#concrete effect

[mineralsurfaces]

Concrete Chic

Embrace the Trend with Sustainable Mineral Surfaces

Mineral surfaces, like those with a concrete effect, have become a popular trend in interior design, offering a unique blend of industrial charm and modern aesthetics. Their versatility allows them to be integrated into various design styles, making them a favorite among designers seeking both beauty and functionality. But what exactly are "mineral surfaces"? These terms encompass a range of materials, including sintered stone, porcelain stoneware, and ultracompact surfaces, all known for their durability, sustainability, and aesthetic appeal.

Here's how these sustainable mineral surfaces are finding their place in modern homes:

1. Living Room Drama: Mineral surfaces with a concrete effect can be a stunning focal point in living rooms. Exposed walls, built-in storage solutions, or even dividers introduce textural interest, creating a raw and sophisticated ambiance. This adds character and depth to the living area, making it feel both stylish and substantial.

2. Minimalist Harmony: In minimalist spaces, mineral surfaces provide the perfect neutral backdrop to complement other furnishings. The clean lines and muted tones of concrete create a sense of balance, allowing colorful decor to stand out without overwhelming the space. This creates a harmonious environment that is both visually pleasing and calming.

3. Industrial Authenticity: The rugged appearance of concrete effect surfaces is a natural fit for an industrial aesthetic. It's often used in lofts, converted warehouses, or urban-style apartments to evoke a sense of authenticity and urban grit. This material choice adds a touch of history and character, reflecting the industrial heritage of the space, while also offering the sustainable benefits of mineral surfaces.

4. Functional Art: Mineral surfaces can be creatively integrated into functional elements like staircases and bookcases. A unique example is a concrete effect bookcase-cum-staircase, which stretches the height of a double-height living area. This innovative design combines functionality with artistic expression, making a bold statement and maximizing space utilization.

5. Ceiling Statements and Warm Floors: Exposed mineral surfaces with interesting textures or relief-style impressions can serve as stunning focal features, drawing the eye upwards and adding architectural interest. Additionally, concrete effect floors, when paired with minimal furnishings and decorative rugs, create a modern yet warm atmosphere. The cool tones of the surfaces are balanced by the warmth of the rugs, creating a sophisticated and inviting space.

Mineral Surfaces with Concrete effect, along with their sustainable alternatives, offer a unique combination of aesthetics and functionality, making them a versatile choice for a variety of design styles. Whether you're seeking a touch of industrial charm, a minimalist haven, or a modern statement piece, mineral surfaces can help you achieve the desired look and feel in your home, while keeping sustainability in mind.

#mineral surfaces #sintered stone #porcelain stoneware #ultracompact surfaces #concrete effect #lais luz

[seraphemmes]

girls when they get a week long high after strangers call them ma’am for unknowable reasons they refuses to examine

#my art #otherside picnic #sorawo kamikoshi #egg sorawo #how do y’all feel abt the photo backgrounds i did it out of laziness but i think it’s an interesting effect #sorawo gets an empty stock photo concrete room <3 #but yeah lmk which style you prefer they took abt the same amount of time anyway

[detectivenyx]

i hate cinemasins so much you would not believe

#it's an easy formula. i get it. #ha ha plot hole! it must be bad because plot hole! #[plot hole is intentional and explained 10 minutes later] #[plot hole contributes to themes of film] #[plot hole is not actually plot hole if you employ even the most rudimentary of reading between the lines] #[plot hole is thing unimportant to the scene as a whole] #it lets you feel smart without actually having to put the legwork in #'smart' isn't even the right word. 'mildly observant'. #but because of this fucking loser and his stupid little ding sound effect #films have to be spelled out for people or they'll go 'OOOOGH PLOTHOEL????' #'WHY THEY SHOOT THE DOG AT START OF DAS DING? PLOTHOLE DING' #'WHY NO CONCRETE ANSWER FOR QUESTION PROPOSED BY TEXT? DINGGGG' #[THINK!!!!! THINK DAMN YOU!!!!!!! THINK FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!] #if your critique could be easily slotted into a cinemasins video go back and think about WHY #is it a question answered by the text??? #and im more frustrated it took THIS LONG to repair my brain scorching! #even with kokichi's critique video im not happy with it because i did go back and look at him closer #i still don't fucking like him or think he was very well executed but i understand exactly why he was executed the way he was #and so many fanfics who took my critique on board and are like 'i can fix this!' just cinemasins the shit out of him #he needs Standard Character Arc and he must be A Hero #NO!! #you missed even the point i was making back then!!! #it was that his redemption was completely arbitrary! and though it didn't do it well it was intended to poke fun at EXACTLY THAT! #the The Villain Needs Redemption because that shit was all the fucking rage and people were doing it shit! #and it all goes back to this jackass and his stupid monotone voice and his attempts to enable a generation of media illiteracy! #and it WORKED! our ability to analyse narrative got fucking sacrificed on the altar for His Paycheck #and he's a shitbag who makes fun of women with breast cancer #long post

[demigod-of-the-agni]

Sephiroth but if he was desi... he is not beating the pretty boy allegations

"Desiroth" coined by my dearest bestie @nyatimesthree 🫶 thank you babes. anyway silly video I made and posted to instagram at 5am is under the cut

he estuans on my interius until i ira vehementi (sephiroth !!)

#save me desi sephiroth. save me. desi sephiroth save me #no but final fantasy 7 would translate SO WELL as an indian drama/commentary of indian society #i WILL talk about it for ages if someone wishes to ask #granted i've only the bare bones of a possible desi!ff7 au but really nothing is set in concrete except. two details lol #(it's about aerith and cloud and tifa's ethnicities but that's literally it LMAO WHJWKGJWHG) #imagine if one winged angel got turned into a dramatic soap opera theme..... oh my god. ten thousand video transition effects #INDIAN TV CAN AND MUST USE THE “SCREEN SHATTERS LIKE GLASS” EFFECT JKHGHEGWHW IT'S LITERALLY MEANT FOR SEPHIROTH #literally spent. mcfucking hours on his shoulders and chest. only for them to get covered up by jewellery and pauldrons 🤡🤡 #tried to go for mahabharata art-esque form and armour for him tbh but i don't know if that translated right. oh well !! #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #sephiroth #ffvii #desi #desi art #final fantasy vii #funny memes #animation #artoftheagni #final fandesi 7

[keymintt]

life doodles

#art #me #comics #my art #doodles #in regards to that last one there are mats on the floor i'm not getting slammed into like. concrete #oughgh i need to dye my hair blue again that doodle's old #but also i need to cut it hdsgklhdfl that's gonna be tonight's task #using my clippers for the first time wish me luck #i've cut my own hair before but to the effect of like. trimming a haircut to what i /actually/ wanted #went to the barber months ago like 'hey can you cut my hair' and when he was done he was like 'i gave you something more feminine!' #like! i appreciate the time you took! that's not why i came here though! i kinda want to curl up and die abt that! #he also gave me an undercut. which. i don't look /terrible/ with an undercut but imo the line between a bowl cut and an undercut is razor #fucking thin. also i asked for the length to be blended and showed pictures but who knows i could just be a dumbass for all i know #gotta do it yourself if you want it done right. queer rite of passage or smthin idfk #ANyways hope y'all are doing good

[homochadensistm]

Another day another conversation with a poor misguided Soccer Mom who thinks that just because she got fleeced 100$ for 2hrs of a """"self defense"""" CourseTM with a big burly bald guy she is now the 2nd (maybe 3rd?) coming of Mike Tyson. allah have mercy on all these women cause it takes just 1 encounter with just Some Guy for yall to find yourselves eating food through a straw with this misplaced confidence jhsdfbjhb

#self defense #martial arts #more like martial farts at this point #why is this such a common phenomenon #'i could easily break ur wrists sifu fartface taught me :)))' girl what wrists r u gonna break after being bodyslammed into hard concrete?? #false confidence from guys doesnt surprise me because men are allowed to be this stupid due to sheer size #but women?? bestie sifu fartface gave u the skills to effectively kill yourself for the small price of $100 jkfbjdhb

[rlephant]

10423

#berlin #city #concrete #paul löbe haus #reflection #effect #photo #photographers on tumblr #rlephant #canon

[elcucurucho]

it’s funny to look back, I remember watching qsmp day 1 like “wow these guys seem really entertaining, wish I knew enough spanish to understand them better” and now less than a year later I can rewatch and understand all of it. the power of consistent practice and a hyperfixation

#I was SO excited when qsmp got announced I’d been looking for a way to improve my spanish for so long #when I started getting really into it I was like ‘I am going to channel this into something productive’ #so to have concrete proof that I did and it worked is very very satisfying #me breaking my foot right when the egg event started -> being comfortably conversational in spanish domino effect

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

Okay. Let's talk about Kay in The Forgotten Turnabout.

I've mentioned in a post before how I think Kay doesn't have a purpose in AAI2 (as in, AAI was all about the Yatagarasu which is her story, but AAI2 generally has nothing to do with her, and you can see this change just by looking at how she's positioned in the promotional material for the two games:

[left AAI; right AAI2.] In the left poster, while she's at Edgeworth's back, it's clear that they're both the main focus. In the right, though, she's on par with Gumshoe).

And I think the result of her slight lack of direction in the game culminates in what happens to her and her character in Forgotten.

From the beginning of AAI2, you can kind of tell that Kay was written to a bit different from how she was in AAI. She's still fairly consistent with how she was there, but the game kind of bounces between her original characterisation and her newer one, where she's slightly denser (see her calling the laser pointer a mole in Target, when she should definitely have known what it was; and them explaining to her what a prison is in Imprisoned like she wouldn't know??) and less concerned with maintaining formality around Edgeworth, although they haven't interacted since the end of AAI (see her partner opening line changing from "Yes?" to "Yeah, what's up?"). She also seems more eager for his approval (there are a few times when she questions/asserts her effectiveness as an assistant when I don't remember her ever doing that in AAI), and, overall just a little more like Maya.

In Imprisoned, when she freaks out, Kay hits Ray, which is notable because we've only seen her resort to violence before on purpose and as a child (whereas Mia/Maya have both hit people out of emotion). I'm not going to go through the whole game, but I bring it up because there's an argument to be made that they're trying to replicate the Phoenix-Maya dynamic and push the Dadworth interpretation in AAI2 -- probably because they realised it'd be popular with the fans -- and this comes to the forefront in Forgotten.

First, just a note about AA's amnesia cases. The thing about these cases is that they're usually done to explore some formerly unseen aspect of a character (as is with Phoenix and the one in DGS), BUT they're always true to the nature of the character (as is most clearly observed with Thalassa). This is... not so in Forgotten.

The parts about Kay that appear to remain in Forgotten are her politeness and sense of honour, both of which get dialed up to 11 and both of which we already know she possess. Everything else about her personality, though, is altered and has always reminded me of Iris (if you made a parody of Iris's soft and seemingly delicate nature). That's mostly because (1) they have similar sprites

and (2) because they're rehashing Edgeworth's mini arc in T&T (which I don't mind because T&T did leave room for that concept to be explored further) where he acts as the defence for, you guessed it, Iris. Looking at it more closely, though, I can definitely see bits of Maya mixed in, too.

The most obvious parallel to Maya, and by extension Phoenix, here is that you act as a... not-prosecutor who defends their assistant from murder charges that even they think they might be guilty of (Reunion, and Turnabout, anyone?). Just like Reunion Maya, Forgotten Kay has poor self-esteem (albeit to a greater, comedic degree), thinks of herself as weak and useless, and becomes reliant on Edgeworth for both her emotional and situational needs (this is not a dig at Maya; she was in jail after having her first big channeling session result in death. Her reaction was natural).

Another less serious but obvious alteration made to make Kay seem more like Maya here is her relationship with food -- which I know sounds ridiculous but!! It's really what tipped me off to her Maya-fication to begin with!!!

You see, in Forgotten, there's a point where Kay talks about hamburgers:

Kay: Umm... OK. I remember a faint scent... It was a wonderful smell coming from the counter of a food stall... I followed the fragrance, only to find a perfectly sculpted burger, resting on two golden buns... The tender and juicy patty made my taste buds sing with joy... Yes, I can remember what I thought at that moment! ...I want seconds!

The thing about this that stands out to me is that you never get a line about food like this from Kay in AAI; and I know this, because not only is the only time Kay ever brings up food in AAI with regards to Swiss rolls (which are notably her favourite treats), you have the option of presenting food to her, which gives you this dialogue:

Kay: It's a box of Samurai Dogs, right? Ah, but see, I'm a Jammin' Ninja fan! So, while I would love to have one... I'm going to be strong and resist the urge!

She would have one but she'll refrain. It blatantly goes against how she acts in Forgotten, and it's so obvious that they only did that to make her more like Maya!!! They even use burgers!!!!

So why am I even getting all uppity about this? There's nothing wrong with being like Maya is there? She's a great character. And, yeah, she is, but the point of Kay is that she's meant to be a foil to Maya... and Edgeworth.

Both Maya and Edgeworth lost their parents at a very young age. So did Kay. But, unlike Maya and Edgeworth, Kay was specifically written to have had the emotional support and strength she needed to move on from her father's death. Her character was created in a way that shows how you can still love and respect a dead family member (and choose to continue their legacy) without being held back by grief and trauma the way Edgeworth largely is. By making amnesiac Kay behave in a way that is so self-deprecating and reliant on other people for her emotional needs, you are implying that this has been who she is deep inside all along and diluting that message of being able to move forwards while still holding onto your love for the people you've lost. It undermines the resilience that has been a part of Kay's core as a character from her conception, and basically flattens everything that makes her... Kay.

Now, this is obviously not great, but what really gets to me about this is that they didn't need to do this for the case to still work. They could have given Kay a milder form of amnesia, where she has a gap in her memory regarding why she was up on that roof and what happened, and the story would have largely functioned the same way. The only reason I can think of for why they do a complete 180 on her personality is because they wanted to use her to develop Edgeworth's character.

Because think about it: we've seen Kay put in a position where she's been accused of murder before, and that didn't affect our or Edgeworth's desire to save her. That drama and the feelings invoked by placing Kay at such risk would still exist; the only thing that would change is Kay's reaction to it. We know from Ablaze that she wouldn't just fold and rely on Edgeworth's help; she would fight back. Her behaviour in Forgotten just doesn't quite align with her usual character (aside from being extremely honourable and polite), which makes me wonder why they did it. And the only answer I can find is that it gives Edgeworth someone to 'save' in the greatest sense of that word (because, remember, she's also extremely emotionally vulnerable and dependent on him here) and furthers his development as a character.

You remember at the beginning when I said Kay didn't have a purpose in this game? I think the developers felt that, too, and they decided that her purpose would be to make Edgeworth a better person and strengthen his arc by giving him someone to protect, without really considering what this would do to her character. This case was never about Kay; it was always about Edgeworth. And, honestly, that should have been obvious from the very moment you realise that Kay is being granted an amnesia plotline, because that whole thing about amnesia in AA being used to reveal parts of a character previously unseen? Yeah, that was never going to work with Kay. Because Kay doesn't wear a mask. She is who she is... until she isn't.

Honestly, I've said pretty much everything I wanted to say about Forgotten and Kay, so thank you if you've read this far. I really appreciate it 💝💖💕 The rest of this is me basically talking about how this change affects my feelings on the game and this interpretation of the Kay-Edgeworth dynamic, so you can stop reading now if that doesn't interest you and still get the basic point of this post.

I suppose I'll start by reiterating that I do like AAI2 despite what it may seem. The characters it introduces are some of my favourites in the franchise, and, in fact, the actual plot of Forgotten with the PIC is my favourite part of the entire game. I thought it was brilliant, but I just needed to get this out because... I don't know, it was bothering me for some reason hskdhdj Like, AA has some amazing female characters, but I know better than to go into it expecting some kind of boundary-pushing piece of new feminist media, believe me; it doesn't surprise me that they used Kay to push Edgeworth's character forwards. It is his game, after all. But I guess it's just a little frustrating to see after they genuinely achieved something great with her characterisation in AAI only to... there's no less inflammatory way to put it, infantilise her? a little? for the sake of developing a male character?

(Especially when I don't think Edgeworth even needed it?? Like, I'm pretty sure he would have been just as adamant about saving her if she had been her normal self so mmm???? It was likely just done to make him seem liked he'd be a good father and up his popularity a bit more, honestly. As if he needed it).

Again, I have no issues with anyone who enjoys the father-daughter (or brother-sister) dynamics pushed by this case; it's literally in the text, I can't say you're wrong for it and like. My opinion shouldn't matter to you anyway! It's fandom, do what makes you happy. But I personally can't get past what is actually being suggested when the game, or fanworks, echo the traits grafted onto Kay in this case within them. Like what it means when she's essentially made to take a few steps back so she's less as at peace with her father's death than she was when we first met her, or less independent and self-assured than she usually is -- especially when this is done only for an older male character (most likely Edgeworth but it could be anyone) to come in and either see themselves in her, thus coming to a conclusion that helps them better themselves in some way, or take on a "fatherly" position that lets them comfort her back to a level of confidence she would usually be at anyway, while simultaneously coming across as being such a good person (which is usually the focus/point of these kinds of things).

And, like, if you don't see a problem with Kay's characterisation in this version of their relationship, that's perfectly fine! If you think I'm reaching and do enjoy the Dadworth dynamic for what it is, then please don't let me rain on your parade. My main thing is that I want better for Kay, and this case just didn't satisfy my need for that.

Anyway, yeah! That's pretty much it. Thank you so much for everyone who read all of this, and I hope you got some amusement out of it if nothing else. Feel free to tell me your thoughts, too!

#ace attorney #kay faraday #ace attoney investigations 2 #aai2 #i didnt put many concrete details about the case here so i think people who havent played it yet wont get spoiled? but ofc i encourage #everyone to play it and form your own opinions. this is just in case youre wondering what my new EMBARRASSINGLY long post is about and want #to read it blind hskdhdks #i didnt put this in the post but another thing that's funny about this case is how they minimise its effect by pushing the nick-maya #similarities right from the start of the game. like you'd expect this case to have drastic long lasting implications on their relationship #but because they're already shown to be closer at the start and because marrying amnesia kay's character to normal kay's is so mindboggling #(they are honestly just two completely different characters) it doesnt really change anything between her and edgeworth?? it's quite funny #because she literally just says 'thanks! :D👍' and then they never bring it up again. it's so. it feels like they tried to have their cake #and eat it too and they somehow blew up the oven

[songmingisthighs]

can't believe the worst conversation i had today is convincing meimei her name is not choi yeosang

#touching grass no longer has any effect #this bitch need to touch some concrete #she wanna be yeosang so damn bad #bc sani simps for yeosang #G0RL #😭😭 #pls someone #help #collect this child #smt tmi

[b4kuch1n]

these templates are so cool if only I have a tablet I can draw on. anyways I will be on team transgener I mean team werewolf I mean. do u wanna see my profight. I mea

#art fight 2023 #bakuspeech #as promised! linking my art fight profile a week before it happens babeyy #funny enough I will for some got damn reason be out of the city from next week until the 4th. so thats very cool of me #sorry Im like. slightly loopy. I am experiencing the Effect #also sorry for wanting to be on the werewolf thing without a single anthro character in my roster. would u forgive me #theres actually also an objecthead somwhere in there. I put bowlhead in idk if any of u guys even remember bowlhead lmao #current project OCs are not included bc 1/I wanna nail em down more concrete 2/theyre shy #looks longingly at the huion inspiroy keydial kd200. one day (preferably next month) you will be mine #Im honestly so pumped to do digital art again tbh I wanna do both! I wanna do both ink and digital! I miss it!!! #soon. soon #anyways. this is the news. have a good night lads. I return to job work etc

[rnolduga]

Gerudo Height in BotW

NOTE: This is all approximation based on theory, done because simply eyeballing heights wasn't enough for me and I wanted an answer that could at least be explained.

I'll get straight to the point- this started because my fixation on BotW returned and I decided I needed to know Urbosa's height; looking it up rewarded me with poor results, so I decided to find it myself and I spiraled from there. Here we go:

To start, I need a solid metric to measure her height by, as well as something to compare her to. In comes this video by The Bread Pirate, in which he calculates Link's height and comes to the conclusion that he is 5'2", or 1.584 meters. This is perfect, because it just so happens that Link and Urbosa are depicted together on equal level in Memory #15 and that means I can use him to find her height through comparison.

(I had to cut Mipha out from between them for this, rip)

I tried to approximate their heights as accurately as possible, excluding the added height of their hair because. Well. Hair doesn't count. Which is also why in the video, Link was measured in the radiant mask, which flattens his hair.

Now, The Bread Pirate utilizes the BotW memory editor to convert Link's height in in-game pixels to meters, and I can't do that here. So, alternative methods with a common metric have to be used. As seen in the above image, I measured both Link and Urbosa's height from the bottom of their feet to roughly the top of their heads, in red and blue. The black and white lines beside those serve to count each pixel of the lines more clearly, with an added line for Urbosa's heels, which will be subtracted from her total height later. As you can see, Link reaches 122 pixels tall, Urbosa is 175 pixels, and Urbosa's heels are 6 pixels. For simplicity's sake, I'll be measuring height in meters for the math and converting it to feet + inches for those who need it at the end. To find Urbosa's height, we have to find the height of each pixel. For this, we rely on Link's assumed height of 1.584 meters.

1.584 divided by Link's pixel height count, 122, equals 0.01298360655. This means that in this instance, 1 pixel = 0.01298360655 meters.

With that in mind, if Urbosa is 175 pixels tall, then Link's pixel height subtracted from that would give them a 53 pixel difference. 53 pixels, or 0.68813114754 meters.

Link's height of 1.584 meters + their difference of 0.68813114754 meters = 2.27213114754 meters, Urbosa's total height in the above image.

Now, her heels are 6 pixels tall, or 0.0779016393 meters. This, subtracted from her total height, equals 2.19422950824 meters.

So, in simpler terms, Urbosa is roughly:

2.272 meters / 7'5" in heels. 2.194 meters / 7'2" without heels.

That's super tall! Except...

Huh..........................

This got me thinking. I assumed all Gerudo adults except elders used very similar base models and were therefore all the same height, so this was all for the fun of ignoring nintendo's convenient game development method of reusing models to treat each character like an individual, but could they be different heights?

To my surprise, the answer is yes!

Using the same method I did with Urbosa, I approximated the following (heels subtracted from all):

Buliara: 2.315 meters / 7'7"

Guard: 2.112 meters / 6'11"

Avg. Gerudo: 2.019 meters / 6'7"

I left out elderly Gerudo because they're all signifigantly hunched over, making it impossible to get an accurate measurement, as well as Gerudo children, because I'm lazy.

(Side note, that'd make the Gerudo at the bar REALLY tall by their standards. Her in-game model is the same height as other average Gerudo around town, but I'm taking her word on being 8'0" for the sake of maintaining something that is definitively canon lol)

Now, there's just one last thing to mention: Traysi's estimation of average Gerudo height.

Um.

No, pretty sure that's much taller than the average Gerudo, I don't even have to do the math. also that's a cactus not a tree

Anyway. I went into this just wanting to know how tall Urbosa was and ended up doing a lot more math than originally intended to find the heights of other Gerudo too. Worth it tbh.

#botw #legend of zelda #urbosa #gerudo #link #honorary tag bc I couldn't do this without him standing around aimlessly a lot #long post #if anyone can prove me right or wrong with more concrete means I'm all for it pls let me see #idc about being personally right I just like having useless knowledge about things I like #also important to note: the champions' heights seem to be inconsistent in the game #it's most obvious when comparing the scene of them getting their picture taken to the other memories they're in #which I think was probably done so that they'd look good and proportional in a frame all together #which is fine. that stuff is done in production sometimes #but just keep it in mind bc with that being a thing it'd be effectively impossible to find a character height that's 100% consistent #it's for that same reason that I ignore their depictions in age of calamity #different game with different mechanics and probably different heights too #BUT I did see a screenshot of Urbosa next to a Gerudo guard from that game and she looked so tiny I have to laugh #Urbosa being the best warrior the Gerudo had yet significantly shorter than her guards at the time is funny to me

[kirnet]

If anyone is on the fence about sending esims bc you don’t know if they’ll be activated: please do! Mine were activated 6 days ago and are currently being used. The esims are being sent to people and activated

#which kudos to that team for sending them around so quickly I assumed it might take a week or 2 #it’s an effective concrete way to send help on top of other activism and connecting #ramblings

[natugood]

I never realized how much of a positive impact it would have on me mentally and emotionally, but I am so happy I got top surgery. Yes, I do still feel sad and miss my breasts, because they were a part of me that I grew into and learned to love. But I feel so SO much more myself without them.

I get to exist without the constant, subtle pain, the reminder that my body isn’t mine for some reason, even though I know that it is, or at least that it should be. It’s like before I was existing as myself but through a warped mirror, seeing a reflection or version of myself which I knew to be true, but also which I felt disconnected from. Like I was inhabiting an alien clone of my real self. It didn’t feel wrong because I had never known another existence, I had never seen or experienced another version of myself, I couldn’t imagine another version of myself.

I didn’t let myself imagine another version of myself, because I was afraid that the joy I would experience at seeing myself as I wanted would torment me and make my life agony. I wanted to survive, I didn’t want to live in pain. But I knew I felt wrong. I looked wrong. I was wrong. But I was wasn’t wrong, I was just me. I was trying so, so hard to learn to love me. And I still love that version of myself. My breasts were a part of me, a part of my body, and even though I never wanted them there, I accepted them, because what else was I supposed to do? I wanted to love myself, and they were a part of me, so I tried. I tried so hard, but as time went on, even though they felt more and more right, they also felt more and more wrong.

I think a part of me always knew that they were temporary, that they were visitors on my body, a necessary but unwanted part of my form. When I had my surgery, I wanted to take time beforehand to say goodbye. They were a part of me. I loved them. I was going to miss them, even if I knew I would be happier without them. They meant the world to me, even if I wanted them to go away forever. They were a part of me, a part of me that made me, me. I was sleepy that day though, and I was more anxious and uncertain about the events to come than I was about whether I would have time to take a private moment to myself, to get to say goodbye. For once, I was living in the moment. The anesthesia hit much faster than I expected too; I thought I’d have a few more minutes with them, but before I knew it, I was waking up. They were gone. I didn’t get to say goodbye to them. In our last moments together, I didn’t think about them at all.

When I woke up, my body felt strange, and pained, and lacking. As the days went by, I felt the same numbers that I had felt before, though in some ways it was exacerbated by the post surgery dressings. But beneath the numbness, it felt good. So good. It took me awhile to really register that goodness, to even register they were gone.

So much of the time they existed I tried to ignore them. Your chest isn’t the focal point of your existence anyways, so I didn’t think about it a lot, or at least I tried not to. But with them gone, it felt like a part of me had been released. The constant pain, the fear, the awareness of their existence - vanished. The surgery was not the beginning of the process. It was slow, and had been ongoing over since I got my first binder, eight years before. I’d compressed them, tried to live without them, tried to forget their existence for so so long. It felt fake that I could finally relieve myself of that burden.

And now, there I was. In my own body, but insufficient another alien body. Trying to reacquaint myself with myself, the myself who I’d know but never gotten to see, the myself who I had become. As time has gone on, I have felt no regret. I don’t see my body through a warped perspective anymore. I just see myself for who I am. I am finally myself. I get to be happy now. I am free.

#Idk what prompted this I am just rambling here but like. man #also I have a WHOLE ADDITIONAL RAMBLE ABOUT HOW MY TRANSNESS AFFRCTS MY SENSE OF TIME #ANS HOW TIME EFFECTS MY SENSE OF SELF #cause I can Remeber how I used to look and who I used to be. but no one else can. and new people don’t know. #but it’s WEIRD cause that’s true with everyone!!! not just trans ppl!!! it’s just that gender is *supposed* to be absolute and concrete. #so it feels like a secret that my past experiences don’t match the assumeptions ppl have about my past experiences #ya know? #anwyays. #I am. drunk. #googoogajoob #trans pride #trans masc #top surgery

[firebirdeternal]

Give the next homeless person you meet twenty dollars. Look them in the eye like a Human Being while you do it. You will have done more good for humanity than ten thousand hours arguing on the internet will ever do.

#to be clear this is both a statement and an instruction #give the next homeless person you meet twenty dollars #Doing SOME good for SOMEONE is better than sitting there feeling bad that you can't do more good for EVERYONE #Hypothetical Good is not actually Good #Wringing your hands about what we SHOULD do to Fix Things does No Actual Good #not unless you have actionable fucking plans about What to Do that will have Concrete Fucking Physical Effects #Do Some Actual Good #Something that puts food in someones stomach Tomorrow

[rlephant]

concrete tetrapods

#tetrapod #concrete #green #effect #photo #photographers on tumblr #rlephant #canon