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flyswhumpcenter · 6 months

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How to lose at a card game on motorcycles against someone who can barely draw a card, a guide by Hermann of Team Catastrophe

As you may've guessed from my current profile pic, Yu-Gi-Oh brainrot is in full swing. Love my silly card games and all of the fucked-up shit that happens in it, sometimes.

I think I've seen Duel Monsters, the first series by Studio Gallop, fly past me on whump gif collections, but I've not seen anyone bring up how bonkers with injuries and suffering and shit future series get - for half the waiting time as well!

As you may've gleaned from the title, we're going to talk about 5Ds tonight. Long story short: Yusei is a dirt-poor orphan who drives a cool motorcycle in a dystopian society, he wins at card games, he has a swag birthmark that links him to like 4 other shmucks and they save the world. After Yusei and his friends Jack (the bold blond one with all the memes), Aki (the badass one), the twins Lua and Luca (we love them in this house) and Crow (some guy) save the damn world, they partake in a tournament where they play card games on motorcycles in teams of three. That's all the context you need for now.

Anyway, this is gonna be Long, so grab a snack and a can of whatever beverage you like best, because it's time I tell you about the one time a guy with a sure-fire way to severely injure his opponent lost against a guy with a broken shoulder. Strap in.

Okay, so maybe I'll give some more context

Before we can actually deal with Hermann YGO5Ds being mega cringe, we need to get some info out of the way.

Episode 97 of 5Ds is set right before the WRGP, the competition in whcich our Signers are going to compete. They just founded their team, Team 5Ds (title drop), which is composed of Jack, Crow and Yusei, in this order of who drives when. Feel free to forget said order, we won't need it where we're going.

At this point in the show, Crow just got his super duper dragon, Black-Winged Dragon, after solving a murder by accident. Yusei gets challenged by the smucks at Team Unicorn so they can trick Team 5Ds for their tag duel against them. Sherry says some weird stuff and drives away in French. Jack and Crow visit their orphanage and chat with their foster mom Martha. Kids Crow takes care of encourage him to do his best in the upcoming WRGP. Gee, that'd be too bad if something happened to him!

Anyway, something happens to him when going on a morning drive on Dah Motorcycle after some spooky mysterious malfunction locks the Blackbird's wheels.

woops, jinxed it.

Kind of like a bird who'd smashed head first into a window, or a stick of butter let loose in a supermarket, Crow slides on the ground. He doesn't lose consciousness, but when he tries getting up, he quickly realizes putting his right hand on the ground hurts like a bitch and - woop would you look at that.

Yeah that don't look too good.

That's only the start of our issues, however, because soon enough, ay hope Crow could've had of this being just a big-ass bruise gets smashed into the ground.

In a surprising amount of realism from a series about people playing card games on motorcycles and occasionally fighting off gods on motorcycles while still playing card games, the doctor stares at our guy and say "yeah uh that's gonna take a month to fully heal". Problem, WRGP preliminaries are in, like, three days, so Crow goes into panic mode and goes through three stages of grief at once. Y'know, denial, anger, bargaining, anger again, sadness.

TL;DR this "I don't need a cast" claim isn't going very well.

Team 5Ds is left scrambling because, without a third driver, they're at a disadvantage of 8K Life Points in total against 12K for a full team. Aki, who recently got her Turbo Duellist:tm: licence, decides she's gonna be their second wheeler. Crow, who initially sulks, sucks it in and decides to train Aki instead.

And this is how we got here... unless?

Sabotage? In my card games on motorcycles tournament? It's more likely than you think!

We skip ahead to episode 104 now. Team 5Ds has won against Team Unicorn thanks to the power of Yusei's plot armour and protag swag, and now, they're bound to go against Team Catastrophe, who are no-name criminals from Satellite, the former slums Yusei, Jack and Crow all grew up in. Oh also Team Unicorn's Andre and Jean fucking crashed against Catastrophe, that's kind of a big deal I guess.

After watching the local main antags do antag stuff, we cut to Yusei and Bruno (Team 5Ds' mechanic, forgot to mention him until now, woops) at home doing stuff on the bikes. Crow comes back from the hospital for a routine checkup. When asked abot his shoulder, he proves to be as trustworthy with the sentence "I'm fine" as Yusei "haha shrapnel in my abdomen is no big deal" Fudo:

Our guys are soon discussing what happened with Breo, at which point Carly (sweet, shafted Carly) provides them with vital info about what happened in the form of duel footage: during Team Unicorn's duel with Team Catastrophe, there was a monster named Hook, the Hidden Knight on the field both time a crash happened. The gang quickly connects the dots with what happened with the Blackbird. Conclusion: somehow, those Catastrophe guys can lock their opponents' rear wheels and it looks to be related to Hook.

And then it happens again, this time to Aki.

So, things are kind of bad. Aki's mega down for the count, there're criminals on the loose, and Crow's this close to just beating them up (with only one arm, yes). With a single, piercing gaze, Yusei convinces him to just face them like a true man: in a card game. Crow takes that as a hint that, actually, it's his job to do. Jack is like "what the hell are you doing bird brain" while Yusei is just. marveling at the sight of medical equipment without child safety locks.

Crow vows revenge, and eyecatch.

Can you be complicit in painful driving? Asking for a friend.

It's the day of Team 5Ds VS Team Catastrophe! Everyone's excited and Officer Ushio, the only good cop ever, wants to take that whole sabotage thing to the authority - but Breo tells him no, actually, he should let th ebunch of 18-to-20-yos take care of it, to avenge Andre and Jean or something. (To be exact, Jack is 20, Yusei is 19, and Crow is 18. wait crow was a minor in the dark signers arc?)

Team Catastrophe gets boo'd, Team 5Ds gets a solid round of praise, I try to ignore how Carly and Mikage have been reduced to Jack Atlas fangirls and - oh.

Crow walks up to them to clearly announce he's here to get revenge for Aki, and Andre, and Jean, and himself too. Hermann (of Team Catastrophe glory, it's the guy on the right) taunts him on his physical condition, Crow smirks, and tells them he knows what they're playing. The guy not on the picture is like "shit they're sussing us out", Hermann scoffs it off.

The first round sees Hermann and Crow facing off. This absolute banger of a sentence is said:

Meanwhile, in Team 5Ds' pit, Luca's worried about Crow, since his shoulder hasn't healed fully yet. Jack tells them Crow's a stubborn bastard and wouldn't take no for an answer, Lua has no fear in his heart whatsoever and Yusei doesn't add anything before the duel starts.

As always in Riding/Turbo Duels, the first turn is determined by who can close the first corner first. It's already not going well for Crow.

Nonetheless, shonen shit gets said.

Hermann quickly understands what's going on with his opponent and goes for the kill right off the bat.

Fairly logically, Crow loses most of his balance and, most importantly, the first turn.

For the needs of this just not being Yugipedia's duel description from this episode, I'll make actual duelling details short. What's important here is that Hermann summons "Hook, the Hidden Knight", and defeating it is a pain in the ass for Crow due to his Monster Effect.

What's more important to us, and will explain the title of this post, is that it's not just shoving your arm right into Crow's shoulder that'll make him grit his teeth in pain - even drawing a card is enough.

So is drawing a card, actually. I'm no gif maker, so I can't show it animated, but his hand jerks when just putting "Blackwing - Sirocco of the Dawn" on his field.

Yeah, that's gonna be a long one for our bird guy.

Anyway, whenever "Hook, the Hidden Knight" uses its effect, Shadow Hook, this happens:

This duel is also a lot of Crow evading one (1) hook that's somehow made out of solid shadow, so ths is going to be the sole time I show this. Episode 104 ends on this, so onto the next episode we go.

Formula 1 forces you to do pit stops even if you're Max Verstappen, but this doesn't apply to Riding Duels I guess

Episode 105 greets us back to Crow understanding the ugly-ass monster in front of him is what's attacking all those people. Right on cue for his shoulder to mess with him again!

Now painfully aware he needs to make this duel short, he sets his entire hand on the field and ends his turn. This is what clues Jack and Yusei on the fact their foster brother is really not doing so hot.

Hermann takes his turn. Of course, Hooky Hook attacks again, so that means Crow has to go on dodging duties, which triggers more pain in his shoulder (the animation is recycled, so no point in showing it here). The MC doesn't suspect the Shoulder Inquisition, so he wonders if the Blackbird isn't going insane. Hermann sets a card and ends his turn.

Crow is once again left to wonder how n the hell what's happening to him is even possible, but he's cut off in his thoughts by - you guessed it.

Jack, who like last week was dragging his bleeding ass to the pit stop after crashing against Andre of Unicorn (a whole grandiose moment of 5Ds that was too), declares this:

Jack asks Lua to ask Crow to make a pit stop; and that's the boy does. He screams "yo, dude, stop for now, I'll take care of it". Crow replies that, no, he'll destroy that monster first. And so he drives by the pit lane and that's it.

Yusei's opinion on the matter is that everyone needs to trust in their friend, while Jack declares in the most tsundere way possible he won't be hold responsible for what happens to his pal. Don't be fooled, tho, drawing a card is still a literal pain for Crow.

Crow takes his turn. Duelling happens, with him coming prepare for Hook's effect, but not Hermann's other Monster's effect. Still, he manages to deal 2000 LP of damage after taking 1600 himsel, from Hook's Effect activating twice. This time, however, when Shadow Hook activates, he has to straight up jump in the air to evade the hook, so he has to land - and yeah that hurts, big fucking oop.

To make a long story short of the last turn in this duel, Crow summons his new ace Black-Winged Dragon, kills off Hook, reduces Hermann's LP from 2000 to 0, but Hermann wants to keep the damn thing on the field. Crow's forced to active "Gravity Collapses", a Trap card that sends a Synchro Monster on his field to the graveyard in exchange for the negation of that second summoning. Activating the trap hurts tho woops, but he must be fast, cuz that thing is coming for him.

"Gravity Collapses" does its thing, Hermann's finished, no more Hook shenanigans to come. Revenge taken, Monster beaten, time for adrenaline to run off.

And so, with still 800LP remaining, Crow takes his pit stop, finally. Yusei and Jack both rush to him, and the faces their brother makes when taking off his helmet and passing the baton to Jack are quite a sight to behold.

So, I ran out of pictures for this post (woops), so just know Jack beats the ass of Catastrophe's second wheeler so bad they have to forfeit. Then the plot kicks in again. Crow gets to sit a bit of it out because his shoulder is, actually, still a source of pain.

And so this is how you too can lose to someone with a broken shoulder despite having a weapon. Good grief.

#long post #dunno how to tag this bitch #injury #card games on motorcycles #if this post gets out of its target audience i'm fucke

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