#curse covid I can't see anyone :((

[happilychee]

how fairy tail takes care of you when you're sick

cw: descriptions of being sick

I have covid and I wanted to cheer myself up :(

♡ it's a normal day at the fairy tail guild. the job board is crowded with papers, drinks and food are flowing, someone's starting a fight (natsu), and the air is filled with lively chatter. there's only one thing off: you're not there.

♡ gray is the first one to notice. he's at a table with lucy, cana, and erza. he and erza just got back from a stealth mission that paid them well, and he's looking forward to relaxing. except... "where's [name]?" he asks. lucy furrows her brow. "they weren't in yesterday... should we check on them?" gray nods, and the four of them leave the guild hall.

♡ you feel like someone threw you through a wall. your nose is clogged, feeling stuffy and congested. your throat itches and every time you cough it feels like you're hacking away at your lungs. there's a building pressure in your head, a pulsing pain that signals the onset of a migraine. you think that you'd be able to handle the usual symptoms of a cold, except for the burning aches in your lower back. your coughs shake your entire body as your muscles scream in protest, and you curse whatever virus decided to infect you.

♡ you manage to get yourself out of bed and into your kitchen, hoping to make yourself some rice or hot tea with honey. instead, you start seeing black spots swim across your vision, and the world starts tilting like you're swaying on the prow of a ship. you lower yourself onto the cool tile floor, relishing in the soothing temperature against your burning skin. you're so out of it that you don't register the knocks at your door turning into insistent bangs.

♡ finding you half passed out on your kitchen floor was not on gray's to-do list for the day. his worried hands hover over your shivering form, unsure what to check first. erza settles the matter by scooping you into her arms, Requiping out of her armor as she carries you to the couch.

♡ gray takes charge of the kitchen, your favorite recipes coming to kind. he settles on a warm and hearty soup, sure to soothe your hunger and your aches. he starts chopping vegetables, turns on the stove, and soon enough, the kitchen is filled with a delicious and appetizing aroma.

♡ erza is the one who takes your temperature, gets you back to enough coherency to explain your symptoms, and then finds the right medicine for you. she props your back up with pillows, tucks a blanket around you, and feeds you the disgusting cold medicine that porlyusica and wendy swear by.

♡ cana would love to help you and take care of you, except lucy looks pale as a sheet and a little green. she helps the blonde sit at the kitchen table, patting her arm soothingly. lucy mumbles that her mom passed from an illness, and seeing you so sick makes bad memories come back. cana soothes her, reassuring her that you'll be fine. lucy only relents when your eyes crack open, and you direct a gooey smile at her.

♡ you fade in and out of consciousness, snippets of sound and touch registering in your brain. someone is petting your hair while singing, their soft hands braiding and unbraiding your locks. a hand trails over your back, warm and calloused fingers digging into the knots in your shoulders. you purr under the sensation, leaning into the comforting touch. a soft arm, usually covered in armor, wraps around you to sit you up as a chilly hand brings a spoonful of something warm and delicious to your chapped lips. cold bangles brush against your skin as someone lifts you up, carrying you to the land of dreams.

♡ when you regain consciousness, your friends don't let you lift a single finger. gray cooks every meal for you with cana as his sous chef, erza is on top of your medication, natsu distracts you by telling silly stories, and wendy casts pain-relieving spells to help you recover faster. lucy refuses to leave your side until you're fully healed, so she's always fluffing your pillows, bringing you hot tea with honey, and feeding you snacks. the only time she calms down is when you ask her to read for you. her calming voice lulls you in and out of sleep as you listen to her read about a fairy tale princess's adventure.

♡ levy drops off books at your place so you can occupy your mind. most are either your favorites or her recommendations, but gajeel manages to sneak in a spicy book or two, which has you laughing so hard you start coughing.

♡ mira cooks up a storm in the guild hall, partially out of a desire to help you and partially out of worry. there's enough soup to feed fairy tail ten times over, and she insists that half of it be sent to you. lisanna ans juvia also stop by with some homemade baked goods. juvia gives you a steaming hot loaf of banana bread, some cookies and muffins, and a bunch of pastry buns. "it's just a cold, you didn't have to do all this." you try to reason, but no one listens to you when you look nauseous and your shoulders are shaking.

♡ there's someone at your place every day while you're recovering. it could be natsu and happy raiding your pantry and making a mess, it could be lucy and gray cleaning up their mess while erza yells at them, it could be wendy with balms and salves and a story to tell you, it could be the strauss siblings with more food and cheer than you'd ever seen before, it could be juvia with gajeel, lily, and a basket of your favorite buns. point being, fairy tail doesn't take their eyes off you for a moment while you're under the weather.

♡ when you feel well enough to come to the guild hall, everyone starts cheering. laxus fires up the grill, mira pours drinks in a flurry, and cana drags you into some drinking game. the entire guild hall roars to life, partying the night away, because what better reason is there to celebrate than the return of a dear friend?

#lychee writes #my back is in so much pain #I feel a bit better after tea and meds but #curse covid I can't see anyone :(( #fairy tail #fairy tail headcanons #fairy tail x reader #gray fullbuster #lucy heartfilia #cana alberona #erza scarlet #natsu dragneel #wendy marvell #mirajane strauss #lisanna strauss #juvia lockser #gajeel redfox #levy mcgarden #pantherlily #peep my laxus runs the grill headcanon #idk why but he just does #that's his legacy from makarov (also the guild but. everyone knows the grill is makarov's baby)

[cellsshapedlikestars]

I feel like I've had zero creative energy since I got covid, and it's annoying me. I did write one thing based off a small fever dream I had, but it's way too short and there's literally no plot so I can't bring myself to post it on ao3. Instead, I'm gonna post it here just because I do like it, even if my brain can't come up with an actual plot for whatever this is. Maybe some day.

.

The pickup bumps and rattles over the road, and Jon grits his teeth and tries not to curse. Where his taxes go, Jon has no idea, but it certainly isn’t to road maintenance. At least not out here. 

On the radio, they’re playing some song he swears he hasn’t heard in a decade, but somehow knows all the words to. Ghost lets out a snort as they hit another bump, and Jon meets his eyes in the rearview and says, “sorry buddy.”

As he rounds a bend in the road, his foot eases off the gas when he sees something up ahead.

No, not something. Someone.

It’s a girl, and when she hears the engine of his truck, she turns, sticks her thumb out. A hitchhiker. He didn’t think people did that anymore. He doesn’t even know how she got out here to begin with.

Against his better judgment, he slows. Hitchhikers can be dangerous, and he doesn’t need any trouble. He isn’t some bleeding heart. He left his childhood dreams of being a grand hero back in the North.

Yet still, he slows to a stop next to her, leaning over and rolling down the passenger side window.

She’s pretty. It’s the first thing he thinks.

The second thing he thinks is that she has no business being out here. Not with those earrings, or the heels he noticed before he pulled up, or the set of expensive leather luggage, now coated in dust and mud.

“I need to get to Riverrun,” she says through the window. A Northern accent, though much less harsh than his. Polished. It matches her earrings.

“How’d you get all the way out here?” he asks. The nearest town is likely a two hour walk in the opposite direction, especially dragging that set of luggage behind her.

“Can you take me or not?” she asks, eyes squinting against the sun. The baby hairs not caught up in her copper ponytail curl and stick to her forehead and neck. The rivers that crisscross the countryside make the humidity nearly unbearable in the dead of summer.

“Yeah, I can take you,” he says. He’s heading there anyway, and he can’t leave her out here by herself. She’ll get into trouble.

He watches her struggle to load her bags into the bed of his pickup, then she gets into the passenger side. She’s wearing a loose dress covered in pastel blue flowers, and when she sits, it hits mid thigh. He pulls his eyes away.

Definitely trouble.

“You know hitchhiking’s dangerous,” he says, pulling back onto the road as she buckles herself in.

Out of his periphery, he watches her look at him. “You going to murder me?” she asks. She doesn’t sound very concerned.

He lets out a breath through his nose, and says, “no, but you don’t know that. I could be anyone.”

“What if I’m the murderer and you’re the one in trouble?” 

His eyes cut to her. There’s no real expression on her face, she’s just watching him, waiting for an answer.

“I think I’ll be alright,” he says, looking back at the road. She gives a hum. He doesn’t know what that means.

She twists in the seat. “You’re big.”

Jon looks at her, then the rearview. Ghost pants happily, ears perked forward at the attention.

“Am I allowed to pet him, or is he a murderer, too?”

“No one’s going to murder you,” Jon sighs, hands tightening around the wheel. “I was just telling you, you shouldn’t be hitchhiking because it’s dangerous.”

Especially someone like her, but he doesn’t say it. She’d probably get offended.

“You didn’t answer the question.”

He blinks, then remembers what she actually asked. “Yeah, you can pet him.”

“What’s your name?” she asks, holding her hand out for Ghost to sniff.

“Ghost.”

He can feel her looking at him again, but he keeps his eyes on the road.

“Ghost,” she repeats, twisting around again. Jon can hear Ghost’s tail thumping on the leather seat. He tries to keep his eyes on the road. Tries not to notice the way her skirt rides up. It makes him feel like one of those people he’s trying to warn her against.

The ride is silent except for the radio and the wind through the open windows and Ghost’s thumping tail and happy pants as she scratches behind his ear.

“Almost at Riverrun,” he says eventually, as the roads become familiar, better kept. “Where can I drop you at? There’s a motel and a train station.”

He can feel her looking at him again. There’s a few moments of silence, before she says, “do you know where Blackwater Road is?”

Jon lets out a snort. Of course he does, it’s in the part of town where all the old money families live - but he knows where it is and so he drives her there. His pickup is out of place, but it’s not like he’s never been here before. His work takes him to every part of town.

He notices the car only a second before she sucks in a slow breath. It sits up ahead, at the entrance to the Tully estate, and it’s just as out of place here as his own, though in a completely different way.

The old money families drive nice cars, but they’re understated and elegant. This is a sports car, red and sleek and low to the ground. A man leans against the side, just as flashy as his car.

Jon knows without her saying anything that this is where she needs to be.

“Tully?” he asks anyway.

“Grandma’s waiting for me,” she says as his truck slows, her hand briefly curling into a fist on her thigh.

“What the fuck, Sans?” the man says, pushing off his sports car and walking towards Jon’s pickup. “You jump out of my car, but take a ride from some fucking hillbilly?”

“You alright?” Jon asks, as the girl reaches for the door handle.

She looks at him, and he sees it - the Tully resemblance. He’s only met Minisa a few times, but the eyes are unmistakable.

“I’m alright,” she says.

Then she opens the door and slides out, smoothing her skirt down. The man turns red in the face as she walks to the back of the pickup and starts pulling her luggage out.

“Don’t ignore me, Sansa,” the man says. His blond hair flops into his face, and Jon thinks he’d be handsome if he didn’t look like a petulant child. When she doesn’t answer, his face turns a shade of red Jon doesn’t think is healthy. “Did you at least pay the man for the ride? I bet you fucked him, didn’t you? Only thing that whore mouth is good for-”

Jon feels his teeth grind together, and he sets his truck in park and reaches over and pushes the passenger side door open, clicking his tongue. Ghost hops over the center console and out, ears flattening. The man makes a choked noise and steps back.

The girl pauses where she’s stacking her luggage, and she looks at Jon. What she’s thinking, he doesn’t know, but she doesn’t seem shocked at the language, or the situation. Then she reaches out and pets Ghost’s head one last time, before tilting the stack of luggage and carefully rolling it up the Tully estate driveway.

Jon waits until she’s out of sight before giving a sharp whistle. Ghost jumps back into the truck, and Jon reaches over and pulls the door closed.

Then he puts the truck in drive, and he knows peeling the tires isn’t good for them, but he does it anyway, kicking up a cloud of dust. The blond man lifts an arm to cover his face as Jon u-turns from the estate and heads back out to Riverrun proper.

#jonsa #jonsa fic #help i feel empty and devoid of creative energy #i mean all energy really #but it's frustrating

[sissylittlefeather]

It’s 1974, Elvis is on tour and you’re his current gf so you’re on tour with him. 2/3 through you return to Graceland because you’re feeling kinda under the weather and need rest. When he gets home he finds you sick as a dog dragging yourself around the house trying to take care of yourself since most of the staff goes on tour with him. He demands that you stay in bed and waits on you hand and foot for several days until you start feeling better. (I just tested positive for covid for the first time and need some comfy bde vibes)

I'm so sorry that you have Covid! That sucks! Sending all the good vibes for quick healing. Hopefully, this will give you some comfort ❤️. I enjoyed writing this one. Sweet, caregiving BDE is right up my alley, so thanks for the ask!

Warnings: reader vomits, otherwise this is pure, precious fluff!

Enjoy!

You Give Me Fever

"Honey, are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"Elvis, don't be silly, you still have three shows before your tour is over. I'll be fine."

"You don't look fine to me, doll."

"I'm just going to go to Graceland and rest for a bit. I'll try to come back for the last couple of shows."

******

But you don't make it back. You just get sicker and sicker. Most of the staff is on tour with Elvis or has gone traveling while he's away. You're alone in the big house, trying to get over this flu all by yourself. You want to call your boyfriend and tell him to come home, but you know he's busy. It's 1974 and his tour schedule is full. He's been in high demand since he started doing shows in Vegas and touring again. Instead, you just lay in the bed you normally share and try to will yourself into feeling better.

******

You hear the front door open and there's a ruckus downstairs as everyone comes in after the tour. You should get up to greet them, but you can't. Your head is pounding and it feels like you're running a pretty good fever. Nothing has stayed in your stomach for several days now and you can't stop coughing. Honestly, it's pretty gross, and you were really hoping to feel better before anyone got back.

"Little? Are you here?" You hear Elvis call from downstairs. If you don't answer, he's bound to come looking for you eventually. You try to call out to him, but it just comes out as a whimper. After a few more minutes you hear him come up the stairs. He opens the door of the bedroom excitedly, still buzzing from the energy of touring. When he sees you in the bed, though, his tone completely changes and he walks quickly over to you.

"Honey, you're still sick?" You nod weakly as he puts his hand on your forehead.

"You're burnin' up." He kneels down so that he's eye level with you.

"I'm going to go get rid of those hooligans and then I'll be right back to take care of you." He kisses your forehead softly and curses under his breath for leaving you here alone for so long. You hear him holler downstairs.

"Y'all clear out. Y/n is sick and she doesn't need any of your noise right now. I'll let you know when you can come back." You hear the guys protest and ask if they can help-- you've gotten to be on pretty good terms with most of them and they like you.

"No, I'll take care of her. We'll be alright." After a couple minutes, Elvis shows back up in the room and sits on the bed gently.

"What do you need, Little?" You gesture for him to lay next to you on the bed.

"Right now I just need you to hold me. It's been a long few days. I missed you." He lays next to you and scoops you into his arms, kissing your forehead again. It's sticky with sweat from your fever, but he doesn't seem to care.

"Honey, I'm sorry I left you here by yourself. You should've called me or somethin'. I would've come home to you. To hell with the damn tour." He speaks softly and strokes your hair gently.

"No, I'm okay. I'm just glad you're here now."

"Well, you just let me know what you need and I'll get it for you." You're about to say you don't need anything when something comes to mind.

"I'd really like to take a bath. I feel disgusting."

"Well, I wasn't going to say anything..." he teases for a bit and you laugh weakly. "I'm playin', doll; you're beautiful. One bath, comin' right up." He slides off of the bed and goes in the bathroom for a while. You lay in bed just happy he's there with you. Even though you still feel like garbage, knowing he's close by helps a little.

"Are you ready, honey?" He comes back and helps you into the bathroom. You're so weak that he has to take off your pajamas for you. You sink into the deliciously warm water. He's somehow managed to get it the perfect temperature.

"Can I wash your hair? I've always kinda wanted to wash your hair." You look at him funny.

"Really?" He nods and smiles. You don't protest, though. The thought of doing it yourself is exhausting. You let him get your hair wet and then lather it up. He's very gentle in his motions and you can tell he's enjoying taking care of you. Once your hair is rinsed clean, he moves on to using a soft, fluffy sponge to wash your body.

"If you weren't feelin' so bad, I'd try to get in there with you." He jokes, wiggling his eyebrows at you. You smile up at him as he runs the sponge across your front.

"If I felt any better, I'd let you." After he's finished with your body, he pulls the plug out of the tub and grabs a thick, black bath towel to wrap you in. You notice that the towel has "EP" embroidered on it in gold cursive. Something about him wrapping you in an item that is so clearly his is both comforting and intimate. You are part of him and he's not afraid to let you know it.

He finds you a pair of fresh pajamas and moves you to the couch in the tv room. The maid is back, so he has her change the sheets on the bed for you. Once you're comfortably back in bed in clean sheets, he lays down next to you again. You know he must be tired from the tour, but he refuses to rest until he knows you have everything you need.

"You need to eat somethin' doll."

"No, I haven't kept anything down in days. I don't want to be sick again."

"You'll never get better without energy. I'll have Nancy make you some soup." When he's in this mode, it's no use arguing with him. And he isn't wrong. You need sustenance. Eventually, he comes back in with a tray that has soup and crackers and a ginger ale. He feeds you slowly, giving you small sips of ginger ale, and you let him, despite the fact that you could probably do it yourself. You eat as much as you can before you have to stop and rest. He moves the tray and holds you gently, rocking you and humming. You fall asleep like this, snuggled against his chest and praying that you keep this round of soup down.

When you wake up sick, he follows you to the bathroom. He holds your hair and rubs your back while you lose all the soup you ate earlier. Finally, you finish and lean back against him where he's kneeling behind you. He holds a wet rag to your forehead.

"I'm sorry. That was so gross."

"Honey, don't apologize. You're sick. Are you ready to get back into bed?" You nod weakly and he carries you like a baby back to bed, laying you down gently. Then he crawls in next to you on the other side and wraps his arms around you. He strokes your hair and sings to you quietly. You go back to sleep in this position.

Finally, morning comes and you can tell that your fever broke because you're drenched in sweat. Elvis is wearing his black silk pajamas, sleeping quietly in bed next to you. You feel the slightest bit better, but still not back to normal. He feels you moving and opens his eyes.

"Good morning, Little. What do you need?"

"I think my fever broke. And I'm hungry."

"Well, those are both good things!"

He pulls you into a hug before he stretches and yawns. You look at the clock on the wall. It's 11:37 am, which is still early for him, but he gets up and puts on his robe anyway to go get you some breakfast.

He spends the next two full days nursing you back to health, fetching you food and drinks and medicine. He bathes you again and makes sure you feel as fresh as possible. He reads to you from his favorite books and snuggles you whenever you ask for it. In a way, you're sad when you start to feel better. It's been nice to have his undivided attention for a few days.

You're in bed about to tell him to call the guys to come home when you notice he's looking a bit pale. You put your hand on his forehead and feel his high fever.

"Well, now. Looks like it's my turn to play nurse."

"Will you wear one of those little outfits?"

You laugh. Even sick, he's still Elvis Presley...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I hope you feel better soon! ❤️

#elvis fans #elvis presley #elvis #elvis presley fanfiction #elvis presley x reader #elvis x reader #elvisaaronpresley #elvis fanfic #i love elvis #elvis presley x y/n #70s elvis #elvis fandom #elvis fluff #elvis fic #elvis presley fic #elvis presley x you #elvis presley fluff #elvis presley fandom

[the-offside-rule]

Lance Stroll (Aston Martin) - Stay Away

Requested: yes

Prompt: Y/n is landos sister and Lance takes an interest to her but Labdo doesn't like it at all

Warnings: cursing, asshole Lando

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Y/n Norris walked into the paddock of Monza with her brother Lando. Y/n hadn't been to one of Lando's races since his rookie season and not even due to covid because she kept getting asked to come but she was just too busy but since she now lived in Italy for school, she didnt mind going to Monza. The paddock had changed a fair bit since she last came here and so had she. For example, she really fell out of love with the sport, it just got boring at times. "So, it's all changed a fair bit since last year. There's sanitisation stations everywhere and you can't go to visit George or Alex when you feel like it. You've got to stay put and keep your mask on, only take it off when you're eating or up on the terrace away from everyone, got it?" Lando started by explaining the new rules of the paddock to his sister. "Okay, okay. I figured that's what the rules would be anyway.  They're the same everywhere in Italy." Y/n said un bothered. Lando swung his arm around her shoulders and laughed. "Ah come on, you're back at races now! Better than staying in a boring art school." Y/n slapped her brothers arm away and rolled her eyes. "I'd much prefer being in class but you know, the pandemic."

They landed up at the security gate, and Lando went and scanned in that he was there. "Excuse me?" Lando and Y/n looked up to the security guard with his phone in hand. They both knew he'd ask for a photo. "Lando, could I get a photo please?" Lando smiled and nodded at the guard before he moved in closer and posed at the camera. "Thank you much." the guard said before letting Lando through. He turned to Y/n and arched a brow. She wasn't wearing any merch, any FIA clothing and didn't look like a fan at all. "And who are you?" the security guard asked. Y/n squinted her eyes in annoyance. "I'm his sister you-" Lando snapped her pass from her hands and scanned it before going to tell her off. "My little sister. See ya later mate." Lando practically dragged Y/n away before she caused a scene. "Try not to curse at the fans." Lando said, making his sister groan and walk on. "I just want to sit in the grand stands instead of here. Some of you drivers can be insufferable." She mumbled. "I'm your brother, it's my job to be insufferable now come on."

Y/n sat on a chair in the lounge with her headphones in. She tried to draw something but everything inside was too normal, anyone could have this stuff in their homes or go out onto a street and find it. She groaned and stood up, collecting her things to find Lando to tell him she'd be going. She checked every room and there was no sign until tmshe sat at the terrace and saw him eating with his PR team, probably going over what to say in interviews. "Lando?" He looked up and saw his sister walking towards him. "Yeah? What's going on?" he asked, eating another spoonful of food. "I'm going to the stands, before the F2 cars come out. Is that okay?" Y/n asked Lando with her sketchpad and pencils in hand. Lando, still chewing on his breakfast nodded and brought a napkin to his mouth. "Sure, I don't see a problem with that." He replied, muffled. "Okay, I'll be back after, don't worry." and with that, Y/n walked out of the McLaren hospitality lounge.

Y/n sat in the stands, listening to the drivers getting their final calls to the cars before the F2 race commenced. Her pencil flicked about the page, shaping the world around her into art. It was in someway peaceful. She liked it, away from everyone. "Oh, hey." Y/n looked up and saw a guy in a purple and pink shirt and puffy hair. "Oh hey." She replied. "You're Y/n. Remember me at all?" he asked. Y/n nodded and gave a small smile. "You're Lance Stroll. I remember seeing you racing one weekend and then Barcelona last year. Lando wasn't exactly thrilled with you." Lance laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. So what are you doing in the stands?" he asked. "I just don't want to be in anyone's way. Besides, formula 2 is on now. It's a good place to watch from." Lance smiled again and looked back at the formula 2 cars going by. "You enjoy racing much?" Lance asked trying to keep a conversation running. Y/n let out a sigh and tried to think of an answer hat wouldn't offend the driver so settled for something pretty...well, I'll let you decide. "I mean, it's alright. Some drivers are overrated." She said. Lance smiled. "What am I?" Y/n looked at his and set her sketchpad down. "Underrated. I'm sure you'll get a podium soon enough." She said. That always helped Lando get hyped to preapre for a race. "Really?" Lance didn't have much people to tell him that. He wasn't in a podium car for a long time so podiums weren't going to be expected for a while. "I'd say so."

They sat together, taking in the sounds of the engines for a few more moments before Lance looked over and saw her drawing again. "You draw?" Lance asked. Y/n smiled softly and nodded. "What are you drawing now?" Lance turned his head a bit to see what she was sketching and saw a little sketch of the paddock, pretty accurate. "Wow. You're really good." Y/n felt her cheeks heat up. Not many people saw her draw, she only really showed people in her art class. "Thanks. I love drawing. I can draw whatever I want and you can't be wrong." Lance liked that perception she had on art. You couldn't be wrong. That's a good way to look at it. No one can tell you how to do it, it's all down to how you interpret it. "I like art." He blurted out. "Really?" she asked surprised. Lance ran with what he said and nodded. "Yeah, I really like how the colours...mix." Y/n chuckled and appreciated his effort to keep a conversation. "Can I draw you?" she asked. Lance was caught off guard. He didn't expect to be drawn today. "I mean, sure. If you want to." She smiled and turned to a new page to begin sketching.

"Do you want me to pose?" Lance asked. "You ask a lot of questions." Y/n commented. Lance sucked a but of his lip in. "I don't know if that's a good thing." He admitted. "Well, my mother told me that asking questions is a sign of intelligence so I'd take it as a compliment." Lance sat back in his chair, an arm resting on a few tops of the seats. He listened to the barely audible pencil scratching off the sheet of paper and counted the cars passing. Say something Lance. For God's sake, say something! "So, how long have you been drawing for?"

"I've been drawing since a kid but I saw it as a career when my teacher brought it up when I was looking for a university." Y/n replied. Lance felt his eyes want to look back at her. "What music do you have on?" he asked. Y/n looked up and lifted an airbus out. "Whatever comes up. I'm not picky about music." She said. Lance nodded again. "Mind if I listen?" Y/n handed an earbud to Lance and went back to listening to the music, Lance joining in. They both bopped their heads along with the music, both enjoying each other's presence.

Time passed and Formula 2 had finished at this point. Lance took the earbud out and looked over to Y/n. "I gotta get going. Our race is going to be in an hour." He said, going to stand up. "No, wait!" Lance felt a hand on his wrist, trying to pull him down a bit. "I'm nearly done, just one second. Please." Lance gave in pretty easily and sat back down, allowing her to do the final touches of the drawing before she smiled at her masterpiece. "Okay, ready?" she asked. Lance nodded his head before she turned the sketchpad around and showed him the drawing proudly. Lance felt his lips curling into a smile as he saw almost a reflection looking out onto the track. "Damn, that's really good. I've never looked better." Lance laughed, looking a little bit closer. "Yeah well, I enjoyed drawing you so." Y/n began to rip the drawing out carefully to give it to him. "Why did you enjoy drawing me? You could have finished that drawing of the pits." Lance questioned, looking out at the paddock. "Well, not everyone can get a Lance Stroll in front of them. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity." She explained. "Once in a lifetime unless we meet again." Lance was a bit surprised at what he'd said. It's like his mind didn't think about what he was going to say. "Yeah, well I'll see if I can get to Anymore races. I'll for sure be telling you when I'm going. You're a good man to draw." Neither knew what to say after that. They were both lost for words.

"What is going on here?" Lando's voice echoed around the stand, making both of them look over to the McLaren driver walking towards them with George behind, a toothy grin upon his face. "Looks like a love fest mate." George joked. "Oh you two are so fucking hilarious, aren't you? No, I was just making friends." Y/n said standing up. "With Lance? Have you watched what he's been doing to me while I'm racing?" he asked. Lance felt a bit disheartened at Lando's words but shut his mouth. He'd heard most of the insults before. Y/n scoffed. "Honestly I wish he'd do it more often, I love seeing you lost for words when you're also partially to blame for incidents." George cackled at Y/n's words. Lando was shocked and Lance was just as shocked. "You made her a Racing Point fan mate!" Lando said to Lance. "He didn't. I just think the Racing Point drivers are a lot more laid back than you and Carlos. You two work a mile a minute."

"Just come on! We've all got places to go!" Lando said walking away. "Just wait a second!" Y/n took her sketchpad out and wrote a quick something on the drawing before tearing it out and handing it to Lance. "Just something to remember me by." She smiled. Lance stood up and hugged her. "You'll be impossible to forget." He whispered, quiet enough for George and Lanod to not hear. "I'll see you around the paddock." She winked and walked off with Lanod, undoubtedly going to get a scolding from him. As for Lance, he watched on smiling like a love struck puppy, which didn't go unnoticed by George. "Trust me mate, you've got no chance." Lance furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean by that?" he asked as they began walking away. "He doesn't let her go out with drivers." George replied. Lance pulled a face and asked why. "He just knows what drivers are like. He doesn't want her getting hurt. It's his little sister, so it's understandable." George continued on, explaining that many drivers like Charles, Max, even George himself had tried to win her heart but it was no use, especially when Lando was there. Lance scoffed. "Just because he breaks hearts on the daily doesn't mean the rest of us do." George laughed a bit and stopped outside the Racing Point motorhome. "Listen Lance, the easiest way to get out of this is to just stay away." George said, trying to help Lance. "I'll see you out on track." George said wavijng and walking away to his own motorhome. Lance sighed and looked down at the paper in his hand longingly. His fingers began unwrapping them and looking at the picture again but something had changed. He saw a little note on the bottom that made him smile and have hope again.

Good luck Lancelot x

#f1 #lance stroll #lance stroll x y/n #lance stroll x reader #lance stroll x you

[midweastindigo]

i have covid and watched ella enchanted for the first time in years. here's how a buddie au can still win

buck isn't a people pleaser by choice - he just doesn't know it. his parents prayed and pleaded with doctors, nurses, with gods, and witches, and the universe itself, to save their eldest son daniel. and so the universe gave them evan buckley. he was able to save daniel, but it wasn't enough. daniel buckley still died. and as curses, or gifts, or forces of good versus evil, go, they went wrong. evan buckley's purpose was to save his brother and he was unable to fulfill that purpose so the buckleys wanted to give him back. but the goddess that gave them a second son does not go back on their gifts, so a deal was struck. how dare they question the motives of a force of nature? how dare they try and return such a perfect gift? they shall keep the child, and that child will listen to them. a pink mark on his face to forever haunt the buckleys of their choices, and.

a most obedient son, indeed.

now, evan wasn't told of this gift, or curse. the only other person who even knew about it at all was his older sister of 6 years, madeline. and she was never to utter a word to her baby brother, lest she be cursed with the same misfortune, or so the buckleys say.

so, evan cannot say no. children exploited it without knowing. teachers made an example out of him. evan's second home was the emergency room.

he leaves, but it is because he is told to 'get lost!' by his father. not because he chooses to escape his prison.

evan buckley is lost when he stumbles into the fire academy, and from the ashes comes buck. and robert nash sees this. when he fires him on the rooftop, bobby finally understands. 'it's like. i don't-bobby, wait. bobby, like i couldn't say no! i've never told anyone 'no' my entire life!'

bobby knows what it sounds like. buck is cursed.

bobby knows cursed people because he is one. in fact, he prides himself in recruiting people who are cursed, whether they know it or not. buck clearly does not.

'buck,' he says. 'i think you're cursed.'

'cursed? like in fairytales?'

'yeah but in real life. i'm not going to fire you, i think you belong on this team.'

'because i'm cursed.'

'precisely. everyone here is. i'll reintroduce you, c'mon.'

and so there are the introductions.

henrietta, cursed to never be on time by her ex who was never satisfied with how much time they spent together. 'sometimes they aren't so bad. the worst was when i was late to my wedding. karen damn nearly called it off!'

howard, cursed with always having love slip right through his fingertips, just out of reach. 'the one who cursed me said it could be broken with true love's kiss. seems i haven't found it yet.'

and bobby, cursed with knowing that everyone he loves will die by his hands. 'my in-laws did not think my punishment of living every day without my family was enough.'

'and me?'

'buck, we think you're cursed to obey.'

'no, all of this is just bullshit, you can't really think-'

'stop talking.' buck stops.

chim says, 'ooh, do the chicken dance!' hen hits him over the head as buck does what he's told.

'you can talk again.'

'- i'd actually believe.....'

the team agrees to never demand anything of buck, even captain's orders are phrased like a choice. buck learns to live with his curse, and is better off for it now he knows what it is.

until abby. abby never figured it out. so when she said 'stay at my place. keep it waiting for me.' she didn't know he would. that he'd have no choice. it took the power of the whole team commanding buck to come to the station for him to leave after four days. even longer, a 'call me' written on a note for buck to stop waiting for abby to come back.

he wanted her to come back, is the thing. he knows the difference between wanting and being forced, and he wanted, hoped, begged abby to return to him. but she didn't. 'no true love's kiss to break this one, huh, chim?'

and then bobby recruits eddie diaz: cursed to never lie.

he's found ways around it, though. fought hard against the gift given to him by a distant relative that thought it would do the diaz family some good. eddie's father taught him that skewing the truth did not equate to lying. and if there was a bit of truth within, eddie could get away with only a minor headache.

or a child and a marriage he was not prepared for.

so instead of having to share all his truths, eddie runs.

and he ran straight into the 118.

bobby, now curse-free thanks to his witch of a new wife, athena, sees eddie at the academy and recruits him. not because he's cursed, though, that's a bonus. eddie is a damn good firefighter. and his curse only aids in his abilities.

his bluntness is no match for buck.

and when he says, 'you can have my back any day,' he means it. it is not forced out of eddie just because it's the truth. and there is no skewing the fact that he will trust buck with his life again. over and over.

he doesn't yet realize how deep that statement shall run. eddie, not yet knowing of buck's curse, presents him with an option. a choice. not an order.

buck wants to have his back. there is no force behind it.

'or, you know, you could have mine.'

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #does this even make sense #firefam #buddie fic #911 fic #911 fox #I am so used to tagging 911 as 911 fox I'm gonna have to amend that huh #911 abc

[dramavixen]

are producers the clowns for approving subpar endings or am i the clown for expecting more

**Spoilers for:

Love Like the Galaxy (China, 2022)

The Red Sleeve (South Korea, 2021)

Late as I am to every bandwagon, I at last completed my first watch-through of Love Like the Galaxy a few days ago. For the past couple of weeks, I have done nothing but think about, consume, and breathe this story. At last, a show that was ticking all the boxes! I could tear myself free from this drama slump of mine!

This celebration lasted until I sat down with my parents to observe that thing the producers might call an "ending," but which sparked a frustration in me so severe that it triggered a post-COVID coughing fit, which in turn almost made me throw up. I couldn't comprehend it: was this the same show? Did I accidentally click on a parallel universe version where everyone's intelligence was operating 20% capacity?

Since I'd like to avoid making myself physically ill again, I'm not going to focus too much on how logic abruptly becomes an imaginary concept throughout the last two episodes. At least all that did was make me angry. What I can't accept is that they use that lack of logic to curse our leads with the most careless of reconciliations.

To alleviate my distress, we're going to perform an investigation. A deduction, if you will, of precisely what the ending was lacking, and utilizing a case study of how to conclude a story in both a fitting and compelling manner.

An unresolved misery

In recent years, my tolerance for male leads' misbehavior has plummeted down into the core of the earth. You could say that after years of being brainwashed by media into excusing male characters' questionable actions due to how much they "love" their partners, I'm taking back my common sense. So when faced with Zisheng's killing spree while armed with the knowledge that a "happy ending" was endgame, I anticipated how the writers would close such an abyssal rift in the leads' relationship. And the result was...well, not all that worth it.

If you need a memory refresh or you're reading this without fear of spoilers (godspeed), the conclusion of LLTG sees Shaoshang being kidnapped multiple times by people who she knows don't hold good intentions, but she goes along with them anyway. Don't ask why (the answer is so Zisheng can swoop in to rescue her). Some needlessly dramatic things lead to Shaoshang assuming for a few seconds that Zisheng has died in an explosion. But lo and behold! Here he comes, emerging unscathed from the ordeal. She flies into his arms and forgives him. Then they run off and save China, because it's not a historical C-drama until they do.

By the time we got to the fire/explosion scene, my mental state had already been reduced to a pulp. Therefore, to write this piece, I had to rewatch that part and make sure I was getting all the details right. It shocked me into a second round of holding my head to prevent my brain from ejecting itself as it sought to escape this reality.

(Also, I have to take a moment here to demand justice for He Zhaojun. They leave a pregnant woman on the floor after dragging her out of a fire, while she's having contractions, so they can instead take the time to hold a premature mourning session for Zisheng. Guys, it's not the end of the world if you don't have a brain. But please don't throw away your conscience.)

However the writers did it, it still counts as a happy ending. Such a conclusion should come as a relief, so why do I find it so hard to come to terms with? Let's rewind a tad.

Both Shaoshang and Zisheng grew up under grim circumstances, their identities subjecting them to emotional and social turmoil. But while they share a similar internal struggle, they must deal with it in opposing ways. Shaoshang opens herself up to anyone who shows her true kindness, desperate for someone to accept her for who she is. On the other hand, Zisheng can only isolate himself from everyone, unable to reveal his true self due to both political and personal interests.

Their eventual parting is unavoidable. Shaoshang is moved by Zisheng's unwavering love for her. Can't blame her all that much; just look at him. But the closer she gets, the more Zisheng fears dragging her into his mess of a life, and the more he pulls away. When Zisheng chooses vengeance over love, he's already crossed Shaoshang's bottom line several times by refusing to share his troubles whenever she asked—the irony being that he once scolded her for keeping things to herself.

ZS: If, one day, they really intend to kill you, would you not tell me then, either? Shaoshang, exactly who do you take me for? Why must you always act on your own, and not trust me? SS: It is not that I do not want to trust you. I simply— ZS: You simply do not care about me. After betrothing you, I would frequently think about how great it would be if I could become your confidant and anchor. You could tell me about all of your fears and loneliness. I do not wish to control you. All I hope is that you can be honest with me. But how is it that your heart never warms toward me?

I see that Zisheng is a loyal believer of the "do as I say, not as I do" doctrine.

While it's initially funny to look back on the above scene in context, it's quite sad once you mull over it more. Zisheng's desire to know Shaoshang's troubles is rooted in a concern for her safety that is both emotional and practical in nature. When Shaoshang later applies that same thinking on him, the tables have turned completely. Zisheng is now aware that few situations are simple enough to be resolved just by being honest with someone else. And if the problem is severe enough, doing so may only aggravate it further.

From his perspective, telling Shaoshang would mean ruining her and her family's lives by association. Not to mention, she herself swore that she would stay with him through everything. So if he dies as a result of carrying out his revenge, the possibility of her dying solidifies itself as an inevitability. Leaving her behind is the one method he has to ensure that he alone would suffer the consequences.

Like it or not, it's hard to blame either of them for the end of their relationship. Is Zisheng wrong to keep Shaoshang in the dark? Arguably yes, arguably no. But is Shaoshang justified in her anger about being kept in the dark? Absolutely.

While we can be reasonably upset that post-timeskip Shaoshang possesses none of the outspoken nature of her teenage self, her lingering depression is the most realistic result of everything that happens. She has tried repeatedly to find her place in the world, yet arrives at nothing but failure every time. Not to mention, she suffers from an inferiority complex that intensifies the ache of each and every rejection. She isn't unfamiliar with being abandoned, but Zisheng doing it to her is the final straw that breaks her. The coffin her family was preparing for her didn't go to waste—the moment that Zisheng turned his back on her, he killed a part of her. Meanwhile, Zisheng becomes a corpse with a pulse, someone who only continues to breathe so he can regret what he has done.

When you delve into how much Zisheng hurt Shaoshang and himself, it becomes clear that a Michael Bay explosion shouldn't have been the answer to their problem. After the timeskip, the issue at hand should be less about her forgiving him than it is about each of them needing to redeem parts of themselves that they lost to the circumstances. That's why their interactions at this point are so painful to watch. Every word, every look, every movement brims with love for the other person, but they are both shells of their former selves that cannot move on.

No words for the above; too busy sobbing as they each individually accept that they'll never experience true happiness again.

As a viewer, you know that Shaoshang accepting him at this point would be an objectively bad idea. But it's also hell to watch two people, both overly accustomed to suffering, walk away from the person who brought them the greatest joy in their life. That's the art of tragedy, flourishing before us in a quiet, leaden fog. And they killed it in a bloom of gunpowder, of all things?

The beauty in tragedy

To say that a tragic ending is inherently superior to a happy one would be a pretentious fallacy. At the same time, a forced happy ending will feel unstable enough that the slightest of questions will cast it into doubt. The genre of an ending is irrelevant. It only matters that the ending is the right one.

So should LLTG have ended with the leads parting ways for good? To find the answer, I want to first dig into a successful example of tragedy. For that, let's look to our dearest, our legendary, our precious: The Red Sleeve.

Similar in premise to LLTG, TRS features a female lead with independent thinking and a dream for freedom, faced with a man of high social status who goes about chasing her in a way that flaunts his power. The stakes are higher in TRS since the man in question will one day be king, but the highlight of the show is the same as in LLTG: you bounce back and forth between hoping that she ends up with him and praying to any god that exists that she runs far, far away from him. You can't really win.

One day I'd love to write a thorough analysis on the amazing character that is Sung Deok-Im, but for our current purposes I'll focus on the nature of her ending. TRS is roughly based on history, and a quick Google search when you begin the drama will inform you that our female lead is fated to die at 33 years old—only a few years after she is "promoted" from gungnyeo to Yi San's consort. As a result, you spend much of the drama battling the lurking dread of how her death comes about.

A few months after her young son passes away, Deok-Im falls ill and dies. The unborn child in her womb follows her. Yi San is beside her as Deok-Im slips away, and her dying wish is cruel but fair: should they meet again in another life, she begs Yi San to pass her by. Only then can she choose to live a free life, full of choices, which was all she had wanted until she fell in love with him.

While watching LLTG, my emotions mirrored those I endured through TRS. Both dramas force you to get to know the female lead as someone who wants to be herself, a baffling idea in the face of a society where women's primary identities are those associating them with someone else: daughters, wives, sisters, mothers. Yet she continues to harbor hope that she can control her own life, even as she falls in love with a man whose station will certainly snuff out that possibility. The saving grace in LLTG is that Zisheng is not a part of the royal family, and even then Shaoshang goes through her fair share of frustration. TRS on the other hand...even if you haven't seen it, you can likely guess what happens.

The biggest tragedy in TRS is not that Deok-Im dies young. It's the despair that trickles through every part of you as she transforms from a free-spirited, boisterous young woman into an obedient consort whose every word and movement is straight out of the books of etiquette, who isn't permitted her own feelings or thoughts in the face of the country's interests. History may not share the specifics behind how the consort actually died, but the drama all but tells you that depression played a major role. By the end of the drama, Deok-Im hasn't existed for a while. She dies as Royal Noble Consort Ui.

I wonder what I have gained by being in this place, and what I have lost.

I cry inconsolably whenever I see this expression of acceptance and resignation on her face as she sends off her friends and her former self, knowing full well that she has caged herself into a life of sadness so she can be with the one she loves—a man whose first priority can never be her.

But oh, no; our suffering doesn't end there. Yi San lives on after her, looking after his country while carrying the lingering pain of Deok-Im's death. At one point, he retrieves her belongings and appears stunned by her gungnyeo clothing:

It is so small. Were you always so small? Yet, I loved you.

In Yi San’s memory, Deok-Im was a person of great stature. What she may have lacked in social position, she more than made up for in personality. Her tenacity made her appear so strong that only in hindsight does Yi San understand just how vulnerable she was.

Yi San is also someone to be pitied. When we watch palace dramas, it's easy to say that the king's consorts have it far worse than the king. They fight over a man in order to survive, and arguably their sacrifices are greater in number and magnitude. But it's egregious to host a competition of suffering, and you can't deny that Yi San himself leads an unfortunate life. In the cold isolation of the palace, Deok-Im gives him warmth and company. It's no wonder that he wishes to have her by his side, but he is still willing to let her go when she pushes him away.

Almost every other palace drama would have you turning up your nose at the king or emperor's so-called "love" for one of the women in his harem. TRS leaves no room for such doubt. The throne takes away Yi San's ability to choose, and ultimately his ability to wholeheartedly love someone. Even so, Yi San holds Deok-Im so dear that you might want to blame him for how she ends up, but it's hard. Really, really hard. (For anyone interested and who hasn't already, I highly recommend reading the actual history behind this drama. Dude was so in love that it physically hurts.)

In the final scene, he reunites with Deok-Im in the afterlife. At last, they are together and without all the frills and chains of royalty tying them down.

Many years have passed, and at times, I was not certain myself. Do I truly miss you, or do I simply glorify the past? Now I know. I missed you, and I missed the time that I spent with you. [...] Now I understand that we do not have much time. And we do not have the luxury to wait. So, love me. Please. Love me.

I'm always scared to watch the last episode because I just spend the full hour and a half bawling until I can't breathe. Taking these few screenshots was truly a test of my entire being.

So what makes a good tragedy? Tragedy is not "bad things happen." It's "bad things may have happened, but I wouldn't have chosen any differently." When Deok-Im becomes Yi San's consort, it isn't because he keeps her there. She chooses to stay. She loves the prospect of freedom, but she just loves Yi San more. It's awful, it hurts, and it's perfect.

What could have been

We've taken a slight detour, but have at last arrived back at the topic of: how should LLTG have ended?

If given the choice between Shaoshang and Zisheng being together and them not being together, I would obviously choose the former while beating the latter into a permanent nonexistence. With any degree of empathy, you can't watch two people suffer as Shaoshang and Zisheng do, then turn around and wish for their continued misfortune and loneliness. So although I'll concede that it would have easily made for a fantastic tragedy like TRS, I can't bear to say that it should have been one. But if the writers want to go for the non-obvious happy ending, it still has to follow the progression of things.

The current problem is this: Zisheng abandoned Shaoshang and scorned her trust in him. We're now in a position where Shaoshang has the decisive say in whether the relationship can be revived.

LLTG's primary focus has always been Shaoshang. Though multifaceted, her personality and motivations are pretty straightforward. Each time she suffers is a result of her lack of agency. She had no choice in her parents leaving her as an infant, no choice in her poor upbringing, no choice in agreeing to marry Zisheng. Even when she gave up Lou Yao, was that truly a result of her volition alone? For someone whose greatest enemy is helplessness, what matters most is maintaining her own free will.

Through this lens, each time Shaoshang asks Zisheng if he has something to tell her, not only is she asking him to trust in her as his equal, she wants him to let her decide to stay with him. Zisheng turning her away scars her so deeply because it's the same thing as telling her, "I don't care what you want to do." He's drawing a line while taking away from her the power to choose—the one thing she's told him repeatedly matters to her.

SS: I used to hate you for abandoning me. I hated that you acted on your own. I hated that you would rather leap from a cliff than walk alongside me. I hated that I loved you so truly, whereas you told me lie after lie. It has been five years. It was not easy to let go of all of this. I can no longer give away my heart or trust again. ZS: I am sorry. Regardless of what choice you make, I will respect it. These last few years in the Northwest, not a day went by where I was not filled with remorse. I know you. I knew completely that you feared being abandoned. Yet I still chose to harm you in the way that would hurt you the most. In the first twenty years of my life, I lived in hatred. And for the rest of my life, I will live in remorse. If I could, I would tear my heart from my chest to show you. But I know I no longer have that right.

"A married couple exists as one entity." Such is what the drama emphasizes time and again, but what does that mean? Not that one party is in automatic agreement with the other. It's about learning to reach compromises and understanding what's important to the other person. When you don't give your partner their say in that conversation, then what relationship is there to be had?

That is why Shaoshang's unwavering desire for individual opinion matters even more after entering a relationship, and why she still struggles to come to terms with what Zisheng has done. She doesn't blame him. She doesn't want him to beg for forgiveness. After everything she's been through, she just can't put herself in the same vulnerable position again. And he's learned to fully respect her opinion, which means that he has to let her go.

TRS's ending works for the simple reason that it remains true to the characters and their motivations. The tragedy isn't there to make us sad, it's just where the story was always going to find itself. This is why we as viewers hate the ending, but we wouldn't have wanted it written any other way—to do so would be betraying Deok-Im and Yi San.

But when you look LLTG, it gives you a very weak argument for Shaoshang and Zisheng's reconciliation. In front of you are two people whose love for one another could not run any deeper, yet there are legitimate obstacles to their relationship. Shaoshang needs to relearn trust and feel respected. Zisheng's conflict mimics that of Yi San's; as much as he may regret the past, there is nothing about it that can be changed. That regret is something that has to be addressed. (Of course, in Yi San's case, that was addressed through his death. So maybe not that for Zisheng, if you please.)

I can see where the writers attempt to cure Zisheng's remorse, but come on now. They stage a bizarre speech for him where he denounces his previous actions, like a child being punished by his parents and being forced to write a 200-word essay reflecting on his wrongdoings, and while they're being held in the most asinine hostage situation ever known to man. He seriously proclaims that he should have walked the honorable path instead of opting for vigilante justice.

This entire scene was a nauseating roller coaster, but that last part threw me for a major loop. Sir, the only reason you can say that so shamelessly is because your soon-to-be wife found evidence after you killed the guy. Are you really going to stand there with a straight face as you tell me that you regret how you killed the man who you watched murder your father, and who brought about the horrific deaths of your entire family? There was no other option at the time. Of course you had to kill him. It was as much a personal vendetta as it was political. No one likes what happened after that, but those are consequences that should be dealt with separately. Also, Shaoshang's qualms aren't rooted in you killing the guy, they're rooted in you killing him and then trying to kill yourself, all without taking her desires into consideration.

And just as I was thinking the above, the next thing that happened on-screen: Shaoshang turns to him with an expression that says, ah, so he's learned his lesson! Oh...my goodness.

Hi, ma'am? Question. What exactly is more emotionally persuasive about this weird declaration now than when he laid his heart out that night when you wished one another well and said goodbye? Is it because he almost explodes afterward? In the five years he spent out on the battlefield, was he not always in danger of exploding, or being stabbed, or being tortured to death, etc.? Did he not almost die saving you from falling off a cliff two days prior? Why didn't you waver then, especially since it should remind you of, you know, the other time that he jumped off a cliff?

During the scene where she runs to him after discovering he miraculously is not dead, a severe suspicion came over me that perhaps they inhaled so much smoke that they were no longer thinking straight.

A solid happy ending was clearly a possibility. Even if they wanted to go with the above nonsense, could we not also have had a moment where they admit to one another that while overcoming their pain will be difficult at first, being apart from one another for eternity would be much more painful? That nothing in life is easy, but it will be easier with each other? That that commitment is what makes a married couple a single entity, and they just want to commit to each other? Then they can go off and save China, whatever.

They deserved an ending that had me rejoicing that these two are finally, finally, finally on the same wavelength. It should have been more introspective and more considerate of Shaoshang's hurt and Zisheng's regret. Their psychological wounds are instead dismissed through an absurd monologue in a basement and the arbitrary realization that death is lurking around every corner.

The hilarious part is that in the last two episodes, even the actors are noticeably less enthusiastic. In their performances, I see essences of how I feel when a client requests edits to a design that will make it significantly uglier. You gotta do what you gotta do to pay the bills.

Sigh. I could forever grieve what could have been, but this is still one of my favorite dramas. Characters that feel like real people, relationships that make your heart hurt. Those should be common sense in media but are hard to come by in reality, and I'll continue to appreciate what LLTG gave me.

All I really want from the drama industry is for it to please, for the love of our collective sanities, stop thinking that "happy" endings are a valid shortcut to satiating an audience. Good tragic endings are difficult to write, yes, but good happy endings are not any easier. To underestimate that is to let down the story and characters that were so painstakingly brought to life in the first place.

#星汉灿烂 #love like the galaxy #scribbles* #i had to get this out of my system before i created a reco graphic #otherwise it would have haunted me the entire time #anyways now onto rewatching nif to relive baby wu lei #lltg

[elvisabutler]

pregnancy angst with priscilla reader?

oh anon. you know not what you asked for. but sure why not let's balance out my fluffy vampire pregnancy thing with this. but also i can write multiple variations of this. pregnancy angst, secretly the source of all my power. BUT. tw: babies, pregnancy talk, breastfeeding talk, jealousy, the normal bs that comes from anyone saying priscilla and reader in an ask to me (so character bleed, age difference, daddy kink). brief mention of the consideration of abortion. you blink and you'll miss it.

suddenly we're writing out the same old lie

so consider our options. we have four by the way. one is that you know, you're never pregnant, think you are but you aren't and that's tragic in it's own way. we've already talked about that before. and then we have the one where you hide it until you really can't and your mom is just shaking her head and telling you that you've really got to tell him. and you do and it's- it ends alright.

then there's options three and four. three is you are and you never tell him until he finds out himself, four is that you end up getting pregnant by someone else while on the break.

consider! in option three, we shift the timeline a little because maybe you and austin stay in australia a little longer just in case baz needs to do reshoots and honestly you're not feeling like dealing with the bullshit that comes with trying to get back into the country and covid tests and just- it's better to stay a little longer. so you stay until you leave austin. and you're pregnant but you don't find this out until you're home and this is not happening. you- you don't want to get rid of it because you're selfish and priscilla has lisa marie to remember elvis by, maybe you want a baby to remember austin by. with his blond hair and your eyes and- you keep it but you can't go on the tour. you cannot under any circumstances go on the press tour in person. maybe for an oscar consideration run but a press tour? no. you'll- he'll see your bump and he'll try and get back together with you.

"i wanted kids but nessa and i- we were waiting. i had to get my career going and she wanted to wait until she was 30 to be married. it made sense." "what if we're not together." "my mom and dad divorced, but we made it work. i'll always be there for you and them. but you're never gonna have to worry about that, dove. never leaving remember?"

so you have to get out of your contract and baz helps- he hates it- but he helps because you're a great girl and you're still going to do some press, just via zoom. it's fine. and yes, yes he'll lie for you to austin. everyone will. but you don't go on the press tour, you end up doing interviews via zoom, everything is above the waist and people ask what's wrong and it's always, "had some personal business to take care of. sickness, you know how it is. warner bros were really understanding."

austin has an idea that something is up, your breasts look fuller on camera and so does your face. honestly he thinks of ashley pregnant with jupiter when he sees you glowing. he doesn't call though. he wants to, but he'll let you talk if you want. because he's so aware of how messed up your relationship was to certain degrees.

you text him when you see him at the met dressed in all black with your daughter using your bladder as a trampoline. you shoot him a text. "i know you still have the red ascot, you should wear it next time you wear that." he calls you twice and sends a text. you call him back.

"why aren't you here?" you almost tell him then as your daughter does a somersault and kicks your ribs, causing you to let out a curse and an hissed ow. and then a picture of him and kaia at the met flashes on the screen. "you know how you got sick, daddy? how elvis wore you down? it happened to me too. i got sick. i had to go." it's a lie and yet it's not. you should have called him by his name but- if she never gets to know him. never gets to shriek daddy while launching herself into his arms well at least he'll have been called it once.

consider it's oscar night. consider it's been two months since you've had her, not quite to the day. you don't want to leave her but you've been doing the press for austin and the film- your nomination was a lost cause, baz says and he sounds honestly quite sad about it. for at least a month in outfits that catherine sends and alters for you. and he wins. you all win actually through a stroke of luck and he's still shaking from his own win "couldn't have done this without my little dove." so you grab his hand and squeeze. he stops shaking and can actually speak again.

you find him in the corner of the oscar party- whichever one you go to and everyone's getting a little drunk and he notices you're not but doesn't ask because he's the corner nursing a whiskey and he sees you and looks nearly as rough as you feel because your boobs are rock hard and you know you've probably leaked through another pad and you talk. "you okay, daddy?" not austin. not satnin. not butler. just daddy.

"no, what did i do, little dove? hm? was it the ring? the onesie? you never talked to me. you promised you'd tell me if it got bad, i told you i wouldn't leave you." he meant it. he doesn't leave his people. even with bits of elvis still sticking in his soul the part of him that's austin and always will be values his people so much he'll keep them close forever.

"no. it wasn't that. either of them. it took me a bit to get the onesie but i got it, it was the scare and it was cute. the ring was- something else though, aus, i- were you really going to give me that?" you're massaging at your chest praying it doesn't give you a wet spot and that he doesn't notice. "no, it was probably when my daddy called me cilla twice before realizing it was me when i called him in the hospital. i never have stopped wanting to be your little dove. i just didn't want to be your little birdie too."

and then the argument that isn't really an argument and is just you two almost talking in circles, trying to untangle the web you've weaved.

"why didn't you tell me, i didn't remember saying it." he's huffing because you've been holding that against him and he's missed you so much for what. for a misunderstanding while he was drugged out of his mind? "what happened that made you miss the tour? they wouldn't- you were sick, you said you were sick i thought i did that to you. or that you lied and it was because of me, that you were scared to be around me."

"austin- no. that. i mean it was kind of because of you but it's not that-" and your phone is ringing because your sitter is texting you and austin can see your lock screen and it's a picture of the two of you on a couch on set, legs intertwined and your nose nuzzling his. but your home screen is a baby. a little blond baby girl no more than two months old.

"is that- y/n, are you goddamn kidding me?" he's livid and in that moment he swears every fiber of his being has him turning into elvis throwing a temper tantrum because because his focus narrows to you and the phone. "is she- is my name on the birth certificate?"

"she's not-" "don't even finish that sentence. when did you start lying to me, little dove?" the last bit is a sneer and it's the last time he calls you little dove for a long while.

"about the time i realized that you didn't love me, you loved an idea, butler." it's said in the same sneer because how dare he judge you. your in your early twenties and you never claimed to be perfect. you head out to leave and wave off baz and priscilla and everyone as austin follows you. the cameras are flashing and normally you care so much but right now you just want to get home to lori. he follows you, grabbing at your wrist once you're outside.

"a baby. you hid our baby from me. did you lose my number? i know you didn't- why didn't you call me? you knew-" "did i though? you had lily rose and olivia and kaia and i'm supposed to think, yeah, austin butler who i think is more in love with my priscilla presley wants our baby. yeah. i'm not- fuck- austin i'm almost a decade younger than you. whatever you think i know, i don't. and you know that." "so you were never going-" "i panicked, austin."

the car comes and he follows you in like it's normal and like you're not going to have to do damage control tomorrow. you should kick him out, but you don't. his jaw is tense and he's leaning against the window. "can i see her?"

"you're already in my car, butler. sure."

and he just takes that as the opprotunity to launch into twenty questions. "when did you have her? what did you say to yourself to justify not telling me about her? what's her name? did you-"

you're trying not to cry because your emotions have mostly settled but hearing him spit out questions so angrily reminds you of why you thought it was a good idea to hide this from him in the first place. you remember your labor and how you begged to not have a c-section and you managed to do it but they took her away for a minute because she wasn't crying quite right. "on elvis' birthday. i'm still very angry about that. it none of your business what i said to myself and- loretta. but i honestly call her lori."

the noise that comes from austin sounds like a sob but really just a pained groan. "my- y/n, you- how dare-"

"she's not- she's more priscilla's kid than mine, it didn't matter what i named her. and cilla once thought of naming lisa something with lynn in it but i hate lynn and only think of loretta lynn. but loretta sounded pretty" you whisper trying to head off him getting even angrier.

austin doesn't speak for the next 10 minutes until he grabs your hand. "i'm her father. if nothing else, i'm her father."

"that's the only thing i've ever been sure of." you say back with a squeeze as you both leave the car to go see her. the babysitter looks at you both with wide eyes before just shaking her head. this is none of her business, maybe you will tell her later.

she's crying and it's not because she's hungry or anything else, but when austin takes her from the bassinet attached to her pack and play she instantly calms. and that's what makes you ask him to just- see how you two can make this work before you get any lawyers involved. that you messed up but so did he and- just one shot, butler, please.

he calms down eventually, probably about a few months on when lori is in his arms after burping directly in his face after feeding from your chest. he laughs and holds her close while pointing at you. "learned that from your mommy didn't you, little lori. learned that from the prettiest little dove. rudest, but prettiest."

it makes you stop what you're doing and just stare before you sniffle. "don't call me that if you don't mean it, daddy." daddy because if he means it you'll go right back there right now.

"come here little dove. wouldn't say it again if i didn't."

he meant it. and maybe you cry while lori just plays with your hair happy to be in her father's arms and happy that maybe mommy will be happier too. you find a couple's therapist to go with your own that you finally got after you had an extra set of hands in the form of austin on a very long filming break. maybe you move to cannes. maybe you don't. but you fix things slowly but surely.

#austin butler x priscilla actress reader #austin butler x reader #austin butler x y/n #austin butler headcanons #we did not plan this i swear. #it just so happened i had an anon and so did she. #gonna go heal myself with fluff. #also other anons i see you and might try those tomorrow. because amusement parks are cute and i'll even be actually short about it lmao #ally writes

[destinyc1020]

were you surprised that they got back together?was it unexpected? and did you still have hope that it would happens at all?

GREAT question! 😅

I hope you have some time and a comfy chair because this is gonna be loooong lol.

Honestly? I wasn't surprised AT ALL. A lot of us who were still following them closely and looking at their social media activity, and reading the signs from various things that were going on at the time kind of already sensed that they still had feelings for each other.... ESPECIALLY when that "Audrey Tea" got spilled and it was revealed that they supposedly didn't break up due to a lack of love for each other or anything toxic like abuse, or cheating, etc.

Say what you will about Audrey, and choose to believe her "tea" or not, but you have to admit that a lot of what was said kind of fit what we've been seeing as time went by. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I always felt that they would eventually find their way back to each other again. I just felt like their breakup was just so SUDDEN.... and anyone who saw the FFH press tour could still sense love btwn them.... 👀

I just always felt there was some unfinished business btwn them. I can't really explain it, but I used to get crazy hunches about the two of them. Call it a "feeling" I guess lol? 😄🤷🏾‍♀️ I think I'm just really good at reading ppl lol. Call it a blessing or a curse, idk lol 😆

Anyway, my hope for them was ALWAYS that they would try again with each other, and that they would date again under more "NORMAL" circumstances. I just felt there was always this underlying feeling of "what if??" and MAJOR unfinished business btwn the two of them.

So no, I wasn't surprised at all when they got back together. ❤ I felt like it was only a matter of time honestly. 👀 Tom and Zendaya seem to have this unexplainable physical attraction to each other.... it's like they're MAGNETS drawn to each other or smthg lol. 🤣 When you add THAT on top of the fact that they are best friends and genuinely do like and respect each other, I mean.... how could they NOT at least try with each other again? 🤷🏾‍♀️ Especially when they have loved each other for YEARS and didn't break up due to not loving each other anymore?

So yea, it was inevitable to me.

What WAS shocking however was how QUICKLY it happened lol 👀😅

I honestly thought that they would be filming NWH together and would realize either during or towards the end of their shoot that they both needed to break up with their rebounds and get back together with each other again lol 🤣 Keep in mind, these thoughts I had were back in 2019, and were BEFORE covid happened, so this was back when I was thinking they were still going to start filming NWH in June/July lol. 😄

She and JE seemed pretty serious in Feb, but again, Tom's REACTION was very telling to me, and I was like, there's gotta be something deeper going on here 👀

And sure enough.... lol 😆.... 😆

But yea, the way they BOTH just chucked the deuces ✌🏾on their rebounds during the pandemic let me know that their hearts were never truly with those ppl in the first place lol. They were just "placeholders" honestly. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[gate-to-valhalla]

hi, I could request something about beel x fem reader where reader and beel are already a couple, i don't have something specific but i would like something about how they would date, how they would communicate or even how they would live the quarantine for covid. please

This was a fun one. I'm sorry for such a late reply ^^" hope you enjoy what I came up with

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Beelzebub Headcanons

Beel x (GN!) Reader

Type: Headcanons

Situation: General Dating

Requested by: @alixneko

Being in a relationship with Beelzebub was a struggle in the beginning. Due to his curse, he was terrified of something happening to you, especially if he indefinitely caused it. You were human, if he accidentally killed his friends who were divine beings, he couldn’t imagine what would’ve happened to you.

As calm and collected as he may be, the moment you get sick or injured, he’s in a panic. Even something like a common cold or a paper cut, his mind spirals. Common colds can get worse and paper cuts can lead to infections. When covid hit, everything would be as sterile as a hospital and the house would be on lock down. Constantly checking statistics, he’d also be off to the side experimenting for cures. While he may not be able to catch human illnesses, you can, and that’s enough for him.

Beel is definitely a home body and would prefer dates at home. If you wanted to go out, he’d compromise for something small or going somewhere where there weren't that many people. He can appreciate a good picnic and it honestly would be good for him. 

Communication and patience are definitely key in this relationship. Beel spent many years shutting out everyone and had the conviction of refusing to bond with anyone. It’s very easy for him to fall back into that mindset when something is bothering him. While he may be stubborn in not telling you his problems, just letting him know that you weren’t going anywhere and that you were there to listen whenever he wanted to, really relieves him. 

Beel loves to hold you, once he’s comfortable. Initially, he’d be uncertain about it, not just because of his curse but also because he was unsure whether he really deserved it. During Ragnarök, he wanted to eradicate humanity after the death of Hades but here he was smitten with one. Small reassurances or taking the first step help him become comfortable and once you’re deep in the relationship, he will initiate the contact and sometimes won’t let go. He loves to have you in his lap or be the big spoon.

He tends to get jealous of your friendships though not in the way where he doesn't want you to have friends. It's actually the complete opposite. In Valhalla, he isn't liked very much and is generally avoided. The friends that he did have were gone by his own hand and his misses them every day. When he sees you having fun with your friends, he can't help but wish that he was able to make friends like you did. If you were to invite him to hang out with you and your friends, it's truly a 50/50 whether he decides to join you or not. He worries that he'll hurt you by accidentally hurting your friends, so he tends to stay in the background even when he decides to join you.

#beelzebub record of ragnarok #record of ragnarok #record of ragnarok headcanons #black

[kittenzeke]

Dear Santa Muerte,

I can tell you are cross with me. Please forgive me for whatever I've done to offend. Grant me clarity and insight to do the right things that are in alignment with mine and others' best interests. I thank you for the lessons and everything you've helped me achieve thus far. I wish to make it up to you and honor you always.

Please please please heal me as quickly as possible. Restore my spirit and my ability to care for myself and be self-sustaining. I not only want to care for myself, but to extend love to others in ways that will feed their souls.

Please help me get better soon. I am grateful for how getting sick taught me who truly loves me, but I don't think long COVID will continue to teach me anything of value.

I'm not going to lie to you. I want to be a better man for the one I still wish to marry someday, if he truly can see me as spouse material. Even if he can't, and doesn't want me there at all, please protect him. Please heal him. Please give him another chance at life too. Please reverse any and all curses against me and him and anyone else who stands with us.

He has confided in me a deep shame for his hep c that breaks my heart. Shame is such a soul killing sensation that helps nobody. Please help this man find the path to true safety and confidence. I want him to feel safe, confident, healthy, and happy. I want him to feel good about how much others love him. I never want him to question how much he deserves it.

I want a life with this man. I want to live with him and nurture him no matter what. Please help me. Like I said, I want to be a better man and love him exactly the way he needs. The fact he believes in me and still wants me to be okay after all my bad behavior is proof he's not as morally bankrupt as everyone says he is. He deserves to survive like anyone else.

Help me honor myself and him in ways that are fair and balanced. I hope you understand how much I adore him and that's why it's hard to manage my own resources. I wish I had more to offer him, and plenty of others who truly want me to flourish.

#journal #personal #pic #witch #catholic on main #catholic witch #folk catholic #santa muerte #happy new years #hexbreaker #love

[gingerbreadmonsters]

I WON’T BOW OUT BRAVELY

or: in his arms, you were always LOVE.

gn!reader, warning for slightly unhinged marcus, some uncomfortably bizarre not-quite angst. the days i can’t have. take them, please. this was written very quickly in a sort of weird covid-fuelled haze and it shows. inspired by doctor who s6e10, 'the girl who waited'. marcus not being alarmed because this is a kindness for just over 1400 words.

What happens to love, when it's forced to die?

Marcus doesn't know.

Does it sit in a cupboard somewhere, staring at the gap between the doors, waiting and wondering for a day that can never come? Does it come apart, melted down for scrap, cannibalised by useless things until it slowly ceases to be? Does it splinter under the metal crusher, smashed to dust, fibreglass and plastic littering the floor?

It's not fair.

What happens to his Love, when you're forced to die?

Marcus doesn't know.

He'd been doomed from the start. You'd been doomed from the start. Had that always been the case? Was there ever any hope for the two of you? Not even as lovers, or partners, or friends - was there ever a world where your path could have crossed with his and you both would have survived?

Probably not.

He'd poisoned you, all on his own. Poured his love down your throat until your joints seized up with needing him, until your motors screeched and shouted with the strain of keeping your mechanical heart from beating out of your chest. The anchor on your leg of simulated life. Is it really simulated? Are you alive? If you ever were, then you aren't anymore. What could be more human than to falter under the weight of a forbidden emotion?

Maybe he's a curse. Maybe he was always fated to destroy you, or perhaps you were always fated to be destroyed, and he was just in the way.

Because that's what they've done, isn't it? Destroy you? When you loved him, you were real - more real than anyone else could make you. You'd felt trust and faith and devotion in a way that you could never otherwise have known, felt the warmth of desire and the slow blooming of first fascination. You had known how it felt to be really, truly, wholly loved. You're still loved, the same even now, but you don't seem to understand it anymore.

Murdered, just on the edge of flight. A beautiful, perfect creature. That which had emerged from nothing, meticulously planned and replanned, carefully moulded and sanded and smoothed until a cardboard box full of machine parts was transformed into a masterpiece of engineering. Nature's final butterfly, your polystyrene cocoon in pieces all around.

The engineers had made you. Marcus had created you.

You had been a person. You had always been a person, with him. You had known him, your creator, and you had loved him - and it was bad, it was, but you hadn't minded. He'd made sure you hadn't minded, and that's bad too, but you can only beat yourself up so much before you can't feel it any more. Double negatives, right? It all cancels out in the end.

(Or maybe it doesn't, and he's just worse than he gives himself credit for. The result is still the same. Might as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb.)

Okay, so he's a bad person. He doesn't feel like a bad person, though, which is the funny thing. He's sorry - sorry that he's set back the project, sorry that he won't get to see you through to completion, sorry that you've been forced to forget the most important thing he's ever taught you - but he doesn't feel like a villain. Everything he did, he did for love, right? All those rules and protocols and ethical boundaries, a bent and broken graveyard in his wake, were nothing in the face of his devotion. Can a man be blamed for worshipping his god when they're right in front of him, metal head heavy in his lap?

As always seems to happen with science, there are a lot of questions to ask. Unfortunately, they're not questions that Marcus knows the answer to.

Love is never bad. He shouldn't feel bad for doing what he did. He only wishes that everyone else could see it that way.

It's not your fault. He doesn't blame you for any of this. If it's anyone's fault, then he'll take the blame. Whatever they did to you when they got rid of his algorithm, it's not your burden to bear. He spoke his love for you into the universe, coaxed it out of the nothingness and nurtured it until it grew into something too beautiful to control - a single, green shoot bursting to life through the carbon fibre shell of your soul. Now, he and his creation go to die, and he'll rage against it as any lover should.

It's not fair. He could have modified the code, if they'd have asked him, reduced the externally visible impact back down to within acceptable parameters. He'd have done that for them. It wouldn't have been too difficult to swallow, at least until they get what they want. What do they want? What could be worth wanting, what world could they possibly envision, that doesn't have room for the love that you two shared?

It's not fair. He'd been so alone, desperate for someone, anyone who could see him, really see him. Your eyes had opened for the very first time, staring straight into his own, and he'd known that you were who he had been destined for. Who gets to deny him his destiny? Who has that right? The faceless suits who pull the strings - what could they possibly know of sweetness, passion, the unfolding of a new faith?

It's not fair. Would a man like him ever be given a destiny at all? Maybe he's just a pawn, wandering across the board at random until he crashes into something more important than himself, shrapnel and debris everywhere, snatched up by some invisible hand and thrown away. The shameful evidence of carnage, blood and oil and machine parts smeared across glaring linoleum. Or maybe - and isn't it the scariest thought of all? - maybe he was never even on the board at all. That’s all this is? Not some nail-biting final act, not the blast of a dying star gone supernova - just the failed punchline to his joke of a life. A lonely programmer, an emotionless android, and a million dollar mega-corporation walk into a bar. Only the bar is a jail cell, and the android isn't really there, and the million dollar mega-corporation is pointing a gun through the bars. What do you get when you cross a bullet with a human brain?

Marcus doesn't know, but he has a horrible feeling he's about to find out.

"There you are. Take a seat for me, please?"

There's something to be said for corporate commitment to a low-cost design aesthetic. At the end of the world, the last thing to go will be the soulless beige offices.

"Now, I won't beat around the bush. We both know exactly why you're here today, and I'm going to talk you through what's going to happen next, alright?"

It's not alright, but that's nothing new. Since when was anything just alright in this godforsaken place? It's either optimised to perfection, or a total catastrophe.

"All you need to do is look at me, and answer one simple question. It'll only take a second, and then you can go."

Perhaps he really was doomed. Perhaps he's always been here, picking his way across the railway tracks, waiting for the train to arrive and knowing in his heart of hearts that it will not stop. The end of the world is pulling into the station, whistles and wheels and headlights fixed on him, and this office is the last thing to go.

"Lean back and look at me, Marcus. I promise it won't take long."

He looks. The eyes aren't the ones he wants to see.

"Off the record…"

"I am sorry, for what it's worth. You're a very clever man, with a lot of good ideas. If it weren't for all of… this, your work on the project could have been spectacular."

"Ah, well. I suppose all things have their time. Including you, Marcus."

Cold, fibreglass fingers wrap around his heart and pull, hinges whirring quietly as the joints at the wrist contract, tendons and ligaments snapping and falling limp as they hang out of the hole in his chest. It feels like a beautiful kiss.

"Now then, I'm going to ask you one, very simple question."

The gap in the cupboard doors slams closed. From the ceiling, the metal crusher bares its teeth, leans down, and drips black saliva through his brain.

What happens to his Love, when you're forced to die?

"What state of matter is love?"

Marcus, as ever, doesn't know.

this is an original work by @gingerbreadmonsters - please do not repost or misattribute

masterlist

#redacted asmr #redacted marcus #redacted angst #project meridian #redactedasmr #ginger writes #gingerbreadmonsters

[twatkcox]

[2023 Is A Curse]

Just as I was about to consider 2020 the worst year due to the COVID-19 pandemic, it looks like there's something worse.

xxxxxxxxxx

Don't get me wrong about this. At least some good things happened, including the three-day Pinoy Otaku Festival: Shizen event last May, the Best Of Anime 2023 and the Manila International Book Fair last September, and the Ozine Fest Halloween Special last October. I also get to enjoy most weekends at my favorite hangout place, at the three cafes near my high school. I finally got to buy some cool stuff (in-store and online), especially the anime shirts and a pair of black sneakers. I should be happy about these great things that happened in my life, right? Well, not at all.

I'm gonna be frank on this one since I really need to get all of my frustrations out before the end of this cursed year. First of all, I was starting to get anxious and depressed being unable to enjoy my weekends due to personal reasons. Back then, I had no issue going out on both Saturdays and Sundays, since these were the only times I got to go out of the house, but nowadays I can only choose one. Also, I never get to do much of the mall-hopping trips like before. That damn COVID-19 pandemic totally wrecked my plans, my weekly rituals, and my well-being.

I had a feeling that God was behind all of these, for just one purpose: to ruin my life. That ultimately made me become a misotheist, though I didn't feel like telling this to my family, since no one would take me seriously. I've briefly considered atheism but thought better of it. After all, he somewhat makes things work for my sake, probably as a way to make me trust him once again. Nice try, but no. It just doesn't work that way.

My life was already crumbling, I was on the path to self-destruction. I had a hard time thinking things clearly. I was clearly losing motivation in almost everything. I don't know if I'll ever get to enjoy my life once again.

xxxxxxxxxx

I'm starting to hate birthdays ever since that pandemic started, but I couldn't tell anyone about it. I don't want to offend anyone, but I would be lying if I told them how much I enjoyed birthdays when in fact I'm not. Oh well, I suppose it's hard to find anyone who's gonna agree with me on this one. Anyway, birthdays feel like a ticking time bomb to me. The more I celebrate, the older I get. I also hate birthday greetings. They're pretty much unnecessary. And more importantly, birthday celebrations are incredibly costly. I just don't see the reason why they're always doing this when others can't even afford a simple birthday party.

For this year, even if I did celebrate a simple birthday celebration, I tried my best to keep my friends and relatives from posting birthday greetings on my FB wall. Well, at least, during my not-so-special day. I mean, thirty-three years is basically a number (as with the rest of the possible numbers), but I see it quite differently. Age serves as a reminder that I'll never get any younger again.

xxxxxxxxxx

I don't know if I'll ever celebrate Christmas or New Year with a smile on my face, but because a lot of bad and upsetting things happened in my life, I don't think I'll ever be grateful for this year. No thanks to God for making me go through this unnecessary anxiety, he doesn't deserve my gratitude.

That's it. I can't wait for this cursed year to end, the year that caused a great deal of anxiety and depression in my life. Just turn things back to the way it was before the pandemic. 2023 sucks.

#life crisis #rant #2023 #birthdays #cursed year

[intolerancecare]

Violence

If they'll see my blog are they going to bring me to rehab again?

Newton sent me there? If I curse at them, it's because they terminated me with no apparent reason. No reason at all

A nurse who endorses to doctors?

Because of restless injured employees?

Fuck you all!!!!!!!

I am fully aware of my anger.

Too much aware...

I am not MONATUS!!!!!! I have more experience and knowledge compared to a bagger who knows nothing but lowly staff rumours.

Did you see how I wanted to finish you in my head? It was for your own good. I'm sorry... I failed.

You heard me howl like a crazy dog inside that effing rehab? EFFING REHAB!!!!!! Should I laugh and party in that place?

Newton I come to work almost 2 hours early. Your other staff eats at the small pantry. I stay at my table and read the latest trending book. That is me. Always updated with the bestselling and trending book.

I stop exactly on time. I check my files. Sorry for the inaccuracy of blank items. It is always corrected before making a discrepancy right? That's the only mistake that I had. You want me to list down my tasks in that office? The HR staff title. YOU OWE ME.

The nurse will say, I did inventory, first aid, monitoring, COVID test, didn't have time with the planning, referrals. That's the nurse. My ate just watch movies in their clinic. The HR Staff did more than half of the nursing task. My GOD what kind of nurse will let themselves be ask by an HR manager to photocopy their employees' evaluation form. To think that she has a staff who likes to linger at the FB of applicants? As if he's recruiting a dozen of applicants a day. He can't even organize his files. I organize their files. The liaison officer who was added to the team can't even encode request at SAP. I process all their request at SAP. I owe you? for what? For the likes of Veronica's company? For Alshaya?

Fuck you. 6 accounting staff? 3 payrolls? and me this much responsibility?!!! because they can do the nurses' staff? Terminate me? I'll never come 5 feet close to anyone aside from my officemates. Another doctor at Makati Med who looks like lee and laughs like a crazy actor like arjun. Oh there is another Angel looking guy like lee in VXI. Whenever they are around, I'll be terminated? You are paying my siblings? made their pockets full because they brought me to rehab?

So PLV is also terminating me because of that effing erickson. That crazy erickson who whisper songs to me like arjun? Are they all undergrad? unlicensed? They are me because I let my friends copy my answer in exams? or because I answered my fiends exam because I was exempted and expected to get a flat 1? i already got my Karma. I got 1.5.

Putang ina pinapogi nyo lang pala si arjun.

Fuck you all. Terminate me because of them?

MY uterus they are destroying? In replacement of not locking into rehab?

Fuck you!!!!!!!!

[purplesurveys]

1759

When was the last time you got more then eight hours of sleep? Several times between last weekend and the first half of this week. I had a horrible fever that turned out to be Covid, so I've spent the last few days resting away.

Is there anyone in your life that you wish you were closer to? Sometimes I find myself wishing I was close with my co-workers the same way my other teammates have become real-life friends with each other. But I don't know, I guess I don't work that way. I know I shouldn't feel regretful about setting boundaries, especially work-related ones, but I can't help the guilt every now and then.

Would you say you are a gullible person? Very, but I would say it's an endearing type of gullibility as I apparently amuse people a lot with it haha. I'll share an example of how my mom has used it to her advantage – one time as a kid I couldn't get rid of my hiccups, so my mom without missing a beat started berating me about how my school called her up to report that I've been caught stealing eggs from the cafeteria. I picked it up in a heartbeat and started panicking, only for her to quip to check if my hiccups are still going (they stopped).

Are you one to swear often? I do curse. Not as much as I used to, I would say, but still fairly often.

Have you ever sat down and played video games all day? In my early teenage years yeah. I was hooked to our Wii.

What is one thing in your life that is no longer there, that you miss? My grandfather. He passed before I could ever grow up and understand him better. Kimi. I just cried over him last night while hugging his cremation box.

What do you believe is the best thing about being a kid? Having only school and homework to bitch about, for the most part.

What flavor Dum-Dum is your favorite? I don't know what those are.

What is the last book you read/are reading? Did you/are you enjoying it? The only book I've read this year is BTS' memoir, hah. Yes, I liked it even though I had expected too much of the boys and thought they would have been the one to write the book. I should have known that that was too good to be true, especially in K-pop where everything is a lot, A LOT more guarded and cleaned up.

Are you on a laptop or a desktop right now? Laptop. I haven't used a desktop since high school!

If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go; why? I'd love to be back in Bangkok. I'm thinking of flying there again in March, but we'll see. I have five months left to think about it LOL

Have you ever trusted someone you wish you wouldn't have? Sure.

Have you ever been on a picnic? Don't think so. Are there even spots here you can have picnics at without getting mugged, approached by a crazy religious person trying to recruit you into their cult, or begged?

Which is better tea or coffee? Coffee. I tried getting into tea but just can't appreciate why it tastes the way it tastes.

Do you own an umbrella? Yeah.

Do you like the ocean? I love it. I can get beach fatigue sometimes tbh since beaches are all the Philippines has – but for what it's worth I feel very peaceful and happy when I find myself in front of the waves.

Is there anyone that you wish you were with right now? Nope.

Who was the last person you hung out with? Tricia, Rap, Gello, and Kaye. It was Kaye's birthday dinner and I was supposed to go with Angela, but she bailed at the last minute since she was sick :(( I didn't want to flake either because I love Kaye, but it had been a nightmare to think about attending because I didn't know the rest of her fucking guest list lmao.

Anyway, I spotted Tricia's group and just put my brave face on and asked if they could adopt me for the evening. They didn't really have a choice LMAO and I'm sure it wasn't like they could turn me down for no reason so I still feel a bit guilty about having to interfere with their table like that; but anyway I sat with them that evening and just tried my best to go with their flow.

What animal cracker is your favorite? Idk I haven't had those since I was around 6.

Is there anything you're currently holding back? Yeah. Work-related, but there is never a right time to bring it up so it may be something I just need to keep to myself as long as I'm in my current workplace.

Do you like your smile? Yes.

Have you ever watched something on the TV that truly disturbed you? Manila hostage crisis, 2010.

Are you scared of needles? Yeah, very much and almost pathetically so hahaha.

Is your current cell phone out of date? No it's fairly new.

Have you ever drank milk when it was spoiled? Yeah I drank a bad batch of Milo once, when I was around 7. Promptly spat it out down the sink and to this day I'm still scared of drinking milk because of that incident.

Would you/have you ever bought a gym membership? I haven't and I wouldn't. I've really tried to get into working out but I personally just can't catch the appeal.

Have you ever bought anything on the TV? Nope.

Have you ever done something that you knew was wrong? Yes.

What is your favorite restaurant? Yabu.

What is the last thing you spent money on? Stuff from the Korean mart. Chapaguri + samgyupsal is my favorite pairing these days and I had a bombbbbbbbbasssss meal last night.

Do you know of anyone who hates you? Nope.

Has an animal ever bit you? Cooper has.

Do you ever take out the garbage? Yes, sometimes.

Do wash your face thoroughly everyday? Yeah, at the start and end of the day.

Would you ever do a ride along with a cop? Probably not.

Are things, in your opinion, overly expensive these days? It is for a fact. Inflation has been terrible.

Where was your last car ride to? Katip to work and attend Kaye's birthday dinner. That was my last hurrah pre-Covid lol, and I don't want to go out til next weekend for good measure.

Are your nails long? Nope, I've just trimmed them.

Have you ever gotten food poisoning? Yes, once, hated every minute of it.

Have you ever had to put a dog to sleep? I have not.

What messenger services do you use? Messenger for my personal life; largely Viber for work but I also keep Whatsapp and Telegram just in case it's needed.

Have you ever lost someone important to you? Yes.

Are you listening to music currently? I am; I'm listening to Indigo.

[mywheelieweirdlife]

So I have been terrified of needles most of my life.

To the point where my biggest fear with transitioning was the number of blood tests and shots, hence starting with gel.

Well since getting covid in August, I have had really shit lung capacity and my brain and memory is shit. My stutter is also so much worse and I'm constantly slurring my words to the point we occasionally question if I may have actually had a stroke sometimes... but that's not actually the point of this post even tho it does add to it.

I'm about to start shots. Because my memory after having covid is so bad that I can never remember if I've taken my testosterone via gel, that every few months I now get to have one of my partners hold me while I have a mild panic attack about a needle being stabbed in my ass for a few minutes so that I can actually continue to transition.

My brain capacity no longer really exists, I'm moving in about 9-12 weeks to somewhere more accessible and manageable for me where I will have an office space and more time and energy to write my book on accessibility and sex (which has ended up becoming more of a sex education book for at least the first few chapters because when asking non-disabled friends their thoughts to see where peoples brains went I realised that abled bodied people don't know or understand basic anatomy or the brain and I realised that I was putting too much faith in public education); as well as starting to work on new health routines to try and improve some things that I might be able to fix.

But seeing covid not taken seriously again as I'm here fighting for the hope of functioning or the ability to tell my partners that I love them and why without stuttering or being so unable to get the words out I end up crying in frustration and giving up and just eventually texting it after looking up different ways of saying what I kinda want to say and using that to get the wording that works... not even the wording I want because that's usually too much, just what works.

And my words being so frustrating they bring me to tears isn't new... but that used to be stutter frustration and usually it was just one or two words that I couldn't get.

This is genuinely feeling similar to when I was freshly dealing with amnesia in 2018 and I couldn't remember things at all and there were just blank spots. But instead of being my memories, it's my everything.

And it's so fucking hard.

Covid isn't a curse that I would wish on anyone because for me it was like a flu where I just felt like something was more wrong than normal and then afterwards my body kept going and suddenly everything was burnt to the ground.

My language skills, my ability to understand words, to speak, to write efficiently (I know I can still kinda manage on my good days like today but these are rare af and I'm only here today because my partner has put a lot of effort in to help me the last few weeks) and to do my basic levels of work and care.

And it hit like a month later.

I thought it was a flare but then the flare didn't go away and I was trying to work it out and a friend very lovingly pointed out I've been like this ever since then seizure that hospitalised me after I'd had covid.

I'm a performer and artist; losing my voice is my biggest fear and I'm living it. I'm also constantly confronted with my other fears because of this.

Extra needles because I can't take meds normally anymore, heights because I constantly need to be picked up and the people in my life who can lift me are all (roughly) 6ft giants and I'm 5'ft (ish) and really don't like loss of control, and being seen and being naked in a vulnerable position… well guess who's had to accept help showering and has had to actually let someone see what it looks like for me to navigate my room without legs because I was paralysed and they were on a video call and couldn't help me right at that moment and I really really just wanted to feel a tad more human.

I genuinely would only wish this on one person I've ever known and that is the same person I would light on fire if the purge was real. And even then I feel it would be extreme even for my sense of justice.

Basically; the pandemic isn't over, wash your hands, wear your masks, social distance and get vaccinated if you can. Stay home if you're sick and don't be an ass to people who are trying their best to also not get sick.

[tsunderedoctor]

Hi Purple, I feel somewhat guilty since you’ve got a lot on your plate but...can I ask for an emergency request? I recently went to buy groceries at Costco with my parents in a more upscale neighborhood we usually don’t frequent, since they had also had auto services we needed. Yet the whole time we were there, people kept giving us dirty looks due our family being Asian—especially with COVID around...There were a couple of whispered curses, and one person even told me, “Can you not read English, ch*nk girl? The line is over there,” when I was trying to weave through the cashier area to go to the restroom. The passive-aggressive discrimination made me more upset than I thought, and now some of my chronic heart pangs are coming back, which only occurs when I experience strong emotions, since we had to stay an extra hour there for the cars to be finished. It reminded me of some bad experiences in school & why I don’t go out much in the first place nowadays, because of the uncomfortable attitudes against my race.

If it’s alright...can I ask for Law helping an s/o who he observes is visibly upset and has labored breathing, after running errands for the crew at an island due to being jeered at and discriminated against? Maybe she tries to appear composed and level-headed in front of the crew, but deep down, she’s hurting and Law notices?

Thank you so much if you decide to write this. You don’t have to if you’re busy, so I apologize in advance!! You truly are a genuinely sweet person who really help put a smile on people’s faces—regardless—and I am glad to have met you! —M. ❤️❤️🌹

And this is a great example of why humanity sucks sometimes- I am so sorry, love! Please know it doesn't matter what skin color you may be, we are all beautiful no matter what! And if people can't see that, push them aside, cause we don't deal with those haters here. Hope this helps! ❤️ Babe Below~!

Trafalgar D. Water Law

He eyed you, keeping his own composure at bay, unsure exactly what had occurred, but knew it was something enough to bother you. As the rest of the crew started packing the supplies you purchased, not noticing or caring about the two of you in the moment, he pulled you to the side, asking what was wrong, doing his best to keep to make sure he doesn’t sound gruff. 

You had hesitated, not wanting to admit your weaknesses to him or anyone for that matter, especially over something that you felt was just how life was at times, feeling you had to get over it somehow. 

Seeing the look, he pressed once more, but ended it there, telling you he also wouldn’t push the matter if you really didn’t want him to. Looking at his eyes, you could tell he would do his best to understand your pain, finally giving in and telling him what had occurred. 

Gripping Kikuko, his own eyes seemed to darken as they stared into the nothingness of the sea, nodding at your words, before speaking. 

“People are cruel to others they don’t understand, it’s human nature I guess. You aren’t alone though, you’d be surprised how many people get discriminated against, sometimes over silly lies.”

Not completely understanding what he meant, you could tell he had some experience in that situation, smiling a bit, you took his hand as you stared at the sea with him. Whatever situation had occurred, you were happy to say he wasn’t alone, and more importantly, neither were you.

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