#cosmic posty post

[cosmicstarlatte]

MC's Livestream (Obey Me!)

MC: Welcome to my criiiiiib! [Trips and the camera cuts]

---

MC: ANYWAY let's explore!

We got BIG daddy in the house! [Close up of Lucifer reading before he notices and gives that death glare]

[Camera tries to focus on Mammon] Over here on this couch is our favorite little convict! Probably on house arrest! ("Oi! They got nothing!")

[Shakily zooms in on Levi's door] You do not go there. You never go there. It's very haunted, you can hear moaning every night.

Oh hey Satan! [Satan waves as he passes] That folks is our resident furry! [Camera gets knocked to the floor and viewers see MC running from Satan]

Woah the whore is actually home! Hi Asmo! [Zooms in on Asmo on his phone, he flicks off the camera but then smiles and blows a kiss] For the love of Dia I wanna be him so bad. Literal goals.

[Camera slightly zooms in on Beel in the kitchen] Crikey! Look at that beautiful beast feeding! Let's try to take a closer look though!

[Camera cuts off and on again,MC is covered in pudding, screaming and running from a rabid Beel]

[Close up of a snoozing Belphie] See guys he's not so scary! [MC pinches his cheeks] Haha tiny cow go moo moo! [Belphie opens his eyes and grabs MCs hand] "What are you doing? Actually you know what-"

[Belphie grabs the camera and the stream cuts off]

⬦You might also like: Reality Show (Bros)︱Reality Show (Dateables)

#I imagined my oc doing this because he is an absolute menace to society #obey me shitpost #obey me crack #obey me humor #obey me incorrect quotes #obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #cosmic posty post #om! mc enzo content #◇˖・ﾟ— › cosmic obey me . ⊹ #shitpostcifer

[cosmicstarlatte]

Devil-Mart ⭐ (Obey Me!)

━━━━━━━━━━ ✦ ━━━━━━━━━━

You got hired at mega retailer, Devil-Mart⭐. Naturally, the guys "suddenly" need a job too and start working alongside you.

»Characters: Demon Bros + Bonus Dia and Barb

»Tags: Humor, Bulleted Style fic, Gender Neutral Reader/MC

»Notes: How about shopping with them?-> [Devil-Mart: Shopping]

Lucifer:

"...Mammon put us in debt this month."

Was worried you'd be bullied (or eaten) surrounded by demons/other monsters

Is that coworker who acts like a boss

Actually does make it to management within the first week

The customer isn't always right. He's the manager to call for rude customers

Actually likes stocking, finds neat aisles soothing

The home improvement dept is his favorite

Frequently makes sure you take all your breaks

Doubles as store security if needed

Mammon:

"I just needed extra cash alright?"

Was worried you'd fall for some other demon

Failed in all departments except online orders (he's very fast!)

Bags for orders would occasionally go missing

Took extra long breaks but Lucifer caught on and wrote him up

Would try to frequently visit you in your department

Started fights with other workers who were busier staring at you than their work

"They're not meat, beat it!"

Got fired for trying to steal electronics

Levi:

"Theres a lot of new merch releases coming up soon!"

Didn't want to be the only one left out so he applied...plus you won't see him anymore!

Electronics department ONLY

You won't find him cross trained anywhere else, he refuses

Is actually really good with upselling

Can be aggressive if you don't go with his recommendations

Has received a few complaints for that reason

Tries to match his breaks with you since that's the only time he really gets to see you

Was the one who tattled on Mammon

Satan:

"This is for research."

A lie he almost believes but knows he just wants to be near you

Works the same department as you so you see each other all day

Never put him on registers or customer service

Almost got into a fight on the first day

Retail is rough for him but he does it for you

Complains to Demon Resources about Lucifer daily

Asmo:

"Ugh...a job!? I'm gonna cry. Oh but my fans would love if I relate to them! And your job will be fun with me there!"

Upfront about his reason lol

Refused to do anything except customer service

Just stands back and talks to customers while the coworker alongside him completes any transactions

Makes DevilToks on the clock

Frequently leaves his spot to talk to you and Satan

Gets all the work gossip

Lucifer never catches on

"You know, this isn't so bad! I'm such a good worker right!?"

Gets employee of the month

Beel:

"I don't like the thought of you surrounded by demons alone. This isn't RAD."

Aalajffkslsjda the cutest honest protector

Is cross trained everywhere but

Never put him near grocery ever again

Likes to work with you if he gets the chance

Usually works in the backroom unloading and back stocking things

Has a doctors note that let's him take frequent breaks for eating

His favorite department overall is security because Lucifer gives him extra treats if he prevents high valued thefts

Belphie:

"I'm here because I have things I would like to have."

Is there an extra meaning to that?

Works in the back with Beel usually

Takes frequent naps in hidden areas of the backroom

Pretends to look busy if Lucifer is around

Also complains to Demon Resources about Lucifer daily

Fights with Levi on your breaks because he also wants to spend time with you when he can

Is the reason some coworkers don't approach you

He makes it known to not fuck with you

Diavolo heard you started a new job alongside the brothers! He goes to visit with Barbatos in tow.

Diavolo:

"Can I get a little help here?"

Flirts with you while on the clock. He thinks the red vest on you is cute!

Was wowed by the store in general

(Normally Barbatos does the shopping alone)

Liked sampling the food that was around the store

Was tempted to apply but Barbatos shut it down

Took a photo of Lucifer in his manager clothes

Barbatos:

"Seeing you here will make my shopping trips more enjoyable."

Praises your work

Did have to go to customer service to complain and ran into Asmo

Didn't believe Asmo was gonna clean the restrooms but at least the complaint was taken

Takes a survey and compliments you

Has to fight Dia to get him off the racecar cart

"It's for parents with children my lord."

Returns the cart to the cart corral like an upstanding citizen

My first bulleted story post lol. I had fun with this & hope to make more in the future. <3

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#obey me headcanons #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me gn!reader #obey me gn!mc #cosmic posty post #crossposted on ao3 #obey me humor #obey me shitpost #◇˖・ﾟ— › cosmic obey me . ⊹ #shitpostcifer

[cosmicstarlatte]

idk human mc that badly attempts to court by demon standards and the guys fall in love even harder bc its so cute and they're trying so hard??

"wdym your enemies corpse i brought you isn't really dead"

(passed out from trying to fill a vial of blood)

"I don't have feathers or scales or whatever but heres some of my hair please accept my human fur ty"

"Um the whole 'giving ur potential mate one of ur old demon fangs' thing is cute but I don't have that so like...take this rock?? Pls??"

(accidently gets caught in their own love trap)

"(Dances to 'crank that soulja boy') this is an old cherished human dance, i heard you guys like ceremonious dancing!!"

(does 'the floss™' in another attempt to impress)

#om! mc enzo content #obey me shitpost #obey me humor #obey me crack #obey me headcanons #obey me hcs #cosmic posty post #obey me shall we date #obey me mc #obey me #shitpostcifer #◇˖・ﾟ— › cosmic obey me . ⊹

[cosmicstarlatte]

you can't tell me MC and the brothers haven't all dressed up once like Lucifer and acted like him just to get him riled up one day

bonus if they got Diavolo in on it and possibly the others 😭

#My MC Enzo would choreograph this just saying lol #DIAVOLO WOULD BE SO GIDDY TO PARTICIPATE THOUGH LMAO HES SUCH A BBGIRL I LOVE HIM #om! mc enzo content #obey me headcanons #obey me humor #obey me crack #obey me shitpost #obey me mc #obey me imagines #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me diavolo #cosmic posty post #shitpostcifer #◇˖・ﾟ— › cosmic obey me . ⊹

[cosmicstarlatte]

US State They're From (Obey Me!)

━━━━━━━━━━ ✦ ━━━━━━━━━━

My personal HCs of what state they'd be from with no real explanation lol.

»Characters: Demon Bros + Dateables

»Tags: Absolute shitpost, Headcanons, I Will Not Budge On Solomon

Lucifer: New York

He's got shit to do, move along.

He loves his lox bagels.

Mammon: New Jersey

I know it, you know it, he knows it.

Levi: Ohio

I don't have the words. I'm sorry Levi.

Satan: Washington

Not too much, not too little. It's perfect for him.

Just let him have this.

Asmo: California

He knows how to live life to the fullest. Go big or go home darling.

Beel: Texas

Everything's big in Texas. 😏

Also, have yall been to Bucees? Beel basically lives there.

Belphie: Alaska

Let him be. He grew up with the wolves.

Diavolo: Nevada

He loves his state. So many fun things to do. He loves to represent.

Barbatos: Louisana

I truly can't elaborate but I feel it in me bones. It doesn't make sense, but it does.

Solomon: Florida

As a native Floridian, I know it.

He is Florida Man™️.

Simeon: Vermont

Its simple and peaceful and he reflects this everyday.

Luke: South Carolina

A sweet pea and his sweet tea. Amen.

⬦You might also like: Fire Alarm

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me shitpost #obey me humor #obey me crack #cosmic posty post #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me imagines #◇˖・ﾟ— › cosmic obey me . ⊹ #shitpostcifer

[cosmicstarlatte]

Fire Alarm (Obey Me!)

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My personal ranking of most to least likely to pull the fire alarm for non-emergencies at RAD.

»Tags: Shitpost/Humor, Headcanons

1. Mammon

I could see him doing it I know he has. Multiple times. For a bet or to avoid a big test. 100% takes the opportunity to steal things during the chaotic confusion.

2. Solomon

He would do it for no reason at all. Okay maybe just to see how demons would handle the panic.

3. Satan

Why else but to annoy Lucifer? I can see him doing it after a big disagreement & probably during some kind of important Lucifer speech

4. Levi

I totally think he'd be terrified to do it but would work up the courage anyway because he needs to go to an ultra limited merch drop at Anidaemon!

5. Diavolo

I can see him always having been tempted & one day he looked at all the paper work at his desk & just decided to pull the thing. Barbatos would find out & punish him of course.

6. Asmo

I could see him being bored & doing it for the ✨️drama✨️. Would go live on fabsnap during the whole thing.

7. Lucifer (Tie)

The alarm is only for emergencies to this guy.

Yet, I believe he would pull it for the dumbest reason. You can't change my mind. "MC is looking for you. They're around the corner. They heard you once called Maddi insanely beautiful." "...You never saw me. (pulls the alarm & runs)"

8. Barbatos (Tie)

Another dumb-ish reason. I could see him doing it after coming across a rat in the hallway. This is an emergency.

9. Simeon

Idk something tells me that if he does, it's in the most accidental way possible & no one knows how. LMAO

10. Belphie

Hear me out, I think he'd love to, but would avoid it. Seeing the chaos is funny but the loud ringing & screaming is draining. He'd much prefer to keep napping. Anyway, Mammon would does pull it enough as it is.

11. Beel

I can't see Beel doing it for non-emergencies, he's a güd boi™️

12. Luke

Can he even reach it?

⬦You might also like: Reshares ︱US State They're From

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me shitpost #obey me crack #cosmic posty post #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me luke #◇˖・ﾟ— › cosmic obey me . ⊹ #shitpostcifer

[cosmicstarlatte]

Diavolo: Hello my little creampuff~ ♡

MC: Hey! ♡

Simeon (overhearing): Creampuff?? Do you like creampuffs that much? ^^

MC (sweating): Y-you could say that...

Diavolo: Oh, loves them. 😏

MC: DIA!

#new hc just dropped: Dia calling you his special little creampuff 😏💕 #obey me incorrect quotes #obey me headcanons #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me shitpost #obey me humor #obey me crack #obey me diavolo #obey me simeon #obey me mc #cosmic posty post #shitpostcifer #obey me imagines #◇˖・ﾟ— › cosmic obey me . ⊹

[cosmicstarlatte]

(Obey Me!)

Another fun poll :)

Reblogs are appreciated for better results. ^^

#obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me nb #obey me poll #obey me shitpost #obey me shall we date #omswd #cosmic posty post

[cosmicstarlatte]

Reblogs are appreciated for better results ^^

#obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me nb #omswd #obey me poll #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me shitpost #shitpostcifer #cosmic posty post

[cosmicstarlatte]

(Obey Me!)

I can't list every single combination so I came up with a few of my own, feel free to comment your own dream cage fight 💀

also reblogs would be rad (lol) I would love to see if any of these options go neck to neck?

#oh my first poll woo-hoo #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me shitpost #obey me humor #obey me nightbringer #obey me poll #obey me nb #obey me imagines #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me headcanons #cosmic posty post #obey me levi #obey me satan