#still failing to process

[willows-woes]

well. ha. it was really stupid, wasn't it.

i must've been being a little overdramatic.

it was never that serious.

...

.. i had intent to kill myself that day. i am still in denial about it.

and i guess you could say i tried. i put knives to my wrist and pushed down because i couldn't see a way out of this.

i.. attempted suicide?

is that what it is?

it can't be. no. attempts are serious. mine wasn't.

but there was suicidal intention. i wanted to be dead more than i wanted anything.

i remember. i didn't tell anyone because they were worried enough about me self-harming and starving myself. they didn't need suicide attempts added to the mix. i thought telling them would scare them. i thought "they don't need to know. these scars will be gone by next week anyways. because i failed. pathetically."

#tw suicidality #still failing to process #it's been nearly a month #and i don't want to remember #but the memory keeps coming back to me #sometimes i tell myself that it never happened. i made it up. just so i can pretend for a while. #every time i remember it's like. this sadness. a horrified feeling. this emptiness. i feel ashamed of my failure. #personal

[sheerakk]

#was looking for some fics with these two #I imagine this is one of their first interactions and Hunter is already fed up with Darius #but Darius is just trying to get to know the successor of his mentor and check if he's at least a little bit capable of doing his job #he's also a little weirded out by the similarity between these two #basically I imagine Darius gave him a couple of vibe checks that Hunter had failed #and Hunter takes it as questoning his place in the coven #god darius design is so pink and awful #it's so jover uni starts tommorow #it's like the most boring drawing ever but I'm just still in my I have to get better at backgrounds era #and also if I'll draw 100 awful things I get a decent one eventually #it's like inktober but lasts your whole life and devours your soul in the process #no caption just pure tags now I understand those few people who keep reblogging all my tags cuz I give all the fucking context there #there's probably like 10 things I would spot tommorow that would fix the drawing a whole bunch but I just ...don't want to ig #the owl house #sheerak #the golden guard #darius deamonne #hunter toh #toh hunter #hunter deamonne #toh fanart #the owl house fanart #dadrius #not yet but #you guys most fellow toh fanartists moved on and fanart fiona and cake but I keep brainrotting the same stuff over and over #good old toh trashpile

[the-thursday]

pov: you just tried to take Halt O'Carrick's kids

(version with blood under the read more)

#man. Its been a while. But yup. still drawing #watch me being confident enough not to take reference and failing miserably with his posture and anatomy. #fr if you want to laugh ill just send you the video of the process. #anyhow #i wouldnt want to cross feral halt #also i need feral halt in my life #halt o'carrick #rangers apprentice #ranger's apprentice #thursday draws

[nerdie-faerie]

I'm once again thinking about the missed opportunities to have Klaus and Kol bond more. Part of Klaus' whole motivation as a vampire is to get his werewolf part back and to finally be stronger than Mikael (sort of, I'm simplifying) both of which can be obtained by breaking his curse. But Kol? Kol is the only other original that can relate to having a fundamental part of themself ripped away from them. Klaus might not have known he was a werewolf until he killed, but he likely still had a connection he couldn't explain, as evident by him going to watch the wolves transform. And something he'd never been able to explain was now gone. He might only be able to realise the connection afterwards through its absence.

Kol though. Kol had grown up with magic, a connection to nature and the world around him in a way the rest of his siblings supposedly didn't have. And then he gets turned. And not only has his baby brother died, his father has just murdered him and the rest of his siblings after forcing them to drink human blood, which he'll later learn. Now, not only does he have to deal with the grief of Henrik's death and also his own but also the loss of his magic. A loss that's likely only worsened by Kol being a self-proclaimed child prodigy.

Kol is pretty much the only one who could understand what Klaus is going through with the binding of his wolf. We know Kol searched for ways to get his magic back/carry on practicing magic in the same way that Klaus was looking for ways to break his curse. While Klaus likely could still feel his wolf there despite being bound, Kol has no access to his magic anymore. I just think they should've been able to bond or connect over their shared loss of an intrinsic aspect of their selves at the hands of their parents

#TVD #The Mikaelsons #Kol Mikaelson #Klaus Mikaelson #briefly back on my the originals shouldve gotten to be a family goddammit and as someone from a big family im personally offended bs #i did right a lil snippet about them bonding over this that i havent posted yet for the joml verse but still think its an unexplored concep #need more witch!kol acknowledgement honestly. just need more content of my boy #anyway. klaus having a fascination with the moon and kol telling him about celestial events and how it affects his magic when theyre boys #klaus losing that connection to the moon feeling lost & extra tempermental feeling his wolf claw at its binds and vowing to break his curse #kol determined to get his magic back at any cost relating to that devasting loss and promising to help him find a loophole for his curse #kol who becomes extra reckless and determined when he learns that theres a way to break klaus' curse so maybe he can get his magic back too #that knowledge and recklessness combined with his loss of magic driving him to become the volatile vampire that we see #that leads to him being daggered repeatedly but that first time breaks something in that bond between him & klaus that never fully recovers #it makes him bitter and resentful only fueling his reckless behaviour particularly when there seems to be no leads on reclaiming his magic #that he becomes distant from his siblings in the process especially with finn still daggered but that distance only cements the idea #to his siblings that hes a danger and cant be trusted that he needs to be daggered if theyre to stay safe from mikael #the loss of his magic leading to his spiral as a vampire and him being ostracised by his family > actual tvdu kol canon #klaus being trapped in a room staring at the corpse of his little brother knowing he never repaired that relationship with him #and now he never can so he refuses to look away as penance and a reminder of his failings to his little brother #*edit: one of the reblogs on this post is the author of big bad wolf and honestly she does an amazing job at portraying the mikaelsons #as actual siblings if you havent read it its one of my favourites for characterisations but we need more 😭 i want it to be the norm

[p4nishers]

thinking about the relationship between mightily oats' "the worthwhile [words] don't burn" and constable dorfl's "the words in the heart cannot be taken"

#especially the journey both of them had to go through to get to the point of saying that. like the whole of carpe jugulum oats was so TORN #and before that too about what words could you believe and who could you really trust on their word about om and the prophets and he went #out of his way to look up records disproving what the book of om said bc he KNEW nothing they said could be believed and just all the pain #and all that doubt he went thru and the part where he questioned om's 'infinite compassion' as he prayed bc really what compassion? #how many people prayed at the stake just like he was doing in that moment? how many people had to live with the silence of their god just #like he did? but still when his book of om – that he clung to the whole book for reassurance – burned he said the worthily words don't burn #the worthily words are in the heart and in the mind and not feed into his mouth by old man who just #made things up to justify their actions. he had all the words he needded the whole time and holiness was always all around him. he just had #to look #and dorfl being created with words in his head that dictated his every move . words that chained him. then he and the other golems created #'king' for themselves in the hope he'd lead them to freedom but they put too many words in his head and he failed and carrot gave dorfl his #own freedom and his own words and that lead to dorfl destroying his well child basically and destroying himself in the process but the word #in his heart his OWN words remained and they were able to rebuilt him and vimes give him a voice and his words and belief remained in him b #they were always his #god. sorry for the ramble im severally unwell about them #mightily oats #constable dorfl #carpe jugulum #feet of clay #gnu terry pratchett #discworld

[n0bluev]

+

(eyes only 4 u)

EDIT: HI IM IRRATIONALLY ANGRY AT THIS DRAWING HAVE SOME COLOUR BLORBSIFICATIONS

#crunchy ah (slightly edited for my sanity) screenshot i took from the procreate timelapse #its so different to the 'final product [linked in “+”]' cuz i kinda ended up scratching the whole thing and sketching on top at the end lol #the process of drawing this was PAINFUL (was fighting for dear life against art block at the time) #but while checking the (painful. awful.) timelapse i kinda went 'hm. the eye kinda popped right tho...' #so i took that and went beep boop to fix it just a bit and im posting this too enjoy #呪術廻戦 #五条悟 #gojo satoru #jjk #jjk fanart #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fanart #satosugu #gojo fanart #gojo satoru fanart #gojo #stsg #and yeah. i was messing with artstyles (and failing and crying-) and still am so... uh hope u like the art and that you can see details tha #make my art mine even when i cant rly see or appreciate it myself lol #that being said art is bound to improve and evolve with time and life so im not too worried ^^ (artblock still sucks tho hah) #+ the glasses are crooked / in a wrong angle and I KNEW THIS WHILE DRAWING BUT WAS TOO DARN LAZY + ratio (YEAH! RATIO!!)

[oifaaa]

so... does time travel jason succeed (keep his past self alive)? or does the red hood 2 electric boogaloo show up

He succeeded which you know considering he failed at everything else he set out to do in the past it's the small wins

#ask #anon #he was trying really hard from stopping bruce and dick from becoming batman and robin #completely failed at that #actually speed up the process in bruces case #but still atleast baby jasons alive #but baby jason also now hates big jasons guts #you know you gotta take the good with the bad

[nostalgia-tblr]

Right I'm not saying Odin's not had a terrible amount of colonialism and war going on over his however-long-it's-been reign but when Thor wants to lay waste to Jotunheim and Odin tells him off for this it's not just hypocrisy at work, because the Odin of the timeframe of that movie seems sure that this would be Wrong not just politically bothersome and yet he also doesn't really explain to Thor why things are different now and putting that together what you have is this: Odin can't explain his own apparent change of heart without revealing that "oh yeah your brother's a Jotun," even though he must be fairly sure that this information would stop Thor's xenophobic bloodlust in its tracks as effectively as it did his own.

#thor (2011) #mcu tag i guess #he's had plenty of time to think of a handy excuse that doesn't give anything away but in that reality things are less dramatic generally #like in the reality where when Odin fainted Frigga (remember her?) explained their thought process and expressed their love etc #and you know what now i wonder *when* sylvie got told she was adopted cos it *could* be not long before she wandered off-path #i think we've all assumed she just always knew? but if not the TVA come cos she's still playing valkyrie-saves-ppl AFTER she knows the trut #which would mean SHE did nothing 'wrong' - the point of divergence was her parents failing to traumatise her sufficiently and spark off #a spiral into villainy for her. which then also means they DID fuck up her life by not fucking her up enough. oh the irony :(

[pinksilvace]

Some eternally unfinished painting practice with a sketch from a few weeks back that accidentally turned into a fabric study

#my art #fernart #this one goes out to varja for reminding me how much I missed drawing that old man #this was fun. it's been a while since I've tried painting with this particular process #don't think I'll be maintagging this one. however: #philip wittebane #I've been staring at this for too long. hopefully the colors still look okay in the morning lol #FABRIC STUDY I say as if there was any reference used. oh my dear brain don't fail me now #yes stuff disappears yes some lighting is off it's fine it's whatever #know that in my heart of hearts if I ever finished this he'd be much wrinklier

[extra-somethin-somethin]

good ending! gay love pierces through the veil of death yet again✌🏼

something something man is god to a dog ft. kuwameshi

I'm Your Man, Mitski

#kuwameshi #yyh #yu yu hakusho #kuwabara kazuma #urameshi yusuke #i'm your man #lyric edit #me when yusuke is a dog but kuwabara is his dog in that yusuke's his man and kuwa looks to him with adoration and trust #even if he dies giving him that trust it doesn't falter. crazy #yusuke is sorry just so sorry to be on the receiving end of that because what happens when he ultimately fails? #he wishes kuwa would've picked someone else. someone better. bc even if he wins it's a loss. bc kuwabara is gone. #but ending on angst when kuwa isnt even dead sucks so happy ending!! #''i deserve it. don't i?'' it's still a question at the end. leaving kuwa to decide. because yusuke trusts him too. #trusts his judgement of yusuke. and of course he'd be pardoned #kuwa's very survival is his pardon. the question is answered. they both live. they love. #there's tons i could say on the thought process that went into each cap but yknow. yapping lmao #sorry if this is lame or wtv i just couldn't stop thinking about it #i got all the screencaps from the source! i was about to painstakingly take screenshots but they already exist yay!! #qeued post

[moonsun2010]

Mr. Jonathan Harker

Other portraits:

Mina | Jonathan | Dracula | Lucy | Lucy...? | Lucy (Final) | Jonathan (3 Oct) | Mina (3 Oct) | Dracula (Final)

#my art #dracula #dracula daily #jonathan harker #attempting to rip off (and failing because idk how to get those impressionistic strokesl has its benefits. learnt how to draw eyes better!! #the background is supposed to be foggy mountains...25 junes entry is very much still on my mind #red tie for jon greenblue neckthing for mina to try and show their connection to each other thats the Most thought i put into chara design #im no pro so my design process is just ((hm doctor? glasses then)) ((i made this chara pale so the next one has tanner skin then))

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID: a coloured and shaded digital sketch of Luz and Lilith from the owl house. They're depicted with their designs from For the Future. Luz is tackle-hugging Lilith, ugly crying and exclaiming "I missed you so much". Lilith braces for the hug and smiles with tears also in her eyes. The background is a pale yellow colour and previous versions of the sketch can be seen at low opacity behind the full drawing. End ID]

When you see your cool aunt (actually a loser but you love her) for the first time in months and she has a badass apocalypse makeover but still somehow looks like a librarian

#the owl house #toh #luz noceda #lilith clawthorne #I have a distinct feeling they won't reunite until the last episode (which I'm cool with #we're kinda busy rn) #but that won't stop me from imagining self-indulgent scenarios!! I love their relationship so much #luz really went from calling Lilith a bitch in the only way the disney channel would allow to being like. okay she's pathetic #in the first few episodes of season 2 and then by elsewhere and elsewhen when Lilith is visibly doing better luz is so supportive #of like. her new job and hobbies and stuff #and Lilith is still the same cringe fail slug woman we all know and love but she cares about Luz! #she wants to help her and share her interests with her! #they're so lame together and I adore them soooo much. adhd and autism best friends forever (real) #this was a quick doodle that i put way too mucn effort into colouring and posing wise to not post #I'm proud of the shading not bc it's especially intricate or pretty #but because the process was entirely me colour picking each individual colour and futzing with it until i got coherent shading #it's not something i do often but i love to practice it cause i feel like it improves my colour sense #and also allows me to micro manage the palette #like how Luz's azura outfit and the inside of her mouth and Lilith's skin are all the same shade of off-white #BUT i gave Lilith's a warmer shading tone (bc it's skin and has blood beneath it) while Luz's teeth has a yellow shading cast #(since that's the colour teeth turn w/o enamel and most ppls teeth is a yellowy off-white anyway) and then Luz's outfit has a teal cast! #bc i wanted white fabric to look different to pale white skin or teeth #that's such a niche thing to have fun doing and appreciate abt my own work but like. it's there! #I'm not a master of colour by any means it's just nice to be able to do that

[evilkitten3]

one of the most frustrating things about reading naruto meta is that every now and then you'll run into a post that's absolutely brilliantly thought out, has stupendous points, and pulls out all the stops on almost every level....

and you just have to stop and wonder how someone can simultaneously be so good at media analysis and so fucking bad at accepting that sometimes authors just cannot and/or will not write female characters on any level

#naruto #naruto shippuden #fandom crit #like how do you manage to process so much multi-layered political ninja stuff #and yet fail to comprehend that sometimes media has misogyny in it #sometimes male authors are simply sexist #bc there are people in this world who can understand the intricacies of the political minefield #but not the concept of women being human beings with the same levels of complexity as men #how do you write so much genuinely incredible and well-thought out meta #and yet still manage to come to the conclusion that a fictional 12yo girl is responsible for how a real life adult man wrote her #like. ????????? #''why didn't [insert girl here] just do [insert thing here]'' bc the author fundamentally does not view women as people next question #like out of all the things in the world of media that are hard to understand #how is ''sexism exists and you see it sometimes'' so high on that list #like ok it's been a while since high school but i thought ''the author's views color their work'' was media literacy 101

[waterfall-ambience]

kuya phobos

#oc art #globeland perpetua #my art #phobos abaddon #his design process is fun bc in a way he's everything damien fails to be. he's older and cooler and stronger and more of an asshole lol #so i took the opportunity to design him for a very specific crowd #im still sorting out stuff like his default outfit when he's not in armour (even if he might wear armour 24/7). he wont be in a suit bc why

[moe-broey]

HEARTBREAKING

Worst Dad You Know Has an Extremely Endearing (Now) Reoccurring Character Trait

For further context: this whole FB involved Sharena and Henriette seeking out lockpickers in the Order of Heroes to open this VERY SECURELY locked box from Gustav's room that took Tina's special staff to finally crack open (or rather -- "steal" the contents out of. No one could actually break the lock!)

And the first instance of this!

It makes me wonder if he saved anything related to Sharena..........

#fire emblem #feh #man. henriette's sad portrait w 'yes. he must have' carries so much bittersweet grief. augh #when it comes to sharena idk if i would be more angry if he did save something or if he didn't. i'm almost leaning towards the first though #like. idk if i can even word it but it fucking sucks when you have family that 'loves' you and they do actually genuinely love you #but they just. do it wrong. and fail you severely in the process. you think to yourself it would have been easier actually #if they had simply never loved you at all. or if they were upfront and told you they don't love you anymore. #at least then you can be as vindictive as you want and hold a grudge forever and be completely justified #but extremely begrudgingly this DOES make gustav a compelling character. in so many ways #you can see where it all went wrong. you can see henriette sees something in him that no one else can. and she's not crazy for it #she was probably there. she probably saw it all happen. she knows him w a level of intimacy no one else does. #and now you see these little humanizing traits. he loved his son. he loved his partner and wife. #juries still out on his daughter. #but you get what i'm saying right? it's terribly tragic. it's painful. #man. #i'm still gustav's number one hater though. just so we're clear. #AUGH IT'S JUST. THE PLAYFULNESS OF IT. IS ACTUALLY SO PAINFUL. LOOKING AT EVERYTHING WE KNOW #they had a rock competition........ to find the roundest rock.......... and she won....... and he saved the rock she found...... #THAT'S. AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #you cannot fucking IMAGINE gustav doing that. and yet. in another time. he did. and that's who henriette fell in love with #and that's who herniette still sees. and she's not fucking wrong for it. not entirely. he still has that fucking rock. #dude i'm gonna be sick. #fe gustav #fe henriette #sharena #fe tina #fe alfonse #he's. mentioned. might as well tag him LMFAO

[lunarharp]

some illustrations/vibes from my uhh 29k memory trauma/disability focus orufrey fic, into the deep end.

#witch hat tag #orufrey #idk what more i'll draw so i'll just put these here. i think my failing eye qifrey will be with me forever now. #yesterday - i realise this is probably weird - i BURST into tears for ages like hot tears bc i just suddenly was overwhelmed #by oru's feelings rather than qifrey's. i was just in my orufrey mindscape as usual teehee and i just. oru wanted qifrey to be able to look #at him so much suddenly. and realised that can't ever happen again. i could literally cry a lot again now. i wrote oru trying so hard #to focus on the good qifrey can still have from living and i felt bad and HE felt bad in that moment for being SO sad about it #but until then i/he hadn't processed the truly painful parts of disability that you can't deny. sometimes it hurts so bad and it's unfair #the thing is i do feel that shirahama is leading up to this. disability is so central to witch hat and as for qifrey's narrative... #mm. i can't really believe the powerful and desperate emotions orufrey give me lol anyyyyywwaaayyyyy read my fic haha #i want more ppl to read it and tell me they enjoyed it..but you can't beg for such a thing. no matter what orufrey is..god they are so much #i am so glad from the bottom of my heart that i encountered this manga. #the first drawing is meant to express the feeling of pain coming from one place in your body. and feeling like a conduit #*oru voice* You are a human being.