#cutting ppl out that have been around for TOO long has been such a breath of fesh air..

[tombstoney]

Doing better than I even could've imagined a year ago!! Rly trimmed out the fat and shitty thangs I didn't need :3

..... wish I could start drawing again tho ahskfhdhfjghfks

#ghoul.txt #re: loser(s) who shan't be named but deserve each other and hopefully never drag another person into their world of shit ♡ #cutting ppl out that have been around for TOO long has been such a breath of fesh air..

[xxblairexxss]

Breaking news

Pairing : Charles Leclerc x girlfriend!reader

Your Instagram story caused a commotion amongst the fans

ynusername has added to their story

ynusername has added to their story

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

You had connected the call to your car so you could talk to him while driving home because you didn’t know if you could see the hair saloon again without crying even more. You put on the signal before turning the steering wheel as you sobbed, your boyfriend’s question left hanging in the air.

“Are you okay? Where are you? Do you want me to pick you up?”

“N– no, I’m already on my way back.” You sobbed again.

“Want me to stay on the phone with you?”

“Yes– yes, please. I can’t stop crying!” You wailed and looked at the rear view mirror before switching lane.

“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. I don’t know what happened but as long as you are already on your way back, it’ll be fine.”

Soon as you took off your sneakers, Charles opened the door and pulled you into a hug. You were no longer crying because you had accepted your fate at this point.

“Are you hurt? What happened?”

Breaking the hug, you took a step back, your bottom lips jutting out.

“What? Baby, talk to me. What happened?”

You twirled and cried out. “They cut my hair too short! How can you not see it!”

Charles’s breathe was stuck in his throat. He had been walking back and forth, waiting for you to come back home wondering if the worst thing happened. This, wasn’t in any of those thoughts he had in mind.

“You were crying because they cut your hair too short?” His voice trailed off as he stared at you in disbelief.

“I have never had my hair this short before!”

“You were crying because of this?”

You glowered at his question and paced to the room, leaving him alone while he was still in incredulity. He didn’t even realise there was any changes to your hair because as soon as he saw you, his eyes went to scan on your body for any injuries or maybe some bruises. It never occurred to him it would be something lighter than the all the scenarios he had in his head.

“Baby? You wanna talk about it?” Charles walked in and grinned, trying to act as if he couldn’t see the glare from you.

“I asked them to trim it shorter but not this short, just slightly around my chest but they just cut it right away and I was too scared to say anything.”

“You still look beautiful though.” He could still see the little dots of tears hanging on your lashes as he stared at you in admiration.

“Liar! You are only saying that to make me feel better.”

“I swear! You look beautiful. Trust me.” He tilted your face to look at him and smiled as he studied your face. “See? You’ll always be beautiful, baby. Even if one day you decide to be bald, I’m still gonna find you beautiful.”

“I hate you.”

ynusername

Liked by charles_leclerc, francisca.cgomes and 225,637 others

ynusername how it started vs how it ended

charles_leclerc Still the prettiest girl ever ❤️

username1 new hairrr?!?!

username2 girl we need story time

username3 you should have seen twitter and gossip pages. they went WILD 😂😂

username4 i don’t get it?? someone explain

username5 ppls thought something happened to the couple but they seem to be doing fine 🥰

ynusername

Liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly and 378,845 others

ynusername Smiling through the pain :)

charles_leclerc The most beautiful girl 😍

username1 GIRL YOU SLAY THE HAIRSTYLE

username2 drop dead gorgeous

francisca.cgomes literally suits you so much 🫶🏻🩷

username3 what do you mean. you look STUNNINGGG 😍😍

charles_leclerc

Liked by ynusername, pierregasly and 1,507,6739 others

charles_leclerc prettiest in long and short hair. any hairstyle, basically 🩷

ynusername i love youuuu! 🥹 Thank you for taking me out on a dinner date to make me feel better ❤️🥹

username1 FAV COUPLE IS STILL GOING STRONG

username2 i thought they broke up 😭😭😭

username3 tell y/n to never do that again

username4 i’m not gonna believe in love anymore if they ever broke up 💔

username5 oh to have my bf take me out on a date after i cut my hair too short 😔

✧.* general tag list! @i83andrew @cltrlne @karmabyfernando @ohthemisssery @ru-kru @tastebaldwin @f1obessed @love4lando @shinrjj @ietss @leclerc13 @darleneslane @buckybarnessweetheart

If your usernames were crossed, meaning I can’t tag you! 😭 Let me know if you would like to be removed or to be added to the tag list! Or if I missed anyone!

#charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagine #f1 imagines #charles leclerc #charles leclerc imagines #f1 imagine #f1 x reader

[qkopi]

LINK UP (2)

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pairings: prowler! miles x fem! reader

cw: cheating, profanity, TOXIC milo, VERY suggestive (atp it’s light smut🤷🏻‍♀️)

summary: three weeks. you have been meeting up with milo behind miles’ back for three weeks. miles was bound to find out one way, right?

a/n: u guys r gonna hate me @ the end but i’m sorry i had to do it😭🙏🏽 dw i’m like halfway finished i stg and for the ppl who wants to be in my tag list, i’m sorry i js can’t ts takes way too long i can’t🙅🏻‍♀️

pt 1 <- pt 2 -> pt 3

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“miles but-“

“sorry mi vida, just give me a few minutes okay? i’ll be back before you know it!” miles cut you off as he rushed out of the apartment, leaving you disappointed that your date with him was canceled once again.

you wanted to spend the whole day with miles but it looks like you were now going to spend it with milo.

“well..” milo grinned as he walked over to you.

“looks like we’ve got the place to ourselves, huh?” he had a triumphant look in his eyes, and he couldn’t help but show a condescending smile as he spoke.

“milo, stop. im not in the mood.” you sighed, turning away to not face him as you rubbed your temples.

he raised an eyebrow, coming to a stop a few inches behind you, his right knee bumping one of your left’s. he set a hand on your shoulder, grinning at you.

“something goin on, ma?” milo asked in his signature drawl, a small smirk breaking through his facade of apathy.

the last few days, you had been thinking about ending the affair between you and milo. you felt bad for meeting up with him behind miles’ back, but you couldn’t help it, being with milo felt so good that you seemed to forget everything.

but then, the guilt started to eat you up, feeling horrible to miles as he didn’t know anything that has been happening. you were planning to confront milo tonight after spending the day with miles but looks like time had other plans for you.

“you know damn well what’s going on.” you spat out, still not sparing him a glance.

it went on for 3 weeks, almost a month, this affair with milo had to stop before it could lead to more trouble.

milo let his hand fall to his lap, his smile growing as he moved up to you side, his arms wrapping around your waist loosely and his chin resting on your shoulder.

“how did you come to this conclusion?” he teased, chuckling under his breath before kissing your cheek.

“stop.. stop..” you tried to push him off, knowing his affection were your weaknesses, but it only made his grip around you tighter.

he smirked, a few gentle nibbles to your ear earning a grunt out of you.

“nah, im comfortable.” he chuckled, gently nipping at a portion of your earlobe.

“but do tell me more about what’s up.” milo teased, his smirk broadening as your protests were cut off by his playful affection.

“y-you..” you tried to focus on what you were going to say to him but his kisses distracting you.

“me, and?” he whispered into your ear, a small chuckle escaping him as he kissed your cheek again. milo could feel your body shiver at the sensation, his free hand running up your spine.

“and…? speak up, mami.” you couldn’t speak, even if you wanted to, you melted onto his touch as your mind became hazy from his affection.

a chuckle left him as he could hear your breathing grow heavy. it made his smirk grow wider.

“still nothing? aw….” milo teased in your ear, his voice a low whisper as he landed a soft kiss on your cheek once more

he pulled back enough to look down on her, letting her take in a deep breath before speaking again.

“how about now…?”

“w-what? why did you stop?” you asked with confusion contorting up in your face.

“i never stop for long.” he said.

“now are you gonna talk to me, mami, or should I shut you up and keep going?” milo teased, his smirk growing wider.

“keep going..” you mumbled, lowering your head in embarrassment. damn it, this boy knew how to get to me and now, i couldn’t confront him anymore!

milo chuckled, his hands squeezing more at your waist, keeping you tight against him as he laid another kiss on your ear, cheek and, neck, letting you soak in the feeling of his kisses.

“now, tell me about why you’re upset.” he whispered into your ear, the smell of his cologne bringing a faint sense of security to you, his warm breathe heating the side of your head.

“because..” you couldn’t continue talking as you felt his lips on your neck, kissing the one spot that he knows that makes you go feral.

milo chuckled into your ear, his lips finding the soft flesh of your throat and nibbling at it gently as he ran a hand through your hair.

“you’re so cute when you’re flustered.” he teased, pulling back and giving you a gentle smile as his hand returned to your waist.

“go on..”

“you..” you tried to hold onto something as you felt his euphoric touching all over your body.

“me, what?” milo chuckled, nibbling at your earlobe again.

“you can’t keep me guessing forever, mami.” he said, his hands wrapping around your waist again as his mouth stayed near your ear. his hand cupped your chin and slowly pivoted you to face his gaze.

“come on, say it.” milo teased, pulling away with a smirk. his hand ran from your chin to the side of your face, tilting your head so you can see his smirk.

“what’s bugging you?” he gave you a chance to talk.

“we can’t keep doing this, milo.” you finally managed to let him know.

“i can’t keep doing this.” you said sternly, trying to seem serious.

milo froze for a moment, his eyes widening just a little before he broke into a smile.

“you’re still on about that?” he teased, his eyes twinkling playfully as he looked over your face.

“c’mon, mami. doesn’t my affection make it feel worth it?” he teased, his hand running over her cheek.

“yes but..” you began to melt in his touch again.

“no, no! stop.” you softly smacked his hand away, not wanting to fall for his tricks again. you look away from him, sensing that he may distract you to confront him again.

milo didn’t flinch when you smacked his hand away, a smirk gracing his face. a small chuckle left him as one of his hands wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer.

“that never works, mami.” he said, his breath leaving his mouth warm on your skin as he placed a soft kiss on your shoulder.

“you’ll talk eventually…”

“it’s been almost a month, milo.. i can’t keep doing this to miles..” you said, feeling his chest press against your back as he hugged you from behind.

a small chuckle left him as he kissed your neck again, the feeling of his lips against your skin, making you gasp. his free hand squeezed at your waist gently, caressing you while his other held your hip.

“come on, y/n.. what miles doesn’t know won’t hurt him..” he teased, leaning in near your ear and placing another soft kiss in the center of your ear before stepping back.

“milo.. he’s your brother, for gods sake..” milo only smirked, leaning further in.

“yeah, he’s my brother but..” *he chuckled, his hand on your hip squeezing a bit. he looked into your eyes playfully as he kissed your cheek.

“i liked you first.” he teased as he kissed at the other cheek.

“but i’m his girlfriend..” you mumbled under your breath, feeling disappointed at milo and you.

“dont worry, mami.” milo kissed her once more, pulling back.

“besides, if you didn’t like what we have, you would’ve stopped meeting up with me.” his smirk broadened.

“but you didn’t. you know why?” he teased, his voice dropping low, a teasing grin on his face.

“cause you like it..”

“i… i don’t.” you glared at him, trying to appear as if you hated this.

“you sure bout that, ma?” milo smirked as he moved closer towards you. he pressed up against you a little bit more with his hands trailing down your body, caressing you sensually.

“cause if you really didn’t like this shit, then you would’ve stopped from the very beginning.”

your breath hitched, knowing that milo was fully right about what he said, but before you could deny and protest, he had kissed you to shut you up.

milo’s lips were soft and passionate, his body pressing against yours tightly. he didn’t give you a chance to escape as he kissed you deeply and passionately. his hands were slowly trailing down your body as the feeling of his touch made you weak in the knees. you couldn’t resist him, and he knew it. with his touch, he would make you forget about everything else…

milo smirked in the kiss when he felt your arms snaked up to his neck, pulling him even closer. he continued to kiss you passionately, clearly taking advantage of your weakness, but you didn’t care, you were lost in the moment of the kiss. his lips were soft and tender against yours, and you couldn’t help but savor every bite of it. he took it to another level, deepening the kiss and making it more intense.

he was making sure that you forgot about everything else, and focused only on him…

milo then took your legs, wrapping them around his waist as he carried you to his bedroom as the both of you continued making out. he placed you on the bed, and he was already on top of you, kissing you passionately. his lips were gentle yet firm, as they pressed up against yours. he wasn’t going to stop until he had you completely under his control.

the two of you slowly pulled away to catch your breaths as both you and milo looked into each other’s eyes.

milo looked at you intently, as he brushed his fingers through your hair. his eyes had a knowing look in them, as if he could see right through you. he began to nibble on your neck. his hands were already on your blouse, unbuttoning it slowly.

before milo could even get to the 2nd button, milo’s door had suddenly opened, making both you and milo stop.

“milo, have you seen y/n-“ miles immediately stopped as he saw the scene unfold in front of him.

“what the hell..” miles was in disbelief.

™︎ qkopi | tumblr

#miles morales x reader #miles morales #miles x reader #miles x y/n #earth 42 miles morales x reader #miles morales x y/n #miles morales x you #atsv miles #atsv x reader #earth 42 miles x reader #earth 42 miles #earth 42 miles x you #miles morales prowler #prowler miles x y/n #prowler x reader #prowler miles x reader #prowler miles #atsv prowler #spider man: across the spider verse #spider man #miles morales fic

[mins-fins]

AUDERE EST FACERE. — [Z.CL]

❝to dare is to do..❞

SYNOPSIS: where crown prince zhong chenle, forced into a marriage with a woman he doesn't like and riddled with complicated feelings, finds solace in the palace's very own medic, you.

PAIRING: zhong chenle x male!reader

GENRE: royalty au, not really modern but not really medieval time period either, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, angst, kinda humorous, prince!chenle x medic!reader, kinda forbidden relationship, ambiguous/open ending

WARNINGS: might not be accurate to medieval times, death, blood & gore, forced marriage, mentions of disease, unhealthy ways of grieving, a lot of mentions of violence

WORD COUNT: 22.7k

NOTES: woah woah woah!!! this whole fic broke a whole bunch of isa records…….. hiiii jj 😊 hi chenle stans 😊 hello nct male reader community 😊😊😊 i hope im serving the isanator nation well (consists of 2 ppl) ANYWAY this is one of the works i am genuinely most proud of because for one, it's my longest ever work, and for two, i'm just so happy with how it turned out!! this was originally meant to be like 16k words but then i got carried away and now this is here 🙁 i truly apologize for how long this is but PLEASEEE dont get bored i swear it gets good 😞😞 and i did write ambiguous ending but it does seem pretty straightforward so um… im sorry for that, this fic would've been MUCH MUCH LONGER than 22k words but i already beat my former wc record so i just cut a bunch of other unnecessary scenes 😶 alright thats enough of my yapping!! ily jj my bsf ever ty for listening to me ramble abt this endlessly in ur inbox 😊😊💗

CHENLE REMEMBERS IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY. his little feet sneakily took him away from the huge meeting room full of intimidating adults talking about gibberish, and slowly, they lead him to a much more enjoyable place. at the time, seven year old chenle couldn't figure out why his parents needed such a big meeting room, or why all of these important people came to the castle every few months, to him, those strangers were nothing but tryhards, greedy men and women who were never pleased no matter how much they were offered.

seven year old chenle could never truly figure out why his parents insisted on having him sit around with these other important adults, listening to them talk about the economy, kingdom relations, marriage, all this stuff that isn't interesting to seven year old boys.

the young prince found his feet leading him to a place of familiar comfort, the palace's own rose garden. he could never truly explain why the air surrounding the abundance of roses ever became of comfort to him, because roses are anything but comfortable to hold, but whenever he felt like father and mothers fights were getting too aggressive, he could just come here and everything would be okay.

the gardener, a woman by the name of mrs. qian, was always sweet to chenle, much sweeter than his father usually was. her son, qian kun, is basically chenle's older brother, the older boy often comes around whenever his mothers in work, and he tells chenle stories of what goes on at the village schools, the newest gossip and adventures he's gone on with his friends.

chenle often finds himself interested in the life of a commoner, they're all just so intriguing.. he can't believe the stories most of the time, but he is homeschooled, and has been holed up in this castle for as long as he can remember, so how he can prove or debunk any of these things? he just thinks that non-royals are some of the most entertaining people he knows, they're all so hilarious.

as soon as the seven year old chenle stepped into the rose garden, a feeling of relief seeps into his body. he takes in a deep breath, and finally allowed for his shoulders to slump, much too tired of having to keep his back straight all this time.

he lets himself relax into the atmosphere, finally away from the suffocated room full of adults seemingly speaking a language he could not understand. if that's what kings and queens have to do, chenle thinks he'd rather not take the throne.

the seven year old prince allowed for his eyes to scan the garden, it's empty. well that makes sense, mrs. qian isn't in today and neither is her son, they went on a holiday. he sighs to himself, he misses kun's company, but alas, no one is around.

chenle makes his way around to a specific rose bush, it has the most roses out of the bunch. seven year old chenle used to think the rose bushes were magic, the roses always grew so quickly, one day there'd be none and the next there'd be hundreds, it was purely shocking to the young prince.

chenle, as always, began tracing the shape of the roses with his finger. he finds them pretty, as he does all flowers. it might sound like he's being basic, but roses are probably his favorite of the bunch. they're just so beautiful, and most importantly— they're sharp.

but the seven year old chenle is startled out of his rose admiring due to a shout.

"hey! don't touch those!"

the young prince furrowed his eyebrows at the words, what's wrong with touching the roses? it's not like there are garden rules or anything. when chenle turned to the source of the shout, that's when he sees the person.

you, it was you. adorable seven year old you who ran up to him as quickly as you could, you stopped as soon as you made it his way, panting like you had just run a marathon. "don't touch the roses".

the young chenle blinked, puzzled. "why can't i touch them? i'm the prince you can't tell me what to do—"

"they're sharp! you're gonna hurt yourself see?" you pointed at chenle's hand, and he looked down, eyes widening as he came across the sight. his finger was bleeding, oh that's bad. "roses have thorns, you have to be careful".

chenle had no idea who you were then, but all he knew was that you were worried. your eyes were watering, as if you were going to burst into tears at any moment, and you took a deep breath as you slowly began freaking out over the small cut on the prince's index finger. "oh uh— i didn't even notice".

"it's okay really, god i have a bandaid don't i? hold on.." you mumbled, worried as ever as you began rummaging through your pockets, trying to find a bandaid to patch up the prince with.

"it's fine it's just a small cut i.." chenle paused in between his words, clearing his throat. "who are you?"

right, you were still a stranger, chenle had no idea who you were then, for all he could know, you had broken into the palace or something. you finally stopped looking through your pocket, your face went a bright red as you faced the prince again. "um my name is y/n, i'm the—"

"y/n honey? where did you run off to?"

now chenle recognized that voice, that was the voice of the palace's sweet medic. mrs. l/n had a voice that was like honey, she was easily one of chenle's favorite staff members, not only because she would always be there to wipe his tears when he scraped his knee, but she always offered him delicious candy. "oh! there you are!"

"good afternoon mrs. l/n" chenle politely greeted, and you let out a small sigh of relief at the sight of your mother, though that look of worry was still prominent in your eyes.

"chenle, how are you doing?" she reached over to ruffle the young prince's hair, which he accepted happily, giggling at the gesture. "i'm doing good, ma'am".

"he has a cut on his finger" you muttered to her, and a small 'ah' leaves her lips as she finally realized what was going on. "i wanted to help him but i didn't have any bandaids" you seemed disappointed in yourself, as your gaze immediately lowered to the floor.

"oh sweetie, it's okay" your mother shook your shoulder, reassuring you. "just remember to call me before running off".

"i'll remember, sorry".

the young prince blinked at the sight before him, though he continued to smile at the sight of your mother. "sorry for yelling at you, your highness" you muttered in your low voice, and all chenle did was shake his head, waving you off.

"it's alright you were just trying to help" chenle replied, he finds seven year old you to be the epitome of adorable, just the cutest person in the world.

"let's get you that bandaid yeah?"

chenle nodded, you nodded, and the two of you proceeded to follow your mother out of the garden and to her office.

when chenle thinks back to this moment, the moment he first met you, he likes to compare it to an explosive, just waiting to be lit, just waiting to be set off and destroy everything. when he thinks back to the first moment he met you, chenle can't help but reminisce about it.

after your mother helped him with his cut, the two of you.. talked. you talked about things all seven year old boys talk about, and it was one of the highlights of chenle's day, though he kept trying to make you drop the formalities and call him by his first name, you vehemently disagreed.

the two of you became friends (and just chenle calling the two of you "friends" was enough to almost send seven year old you into cardiac arrest), a royal and a commoner, but chenle never saw it that way, chenle has never seen it that way. a friend is a friend, regardless of status or their economic situation. yes chenle is at a great advantage, being the prince of the kingdom you lived in, but he never held it over you, he isn't like that.

you were— are a special friend to chenle. sometimes, it feels like the two of you have known each other your whole lives. you mean much more to him than he actually lets slip, but he'll never let that be known, even under kun's watchful eye and jisung's insistence on knowing if you two really are just "friends".

chenle spends a lot of time thinking about the day you two first met, it's like a looping episode of a show in his head.

"chenle? did you even hear me?"

no response.

a grunt of frustration is sounded in the room, but the prince doesn't react, much too busy zoned out as a specific memory replays in his head for the seventh time that hour.

"chenle! pay attention!"

the slam of a hand against the table, paired with the loud shout is enough to snap the now twenty one year old crown prince out of his little dazed memory recalling session. chenle startles, but he quickly lets his face relax, sighing as he rejoins the conversation he'd previously zoned out on. "what?"

chenle's mother pinches the bridge of her nose, an exasperated sigh escaping her lips. "marriage, chenle, that's what were talking about".

oh god, chenle resists the urge to groan. he isn't exactly on board with this whole marriage thing, but then again, he has no other choice, his father is gone and he's next in line for the throne, this is how it goes for each royal family, he should just suck it up and deal with it head on. "yeah yeah, sorry, i didn't sleep much last night".

it's not exactly a lie, these days usually have chenle plagued with some sort of sleeplessness, but that isn't the main reason he was zoned out, obviously. "alright.. anyway, i talked with the zhu's, we agreed that you and their daughter, yinuo, are to marry".

chenle recognizes the family name, unfortunately, he doesn't exactly recognize their daughter. "you're marrying me off to a stranger? what about the girls i actually know, suyin? jia? mingxia? they're actually my friends, i'd be much more comfortable with them than a princess i've never met".

"marriage doesn't work like that, chenle" the words are enough to make chenle grit his teeth, he bites his tongue, though. "all you have to do is merely get along with her enough that it looks like you're in love at the wedding, rule the kingdom, and have children".

chenle raises an eyebrow, rocking back and forth in his chair. "that sounds a tad bit dystopian, mother".

the older woman does nothing but narrow her eyes at chenle, a look he's become used to receiving from her at this point. "it's just how everything goes, le, i don't know what to tell you".

chenle bites his inner cheek, looking everywhere else in the room. he always knew marriage was a custom, if not out of true love, it would be out of convenience. chenle had been given so much time to go find a woman to fall in love with, but he didn't find it that easy, maybe he just has too many requirements when it comes to love. he doesn't exactly support the whole thing about creating new heirs, but he was born into this family for this reason, what is the point of being a king if not sacrificing his freedom for the happiness of others?

chenle has always known that he wouldn't exactly enjoy this part of his life, and his father just had to go early, he is very much upset, but he doesn't disclose those feelings to anyone. after his long minutes of silence, chenle stands up from the table, again facing his mother. "yes yes i get it, mother" he mutters, making his way over to his mother and pressing a kiss to her cheek, realizing that she was trembling in anxiousness. "don't worry about me, i'll be fine".

but would he really? chenle can't exactly determine that.

"HOW DID YOUR LITTLE MARRIAGE CONVERSATION GO?" QIAN KUN cannot contain his interest, immediately finding chenle and inquiring about his upcoming marriage. chenle can always go to kun to talk about things troubling his mind, the older is a person of solace for him, a comfort in this big castle that seems to be swallowing him whole. chenle is glad he has kun, even with how much he does tease him, he's truly grateful for the older. "whose the lucky lady?" the words are enough to get a groan out of chenle, who shoved his nose into his book.

"zhu yinuo".

kun's eyes widen, clearly he recognizes that name. "of azerene?"

chenle clicks his tongue, not sparing the older a glance. "yes, that one".

the older male hums, merely glancing at the crown prince. "why do you sound so uninterested? marriage should be a fun topic for you".

his teasing tone doesn't breeze past chenle, but the younger doesn't comment on it, focusing on the topic of the novel in his hands. "not when it's with a women i don't know, i'm just being placed into a union with a stranger, a stranger who i'm then going to have make babies with so that the treasurable zhong family lives on for generations and generations".

"well isn't that the whole point of royal families, though?" kun asks absentmindedly, it seems he meant to say that in his head, seeing as how he slaps a hand over his mouth immediately after the question escapes his lips, but chenle doesn't mind, getting offended over such a question is the last of his worries. "..sorry".

"it's alright" chenle responds, his voice a low echo in the expanse of a room. "it's how most things go anyway, i should know better than to question it".

"i just don't think it's fair" chenle only gives a mere hum, though he notices kun's tone of concern. "yeah you're supposed to create heirs at the end of the day, but not even with someone you love?"

"you ask too many questions".

kun scoffs, turning to chenle with a look of betrayal in his eyes. "i'm just saying what your thinking, chenle, i worry about you".

chenle, who sighs silently, finally closes his book and gives the older an indistinguishable look. "you don't have to worry about me, i'll be fine, i always am".

a lie, one as clear as day too. chenle doesn't exactly know how to explain what he feels, sometimes it feels like everything is bubbling up slowly, closing in on him and suffocating him to death. he assumes it's normal to feel like this, especially with people who don't talk about how they feel, but chenle doesn't know how to bring it up to people without making everything weird.

it's all just complicated.

chenle finally stands up, running a hand through his hair and folding the page of his book as to not lose his page. he makes his way over to kun, whose mindlessly folding his own clothes as he admires the butterfly tank before him.

the butterflies were an installment chenle begged for his father to get for him after he read a book on metamorphosis once, it was a gift for his twelfth birthday, though he wanted a room to be a whole conservatory for him, his father said that would be "unnecessary" (and as an adult, chenle is inclined to agree with that statement). he finds the winged beings to be beautiful, a kind of striking that only specific animals can replicate.

yes, chenle is a huge fan of butterflies, his love for them runs deep. he lightly taps the glass encasing the creatures with his nail, gaze laser focused on the flying insects and their bright colored wings.

"you say that all the time, but i can never truly tell if you are" kun finally responds after letting his answer wither in the silence of the room, his eyes wander over to chenle, who does nothing but admire the trapped butterflies before him.

the words get a small smile out of chenle, but he's not sure why, though they do make him smile. "i am fine, there's no need to look in further".

"you know me, i'm always going to look further".

chenle allows for himself to chuckle at the response. he's right about that.

he stares at the butterflies encased in the glass box, practically trapped against their own will. his mind wanders, the butterflies remind him of something very familiar.

but he pretends to have no idea what it is.

CHENLE OFTEN FINDS HIMSELF SLEEPLESS THESE DAYS. after the first two hours of insomnia took over, the crown prince decided to entertain himself by reading that book he's left off at earlier that day, but by the time he looked at the clock again, two more hours had passed, and he had finished the book which he once thought would enthrall him until his body gave into it's exhaustion. he lets his arm fall, placing the copy of strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde onto his desk. he's still not tired, for some unknown reason. 

maybe another book will do the trick, chenle's mind tells him, and he agrees with that statement enough that he swings out of his bed and his feet grace the cold floor. it's cold, it's always cold at night, but chenle thinks it's always extra cold at night on purpose.

the crown prince tries his best to shake off the freezing temperature of the room, slipping on a fuzzy sweater and grabbing the lamp from his desk. if sleep isn't going to come him, he could at least spend some of the night in the library, it'll be a good way to pass time.

the library is a nice place of comfort, chenle has always been able to relax his mind the most when he's reading. reading is one of the easiest hobbies to have, because you're not tiring yourself out, but your also doing something fun (but chenle has learned that some people don't really describe reading as their idea of 'fun').

when chenle was younger, reading was really all he did. he was homeschooled, so the most lessons he got were three a day, mother and father never cared about what he had to tell them, dismissing his words as just idiotic child talk. no one ever gave him the time of day if they weren't forced to, so chenle quickly found comfort in the many books which littered the library.

by the time chenle was fourteen, he had already read most of the books in the library, and that includes the unnecessarily huge dictionary. he could almost always be found in the library if not in his room or the rose garden, immersing himself in another world of fiction or nonfiction.

the library is basically his second home, he's there all the time, engrossed in the literature which is all he can see.

the constant creaking of the old structure is all chenle can hear as he makes his way over to the library. at one in the morning, the palace is truly creepy, like one of those haunted buildings full of spirits that suddenly scare you in the night.

now, chenle isn't one to believe in the supernatural, but some of these nightly events in the castle truly can't be explained away. sometimes, he almost gives in to believing all of stories about paranormal activity happening in the castle, something about an old king going haywire and murdering his whole entire family.

father and mother would tell him the stories to scare him out of staying up late, saying that old king chen was gonna come out of the walls late at night and scare him if he ever tried to roam the palace halls past his bedtimes.

but chenle's an adult now, much too grown to be believing in some make believe ghost stories.

back to his mission of getting to the library with nothing but his tiny lamp, chenle sighs in the darkness of the empty halls, his sigh seemingly echoing in the silence and bouncing off the walls. he pauses to observe his barely lit surroundings, and he feels his stomach drop when he hears the sound of faint footsteps across the hall.

who else could be awake at this time?

"hello?"

chenle pauses again as he listens to the greeting. he recognizes that voice, it's you, chenle thinks he could recognize your voice from miles away. "y/n?" he calls out, he doesn't mean to do that, he just really wanted to say your name, is that such a crime? he doesn't think it is.

when you finally come into his like of vision, chenle lets out a sigh of relief, the pit in his stomach will hopefully go away now. for some reason, he feels much more safe with you here. "oh god you scared me ch— your highness".

ah, it's still the same, despite your long friendship, you still don't usually address chenle by his name. you always say it's because you have to "respect his title", but chenle doesn't really like it. he likes it more when you call him by his first name, even if it is disrespectful for a commoner to do such a thing.

chenle never cares when it's with you.

"you scared me" chenle emphasizes, taking in a deep breath. "my apologies".

"it's fine, uh.. why are you awake exactly?" you ask, though chenle wanted to ask you that, it seems you beat him to it. how funny. "if you don't mind me asking of course".

of course, all you ever really do is look after people, you take after your mother, it's evident to chenle that being a medic was your calling. "oh i can't sleep, i'm heading to the library to get a book that'll hopefully tire me".

you chuckle at the words, your laughter is pretty, chenle notes. "of course, you're always in that library, seems you spend most of your time reading" chenle laughs at your tone of voice, your teasing him, you talk like how your mother used to talk about him when you were children.

"reading is..fun".

those words seem to confuse you, and you blink, lightly tilting your head to the side. "i have never heard someone describe reading as fun, but i guess it makes sense for you".

chenle wants to ask about the meaning of those words, because they seem to have so many layers, but you begin again before he can even try to ask. "i heard about your new marriage" there's a certain distaste in your voice chenle can't exactly pinpoint. "congratulations".

chenle allows for himself to frown, his stomach curling in an uncomfortable way at just the thought of his new marriage. he doesn't want to talk about it, because it's just going to make him upset. "oh yeah it's quiet.. exciting news".

you pick up on his tone of disgust, his gritted teeth, and the way his eyes quickly cast around the room, but you stay silent. "anyway, i should be heading to the library, find a nice book, have any recommendations?"

you blink at the sudden question, scouring your mind for books you think the crown prince might be charmed by. "frenchman's creek by daphne du maurier".

chenle raises an eyebrow. "that's in the library?"

"yeah i uh— i read it a couple weeks ago, it was amazing" you mutter, trying to keep eye contact with the prince who was clearly trying to not look you in the eye. "i think you'll like it, i mean— i hope you do".

chenle hums, noting down your recommendation in his mind. "i'll make sure to read it then, thank you y/n, good night".

your eyes widen as you realize that it is indeed the middle of the night, and your conversation has to end eventually. "right right, it's no problem, good night your highness".

chenle frowns again at the sound of his title escaping your lips, but he doesn't say anything, just gives you a small smile and walks past you and towards the library.

he doesn't see you watch him walk away, he's much too busy thinking about how much he wants you to say his name.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT? YOU LOOK TIRED" THE WORRYING tone in his fiancée's voice doesn't breeze past chenle, but he pays it no mind, ignoring the question. yinuo blinks, clearly expecting the silence, chenle's mother did say he's prone to giving people the "cold shoulder". she sighs, reaching out to touch his shoulder but immediately pulling back, he probably wouldn't like that. "chenle.."

"i'm fine" chenle replies faster than he intends, he brushes off any dust that might be on his shoulder and rubs his right eye. "i just lost a few hours of sleep that's all" he states rather unconvincingly, but yinuo doesn't comment more, just sighs again.

chenle holds out his arm, which the princess quickly links with hers, an indescribable emotion in his eyes. "let's just get this over with.." he shakes his head, feeling a hand of support from his future wife run up and down his back. "the faster we get through with this the faster we both get out of here".

yinuo is happy to know chenle doesn't despise her, he's just not comfortable with her, and chenle, he really is trying his best, he might be coming off as rude, but he just isn't on board with this whole thing. "they're all so extra, making us do this.."

"right, the least they could do is make us enter at different times but no, we have to do this walk in together like were walking down the aisle".

chenle glances down at their linked arms, letting a sigh escape his lips as the two of them finally exit the room they had been put into together. starting their way off to the meeting room down the hall, chenle allows for his mind to wander, he can't be focused on his fiancée or upcoming marriage, he's much too focused on other things.

you, namely.

the crown prince can't focus on what's going on when the only thing prominent in his mind is you. yeah your exchange last night was a short one, but it was also a memorable one. after weeks of going back and forth with things that just didn't make sense, and a mind that was in a frenzy, just talking to you in the middle of the night was enough to relax chenle.

you two haven't been able to talk in the past few weeks.. evidently, chenle is a prince to be king who has to focus on ruling a kingdom and your a medic who has to focus on taking care of others. you two have no time to be friends now that you're adults, it doesn't help that chenle now has all this added pressure on him, and you clearly feel like he's become a stranger.

chenle guesses the.. power imbalance is what's driving this. he's apart of the royal family, a crown prince, set to take the crown and become king, your a commoner, someone who lives just above the poverty line, the only reason you're able to stay afloat is because you took up your mothers position as the palace's medic, but even then, you can almost barely take care of her.

chenle hates thinking about it, because the two of you used to be so close, an unbreakable pair, two boys who couldn't be separated even with the differences between you two. your ranks in society never bothered you, never disturbed your friendship, never disturbed you as a pair, it never mattered. he often finds himself reminiscing on those times, the times where he could see you without his mind listing everything he had to do after that.

"chenle? are you listening?"

chenle blinks out of his daze, arm still linked with yinuo's as he gazes at his future father in law. he pretends to not see the look of worry the woman on his arm sends him, clearing his throat. "yeah, my apologies".

"uh huh, my regards to you, i know the sudden.. passing of the king was hard on you, and we hope your grieving well".

so your throwing your daughter at me, how great. chenle laughs in his mind, tongue poking through his inner cheek, he already knew he wasn't going to like where this was going. "now, about the marriage—"

chenle tunes him out easily, letting out a silent sigh which his mother hears, sending him a glare from across the room as the breath escapes his lips. he doesn't pay any mind to the look from his mother, though he knows she's quickly getting annoyed with how he isn't paying attention.

the discussion is exactly how chenle thought it'd be, the parents discuss everything and just assume their children agree from the get go, they don't even bother asking them their thoughts, or even how they felt, they just threw them into this like they were some baby making machines.

chenle guesses it's just how the cycle goes, his parents had to go through this, and so did their parents before them, and their parents before them, and so on. this is how things work, chenle can't run away from his fate, even with how much he opposes this arrangement.

"and for children.." just the mention of children is enough to make both chenle and yinuo tense, but they both play it off as the cold of the room making them flinch. "you can decide how many you want, but more than one would be nice, and especially a son would be nice".

of course, chenle sings in his head. he wonders how much they'll have to drill that into their heads, some stupid importance men have or something. he glances at his fiancée, whose trembling in her place beside him. he places a gentle hand on her back. "it's alright, calm down" he whispers enough so that she can hear it over the chatter of her father and mother.

"this is not fun".

"yeah, tell me about it" the crown prince grits his teeth, his comment eliciting a small laugh out of the woman beside him. he has to admit, he does enjoy her company.

"ah, i see you two are getting along!"

upon hearing the remark, the two pause, an awkward silence spreading between them. they exchange a small glance before chenle clears his throat, speaking up. "yeah um.. this was a nice meeting, we can continue chatting about the marriage another time, we thank you for coming, the guards will escort you out".

though chenle smiles at his future in laws, he feels nothing but nauseous the whole time.

"WHERE ARE YOU HEADING, YOUR HIGHNESS?" THE QUESTION from kun isn't enough to make chenle stop in his tracks, and he continues his way down the hall. kun blinks as the younger ignores him, furrowing his eyebrows. he then lets out a sigh, letting his hands drop as his eyes stay pointed at the crown prince. "chenle? where are you going?" chenle still doesn't stop, but he seems to acknowledge the older this time.

"to the rose garden" he responds quickly, only getting another eyebrow furrow from the older. he finally stops, turning towards the other with a look that kun cannot exactly pinpoint at the current moment. "if you need me, i'll be there".

"is something wrong?"

chenle takes in a breath, gritting his teeth. curse qian kun for being so caring, curse him for always knowing when something's up. he's quick to shake his head, mustering the fakest of fake smiles. "nothing's wrong! i just need fresh air!"

kun blinks, totally not buying that horrible lie, but he doesn't say anything about it, just mutters a small "okay" and lets chenle be on his way. chenle didn't mean to lie to kun, he just doesn't know how to explain his feelings at the current moment.

so, he gives the older a small smile, turning on his heel and making a beeline towards the titular rose garden, the one that's given him so much comfort over these past few years. he doesn't know why just the presence of everyone in that room was enough to make him want to throw up, but his anxieties wouldn't settle, he can't bear to stay inside this castle much longer.

chenle has no idea why the feeling of suffocation is constantly overtaking him these days, but the walls are slowly pushing in on him, leaving him breathless and nothing more than a weak human vessel.

when chenle does finally step outside, met by a plethora of roses and the smell of pollen in the air, the pit in his stomach doesn't settle. instead of letting out a sigh of relief, he pauses in his tracks, allowing for his eyes to roam the area he'd grown to love as a child.

chenle sighs, not of relief, but sighs with another indescribable feeling he can't explain, walking up to a display of white roses. he knows they're sharp, your old warnings flash in his head as he stares at the pretty flowers before him, tracing them with his fingers as he's always done when in the rose garden.

"don't hurt yourself again, your highness".

it's when chenle hears you that he immediately jumps, but then he relaxes, slowly. what were the odds of this happening again? you seem to read his mind, because you chuckle at the expression which graces his features. chenle raises an eyebrow, a humored smile coming to his face. "you sure you actually have bandaids this time?"

the reference makes you snicker, looking down at the floor as you turn away from your childhood friend. you rummage through your pocket, finally pulling out a bandaid, one which wasn't present when you were seven and yelling for chenle to not touch the roses. "there you go, now you won't cut your finger".

for once today, chenle suddenly feels relaxed, it's always with you, isn't it? his mind notes that down, he'll remember it for later. he takes the bandaid from you, a smile coming to his face as the nostalgia settles on him. "thank you, you're always looking after everyone, you sure know how to do your job".

the words make you pause, but you don't look at chenle as you think of a response, instead turning to the white roses displayed in front of you. you lightly poke them, letting out a small hum of affirmation. "well, what kind of medic would i be if i didn't look out for others? i'd be an idiot to ever let our highness get hurt".

chenle's lips turn up, and he laughs in just the slightest, but he isn't sure why he laughs. there's just something about you that makes chenle feel at ease, you calm his worries without even having to do anything, it's not like he's even telling you about these worries either, but the anxiety he once felt seems to be nothing now.

spending time with you calms chenle, he wants to preserve as much of this time as possible.

"i started reading your recommendation" chenle suddenly blurts out, wanting to continue a conversation with you. he doesn't know how limited your time will be. "frenchman's creek.. i like it so far, it's an interesting choice, though".

you raise an eyebrow. "why's that?"

"i didn't peg you for an enjoyer of pirate romances" chenle shrugs, and he quickly looks away, not wanting to stare at you for too long, because he doesn't think he'd be able to look away.

"well i don't like limiting my interests to one genre, you'd know about that".

chenle blinks, the words striking him in a way only the words you say can. how do you always manage to do that? it's not really the words, it's just how you say them, even if you don't make your intentions clear, chenle always knows what you mean. "it always manages to surprise me, i'm not sure what's gonna happen next".

you click your tongue, a small smile coming to your face. "just so you know, it doesn't have a happy ending".

chenle gasps, overdramatizing the volume of his voice. "you're giving me spoilers? in the rose garden?" his words make you snicker, and you pick a white rose from the bush, unfazed by the thorns which slowly sink into your fingers.

"i didn't spoil anything specific" you finally turn back to chenle, twirling the rose between your fingers. "just told how it was gonna end up.." you mutter, stepping closer to chenle unconsciously. you look at up, suddenly anxious as ever. "may i?" you ask, motioning towards the rose with your eyes.

chenle blinks, his mind going blank for a few seconds. what do you want to do exactly? he gazes at your hands fidgeting on the stem of the flower, and the pieces slowly put themselves together in his brain. are you going to..? "i— yes, sure.."

you raise an eyebrow, not really trusting the seemingly hesitant consent chenle had given, but he clears his throat, reiterating it for you; "yes, you can".

upon hearing the answer, you step closer once again, placing the rose into his hair, your careful to not hurt chenle, and especially careful because you don't want the stem to get tangled in chenle's hair. "i.. i thought it'd look nice on you, and it does, you look— you look great".

chenle blinks, a sudden red hue coloring his cheeks. it's such a basic compliment, one he's been given many times by other people, but it feels different coming from you.

it's always different when it's with you.

chenle clears his throat, unable to prevent a smile from crossing his face. you don't look at him anymore, looking away to prevent yourself from burning up, but you allow for a smile to come to your face as you think about the action you just performed.

you have no idea why you're so giddy about this.

"oh um.." chenle pauses, laughing awkwardly. "thank you, that's very sweet".

"oh it's no problem i just— i uh, it compliments your hair".

chenle hums, looking down at the floor. he hopes you don't see his face burning, and you hope he doesn't see your face burning, it's such a hilarious thing, but you both are much too flustered to find your current circumstances amusing. "you have an eye for those things too?"

"well i have an eye for many things".

i can see that, chenle doesn't say that, though, just smiles at you. you only give him a mere glance, and a small smile yourself. "it was nice seeing you, ch— your highness" you notice how your correction makes chenle frown, but you continue. "i'll be off now, have a good day".

chenle only frowns again when he realizes your time together is over, he wants to continue the conversation, wants to try to use an excuse, wants to use his power to order you to stay, but he doesn't give into the desires he wants so badly, just nods. "oh uh, don't let me keep you here".

you chuckle. "i wouldn't really mind if you did".

the words have an unspoken affect on chenle, an affect that he can't exactly explain, but he can feel. he can feel it in the way his ears heat up and his stomach flips. "alright then, bye y/n".

"bye".

and as chenle watches you leave, the feeling of anxiety he'd entered the garden with seemed to wither away, dissolving away like it was nothing.

he thinks about your 'bye' for hours, unable to get the sound of your voice out of his bed.

"HOW HAVE YOU BEEN THESE DAYS?" CHENLE doesn't answer immediately, as always these days. he skims the row of books before him, fidgeting with the one in his hands. he's not ignoring his friend, he's just focused on other things. "fine" he responds, grunting as he lightly struggles to pull the book from the shelf, but he doesn't ask for help. he doesn't need help. "what's with that look?"

park jisung blinks at his longtime friend, raising a suspicious eyebrow at him. "you don't look fine".

chenle scoffs, suddenly feeling super defensive. he doesn't look at jisung anymore, the other is going to begin to annoy him if he keeps staring at him. "what do you know about looking fine?"

he hears jisung's sigh of defeat. "well i'm just concerned for you, we haven't talked in a while, you've been so busy preparing for your coronation and.. marriage".

chenle resists the urge to roll his eyes. "my coronation isn't for another three months, preparations have all been lackluster".

"and the marriage?"

chenle snaps his head towards jisung, giving him an indescribable look. jisung is quick to shut his mouth, not wanting to face chenle's terrifying wrath. the older prince glares dangerously at the younger, who chuckles awkwardly and scratches his hand. he doesn't have to say anything, but jisung knows he should probably change the subject.

"uh.. um, are you still friends with that medic kid?"

now that is a question chenle wasn't expecting. a question about you? when he snaps his head over at jisung for the second time, the younger almost freezes, noticing the pointed look in his eyes. "what?"

"y/n, the medic kid!" jisung reiterates, clearly thinking the issue is that chenle didn't hear him the first time. "his mom used to work here, right? is he still around?"

chenle narrows his eyes, puzzled at where jisung is trying to go with this.. question. he'd been dealt with a fair amount of teasing from his friend because of how much closer the two of you seemed, jisung often questioned how much of a "friend" you really were to chenle, but the older would always combat it with a glare and snappy insult as a response.

"yes he's still around.. he took over mrs. l/n's position".

jisung blinks dumbly. "oh? what happened to her?"

just the question is enough to put a sour taste in chenle's mouth. "she just couldn't go on any longer one day, she retired a few years ago and he took over her position".

"you don't know what happened to her?"

"y/n didn't tell me anything specific" chenle is beginning to get annoyed. he knows it's in jisung's nature to be curious like this but god, if he wanted to know these things so bad he could've just asked you. "just go ask him if you're so curious".

he hears a small "hmph" sound from jisung before the younger prince sounds again. "i will then! y/n! hey!"

chenle didn't actually think you'd be passing by the library at that exact moment, but you were. you pause, backtracking as you look into the library, blinking at the jumping prince before you. "uh— hi, your highness, what do you need me for?"

jisung is quick to chuckle, waving off your use of formalities. "please, there's no need to be so formal, were friends after all!"

you only respond with a small smile, giving chenle a mere glance. "i'm just doing what i'm supposed to, i can't call you by your name.."

"well right now, you're going to call me by my name" jisung demands, which makes you snicker. he really hasn't changed. you look down at the floor, hands picking at your nails. "your allowed to, right chenle?"

chenle was not expecting to be included in this conversation. is jisung reading his mind or something? how could he seem to tell exactly what chenle wanted to say? he feels his face heat up, but he isn't exactly sure why it does that. "i mean— yeah, yes, were friends".

jisung then turns back to you, a clear 'see?' expression on his face as he smiles in victory at chenle proving him right. you chuckle at chenle's response, smiling again, but it's much more directed at chenle this time. "fine then, jisung, what do you need me for?"

jisung then walks towards you, placing a hand on your shoulder (a hand chenle is suddenly laser focused on) almost as if to reassure you. "how have you been?"

your eyebrows furrow. it's not a weird question to ask, you just weren't expecting for him to ask a question. you share another confused glance with chenle, then snickering lightly. "fine.. i uh— i've just been trying my best, as always".

jisung hums, his finger going up to caress your cheek lightly, a finger which chenle again laser focuses on, he can't help but narrow his eyes at jisung, wondering what the hell is he doing?

"uh huh, and how's your mother?"

at the mere mention of your mother, you seem to go still, pausing as you let jisung's question simmer into the air. you try your best to collect your words, opening your mouth to speak, but then you close it, as if wanting to keep your thoughts to yourself.

chenle picks up on your sudden silence, as if he could feel your heightened anxieties, he speaks up; "are you alright, y/n?" he asks, concern lacing his tone as he sees the worry in your eyes as you think about your mother.

you snap out of your little daze, clearing your throat as you nod. "yeah yeah, i uh— i'm fine, mom is.. she's doing okay".

"okay?"

"she's sick" you blurt quickly, fingers fidgeting at shirt collar. "but she's doing much better now, i'm taking care of her and everything.." you look away from the two royals, scratching your cheek out of habit.

"oh, oh my god i didn't know she was sick" jisung realizes how awkward he made the situation. "um, i wish her the best".

chenle doesn't say anything, he sees the way you glance around the room, desperately trying to think about everything else. "yeah, tell her i said hi" he states immediately, and you finally stop looking around the room to look at chenle, he notices that look in your eyes, the one where it seems like your about to cry, but you're holding in your tears.

even with all that, you smile at chenle, as if his words had healed you in some way. "i'll make sure to do that, i uh.. i have to go now, i don't want for anyone to die while i stand here".

jisung's eyes widen, and he gasps. "right! go go, you have a job to do, sorry for holding you up" you dismiss his words with a wave, jisung is still so cute, as cute as he was when you were children.

"it's fine really, you actually kind of made my day".

"well i'm happy that i could!"

you smile again at jisung, then smile lightly at chenle, who almost wants to jump towards you and trap you in a tight hug. "thank you, your hi— jisung" you quickly correct yourself, clearing your throat. "i'll see you some other time, and you chenle, i'll see you later".

chenle allows for himself to go red at the words, what do you mean by later? he tries his best to register the words, and the fact that you just called him by his name after what seems like forever, but he doesn't say anything, even though he feels jisung's gaze burning holes into his head. "later? yeah, later".

chenle has no idea why he agreed.

it's you, that's why he agreed.

WHEN CHENLE FINDS HIMSELF SLEEPLESS AGAIN that very night, he doesn't even think before raising out of his bed and deciding he was going to go to the library. he stares at the copy of frenchman's creek on his desk, mind immediately flashing with thoughts of you. he feels the structure of the book cover with his finger, blinking as he weighs his options for a moment. he could go back to sleep, but he could also go to the library and entertain himself with more literature.

"i already got up anyway.." chenle mutters to himself, grabbing the book on his desk and the situated lamp on his desk. he doesn't mind the chills which course through his body, though it's cold, the cold is no longer a bother to him, he's much too busy thinking about books (and you) anyway..

when chenle leaves his room, he notices the halls aren't as dark as they were the other time he walked them when he went to the library the other night. he blinks into the halls, the air practically pushing against him the moment he leaves his room. chenle allows for himself to let out a weary breath, no one is around to watch him be vulnerable anyway.

as he steps out of his room, the floor of the old structure creaking under his feet, he feels a breeze of cold air rush past him, but for some unknown reason, he doesn't shiver.

chenle doesn't allow for himself to stand by and simply breath any longer, so, he takes himself down the hallway, his feet leading him to his familiar place of solace (well second most at least). he notices how the hallway seems to be more lit, he could see torches as he passed through the long corridors, eyes trained on the paintings which situated themselves on the walls.

there have always been paintings decorating the walls, paintings which dictate the many generations of the zhong family. chenle watched as a kid as an artist was appointed to paint him, father, and mother, a new painting to place on the timeline of the zhong dynasty which would extend across the entire palace.

as chenle spends more time thinking about it, it dawns on him, he's going to be displayed on the wall in a painting one day as the king. one day he's going to have to sit down with yinuo and their inevitable child as an artist uses several colors on a canvas to create a painting of the next zhong generation, and his eventual child is going to have to walk past it every time they make it through this expanse of a hallway.

chenle used to enjoy staring at the paintings, used to love watching the process of paintings being created, but now, with father gone, chenle can't bring himself to glance at the painting situated on the wall without feeling nauseous. every time he tries to look at it, a silent breath has to escape his lips, or else he feels like he's going to collapse onto the floor.

he developed a habit of speed walking past the final portrait in the hallway after fathers passing, he could never look at his face again after having to watch the life slowly fade away from his eyes. he can't even look at a photograph of his father anymore without wanting to throw up everywhere.

when chenle makes it to the library, having walked very fast past the last painting in the hallway, he pushes open the doors immediately, wanting so badly to escape the suffocating hallway.

when chenle does make it into the room, he's quick to close the door behind him, but he startles when he notices that someone else is in the room. he blinks and narrows his eyes at the figure in the room, then, he relaxes as he quickly realizes who it is.

it's you.

chenle feels himself calm in just the slightest upon knowing it's you in the room and not some other staff member. it's not that chenle has anything against the other staff, it's just.. it's different with you.

how many times does his mind have to conjure that up as an excuse?

chenle ignores the reprimanding voice, it's one he vaguely recognizes, it's not his voice, it's a distant voice that he thinks he could recognize if he focused hard enough.

but he can't, because you notice him, seemingly reading his thoughts as you turn back to make eye contact with the crown prince. "hi".

"hi" chenle replies easily, it's awkward, of course it's awkward, it's the middle of the night. his eyes dart away from yours, immediately scouring the library. you allow for yourself to snicker at his lack of attention on you, and he notices, now staring dead at you. "what?"

"nothing nothing" you mutter, dismissing it with a wave of your hand. chenle wants to ask about it, but he doesn't, just looks down at the floor. "how was it?"

"huh?"

"the book" you clarify, glancing down at the copy of frenchman's creek chenle has in his hands. chenle quickly feels his face heat up, of course you were referring to the book, what else would you be talking about? the air in the room? his walk down the halls? how he's doing? you patiently wait for his answer, flipping through a book in your hands as you let out a sigh.

"oh uh— it's a surprise, that's for sure, i didn't expect to enjoy it as much as i did, i didn't enjoy the ending, though".

you raise an eyebrow, but a smile comes to your face. "why not?"

chenle finally unfreezes and steps closer to you, the book tucked in his arms as he stands beside you, your shoulders lightly brushing against each other. your eyes finally gaze over at his, and when the two of you make eye contact, it's brief. chenle blinks, and he allows for his lips to turn up, he thinks you look very pretty in this moment, the lighting of the library emphasizing your features.

beautiful, he's beautiful, chenle, a voice sings in his head, a voice which is, again, familiar, but he can't exactly determine who it is.

"i wanted dona and jean to get their happy ending, i was rooting for them".

you hum, seemingly expecting that answer, your eyes shift towards the shelf before you, focused on the books which litter it. "well, i like to think it's realistic, it's not often that people get their happy endings, even if they do deserve it".

chenle takes in your words, it seems like such a you thing to say. "i would've preferred if they did have a happy ending, though, it's why i read fiction in the first place".

"you read fiction because..?"

"it's like an escape from reality".

the words make you pause, and for a second, chenle thinks he must've said something wrong, he can't read the look on your face. he blinks up at you, your silence taking him off guard. "i mean, i guess that makes sense".

you seem to want to say something else, you seem to have a lot of thoughts on your mind, but you don't disclose any of them, just smile. "so, did you like the book?..your highness".

you hesitated before saying it, and chenle knows you wanted to say his name, but you stopped yourself, as always. he feels his gut curl in an uncomfortable way, and he clears his throat.

"y/n?"

"yes?"

chenle takes a deep breath. "were friends" he states immediately, and he notices the way you begin to avoid his eyes, looking everywhere but at him. "were friends, we've known each other since we were seven, you can call me by my name".

the truthful statement makes you pause, and you begin to scour your mind for excuses. "i can't call you by your name, your a noble and i'm a—"

"that's an order".

your mouth closes immediately, you can't argue with that, you can't really argue with anything chenle says. chenle seems pleased by his victory, a small smile showing on his face. you quickly scoff, turning your head away from your childhood friend. "of course you can just do that".

"i just.. it doesn't matter if you work here, your my friend, you can call me by my name".

"alright then, your— chenle, did you like the book?"

chenle chuckles lightly, oh he loves the way you say his name. he remembers when you were younger, you'd always pronounce his name wrong, it frustrated you so much that you would just call him 'le' instead of his full name.

"i did, it was an enjoyable book, the plot made me crave more, i just.. i can't believe it ended like that".

"your still mad about it?"

"yes i'm mad about it! i need my happy ending for my pirate love story!"

you giggle at his words, you giggle, chenle can't believe it. he just made you giggle, in the dead of night, in the palace library, he made you giggle. you take the book away from his hands, placing it back between the other books in the romance section. "sadly, most love stories don't end that way".

chenle sighs, clicking his tongue. "i hate when that happens, i'd like to have just a little hope that true love actually works in the end.."

you chuckle again, shaking your head. "i never thought you'd be a fan of happy endings and stuff like that".

chenle raises an eyebrow, puzzled by the words. "why's that?" he asks, sounding just the slightest bit offended at the statement. you blink, and he guesses that you notice his tone of offense. you find it humorous, and chenle furrows his eyebrows this time.

"i don't know, i guess you struck me as the kind of person who'd enjoy bittersweet endings, you know, you seem to enjoy tragic love stories".

"i do enjoy tragic love stories" chenle makes sure to emphasize his point, and he quickly looks away from you. "but i also like when they have good endings, sometimes, love stories need their happy endings".

"that's cute" you comment, and chenle allows for a smile to come to his face. you didn't call him cute, per se, but it's still enough to make his cheeks go red. he should not be flustered, that's ridiculous, that's— he can't be flustered.

you don't mind his silence, instead walking over to another shelf to see what other books are there. chenle pokes his tongue against his inner cheek, watching you intently. the red dusting his cheeks doesn't go away, it just seems to amplify as you have your back towards him. "it's cute?"

"yeah, i can see where you're coming from, not all love stories need to be.. realistic, if it makes you feel better when the lovers have a happy ending, than who am i to judge?"

chenle rocks back and forth on his heels, letting out a small hum at your words. "so you're the kind of guy who enjoys tragic love stories with horrible endings?"

"on most occasions, yes".

you seem to finally find a book that you'll enjoy, because you pick one from the shelf and turn back to chenle. "so how are you feeling?"

"what?"

you merely glance at chenle, than glance back down at the book in your hands and read the synopsis on the back of it. "how are you feeling these days? you have a lot of new things being stacked on you now, you must be stressed out".

chenle allows for his jaw to drop in just the slightest, it's not like people don't ask him about how he feels, it's that he can't believe you noticed the mini battle he was having with himself. he can't believe you would even be concerned about how he was feeling, he felt like most people wouldn't care about what he was going through anyway.

"oh it's.." chenle pauses, truly not being able to actual formulate coherent words. "well it's a lot, but nothing i haven't been taught how to handle by father".

your face forms into an unreadable expression, one chenle hates because he doesn't exactly know what kind of expression it is. "they prepare you for things like this?"

"well.. mostly, but even with all the excessive lessons, it all kinds of goes to my head and makes my head spin, sometimes it feels like the palace is suffocating me, taking the air out of my lungs and leaving me helpless, sometimes— i don't know, i feel like i'm being swallowed by some horrible force which just wants to make me suffer, i'm not sure why i feel like this really but—"

chenle stops, clearing his throat as he quickly averts his gaze from yours. he has no idea where that vomit of words came from, but he feels if he continues talking, he's going to say something that he'll regret. you don't answer immediately, so chenle decides to speak up once again. "i'm sorry, i have no idea where that came from it's just.. i don't know, pretend i didn't say anything".

"don't apologize, it's good to talk about things like that once in a while, bottling everything up will just overwhelm you even more".

"it's just, i don't talk to people about things like this".

"why not?"

chenle shrugs, not really sure how to answer that question. "i feel they're sort of..unnecessary, i know i can't control how i feel but my feelings have never really felt important in most situations".

"they're important to me".

the words make chenle pause, his ears reddening and a sputter in his voice as he tries his best to respond to that statement. the words are so simple, but they have such a lasting effect on the crown prince that he can't really respond to them. you care, you care, he cares! that one inner voice screams in his head. he feels his heart begin beating sporadically, it's.. god he's so grateful for you. "oh.. uh, really?"

you smile, chuckling softly. "yeah they are, you shouldn't ever feel like they aren't".

chenle feels his stomach flip, you're so sweet. "i.. thank you, y/n".

chenle hopes you don't notice his red face as you spend the rest of the night conversing about several kinds of literature.

"ARE YOU NERVOUS?" CHENLE MAKES THE MISTAKE OF taking a weary breath when that question is asked. he hears the chuckle of amusement sound from his fiancée's lips, and he allows for a small smile to show on his face. "no" he responds, clearly lying, but yinuo doesn't seem to catch it, as he begins to pick at the fabric of her dress. he turns to her, noticing the clear anxiety she displays.

"i am" she responds, putting on her gloves and rubbing a scar on her knuckles. "i've never really been a big fan of.. crowds" she states, her tone exhibiting disgust as she says the word 'crowds'. chenle has been able to pick up on her habits pretty easily, he has spent much more time with her these days after all.

chenle hums at the response, he gets it, even as he grew up having to get used to these kinds of events, it never got easier. the pit in his stomach would often never cease, that nauseating feeling only heightened, and he could just barely mask the anxious expression on his face. "i get that, they're all too loud".

"i mean, do they really care about us that much? they can't just wait until the wedding.."

the sentence makes chenle snicker as he notices the mere irritation in her tone. "they all just want something to do, i guess" he mutters, pulling his sleeve over his wrist and repeating a reassuring mantra in his head.

it's nothing you haven't done before, chenle, just get it over with, and you'll be fine. chenle thinks if he focuses enough, he can hear his father's voice repeating the mantra to him in his head.

he caresses his wrist lightly, settling in the air of the room. he can hear the faint sound of people cheering outside, and just the sound is enough to make his stomach begin flipping, the anxiety is already heightening. "all that just to see us?"

"they want to see how in love we can look".

"seems unnecessary".

"it is unnecessary".

chenle laughs again, finally walking over to his fiancée and linking their arms together. he sighs, looking down at the floor. "you sure you're not nervous?" she asks once again, raising a curious eyebrow as she notices chenle's change in behavior.

"okay maybe i am a little nervous but that's besides the point".

yinuo laughs, humored by chenle's blatant honesty. he simply gives a small smile, turning to the door of the room and letting out another small breath. they have to face a crowd, a crowd of people who are here to see them and celebrate their totally real love, a crowd who are there to watch as they are confirmed future husband and wife, they're going to get married and have children that go on to take the throne, they have to look in love, they have to.. act in love.

chenle doesn't know how in love he can look, he might get too overwhelmed and throw up right then and there. just the idea of having to do all of this is enough to make him want to cry, and he never thought he'd ever think that, because he doesn't cry, he shouldn't cry, father taught him that enough through ear shattering yells and broken glass.

he hates feeling vulnerable, but in a moment like this, having to mask his feelings in front of a crowd of people who don't know any better, who probably don't care, vulnerability is his one true feeling.

he closes his eyes, taking another deep breath as he tries his best to ignore the anxiety settling upon him.

"chenle!"

chenle snaps out his anxious daze at the shout of his name, recognizing the voice as kun, who he remembers he forgot to greet this morning, as he was in a rush.

but it's not just kun, it's also you, and chenle almost falls to the floor and dies right then and there. kun has his fingers wrapped around your wrist, there's a smile on his face (and yours, chenle thinks your smile is so so pretty). "oh, hi kun, y/n".

look at both of them, chenle, not just y/n.

but for once, chenle doesn't listen to the reprimanding voice in his head.

he doesn't even check how in love with you he must look, just a few seconds ago he was freaking out over how he was supposed to look in love with the woman beside him, but he has no problem looking in love with you.

but he doesn't exactly realize that, too busy admiring you clear as day.

"i— we just wanted to wish you good luck" kun nudges you lightly, and you let out a small laugh as you look away nervously, a red hue tinting your cheeks as you avoid chenle's eyes. "both of you, your highness" he adds, bowing lightly at yinuo and nudging you so you can do the same.

yinuo just smiles, lightly laughing, but chenle is stuck in place, mesmerized by you and.. just you. "thank you, i have to say, everyone here is insanely sweet, i feel welcome".

"well that's my job, i can't have any future queens feeling uncomfortable".

the statement from kun makes you snort, and you shove him in the shoulder. you look away from him to glance at chenle, who is still lost in his mind, you furrow your eyebrows as you watch the cogs in his brains turn, what is he thinking so hard about?

"chenle" you call out.

seemingly snapping out of the trip inside of his mind, chenle looks up at you, hoping it isn't obvious that he's affected by your soft calling of his name. "good luck" you reiterate, a small whisper seemingly shared between only the two of you.

chenle feels his face heat up immediately, eyes widening at the sight of your pretty smile. "thank you, both of you, thank you".

chenle doesn't look over at yinuo when she gives him a weird look.

"right! again, good luck! y/n and i have to go do something right y/n?"

you seem to be puzzled by that comment, chenle determines that by the way your eyebrows furrow. "what? but i thought we were supposed to—"

"alright! good luck you two come on y/n let's go!" kun gives a quick smile and grabs your wrist again to drag you away from the newly engaged couple, who watch as you two make your way down the hall towards another part of the palace.

"weird.." chenle mutters.

"so what was that?" yinuo is quick to ask, making chenle snap his head towards her, clearly not expecting for her to ask him a question.

"what was what?"

"that, chenle" she reiterates, alluding to the little (not so little) lovesick gaze chenle had trained on you for that whole interaction. it's clear that, even with how chenle didn't check the adoration he was staring at you with, she definitely did. "you looked so smitten".

chenle allows for his expression to form into one of shock, what does she mean by that? what the fuck does she mean by that? that makes no sense, it's not like he's in love with you or anything, that would be absurd! that would be—

that wouldn't be entirely out of the picture, think about yourself chenle, the most shocking thing here would be you having no romantic feelings for him.

chenle is about to punch himself in the face for having such thoughts.

"i have no idea what your talking about".

"chenle, i know i don't know you personally like that, but i have never seen you look at someone like you look at him! what is his name? y/n? he has to have you under a spell or something, you were mesmerized".

chenle wants to say that those words are stupid, he wants to spit out some quick rebuttal and have them be on their way, but he can't muster up a coherent excuse for what she just described. how is he supposed to argue with that?

"well, y/n does know how to keep people on the hook".

"seems you enjoy being kept on the hook".

the statement makes chenle pause, and he feels his face burn once again, not at the words, but just at the thought of you, god he misses your presence already, is that weird to say? he's glad he doesn't say it out loud.

"it doesn't matter anyway, what am i supposed to do? tell him about it? not with how everything is turning out.. were getting married in a few months".

"but you're not in love with me" yinuo replies, she's sure of her words, she just knows, chenle almost feels like she's reading his mind. "you want him".

"i can't have him" chenle states as if it's a matter of fact, and it's true, he can't have you. it makes his heart hurt, the idea that even with how much he feels for you, how different it is with you, and how he's had these indescribable feelings for you since he was like eleven, he can't have you.

chenle can't run from his fate, the last thing he wants to do is break the rules, challenge a system that's been in place for pretty much decades at this point.

"you're not going to break the rules for true love?"

chenle just lets a disappointed sigh escape his lips, his stomach flips uncomfortably and he feels his head begin spinning, this topic makes him want to die in the worst way possible. "true love doesn't exist" he states rather harshly. god, he sounds like father, if seven year old chenle heard himself now, he'd grimace at the words and scowl at his new nature.

his heart aches as he utters those words, he can't help but think about you as he says those words.

good god, he feels so helpless.

"MOTHER, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?" NINE YEAR OLD CHENLE liked to ask questions. chenle has always liked to ask questions, being curious is in his nature, it's just that unlike jisung, he's less annoying about it. when this question popped into his nine year old brain, he knew there was no way he could ever ask father about it, he'd never be able to come back from it. mother has always been much more understanding, even with the stubborn statements she often spouted.

"yes you can, chenle".

"are.. well, can a noble and a commoner ever end up together?"

the question received silence from his mother, who, though she had previously been humming to a pleasant tune, seemed to freeze at even the idea of that question. the nine year old prince watched as his mother's face did at least seven expression changes in a matter of seconds. "could you elaborate on that question, dear?"

"can royalty marry non-royalty? could i ever be with someone who isn't royal like me?"

the reason nine year old chenle was so interested in asking this question was because of something kun had mentioned to him, about one of his cousins marrying into a royal family far far away. it got his mind turning in ways only a child's mind can, he never knew that could happen, he had grown to think that he would just end up with any other princess but could he really have a different fate? could he really change his future?

seeing as how things have gone now.. no, he couldn't.

"it depends on how it goes down, chenle".

"has it ever happened before?"

"of course it has happened" his mother finally answered, and the curious young prince allowed for his eyes to widen comically. oh he was so interested now. "in most scenarios when it does happen the commoner becomes a royal".

"i thought that was outlawed".

that statement got a laugh out of his mother, which made the nine year old blink dumbly. "it can't be outlawed, chenle, that would be ridiculous".

"so could i be with someone of a different class?"

"well, it depends on how it all works out".

chenle blinked again, the wording of the sentence confusing the young prince even more. "would father ever approve of something like that?"

she then went silent again, turning away from chenle to gaze at the bright blue sky. "i'm.. not sure, you know how unpredictable he is".

"well that's why i didn't ask him this".

another chuckle sounded from his mother, and at nine years old, chenle didn't know what was more shocking, knowing that he could possibly not have to be forced into a marriage with a princess from a faraway kingdom, or knowing that his mother didn't really have an issue with that.

too bad he didn't try to use any of that childlike courage to get his point about this marriage across.

when the little parade celebrating his marriage is over, chenle finds himself immediately on his way somewhere. he doesn't know exactly where he was going, his feet seem to have control over themselves, and he can't exactly stop himself from walking.

oh, he knows where he's going.

his feet lead him to a familiar place, your office. throughout that whole.. gathering thing or whatever, he couldn't stop thinking about you. he usually can't stop thinking about you these days, just talking to you is enough to entertain his mind for weeks, surely that can't be normal, right?

"y/n?"

chenle's sudden call startles you, seeing as how you jump from your previous position at the sound of it. he just sort of stands there awkwardly, allowing for you to compose yourself as you smile at him. oh you're smile is so pretty, chenle could stare at it for hours. "oh lord, you scared me! your highness".

chenle doesn't even register the title, just gives a small smile. "sorry i'm just.." he pauses, trying to collect his words. "i don't know, actually, i just kind of came here on a whim" he shrugs, looking down at the floor and not straight at you.

you simply let out a silent chuckle, turning back to your desk and going back to packing. chenle blinks, biting down on his bottom lip as he clears his throat. "oh really? is something bothering you?"

chenle allows for himself to look up again, your back is turned now anyway, so you can't see his rapidly reddening face. "a lot is bothering me, really, it feels like i can't do anything these days without feeling like the world is slowly tearing me apart limb by limb".

"well that's certainly a way to explain your feelings" chenle can't tell how you feel about the whole thing from the tone of your voice, it's something that makes him worry, because he's anxious your making fun of him and he won't be able to tell.

much to his own surprise, you turn around and step towards him. "are you feeling alright? like— physically at least?" you ask, tilting your head to the side to get a better look at him. just your eyes on him is enough to have chenle's stomach doing cartwheels, he hopes you don't notice how flustered he is, that would be extremely embarrassing.

"yeah i'm not dying or anything i'm just.. i'm overwhelmed".

well you'd expect that from someone like chenle, someone in such a position of power. chenle is a crown prince set to be king, he's getting married in a few months (that fact makes your heart hurt for a reason you can't explain), he's the next ruler of the zhong dynasty, of course he is feeling overwhelmed.

"ah well that's expected" you laugh lightly. "you have no symptoms though?"

is my clearly reddening face a symptom? my fluttering stomach? my seemingly labored breathing? why can't you tell i'm madly in love with you yet!?

the screaming voice in his head is just as annoyed as chenle is at his current circumstances. you narrow your eyes as you stare at him, and for a moment, chenle thinks you might be reading his mind, but he quickly dismisses such thoughts because that's ridiculous.

"no, no symptoms, i'm alright".

you seem to want to ask for more reassurance, but you don't, instead shutting your mouth and smiling at chenle. "good, i can't have you dying".

"you'd never let me die".

"you're right about that".

chenle looks down at the floor, determined to not make eye contact with you. "where are you heading?"

chenle only realizes then that you're packing your stuff, he didn't even note it down when he stepped into the room and saw that you were doing it, he was much more focused on just beginning a conversation with you, he was much more focused on talking than observing.

you hum, giving him a mere glance then looking back down to the small set of items you were packing. "i'm going to visit my mother".

chenle blinks, the words coming as a small surprise to him. "why? is she alright?"

you quickly glance back up to give him a reassuring smile. "just doing a routine check up, and it's nice to visit your mother once in a while, i need to make sure she's doing well".

chenle responds with a small 'ah', watching as you continue to pack, he feels his stomach churn uncomfortably once again, if he stays in this castle any longer, he might die from the walls which seem to slowly be pushing the air out of his lungs.

"can i come?"

chenle has no idea where that came from, it's like he had no control over his own thoughts or words, he blurted that out in a moment of vulnerability, a moment of.. wanting. he can't stay here any longer, he might die. you now fully look at him and furrow your eyebrows, clearly as puzzled as chenle is by the words. "what?" you chuckle lightly, and chenle feels his face burn immediately.

"i'm sorry, i don't even know where that came from i'll g—"

"no no you can.." you pause for a moment, collecting your words. "you can tag along if you want to i just— i don't know, you can leave the castle?"

"well yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to take me with you i don't even know why i asked that in the first place".

"chenle" you say softly, and just you saying his name like that has chenle's knees feeling weak. how did he deny his feelings for you for so long when you have him feeling like this? he's almost positive you can notice how flustered he is now. "if you want to come visit her with me, you can".

chenle stares at you for what seems like years (in his eyes), contemplating whether he should take your offer. your basically holding your hand out to him, begging for him to take it, for him to intertwine his fingers with yours. how could he ever turn down such a proposition?

"i— okay".

"okay? so you'll accompany me?"

"yeah, yes yes! i will" he replies much too enthusiastically for his own liking, you seem to catch on, as you laugh at his sudden shout. if your laugh wasn't so pretty chenle would've immediately turned away and replied with some snappy rebuttal.

"nice" you whisper, finally finishing your packing. chenle watches you intently, he can't exactly speak at the moment. luckily, you speak up once again. "we have to do something, though".

"what?"

you catch chenle's puzzled expression, and you laugh once again. "a disguise, just so you don't cause an uproar while we go visit my mother".

for the first time this whole entire day, chenle lets out a small laugh, amused by the words which escape your lips. "were gonna sneak around?"

you snicker, looking down at the floor. oh you're adorable, chenle shouts it out in his head, he can't tell you face to face so he'll shout it there.

"yeah, guess you could say that".

though he's just the slightest bit skeptical, chenle trusts you, and a smile crosses his face.

CHENLE DIDN'T REALLY THINK HE'D HAVE as much fun as he does sneaking into the village with you. well it's not really sneaking, you live here, you've grown up here, you just had to put him in some totally not suspicious cloak so that he doesn't draw attention when you make it outside of the castle. he almost fell on his face when you dragged him out of the palace gates, because of the way you dragged him, and because you started holding his hand.

chenle feels like a girl obsessing over a boy crush, just you holding his hand is enough to make him begin overthinking the whole thing in his head. according to you, you had to hold his hand to make things seem more natural, but he suspects that you're lying because of how red your face is as you try to avoid eye contact with him.

chenle has only really been to the village a few times in his whole life, though he's had his fair share of experiences here as a child, he never got to stop and observe his surroundings, much too busy trying to settle his anxiety while watching all of the people in the crowd burn holes into his head with their stares.

chenle has always been fascinated by the lives of others, whether it be the stories kun told of the urban legends village kids would spread, or the many times he begged the staff to take him on carriage rides throughout the kingdom as a child. he likes seeing situations through other people's eyes, the life of citizens who don't live as royalty seems like nothing far from the fictional stories he reads in the books in the library.

"you almost pulled off my arm, that was totally suspicious!" chenle whisper-yells, but it's not a shout of seriousness, it's playful, the beginning of a banter.

"oh i'm sorry your highness! do you need medical attention?"

chenle feigns an offensive gasp at the sarcastic comment from you, which results in nothing but a snicker from you as you nudge him with your shoulder. he caresses the back of your hand with his thumb unconsciously, ignoring his clearly heating cheeks as he performs the action.

"do you still live in the same place you grew up?"

"hm? oh yeah, we could never really afford to get another place, it's become a super comforting place for me.."

"ah, i see".

chenle admires your face for much longer than he was supposed to, and if you notice, you don't seem to care enough to comment on it.

chenle allows for his eyes to roam freely around the expanse of a town. it's a pretty place, even with how tiny it seems, he feels much more relaxed here than in the large palace he grew to know as a home, the palace was really in the middle of nowhere, no fellow citizens around for him to make connections with or whatever. this town is the clear definition of community, the kind of place where everyone knows everyone.

"oh y/n! y/n!"

chenle startles from his thoughts when a shout rings in his ears, you snap your head towards the figure, a figure chenle can tell you recognize because you give them a smile, he opts to stay silent in this interaction. "hi tao, how is ying doing?"

the man smiles brightly at you, pulling you into an abrupt hug, making your fingers slip from chenle's. you squeak as he squeezes you in his arm, but you manage a smile, resisting the urge to glare at chenle as he silently snickers at your suffering. "she's recovering well! thank you so much, i don't know how i could ever repay you!"

"there's no need to" you smile softly again, finally able to remove yourself from his crushing grip, you rub your aching arm and awkwardly chuckle. "i just enjoy helping others, i'm glad she's feeling better, tell her i said hi".

"will do! thank you so much!"

the guy gives one last smack on your shoulder before walking off, and chenle has to resist the urge to laugh loudly as you wince from the strong grip who had been squeezing you to death with that hug.

"are you enjoying my misery, your highness?"

chenle can barely contain his laugh as he looks over at you, being met with your deadpanned gaze. he looks down at the floor to stop his giggling, making you frown. "no, it was just too hilarious not to laugh at".

"uh huh, you're sooo funny".

though you were clearly irritated by chenle's laughing fit, you only softly smiled at him trying to hide his laughter. you reach over to take his hand once again, just playfully glaring at him. "yeah continue laughing at my suffering, we still have to make it to my mother's house".

chenle, again, gets jolted forward by a strong tug on his hand, but he doesn't say anything more, just snickers as he sees the pure dedication in your eyes. he smiles as he sees the look in your eye, you're just so adorable.

when you abruptly stop, chenle bumps into you, and your fingers slip from his, an action which makes him frown in just the slightest. he likes holding your hand, he has no idea why, but he does.

you begin digging through your bag for your house key, and chenle simply watches, listening to you hum the tune of a song, one you always hum the tune to whenever you find yourself bored. "here" you whisper, victorious in your search for your keys. you quickly unlock the door and gesture for chenle to follow you in with nothing but the tilt of your head, he silently steps into your childhood home, a comforting feeling in the air as he closes the door behind him.

while you drop your bag onto a nearby table and begin looking through it again, chenle slowly removes the cloak he had been wearing as he observes his surroundings.

the place is nice, small, but nice. it has a comfortable sort of air that makes chenle want to immediately relax, it's not the fanciest place, or the biggest place, but it's a home, a comfortable, quiet home. chenle would love to live here, maybe in another life, a life where he doesn't end up born into a highly respected royal family, he just gets to live like this, it's a place that seems to bring a feeling of solace.

chenle glances over at you, your eyebrows furrowed as you continue going through your bag. you seem to sense his eyes, because you glance up at him and you meet his eyes. you blink, then glance over at a door across the room. "you can go see her if you want".

chenle awkwardly chuckles as he glances at the door your eyes were on, he then glances back at you. "i— can you come with me?"

chenle just wants to stay around you.

you stare puzzled for a moment, but you don't question it, you leave your bag alone and gesture for chenle to follow you to your mother's room. chenle stays silent the whole way there, noticing the way your mood changes as you step closer to the door.

you knock on the door. "mom?"

when you open the door, you peak your head through, a small chuckle escaping your lips as you hear her say something. "yes yes i know, i'll remember to tell her, i brought a guest".

chenle slowly peaks from behind you, giving your mother a small smile. "hello" he greets softly.

your mother gasps, sitting up in her bed. "zhong chenle?"

chenle lightly chuckles, looking down at the floor, you nudge him with your shoulder. "oh my goodness, you've grown so much! come here give me a hug!"

chenle is almost surprised, he was afraid she was going to have a bad reaction to his presence, but she was much more excited to see him than he thought she would be. you push chenle into her room, motioning for him to fulfill your mothers wish.

she quickly wrapped her arms around him when he got close enough to her. her hugs are still as warm as he remembers, he almost wants to hug her forever and never let go. "how are things going these days? i wanted to go to that little parade of yours but y/n forbid me from doing so!"

"because you were vomiting all morning, i wasn't going to risk it".

she pulls away from the hug to grab both of chenle's hand, smiling softly at him. the smile reminiscent of the smiles she would share with him in the hallways of the palace when she used to work there. "you always worry so much" she raises an eyebrow at you before turning back to chenle. "how have you been these days?"

chenle smiles at her, noticing you leave the room, but too focused on answering the question from your mother to follow you. "i've been good, just a little stressed from everything happening lately".

her eyes widen again, and she nods excessively. "right! your getting married soon! how are you feeling about the whole thing?"

chenle's face falls just a little bit, but he quickly reverts back to a smile, not wanting to worry her with a random frown crossing his face. "it's all.. new, it'll take some time to get used to but i know i can get through it".

the older woman smiles at him, seemingly liking those words. "that's good, i'm glad you're still friends with y/n, he missed you".

chenle blinks, the words surprising him. "he missed me?"

your mother chuckles at the question. "yes he did, i remember watching the two of you run around the castle together as children, i was afraid the friendship wouldn't last, when i first resigned, y/n said he feared you two would drift apart".

chenle almost gasps at the information he receives. were you really worried about that? for the longest time he felt like such a bad friend because he began having no time for you as the two of you grew up, yeah that's what happens as people get older but he'd always see the flash of disappointment in your eyes when he had to be dragged away for another stupid royal meeting.

"i didn't know he felt that way, it's getting much more difficult to get him alone with everything going on".

"i heard you two are beginning to talk more, he always comes to me so giddy about it these days".

chenle is again surprised by the information he hears, a small laugh of disbelief escapes his lips at the words. "really?"

"yeah, he came freaking out over you two talking about books, books! you make him so happy, chenle".

the words strike chenle like a slap in the face, it's just so shocking to him he stands with his mouth agape for much longer than he'd like to admit. his face burns at the fact, at the idea that pops into his brain.

the idea that you might feel the same.. that you might reciprocate his feelings.

he swears smoke is going to begin pouring out of his ears from how heated his face has become.

"i'm glad i could do that, y/n is truly a blessing, i don't know what i'd do without him".

chenle thinks those must've been his truest words today, a look into what's really going on in his head, a look into how he really feels.

god it's always with you isn't it?

"it was nice seeing you again, mrs. l/n, i'm glad your recovering well".

at the word 'recovering', the older woman suddenly tenses, an anxious look in her eye as she looks away from the crown prince. "right, yes, thank you for visiting, chenle, it was nice seeing you too".

chenle smiles at your mother, nodding. "i'll leave you be now".

chenle slips his hands from hers, smiling one more time before leaving her room, gently closing the door behind him. he turns around and looks over at you, your still rummaging through your back, but chenle can tell you aren't looking for something, you seem to be trying to distract yourself.

"y/n?" chenle calls out, seemingly against his own will, because he's surprised by the sound of his own voice. you simply hum in response, not wanting to look him in the eye for some unknown reason. he quickly makes his way over to you, standing beside you and accidentally bumping your shoulders.

"is she really sick? i mean she looks fine! much finer than any sick people i've seen—"

"it's her kidneys".

you cut into chenle's sentence with a shaky tone of voice, you look over at chenle, sighing as you see the confusion cross his face. "her kidneys are failing, chenle".

chenle feels his heart drop upon hearing that, and you look away as you see his reaction to the news. "what? but how did that even happen—"

you let out a distressed sigh, gritting your teeth and closing your eyes. "she contracted lupus, right before she took that break back a few years ago, she recovered and we thought everything was fine but then she started vomiting every other day and i couldn't figure out what was wrong so we went to a doctor outside of the kingdom and.."

you look like you're about to cry, and you take in a deep breath to blink away the oncoming tears, but you persist, not wanting to break down in front of the crown prince. "she got diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, by that point she had been suffering from it for a whole five months! and what can i do? it's.."

incurable.

the word simmers into the air, it's unsaid, but both of you know what's truly going on. your both silent, none of you saying a word as silence quickly takes over the room. chenle finally takes the initiative and glances over at you, the tears brimming in your eyes threatening to fall at any moment.

still, you don't allow for yourself to become vulnerable in front of chenle, wiping the tears that haven't fallen from your eyes. "it's a lot to try and digest at once i'm just.. i'm not ready to see her go".

chenle gets it, anyone would get it, he stays silent, afraid of not being able to do the comforting as well as you do. "i'm sorry".

"there's no need to apologize, i mean— this is just how life works!"

"i hate that it works that way" chenle responds, fathers dying eyes flash in his mind, and he bites into his bottom lip so hard that it begins bleeding. god, he hates that memory, father only passed away no less than a year ago, and the image of his lifeless face still haunts chenle in his nightmares.

"yeah, but what can i do?" your clearly trying to be positive, but it's difficult for you to. "i'm just worried that one day i'll come home and she'll be gone.. i already had to go through it with dad and now— i don't know how i'll deal with it".

chenle stares at you, a small smile comes to your face as you glance back at him. chenle wants to cry just seeing you try to hold back your own tears, so he looks away from you quickly.

he then looks back at you, moving closer to you and taking your hand. "if you ever need someone to talk to, to vent to, to— yell and cry at.. i'm here".

you chuckle at the words, tears again welling up in your eyes. chenle feels you squeeze his hand, and he smiles softly at the sight of you. "really? you'll listen to my stupid ramblings?"

"yeah" chenle responds, nodding a little bit too enthusiastically, but he doesn't care. "i will, your feelings are just as important as mine, and you're my friend, it's what friends do".

you squeeze his hand, laughing softly again as you let a small tear slip down your face. "thank you, chenle".

"it's no problem, y/n".

CHENLE IS GENUINELY GOING INSANE, AND ITS ALL because of you. he can't focus on anything but you, and it's literally driving him crazy. he has never, never in his 21 years of living on this earth ever felt so much for just one person, what is it with you? he can't even think about you without his face turning a bright shade of red, his palms easily get sweaty and his words become nothing but a jumbled mess.

chenle finds it hilarious, how he was raised to be poised and proper, never swear, never talk when you don't have to, never interrupt others, sit like this sit like that, speak like this, speak like that, but right now, he's acting like a psycho more than anything.

he's pacing around his room like he just lost his mind or something, completely distracted from everything else as his mind is focused on you and you only.

he must look crazy, hair messy, clothes in disarray, pacing back and forth as he tries to figure out if feeling like this is normal, or even allowed here.

"chenle? could you explain to me why your mother wants— oh dear".

kun walks in midway through chenle's strange breakdown thingy, and the younger isn't even paying attention to him because he's screaming into the pillow on his king sized bed. the older watches in concern, and the breath chenle lets out is a mix of weary and frustrated. "chenle? what's wrong?"

kun drops the clipboard he'd previously been holding to rush over to the younger's side, if he focuses hard enough, he swears he can see tears welling up in chenle's eyes. "chenle.."

chenle sniffles, looking down at the pillow in his lap. "i'm in love with him, kun".

kun blinks, dumbfounded. "with who?"

"with y/n! i can't— oh my god i'm so stupid!" the crown prince grabs his pillow again and lets out a well needed scream of agony, a scream that makes kun sigh as he stares at the sight before him. "i don't get it! why does he make me feel like this!? everything is so complicated and i can't even do anything about it because i get married in two months—!"

"okay okay, calm down" kun is quick to cut in, pressing a quick thumb to his cheek to wipe away the tears. "take a deep breath, talk coherently".

chenle sniffles again, taking in another breath and then exhaling, collecting himself as he tries his best to think coherently. "i don't know, kun, it's all getting to my head, i want him so bad yet i can't have him".

and just the fact makes chenle stomach drop, he wants to start sobbing once again, but he contains his tears. "it's stupid i know—"

"it's not stupid, chenle, it's totally fine to have complicated feelings about things, and people, but you'll never have closure if you don't tell him how you feel".

"but what's the point, kun?" chenle doesn't see why it would matter anyway, what would you even do when he told you how he felt? would you grimace and push him away? would you accept his confession? what would you do? it's all he can think about. "what difference does it make?"

"it gets the pressure off your back.. and, if it's any consolation for you, both you and y/n can finally come to terms with your feelings".

chenle's eyes widen at the words, they settle a new emotion on him he can't exactly explain. "what the hell do you mean by that?"

"language, your highness" kun jokingly reprimands, his tone reminiscent of his mothers scoldings whenever chenle would mess up the garden of roses on occasions. "y/n might've.. told me some things, but you'll have to ask him about that".

"that isn't fair!"

"it is! you have to ask him yourself, it's the only way to get yourself in order!"

chenle deadpans at his older friend, but kun just snickers at his expression, lightly shoving his shoulder. "don't look at me like that, you know i'm right".

chenle would roll his eyes, but kun does have a point. "maybe i'll listen to you.."

"you should".

chenle has to resist the urge to roll his eyes at that response too.

CHENLE THINKS YOU LOOK EXCEPTIONALLY PRETTY when you read. it's not that you're not usually exceptionally pretty, it's just that he enjoys admiring your profile as you read, eyes narrowed, eyebrows furrowed, lips occasionally parting in shock, he could stare for hours. he might look creepy on a few certain occasions, but you rarely ever notice.

chenle doesn't know how many times the two of you have been up together late in the night, just sitting in the library talking about literature. he doesn't even remember what your talking about most of the time, but he loves talking to you about bullshit pertaining to the books your both into.

for the both of you, books are sort of an escape in a way. chenle enjoys indulging himself in worlds of fiction to distract himself from his mess of a life, and you enjoy indulging yourself in messy love stories with terrible endings to distract yourself from your own issues in life.

it's all truly a coping mechanism for you two.

you both are a coping mechanism for each other, chenle finds it all simpler around you, and you feel as if you don't have to be so professional around him anymore.

chenle doesn't sleep much these days, but that's because he's spending most of his nights in the library with you. he likes listening to you talk, the way you simply piece together your words is amazing.

"and it was so sad! i cried my eyes out for weeks after reading that!"

chenle snickers at your whining, and you caress the material of the book in your hands. "i mean.. the book is literally called, they both die in the end".

"i know! i know! but that doesn't mean it's still not sad" you frown, recalling the ending of the book you were rambling about.

you quickly stop your pouting and make your way over to another part of the library, the section including romance books. chenle doesn't follow you, but his eyes surely do, he makes sure to keep them trained on you, as if you'd disappear if he even looked away from you for just a moment.

"do you want any more recommendations? or..?"

"oh, no no no" chenle shakes his head. "i just—" he pauses, having no idea how to say the words without sounding like some weirdo who totally has a crush on you.

well he is a weirdo who totally has a crush on you, how hypocritical.

"i like listening to you talk".

you blink at his words, noticeably flustered at the way they came out. chenle takes your silence as you judging him, so he's quick to chuckle awkwardly and begin waving dismissing hands. "i didn't mean to say that i know it was weird and stuff—!"

"no no! it wasn't weird i'm just.. i'm not used to being told things like that, you're so unique with your words and i never know how to respond to them".

"oh.."

"yeah".

you click your tongue, and chenle simply stares. oh you affect him so much without doing anything, what is up with you? his ears are burning, he might collapse at the very moment.

what was that kun said again? you'll never get any closure if you don't just tell him how you feel. yeah, he isn't sure if he'll be able to do it.

"can i show you something?"

chenle's breath hitches against his will, he has no idea why he's nervous, why the hell is he nervous? it's just you, it's you, his friend since he was a child, his oldest friend, you probably know him better than he thinks you do.

you wouldn't do anything bad.

"is it terrible?" he raises an eyebrow, and you laugh. your laughter is pretty, so pretty. "well? is it?"

"no, just come here" you beckon chenle over to you with your hand, a hand he almost shies away from, but he can't shy away from you, so he steps closer, following you. he feels like a mind controlled puppet, your a magnet attracting him closer and closer until he presses into you.

you smile as you see chenle in your peripheral vision, your fiddling with something in your fingers. chenle furrows his eyebrows, having no idea what it is, he tries to look over your shoulder, but you quickly block his eyesight, much to his own dismay. "why are you hiding?"

"i'm not hiding! be patient, your highness".

your teasing tone of voice doesn't make it past chenle, but he doesn't stay anything, just keeps his mouth shut. you hum as you turn back to chenle, still fiddling with your fingers as you smile at the crown prince, who is puzzled by what you're doing exactly.

you then open your palm, extending it forward towards chenle, and his eyes widen at what he sees.

"what is..?"

"we— um.. remember that friendship bracelet i made for you when we were ten? the one you broke?"

chenle laughs lightly, his face burning. "yes i remember.."

"well, i kept mine, and because were.. you know, friends again, i remade it for you, if you want it of course!"

chenle stares at you, then he stares at the bracelet in your hand, and he can't resist the urge to smile. you're absolutely adorable, sweet, chenle really really really likes you. his silence makes you anxious, and you want to begin picking your fingers until they bleed.

chenle must realize it, because he immediately laughs, a hearty laugh, a lovely laugh. "y/n, i love it, it's so.. cute i can't— how long did it take you to make this?"

"well i was thinking about it for a while and i just barely finished this last night i just.. i don't know, i missed you, a lot" you say, your words a vomit of adoration, oh you're so adorable. "it was a brash decision really".

"you're so—"—cute—"sweet, really".

you again step closer to chenle, silently asking to have his wrist with the extension of your hand. he doesn't even think before placing his hand into yours, allowing for you to slip the bracelet onto his wrist. it fits perfectly. of course it does, chenle can barely stifle his giggle.

he feels so giddy.

you don't let go of his hand, and chenle doesn't move his hand either. he stares at the indirect act of affection, his hand gently placed upon your palm, a palm that you aren't moving. what are you two doing? what the hell is going on?

"y/n" chenle calls out, his voice barely elevated as he avoids eye contact with you. "what is.. what are we doing?"

"i don't know" you mutter, blinking. you don't even think before taking your free hand and intertwining it with chenle's other free hand, now your holding both of his hands, an action that has chenle's face reddening to amazing heights. "your hands are warm".

chenle simply looks away, basking in the feeling of your fingers laced with his. he likes holding your hand, it just feels right, your fingers intertwined with his, your hands placed on his.

"yours are cold".

the words are nothing but your observations of each other whispered into the air. it's a strangely intimate moment, you two are just staring at each other in the library, your short breaths can be heard in the silence of the huge room around you.

you sink your teeth into your bottom lip, then stare at chenle's. chenle blinks, he sees you, he sees what you're doing, but it doesn't seem like you're trying to be slick, you don't care, you are unashamed in your decision.

he isn't really sure how to feel about that.

you lean closer, much closer than chenle thinks he could ever handle. you give a small smile, and chenle wants to faint. he's holding your hands, your leaning close to him, and you look you want to kiss him.

and he wants to kiss you.

oh he wants to do it so bad.

"may i?" you ask, but you aren't looking chenle in the eyes, your staring directly at his lips. chenle almost chokes on his spit, are you really asking him if you can kiss him? do you really like him as much as he likes you? is he dreaming?

he stares like an idiot for so long that he almost looks frozen.

chenle nods wordlessly, but that's not good enough of an answer for you.

"verbal consent, chenle".

chenle wants to pull you into a kiss by force right now.

"yes! yes, you may".

you note his enthusiasm, enthusiasm that makes his face redden, he looks away from you, clearly embarrassed.

you chuckle silently, letting go of his left hand to take his jaw and turn him back towards you. then, you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips.

it's short, sweet, and ends in pretty much two seconds.

your cheeks are dusted red, and you immediately look away from chenle upon finishing your action. "that was stupid, right? i'm sorry! i don't know why i did that i jus—"

chenle doesn't let you finish, he grabs the back of your neck and smashes your lips together. you let out a small squeak of surprise, clearly not expecting the action, but you quickly relax into the kiss, sighing softly as you let an arm wrap around his waist, pulling him closer with your hand on his back.

it's.. nice, it feels right, chenle is relaxed. his heart isn't pounding uncomfortably, he doesn't feel that anxious pit in his stomach, his chest isn't tight, he feels like he can breath (ironic, really), and he doesn't want to burst into tears at his circumstances.

he feels good, he feels content.

god, it's always with you isn't it?

"wait wait, hold on" you pull away for air, pressing your forehead against chenle's as you gather your words. you chuckle awkwardly, looking down at the floor instead of at the crown prince in front of you. "sorry, i don't know how to feel about this".

chenle blinks up at you, and all you can see are his pretty eyes staring at you. you fumble through your speech, trying your best to be coherent even with the way he was staring. "i'm just.. i don't know, i have to check up on my heart levels and shit—"

chenle gasps loudly. "language, y/nie".

"you can't just say that after you literally took away my breath you.." you stop in your speech, snickering at the way you're acting, the red on your cheeks doesn't disappear, but chenle thinks he likes it that way.

"y/n" you look up as chenle calls your name again, now completely focused on him. "i.. i don't really know how to say this but i— i like you, okay? like a lot, not even just that i'm in love with you! it's.. complicated".

wow, so much for a smooth confession, chenle.

chenle narrows his eyes at the voice in his mind, it sounds like.. you?

you freeze at the confession, your whole body paralyzed as you try your best to process the words in your head.

"oh".

chenle can't tell how you feel by your tone of voice, but to him, it doesn't sound good.

CHENLE USED TO BE AFRAID OF ASKING HIS FATHER certain questions. he was unpredictable in the sense that chenle never knew how he'd react if he asked him a question as simple as what 1+1 was. when father was alive, chenle feared him, not because he was physically violent or anything, but because he was intimidating. the air temperature would lower whenever he stepped into the room, and the way his voice boomed when he talked was enough to have chenle shivering for weeks.

"father, may i ask you a question?"

"is it a stupid question?"

at thirteen years old, chenle was still as fearful of his father as he was back when he was seven, and he almost wanted to cry the moment his father responded to his question with another question. he swallowed his own spit, a feeling of anxiety immediately settling onto him. "well— i'm not sure.."

his fathers shoulders relaxed, and he hummed. "what is it, chenle?"

"why do i have to get married?"

the question was much more abrupt than chenle wanted it to be, and he clamped his mouth shut as soon as the words escaped his lips. his father stayed silent at the question, which didn't lessen his worries, it worried him much more than it should've.

his father then chuckled, he chuckled, and chenle almost let out a gasp upon seeing the sight. when was the last time he'd seen that happen? the sight was truly one to behold, he was amused, amused!!

"why are you so curious about that? you're way too young to be interested in stuff like marriage".

"i'm not that interested i just— i heard mother say something about it and i.. i don't know! i just want an answer".

his father turned back to him, an unintelligible expression on his face that chenle still doesn't understand even to this day. "let me ask you a question, chenle, do you want to get married?"

the question struck chenle as odd, but judging by his father's smile in the moment, the question was very much needed. the thirteen year old prince blinked, puzzled, but he didn't let the question linger in the air for too long, afraid of upsetting his father with his silence.

"maybe, in the future, when the time is right, with someone who i like, and know is a good.. person to me".

"person?"

chenle nodded, wordless as he tried his best not to shrink under his father's gaze.

"ah, i see".

chenle had no idea where he was trying to go with that question and statement.

"what kind of person?"

chenle was once again speechless at the question, he allowed for his eyes to roam around the room as he scoured his brain for an answer to his father's question. then, he spotted his answer, it was you, giggling with kun about a dumb joke as your mother rummaged through her work bag for something.

you caught his eye in the moment, smiling the sight of him as you waved, mouthing a small hi from where you were across the room.

chenle giggled at the sight, waving as well as he returned your greeting.

unfortunately for him, father noticed everything.

"oh? someone like y/n?"

chenle immediately snapped his head towards his father, beginning to sputter at the assertion from him. "y/n? what do you mean by that?"

his father merely glanced over at you, his lips unconsciously quirking up into a smile. "you seem to like y/n, the two of you are friends right?"

"yes, yeah we are".

"huh" his father clicked his tongue. "if you ever do get to decide who you want to marry in the future, let it be someone like him".

chenle choked on his spit, he had no idea how to respond to that. the words have stuck with him forever, even after father's death, even after his marriage to yinuo was confirmed, the words ring in his head whenever chenle does as much as look at you anymore.

it's been a week, a week, a whole entire seven days, and you have been avoiding chenle like the plague. literally. you see him in the halls and make a break for the nearest door, you catch his eyes randomly and you immediately look away. you don't smile, you don't stop to make small talk, you just turn your back and run away.

did he do something wrong? did you really not return his feelings? (no! that can't be true! why would you kiss him back if you didn't feel at least something for him?). chenle has no idea why you're suddenly avoiding him, but you are, and he has to figure out why.

so, when chenle finishes having a totally fun conversation with his mother, he makes a beeline towards your office, he knows your there, because you aren't anywhere else during the day usually. you don't visit your mother on tuesdays, chenle knows that very well.

he stops in front of the door of your office, a sudden anxious feeling taking over him. he raises his fist to knock, but then lets it fall, he instead turns the knob and opens the door to your office.

you don't perk up immediately at the sound of the door opening, mainly because your back is turned and your focused on cleaning up a rubbing alcohol spill. chenle doesn't say anything, the silence in the room practically swallowing him whole.

you still don't look back, simply humming. "did you leave something here, kun? are you going to nag me about cuts again?"

chenle keeps silent.

when you finally do turn back to look at chenle, expecting kun, you pause, an unreadable expression crossing your face. you clear your throat, smiling awkwardly as you tucked your hair behind your ear. "hi, your highness".

chenle's jaw clenches, what's with the sudden switch up? why aren't you calling him by his name anymore?

"hi, y/n".

another uncomfortable silence takes over the room, and chenle wants to die in that very moment. there's no playful banter, there's no snickering, you two aren't talking, this is one of the strangest things to ever happen to the both of you in your whole entire friendship.

you two always talk, even if it's just small talk, this random silence makes chenle anxious.

"did i do something wrong?"

judging by your reaction, that wasn't the question to ask. you simply chuckle, going back over to the spilled rubbing alcohol and finishing up with your business. "no".

"so what happened?"

"nothing happened".

"it doesn't seem that way, you've been avoiding me ever since.." chenle looks down at the floor, picking at his nails as he tries not to stare at you. "you know".

you hum, finally turning back to chenle again with the intention of making eye contact. chenle looks over at you, but not directly in your eyes, just at your face. "we can't, chenle".

"what?"

"we can't be.. we just can't, chenle".

chenle's eyebrows furrow. "you could at least elaborate on that".

"you know what i'm talking about, chenle" you grit your teeth, but you aren't frustrated by chenle, no, you seem frustrated by yourself. "you're getting married soon and i'm.. i'm nothing like you, this isn't right—"

"what makes you think that?" chenle cuts in, what is wrong with you? what the hell is wrong with you? is that really what you think? he's about to kill you. "are you embarrassed?"

"embarrassed? what? no! no! i'm literally the one who offered to kiss you i just.." you cover your face with your hand, letting a distressed groan escape your lips. "i don't want to be the reason everything goes wrong for you".

"is that really how you feel? is that really how you think i feel..?"

"chenle" you begin softly, your tone of voice making chenle's stomach flip. you close your eyes and clasping your own hands together. "i do like you too, i— love you, even, but we just can't be together".

oh. that's what it's about.

chenle sucks in a breath, he wants to shout at you, not because your making him mad, but because your right, and he knows it. he wants— no, he needs to break something, throw something against the wall in frustration, break a glass window. just anything to keep himself from having a full on mental breakdown from your very words.

"of course you would say that".

you scoff at his petty tone, but you sound more disappointed than frustrated. "your acting like i'm doing this on purpose, if things were different then maybe—"

"why can't we make it work now? huh? why does it have to be if things were different?"

"because you're getting married chenle! you— you're going to become king and i don't want to hold this over your head".

"you're so.. stupid! how is that all you've gotten from this situation?" now chenle is getting desperate, he wants you to change your mind, even if he knows it's unlikely that will actually ever happen. "you're not holding anything over my head and you're not going to make anything go wrong, i don't get it!"

"i'm being realistic.."

"how is that realistic?"

"because it's better than potentially losing my job! chenle! i have to take care of my mother, i can't afford to risk my position because someone thinks you're cheating on your fiancée with me".

your words sting, but they don't sting chenle, they sting you. your chest hurts, so you simply shake your head, sighing in defeat. your arms drop to your side and you turn away from chenle, gritting your teeth.

all chenle can do is give you a look of sympathy. "y/n—"

"chenle, leave it alone" you snap, yet you don't come off as annoyed, more upset. "i'd prefer if you'd leave".

you really just need to think, you just need to peacefully gather your thoughts without chenle in the room.

chenle wants to argue with you, to walk forward and take you by your arm, to grab you by your face and kiss you senselessly whilst telling you that he doesn't care about what anyone thinks.

but chenle obeys your wish, turning around and leaving the room.

KUN KNOWS CHENLE ALL TOO WELL AT THIS point that the younger is convinced that he's a mind reader. from his narrowed eyes to his silent snickers, he can always tell what chenle's feeling before chenle himself even does. back when they were younger, chenle assumed kun had to be some sort of supernatural being, possessing some kind of telepathic power or something, but as he's grown up, he realizes the older is just that observent.

case in point: chenle's current attitude.

"why do you keep sulking? they teach you not to do that at like.. age ten?"

kun's comment doesn't receive it's usual rebuttal from chenle, it simply gets silence, silence that kun hums at. he resists the urge to roll his eyes, standing beside the stubborn crown prince. "okay, tell me what happened".

"what?"

"there's no use in pretending that you don't know what i'm talking about, chenle, what happened?"

kun has always been assertive in this sense, chenle finds his power to be absolutely shocking. maybe, in another universe, their roles are reversed, kun would make a better ruler than chenle ever could anyway.

"i'm an idiot, kun".

the statement results in kun letting out a strange sound, a sound of complete confusion. he then raises an eyebrow, one that makes chenle want to dig a hole and die in it forever. "what is that supposed to mean?"

chenle scowls, covering his face with his hands as he resists the urge to claw his own eyes out. he lets out a groan as your face flashes in his mind, oh he is so stupid, why couldn't he just be fearless? why does he have to be such a coward?

why couldn't he be brave for you?

"i— god, i confessed to y/n but i even managed to mess that up and now we're on bad terms.."

kun goes through seven expression changes as he processes the information. "what? what are you saying?"

"he just told me the situation like how it is" he grits his teeth, looking away from the older. "we can't be together no matter how much we want to, i'm getting married and he can't risk losing his job and.. i have to go through with the marriage".

"who says that?"

"my mother, kun" chenle sighs, feeling as if he just got punched in the gut. "i don't want to put too much on her shoulders, a marriage like this has been planned for me for who knows how long and she's clearly not her best considering father didn't pass that long ago and.." a groan leaves his lips, a sour taste in his mouth. "this will make her happy, i just want her to be happy".

kun stares in silence, clicking his tongue. "have you ever tried to prioritize your happiness?"

chenle sighs. "we're not starting this again kun—"

"no, we are going to start this again, you have to think about if you're happy before ever going through with a marriage, marriage is a legally binding thing! you're gonna be in a union with this woman until you die! are you really happy with that?"

chenle opens his mouth to speak again, but it falls shut. he can't really respond to that. 

all of his life he grew to believe that he'd eventually get used to arranged marriages and the idea of having to warm up to his partner. all royalty have to do it, it's just apart of the process. heck, chenle is the result of an arranged marriage himself, why would he ever challenge it when it was always the most likely outcome?

it's different because it's you. chenle can't possibly think about going through this marriage at all now that he's realized how he truly feels for you, it's not right, he shouldn't, he can't.

you're a terrible liar, chenle. at the end of the day, you will go through with this marriage, it's all too risky to not.

"i.. no, i'm not" chenle finally responds, his voice a mix of disgusted and frustrated. "i just— i always thought it was supposed to be this way, i don't want to just.. do it differently".

"well why not?"

"because this is for the good of my future, for yinuo, for my mother, to test if i can live up to the ruler my father was".

chenle bites his inner cheek, suddenly feeling nauseous. he closes his eyes, not wanting to face kun's gaze.

the older simply sighs. "i can't make you do anything you don't want to, chenle, but don't make a decision you know is going to leave you unhappy, i'd hate for you to be stuck in an uncomfortable position for the rest of your life".

and with that, kun turns and walks out of the room. chenle doesn't open his eyes until he knows kun has left the room.

the words ring in his head all day.

WHEN CHENLE WAS ELEVEN, YOU TAUGHT HIM about the several constellations that appear in the night sky. you taught him their names, how they form, what they represented, and your thoughts on them. you always had a thing for those luminous balls of gas in the sky, something about them always left you so intrigued, waiting for the next time they would show up so you could drag chenle out in the middle of the night to see them with you.

tonight, andromeda is in the sky.

it's never been a favorite of yours, more one of chenle's favorites, but he knows you'll be outside, staring at the aligned stars in the sky. he takes kun's words into account, and wishes his mother a good night before turning on his heel to make his way towards a familiar place of comfort.

the rose garden, of course.

the best thing about the rose garden is that it has the cool glass roof you can see the sky through. it was an addition that was only made a few years ago, one last hurrah for mrs. qian before her eventual retirement.

chenle spent a lot of time reading about constellations, all the information he learned he would relay to you. he loved seeing how interested you were in the information you already didn't know, your eyes would widen comically and then they would light up.

constellations have always been special to me, you told chenle once. they remind me of dad, he's the one who taught me about them, i like to think that he's now become apart of cygnus.

chenle was surprised by your way of grieving, but he couldn't exactly blame you. you liked to think your father became one with the stars, and you'd always be especially excited when cygnus appeared in the sky.

when chenle steps into the rose garden, he isn't surprised to see you already there, lips parted in surprise as you stare up at the sky through the glass rooftop. you don't notice him immediately, but when you do, you smile. "hi".

chenle bites down on his bottom lip, but he steps forward anyway. "hi".

you put your head down, then turn to chenle with an unreadable expression on your face. "i missed you".

chenle allows for himself to lightly chuckle at the fact. "you're the one whose been ignoring me all this time".

your shoulder slump, a small sigh leaving your lips as you rock back and forth on your heels. "i do realize that was pretty.. rude of me, i just needed time to think, i was probably going to have a breakdown if i didn't collect my thoughts".

chenle nods, pressing his lips together in a thin line. an uncomfortable silence passes through the air in the room, and you glance up again to examine andromeda once again.

"i'm sorry".

you snap your head over at chenle. "for what?"

"for yelling, and for calling you stupid" chenle looks away from you, ashamed of himself. "you were just being realistic and i was.. i wasn't thinking clearly, like an idiot".

"don't say that" your voice is so soft, it probably feels like clouds. "i get where you're coming from, just saying those words made me sick.." you pinch the bridge of her nose, and chenle can't stop his head from turning so that he can stare at you. oh your side profile is so pretty, chenle could admire it for hours. "i'm sorry, chenle, you probably felt like your feelings didn't matter in the moment and that was so terrible of me to do, romantic feelings or not, you're my friend, and i care about how you feel, i shouldn't have dismissed you like that".

chenle can't resist the urge to smile, his lips turn up much too quickly, but of course they do, because it's you, it's always with you. chenle has never felt such a way for another human being in his life, but he guesses your whole relationship must've been planned by the universe or something.

"you're so.. stupid" chenle reiterates, but it's said much more affectionately than the last time. "you have always considered my feelings, you are literally one of the sweetest people i know, don't apologize for thinking about yourself for once, your job is much more important than our.. relationship thing".

you pause at the words, shaking your head as a small snicker falls from your lips. "i love you, chenle".

oh.

if chenle didn't have any self control, he would've done a trust fall right then and there. he wants to faint onto the floor and never get up. hearing the words from you makes him exceptionally giddy, you make him happy, you make him so happy, oh chenle is so glad to have you in his life.

happy ending or not, at least he finally knows what you feel for him.

"i love you too" he whispers, his voice getting stuck in his throat, the shock doesn't wear off that quickly, unfortunately. you reach over for his hands, intertwining your fingers with his. it feels so right, chenle could just be like this forever, and everything would be fine.

as long as he's with you, everything will be fine.

you hum at the response, a red color dusting your cheeks. you could just barely stifle your giggle, and it's simply amazing to chenle. you're just as giddy about him as he is about you.

oh chenle loves you so much.

you look up at the sky once again, eyes lighting up at the sight of the aligned stars. "andromeda has always been your favorite, right?"

chenle wants to faint, you remembered. "yeah".

you smile, your smile is beautiful.

you're a desperate man, zhong chenle.

he can't exactly disagree with that.

"you have good taste".

"you flatter me too much".

you finally looks back down, snickering as you squeeze chenle's hands. you lean forward and press a kiss to chenle's lips, it's simply a peck, but chenle loves it. "you deserve it".

chenle wants to squeal like a teenage girl with a crush, you're so cute, you're so adorable, he loves you, he loves you so much.

maybe you can't make it work now, not in this universe at least, but there could be another universe, another timeline where it does work, where it doesn't have to end like this.

chenle is upset it can't be this universe, but this is just how life works. knowing that he can't change his fate, knowing that he will go through with this marriage, knowing that he probably has no true shot with you is all upsetting, but he'll learn how to deal with it, at least you're still by his side.

at least your still in his life, he's grateful for that.

and when he sees you giggle once again, his heart warms. as long as you're happy, that's all that matters.

#zhong chenle #chenle #nct #nct dream #nct u #chenle nct #chenle nct dream #nct dream imagines #nct dream drabbles #nct dream scenarios #chenle imagines #chenle scenarios #nct x reader #nct x male reader #nct dream x reader #nct dream x male reader #zhong chenle x reader #zhong chenle x male reader #𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 isa's works!

[bbycowb0y]

i’m not sure if you’re taking requests, but incase you are…i would like to request a max mayfield x reader!

preferably an angsty one? maybe the reader has to stay away from max because they’ve convinced themselves she’s “better” off with lucas.

something of the sort, i’m pretty sure your writing will do great justice. tysm, love your fics ❣️…

yes i am taking requests! ty for the kind words omg🫶🫶💐💐

warnings: heavyyyy angst, a lil ooc max, not proof read lmfao

summary: fem!reader has been avoiding max for weeks because she’s jealous of lucas, and has been supressing her feelings for max for years, until one day they have a confrontation and everything comes out.

⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ 

“Why are you being like this?” Max cries, shaking with anger and confusion.

You had been avoiding Max for weeks now, telling your mother to say you were busy whenever she called, never speaking to her when you and the party hung out, and taking different routes when walking to your classes at school to steer clear of her. It didn’t take long for her to catch on, she was very observant, and the guilt of whatever she suspected she had done had been eating her alive. She finally snapped when she cornered you on your way to fifth period, and dragged you into a janitor’s closet so you could admit why you had been acting this way.

Now, she was gripping onto your shoulders and making deep eye contact with you, begging you to say something, anything.

“I don’t know what you mean.” you look down at your sneakers, playing dumb.

Max rolled her eyes, scoffing. “Cut the bullshit. You’ve been blatantly ignoring me for weeks now. What the hell is going on with you? What did I do to make you hate me so much?”

You breathe in deeply, closing your eyes and pinching the bridge of your nose. “I don’t hate you, Max. I could never hate you. I hate him. Lucas.” You raise your gaze to meet her stare, studying her expression as she takes in what you said.

Max furrows her eyebrows, cheeks tinted slightly pink. “Why do you hate Lucas?” Her light blue eyes were filled with confusion.

“Because…for years, ever since you guys have been going out, I feel like I’ve always had to compete with him for you. And you’ve always chosen him. Before you even liked him, all you wanted to do was spend time with me. And now, it’s like you’ve totally forgotten about that summer. You know what I’m talking about, Max.” Your voice wavers slightly as you choke out the words you’ve been holding in for so long.

Max’s face falls, and she immediately pulls her hands off of you.

“Thats what this is about? One summer a few years ago where we…we had a little fun together? You know it’s not like that anymore; you know I’m not like that, right?”

Your expression falters, but you immediately fire back.

“Well I’m sorry for thinking that maybe us kissing was something? Or maybe you’ve just forgotten because everything you do now revolves around your boyfriend. But I guess I was right. You’re better off with Lucas.”

Then you open the door to the closet harshly, swiftly leaving behind a stunned and upset Max, and slamming it behind you, not even pausing to wait for her reaction.

⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺  I feel like this was way too angsty I’m sorry😭😭

I’ll make a pt 2 if enough ppl want it (with a good ending i swear!)

#max mayfield #max mayfield x reader #stranger things #stranger things x reader #olivia speaks 🫐

[coolstarorg]

Leaving the jailbreak community

Around this time last year (in March 2022) I had updated my main iPhone to iOS 15.1, hoping to make a jailbreak for it. I fully expected to be gone from the scene after iOS 15.1, but knew full well that with all the mitigations of iOS 15.0 - 15.1 alone, it may already have been out of my means to make a jailbreak, so there was a risk.

By that time, I had already cut down the tweaks I used to just 2 -- iPad dock for iPhone, and enabling battery percentage for notched iPhones.

Fast forward to June, and iOS 16 had natively introduced battery percentage for iPhones that have the notch -- cutting down the number of tweaks I’d want (compared to stock) from 2 to 1. But no matter, I was still on iOS 15.1, and still hoping to make a jailbreak, since I had a working terminal at that point.

However, the months progressed -- June became July, and iOS 16 betas were coming. Thanks to a donation from someone, I got an M1 Macbook Air to accelerate jailbreak development, and had gotten libhooker with tweaks running a couple weeks later, including on A12 and A13. The jailbreak at this point was in an extremely buggy, albeit functional state and hope was up.

Then the jailbreak community happened -- without a PAC / PPL bypass at the time, libhooker would be forced to sign code pages -- which was only really doable with the libhooker API (unless a ton of effort was spent on potential workarounds). But tweak developers largely refused to consider using the libhooker API for batching hooks, and I was quickly getting frustrated. And a lot of others from the community weren’t helping either -- I had gotten harassed by many jailbreak users on twitter and reddit over this, especially since it had recently come to light that Cheyote was broken on A15. And of course, with it being August 2022, it was unlikely any donations at this point would even get an A15 device on early iOS 15.

At the same time, I had other interests popping up with porting Windows to various chromebooks -- my port to AMD Ryzen was going well enough to be a daily driver, and I had just gotten audio working on the Pixel 2 chromebook (which I previously abandoned in 2017 but then picked up in 2022 with my new experience).

So I snapped -- I realized how much better the community is on the chromebook side and that I simply didn’t need to put up with the jailbreak community. And I put Cheyote on the backburner to focus on developing Windows drivers for chromebooks.

Then August became September, November, December. Progress was being made on the chromebook scene, but every time I considered returning to doing iOS jailbreaking, I shuddered from remembering the harassment.

In December 2022, I returned the money donated towards the macbook to the person who donated it. Since I realized Cheyote was well beyond schedule, even if it ever came to happen. Meanwhile in the chromebook scene, I was getting Intel 12th gen audio working.

Then the months passed, and in March 2023 I realized it had been a full year. And I was still on iOS 15.1 for seemingly no reason other than to tease myself and miss out on the battery percentage and widgets -- so I updated my main iPhone to iOS 16.3.1 (and now iOS 16.4), knowing that there was no turning back and that I would no longer be jailbroken on my main device for a long time, if ever.

That brings us to today. Even though I’ve been in denial about it for several months now, it clearly has made me feel a lot better to stay away from the jailbreak community, and I have found new interests that make me happier. So it’s time to say farewell. It’s been a good run overall since I started developing tweaks for iOS 5 (in 2012) and jailbreaks since iOS 11 (in 2017) -- a 10 year run isn’t too bad after all. 

===========================================================

For those who are still waiting on Cheyote, unfortunately I wouldn’t hold my breath anymore. I’ve clearly moved on months ago, even though it’s taken me until now to fully realize it. I appreciate those who have supported me in the past and thank you for your support on my tweaks, Electra, Chimera, Odyssey and Taurine. If you’re still running one of the jailbreaks I’ve made -- you’re a real one. libhooker and my repos will still be up and running for those on iOS 11 to iOS 14, and Sileo has been maintained by Amy for over a year now. I expect Odyssey and Taurine won’t need any more updates considering they’ve been running stable for a long time, and libhooker 1.6.9 will continue to be hosted on my repo since it is the last version to be fully validated up to iOS 14.8.1 (on checkm8) and up to iOS 14.3 (on Chimera -> Taurine).

If you were interested in what I’m up to these days, feel free to grab almost any Intel chromebook (or one of the 3 supported Ryzen 3000 chromebooks) from the last decade and put Windows on it! (Except the original Pixel 1 [no trackpad / touch screen] or Samsung Chromebook 3 -- that one is garbage, sorry if you have it)

#jailbreak #iphone #ios15 #taurine #odyssey #electra #chimera #libhooker #sileo

[magniloquent-raven]

Could a I get trans!Tommy x Billy fic where Billy finds out Tommy is trans and he's freaking out but Billy just reassures him and comforts him until one thing leads to another and they end up having sex?

this ended up 1) a college au for some reason, 2) t4t because i started writing billy as trans without even thinkin about it at first lmao and 3) MUCH longer than i thought it would be, holy shit

i hope all that's okay & i really hope u enjoy ur fic 💕💕💕

~tag list ppl just in case yall are interested even tho its a ship ive never written before? @growup-thatbeautiful @spreckle @prettyboy-like-you ~

[read on ao3]

**

“Carol broke up with me again,” Tommy says, words slurred by the alcohol in his system and muffled by his forearm squished against his cheek. He blinks up at Billy from where he’s half-laying on the peeling cover of his algebra text book. They didn’t bother clearing the homework from his desk before dumping three six-packs and a plastic bag stuffed with snack food on top of the mess. 

He’s usually a fun drunk, Billy wouldn’t have brought beer if he’d known it was gonna go like this. 

But of course it’s because of Carol. It’s always because of Carol. Except that one time it was because of a phonecall with his mother that he refused to talk about, even after the tequila loosened his lips enough to have him waxing poetic about his ex-bff with a wistful look in his eye. 

“Again?” Billy leans back in his chair, raising an eyebrow. He’s got one booted foot propped on the edge of Tommy’s roommate’s bed. “This is the third time in four months, man. Is your dick too small to keep her satisfied, or what.”

He’s supposed to push back. That’s how this works. He’s supposed to bristle and sit up and defend himself, because he has some fucking pride. And before he knows it he’ll be too busy exchanging barbs with Billy to think about how miserable he is about the breakup. 

He’s not supposed to turn his head, hiding his face in his folded arms, and mumble, “Something like that…” all morose and self-pitying. 

Because no one comes to Billy for this shit. To be vulnerable. To talk about feelings and have an honest heart-to-heart and a shoulder to cry on and all that crap people want when they’re going through a real break-up. He can put on a good face when girls come sniffing around for a rebound lay. The girls who got screwed over by their white-bread boyfriends and want to pretend they’re over it by getting fingerbanged in a public bathroom by some bad boy who won’t call them after. But fake sympathy and an uncanny ability to deflect questions about why he doesn’t want his touch reciprocated did not prepare him for…whatever is happening right now.

“Y’know there’s other ways to fuck a girl, right,” Billy says from behind his beer. There’s not much left and it’s still not making this conversation any easier.

Tommy groans, burrowing deeper into his sleeves. “I know.”

“Hm.”

“S’complicated.”

“Not if you know what you’re looking—wait. The break-up. Right. Look, you want my advice? Move on. Live a little. You came halfway across the country to, what, stay leashed to the same pussy you’ve been getting since you were twelve? Who the fuck does that.”

“Dunno.”

Billy blows out a slow breath, then downs the rest of his beer. He drops the empty can on Tommy’s desk and watches it rock, tip, and fall over. It rolls, wobbling through drying condensation rings and chip crumbs ‘til it hits Tommy’s elbow, coming to a stop next to his left ear. He doesn’t move.

The assholes next door are having an obnoxiously loud argument, only slightly muffled through the thin walls. The radio on Tommy’s bedside table warbles through a jingle that keeps cutting in and out. Neither of them speak for a long, awkward moment.   

“...She really did a number on you, huh.”

Tommy sighs. “Nah.” He pauses, then peeks out from the crook of his arm. “Kinda.” He stares at the can nestled up against his arm, looking uncharacteristically contemplative. “Dunno, man, I just want people to stop leaving me.”

Billy’s lungs seize painfully, his whole chest tightening around the jagged edges of a sympathetic twinge, like gripping a shard of glass in his fist, cutting himself open on it. There’s anger dripping from that open wound, familiar and yet foreign in its compassion for Tommy of all people. 

They’ve never been especially close. Billy’s not especially close with anybody, and he always figured hanging around Tommy would make it easy to keep it that way. The guy just gives off a vibe. The small town jock type, only ever wants to talk about tits and booze and whatever stupid, embarrassing gossip he can turn into a joke.

For six months Billy’s been content to do that, to hang out with Tommy drinking beer and pretending to care about the low-cut tanktops their English lit professor favours. It feels good, in a way. Safe. But it was never supposed to be about Tommy himself. He wasn’t supposed to care about him. Caring about people is dangerous. Makes it harder to cut ties if he needs to. Or worse, it means the inevitable rejection if he ever gets outed will actually hurt.

Tommy’s still looking at him, sullen and hazy-eyed. His freckles are just barely visible in the shitty lamplight, his hair is sticking up at odd angles, flattened on one side from laying on his desk. He’s kind of pretty when he’s not being a shithead.

Wait. No. No, no. Absolutely the fuck not. Not going there. 

Billy tries very hard to look like he has no opinions about Tommy’s face. Or his stupid puppy-dog eyes.

He bites his tongue when panic tries to sharpen it. The anxiety bubbling in his gut turns to bile burning his throat, and it’s tempting to lash out, to spit venom like the sour taste in his mouth is anyone’s fault but his, like pushing Tommy away would fix anything. 

He hasn’t seen Max since he moved into his tiny dorm room on campus. Hasn’t spoken to her since his acceptance letter came in months before that. He thought it would make things easier, better for both of them, but now he just gets angry at himself when seeing flashes of red hair makes his heart clench. 

It’s only ever made his life worse, he doesn’t know why he keeps trying it. 

The first time he let a boy fuck him he felt so shitty about it afterwards that he told everyone who would listen that the guy kissed like a dead fish and couldn’t even get his dick hard. It made Billy feel something, when people laughed and said that probably meant he was a fag. Something sickly and awful, but somehow vindicating. 

He caught three meatheads beating the shit out of the boy who took his virginity three weeks after he lied about it never happening. The look on his bloodied face still haunts Billy’s nightmares. 

Billy’s never made anyone’s life better by being in it. He doesn’t know what to say to someone who doesn’t want to be left.

“Yeah, I hear you, amigo,” he says grimly, and regrets it immediately. It’s too personal. Too self-pitying. It’s echoes of when is mom coming home, and a slap ringing in his ears, a phantom ache in his jaw, the taste of salt and iron.   

He keeps his gaze locked on a tiny dent near the top of the unopened beer he reaches for, hoping to occupy his hands, only to be stopped in his tracks when clumsy fingers pat his knuckles. He’s not sure if it’s meant to be a comforting gesture or if Tommy’s just too drunk to keep his hand steady and was trying to grab ahold of him. 

The look on his face is oddly intense, sombre, like stroking the back of Billy’s hand is the most important thing he’s ever done and it’s taking all his concentration to do it. There’s a little pinch between his eyebrows, and a slant to his mouth.

Billy should snatch his hand away, but he lets it happen. Despite his embarrassment it’s kind of nice. 

“I like having you around.”

Well. That might be a bridge too far. Maybe. The tips of his ears feel hot. “Okay, I think you’ve probably had enough to drink tonight, Hagan.”

Tommy scoffs, his nose wrinkling a little.

“Seriously, if you propose to my hand I’m never buying you beer again.” 

“Liar.” 

“Don’t test me.” Billy can’t quite keep the laugh out of his voice.

“Pff.” He pauses, his fingertips coming to rest along the length of Billy’s thumb, pinky finger toying with the ragged edge of his nail. “You like having me around, right?” There’s a desperate edge to the question, a tremble that makes Billy nervous. 

“I—” He chews the inside of his cheek, studying the sad twist pulling at the corner of Tommy’s mouth. “Yeah.” Maybe he’s drunk enough he won’t remember this tomorrow. Maybe that’s why Billy nudges his hand, linking two of their fingers together, a tiny smile tugging at his lips when Tommy gapes at him. “Yeah I do.”

**

Billy’s head pounds when he stirs, rustling unfamiliar sheets, and the light filtering in through crooked blinds makes his eyes ache. At least the cottonmouth isn’t too bad, and his stomach seems to be behaving itself. He’s definitely had worse, much worse. 

There’s a groan across the room. He buries his face into the borrowed pillow tucked under his arm to hide a snicker. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Tommy grumbles. There’s a whoosh of displaced air and a muffled thump. A pillow hitting the carpet. “Shit.”

“Nice aim.”

“Urgh.”

He doesn’t have class today, there’s no rush to be anywhere, but he’s never been good at laying around doing nothing. His first few weeks of adjusting to life free from Neil he tried sleeping in, rebelling against rules he was no longer bound by, but he mostly ended up staring at water-stained ceilings bored out of his mind. He doesn’t bother anymore. The entire life he’s building for himself is a fuck you to Neil, he doesn’t need every little thing to be about him.

He stretches, his shoulder popping loudly in the early-morning quiet, and glances over at the lump of blankets in Tommy’s bed. 

“How’s your head?” Billy asks, not bothering to keep the smirk out of his voice.

Tommy grunts. The outline of his shoulder shifts slightly. 

“That bad, huh.”

Another noncommittal noise. 

Billy rolls his eyes, pushing himself upright and out of bed. His jeans are around here somewhere in the mess, but he doesn’t remember taking them off, and definitely doesn’t remember tossing them…over the half-eaten remains of last night’s pizza. Gross. 

There’s a grease stain on the back of one thigh, but they pass the sniff test.

He’s wiggling them over his hips when Tommy finally sits up. “M’ gonna be sick,” he croaks, and falls out of bed in a tangle of sheets and oversized t-shirt bunched around his midriff. Billy gets a glimpse of soft freckled stomach and a yellowing tanktop before Tommy gives his shirt a hurried tug, smoothing it down with jittery hands. 

He doesn’t look at Billy as he staggers towards the door, steps over discarded gym shorts, catches his toe on the busted folding chair his roommate keeps promising to fix, and finally slips into the hallway, hissing curses under his breath. 

And Billy doesn’t think anything of it. Tommy’s never a ray of sunshine in the morning, and he’s even worse when nursing a hangover. He was focused on getting to the bathroom down the hall before he tossed his cookies all over the floor, he didn’t exactly have time to stop and make small talk. It’s not weird.

But it gets weird. 

Billy waits way too long for him to come back. He tosses back the last of his flat, warm beer. Combs out his curls with his fingers, carefully rearranging them in the mirror propped next to Tommy’s sparse bookshelf. Picks through the crumpled worksheets strewn across the desk. And finally decides to check if Tommy choked on his own vomit. 

Only he’s nowhere to be found.

And, fine, Billy’s not needy or whatever, he can get breakfast on his own. It’s not like they had plans Tommy’s flaking out on, Billy just kinda thought…

It doesn’t matter what he thought. It’s fine.

He goes back to his own dorm. Changes his jeans. Isn’t bothered.

…He’s a little bothered when he sees Tommy later that day and Tommy bugs the fuck out, all but fleeing in the opposite direction. 

Because. Yeah, that’s weird. 

Doubt starts to dig its spindly fingers in, thin and brittle but pointed. 

They both said some shit last night. Which was Tommy’s fucking fault, getting drunk like that when he was in a mood. And he’s the one who kept trying to make it all touchy-feely. 

Christ, he should’ve fucking known Tommy was going to remember, it was stupid to engage with him in the first place. Shit’s awkward now because he’s a fucking sucker and now Tommy knows it. 

Or maybe it’s more than awkward, and Tommy’s straight-up pissed at him. Billy’s stomach curdles at the thought. 

He can’t handle this. Tying himself up in knots because he got the brush-off. Worrying and wondering and chewing his thumbnail ‘til he tastes blood. It’s pathetic. 

Tommy doesn’t have class today either, so Billy checks his dorm first. 

And then he checks the cafeteria. The lot behind the cafeteria where Tommy smokes sometimes. Carol’s dorm—thankfully empty, he doesn’t feel like answering a million questions and then having his answers dissected by her and her friends after he leaves. 

He’s running out of places to look when he spots Tommy next to a payphone in front of the main office. The walkway is empty, it’s just Tommy hunched around the phone, clutching it in both hands and deeply engrossed in his conversation. Enough that he doesn’t seem to notice Billy approaching.

His voice is low, but Billy catches snippets. Carol’s name. “Mamá,” sighed repeatedly, exasperated. He gets more agitated every time he stutters to a halt, apparently cut off. 

“I just thought you should know, okay!” Tommy runs a hand through his hair and rolls his eyes skyward. “No—no, mamá, iba a traerla—yes, I was…”

Billy leans against cold brick, his denim jacket scraping the wall as he crosses his arms, waiting. 

“Ese no es mi problema,” he snaps, glaring at nothing and getting steadily louder. “No. I’m not her precious little neita anymore, she can’t stay in denial forever!”

Oh?

Billy’s ears are ringing. Tommy’s voice is an indistinct buzz.

It could be nothing. A slip of the tongue. Billy’s Spanish getting rusty. It could be Billy reading into things—hoping, like that’s ever gotten him anything but heartbroken—just, seeing things that aren’t there because he wants to be a little less alone. 

But still. He’s never seen Tommy wearing less than two shirts, and he's always been just as averse to the dorm's shared bathroom as Billy is. Sometimes tiny, incidental things will throw him off, but Billy never thought much of it until now. Until he was smacked in the face with the possibility that Tommy could be like him. 

It feels a little unreal, a little like vapor he’s trying to catch with his bare hands, not quite solid but leaving enough droplets of water on his hands that he’s knows there’s something.

Tommy seems to realize he’s shouting, and glances around, worrying his bottom lip. It slips from between his teeth when he locks eyes with Billy and his jaw goes slack. 

Because he’s been trying to avoid Billy all day or because he thinks he might’ve just outed himself?

Either way his posture immediately changes, going rigid, spine straightening, holding himself with enough bravado that it almost hides the way his gaze darts around, nervously scanning the empty sidewalk. Looking for an exit, probably. 

He mumbles a rushed goodbye into the receiver, not waiting for a response before he slams the phone back onto its hook and folds his arms, fists balled in the crooks of his elbows.

“I swear to god, I’ll piss on your pillow if you take off on me again.” Billy pushes away from the building, pointing a threatening finger. 

“I wasn’t—fuckin’—what the hell. Gross.”

“So don’t leave.” The words twinge as they leave his mouth, falling heavier between them than Billy really meant them to. Tommy flinches. Just a little. The tiniest twitch at the corner of his eye. A minute change to the slope of his shoulders. Billy exhales slow through his nose. “What’s the deal, Hagan.”

“Shit,” Tommy mutters, sweeping a hand through his hair and shifting away from Billy with a grimace. “Shit. Look, man, I don’t know what you think you heard, but it’s—I’m not. Y’know what, just forget about it, okay.”

Billy raises an eyebrow. He can feel his heartbeat racing, hammering at the inside of his ribcage. “Forget what exactly,” he says, keeping his voice even. 

He has to know. For sure. He can’t just out himself for a maybe. 

“Don’t play dumb, you’re shitty at it,” Tommy snaps, but there’s a thready quality to it. “I’m not gonna fucking say it. You know what I’m talking about.”

“Do I?”

“I saw the look on your face, man, I’m not stupid. I know what it looks like when someone realizes they’ve been hanging out with a fuckin’ freak.” He jabs a finger at Billy, gesturing in a vague circle around his face. “That. Right before the regret sets in. And you bail. Or worse.” He clenches his teeth, a muscle in his jaw twitching. It’s not quite enough to hide the current of anxiety thrumming through his jerky movements. 

There are things he should say right now. Things he should do. But all he’s getting it static. Fuzz. He’s wildly spinning a dial and getting nothing but snippets of words that he loses in the white noise. 

He’s fucking this up. 

He tongues his cheek. Deliberates. 

“We should take this somewhere else,” he says carefully, pointedly flicking his gaze towards the office building behind them. They might be alone out here, but there’s no guarantee they’ll stay that way. There are people in there. For all he knows there could be someone peeking through the blinds at them right now.

But Tommy just stares at him, incredulous. “You’ve gotta be kidding.”

“Would you just—” Billy blows out an irritated breath. The back of his neck is prickling, like he’s being watched. He can’t fucking concentrate. “It’s not what you think.” The scoff he gets in response is not encouraging. “I’m not bailing on you, alright, would you just come with me and let me say my piece?”

If their positions were reversed he knows what he’d do. He wouldn’t risk being alone with someone who just found him out, it’s a stupid fucking thing to do. Anyone who asked him to take that risk would get laughed at and left in the dust. And yet here he is asking Tommy to trust him, like he has any right to do that. 

Promising to stick around doesn’t feel like enough but it’s all he can give right now. He wants it to work so badly it hurts, aches like he’s ripped out a part of himself as an offering. 

Tommy narrows his eyes, looks him up and down, and mutters. “Fine.”

All the air punches out of Billy’s lungs. Maybe he can salvage this.

They walk in stiff silence, a careful six inches apart. Billy’s boots scrape against the pavement. He picks at a scab along the edge of his fingernail, watching Tommy out of the corner of his eye, catching the erratic flash of his hands flitting from place to place, pushing through his hair, adjusting the hem of his shirt. 

His dorm is closer, he steers him in that direction, ignoring Tommy’s suspicious side-eye.

It’ll be fine, he can clear shit up when they get there. It’ll be fine.

Still, guilt squeezes at his insides. 

His dorm room door clicks shut behind them. It’s deafening. 

He has no plan. He probably should have come up with a plan. His palms are sweating and his heart feels like it’s trying to crawl out of his mouth and his throat is so dry he’s not sure he could say anything even if he knew what to say, but…fuck, staring at the ripped corner of his Metallica poster isn’t even remotely productive, he needs to think—

Tommy grips his arm, tight enough to hurt, and tugs him around. His lips are pursed, downturned, and his eyes are bright, intense, flicking across Billy’s face. Billy’s half sure he’s about to get punched—Tommy looks to be working himself up to something—but instead he blinks and Tommy’s gone, Tommy’s…on his knees, clumsy fingers plucking at Billy’s belt buckle. 

“Oh—” Billy sucks in a breath, grabbing Tommy’s wrists. 

Dark eyes glare up at him. “Oh come on, this is what you wanted right? You’re not leaving because you want something. And it’s not gay if I’ve got a pussy, right—”

“Would you shut the fuck up for a second?” Billy says all in an exasperated rush, staring at the ceiling, a little lightheaded. He’s not entirely shocked by the heat that seared through him when he realized what Tommy was trying to do, but he wasn’t prepared for how much he wants him to. And now really isn’t the time to be thinking about using Tommy’s mouth to get off. “Look, I…”

His throat closes up. He still can’t say it.

Slowly, he lowers himself to the floor, sitting on the heels of his boots, his knees brushing Tommy’s. It’s easier to look at him from this angle. Or maybe it’s just because the strange intensity in his gaze has been replaced by confusion. There’s a vulnerable helplessness there that Billy didn’t notice before. Guilt grips him tighter. 

“I told you, it’s not what you think,” he says quietly. 

Before he can lose his nerve—an ignoring all the doubts plaguing him, what if he thinks less of me, what if he’s angry I kept it a secret, what if—Billy hooks his fingers under the hem of his shirt and tugs, pulling it over his head. 

Tommy blinks at him. Opens his mouth. Shuts it again.

He doesn’t stare at Billy’s scars. Billy expected him to stare. Showing him the scars was the whole point. He looks at them, sure, but he doesn’t look for very long. His eyes wander, scanning the entire expanse of tanned skin on display. Lingering on the freckles on Billy’s shoulder. The trail of soft blond hair below his belly button. 

If he was less caught up in feeling feelings that made his insides squirm and his fingers itch he might’ve laughed at how dazed Tommy’s looks. But he’s sure his expression isn’t any better. A hot flush prickles up Billy’s chest as he sits there, just letting Tommy ogle. 

“Uh.” Tommy clears his throat. His cheeks are pink. He hasn’t looked up yet. “So…”

“Yeah.”

“You…”

“Yup.”

“Huh.”

A beat. “I mean you can still blow me if you want, I just figured you’d want to know what you were getting into first.”

That does it. Tommy finally makes eye-contact, his eyebrows creeping up his forehead, a startled, slightly hysterical cackle bubbling out of him. The flush on his cheeks is still there but he looks less like he’s been hit over the head. “Asshole,” he says, unable to entirely keep the smile off his face. 

Billy shrugs, a grin tugging at his lips. “Yeah, but I have it on good authority that you like having me around.”

The light in Tommy’s eyes dims a bit, and for a horrible second Billy thinks he’s fucked up again. Tommy huffs a quiet laugh, breaking eye-contact. “Sorry about that, by the way.” 

“What?”

“Uh. Last night. Being all…” He grimaces, and wiggles his fingers in the air. 

“...Is that why you took off this morning?”

“I…maybe.”

“Jesus Christ,” Billy groans, and punches his shoulder. “You aren’t the only one who hates being left behind y’know.” 

“Oh.” 

You had me worried.

He bites his tongue. It doesn’t need to be said. Tommy’s expression is soft, despite the fact that he’s rubbing his bicep where Billy hit him. 

“You didn’t scare me off,” Billy mutters instead, and winces at his own plaintive tone. But he can’t seem to stop now that he’s started. “You still haven’t. Still like having you around. Y’know, if—if you’re gonna stay.” 

Tommy lets out a quiet breath. A tiny noise in the back of his throat. And then he sways forward, closing the gap between them, and kisses Billy square on the mouth.

He’s not expecting it, is the thing. People are usually pretty unsubtle when they want him, and he can read the signs. He knows when someone’s going to make a move and he can prepare, put himself in whatever headspace he needs to be in to get through it. 

And it’s not like he wasn’t aware that Tommy had been checking him out, but this is…it’s something else. 

Because he was caught unawares he doesn’t have a goddamn plan, so he just reacts, messy and a little desperate in a way he hasn’t been since his first few times getting physical with someone. It would be embarrassing, except for the way Tommy’s breath hitches, and he leans into it. He can’t seem to get close enough where he is, because he shuffles forward on his knees ‘til they’re on either side of Billy’s thighs. 

He hovers there, straddling Billy’s lap, still pressing sloppy kisses to his lips, but doesn’t sit until Billy grabs him around his waist and tugs. 

Tommy lets out a sharp puff of a gasp as he’s pulled closer, it’s warm where it tickles Billy’s moustache, and he finally breaks their kiss to snicker. 

“Fuck off, you surprised me,” Tommy says, the annoyed act falling flat when the words come out breathy and trembling. 

“Mhm,” Billy hums, grinning at Tommy’s complete inability to keep a straight face while he slips his fingers under the seam of Tommy’s waistband, toying with the elastic of his briefs while his palms rest comfortably on his lower back. 

There’s a heat simmering in his gut, coiled low and tight, but the weight in his lap and hesitant fingertips pressed to his stomach feel just as pleasant. It’s…weird. New. Fragile. He’s not quite sure what this is but he wants to hold on to it. 

“So…we’re good, right?” He bites inside of his cheek to ground himself, and stop any more stupid questions from falling out of his face.

“Yeah, I mean—yeah? Pretty sure I’m, uh. Very good right now.” His eyes flicker down. “I was better a second ago though.”

Billy pushes the tip of his tongue between his teeth, feeling very smug when Tommy zeroes in on it. “You sure you’re not mad about earlier?” he lets his voice drop an octave, leaning in just enough to feel Tommy’s breathing quicken. “‘Cause I’ll work real hard to make it up to you if you are.”

“That cheesy porno shit usually work for you?” His tone is light, teasing, threaded with laughter, but his gaze is still heavy on Billy’s mouth, pupils blown and hazy with lust.

“Oh please, like it isn’t getting you going?” Billy dips his hands lower, fingertips pressed lightly into the soft flesh of Tommy’s asscheeks. He isn’t digging in, isn’t pushing, but Tommy shifts closer anyways, ‘til their chests are nearly flush, and they touch, briefly, with each shallow breath. “I bet your briefs are soaked right now.” 

Like his are any better, really. It’s taking all his self-control not to squirm and rub his hard little cock all through the slick mess under him. 

Tommy’s eyes fall shut, and he shudders. Billy feels him quiver. He slides his hands up Billy’s chest, palms skimming his ribs, briefly pausing to trace his scars, and coming to rest just under his collarbone. 

A pause.

And Tommy shoves him. Hard. 

His back hits the carpet, knocking the air out of him in a rush, a wheezing, incredulous laugh. Sparks dance up his spine. The heat in his belly flares. Tommy’s looking down at him like he wants to devour him, and Billy’s more than willing to let it happen.

This time when Tommy goes for the belt buckle, he doesn’t stop him. 

It jingles against the button on his jeans, flopping to the side as Tommy fumbles with his fly, hooks his fingers into worn belt loops, and tugs. His jeans are as much of a pain to take off as they always are, they both grimace and groan as he wiggles out of them, stopping to pull off his boots when they get in the way.

“How the hell do you sleep around so much in these?” Tommy mutters, finally prying Billy’s legs free and chucking his rumpled jeans across the room with an annoyed huff.

Billy snorts. “They don’t usually come off.”

“...Oh.” He feels, suddenly, like maybe he’s said too much. The way Tommy’s eyeing him makes him feel every inch of his bare skin on display. He’d sit up, make himself a little less vulnerable, but Tommy’s shifted positions, straddling his stomach. “Do you just do over the clothes stuff, then, or…”

“Don’t really get touched at all, actually. Easier to avoid getting hate-crimed that way.” He turns his face away, cheek brushing the carpet. 

Tommy nods, running a hand through his hair. “Shit, yeah. It’s…Carol’s the only girl I’ve ever been with, and sometimes she didn’t even wanna. Y’know.”

“Yeah, guys aren’t much better, trust me.”

“I know,” he says ruefully, smiling small. “I think maybe Carol only kept me around as long as she did because she couldn’t find any other guy willing to go down on her that much.” 

“Damn, and she still dumped you? So ungrateful.” 

“Ha, yeah, well. She found someone with a real dick apparently. Said she missed getting fucked properly, or whatever.” 

Billy scoffs, “Ten bucks says she comes crawling back in two weeks when she gets tired of being some prick’s fucktoy.” 

He tenses, regretting the thought the second he has it. Tommy’s gotten back with her every time she’s asked. She snaps her fingers and he’s there, hers again like nothing happened. As much as Billy hates watching it happen every time, he gets it. His track record when it comes to letting the people he loves hurt him isn’t any better. But this time…

Does he have any right to hope it’ll be different now? Probably not. 

Tommy raises his eyebrows, a guarded sort of curiosity behind his mostly blank expression. 

“Don’t take her back,” Billy says, softly, stupid, vulnerable hope cracking him open. He focuses on the feeling of Tommy’s slacks under his palms, warm thighs bracketing his torso. The rough scratch of carpet against his bare back. The smell of his musty dorm room. Anything but the way his stomach twists into knots while he waits to get shot down. “She’ll just break your heart again, man,” he adds, like he can cover his ass and make it look like this isn’t about what he wants at all. 

“And you won’t?” He’s quiet. Serious. There’s a sad twist to his mouth. 

“I—” The silence in the air between them is stifling, heavy in Billy’s lungs as his chest rises and falls. In some fucked up way that feels like an admission. An acknowledgement of…something. The idea that Billy might have the power to break his heart is fucking terrifying, and the implications make his head spin. He bites his lip. “Not by leaving.”

Tommy huffs out a dry laugh, bowing his head and giving it a tiny shake. “Gee, thanks.” He’s hiding a smile. A small one, but it’s warm, despite his hesitance. 

Billy grabs the front of Tommy’s shirt, tugging him down while he cranes his neck, meeting him halfway to press a brief kiss to his mouth.

It’s less brief than he planned. Tommy’s fingers end up wound in his hair, his firm grip making Billy’s scalp tingle and heat simmer under his skin. He groans, low in his throat, and licks into Tommy’s mouth in retaliation. 

Time starts to blur a little. He’s not thinking about why he kissed Tommy in the first place. He’s not thinking of stopping, god fucking forbid. All that matters is the sharp, biting pressure of fingernails, the gentle glide of warm lips against his, and the sounds he can pull from Tommy with a flick of his tongue. Everything else is sort of fuzzy. 

He tries nipping Tommy’s bottom lip. Lightly. Testing the waters. He inhales sharply, something like a gasp he caught halfway, and more importantly, his hips jerk forward. Just a little. But him pressing down against Billy’s stomach like that sets a fire inside. An immediate needy wanting that rushes through him like an adrenaline spike. 

Billy pulls back an inch, breathing hard, “Do it again,” he demands, clutching Tommy’s waist with guiding hands, “C’mon, c’mon.”

“Jesus—fuck,” Tommy’s nose brushes his cheek as he starts to move, curling into Billy’s space and panting bitten-off curses in puffs of humid air against his jaw. 

The seam of Tommy’s pants chafes a little, rubbing against the taut line of his stomach, catching on the light dusting of hair, but he can’t bring himself to care. Not when he can feel Tommy’s legs start to tremble, and he gets to watch the way his face goes slack with pleasure, his eyebrows furrowed as he works his hips back and forth.

It’s not hard to imagine sliding inside him like this. Tommy sitting on his cock, all wet heat and freckled thighs. Riding him ‘til his muscles give out and Billy has to take over, snap his hips over and over, listening to the slap of skin and Tommy’s pleading for more. 

Fuck.

His grip on Tommy’s waist tightens, right as he gives one last jerky thrust, and his whole body tenses. He whimpers right in Billy’s ear before his head drops, hitting his shoulder.

Billy feels like a live wire. He aches. He wants. 

He waits, with bottom lip caught between his teeth, squirming and hoping it’s not too obvious. 

“Sooo,” Tommy drawls, still catching his breath, his nose smushed to Billy’s collarbone. “D’you want me to blow you, or was that—”

“Fuck, yes.”

Tommy snickers. “Alright. Prepare to have your world rocked.”

“Oh, and my pick-up line was cheesy porno shit?”

“Yeah.”

“Dick.”

His shoulders shake with barely suppressed laughter, and Billy can feel his smile widen. He’d almost be content to bask in the moment like a cat in a sunbeam, except—

Tommy shifts, sliding a thigh between his legs and pressing, and yeah, that’s much better, nevermind. He lets out a slow, shaky breath, staring hazily at the water-stained ceiling. 

“You liked seeing me get off, huh.” Tommy kisses his chest, lips still curved into a smile. Billy swallows hard, and folds his lips between his teeth. “You soaked right through your underwear. I can feel it.” 

He’s making his way down way too slowly. On purpose, the little shit. But Billy refuses to crack. He can wait. It’s fine. He only feels a little bit like he’s going to explode.

Tommy replaces his thigh with his hand as he crawls backward, trailing a light finger over the growing wet spot and not doing nearly enough to ease the throbbing ache between Billy’s legs, his lips trail down, inch by agonizing inch as he goes. He’s got nice lips. Billy wouldn’t mind kissing him for hours. Being kissed. 

Being kissed somewhere very specific right fucking now.

Billy’s legs spread a little further apart, without really meaning to, he arches his back, wriggles, trying to subtly get Tommy where he needs to be a little faster. 

Except he fucking pauses. Kisses Billy’s hipbone. Flashes an absolutely shit-eating grin. 

“Would you hurry the fuck up,” Billy groans.

Which cracks Tommy up. A laugh he’d obviously been holding back bursts out of him, muffled a little as he leans into Billy’s stomach, his shoulders shaking. 

“I hate you so much.”

Tommy looks up at him, eyes shining. “Nah. You don’t.”

“Fine, but I’d like you a lot more if you stopped being a tease.”

“Fair enough,” he chuckles, and finally, finally, settles between Billy’s legs, flashing a grin before he pushes Billy’s briefs aside and drags his tongue through the wetness underneath. 

“Jesusfuckingchrist—” Billy inhales sharply, his whole body arching into the sweet pressure of Tommy’s mouth, somehow ending up with one leg hooked around him, trying to pull him closer. “Oh fuck.”

A whine catches in his throat when Tommy huffs a laugh, warm air somehow feeling cool against his flushed skin. He’s beyond caring about looking desperate, he just needs more. More of this. He rocks against the steady stroke of Tommy’s tongue, his breath hitching every time he brushes his cock and a concentrated bolt of pleasure lances through him.

Then Tommy wraps his lips around it, and sucks, and Billy’s vision whites out. It feels so good it fucking hurts. He cries out, wordlessly, grasping for something to hold on to.

“Holy shit, dude,” Tommy breathes, pulling back, pulling away, what the fuck, no—

“Hng,” Billy grunts, his hands waving uselessly, trying to reach Tommy to put him back where he was. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he laughs, a little breathless, a lot delighted. “Just…” He hooks his fingers into the waistband of Billy’s underwear and starts tugging them off. “You’re so loud, man.”

The part of his brain that’s still working—the part that isn’t floating on a cloud of horny thoughts, mostly about how fucking pornographic Tommy’s mouth looks right now, pink, flushed, and slick from nose to chin—is smart enough to know that if he’s too loud they might get caught. But he’s having a hard time making himself care. And he’s sure he’ll care even less when Tommy puts his lips back where they fucking belong.

Then Tommy’s leaning over him, damp grey briefs folded up in one hand, easing Billy’s mouth open with the other.

He’s slow about it. Deliberate. Telegraphing his movements so Billy and the three brain cells he’s got left understand what he’a about to do. Billy could clench his jaw against his prodding at any time. He could turn his head to escape Tommy’s hold. 

But he doesn’t. 

The taste of his own sex isn’t unfamiliar, but it’s oddly thrilling in this context. It feels dirty in the best kind of way. Cotton sticking to his tongue, drool pooling in the corner of his mouth, Tommy’s gaze heavy on his parted lips. Billy wonders if he’s thinking about other things he could stuff Billy’s mouth with to shut him up. 

Biting down on creased fabric is odd, but it definitely muffles his whimpering. 

Which is, admittedly, handy when Tommy dives back in with no warning.

He doesn’t hold back at all, pressing in close, his hands gripping Billy’s hips to keep him in place. His tongue curls around Billy’s cock, over and over in firm swipes.

And Billy sees stars. He can hear his own stifled moaning through the makeshift gag, but he barely recognizes is own voice. Every pitched, breathy noise that comes out of him is a shock he doesn’t have time to linger on, and he doesn’t fucking care to, not when he can barely process how good he feels right now, let alone feel anything but Tommy’s mouth and the heat building under his skin. His whole body is taut with it, muscles tensing as he tries to hold onto the sparks dancing through him. 

It doesn’t take long for him to come with a hoarse shout and an embarrassing gush of wetness all over Tommy’s chin, white-knuckled and curled around Tommy’s sloped shoulders.

He flops back, breathing hard and staring, unseeing, at the ceiling.

“Holy shit,” Tommy says again, with something resembling awe. 

Billy closes his eyes, trying to measure the rise and fall of his chest. His whole body is tingling. And a little sore.

He feels a little tug, Tommy picking at the briefs stuffed into his mouth. He loosens his jaw and lets him remove them. There’s spit trickling down his cheek. Tommy wipes it up, carefully patting the side of his face. 

“You good?”

“Mhm,” Billy hums.

“...Been a while?”

He cracks an eye open and glances over at Tommy. His eyebrows are near his hairline, but it doesn’t look judgemental. A little amused, maybe. Billy sighs. “You could say that.”

“Oh?”

It’s been thirteen months since anyone’s touched him below the belt. He doesn’t remember who it was, but he remembers tequila and lime, hearing shitty dance music in another room while he let someone stick their hand in his pants, half-expecting it to retreat immediately. 

No one’s ever touched him like this, though. 

He runs his tongue across his bottom lip, unsure how to respond. He lands on, “Never been blown before.” 

Tommy blinks at him. “No shit?” His hand makes a weird aborted movement, then lands on the carpet next to him. Billy has the weird urge to hold it. Or to be held, maybe. As the sweat on his skin cools he starts to itch, an unfamiliar ache blooming in his chest.

“No shit,” he echoes.

“That’s…” Tommy scratches his eyebrow. “Kinda hot actually. I popped your cherry.”

“I’ve had sex.”

“Yeah, but not that kind.”

“...Whatever,” Billy mutters, his cheeks flushing.

“I’m serious, dude.” Tommy’s smiling now, his lips still shiny and pink and distracting. “That was, uh. Kind of awesome. All of it. Plus the cherry on top.”

He can’t help but snort, and smacks Tommy’s knee. “Fuck you, Hagan.”

“Maybe next time.”

That catches Billy’s attention. Whether it’s the promise of a next time or the thought of fucking him, he doesn’t know, but either way he’s suddenly unable to look anywhere but at Tommy. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Tommy lifts his chin a little, like a challenge, but his eyes are warm. “You said you weren’t goin’ anywhere, so…”

“I meant it.”

He’s caught off guard by the almost bashful way Tommy ducks his head suddenly, the tips of his ears going red, hiding a widening smile. “Good.” He shuffles a little closer. “Though I get why you’d stick around. Y’know. After I rocked your world.”

Billy groans, and rolls his eyes. “Shut up.”

“Nah, nah, I wanna hear you say it.”

“No.”

“Come ooon.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“And good with my tongue.”

“Jesus Christ,” Billy mutters, “Okay, fine, you rocked my world. Congrats.”

Tommy preens, supremely pleased with himself, and pokes Billy’s shoulder. “Told you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Billy tries his hardest to look annoyed at the prodding, but fails to do anything but grin at the ceiling.

“Now, I seem to remember you promising to put some work in, and so far you’ve just been layin’ there.” The smug look on his face is absolutely out of control. Billy swats at him, but Tommy just catches his hand and kisses his palm, grinning like a fucking maniac. “Gotta do better than that, Hargrove.”

Billy tackles him, rolls them over, and pins Tommy’s hands above his head. 

And he puts some work in.

#billy hargrove #tommy hagan #tomgrove #billy x tommy #trans billy hargrove #trans tommy hagan #stranger things #a raven's writing desk

[ourobororos]

RAINBOW ROCKET: RETRIBUTION AU

it has occured to me that i havent really explained my whole au well enough like in a contained post SORRY IF THINGS ARE CONFUSING! i talk about it a lot. this post will serve as a summary of everything with some links lol ill try to organize things better one day

Rainbow Rocket: Retribution (RR Retribution for short. RRR?) is a rainbow rocket au i made in which most of the bosses have been basically supernaturally or cosmically Fucked Up and cursed for their hubris! giovanni and ghetsis have joined to form rainbow rocket in secrecy after the failure of both of their previous missions, and with assistance from colress and the aether foundation they have used wormhole technology to locate timelines containing the leaders of other (once) powerful criminal organizations- with unusual supernatural power sources! if a new team is formed uniting all these evil guys with cool powers, they can take over the world easy peasy! right? well everyone sucks and is a loser and they all hate each other so no. it sure is funny though

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF EACH BOSS BELOW THE CUT !! this might be a long ass post ill try to keep it brief

GIOVANNI: there he is theres our guy <3 a year or so prior to the formation of RR, team rocket had recaptured mewtwo and was being used in experiments to calculate its psychic power and to possibly extract it and transfer it to other organisms- giovanni wanted that power for himself, to see if it was possible to make himself as strong as mewtwo, so after lots of tests his brain was connected to mewtwo and the experiment went underway- it also went really badly. mewtwo overworked the circuitry and broke free, escaping the hidden rocket facility and blowing a lot of it up in the process! gio survived but was in a brief coma he was preddy badly injured by the shrapnel and like. the psychic powers. hes fine though AND he has some of those abilities himself now! some of his motor abilities were impaired and getting around is harder so he uses a cane, but now he has telekinesis and other cool psychic powers- he has his limits though, and gets killer migraines... and his lifespan was halved. oops

MAXIE: in another timeline, maxie had woken groudon with the red orb and it underwent primal reversion- however it refused to listen to his commands and went berserk, causing mt. chimney to erupt and the cavern to be destroyed and flooded with lava- killing maxie and anyone else in the vicinity. groudon was eventually quelled by may ofc, but maxie’s body fused with the red orb and came back to ‘life’, fully powered by the orb’s essence and essentially undead. his body temperature is hundreds of degrees and rises with his temper, and he can raise the temperature of things in his vicinity at will- he’s potentially very dangerous. he spent months in hiding, frustrated and regretful of everything that happened- and later when hes dragged into a wormhole and into rr headquarters, it does not get any better.

ARCHIE: in a different timeline, but coincidentally the same situation as maxie wow! kyogre was woken with the blue orb, went primal and flooded/destroyed the seafloor cavern and everything around it in a horrible storm, flooding sootopolis. archie and others present were swept up and killed in the waves, but archie’s body fused with the blue orb and he woke up in the aftermath undead and able to breathe underwater. he can manipulate water around him and even make its temperature drop to a freezing point, and can swim crazy fast. if he goes too long without swimming or being in water, he dries out a little! for some time he was hiding in the seas of hoenn, feeling so much guilt and grief for the destruction and deaths he caused- but like maxie, hes then dragged into another timeline with a bunch of other insane ppl lol

CYRUS: after the events of platinum, cyrus was trapped in the distortion world for years on end and essentially lost his mind, giratina saved his life and decided to make a deal with him- giratina would send cyrus back to his world, but essentially taking giratina along with him in his body and serving as a vessel for this god to reside in (giratina can’t have a physical form in the main reality unless it has the griseous orb, in which it becomes the altered forme- its goal is to make cyrus search for said orb so it can exist on this plane and not rely on cyrus as a host anymore) cyrus returns to his normal timeline for a while post spear pillar, exhausted trying to readjust to gravity and time flow AND housing a powerful god in his mortal body as they are bound together by the red chain. cyrus himself has no powers, but when in sync with giratina it can use its abilities through him- phasing through objects and walls, phasing into shadows and reflections to hide for brief periods, distorting reality around him... it takes a lot out of cyrus though, the intense pressure and presence of an incomprehensible god makes his eyes and nose bleed and wipes him out quickly. after a year of searching alone for the griseous orb, he is taken into the RR timeline with the other bosses... unfortunately.

GHETSIS: ghetsis is... actually the only one with no powers LOL he and giovanni are also the only ones from the base timeline! after losing to 10 year olds twice in unova, ghetsis is on his own with no team ... and travels to johto to find team rocket and strike a deal with giovanni to unite and form a bigger, better team (and to eventually take it over himself and control everything and take over the world bc its ghetsis) giovanni does agree so he works as the second in command and oversees a lot of the process of bringing all the bosses over and all that other stuff... also hes got a whole new team of rlly strong pokemon AND ALSO he trained a lot on his own to be a really good swordsman. dont fuck with ghetsis if you value your life

LYSANDRE: lysandre comes from a timeline of the events of x, where the ultimate weapon is powered by xerneas’ life essence and ends up destroying both itself and the entire flare hq. not many in the hq were able to escape in time, and most were killed by the crushing debris- lysandre himself as well, but due to being directly connected to the ultimate weapon and xerneas’ powers of life, it revived him to a state of not-quite-living but not-quite-dead. he now has the ability to harness the life energy of other organisms, mostly effective on other people, and can sap their energy to refuel himself. he can do it in concentrated powerful bursts and wipe out multiple people, but even in a relaxed state he is constantly slowly siphoning life force from those around him. as the only ‘survivor’ of the flare hq incident, and seeing so much death and destruction by his own hand, he strongly regrets his actions and wandered the empty corpse of the flare hq like a ghost... before being taken to the RR timeline with the others eventually </3

COLRESS: colress is an honorary member, not quite a boss but the lead scientist- hes in charge of testing all the bosses and putting them through experimental procedures (which most of them hate bc they are Not Fun) but its for science!! its fine... pushing them to their physical and mental limits is fine its finding their true power!! its fine

there is a general plot that happens, involving several of the members secretly working against RR with outside help to take the operation down from the inside. it is not easy though. lots of funny and fucked up things ensue but the main thing is everyone fighting all the time LOL hope all of this makes sense *bows*

#rr retribution au #this will be my new pinned post sorry saturn smoking a fat dart #pkmn #pokemon #rainbow rocket #im not giving this a million tags TBH itll show up in enough searches

[sekaiichis]

Do you have any fanfic recs?

Since I assume that you're asking for recommendations for Takaritsu fics that's what this list is going to consist of, hope that's what you meant lol. Odds are if you're asking you've already peeked around plenty of these fics and authors before because of the sheer word count they've put out for this pairing but I don't see the harm in getting out the word to more people LOL. Putting my rambling under the cut in case it gets long idk how much i’ll actually write yet.

My first inclination is to point you in the direction of @literally-ritsu and @misscorn's content, their content can be found on Ao3 and Fanfiction respectively at the hyperlinks above. That’s already 35 stories overall between the two of them, and they’re both still around adding more to their current stories and working on even more for future reading! I’ve always appreciated their characterization of the SiH cast bc for me at least that can be something that majorly turns me away from reading some fics. And if you read one story and like it, with them there’s plenty to go through!

This next one I may be a bit biased to since I run @takaritsuweek every year, but I go back to it a ton so I feel like I have to drop it here too! Cherishing You was a series of stories based off of prompts from 2020′s event. It’s by @saysaeri! She also has plenty of other Takaritsu fics to go through if you take a liking to her writing! Little Hearts is another one of her fics that I think about often.

All of the above were all fairly recent in the scheme of things when you consider how far back these fandoms go, but I’ll round out this list with something older! I remember reading through this series for the first time years ago, I stayed up way too late but didn’t regret it at all lol. The Silence is Thy Friend series is definitely an old favorite of mine. It has four separate one shots that total just about 50k words, so you can definitely take up an entire afternoon reading through all of them. I so badly wish there was a fifth entry to it, but considering how long it’s been I won’t hold my breath lol. ppl write fanfic for fun and for free after all, so we should be thanking ppl for letting us read their work 🥺

anyways i hope you haven’t already read all of those already, thank u for the ask :^)

#sekaiichi hatsukoi #anon #ask

[romeulusroy]

HIIII OMG i would love a succession ship with one of the guys pleaaase! :)

My name is Ann, I speak (Austrian) German and English, I'm transmasc (go with they/he prn.) and demisexual and 20y.o. I'm have a lot of "different" personalities depending on how much I know/like the other person but typically I'm very introverted, make stupid jokes all the time, don't talk about my feelings, anxious and don't really think before I talk because my thoughts go 100km/h. I'm 1,62m tall, have an outgrown wolfcut red and black hairdye, snake bite piercings and a ton of moles all over my body - some look like starconstellations (i cut the tip of my left ringfinger off). I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression three years ago and my therapist also thinks I might be on the autism spectrum. My favourite bands are Depeche Mode, Interpol, Placebo, Radiohead, Smashing Pumpkins and Strawberry Swithblade (dark post-punk but also stuff like Geier Sturzflug, Blur and The Divine Comedy). I also absolutely love coming of age movies from the 90s early 2000s. I want to study Arts or maybe architecture in University and want to own a small vintage car and live in a really old building in vienna. I HATE when ppl are walking too close behind me, chew loudly, touch/breath on my neck and constantly bombard me without giving me a break. My favourite place is the big meadow in front of my house where all the flowers are blooming now and bees and bumblebees are flying around.

This is so long I'm so sorry! I really love your writing and everytime I'm on here I'm excited when I see you posted something :)

Hi my love! I ship you with: Lukas Matsson!!!

He loves all your moles and freckles. He can't keep his hands to himself when he's with you. When you're in bed together he traces them, counts them, draws little pictures with them. He loves your body and all those little spots it just make you more you. It's gets quite ticklish though and sometimes you have to beg him to stop so you can catch your breath. He also loves your hair. He's not very adventurous with his appearance, so he can appreciate when you are with yours. He keeps the hair dye brand you use stocked in the bathroom, just in case you feel like changing it up. He even tried to help once, dyeing your hair, though that ended up with little splats of color all over the bathroom and one of his nice shirts totally ruined.

You love his humor. It can come off as strange or dry, especially when you first met, but once you get to know one another, you can't stop smiling. He's always in a joking mood. Especially when you're not feeling your best or you're anxious about something, he'd always trying to get you to smile, to laugh, to make the situation a little better, a little easier. You have a lot of inside jokes as well that can always guarantee a laugh.

Your relationship is simple. You and Lukas both know what you like, what you don't like. You talk things through like adults, even when it's hard to do so. He knows that when you need breaks, it's not anything to take personally, rather it's just that you need you space from everyone. He constantly plays all your favorite songs for you, over the speakers, through the house. He puts on a one-man-show with them, singing into an imaginary microphone. It's adorable.

Your first date is watching a movie. He has his own movie theater in his house, so you've got the place to yourself. You put on one of your favorite coming of age films. He not so shyly puts his arm around you halfway through, too. You get all kinds of snacks and it's the most fun you've had in a long time. Lukas doesn't really care what you watch, as long as he gets to spend time with you, that's what matters. He's been trying to work up the confidence to ask you out for ages, though he'd always been a bit flirty even before you realized he meant it in a way that's more than friends.

Relationship Headcanon: Lukas buys a house in Vienna, the old one you've been eyeing forever. It has everything you've ever wanted and more. He's not a huge fan of the creaking floorboards or the few cobwebs, but the look on your face when you realize what he's done makes it entirely worth it. Now you've got a home in Austria as well as Sweden and a few other places around the world. You thank him a million times over, but he doesn't mind. Your happiness is enough.

Thank you so much my love!!! That means the world!! I really hope you like it! 💜💜💜

#lukas matsson #kaitbishop-ships

[adoranoia]

ok, this isn’t our first rodeo, so i’ll keep it simple, (esp since this one is pretty wordy all by itself): a hc dump for yuri will be under the cut! <3

>yuri is the sole heiress to her family’s business, ‘oh-ware!’, a fairly well-known OS and general software company in japan, which is fun. or, well. it would be without the inattentive/emotionally abusive parents, and the pressure that’s been weighing down on her since she was a child, to be perfect and poised and keep up family appearances. but it’s not like she exactly has a choice in the matter, so… >to say the least, her relationship with her parents isn’t one of love, but business, it’s cold and calculated. and, that’s if they’re even around at all–when not in the office, they’re out at business parties, taking business trips, holding conferences, making public appearances, etc etc. so, unless it’s a ‘family event’ or s/t particularly important, she’s left home alone, which she’s gotten pretty used to over the years.

>most ppl wouldn’t know this abt her tho, as she generally tries to keep her business-life and personal-life two v separate things. to her, there’s a big difference between ‘yuriko ohnishi’ and… well, just yuri, y'know? >but on a lighter note, switching between the two on a dime is her favorite party trick (with people that she trusts/that know, obvs). bc it’s v jarring to see her ‘get into character’, and she thinks the reactions are pretty funny.

>yuri is almost always wearing a specific dainty old locket, even tucking it inside her uniform on school days. it was a hand-me-down from her grandmother, the one family member she ever considered herself close to. unfortunely, she passed from old age when yuri was about twelve-ish, which left her upset for a long time. >but, she’s glad to have something to remember her by, at least. just having the locket on her makes her feel a lil bit more at ease in a lot of situations. >(the picture inside said locket isn’t of anyone in particular, instead it’s a faded photo of a simple wedding bouquet, made up of lavender and baby’s breath.)

>she’s bullied at school since her studious, and skittish nature makes her a prime target in her classmate’s eyes, esp w/ all her personal quirks and ‘strange’ interests. she’s purposefully tripped, has her hair pulled, she has trouble picking up sarcasm which is used to mess with her, mean notes are left on her desk and/or locker, she’s given rude nicknames, etc etc. >it’s gotten a lil better in the last year or so, but she’s still generally alienated. she usually eats lunch on the rooftop alone, but recently her clubmates have started to join her, which she’s appreciative of.

>yuri has a slight phobia of storms/lightning in particular + the dark, because of an incident from when she was about seven years old. one night after being left home alone, a heavy storm rolled in, and at one point caused the power to go out in the whole house. it freaked her out, and she didn’t know what to do/she had no one to turn to. she ended up hiding under the kitchen table until she eventually fell asleep. >she struggles with some chronic pain from an dance injury to her left knee, which thankfully, didn’t result in her having to quit ballet. but, some days are worse then others, and when it’s particularly bad she either wears a brace, or uses a cane. >also: sayori decorated her cane with stickers after a heart-to-heart she + yuri had abt their different experiences with chronic illness and chronic pain, respectively.

>during times where she’s not too busy during the week, yuri can be found at a small bookstore near the school, either reading, doing homework, or volunteering. >she goes to ballet classes on fridays + saturdays, ever since she was a kid. it was originally just another thing her parents signed her up for, but it’s s/t she rlly enjoys. >tbh if she weren’t an heir/expected to take up the family business, she’d go to a ballet school, and work to become a professional, but… you know how it is.

>she’s usually a bit late to the on wednesdays. why? well, inspired by some of her favorite bands she’s taken up playing guitar (specifically a bass), so, she has lessons with a girl from the music club that day! >none of her friends/the other literature club members know about this though. she knows sayori would ask her to play for them, and. she wants to practice some more first, okay? she’s nervous, ok…

>there’s a lil cemetery park near yuri’s house that she visits often to read, think, bird-watch, and just generally get some peace and quiet. there’s a particular bench she likes since it’s sort of tucked away, and usually in the shade of a nearby tree. >sometimes, she’ll take a walk and visit her grandmother’s grave, along with a few of the older, more lonely graves. she cleans them up, and leaves something small. >she realizes the 'goth hanging out in a cemetery’ thing is maybe a lil stereotypical, but! she legit finds the place calming, alright? let her live! (…no pun intended, ofc.)

>yuri has an interest in photography, to the point she almost joined the photography club last year, but promptly chickened out last second. she really puts herself into each piece, so, it’s more then a lil nerve-wracking to share that stuff with people, esp strangers! (even if she ended up doing that anyway, in the literature club.) >even so, it’s another thing she’s passionate about! her preferred styles are: still-life, portrait, and night-time. some of her photos do involve color, but they’re mostly in B&W.

>yuri is big on doing things properly, all those lil details and extra steps matter to her. bc of this, she’s developed lots of 'routines’, even for small, average things. >for example, when trying to do some homework or write she: gets her notebook, gets some sticky notes, neatly lays out her pens and inks, turns on her AC, and turns her desk lamp on, in that order. it just helps her get into the zone, basically.

>some stuff u’d find in her room are!– *her knife collection, ofc. she has all types, but her favorites tend to be switch blades/pocket-knives, daggers, and butterfly knives! also: any fun novelty knives. *teacups + saucers! and a few teapots too, some of them are for decoration, but some are for actual use. she likes kintsugi-styled stuff in particular bc! it’s pretty!

*fantasy/horror movie posters, fantasy/horror movie soundtrack records, box-sets of a few of her favorite book series’, horror movie masks for display purposes, etc etc. general fandom memorabilia, basically. *has a few old 'haunted/cursed’ dolls she’s bought over the years, usually on impulse. but, they all have names and she loves them. *animal skulls + other assorted animal bones. yes, they’re real.

>though, unfortunately a lot of this stuff (mostly the horror-related things) end up covered up/hidden, since her parents don’t rlly approve, they say it’s 'unladylike’.

>yuri has. v big feelings on horror movies that are jumpscare fests and pure gore and nothing else, don’t get her started unless you’re prepared to hear all about it. >she loves horror as a genre, obvs, but. to her, there’s gotta be a point to it. like, even if it’s just 'people do bad things, bc that’s just how people are’, then. great! does she rlly agree with it? no, but. at least it gives u s/t to think about, y'know? >she doesn’t mind watching them tho, especially with friends, since they’re still fun to pick apart/make fun of, but. just… know what ur getting into first.

>you know how in act two it’s mentioned yuri brings a different knife to school each day? well, that’s true, hence how she died, but. it can be sort of said for act one yuri as well, just… in a less intense sense–aka she often carries around a small swiss army knife, for many reasons. >she started carrying it around in middle school, as it was her very first knife, so while it may seem silly, it has a lot of meaning to her!

>has two japanese rhinoceros beetles named 'hana’ and 'nana’ as pets, and. y'know how people baby-talk their dogs? yeah, that’s her with them. don’t @ her! >vaguely dabbles in the ‘occult’ at times, though i wouldn’t say she practices, its done mostly in a casual sense. does tarot readings for fun, taught herself how to read palms, collects pretty crystals and memorizes their meanings/uses, etc etc! >yuri was. 100% one of those kids that taught themselves how to speak elvish (or some other fictional/fantasy language) + bits and pieces of klingon too, probably.

>is a secret adrenaline junkie, which probably at least partly influenced her interest in the horror genre/spooky things in general, collecting knives, etc etc. when the school’s cultural festival rolls around, you’ll often find yuri hiding out in whichever class is putting on a haunted house. she’d probs also really like thrill-rides + roller -coasters, but she hasn’t been to an amusement park since she was a kid, sadly. >bad/tacky romance type novels are still a big guilty pleasure of hers despite what she might say–she keeps a box of them hidden in her closet under some general clutter. and yes, she would die of embarrassment if anyone ever found out, lmao

>yuri’s kinda nosy? idk if that’s the right word, bc she doesn’t mean any harm, of course, but: her casually eavesdropping on sayori + MC’s conversation, her being curious when MC mentions sayori avoiding him, etc etc. y'know? >and. idk, i find that kinda interesting? yuri keeps to herself, and just. reads, so. i wouldn’t be surprised if people blab abt stuff around her without thinking abt it. either bc they didn’t notice her, forgot she was there, assume she’s too engrossed in her book, or don’t think that she would care–but rlly, she’s like 👀👀👀, lmao >yuri is. v much the type to people-watch in general, tbh! she knows its not exactly very polite, and she would never, use anything she hears against anyone, or share it around or anything. it just makes her happy, in a weird way? makes her feel included, i guess. like she’s apart of something! she doesn’t have a lot of her own friends, after all. (she’d doesn’t rlly like talking abt it though, fearing ridicule + people thinking it’s weird or creepy or w/e.)

>some of yuri’s fidgets/habits are!– *often folds her hands, holds them close to her chest, tucks them behind her back, etc etc–both out of awkwardness, and to kept them from wandering, and looking for s/t to fidget with. *tends to walk on her tippy-toes/the balls of her feet, but maybe that’s not so surprising from a dancer. this means she walks rlly quietly though, and tends to accidentally scare people, rip, lmao *fiddles with her hair a lot, twirling it around her finger, playing with the ends, trying to hide behind it, etc etc.

*gently bites/chews on the ends of her pens while in deep thought, or generally day-dreaming. which is… fairly often, if i’m being honest. *she’s REALLY bad with making eye-contact like, 98% of the time. if she makes direct eye-contact with you, she is Very Serious™. *she tends to pick up some of her friend’s usual gestures: a certain pouty face from natsuki, a few of monika’s poses, the 👉👈 thing bc of sayori, etc etc. she doesn’t do it on purpose, of course, but. it’s done out of love for her friends! she just thinks they’re neat, ok

#* && OOC #* && YURI /// DEEP; BROODING ! #first hc post........... hell yeah #long post tw

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Random anime/manga recommendations (good oldies!) I have for y'all just bc I love them and hope you would too! also I just want to talk about them bc I love and miss them all!!!

In the list:

Hikaru no Go

Shaman King

Loveless

Yami no Matsuei

Yu Yu Hakusho

Hikaru no Go:

it's about the board game Go but I promise it's so much more heavy than that and the character interaction/development is top tierrrr. also one of the only series that made me bawl like a dumb baby. also!!! you get to watch the characters GROW UP!!! from tiny baby faces to grown teenagers!!! and the fun of it is that while you watch/read, you don't even notice it happening!!! you just look back and go holy shit they were literal BABIES!!!

85 episodes and one OVA, but the OVA only covers half of the final arc, which is manga only. very faithful to the manga otherwise though.

Shaman King:

uhhh okay hear me out you gotta like, read the manga first or watch the 2001 anime first, then do the other one. then you can read the spinoffs. then you can read the sequel if you feel like it but it's more second gen esque and has been off and on for many years, long story, and it's also cut into two different names, long story, but it's flowers and the super star.

once you've read the manga and watched the 2001 anime, the 2021 anime is the remake of the 2001 anime bc the 2001 anime was concluded bc the manga was on hiatus and had caught up to the source material, so they did an anime only ending while sprinkling in bits and pieces of canon into that. the remake was insanely rushed though and cut a lot of content (including a majority of my favorite characters' content which was already low!!!) and super cut corners so imo it's really not a replacement for the manga, hence why I suggest the manga first.

some ppl have said watching the 2001 anime after the manga kinda made the anime feel less great overall bc of the anime only direction it had to take (if it hadn't, it would've ended up like naruto with filler and if y'all were there for that ride, uhhh... never again lmao), so it may be a better experience to watch it first then read the manga.

the anime is aaaaalmost completely faithful (some changes and alterations, but mainly ones that were meant to develop the main characters more and quicker) up until around episode 25, and then it starts getting... timeline-wonky but does follow canon. it just follows the events somewhat incorrectly, put in anime only aspects and swapped things around. after that point, when the characters reach the Patch Village, it's all basically anime only from there with the very final arc sprinkling in some manga only stuff.

anime ending is pretty standard shounen unfortunately, but the manga's ending was a breath of fresh air where it actually follows its themes and story beats right to the end.

that said, the original series is completed. the sequel is... ongoing... sometimes... when it's not blocked by a wall of hiatus bc of the magazine it gets into going under like every single magazine it goes into... but if you don't care for the sequel (understandable tho since it's very different!) that's not a problem. there are tons of spinoffs/side stories though that are both completed and ongoing. there are... a... lot... so basically SK universe is like forever ongoing, but the main series is completed.

** fun fact: hikaru no go and shaman king ran together in shonen jump!

Loveless:

okay so I promise this one is good, but it does feature trigger topics and overall more mature topics.

general premise is hella cringe, cat ppl with cat ears and a tail until they have sex. generally a shounen-ai but there are also het and wlw relationships. older dude claims to be in love with younger dude but it's actually fake and he was just told to say that, so that part goes from cringe to like, actually having backstory.

pretty much a psychological series with side romance (bc as much as it markets itself as romance, there's no "real" romance between the two main characters and the only confirmed pairs are not them). tackles a manipulative, emotionally abusive person who is yandere toward his younger brother, hence tackling more mature and potentially triggering topics. rape is also talked about/implied, though we don't actually see it in explicit detail.

series is complex though and some enemy characters become friendly with the main characters, some just neutral, and some become very close to them. the relationships and dynamics are all amazing though and I love how the more mature topics are handled (tastefully, in other words. it doesn't make light of them and gives depth to the characters) and how the main villain is handled. some more morally gray leaning villainish without being a villain characters are there too.

unfortunate parts of this is that the anime is only like 12 or 13 episodes and was never brought back. worse part is that volume 13 started and the manga went on indefinite hiatus a very, very, very long time ago and has not been touched since and probably never will be again. still an amazing series, but pretty much in permanent limbo unless the author magically decides to take it up again.

Yami no Matsuei:

uhhh listen it's another shounen-ai BUT it's not just romance. i don't really read purely romance series and always need substance and story/plot.

uhhh listen this one's kinda difficult to explain but basically it's a group of dudes who are detective-like ppl who are all actually dead and they get partners assigned who are also dead. villain is batshit nuts.

story can be pretty heavy on the romance/one-sided romance and stuff, but that didn't deter me.

also, talking bird buddies.

as above, the unfortunate parts are one season of about 13 episodes and not picked back up, and the manga is on indefinite hiatus and probably will not continue.

Yu Yu Hakusho:

uhhh you all probably at least know the premise of this one but im gonna come out and say it!!! ...watch the jp dub. promise. i know ppl say the dub was good but. i don't. rly feel that way??? despite growing up with the dub??? and also the sub sounds better to me???

anyway watch this series (or read it!)! :D

** fun fact again!: this series also ran with hng and sk in shonen jump!

#DCB Comments #DCB Recs #i say i ''miss'' sk but like... i return to it every year or two lol #anyway i just rly rec these and this has nothing to do with fe but #sometimes i just. need some interaction. with ppl who know the same series. u kno???

[i-want-my-iwtv]

Am I correct in assuming a chunk of VC fans left tumblr during the 2018 purge and then a bunch when Anne passed? It seems like the vast majority of VC accounts I’m finding are paused at Dec 2018 or Dec 2021 exactly. Like the last posts are the news of her death. (I’m new here and this place is like a ghost town but then there’s tons of old VC art to found)

Hello anon! Good question.

I would say that yes, there was a reduction in fan engagement/accounts at those times. It was also because of:

The news about the AMC adaptation of Interview with the Vampire, which has divided the fandom to some extent, and people have been hesitant to post about it for reasons I'll dig into a bit more below the cut. News about the adaptation has dropped periodically, but probably the biggest news was around Aug 25, 2021, when actor Jacob Anderson was cast to play Louis. For the next few months, the fandom reacted, and it intensified up to and through Dec 2021.

There have also been an avalanche of anonhate/mean-spirited comments on some of VC fandom's fics on AO3. It seems to have calmed down by now, but I'm out of date on that.

TL;DR: Anyway, this is all to say that there were several "events" that led to a quieter fandom, but if you go into the #vampire chronicles tag, or search for character names, you'll see content! We still have fanartists producing fanart, people doing meta analysis posts, and writers posting fanfic.

We did have a vibrant gift exchange in Dec 2021, too, you might want to check that out, and find some active VC ppl through that: @vcsecretgifts 😊

A bit longer response:

Yes, there was a purge, particularly of our more nsfw fanartists in 2018 😥

Yes, I think news of Anne's death divided fandom, too. There was a wave of "joke" posts about how we could now post VC fanfic, and the fandom found that somewhat distasteful (to varying degrees) bc we had been posting the fanfic for years; Anne had long since given up that battle. She had gained an understanding, if not support, of VC fanfic, years ago:

In 2012, Metro reported that Rice developed a milder stance on the issue. "I got upset about 20 years ago because I thought it would block me," she said. "However, it's been very easy to avoid reading any, so live and let live. If I were a young writer, I'd want to own my own ideas. But maybe fan fiction is a transitional phase: whatever gets you there, gets you there."[136]

Anyway. Hit the jump for more, cut bc the AMC series is still a contentious topic, and I am providing a way for ppl to scroll past, if they prefer to do so.

---

A major thing that divided the fandom was the incoming information about AMC's adaptation of Interview with the Vampire into a TV series, and the changes to canon that they have announced. On August 25, 2021, Deadline.com announced one of the major changes in the casting of Jacob Anderson:

There were/are a lot of accusations of racism thrown at people who were/are disappointed about this, causing a split in the fandom. Several other updates on the series increased this divide. I have some info about that in #IWTV AMC tag, and I think this post sums up my feelings that, in general, some people want a faithful adaptation with as little change to canon as possible, to see the story that they fell in love with; other people want to see the story updated and are eager to fall in love with a new version that breathes new life into it. The arguments over which approach is better led to a friction where it felt like no one could talk about their reasons without the conversation escalating into fights, so I think a lot of people chose to withdraw from the conversation. Fair enough, no one is obligated to engage in a discussion that they don't want to.

As I mentioned, there was also an avalanche of anonhate/mean-spirited comments on some of VC fandom's fics on AO3, which if I recall correctly, was right around that time, as well. Again, I'm not up to date on that, but it seems to have calmed down.

I'm hopeful that we're at a point now where people can see that there's plenty of space in a fandom, some people can be thrilled about the adaptation, and other people can be not thrilled, and everything in between. I'm going to watch the show, I'm curious about it as an AU, it'll be interesting to see how the showrunners handle the changes they made.

#anon #ask #thank u #fandom #Deadline #articles #anne rice #vampire chronicles #vc news #iwtv amc #Jacob Anderson

[clubmates-a]

ok, this isn’t our first rodeo, so i’ll keep it simple, (esp since this one is pretty wordy all by itself): a hc dump for yuri will be under the cut! <3  

>yuri is the sole heiress to her family’s business, ‘oh-ware!’, a fairly well-known OS and general software company in japan, which is fun. or, well. it would be without the inattentive/emotionally abusive parents, and the pressure that’s been weighing down on her since she was a child, to be perfect and poised and keep up family appearances. but it’s not like she exactly has a choice in the matter, so… >to say the least, her relationship with her parents isn’t one of love, but business, it’s cold and calculated. and, that’s if they’re even around at all–when not in the office, they’re out at business parties, taking business trips, holding conferences, making public appearances, etc etc. so, unless it’s a 'family event’ or s/t particularly important, she’s left home alone, which she’s gotten pretty used to over the years.

>most ppl wouldn’t know this abt her tho, as she generally tries to keep her business-life and personal-life two v separate things. to her, there’s a big difference between ‘yuriko ohnishi’ and… well, just yuri, y'know? >but on a lighter note, switching between the two on a dime is her favorite party trick (with people that she trusts/that know, obvs). bc it’s v jarring to see her ‘get into character’, and she thinks the reactions are pretty funny.

>yuri is almost always wearing a specific dainty old locket, even tucking it inside her uniform on school days. it was a hand-me-down from her grandmother, the one family member she ever considered herself close to. unfortunely, she passed from old age when yuri was about twelve-ish, which left her upset for a long time. >but, she’s glad to have something to remember her by, at least. just having the locket on her makes her feel a lil bit more at ease in a lot of situations. >(the picture inside said locket isn’t of anyone in particular, instead it’s a faded photo of a simple wedding bouquet, made up of lavender and baby’s breath.)

>she’s bullied at school since her studious, and skittish nature makes her a prime target in her classmate’s eyes, esp w/ all her personal quirks and ‘strange’ interests. she’s purposefully tripped, has her hair pulled, she has trouble picking up sarcasm which is used to mess with her, mean notes are left on her desk and/or locker, she’s given rude nicknames, etc etc. >it’s gotten a lil better in the last year or so, but she’s still generally alienated. she usually eats lunch on the rooftop alone, but recently her clubmates have started to join her, which she’s appreciative of.

>yuri has a slight phobia of storms/lightning in particular + the dark, because of an incident from when she was about seven years old. one night after being left home alone, a heavy storm rolled in, and at one point caused the power to go out in the whole house. it freaked her out, and she didn’t know what to do/she had no one to turn to. she ended up hiding under the kitchen table until she eventually fell asleep.

>she struggles with some chronic pain from an dance injury to her left knee, which thankfully, didn’t result in her having to quit ballet. but, some days are worse then others, and when it’s particularly bad she either wears a brace, or uses a cane. >also: sayori decorated her cane with stickers after a heart-to-heart she + yuri had abt their different experiences with chronic illness and chronic pain, respectively.  

>during times where she’s not too busy during the week, yuri can be found at a small bookstore near the school, either reading, doing homework, or volunteering. >she goes to ballet classes on fridays + saturdays, ever since she was a kid. it was originally just another thing her parents signed her up for, but it’s s/t she rlly enjoys. >tbh if she weren’t an heir/expected to take up the family business, she’d go to a ballet school, and work to become a professional, but… you know how it is.

>she’s usually a bit late to the on wednesdays. why? well, inspired by some of her favorite bands she’s taken up playing guitar (specifically a bass), so, she has lessons with a girl from the music club that day! >none of her friends/the other literature club members know about this though. she knows sayori would ask her to play for them, and. she wants to practice some more first, okay? she’s nervous, ok…

>there’s a lil cemetery park near yuri’s house that she visits often to read, think, bird-watch, and just generally get some peace and quiet. there’s a particular bench she likes since it’s sort of tucked away, and usually in the shade of a nearby tree. >sometimes, she’ll take a walk and visit her grandmother’s grave, along with a few of the older, more lonely graves. she cleans them up, and leaves something small. >she realizes the 'goth hanging out in a cemetery’ thing is maybe a lil stereotypical, but! she legit finds the place calming, alright? let her live! (…no pun intended, ofc.)

>yuri has an interest in photography, to the point she almost joined the photography club last year, but promptly chickened out last second. she really puts herself into each piece, so, it’s more then a lil nerve-wracking to share that stuff with people, esp strangers! (even if she ended up doing that anyway, in the literature club.) >even so, it’s another thing she’s passionate about! her preferred styles are: still-life, portrait, and night-time. some of her photos do involve color, but they’re mostly in B&W.

>yuri is big on doing things properly, all those lil details and extra steps matter to her. bc of this, she’s developed lots of 'routines’, even for small, average things.   >for example, when trying to do some homework or write she: gets her notebook, gets some sticky notes, neatly lays out her pens and inks, turns on her AC, and turns her desk lamp on, in that order. it just helps her get into the zone, basically.

>some stuff u’d find in her room are!– *her knife collection, ofc. she has all types, but her favorites tend to be switch blades/pocket-knives, daggers, and butterfly knives! also: any fun novelty knives. *teacups + saucers! and a few teapots too, some of them are for decoration, but some are for actual use. she  likes kintsugi-styled stuff in particular bc! it’s pretty!

*fantasy/horror movie posters, fantasy/horror movie soundtrack records, box-sets of a few of her favorite book series’, horror movie masks for display purposes, etc etc. general fandom memorabilia, basically. *has a few old 'haunted/cursed’ dolls she’s bought over the years, usually on impulse. but, they all have names and she loves them. *animal skulls + other assorted animal bones. yes, they’re real.

>though, unfortunately a lot of this stuff (mostly the horror-related things) end up covered up/hidden, since her parents don’t rlly approve, they say it’s 'unladylike’.

>yuri has. v big feelings on horror movies that are jumpscare fests and pure gore and nothing else, don’t get her started unless you’re prepared to hear all about it. >she loves horror as a genre, obvs, but. to her, there’s gotta be a point to it. like, even if it’s just 'people do bad things, bc that’s just how people are’, then. great! does she rlly agree with it? no, but. at least it gives u s/t to think about, y'know? >she doesn’t mind watching them tho, especially with friends, since they’re still fun to pick apart/make fun of, but. just… know what ur getting into first.

>you know how in act two it’s mentioned yuri brings a different knife to school each day? well, that’s true, hence how she died, but. it can be sort of said for act one yuri as well, just… in a less intense sense–aka she often carries around a small swiss army knife, for a multitude of reasons. >she started carrying it around in middle school, as it was her very first knife, so while it may seem silly, it has a lot of meaning to her!

>has two japanese rhinoceros beetles named 'hana’ and 'nana’ as pets, and. y'know how people baby-talk their dogs? yeah, that’s her with them. don’t @ her! >vaguely dabbles in the ‘occult’ at times, though i wouldn’t say she practices, its done mostly in a casual sense. does tarot readings for fun, taught herself how to read palms, collects pretty crystals and memorizes their meanings/uses, etc etc! >yuri was. 100% one of those kids that taught themselves how to speak elvish (or some other fictional/fantasy language) + bits and pieces of klingon too, probably.

>is a secret adrenaline junkie, which probably at least partly influenced her interest in the horror genre/spooky things in general, collecting knives, etc etc. when the school’s cultural festival rolls around, you’ll often find yuri hiding out in whichever class is putting on a haunted house. she’d probs also really like thrill-rides + roller -coasters, but she hasn’t been to an amusement park since she was a kid, sadly. >bad/tacky romance type novels are still a big guilty pleasure of hers despite what she might say–she keeps a box of them hidden in her closet under some general clutter. and yes, she would die of embarrassment if anyone ever found out, lmao

>yuri’s kinda nosy? idk if that’s the right word, bc she doesn’t mean any harm, of course, but: her casually eavesdropping on sayori + MC’s conversation, her being curious when MC mentions sayori avoiding him, etc etc. y'know? >and. idk, i find that kinda interesting? yuri keeps to herself, and just. reads, so. i wouldn’t be surprised if people blab abt stuff around her without thinking abt it. either bc they didn’t notice her, forgot she was there, assume she’s too engrossed in her book, or don’t think that she would care–but rlly, she’s like 👀👀👀, lmao >yuri is. v much the type to people-watch in general, tbh! she knows its not exactly very polite, and she would never, use anything she hears against anyone, or share it around or anything. it just makes her happy, in a weird way? makes her feel included, i guess. like she’s apart of something! she doesn’t have a lot of her own friends, after all. (she’d doesn’t rlly like talking abt it though, fearing ridicule + people thinking it’s weird or creepy or w/e.) >some of yuri’s fidgets/habits are!-- 

*often folds her hands, holds them close to her chest, tucks them behind her back, etc etc–both out of awkwardness, and to kept them from wandering, and looking for s/t to fidget with. *tends to walk on her tippy-toes/the balls of her feet, but maybe that’s not so surprising from a dancer. this means she walks rlly quietly though, and tends to accidentally scare people, rip, lmao *fiddles with her hair a lot, twirling it around her finger, playing with the ends, trying to hide behind it, etc etc.

*gently bites/chews on the ends of her pens while in deep thought, or generally day-dreaming. which is… fairly often, if i’m being honest. *she’s REALLY bad with making eye-contact like, 98% of the time. if she makes direct eye-contact with you, she is Very Serious™. *she tends to pick up some of her friend’s usual gestures: a certain pouty face from natsuki, a few of monika’s poses, the 👉👈 thing bc of sayori, etc etc. she doesn’t do it on purpose, of course, but. it’s done out of love for her friends! she just thinks they’re neat, ok

#* && OOC #* && YURI /// DEEP; BROODING ! #first hc post........... hell yeah #long post tw

[violetncee]

ok, this isn’t our first rodeo, so i’ll keep it simple, (esp since this one is pretty wordy all by itself): a hc dump for yuri will be under the cut! <3

>yuri is the sole heiress to her family’s business, ‘oh-ware!’, a fairly well-known OS and general software company in japan, which is fun. or, well. it would be without the inattentive/emotionally abusive parents, and the pressure that’s been weighing down on her since she was a child, to be perfect and poised and keep up family appearances. but it’s not like she exactly has a choice in the matter, so… >to say the least, her relationship with her parents isn’t one of love, but business, it’s cold and calculated. and, that’s if they’re even around at all–when not in the office, they’re out at business parties, taking business trips, holding conferences, making public appearances, etc etc. so, unless it’s a ‘family event’ or s/t particularly important, she’s left home alone, which she’s gotten pretty used to over the years.

>most ppl wouldn’t know this abt her tho, as she generally tries to keep her business-life and personal-life two v separate things. to her, there’s a big difference between ‘yuriko ohnishi’ and… well, just yuri, y'know? >but on a lighter note, switching between the two on a dime is her favorite party trick (with people that she trusts/that know, obvs). bc it’s v jarring to see her ‘get into character’, and she thinks the reactions are pretty funny.

>yuri is almost always wearing a specific dainty old locket, even tucking it inside her uniform on school days. it was a hand-me-down from her grandmother, the one family member she ever considered herself close to. unfortunely, she passed from old age when yuri was about twelve-ish, which left her upset for a long time. >but, she’s glad to have something to remember her by, at least. just having the locket on her makes her feel a lil bit more at ease in a lot of situations. >(the picture inside said locket isn’t of anyone in particular, instead it’s a faded photo of a simple wedding bouquet, made up of lavender and baby’s breath.)

>she’s bullied at school since her studious, and skittish nature makes her a prime target in her classmate’s eyes, esp w/ all her personal quirks and ‘strange’ interests. she’s purposefully tripped, has her hair pulled, she has trouble picking up sarcasm which is used to mess with her, mean notes are left on her desk and/or locker, she’s given rude nicknames, etc etc. >it’s gotten a lil better in the last year or so, but she’s still generally alienated. she usually eats lunch on the rooftop alone, but recently her clubmates have started to join her, which she’s appreciative of.

>yuri has a slight phobia of storms/lightning in particular + the dark, because of an incident from when she was about seven years old. one night after being left home alone, a heavy storm rolled in, and at one point caused the power to go out in the whole house. it freaked her out, and she didn’t know what to do/she had no one to turn to. she ended up hiding under the kitchen table until she eventually fell asleep.

>she struggles with some chronic pain from an dance injury to her left knee, which thankfully, didn’t result in her having to quit ballet. but, some days are worse then others, and when it’s particularly bad she either wears a brace, or uses a cane. >also: sayori decorated her cane with stickers after a heart-to-heart she + yuri had abt their different experiences with chronic illness and chronic pain, respectively.

>during times where she’s not too busy during the week, yuri can be found at a small bookstore near the school, either reading, doing homework, or volunteering. >she goes to ballet classes on fridays + saturdays, ever since she was a kid. it was originally just another thing her parents signed her up for, but it’s s/t she rlly enjoys. >tbh if she weren’t an heir/expected to take up the family business, she’d go to a ballet school, and work to become a professional, but… you know how it is.

>she’s usually a bit late to the on wednesdays. why? well, inspired by some of her favorite bands she’s taken up playing guitar (specifically a bass), so, she has lessons with a girl from the music club that day! >none of her friends/the other literature club members know about this though. she knows sayori would ask her to play for them, and. she wants to practice some more first, okay? she’s nervous, ok…

>there’s a lil cemetery park near yuri’s house that she visits often to read, think, bird-watch, and just generally get some peace and quiet. there’s a particular bench she likes since it’s sort of tucked away, and usually in the shade of a nearby tree. >sometimes, she’ll take a walk and visit her grandmother’s grave, along with a few of the older, more lonely graves. she cleans them up, and leaves something small. >she realizes the 'goth hanging out in a cemetery’ thing is maybe a lil stereotypical, but! she legit finds the place calming, alright? let her live! (…no pun intended, ofc.)

>yuri has an interest in photography, to the point she almost joined the photography club last year, but promptly chickened out last second. she really puts herself into each piece, so, it’s more then a lil nerve-wracking to share that stuff with people, esp strangers! (even if she ended up doing that anyway, in the literature club.) >even so, it’s another thing she’s passionate about! her preferred styles are: still-life, portrait, and night-time. some of her photos do involve color, but they’re mostly in B&W.

>yuri is big on doing things properly, all those lil details and extra steps matter to her. bc of this, she’s developed lots of 'routines’, even for small, average things. >for example, when trying to do some homework or write she: gets her notebook, gets some sticky notes, neatly lays out her pens and inks, turns on her AC, and turns her desk lamp on, in that order. it just helps her get into the zone, basically.

>some stuff u’d find in her room are!– *her knife collection, ofc. she has all types, but her favorites tend to be switch blades/pocket-knives, daggers, and butterfly knives! also: any fun novelty knives. *teacups + saucers! and a few teapots too, some of them are for decoration, but some are for actual use. she likes kintsugi-styled stuff in particular bc! it’s pretty!

*fantasy/horror movie posters, fantasy/horror movie soundtrack records, box-sets of a few of her favorite book series’, horror movie masks for display purposes, etc etc. general fandom memorabilia, basically. *has a few old 'haunted/cursed’ dolls she’s bought over the years, usually on impulse. but, they all have names and she loves them. *animal skulls + other assorted animal bones. yes, they’re real.

>though, unfortunately a lot of this stuff (mostly the horror-related things) end up covered up/hidden, since her parents don’t rlly approve, they say it’s 'unladylike’.

>yuri has. v big feelings on horror movies that are jumpscare fests and pure gore and nothing else, don’t get her started unless you’re prepared to hear all about it. >she loves horror as a genre, obvs, but. to her, there’s gotta be a point to it. like, even if it’s just 'people do bad things, bc that���s just how people are’, then. great! does she rlly agree with it? no, but. at least it gives u s/t to think about, y'know? >she doesn’t mind watching them tho, especially with friends, since they’re still fun to pick apart/make fun of, but. just… know what ur getting into first.

>you know how in act two it’s mentioned yuri brings a different knife to school each day? well, that’s true, hence how she died, but. it can be sort of said for act one yuri as well, just… in a less intense sense–aka she often carries around a small swiss army knife, for many reasons. >she started carrying it around in middle school, as it was her very first knife, so while it may seem silly, it has a lot of meaning to her!

>has two japanese rhinoceros beetles named 'hana’ and 'nana’ as pets, and. y'know how people baby-talk their dogs? yeah, that’s her with them. don’t @ her! >vaguely dabbles in the ‘occult’ at times, though i wouldn’t say she practices, its done mostly in a casual sense. does tarot readings for fun, taught herself how to read palms, collects pretty crystals and memorizes their meanings/uses, etc etc! >yuri was. 100% one of those kids that taught themselves how to speak elvish (or some other fictional/fantasy language) + bits and pieces of klingon too, probably.

>is a secret adrenaline junkie, which probably at least partly influenced her interest in the horror genre/spooky things in general, collecting knives, etc etc. when the school’s cultural festival rolls around, you’ll often find yuri hiding out in whichever class is putting on a haunted house. she’d probs also really like thrill-rides + roller -coasters, but she hasn’t been to an amusement park since she was a kid, sadly. >bad/tacky romance type novels are still a big guilty pleasure of hers despite what she might say–she keeps a box of them hidden in her closet under some general clutter. and yes, she would die of embarrassment if anyone ever found out, lmao

>yuri’s kinda nosy? idk if that’s the right word, bc she doesn’t mean any harm, of course, but: her casually eavesdropping on sayori + MC’s conversation, her being curious when MC mentions sayori avoiding him, etc etc. y'know? >and. idk, i find that kinda interesting? yuri keeps to herself, and just. reads, so. i wouldn’t be surprised if people blab abt stuff around her without thinking abt it. either bc they didn’t notice her, forgot she was there, assume she’s too engrossed in her book, or don’t think that she would care–but rlly, she’s like 👀👀👀, lmao >yuri is. v much the type to people-watch in general, tbh! she knows its not exactly very polite, and she would never, use anything she hears against anyone, or share it around or anything. it just makes her happy, in a weird way? makes her feel included, i guess. like she’s apart of something! she doesn’t have a lot of her own friends, after all. (she’d doesn’t rlly like talking abt it though, fearing ridicule + people thinking it’s weird or creepy or w/e.)

>some of yuri’s fidgets/habits are!–

*often folds her hands, holds them close to her chest, tucks them behind her back, etc etc–both out of awkwardness, and to kept them from wandering, and looking for s/t to fidget with. *tends to walk on her tippy-toes/the balls of her feet, but maybe that’s not so surprising from a dancer. this means she walks rlly quietly though, and tends to accidentally scare people, rip, lmao *fiddles with her hair a lot, twirling it around her finger, playing with the ends, trying to hide behind it, etc etc.

*gently bites/chews on the ends of her pens while in deep thought, or generally day-dreaming. which is… fairly often, if i’m being honest. *she’s REALLY bad with making eye-contact like, 98% of the time. if she makes direct eye-contact with you, she is Very Serious™. *she tends to pick up some of her friend’s usual gestures: a certain pouty face from natsuki, a few of monika’s poses, the 👉👈 thing bc of sayori, etc etc. she doesn’t do it on purpose, of course, but. it’s done out of love for her friends! she just thinks they’re neat, ok

#* && OOC #* && YURI /// DEEP; BROODING ! #first hc post........... hell yeah #long post tw

[mariproducer]

wait you play splat3 too? Oh man I went into the game wondering why it was rated e10 and going through the story it kinda hit why it got bumped up when going though the final fight. Though was there anything you had any thoughts on, for me it was how even did the captured octarians get turned into those fuzzy enemies I'm hoping it gets answered in the DLC

AHHH YES I DO actually I'm a splatoon veteran since the very first game (*＾∀ﾟ )ъ started playing a week before the Burgers vs. Pizza splatfest.

My thoughts will be under the cut so as to not spoil the game for those who aren't in the know ^_^)b

Alright so. As someone who's been around since the first game, I thought it was absolutely GENIUS of them to open the story mode with what we previously saw in the prior hero modes. I know 2 was most ppl's intro to the game bc the Wii U was a flop console, but 2's hero mode sucked BALLS, and that problem was compounded by the method of unlocking the hero replica weapons (I only went out of my way for the charger and splatling I couldn't go further). So ya know breathe of fresh air to fight Octavio first, rather than last... love subversion of expectations so much. Imo, not too mad abt them rehashing Octo Expansion's style of levels, bc I found it to be fun and refreshing. Being able to choose where you want to go is great.

I was also pleasantly surprised that Deep Cut filled in the rest of the boss roster... definitely not something I was expecting (yes I did successfully avoid all spoilers before I got the game, so I basically went in blind). They're a silly trio I really like their attitudes.

Hmm. I will say Mr. Grizz being the final boss was expected. I liked the remix of the Salmon Run jingle during his fight. Though, I think I'm just as lost as you are on how Grizz managed to kidnap Octarians and turn them into fuzz. The cutscenes we got, especially in the ending sequence, were absolutely stellar. Again, it just shows how much splatoon has grown over installments, because we went from just having Callie and Marie banter in the background of the original Octavio fight, to unique cutscenes its amazing. I'll admit I did think they were gonna kill off Cuttlefish 💀

I think the only things to disappoint me about this story mode is that... I felt as though the rewards from completing everything felt very lacking... For example, there's no other hero replica weapons besides the hero shot (makes me very sad as someone who'd use the hero charger replica since the very start). And you don't get the outfit you wear for most of the campaign; ik its torn up but come on it looked cool. And also... for such a long stage and difficult, depending on the person, After Alterna's rewards kinda suck 😭 the bear ears are nice but besides that, the title, and the Grizz badge... its not a lot.

#ask #anon #not mlb #splatoon 3 spoilers