#did you know there are conservatives there??? I dont think the catholic is but I work there at the food pantry and theres like 3 whole

[devoursbears]

So I go to a gay church in my area because I like the community and it is honestly incredible to see old queers every week. But I've been thinking recently about this particular dynamic in the bible study group.

in the group there is this gay catholic and and a nonbinary communist who are both retirement age and butt heads on every topic, with the Catholic very adamant in his positions and being sure of his being right about How To Christianity. Then the Communist who has studied other religions and is much more concerned with the Divinity found in humanity than some invisible Patriarch making all the rules. and it as me thinking about the Uber Right Wing politics of a buncha christians, and how 'traditional christianity' really does make sense with their political views (and lets be honest, it was designed that way)

because like, the Catholic. He means well, but basically always falls back to "Yeah God is easy. He is perfect and mysterious and we can't understand him but we have to follow his rules and those rules are the Bible and the Catholic Doctrine." Which. Every time I hear him talk I cant help but hear right wing rhetoric about not questioning established authority and how those in power got there in the first place.

For example, there was a discussion about Sin. and the Catholic goes on the expected spiel of "Sin is these actions as defined by bible and to be rid of sin you have to do the 3 step plan that the church made up which goes like admit guilt, apologize, then repent by not doing the thing again and also pray about it. Bam Done. Easy Peasy."

He kept repeating this line of reasoning even when this other guy, a New guy who specifically doesn't like Christianity because of people who prescribe how to think and act, as it is a trigger for New guy. But the Catholic couldn't tell that. His Catholic Programming wasn't able to compute any other way of a Correct Relationship with Religion. It felt incredibly reminiscent of something along the lines of "oh its easy to not get arrested, just don't to a crime sweaty :))))" type rhetoric.

and I don't have the writing skills to make extensive conclusions and tie all the strings together but I just wanted to share this pattern I see. where right wing Evangelical Christians have their view on life baked in in every aspect of their beliefs. and its frustrating!!! because religion even including Christianity can be a helpful tool for spirituality/hope in the world/ community for people but just like any system of power, it is important to question the structure, and who is in power and why. And like most power structures that want to maintain that structure, Christianity and Right Wing rhetoric often go hand in hand in their ability to drive any questioning out.

Anyhow, shoutout to Alien the 70ish year old nonbinary racing champ with an intersex cat they are my hero and I love them for having the energy to push back against the Catholic and his rigid power structures.

#I really wanted to make this into a tighter essay or something but I'd rather have done than perfect at the moment #I have so many thoughts about gay church #did you know there are conservatives there??? I dont think the catholic is but I work there at the food pantry and theres like 3 whole #whole people that hate poor people but still volunteer I want to study them but I don't have the patience #anyhow #Christianity #religion #musings #i think I had a tag for original text posts once

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

Remember how you showed that Astruc once stated at teenage years, Chloe and basically everyone is suppose to grow and gain their own moral compasses from their parents (https://www.tumblr.com/immaturityofthomasastruc/665433374354194432/one-thing-i-dont-like-about-astruc-is-that-he)

Uh no, not always true. I'm gonna go a little personal on my own life on how this is wrong.

I grew up in a religious/conservative household. Almost every family member that I had was either religious (mainly Christian or Catholic) and/or voted Republican. I was taught that marriage was only between man and woman, that Democrats were socialist communists, that X was a sin in God's eyes, etc...and while I wouldn't say that my family were abusive, their teachings gave me some sort of emotional affect on me until I became a teenager in middle school.

This is where I came out as bi, learned more about LGBTQ, hell I was even AFRAID of coming out to my parents; scared that they would disown me. Luckily, they didn't. However, to this day, my mom still doesn't believe me while my dad is more tolerable of it.

It wasn't until my early-mid 20s that I finally started to gain that independence away from my parents. Where I began to question religion, where I began to see both political parties as rotten and toxic, I began to develop my own ideologies. Yes, I did develop them when I was still in school, but it wasn't until around my adulthood that I finally went through the stage of developing physically and mentally. Basically, puberty came back to me around my 20s and continued where it left off.

Also, does Astruc not know that the brain doesn't stop maturing until age 25? Like, no shit, Chloe is still gonna act up because she is a CHILD! You just don't wake up one day and go "Hooray! I'm finally a mature person!" No, it takes time and effect to develop, change, and mature.

So no Astruc, not every teen gains that independence or moral compass away from their parents either due to their beliefs still affecting them or not going through the mental or physical stage you were suppose to go through during puberty.

P.S. I do apologize if this is too long or too personal. Especially during the puberty part. I was only giving out what I'd learned growing up and what I went through when developing myself.

Don't worry, I didn't think any of this was inappropriate, and your story raises a good point.

It's really weird, because teenagers are usually depicted in pop culture as being wildly irresponsible, not being moral paragons who have their lives in order. If this is what he really believes, you have to wonder what exactly he was like as a teenager, or if he was embezzling the truth of not.

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #thomas astruc #thomas astruc salt

[sistervirtue]

socially conservative catholic logic. on hazbin hotel. i love reading

did you know if you dont like a show that has gay people in it youre a conservative catholic. man. baptized and i didnt even have to go to a church this is awesome do you think i can get sainthood next

#my post wasnt even that serious it was just abt how all three are super edgy grossout cartoons LOL

[wheresurboytonighthelookslikeenj]

hello!! i hope your day is going/went amazing :]

i have two questions if you dont mind me asking,, 1. where in the philippines are you/your parents from and 2. did you/are you going to a catholic school? For me im from Manila (i know crazy!!!!!!) and ive always been in a catholic private school cause my parents are reaLLLY conservative.

sana di ako nageestorbo sayo ahdhfjjdjg,, at okay lang kung ayaw mo tong sagutin, curious lang ako!!

hihi!! my day is going pretty cool (my braces got removed yippee)

taga sa rizal ang pamilya ko, pero hindi ko sure kung gusto kong mag-specify yung bayan. (though ive talked about my hometown culture before!!) crazy that youre from manila wow!! i've never gone to private school, i've lived in canada since i was two at gusto ng mga magulang ko na marunong akong magsalita ng french so i've been in french immersion public school all my life (though weirdly enough my elementary school had a religious sounding name even though it was very much not religious)

hindi naman mo ako iniistorbo! i like to think that it's essential conversation for pinoys who are not currently living in the philippines (me) to discuss where theyre from it's like the first thing my parents have to ask when i make new filipino friends. i also like the tagalog practice 😌💞

[hexfane]

oh shit i forgot tumblr is the PLACE to BE for oversharing. if you see this but dont care no you dont

absolutely insane rabid chomping at the bit madness in part because *hypo*manic episode and in part because genuine life changes nd trying to unlearn bad habits :~[

i am so fucking sick of holding myself back but i am such a dumb kicked puppy for no reason

i eternally am waiting for the shoe to drop. it always feels like im one second away from getting my heart ripped out of my chest and every day i feel so much shame when i Literally Didnt Do Anything. believe me if i had anything to actually gaf about i wouldn't be willingly expressing shit. but im always like Theyre Going To Get Me. who queen!! or Theyre Going To Find Out. find out what queen!!

why am i ashamed of being happy. why am i ashamed of being myself and doing things i enjoy.

why do i have fucking catholic guilt when i wasnt even raised religious lmao

and especially with big ol neon letters why am i ashamed of the fact i want to be known and cared about? ive internalized the fact im undeserving of care and that im doomed to never have it i dont even start and any attempts to even find piece in the segments of reality i set aside for myself makes me feel like im fucking evil. i get so mad at myself for expressing genuine emotion like actually fucking angry like im doing something wrong and people are going to hate me.

i also have a nebulous counter in my head that decides when i have been Too Free and that Now Everyone Will Hate You. Why Did You Do That? You Have Fucked Up. and i only know when i reach that point after ive done it, and it can be triggered by something as simple as liking a post or literally done absolutely nothing

just kidding i know why! it is the neurodivergence. i feel like the way my brain works makes me exist in a manner inherently incongruent from other people and that i am like a fucking creep for even trying to relate to other people, like i am a subhuman for the way i think and feel and live

i left my job recently bc of dumb petty teenage drama that made me have a massive meltdown at my Grown Ass Age and i think that also really fucked my shit up even further because im like borderline agoraphobic about talking to other people now? or being in situations socially that arent fully normalized to me? like im pushing through it and doing New Things TM but it is pretty taxing mentally and i think im on the butt end of that where now im just kinda empty feeling

also if you read this and are psychoanalyzing me yes i already know i suffer from paranoia/delusion issues and thats a big part of my shit ik. i dont do anything to exacerbate any kind of psychosis because for as much as i meme about it i am a pretty fucking conservative smoker and drinker. i eat my wheaties and shit, body has no reason to make me so crazy, and yet.

just know if i ever talk to you or interact with you in any way i have already accepted the fact that me doing that will make you think less of me just by default and fussed over it internally already before making the decision.

did you enjoy the spectacle, if u got down here? dw i dont mean that in a mean accusatory way i like reading these too, i'm nosey. thanks for listening

[weirdmageddon]

i had no clue about this new show until now so i looked it up and, while i can definitely see that this show has some potentially massive issues if it's not handled properly, i'm not seeing anything so far that would make it more problematic (i know that word's overused but it's the best i can think of h) than Gravity Falls already was. i mean, Bill Cipher himself is a sentient illuminati symbol who posses canonically Jewish characters on screen multiple times (Ford and Dipper). There's also Grunkle Stan starting off as a pretty glaring stereotype of Jewish people being money hungry, but that's at least slightly subverted when his motives are explained. i'm not saying any of this to condemn Gravity Falls or Alex Hirsch or to excuse anything going on in the upcoming show (especially since i'm not Jewish myself and have no say on the matter either way), i'm just curious as to why you're more wary of this show when Gravity Falls has very similar problematic elements. Thanks for reading this all the way through, sorry if any of this was confusing or came off as accusatory.

okay so let me answer this as an actual jewish person

the design of bill, eye of providence, isnt by itself tied to the illuminati (and there are different illuminati groups anyway) but has become conflated with such in the modern age which is what made bill such a controversial design so alex could piss off rosary-clutching evangelicals (which i gotta say is something i can respect). it would be wrong of me to completely ignore the conflation though and as we all know once historically normal symbols can become corrupted and lose their original meaning but nowhere in the show is the illuminati called by name.. in the show, the eye of providence symbol was modeled after bill himself appearing throughout history and bestowing guidance upon human beings for millennia which is more in line with the original symbol itself—the eye of god bestowing divinity and providence—than a “secret elite group”. he’s also got a pyramid pattern which is inspired by the half pyramid on the back of united states seal. the eye of providence itself does not have anything to do with pyramid imagery outside of this. (this also goes without saying but bill also has one of the fucking best character designs in history im a sucker for eye imagery, his stupid little mr. peanut top hat and bowtie and his little L-shaped feet)

the problem with the illuminati anyway isnt the illuminati themselves but the DEMONIZATION of them by the catholic church because they opposed superstition, obscurantism, religious influence over public life and abuses of state power. the catholic church and conservatives did not like that and of course used the jews as a scapegoat for their paranoia like fucking usual. the eye of providence is not even mentioned on the wikipedia page. the only common thread between the illuminati and the eye of providence is freemasonry (who are also subject to antisemitic conspiracies)—which used the eye of providence as iconography sporadically and even then was only sometimes enclosed in a triangle. sometimes all the answers are right in front of you

and i think that you’re reaching too far about bill possessing them. stan and ford were definitely raised jewish as seen in the journal but i dont think theres any canon evidence for mabel and dipper other than people going wild with headcanons because hirsch is half-jewish. and even if the pines are all jewish it affects nothing about the plot of the show which is uncovering the weirdness and mysteries of a strange town called gravity falls wherein bill uses them as pawns so he can move his triangle ass to a new dimension because the nightmare realm is unstable.

even after it was revealed he was raised jewish i never got jewish stereotype vibes from stan but that’s probably because it was revealed after we found out the reason he was so money-fixated (kicked out of home, forced to survive and told his dad he’d millions on his own to prove that hes capable without ford). if we were told he was raised jewish before we knew his backstory and before he got much depth i think it would’ve been different though.

i’m wary of alex’s new show because it’s actually going to be a comedy about the about the actual real life conspiracies that are used as antisemitic dog whistles (reptilians, new world order shit) and it will be a disaster if not handled properly. i don’t care if he’s half-jewish—i’m jewish and i just don’t think it’s right to be playing those things off as some lala funny things and distorting the conspiracies from their antisemitic roots any further so that they dont seem as bad. even if conspiracy jokes are made in good faith because of how absurd it is (like sure reptilians controlling the government does seem absurd) it still holds the feeling of being called a slur deep down because they were originally created to dehumanize us

and looking at this...

great! still feels like im lowkey being shit on but dont worry its a new spin on it. how about you guys just dont make the show❤️

it’s just a bit tone-deaf and insensitive i think, especially in this day and age when misinformation and conspiracies in general are actively out of control and a present danger, due to the information bubbles and digital tribalism curated online. it’s not the right time for lighthearted comedy on this because it walks a very thin line of falling into insensitive territory by making real life conspiracy theories seem less dangerous to society than they actually are. and of course it also downplays the roots of classic conspiracies, which are of course drenched in antisemitism

#anyway if youre not jewish dont speak on jewish topics if you havent done research #inside job #alex hirsch

[filmnoirsbian]

ok. so im a trans dude and i am not out to my dad because he lives in a whole other state, and im turning 18 soon so i wanna come out to him & i dont think im gonna get disowned or anything, but like how. do you deal with like the constant undercurrent of dissaproval? because i know hes hyper conservative but id still like to. keep in touch. mostly because of my little brother. sorry to bother u w/ this its late & got no one 2 talk to

It's not a bother. Honestly, I might not be the best person to answer this because by the time I came out to my parents, I was a completely financially independent adult living in a different state and also I had already been disowned and kicked out previously as a teenager. So they knew I was very prepared to cut them out of my life again if they didn't shape up and act right. I held all of the cards. I'm assuming your relationship with your mom and brother is better and that you're already out to them. I think what's most important is to ensure you have a good support system in case his reaction is worse than you expect, and also to fall back on if you ever elect to discontinue that relationship completely. With regards to the "constant undercurrent of disapproval," I simply made it clear to my parents that my life and identity weren't up for debate. As two "libertarian" catholics, I'm sure you can imagine they didn't take it well when I came out. My mother actually screamed and threw a planter at the wall lol. And then I left their house and didn't speak to them for 4 or 5 months, during which time they did whatever they had to do to come to terms with it. Now, my mom is tentatively supportive and wants me to find a wife as soon as possible so we can adopt her next grandchildren. My dad and I simply don't discuss it, but to be fair, we never discussed things like that (sexuality, relationships, etc) before I came out. We mostly just talk about poetry and wood working. What I'm saying is, I don't deal with their disapproval, because I don't allow them to inject that into our relationship. And tbh, I recommend you do the same. You're much younger than I am, and I suspect a great deal more dependent on your parents (as you should be!), so I know this sort of thing might not feel feasible. I know you might feel like you have to just grin and bear it--and you might, I don't know all the details of your situation, and your safety must come first before everything else. But if your choices are: 1. Having a relationship with your father but you must allow him to constantly disrespect you and make you feel bad for who you are, or 2. Not having a relationship with your father, I will always always always recommend option 2. Sometimes walking away and cutting them off is better. In any case, I think it's very cool and brave of you to be coming out to him at all, and I wish you the best 💝

#asks #the world only spins forward

[nightcoremoon]

weird opinion but christians aren't religious.

ok so like, jews generally follow god's rules, muslims follow allah's rules, hindus probably follow their gods rules, so on and so forth. and overall they do it out of faith; they do it because they want to honor the deity who loves them rather than because society forces them to.

granted the zionists and the radical extremists and the zealots do exist but as loud minorities and thus are statistical outliers & don't matter.

christians are... a different breed.

"if you aren't x branch and dont obey y rules you'll go to hell so we'll fucking murder you" is pretty much the main driving force behind a significant portion of christianity in history. the catholics, the protestants, the orthodoxy, all are built on a foundation of fear, anger, and hatred. it's shaped the way society developed; in the 4 nations that did the most genocidal imperialist colonialism- England, France, Spain, and Italy- a combination of convenient coastal locations, naval prowess, military tendency, christianity, and ultranationalism lead them down a path of missionaries, holding bibles in one hand and bloodstained knives in the other. the religion is inseparable from the culture and inseparable from the horrible things done in the name of their god, and the resulting cancers of society we feel today from the campaigns of slaughter. xenophobia. capitalism. savage barbarism via sensationalized capitol punishment. misogyny. queerphobia. gender fascism. classism. racism. all of these issues in the "civilized world" stem predominantly from those four nations and the disease ridden pestilent filth some call pilgrims.

here's something interesting:

there are less than 1 million rastafari in the world.

there are less than 5 million shinto in the world.

there are less than 25 million jews in the world.

there are less than 30 million sikhs in the world.

there are roughly 100 million african cultural religious adherents in the world.

there are less than 400 million chinese cultural religious adherents in the world.

there are about 500 million buddhists in the world.

there are about 1.1 billion hindus in the world.

there are about 1.2 billion nonreligious people in the world.

there are 1.6 billion muslims in the world.

and one final statistic

there are over 2.1 billion christians in the world.

the jewish count is a highball, rounded up, and includes several different definitions of jewish including people who are only one quarter. so for every single person who is even remotely jewish, there are more than 8 christians. for every hindu, there are 4 christians. for every atheist, agnostic, or "other", 2 christians. this frightening statistic should set off warning bells for everyone who is involved in a discussion about religion. and anyone who knows BASIC world history and can correlate data at all can probably piece together what I'm putting down.

now, I may be slightly biased here considering my eclectic religious beliefs. now, I personally believe that there is some primary force of energy that may or may not manifest itself as a humanoid being, that engineered the most basic laws of physics in the universe: atomic magnetism. as can be inferred by planck's constant and its implications, our universe is digital, written in binary. an electron either moves or doesn't move. there are no other options. so I genuinely believe in some form of intelligent design; whether it's a bearded guy on a cloud, some dude with six arms and an elephant for a face, just a big swirling pool of ectoplasm, or a big ol' plate of spaghetti and meatballs, something is out there that we are physically incapable of contacting from our plane of existence, just as a drawing on a piece of paper cannot reach out to interact with the world: a gif will move on its own but it will never acknowledge our existence, even if it could think by itself. and all the different mythologies of the world- egyptian, greek, norse, shinto, whatever- very well could be the agents of that unknown "god". perhaps anubis, ra, and bastet are just angels with animal heads that all of the peoples of ancient egypt saw and were like oh I guess this must be a god. maybe zeus and loki were the same person with a magic dick who fucked a bunch of animals in both greece and the scandinavian countries and spawned all of the horrible half-animal monstrosities that, idk, made vishnu think "well I have to kill that" and caused the biblical flood or something. maybe the jewish god gifted wisdom to siddhartha for sitting under a fig tree for 6 years through the angel pomona [roman goddess of fruit, had to google that one], so buddha gets his wisdom from demeter and is in nirvana right now right a step up from hades on yggdrasil the world tree keeping an eye on his charge persephone. any theory could theoretically be true but we ants of humans will never fucking know because we can't just point a telescope at the magellanic clouds and say "look, there's amaterasu with russell's teapot, and she's having tea with... *rubs eyes* lemmy kilmister??? wow I guess gods are real after all!" it's impossible to know the secrets of our universe because of the very restrictive nature of the universe itself. is it a circle? is it a donut? WE DONT FUCKIN KNOW.

we cannot know what religion is truthful.

""anyone who says that any one religion is more or less true than any other is a fucking moron, and if they're suggesting that White Western European Colonial Imperialist Protestantism is the one true faith, they're probably a fucking racist colonizer who beats his wife/sister and burns gays at the stake. and considering how that exact demographic is typically the one that murdered people for not converting to their religion, I don't think they have the intellectual non-deranged ability to make those logical connections.

again, I'm not saying that there AREN'T a lot of people of every religion who are evil assholes who contributed to mass genocide. israelites killed palestinians. shiites killed sunnis. hutus killed tutsis. danes killed geats. turks killed armenians. the ottoman empire has as much blood on its hands as the holy roman empire. germans who called themselves aryans but weren't actually aryan killed jews. but all of these tragedies were isolated incidents rather than repeated patterns over the course of two thousand years. not like christianity was and is.

just look at the United States, Canada, Mexico, Hong Kong, South Africa, Australia, & India's British Raj. Britain, France, Spain, and Italy, by extension Protestantism and Catholicism, are the shared factor between the long and bloody history fraught with massacring indigenous populations who wouldn't convert religions. native americans, indigenous canadians, latin americans but predominantly mexicans, the eastern chinese, coastal africans, aborigine aussies, indians- coastal coastal coastal. true the western chinese and the mongols/hunnu and xinjiang muslims haven't exactly been on civil terms and the silk road has always been a battleground and the middle east was already tenuous before murrica bombed them for oil but those happened in such a spread out area among asia which is FUCKING HUGE, MIND YOU! but also that's three high traffic places with massive diversity, it's human nature to have conflict, but not nearly to the same level as all of the shit christianity has done to the world. it's impossible to separate the religion from the cultures; victorian england without protestantism is just dirty people who die at 15 from having their 3rd child. italy without the catholicism is just grass and cheese. france and spain without religion are just kingdoms that fought wars with england for forever and now just make food that's one part delicious and three parts horrifying. religion is directly responsible for a significant portion of the evils those countries committed. one religion in particular.

they don't practice religion the same way as the rest do. they aren't faithful to their god. they don't follow his rules out of love but out of fear. they execute dissenters without a second thought, heresy they cry. they execute women and little girls for being free thinking or having sickness associated with mercury poisoning in the water, witch they cry. they slaughter men women and kids alike in the name of cramming their beliefs down the natives throats, we're chasing out the snakes they cry, we're bringing god to your godless people they cry, we're just civilizing you they cry. they shit in the streets and proudly display rotting corpses and leave the impoverished disabled and starving to die alone and whip their slaves and rape teenage girls and scrap in the streets while sopping wet with spilled ale over insignificant insults and stab people to death in the night and never even fucking BATHE, and they have the nerve to say the natives were uncivilized. the nerve. because hey. they read a magic book they stole from a culture who stole from another culture who stole from another culture, mistranslating each time from hebrew to greek to italian to english, and they think they're better because their skin is white.

christians never evolved. their mentalities have stayed the same. all thatms advanced has been technology. that's it. they're still the same evil disgusting degenerate bastards they always were. they just have the money they stole to buy stained glass windows, rosary beads, giant tacky metal statues, bigass robes, leather, and printing presses. and as time passed they used the money they continued to steal to buy cars and websites and radio stations and commit felony tax evasion and secretly molest children and line the pockets of the politicians.

all of their holidays are stolen from pagans anyway.

so fuck christmas. fuck easter. fuck lent. fuck the golden calf christian holidays that the tiny minded fragile snowflake conservatives lose their collective shit over because the pandemic response common sense stipulations won't let them buy the shit they can't afford with money they shouldn't have for people they don't even LIKE, all in the name of tradition, tradition! the rituals that worship something so much worse than satan or baphomet or pan or whatever: the dollar. they buy all the new shiny shit they can, at the expense of the chinese kids that the corporate pigs outsource to, buy the pine trees and the coca cola vunderbar and the fake mint corn syrup Js and watch the same shitty cookie cutter white supremacist hallmark fash movies and stuff their kids full of enough sugar to go into a goddamn coma when the african slaves who pick the cocoa beans will never get to know what actually being a kid will ever feel like because they're gonna die from falling into a combine harvester and be eternally forgotten to history and no christian will ever give a shit because they don't fucking care about what they don't see on their safe space news or hear on their safe space radio or read on their safe space social media. they think their worst sin is eating cheeseburgers so instead they'll go eat a mcchicken or chick fil a or an arby's chicken sandwich instead but not at popeyes because "that place is sketchy" and by that they mean they don't wanna eat where black people eat, that's why cracker barrel was so popular for so many white christians for so long because it had racially segregated seating until barely 20 years ago.

they don't love jesus. they love a paper doll they shove into their back pockets until every other sunday where they go to a fucking mall with a baptism waterslide and raise their hands like a bunch of dumbass weirdos and away to adult contemporary indie schlock with the word jesus pasted into a boring-ass hetero romance song, pat themselves on the back, then go to starbucks to scream slurs and misgenderings at 14 year old starbucks baristas who give them a cappamochalattechino instead of a fucking carmamochalattechino because you mumbled under the mask you didn't even fucking cover your nose with because you don't give a shit about the virus beyond how it inconveniences you.

they are horrible people who pretend to be good. until you suggest the slightest infinitely small inconvenience to them that would alter their holiday plans even the littlest smidge. then they would kill you if not for the police. don't get me started on them because you know by now what I'd say about those fuckers. but they'll gladly wear shirts about how they'll kill you. how they'll go back 200 years. how they'll murder you and watch you slowly suffer because their primate brains shoot a million endorphins when they watch things die by their hands because they never evolved a sense of empathy, compassion, or morality beyond how wearing a cross necklace will remove any of the consequences they will face in their afterlife.

they are horrible people who pretend to be good. unless you're gay or black or trans or Not Christian™ or mexican or disagree with them about politics economics sociology science technology music or movies. assimilate or die. assimilate or die. assimilate or die.

they don't deserve special treatment for their false idols.

they aren't better than jews or muslims.

they're worse.

so much worse.

and they should be stopped.""

-Nightingale Quietioca

save as draft arch draft bookmark draft where did I put my keys contra code kontra kode I need to remember this and copy it buzzwords keywords find it later please god tumblr don't bork on me this is good stream of consciousness repackage repackage change the words this is a great character study if I do say so myself thanks 3am me you're welcome 3am me

[fipindustries]

oh boy its time for me to overshare once again!

ok i feel ready to talk about this: my dad’s an asshole. (cw: transphobia)

we always had a distant and strained relationship, we just dont have anything in common and never made any effort to reach out to the other across that gulf. but it has dawned on me truly how truly unlikeable he is fundamentally as a person.

i finally came out to him fully the other day, presenting myself fully as a girl called amanda. he was nice, and polite and said calmly that he was flat out not going to treat me as a girl and that i would always be his son to him. not even a strained attempt out of him to play along, he was reaised catholic and very conservative so i could understand him having trouble accomodating me, i could understand him being confused or this being hard to him, but he didnt eve try.

his reasoning was twofold and frankly esoteric, his first point was that me trying to find happiness on an identity was foolish, me thinking  that im trans was me “living in the world of the mind, thinking that you are your mind and thinking that what your mind tells you is the truth”.

the other reason why he wouldnt recognize my prefered identity was because in his mind im his son and he cant just change that so he would feel like a hipocrite going against what he believes. and that if he is not going to ask me to change and stop pretending to be a woman then i shouldnt ask him to change either.

so, you know, lovely.

i have not spoken to him since, he has made a few attempts to message me further, claiming that he had still something left he wanted to say and that he felt we had “a good conversation” his birthday was two days ago and i dont give a shit.

because this is the thing. i am a very tolerant person, too much in fact, im willing to put up with a lot of shit from other people for the sake of congeniality, i dont like confrontation and i dont like upsetting or hurting other people. i can understand if he is old fashioned or conservative or too set in his ways, i could conceivably be willing to give him a second and a third and a fourth chance, to walk him through this and hopefully, eventually to change his mind. he has sort of implied that he could perhaps get used to this but that it would be a long process for him. but this is the thing.

 i dont care. im tired. i’ve been dealing with this guy’s bullshit for far too long.

i’ve been dealing with twenty years of him insisting that i should hang out with friends more, that i should be in a relationship with a girl, that i should study a different career, that i should leave the big city and go back to my hometown because i would never make it there. twenty years of this motherfucker trying to mold me into a good old, sport playing, mate drinking, asado eating, party going boy. years and years of me trying to share something im interested in and him having his eyes glaze off into the distance and interrupt me suddenly changing the topic to something he wanted to talk about. years and years of him using every visit to monologue and give me “life lessons” and trying to share “profound wisdom”.

i dont remember a time we’ve ever shared a joke, or even saw him laugh, a time where he could just relax, be casual, share a sarcastic remark, make a witty comment. he is the most boring person i have ever met. and so it dawns on me.

when two people like each other, when they want to share each others company, they try and make it pleasant to hang out, they’ll try and strike a nice conversation, they’ll be congenial they’ll be nice and entertaining and turn the charisma on, for their own definiton of charisma. they’ll try to vibe with the other person, they’ll do something to make the other person enjoy their time spent together. he never did that, because he believes the love between parents and children is unconditional. and whats worse he can point out at concrete material things he has done to show his love, like the fact that for all he complained he did pay my education in college, and my stay in the big city, and whenever i needed economic help he was there to help me. but.... im really sorry but is not good enough, you cant buy a son, you can provide every material need and then be unbearable to be around and hope that i’ll stick around out of a sense of debt.

what dissapoints me so much is that my entire life i fantasized about cold distant or strict seeming fathers who, when it counted, would show their true support, that is the entire absolute point of maximilian sicamore, father of a trans boy, who might look strict and intimidating but  turns out to be a pretty cool guy once you get to meet him

and it might be pathetic but the fact that my dad is not like this cartoon character i came up with is extremely dissapointing to me.

#transphobia #is a good thing i havent lived with him since the divorce when i was ten #i dont depend on him on any level for any kind of economic support so i can just cut him off my life without loosing much at all #maybe some day far in the future ill talk to him again but i doubt it

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

answers (16)

Anonymous said: A lot of these secrets are really serious and sad so heres a lighter one: me and my sister are knitting christmas socks for the whole family as a surprise. Ive never knit a pattern before but im really good!!

Amazing!! 

Anonymous said: idk if your still doing this but my secret is I fear im a terrible person who only acts nice to rick people into liking her and ik that actually does make me an okay but i still feel im doing it for the wrong reasons and someones going to get too close and find out the truth and hate me

That’s very self aware of you, I think-- probably too self aware. You’re absolutely right to say it’s the trying that matters, but I’m not gonna blame you for worrying about it. I have similar concerns about myself sometimes. I’m aware that for me personally they’re partially justified. Some of my kindness is self motivated. 

I think though (and it seems like you already know this) it’s the effect of the kindness that matters. Maybe it’s better for me if I have “pure” intentions, but if I don’t, I should still do the kind things anyway, right? Because at the end there’s still going to be good. And there’s nothing bad about actively trying to be good, which is all we’re doing. 

Anonymous said: my secret is that ive been chasing after a dream my whole life but im not sure ill ever achieve it. times running out and i dont know what to do if i cant. i feel like my whole life has been put on standby and i dont know the way out. i know ill be okay in the end but i dont know what the end will be and that scares me.

Shit that’s relatable. You really will be okay, but it’s terrifying in the meantime, isn’t it? To have those turning points bearing down on you?

Things will happen. You can’t stop that. Time is gonna continue, but you’ll still be there at the end. Your head’s already in the right place. 

Anonymous said: My secret is that I really, really like one of my friends, but he has a girlfriend and slept with one of my best friends when they were both super drunk. I want the feelings to stop and go back to being just friends, because I honestly think I don't have a chance, but there is a small part of me that doesn't want to let go. I don't know what to do.

Well that’s a bitch of a situation, isn’t it? Romantic feelings aren’t really my area, but I understand holding on to things you consciously want to let go. Emotions always feel like part of me, you know? I don’t want to tear them away. Sometimes it’s better to do it, though. I don’t know from a few sentences if that’s the case here, but I hope you find the way that’s the best for you 

Anonymous said: My secret is I used to be suicidal, in my pre/early teens. I had realised I was lesbian in a small, largely Catholic town and hated myself for it. I was awful at social situations and couldn’t make friends. I hated myself for having baby fat because I danced part time. Then as I got older I slowly got more confident until one day a friend died I realised that holy shit I used to be suicidal and I could have killed myself. I’m terrified that I might get like that again and actually do it

Honestly, and I know this is gonna sound cliche, but I’m always in awe of folks like you. I don’t handle my own mental health issues super well most of the time, and to hear about someone growing? Changing? Getting better? Amazing

Anonymous said: If you're still taking these... my secret is that I don't want to give birth to children ever, and would consider adopting instead (when I'm older), but if I were to voice that to any family member or even an acquitance, they would shun me for it and make sure they try to talk me out of it. I really hate how conservative people put so many expectations on my shoulders

Heyyyyyy same. I’m not planning on birthing any kids, but my parents have come down pretty heavily on the single-women-should-not-adopt-children thing, which is.... bullshit. I’m gonna adopt some kids one day, whether they like it or not. 

You know your own mind and your own plans. Other people don’t have to be happy about them, even (maybe especially) family members. 

Anonymous said: My secret is that I’m a bad friend. I don’t make time for the few friends I have and spend most my time working or being in my room. They deserve better than me.

I don’t think you’re a bad friend. Not being around isn’t bad-friend behavior. You’re not hurting anyone. You’re not doing anything wrong. And I certainly don’t think that it justifies the idea that they should leave you. Relationships are always kinda a difficult balancing act, but you don’t have to be perfect at balancing it, you know?

Anonymous said: My secret is that I'm extremely self-sufficient, I've always had to be. But because there's no one else taking care of me it's so hard to invest my time in others because I'll neglect my own mental state. It make sit hard to develop stable relationships. Every once in a while I re-realize that I'm no one's priority so I have to be my own. And it just sucks.

Shit anon that’s really really rough. It makes me sad with you. I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong, because I don’t know, do I? But I hope you are. 

Anonymous said: My secret is I imagine myself as OCs I create for certain fandoms like Young Justice or Castlevania, and I spend all my time daydreaming of how I would act in episodes and how I would interact with the characters. I think it’s because I’m not satisfied with my life, and I’m also afraid that this makes me either weird or crazy.

Oh biggest mood

I do that too. I’m not in a position to say whether that’s a good or bad thing, but I like to think it just makes us creative. For me, it eventually found an outlet in writing, and that’s been a big source of joy in my life. I had some unpleasant experiences sharing that stuff with people in the past, but for me? I don’t worry about it anymore. I know a lot of people that do similar stuff.

Write some fanfiction, maybe :) You might be real good at it

Anonymous said: My secret is I’m secretly attracted to people who are better than me at stuff

That’s not really my area, but seems to me that’s a pretty good thing to be attracted to. One of the sweetest things I hear around school is people talking about how their partners are going to be such good lawyers. It’s cute. 

Anonymous said: My secret is that my anxiety is crushing me. I don't want to feel this way anymore.

Oh, anon. I just.... feel you. I’ve been really struggling lately with the idea that other people move through life without that handicap, and it amazes and angers me. Why don’t I get that? Why am I like this? It isn’t fair. 

And it isn’t. It just isn’t. You didn’t ask to death match your brain every second of the day. You’re not any worse than everyone else, so why do you have to suffer? I don’t know. I really don’t.

The only happy thing I can say to you is people do heal. It’s bullshit that it takes so much time and effort, but it is possible. I’m better off now than I was five years ago, even if it did take five years and a whole lot of therapy, medication, and energy. You shouldn’t have to fight like this, but you can, and you can win. 

Anonymous said: My secret is Im so bitter most of the time that I cant be happy for others. Me and my best friend are both singers but I can never be happy for her when she gets compliments or any success bc im jealous and im scared I'll never learn to be selfless and happy for other people

You’re only human. You have human emotions. You have every right to feel them. The only thing that matters is your choices, because that’s the only thing you can control. 

I’m so sorry you’re scared. That’s another emotion you have every right to feel 

Anonymous said: My secret is that sometimes I hated myself for not express what I felt because I thought they'll hate me or make distance of me but I'm learning to express my feelings to others and try to be more confidence :) I hope you'll be brave too and do whatever you want to do 💜

I wanna be anon when I grow up 

Anonymous said: My secret is that my hands hurt all the time but in different ways, and I’m scared to get help because I’m scared they’ll tell me I’m making it up or being dramatic.

Man do I hate the shit people put you through to get medical help. Everybody’s entitled to ask, aren’t they? So why are we all making that difficult? Why are we making people feel bad about their own pain?

I understand your fear, but I hope you start asking questions anyway. Other people’s opinions about it aren’t your fault

Anonymous said: My secret is that my dermatillomania has gotten way worse since I got to college, so I’m having to wear headscarves again to keep myself from picking my scalp. I smuggled my scarf collection out of my room without telling my parents.

I’m sorry, anon. That’s difficult. That sucks. That’s bullshit. 

Anonymous said: my secret is that when one of my family members says something homophobic I'll laugh and agree because I'm afraid that they'll disown me if there's any shred of proof that I'm LGBT and it makes me feel like such filth

That’s not your fault. It’s theirs for making you feel unsafe, because your safety really should be your first priority! That’s okay! You’re not being a bad person by doing it. You’re just protecting someone. You’re allowed to make that someone you

#some pretty heavy subjects here so #suicide #suicidal thoughts #anxiety #depression #mental illness #homophobia #if there's anything else let me know #asks #secrets

[plounce]

im like. not even into cr (i fell off the wagon and then was too upset about molly to catch up) but like. your spn au. is Incredible, like. the catholic guilt... the pining... molly as an angel, falling and still resplendent and charming and proud... beaus bde (big dyke energy). etc. i dont have any specific questions or anything please just use this ask as an excuse to continue going off.

THANK YOU YOU ARE TOO SWEET...that’s what happened with half my friends tbh you are valid. i still watch because i’m devoted to caduceus and beau, but that’s me. 

you have immediately caught my attention by mentioning “catholic guilt” which is a favorite character trait of mine to stick onto caleb. i imagine that trent was from the school of hunter who put a lot of stock into old christian remedies to things

[this got LONG so this is a READ MORE]

ok digression now that im thinking about this universe. i imagine there’s a few broad schools of thought within hunters, because theres a lot of methods that work but theres a lot of superstition among individuals/families about which ones work best, why they work, how they should be performed. there’s ones who have a more christian bent, there’s ones who are very no-nonsense silver-and-salt (just stick to the standard materials and don’t use a lot of bullshit), there’s ones who dip into witchcraft here and there, and those who use whatever they can and hope it works. some of these get passed on by families or mentors - some people fall into hunting from The Outside and use what they find.

beau was raised in a no-nonsense family. they’ve been hunters going back generations and generations, tough men who are strong and are capable of fighting evil and uphold family traditions. LOTS of hypermasculinity and patriotism etc. conservative. lots of military. beau being a girl was a disappointment to them because [misogyny], but when she got older it was more her disobedience. you listen to your father and uncles on hunts, but beau listens to her gut, and even if she saves the day she’d get punished.

she’s good at hunting, which infuriates her (she hates that she’s one of the family, but she also hates that her family keeps her from helping others to her fullest potential) - but mostly she just hated the control. she hated the stifling, how she could never be anything but a lionett. she ran away and lived in anonymity for two years before caleb found her and begged for her help. but even now, when it’s her and caleb and she’s with him and not with them - she still gets recognized by other hunters as the lionett girl. tell your uncle steve he owes me a beer, wontcha sweetheart?

she hates it. can’t stand it. it’s even worse when she runs into her family and they either get pissed about her huge dykey look or tell her glad you finally found a man to carry on the family line. sometimes caleb tries to stop her from punching out a cousin’s lights, but some nights he just quietly retires to the car to wait for her to need a quick getaway.

caleb, meanwhile, was brought into hunting by trent, who was never clear about how he got into hunting but he was so knowledgeable and wise that caleb never thought to ask. his family home was burned down by demons possessing his parents (they made deals with devils, trent tells him, brought that evil into your home. we must fight to protect the innocent from the weakness of the wicked.) (he is lying, but caleb doesn’t know that. he’s only ten years old. it’ll take 17 more years for him to learn the truth.)

trent rescued him and told him secrets, and caleb was born drinking down all the knowledge he could get his hands on. astrid and eodwulf were already with trent when he was picked up, and they were his little disciples, doing research and sweetly manipulating witnesses into spilling their hearts while trent did the dirtier work. that changed when caleb was 13, and he and astrid and eodwulf dug up a grave as trent fought a ghost, and caleb lit the match to set the corpse alight. trent was so proud of him, told him he could trust him, and started taking him on hunts after that. astrid and eodwulf were so jealous, but caleb was jealous when astrid got firearm training first and when eodwulf got to learn how to drive their van. it was his turn to be the favored student.

trent was very catholic. rosaries, latin, silver in shapes of crosses, holy water up each sleeve. a prayer muttered whenever there was a spare breath. stop in a church every sunday they can. confess your sins to your father, since we’re nowhere near an actual priest. (trent knows a lot about caleb.)

caleb starts the “show” at age 25. when he was 22, eodwulf disobeyed during a hunt, and he was tersely given supplies and sent off on a hunt on the other side of the state. caleb doesn’t know if eodwulf couldn’t find his way back to them or if he abandoned them, and trent told him not to think of him, but caleb kept graffitting the three of them’s secret codesymbol whenever the thought crossed his mind. i’m still here, wulf. i thought of you here in this rest stop. i hope you are okay.

when he was 23 and a half, trent sent astrid to represent him at a hunter gathering. find out what you can. report back to me when you are able. i picked you for this, do not fail me. you can be independent. go in strength. caleb was so achingly jealous that trent trusted her for this and not him, but then trent told him my loyalest student. my favorite. you are the one to stay by my side. i trust you will live up to this regard. and the sting soothed.

when he was 24 or so, trent sent him to investigate a disappearance in a neighboring county that might’ve been linked to their current hunt. when caleb came back, trent was gone. after a month of combing over their motel room and the surrounding area for any clues, caleb decided to himself that this was another test, and he must continue on as normal. be independent. a strong young man. a warrior for christ against evil. and he kept his chin up and did his best. until he couldn’t do it alone anymore (weak weak weak) and he dragged himself to beau’s doorstep.

(i do want to say here that when things finally shake out with astrid and eodwulf, it is eodwulf who is the treacherous trent supporter and astrid who is the one who is a little bit... uncomfortable with beau’s general dykery bc she is catholic but is all-around ok. she’s like it was good to see you again caleb, it is good to see that you’ve become a good, honest man, and that you have a better sister than i ever was to you. go in peace. it’s all very healing and good. it’s not perfect, but it’s some amount of closure. that trent and his manipulation and abuse and demon deals haven’t condemned caleb to being completely horrible.) (also there is NO astrid/caleb romance here obv)

when caleb finally gets comfortable around molly The Angel Of The Lord he starts tentatively peppering him with questions about the faith. a lot of the stuff he learned from trent was wrong. molly was never really a “faith enforcer” angel anyway, but he’s just so confused that caleb is so hung up on so much stuff, when the whole thing is about love? (it’s... different for humans than for angels, yasha eventually tells them. humans can get second tries. that is why i am often very jealous of you all, yasha says, looking somewhere far away.)

honestly caleb and molly are very “i love everybody because i love you” in this au which is extremely valid. finding love in others to find love in the world to find love in others etc etc - yes, this is my les mis past speaking, and it is smart and correct. “revolution is an act of love” etc etc.

also i hate having to draw beau’s super short hair because i have limitations but im SO pleased with that design, i think it really fits the vibe. beau with her crew cut and caleb with his hair he never bothers cutting and both of them in flannels. hell YES

#wmspn au #chirps #robcr #qll #THANK YOU FOR THE SUPER SWEET AND VALIDATING ASK... YOU ARE NICE TO ME :) #lessebian

[otto-von-stirlitz]

alien, final destination, and the exorcist? :D

alien: what character do u relate to a lot? (also yeah the alien is one of my fav movies in general period)

Recently, as I’m playing FE3H, Linhardt! Especially that like two days ago one of my professors called me out on sleeping on his exam in the last year (or more accurately asked during drinking WHY i did this. also dw, i passed that exam then)

final destination: what’s something everyone else hates, but u love?

Tough question, I can’t think of anything Universally Hated, altho, going back to fire emblem three houses fandom i really really like Edelgard (who gets a lot of hate for being you know, flawed female character determinated on her goal which also makes her a villain in one route, and in other parts of the fandom, sylvain (nothing to explain myself, i know he’s a misogynistic dickhead in a way but. i dont know, my trash, also great for memes). like in general i just like all the three houses kids and i wish i could save and protect them all at once YOU KNOW

the exorcist: are u religious?

uhhhhhhh It’s Complicated/I’ve Been Raised Gay And Catholic So It’s Obviously Complicated. Like, I’m definitely open to there being Something Spiritual that escapes our current level of Scientific Understanding and sometimes thinking about it gives you hope. But also my practical everyday living philosophy is pretty mterialistic and stems from existentialism, like its possibe that there is No God and No Bigger Sense but you gotta try to be good anyways, to Give Your Own MEaning And Value to life, you know? And like i go to the church weekly because there is no way to try to explain this all to my mom without her trying to like proselytise me, but also I can’t Not Be Critical of roman catholic church, especially in that country where they are flat out in cahoots with the conservative government

#yavien rambles #yavien replies #Anonymous

[thatferrybroad]

Hi, feel free to not answer this. But what did you glean from that statue of the bound up angel? Ive seen a lot of people have like strong reactions to it like you have. But I dont know if its because of my autism I just feel a bit grim. Not much else. I wanted to see if you had more insight. Am I missing context? Im sorry if this is too forwards. Its just always fascinating when people talk about their reactions to art because its helpful and interesting

It's not too forward! I love art discussion, it's imperative to introspection and learning about how other people see the world. Honestly it's why I even blabber in tags at all. Idk what flavor of autistic I am, but I'm right there with you!

As for why I reacted so strongly, I think it's a combination of things for me.

Even though I was raised and am a practicing pagan & consider myself Jewish** I was constantly exposed to protestant and catholic background radiation due to the locations I was living in, so the imagery of angels getting their wings cut off or harmed in any other way feels badwrong.

I was also raised in an environment-conscious community, in addition to the 90's being chock full of stuff like captain planet and going to a very hippie school from 3rd to 5th grade. On top of that, I've always loved learning about animals in general. Conservation is direly important to me, so the idea of creatures being harmed is even MORE badwrong. My knee jerk reaction in this regard is basically rooted in parsing the winged figure as a sentient or sapient creature capable of feeling pain and other negative emotions, and wanting that creature to not hurt.

Lastly; the girl-in-a-box sci fi trope, while somewhat subverted by the angel being on the masculine side, always made me angry at both the characters who caused it and the writers for doing it.

I don't know what the artist was trying to say wrt whether or not they meant it in the realm of organized religion or what since I don't actually know their ecclesiastical background/intentions/etc, but it sure made me feel a thing!

** Long story short: I was exposed to Jewish culture, we always had matzoh and other kosher food in the pantry and a yiddish picture book when I was little but I don't speak to my parents so I don't know for sure! I got the picture book from my uncle who's a flavor of pagan that involves spells in yiddish, so no way to tell, lol.

#anonymous #asks

[cessandee]

Rated-18

Lust. Pleasure. I know those words before but little did i know that i really dont know them until i felt them. Growing up in a conservative family and in a catholic school, my beliefs then are established that this are the dos and donts for a person to be acceptable by God. God knows i try to fought hard and stand by my principles even though there are lots of tempations around. Still, I stick to what i believed in, for myself. I am not exactly against what others are doing but a part of me hopes that what i am preaching is more special and acceptable in God’s eyes. Not until this guy came. I dont know maybe its the environment too. I am not that shocked hearing different stories from different persons but hearing them made me think the life i had before. Was it too plain and boring? Am i really living my life to the fullest? If then why havent i experience that stuff too. I cant relate. Even if that looks general deep inside i know that i cant relate because i havent experience it yet. And with what is going on in the world, I am afraid i wont experience those earthly pleasure. Growing up, it is all on me the choices that i have to make. No parents-decision, just me. And thats the thing, we dont communicate much more about it at home unlike others. They made me explore and choose for myself and i am thankful for that but the lack of communication- sometimes i dont know if what im doing is wrong or if what i wanna do is right- there is no validation. That’s the thing guidance of every parents should always be there to educate your children about the real life matters. In my 22 yrs of existence never have i experienced a real heartbreak, a first kiss and some other first thinking that i am not worthy for those. During college, it is where my mind starts to open that things are just like that– sometimes gross and shocking, but you dont have to be shocked because that’s LIFE. And nowww i dont know if this is a problem and i know that i am not the one... It is true that once you started it, it’s hard to stop. I sometimes hate myself for being too curious and having the courage to face things. And now thinking to give me up even before the wedding crosses my mind but i feel like deep inside me it will be hard. So i am praying to You, Lord. Please give me my prince now :( Help me realize that i am worth it. Whatever defects or imperfections i have, the one that you will send will accept it and love it wholeheartedly. I cant wait for that day to come. I feel like i will feel it if he is the one. For now please help me erase bad thoughts running through my head and resist temptations even if it is infront of me. I just had the energy to write this down because its been bothering me for the past months. I dont know if i just really need to find myself a boyfriend or its too risky for now. Haha! Anyways, guide me Lord always. I trust in You that You will give the best in me. I’ll wait for that Lord. I will wait for him.

17 October 2020

[advice4smartgirls]

:): I just got to college, and im beginning to realize how easy it is to have casual sex here. I was seeing someone in the beginning of the year that i felt really positively about, and then he left me. i had a couple of rebounds that didnt really help me in any way besides from being a temporary distraction. im starting to recover from the breakup, but i still havent felt strongly about anyone besides from him. There are a couple guys that ive slept with that want to continue sleeping together,

:): and more that have expressed interest. I think that i enjoy it while its happening, but afterwards, i feel like nothing has changed. i dont feel any attachment to them, which is different than what ive experienced in my earlier relationships. of course, i dont believe in slut-shaming or anything of the sort, but i was raised catholic and theres also a big part of me that questions whether im “respecting myself” or being like, dirty and cheap. i dont know what i want. eventually, i hope to:): feel the same way about someone else as i did about my last partner, but i dont know when that will happen. we had something really special and i feel like it could be a while before i meet someone that amazing again. i think my lack of serious interest in these men is whats causing me to sleep around, and i dont know how to feel about it. i know this isnt a very clear question, but i guess general advice would help.

hey! so, am also relating really hard to this right now - a few months ago i left a relationship and have been sleeping with a lot of people. i was raised in an incredibly conservative christian environment, and have had a really difficult time working through the same feelings of guilt and dirty-feeling. the advice that i have to give is that there is nothing wrong with “sleeping around” - it does not lessen your worth at all. many christian faiths (in my opinion) have completely skewed what is healthy in terms of sexuality. 

i am sure that you will eventually find someone who you feel the same way about. i feel like this is just a natural process of healing and searching for yourself & your identity/sexual identity. however, if you find that sleeping with people makes you feel considerably worse, i would suggest taking a step away and focusing on yourself and your sexuality and what it is you want. it could also be possible that casual sex isn’t for you - i know that it is often glamorized but it isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay!   

i’m sure that you’re taking all the safe measures while having sex - but just as a lil reminder just in case - if you have more than one partner make sure that you’re using protection and get tested every few months for STDs and HIV :) 

much love,

laurel

[siavahdainthemoon]

your piece on historical evil reminded me of thoughts ive had about american politics lately. people are saying stuff like "well they just dont know any better thats how they were raised thats all the info they have no one taught them different" etc to excuse why a lot of people are trying to take away the rights and lives of other people. but in this era of immense internet access, when all the information they would need to learn is so immediately available… i dont think that counts anymore.

Like I said in that post, I no longer believe that’s an excuse that works for historical time periods in which people didn’t have access to outsider views, so yes, definitely, it absolutely doesn’t count now. Because short of being raised in some militant type fundamentalist compound with no access to the internet or tv or books…you really just have no excuse. There’s no way to live, in an industrial nation, and not have access to other perspectives - usually you don’t even have to look for it. 

I mean, I was raised Roman Catholic, and by very conservative parents. This was in Ireland and the UK mostly, so we’re not talking American Republican levels of conservative…but my stepmother was ex-BNP (which is the British party that was so racist they were actually forced to dismantle it, and it became what’s now UKIP - which is still, honestly, super racist and isolationist and all levels of urgh, okay) who banned my brother from the kitchen because Only Women Cook and refused to take my half-sisters to see The Frog Princess because ‘she’s not a real princess, Sia, she’s black.’ My dad once said he’d rather his children were trans than gay, because at least being trans was a biological mix-up between brain and body and therefore ‘made sense’. My house was full of casual racism and fatphobia and again, just so many levels of urgh, okay? And I was such a brainwashed little idiot that I even defended Guantanamo Bay as a necessary thing for a school presentation, when I was eleven or so. 

(I am still horrified by that. I recently even tracked down the teacher who was in charge of that assignment to apologise, because, well. I kind of had to.)

And by seventeen I was a pansexual-identifying neo-pagan who had one token straight in my gang of friends and was living off social welfare (because my parents had moved to the USA and I was alone in the UK and my student welfare was the only thing letting me eat, because my dad somehow wanted me to get my A Levels while working a full-time job and reaching suicidal levels of depression, which was obviously not happening). By nineteen I couldn’t have any conversation with my dad because we ended up screaming at each other no matter how innocuous the topic - I’m 24 now and that’s still true. 

(My latest and last-ever trip to visit them in New Jersey, he picked me up from the airport and asked had I seen any good films lately. I told him about Ghostbusters, the all-female one, and how it had made me laugh till I cried - and he immediately dismissed it as ‘just a crazy feminist thing’. I was in the car for all of two minutes, we hadn’t even left the airport yet, and I was talking about a comedy film I’d enjoyed. And I’d promised that this trip I wouldn’t go near anything political to minimise the fucking trauma of being in a house with those people. I seriously considered getting out of the car and just living in the airport for a week until I could go home; I did burst into tears because I was so fucking tired and just, two minutes.

Two minutes. Two minutes is officially how long we can be around each other without it going to Hell.)

Some things I figured out spontaneously that my parents were wrong about - Roman Catholicism just rubbed me wrong and by the time I was nine I was refusing to go to Church, I refused to be Confirmed without knowing anything about any other religions. My dad and stepmother’s fatphobia upset me because I was (and still am) overweight for my size, and so their comments about other people or people on tv hit me, too, even though they rarely directed them at me. I didn’t know queerness was a thing until I was thirteen, when I found it through (of course) fanfiction, but after that I knew what they said and thought about being queer was bullshit. Other stuff I learned from my friends and my teachers, and fandom in general kickstarted so many revelations in my head - I went to all-girls’ schools almost exclusively but didn’t discover feminism until I was eighteen, and then wow, talk about a self-sustaining cycle of liberationlism.

And my point is - the moment I got old enough to start properly thinking for myself, which was at about fourteen/fifteen - there was just no way to stay brainwashed. Things that contradicted what my parents were saying was literally everywhere. And I’m not special, I’m not some kind of genius, I’m not an outlier. If I could do it, in the environment I was in, I’m not buying any excuses that other people can’t too. You have to be walking around with your eyes shut not to see everything that contradicts the idea that people not-like-you are actually not-like-you. Because they’re not not-like-you, they’re just like you, and should be treated exactly as you would like to be, by you and your family and your government and your world. 

You just cannot live in the modern world and not be exposed to the fact that conservative little you is just wrong. If you don’t see it, then sorry, that’s entirely on you. The entire world is screaming it at you. If you don’t hear it, it’s because you’re not listening. And no one else is to blame for that, no matter who raised you.

You don’t know better? Bullshit. You don’t want to know. And that’s all there is to it.

#social justice sorceress #ethics #morality #social justice #personal #Anonymous