#but. that's just my take 🫡

[daz4i]

a little insane to me to see ppl perceive kunikida as like. law abiding citizen who never steps out of line and always does as he's told. you'd expect with a set of qualities like this that he'd be a cop, but there's a reason he's in the ada, that does things that aren't quite within the law's confinement. also more simply dude he has "authority" in his list of dislikes do you honestly think he would just blindly follow orders. just bc my guy has ocd doesn't mean he's a bootlicker please don't misread him like that.

#ok the ocd part is my own interpretation. but i stand firm with it #him not joining the hunting dogs is more than just liking the agency. i think #i don't think he sees all laws as just. so why would he follow them all to a t? he has his own sense of justice and morals and IDEALS #he could never thrive in a group meant to maintain law and order. let alone one that hurts people to do so #but. that's just my take 🫡

[kaladinkholins]

yall i just KEEP doing back to mizu and taigen's wrestling scene in master eiji's forge and like i know that taigen literally got a boner from it BUT THE THING IS out of all the scenes these two have together, this scene actually has the least sexual tension ?!? cuz like the boner aside, this scene is actually very soft and emotions-driven rather than pure passion or lust.

arguably, a more passionate and sexually-charged scene would be their previous brawl in the snow with the chopsticks, which is tense and angry and also the scene that mizu thinks about when madame kaji talks about being honest with one's innermost desires.

but THIS scene in the forge? warm colours. their laughter and their smiles that both equally genuine. the WAY taigen looks at mizu in that scene, staring first at her lips, her smile, then looking into her eyes. and you can see by the framing of the scene and the look on his face that he is, for the first time, seeing her eyes as something beautiful rather than off-putting or frightening.

like before this point he's already come to not only respect mizu as a person and an equal but also admires her as an incredible swordsman and as someone who is kind and honourable* for having saved his life at the expense of her revenge quest. so as of the time of them tussling in the forge, taigen has already put aside his prejudices about mizu's blue eyes and no longer finds them as any cause for disgust. but in this scene he's not just indifferent about her eyes, but attracted too it.

and i'd also like to argue that his boner is not from the physical exertion or the act of wrestling itself, but from the intimacy of a playful spar, enjoying each other's easy company after having established a deep trust with each other (taigen endured torture for mizu and helped defend her from archers in the chasm while mizu saved his life from fowler's castle)

and all this while in the safety of mizu's childhood home while both of them are still recovering from near-death, amplifying their vulnerability with each other.

like when was the last time mizu cracked a genuine smile, let alone a laugh that's more than a little wry chuckle?? and for this to happen at such a low point in her life also speaks to the comfort this little friendly spar gives her.

because like, this is after she failed her mission to kill fowler. meanwhile her sword--the embodiment of her soul--is broken, and ringo who is her closest confidant is now angry at her and barely even looks at her. it just further lends to the inherent tenderness and intimacy in this scene. and i just. AHHHH i love them your honour....

* ALSO as a side note about taigen believing mizu to be honourable: he later realises that this assumption turns out to be quite false when she reveals that she'd not only allowed akemi to be taken away against her will but also has said nothing about fowler's impending attack on edo. also i find it very interesting that out of the two revelations, taigen is less angered by mizu letting akemi being married off (he sighs angrily and marches off saying he has to go to edo to find akemi), but much more angered by mizu's refusal to save the shogun and the shogunate as a whole. this is more proof that taigen's central principles are firmly rooted in the bushido and the concept of honour that comes with that. it's why he lashes out at mizu. because he'd believed mizu to be honourable and righteous, but was proven wrong. that's not to say that taigen is in the right for calling mizu a demon, not by any means. but i just find it a very interesting part of his character and it relates to his relationship and perception of mizu

also while rewatching the episode i found this very funny they just lyin there in the cart like this 🧍🏽‍♂️🧍🏽‍♂️

#blue eye samurai #mizu x taigen #taimizu #taizu #taigen blue eye samurai #mizu blue eye samurai #blue eye samurai meta #sorry yall but i prefer taimizu as the ship name so i'll probably just be using that from now on 🫡 #also like.. the way im still recovering from covid while i have 2 deadlines back to back tomorrow and the day after #but im too busy hyperfixating on this show!!!! #if only i could channel all this energy into my actual literary studies papers that'd be great #but at the moment i be caring more about these fuckers than whatever william blake's got going on #jk i do still love william blake's poetry but my stupid ships take up way more space in my brain ykwim 🤒 #anyway... #shut up haydar #meta dissertations.pdf #fandom.rtf

[genderqueerturtle]

Based off of this

Uh-oh, the Leo's are fighting! Whoever rolls the highest on the twenty-sided die wins uh.. bragging rights? I dunno I'll come up with something cool later

The girlies (/genderneutral) are gossiping this can't end well

@uno-flavored @bettertwin1

So I decided to actually roll a die to see what were my chances at winning being the best Leo

Why was my roll so bad 💔

#tw eyestrain #the leo complex #I just googled twenty-sided die and apparently you can actually roll one #If either of you take up the challenge good luck 🫡 #I can't believe I rolled a 6 this is blasphemy #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2012 #rottmnt #leo #leonardo #2012 leo #2012 leonardo #rottmnt leo #rottmnt leonardo #fanart #my art #system art #moots

[basslinegrave]

grabby

#dug out the stobotnik usb again (an old SD card that has a stobotnik folder in it) and there was this thing #i have No idea if i ever posted it but its in such a bad quality no matter what i do it looks awful as a gif #and i Hope i made it but the og files were like screen recording something something and then like movie01 or something #so i assume i merget two scenes from the bloopers and hopefully didnt take anyones video 🫡 #i just want it on my blawg and i havent found it so #stobotnik #gif #sonic #sorry for the quality it is what it is #too lazy to try to remake it. i downloaded the bloopers back then so i could but i dont think the quality was any better

[hallowclave]

She para on my humans till I [GRUESOME SOUNDS OF BUG FUELED VIOLENCE]

Redraw of a skitter design I did a little over a year ago, comparison under the read more

And the sketch. As a little treat. Just for you.

#taylor Herbert #parahumans #parahumans worm #worm #my art #I’m sorry it’s so dark her hair being black and her suit also being black is so irritating to me #eyes changed to red to mimic a fly. face mask had a minor change to mimic the head of an ant better #antennae got a little extra prong to mimic ant pincers and also bc hollow knight fan #boots got a steel toe for maximum violence potential #suit padding was actually referenced off of motorcycle armor instead of just winging it #no skirt or belt because I don’t think the former looked good and I didn’t want to draw the latter #even if it’s not canonically accurate she needs some form of armor. Taylor your vital organs. they’re in danger. #iirc she DID put knee pads and stuff on when she first started out. and yet she refuses to wear a helmet. inevitable TBI moment. #in terms of general art stuff the posing looks so much better. look who learned about contrapposto. #and improved (a little) at anatomy. not really on costume design but we’re taking baby steps. #I’d like to thank the wormblr fans for recirculating the og post every three months or so for getting me out of my art block #nothing will make you draw faster than seeing your old art go around. #i promise I’ll finish worm one day 🫡 #end of patch notes/ted talk/etc

[lynxchu]

#golden kamuy #ogata hyakunosuke #hanazawa yuusaku #🫡🫡🫡 #idk why i overdo my doodles like this #just take it

[red-flagging]

💛 seb/lewis :-)

(kiss fic prompts!)

a little epilogue to rabbits are chasing :)

Lewis's flight lands at 8:02PM, which means that by 7:31PM, Seb is parked outside the airport arrivals door, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel and scanning the sky for approaching planes.

It's quite silly, getting here so early, but it's not as if there's much left to do at home. There's roast vegetables waiting in the oven, the cauliflower steaks that he started marinating earlier this morning chilling in the fridge. Mina and Ellie are safely ensconced in their duck coop with the heater turned on for the night. The sheets on the guest bed are freshly washed.

The car parked behind him starts up. Its headlights illuminate Seb's cabin. For a moment, he catches a glimpse of himself, harried and too-bright, in the rearview mirror. He scrubs his hands down his face. Christ. Get it together, Sebastian. He is a full 39 years old. Far too old to be getting the same jitters that he did the first time he invited a girl over at age 17, agonizing about what album to have playing when they came back to his room. Lewis is far too old for Seb to be doing all this. Lewis might not even be gay.

His phone buzzes. Seb nearly jumps out of his seat.

Lewis

just landed

getting my luggage now

hows it so freaking cold here

The inside of the car is already fogging up. When he'd asked Lewis to send dates he could come visit and Lewis had said just so you know the next few months are kind of crazy for me, Seb had expected late fall, maybe the holidays. Not the middle of slush season, when all the roads up the mountain have a 50/50 chance of being so muddy that they're undriveable.

Sebastian

I'm outside, in the blue Infiniti :)

He glances back up at himself in the mirror. The scab from where a wood chip caught the corner of his eyebrow while he was sanding the new planter box is almost healed over. His hair looks as good as it's ever going to. If Lewis asks whether he's been using conditioner, he's fucked.

It shouldn't feel like this. Seb beat Lewis to Senna's record, and Lewis still laughed at all his jokes the next season. Lewis watched Seb DNF twice in five races and still said in the media pen that he was waiting for the day Seb would be back up on the podium with him. When they inevitably auction off Lewis's Le Mans racesuit, it'll have to be with Seb's snot all over the front of it, because Lewis let Seb sob all over him and then laughed as he wiped sweat off of Seb's cheek with the sleeve. After all that – the fact that he's about to be in Seb's house for the next week shouldn't make Seb feel like he's standing in front of Lewis naked, without even the promise of a fast car or a good competition to distract Lewis from looking right at him.

His phone buzzes again.

Lewis

outside i think

Seb peers through the windscreen. Lewis – or rather, the blurry figure lugging a giant suitcase behind him that he assumes is Lewis – waves at him from the sidewalk. Seb flashes his lights at him twice.

The back door opens and Lewis's head, along with a burst of cold night air, pops in. "Hey," he says, a little breathlessly. "I don't think this is going to fit in the back."

It does, eventually, but not without a fight that involves Seb having to climb into the trunk alongside Lewis's suitcase and physically wrestle it into place while Lewis shoves from behind. They're both out of breath by the time they finally climb back in the front and slam the doors shut.

"You know, there are beds at the farm," Seb points out. "You didn't have to pack your own."

Lewis shakes his head, tugging off his gloves. His coat collar is turned up around his neck. He's wearing an an ear warmer headband, held in place by two butterfly pins. Every other bit of uncovered skin is pink, even with the heat in the car up at full blast. Lewis shoves his fingers in front of the vents and sighs with relief, closing his eyes. "Ugh, thank God," he says. He sounds exhausted. "Listen, you're lucky I fit everything into one." It sounds far less like a joke than Seb would hope. The fact that the fondness in Seb's chest still manages to outweigh the exasperation is probably a sign that Seb's beyond salvation.

"Next time I'll bring a trailer so you can fit your bathtub and toilet, too," he says, reaching for the keys. The engine purrs to life as he flicks the lights back on, then leans forward to scrub the worst of the fog off the windscreen. The thermometer on the dash says it's still 3 degrees outside. They might still be able to make it back before the slush freezes over. "Okay," he says, sitting back down and twisting around to reach for his seatbelt. "Ready to go?"

Lewis doesn't say anything. When Seb looks over, he's staring out the front window, playing with one of his rings.

"Lewis?" Seb asks.

Lewis's head jerks around. "Hm?" he says. "Oh. Yeah." He doesn't move to put on his seatbelt.

Seb frowns. Kills the engine so he can properly turn in his seat. "Lewis," he says. "Is everything –"

Lewis leans across the console and kisses him.

It's barely half a second. Seb still hasn't moved by the time Lewis sits back down on his side of the car.

"Uh," Lewis says, after a second. He clears his throat. "Sorry. I just – Shit. Sorry. The whole way over, all I could think about was – I had to get it over with before I chickened out."

He's fiddling with his rings again, but his eyes stay fixed on Seb's. His jaw is set. He still looks half-ready to bolt through the door behind him, out into the night.

"Well, you don't have to make it sound like taking your medicine, Christ," Seb says hoarsely, and drags Lewis back across the console to kiss him properly.

Lewis's lips are still cold. When Seb opens his mouth, Lewis sighs, pressing in closer with a soft sound that makes Seb want to go twenty years back in time and kick himself for not figuring out how to make Lewis make that noise sooner. His hands settle on Seb's wrists, holding him in place. Seb slides his own hands up, cradling the back of Lewis's head, to return the favor.

When he finally pulls away just far enough to catch his breath, Lewis follows him, close enough that their noses bump. His eyes are wide. This close up, Seb can see the dark circles under them more clearly.

He closes his eyes. Lewis is still there when he opens them.

"How long have you been awake?" he asks.

Lewis blinks. "What," he says. "Are you talking about."

"Sleep deprivation," Seb says. His heart is pounding hard enough that he feels it in his throat. "People start to get delirious when they're tired enough –"

"I was awake for 24 hours and I didn't kiss you at the end," Lewis interrupts, his eyes sharp and bright. "I'm not making the same mistake twice."

Seb opens his mouth and nothing comes out. He tries again. Still nothing.

"Fuck," he says, closing his eyes. "Okay. Okay." He drags himself back upright and reaches for the keys. "We can – tomorrow. But we should – you need to shower. And sleep." Lewis's hand settles on his leg. Seb rests his own on top of it; after a second, he squeezes Lewis's fingers gently. Lewis flips his hand over and laces their fingers together.

"Yeah," Lewis says. His thumb traces over Seb's knuckles. "That – tomorrow sounds good."

The slush crackles under the tires when Seb starts to move. Ahead of them, the headlights carve a path through the darkness. Lewis's hand is a solid, steady weight against his leg. "Okay," Seb says, to himself, to both of them, to no one. Lewis hums softly from his side of the car. He squeezes Seb's knee gently.

Seb closes his eyes for a second. "Okay," he says quietly. "Yeah. Let's go home."

#my fic #collarboen #rpf #sorry to possibly?? retcon the fade to black kiss at the end of rabbits are chasing and be like PSYCH it took 9 months after that...but in #my heart this has always* been the truth #*i came up with it ten minutes into brainstorming this prompt but now i'm attached to it and have accepted it into my heart and home #the post-retirement post-gay awakening post-journey of self acceptance slow burn slash anxiety spiral #that happened over the 9 month interlude on lewis's end is left as a thought experiment for the reader :) #thank u for giving me an excuse to write this autumn :) #i am slowly making my way through the rest of these lol ty to everyone who has sent them in they've been so fun!! #you are welcome to send in more but just be warned that the next batch will probably take. much longer lol. but i will keep doing my best 🫡

[warmsol]

simblr has been more quiet lately, i hope everyone is okay and taking care of themselves. ♥️

#at least MY dashboard has been slower lately! which is funny because i follow 700ish blogs 😭 #(4-5 of which are bg3 and i definitely see more bg3 than sims lately ajdkdjs) #anyway whether it’s school or work or other hobbies/things taking up time i wish you well :’) #i’m definitely still hanging around just posting more on my side blog (calidosun) and still obsessed w bg3 lmaoo #but that being said i NEED to get a halloween or fall themed post done before the month is over. i’m itching for it. 🎃 #wish me luck though because keeping my game open for more than a hour at a time has been difficult lately 🫡 #alright love u gays

[uncanny-tranny]

The idea that Black people are predisposed to hating queer people is Anti-Black rascism. The people most hurt by these assertions are not only Black people but queer Black people as well. You are not saving queer people by throwing Black people under the bus, and you'll never save queers by doing that, so just stop.

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #racism tw #racism mention tw #antiblackness tw #antiblackness mention tw #queerphobia tw #also evaluate what underlying prejudices led to that strong sense that that idea was not only *right* but something to verbalize #saw some uhhhh... words of choice from somebody who said something i've heard for years #like... y'all do know Black queer people exist and can see/hear/read what you're saying right. and that that doesn't make them feel safe. #but i digress. this is not my post to add onto anymore. Black people feel free to take this and add onto/expand/whatever... #...you feel comfortable and/or safe sharing 🫡 #and even IF somehow Black queer people didn't exist... it still isn't appropriate or right or just to be anti-Black. because it never is. #even IF somehow you didn't share community with Black people they still deserve not to face anti-Blackness. #okay. NOW i digress apparently.

[badlydrawn-brostrider]

Hello there Mr. Strider i'm not sure when this letter will arrive but i wanted to talk to you a bit this christmas. How have you been? Did you recieve any cool and ironic gifts? Well i'm sure you know this is not the subject of this letter, why would i write a letter to ask such casual things when we have other more interesting topics on the table.

I've noticed you don't seem to like Lil Cal anymore? And may i ask why? He is your friend, he wants what's best for you, he wants to make you cool and ironic, he wants you to join him. If you went back with him you could become better, become a divine creature like him.

Your body is not yours, you have got no autonomy, you like it or not you are a vessel for him, you should feel joyous that he chose you and not somebody else, the god of irony and coolness and you dare reject it? But there's no escaping it, every Dirk is doomed.

Merry Chrismas sir!

PS: if you see wolfpup anon tell it that it has to go back hoem it'll be on big trouble.

-☢ anon

BRO: Who the fuck- Why the hell would you even say somethin' like this? Who the fuck do you think you are? Gettin' real ballsy hidin' behind anon. I'm not some fuckin' vessel.

BRO: I'm- . . I'm not.

BRO: Shut up.

BRO: Don't you ever fuckin' speak to me like this agai--

BRO: . . .

BRO: . . .

[ That fucking puppet. You should get rid of it. ]

[ . . . ]

[ You don't. ]

#hello i was given the opportunity to touch on cal issues and BOY HOWDY #I AM TAKING IT #bro doesnr really feel like an adult since he.. never truly got to live his life himself? #he sees cal and its like boom: thats my parent/guardian/protector who only wanted the best for me #of COURSE he just- fold at the sight of him #even if hes been fighting it the whole time he MISSES cal soso much #like ive said befote #whats a puppet without its puppeteer? #hows he supposed to function without cal? not well thats for sure #anyways teehee #bro strider #dirk strider #☢︎ anon #TY FOR UR CAL ASKS🫡 #homestuck ask blog #hom3stuck #homestuck #anon asks

[prettyboykatsuki]

brb 🫡

#aristotle.txt #I AM NOT LEAVING #but i am gonna take a little break which i am actually very sad thinking about #ill still pop in every once in a while and check asks #but im gonna cool it w the yapping a bit and sort my brain out #i will miss u pls do not forget abt me while im on vacation #itll be a month 🫡 i think #latest discourse just felt like really particularly triggering because of my life experiences so i cant really open the app w our feeling #sour about. i have a few fics and stuff i will upload over tome #TIME #I FEEL SO BAD LEAVING FOR A BIT IM NOT JUMPING SHIP YET #just a bit Troubled you know. #COMMI #ill leave the ask box open for the time being i stil have to find all me mutuals lol

[peanutseagle]

guys im sorry i swear i'll post soon but the infatuation with my classmate has taken over my hands

#he is neither aware of my online presence nor tumblrs exsistence #so i could theoretically post the drawings i made of him #bUT i aint taking that risk #if you REALLY wanna see tho just message me lol 🫡 #hamocrap #crush saga

[lesbianshadowheart]

I would truly, truly love to hear your takes on the bg3 relationship quadrant network analysis you have done pls

OKAY so. idk if you'd seen it but this is what i made like a couple weeks into the game

and i STAND BY IT!! although one caveat is that this is an early-game state as for instance Shadowheart's and Lae'zel's relationship gets more complex and mutually appreciative later on. But let's go thru this one by one

so the initial relationship between SH and LZ is a PRIME example of kismesitude. their hate and attraction is almost fateful in nature, considering their narrative opposition and hidden layers of similarity. It even comes to a tipping point and they try to kill each other and the player has to come in and auspistice. I do see the potential for <3/<3< vacillation later on or even either a stable <3 or <3< relationship as they settle their differences

Lae'zel is also in a dire need of a moirail and of course the player can fill that role but just among these characters? It would have to be someone she respects enough and who is willing to curb her aggression. Shadowheart would be the best candidate but they want to fuck each other too much for it to work. Karlach would work BUT K also needs a moirail to cool her down sometimes and Lae'zel simply is not that!! I've had several comments saying it should be Gale but I honestly don't know if she respects him enough. sorry. maybe there is pale beauty there im not seeing feel free to prove me wrong

SH<3Karlach is clear and self-explanatory they would simply be in a passionate, healthy relationship. Karlach's moirallegiance with Wyll could also potentially veer into <3 territory but I honestly see them as BESTIESSSS the most, hey're like, queerplatonic to me. they respect and appreciate each other, neither of them really needs the 'stop murdering people' aspect of moirallegiance but Wyll can cool Karlach down if she gets too emotional and I think Karlach could teach Wyll to love himself. Millions of brave Wyllach warriors out there saying it better I'm sure.

Astarion<3/<3< Wyll is literally just what that post said. They have a poetic, almost fairytale-like quality to the duality that comes from how each of them relates to their identity as a 'monster'. The'd be at odds morally of course, but could fix each other eventually, and of course they would be attracted to each other but I think Wyll would think he SHOULDN'T be into an immoral vampire, and Astarion would be like I don't ACTUALLY like him im just like...objectifying him (not true), contributing to the pitched aspect of their relationship

And Shadowheart <> Astarion is just so close to my heart. They are a set of airpods to me. SH has both a capacity of meanness and manipulation that Astarion can appreciate and the boundless compassion that he needs. they are siblings, they alre mlm/wlw solidarity. They would support each other fully without any judgement on what the other has done and also be such cunts to each other. They are mean to people together. argue with the wall honestly

And Gale is making soup<3

#Gah....you got me monologuing!!!! #now this is just my take of course. just my shipping wall #almost any combination of these characters can be virtually anything bc theyre all so mental #stormfet #thank you molly for letting me do this kjhdfjsk #ask #bg3 #the relationship that i think transcends quadrants the most is shadowzel of course. but they are arguably the main characters of this game #so it makes sense #also feel free to ask followup questions everyone #i am willing to explain homestuck quadrants and details of bg3 lore both 🫡

[satansfavoritestripper]

🏴‍☠️

#just emailed my bosses to go F themselves letss gGGOOOOOO #not really but my sup. send a message this moring with italics and red font 🙄 #vaguing about how my 'team' needs to be present for specific hours regardless of appts #🤔 but all the other campuses are free to leave when no appts 🤔 #and i get no raise for this mandatory change becuz 'its in my contract' #uhhhh not the one i signed ho if the one you updated 10 times since then says that not my issue #i said 'k my new hours are 8-3 effective immediately 💘' #they took all day to send me the 'youre not allowed to work from home' email so lets see how long this response takes #my reply was fired off less than 15 mins later 🫡 test me #vent post #sfs

[mattodore]

this is what i do when i'm having bad days 🤺

#river dipping #mattodore as a coping mechanism 🧘 #i'm actually having a better day than yesterday i'm just grumpy atm from lack of sleep 🚆🚶 #i stayed up last night watching old jerma streams yk how it is #made a character page yesterday but i’m not sure if i want to keep it… the character pics are TEMPORARY!!! btw. #i gotta take new plain bg cas pics for it but i was thinking abt making my own cas poses first 🤔 #finally went back to finish writing the [redacted] scene with mattodore #have been super slowly adding more aesthetically pleasing images to theo’s text heavy board 🚬 #also this picrew having a blue and red background option 😋 #anyway… that’s my little update 🫡 #i’m going to make theo’s custom beauty marks today and then i’ll get in blender to make this mattodore pose that is. #just. dog motif. you know. you understand the dynamics i don’t need to say anything else. #i’d show it off but for some reason matthias’s ripped sims all are missing his teeth cc…? so. can’t. the teeth are important to the pose ☝️ #i’ll share pics when i actually go in-game later #‘later’ <- when i feel like turning on my desktop #i should do it soon tho that way i can slap new pics onto that oc page and see if i like it or not #i decided to try it out since it’s mobile friendly like my actual blog theme #like if you open up a browser on your phone and type in my blog or this character page’s url they both look nice ! #i hunted for my blog theme for agesss but i found this character page pretty fast #it’s nice… it’s relatively simple looking (the code isn’t tho lmao) which i like. sometimes character pages are just. a lot. #and i think i prefer simple over complicated atp

[mishkakagehishka]

I'm like if a living girl were a rotting corpse

#🫡 i need to finish my essay so i can start wrapping up the bigbang project so i can start studying #i gen dk how it's gonna work i didn't really think the posting period would be in early february #and not only is my work nowhere near finished but i'm still also like. 2k words away from the minimum #and i'll be quite honest with youse. i've kinda lost the will to write that sorta stuff so i can't even say #i'll finish it with time bc that time might take me until i graduate #bc i wanna write short stories and less plot more vibes #and well. this is all plot. #i'm also just generally unhappy with my writing as of late i feel like i'm losing my touch