#distilled autism

[enderman-holding-things]

can you do an enderman holding the autistic infinity symbol ?

#distilled autism #enderman #minecraft #enderman holds #autism #infinity symbol #actuallyautistic #< i can use this tag i have autism

[bigweldindustries]

I'm trying to work out what webpages I wanna make for my neocities site and so far it's ending up the most chaotic place on the internet. come to my website where I offer mantis care information (seriously there's so few good sites on them), a list of good 3DS homebrew software, and photos of my crochet projects, amongst rambling on other tech things such as hi-fi musical equipment AND music reviews also because fuck it I might as well host my end-of-year best of lists and their breakdowns on there

#axel grinds on #its gonna be like a one stop shop of pure distilled axel autism

[jam-n-jay]

I think legit my favorite part about homestuck is that it's equally a existentially horrific story about characters destined to perpetuate their own suffering and also a goofy silly comic with an ensemble cast of ridiculously charming characters so like a melancholy animatic about the characters trauma and a joke vid about them dicking around are both equally Homestuck

#idk how to describe the feeling i get from Homestuck besides “pure distilled autism energy” #homestuck

[wendrin]

Gonna sit my masc lover down and make him watch the German dub of violet evergarden to enhance his autism aura

#im going to distill autism from this man #(disclaimer im autistic too its fine we're fine)

[punkpinkpower]

Why when people want to know things about me do I suddenly go blank, like I haven't known myself for 33 years and know nothing about my likes and dislikes

#is it a fear of being judged #maybe #but i also don't like choosing one thing to sum me up #i am a person with multitudes! #i am complex! #you cannot distill me down to my favorite character and quote #autism #life

[headspace-hotel]

hi, so i do have a question regarding trans people- i completely support trans people and people should have the right to do whatever they want to as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, and i would never side with those who try to take away someone's autonomy. that being said, why do people want to be the specific genders(men, women)- what exactly does one feel? is it identifying with gender stereotypes? wanting the other kind of body? i can understand why someone would want to be enby, but can't seem to understand specific reasons why people would want to be transmasc or transfem etc. i've read posts before where people have wanted to be women/men because of gender stereotypes- they wanted to play with dolls/liked feminine/masculine colors/clothes etc. but it's obviously something that shouldn't be stereotyped against and anyone should be allowed to play/like anything they want to, whether it's feminine or masculine. so what exactly is it that makes people want to be either? again, though even if i didn't understand why someone else felt that way, i fully support them.

I'm not even transgender in any flavor so I'm not the best person to ask, but I'm pretty sure the answer is going to be individual for every person.

I think like, the larger society has latched onto the narrative of "I always wanted to play with 'girl' toys and do 'girly' things" because that's what makes sense to a cisgender audience in a culture where behavior and clothing and toys are very obviously gendered.

But that's not, like, what "makes" someone transgender—it's a way of explaining it.

I mean, okay, maybe I can talk about this a little. I'm a cis woman. I've thought about it! I like being female, it feels comfortable to me, and experimentally imagining anything else feels...bad.

This has nothing to do with gender stereotypes—I don't shave, I don't wear makeup, I usually cut my hair super-short, I'll wear my brothers' clothes if I like them, I always actively hated the "girl" toys as a kid (though I was never labeled a 'tomboy'—I feel like autism overpowered any specific gendered label that would otherwise apply to me, for complicated reasons. I was a Weird kid). It's just...I don't know. It's nice when one of my friends in chat in a game i'm playing calls me "she"—like hell yeah! Your mental concept of me is a girl :D

If anything, I started to feel more "woman" when I started dressing and styling more masculine—it was actually seeing pictures of butch lesbians online that made me see an image of myself I liked for the first time. I wanted to be a woman who's like a guy at the auto parts store.

I think some people just have no internal sense at all about their gender, and some of these people probably ID as non-binary, and some of these people probably just identify with whatever they were assigned because that's what's convenient. There are no wrong answers here, right?

And some people have a really strong unwavering internal sense about it, and it's not exactly able to be distilled down to feelings about your body or clothes or interests or whatever, but it exists. I know that I "feel" like a woman even though I couldn't say why. It's somewhere in between "this feels accurate" and "this feels nice."

#random #gender

[l-e-morgan-author]

on mental health, autism and my life lately

Contentedly, Patience settled to her knitting, glad to have the hardest part of the day over. Now all she had to fight was complicated patterns, and cables that didn’t really want to work exactly how they were supposed to. Much easier than people.

*points* autism

Anyway this is. I originally put the rest of this in the tags and then I typed it up here again because no, it has to be part of the post, actually.

So two weeks ago I was completely convinced that I would die in a matter of days. By my own hand. I was severely suicidal, at an eight on the Emmengard scale, except for the frequent times it tipped up to nine. It was hell. I had a friend overseas who the entire year so far, I didn't think I'd see again because I would have killed myself before she got home. It was that bad.

And she's got home, and barring accident, I will see her again. I've been on the brink of suicide for more than two months, and now, that's changed. Truly I didn't realise how bad it was, really, until I was delivered from it.

This might seem completely separated from the original excerpt, but bear with me. I was realising just now that if I'd written Patience, Changing a year ago, it wouldn't be half so good. So far I'm up to 18k, and it's good. It has a lot of stuff to work on, of course, and I'm still distilling the true centre of it. It'll take a few drafts, but it's good. Patience is autistic, and I knew that a year ago. But I didn't know I was autistic, not then. Now, I understand myself a great deal more, and I understand her because of that. She's me, to some extent, including aspects of me that I didn't even realise were a thing until recently. Because I know me more, I now lean into the aspects in which we are similar, and relish the ones in which we're different. She has one good, close friend in a way I just don't have, not precisely like that. (Look, I love and cherish my friends, truly, but Patience and Nathan's friendship is just Different. And I certainly didn't have anyone like that at her age. Maybe if I had things would have been different for me.)

My heart is full of love today; I can't stop thinking, Patience, we made it. We both made it. We had patience (ha!) and we MADE it. We got here, and for now that's enough. I did an artwork once that was featured in my university's mental health exhibition, about how today is enough, sometimes.

Anyway, the reason I've been so much better (and written about 20k in the last week alone, unheard of for months because of severe depression) is anxiety medication. My doctor put me on medication for anxiety, as a last-ditch attempt before hospitalisation for suicide concern as well as self harm. They're highly addictive, and thus he doesn't want me on them for much longer, so I might be singing a different tune in a few days when he tells me to stop taking them or something, but even so. For now, this is enough. Sure, I'm still depressed. But barely. I've been on the line of severe/extremely severe for both depression and anxiety for ages, and whether it's the anxiety med alone or that it gives the antidepressant I've been on a while space to actually work, the difference is drastic.

So I'm drafting Patience, Changing. And having enormous fun. I'm planning all sorts of things. (Check my tumblr blog, @l-e-morgan-author for more fun and exciting things I get up to.) I'm even planning to hit 25k tomorrow on Patience, Changing, and I'm on 56k total draft for all the Patience things, including fluff prompts that will turn into a novella, and the existing novella The Patience of Hope.

So this might be a short-term thing, but guys. We made it. We made it. And I talked to my grandmother today about being autistic, and told her I think she's autistic, and she was fascinated by that, and was very autistic about it, and she asked all sorts of lovely questions.

And I debated something with someone who doesn't share my faith, and I failed in the debate because I didn't know enough to answer their arguments, but hey. That's okay.

That's okay. I'm okay. I'm planning for uni already. Gonna be a difficult semester, but even so. I'm excited for it. Excited! Something I haven't been, not really, for months and maybe years.

I leave you, then, with this excerpt from later on in the chapter:

You are whole, said the anonymous letter. You are whole, Patience, you are not broken.

this post was published on my blog, with minor edits.

Patience taglist:

@pilgrimsofworship

@stealingmyplaceinthesun

@noisette-tornade

@graycedelfin

@choasuqeen

#patience changing #patience shepherd #actually autistic #we made it guys. we had patience and we MADE IT

[templegate]

So far Kiyotaka is my favorite because hes just distilled autism.

#kiyotaka ishimaru #danganronpa

[gold-rhine]

Love language post again but with the four Sumeru boys! :D

Alhaitham

Alhaitham is that one annoying "Well actually..." guy. His favorite book is Hegel's dialectics, which he's read in the original and wrote his akademiya thesis on, but if u just read that thesis you'd think he hates it bc he tears into mercilessly. but in fact thats how he shows respect, bc as per dialectics, its only possible to grow when confronted with the antithesis to your thesis, and producing synthesis based on that. his mirror theory is based on learning about yourself by being confronted by the opposite.

his love language is when you excitedly tell him of your plans instead of being excited with you to melticiously nitpick them for hours with -_- face, bc he thinks that the best way to help you is to show you all of the possible flaws and problems beforehand so you can fix them and succeed. he's also very particular on when to help you or not. like he won't help if he thinks you need to learn to overcome smth, bc again, he thinks you can only grow by challenging yourself, BUT he also doesn't believe that every challenge is worthwhile. so like he might refuse to help with something relatively easy, but another time he will just drop shitton of money out of nowhere without you asking or find the loophole in bureaucracy and so on, bc these are not the kind of challenges that will help your personal improvement, they are logistical hindrances.

as to how to best show you care for him, out of Sumeru Autism Trio, Alhaitham is like the only one who is not big on infodumping. he strikes me as a type who will just silently stew on his thoughts, spew out a book that shakes up that specific scientific field and immediately move on to another subject. but his character stories say he likes reading physical books instead of getting info directly from akasha bc he likes questioning and distilling views and biases of the author, so i think finding something with really new and surprising perspective that he's never considered before is one of the best things, be it a very smart academic study or bonkers crazy conspiracy theory doesn't matter, what matters is the uniqueness of the mirror that can be applied to the world.

another thing is that Alhaitham will just never conventionally show emotions. like he knows how to mask and play social roles if he needs to, but he doesn't enjoy it and it's useless to expect it from him. Alhaitham is actually one of genshin's least traumatized autistics, his grandma never forced him to pretend to be "normal". you just have to be okay that even he's most comfortable and happy, he still has the same resting bitch face on, and mb learn to tell the difference when it shifts into slightly more tense tired bitch face, when he just neds to go sit alone in a dark corner with headphones on for awhile and not take this personally. otherwise, Alhaitham is pretty transparent about he likes and doesn't like if he trusts you, like he *will* tell you straight up what he wants or if he's unhappy. his communication style is not for everyone, esp its hard for ppl who enjoy seeing partner express emotions visibly, but there's a different kind of intimacy in intense and raw-cut way if it clicks for you.

Tighnari

Tighnari is a mom friend and a harangued middle regional manager at the same time. he has like twenty different check lists active on the back of his mind at all times, half of these check lists are actually responsibility of other ppl, but Tighnari knows ppl are incompetent clowns and he has to double check that everything goes ok.

Tighnari's love language is that he will have an extensive check list for you to make sure you're taken care of. your love language for Tighnari is to make sure you take care of yourself, so he doesn't have to mom you in addition to moming all of the incomptetents in his life. he needs someone who can be trusted to be responsible about their own well-being, so Tighnari can relax as with an equal. if you cover all your fundamentals, then his check list can easy up to sweet little things which he likes fussing about.

and like Tighnari does like to fuss and organize things, just when the stakes are not high and its not a forced responsibility. you can ask him organize a trip or to choose the optimal restaurant and so on, and he will happily fuss and research and figure out logistics and enjoy it very much, despite grumbling all the time, just make sure to tell him he's done great job afterwards.

also, of course, he likes infodumping about his mushrooms and plants and complaining about idiot tourists and his idiot bosses, and also will happily listen to what you have on your mind in return.

Tighnari is overall a grumbly sweetheart who found his place in the world and is happy with it, and just wants someone to share this place with as with an equal, so he can relax and let go of the stress and exercise his fussing tendencies on nice enjoyable activities

Cyno

Cyno might at first glance seem to be from the same no visible emotions type as Alhaitham, but it's not really the case. Due to Akademiya's racism against desert people, Cyno had to learn to wear this resting stoic bitch face all the time, to don't answer provocations and don't show emotions to not be labeled as uncivilized, and he was scrutinized twice as hard as other students. He's the most traumatized out of Sumeru Autism Trio and it's now hard for him to show emotions and vulnerability after years of being trained not to.

he says himself that he knows his jokes are bad and he says them not bc he thinks they are funny, but bc he wants to break tension or break someone's impression of him as intimidating and unapproachable, bc like, Cyno is not great at socializing. that's his way of being like "Hey i'm not scary actually". so him clowning around ppl is his way of showing trust and invitation to engage, its basically like when large predators playfully roll on the ground and expose belly, its the vulnerability of being silly with someone. he'll be happy if you indulge him, and listen or participate with his silly hobbies like card games or roleplaying, a support of him trying to get out of the restricting role he was schooled into in akademiya.

Cyno is incredibly supportive himself, he might not be great at social cues or expressing himself, but he will show up for you 200% every time. he has actually a nice amount of emotional intelligence, even if he's clumsy in using it. he invented the card game excuse to look after collei bc she wants to feel independent and so he's pretending he is there on silly selfish pretense, bc thats more comfortable for her. Deep down, he's very sweet, loyal and steadfast, even if awkward and hyperfixated on his duty.

#rhine talks #alhaitham #cyno #tighnari #rhine character study

[rinion-b]

time is experienced in a non-linear fashion.

i've been talking with some friends lately about identity and autism and stuff. ended up trying to distill my overall thoughts into a comic.

can't cram everything in properly and still have it be readable, but oh well. i'm a mess anyway, there was probably no way i'd get things down well on paper given what i'm talking about here.

anyway.

#world's end atelier #illustration #autism #i'm not diagnosed but many of the friends i talked to who related to this are #and the diagnosis looks like more of an inevitability at this rate #regardless of what flavor i have tho it is at least #neurodiversity #bc whatever the fuck is going on in this skull it is Strange #has been nice to talk to ppl who understand tho

[alcorian]

starscream

has often gotten in trouble for speaking too loudly, often when he didnt realize he was being loud, especially as a sparkling

very blunt and honest

usually not able to pick up when people are uncomfortable, bored, or dont want to talk to him, unless they say so

special interest bounces around various scientific fields but is always something science-related

tends to dominate conversations when his spinterest is brought up

has alexithymia (projection, lol)

has echolalia but masks it

often stims with his wings, or by rolling on this thrusters. sometimes stims by spinning his turbines with his fingers but will KILL if anyone else tries to touch them

HATES physical touch without warning. he must initiate all touch. he is very touch sensitive

sound and light sensitive as well (this is canon)

picky eater, some grades of energon are a bad taste or bad texture to him, especially lower grades. he literally will not (can not) eat the standard decepticon rations while on earth & megatron is fucking pissed but doesnt want his air commander to die of fuel deprivation so arranges for a lesser amount of higher-quality fuel to be distilled for him. megatron thinks he's just being prissy and starscream doesnt really have the vocabulary or trust in megatron to explain that he literally cannot drink the fuel rations he's given

eventually soundwave sends him to shockwave for an autism diagnosis

#transformers #autism #autistic #starscream #alv posts #tf #autistic character

[coyoteprince]

you are literally like.. doing everything I want to do, and I so deeply resonate with all your work I've seen. Did you go to college at all? How did you come to be where you are now?

I literally haven't even finished highschool lol

To be blunt: It came from pain, survival, and eventually, joy. Content warning: talkin' about abuse, but avoiding much detail

I was severely abused my entire life largely because of being diagnosed with autism when I was a young kid & being raised by maladjusted people who couldn't escape poverty. Being autistic is a small blessing I am thankful for- too bad they & many others today can't fathom that. I focused on art to cope, which reflected my special interests still a core part of my work today (death, history, witchcraft) and my personal identity since I wasn't allowed to be a person otherwise. When I got to my teen years, all attempts at trying to grow into adulthood was sabotaged by mentioned continued abuse, so I again turned to art to cope and try to find a way to work from home, which eventually became my full time job. The abuse physically disabled me, so in my early-mid 20's when my partner stole me out of the situation, I continued doing the only thing I knew to do to make money & voice myself. I've been working as an artist full time for over 10 years now because of this. I started making art because I had literally no other choice. Training isn't something I've had. I just put my nose to the grindstone and figured it out on my own, because I had to. Thankfully, one of the upsides to being a very autistic freak is mine came with an obsession for continued learning & experimentation so I managed okay on my own with occasional help from artist friends. Even more thankfully, there is so much more open resources for creating art on the internet today than when I started.

My life is very happy, safe, and full of love now- but extreme hardship is why I create, why this is my job, and why so much of myself is distilled into what I make. In the past few years the basis has twisted from pain to joy- I genuinely love being alive now, and I genuinely love making art despite having to. It is a physical representation of relief, melancholy, and happiness for being alive after a hard life.

A disclaimer I guess: Any time I explain my backstory people tend to be blindsided by it- what I lived was really extensive, and I'm assuming this will again be surprising for some even though I didn't go into the unpleasant details. But please don't feel bad for me- It was my reality, it is what shaped me, it sucked, but I live a starkly different present today and am fine

[disquiet-doll]

oh yeah i guess i can do this now

Tagged by @self-loving-vampire

3 ships: Uhhhhhh... Lancer/Archer (FSN), Hitagi/Tsubasa/Koyomi (Monogatari), and uhhhhh Junko/Ai (Zombieland Saga) I guess? Was reminded of that recently and it's good.

(Also I wanted at least one f/f and the first two were high priority, but also Johnny/Gyro (Jojo Part 7) that one's very good.)

First ever ship: Hmm... Well, I've been reading fanfic for long enough that I'm not sure, but I think one of the first that I was really conscious of as a ship was maaaybe Karkat/Terezi? That sounds about right.

Last song: The Hunger - The Distillers

Last movie: I don't watch movies enough... I think it might still be Shin Kamen Rider...

Currently reading: Y'know there's a couple books I could put here but I'm gonna be honest: It's this. Also I still need to finish Friday Black by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah. And The Monster Baru Cormorant...

Oh, also I'm sometimes tabbing between different RPG books, but that's usually true. Apocalypse Keys, Flying Circus, and BitD (even though I've read that one completely twice), at the moment.

Currently watching: Hellsing (still on episode 3), and also this video essay about autism and self-diagnosis

Currently consuming: Uhhh I ate some jalapeño cheetos a bit ago

Currently craving: A very bad no good overpriced too sweet starbucks matcha frappuccino

I should tag other people but I'm sleepy. Do it if you want. @ me if you feel like it. Bleh.

[deltaruminations]

caring for your horrible bird-thing gaster

we all know how it goes: you’re hunting out deeplore for your favorite story-driven indie RPG, maybe digging a little too deep in the data mines, when you realize you’ve caught the attention of a fourth-dimensional daimon with the personality of a perpetually hungover post-doc researcher, and now he’s scuttling around your walls and asking you for your favorite flavor of blood.

wuh-oh!!!

you cannot fix him, nor can you get rid of him, but with a little know-how, you can learn to coexist peacefully with him until he loses interest on his own or finally achieves whatever inscrutable peace his restless, tortured mind is seeking. whichever comes first!

and who knows — maybe you’ll find this curse is really a blessing in disguise! for the right person, the bird-thing can make a very good friend. he already chose you, didn’t he? :)

SO, here are my Top Tips for living with your personal instance of the horrible bird-thing!!!!

🕊️ bird-thing 101!!

be not afraid!!! while he may be a towering Luciferan abomination of shattered bone and twisted wings, the bird-thing means you no harm. he is simply curious about his new friend! remember: underneath his hollow, mask-like visage and nest of tangled limbs, the bird-thing is a deeply self-conscious, lonely nerd with the social skills of moldy drywall. he’s more afraid of you than you are of him!

despite having what look and feel much like bones, feathers, hooves, and fur, keep in mind that your bird-thing is really just the distilled consciousness of the world’s most pathetic lich, which exists separately from any physical form. the vessel he presents to you is a non-biological construct formed out of the concept of vacuum and forced by the quantum-field perturbations rippling from his past actions into the shape of his sin. he’s not like a dog or a cat or your gay aunt’s cockatoo — his needs are as special and unique as he is!

because your bird-thing is a cruel, mocking shell of his former self and literally made of Nothing, he has no need for food, water, or medicine. talk about easy!

your bird-thing may display strong signs of autism. that is because he is autistic

if your bird-thing’s wings seem to be perpetually broken, backward in their sockets, constantly shedding feathers, or otherwise looking malformed or diseased, DO NOT PANIC! this is normal and natural for him! it is a punishment from God

likewise, it is perfectly normal for your bird-thing to have several cracks in (and possibly large chunks missing from) his skull, to smell lightly of ozone and scorched bone, to resemble an emaciated raven trapped against the windshield of a rapidly-moving truck, and to occasionally drip a thick, tarry substance from his feathers and/or the cracks in his head. don’t worry! there is no need to bring him to a doctor or vet. he can’t get any sicker than he already is!

your bird-thing should have six wings and seven voices. if he is missing any of those, just lock him in a lightless space (basement, closet, large safe, etc.) for a while and he will knit the missing pieces back together from the quantum strings binding him from across space-time to his countless regrets. if you hear any wailing, weeping, pounding against the door, and/or desperate pleas to be let out, IGNORE THEM! they are a normal part of the process and a sign that it is working :)

the holes in your bird-thing’s hands should appear to you as pitch-black, bottomless voids, regardless of what’s on the other side of his hand. whatever you do, DO NOT look directly into the holes with intent to see through them. in the event that any image(s) start to manifest within their inky depths, avert or close your eyes IMMEDIATELY, no matter how fascinating or beautiful the image(s) may be, or you may find your perception of reality irrevocably altered by the Thrall of Hole.

the one exception to this is Egg produced from the Hole. it is safe to look upon Egg, for Egg is a Gift. the offering of Egg appears to be a bonding ritual of great importance to the bird-thing, and it is advisable to accept it. Egg will typically resemble that of a chicken — normally white, occasionally brown, and sometimes dyed and painted, often around holidays. the purpose of Egg is unknown, only that it is of middling importance and should be saved. Egg will not go bad, but may become more Egg over time. if you decide you have no use for Egg, then there will be no Egg. Egg is wonderful to share with family and friends!

if you are very concerned about the Thrall of Hole, consider covering the holes with gloves or mittens — safe, practical, AND fashionable! because your bird-thing has terrible, uncanny skeletal human-hands, the options are endless — anything in a men’s size extra-large should work! if you have trouble with him immediately taking them off, consider investing in a quality pair of handsome, smart-casual gloves. his vanity is easily appeased by fine leather.

if your bird-thing gaster has pink and yellow eyes and a wide, toothy smile, that is NOT your bird-thing gaster! that is your FRIEND puppeting his shape. if you find yourself in the company of your FRIEND, keep calm! all you have to do is get as far away as you can as quickly as you can and then stay there, never again letting your gaze linger over shadows, never again trusting a grin, and never ever ever answering the goddamned phone, no matter how incessantly it rings, no matter if you’ve destroyed every phone you own and your skull still rattles with the endless ringing ringing ringing. see? easy peasy!

and finally, if you’re ever unsure what to do, just take a deep breath and remember: your bird-thing gaster cannot die, no matter how much he wants to!

#From The Drafts(TM) #this has been in my drafts for ages. stupid but it has some lines in it i still think are pretty funny #'distilled consciousness of the world's most pathetic lich' is one of my favs #up there with 'eating shit face first into the reality grinder' #unreality #wd gaster #horrible bird gaster

[mystical-one]

i cant believe they figured out how to distill the essence of autism to autism communication and then managed to channel it with a ratio of precisely 1:1 into friar park and woodstock respectively

#i literally cannot stress enough. i dont know what im stressing but i am stressing it #emi's meandering jotts #autism is stored in the george formby infodumping movie night

[qwertyfingers]

the purest distilation of my interests is it gotta have a pair of weird guys who look like an educational tool for diagnosing ADHD and autism