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meowjings-arsb · 3 months

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Possibly even more on crack Stardew headcanons and whatnot because yes 👍

First post

Void chickens are burnt

With enough void mayonnaise, you could possibly obtain the goblin Henchman’s loyalty if only that the Witch doesn’t curse you first

All rabbits are honed in the fine art of keychain making. Hence the lucky rabbit feet they give off

We still don’t know where they’re getting the extra feet though…

Junimo have short, soft, fluffy fur 🍏

They’re also squeezable like a stress ball or a balloon filled with slime

Don’t take (much) fall damage or injury from being tossed at stacks of cans 🥫, but that’s very mean so why would you do that-

From what the witch remembers, humans typically hate void chickens because their eggs are gross but aPARENTLY she guessed wrong with the farmer when she cursed their hen house. She wanted them to eat the egg out of curiosity and suffer for a day or two but noooooo they INCUBATED it out of curiosity instead of consuming it ahhhhhhhhhhhh

She guessed right on cursing the slime hutch with black slimes though because we all know naughty children hate coal.

Gil at some point did a joke slime making video using an actual cave slime, and people just thought it was cool effects and CGI stuff. So now he’s a hit with the slime making fantasy types

Marlon also walked in on him giving a slime a glitter bath. Gil also had glitter all over his face from the slime hitting him head on.

Most of the decorations for the festivals are stored in Pierre’s, the Saloon’s, and the Community Center’s attics

Pierre, Caroline, and Abigail are a family with Spirits Eve colored hair and are therefore— Spooky~

Sometimes… when he’s tired of fish but still wants meat… Willy may eat… a bug steak 🥩

No one thought or knew that the farmer was going to ask someone to dance at the Flower Dance, and so they didn’t even think to get them a proper outfit for the occasion

Or no one had a spare outfit that fit the farmer and just didn’t care to get them one at that point

OR the farmer just outright didn’t want to wear the dance outfit because ew

We have no idea why they didn’t dress up for their own wedding though

The large candy canes placed around the town and sold as decorations at the Feast of the Winter Star and the Night Market are indeed edible 👍

I think that was already canon, but Gus why are you putting them in the dirt-

Shane was persuaded into getting Animal Crossing New Horizons. His island is full of chicken villagers plus Punchy.

Went feral and then sad for a hot minute upon learning of Hector’s existence and him not being in New Horizons

Grandpa’s bed, was in fact, a ping pong table 🏓

The farmer passing out at 2:00am at the latest and waking up at 6:00am at the earliest is a weird internal clock thing. Probably developed from working at Joja Co™️ all those years

Mr Qi personally sent that strange figure who sells the farmer a Farm Warp Totem to be there at the Night Market because he knows the farmer is gonna forget to check the time and then pass out on a mad dash back to the farm

Mr Qi also cannot possibly be human. What is he really? An elf? Vampire? Sorcerer? Snake hybrid? 7 Junimos in a trench coat? Just a man who spray paints himself blue for the aesthetic?

If you have ever seen Caroline’s tea cutscene, then you should know that the tea she drinks probably has a non-zero amount of cannabis in it.

Or maybe not… but like… why was there a lil squid person in there? Drinking tea aswell?? And disappeared with a puff of steam/smoke????

Actually- the tea she had was green, very sparkly and ripple-y. I bet Rasmodius had something to do with it. Because you know what happened with Rasmodius’s tree cutscene and uh… *cough* *cough* that other thing about the wizard-

Professor Snail has a snail under his hat named Mikey 🐌 that he picked up from the month he spent trapped in a cave

The kids of pelican town (Jas, Vincent, + Leo maybe) and the ASS trio (Abigail, Sam, Sebastian), are knowledgable of Krobus’s existence at least somewhat. Also Willy and Gunther 👌

Mr Qi eats Junimos🍏 ..sometimes-

Why? Because they’re like apples, he’s a mysterious son of a gun, and because these are crack headcanons that’s why-

Rasmodius is actively trying to get him magically banned from entering the community center and any other place currently occupied by them…

(spoiler?) …including Jojamart™️

Mr Qi’s outfit actually glows in the dark with a buncha tiny lights and glittery bits. Also shiny like a disco ball maybe ✨

Just hit him with a high powered flashlight and he becomes this ✨

Willy has seen the horrors 🐟

The Iridium bar required in the slime hutch, contrary to popular belief, is not just used as an extra brick for fun. Robin’s gotta smelt it down and add a lil bit of its essence to every stone making up the walls and foundation. (Hard work, y’know?). One bar is just enough to bless the hutch and requiring more seemed to be asking for too much.

Haley follow’s the Queen of Sauce’s Stardew equivalent of Instagram

Junimo Kart should not exist

The whole 100 floors down Skull Caverns was a ruse in an attempt to kill you, the farmer, but it failed because you didn’t die on the whole trip down and are also somehow immune to snake milk (venom). Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger I guess 🤷‍♂️🥛🐍

The farmer is indeed a cryptid. They don’t even breath

Instead of actual armor they instead rely on boots and rings for their protection??? They HAVE a hat, shirt, and pants slot, they CAN wear more armor than just boots if they had any but noooooooo. They like dancing with death so it seems

Actively just challenging Yoba to smite them: Being able to just consume food you really shouldn’t (ex. Void mayonnaise, mushrooms) and do it again once out of the hospital, Just carrying metal tools in thunderstorms, Being able to get hit by the valley’s train and brush it off, Repetitively going into the mines and Skull Caverns despite Harvey’s warnings, Drinking a weird unnatural drink offered by a mysterious stranger twice, also if they get their hands on it, carrying around freaking RADIOACTIVE ore without protection like it’s nothing????

Like I’m still not over the radioactive ore, even if I’ve never encountered it yet-

Also whatever the heck is happening on the Ginger Island dungeon? I’m pretty sure that’s lava everywhere in there??? And you just use your dinky watering can to cross it like no big deal??????

Stardew Valley so just so wild man

At least one person’s gonna be pissed at the farmer if they caught the legendary fish, put them in their fridge, and accidentally made sashimi with them. Maybe Gordy and Tex…

Also proof that the farmer is a cryptid is that they can catch all 5 legendary fish and their relatives without a sweat. Like Willy’s been at this for years. Also where do the relatives come from-

The fact that Pierre hates being given legendary fish is weird to me. I feel like that’s a boasting opportunity to have one in his funky lil shop.

I feel like Willy should also be happier than neutral upon being given the honor of owning one of these legendary fish. Or maybe he’s equally surprised as he is pissed that he wasn’t the one to do it and it cancels out.

Actually- maybe he catch and released? I’m too tired for this man

Gordy in The Fisherman Act ll is a wuss

The Crystalarium just can’t handle the Gay Shard’s power. Haley also can’t handle the Gay Shard apparently.

If you give a Junimo hut a Fairy Stone, are you just giving them the fossil of a long dead relative of theirs? Would that be weird?

If Abigail ate a fairy stone, would she be cursed by the fae for like… eating their crystallized bones

Forget what I said earlier about Emily wielding a parrot perch, she uses the unobtainable Holy Blade now- 🗡✨

If the farmer ever sees the green creature at the pelican town docks, just know that they probably hate you

Your dad probably has a rock collection. Why else is he sending you quality stones

#just your usual Wednesday afternoon crack headcanons #I had most of this done earlier but it didn’t feel long enough so eh. here you are #I haven’t reached Ginger island yet. or played Stardew in a while tbh. oof #my stoof #signatured #a portion of this is just me rambling about how weird sdv is tbh #my writing #sdv #stardew valley #did you know. that I have not died once in my whole stardew play through so far. I did the 100 floors challenge too!#I’m not counting passing out at 2am. because that’s happened at least twice #once on my own farm and another trapped in a spiral level of the mines after loosing track of time #Robin was legit building a coop next to me when I passed out too and Joja STILL charged me for it!

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telekineticseance · 10 months

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CARNIVAL RIDES

pairing: trey parker x f! reader

summary: more than one ride at this carnival if you know what i mean hehehehe...that's not as good as i originally thought because every carnival has more than one ride

genre: smut

word count: 1947

cw: uhhhhhhhhhh very very public intercourse like i mean y'all know that one scene from euphoria where cassie was on the merry go round? that but a ferris wheel and trey parker is fingering you and then you ride him instead of just the ferris wheel

author's note: went to the fair in my hometown this weekend and well my ovaries started thinking instead of my brain

The smell of funnel cakes and corndogs wafted its way into your nose as you peeled off another piece of cotton candy and put it into your mouth. Trey walked next to you, his hand around your waist as the two of you passed through the bustling crowd. Your hometown tends to put on a yearly fair and you never missed it and since this was the first year with Trey you decided to make the most of it. It was fun introducing Trey to people from school you hadn’t seen since the year before since you moved away from home but continued to come back. Your ex boyfriend from high school wasn’t too glad to see Trey Parker himself basically groping you as the two of you encountered one another.

“So Trey Parker?” He asked in a questioning tone as he walked up to the two of you while you watched one of the rides. You turned quickly to the sound of the voice and your face immediately dropped. Your ex was a dick before, during, and after your relationship so seeing him look at the two of you with disgust kind of set something off inside you. You rolled your eyes and gave a small scoff as you looked him up and down. He had gotten rough since school, with boils on his skin and definitely balding and not in a good way.

“Trey, this is my ex.” You introduced them as Trey gave a small grin, holding out his hand to shake. “I’m Trey.” He said softly.

“Oh I know who you are. I’m a huge fan.” He said, shaking Trey’s hand. Trey looked down at the hands before pulling his away after a few shakes and your ex opened his mouth to talk again, “So what are you doing here with Y/N?” He asked with a sneer tone to his voice. Trey raised an eyebrow looking him up and down before wrapping his arm around your waist, pulling you closer into his side, “I don’t think it’s any of your business.”

Your ex let out a small chuckle looking at Trey’s arm around you before nodding, “Well okay then. You two..enjoy the festivities.” He said before turning away and walking off. Trey looked down at you letting out a small scoff, “That guy is a fucking loser.”

You shrugged, “Wasn’t when I met him.” You rolled your eyes softly before continuing to walk down the midway with Trey, his grip on your waist tightening ever so slightly when you would walk through a big group of people so he didn’t lose you in the crowd. You looked at the rides start to light up as the sun went down in the distance, and Trey walked over with you to a food stand. “D’ya want anything?” He asked gently, and you looked at the menu settling on an ice cream cone. He handed you the cone, but not before he took a big bite from the top of it while chuckling slightly.

“Trey!” You yelled playfully, taking the cone from his hands, the ice cream dripping from the slide of his mouth as he wiped it with a grin on his face. You rolled your eyes at him, lightly pushing him away on his chest before he wrapped his arms around you, leaning down and giving you a soft kiss on the lips.

“I love you,” He mumbled against your lips. You smiled softly, “I love you too.” You took the ice cream, tapping it on his nose lightly making him let out a laugh before wiping it off. You licked at the cone as the two of you continued walking. Trey sipping on his Diet Dr.Pepper and you licking on your cone, Trey also sneaking over and taking a few bites when he thought you weren’t paying attention because you were distracted by the rides or someone playing the games. You looked at the Ferris Wheel in front of the two of you, “You know. I’ve never been on a Ferris Wheel.”

Trey’s eyes widened a little as he looked down at you with a shocked expression, “What do you mean you’ve never been on a Ferris Wheel?” You shrugged as you looked at him before turning back to the wheel, seeing a couple kiss as they were stopped at the top. He looked at the couple as well before grabbing your arm and taking you to the ticket booth, “What are we doing?”

He told the lady at the stand that he wanted 10 tickets before looking down at you, “We’re riding the Ferris Wheel. Obviously.” He said before handing the lady the cash for the tickets and grabbing them from the slot. The two of you walked over to the line to the Ferris Wheel and waited. You continued looking at the wheel, your knees shaking slightly from the height. One of the biggest reasons why you never went on the ride in the first place was the extreme fear of heights you carried.

Trey noticed your fear and lightly tightened the grip he had on your waist, “You’ll be alright.” He assured you, giving you a grin. You gave him a nod in response, taking a deep breath as the line moved achingly slow. You watched as the old people climbed off before the new people climbed into the car to take their spot.

When the two of you got to the carny, Trey handed him the tickets before leading you onto the ride. He shut the door behind the two of you and Trey wrapped his arm around your shoulder once the two of you sat down. “I got you.” He said looking down into your eyes as the ride started to move while more people got on the ride.

The higher your car lifted into the air, the more you shook under Trey’s touch. “Come here.” He whispered softly, lifting your chin with his hand before giving you a soft kiss on the lips. You kissed back, feeling his arm pull you in closer as his other hand rests on your thigh, just below the hem of your skirt. You pulled away looking into his eyes, the blue reflecting the carnival rides around you, giving a shine to them. He let out a soft hum with a grin, “You know. I’ve always wanted to try something new.” He mumbled, his thumb stroking your thigh gently.

You raised an eyebrow before realizing what he meant and letting out a gasp, “Trey. Absolutely not.” You said as he let out a chuckle. “Oh come on. We can have fun in a dressing room but not here?” He asked looking around, “The other cars have their own things going on and we’ll probably be up here for five minutes or even longer.”

You rolled your eyes playfully, feeling his hand inch up your thigh, under your skirt as he looked into your eyes with almost a puppy dog look to them, a look he knew was your weakness. You let out a small sigh, “Fine. But if we get caught I’ll kill you.”

Trey let out another small chuckle, pulling you close to kiss you again. He reached your panty line underneath your skirt, giving them a small tug, pulling them to your knees. As he continued kissing you, he moved his hand back to your slit, slipping his fingers in between your folds causing you to let out a gasp against his lips. You felt his smirk against your lips as he went back to kissing you, letting his tongue roam your mouth while he thrusted his fingers. You let out a moan into the kiss and Trey shushed you softly, careful to not attract the attention from the others on the ride. His beard lightly pricked at your face as he took your bottom lip in between his teeth and curled his fingers, making you arch your back.

You shuddered as he continued to pump his fingers, increasing his pace as you flexed your walls around his fingers, feeling your heartbeat quicken every time the ride would move more, moving you two closer to the bottom. “T-Trey.” You whispered out against his lips. You wanted him. Needed him. But knew the two of you were already pushing limits with what was happening. He hummed against your lips, “I know baby I know.” He cooed, burying his head into your neck as he let out a soft groan. He needed you just as you needed him and he was terrible at hiding it.

You felt him spread his fingers inside every now and then, causing you to be in a fit of soft moans and gasps, occasionally throwing in a whimper. The knot in your stomach started to tighten as you closed your eyes tightly. When you felt your walls tighten around Trey’s fingers once last time he quickly pulled his hand away and you opened your eyes to reveal that you two were coming up close to the bottom, “Hold on.” He whispered against your neck, changing position to look like he was just resting his head.

You bit your lips through your teeth trying to hold back the heavy breathing. When the two of you started going back up to the top, Trey’s hands went for the buttons on his jeans before he pulled them down slightly along with his boxers, letting his hardened cock pop out. He pulled you onto his lap giving you no time to think before he slid you down on him, causing you to let out another gasp. He held his hands firmly on your waist, looking around absentmindedly trying to pretend you weren’t sitting on his length.

He rocked your hips gently and you helped by doing the same, trying to give subtle bounces as well. He rolled his eyes to the back of his head subtly while closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath. He let out a soft groan as you continued rocking your hips, your grip tightening on his shirt. You pretended to look around but your vision was fuzzy from the sensation Trey was bringing. The ride stopped once more with the two of you at the top as people started getting off.

Once it stopped you took the opportunity to go faster, knowing that it would be hard for anyone to notice the two of you now. “Fuck I’m..” Trey breathedout, beads of sweat dripping from his forehead. You continued going, keeping the pace, as you threw your head back and closed your eyes when you felt that same knot in your stomach from before.

“Trey..” You moaned out softly as his grip on your hips tightened, he loved how your name sounded coming from your mouth. He always told you how much he loved how innocent you sounded when you dirty talked or moaned his name. Making him want to drop everything and bend you over the nearest surface, fucking you senseless.

You felt his tip twitch inside as the two of you released at the same time. You rode out your high, breathing heavily, feeling your body weaken as you slowly climbed off him. You pulled your panties back up as Trey fixed his pants.

When the ride finished the two of you climbed off, trying to ignore the smell of sweat radiating off the both of you. Trey’s arm found its place around your waist once more as he gave you a soft cheek kiss. “You know most people kiss on the Ferris Wheel.” You told him.

He chuckled, “Well you know I’m not one for following the rules.”

#the day i stop writing smut where they are in public is the day I DIE #i realize i've written more trey content as a whole including coop than matt #whoops #trey parker #trey parker x reader

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reborrowing · 4 months

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being hunted

begone, foul writers block cws: violence, referenced death (animal and otherwise)

There's a certain thrill in being hunted.

Most call it fear, and make a point of avoiding it. She could never. She loves that rush. Any mistep might be her end, so she becomes perfection. She loves the way it strips her down to the essentials, narrows her thoughts down until all that was left was her survival and her self.

Her thoughts narrow but her perception widens. She sees each shadow move. She hears the soil stirring beneath each sly footstep, every feather shifting in the wind. The threats close in.

Her heart beats in ecstatic song: alive, alive, alive.

Her hunters chase the same perfection and sometimes, they got close. Claw marks raked across her back, a talon kissed down her thigh. A vicious jaw tore into her shoulder, nearly pulling her apart. She fights back. She hurts. She survives.

Some day, the hunters would have their way. They need to eat as urgently as she needs to escape. To fail is to die. Hunter or hunted, the dance is the same.

And then, there are the giants, who are so above it all that they didn't seem to dance at all.

They can hunt, but it's an empty chase for them, a game. They can be hunted, but few creatures dare to try and still fewer giants face any real consequence from an attack. Mostly, they trample through the woods, indifferent to the lives that scatter underfoot, creating a trail of chaos and strange gifts.

She knows to keep her distance. They're dangerous. They're fire with eyes, a flood with with wit, unstoppable disasters with beating hearts. It's best not to invite them closer.

And yet, now that she's caught in a giant's fascinated stare, she cant help it.

There's a certain thrill in being hunted.

#basically no editing just words on a screen #g/t #g/t writing #my writing #giant tiny #oc: coop #kinda roughly her anyways #under the counter #unwarranted tag

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shsl-box-worshipper · 1 month

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Crack Fanfic Idea: Jeremie gets the totally wonderful idea of using Co-Op video games to improve coordination between his fellow Lyoko Warriors. It goes as well as you would expect.

#code lyoko #shitpost #writing #when this popped into my head i was thinking of modern coop games #like lethal company or deep rock galactic #games that force you to work together to get things done

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fadeintohim · 1 year

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Hey babes, pretty please can I get cooper day x fem!reader where readers asks him to pierce her nipples. Him being actual boob obsessed nearly passes out just from reader taking her shirt off. Cooper has very shakey hands throughout the whole thing and gets visibly flustered. Maybe his sister walking in just as cooper finishes the last one, and having to explain the situation. 😭🤭 ilysm ❤️

OH MY GOODNESS HI SORRY I DID NOT GET TO THIS EARLIER IM SO SORRY BABES!!! I LOVE THIS REQUEST AHHHH! ILY2 SWEETIE <3

P.S., i'm ditching the aesthetic seperators they're so much work! sorry luvs <\3. P.S. P.S., i'm writing these as headcanons bc i kinda suck at writing real fics <\3 sorry again lovely! hope u still love it 💗 These are written as most of HC's are, C1 is non-sexual, C2 is sexual!! ENJOY!!

"Too Much" - Cooper Day piercing his gf's titties HC'S

C1 HC's start here

C1 - Coopers hands are super shaky and kinda sweaty, it's cute.

C1 - Cooper tries to be extra gentle with you because he loves you (and because he needs to make sure they look perfect so when he looks at your boobs, he can see how good he did).

C1 - Cooper blushes a TON and stammers a LOT, he can't help but be flustered.

C1 - Cooper is a hot mess throughout the whole process.

C1 - Cooper can't sit still while reader asks him to do it (more on that later).

C1 - Cooper gets kinda pissed when Nat (his sister) walks in, and has to explain the whole thing to her at the end.

C1 - Cooper made sure you liked the first piercing before even attempting the second one.

C2 HC's start here

C2 - Cooper gets a boner the second the thought of your tits entered his head.

C2 - Cooper almost cums just from seeing you take your shirt off.

C2 - Cooper isn't good at hiding his boner, hence the fact he can't sit still.

C2 - Cooper almost faints because of how perfect your tits are, and he asks to feel them one time before the piercings, and he knows damn well how to make you crazy with just a few touches.

C2 - Cooper has to jerk off right after he pierces your nipples.

C2 - Cooper can't stop praising your tits during the whole process.

#cooper day smut #cooper day x reader #evan peters smut #evan peters x reader #i need him #i love evan so much #and cooper too #cooper day pls marry me ily #cooper day #i love that everyone makes me write abt coop it makes me so happy

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itsaash · 6 months

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unsatisfyingly satisfying part 2: shivers

Set sometime in the future when our beloved Coops are married and on vacation in Banff :))) prompt and cover art credit to @noots-fic-fests, character credit of Coops to @lumosinlove And shout out to @girlwithcurls96 for helping me and reassuring me about this whole story, and who is the type of friend when you say, "what kind of tattoos should this character have?" comes through with the perfect pinterest board of style inspo to create the OCs of my dreams

“You got the camera baby?” Remus called as he shut the trunk of the white rental car.

“Ouais, et j'ai les collations là.”

Remus smiled as he translated in his head. Being in Banff National Park, or Parc national Banff as Sirius exclusively called it, with signs and boards and everything in French as well as English, had set Sirius into a firmly French state of mind. Remus was absolutely not complaining, the melodic sounds scratched his brain just right, even if he couldn’t replicate them. He just beeped the car, pocketed the keys, patted his pocket to feel his phone, and caught up to Sirius and took his hand as they walked across the parking lot.

It was early in the morning, the gondola would be just starting up. They planned their visits to touristy places for the least busy time of day. A good half hour had been spent signing autographs at the Calgary airport when they arrived a few days ago. Canadians knew their hockey players, especially ones who would certainly be on the next Canadian Olympic hockey team. Neither of them minded , per se, but also if they could blend in, well they’d rather prefer that option.

Typical outdoorsy MEC outfits like every other tourist were their outfits, with a pretty generic blue ball cap for Sirius, and Remus had chosen a fashionable flat brim hat after Sirius had gone silent and staring when Remus had tried it on in the store. While any claim they had to disguise was low, their main hope was that most of the people who rode a gondola on a Thursday morning wouldn’t also be hockey fans. Banff had been great so far, busy streets of tourists to blend into while eating elephant ears, a hike yesterday to lakes the most fucking amazing color of turquoise where everyone nodded their head and said hello as they passed on the trail, and today they were heading up the gondola. It was a warm July day and Remus knew heat would start to gather soon, but it felt so fresh here in the mountains, always a breeze, really it was nearly idyllic. Even here, in a busy parking lot, dozens of cars already and pavement for hundreds of meters, it still somehow felt rustic. That was the influence of the towering rough mountains he supposed. They were everywhere here, he had never been in the mountains like this. He squeezed Sirius’ hand as they walked, his head turning to take it all in.

“The view doesn’t get old, eh,” Sirius laughed as he took in Remus’ wide eyes.

“Literally never. There’s just mountains everywhere .”

“And here we go, up another one,” Sirius said.

“Can’t wait,” Remus said, squeezing Sirius’ hand with excitement again, taking in the grey of Sirius’ eyes and comparing it to the grey of the mountains. The mountains were undeniably majestic, but that blue grey gaze was still his overall first place favourite.

Remus scanned the tickets on his phone for the agent with the usual “bonjour, hello” passed between them and joined the small line of people waiting to board the gondolas. They wound through the roped off area, back and forth across the loading area as the line moved, reading the information placards as they went. Remus challenged himself to read the French versions and asked Sirius for help with some words, just to hear him say them, to see Sirius’ eyes smile when he heard Remus say the words back as best he could. They passed the time in the line quickly like this, passing words in French back and forth to each other quietly, almost like bubbles of love being traded between them, like emotional kisses, like whatever the sounds are that are in my mouth, they always mean I love you.

Remus vaguely knew from the corners of his attention that the people who worked for the Park were working with the line, fitting groups together into gondolas in the most space efficient way, calling for single riders to come join groups of 3, putting two couples together, keeping kids with their parents. There was a large family ahead of them and Sirius and Remus had been half-hearing conversations about snacks and who would sit by who and where’s my water bottle and dad, what if we see a bear ?? So when the attendant called, ‘next group of two? Un groupe de deux?’ looks travelled down the family and passed like dominos to Sirius and Remus.

“On est deux,” Sirius said, knowing everyone who worked for the Park spoke at least some French, and he was loving using it at every opportunity.

“Allez, on y va,” the attendant said, waving them over. Sirius and Remus kept their hands clasped as they snuck past the big family, Remus murmured an, “ope, sorry,” as they made their way to the front of the line. They boarded the open gondola, sitting down on one side together as the doors slid closed and the gondola started moving.

Remus was just starting to look out the floor to ceiling window, seeing the expanse of nature below them, all around them once they were past the loading area of the building, when he heard,

“Sirius Black?? ”

Oh shit. They were on a gondola with a fan. Well, hopefully a fan, god, imagine if it was someone who wanted to lecture them for the whole 8 minute ride. Sirius would give them his stony cold game face, and inevitably the person would back down, but it would be so awkward.

But Sirius hadn’t said anything. He was just staring, mouth slightly open. Time passed in frozen silence, enough time that Remus darted his eyes back and forth, from Sirius’ frozen form, to the two girls sitting across from them. One had a ball cap on with a dark ponytail floating out the back of it and her tank top showed clearly well developed biceps and deltoids, hiking shorts and shoes. She was nearly as slack jawed as Sirius. The other girl was much more fashionable, in pants that were somehow loose but still fitted, and a cropped shirt (sports bra? what did Remus know about women’s fashion), clean white runners, long curly blond hair pulled into a messy half bun. It was still Banff and hiking appropriate except everything about her outfit and hair seemed to be on purpose in a way that none of the rest of them could claim. She seemed to be trying to read the situation as much as Remus was, and after long seconds she was the one to break the silence.

“Rebecca? You know him?”

The other girl, Rebecca? Almost literally shook herself out of her surprise and laughed, a smile coming over her face.

“Oh my god, what are the fucking chances? Yeah, well, I mean, Sirius and I, well, yeah, we’ve met.”

Remus felt his eyebrows raise at her faltering tone and he looked to Sirius who didn’t seem ready to say words of any language yet. So Remus spoke first.

“Oh, well hello. I’m Remus. It’s nice to meet you,” and he put his hand out to Rebecca to shake. She smiled more, her eyes taking him in and she took his hand.

“Hi Remus, I’m Rebecca. Nice to meet you. This is my girlfriend Claire,” she said, gesturing at the well dressed girl. “We’re just touring the area, on vacation, I guess you must be too. It is the offseason I guess? I can’t believe we’re on the same gondola as you, what even is this.”

Remus felt himself relax, girlfriend, ok so they weren’t in for an 8 minute lecture. That was something at least. He turned to Claire and shook her hand too. His eyes travelled up and down her tattooed arms, all thin lines and curling shapes. He especially noticed a beautiful one of a star surrounded by a circle on the inside of her elbow, but the whole thing was made of flowers and vines in light colours.

“Nice to meet you too Claire. Are y’all hockey fans then?” he asked, glancing repeatedly at Sirius, who was still seemingly frozen. He pressed his palm against Sirius’ thigh, hoping to ground him with touch. Feeling more than a little bit like he needed that too.

Claire laughed, a high, bright sound.

“No, I can’t say I am. Is that how you know him, sweetheart?” Claire asked her girlfriend.

“I, um, well yeah, kind of. We met at a media weekend where they were doing stories on a bunch of athletes for a magazine,” Rebecca explained, her gaze bounced between Sirius, Remus, her girlfriend, back to Sirius.

Remus nodded. Well that made sense. What didn’t make sense was that Sirius hadn’t said a single fucking word. He turned toward him, angling his body towards his husband so he could mouth as much as say, ‘ça va, baby?’

Sirius started bobbing his head. Remus saw him take two purposeful breaths, close his eyes for a long moment, and then open them again with his media smile on.

“Désolé, sorry, sorry Rebeccca. You just surprised me,” he took off his hat, ran his hands through his hair and replaced the hat. “Wow, yeah, it’s good to see you. Like you said, what are the chances?”

“What media thing was it that you did?” Remus asked lightly, hoping to soften whatever the fuck this atmosphere was.

“That one in New York that Pots and I went to? During your third season with the team, I think?” Sirius said. He looked deep into Remus’ eyes and took and squeezed his hand. Remus didn’t know why Sirius needed comfort, but he clearly did. So he scooted as close to Sirius as he could on the bench, held his hand, and tried to send comfort like osmosis. It seemed Sirius may have received the offering because he seemed to relax a degree or two.

“Rebecca was on the olympic rugby team that got a medal at that olympics a few years ago,” Sirius supplied, gesturing to her. “Or maybe you still play?”

“Yeah, I do actually!” she replied. “I’m not a starter anymore, but I still have one more Olympics in me. The team has been doing so awesome, it’s been such an sweet ride.”

“Oh wow, that's amazing!” Remus said, meaning it, and hoping to take the conversation in safer territory. “Are you on a break from training right now? Being a tourist for a bit?”

“Yeah! It’s so beautiful out here. And it’s nice to have time to take in the sights. We travel for matches all the time, but it’s never very long in one place. We played a match near here last season, and it was so beautiful I knew I needed to bring Claire back here.” She smiled at her girlfriend and took her hand.

“So you’re a hockey player?” Claire asked Sirius. He smiled a small smile and nodded, maybe started to say more while gripping Remus’ hand, but Claire continued, “that’s nice, but you two obviously slept together, right?” she said, gesturing between Rebecca and Sirius.

Rebecca just laughed, Sirius’ mouth dropped open, and Remus startled like he’d been shocked.

“That’s what this weird vibe is?!” he asked Sirius, half laughing, half horrified. “Oh my god, well, I get it now.”

Sirius dropped his head into both his hands, shaking his head, and then his shoulders were shaking, until his whole body was quivering with laughter.

“Mon dieu, sorry, Rebecca… Re, I’m sorry.” Laughter bubbled out of him. “I don’t know why I locked up, I got thrown back in time there for a minute, in my head. I’m ok now, sorry. Rebecca, it really is good to see you, I just was so surprised.”

Remus just shook his head. He’d be pretty shocked in the same situation too. The air already felt clearer, Sirius’ laughter had dissipated most of the awkwardness.

“So you’re bi too then?” Rebecca asked. “Or pan maybe? I saw you two in the news of course, oh god I didn’t mean to bring that up, I just mean, obviously you’re married now! Congratulations,” she seemed to force herself to stop talking and Remus laughed.

“Yeah, we got married last summer, it was amazing.”

Sirius smiled at him, the smile they always had when they thought about the lake house and their friends and family and the perfect haze of happy memories that surrounded that day. Sirius took a deep breath and turned to Rebecca.

“Yeah! But, um, no. Uh, I’m actually gay. That’s probably why I froze up there for a minute. But if you’re queer too that makes me feel a lot better, I think I panicked for a second that there would be flirting? Sorry, sorry.” he said, looking back and forth between both Rebecca and Claire.

Claire laughed, “Oh there could still be flirting, I’m afraid. You’re just her type in guys. I’m gay too, but my sweetheart here had a later in life bi awakening, much to my benefit.” She got closer and closer to Rebecca’s neck as she said this, and ended with a soft kiss to her jaw. Rebecca smiled a soft smile at her girlfriend, but then turned to Sirius, more serious.

“Wow, so, um, that night must have been hard for you then? I feel like I should apologise. I think I kissed you first that night.”

Sirius shrugged his shoulders like his shirt was too tight, and Remus studied his reaction, taking his hand in both of his now, and drew circles in Sirius’ palm with his thumb. Sirius rubbed the back of his head with his other hand before answering.

“No, please don’t apologise. You couldn’t know, I didn’t know. Well I knew, but I didn’t know . It’s not like you were the only girl I was with. I thought I just had to meet the right girl. And actually you helped with that, because you were so amazing. Beautiful, and fun to be around, and athletic and funny. And it was still… fine.” Rebecca laughed and faked hitting her heart with her fist like a stab. “No, I don’t mean it was bad! It was fine! Shit I keep saying fine… it was…” Sirius trailed off, looking to Remus, clearly now developing an aversion to the word fine.

“Sirius, Sirius, it’s ok. I get it. The comphet comes for us all, doesn’t it?” Rebecca said. She started off half laughing, but her voice was full of authenticity by the end of her sentence.

Remus kept running his thumb over Sirius’ palm in soothing circles, and Claire lifted her arm up to trace the edge of the window, and then put it around Rebecca’s shoulders, hugging her close.

In the moment of silence that followed, the gondola slowly swung to stop. They all looked around, looking down at the magnificent view really for the first time since they got on the thing.

“Huh, they must be stopping it to help someone on or off, I guess,” Remus said. A shiver had come over him as they swung to a stop, but it passed. The others nodded in acknowledgment as they swayed gently.

“You were my last,” Sirius said into the silence. “My last time with … with a woman.” Remus raised his eyebrows at Sirius. “Well, I kissed other girls after that, only in public, but I knew after that night with you that I wanted to be with guys. Even if I didn’t let myself actually do that for a long time yet, at least I knew.” He paused. “Sorry,” he said again.

Rebecca laughed. “Honestly Black, it really is ok, stop apologising. I’m a little surprised, for sure, because for me it was really good. Like, really good. Like I-never-found-a-guy-as-good-again good, despite giving it an honest try. Had to fully just move onto women, good. So I might be questioning my perception of reality a little bit over here, but you don’t have anything to apologise for.”

Remus was processing, hardly believing the turn this gondola ride had taken, but had to smile at that.

“He is pretty good, isn’t he?” Remus said, gazing up at Sirius with mischief in his eyes. “From our very first time, he knew what he was doing. Fuckin knocked my socks off,” Remus laughed. Rebecca joined him and Sirius buried his head in his hands again.

“Right?! His hands –”

“God, tell me about it. And his back?”

“Divine,” Rebecca sighed, tone half teasing and half serious. “And just his size, you know, when he’s on top, fully covering you?”

Remus faked a swoon, back of his hand to his forehead. “It’s amazing. Might be my favourite place in the world to be.” Sirius sat up and smacked Remus’ shoulder. “Re! Stop it,” he laughed.

“Did you get to experience his mouth?” Remus asked, leaning forwards to Rebecca. “Or how his eyes get so intense it’s like they glow?”

“Remus!”

Rebecca sighed dramatically. “I didn’t experience his mouth unfortunately. And I think he must be the only man in history to have turned down a blow job! It was mostly hands and some lovely dirty talk and … well, you know.”

“Oh the French dirty talk,'' Remus fawned, fanning himself with his hand, smiling evilly at Sirius. “It’s so hot.”

Rebecca faked a dramatic gasp. “Is this why you wanted me on my hands and knees??” she asked, gesturing dramatically to Remus. “So you could pretend I was him!?” The words might be accusatory, but the tone was pure glee. “Did you know him then?” she asked Remus.

Sirius moaned into his hands and ground out what might have sounded like kill me now.

“I just knew him as the hockey obsessed, tough as nails, never an emotion to be seen hockey captain back then. And I saw him make out with multiple girls at bars after that, so he clearly wasn’t ready for me yet back then,” Remus teased.

Claire and Rebecca both nodded. “We all have to make our journeys of self discovery in our own time, don’t we,” Claire said.

“That we do,” Remus said, letting the last of his laughter bubble out of him. They all took in a minute of happy silence, admiring the view. Even Sirius cautiously poked an eye out of the safety of his hands and looked past Remus to see towering snow capped mountains which they were almost eye level with up this high, this ground was really quite far away. Deep green trees transitioned into bright green grass in places, the buildings of the town looked like dots from here, and the fluffy white clouds seemed much closer than he had ever experienced before.

The peace of the mountains seemed to sweep into the softly swinging gondola and Rebecca turned back to Sirius, still snuggled into Claire’s side.

“I am sorry though, that society or whatever made you think you had to sleep with me. I’m sorry if I played a part in that,” she said.

Sirius wasn’t frozen like the snow tipped mountains now, he tried to let his words flow like the breeze instead.

“I appreciate that, Rebecca, I do. But I could’ve said no, and I knew that. I went upstairs with you because I thought I should want to, but I was so deep in the shoulds, that in a roundabout way I did want to. And I’m honestly so glad you thought it was good, that’s like all I cared about.” “I never would’ve known you weren’t into it Sirius, really, it was good.” Sirius rolled his head on his neck, looking sheepish but happy.

“It’s not that I didn’t think it was good. It did feel good, you’re amazing. I just was also really busy, in my mind. My thoughts were just going in bad circles with pressure and doing the right thing and what you might tell your friends and what I’d tell my teammates … so of course it was harder for me to just enjoy it. But like I said, you were the last time I did that, so I’m also really thankful for that, and for you. If you couldn’t be the right one, I knew there was no point in trying anymore.” He switched his gaze to Remus and his grin turned dopey, “until this one told me he was gay, and that I’d be worth it.”

Remus squeezed his hand. “You are worth it. Every day.”

“If I may,” Claire said, “it sounds to me like you’re both right. You’re right, my love, to feel a bit weird about learning the guy you slept with doesn’t actually like sleeping with women. But it’s also ok that you still enjoyed it, because you’re always allowed to have your own version of a situation, based solely on your own experience of it. And he was actively trying to have you enjoy it, for different reasons than you thought. There’s no way you could have known his every inner thought.” Rebecca smiled and rested her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“And you Sirius,” she continued, “it could be interpreted as misleading to have gone upstairs with her, but Rebecca and I, as women who love women, know the strength and seeping nature of comphet, as I’m sure you do too, as a man in a traditional masculine field. It gets into your bones and bosses you around and ties your thoughts up in knots. I’m really glad you freed yourself from expectations to let yourself live. I can tell the two of you are really good together,” she smiled.

Remus nodded his head along with her and kept drawing calming circles with his thumb around Sirius’ palm.

“Merci, Claire,” Sirius smiled, “and for what it’s worth, Rebecca, I’m sorry for putting you in that situation.”

“Forgiven, Sirius Black. And thank you for ruining me for other men, so that I could find this goddess,” she leaned up to kiss Claire on the lips, deep and sensual. Sirius thought that looked like a really great idea, and leaned in to Remus.

“Ça va bien, baby?” Remus repeated, their lips close, breathing each other in and out. He had been pressed up against Sirius’ side this whole conversation, clutching his hand. And now they blocked out the mountains, the uncomfortable seat, the shining sun, and only focused in on each other.

“Oui. Je vais bien. Etonné. But … also good. Glad to have you, like always.”

“I’ll never be anywhere else, mon mari,” Remus murmured as he leaned in to kiss Sirius. Lost in their kiss, they didn’t notice that Rebecca and Claire were watching them with soft smiles on their faces, Rebecca’s head still against Claire’s shoulder. Claire twirled her hand around and then threaded her fingers through Rebecca’s ponytail, smiling.

The gondola started moving again, startling Sirius and Remus apart with a smile. They squeezed each other’s hands with a shiver, they both had goosebumps from a brief chill. They all rode the last few minutes how they all had thought their whole ride would go. They pointed out the tallest trees, saw shapes in the clouds, basked in the chance to be so high up and see the world from such a different perspective. Funny how that makes a difference for so many things.

They all saw the loading area approach, and stayed quiet while they slowed to a stop and the doors opened. They filed out into the visitors center. When they rounded the corner and were away from most other people, Rebecca folded herself into Sirius for a hug, squeezing him, her cheek pressed into his chest. He rested the side of his head against her and held her for a long moment.

“Despite the shock, it really was good to see you, Sirius. And super good to get to clear the air with you about our night together. I, selfishly, hope you don’t regret it, but it’s ok if you do. I’m still happy to know you. Maybe you can actually text me back now that there’s no big secret swirling over you, eh?” she swatted him in the stomach at the last, and he dodged with an oof and a laugh.

“Rebecca, honestly, I’m really glad to have run into you like this. Sorry if I was weird. I don’t regret it, how can I, when it was a stop on the path to me finding my husband?”

Rebecca turned and gave Remus a hug too. “Sorry for having your husband before you,” she teased. Remus huffed a laugh, and hugged her back.

“Good to meet you Rebecca. I’ll forgive you, I suppose .” he joked. “Since I’m the one he’s going home with, I can’t complain.”

“Nope, you have absolutely nothing to complain about, I would know,” Rebecca teased as she took Claire’s hand again. “And I have this goddess now anyways. Bye, guys, take care!” she said as they started to turn away down the boardwalk.

“Enjoy your vacation!” Claire said with a wave, and Remus and Sirius waved as well, standing with their arms around each other’s backs. When they were a good way down the boardwalk Sirius turned and collapsed into Remus’ arms. They stood there amidst the beauty of the mountains. Tourists walked past and around them, taking pictures. They stood long enough for clouds to form and reform shapes, until Sirius could huff out a laugh. “What the actual fuck are the chances.”

“Of you stepping into a 6 foot square enclosed space with the last woman you had sex with? Really, really, really low I’d imagine. Even if we changed the odds to include all the women in general who have seen you naked, the number still has to be…” Remus trailed off as Sirius stood up and pushed him away, grumbling and laughing.

“Stop teasing me, mon loup, this was traumatising ,” Sirius pouted.

“Oh baby, I know, I know, come here,” Remus laughed, and gathered Sirius in tight for one more hug. “Let’s look around? And then we can walk down? So we don’t accidentally get trapped with the next least likely person in the fucking world? I can’t quite imagine who that could be at this point, but we’re probably safer on a hiking trail.”

“Let’s get trapped with your college boyfriend, and I’ll make comments about your mouth, tabarnak , that was embarrassing,” Sirius laughed under his breath as he turned to take in the view.

“I was trying to cut the tension!”

“I’ll cut your tension,” Sirius muttered back.

“Can’t wait, baby,” Remus said with a suggestive eyebrow waggle. Sirius rolled his eyes, and then they did enjoy the view, thoroughly. And they took the hiking trail back down the mountain.

#characters by lumosinlove #when you write OCs and then want to be best friends with them #fic-o-ween 2023 #sweater weather #coops #sirius/remus #conversations in confined spaces #did you catch what the shivers were?#PLEASE feel free to message me and correct my french

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testing-reblogs · 10 days

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What if I connected to a very unstable chassis then tried to kill you and your girlfriend wouldn't that be fun

#i need to redo my artfight refs and i needed to design the chassis part of vampire core for later on in the story #he has like an outfit change moment #is it even a portal story if theres not an evil bitch piloting the chassis /j #this is the same chassis seen in the portal coop dlc just with some changes so it's easier to draw #i think using this chassis works better than glados's because i don't wanna add glados to my oc story and vampire core does a lot coop tests #soo thats the vision #nothing against glados but id perfer to keep paradox as an oc only thing #and i don't wanna research how to write glados by reading her wiki page for hours #goddd i need to write the story outline before artfight comes #id like at least some of my characters to have lore on their pages ya know :)#i keep saying 'wow i need to write this already' then not doing it #oc writing is fun. i know its fun. i have fun doing it. but my brain tricks me into thinking its not fun and i don't like doing it #i got to the coloring stage before realizing I didn't like the brush i used for lineart so i had to redo it #but im glad i did it looks much better :) it also let me add the big claws i wanted him to have #i gave up on that puppet its an optional accessory for fun now sorryyyyyy #aughh i wanna animate so bad seeing my friends animate motivates me to do it too but I dont have timeeeee #portal #portal oc #Vampire core (oc)

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blue-nebraska · 1 year

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Day twenty-eight: Owl in dream

I thought I saw somewhere online that “Windom Earle” was meant to be an anagram of “Owl in dream” BUT, I cannot find anything about that now, plus there’d be an extra E that didn’t fit so maybe I just made it up? Regardless, I did a drawing of Coop being haunted by dreamed up owls. “Cooper, I'd think you'd be afraid to go to sleep at night!”

ID: A black and white drawing. In the center is Cooper in his pajamas pulling himself out of bed and looking anxious. Behind the headboard is a larger than life owl with its wings outstretched and its tail feathers beneath the blankets of the bed.

#girl help i am once again struggling to write id's #i rlly love this drawing i <3 drawing coop. my beloved!#twin peaks #twin peaks art #dale cooper #kyle maclachlan #fanart #inktober #described #tp

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derelictdumbass · 1 month

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vibrating at supersonic speed and obliterating into tiny pieces

#i've been scrolling through rp blogs for no reason what so ever at all #nostalgia brain tells me rp was so much fun and it clings to the one long rp i did with a girl where my oc rescued her oc from some big bad #and the oc rp i was doing with remy was also rad..... basically coop writing a fic for that one lmao #for months i've been like. just make a random rp blog and see what happens but for who. what. where. when #i have a lola sideblog and i've been considering making that also a rp blog for her bc that could be fun but idk 😔#i just wanna be unwell about fictional characters and put them in situations collaboratively #why do i gotta put em in situations all by myself all the time huh !!! just cuz i made them and they live in my brain and my brain alone !!#anyway if u need me i'll be staring at the ceiling contemplating and passing out without making a decision #nadine is typing...

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treyisms · 11 months

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asks are : open !

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ let’s discuss trey & matt (or baseketball, orgazmo & cannibal! the musical) headcanons ! ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

(18+)

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sapphicstone · 9 months

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𝒟𝒜𝑀𝒩 𝒮𝒯𝑅𝐼𝒫𝒫𝐸𝑅 / BASEketball.

Fandom: BASEketball (1998)

Parings: Doug Remer x Stripper!Reader ; Joe Cooper x Stripper!Reader

Summary: You lead a double life. By day, you are a tactical analysis specialist for the Beers baseketball team. But at night, that's when everything really happens.

You are a stripper.

NOTES: I have to be honest with you all, I've never seen any fanfic of Remer and Cooper with the Reader Stripper... Anyway, the idea came up after reading some interview with Trey Parker about him liking strippers.

By day, you are a tactical analysis specialist. What exactly do you do? Well, you study games, analyze the opposing team, suggest strategies, evaluate player performance, and so on. It's kind of a fun job.

You enjoy working with Cooper and Remer, the main stars of basketball. They put a lot of effort into coming up with distractions so that everyone can score in the game. But it's not like Joe and Doug really need it; after all, one of the things you like about them is their charisma and sense of humor.

"Good job, guys," you said as you watched them enter the players' prep room.

"Thanks to you," Cooper replied, pointing his finger in your direction with a sincere smile on his face. Your cheeks flushed at Joe's compliment.

"But you guys need to work on your strategies," you pointed out as you approached the guys. Doug frowned as he downed a bottle of water.

After you finished your shift, you said goodbye to each of the guys individually and wished them a good night. They said goodbye back and you hurried to your second job.

''Black Flamingo.''

That was the name of the place where, from the moment you walked in, you peacefully bid farewell to the tactical analysis specialist working for the Beers team and said a rough "hello" to the club's most sought-after stripper.

JOE COOPER

Cooper doesn't usually go to these places, even though it goes against his personality. But Squeak and Remer convinced him to go.

He hesitated a lot, but finally went.

When he arrived, he felt at home. And even though the bright lights hurt his eyes, Cooper couldn't help but look at the stage filled with scantily clad strippers, sensually making every subtle move. It instantly soothed his eyes.

Cooper wasn't sure if he should focus on the other ladies who worked there, serving drinks and dancing on the laps of the guys who accepted the drinks, or on the dancers on the stage.

He accepted a drink and was excited when the waitress in black, low-cut clothing blew him a kiss in the air. He took a sip of the drink and things started to heat up when they announced the show for the night.

Cooper started to get excited.

The one who doesn't sleep with any of her clients. The one who steals the attention of both men and women. The golden goose of the Black Flamingo...

...You

Your steps were mesmerizing; you definitely knew what you were doing and were fully aware of the power you had over those drooling men. The lace mask covering your face was the main attraction. Who could this bitch be? No one would have the privilege to find out.

"Holy shit, man…" Cooper muttered to himself as he watched you slowly fiddle with your own clothes.

Remer and Squeak watched in fascination. Cooper screamed and, with the effect of alcohol on his brain, started throwing some dollars on the stage.

But even as professional as you were, you couldn't help but miss a step when you saw Joe Cooper in the audience.

''What the fuck is he doing here?'' You tought.

DOUG REMER

"Shall we go to the 'Black Flamingo?"

"Right away," he said.

Remer definitely can't keep his dick in his pants.

The ladies are all around him, serving drinks, but he doesn't even wait for them to offer. He gives them a comically sensual wink and turns his eyes back to the stage. He enjoys tucking dollars into the ladies' cleavage, smiling as their breasts sway to and fro.

Remer doesn't drink too much because he wants to enjoy the situation sober. He doesn't want to forget this day.

Remer feels confident in this club with all these hot women around him. "There's a little bit of Remer for everyone" he says, as if they really want him, but they are just doing their damn jobs.

But after the announcement of the night's show, one person in particular catches his attention.

The stripper who took the stage was different. It wasn't just the lace mask covering her face; all of her subtle and well-crafted movements justified why she was in such high demand.

She was radiant, gorgeous and most of all: very hot. Dollars rained down on the stage as the damn stripper began to strip. One by one.

Remer found himself mesmerized by the sequence of lace falling onto that stage, he was thirsty for more.

Soon he was screaming for you along with the desperate crowd and managed to find a place on the edge of the stage to get closer to you, even though he knew you were the Untouchable Stripper.

But he didn't care.

His eyes quickly fell on the red-haired guy in the audience. ''It had to be a joke.''

You knew that Doug Remer was willing to get the attention of many girls, never wanting just one. But you felt happy when you realized he was just staring at you.

Please excuse my poor English and any other mistakes i made. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

byee

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sherlock-is-ace · 3 months

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#the week before last my mom and i decided to spend more time in nature since we've been cooped up inside since like 2020 #we decided to enjoy our garden again #(mostly cause we can't afford to turn on the AC because of bills going up but it was still a nice change in routine)#we cleaned up the patio table and got our folding chairs from storage (things we hadn't properly used in years)#i got an old unused notebook out to write outside and just have a nice chill time #we were combating mosquitoes but it was fine and my dog was really happy to just chill with us on the grass #it was perfect and lovely #...#that lasted exactly 3 days #last tuesday night some fucking asshole jumped my neighbors wall (or our gate idk) and stole our two old ass folding chairs #and wednesday night he came back to get the table he forgot (a table so fucking heavy idk how he managed to get it up the wall/gate)#and as you can imagine... if we can't afford to turn on the ac because the electricity bill is already impossible to pay...#it was a real fucking effort to buy another table #but i fucking REFUSE to go back inside like a fucking puppy with my tail between my legs #we can barely make it to the end of the month #buying something silly like icecream or an extra sweet has us revaluating the entire month's expenses #and we can't even own fucking furniture that we've owned for like 15 years #i'm so fucking tired!#i want to either die or leave this place and honestly dying is more achievable #anyways i just spent almost half the money i had on my bank account #but i bought a small folding table which i will fold up and bring inside every fucking night because not even a gate can keep you safe #i will fucking sit outside and enjoy fucking nature so help me god!#(if the rats/lizards let me lol)#see why i'm so fucking tired all the time?! when you're not dealing with pests you're dealing with human pests #i do thank god and all angels above they didn't try to break in and kill us in the process but my fucking garden furniture!!!#that was too long cause i'm still pissed #and tomorrow is grocery shopping day so i'm depressed again #angel talks #personal

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defira85 · 3 months

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Blacked out and wrote 3.6k Gortash/Franc Peartree smut. Debating posting. Hmm.

#all that writing got cooped up inside me while I was trapped in the hospital #and now it comes out in unhinged ways I can't control

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reborrowing · 12 days

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Pocket Guides to Zombie Survival, Ch 1

a couple ghoulish little scavengers discover actual ghoul, unaware that the apocalypse began several months back. ~2k words, horror g/t but the horror isn’t coming from the gt (yet). ao3 cw for gore, death, zombies and associated horrors note: sort of a repost, I'm starting this over to better pace it as a multipart story. did a little editing and added a POV for Kayla. I'll probably delete the previously posted pgzs writing

There was a body at the human campground.

It was the first human to show up in the woods for months, several weeks past the giants' usual spring return to the woods, and it was dead. There should have been human hikers tromping through their wide, winding trails months ago. There should be families making temporary homes out of the neatly divided lots. There was just the one body, lying in front of its RV for nearly a week.

Rei missed the annual parade of giants and all the bright colors and chaos and treasure they hauled in with them. She was tired of the random, menial tasks around the warren she kept getting assigned in lieu of borrowing and volunteered herself to go investigate the body. She figured a dead giant couldn’t be much more dangerous than a sleeping one.

Her stomach shifted now that they were actually approaching the body. It was disgusting, yes, a landscape of raw meat and gore, but there was something else too. Something she couldn't quite identify that urged to get away.

Whatever it was she sensed, Coop didn't seem to notice it at all. She bounced through the clearing towards the sickening heap. She'd invited herself along and Rei couldn’t complain. Her sister was always itching to do something stupid and Rei had learned early in life that it was best to indulge her before she found worse trouble on her own. It was a bonus that the warren-keepers felt more comfortable giving her investigation their blessing. Borrowers like herself might train to evade humans and navigate their turf, but Coop was a guard. They trusted her to be able to evade or defend against anything else that might be out here.

"Ew,” Coop said, “I thought that scout was exaggerating, but ghosts, that's nasty!”

She pointed to the looming mess ahead, as if Rei might otherwise miss it. The giant’s shoulder looked like it had exploded. The top of their flannel was in shreds. Rotting meat sloughed off its shoulder and the left half of its face had been ripped off of the cadaver’s head, hanging on by just a few stringy bits.

Rei edged closer. There were no clean cuts. It was pulpy, a bit like when a crow ripped apart a squirrel, although it looked like most of the meat had been only shoved to the side, not carried off or eaten. What was left was a jagged, bloody horror with piles of rotting slurry that all stank worse than a sewer.

It wasn’t all bad. The body's lower half was perfectly intact, including its jeans. Rei had been hoping to bring back some denim. She would just have to hold her breath for the harvest.

She stepped over a lost clump of hair to have a look at what was left of the poor giant’s face. The half resting on the ground was gray and bloated but otherwise still human. A rough, reddish outline of teeth marred the corpse's forehead, where it still had enough skin to mar. Rei bristled, her fur suddenly standing up on end as if she were being watched. That same urge to get away got louder.

The body had been bit by something big, at least dog-sized. But there was no way it was a dog that had made that mark, or any kind of predator she’d seen. It had wide, flat teeth in front and was made of two nearly even parentheses. She licked her lips. It was a lot like the shape of her own bite, if her canines were duller. And huge.

Her gaze slid across the gory remains to look at the corpse’s exposed jaw, feeling ill. It was supposed to be a ghost story that humans ate people. But she looked at the teeth lurking behind the shredded tissue, she saw that they were close to the same size as the indentations on the forehead. There was at least one other giant nearby, one that had managed to go unnoticed by a half dozen different scouts. One that was crazy enough to try and eat another human.

Her thoughts were interrupted by her sister’s shouts.

"Hey, Rei! Do you know if humans are poisonous? I mean, if you ate it, could you eat it or would it make you—"

"Do not! Gross!” Rei snapped.

"Not me! No, Ew! It’s just, we’re not the only scavengers out here. He’s been out here for days, how come nothing else is eating him? I don’t even hear any maggots.”

Rei turned as Coop’s blonde head appeared over the body’s forearm. She had its watch proudly slung over her shoulder. But her quizzical expression suddenly popped into wide-eyed, bared-fangs fear. The dead face shifted with a loud, wet noise. She froze as a rush of air blew over her, sucking at her hair, as the corpse inhaled through its empty cavity of a nose.

Rei ran for the cover of the nearest bush. Behind her, Coop squealed as the corpse shuddered around her and began to get up. It was clumsy, maybe because so many of its muscles were missing or rotten, or maybe because it was dead, but that was hardly important when it was a few hundred times heavier than the two of them combined.

Rei ducked into the foliage and turned to wait for Coop. She watched in terror as her sister jammed a needle through its palm to no effect.

Anyone knew a needle couldn’t stop a human, hardly anything could, but it was supposed to at least give them pause. But the body didn’t flinch. It didn’t even seem to notice the metal now lodged in its flesh. Its hand slid backwards, knocking Coop along with it. There was a nasty snap as it pushed itself to its feet, back up to its towering height. Coop lay crumpled beside it.

It swayed for a moment and sniffed at the air like an animal before turning to where Rei was hiding. It was unsteady, with wide and unpredictable steps. Rei hunkered back further into the bramble. It crashed carelessly through the thorny growth, only missing her by chance.

Her heart hammered as she wove through the branches. She pushed herself off the side of the not-so-dead body’s sneaker and back into the clearing for Coop. The giant stumbled around in the undergrowth for a few seconds before huffing in another breath and turning straight towards her. Rei paled.

Coop was curled up with pain. At a glance, her leg was broken and her shoulder was messed up, any other injuries could be assessed later. The important point was that she wouldn’t be able to make her own way back to the warren or some other safe haven. Rei was going to have to carry her, which meant they weren’t going to be able to run.

And if that thing was using smell to see them, ghosts only knew how far it could track them from anyways. She couldn’t leave it a trail back to the whole warren. She swallowed nervously and dragged Coop under the nearby RV before it caught up to her. It slammed against the side but, for whatever reason, didn’t think to get down on its knees and crawl after them. It shook the whole structure, stubbornly banging against the wall, but Rei and Coop were able to pick their way up to a gap leading into the RV’s interior.

They would just have to hope it gave up quick.

There was a lone human left hiding out at the campgrounds.

There had been four of them when their RV had pulled into the lot last week.

The first, they’d known was sick before they had even parked the camper and set up camp. Markus swore up and down and over and over that it wasn’t the sickness, even stripped down to his boxers to show off that now zombies had caught him. It was just his lungs acting up again, he insisted. They’d been bad for years, and now he was going without any kind of treatment. His brother said he ought to be in the hospital. No one argued. Nick was right about Markus needing professional help, his prescriptions, and bed rest. His old life.

But that was all gone now. Everyone had an “old life” that they’d lost. Survivors lived in a harsher world that lacked all the other essentials of modern civilization. The best, most qualified help Markus could get was Nick’s wife.

She had been a dental hygienist, before. There wasn’t much she could’ve done then and there certainly wasn’t anything for her to have done now.

She was gone too, she and her husband. Kayla didn’t know which kind of ‘gone.’ In the hours between Markus’ death and sunrise, the other virus took his body without anyone noticing. She and Nick went out to deal with the corpse been caught off guard when it rose up to deal with them instead.

Tasha might be dead, undead, or just lost in the woods. She had taken the shotgun. Kayla had heard it fire once in the distance. She could still be alive out there.

Nick was not.

Nick was dead and waiting to kill her, lying right on the other side of the RV’s walls. He’d stay dormant until something got too close or just too loud. As far as Kayla knew, he could wait like that forever. She might be able to sneak out the side if she wanted to find some other way to go. Maybe.

She stared at the door, the thin barrier between her and him. Between her and the rest of the world. She was safe here, so long as her supplies lasted. Kayla imagined she had a while before she starved, since they had been intended to sustain four people. Instead, she had doubts about how long her mind could last, but, well, that had already broken, hadn’t it?

Nothing made sense anymore.

And then she wasn’t staring at the door at all, she was watching time unwind back to Markus’ dead body. He’d died on the sofa after hours of wheezing and bleeding and coughing and crying. It hadn’t looked like the zombifying fever, he’d been lucid for the whole miserable experience. He’d died. He’d gone stiff, as death intended. She hadn’t heard of that before, someone keeping their mind intact only for it to blossom into rotten undeath once the soul was gone.

What if she was sick too? How could she know?

She could feel herself pulling the latch closed again. The lock clicked. The door rattled as Tasha tried to pry it open. Kayla’s stomach sank with the horror of what she was doing. Coward. Tasha screamed and her gun clicked uselessly. The door stopped rattling. Tasha had run, pursued by her undead brother-in-law.

Kayla used to like being alone, but now the thoughts that she was left with included fears much worse than a growing sense of personal failure. She shivered and reached for the little emergency radio. She fiddled with the controls, scanning for any signs of life—or so she hoped, the radio had been Nick’s and she wasn’t really confident in her ability to use it. This whole setup was Nick’s.

Eventually, she turned the radio to the only station she knew still had a voice at all and wished it would play something else.

This NOAA weather station is temporarily off the air. Please tune to an alternate weather broadcast or visit weather dot gov for the latest weather information.

But there was no new information. There was no one left to send it. No one left to research this plague pulled out of a horror movie. Civilization was over and Kayla was alone with death lying in wait just outside.

Until it started banging on the walls.

taglist - @whumpsday @da3dm

#I may also mess with the chapter titling/organization a bit #I still haven't decided if I want it all under the same story #or if I'm going to have a hard separation between the locations around the lake #g/t #giant/tiny #giant tiny #g/t writing #my writing #borrowers #unwarranted tag #pgzs #oc: rei #oc: coop #oc: kayla

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