#but the memory keeps coming back to me

[willows-woes]

well. ha. it was really stupid, wasn't it.

i must've been being a little overdramatic.

it was never that serious.

...

.. i had intent to kill myself that day. i am still in denial about it.

and i guess you could say i tried. i put knives to my wrist and pushed down because i couldn't see a way out of this.

i.. attempted suicide?

is that what it is?

it can't be. no. attempts are serious. mine wasn't.

but there was suicidal intention. i wanted to be dead more than i wanted anything.

i remember. i didn't tell anyone because they were worried enough about me self-harming and starving myself. they didn't need suicide attempts added to the mix. i thought telling them would scare them. i thought "they don't need to know. these scars will be gone by next week anyways. because i failed. pathetically."

#tw suicidality #still failing to process #it's been nearly a month #and i don't want to remember #but the memory keeps coming back to me #sometimes i tell myself that it never happened. i made it up. just so i can pretend for a while. #every time i remember it's like. this sadness. a horrified feeling. this emptiness. i feel ashamed of my failure. #personal

[manygreetingsfriend]

i’m sooooooo normal about the god of war series. so incredibly normal i liked it a normal amount and would be so chill talking about it. don’t worry about the sign

#god of war #i’m so so so so so normal about it it’s so whatever it’s so haha you know #something something when it comes to yourself you’ll let yourself drown before you change. you’ll die before you change who you’ve become #to survive this long #up to and until it affects the ones you’ve come to love in this life you’ve made for yourself and you suddenly have no choice but to change #it’s fine it’s ok it’s chill. everyone does this. #it’s becoming a parent and loving your child so much you HAVE to change. you HAVE to be better #we MUST be better. than they were. #who’s they. our parents. the gods that come before us. yes. #i’m screaming i’m crying i’m wasting away im disintegrating. there’s no coming back there no return #you are on your knees. you are gripping your son’s shoulders like they’re the only thing keeping you tethered to the earth. #you are struggling with who you are and who you want to become. you are promising to be better. #i’m so normal about parent(al figures) taking responsibility for their actions and choosing to do better #i’m not high enough to really express what’s going on here. can you feel it? can you fucking feel it? #this series has destroyed me. #dad of boy. dad(s) of boy. i will never be the same (affectionate) #can’t remember the last time i finished a series and went ‘oh well i’ve GOT to play it again Now That I Know’ #AND I HAVENT EVEN TALKED ABOUT THE BROTHER HULDRA!!!!!!!!! #sindri’s face. has not left my memory #i’m dying scoob #gow #gowr

[hood-ex]

Cass looks like a vampire

Nightwing #106

#dick is buff as fuck in this art style #and he's teaching cass how to make pancakes after she taught him a move so hmmm hmmmmm honestly i'm not mad at it #feels kinda off. like halfway between a fanfic story and what their relationship could've progressed to in canon #tt's story today was also alright other than that dumb joke about the ambulance #i like that ric mentioned that his memory wasn't good and that he lost minutes or days #that's def a continuation from the ric arc where ric said that he'd just black out sometimes #see i appreciate continuity details like that #buuuut ric keeping the letter that the guy gave him... lol it's just kinda funny since he torched the whole nightwing bunker #like oh yeah i'll save this letter for the old me in case he comes back but at the same time i'll burn everything old me had #Dick Grayson #Cassandra Cain #tuesday spoilers

[mllenugget]

Hey remember when Baghera adopted Dapper like 8 months ago or did I make that up ? ────────────────────────────────────────── Support all the admins that spoke out (& do your daily click) ──────────────────────────────────────────

#idk why on earth i gave baghera knuckles- when i say i turn my brain off when I draw i mean it #i only noticed it after i was done with the shading and it jumpscared me #got me stuttering in confusion i have never drawn anthro arms/wings this way these dont even look like feathers wtf me ?? #..... sooo looks like ive got a new wa-cats type of fandom on my hands #as in i am still very emotionally attached to the memories i have from this no matter what i do itll keep coming back #but i havent read the books in several years nor do i plan to anymore and looking back i am so angry and disgusted #but also im still blown away by the creativity and the passion the fandom builds on its own #i wanted to go ahead and finish any art that ive been working on for the past almost year and decided this one would be the most fitting #i learnt last week that only the first 20 tags on an original post will show up in tumblr searches #and I think im going to take advantage of that #because i dont want to hype the server anymore and i have decided i will no longer be adding my watermark on top of my work #and i was going to refrain from tagging it because i dont want my related posts to show up #before remembering that some of my mutuals who ive been chatting to for years now #have these fandoms blacklisted #so im going to test it and hope it works #im still going to tag the characters i love though because i wanna show support to the actors and i wish them nothing but the best #baghera fanart #pomme fanart #dapper fanart #dappleduo #my art #mcyt #qsmp #fandom neg #tag this however you want #yap yap yap yap tlddr

[bsaka7]

uh. what the fuck

#and they all just come back from these things and keep doing it.... #whats the one. fernando alonso literally losing his memory in 2016 or whatever that would freak me tf out FOREVER #hock.txt #'this article is more than 8 yrs old' and is from 2015...that feels fucked up. that was not 8yrs ago...

[simcardiac-arrested]

ns has the burnt part of his wings plucked or cut off every time he falls. ends up with less and less wing.

you people come up with such evil ideas i think

#but you know what i like it. everytime his memory gets wiped they also clip his wings so he doesn’t really start Questioning stuff again #i.e. why his wings are burnt exactly #and then it grows back and the cycle repeats over and over #ouehghh ……. sep with such small wings … #i’ve been thinking about how Things might happen in this au ….. hmmmmh #scratches me head #AHHHHH I CUT MY FINGER ACCIDENTALLY FUCKKK #anwyays. okay well yeahi just think that for some time sep is stuck in this cycle #and i think wayback keeps trying to convince him heaven bad but then sep doesnt remember and wayback is like dude what the fuuuck is wrong #with you ^_^ you shoudl leave heaven and go live on earth with me . and sep is like ……………………….. maybe #i imagine they do exactly that for a while idk how many years but sep is like yayy earth ^_^ and then heaven is like heyyy sep when are you #going to come back to heaven. and uhm #… #walks away #cramswering #myart #oc: needless separation

[oohbuggypie]

Heya! Do you think you could draw Hugger and Hondo hanging out?? if you;re still taking requests that is!

SUKKIII I AM SOO SORRY 4 MAKING U WAIT !! i was struggling soo bad to pick a scene omg ,, but HONDO AND HUGGER ! they're having fun fishing , but Hondo didn't have any proper attire so Hugger bought him his own set of overalls 4 the occasion 🩷

(Tumblr quality is evil as hell , click the image for crisper lines and more vivid colors !)

they're sooo cutesie i loved doing this BESIDES CHOOSING POSES as u can see Hondo fucked me up baddd omg id fix it but im a pen and pen only lover so erasing is out of the question 😭 ANYWHO ENOUGH BABBLING I HOPE U LOVE IT AND GENUINELY THANK U SOO MUCH 4 UR ASK !! 🩷

#punch out!! wii #punch out wii #punch out #bear hugger #piston hondo #ask answered #dewdlebug #thank uuuuu 4 ur request 🩷 im working on getting to the other ones but PSST if u read tags .. they might come slow ! sawry but today was a- #-funky kind of day / a funky week in general so im srry if they come out slow ! hate 2 keep apologizing but id just like it 2 b clear :3 #this was so sweet 2 make btw it reminds me of how id go fishing with my dad a lot when i was little so it just bought back cute memories 🩷

[nemmet]

question: how did you discover/get into scooby doo?

this is something i'm always so interested to hear, being that there are few people who don't have at least some small tie to the franchise. whether you would consider it one of your biggest current interests or it's just something nostalgic from your childhood, i'd love to know how you found scooby and what it means to you!

#for me it was my dad! he grew up with the original show and wanted to introduce it to me #so one day when i was maybe? seven?? he came home with the winter wonderdog dvd and we watched it that night #from there we watched every single scooby doo movie that had ever been made #and got the new ones as they came out in subsequent years! #watching a new scooby movie with my dad every weekend are honestly some of my favourite childhood memories #also what's new scooby doo had also started airing on one of the main cartoon channels here in the uk around 2010 #so that's the show i watched the most consistently as a kid #velma was my original favourite of the gang because i looked a lot like her (big glasses/same haircut/etc.) #people would always compare me to her and it genuinely gave me a lot of confidence in my appearance that stays with me to this day #but fred was always my firm second favourite - he made me laugh the most of any character #and took on a deeper meaning to me in my adolescence when i realised i was autistic and strongly identified with his portrayals as such #the characters are probably what's kept me coming back all this time - they've been with me forever #and i love them individually + as a team who support each other with their unique skills and love for one another #but also the wacky adventures and general aesthetic #many people joke about the basic plot being the same every time but it makes my autistic brain happy #i love permanence and consistency baby!!!!! #and the different variations on that same formula always keep things fresh and fun #anyway ramble over #looking forward to hearing you guys' responses! :D #scooby doo #nem misc posts :]

[tearlessrain]

seriously can catastrophes stop happening for five minutes my brain is already fried from the ones we're already experiencing

#I fucking. missed d&d tonight by accident #I straight up forgot #and just didn't show up to the session #my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked #I should be sleeping now but brain won't shut up #my creative output is the lowest it's ever been and I've been in some level of depressive funk since like early january #I am just deeply unfathomably exhausted #like mentally and spiritually #all the time #my memory and sense of time are both shit #my spelling is worse than it used to be for some reason?? #I really don't know what to do to make my brain start functioning again it's frankly worrying me #I couldn't even handle college so it should come as no surprise that I'm reacting poorly to the world being a perpetual screaming trash fir #and yet #idk it's been hitting again lately that I have never succeeded at anything in my life and just keep tripping and falling up for some reason #fucking everyone is in hell right now and with my overall success rate I should be dead in a ditch but I'm actually doing spectacularly #due to a series of improbable accidents and weird circumstances that happened to turn out in my favor instead of completely fucking me #aside from the looming spectre of my various failed attempts to have some kind of life trajectory #it just doesn't feel like this can keep up forever #like surely at some point the luck has got to run out I can't just keep living like some kind of folkloric trickster archetype #but my motivation and sense of purpose kind of died after the last failed attempt so I'm still just here #doing whatever this is #maybe I should drive out to the coast #maybe staring at the ocean would fix me I've been away from it for too long #I mean it can't make me worse #I should wait until further into summer though so I don't have to drive back in the dark #everyone around here has trucks with those goddamn LED headlights and I've got a little sedan that's directly in their blast zone

[fictionadventurer]

People will often say, 'If you could be with Lincoln for dinner, what would you want to ask him? What would be the unanswered question?' And I know I should be asking him, 'OK, suppose you had not been killed, how would you have dealt with the South? How would you have dealt with Reconstruction and all the controversies that arose?' But I know that if I really had him for dinner one night, I would simply ask him, 'Tell me a story, Mr. Lincoln.' Because then I would see him coming alive. He laughed so hard when he told one of his funny stories, his eyes would twinkle. And then I'd know that the Lincoln I knew -- who was somehow able in the worst days of the war to dispel the anxiety of his Cabinet members by his humor and his life-affirming sense of storytelling -- then I’d know I would have seen him alive.

-Doris Kearns Goodwin, Presidential Episode 16

This was where I had to stop the Lincoln episode at the end of my commute, and as I pulled into the parking lot I said to myself, "Wow, that's lovely." A little schmaltzy, perhaps, but I think it gets to the core of why people study history. Sure, there's the intellectual impulse to analyze and understand events with the benefit of hindsight, but deep down, the heart of historical study is a desire to connect with people. To bridge the gulf of time and space and get to know people despite the fact that they lived in a completely different century.

History's not just dry lists of dates and names and theories. It's people. It's personalities. It's quirks and memories and stories. It's knowing that a historical figure isn't just a face on a monument, or a source of information, but a guy who can tell really funny stories. And I wanted to share this quote because it really understands the humanity of history in a way I rarely see expressed.

#history is awesome #presidential talk #i had this woman's lincoln book rented on libby #cuz the library happened to have it and i thought i recognized her name from podcast ep descriptions #with no real intention of ever listening to it but now i may just have to give it a try #it's crazy how i keep thinking 'this era of history's so interesting i don't think i want to move forward in the podcast' #but then i hit the next ep and it fires me up to find out what's next #i thought the lincoln ep would be relatively boring but they take an interesting angle with it #and after all the buildup to pre-civil-war #i'm now desperate to see how they can possibly build things back up now that they finally broke apart #look at me treating american history as if it's a tv show #(of course i know the broad outlines but i'm specifically not refreshing my memory on later details to avoid 'spoilers') #anyway i didn't want to make the main point of the post about catholic things #but i do want to mention here in the tags that this approach to history #is one of the greatest proofs we have of the communion of saints #we have a drive to connect with each other despite coming from different times #we are timeless beings caught up in the flow of time #enough rambles time to post

[theragamuffininitiative]

I watched the doctor donna specials and I have emotions. Also I kinda love fifteen. Also none of those plots made sense but they were still good lol.

I just love the Doctor and his bestie Donna so so much. 😭 she got a happy ending after all 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and so did he alkdlrfkleldd 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ok I'm normal I'm fine.

#ragamusings #the doctor donna #doctor who #tenth doctor #fourteenth doctor #donna noble #also how many times was the doctor mortally wounded/dying while wearing that face #bc i feel like it's an alarming number of times #partially bc of his whole crisis about not changing lol but still #anyways if you're david tenant why would you want to change fr #THE HUG FIFTEEN GAVE HIM #like kinda weird to be hugged by yourself but also like fifteen is not himself really? #the bi-regeneration thing is hurting my brain #but it's like the doctor knew he couldn't keep going with all that history and pain holding onto him #so he shed that part of himself in the kindest way to let fourteen heal slowly #albeit while fifteen got the fast track on therapy bc of it lol #don't even look at me about donna i love her so much #i'm so glad she is back to being whole both with her memories and with who she made herself to be since #and now she's made a home for herself and her bestie #also mel???! mel coming back what joy mad auntie mel #and wilf 😭😭😭😭😭😭 my beloved #ok normal normal i'm normal #i was so mad when nph showed up though lol why

[barnesbartons]

as much as the movie grossed me tf out

i do like the idea of derek holding onto stiles' jeep when he starts the auto shop, fixing it for his friend who he occasionally talks to (remember how he's the first person to bring up stiles in the movie), not quite sure why he's so fixated on keeping the jeep in shape when he knows stiles isn't coming back, that stiles himself abandoned escaped beacon hills & that the jeep was another thing that was left behind.

but stiles is still derek's anchor, and derek will fix the jeep, if only to maintain some connection at first. then he finds out about eli, and his anchor shifts, because another hale child, when he thought his family was all but gone. but there's still a part of him that wants some part of stiles in beacon hills to live on, so he continues fixing the jeep. and derek's annoyed at himself, cause he talks to stiles, he knows there's no chance of stiles returning, but fixing the jeep is another chance to talk to stiles outside of consulting the fbi.

(eli never really learns about stiles, just that there was someone in his dad's life that was always there, but not really. for some reason his father never lets him into his office when he's doing consulting work. it's always "scott and his friend saved me from getting my arm chopped off", "scott's friends helped me save your aunt cora," but eli doesn't know who stiles actually is, doesn't know who the jeep belongs to, not until-)

derek dies. the stupid jeep is in his auto shop yard and sheriff stilinski has the keys after eli's stolen it for the umpteenth time, and he gives the jeep to eli. and tells him about it being stiles' jeep, about how his dad had complicated feelings about the jeep. and then eli realises that all those times that derek was smiling on the phone, was annoyed in the yard fixing the hunk of junk over and over again, might've been for someone something other than just a project he could never get rid of.

stiles doesn't find out derek's dead right away. the sheriff doesn't feel like it's his part to tell his son that his friend died. not until eli shows up at his apartment and stiles just knows that there's no longer going to be any calls from his 'friend from the hometown'. and stiles thinks about the goddamn jeep and how it's no longer going to be taken care of, that the jeep is just going to be abandoned like stiles originally did. but stiles steps outside and sees his jeep behind eli and realises that it's in new hands now.

stiles tells eli stories about derek from a whole new light, keeps the memory of derek alive, with the jeep in the front yard gleaming. they grieve together for the loss of a loved one.

(because all this time stiles was waiting on the other end of the phone, excited to hear about his jeep, the sheriff, eli, about derek. all this time stiles was waiting on "i found another roll of duct tape hidden in your engine, goddamnit stiles", knowing that he couldn't go back to beacon hills, but he could wait for derek to figure it out and come to him)

(derek doesn't, but his jeep does.)

#i'm SO EMOOOOOOOOO #sterek #i had some time to think about it #but i really liked the idea of derek fixing the jeep not understanding why he was so fixated on it #only for that to be like. the reason adult sterek fall in love #like derek builds a life but he still wants to connect with that 'friend' across the country #and them just missing out on it. #i was honestly rooting for stiles to be dead and derek & eli grieving over him #but having stiles & eli grieving over derek gives me more hurt and i like it! #especially considering they're copy-pastes of each other #it just feels me with a feeling! #meej speaks #teen wolf movie spoilers #tw movie spoilers #teen wolf #eli hale #derek hale #something something stiles fixing the jeep was a way of keeping his mums memory alive #something something eli fixing the jeep is his way of keeping dereks memory alive #something something derek knows this love language and that's why he kept the jeep up despite knowing its owner was never coming back

[active-mind-15]

Oh, did I tell y'all that today I decided to draw kid Bokushi? It's based on an AU I had from long ago (it's still ongoing but I'll share it when I've cleaned up the formatting a lil bit HHHHHH), and I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I miss writing that story so much. I'm planning on getting back to it soon, so until then, I'll just keep drawing for it, I guess.

#i used to draw akashi so much back in the day but now that ive taught myself fundamentals i see what a difference there is in quality #at first when i started drawing akashi again a few weeks ago it felt awkward but now its all coming back to me #ill keep drawing him until it sticks in my muscle memory! #kuroko no basket #knb fanart #akashi seijuro

[skygemspeaks]

i think that the most heartbreaking thing about log horizon for me personally is that it was SO good until it got real fucking weird about minori's crush on shiroe

is it normal for a middle school girl to have a crush on a much older guy who she looks up to and who treats her nicely? yeah, of course, and there's nothing wrong with portraying that either

where it gets really fucking squicky is when the narrative starts treating her as an actual (romantic) threat to the main love interest, who is ten years older than her. and did i mention the guy she has a crush on is also ten years older than her. and the main love interest gets jealous when the main character pays attention to this literal child

edit: also did i mention the main love interest also looks the same age as the middle schooler

#anyways ignore me #log horizon was so groundbreaking to me specifically because it did so many novel things #irt its isekai premise which other isekais tend to ignore #like it was so fucking cool that they made it that people who died just respawned because that turns it into a different kind of horror #than 'dying in the game means dying in real life' #because now you have no way of escaping this situation you're in #it's a prison #you die and you die and you die and you just keep coming back to life #and not only that #you start losing your memories of your real life #how horrific is that?

[bumblingbabooshka]

Guy who always puts on sunscreen when he can, reciting all the risks that sun exposure could pose to an individual Vs. Girl who says “I am Vulcan, I do not require sunscreen” much to the aforementioned guy’s dismay.

#guy who sleeps in fancy robes vs girl who sleeps in essentially a long t-shirt #Tuvok is SUCH a 'hey hey hey where are you going?? come here. sunscreen.' parent #I have fond memories of my mother wrangling me to stay still and then telling me to wait five minutes before I go into the water so the #sunscreen could soak into my skin. #Tuvok can't wrangle T'Pel but he can appeal to her doctor brain and keep reciting all the risks until she reconsiders #(this leads to a 'can you get my back?' moment...win for the both of them) #bea art tag #Tuvok/T'Pel #st voyager #st voyager art #T'Pel #Tuvok #T'Pel puts on sunscreen when she's on Vulcan but like on Earth she's like I'm VULCAN the little EARTH sun is nothing v_v #and Tuvok's in the background like adun'a please put on sunscreen or at least a hat - a hat?? T'Pel??

[makotonaegiunderstander]

thinking about my Tokyo Ghoul au I made for Danganronpa. It was meant to be kind of its own thing, not necessarily doing THH and not necessarily copying the plot beats of Tokyo Ghoul. Either way Makoto takes Kaneki’s place kind of, mainly bc when I read the opening I could not stop thinking about what supernaturally bad luck Kaneki had. And the way Kaneki ended up being the “bridge between two worlds” and represented justice and a means to an end for BOTH sides at different points gave me ‘Ultimate Hope’ vibes. At the same time Kaneki could EASILY be replaced with Hajime due to the conspiracy that Kaneki’s accident was done on purpose to basically experiment on someone to see if they could create the hope they needed. Only reason I didn’t jump to it is bc back then I was sticking Makoto in any scenario I wanted AND there’s another Tokyo Ghoul character that fits Hajime’s story. Anyway. I wanted to toy with the idea of someone who values life and helping others so deeply as Makoto being forced to do horrible things or else lose himself entirely. Becoming something you feared and only viewed as a monster until they revealed themselves to be people, but still horrified to find yourself in the middle. I think Makoto would have a unique reaction and I think he’d lean much more towards self sacrifice and helping try to get both sides to see each other’s humanity much faster than Kaneki did or Hajime would. But he’d also be ashamed and scared of what he’d become and desperate not to hurt anyone, which would be a disaster in the making as the longer a Ghoul goes without eating a person, the more beast like and unhinged they become. It’s not ALL that much different from a vampire au save the fact that there’s no option to just. get a little blood from a living person and leave them just slightly woozy or raid blood bags from donations. You HAVE to seriously injure someone or outright kill them to live, which is what separates the two.

#I’m rambling and losing the ability to type so this may be incoherent sorry #all my memories of the shit I did with Danganronpa has come flooding back to me in waves #I had art of Makoto and Hajime’s kagune somewhere LOL #Makoto’s was like a vine with thorns that could shoot out like bullets. I may workshop that if I ever revisit it though #Hajime’s was essentially a Kagune version of Izuru’s long tendrils of hair. this mass of dark tendrils #almost like a kraken #I MAY change Makoto’s to be the wing ones though bc they can shoot shards (Touka for example) and it could have the bullet effect #in which case I’d give Hajime the vines for an ‘overgrown’ look #Togami is secretly a ghoul from a very affluent house much like that guy that runs the colliseum in TG #Kirigiri works for the. fuck what’s their name. the group that investigates ghouls #but can’t stand the way her father runs things #lots of other shit. I genuinely considered making Junko a normal human who just is the same btw #instead of giving her Rise’s role just making her normal Junko. which would be fun #my idea in that case would have been for Hajime as Izuru to be the ghoul who’s kagune is used on Naegi to make him half goul #OR it could be some random ghoul for whom Naegi’s luck plays a factor #that’s right I’m keeping Hope’s Peak Academy in this the world in this au is well and truly fucked one way or another