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sodasback · 3 years

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Crime Junkie

Drew Starkey ER Nurse Rafe x ER Nurse Reader

Okay besties, I’m gonna repost some of my old “Drew Starkey” fics but I’m going to make them “fanon Rafe Cameron” fics so I don’t feel weird. Lol thank you to all my loves on here for your suggestions and for supporting me in this endeavor 😜🖤 lol

A lot of them will be ER Nurse Rafe. Here’s the first one. This is ER Nurse Rafe x ER Nurse Reader wayyy down the road when they’re “out” as a couple and living together.

You and Rafe spent a lot of time in the car together. You would carpool to work when you worked the same shift and most mornings you liked to listen to music, like really put on concerts for each other to wake up and get pumped for the hospital.

On the way home though, you usually ended up venting about the shift or opted for a podcast. For weeks, you and Rafe had been hooked on true crime podcasts: Crime Junkie, My Favorite Murder, Serial, Anatomy of a Murder …all of em. You guys also recently had a patient who survived a really violent sexual assault come through the ER. And Rafe had recently learned about some of the scary things that have happened to you in your life …like the type of things that happen to EVERY woman in the world. All of this led to tonight.

You were both headed out to a get-together at Estephany’s place and Rafe was looking for his wallet. You were getting inpatient and antsy because you HATED being late no matter where you were going, so you decided to meet him at the car. You head to the car and when you open the door the smell of the day old milkshakes you two had left in the cupholders hit your nostrils. The parking garage of your apartment complex was literally empty on the level you parked on. As you reached for the milkshakes, you noticed all the other food trash that had accumulated lately and you decided to clean it all up. Your hands were full and you ended up dropping your purse and keys on the ground next to the open car door as you scurried over to throw everything away. But the trashcan that was usually on this level wasn’t there.

“Fuck.” You groaned. And looked back at the car. There was literally no one around and you were getting rotting milkshake juice on your wrist so you B-lined for the stairs and ran down to the next level to throw everything away in the trashcan there. Taking a minute to wipe off your wrist and tie the laces of your boots. You walked back up the stairs to see Rafe’s back as he faced the car. He was completely frozen.

“Hey, ready to go?” You asked casually, walking past him to the car.

Rafe whipped around to grab your wrist and turn you to face him “Where the fuck were you?!” He shouted, grabbing your shoulders. You leaned back away from him completely dumbfounded at this extreme reaction.

“I was just throwing away the trash we left in the car from earlier.” You explained, shrinking from him a little bit.

“Why would you leave your purse and keys like that?! And leave the car door open?! Your phone was on the floor of the car! What the fuck y/n?!!” He continued going off.

Rafe had NEVER spoken to you like this. He had never spoken to ANYONE like this that you knew of.

“My hands were full! I just dropped it trying to throw everything away. Plus, we live in a super safe complex where we know everyone. There’s no one else parked on this level. I was only gone for like 2 seconds.” You listed off hurriedly, “Like yeah, it probably wasn’t the smartest thing but it’s not that big of a deal, Rafe.”

You paused, both of you looking at the other with tension filling the air between you “...AND before you start yelling again, you sir, need to watch your tone with me right now.” You added sternly at the end, folding your arms over your chest and giving him a lot of attitude as you furrowed your brow.

Rafe let go of your shoulders and rubbed his temples, closing his eyes. “Fuck.” He walked away for a second before exhaling and turning back to you.

“I’m sorry y/n. You scared the shit out of me right now. I just saw the door open like that and all your stuff here... and fuck... I just thought you had gotten ...kidnapped or something.” He mumbled the last part.

Your facial expression relaxed and after a beat, you went and wrapped your arms around Rafe’s waist and he tightly wrapped around your shoulders before he held your head against his chest. He kissed the top of your head.

“I’m really sorry for talking to you like that, baby.”

“It’s okay.” You said simply and genuinely before adding, “But it better not fucking happen again, Cameron.” You teased, but you both knew how serious you actually were too. “....Also, maybe we should lay off our true crime podcasts for a little while.”

“Yeah, can we? I honestly have been scared about you getting kidnapped and chopped into little pieces for weeks.” He chuckled a little. Your heart broke a little bit as you realized something.

“Is that why I’ve found you in the living room watching Friends in the middle of the night like 4 times last week when you said you couldn’t sleep?”

“I just kept having nightmares about all this horrible shit happening to you. Especially after you told me all the times that cars have like slowed down or followed you while you’re running. And that time someone put something in your drink at a music festival.” Rafe said, getting all exasperated again.

“And that’s why all of a sudden you started running with me even though you hate running?” You realized all the little things Rafe had been doing differently lately were all adding up to him being so worried about you. He just looked at you with concern and a little bit of embarrassment.

“Ahh baby.” You cooed squeezing him tight and then pulling away and grabbing his face with your hands.

“I’m so sorry, you’ve been so worried lately. I wish you would have told me. The world is definitely a scary place for young women and I can’t promise that nothing bad is ever gonna happen to me. But you can’t be with me every second of every day. I can take care of myself. I have for a really long time. And I can take precautions to stay safe. ...And yeah, leaving my purse and keys near our open car in an empty parking garage at night is not the way to do that. But babe no matter what precautions I take, I can’t control other people and whatever malicious intentions they might have. I promise I’ll be as careful as I can, but you need to realize that neither one of us can control it all and we need to let it go. I know that’s way easier said than done, but if you worry about me ALL THE TIME, it’s just gonna drive us both insane and be really toxic.”

“I know.” He said quietly, looking down, “I just love you so god damn much y/n. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you.”

You were both quiet looking in the other’s eyes. You looked away and smirked.

“Well, at least you would be able to start listening to Johnny Cash again.” You teased, desperately trying to lighten the mood. You both knew how much you despised Johnny Cash songs.

Rafe gave you an annoyed look for making light of the situation, but then broke into a smile, putting an arm around you as you walked to the car. “And for that, we’re listening to Ring of Fire on the way over to Estephany’s!” He said, playfully slapping your ass and smiling over at you, as you parted to go to your respective car doors.

“I will literally jump out of the car.” You stated.

Taglist: @moniamaybank @abbyj1822 @october-cameron @hernameisnoell @railmerafe @jeyramarie @stupidpendeja

#rafe cameron #rafe imagine #ER Nurse Rafe #rafe x nurse!reader #rafe x y/n #rafe cameron x reader #outer banks #obx #outer banks fan fiction #obx imagine

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theoriesontheory · 3 years

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And I Get Up Again I Get Up Again I - (how I fell in love with producing again/the making of ‘overdue conversations’ pt. 3)

When I got home, the morning I decided to start my project, after going and getting my morning coffee I found that I had turned some internal dialogue into the intro of a song. The lines “where have you been? You’ve been lost inside you head” sung by my computer/the creative parts of myself to me seemed like an interesting place to start a song. I quickly recorded a voice memo.

found_sound.mp3

overdue conversation - voice memo

Even on that memo I sensed that this track was going to be a lot of different things because even in the two sections I had vaguely worked out in my head, the feeling was very different. The ever-changing feeling of this song has become what makes it stand out as unique to me when I look at what I have made so far. The reason it moves from section to section, constantly introducing new musical ideas rather than establishing one that we keep coming back to is this song was composed as it took shape.

What I mean is I made one of the synths in the intro using the mac start up noise (a little nod to the idea that my muse from within my computer is talking to me) and added a second subtle synth part and recorded scratch vocal for that part there. Then I laid down the 808 layer and some basic drums for the first section and recorded that section. And so, I progressed through the entire song. This meant that I was writing melodies and lyrics based on what I felt in the moment of creating the track. Initially I thought the song was going to take a more negative slant, the initial working title being ‘l0ser’ but the remember line turned it for me. I have been doing a lot of introspection recently and trying to document the things I think while I am at various points of mental health. This helps me put my thoughts into perspective and offers insights into triggers and, when used in moderation can be a place to draw ideas for lyrics from. When the line “remember, remember what you said when you were all alone” while it came from somewhere in my brain took me to nights where I felt like the world was falling down but I got back up. I got up because I have gotten up before and I have made promises to myself to keep getting up. The vocal performance on the bridge was completely improvised in a scratch take and the version that I use on the track was the second one I performed, it came from inside of me and that kind of reflected the point that I have landed on with this track.

For such a long time I have felt frozen by the pressure I put on myself to make things that blow people away. Ironically, I was taking what drew me to hyperpop initially, the raw, emotional, hyper nature of it and I was trying to make it fit in what I thought a perfect hyperpop song could be, and that wasn’t a fun way to make stuff. Eventually, through reflection, making stuff and just committing to what I wanted to achieve which was no longer a perfect song but being happy as a creator and artist with what I have made. I am reminded by some funny but poignant comments made by 100 gecs in an interview with pitchfork. Dyllan Brady said that his barometer for if a song was good was, he framed it in the context of his friend coming up to him and showing him the track. (2020) Most stuff, if you said your friend made it you would think was great and encourage their career. That is the new energy I am trying to manifest for my critique of my own work. The tempo change is a primary example of this kind of thinking. Tempo changes in my head are often corny and there are rules (in western music theory tradition) as to how you do them. Even in contemporary music there are rules about changing the tempos of songs in clubs for transitions. I wrote off drastic and sudden tempo changes as poor writing and bad technique. But as I was working on this song, I realised that the two sections I had in my head didn’t fit together if I tried to have them be at all the same speed, so I decided to have a set tempo for the intro and outro and bump up the tempo for the body of the piece. Once I had all the parts together, I went through a process of simplifying some parts, reducing them to what it needs to be added to the song. I have been trying to do this kind of minimalization in parts of songs because I tend to try and be impressive and show how much music I can do, which in some cases is the perfect thing to do but you shouldn’t have all parts of your song doing it at the same time. My initial kick and 808 pattern were quite busy and produced an off kilter, swinging style rhythm that was interesting to listen to, but in the context of this track I didn’t need a rhythm section that was super interesting and academically put together, I needed drums that were big and loud and fun and bass to go alongside.

Once all the parts were simplified to what they needed to be, I started to mix and process all of the signals. This is often where I find my experience block come in. While I have been working in the software for 10 years, only the past 5 have been focused years and even then, only in the past 2 have I begun to experiment with anything beyond recording acoustic music. I have been trying to listen to other songs in the genre to go to as reference tracks, for example I really like the way aldn treats their vocals. [a particular favourite of mine are the two different vocal treatments in: what was the last thing you said]. And the big, distorted section at the end of underscores spoiled little brat acted as a big inspiration for the breakdown section at the end of my track. Using these reference points, I took what I understand about audio editing (which to be fair is a solid amount and I try and learn more every time I do it) and tried to make the sounds I had “fit”. The most important part for me was not necessarily that the track sounded exactly like another song but more that all the parts of the song fit sonically together and, to draw from Dyllan, if my friend came up to me and said that they did this would I think it was sick and encourage them to do more? It was at this point I had two primary problems that took me some time and multiple attempts to figure out. The first was the vocal mix. Like I have mentioned before, auto-tune is not the magic bullet that a lot of critics seem to paint it as, I view it as another instrument that I have had to learn how to play, and the way I play it is through a combination of my voice and my computer. One thing I really like about vocals in hyperpop tunes is that they are very clean. They are obviously manipulated and modulated in various ways, but they are always clean, and clear. I struggled to get this sound until I was watching a video from Red Bull Music Lab where producer Kenny Beats and T-Pain make a song together - Kenny Beats and T-Pain Cook Up an Instant R&B Classic | Red Bull Remix Lab

It’s a video I have watched before but it’s funny and fun and inspiring to see two great artists work together and I just happened to notice that in the effects chain for T-Pain’s vocals, before anything else there was a gate, set very low with a low return. I saw it and instantly understood why it was there, the job of the auto-tune the way I use it is it essentially processes the entire voice, synthesising what was once an analogue recording. However, without the gate, not only was it having that effect on the lyrics being sung but also on the various ambient noise picked up from recording in my bedroom. This along with some creative EQ work and compression got the vocals to a place I was finally happy with.

The second issue was the bass part. After working on my All Eyes on Me Cover for a morning I returned to ‘overdue conversations’ and found that the bass part was sticking out in an obnoxious way, downing out the mix and not feeling settled. I then spent a couple of hours trying different sounds, moving the octave of the part, changing the part, changing other parts. I worked for a few hours before I gave up, and then worked on it a bit, and then gave up, and then worked on it a bit, and then gave up. Even that night as I was eating dinner, I had 808 patterns in my head. The next morning, I loaded up the session and had a listen. Aside from re-recording the pattern in some of the sections to give what was already there some space and let most of the drive and momentum come from the kick pattern and some mix/processing adjustments, what I had wasn’t that bad at all. Reflecting on this, I think it was a combination of mental and physical (ear) fatigue, that day being full of making stuff and listening and trying things and having ideas, as well as instantly comparing what I had at that point to the finished cover that I had just posted to social media and was already getting some love for. After taking a night to sleep on my ideas and coming back with fresh ears the next day I realised that what I thought was going to have to be a full re-record of everything late in the game turned into some subtle tweaks.

So, with all of that said, here is a finalised version of ‘overdue conversations’ which is pretty much ready for commercial/official release but I want to have a few songs put together before I release anything on public channels.

found_sound.mp3

'overdue conversations'

References: Patel, P. (Interviewer). (2020, November). Pitchfork Review: 100 Gecs and the Mystery of Hyperpop. [Audio Podcast]. Get Wired. https://open.spotify.com/episode/1UnB4gNxTsInfjur0iVXEP?si=NXGfknGtTqSId4z-XhKNeg&dl_branch=1

#CIM 401.2 #found_sound.mp3 #hyperpop #original song #new music #process #musician #music #work in progress #canberra #australia #hyperpop journey #autoethnograophy

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johnboothus · 3 years

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VinePair Podcast: Boozy Lemonade Makes a Stand

It might have taken the entire industry by surprise, but lemonade has proven to be the breakthrough flavor in hard seltzer this year. Spurred by Truly’s success, brands from Bud Light to Corona to even Mike’s Hard Lemonade are jumping on board, giving credence to the idea that lemonade will be a dominant flavor in the drinks world in 2021.

On this week’s episode of the “VinePair Podcast,” Zach Geballe and Adam Teeter talk about why lemonade has struck such a chord with the drinking public, whether the trend will cross over from hard seltzer into cocktails, wine, and beer — and if so, what drinks and styles will be best positioned to capitalize on that demand.

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Or check out the conversation here

Adam: From Brooklyn, New York I’m Adam Teeter.

Zach: And in Seattle, Washington, I’m Zach Geballe.

A: And this is the VinePair podcast. Zach man, Super Bowl. You know what’d you drink?

Z: Oh, my God. Well, I’m going to be completely honest and say I watched exactly zero seconds of the Super Bowl.

A: Oh, wow.

Z: Yeah. I will say my approach to the Super Bowl lately when I haven’t had much of a rooting interest is I kind of monitor the score. And then if it seems like it’s a close game, I’ll tune in later. That obviously was not the case this year. So I definitely just was like, “Well, I’m going to do something else with my time.” And I don’t know if I drank during the Super Bowl, but I will tell you the things that I drank lately, and I know you will appreciate this in particular, Adam. So I taught a class on Greek wine this past week.

A: I saw that, yeah.

Z: Yeah. And I know it’s always been a favorite, and I’ve had it before, but I had the Xinomavro from Alpha Estate and I know, not this specific one, but one of their other bottlings was the No. 1 wine of the year for 2020 from VinePair. So definitely a heavy recommendation for me as well. Just love the variety. Love the style and yeah, it was delicious. And we got some Greek takeout. It was delightful. I was a very happy man. How about you?

A: So first of all, I need some more Xinomavro in my life. So if you are a Xinomavro producer and you listen to a podcast or you have access to Xinomavro, I’m happy to send you my and Zach’s addresses. Just email us at [email protected]. So it’s really funny, actually, that you mentioned Xinomavro, because I also had it this weekend, but I had it earlier. I had it on Saturday. And then did the Super Bowl on Sunday. So on Saturday, I think I’ve talked about her before, but Lena is like my wife and my best friend, and she’s Greek and born in Athens. Now, obviously, she lives in the United States. And she took us to this amazing Greek market a few weeks ago in Astoria where like, again, it is amazing, man. Like if you don’t shop at ethnic markets, you got to go. Because first of all, the prices are so much better. It’s funny, they had these amazing phyllo spanakopita and phyllo pastries and things like that, all frozen that you can bake really easily, all made in Greece. And I was talking about how you could buy this at Trader Joe’s, too. But even at Trader Joe’s, where we think of as being super affordable, it’s like $5.99. And this is like $3.99. I got an amazing huge 5-liter jug of amazing olive oil.

Z: Cool.

A: I got all this cool stuff. So I’d gotten some feta and halloumi and things like that. And so I made my version of I don’t know, I mean it’s bad, but I tried, I tried to make souvlaki. And then had Xinomavro, which was delicious. And I had the Alpha Estate one because I just happened to have the second bottle. We sort of all fought over it.

Z: Somehow it ended up in your pile.

A: Yeah. Well, when we did the big tasting and we had the second bottles left over, we all sort of drew straws and I just pulled the like, “I’m taking this one.” But that was really delicious. And then this week for Sunday, I went to the grocery store and I think I saw Industrial Arts Wrench, which was one of our top beers a few years ago. And it’s been a while since I had it. And so I bought a 4-pack of that and I had two of those during the game because it feels like, I don’t know, for me it feels like what you’re supposed to drink is beer.

Z: Yeah.

A: I know that wine is on the upswing and they’re showing every single year, wine eats more and more into beer’s stranglehold of consumption during the Super Bowl. But I forgot how good the beer was. And it’s funny, that that happens so often in beer where just because there’s so much, and as we talked about before, it’s become easier and easier to get these beers. As you know, these breweries are realizing that they have excess capacity and they need to dump on the markets. I just don’t seem to have a go-to anymore. I used to. Like Wrench used to be like, if I saw Wrench, that’s what I grabbed. I think it was like three or four years ago. Now it’s like, “Oh, well, I also see these other amazing breweries and I’m going to get these, too.” So it was cool to have it again and remember that it is so delicious. So that was a lot of fun. But now, you know, taking a dry week.

Z: I have a tangential question for you on this that just occurred to me. So I’m wondering, one thing that I think we’ve seen when we’ve talked about beer and hard seltzer and their overlap and point of comparison is that they are to some extent definitely pulling from some of the same audience. But one thing that we’ve talked about when we’ve talked about seltzer before is a big selling point for seltzer is the mixed case, right? Like people shop for those more than they shop for anything else. I mean, I remember being struck when we were doing some “Next Round” interviews earlier that mixed cases were the things that were flying off store shelves more than anything else. But with the exception of some of the big breweries, like Sam Adams does this, and I’m sure some others where you can buy a mixed case of their beers. I remain surprised that some of these smaller producers are not putting their 4-packs or 6-packs together with two-two-two, or four different beers. Because I think that, like, what you’re talking about had been a thing in craft beer that people had their favorite beer and they just bought that. But I think for so many people and for me especially, a thing that we’re missing in this period of time and making it more difficult to go to taprooms and try things, is that exploration and discovery. And it surprises me that we don’t see more of those mixed packs out in the wild. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe they’re out there and I’m just not seeing them. But it’s something I keep an eye out for when I go to the grocery store or even when I go to the breweries near me. Sometimes if I say, “Hey, can I get four different 16- ounce cans?” They’ll do it. But it’s not always the case that they want to sell stuff individually. And I’m just kind of not sure why.

A: Yeah, actually what you’re saying, I hadn’t thought about but I’m like, “Yeah. Why don’t they do this?” And I get that the 4-pack has become “the thing,” the trendy thing. And I like to have at least two of each beer. Just so if I like it, I would like to return to it and be like, “Oh, I really like this, I’ll have one more.” But I feel like a lot of these breweries should go to that. If they want to keep their big cans, that’s fine. But go to a 6-pack and do two-two-two. And let me have three different variations of your crazy hazies. Or three different variations of your pilsners or whatever. I think that that would make a lot of sense because you’re right. Like that’s why the mixed case does so well with seltzer. I mean, look, everyone says they have a favorite flavor and they drink that first, and then they’re like, “Oh, I got like so many black cherries that just sit in the back of the refrigerator.” But for the most part, the other reason that it’s successful is because the hard seltzer producers know that people are usually consuming these with other friends. And so, you have flavor options for people. As opposed to being like, “I like grapefruit, so I’m going to buy a case of grapefruit.” And then my friends come over and they’re like, “Oh, I’m really a cherry drinker or black cherry or whatever or blackberry.” And then all of a sudden you’re like, “Oh, sorry, dude, I don’t have that flavor for you.” So yeah, I wonder if that would be smart. Because early days craft beer you saw that a lot. The big craft breweries would do these mixed cases. I remember always getting the SweetWater one that had like three of their classic IPA, three of their 420, three of their Sweetwater Blue, and I think three of their Brown Ale. Right? And it was great because you got to know the brewery across the board, whereas now I feel like people get stuck on one style. But I also think a lot of breweries are mostly doing one style. At least a lot of them are, right? They’ll try to do other things, but they’re really known for one thing, where I don’t know anyone that knows Other Half for anything other than hazy IPAs. I know they do other beers, but like that’s what they’re known for. That’s definitely very different than what it used to be in the early days of craft beer. for sure.

Z: True. Where yeah, you just had fewer breweries. So they kind of all felt compelled to make a range of beers. And if you wanted a craft beer or a craft pilsner, you were likely to get it from the same brewery.

A: Exactly.

Z: As opposed to now where you might have a favorite craft pilsner brewery, and a favorite craft IPA brewery, and a favorite craft dark beer brewery, whatever. Right? Like there’s all these different things. So I think it would be an interesting experiment. There’s probably reasons that are good. And if you listeners have them, send us an email ([email protected]). Let us know why your brewery still likes to put six or four cans together of the same beer and sell them that way.

A: Yeah. So Zach, man, we’re having a fun conversation today and that conversation is about lemon.

Z: Yeah, we’re going to take lemons and make a podcast out of them.

A: So if you read the site, you know that we’ve talked a lot about lemon in the recent past. And lemon is a flavor and lemon is the big flavor that we’re going to see this summer and probably well past the summer and basically primarily in seltzer. But I wanted to have this conversation because I’m curious to think through where this could take us just in other drinks, like how does lemon potentially translate into wine?

How does lemon translate into other cocktails? In the search aisles of beer. So to lay our conversation for us, a year ago or so, Truly hard seltzer decided to come out with a Truly hard lemonade seltzer. So still seltzer. I think that a lot of people like in the drinks business were like, “Haha, that’s so ridiculous. Like Truly is going full-circle, like from being the head seltzer to basically ripping off Mike’s hard lemonade, which makes White Claw.” You know, like insider people thought it was really funny, like what is Truly doing? And they debuted this seltzer lemonade, and it just exploded from the get. And it quickly became one of their top-selling SKUs. I think now it may be more successful than even their traditional Truly variety pack. Lots of flavors of lemonade. Right? But always with lemon as the core background. And now you see everyone else fast following. Bud Light is coming out with lemonade-flavored seltzers. White Claw is doing its own. Mike’s Hard Lemonade is about to come out with a Mike’s Hard Lemonade Seltzer. Corona, everyone is following lemonade. And so we started looking at this and realizing, maybe there is something here. When you look at all the data, it’s very clear. Out of citrus flavors, lemon, among Americans, is the most popular flavor. Right? And the seltzers have keyed in on this. Now, maybe seltzer and lemonade is the perfect pairing. But I think it’s interesting, and I think it’s specifically lemonade, right? That this sort of “lemonade flavor” has come out of nowhere and is all of a sudden — or maybe didn’t come out of nowhere, but all of a sudden going to be pretty ubiquitous. So, look, I mean, we’re going to start to see lemonade hard seltzers all over the place. We already are seeing them. Lemonade is becoming this thing that has gone from what we think that kids drink at their lemonade stand to now a flavor that adults are across the board embracing. And I’m curious, like, where we think this is coming from? And how we think this is going to impact the wider world of drinks.

Z: So as far as the question of where it’s coming from, I mean, allow me to do some very amateur psychology here.

A: Yes.

Z: I think one thing that we’ve talked about a lot since the start of the Covid pandemic is how much our emotions play into what we want to drink. And I think we talked a lot last year about how things like tropical ingredients, lime, that kind of stuff, was going to be really appealing to people because it was going to be this year where it was summer and it was nice out and yet people were not necessarily just trapped at home. I mean, they were able to be outside. But travel was not an option for most people. There was a lot of this desire and longing to travel virtually. I think what’s different about coming into 2021 from 2020 is that we are for one much further into the pandemic. And I think what people want, and maybe projecting forward what they’re going to want, are flavors and experiences that feel like a return to normal. And that’s not to say that by summer things will have returned to normal. But I think in some ways the longing for lemonade is really about, as you said, the childhood innocence of the lemonade stand, the flavor that goes with it, the comfort and the familiarity. And the fact that lemon, even more than lime or orange or grapefruit is such a versatile, and at times can be almost the ideal background singer, but it can also take the lead. And I think that that to me makes a ton of sense as people are going to be still in this weird sort of not-totally-back-to-normal state. But people are going to want that comfort and familiarity that I think lemon provides, that even something that we consume lots of as Americans like orange or lime just can’t.

A: Yeah, actually, I think that’s really insightful.

Z: Thank you.

A: I feel like yeah, there is this desire to sort of return to childhood. And it’s interesting, what is it about lemon that is so much more desirable to consumers than lime, orange, etc.? So when we started investigating this, we started looking at trends, data, and things like that. And when you look at just the flavor as a whole and people’s interest in it, the search volume for lemon and lemon-flavored things is off the charts compared to grapefruit, orange, lime. And that was surprising to me, especially because lime is the key ingredient in the most popular cocktail in America: the Margarita. So I would have thought that lime and lemon would have kind of gone hand-in-hand and that maybe we were just having a lemon moment. But for years now, lemon has been — and lemonade, specifically — has been this thing that we’re really highly interested in. So it’s crazy to me that this didn’t happen sooner in seltzer, because I love sparkling water and lemon.

Z: Yeah.

A: So it’s very interesting that, yeah, this has now been this thing that Truly did and everyone thought they were crazy, and now everyone’s following. And so now I’m really curious, if this is what we’re going to start drinking a lot of, or a lot of people are going to start drinking. What are the easy sort of transition beverages from seltzer that’s lemon-flavored to X cocktail or X wine?

Z: Well, I think that the most obvious one for me as a start of a transition cocktail is the French 75. So to me, there you have a lot of the components that people love in a lemonade seltzer, i.e., lemon, sparkling. It’s got booze in it. It can be made a little bit sweet, but it’s going to feel like a fancier drink. It’s got sparkling wine in it instead of sparkling water, it’s got gin in it. So it’s got a little bit of an additional dimension in terms of flavor. But it is also a great cocktail in that, a little bit like a Mimosa, you can kind of go to whatever ratio you prefer. It’s a really flexible cocktail in terms of the ingredient proportions. You know, some cocktails, especially citrus-based cocktails, can kind of get out of whack if you’re not careful. And obviously, the French 75 can go wrong, but if you want to even make it with some sparkling water as well so it’s not quite as boozy, because obviously with gin and sparkling wine, it’s going to pack more punch than the equivalent volume of lemonade seltzer would. But that, to me, is just a no-brainer. I also wonder, and here’s a cocktail that I kind of love that, my God, I get s*** for saying I enjoy it. But, you know, what’s a really good cocktail when it’s well-made?

A: What?

Z: A motherf****** Lemon Drop. And like, because it does the exact same kinds of things, right? It’s got that beautiful tartness if you make it with fresh lemon juice, it’s got some sweetness to it. I personally don’t go for the sugared rim, but I get why people do. You know it’s vodka. So it’s a nice kind of clean cocktail. It’s just such a straightforward but delicious drink because fundamentally, and this is the point in some way, right? Like lemon plus a little bit alcohol or a lot of alcohol depending, plus a little sugar, plus water — whether sparkling or not — that is just an outright delicious flavor combo and doesn’t matter how dated that cocktail is. I still kind of like it.

A: Do you think that that’s a cocktail that’s kind of just hurt by its name?

Z: Probably.

A: Like I often wonder. I think the reason that people also love these lemonade seltzers and we’re not all running to Mike’s hard lemonade is Mike’s hard lemonade we kind of all remember as that really sickly sweet kind of almost like Country Time lemonade. You remember the Country Time mix?

Z: Yeah.

A: That like we liked as kids but like, we don’t want to drink something that sweet as an adult. But we still like the lemon flavor. And that’s why I wonder if the lemon drop kind of suffers from just thinking that it’s going to be that sweet lemon candy. As opposed to a squeeze of citrus in a glass of sparkling water, which I think is interesting. And I’ve wondered a lot about what those cocktails could be. I do wonder, too, if it’s just as you said, I wonder if — yes, I know it’s made with lime — but I wonder if you will see some version of a lemon Gimlet.

Z: Mm hmm. Yeah. I mean, I think to me the thing that’s interesting here is, one, you’re totally right that the name hurts the Lemon Drop. If it was just the lemon Martini, people would probably order it a lot more often. And I also think that that you’re right that maybe some of this could either spill over into or could be kind of co-opted. I mean, I don’t think there’s any reason you couldn’t make essentially a Gimlet with lemon juice. It would taste a little different, but still, I’m sure, be delicious. I also wonder, Adam, and I’m curious about your thoughts on this. You know, one of the other areas that I think about lemonade in cocktails is like the well, what I always called the John Daly, essentially an Arnold Palmer, so iced tea, lemonade, and then with booze. And that was a huge — we had a big craze in the restaurant industry a decade ago for that. Like that was a cocktail. There were sweet tea vodkas everywhere. And like that and lemonade was for a summer our best- selling cocktail. Which was great because it was super good for costs. It was not an expensive drink to make. But do you think that is also something that we’re going to see a lot of in this year?

A: You mean just like spiked lemonade?

Z: Well, but I mean that combination with iced tea.

A: I think yeah. So that’s the other thing that you’re starting to see now is that I think a bunch of people are putting out these hard seltzer teas. It’s funny, everything is seltzer. But also everything is like what it already was. But yeah, I mean, Twisted Tea that also Boston Beer Co. owns. I think you’ll see some sort of version of an Arnold Palmer for sure. I think that that’s, again, it’s sort of that savory, sweet, refreshing flavor that we love in the summer. But honestly, all times of year that we’re kind of just giving an adult version to.

Z: For sure.

A: Which then I wonder, so like for me, then where else do we go from here? Are there wines that for people who are enjoying these seltzers will be translatable? Like is a Pinot Grigio going to be something people look for? Because I feel like Pinot Grigio has a lot of that lemon component. Or is it like a Pinot Grigio Spritz, where you actually have Pinot Grigio mixed with sparkling water?

Z: Yeah, that’s an interesting question. I mean, I think that one area that we might see some of this translated into so when it comes to wine. I think it could be a good thing for something like Pinot Grigio, maybe. I think of Chablis, or a really kind of stainless-steel-fermented Chardonnay as being an area of wine where you do get a lot of citrus notes. I also wonder, a category that I think could do really well is sangria, like white sangrias, and maybe wine-based punches. That kind of thing feels like you can put beautiful lemon in the drink. It looks cool if we’re doing semi-back-to-normal outdoor gatherings. I feel like we’re going to see a big summer for things that feel festive. Right? Like we can actually see our families again safely, maybe because everyone is vaccinated, hopefully. And like, that’s the kind of thing to me, because it’s not just the accessibility of lemonade and lemon flavor that is going to drive so much of its popularity, although it’s also that. But it’s also like, it’s widely available and it does just sort of play with so many different flavors. I don’t know that I would say, like, here’s a wine that is really lemony. I mean, there are certainly some out there. I’ll continue to think about this. But definitely like things that incorporate wine and lemon, I think it will definitely be big.

A: That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. I just think, we all need to keep our eyes on lemon.

Z: Well my big question is, are we finally going to get past the issue people had with putting lemon wedges in their beer? Because my wife and I have had arguments about this. My wife has finally admitted that she was influenced by big beer’s advertising that you don’t put fruit in beer. I think fruit in a wheat beer is fantastic and is like the point of it. And I think we’re going to see some wheat beers, hefeweizen, etc. that desperately need that squeeze of lemon, or that lemon wheel or whatever in them. And I don’t know, maybe I’m on my own here. What do you think, Adam?

A: I think you will see some people. But again, I think it will only be, maybe the really light shandies.

Z: That’s another good one, yeah.

A: Yeah. I think the thing that we all need to also recognize about why lemon is taking off in the way that it is, is that these seltzers are all really light. So I’m not telling people to run out and make their own version of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. While that is still a successful brand, I think the reason we’re seeing success is because it is more of a lemon flavor that is similar to a bottle of Pellegrino with lemon in it. And maybe obviously a little sweetener, than something that tastes syrupy or heavy. And I do wonder if that is a problem for the beer and that some of those beers could still taste heavy to people. But I think you will see some of it, though. I mean, I think Narragansett has a really successful lemon shandy. And that potentially will do even better this summer. Again, there have been brands that have had these lemon flavors. So it’s been there. It’s just like you’re watching everyone with the seltzer craze rush in. In a way that you haven’t seen one flavor really dominate in a long time.

Z: And I wonder — my last thought on this, and I’m curious about your take, Adam — I look at this and I look at this especially in the kind of pivot to something like outright lemonade as opposed to like lemon flavor. Right? As like also this interesting potential evolution point in seltzer, where something we discussed when we did an episode about seltzer with Erica last year is, at some point the seltzer market is going to grow to a point where it starts to fracture or bifurcate or something, and some people are going to go in the direction of: What we really like about this beverage is it’s relatively light. It’s carbonated. It’s very easy to transport, and store, and all that, and consume. And maybe we’re not as deeply concerned about whether it’s 70 calories or 90 calories or 110 calories. And we care more about the flavors. And that might lead you to some of these lemonade flavors where, if it’s going to be a little bit sweet, it’s probably going to have a higher calorie count than one that isn’t. And obviously there’s still going to be a big part of the market that’s really interested in lowest calorie possible, all about the sort of, whatever, “clean drinking” something or other. And I see this as being an example where one path for this is to make a thing taste reasonably like lemonade, you’ve got to put some sugar in it. It’s kind of unavoidable. And do you see this as being a sign of this fracturing?

A: I do, actually, I do. Because it’s like it’s going to be one or the other. You know what I mean? I think you’re completely right here.

Z: Because I did an interview for “Next Round” with a couple of women who are putting out a tequila-based, sort of bottled sparkling cocktail with fruit juice in it. And like we didn’t talk about specific calorie counts. I know they’re kind of concerned with cleanliness generally or pure ingredients, things like that. But I think that’s a drink to me where you look at that and you go, the person buying that cares about how many calories are in their drink, but they’re not making their decision based solely on that. They’re obviously going to be influenced by presumably more intense flavor, or superior flavor or however you want to think about that. And I think that the race in hard seltzer for a while was how do we get to a really low calorie count? How do we splash that on the label? And that was the initial audience for that. But as it’s grown and grown and expanded to people who, maybe like me, are not deeply cautious or concerned about the exact calorie count — I mean, obviously not. If you look at what I tend to drink, then what matters is more the flavoring. Yeah, I don’t want it to be syrupy, but I might want my lemonade hard seltzer to taste like lemonade to some extent and not essence of lemon with some booze.

A: So I do think that there is going to be some of that, but the market’s going to be nowhere as big.

Z: Yeah.

A: I think what is driving this entire movement, and the lemon movement for the refreshment in general, is the calories. And I think there will be a niche for some of these other products. I think I know which one you’re talking about. And yes, there will be a health-halo niche. I guess that’s what we’re saying. Right? There’ll be other health-halo products people like, but those people will never see the kind of sales that these other products are seeing. Because also, and this is where it gets interesting, the people who are purchasing these products for calories, you’ve talked about this before, right? They’re not purchasing them to drink one. They’re purchasing to be able to drink six or seven on a Saturday afternoon and not have guilt because they only consumed 600 or 700 calories.

Z: That’s a good point.

A: Right? And so that’s the difference. And that’s what’s driving these mixed-case packs as you talked about the beginning of the show. Those big mixed-case packs get finished in one sitting.

Z: Yeah.

A: Now it’s a group of friends. It’s not one person, but they’re drinking through them, and they’re only consuming 250 to 300 calories.

Z: That’s a good point.

A: And I always forget what the calorie count for an IPA is, but it’s a lot more.

Z: It’s 200 to 300 calories usually for a 12-ounce.

A: Right. And they have three. So that’s what is happening here. And the people driving it, which I think is so interesting, is such a mix. It’s young college-age kids who this is what they’re drinking. We talked about having a conversation about this down the road. But this is what they’re drinking instead of light beer. It’s people who are really sort of focused on exercise, who want to be able to go drinking with their friends but don’t want to ruin the Peloton ride they took that morning. So they don’t want to sort of say, like, “I don’t want to regret it.” They don’t want to just fill in those calories. They want to have still burned more. It’s a lot, which is really interesting, of late-30s and 40s-aged individuals, men and women, right? So this is not a category that is being driven just by one gender, again for the same reason. As you get older, it becomes harder to burn calories. But you still want to be able to, you know, “40 is the new 30. 30 is the new 20.” You still want to be able to hang out like you used to. And so people are looking for these low-calorie options. And I think, again, that’s where you will achieve scale. Now, that’s not going to be important for everyone, right? Not every business wants to be a multi, multibillion dollar business. Some people are very happy being a multimillion dollar business. And some of these other interesting brands will be that. But they won’t be the ones that I think would ultimately then be something that like an ABI or a Constellation or whatever is looking for for acquisition. They’re looking for these mass brands that are just seeing incredible depletions. So, you know, who knows? But the whole lemon and low-calorie thing, man, it seems like it’s going to be everywhere this summer. So let’s get ready for it.

Z: Yeah, I’m going to start polishing up my Lemon Drop recipe, I guess.

A: Dude share it with me.

Z: I will. It’s very simple. It’s just tasty. That’s all.

A: Cool. All right, dude. Well, I will talk to you next week when we’re going to have a conversation about some TikTok drinks trends.

Z: Man, your favorite frickin’ gab topic to discuss. TikTok, I cannot escape it with you.

A: I know. I know. So I’ll see you right back here next week.

Z: Sounds great.

Thanks so much for listening to the VinePair Podcast. If you enjoy listening to us every week, please leave us a review or rating on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever it is that you get your podcasts. It really helps everyone else discover the show. Now for the credits. VinePair is produced by myself and Zach Geballe. It is also mixed and edited by him. Yeah, Zach, we know you do a lot. I’d also like to thank the entire VinePair team, including my co-founder, Josh, and our associate editor, Cat. Thanks so much for listening. See you next week.

Ed. note: This episode has been edited for length and clarity.

The article VinePair Podcast: Boozy Lemonade Makes a Stand‬ appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/boozy-lemonade-podcast/

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biofunmy · 5 years

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Years Ago, My Sister Vanished. I See Her Whenever I Want.

“Don’t worry,” reads the cover photo of my sister’s Facebook page. “Everything is going to be amazing.”

The words, in neon blue, green and red, glow from the screen as a kind of preternatural promise, a message from beyond. When I’m feeling stressed, I click on her profile, gaze at that image and take a deep breath.

People leave notes, messages and pictures on her page. They say, “I miss you,” “I love you” and “I’m thinking about you.” They can’t leave flowers, but they do leave animated hearts.

Sometimes they even travel through time by responding to a comment of hers from years before, and a certain magic is created — the conversation extending across a bridge of years, transcending her absence. The page facilitates a continuation, an afterlife.

On Facebook, my sister’s words are preserved, frozen like a photograph. And her photographs remain, too, marking the stages of her young life. You can view them chronologically, scrolling to see a giggling girl in a pink Patagonia fleece become an 18-year-old model with a disposable camera and a goofy smile.

You can watch her tan legs grow long, her hair become blonder and curled, her freckles scatter into constellations across her nose. You can see the seed of rebellion sprouting into an idea, her green eyes alive and wild.

Every so often I click on the videos tab and watch as she and a friend drive through a tollgate with incorrect change. I listen (again and again) as my sister laughs. The video is grainy and absurd, and it’s difficult to distinguish faces, but her laugh is distinct, ringing out my favorite sound, throaty and extravagant.

I used to call my sister’s phone when she first disappeared. I knew she wouldn’t answer — the signal had vanished the moment she had — but the voice mail was intact. When I needed to hear her voice, I would dial her number and she would tell me to leave a message.

Occasionally, I did. I would tell her about my day or ask where she was. Other times I would cry, my silence following the beep.

I used to text her number too. Technology allowed me to continue that casual correspondence like a widower might speak to a gravestone. I kept her up with the Kardashians, told her what colleges I had applied to, related gossip from our high school and the details of our parents’ separation. I told her crazy things, ridiculous things, things you only tell your older sister.

The messages were automatic, reflexive, a mode of self comfort. Until one night, while out with friends at an Irish pub in Boston, I received a reply.

At that point, it had been two years since the frigid January night when she took a taxi to the foot of Philadelphia’s Benjamin Franklin Bridge. Two years since my parents sat with detectives, viewing security camera photos that showed her walking toward the bridge’s high point in her red North Face jacket but not continuing. Two years since the searches for any trace of her came up empty.

My family never officially proclaimed her deceased, but the reality settled in our stomachs like the dust that fell upon her untouched bedroom.

When my iPhone buzzed at the bar in Boston and her name appeared on the black screen, I was so startled that I dropped it, my hands instantly slick and my heart racing.

I was a freshman in college then and hadn’t told my new friends about my sister. It was easier to say I was an only child than to reveal the complicated truth.

At the pub that night, a band was playing my sister’s favorite song, so I had texted: “I miss you.”

That’s when her name appeared, with the message: “Who is this?”

I rushed to the bathroom and made it into a stall, where I collapsed onto a toilet seat, thinking, “She’s alive. She’s alive.”

Shaking, I pressed the call button.

“Hello?” a voice said. It was a female voice but deeper than my sister’s, older. The woman explained that she had been given the number with her new cell plan.

My roommates found me sobbing in the stall, mourning a new kind of loss. They guided me out past a well-meaning stranger at the sink who said, “Whoever he is, he’s not worth the tears. Trust me.”

I wanted to say, “He is a she, and, trust me, she’s worth it.”

I told my friends the truth that night, though it’s a truth I have struggled to face myself.

After all, if I could still see her, hear her and text her, was she really gone? If Facebook reminded me annually of her birthday and calculated the passing years into her current age, then her death wasn’t a period or an end but more of an ellipsis, and I could still imagine the “…” of a chat bubble popping up at any moment.

When someone you love disappears, there’s no finality of an autopsy report or the closure of a funeral. All you have is a lack of presence. You can piece together the mystery like in the Nancy Drew books you used to devour, but there’s no memorial service to confirm the truth. And that’s the problem: The promise of possibility, however faint, is harsher than any certainty.

It has now been five years since her disappearance, and I still fantasize about an alternate outcome. That senseless hope is hard to smother, the off-chance that someday I may see her face in a crowd, as familiar as my own reflection. I’ll run toward her and save her this time.

I have this dream a lot, intruding on other dreams, bullying them, demanding to be heard. Several years ago, my mother suggested we delete my sister’s Facebook account, wondering if it was inappropriate, the way her online life is paused with her random thoughts and photos on public display.

Ultimately, we decided not to. It brings me too much comfort.

As the years pass — I am now the age she was when she disappeared — I have come to know her better from the quotes she posted in her bio, the songs she cued in her iPod, the comments she left on her friends’ photos. It’s like getting to know someone through glimpses in a window, but it’s better than nothing.

And yet, I understand my mother’s view. There’s something indecent about holding on to social media. It’s so alive, so casual, so improper. There are screenshots of FaceTime conversations, selfies, profane jokes, a picture of her asleep with a friend’s Chihuahua.

Recently I read about the development of chatbots that can imitate human speech patterns. The technology is being considered as a way to facilitate bereavement, allowing us to communicate with loved ones through text messages. Using personal data and old messages, the bots can respond like your father, grandmother or sister. They can use your loved ones’ favorite phrases and dialectic habits. They can say, “I miss you, too.”

With such sophisticated technology, the question is no longer what’s possible but what’s morally permissible. In the gray area between preservation and personality theft, there is a danger of too much holding on and not enough letting go.

Memorials never feel like enough to the grief-stricken — never big enough or grand enough to commemorate the people we lose. Technology may get us closer, replicating faces and voices with alarming accuracy, but it will inevitably fall short.

These days, there are fewer friends posting on my sister’s page, not as many hearts. As Instagram surges and Facebook recedes, I wonder how long her page will remain active. It’s sad to think that interest in my sister may depend on the relative popularity of a social media platform.

For now, the photos keep her memory vivid, and I like the solidarity of knowing when others think of her and how they express that love. With absence comes forgetting, and Facebook helps me remember what I cannot bear to lose.

On her page, her essence remains. The way she extended her words with too many vowels, “I miss you” becoming “I miiiiiiis youuuu!!!” The bright colors of her crochet top. The fuchsia she painted her nails one summer. A picture of us on Cape Cod, my gangly knees resting on her tan shoulders at sunset.

I can see the scar on her lower lip from when she fell out of her bedroom window, sneaking out to a high school party. I can see her nose scrunched up as she readies herself to tell a joke.

Facebook cannot mimic my sister’s flowery handwriting, remind me how she smelled when wearing her favorite perfume or hug me the way she used to. But it can preserve the post she left on my wall six years ago that reads, “I love you.”

Sometimes, that’s enough.

Kyleigh Leddy is a senior at Boston College.

Modern Love can be reached at [email protected].

To hear Modern Love: The Podcast, subscribe on iTunes or Google Play Music. To read past Modern Love columns, click here. Continue following our fashion and lifestyle coverage on Facebook (Styles and Modern Love), Twitter (Styles, Fashion and Weddings) and Instagram.

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mrmichaelchadler · 5 years

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TNT's "I Am the Night" Leaves a Great Deal Unexplored

Jay Singletary lives with ghosts. We catch glimpses of them here and there throughout “I Am The Night”, the Chris Pine-starring limited series from Sam Sheridan (the series writer) and Patty Jenkins (a producer, who also directed three of six episodes). The reporter, a veteran of the Korean war, sees men who aren’t there, everywhere. Sometimes they’re frozen. Sometimes they stare. But whether their eyes remain locked on him or not, whether he studiously avoids or returns that gaze, their presence is a weight on him. His eyes go a bit vacant. He’s somewhere else. It’s a perfect marriage of image and performance, an example of “I Am The Night” at its best. How it functions within the story, why it is returned to again and again, what it says about Singletary’s connection to the crime or his co-protagonist—all remain open questions. In that respect, it’s “I Am The Night,” a frustrating and disappointing affair, at its worst, too.

Who is the night? Six episodes later, this writer has no idea. That’s pretty typical of “I Am The Night,” as well. Ostensibly the story of Pat (India Eisley), a teenager who discovers her mother Jimmie Lee (Golden Brooks, terrific) has been lying to her about her background and that her name is actually Fauna Hodel, the series follows Fauna/Pat away from her Nevada town and into Los Angeles, where she seeks her biological grandfather, the famous doctor George Hodel (Jefferson Mays, bizarrely underused). The idea of tracing a young woman’s quest to untangle the mysteries of her own heritage, and using that quest as a means to enter—as if by accident—one of the most famous true crime stories in American history, is an interesting one. Imagine tugging on the threads of your own biography and a boogeyman falls out. But once the name Hodel actually enters the story, Fauna becomes an audience avatar, rather than a character experiencing something of which few people could even conceive. Her story’s been swallowed alive by a genre, and by the actor anchoring that portion of the story.

That’s absolutely not a crack at Chris Pine, who lends the Singletary portion of the story the depth and nuance that keep “I Am The Night” from becoming an unbearable slog. (The same is true, though to a lesser extent, of some of the performances in last year’s “The Alienist,” another gory TNT crime adaptation that relied on style and movie stars rather than substance.) While Fauna Hodel was a real person, and the events of the series based in part on her autobiography, Singletary is an invention, and a walking staple of the crime genre: the hard-bitten but secretly good-hearted detective/reporter whose career was derailed by the Case That Got Away. Singletary’s big fish was George Hodel, Fauna’s grandfather, who oh, by the way, was suspected of several murders and other nefarious dealings, and whose teenage daughter Tamar accused him of sexual assault.

In this fictional exploration of the story, Singletary’s reporting on the Hodel trial turned him from hotshot journalist to flailing addict and paparazzi, and a mysterious phone call telling him to go back to chasing the story sends him back down the rabbit hole. He’s the only one who wants Hodel brought to justice; he seems to be the only one who finds him suspicious. All others either refuse to believe the possibility of Hodel’s guilt, or are bought and paid for. One man against the world, and that man is not in great shape.

It’s not great storytelling. That Singletary’s inner life ever feels within reach is a credit to Pine and to the series’ directors (Jenkins, Victoria Mahoney, and Carl Jenkins), who give the actor plenty of space to fill in the considerable gaps in his character’s arc. Any time Singletary feels illuminated, it’s because Pine took a long beat to catch his breath, or allowed us to watch his pulse shoot upward; the self-recrimination, disgust, despair, certainty, and above all, the need parade across his features in quiet moments. “I Am The Night” is far more interested in displaying the mess than exploring it, content to give its arguably central figure a tortured past and call it a day without exploring how his death-related trauma might relate to his compulsion to catch a brutal serial killer at any cost.

But if “I Am The Night” is disappointingly uninterested in the inner workings of Singletary, then it flatly refuses to acknowledge that Fauna might have any. Eisley doesn’t fare as well as Pine, a fact that can be attributed in part to the writing. The series is content to turn Fauna into a would-be Nancy Drew, unraveling the mystery because she “has to know” (a justification she repeats quite often, without it every sounding all that convincing); it never investigates why she has to know, or how it feels to do this exploring and to do it alone. It doesn’t ask questions about Fauna’s abusive relationship with her adopted mother, who loves and wounds her with great frequency, or her feelings about the revelation that her birth family come from loads of money. But neither of those complaints holds a candle to this one: Fauna, having been told her whole life that she’s biracial, must confront the possibility that she’s not.

It’s not that “I Am The Night” ignores this storyline. But it treats the possibility like a particularly gasp-worthy twist, rather than a question that would force a young woman to open up a very complicated door in her life. That’s a lot to unpack, but “I Am The Night” doesn’t get far beyond “racism is bad,” and gives Eisley little to play beyond shock and sorrow. That is, until it gives her a lengthy speech about art and authenticity—a good speech, but one that underlines exactly the deficiencies of the series in which it appears.

Perhaps it’s fitting that the most defining characteristic of this limited series is the pile of questions left unexplored. That’s Singletary’s reality; it’s also the space in which Jimmie Lee lives. But more than any of its characters, more than the belligerent LAPD or the willfully ignorant people in Hodel’s orbit, it’s “I Am The Night” that really stops shy of asking the big questions. That there’s any sense of danger or intrigue at all speaks well of the directors, cinematographers, and composer David Lang; that there’s any emotional heft can be largely credited to Pine, pushing a bloody boulder up a neon-lit hill. But in the end, it’s all as empty as the hollow paintings of a soulless man. Watch it on mute, and listen to a podcast.

Full season screened for review.

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lotsofdogs · 7 years

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Wise Sadie and a Wednesday Recap

Hey friends! You know there is absolutely no way I can begin this blog post without saying a huge thank you to all of you for weighing in on my blog post on Tuesday and sharing a little bit about the way you feel when you have one of “those” days, too. It’s SO helpful to hear that we all get weighed down and feel like a giant failure at times.

I’m glad I shared what I shared on Tuesday and appreciate the way you all responded with kindness and understanding. It’s easy to put a wall up on the internet and stop sharing some of the tough stuff that feels vulnerable after you’ve been told to “suck it up” (and that’s putting it gently) a few too many times. Pouring my heart out and sharing the way I feel when certain thoughts consume me feels cathartic, especially when it makes me feel even more connected to you guys. Sharing the really hard stuff and the not-so-hard-but-still-kind-of-sucky stuff and reading that YOU have been there, too, feels like a giant breath of fresh air to me in an online world that can seem so exhaustingly picture-perfect. So thank you!

And if you happen to be having one of “those” days (or one of “those” weeks, months or even years), definitely check out the comments section of Tuesday’s post because the comments are gold and will make you feel understood and less alone when you feel like you’re the only one who doesn’t have it all together.

Now onto today’s post… A recap of our Wednesday!

Truth be told, Tuesday felt a bit like one of “those” days around here, too. I think so much of it has to do with Chase’s viral infection and the pain he’s experiencing in his mouth. It’s clearly bothering him a lot and since the only thing to do to make it better is let him heal naturally and wait it out, I cannot help but feel a little helpless every time he cries, cringes and hurts. It’s also translating into a lot more toddler meltdowns, fussiness, tears and frustration which can be completely exhausting. At the end of the day on Tuesday, I told Ryan that I didn’t want to tell Chase it was time for bed because I didn’t want to deal with one more toddler battle that day.

Thankfully yesterday was better. And hopefully today will be even better than Wednesday!

Morning

My Wednesday morning began with a much-needed cup of coffee, my devotional and a very-distracted brain. I felt all over the place from the start of the day but my mind slowly began to calm down as the day went on. I ate a bowl of overnight oats, worked on the computer for a little over an hour, said goodbye to Ryan and then scooped Chase up and got him ready for the day a little after 7 a.m.

I reheated some frozen whole wheat pancakes for Chase for breakfast (nice and soft for his gums!) and we drew pictures on his easel and played with trains until it was time to head off to preschool. Clearly my mind was still moving a mile a minute after we left because it wasn’t until after I parked my car and began unbuckling Chase from his car seat that I realized I was in the Burn Boot Camp parking lot and not at his preschool. Helloooo. Clearly I’m not in the preschool drop off routine yet!

Fortunately we left on the early side so I was able to make it to his school in time. I also took a minute to explain the whole inflamed gums situation to his teacher and encouraged her to call me if he was too fussy or something seemed off. (Our dentist told me Chase is absolutely NOT contagious and encouraged me to send him to school if he seemed otherwise fine which he absolutely did.)

After chatting briefly with a few other moms, I left Chase’s school and headed back to Burn Boot Camp for my workout. It was a push/pull/squat tripod that we completed in groups of three.

Person number one rotated the group and we completed each tripod for 8 minutes. Once one round was complete, we went through 15 reps of squats curl presses and by the end of the workout those began to feel like quite a beast!

The workout finisher of the day was a nasty lil’ surprise: 100 full burpees. Yeesh.

I drove home after my workout ready to immediately tackle my to-do list but then Sadie ran up and greeted me with so much enthusiasm. Her whole body wiggled with excitement when I walked through the door and I was hit with some major dog guilt because the rainy weather meant Sadie didn’t get a walk Monday or Tuesday this week. I knew she needed (not just wanted) exercise and attention – fellow vizsla owners feel me on that one!? (Also, dog guilt is totally a thing, right? Please tell me I’m not completely insane.)

I leashed her up and we went on a two-mile walk through the neighborhood while I listened to my favorite Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me Podcast. It felt like such a treat to be walking around in the sunshine with Sadie and I quickly realized our walk was exactly what my mind and body needed to chill the heck out after the past two days. Somehow Sadie knew what was best for me, just like she always does! She’s a totally crazy but very wise little thing.

After our walk, I grabbed a snack (holy cow pumpkin spice RXBars are amazing!), showered, unloaded the dishwasher, marinated some drumsticks for dinner and responded to a handful of emails before it was time to scoop Chase up from preschool.

Afternoon

Chase got another good report from his teacher but she said he had his first meltdown moment when they told him he needed to put a bike toy away when gym time was over. He was not having it and I was zero percent surprised by this story because Chase becoming full-on obsessed with riding toys and getting him off of them is always a battle (mostly for my patience).

Somehow Chase wasn’t completely exhausted after preschool and seemed to want to run around outside for a while with his friend Claire, so Lauren and I took full advantage of our little ones entertaining each other and chatted away. (Yesterday was Lauren’s due date and she started feeling contractions late the night before and ended up giving birth to a beautiful baby boy last night! Clearly we had a lot to talk about yesterday afternoon.) We had fun watching our two little ones get out a little more energy before we headed home for nap time.

We did some more soft food snacks for Chase one we arrived home which went well. I have no idea where all of Chase’s energy came from but he was still so amped up after snack time that he didn’t end up going down for his nap until close to 2 p.m. … and even then the only way I could get him to relax was to let him bring his dump truck into his crib. So cuddly!

While Chase slept, I began typing up this blog post, worked on two brand partnerships I have coming up and ate a late lunch of cold leftovers out of a Tupperware container. Glamorous!

Chase ended up napping well for the first time this week and slept hard for two hours.

Once he was up, we ate an afternoon snack, played at the house for a bit and I did some veggie chopping dinner prep. Then it was off to Gymboree for open gym! Chase keep asking for “Boree!” and clearly knew what he wanted because he ran around like crazy, jumped all over the squishy mats and had a ball.

Evening

We arrived home a little after 6 p.m., close to when Ryan arrived home from work. We all hung out at the kitchen counter for a bit while I threw dinner together and then made our way to the family room to play while everything cooked.

Dinner last night was a simple meal that included veggies topped with chicken drumsticks that I marinated in tikka masala sauce I bought at ALDI last week. I poured a little more of the sauce on the veggies before throwing everything into the oven for 45(ish) minutes.

After dinner we went through Chase’s bed time routine and once he was settled, Ryan and I parked ourselves on the couch for Big Brother! I know you’re probably sick of me talking about this show but it’s on a bazillion times a week (okay, three) and we are ALL IN. While we watched, I ate my bodyweight in pistachios which, for some odd reason, I currently cannot stop eating. They’ve become my go-to afternoon and after-dinner snack (better than ice cream, right?) and I get some weird kind of joy from cracking into the shells over and over again.

By the time Big Brother was over, I was already feeling a bit sleepy, so we made our way upstairs and I read Beneath A Scarlet Sky until my eyes would no longer stay open.

And that was our Wednesday in a nutshell! I hope you guys have a great Thursday!

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