowing scary things can happen and be fake/everyday is not war or hell is good for him. he does avoid specifically triggering things with farms or fire? unless there is something where setting something on fire as a final girl/boy saves the town or everyone because...again...relevant and healing.

idk...complicated, but we get my gist, yeah?

i think they do a movie night once a week or something and they alternate choosing...they also complain bc their movie tastes are so different but love conquers all lmao, and they can always watch lotr and star wars and stuff. I THINK WHEN THEY'RE BEING CUTE THEY WATCH STUDIO GHIBLI MOVIES AND STUFF??? SO CUTE OMG. speaking of cartoons and anime adjacent things...stan do be making kyle watch stanime...kyle is in hell...jersey is like why are there so many boobs, why are they screaming, why are there 1000 episodes, he does also strategically plan makeout sessions ( i am so sorry it doesn't always work, stans boyfail cringe energy is so strong it's so awful, kyle is like literally on top of him and is like ;) if you turn the tv off, i can turn something else on and stan is like baby, you are blocking the epic battle scene, he's about to charge up his attack!!! KHDLSK I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN KYLE IS GONNA KILL HIM )

they do watch a lot of tv shows together, kyle's comfort television shows are still say yes to the dress and masterchef/gordon ramsey food network cooking competition type stuff — bc i'm watching next level chef, they are also watching next level chef and they scream so much like bRO HE'S GONNA MISS THE PLATFORM WHAT THE FUCK WHAT IS HE DOING!!!! it's so funny

speaking of say yes to the dress tho and stuff like that when kyle comes in all busted up from his bar fight and stan's patching it up, towards the end of that interaction right before they get back together, kyle is like "did you watch the new one?" and stan's like "no. i couldn't watch it without you. & even if i could, i wouldn't bc i don't know, i just didn't want to think about people being in..."

and kyle just takes a deep, steep breath and is like...

"...love."

and stan nods.

fuck my life.

ANYWAYS! there you go!

-uncle nina, butcherer of headcannons

#this was so long i am so sorry i had a lot to say #i hope this makes sense and feels right it felt right to me ig?#it made sense to me? idk idk idk #but no kyle is definetely an old school dramatic romantic movie boy even if he doesnt look like it and will lie & say hes not #it makes his heart warm and his eyes shiny omg #stan initiating makeout sessions when he gets bored is so real oh my god kyle is so weak too hes like Stan Absolutely Not #buuut it works everytime literally every time im not even joking hes like siGGghhh *pause* the netflix 'are u still watching'#no they are not...no they are absolutely not #jersey is def the type to watch those dramatic british victorian romance movies swooning over hands tensing and veins and shit #he is so touchy feely on the low im crying #MEANWHILE STAN IS ROMANCE BOY BUT HE DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR THAT SHIT HE IS MOVING #HE IS SO SLAM WHAM POW WHACK SMACK #people fighting and shit? beating up bad guys? car chases explosions aliens monsters ACTION #hes so with it his eyes also get shiny he gets so excited #kyle does not watch anything he just watches stan get excited abt stuff and stan vice versa im love them #STAN AND HORROR MOVIES IS REAL THO HIM USING IT TO FIGHT HIS PTSD IT MEANS A LOT TO ME IT FEELS RIGHT TO ME #like just overcoming fear and just being constantly engaged bc of the suspense and all the running and stuff but yeah horror movies #specifically when the protagonist lives or says most of their friends or their town and defeats the big evil...good for stan #jersey kyle being baby asf and in stans lap is also v cute to me #it is very cute to stan he is like mi amor its gonna be ok!!!#kyle is like im gonna kill myself its gonna jump out rn okay im ready im ready n HES STILL NOT READY FOR IT LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

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