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dottie-wan-kenobi · 5 years

Note

well dang if you ship dicktiger can you write Needing to kiss to hide from bad guys with them?

This doesn’t quiiiiite fit the prompt, but it’s close?

Keep in mind I literally only know Tiger from fic and did very little research on Spyral before I wrote this. That said, I think I’m in love with this ship lmao

Minor warnings for adults being creepy towards minors (nothing explicit) and homophobia

Dick hears the targets turning the hallway corner before he sees them.

Marjorie and Howard Simmons, aged 57 and 61 respectively, London socialites who’ve been offering “secret” tutoring services to the teenaged children of their neighbors and others, mostly those in their class level, only to then kill them and dump the bodies. The pictures in the file he and Tiger were given…jeez. He’s seen some sadistic shit in his life, but it always hurts more when it’s kids who get hurt.

Not to mention it reminds him of a certain group of people he hasn’t spoken to in way, way too long.

But anyway, the Simmons, being socialites, are hosting a party tonight, and considering the number of teens he’s seen milling around, he’s willing to bet they’re looking for their next target. That’s why he and Tiger are here—to stop the creeps and save a few lives. The Agent 37 theme song floats through his mind, and he makes a mental note to figure out how to amend it so he can include Agent 1, too. Maybe even make a cereal pun or two.

ANYWAY. The Simmons turn the corner, clunky shoes making so much noise on the hardwood floors that really, absolutely anyone could hear them. Unfortunately, it sounds like they’re headed in the direction of their study, which is where they’ve planned just about all of their murders.

It’s also where he and Tiger have been confiscating evidence for the past fifteen minutes.

He twists to face Tiger, mind running a mile a minute, plans being thrown out at the same speed. There’s no bathroom anywhere near here, so that’s a bust, and anyway, there’s two of them, so what could they even say they were doi—

Oh my god.

Their footsteps getting closer, Dick whispers frantically, “T, do you trust me?”

His stoic expression doesn’t change, but he gives a short nod, which is good enough.

Grabbing the papers from Tiger’s hand (they’re in evidence bags already, so he doesn’t have to worry about ruining them thank god), he presses them flat to his partner’s back and out of sight. Tiger stiffens briefly, but there’s only a moment, because then Dick’s walking him backwards to the desk and leaning them against it.

As quickly as he can, he pops a few buttons on his shirt and rips the glove off his free hand, hiding it behind Tiger’s body. He doesn’t have to prompt him to do the same, though he does mumble, “Put your hand in my hair,” before leaning in and kissing him.

Oh my god, he’s kissing Tiger. And considering the way that the other man immediately opens the kiss up, his tongue coaxing at Dick’s bottom lip, it’s a damn good kiss. It lasts long seconds, and yeah, they didn’t have to start until the targets were closer to the door, but whatever. Tiger tugs on his hair, and he can’t help a tiny noise, can’t help leaning into him even more and the hand on his back goes a little lower, wanting to move Tiger closer—

“Oh! Oh, my,” titters Marjorie, and though he’s not looking, he’s sure she’s delicately clutching her delicate pearls with hands that’ve dealt final blows.

Dick jumps away from Tiger, putting on a dazed expression and not moving his hand from his back. When he looks at Marjorie, Howard standing uncomfortably at her shoulder, he thinks about how they’re going to take them down tonight, and how he’s still going to save their lives even though any rational, non-Bat person would agree they really don’t deserve it.

“I’m so sorry,” he blurts out like he’s embarrassed, willing his cheeks to flush red (though he suspects they already are). “We—we just—”

Tiger interrupts, “We just wanted a moment alone, I’m terribly sorry…,” and damn does he play the blushing, just-walked-in-on card magnificently. Not to mention that he dips his voice to a lower than usual octave, which really makes Dick blush.

Howard clears his throat, looking away from them like he just can’t bare to see two men together. Asshole. “I think it’s time you two head on home, then.”

“We’ll just wait in the hall,” Marjorie adds, tugging him out of the room but leaving the door open before they can answer.

Tiger raises an eyebrow when their eyes meet again, like he’s wondering how the hell Dick is gonna get them out of here with their evidence.

Easy peasy. He lifts Tiger’s suit coat up, slipping the bag as silently as possible between it and his dress shirt. Then he tucks the tail of the coat in, trying not to actually creep on the man who’s essentially a co-worker.

Well. A co-worker he’s been nursing a crush on for a while, but still a co-worker.

That done, he grabs their gloves and stuffs them in his pockets. He fists them in his hands, making it look like he’s trying to hide an embarrassing reaction to making out with someone, and Tiger snorts quietly at the sight. Of course, one of the few times he laughs, it’s at Dick’s expense. Of course.

(But damn, it’s a cute snort. He wants to hear it again.)

They exit the room, shuffling on their feet and ducking their heads. There’s another round of apologies, Dick babbling his and dumping all sorts of both false and unnecessary information on the couple, mostly to annoy them. He calls Tiger his boyfriend, wraps his arm around the other man again, and it’s purely to make sure the evidence doesn’t slip. Totally.

Marjorie and Howard let them go with a stern warning to keep their “personal choices” to themselves, and it’s only when they’re in the car on their way back to their hotel room that Dick lets the tension drop out of his shoulders.

“So? How’d I do?”

Tiger doesn’t reply for a moment, staring down at the bag in his lap. Then—”Fokiss on the road, Agent.”

“Oh my god, was that a pun?”

“No.”

“It was so a pun. I’ve been waiting for this my entire life. This is amazing.”

“Idiot,” Tiger scoffs, but there’s amusement plain as day there on his face, and okay, yeah, that does it, his crush is fully cemented. Dammit.

Request a fic from this list (or this kiss meme) right here!! My list of ships can be found here.

#dicktiger #tigerdick #dick grayson x tiger #tiger x dick grayson #tiger king of kandahar #dick grayson #my writing #Anonymous

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fresh-buttonsdotcom · 3 years

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A Frog’s Adventure

By fresh-buttonsdotcom

Just like everyday it was a sunny day full of smiles and cheer from everyone in town. Frog walked down the small pebbled street and made his way to the café to enjoy his daily breakfast. He got smiles and waves from those who were awake as the crisp morning air chilled him down to his bones.

Frog had a routine, and this routine always started with two blueberry-and-fly pancakes and reading a book by basking in the sunlight of his favorite food joint in the entire town.

Today was no different. Frog walked into T’s Café and More, the familiar chime of the bell rang through the air signaling his arrival.

“Frog, my dear, how are you this morning?” Tortoise asked, walking slowly into the dinning room from the kitchen.

“I’m just fine, thank you. How are you?”

“Ehh, could be better. I missed the mail truck again yesterday.”

“You miss the mail truck everyday.”

“Oh hush up. I’ll fix you up some pancakes, you just take a seat and leave me alone.” Frog croaked a wet laugh and took his regular seat by the second window. He produced a hardcover copy of Piglet, a Snakesperian play, from his small bag and started from the third act. Halfway through the fourth act warm wafts of melted butter and warm syrup coated Frog’s tongue causing saliva to slip out the sides of his mouth. It was early enough in the day that the café was barely occupied, giving Frog great and reliable customer service.

“Here you go, hun.” Tortoise rasped, and set down the steaming plate of pancakes.

“You’re the best, TT.”

Tortoise smiled at Frog, “Don’t you forget it.”

Frog traded bites of pancake for lines of the play, and within twenty minutes he was done. Frog was so absorbed in the play, he didn’t even realize when more customers flooded into the small café. Chatter clogged the air, making talking to Tortoise impossible, so Frog threw down some money and walked out with his book in hand.

Outside the air had warmed up. Frog stripped off his light coat and placed it in his small bag. His bag was just big enough to fit his money pouch and a couple of books, but since Frog had only brought the one book with him he had space to stuff his small suede jacket inside. The town bell chimed seven times, indicating to Frog that it was time to go to work.

Frog worked at the local elementary school and worked with second graders. He both loved his job and despised it. On one lilypad there was the fact that all the kids Frog got to work with were all super cute. On the other lilypad, however, there was the decline of young'uns in their small town, which meant Frog could be out of a job any year. But Frog didn’t like to think about negatives like that, so instead he took everything day by day. Frog approached the small building and walked inside.

“Good morning, Mr. Frog!” Frog smiled at the verbal boom blasted down the hall.

“Good morning, Principal Tiger. Lovely day isn’t it?” Principle Tiger smiled tightly.

“It is. I’m afraid I have some bad news though. The triplets are sick, swine flu, and so is Mrs. Pig. I’m going to need you to sub in for the fifth grade class for the time being until Mrs. Pig is able to return.” Frog felt a pant in his chest. He loved teaching the second grade because that’s when you really get to start teaching them and getting them ready for the “real” world.

“Yes, I can do that.” The dejected tone of Frogs voice was not missed by Principal Tiger.

“Look, I know you love your second graders, but the triplets were going to be your last class for a while. Think of this as a promotion.”

“Sure, a promotion.” Frog’s mood was immediately dampened by the saddening realization that he would either have to teach a different grade, or find a new job all together.

Frog had lived in the small town of Pinkerton his entire life, fom egg, to tadpole, to froglet and finally frog. All of Frog’s other siblings had taken off after graduating school, and Frog hadn’t seen them since. Sure he gets the occasional letter, but he couldn’t help but miss all the commotion and ruckus they brought to his life.

Frog entered Mrs. Pig’s classroom, turned on the lights and looked around. There were five desks; each with a child’s personalized name tag. Frog placed his things below the teacher’s desk and pulled out the lesson plan for the week. After reviewing the plan for several minutes, the school bell went off, and students started arriving. Frog didn’t need an attendance sheet because he’d taught all of these kids previously—all but one.

Frog put on his happy face and greeted the kids, “Hello, come in, come in!”

“MR. FROG!” A chorus of small cheers resounded against the walls of the room.

“You’re going to be teaching us?” Chip asked nearly spitting out his lunch.

“I sure am! Why don’t you guys put your things away in your cubbies and then I’ll answer your questions.” Most of the kids scrambled to get their stuff put away and get back to their seats. One student was standing silently in the doorway. Frog took a quick peek at the attendance sheet.

“Hello. I’m Mr. Frog. Are you Toada?” Toada peaked her head out from under her hat, just enough for her eyes to lock onto Frog’s and quickly fall to the floor. “I promise I’m not scary,” Frog said calmly, slowly inching his way towards the frightened girl. He held out a lettuce leaf. Toada shook as she raised her head to meet Frog’s eyes once again. When their eyes met she flinched slightly but didn’t look away, and took the leaf with a trembling hand. Frog smiled at Toada, and watched her slowly put her things away and sit down at her desk.

“Mr. Frog, where’s Mrs. Pig?”

“Well, Birdy, Mrs. Pig is sick right now, so while she gets better, I’m going to be teaching you guys.”

“Mr. Frog, are we still taking that test on hibernation patterns?”

“Misty! Why’d you tell him?” Chip whined, rocking back and forth against his desk.

“Are you going to make us take a test, Mr. Frog?” Birdy asked, pecking nervously at the wooden desk.

“You guys will have a test—“ the exaggerated groans brought a smile to Frog’s face, “but it won’t be about hibernation patterns. This test will be about yourself, so there are no wrong answers.” The kids cheered and chatted spiritedly amongst themselves as Frog passed out a sheet of paper to each student.

“Okay, now I want you guys to start off with question number one: what is your name?”

“Easy peasy.” Misty remarked confidently. Frog looked around the room to make sure everyone was finished.

“Question two: what is the most interesting thing you’ve learned about hibernation?”

“I learned that when we hibernate, it needs to be like at 100 degrees!” Frog quickly brought a finger up to his lips.

“Shh, let’s let other people think on their own for now.” Frog suggested calmly. He continued on, asking about their favorite places, their funniest jokes and even the names of their best friends. After their fake test activity, Frog gathered their “tests” and resumed the lesson plan. At lunch time, when the kids where outside playing, Frog took the chance to read about what the kids wrote about. Most of their answers were silly and creative, but when Frog got to Toada’s, he realized she hadn’t written a word. Instead, she sketched a very detailed landscape of a forest with a black hole and a question mark on the middle of the page. Frog tried not to let the concerning picture bother him, but he couldn’t he’ll the way his eyes drifted nervously over to Toada every other minute, making sure she was still there.

After school ended and the bell rang, Frog gave the kids their homework sheets and sent them on their way, but not before trying to confront Toada.

“Toada, can you stay back for a few minutes?” Toada’s eyes bulged with fear, but she kept his gaze and nodded slowly. She shuffled up to the front of the room where the teachers desk was, and stood awkwardly on the other side of Frog, eyes down again.

“You’re not in trouble, okay? I just wanted to talk to you about this,” Frog provided Toada’s fake test and showed it to her, “what does this black circle mean? The one with the question mark in it.” Toada shrugged. “I know that can’t be true. You spent the entire first block of the day drawing it.” Toada stayed silent and Frog internally groaned. “Okay, if you don’t want to talk about it you don’t have to. You can go now.” Toada walked quickly out of the classroom leaving Frog with nothing but more questions.

Frog spotted Principal Tiger walking out of his office and walked briskly to catch up to him.

“Oh, Mr. Frog, how’d the first day go?”

“Pretty well, although there is one student I’m concerned about.”

“Toada?” The principle asked. Frog nodded and walked beside Principal Tiger as they both exited the building. “She’s new. Carmen found her out on the side of the road, dehydrated and alone. She’s currently living with The Ravens and the mayor is sending out letters everyday, but no one has claimed her in the past two weeks.” Frog’s heart ached at the thought of that little girl alone and without family.

“Does she speak?”

“Not that I know of. She clearly understands what’s being said, but is choosing not to talk back. The Ravens are trying to do speech therapy on her, but so far no luck.”

“If she doesn’t speak, how do you know her name?”

“She wrote it down for us. The child can clearly communicate but for some reason wants to stay silent.”

“Hmm, okay, thank you!” Frog took off towards the town square where newspapers from all over the county were sold. He got there and bought up one of each newspaper. He hurried home, practically tripping over his own feet. Once home, Frog found the advertisement sections of each paper and pulled them out. He microscanned each paper for a missing ad for Toada. After a few hours of scouring the papers, Frog had come to a dead end. Why was he so concerned about a little girl, Frog wondered to himself, before tucking all the papers away and calling it a night.

For the next few weeks, Frog continued buying all of the newspapers and searching for Toada’s parents. He also maintained a shaky relationship with Toada in school. He got her to make eye contact with him, he got her to write, but still no words.

During lunch, Toada would sit in the empty classroom with Frog and they would write to each other. Mostly it was Frog asking questions and trying to make jokes, and Toada sat there, amused and bored, opening up day by day.

On the third week since Frog took over Mrs. Pig’s class, Frog finally found something. It was a small ad, in the bottom right corner of the left page:

Missing Girl, Please Help! -Wetlands district

The ad read. Frog carefully cut out the ad and placed it in his bag. He was so excited to tell Toada about his discovery, he couldn’t sleep. Frog woke up to the sound of grass being mowed and knew he overslept. Looking at his wall clock, Frog saw he was going to be late for school if he didn’t hurry up. So he quickly grabbed a bread sandwich to go, and ran out the door. By the time Frog got to the school, the bell had finished ringing. Frog slid into the classroom, almost taking out Chip with him, and smiled brightly at Toada, before smiling at the rest of the class.

The day went by at a snail’s pace, but after seven grueling hours of containing his excitement, the bell rung.

“Toada, can I talk to you?” Toada nodded, and waited for the others to clear out of the room before Frog sat down across from Toada in the child-sized desks.

“So, I know that you’re lost,” Toada’s expressions turned cloudy, “and I know you don’t know how to get back or ask for help. So, here.” Frog took out the paper scarp from his bag and handed it gently over to Toada. She opened it carefully before her eyes scanned the writing. Her head shot up and her eyes filled with tears.

“Is this really them? Really?” She asked hushly. Frog was so taken aback by the fact that she had spoken, that it took him a few seconds to collect himself.

“I think so. That’s why I wanted to show you. This paper is from a county all the way in the Wetlands district. Does that sound familiar?” Toada shrugged and gripped the piece of paper harder. A fat droplet fell onto the paper, and her bottom lip started quivering.

“I want to go home!” She exclaimed, letting her tears fall stagnant down her cheeks. The echoes of her cries filled the empty halls, and Frog’s heart broke for the little girl. Then, and idea struck him.

“Let’s get you home.” Toada’s cries morphed into hiccups before softening into sniffles.

“How?” She asked, whipping away the tear tracks from her face.

“Well school is almost done, and Mrs. Pig should be back any day now. Principal Tiger will be able to teach the class so I can take you!” Toada and Frog ran excitedly through the halls to get to Principal Tiger’s office before he left. They skirted to a stop outside his office door. Frog jingled the door handle, before spotting Principal Tiger walking outside. Frog and Toada sprinted over to Principal Tiger, out of breath and full of excitement.

Frog couldn’t put his finger on why he was so excited to get Toada back to her family. But his stomach fluttered every time he thought about getting that little girl and her family back together.

“Principal Tiger!” Principal Tiger turned from where he was a few paces from his bike and smiled.

“Hello Mr. Frog, Toada. What can I do for you two?”

“Well it’s really for me. You see, I think I found her family!” Toada handed out the paper to the principal. His eyes scanned the paper a few times, before looking back at the two of them, this time without the smile.

“And what do you want to do you this?” Principal Tiger asked, shaking the paper around to show its flimsy-ness.

“Well, I want to take some time off to take her back to her family.”

“And if it’s not her family?” Toada’s excited expression dropped and her eyes went dull and Frog placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Well then I’ll bring her back.” Principal Tiger looked over the paper once more before shaking his head and handing the paper back to Frog.

“I can’t give you personal time for this. We need you to help the school run. I’m sorry, but the answer is no. Good day.” With that, Principal Tiger left Toada feeling hopeless and defeated.

“Flop that,” Frog declared after Principal Tiger was out of earshot, “I’m taking you home.” A spark reignited in Toada’s eyes before a slow smile crawled across her face.

(Please leave constructive criticism if you have any!)

#writing #short story #story #original writing #original content #frog #toad #animals #creative #fiction #fantasy #I have been awake since 7am yesterday #help #tired #hungry #blood draw

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theartfulmegalodon · 7 years

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My Unpopular Opinions of the Wonder Woman movie:

First let me say, I’m not trying to puncture anyone’s balloon of goodwill for this film. I don’t hate it. It was okay. But I was reading yet another glowing, worshipful article on just how great it was from FilmCriticHulk this morning (along with his recent Spider-man: Homecoming article in which he bashes Marvel’s latest movies for their character development, then contrasts it by praising the WW movie yet again) and it prompted me to finally put down my feelings all in one place. As someone who really appreciates good storytelling and good character building, it is frustrating when it seems I’ve seen a completely different movie from everyone else.

I realize that saying anything negative about the Wonder Woman film is just asking to be shunned around here, and around some of the prominent film review sites, but in response to the FilmCriticHulk article I happened upon today, I addressed to him in a comment this small essay in disagreement. I’ve copied it here. If you absolutely love this movie and its portrayal of WW, and don’t want to hear a single word against it, then please pass this by. I’m not trying to take away anyone’s joy, here. But if you don’t mind reading a long, off the cuff post about all the ways in which I believe the movie failed to give us a good Wonder Woman, then please proceed. These issues have been nagging at me for awhile.

[As I said, addressing this to FilmCriticHulk, I wrote:]

I realize this is an incredibly unpopular opinion around here, but I have to disagree... Hulk, you like to (deservedly) call out a lot of films for paying lip service to a theme or message without physically or dramatically backing it up. I'm not sure why you can't see it here.

I understand that Diana is supposed to be this paragon of empathy and female empowerment, but how can anyone possibly relate to her? (Again, I realize I'm in the minority.) Her character barely has an arc, and her ability to fight for justice (or whatever) wherever she can is hardly empowering when she's INVINCIBLE. Seriously, there were NO STAKES for her in this movie. We never saw her get hurt, or lose a fight. It sort of comes down to what makes a hero, for me. I can't help but compare it to Captain America: The First Avenger. It's the parable about courage: courage isn't the absence of fear (that'd be Diana), courage is being afraid but doing it anyway. In Cap's story, we see Steve Rogers doing the right thing before he has any strength or influence to back it up. As a skinny shrimp, he's the only one to jump on a grenade without hesitation. He uses cleverness where brute strength would fail. (Retrieving the flag during training by pulling the pole's hinge out.) "A weak man knows the value of strength." It's so poignant, so admirable. What makes Diana a hero? She's just doing what she was trained to do since childhood, what she was told she was made for, destined for. She's never known anything but strength.

And I'd like to address that No Man's Land scene: everyone and their mother thinks this is the best scene since sliced bread, and it fell absolutely flat for me. As I said, it means nothing that she "defies" the men telling her not to go, because she's INVINCIBLE. Not a single bullet touches her. She takes no damage. And she knew she wouldn't. That's the thing. She knew she could do it, while the men up to that point had NO REASON to think she could. Why would Steve think she could handle a barrage of gunfire? He already saw other Amazons get killed by bullets. He has no reason to think Diana can survive such an attempt.

I hate, actually hate, that that moment is framed as "Diana defies all who doubt her, and has the moral fortitude to do what the quivering menfolk won't: face down danger to rescue innocent lives!" That's incredibly unfair. These men aren't abandoning the innocents because they think it's not worth the risk; they are accepting the terrible reality that they physically CANNOT save them. It's called “No Man's Land” for a reason. They know they would literally all die in the attempt and it would waste even more human lives for no gain. So to have Diana's big moment be "empowering" because she dismisses their warnings and proves them wrong is just... kind of disgusting to me. Paragon of empathy? If she was, and if she had even a little bit of tactical intelligence, she would feel for these men that she knows and the horrible no-win situation they're in. She would acknowledge their powerlessness. In my opinion, this moment could easily have been actually empowering if instead of "Fine, stay cowering in your trenches; I'm gonna go do what's RIGHT!" Diana sympathized with the men, and it was "I see now; you can't save them, but it's going to be alright! You don't realize it, but I'm strong enough to take their fire and make it across! I can help you help them! Come on, men; I'll lead the charge!"

And that's just the one scene. I have a problem with her character for the entire movie. I don't find her naivety charming, because she never seems willing to learn. She actually comes across as quite stupid. It's as though her Amazon upbringing did quite a lot of damage, ensuring she was ignorant of so many things that you'd think they'd teach her (tactical warfare, for instance) but at the same time filled with righteousness! I mean, she bulldozes her way through this movie, unwilling to hear a single argument that goes against her preconceived plans. (For Zeus's sake, she can't comprehend the simple concept of "The battle is really far away; we have to arrange things to get there, so we need to go THIS way before we can go THAT way.") Her boundless confidence is not inspiring, since again, she's INVINCIBLE, and she KNOWS it, while the others around her DON'T. Of course she can afford to be insistent and unyielding. She knows she won't lose. Did you notice? Nothing ever actually humbles her in this movie. She doesn't even admit that she might be wrong about something until the general's death. She is eventually made sad because her favorite man dies, but before that - in fact, outside of Steve and to a lesser extent the three other guys - she never seems to connect to humanity on any personal level. She observes them from afar, and has Steve explain their behavior to her. It's all very detached, very academic. And then when she sees the people at war injured and struggling and wants to stop to help each one, it should make me believe she cares, and yet...

It's the childishness of her approach to "helping". Again, those Amazons who raised her made her believe that she was destined to fulfill this fairy tale purpose: defeat Ares and thereby magically flip the switch in humanity to make them all peaceful and loving again. She believes she is meant to Help People, even though we never see this behavior in her towards her fellow Amazons. We never see her helping any of them, being kind or encouraging to them, showing any kind of strength of character there. There's no innate "goodness"; she's just been programmed to someday carry out this concept of Helping People. And throughout the movie, she makes no room for nuance. She never once changes her mind, not until the very, very end. She approaches the entire world with the stubborn, black-and-white views of a child. When she sees people being good, well that's just their natural state. When she sees them be bad, well that's just Ares. Gotta go defeat that Ares!

And talk bout fumbling your message! For half a second there, when she's killed the general and the war doesn't magically stop, and Steve is there frantically trying to get the concept of "maybe you're wrong" through her thick skull (honestly the most believable person in the entire film), there was a glimmer of hope that she might have to adjust her perception of the world and of humanity, and admit that there are no easy answers. Maybe it would have led to her finding a more genuine, personal reason for "fight the good fight anyway" instead of just fighting evil because she's "supposed" to. Buuuuut NOPE! Here's your big easy answer! Here's your simple bad guy to defeat! And then again, for half a second, with all of Ares' jawing about humanity being plenty terrible all on their own without his help, Diana gets to give her "this is what I've learned about humanity: they can hate AND love!" speech, you think the movie will admit to that nuance and leave it on that note... buuuuut NOPE! As soon as Ares is killed, the fog of war literally blows away on the wind! Soldiers of both sides take off their helmets and embrace! The war is over! Easy-peasy!

[This still addressing Hulk about his articles:] You write here about WW being slow to anger, because she's more interested in fighting the good fight. You write in your recent Spider-man essay that WW "is about not staying put, not out of juvenile frustration, but out of the living heart of empathy and taking responsibility". I don't buy either of these things, not for a second! You say it's backed up beautifully through dramatization... no it's not! Don't take this as a personal attack; I just saw a very different movie than you, it seems. Diana may not be "not staying put" because she wants to join the big boys or something, but her reasons are no less shallow. As I said, I don't see her fighting out of love or empathy - she's doing it because she was raised to, told her whole life that she was meant for one thing only. And she's never proven wrong, or given reason to change. From your Spider-man take-down of Marvel, you write that Marvel movies are about "making you feel like you did or learned something you really didn't do or learn. Out of the side of their mouths, they [tell] you all about how *wink wink* you don't have to really have to change, because you're already awesome." What exactly is the difference here?? And what now? Diana chooses to hide herself away as a mild-mannered archaeologist or whatever for 100 years? While occasionally... donning her flashy costume and leaping off tall things to go fight... what? We're never told what she's doing these days exactly. Or why she retreated from heroism for a century. I just have so many problems.

At some point in the movie, I realized that I was watching a child. Mentally, morally, she was a child approaching the world. An invincible child, but that only meant she never had to reevaluate herself. Her one-dimensional view of humanity became (gasp!) TWO dimensional, but other than that, she learned nothing, and her personal character had no arc. And I was reminded, painfully, that these superhero comics were mostly meant for children. Attractive heroes, flashy action, and simplistic morals, very clear-cut right right vs wrong. And I just made my peace with that. This movie will win over a ton of little girls and boys, and is a perfectly fine role model for them. But I just can't understand how so many reviewers and adult fans think this is somehow a phenomenal movie, or that she's a phenomenal hero. "Wonder Woman done right!" they say.

My very last thought is about that "Wonder Woman done right" opinion. I will readily admit I've never read a full WW comic, but through everything my friends, WW fans, and the internet in general have told me, Diana is supposed to be the hero who wants peace, who loves and feels for humanity, who fights when she has to, but only as a last resort, right? Remember that whole "We have a saying, my people. Don't kill if you can wound, don't wound if you can subdue, don't subdue if you can pacify, and don't raise your hand at all until you've first extended it." Um, where was THAT Wonder Woman? This Diana didn't solve a single problem except with violence. It was her first instinct. The Amazons in the movie raised her to be nothing but a warrior (despite, again, paying lip-service to just how good and pure she was, too good for humanity). When she was given new clothes, her first thought was how to fight in them. She snuck into a fancy party with a “god-killer” sword. When in the trenches, being told of a complicated stalemate, she didn't spare a thought for how to proceed, she just plowed straight ahead. Never once did we see her even try to solve a problem with understanding, with placation, with compromise, with kindness. Nor did we see her try to outsmart anyone at any point. The only possible example I can think of is her telling the one guy "Who will sing for us?" to keep him from leaving. Does that count? It actually seemed out of character for her.

[Yeah, I’ve noticed Tumblr building altars to that one tiny scrap of dialogue.]

So, sorry to drop an essay on you, but it's been driving me a little batty that I never see anyone pointing any of these things out. (Though my friend, who I saw it with, came away with the same impression. We're both kind of baffled at the over-the-top praise.) In conclusion, the movie was actually FINE. It did clearly borrow a whole lot from other movies, and it did have a weak, cartoonish villain and a thematically shallow ending, but it was overall assembled nicely enough. It was watchable. It showed women in a good light while showing Not All Men to be sexist pigs. It had enough flashy action and likeable characters to be a Good Movie.

I just felt they missed something essential with her characterization. I couldn't really admire her, because she was just blindly, ignorantly blundering towards her "destiny". I couldn't be inspired by her, because she was a literal god who could do things no one else (like me) could ever hope to do. I couldn't relate to her, because she couldn't relate to us. When Captain America first ignored his orders and crossed into enemy territory to rescue captured troops, he returned marching on the ground with the host of them at his side, and then immediately submitted himself for discipline. When Diana charged in to save the town, it ended with her standing on high, with the adoring little townspeople she saved cheering her from below. A hero who is one of us v. a hero who stands above us.

I think I would salute this Wonder Woman as she soared past me, and cheer her on, but I would follow Captain America into battle in a heartbeat.

#movies #wonder woman #unpopular opinion #movie critique #I'm really not trying to step on any toes here #Just felt the need to lay it all out finally #just to get it out of my system

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