#elita ones twin sister

[in1-nutshell]

Hello again! another tfa Elita One's twin sister w/ Sg Blackarachnia with a slice of life?

Maybe where Elita One's twin took a day off, like having peaceful time away from work or war related, whether shes's alone or shes accompanied by someone or group (maybe with sari, Megatron, or others)

Add idea:

She's been followed by cons/bots (probably Meg and/or Op/Elita/Sentinel), Elita One's twin Didn't know about it

Buddy really does need a break from all of this.

Hope you enjoy!

Elita One's twin sister and Optimus Prime: slice of life

SFW, Platonic, Romance, Cybertronain (techno organic)reader

TFA

It had been an extremely stressful week for both sides.

Optimus had been called over and over by his team, the city, and the Decepticons skirmishes.

The Prime was running on fumes and knew it was only a matter of time before he would collapse. He did try and get his team to lay off a bit, but he knew in the end he would have to take care of it as leader.

Buddy was starting to get frustrated and impatient with how this week had been turning out.

The number of repairs, renovations, and overall, back up was testing her.

Not even Megatron’s sweet words did anything for her.

Then one evening she did snap.

She was so done with everything.

She even threw her screwdriver through the wall nearly impaling Blitzwings wing to the wall. Marching straight into the main room and yelled catching everyone’s attention.

Buddy venting heavy looking at everyone in the optic.

“Now that I have your attention. I will be taking all tomorrow for myself. There will be no medic available until tomorrow is done. If you have an injury, there are other mechs around with medical experience. Unless you are currently offlining, You. Will. Not. Disturb. Me.”--Buddy

Megatron steps to her side.

“Are you sure that is wise—”--Megatron

Buddy turning her helm sharply to her significant other borderline glaring at him.

As if daring him to say the wrong words.

Megatron felt a bit uneasy as he chose his words.

“I mean that the last time you went out, you had been captured. I do not think I need to remind you of that.”--Megatron

There are some murmurs of agreement around.

Buddy gives him a pointed glare before morphing into a sickening sweet face.

“You are right Megatron. Maybe I should take someone with me.”--Buddy

Megatron nods in agreement.

“I wonder if Optimus is available?”—Buddy

All the Decepticon’s look at her in disbelief.

“…what?”--Megatron

“You can’t be serious?”--Starscream

“Why take the puny Prime when you have Lord Megatron right here!?”--Lugnut

“Because Lugnut! Everyone here has recently taken their mandatory breaks, which need I remind you I recommended you take. If this week has been tough on me, I can’t imagine how Prime must be and he is just as stubborn as I am when it comes to breaks. Anyways, I want to spend some time with him. It’s been a while since I’ve had a moment to chat with him.”--Buddy

Buddy looks at Megatron with puppy dog optics.

“You wouldn’t want me all sad knowing that my friend is suffering and me stuck here read to snap?”--Buddy

Megatron’s optics widen a bit.

But the leader is unwilling to give in screwing his optics shut.

Buddy smirks a bit and gently pries his servos open carefully playing with his digits.

“Megatron?”--Buddy

“Yes…?”--Megatron

Buddy suddenly thrusts her servos to his chassis bringing him down to her level.

Her optics looking at him dead serious.

“If I don’t get this break with my friend… I. will. Snap. You see that screwdriver on the wall. That’s going to be IN someone if I don’t get out.”--Buddy

Megatron gulps a bit before absent mindedly nodding.

Buddy’s face falls into extreme tiredness and hugs him before turning to everyone else like she didn’t just put fear into their leader a couple seconds ago.

“Thank you all for understanding. See you all tomorrow!”--Buddy

Buddy leaves the room ready to com in Optimus.

Megatron stands back up straightening his back, optics lingering on Buddy’s retreating form.

“Yeesh! Remind me never get on… whatever side that was…”--Blitzwing

Starscream looking at Megatron.

“Are you really going to let her go? Just like that?”--Starscream

“Of course not. We are going to watch over her.”--Megatron

Lugnut raises his servo.

“Yes Lugnut?”--Megatron

“…Is it wise to do that Lord Megatron? You could be betraying Buddy’s trust in the process. Yes, things have happened in the past with Buddy, but must we stoop so low as to spy on her as if she were an untrustworthy traitor? She is your partner after all…”--Lugnut

All the Cons look at Lugnut as if he grew a second helm.

“That was… insightful of you Lugnut.”--Blitzwing

“I am the only one here with a loving Conjunx.”--Lugnut

“… This is an order to watch over Buddy.”--Megatron

“As you command Lord Megatron!”--Lugnut

Meanwhile Prime just got off the com with Buddy.

Buddy was letting him know that she was going to pick him up so they could have a day for themselves.

He tried to tell her no, but Buddy casually mentioned what she did in the main room.

Now Optimus knew this was serious and changed his answer.

He could practically see Buddy tired smile as she thanked him and hung up.

“Attention everyone. I won’t be available for the rest of the day tomorrow. I’ve got plans with Buddy—”--Optimus

“So, we can join you.”--Sari

“She wants it to just be the two of us. A ‘friend day’ as she put it.”--Optimus

“And what about the Decepticon’s? what if they attack?”--Prowl

“I don’t think they are going to attack while Buddy is out.”--Optimus

“And how can you be so sure?”--Prowl

“Buddy can get very creative if she doesn’t get the mandatory break, even more when it gets disturbed.”—Optimus

He shivers a bit thinking about the last time that happened.

“What is she going to do? Put us in a web?”--Bumblebee

“The last mech who disturbed her peace ended up in the Academy’s med bay.”—Optimus

Silence…

“Say what now?”--Bumblebee

“Oh I know this story.”--Ratchet

“You do?”--Bulkhead

“She was one of my pupils, of course I know. She grabbed a couple rounds of sedative rounds and shot the mech in between the joint wirings. He didn’t come out of it for days.”—Ratchet

Most of the team has wide optics hearing this.

“How didn’t she get in trouble?!”--Bulkhead

“She knows how to hide the evidence. And if I know my student, she probably put the fear of Primus in Megatron if this day gets ruined.”--Ratchet

“And that’s why I’m going. Anyways it’s been a while since we’ve just had a day to ourselves. I expect there will be no interruptions unless there is an absolute emergency. And no, the controller running out of batteries is not an emergency. Good night.”--Optimus

Optimus made his way to his room as his team began to hatch a way to follow him and Buddy on their day off.

It was just a precaution; they weren’t going to let their day get ruined by the Cons.

The next day came in.

Buddy woke up earlier than usual excited for the day and ran to the exit, swinging to the city.

Around the same time Optimus started leaving the Plant.

Both teams were ready to start spying.

Buddy met Optimus in the park.

The two hugged and immediately started chatting away.

Imagine the surprise when both teams found each other spying on their teammates having the free day.

There was a small moment where they were going to fight but it was shushed by Ratchet.

He scolded them, warning that if they got caught not only would they be betraying the trust of the pair but the fact both needed this time.

“And we don’t want to end up like the mech in the medbay.”--Bulkhead

“What mech in the med bay?”--Lugnut

“Oh, she didn’t tell you? She put a mech in the med bay for disrupting her day off.”--Ratchet

“Yeah! She shot him with so many tranquilizers that he woke up days later!”--Sari

The Cons looked at each other with a sudden cold shiver running down their back.

Ratchet smirks a bit.

“By the Allspark she did put the fear of—”--Ratchet

“Shush! They’re going to hear us!”--Starscream

“Then truce. Nothing ruins their day. They both need this.”--Prowl

Reluctantly the Cons call a truce for the sake of their teammates.

They both ended up working to make sure Buddy’s and Optimus’s day was perfect.

From swatting incoming balls, shooing birds, even taking hits from a rough paint bot.

Buddy and Optimus were not oblivious to the fact both of their teams were following them.

But they thought it would be fun to play along.

Just to mess with them.

Eventually the day came to an end.

Buddy hugged her friend dearly and they both went to their homes.

Both teams raced to their individual bases and tried to act as if they didn’t do anything.

Optimus entered the plant to find most of his team scattered around the room.

They looked tired yet tried to act as if it was nothing.

“I take it you all had quite a day?”--Optimus

“Oh…ummm… Yeah! Bulkhead wanted to try a new painting style and it took all day!”--Bumblebee

Optimus gives them a look and walks to this room before stopping.

“We’re going to need to practice on your stealth Bumblebee. You can’t hide behind a hot dog cart and expect it to cover all of you.”—Optimus

Bumblebee stares at him with his jaw wide open.

Optimus smiled mischievously and went to his room.

He heard multiple groans and a sound that sounded like someone flicking someone on the helm.

Meanwhile with the Decepticons…

Buddy walked in acting a bit surprised seeing her team a little bit worn out and slightly dented.

“You guys had quite a day I’m guessing.”--Buddy

There are some groans here and there.

Buddy giggled a bit as she turns to hug each member of her team before giving an extra-long one to Megatron.

“I’ll fix all these in the morning, I think that sleeping off the day will do your frames good. Especially after getting pelted with pain guns.”--Buddy

As Buddy made her way back to her room she smiled a bit hearing the groans and something that sounded like a helm hitting the wall.

#transformers x reader #maccadam #bot buddy #tfa x reader #tfa x platonic reader #tfa megatron x reader #tfa optimus prime #elita ones twin sister

[camp-mithril-lake]

Oho? Another person with a fan continuity? I read up on your ideas and i love it i cant wait to see more of your au!!

I love seeing fan continuities! They are so fun!

I am more than happy to talk about it more! I'm still hammering out details so it is subject to change though. I have been fully convinced to include Strongarm though. I am just deciding if she is the Ultra Magnus kid or the JazzProwl kid. Leaning towards JP though, because it would be hilarious when she drops certain things her "mentor" taught her and everyone thinks it was Prowl.

I have done some more building on everyone! And have a few "episode" ideas. I'm going to frame it as Seasons and have smaller fics be episodes instead of one larger fic. I've always wanted to do a similar frame never found the perfect story for it.

The main things I've built up are Hot Rod, Thunderclash, and Ambulon/Bob/Sunstreaker's backstories. This will be long, so I'll put it under the cut.

HOT ROD & FLAMEWAR

Hot Rod is a war orphan who was taken in by Kup who found him alone and sick in a house. Hot Rod was too sick to tell anyone that his twin sister had left to find medicine/help and they'd been alone there for awhile with Hot Rod getting sicker. The medics in charge of taking care of him had trouble because they didn't know he was a split-spark twin and and couldn't figure out what kept causing his spark to go into distress. It is unhealthy for twins, especially closely bonded ones, to be separated until adulthood.

Sunstreaker was actually the one who noticed it as bond shock and fetched Ratchet. This saved Hot Rod's life and Autobots were immediately sent to check for his sister when he was coherent enough to offer a description and designation. She wasn't there though.

He bonded quickly with the rest of "Kup's orphans", especially Springer and Arcee. Hot Rod is trans and during his final upgrade adjusted his frame to suit his preferences. He is always on the look out for his sister who he knows is still alive because their bond is active. Though very weak and suppressed due to the medicine he has to take.

He grew up underfoot with Kup interacting with the Wreckers and other special groups, mostly moving from place to place in the training areas or staying on the ship, because Kup didn't bring kids into active war areas. When it was possible he sent them to stay on family housing where it was safe. Hot Rod still grew up learning how to make bombs and where the perfect place to stab someone was because the Wreckers were not the best babysitters. As the youngest he was incredibly spoiled and protected in their own strange way though, especially once Springer got into a position he could recommend his baby brother be sent to safer places and Arcee started working directly with Prowl and Elita-1.

Kup told them they had to let their brother live his life and was the one who arranged for Hot Rod to get the job and have a little breathing room.

Hot Rod's twin sister, Flamewar, actually ran into the Decepticons first and tried to rob them, biting and getting caught and grabbed by the Combaticons. By the time they could move out to investigate Hot Rod had already been found and the area they'd been hiding in was destroyed.

The Combaticons weren't free to go back to safely drop off an orphan so they just took her with them. When she started to grow ill, later than Hot Rod as she'd been mostly healthy, they kidnapped a medic and forced him to treat her. She stayed with them for months and they became her new family.

They kept her, registering her as part of their elective kin and she grew up a Decepticon but one who was less than enchanted by Megatron. She loved them and was happy and they supported her search for her twin, who they were incorrectly looking for under the name Flareup.

The Combaticons eventually rebelled though after careful cost-benefit scenario but made absolutely certain to not implicate her, going as far to leave her somewhere else and distance themselves so it wouldn't come back on her. She got to visit them during their trial and Onslaught told her to betray them so per her parents' orders she spoke against them on the stand. She was pardoned, and to repay an old favor, Soundwave made sure she was cared for. She had definitely inherited the Combaticons opinions and views though and kept getting in trouble.

She was eventually sent to Dreadwing and Krok.

SUNSTREAKER, BOB, and AMBULON

Bob (Bucket-of-Bolts), Sunstreaker's nickname for him that became his name, was an Insecticon in the same facility as Ambulon and Sunstreaker. All three of them were test subjects for the experiments going on there done by Scorponok and Flame (who betrayed the Autobots). Sunstreaker and Bob bonded and Ambulon eventually started working with them as well to escape. The facility was not approved by the Decepticons as Scorponok was plotting to overthrow Megatron, which lead to it being attacked once discovered.

They escaped but Sunstreaker and Bob were injured in the attack. Ambulon was planning to go neutral but seeing their injuries instead called the Autobots and turned himself in to assure they lived. Ambulon defected and joined the Autobots during this time. Bob was gravely injured and couldn't transform any longer and had some damage that he potential could never recover from. There was a possibility he could heal especially with care and steady spark energy transfusions to assist, but that was only a possibility.

Sunstreaker immediately devoted himself to Bob's care and is weaker and off the frontlines because he is doing transfusions daily to help in his recovery and vowed to stay with Bob no matter what his frame looks like or severe the injuries. Sunstreaker had also taken a very long time to recover due to the extent of the injuries.

Ambulon is trusted by them both and eventually was off parole and approved for service and got sent with them as a result.

THUNDERCLASH

Thunderclash is the main Autobot Commander in the area nearest to them and will appear often as well. He was recently reassigned to the Safe Zone, which has caused a bit of a scandal. He is also Hot Rod's age and shouldn't be in command due to this.

Thunderclash was another orphan who Ratchet took in when his family, a relatively wealthy political family, was assassinated. Ratchet did not want him to join the war effort at all and did everything he could to discourage him. This lead to some fighting and eventually, Thunderclash running away. Ratchet was heartbroken. Thunderclash was already very large and lied about his age to join the Autobots in another region.

He was doing well and came under the wing of the base commander who was more than a little reckless. During a risky maneuver that failed, their command structure was devastated and Thunderclash, having been closely working with him had the clearest idea of what was going on and where everyone was, took over temporarily to get them through it and won the battle.

He continued to stay in command since there was no way to get out communication under siege and was in control for awhile keeping the region together and eventually being officially promoted to fill the role. He was rapidly promoted, caused at least partially by further deaths to a higher position much too quickly. When the area finally settled and connections were reestablished he was considered famous both militarily and politically.

When he was sent to meet High Command and give his report though, Ratchet recognized his kid through the final upgrade and new paintjob and the whole charade was revealed. It was a huge blowup and Thunderclash's age and inexperience coupled with his too rapid promotions being backfilled by more trusted officers lead to his "reassignment" to calmer climes with more experienced officers accompanying him to ease him into leadership since they now had the option.

This lead to rumors that someone had tried to suppress the "rising star" of Thunderclash, who was actually very relieved by his reassignment and flying by the seat of his pants.

He was deeply traumatized by the events that lead to his promotion and his "heroics" are nothing but terrible memories. His issues with his previous commanding officers recklessness leading to so much death causes tensions between himself and Hot Rod.

#answering asks #seeds of the past au #thunderclash #hot rod #sunstreaker #bob the insecticon #ambulon #so for all the light heartedness i am planning to coat it with this continuity is kind of dark

[cleverthylacine]

I'm not well versed in Transformers, but who is your favorite Autobot? What's one thing that if Hasbro called you up right now and said they would do whatever you suggested, you tell them?

My favourite Autobot is easy because I don't like most of them very much. I love Decepticons.

It's either Jazz or Ratchet or Rodimus, depending on the phase of the moon and whether my brain is in RavWaves mode or Deadlock mode.

Jazz and Ratchet and Rodimus are all people who probably would have been Decepticons if it weren't for a stroke of fate.

I also love Rosanna, but she's a civilian and she's been in like 3 things, one of which almost everyone hates.

The problems with Autobots:

they tend to use the same colour schemes which makes them hard to tell apart

many of them are boring af

the Decepticon movement was a legitimate revolution against an extremely bigoted and oppressive government, and the Autobots were the liberals who patted them on the hand and said "we can do this the nice way" even though most of them were from social classes that were literally disposable.

some of them are fucking fascists

some of them are just such goodie two shoes rule bound characters you have to laugh (Star Saber in anything other than IDW was probably the robot version of Sheldon Cooper once)

It's really only in TFA that I don't think Optimus Prime is a giant hypocrite. I don't hate him. I think he's an awesome character. I enjoy him a lot! I also write a lot of fic where he gets his aft handed to him, at least verbally.

But I don't really sympathise with him. Because even when he's unfailingly sweet, like in TFP, he's still...a part of the problem, not the solution.

In some series the Decepticons did become horrible and genocidal, which is wrong, of course, but that led in IDW at least to both sides playing atrocity chicken.

In other series the Decepticons are anti-human mostly because we're in their way and we like the Autobots. In the Bumblebee movie they never even wanted to come here, but they had to--it is Prime's fault that their war came to Earth.

If Hasbro was willing to do whatever I said I would ask them to create a series of all the femme characters most people don't know about. And not make them teeny tiny Core Class dolls. (I own a few of them because they're cute, but.)

I would get them to include Ravage now that ES has confirmed her for a femme. (She is ACAB, assigned cat at birth.)

This would also include:

Esmeral, who should really be a leaderclass because her husband is the size of a small planet (from the Victory manga)

General Strika, who is the least feminine female character in all of transformers and a butch goddess of war (from TFA and Beast Machines)

Botanica because she's cool AF

Rosanna and her evil twin Flipsides (Rosanna's in KP but both of them are in... TFA, I thought? For a heartbeat.)

Howlback (done like her twin sister Ravi, with biped-to-quad transformation that does not involve extra limbs hanging off, because both MMC and Xtransbots have done it just fine) from the Cobalt Sentries who never got a show

Lyzack (from Victory -- the twin sister of Leozack who defends the home front and is a teal and pink seeker)

Nautica (from the IDW comics, who is the most adorable of nerds even if she is Ravage's unwanted aemula/kismesis/hatecrush until they make friends)

the Megatronia combiner which includes Megaempress, Trickdiamond, Lunaclub, Flowspade and Moonheart)

Minerva (yes there's a legacy but it's tiny and they made it a walgreens exclusive)

Clobber (from Cyberverse)

Nightbird (G1 not ROTB)

Termagax (Megatron's mom from the IDW 2019 series)

I have nothing against Elita-1, Arcee, Windblade, Chromia, Moonracer and Slipstream but some people can name hundreds of male characters and only those six and not even all of them.

If I was also G-d of the Transformers franchise as a whole, I would revive Kiss Players, cut out all the bad sex jokes and dropped panties of teenagers, rename a few things -- we do not need a base called "the spiral vagina" -- and take the plot we were actually given in between sex jokes, which was very cool, and write it all out as a comic/story/cartoon. They did the plot in the last few episodes of the radio show after kind of leading up to it very slowly between dirty jokes.

Everyone says Kiss Players is the worst thing Transformers ever made. I'm sorry, that's RID 2015, which is a Transformers show for the "Blue Lives Matter" crowd where the entire plot of the show is to find all these low-class Decepticons who are from denigrated castes that escaped from a prison ship and throw them all back in jail. Like seriously fuck you very much.

I will take perverted panty jokes over asskissing the cops any day. Besides some of the stuff that looks so bad and gross looks so bad and gross because it is--you're not supposed to be down with it, you're supposed to guess that a certain person is being groomed looooong before she figures it out. and the main human characters are actually Secretly Lesbians

I'm sorry this is way more info than you asked for but this is my main hyperfixation other than thylacines, fossas, small wild cats that can't eat you, and other cute weird predators.

#transformers #I ran off my mouth about transformers #this was probably not unexpected #nerd alert

[pettydollie]

cake, please!

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ hii!! my name is liyah and here are some layers to my cake c:

🎀 im 20 years old as of february 9th (im an aquarius) 🎀 music taste: melanie martinez, taylor swift, ariana grande, dominic fike, tyler the creator, olivia rodrigo, lana del rey, beabadoobee, tv girl, elita, pheobe bridgers, steve lacy, the walters, and mazzy star 🎀 fav movies: the notebook, little women (2019), whisper of the heart, kiki's delivery service, spirited away, mean girls, the parent trap, alice in wonderland, space jam, in the heights, monster high movies, coraline, grease, the help, girl interrupted, the virgin suicides 🎀 fav shows: gilmore girls, kimi ni todoke, fresh prince of bel air (90S ONE), full house, family matters, fuller house, bluey LMFAO, escape the night, s1 shameless, gossip girl, boy meets world 🎀 chris girl c: 🎀 i started writing on tumblr on august 15th, 2023 🎀 im the middle child with 2 sisters who are pretty close to me in age (youngest is 18 and oldest is 21) 🎀 5'2 🎀 hispanic (guatemalan and puerto rican) 🎀 single and a virgin idk why bc im so attractive 🎀 my mommy is my bestest friend <3 🎀 if it wasnt obvious, my fav color is pink lol 🎀 fav sanrio characters: mocha, my sweet piano, my melody, rilakkuma, marumofubiyori, little twin stars, and sugar bunnies

thanks for your order! i hope to see you again soon, doll! ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

#about me #c: #pettydoll #petty_dollie

[helenofsimblr]

Elita: Kira knew that Kane had no intention of paying a single dime to the Moriarty’s, and right now he was stalling. Azura could have killed all 3 of them, sure she’d have ended up with a few bullet holes in her but that was no issue to her. The only thing stopping her was that Kane might have gotten shot, and if he did, Kane might die. Azura protects her things, and she felt Kane was one of her things. 

Johnson: It's your basics you know, protection money, drug compensation fees because you’re selling here, because that shit on the desk ain’t “sweetner” also your repayment for the destroyed safe house. Of course, we take cash and a representative will around at the end of every calendar month to collect the money. Satisfied?

****

Kane: Ok, protection money, well, I don’t need additional protection. I got all the protection I need right here. My girls are very protective of me and my club, right sweetness?

Azura: You don’t want to hurt my Kaneykins. That would not go very well for you. It would be very much fun for me, but not for you. I can promise that you will die with a smile on your face though. It’ll be a beautiful death. 

Kane: There you see, I really have nothing to fear. Plus I have a doorman. A rather fearsome looking bastard from the Old Country who can handle pretty much anything. As for the drug thing, I’m not selling the same product as you. I got something better and a very good chemist who works hard. He’s very dedicated to his work, oh and finally, the bunker thing. I suggest you call round to (house no??) Willow Creek, and visit my aunt and uncle about the destroyed bunker. My aunt being her twin sister of course. Maybe they will pay for the bunker instead?

Elita: That’s right. With no fucks given Kane threw his pregnant aunt, and his uncle under the bus of organised crime. 

Johnson *to one of his goons*: Text that address to the boss, now. If they don’t pay, I’m coming back to kill her. *he points at Kira* 

Kane: She hasn’t had sex in a year, it’d be a mercy kill for her.

****

Kira: Go to hell Kane. Bastard!

Johnson: So right now, *he sighs* I feel like I’m wastin’ my time here. Do you feel like you’re wasting your time here boys?

Bald thug: A little bit Mr Johnson. Maybe we need to provide incentives?

Johnson: Surely our scintillating company is more than enough incentive. 

#ts4 #ts4 story #sims 4 #sims 4 story #Tales From The District #Season Two #KSU #crossover #TAC #collab #sparkiekong #Kane #Kira #Azura #moriarty

[neogirlart]

Transformers Animated Family Headcanon

to @julayla & @wildtige429

I will make Transformers headcanon about their families

Optimus Prime is the son of Ultra Magnus & Red Nova (who is a Galaxy Spirit)

Ratchet once has a wife and a child but sadly they were killed by Decepticon Kamikaze

Bumblebee & Butterbee were consider a runt of the litter of 17 siblings

Bulkhead live with his grandma before going to Autobot Camp

Prowl mother, Nightbird, is a renegade Decepticon turned vigilante.

Elita-One lost her parents to metal-eater non-sapient alien

Rodimus was created to be Project Seraphim secret weapon til he was adopted by Kup who didn’t want him to be dangerous killer

Wasp twin sister, Vespula, fell in love with Blitzwing but he only see her as a friend or annoying pest

Before Rodimus, Kup has a son named Springer and use to haves wife until she cheated on him.

Coming Soon…

#transformers #transformers animated #text post #headcanon

[brandwhorestarscream]

BRUH WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOMETHING BAD IS GONNA HAPPEB TO THE TWINS IN THE 3RD TIMELINE 😭 HAVE MERCY PLEASE

Oh, you knooow. Just boatloads of trauma 😊

So, on earth, the two factions are in something of a deadlock: the Lifeacons have more numbers, but the Protectobots have giants. Fortunately, the Cons have finally found a means to free the combiners from the Bots' control. Doing it is incredibly dangerous and someone almost always dies, but still. In retaliation, the Bots begin making more combiners--stronger, faster, but more unstable. In the beginning their warriors were created with functionality in mind; they chose mecha that were heavily compatible in body type, fighting style, psyche, etc. But on earth, when they're desperate, they take anything they can get

Snatching up soldiers from the Cons side, like poor Swarm, who was created by forcibly combining Bumblebee and co. There's a few others, Rampager, Defensor, and Fatale most notably. Fatale is where the Terran Twins come in >:)

The Protectobots first attempt at Fatale combined Elita-1, Airachnid, Strika, Windblade, and Chromia. Unfortunately, the combiner was heavily unstable, and in the resulting rampage Chromia (who, at the time, was the head) suffers lethal injuries. Without her helm, Fatale falls apart, and the other 4 are separated and restrained.

The five of them just weren't compatible; five insanely different, incredibly independent personalities forced to merge was never going to be successful. They need a tempering piece, something to soothe just enough that they won't be driven mad

And what better than a completely blank slate, someone so new and clueless to the world?

Chase (yes Chase is here, for reasons) is the head Protectobot responsible for balancing the combiners. He originally had picked someone else out to be the new component to Fatale 2.0, but... well. Shenanigans ensue, Chase is the one who discovers the Emberstone, and takes Twitch back to the Protectobots. She's only a couple minutes old and he gave her life, she has no idea not to trust. Happily putters along behind him, humming and merry, maybe even holding his hand. She shrinks down when she's shoved into the other femmes' holding cell, turning ask Chase what's going on, but the Enigma is already being activated and then she's being pulled into the combiner mindscape

Fatale's new head is Strika, with Windblade and Airachnid forming her thrusters, Elita-1 and Twitch the arms. Fatale is still unstable, but the 4 adult minds clashing are overpowered by Twitch SCREAMING. It's complete agony, she's never experienced pain before but especially not the mental pain of having her mind forcefully smashed into 4 others.

It's quite awhile before Fatale is recovered and Twitch is freed. Thrash, brought to life only a few minutes after his sister, is found by the Cons after wandering around lost and hungry for awhile. They take him in, and the poor guy is sparksick, missing his twin even tho he doesn't really understand what's happening or why he feels this way.

#hindsight au #transformers #maccadam #twitch #thrash

[jasonblaze72]

Transformers: EarthSpark Episode 1: Release Date, Spoilers & Streaming Guide

 Let us find out what Transformers: EarthSpark Episode 1 release date is. A forthcoming American computer-animated streaming television series, Transformers: EarthSpark, is based on the Hasbro Transformers franchise. The premiere is scheduled for November 2022 on Paramount. Nicole Dubuc and Ant Ward are its executive producers. Hasbro owns and controls the distribution of the series, which was created in collaboration with Nickelodeon and Hasbro's Entertainment One. ICON Creative Studio handled the animation for the project. Twenty-six episodes will make up the first season. In the latter half of 2022, the franchise Transformers: EarthSpark will debut. The EarthSpark continuity, in contrast to most others, is focused on a new generation of bots that were born on Earth following the Great War, together with their human family. There are numerous well-known characters there to help them on their way, many of whom have stylized versions of classic character designs. The EarthSpark brand includes the following: a played line, a comic, and a computer game. Transformers: EarthSpark Episode 1 Release Date Transformers: EarthSpark Episode 1 will air on November 11, 2022. Its countdown, therefore, has just two days left. Yes! Transformers Earthspark Season 1 Episode 1 will be released in only two days! After their family relocates to the little hamlet of Witwicky, Robby finds it difficult to fit in—that is, until he and his sister Mo come across the first-ever Earthborn Transformers. Plot Of The Show The Malto family moves from Philadelphia to the little village of Witwicky, Pennsylvania, many years after the end of the civil war between the Autobots and the Decepticons. There, young Robby and Mo Malto see the creation of a brand-new type of Transformer called a Terran, which they later bond with through unique cyber-sleeves on their arms. The Terrans assist the kids in finding their place in the world and defending their new life as family members while being coached by Bumblebee. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ez4WJZ4Hr4 Cast Of The Show Transformers: EarthSpark's voice cast consists of the following: Robby Malto, a 13-year-old child who was compelled to relocate to a tiny village, as played by Sydney Mikayla. Morgan "Mo" Malto, who is nine years old, played by Zion Broadnax, is Robby's upbeat sister. Twitch Malto is played by Kathreen Khavari. She changes into a drone that flies. Thrash Malto is played by Zeno Robinson. Bumblebee, played by Danny Pudi, is an Autobot scout who mentors the Terrans. Benni Latham plays Dorothy "Dot" Malto, an ex-soldier and park ranger who is the mother of Robby and Mo.  Also Read: Transformers 1 Ending Explained: Everything You Need to Know! The father of Robby and Mo, Alex Malto, is played by Jon Jon Briones. Optimus Prime is played by Alan Tudyk. Megatron, the Decepticons' commander, is portrayed by Rory McCann. Elita-1 is played by Cissy Jones She changes into an off-road SUV. Mandroid is played by Diedrich Bader. Nolan North plays the villainous Decepticon twins Swindle and Hardtop. Wheeljack, played by Michael T. Downey, is an Autobot scientist and mechanic. He changes into a rally vehicle. Agent Schloder, played by Marc Evan Jackson, is the brother of Agent Croft. Sean Kenin Reyes plays the mostly silent Decepticon Soundwave. Nicole Dubuc plays Skywarp and Nova Storm, two displaced Decepticon Seekers from the conflict. Arcee, played by Martha Marion, is an Autobot trooper. Executive Agent Croft is played by Kari Wahlgren. Mr. Smelt is played by Daran Norris. Sydney Mikayla (from Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts), Zion Broadnax (from Day Shift), Benny Latham (from Cornerstones: Founding Voices of the Black Church), Jon Jon Briones (from Ratched), Kathreen Khavari (from Dead End: Paranormal Park), Zeno Robinson (from Big City Greens), Danny Pudi (from Community), Alan Tudyk (from Resident Alien), Rory McCann (from Game (Better Things). Where to Watch Transformers: EarthSpark? On Paramount+, Transformers: EarthSpark Episode 1 will be accessible. If you are a resident of the USA, you can watch the upcoming release without any halt on Paramount+. You just need to subscribe to the service and then enjoy the series. To access the site and watch the series without difficulty, if you are located in a nation other than the US, you will need a top-notch VPN. Read the full article

[suite43]

PS Neither the egg fic nor the vegan freak have anything to do with M/gastar before you try it. That's all pure Starscream stanning, baby. And one of them is St/rop, the supposedly ""good""" ship LOL.

List of female Transformers Main Complete list Following is a thorough list of the various female Transformers in canon thus far. Many of these characters were Japan-exclusive, featured only in fiction, or exist as limited-run exclusive toys. Female characters who had multiple toys are listed only once. Generation 1 (Numbers indicate order of appearance.) Chromia (1) Moonracer (2) Firestar (3) Elita One (4) Greenlight (5) Lancer (6) Arcee (7) Beta (8) An Autobot rebel (9) Paradron Medic (11) Nancy (12) Minerva (13) Clipper (14) Karmen (18) Glyph (20) Road Rage (21) Discharge[1] (22) Windy[1] (23) Vibes (24) Roulette (25) Flareup (32) Flip Sides (34) Rosanna (35) Windrazor (38) Thunderblast (46) Cassiopeia (47) Nautica (51) Windblade (52) Victorion (61) Velocity (63) Javelin (62) Proxima (64) Roadmaster (65) Acceleron (66) Override (69) Rust Dust (70) Pyra Magna (71) Skyburst (72) Stormclash (73) Jumpstream (74) Dust Up (75) Scorpia[1] (76) Eos (80) Lifeline (83) Quickslinger (84) Hotwire[2] (98) Strongarm (99) Slide[2] (104) Crush Bull[2] (107) Oiler[2] (108) Broadside[2] (109) Sky High[2] (110) Circuit[2] (116) Pyra Ignatia Spark[2] (118) Scorchfire (122) Orthia (126) Smashdown[2] (128) Esmeral (15) Lyzack (16) Clio (17) Nightracer (19) Shadow Striker (26) Howlback (31) Flamewar (33) Flip Sides (34) Crasher (39) Freezon[1] (44) Nightracer (49) Slipstream (50) Twirl (54) Nickel (60) Swift (77) Killjoy (79) Blackout[2] (81) Spaceshot[2] (82) Crash Test (85) Trickdiamond (92) Moonheart (93) Megaempress (94) Flowspade (95) Lunaclub (96) Megatronia (100) Buckethead[1] (103) Diveplane[1] (112) Seawave[1] (113) Mindgame (114) Tracer[2] (115) Devastator[2] (117) Cindersaur[2] (125) Shadow Striker (127) Nova Storm[2] (129) Termagax (133) Kaskade (135) Heavywait (138) Tyrannocon Rex (139) Cheesecake robot (10) Roulette and Shadow Striker's sister (27) Path Finder (28) Small Foot (29) Devcon's galpal (30) One of Optimus Prime's rescuees (36) Angela (37) Four members of the Kaon upperclass (40-43) Ma-Grrr (45) Red waitress Transformer (48) Windshear (53) Solus Prime (55) Female protester (56) Lightbright (57) Strafe (58) Mistress of Flame (59) Exocet (67) Vertex (68) Aileron (78) Gnash (86) Slice (87) Thrashclaw (88) Shred (89) A pair of Devisen twins (90-91) Maxima (97) Sieg[3] (101) Kari (102) Anode (105) Lug (106) X-Throttle (111) Rum-Maj (119) Praesidia Magna (120) Fastbreak (121) Crash Test (122) Stardrive (123) Magrada (124) Leviathan (130) Codexa (131) Gauge (132) Lodestar (134) Shutter (136) Sharpclaw (137) Cargohold (140) Half-qualifiers: Alana, turned into a Transformer for a short time. Aunty, female Cybertronian intelligent computer. Combination granny and attack-dog-bots, human-sized drones supposedly based on Transformer technology. One of Maccadam's bartenders Nightbird Overlord, has a female side to him. Some of the "Teletraan" computers like 15 and 10 are female. There appears to be a female design among a group of old generics. Bayonet, the fake female Decepticon disguise of Britt. In the French dub of The Transformers: The Movie, Shrapnel and Starscream are considered female. Shrapnel is also female in the Russian dub. Beast Era (Numbers indicate order of appearance.) Airazor (2) Kitte Shūshū (5) Rage (6) Botanica (7) Sonar[1] (13) Crystal Widow (14) Crossblades (15) Stiletto (16) Transmutate[1] (18) Binary (19) Wedge Shape[1] (24) Aura (25) Legend Convoy[1] (26) Stockade[2] (28) Rav (29) Hammerstrike[2] (31) Triceradon[2] (35) Skimmer (36) Nyx (44) Blackarachnia (1) Scylla (3) Antagony (4) Strika (8) Manta Ray[1] (17) Ser-Ket (20) Dead-End[2] (27) Jai-Alai (30) Max-B[2] (32) Gaidora (33) Soundbyte/Soundbite (34) Liftoff (37) Freefall (38) Snarl-blast[2] (39) Vertebreak (43) Skold (45) Libras (9) Virgol (10) Cancix[1] (11) Possibly Sagittarii (12) Dipole (21) Vamp (22) Plasma[2] (23) Deep Blue (40) At least two bridge officers of the Terrastar (41-42) Half-qualifiers: NAVI-ko, female Cybertronian intelligent computer NAVI (Yukikaze), female Cybertronian intelligent computer NAVI (Gung Ho), female Cybertronian

intelligent computer DNAVI, female Cybertronian intelligent computer Medusa, an Intruder-built robot modified with Cybertronian technology Robots in Disguise (2001) (Numbers indicate order of appearance.) Optimus Prime[2] (1) Nightcruz[1] (3) Scourge[2] (2) Half-qualifiers: T-AI, female Cybertronian intelligent computer. Unicron Trilogy (Numbers indicate order of appearance.) Airazor (5) Arcee (9) Autobot nurses (10) Two Velocitronian band members (11-12) Override[4] (13) Joyride[4] (15) Quickslinger (16) Crystal Widow (24) Treadbolt (33) Chromia (34) Thunderblast (14) Spacewarp (30) Sureshock (1) Combusta (2) Falcia (3) Twirl (4) Sunburn (6) Cliffjumper[1] (7) Ironhide[1] (8) Spiral[1] (9) Offshoot[1] (17) Breakage[1] (18) Kickflip[1] (19) Mudbath[1] (20) Heavy Metal[1] (21) "Disco ball" (22) Road Rebel[1] (23) Guardian Speed[1] (25) Mugen[1] (26) Bingo/Triac[1] (27) Wedge Shape[1] (28) Sprite (29) Boom Tube (31) Windrazor (32) Rán (33) Half-qualifiers: A possible scooterformer Dark Nitro Convoy, evil clone of a character whose gender was switched in translation Red Alert, minimally-altered release of a toy that was female in Japan Midnight Express, unaltered release of a toy that was female in Japan Hourglass, a female character who might be a Cybertronian Bombshell, a female character who might be a Cybertronian Carillon, a female character who might be a Cybertronian Vector Prime, the former multiversal entity who was female in some universes Movie continuity family (Numbers indicate order of appearance.) Arcee (1) Elita-One (2) Chromia (4) Perihelion (8) HMS Alliance (9) Windblade (13) Fracture (3) Alice (5) Shadow Striker (6) Override[3] (7) Diabla (10) Howlback (11) Shatter (12) Nightbird Airazor Half-qualifiersJetfire claims to have a mother who may or may not have been a Transformer. Animated (Numbers indicate order of appearance.) Sari Sumdac (2) Arcee (3) Elita-1 (4) Red Alert (6) Botanica (8) Flareup (10) Rosanna (11) Glyph (12) Lickety-Split (13) Lightbright (14) Chromia (16) Clipper (17) Quickslinger (18) Kappa Supreme (19) Override Prime (20) Windy (21) Road Rage (25) Flashpoint (26) Minerva (27) Sureshock (28) Nightbeat (29) Sunstreaker (30) Blackarachnia (1) Slipstream (5) Strika (7) Flip Sides (9) Antagony (15) Wingthing (22) Beta (23) Drag Strip (24) Half-qualifiers: Teletran-1, female Cybertronian intelligent computer TransTech (Numbers indicate order of appearance.) Blackarachnia (5) Strika (3) Unnamed medic (1) Andromeda (2) Cyclis (4) Sonar (6) Hammerstrike (7) Scorpia (8) Proxima (9) Half-qualifiers: Axiom Nexus News Editor, a 'bot with one male and one female personality Shattered Glass (Numbers indicate order of appearance.) Crasher (1) Esmeral (6) Howlback (7) Arcee (2) Andromeda (3) Elita-One (4) Strongarm (8) Windblade (9) Nautica (10) Beta (5) Half-qualifiers: Teletraan-X, female Cybertronian intelligent computer. Aligned continuity family (Numbers indicate order of appearance.) Akiba Prime Arc Arcee Arcee Blade Assault Star Brushfire Cameo Catapult Chevalier Chromia Deep Blue Ether Walker Firestar Galaxy Flare Galaxy 'Questrian Glow Matronly Docent Quickshadow Rocket Plume Solus Prime Strongarm Tempest Spin Thunderclap Upkeep Windblade Airachnid Astraea Aurora Speeder Balewing Coldstar Crimson Phantom Cyberwarp Cyclone Dancer Diabla Duststorm Fallen Angel Filch Flamewar Flash Runner Glowstrike Hoverbolt Helter-Skelter Hurricane Hunter Ida Lensflare Metal Thunder Nebula Ripper Night Dancer Overhead Retrofit Rollcage Scatterspike Skyjack Slink Slipstream Spiral Zealot Supernova Flame Variable Star Void Pulse Zizza Ser-Ket Ripclaw Azimuth Cogwheel Elita One Mercury Moonracer Nightra Override Bot Shots (Numbers indicate order of appearance.) Buzzclaw (1) Kre-O (Numbers indicate order of appearance.) Chromia (1) Arcee (3) Strika (4) Minerva (5) Windblade (6) Paradron Medic (10) Strongarm (12) Skimmer[1] (13) Airachnid (2) Thunderblast (7) Blackarachnia (8) Slipstrike (9) Ida (11) Liftoff[1] (14) Freefall[1] (15) Angry Birds Transformers (Numbers indicate order of appearance.) Stella as:Arcee

(1) Airachnid (2) Chromia (4) Novastar (10) Moonracer (11) Greenlight (12) Silver as:Windblade (3) Energon Windblade (5) Elita-One (8) Matilda as:Energon Nautica (6) Nautica (7) Strongarm (9) Zeta as:Nightbird (13) Rosanna (15) Zeta as:Slipstream (14) Cyberverse (Numbers indicate order of appearance.) Arcee Chromia Clobber Jazz[3] Windblade Alpha Strike Nova Storm Shadow Striker Skywarp Slipstream Blackarachnia Cosmos Operatus Solus Prime Half-qualifiers: In the Japanese dub of Cyberverse, Thrust was female, and went by the name Red Wing. Acid Storm fluctuates between the male and female Seeker body types in show. Mae Catt would explain this on Twitter as this being "just something Acid Storm likes to do" and that pronouns are "up to Acid Storm". This would imply Acid Storm is non-binary gender fluid, thus they semi-qualify for the list. BotBots (Numbers indicate order of appearance.) Aday Angry Cheese Arctic Guzzlerush Bankshot Big Cantuna Bok Bok Bok-O Bonz-Eye Bot-T-Builder Bottocorrect Bratworst Brock Head Chef Nada Clawsome Crabby Grabby Cuddletooth Dingledeedoo Disaster Master Disgusto Desserto DJ Fudgey Fresh Doctor Flicker Drama Sauce Drillit Yaself Face Ace Fail Polish Fit Ness Monster Flare Devil Flood Jug Fomo Frohawk Frostfetti Frostyface Glam Glare Fancy Flare Glitch Face Goggly Spy P.I. Gold Dexter Goldface Goldiebites Goldie Terrortwirl Goldito Favrito Goldpin Baller Gold Punch Grampiano Grandma Crinkles Grave Rave The Great Mumbo Bumblo Greeny Rex Grrr'illa Grimes Halloween Knight Handy Dandy Hashtagz Hawt Diggity Hawt Mess Highroller Hiptoast Ice Sight Javasaurus Rex Jet Setter Knotzel Latte Spice Whirl Leafmeat Alone Loadoutsky Lolly Licks Lolly Mints Miss Mixed Movie Munchster Ms. Take Must Turd Nanny McBag Nomaste Nope Soap Ol' Tic Toc Ollie Bite Outta Order Overpack Pop N. Lock Pop O' Gold Pressure Punk Professor Scope Rebugnant Roarista Sandy Shades Scribby Sheriff Sugarfeet Shifty Gifty Sippyberry Sippy Slurps Skippy Dippy Disc Slappyhappy Smooth Shaker Smore N' More Sour Wing Starscope Sticky McGee Sugar Saddle Super Bubs Sweet Cheat Technotic Sonic Terror Tale Torch Tidy Trunksky Tricitrustops Tropic Guzzlerush Tutu Puffz Twerple Burple Unilla Icequeencone Venus Frogtrap Vigitente Waddlepop Wasabi Breath Whirlderful Whoopsie Cushion Wristocrat

#really long post #red.reply #spamguy

[toonformers]

Today's Topic

Twinsies Expanded Centinela Minor

You may or may not remember her, so let's start from the beginning. Centinela is the factor that caused the existence of the Twinsies AU. She is the twin sister of Sentinel Prime, created from spark merge. Created as a result from a late spark split during gestation, Centinela was born with a very advanced intellect. In three minutes after birth, she opened her eyes, could see and recognize her family; in fifteen she was mumbling, trying to practice speaking. In one hour she was saying words and in another hour, she was speaking full coherent sentences.

She grew up with her parents, Warden Minor and Armada Six; and her brother Sentinel. But at a young age, Centinela and Sentinel became orphans, after both their parents were killed in the hands of an unknown Decepticon and his following. The twins were put in the same orphanage, where they suffered a lot of bullying, related to the fact both of them were from one of the cities of Cybertron known for Decepticon revolutions, Tarn. Another reason for bullying was Centinela's decision to not learn to fight, believing the way to obtain peace on Cybertron is through nonviolence.

Eventually Perceptor would come to said orphanage and decide Centinela needed to be taught privately in the Ministry of Science, as her mind is too advanced for regular public schools. He also took Sentinel to the Autobot Academy, for already showing promise in military combat. The twins would live in a dorm in the Academy for some time, until the situation of Sentinel loosing both Elita and Optimus would cause a fight that would cause Sentinel to be kicked out by Centinela, and they would go their separate ways until after the events of Endgame.

Once they reconciled, Centinela became head of Cybertron Intelligence and Sentinel's help for when it came to being a proper Magnus. He'd begin the changes on Cybertron to bring back Decepticons and start Centinela's true peace movement. However she'd still conduct her experiments in the Ministry of Science, however, as she was planned to be Perceptor's successor once he retired. Her most ambitious experiment; designing a device to talk to different parts of the multiverse! (See @centinelaminor)

This fun little study of asking questions and receiving them, would eventually lead her to meeting what seemed to be Longarm Prime/Shockwave of the canon TFA universe (see @definitelylongarm for some fun interactions with him). Their radically different perceptions of how to obtain peace on Cybertron would lead to the commencement of the @tfa-defection-au, a series of 9 chapters where Centinela would visit the canon universe, fall in love with Shockwave and return with him as her sparkmate.

Now present day Centinela is Shockwave's conjunx. She's changed her frame colors to white and gold to differentiate from Sentinel's blue and gold, as they shared those colors for a long time since birth. Perceptor has retired, making Centinela the new head of the Ministry of Science and Longarm taking her place as the head of Intel. She's had 3 children with Shockwave, two of which are forged. But that's something for another time. ;)

#transformers animated #transformers #tfa au #tfa oc #tfa twinsies au #tfa twinsies au expanded

[hellotransformersloverlove]

Meet dion and Ariel the fraternal children of Optimus, elita-one and sentinel✨✨:

Ariel is the oldest, she is a girl with an ego as big as the chin of a sentinel but unlike her co-creator she does respect others which has led her to the rank of Ariel-minor to melite-prime.

 This girl born before optimus left cybertron,she and her brother lived in kaon mansion( bumblebee’s creators were rich so they take both whit them)  

Ariel does not like her co-creator Sentinel as he is arrogant. She and dion are older than deadwave, endwave, and ceptwave. They grow up in kaon mansion whit the company of deadwave,endwave,ceptwave,jade,starblade,toquer and proxima and his twin brother.

Dion the son of Sentinel and Optimus dion is not very big as he is approximately shorter than his twin.

He  loved to play whit steeljaw( bumblebee cyberwolf) and soon as he can he joined the elite guard.

After ending the elite guard dion was assigned to team apollo conformed by :

Melite-prime/captain.

Jade/explorator.

Deadwave/weapon master.

endwave/artillery master.

Ceptwave / weapon creator.

Dion/cientific or medic.

He  have a good relationship whit his carrier and everymenber in his family epcept of sentinel.

He adore hie cousins,his uncles and his nephews especially ritzy and mouse he wants to change his apparence but his carrier keep saying than he will not,vanyty only can console his little brother, she know how it feels

His sister called him din-dong

fanfarre,mouse,ritzy,vanity,jaegüer and flug belong to @pastelpaperplanes​

#tfa dion #Tfa Ariel #tfa Deadwave #Tfa Endwave #tfa ceptwave #tfa optimus #tfa sentinel #tfa melite-prime #tfa elita one #tfa cliffjumper #HA I FINALLY DRAW THEM #Pastel i you are reading this pls forgive me #cybertron next generation au #eve i thing vanity belong to you #tfa flug #tfa jaegüer #tfa mouse #tfa ritzy #tfa fanfarre #tfa #cybertron crackhead kiddo's au #Tfa proxima #tfa toquer #tfa starblade #tfa jade

[in1-nutshell]

I lied, I don't want Megatron's confession constantly getting interrupted. I want them to kiss, I wanna see Megatron being a simp for his small spider wife.

bonus

Optimus - Thank you for putting aside our differences and meeting me here. And I'd like it to be known that right now, I am not speaking to you as autobot to decepticon but as mech to mech. With that being said, I will find a way to kill you if you hurt buddy

SHOVEL TALK PLS

another thing to tag on, Im sorry I only got ideas after requests are closed, i hope when you see this you have a nice day and drink water.

Will we finally get the confession? Yes? No? You'll have to find out.

I had other request similar to this one so this will have some of their elements too.

Better context, read the last Elita One's twin sister post

Hope you enjoy!

Elita One's twin sister and Megatron confessions?

SFW, Platonic, Romance, Cybertronain (techno organic) reader

TFA

All Decepticon projects had halted when Buddy disappeared through that portal.

Not that anyone would object to it anyways.

Everyone was worried about where Buddy would end up.

Blitzwing’s personalities all agreed to work together to find her, causing a near cohesive flow.

Near, the faces would sometimes have a fit over little details in the search.

Starscream halted all his plans to overthrow Megatron until Buddy was found.

Lugnut messaged Strika to keep an optic out on the space bridges they were thinking about taking in case Buddy was around.

Shockwave was also notified about Buddy sudden disappearance.

Megatron was by far the most worried in the group.

He could still see Buddy trying to reach for his servo.

After 3 days of searching Megatron knew what he had to do.

He didn’t like it, but Buddy’s life potentially at risk and time was at the essence now.

The entire Decepticon group had flown to the city and landed in the center of the park.

There was no way he was going to message the smaller Prime, but at least showing up would do something to alert the Autobots.

Within no time most of the Autobots had shown up at the park.

Megatron walking towards Optimus.

Optimus walks to him.

They meet in the middle.

“Megatron.”--Optimus

“Prime. I have news.”--Megatron

Optimus doesn’t like the look Megatron is giving him.

They look frightened.

What could possibly…

“Megatron, where’s Buddy?”--Optimus

Megatron looks down a bit and clenches his servo.

“A portal opened inside the base. We were—I was unable to stop her from getting sucked inside.”--Megatron

Optimus and the Team’s optics go wide.

“How? When?”--Optimus

“Three days ago. We have not found a trace of Buddy.”--Megatron

“Do you think that she may have been kidnapped again?”--Optimus

“Not likely. There would have been traces of…”--Megatron

Optimus clenches his axe.

“How can we help?”--Optimus

“Firstly, a truce needs to be—”--Megatron

Optimus shakes his servo with Megatron.

“All right, next?”--Optimus

Optimus managed his team to start looking for Buddy.

Prowl and Bulkhead went to Dinobot Island to see if Buddy was around.

They came across Dinobot’s there.

They were worried that Buddy hadn’t shown up either.

Grimlock managed to organize the Dinobots to help with the search.

Ratchet, Bumblebee and Sari searched more in the city for Buddy.

Optimus managed to get in contact with Elita and tell her what was going on.

She nearly turned the entire ship around hearing that.

“Elita you can’t come back to Earth without the right jurisdiction.”--Optimus

“Optimus, Buddy is in trouble. My twin needs my help.”--Elita

“I’m with Prime on this one Elita.”--Sentinel

“What?”--Elita

“What?”--Optimus

“We have orders to get back to Cybertron and that’s what they expect. They don’t know Buddy is still alive. Ultra Magnus still doesn’t know. It’s going to give us and Buddy more trouble if we go back.”--Sentinel

“…Fine.”--Elita

“We’ll keep an optic out on our end Optimus.”--Sentinel

“Thank you, both of you.”--Optimus

“Optimus, if you don’t mind me asking, how did you know.”--Jazz

“Megatron told me.”--Optimus

“…Come again.”--Jazz

“He told us he needed help finding Buddy. She’s been gone for three days.”--Optimus

“Three days?!”--Elita

“How do you know this isn’t a trap? How do you know that Megatron isn’t lying?”--Sentinel

“Trust me, he wouldn’t be lying about Buddy.”--Optimus

“How—”--Sentinel

“Trust me on this.”--Optimus

“…I hope you’re right.”--Elita

A few days later…

Megatron is flying around early in the morning when he sees that same blasted portal open in the middle of the sky.

Something shoots out of it and the portal closes.

He looks closer at the thing and nearly has a spark attack.

It was Buddy.

“WHY CAN’T I HAVE A SAFE LANDING?!”--Buddy

Megatron dives down and grabs Buddy’s waist slowing her descent and flies upwards.

Buddy has her optics shut closed preparing for the worst.

“Buddy?”--Megatron

Buddy opens her optics and sees the shocked optics of Megatron.

Her Megatron.

“Megatron?”--Buddy

Megatron just pulls her in a tight hug.

Buddy does her best to hug back.

“I…I thought…”--Megatron

“Megatron, even after all this time, you still doubt me?”--Buddy

Megatron gives her a slightly unamused look.

“You know what I mean.”—Megatron

Buddy giggles a bit.

“I do, but sometimes it too easy with you.”--Buddy

“Too easy?”--Megatron

“Yes, like this.”--Buddy

Buddy cups both her servos on Megatron’s faceplate.

Megatron’s optics grow slightly but close them when she starts gently stroking her digit on his face.

“Is this fine?”--Buddy

Megatron just nods.

“I missed you.”--Buddy

“As did I.”--Megatron

Megatron looks at Buddy’s optics longingly.

“I love you.”--Megatron

Megatron’s optics go wide as the three words slipped out of his mouth.

Buddy’s optics went wide but then a happy smile graces her face as she pressed her helm against his.

He leans in too.

“It’s a good thing I feel the same way too then.”--Buddy

“Feel what?”--Megatron

“Love. I love you Megatron. I love you so.”--Buddy

Megatron lets a smile loose and closes his optics focusing on the moment with Buddy’s helm still resting on his.

They both come back to the park after Megatron let everyone know that she was okay.

The Decepticon’s want to high tail it to the park, but Megatron tells them to get back to the base.

Begrudgingly they agree.

Optimus is the first one to arrive at the park and tackles Buddy down.

Optimus locking Buddy in a tight hug on the ground.

“Don’t you ever do that again! Do you hear me!?”--Optimus

Buddy just chuckles and hugs him back.

Optimus helps Buddy get off from the floor.

Budy moves her way back to Megatron’s side and takes his servo in hers.

Optimus gives Buddy a look before getting the message.

Optimus turns to Megatron flashing the axe in his servo.

“I thank you for putting the war aside for Buddy, I do. And right now, still has nothing to do with the war, but as mech to mech.”--Optimus

Optimus gives him his best death glare.

“If you ever hurt her in anyway, shape, form, and I find out… You’re going to have to deal with me. And you wont like the ways I deal with things angrily; you can ask Buddy that.”--Optimus

Buddy having flashbacks to Optimus fighting a whole group of cadets because they hurt her.

She had tried to get Elita and Sentinel to get him to stop, but in the end the two joined in.

Megatron looks at the Prime for a moment before taking out his other servo.

“You have my word, Optimus Prime. For what ever its worth to you.”--Megatron

Optimus shakes it before giving Buddy one last hug.

Prime transforms and gets back to the plant to call off the search party.

After getting buried in more hugs and light scoldings, there is a mini celebration at the base for finding Buddy.

Buddy had to make many calls during the party to make sure everyone knew she was okay.

“I see the Spider survived.”--Strika

“Yes, I did Strika. I’m home.”--Buddy

“I must ask what happened though. Megatron had most of the projects stopped to go look for you.”--Strika

Buddy blushes a bit at the comment.

“Well, that’s a story for the next time you come over.”--Buddy

“I see, but one last question.”--Strika

“Yes?”--Buddy

Strika points to Buddy’s servo that is off screen.

Buddy lifts it up a bit showing Megatron’s servo carefully intertwined with hers still.

Strika’s optics go wide.

Buddy smiles sweetly.

“Hmm…I believe I’ll have to make my visit sooner then.”--Strika

“Okay then! Bye Strika!”--Buddy

Strika cuts the video call.

Megatron squeezes her servo a bit.

Buddy smiles and squeezes back.

SLAM!

Megatron and Buddy jump at the sound.

Megatron pulls Buddy closer still holding her servo.

“Lord Megatron we have the—”--Lugnut

Lugnut zeroes in on the servos.

“Oh… My…”--Lugnut

“Umm, Lugnut? Are you—”--Buddy

“ITS HAPPENING! ITS HAPPENING!”--Lugnut

“What?”--Megatron

Starscream and Blitzwing come running in and spot Megatron’s servo in Buddy’s.

Blitzwing throws his servos in the air with utter joy and relief.

“Finally! It’s over now!”--Blitzwing

“What’s over now?”--Buddy

“The endless pinning! You two have been pinning over each other for years and finally, FINALLY got together!”--Starscream

Buddy hides half of her face with her other servo.

Megatron feels embarrassed but knows that he can’t really punish them for this.

It was torture for him too.

Megatron drags Buddy away from the cheering mechs.

“Have fun you two!”--Starscream

Megatron stops and gets ready to go back and punch Starscream.

“Megatron no.”--Buddy

Megatron follows Buddy as if nothing happened.

#transformers x reader #maccadam #bot buddy #tfa x reader #tfa x platonic reader #tfa optimus prime #tfa megatron x reader #tfa megatron #Elita One's twin sister

[afterspark-podcast]

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: Transcript

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Intro Music]

O: Welcome back to the madness of King Bay or the second live action Transformers movie, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

S: And our second anniversary episode!

O: [laughs] Yay?

S: I sounded way too perky for that.

O: [laughs] As with the first live-action film if you like Revenge of the Fallen then this may not be the episode for you.  But we'll be back soon with G1 episode 41!  So please join us then.

S: Mm, Revenge of the Fallen came out in 2009, still starring Shia LaBeouf and still directed by Michael Bay-

O: It is- [laughs] Yeah, I know, pity.  Uh, it is frequently considered the worst of the live-action films which is concerning that both Age of Extinction and The Last Knight have even lower ratings on Rotten Tomatoes.

S: That takes some doing.

O: Right!?! [laughs]

S: Uh-huh.  Technically, even Dark of the Moon has a lower audience score than this one, but a higher critic score.  So, um... make of that what you will?

O: Basically, what we're saying is until Bumblebee came out the uh, series hit its peak with its first movie [laughs]

S: Mm-hm.

O: But!  Let's get started today by talking about our initial experiences with this particular film.

S: I don't think I saw this in theaters, and I found it really unmemorable.  Uh, aside from there being a few characters that stood out that I still enjoy, but they're very few and far between.

O: Okay, so if you remember in the last- the previous [Bayverse] episode?  I didn't remember where I saw the first movie.  I remember EXACTLY when I saw this movie because I watched it in theaters for a bachelorette party.  Personally, I found the concept of watching a manly action film for a bachelorette party to be fucking hilarious, and I still do!  But I really wish it had been for a better movie. I don't remember having much of an opinion on it when I watched it, but I also didn't watch the third movie in the series until literally the last couple of years when I was blazing through a fuck ton of Transformers media.  So, I clearly didn't care enough to see the continuation in theaters or even rent or borrow it until well after had been released.

S: We begin, yet again, with narration from the one and only Peter Cullen!

O: According to our opening scene uh, you know, the last movie is not the first time that Earth had been visited by Cybertronians.

S: Ah, shocking!  We are shown some craggy mountains populated by ancient humans with spears.

O: Said ancient humans come across a huge Cybertronian installation of some sort and a bunch of Cybertronians.

S: Mm-hmm.  Ominous.  And then there's a weirdly ancient Egyptian or alien-esque Cybertronian with a staff that's apparently in charge.

O: Several humans are squished, and presumably they're all destroyed before we move on to Shanghai, China in the modern day.

S: Oh, will this be relevant?  Who knows!

O: Maybe!  Maybe!  Maybe.

S: We see the Autobots and the military guys from the last movie now working together to hunt down the remaining Decepticons.

O: The combined group is named N.E.S.T.  Short for, “Non-biological Extraterrestrial Species Treaty.”

S: Oh, that's a mouthful.

O: It is, so hence ‘N.E.S.T.’

S: Yeah.  There have been some additions to the Autobot roster.

O: Which for simplicity's sake we're going to talk about them now, because they don't really do a lot-

S: Yup.

O: -in the movie.  And they do show up (kind of) in that last section but again, very few of them even have lines.  I- I think aside from Optimus, the character with the most lines might actually be Ironhide?

S: Yeah.  Um, Sideswipe, not a lot of his personality from G1 or any other iteration for that matter is carried over in this, unfortunately.  Instead of being a Lamborghini he's apparently decided to channel Tracks and is instead a Corvette Stingray.

O: And yet, still no Sunstreaker to be found, much to my frustration.

S: Jolt, a new character who's not in the movie except at the very end and he has very few fleeting shots in between and has no lines despite his bio saying he's come to Earth to join Optimus’ group in the last two years since the first movie.  He seems to use electric whips. [makes whip noises]

O: [laughs]

S: And ah, promptly dies in the Dark of the Moon prequel comic.

O: So he never really does get to do anything.

S: Yeah.

O: So then we have Arcee, Chromia and Elita One.  They are referred to as the ‘Arcee Sisters,’ or if you want to get really confusing, the ‘Arcee Twins’!?

S: [laughs]

O: Even though there's three of them-- at some point.

S: Yeah.

O: Uh, but instead of, you know, their- them being referred to by individual names.  Apparently, they were written as one entity and while it depends somewhat on what real- related media you're looking at, the three of them are commonly portrayed as a multi-component Transformer much like Reflector.  They have very little personality, and they do very little in the movie.  Their alt modes are all motorcycles.  Arcee is pink or red, depending on the toy, Chromia is blue, and Elita One is purple.  Their robot modes sort of resemble Thrust from Beast Machines as they have no legs and function like weird sentient unicycles.

S: Yep, and then there's Skids and Mudflap.  Oh boy, where do we start with these two?  Well, uh, first, there's definitely someone out there who could have given a better breakdown on this than two random white ladies.  Uh, awkward… sorry.

O: Yeah, just in advance we are both white women, we do not know what we're talking about here from a personal perspective.

S: Yeah, so we're just going to sum it up with an extremely uh- in an extremely generalized way.  There was a lot of backlash for these two characters due to them possessing a number of racist african-american stereotype- stereotypical traits that at worst point to the people involved being racist in their own regard, or at best, really not thinking through how this was going to come across to the audience.  They've been referred to as comic relief in the same vein as Jar Jar Binks at several points.  Which is I think a good comparison for our purposes, and unlike the other five characters we just rattled off, these two will feature somewhat prominently in the movie so we'll talk more about them as they pop up.

O: At least kind of in vague sentences because as we said, none of the characters really do very much in this movie.

S: Yeah…

O: Even the ones that are in there for the bulk of the movie, don't do very much in this movie.

S: Yeah.

O: And then our returning Autobots from the first movie are Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Ironhide, and Ratchet.

S: Mm-hm.

O: We see N.E.S.T. surround a construction vehicle that transforms into a huge ass robot mode and begins wrecking shit.

S: Yep.  Things go boom and everything's extremely orange and blue regarding the lighting and environment.  The second car Decepticon is spotted nearby and he tries to evade N.E.S.T. but is almost immediately bisected by Sideswipe.

O: We don't even really get to see his robot mode either- like, he sort of vaguely transformed I think, to like, crash through a building and then was- turned back into a car and was immediately killed by Sideswipe.

S: Yup.  Optimus is fucking airdropped from a plane-

O: [laughs]

S: Uh, to take on the construction vehicle Decepticon.

O: I- I'm pretty sure they just really wanted that shot of a semi driving off a damn plane.

S: Yeah.

O: Which I mean, okay, fair, it's a cool shot but still.  Uh, so then we see Optimus transform midair deploying some parachutes that have the Autobot logo on them... for some reason.

S: Is branding that important to the Autobots or their allies?  Plus, uh, someone's gonna need to go collect those later.

O: I wanna know why he landed in the middle of a highway- in robot mode!

S: No one here seems to think critically about any of this stuff when they're effectively undercover.

O: Apparently not.

S: I mean how many people with cell phones are taking photos and video of this? TONS!

O: Tons!  That becomes somewhat relevant later.

S: Even though people are still being evacuated.

O: Well, yeah- it said people were being evacuated but then to all these- all these shots that happen here, you still see a bunch of cars on the road.

S: Yeah.

O: While this is all happening.

S: And people still in their homes.

O: Yeah!

S: Optimus catches the rogue Decepticon who tells him menacingly, “The Fallen shall rise again!”

O: Hey, if it gets me out of this movie faster I for one welcome our Fallen overlord.

S: Unfortunately, we've got like, another two hours to go.

O: [sighs] Fuck.

S: And now in a completely different movie!  Sam is getting ready to leave for college.

O: His parents are having very different reactions.  His dad can't seem to wait for him to leave, while his mom is tearing up at every little thing that reminds her of Sam.  Apparently, his dad's got plans for his room, and I'm thinking, “Man cave- how creative.”

S: Ah, he wants his personal theater system, I guess.  After being hugged by his sobbing mother, Sam comments that, “You see this Dad?  This is how you're supposed to react when the fruit of your loins goes into- out of the cruel world to fend for himself.”  Okay, god that is such a cringe line.

O: I don't want to think about the fruit of that man's loins.  I don't want to think about that man's loins at all, okay!?

S: Neither do I, that's why it's so cringy.

O: Yeah- yeah, thanks- thanks for that Sam.

S: [sighs] We are treated to an awkward moment when Sam's dad spanks his mom on the butt as she walks away.  Sam is disgusted- I guess he is our audience surrogate in this moment.

O: His dad then tries to play it off as, “It's like a coach,” and NO that does not make it better! [laughs]

S: That actively makes it worse!  Sexual harassment is not okay.  Sam is apparently the first Witwicky to go to college.

O: I have questions.  Again, what the fuck does Sam's dad do that allows them to have this huge house that didn't require a college degree at any point!?  Who knows!  Uh, the Witwicky’s have apparently got another dog since the last movie, uh, so just another thing to add to this movie-- dog humping.

S: Lots of dog humping, in their dog condo.  It's kind of unsettling.

O: I don't know why they thought that this needed to be in the movie, but here we are.

S: Mikaela calls Sam, intending to break up with him- she is the most emotionally mature person in this movie.

O: Yep, pretty much!  They talk, uh, Sam insinuates that they're going to be entering a long-distance relationship while he's at college.

S: While they're talking, Sam pulls out an old ripped t-shirt.  His D-Day shirt as he refers to it.  Which is apparently, the shirt that he was wearing during the battle in Central City from the first movie.

O: This is important!  This is a plot point!

S: Yeah, we also have to assume that he has never washed the nasty shredded clothes from that day.  Because, I suppose, he wants to hold them and relive the memories of being chased by giant alien robots that wanted to murder him.

O: [laughs] No clue.  Uh, Sam does try to convince Mikaela to move near the college he's going to, but she refuses.

S: Her father's been released from jail since the first movie, and she insists on needing to take care of him.  That should not be poor Mikaela's responsibility, but she is the most responsible person in this movie as I said.

O: Well, and I get it, right?  Like, her dad just got out, presumably she has not seen- really been able to live with him for years.  She's both worried about him, and probably wants to spend time with him.

S: Yeah, that's fair.  Convenient plot device is convenient, as a sliver of the AllSpark falls off of Sam's shirt while he's on the phone to Mikaela.

O: It seems to zap Sam and then he drops it.

S: When it lands on the floor it burns its way through the floor and into the kitchen bringing a bunch of kitchen appliances to life.

O: They all attack Sam.

S: How did they get ammo?  Does just being brought to life just give them ammo?

O: Uh, dear god, why does one of these things have a penis?  That's my question.  Furthermore, why is it shooting things OUT OF ITS PENIS!?!

S: Because... Michael Bay.

O: I had- yeah, that's all I got, man.

S: Bumblebee bursts out of the garage and begins shooting at the little Decepticons, saving Sam's sorry ass yet again.

O: Maybe Bee should be trying to smash them instead of shooting at them?  They're on the front lawn at this point so all I can think is- their neighbors have to be able to see this!

S: I thought this was in the back lawn, but I'm not sure.

O: I- they're outside, he's no longer in the kitchen.  He's trying to shoot Decepticons outside the house, it probably is the backyard, but I don't know.  Sam yells at Bee to get in the garage.

S: Way to micromanage your giant robot bodyguard slash friend. [sighs] Again, it's like- you'd yell at a dog or something.

O: [laughs] Bad Bumblebee, bad!  Of course, Bee smashed out of the garage, uh, despite having a perfectly good door in front of him and then re-enters through the hole he had previously made.

S: Sam's mother is not happy about the surprise kitchen renovations, but Sam's dad calms her down by telling her that the government will pay for it all.

O: I'm so glad to know that this is where my taxes would be going to in this universe.

S: Well, it's definitely worse than some of the other things that it could be going for.

O: [sighs] I suppose that's true.

S: Sam's mom is like fine, but I want to pool and a hot tub!  And I quote, “And I'm going to skinny dip, and you can't say shit about it!”

O: And quite frankly that woman's put up with a lot of stuff, I- I respect- you know as long as she's got a good fence- her right to skinny dip in her own yard. [laughs]

S: Yeah, they need that privacy fence.  Sam goes into the garage to tell the audience, I mean uh, Bee, uh, how Bee can't come to college with him.

O: For reference, ignore the bit in the last movie where Bee talked because that's just gonna be ignored for like, three freaking movies.

S: Yeah.  To calm Bee down he says, “You'll always be my first car!”

O: Not even, you're my best friend- you're my first car.

S: “Congratulations Bumblebee, you're my possession!”

O: Pretty much!

S: Oh, that's creepy.  Sam gives the AllSpark shard to Mikaela for some reason, because Mikaela shows up at the end of all of this.

O: Right, you know like, everything has exploded, Mikaela's out there looking lovely with a bouquet of flowers.

S: Yep, instead of calling the Autobots or giving it to Bumblebee, nope it is given to Mikaela for safe keeping.  Well, I mean she is the most sensible person out of the civilians?

O: Everyone here?  Yeah, it's not that it- can't make it that- it's not that I don't think Mikaela can keep it safe.  She manages to do so quite swimmingly through this movie, but it's rather… not that she can use it at all, and it could potentially be dangerous for her to have it on her person!

S: Yeah.

O: And Bee is right there!  It's not like he couldn't give it to Bee and tell Bee to take it to the Autobots.

S: Yeah, like, that would be, uh, a lot more sensible.  Though if they'd done that it might have been put in with the other... another thing that happens later in the movie.

O: [laughs] True.

S: Anyway, they smooch, words are said, and a somewhat sappy 2000 era love song plays.

O: Meanwhile, no one seems to notice the toy remote control truck that's being controlled by no one.

S: A remote controlled truck that is somehow communicating with outer space, and somehow this character will be vaguely important

O: Shush!  My boy is here!

B: [laugh]

S: Ah, Soundwave shows up and takes over a surveillance satellite.

O: I'm sure I've mentioned this before at some point because I know I've said this multiple times, at least to Specs, but yes, I actually like the Bay version of Soundwave.  He's not in the movie much, but having him take over a satellite and spend the rest of the movie gathering intelligence and sending troops out? *chef’s kiss* Feels very in character, keep going baby.  His design is still garbage... just like everybody else though.

 S: And his voice sounds very nice.

O: That's because it's actually Welker!  He's allowed to be in this movie, doing a sizeable chunk of the speaking Decepticons even!  This is not a G1 similarity I necessarily expected, but I do find it hilarious.  Apparently, he also did the voice for Soundwave in a bunch of other language dubs too, which while interesting... I have to question why?  It's not like Soundwave's voice would have necessarily sounded the same in those other languages in the original G1 dub.  It just sounds like an odd decision?

S: Money.

O: Money.  I- kudos to him for attempting it at least?  But I still don't know why they did it.

S: Back at the N.E.S.T. headquarters, we see Mudflap and Skids uh, shenanigans, and they're unloading dozens of bodies!   Presumably, soldiers that died in Shanghai, uh- that's, uh, welcome to the morbid stuff that they don't spend any time on it at all.

O: Uh, why Sideswipe silver?  You had one job movie, one job.  Sideswipe is a little red sports car this is like, his defining characteristic- surely this was doable!

S: I don't think anyone involved in making the movie was a very big fan of G1 or wanted to maintain, you know, artistic integrity with regards to that.

O: [sighs] Yeah, I know, what am I saying?  I think the actual reason is I've heard red is harder to film?

S: Oh, that might be right.

O: Like- but- [sighs] I don't- it could be, because I want to say- I'm sorry if I'm incorrect- I want to say that's actually the reason Optimus’ color scheme got changed around quite a bit?

S: Mm.

O: And why he's got more blue on him.

[According to TFWiki: “When Optimus's design was first revealed, many fans of the Generation 1 series objected to the flames seen on Prime's body. When asked in an interview why he put the flames on, Michael Bay claimed he liked them because it was "cool". It was later revealed on a special featurette on the DVD that the flames were added because, apparently, red is not very good to film on camera, so Bay chose a blue truck but used the flames so that when Optimus transformed, the layout would result in maintaining his iconic red chest.”]

S: So, a jumped up government official shows up at N.E.S.T. headquarters.

O: And I think we all know where this is going.  Uh, this will be our bureaucratic bastard for this evening.

S: Yeah, you know, the wimpy suit who keeps getting in the way of the ARMY men and their REAL job- AMERICA!

B: [laughs]

S: Sorry, um, and here we have a lovely shot of Optimus transforming.  It's like some nice rotating thing.

O: Okay, get the robot transformation porn out of the way, next!

S: [sighs] And the bureaucratic weasel confronts Optimus on why haven't the Decepticons left the planet now that the AllSpark is destroyed, like they thought they would?

O: Optimus seems to take the opinion that Daddy Prime knows best.  Weasel's not super happy about this, but Optimus does say the Autobots will leave Earth if asked.  Neither of these groups are handling this super amazingly.  (Yes, even Optimus.)  Both sides have a point, if they'd stop trying to wave their metaphorical DICKS around and actually talk from a position of respecting each other's expertise, I'm betting this would go a whole lot better.

S: Probably.  The N.E.S.T. members back Optimus up.  Our only returning characters here are Lennox and Epps, both played by the same actors from last time.

O: Though I did not realize this at first.  I totally thought Epps was played by somebody completely different, and I'm gonna blame the writing because Epps is not given a lot of things to do here.

S: He was a very memorable character in the first movie.

O: Yeah.

S: Yeah, and uh, anyway back to college!  College away!

O: Sam's apparently going to Princeton, on the government's dime no less!

S: Oh god, he does absolutely nothing with it in later films.  Again, we're assuming due to the filming locations that Sam lives in Southern California or thereabouts so we're a bit surprised to realize he actually decided to go to college on the other side of the country.

O: It certainly doesn't come across like Mikaela is a priority in his life.

S: Yeah.  I mean seriously, he could have gone to school in California there's plenty of good schools in California.

O: Yup!  But uh, are you ready for some booze and boobs?

S: [sighs] We're introduced to Sam's roommates.

O: The only one that will actually play much of a role in the plot will be our buddy, Leo here.

S: I hope you're being sarcastic.

O: I mean- I mostly mean that he's there.

S: Well, no, I meant with the buddy bit.

O: [speaking while laughing] Uh, yes, that was sarcasm.

S: Yeah.  Uh, Leo runs a conspiracy theory website called The Real Effing Deal which is currently scrambling to get a- footage of the fight from Shanghai.  Uh, from earlier in the movie up on their site.

O: Which again, is ABUNDANT!  Because Optimus landed in the middle of a highway.

S: Yup.

O: Anyway, they're trying to do this until another person, Robo-Warrior, one ups them and gets the footage up, I think on a different site, first.

S: Yeah.  Sam does his best to play cool and blow Leo and his friends off because it's all, “Fake.” [laughs]

O: Also, I'd like to take- take a moment to note the era accurate Naruto poster decor among the sea of boobs.

S: Yeah.  Leo makes a comment that he and Sam are poor.

O: Alright!  Sit down and buckle up because this legitimately pissed me the fuck off.  So to rant for a moment, let's go back down the checklist of Sam's white fucking privilege, shall we?  He lives in a big house in a nice neighborhood.  In what we are assuming is Southern California, which is not a cheap place to live.  His parents have enough time for leisure activities and in fact, go on vacation in Paris after dropping Sam off.

S: Yup.

O: His dad bought him a car in the last movie and yes, he was very much implied to be being a cheap ass at the time, but at no point is there any indication he couldn't have bought Sam a nicer car.

S: And the car that he's driving when he like, jerks him around on what type of car he's going to get him, it looks like it's a fancy expensive car so...

O: That's also true!  Speaking as someone who grew up in a lower income rural area, and I say this not even remotely being the worst off in that area.  Our floors were rotting out, every time we had a heavy rain we had to run to the windows with towels because so many of them leaked, and more applicable in this situation- my family did not have the money to save up for college for me, or any of my siblings.  Yes, I realize the government is apparently paying for his tuition, but that just proves my point even more, because Sam's gonna come out of this with no student loan debt!

S: Yup!

O: So poor my fucking ass!

S: Uh-huh.  Sam's mom shows up in his dorm room high is a goddamn kite because she apparently bought and ate some brownies from the bake sale not realizing that they were weed brownies.

O: And she's just gonna be a punchline for the next several scenes, sorry.

S: Yeah.  To just list a few of the things that his high as a kite mother does: She talks about him losing his virginity loudly, and kind of at length to various women in the hallway.  [nervous laugh] And in the surrounding environs, mentioning that his car is a talking robot, tackles a dude for some frisbees, and petitions Sam's dad for sex on the campus green.  Considering how much she ate it's very likely she will need to go to the hospital because her knees may attempt to kill her.

O: Uh, then we cut the Soundwave, apropos of nothing, uh, ejecting Ravage into space.  Look, I get him for 10 seconds I'm going to fucking enjoy it.

 S: Ravage’s design here is very prominent with the pointy bits and teeth.

O: Rawr. [laughs]

S: And he lands near a US military base and runs over to a pipe sticking out of the ground and basically- uh, ralphs up a bunch of itty-bitty bots?

O: Into the pipe.  Uh, you know.  So I’m just saying uh, Soundwave’s baby had babies, this clearly makes Soundwave a grandad.

B: [laugh]

S: All the bots fall down the pipe and once they're at the other end meld together to form a new bot that is...gah.

O: He's interesting!  At least, visually, in that he is basically flat, so he can be borderline invisible when he's looking head-on at something.

S: He looks like a knife raptor.

O: Uh, this thing's name is Reedman and he doesn't show up except in this one scene.  Uh, he also brings our ‘Decepticons voiced by Frank Welker’ count up to three after Soundwave and Ravage.

S: Reedman?

O: Reedman, yeah!  I looked at the wiki!

S: [laughs]

O: I looked at the wiki, and I was like, “That's a terrible name!” but that's the name!

S: I am judging whoever named that character, so hard.

O: [laughs] Aren't we just judging the entire movie?

S: Oh yes, but…Reedman?

O: Fuck if I know, man.

S: Another piece (aside from Sam's piece) of the AllSpark is being held here so, uh, Reedman gets to work stealing it.

O: Alarms begin to go off and several military guys arrive at the bunker and shoot at our knife raptor.

S: Ravage begins firing at the base to distract them.

O: I'm very amused he's got his tiny little hip missiles too!

S: Meanwhile, back at the plot we're all absolutely dying to continue- cough, cough, no, cough.

O: [laughs]

S: Sam's been dragged to a college frat party by his roommates?

O: It looks like a frat party.  I don't even know why they want to bring Sam uh, they don't even seem to like him.

S: Eh, they want to have someone less cool with them so that basically they can be like, “Hey, look at that lame guy, we're much cooler.”

O: Well, Sam is definitely the least cool person in the area right now due to mommy shenanigans.

S: Yeah, while at the party Sam is missing his first video call with Mikaela.  God, you are such a sucky long distance boyfriend, Sam!

O: Right!?  You had one job!  So we see Mikaela getting ready, taking her hair down and talking to her doggo while getting her computer set up.

S: Sam's- uh, promptly begins to spazz out by the uh, snack table and draws strange symbols with food.

O: These symbols are Cybertronian and the AllSpark fragment has helpfully downloaded a bunch of stuff directly into Sam's brain.

S: [sighs] We've upgraded from they want the glasses to they're going to want the brain, aren't they?

O: Something along those lines, yes!  Quite frankly, again, I think they can have it. [laughs]

S: One partygoer notices Sam's new hobby and saunters over to seduce herself to him.

O: [laughs] Uh, blondie's name is Alice, and don't worry we'll get to see her panties later because what the absolute fucking fuck Bay!?!

S: [sighs] Bay, why- why'd you hurt me so? [sighs] There's a discussion about girlfriends and Sam says, “kind of,” in regards to having one.

O: Kind of?  KIND OF!?!  Sam, you dick waffle!

S: [sighs] The quintessential jock yells, “Who drove the freaking yellow Camaro!?”

O: Sam’s Bee senses tingle, and he leaves the party.

 S: Bee is waiting outside on the lawn, or possibly the bushes but…

O: In that general vicinity! [laughs]

S: Yeah, but Alice follows him down and hops into Bee's passenger seat.

O: Bee attempts to communicate to Sam that this woman is ~baaaad news~ using various voice clips and songs.  And this would have been a really interesting bit if Bee did have his voice back and he had to communicate with Sam like this because he's doing it in front of Alice!

S: Yeah, like, that would have been interesting and a neat way of utilizing his past experience to communicate.

O: Yeah, because I- I don't know remember if we've talked about this super much but there- there's nothing wrong with Bee still relying a bit on that because it is kind of funny and entertaining to see.  It's- just make it so he has to use it in scenarios with other people around?

 S: Yeah, god, he could do so much with musical lyrics.

O: Pretty much!

S: Alice seems to know something is up, as Bee makes her as uncomfortable as physically possible as he can, including spraying her with a icky yellow liquid and slamming her into the dashboard.

O: She exits in a huff before Bumblebee takes Sam to a graveyard where the rest of the Autobots are waiting.

S: So that was night.  Now we are inexplicably in the daytime, I think?

O: Morning.  Early morning it looks like.

S: Yeah.  Optimus tells Sam the last piece (or as much as he is aware) of the AllSpark was stolen and attempts to convince Sam to remind the other humans why the Autobots are necessary and why they're trying to use a college student for this is a big question.

O: I don't know- and Sam says no, because he's just a normal college student.  I don't understand this, I feel like I would jump at a chance like this?  Like, dude, does it have good health insurance?  Does it have a pension?  Yes?  Sign me the fuck up!  But I want to ask, why the heck didn't Sam tell the Autobots here about the fragment he gave to Mikaela!?

S: Because he's a shitty little baby- I mean, obviously.

O: Oh, [unintelligible].  Then out in the middle of the ocean in a different movie… Over the Laurentian Abyss, which is where the dead Cons were dumped in the last movie.  Several Decepticons have stowed away on what looks like a cargo ship.

S: The fact that it's going directly over where they need to go is uh... they probably hacked it.

O: Wouldn't shock me.

S: Yeah, so who the Decepticons are is absolutely unimportant.  The only recognizable one is Ravage.

O: And I think only one other one will actually get named.

S: Yeah.

O: Uh, so they all jump off the ship and into the water, and I have to you know, bring up- they specifically said they dumped the dead bodies into this trench because of the pressure and cold in the last movie.  So, why are all these Cons just perfectly fine with a little skinny dipping?

S: I mean, maybe it's just supposed to keep- I don't know, whatever self-repair systems the dead ones have from working and it doesn't do shit to like, perfectly fine robots?  I don’t know.

O: They were using cold as a weapon against them in one though. Like, against Bee.

S: That's absolutely true, but I mean, if cold didn't [did] do anything to them how would they operate in space?

O: I don't know, but they clearly had Megatron on ice.

S: Who knows... yeah.

O: And he got frozen in the Arctic!

S: Yeah, I know, the entire thing is garbage.  It may be- maybe water- maybe frozen water is their kryptonite?  God. [laughs]

O: Welcome to Earth! [laughs]

S: Why didn't they dismember the Decepticons, or incinerate them?  Or you know, take important parts, crush them, destroy them or whatever.  Like, throw them in 100 different places- that would work a lot better than this!  Run them through a trash compactor or something, before they dump them down into the Laurentian tre- Abyss.

 O: I’ll tell you exactly why.  Uh, because the government put out a bid for trash removal and the lowest bidder won.

S: The government does stupid things, many times. [sighs] We see a military sub monitoring this area, reading the five Cybertronian life signs.

O: They reach Megatron and a little doctor bot (whose name is Scalpel), starts uh, poking around at his corpse.

 S: [sighs] He shouts about his need for parts, and one of the nameless Constructicons is offed.  The parts and the AllSpark fragment are all shoved into Megatron.

O: So Megatron's back.

S: Yup.

O: And yet, still voiced by Hugo Weaving so I don't care.  No offense, Hugo Weaving.  Uh, get back to me in two movies.  Also notice they didn't kill Ravage here, because I'm entirely convinced Soundwave would end them.

S: Probably, because I mean, they did like- the little doctor boss specified, “Kill the little one!”

O:  It- to- pointing to a random Constructicon.

S: Yeah.  Fun bout of bad continuity, the radar shows the five life signs, as Ravage and Scalpel are both too small to show up, and then uh, when they come up they have six life signs but uh, you'll remember they had to kill a Constructicon down there.  So uh, it should be this same number, even with Megatron in tow.  Or maybe they brought the other Con- Decepticons back to life, I don't know?

O: I don't think so, we never see them.  They could have brought Blackout back to life, but we'll get into why they didn't later.

S: I mean maybe they brought uh, shoot- Scorponok?

O: No, Scorponok never died in the first movie.

S: Oh… well… yeah.

O: He just- they got his tail like-

S: Oh, that’s right.

O: The- the army guys cut off his tail but then he disappeared.

S: Oh, that's right.  Mm.

O: Megatron's apparently salty enough at humans though, in general, to smash through this- the military sub on his way up, so all those people are dead now.

S: He'd do that even if he wasn't feeling salty, you know that.

O: Oh yeah, he's a bastard, but you know.

S: Uh, Megatron flies to one of Saturn's moons where the Nemesis is being uh, well, it's parked and is used as a base by some of the remaining Decepticons, which includes our old buddy Starscream.  And he knocks Starscream around for taking over the Decepticons while he was ‘away’.

O: You know, while he was literally fucking dead. [laughs]

S: And so we are introduced to the Darth Sidious to Megatron's Darth Maul.

O: Including liberal use of the word ‘disciple’!

S: [sighs] So much sighing.  This is the Fallen whose name we will not find out in the movie itself because it would be really fucking confusing to have Megatron, and his master, Megatronus, running around.

O: Also, um, a bunch of little baby robots in pods?  On the wall.

S: Robot eggs.  So many robot eggs.

O: But no really, I'm not sure we can explain that any better than we just did- so just roll with it.

S: Yeah.  Anyway, the Fallen isn't shown to have an alt mode in this, but once you see him you do realize he was the Transformer that was shown at the very beginning of the movie while Optimus was monologuing.

O: And as kind of mentioned previously, he looks vaguely like the queen from Alien, but you know, with eyes and a huge staff he fights with.

S: And less arms and no tail.

O: Yeah.  Apparently though, only a Prime can kill the Fallen.  Don't ask us how the fuck that works!

S: I guess only a Prime can kill a Prime?  Because wasn't the Fallen a Prime?

O: Yes, he was considered a Prime but I don't- I still don't know how the mechanics of that work is what I'm getting at.

S: Is it just a weird cultural hangup?

O: I- I don't know!  That's what I'm saying, it's never explained!

S: I know, I know.  This will get weird in a bit.

O: [laughs]

S: It will! [sighs]

O: But they're like, “So if we remove that one pesky remaining Prime we’ll be off scot-free!” [laughs]

S: Yep.  The Fallen explains that the AllSpark cannot be destroyed it can merely be transformed.

O: Everything transforms on Cybertron, but right now the AllSpark is currently living rent free in Sam's head.

S: And I think he wants some goddamn rent, but I think we all want some goddamn rent for having this living rent free in our heads.

O: [laughs] Right!?!  Bay, you should pay us for watching this movie!

S: [sighs] So, the Decepticons are going to go after Sam (again), kill Optimus, or at least make another attempt at it (again), and presumably somehow use Sam's brain as they AllSpark.

O: But then Starscream walks in holding a dead robot baby, waving it around and saying they need more Energon or all the hatchlings will continue to die.

S: Well, someone apparently… uh.

O: I just don't know why this is here. I'm sorry, I don't- I don't know why they felt the need to have Starscream motioning while holding a dead baby!

S: [laughs] Being a very bad nurse maid-

O: Yes!  But now it's time to go back to school.

S: I already want to hit someone in this class well, multiple someones.  Sam is setting it in on his physics class.

O: With the absolute creepiest, filthiest, fucking professor I have seen in a good long while.

S: Ah, innuendos, a god complex, this man is so many sexual harassment lawsuits, and a restraining order waiting to happen.

O: This is not appealing!  Who the fuck does this appeal to?

S: I don't know but I'm ace, so I'm possibly not the best person to ask.

O: Is this a straight woman thing!?  Where the hell are we gonna find one of those this time of night?

B: [laugh]

S: Sam starts freaking out like he was uh, doing at the party, writing equations, and stuff all over the board.  He basically gets up, and bowls his way into- up to the front of the class and basically shows up the shitty professor.

O: Uh, Bulkhead did this in Prime, I'd like to personally nominate Bulkhead as our main character instead of Sam.

S: Oh yeah, Bulkhead would be a much more fun character.  Sam is promptly kicked out of the class uh, because showing up the professor and also the fact that the dean is apparently there.  So he's been- that professor has been like this while the dean is there.

O: Yes, so, uh, obviously he's sleeping with the old lady too, is what I'm getting from this.

S: That's creepy, it's even worse!  I mean, this is a female dean.

O: Yeah, female dean not just a random like, male dean, I mean an older female dean!

S: [sighs] Oh god.  Sam calls Mikaela mid freak out, and realizes that the AllSpark has caused his little problem.

O: Uh, so he asks her to bring the AllSpark fragment to him on the East Coast.  Uh, by the way I would just like to take a moment to tell you this very important information, Mikaela's dog's name is Bones.

S: Uh, the little remote controlled truck Decepticon, who we regret to inform you is this universe's version of Wheelie, uhh, is stalking around the garage where Mikaela is.

O: Wheelie, uh, clearly hasn't gotten the memo on you know, Mikaela taking out a Decepticon with a power tool in the first movie, decides to be a dumbass and say, “You're hot, but you're not too bright,” as he attempts to steal the AllSpark fragment.

S: The fact that Wheelie has some sort of metric for human um, attractiveness is honestly, really concerning.

O: Just a little bit.

S: [sighs]

O: Uh, predictably though, Mikaela fucks him up with a welding torch, including taking out one of his optics.

S: Wheelie begs for mercy from the Warrior Goddess.

O: At last Mikaela is given a proper title.

S: Uh-huh, and then Mikaela shoves him in a box and hops on a plane.

O: Metal box, I feel like it's important it does actually hold him.

S: Yeah, a metal box, and hops on a plane with him and the AllSpark.  And honestly this feels like something that she couldn't successfully do after 9/11.

O: Which is hilarious, because this was definitely filmed after 9/11.  So we just have to go with she's so sexy that she was able to get the big metal box on the plane without having to go through an x-ray.

S: Except that everything that goes on the plane when you check it should go through x-ray…

O: I know, I know!

S: Or-

O: Boobs!  The power of boobs!

S: Never mind that the power of boobs should not, you know, somehow affect the people that do not get exposed to the boobs.

O: See- see this is why uh, this movie would have been stopped in its tracks if one of the TSA agents had been a woman- a straight woman.

S: Or one of the people who sorts stuff or- because like, just imag-

O: It looked like it was her carry-on.

S: Now I'm just imagining that the people, because like you know how they sometimes go and randomly open bags to go through the contents? [laugh] I'm just imagining someone doing that and then there being a major freak out because out comes a stupid remote controlled car that’s yelling at everyone.

O: [laughs] Yeah… yeah.

S: Uh, then we cut to a short segment showing that all the Autobots are heading to locations on the East Coast as the rest of N.E.S.T. mobilizes.

O: But wait!  Decepticon pretenders are afoot at Princeton!

S: That's not ominous at all.  Sam is in his room going nuts and writing stuff on the wall.

O: Uh, and then Alice pushes her way into Sam's room and attempts a rather forceful seduction. 

S: She straight up picks him up and tosses him on the bed.

O: Which really should have been his first clue that something was very wrong!

S: Yeah, because Alice is not uh, portrayed as a…

O: A big woman.

S: Yes.

O: She's very slight and conventionally attractive.

S: Yeah, so she gets on top of him, and then we get the most awkward shot of Decepticon panties as the metal tail comes out from underneath Alice's extremely short dress.

O: Thanks for that Michael Bay.  I always, always wondered what brand of underpants Decepticons were wear, given the chance.

S: [sighs] She kisses Sam, apparently with tongue, and Mikaela walks in and is understandably pissed.

O: Alice asks if she's his girlfriend and Mikaela just says, “Ex,” and walks out, and I'm just like, “Yes, girl DRAG him!”

S: And meanwhile, Leo is sort of fluttering around in the background.

O: Yes, uh, because Alice pushed past him to get into their dorm room.

S: Sam attempts to follow, but Alice is 99% done with his dumb ass.

O: Uh, she attempts to strangle him with her suddenly very long and metal tongue.

S: Ah, that has apparently been places I do not want to think about.

O: I do not want to think about any of this, yeah.

S: Yeah.  Sam is able to escape, and we see Alice transform into a very obvious robot.

O: Sam, Mikaela, and Leo run into a nearby library where Sam and Mikaela begin having a whisper argument.

S: They're busy whisper shouting this entire time.  Alice catches up and smashes through the library, still chasing them.

O: I'm surprised this thing still has hair in robot mode.

S: Hair?  I mean its still got boobs!

O: Bay, what the fuck!?

B: [laugh]

O: So they hop in the car, Mikaela saves both their butts by hot wiring it, and slamming Alice into a lamp post before running her over again with the car.

S: Where was Bumblebee during all of this?

O: Uh, he was actually with the Autobots a few- the other Autobots a few scenes back, so he's definitely not here.

S: Yeah unfortunately Sam and company don't get very far and are captured by Grindor who picks them up like, so you know those uh, claw machines-

O: [laughs]

S: At grocery stores?  Grindor basically does that and then he carries them off, like- they’re his claw machine loot.  Nearly losing one in the process.

O: I mean, truely, they kind of are.  So, uh, you- to- get- you know how I just mentioned that they definitely couldn't have brought Blackout back to life?  That is because Grindor looks exactly like Blackout, but he's not Blackout.  Because Blackout died at the end of the last movie, and we totally thought he was Blackout and he's even listed as Blackout on some of the toys and a good chunk of promotional material, but- but he's a different character.  I don't know why they did this.

S: I don't know they wanted to keep the trademark in use, maybe?

O: [groans]

S: For the Grindor name, because they used it- I think, in anime- Armada.  I think they used it in Armada, so this was probably just blatant patent-

O: It was bad though. [laughs]

S: Oh yeah, I know.  Or um, trade- name trademarks?  I don't know.

O: But he makes a Decepticon number four voiced by Welker.

S: Mm-hm.  So, the car is dropped into some kind of warehouse where Sam is confronted by the now very alive Megatron.

O: Who's definitely holding a grudge against Sam for the whole ‘killing him in the last movie’ thing.

S: Yep, Sam is laid out on a concrete slab and Scalpel gets to work.  Starting with shoving a metal squid down Sam's throat, uhh…

O: No, no, no!  No, no, no, no, NOPITY, nope, nope, nope nope!

S: Yeah, this is uh, pretty gross and I don't like it and I don't think anyone else likes it either.  A metal squid uh, exits his mouth and projects images of what's in Sam's brain. [groans]

O: But!  This is apparently not all the information in his brain, as Scalpel definitely intends to remove it from his head.

S: Sam is saved just in time by the Autobots.

O: I want to know how Megatron even got into this warehouse.  There's not any like, big holes that we can see or anything, aside from the one Grindor- when Grindor dropped the car through.

S: Yeah, there really don't seem to be any openings big enough for him that we can see.

O: Okay, just going to assume mass shifting in this continuity for no good reason, okay.

S: Either that or he did the stupid ‘I'm a contortionist’ through the door, which seems way more respect for the -

O: [laughs] Robot limbo!

S: That seems to be way more uh, respect for the integrity of this building than Megatron should feel.

O: Yes!

S: Ah, so, um, Leo and Mikaela escape in Bee while Optimus takes Sam.

O: So they're separated, and Optimus has to fight Megatron alone.  And Megatron turns into a tank for a split second!  I didn't even realize this version of him could BE a tank!

S: Yeah, he's a multiformer?

O: Apparently!

[In the background crowd noises are heard as the hosts begin speaking like sports announcers.]

O: But now, it's the match of the century here at the Forest Fighting arenaaaa!

S: It's Megatron versus Optimus tonight, folks!

O: The Warlord himself versus Optimus Fucking Prime! [laughs]

[A wrestling bell rings in the background to signify the start of the match.]

S: Optimus gets a good right hook in.

O: Right before being tackled by Megatron!

S: Is that legal?

O: Hell if I know!  It's giant robots, it's all the same amount of legal!

S: Oh!  He's got the tree!

[The crowd increases in volume.]

S: Optimus has got the tree!

O: What a hit, you know that one must have hurt!

S: And now it's a sword fight?  They both are up and swinging away!

O: It just turned into a three-on-one match, folks!

[The crowd begins booing.]

S: Oh no- no, Optimus- Starscream and Grindor have joined the fray!

O: Wait, somehow a human's gotten into the arena.

S: Starscream and Megatron are chasing him down.

[The crowd increases in volume]

O: But Optimus has intercepted them and has taken them both on!

S: Starscream has been tossed out of the arena- out of bounds, out of bounds!

O: Optimus has gone through a tree!

S: Now the Cons are all just taking turns hitting him.  You hate to see it folks, you hate to see it!

O: Optimus is eatin’ dirt!

S: But he's back and now dual wielding blades!

O: Grindor’s lost an arm!

S: Megatron’s taken a good one to the kneecap.

O: And hit to the face!

S: That's it!  That's it for Grindor!  Hook, line and sinker!

[The crowd roars.]

O: Oh, he must have a splittin’ headache!

S: Or at least he would if he still had a head.

O: But Optimus is distracted before taking the blade to the chest!

[A wrestling bell sounds to signify the end of the match.]

O: That's it!  It's all over!  Optimus is down, I repeat- Optimus is down!  Megatron's the winner!

[Applause and the crowd noise fades out]

O: No really, Optimus is dead now, because Bay wants to make us feel things.

S: Except very badly, and unfortunately, this Optimus didn’t back up his brain on a floppy disk.  And I mean there is no pathos here!

O: Of course somehow during all of this no one ends our suffering by squishing Sam accidentally or otherwise.

S: [sighs]

O: [laughs]

S: The rest of the Autobots drive up just in time to see Optimus body.

O: Where the fuck were they!?!

S: Being useless.

O: Yeah, that checks out.

S: Megatron and Starscream flee and land on a skyscraper in the middle of a city, and then argue about what to do next.  And we cut to Soundwave doing what he does best, remotely managing resources.

O: Which in this case means tracking Sam's parents down in Paris as they enjoy some fine parisian food, and prank calling them.

S: Yeah, his mom is not impressed about the heavy breathing.  Such as it is.

O: We then see several Decepticons, including The Fallen, fall to Earth taking out several air carriers and buildings as they land.

S: One of these Decepticons captures Sam's parents.

O: The Fallen sends out a tv broadcast basically spelling out that he wants Sam turned over to him in order to spare the rest of the planet.

S:  Ah, the news story is shown, letting us know that worldwide the number of casualties is in the ballpark of seven thousand, and well, that's not as horrifying as it came across initially, but mmm…

O: Just seven thousand, for the entire world?  I, for one, welcome our Decepticon overlords.  In case you're watching this in the future, we're recording this at the tail end of 2020 and we live in the US.  That's literally less than 30% of the US’ current Covid death count at this point- eh- while we were researching this episode.  It's probably more now.

S: Sam, Mikaela, Leo, Bee, and the Twins are hiding out in, and around some abandoned buildings.

O: Leo's upset, but Sam tells him to suck it up because he's involved now.

S: A helicopter dumps Optimus’ body over at N.E.S.T., and that was not a respectful handling of a dead body.

O: To be fair, he is very big, and the humans are very small, and that was not an Autobot helicopter.

S: Yeah, but that was effectively a world leader.

O: Yeah, Ironhide is upset and uh, begins to get antsy with his guns.

S: Mr. Government Weasel shows up and shuts N.E.S.T. down.  Lennox gets upset when he realizes the US government is planning out to hand Sam over.

O: And they're right to consider it!  You should (theoretically speaking) hand over one person if has the possibility of stopping a massive amount of death!

S: The problem is it wouldn't stop the massive amount of death, and it would just let them basically strip mine the planet because the Decepticons- the name starts with deception.

O: Fair, but the only ones who would know that are the Autobots and possibly members of N.E.S.T.  From the perspective of government officials, who do not have this information, it makes sense.

S: Yeah.  Skids and Mudflap clue the group in on trying to find someone who can read the Cybertronian text the AllSpark downloaded into Sam's brain.

O: Leo has decided to join them on their uh, “adventure”.

S: In quotation marks.  Which is probably uh, for the best because he knows a guy who might be able to help.

O: Remember the rival internet guy from before?

S: Guess who's back from the first movie, and it might not be your first thought!

O: That's right, Agent Simmons from the first movie, who is no longer- is a no longer an agent, is Robo-Warrior.

S: I feel like the tech guy from the first movie would have probably made a better Robo-Warrior.

O: Yeah, I do too... I do too.

S: [sighs] So, Sam and company arrive at Simmons’ mom's deli, or possibly his deli that his mom works at too or something?  I don't know it…

O: It's not very clear.

S: Yeah.

O: Uh, come to find out that Simmons has held on to some old Sector 7 documents.

S: Not just some, uh, he stole a lot of shit from Sector 7.  Like, enough to fill like a sub basement.

O: [snorts] Uh, now Mikaela pulls out Wheelie, who has been in tow in the metal box.

S: Uh-huh.

O: Uh, smooth talking him into helping them.

S: Wheelie also can't read the writing from before, saying that it's in the ‘language of the Primes’ and that they need a Seeker.

O: I had completely forgotten they referred to these guys as Seekers until we watched this again.  I kind of had a ‘what the fuck’ moment.

S: Same.  Seekers, in this continuity are ancient Cybertronians that had been tasked with traveling the galaxy, looking for stars to use as energy sources for the AllSpark.  This is a little bit of a hint, hint, hint, for uh, something that might happen later.

O: In a convenient coinkydink, some of Simmons’ old documents show several of these Seekers in their alt modes.

S: Wheelie is able to identify an SR-71 Blackbird in the National Air and Space Museum as a Seeker.

O: So off the gang goes to Washington DC.

S: Outside the National Air and Space Museum, Simmons rips off his pants, revealing the Sector 7 thong to the audience... and then turns around so we can get the view from every angle.  That’s-

O: No, no, no.  I did not need to see robot balls.  I did not need to see hairy man balls, and I certainly did not need to see hairy man ass!  I'm not even sure why he did this!?  I assume he changed pants but I don't know why he did that right here, in a parking lot, in front of everyone!

S: For the pain, I don't know.

O: [laughs]

S: And thus, they come up with the most amazing scheme to get into the museum as it's closing.  Leo's being a coward and Simmons intimidates him a bit.

O: Oh god!  That man is pressing his man meat against that man's meat!

S: [sighs] Inside the museum, Leo comes out of the bathroom with his pants… mmm, like, down around his ankles, looking for toilet paper.

O: Why did they want to do this to me?  I am feeling personally attacked by the quantity of hairy man I am seeing in this movie!

S: Why are they doing this to us?  It’s not just to you-

O: Why are they doing this to everyone!?! [laughs]

S: Yeah.  The security guard escorts Leo back into the bathroom, chastising him about how this is a family museum.

O: Yeah, the only one guy doing their job here is the security guard, okay?

S: Yeah, and [he] attempts to hand them toilet paper over the top of the stall.

O: Leo then zaps him with a taser and the man falls to the ground.

S: Of course Leo manages to uh, taze himself with the taser too and falls down, kind of by the guy, and is unable to move.

O: Simmons comes in and drags Leo, still twitching, out of the bathroom.

S: I am hoping that his pants are up, but god who knows with this movie-

O: I don't think they were when he started dragging him. [laughs]

S: God, why?

O: Oh, there was butt- his butt cheeks were ALL over that floor.

S: [sighs] So, they run through the museum and find the correct jet, and then Sam uses the AllSpark fragment on that jet.

O: You would think that perhaps, perhaps, before using an AllSpark fragment to wake a Cybertronian up you might check his goddamn faction badge first but, NOOOO!  It’s only after the jet begins to transform they notice the goddamn Decepticon symbol.

S: We are introduced to easily what is not only the best robot character in this movie, but quite possibly the best character in the movie, period.

O: Meet Jetfire!  He's old, he's cranky, he's a delight, and he's got a pretty sweet looking beard.

S: Yep, and a cane made from his alt mode’s landing gear.  You know, for extra old man points.

O: Now bit of a tangent, but in G1 you will remember Skyfire.  Our big sweetie pie scientist.

S: Starscream’s ex, you can't forget that.

O: Can’t forget that, and also frequently utilized as a taxi service by the Autobots.

S: Well, Skyfire is often named Jetfire instead, depending on the continuity.  You know, name stuff is weird...

O: Yeah, and- but this Jetfire doesn't have too much in common with our big old scientist, I just wanted to point out that he was clearly referencing him.  Um, but the one thing he does have in common and the most important thing to the idiots we're following, is that he is a Decepticon defector.

S: Mm-hmm.  Jetfire attempts to fire at a large door to get outside but is uh, having some uh, ‘performance issues’ with his equipment.

O: [laughs] Uh, he is able to get outside, so our party follows him um... into Arizona.  And yes, we know that movies often have to be shot at other locations, or fudge locations and make certain events work.  But I find this one particularly jarring as they are clearly in a desert with mountains off in the distance which does not line up with the geography around Washington DC.

S: Yeah, considering that it was what, a swamp?

B: [laugh]

O: Definitely not a desert with mountains!

S: Yeah, ah, this part was actually filmed at the 309th Aerospace Maintenance and Regeneration Group, or The Boneyard, in Tuscan, Arizona.

O: Jetfire gives a speech about how being an Autobot or a Decepticon is a choice.

S: An intensely personal choice, even.  And Wheelie's like, “Holy shit it IS!?!”

O: And proceeds to start humping Mikaela's leg, charming.

S: [long drawn out sigh] So many sighs.

O: [laughs] I don't understand all the humping in this movie Bay, I really don't.

S: Juvenile male humor?

O: I guess?

S: Guys think humping shit is funny, somehow?  I don't know. [sighs] Jetfire shows his uh, senility a little bit talking about his parents.

O: “My father?  Why he was a wheel!  The first wheel, and you know what he transformed into?  Nothing!  But he did so with honor- dignity, damn it!”

S: And that is a direct quote-

O: [laughs]

S: Straight from the man himself!

O: He's a delight.

S: [sighs] Sam pulls out a knife and begins carving the uh, Cybertronian symbols into the ground.  I mean, where- where'd he get the knife?  I have questions.

O: Thong man?  Probably?

S: Disconcerting- disconcertingly, yes, that is probable.  Um, Jetfire blabbers off about the Dagger's Tip before generating a space bridge, and teleporting everyone to Egypt with uh, very little warning.  I mean the only warning he gives them is, “Hold on or you'll die!” to the nearby squishies

O: I also feel like we need to preface, Dagger's Tip as in a location, not talking about the- the knife Sam is holding.  Realize that might be a little confusion without- confusing without context.

S: Yeah, and are Bumblebee and the Twins… are also here?

O: The Twins are also here translated- trans- translated?  Transported.

S: Okay, because yeah, they apparently showed up after they they exited and mass translocated to Arizona. [sighs] Life is weird in this movie.

O: Yeah, so uh, then Jetfire informs us that once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away… The original seven Primes had arrived on Earth to build a device called a Star Harvester which can create Energon by destroying suns.  Wait, seven!?!  Did they just pick a number at random!?

S: Probably.  I don't think whoever it was making this movie cared about the lore that was in other parts of the series.

O: At least seven is also a prime number…

S: Yeah... I mean, heck, I don't remember if they had a different number in [the] Cybertron [tv series]?  Because Cybertron I think, did have a list of Primes.

O: I think the number’s are usually 13.

S: Yeah, but it's just- I don't remember when that number came up-

O: Mm- that’s fair.

S: If it was before or after this.

[Okay, this is mildly confusing, (as Transformers lore often is) but the rough concept for The Thirteen has been around since 1999, but was really only solidified in 2004-2005 into specifically, Thirteen Primes.  All that being said, even if that wasn’t established in the first movie, it certainly would have been by the time they were creating the sequel. Also, several adaptations of this movie do have thirteen Primes, not seven, and designs had been created for 12 (non-Fallen) Prime heads, so who knows what the heck happened with this behind the scenes. ~O]

S: Yeah, and while they had a rule about not destroying suns that supported life, the Fallen decided that the humans sucked, and tried to turn it on anyway because-

O: He's a dick! [laughs]

S: He was basically the equivalent of a pissy house proud lady who, with a- whose house had a mouse infestation and he wanted to demolish it anyway but… The humans are the mice in this metaphor.

O: [laughs] Uh, the Primes tried to fight him but were unable to actually defeat him.

S: Considering that only a Prime is supposed to be able to defeat the Fallen this is somehow extremely disappointing.  So they took the Matrix of Leadership and sealed it in a tomb made of their own bodies.

O: The Matrix of Leadership is a reoccurring McGuffin in the Transformers lore, but for some inexplicable reason in this continuity it is basically just a ‘key’ for the Star Harvester.

S: Well, I think it also has some other purposes, considering what they end up using it for later… but yeah, it's primarily just the horse- blah, the Star Harvester key.  Jetfire conveys that Sam needs to find the Matrix of Leadership or they're all fucked.  I mean, what happened?  Did turning on Jetfire completely destroy the AllSpark fragment or is it just... dead now?  Could they use that to re-awaken Optimus body?

O: I mean yeah, you would think right!?  Because like, they- they did- they- that's how they brought Megatron back but nobody thought of this!

S: I mean didn't they already have a thing that they could have used to just, wake Optimus up?

O: Maybe?  I don't know.  I don't know.  Moving right along!  Um-

S: I want answers!  Sorry...

O:  We're not gonna get ‘em.  And then presumably, they leave Jetfire in the desert because he needs a good long nap after generating a whole ass space bridge.

S: Well, he basically tells them to get lost before any Auto- before any Decepticons show up.

O: Yeah, because assumably he's gonna take a nap.

S: Yeah, I mean- I think another Decepticon does show up at some point in the novelization, but who knows. I think grandpa beats his pants- or beats his ass.  Sam reaches the conclusion that if the Matrix of Leadership can activate the Sun Harvester then maybe it could reactivate Optimus, like some sort of robot activating skeleton key.

O: Seems like a bit of a reach, but alright.

S: No one knows what's going on here, so I guess, sure!  Let's run with it.

S: They stop by a nearby village allowing Simmons to contact N.E.S.T. and somewhat covertly tell them that they need to bring Optimus’ corpse over to Egypt.

O: [laughs]

S: [sighs] Oh, this is going to be so many… ugh, so many problems.

O: Soundwave is still able to figure out what the fuck they're saying though, and deploys the Decepticons to the same location that Simmons had given N.E.S.T.  You know, do you think his back hurts?  You know, from carrying his entire faction?

S: Probably, but I mean, he's in space so there's not much weight up there right now.

O: [laughs] Probably lessens the feeling a little bit.

S: Using some gibberish about the ‘three kings’ and also, astrological knowledge, Sam is able to figure out where the Primes’ tomb is and uh, the group heads towards the mountains of Petra.

O: Lennox's group has also brought the government weasel with them along on their ‘Definitely Not Transporting a Giant Robot Corpse’ mission, and then they fool him into jumping out of the plane.  So they can carry on without interruption.

S: Slightly less jumping out of the plane and slightly more uh, fooling him into opening the damn parachute that uh, they got the man to wear and then he gets swept out because--

O: It was a parachute. [laughs]

S: Moving plane, open door, there goes the- there goes the parachute.  Oops!  So much wind.

O: And it really might be one of the funniest scenes in the entire movie.  It also reads entirely too close to something our DND group would pull.

S: Oh yeah, yeah.

B: [laugh]

O: Ask our DM!

S: Oh, any one of our DMs.

O: Any one of our DMs, but I'm particularly talking about when my poor husband had to DM.

S: Yeah, I'm thinking about the ‘whale’ incident.

[My husband regretted that our party had the ability to summon large creatures and portals on that day. ~O]

So Sam and company arrive at Petra.

O: For the non-documentary nerds among us, uh, Petra is an ancient city in Southern Jordan.  While it does contain more structures than the treasury (which is what I think they show here) uh, this is probably one of the most famous.  You may recognize it as the resting place of the Holy Grail in the Indiana Jones movies.  And as we were watching, I had a minor panic attack at the giant robots possibly breaking things.

S: Oh, and the giant robots definitely break things.  The Twins fight, and hit a wall or a fresco.  Revealing a hollow area behind it with uh, very noticeable giant robot bits.

O: [laughs] Then Bee takes aim at the wall and I have another panic attack.  Though to be fair, he's got very good aim and only makes what is arguably a very small hole.

S: Through the giant robot bits.  Sam enters the new hole in the wall and finds the Matrix of Leadership on the floor.  I guess, cradled in the hands of the Prime corpses?  Which- this is super morbid!

O: [laughs]

S: When he picks it up, uh, it crumbles into dust.  So, Sam does the only thing he can think of, he sweeps all that dust into his sock.

O: Time to go resurrect Optimus with dirty sock dust!

S: Is it the sock of destiny?

O: It is now.

S: I guess it awakens giant robots, but leaves buildings standing.

O: [snorts]

S: All the while uh, he talks about there having to be some sort of reason for everything that's happening.

O: Uh, to quote a much better character, “It's possible to commit no mistakes and still lose,” so Sam you're full of shit.

S: Yep, back with N.E.S.T. uh, they yeet Optimus’ corpse out of the plane and I believe Optimus has parachutes again here?

O: Probably.

S: I mean, if he doesn't that is just so much corpse desecration.

O: [laughs] And it seems like we arrive back where we started in the first movie, as it looks like they're back in that little desert town where the fight with Scorponok took place.  You know, they just- they're just gotta destroy it again.

S: And if that's not that same town it looks extremely similar.

O: Starscream begins firing on Sam and co as they head to the rendezvous location with N.E.S.T.

S: [sighs] The group splits up in order to draw the fire away from Sam.

O: Leo, Simmons, and the twins head off. Bee heads off in another direction, and then Sam and Mikaela head towards Optimus’ location on foot.

S: This seems like a bad allocation of resources but, ohh-kay.

O: [chuckles]

S: N.E.S.T. also spots Starscream, but he has released an EMP burst, cutting off all their communication.

O: Government weasel however, has landed safe and sound and is able to reach (and annoy!) the N.E.S.T. headquarters.

S: Yep and N.E.S.T. uh, headquarters is frustrated that weasel can contact them but they can't contact Lennox's group.

O: Simmons group stops uh, once they realize Starscream has stopped following them.

S: Megatron and Starscream (none too gently) land on the Great Pyramid.

O: God damn, more defacing world heritage sites?

S: Well, the Egyptian authorities would definitely have um, a case against them for this.  Because you know, they they charge people with doing dumb ill-advised things on the pyramids

O: I dunno how you're gonna get money out of Megatron but, alright! [laughs]

S: Eh, I'd go with the blood from the stone thing, and literally selling off materials from his body, but who knows?  That's also very morbid.  Um, Megatron orders an attack and Devastator forms out of more than the requisite number of constructicons from G1.

O: And Devastator makes our last Welker voiced Con for the day, bringing our number up to five-

S: And it’s-

O: -out of 12.

S: And spoiler alert uh, Devastator looks nothing like G1 Devastator, and also this is in like- the same location that Simmons and Leo are at.

O: Yep.  Sam and Mikaela though are continuing their march towards N.E.S.T.  All the while trying to avoid Decepticons, and thus hide in one of the nearby houses.

S: Ah, I like the lighting in the scene, the lighting is very nice.  So one wall is mostly structured from uh, glass bottles.  You know, provides some very nice ambient lighting without the need of electricity.  It just- it's very pleasant.  It's a very pretty look

O: Then we get a really nifty scene of the Decepticons looking for them that's basically, one big long continuous shot of it going out of a hole Sam is looking out, going around the scene and then going back through I think, the keyhole?  For the door to the house they're in.

S: Yeah, that sort of continuous shot's very nice.  You don't see those very often.  Sam catches a tiny Decepticon bug that comes through the hole, leading to them being found, and the house's roof being ripped off by Starscream.

O: They attempt to escape.

S: The Twins uh, begin to fight Devastator, while the combiner tries to eat everybody with his horrifying trash-compactor-crusher mouth.

O: Mudflap is eaten, but doesn't go down easy and punches his way out of Devastator's mouth.

S: The Decepticons reveal that they are holding Sam's parents hostage.

O: But they're all saved by the timely arrival of Bee.

S: Ravage is killed when Bee rips his entire body off his spine??

O: How does Ravage keep ending up in two pieces in these things?

S: I think technically he might be in more than two pieces, but ughhh...

O: Meh, I'm just saying- there was the spine in one hand, and the rest of them in the other hand, at least from my memory.

S: I know, it's just- god, unfortunately this feels a whole lot like shucking an ear of corn.

O: [laugh] Oh, god- yeah... yeah... yeah.

S: [sighs] I'm sorry for that image.

O: Sam uh, tells Bee to take his parents out of danger once they- he- they've gotten them away from the Cons.

S: Uh, Sam's dad argues with him in what we're assuming is supposed to be a counter to his no caring attitude about Sam going off to college in the movie.  One of the only positive things is his dad's care- for his dad's character is that he does seem to want to take care of- take care of his son.

O: Pity doesn't show more.

S: Yeah.

O: Okay, tangent, but you may have noticed we're being less descriptive about things that are happening at this point in the story.  That's because we basically hit a point where the remainder is a gigantic action scene and not really much else.

S: Yeah, it's a whole lot of punch, punch, switch scene, punch, punch, switch scene.

O: Yeah, so-

S: Shoot, shoot, shoot.

O: We're trying, but if something doesn't really make sense it's because stuff is swapping and not a lot is happening.  Oddly enough this movie is actually a good example of why you should keep things simple, from a storytelling perspective.  And yeah, I know if you examine the basis of this movie's plot it is pretty simple, but instead of just, you know, actually going from point a to point b there's just a ton of waypoints kind of getting in the way of the action that’s actually happening.  Uh, like, “Oh well, we'd better go over to this set for yet another action sequence!”  Nothing that's happened in the last 30 or so minutes has really mattered to the overall plot because it's just action sequence, action sequence, action sequence.

S: Yup, dirt, explosions, running, falling down.

O: Rinse and repeat.

S: There is nothing of substance here.  Speaking of pointless, it's back to Simmons for absolutely no reason.

O: Uh, Megatron's been on top of the Great Pyramid doing nothing this entire freaking time and now he chooses to shoot down a helicopter.

S: I don't think he's even been monologuing.

O: Yeah, he hasn't!  He has- that's what I mean, nothing!  He's not even doing anything interesting!

S: Simmons takes the radio from the pilot of said downed helicopter and follows after Devastator as he heads toward the Great Pyramid.

O: American Army porn.

S: And Air Force.  And Navy, [sighs] probably?

O: [groans]

S: Sam and Mikaela are spotted by Ironhide and the three Arcees.

O: Two Arcees are downed by some Cons after their one speaking line in the entire freaking movie.

S: Devastator begins climbing the Great Pyramid.

O: Is Megatron waiting up there for Devastator?!  Is- is it just too much work to wreck the pyramid by himself?

S: He's got all of these lackeys, he wants the lackeys to do shit for him.

O: Oh, lord.

S: Simmons follows and contacts the Navy.

O: Okay- okay, the only thing I can think of here is that they needed Simmons to do something.  Otherwise, why the heck do they call in military reinforcements then call in yet more military reinforcements!?

S: More American Army porn.

O: [sighs] Devastator demolishes the top of the pyramid.  Yes, yes, destroying more history, yes, yes.

S: Yet more American Army porn!

O: And then Megatron chases Sam and Mikaela as they approach N.E.S.T.

S: After many, many, MANY, explosions, Sam and Mikaela reach Lennox.

O: Who's like, “You'd better have a good reason for us to be here!”

S: “I got a sock full of dust!”

O: [laughs] Yes, you do Sam.  Yes, you do.

S: [sighs] Jetfire shows up, taking out a Con with his cane.

O: Then Scorponok, you know, from the first movie, immediately shows up just to stab Jetfire and ruin all of our days.

S: You know, his triumphant return after disappearance in the last half of the previous movie.

O: And now for the moment you- we-

S: [sighs]

O: We've all been waiting for!

S: Ugh… [unintelligable]

O: Do you want me to do it?

S: Yes, please.

O: Simmons says, “I'm directly below the enemy scrotum.”  Why would you say that?  Why would you say it like this?  Why wouldn't you just say, “I am directly below the enemy”!?  Why did you feel the need to add the word ‘scrotum’ to that sentence!?! [laughs]

S: The enemy's anatomy should not be that important, but I guess Bay thinks balls are important- er, hilarious.

O: Important and hilarious.

S: God.

[I am furious that we didn’t know about this clip until AFTER we did this episode, but yeah, this exists.  Bay was SO proud of this joke. ~O]

O: Uh, Devastator comes to pieces after being hit by an experimental Navy railgun from the ship that Simmons has been contacting.

S: Yeah, back with Lennox and company, Epps proves yet again to have one of the best lines in the entire movie.

O: They throw some smoke grenades to provide a target for the Air Force.

S: Unfortunately, this smoke's just a teensy bit too close to the party.

O: Epps responds with, “It wasn't my best toss, okay!?”

S: [sighs] In the ensuing chaos of the airstrike, Sam runs ahead to try and get to Optimus and Megatron appears out of the smoke to shoot him.  Or to dramatically close in on him, I guess.

O: Megatron gets pushed back by some of the N.E.S.T. covering fire and nyrooms away very awkwardly.

S: Except, what's this!?  Sam's dead.

O: [loudly] WOOOOOOOOOOO!

S: Mikaela's not so happy about this though.

O: Uh, sad music plays.  Dialogue can be heard faintly as Lennox and the N.E.S.T. crew begins CPR.  His parents show back up... again.  For what purpose exactly?  I think this would have read just fine with Mikaela just being the only one sad about Sam.

S: I don't know.  If this is their attempt at pathos, but it kind of sucks.  I mean, I know that the audience is supposed to feel bad that this guy's dead but-

O: I don't! [laughs]

S: They did a terrible job of making me care, but now is the moment where Mikaela tells Sam that she loves him.

O: They had a whole thing about this earlier in the movie we really didn't go over but they were having kind of an argument on who should say, “I love you,” first.  Blah- blah- blah- blah-

S: Ah.

O: But now, a window into Sam's psyche.

S: What, you mean it's not just going to be boobs, boobs, and more boobs?

O: No- no the seven Primes appear in a vision to Sam.

S: Oh god, does this make Sam a Prime?  I really hope not…

O: Oh my god!  One of the Primes is voiced by Bulkhead!  And by Bulkhead, I of course mean his voice actor Kevin Michael Richardson.  A man with a huge filmography that I guarantee you've heard at least a dozen or so things that he has done, if not more!

S: The Primes tell Sam that he is worthy of being a Prime.

O: Bulk, why do you have to hurt me in this way, and by extension, EVERYONE?

S: The magical sweaty sock dust reconstitutes into the Matrix of Leadership.  And, I mean, I'm kind of concerned that some of the remaining sweaty sock dust is now blowing away, or maybe this sock will be some sort of horrifying museum relic.

O: Considering what he did with his shirt, I wouldn't be surprised.  Um, but I don't really care, because this just means the movie is getting closer to its inevitable conclusion.

S: Fair.  Sam then takes the Matrix and stabs it into Optimus chest.

O: Stabby stab?  We bring him to life by giving him another stab wound?  Magical stabby stab?

S: I think this is how you get robot zombies.

O: Good thing nobody had any Dark Energon on hand.

S: Or the Hate Plague.  Of course, the Matrix is immediately snatched up by the Fallen.

O: Because we want to have our cake and eat it too.  We need to bring Optimus back to life and also to get the giant sun stun gun going too.

S: So, the Fallen activates the Star Harvester.

O: High levels of shut up and die reached as the Fallen finally reveals some amount of fighting prowess with a bitchin’ anti-gravity staff.

S: Yep.  Jetfire, who has been sort of hanging out this entire time having a giant hole in his chest, sacrifices himself to upgrade Optimus so that he can go fight the Fallen.

O: Jetfire, buddy, sir, you deserved better.

S: He did.

O: Here's one of the few scenes where Jolt is visible as he helps Ratchet get Optimus battle worthy.

S: Yeah, um, the electric whips were somehow needed for this for some reason, somehow.

O: Optimus, having gained the power of flight, begins to fight Megatron and the Fallen.

S: But not before destroying the Sun Harvester.

O: Megatron's face is badly damaged as Optimus moves on to the Fallen and rips off the Fallen's face saying, and I quote, “Give me your face!”

S: Then Optimus rams his hand through the Fallen's chest and uh, rips out and crushes the Fallen’s spark.

O: Starscream, being the sane one here, suggests that he and Megatron flee.

S: Megatron, considering that he is dealing with both a head injury and a missing arm from the elbow down, takes Starscream up on his offer.  The Fallen having been defeated, Optimus returns to the ground and shrugs off all of Jetfire's parts

O: [You] couldn't have kept anything?  The gun?  No, nothing.  Was it a frame thing- did you miss the slimmer frame, Optimus?  Just be honest here, you know.

S: I mean, maybe he considered it kind of morbid having like, corpse parts on him?  I mean that would be-

O: Fuck if I know.

S: That would be kind of morbid, but yeah... it feels like it's just showing disrespect to Jetfire's sacrifice. [sighs] Then we move back to Sam and Mikaela, interspersed with shots of N.E.S.T., the Navy, Simmons, etc.

O: Ah, yes, soldiers, brothers in arms, kissing!  Soldiers, brothers in arms, KISSING!

S: [laughs] Sorry, sorry I was just- like, my brain put those together at first and not what it actually was.

O: [laughs] I mean, to be fair, that would probably be a more interesting movie!

S: Yes.  Optimus thanks Sam for saving his life.  And I have many questions Optimus.  Did you have- what did you see Optimus?  What did you see?  And we end with an Optimus monologue about the two races working together in the future.

O: Ohh, Optimus, you’re- you're just going to be discarded in two movies, sweetie.  Um, don't trust the US Military, we do not have a good track record.

S: Yup.  Linkin Park, much like the first film what plays us out as the credits roll.

O: And thus, we are divided from the rest of the movie.  A New Divide if you will.

 S: Oh, is that a name drop?

O: It's the name of the song. [laughs]

S: Or title drop, yeah.

O: [laughs]

S: Alright, so what's your take?

O: Wow, I really don't like that movie.  The last 30 minutes- hour- whatever, felt like an eternity where the only thing happening was explosions, and robots maybe punching each other and I just didn't care about anything that was happening?  The early part wasn't really much better, but at least the characters, you know, were talking to each other.

Um, the writing overall isn't good for like, dialogue and again, some of the events just kind of feel like why did this even need to happen?  And I do think it's worth mentioning that this was filmed during the 2007 writers’ strike.

Additionally, regardless of how bad I personally find the dialogue, I still have to give props to Peter Cullen's performance of Optimus.  Even the first time I saw this movie, I was sad that Optimus died.  And keep in mind at the time I didn't know anything about Transformers, aside from seeing the first movie.  I feel like Cullen puts a lot of heart to his performance of Optimus, and I really can't think of a time where it's felt like he's phoned it in and I really do appreciate that.  Even here, even with the, “Give me your face,” line.

What did you think, Specs?

S: Well, I don't have nearly as much to say as you did.

O: [laughs]

S: Um, I liked Jetfire.  The SR-71 Blackbird is a very neat plane, and I mean, I liked it before this movie came out.  So, I liked him for more than one reason.  But he was cranky, and delightful, and a jet, and the best part of the movie.  Everything else was just kind of painful.  Yeah.

O: Yeah, I think that's fair.

S: Yeah.  I mean, I liked Mikaela too, but...

O: Yeah, she- say goodbye to her because she's not gonna be in the next movie.  This is the last one with Mikaela in it.

S: I think she got the better part of the deal.

O: [laughs] Pity we can't make as graceful as an exit.

S: Yep.

O: But that's it for us now.  Uh, we will be posting another episode.  Uh, where we go into more detail on what we personally would have wanted to see in this movie.  But we know this is running along as it is, and I think based on our estimates this should be around the same length as last year's episode so we're gonna split it.  We are also aware that you personally may not care about us trying to you know basically fanfic- fix this so…

S: Mm-hm.  Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned.  You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter @AftersparkPod (all one word).  And various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast, such as AO3, iTunes, Spotify, and Youtube, just to name a few.  And feel free to send us questions on Tumblr, Youtube, or AO3.

O: As always, thank you so much for listening.  Happy (probably belated by the time this is posted) holidays to everyone.  2020 has been a hell of a rough year, so please stay safe and we will be back with more normal episodes soon.

S: Toodles.

[Outro Music]

S: Sam grabs out a knife and begins carving the Cybertronian siblings into the ground um, I mean, where did you get the knife?

O: You mean symbols?  You said siblings.

S: [laughs] God- oh god, I can’t talk!

#transcript #revenge of the fallen #afterspark #afterspark podcast #podcast

[shanascarlett]

My list of finished Hasbro Fanfiction (only in russian)

After Operation (G.I. Joe)

Based on fan art. Duke, Snake Eyes, Storm Shadow and Mainframe sent Scarlett to investigate new Cobra’s place. She didnt come back for a long time.

A very little drubble.

Aftermath of freedom (Transformers)

Prowl got kidnaped by Decepticons, but saved by Autobots. Unfortunately nightmares follow him. A lot whump and PTSD of Prowl. And yes: gore and angst.

OST: The Neighborhood - Wires,  Shiny Toy Guns - Stripped

Aftermath of battle (Human!Formers)

Elita was worried about Optimus and his team. But they come back.

Another short drubble with a little fluff of Optimus/Elita. Based on fan art.

Agony (G.I. Joe)

G.I. Joe finds kidnaped general’s son. They send Snake Eyes and Scarlett. But they’re kidnaped too. Snake Eyes has to deal with a lot torture. A lot whump and blood.

Alone in the Dark (G.I. Joe)

Low-Light’s angst and PTSD bc of his childhood trauma (mostly bc of abuse father). Low-Light disappears and wakes up in dark forest where he has to face with fears once again, while his friends are searching for him.

Baroness’ betrayal (G.I. Joe Renegades/Transformers Prime)

Starscream really misses for Baroness. Not so short drubble about Starscream’s and Baroness’ friendship.

Baroness’ fanfiction (G.I. Joe)

Cobra Commander and Destro read Baroness’ fanfiction about herself and human ver of Starscream and Knock Out. Literally re-write of Big Bang Theory scene.

Before ceremotion (G.I. Joe)

Drubble about arguing between Duke and Scarlett.

Blood Curse (G.I. Joe The Rise of Cobra)

Basically crossover with Siren Blood Curse. G.I. Joe team was sent to island for investigation. But they got surrounded by zombies. And Snake Eyes meet his long-lost sister Terry (BC I NEED HER!!!)

Bounded (G.I. Joe)

Kinda like BDSM, but Snake Eyes saves Scarlett. Based on fan art.

Bounded (G.I. Joe)

Another drubble, but this time its very BDSM) (pairing: Snake Eyes/Scarlett)

Bugs (Transformers)

Brainstorm got bugs. Plus Ratchet is pro-abortion.

Carnage (Transformers Prime)

Kinda crossover with Hatchet 3. Starscream survives the carnage against immortal alien and goes to Autobots. But that alien follows him. A LOT DEATHS. And one bitch got what she deserves (you know who Im talking about).

Clone’s Revenge (G.I. Joe)

Inspired by Pokemon’s First Movie. Snake Eyes’ clone who looks a lot like his dead sister Terry calls G.I. Joe, Oktober Squad and Arashikage Clan and defeats everyone of them.

Computer and motorcycle (G.I. Joe/Jem and the Holograms)

Mainframe and Zarana unites to defeat virus Sikness. During their team-up they realise that they still love each other, but they can’t be together. Agony of romance.

OST: Hurts - Mercy

DIfferent (G.I. Joe/Transformers)

Lady Jaye’s cousin Sam comes to visit LJ for short time. But stranger things happen around Sam. Joes noticed that and decide to find out why Cobra and mysterious cult are interesting in Sam.

Downpour (Transformers)

STARSCREAM IS TRYING TO BE USEFUL FOR MEGATRON!

Drama with Spoon (G.I. Joe)

Viper meets his ex - spoon (basically from Bob’s burgers)

Ego (G.I. Joe)

Quick Kick is trying to deal with resurection, but he can’t control his anger. BC everything he knows - changed.

I wrote this fic bc I was angry at what they did to Quick Kick in IDW.

Fantasy (Transformers)

Prowl just needs vacation and love partner bc its getting awkward (based on fan art)

FIght in the cafe (G.I. Joe)

Shipwreck and Cover Girl as Chris and Meg Griffin vs Cobra in Starbucks (THEY DIDNT VOTE FOR TRUMP!)

Game in Cards (G.I. Joe)

This is why Cobra Commander loses (Based on fan art)

Ghost of castle (G.I. Joe Renegades)

Joes investigate castle, but this castle is full of ghosts (and Storm Shadow is tired of shit).

I will be with you (G.I. Joe The Rise of Cobra)

Just romance between Snake Eyes and Scarlett

In captivity (G.I. Joe)

NSFW - Snake Eyes/Scarlett (she’s TOP)

In twin’s trap (G.I. Joe)

LJ has to trust evil twins.

In your arms (G.I. Joe)

Wrote after reading Death of Snake Eyes. Not Fix-It, but close one. And yes: main stuff - SnakeEyes/Scarlett

OST: Dead by April - In your arms

Interrogation of prisoner (Transformers)

Starscream is arrested by fembots. Women never joke.

OST: Hollywood Undead - Dove and Grenade

Operation Revenge (G.I. Joe)

My ever 1st Fix-It, bc I was so furious that IDW killed Snake Eyes 1st time. Personally, not my best work///

Pain (Transformers Animated)

Just Starscream whump. BC its Meg’s kink.

Pay (G.I. Joe)

Cobra Commander asks too much from Firefly.

Poison (Transformers)

Megatron just poisoned Starscream. Another Starscream whump.

OST: Ki Theory - Kitty Hawk (Break Science Remix)

Prisoner (G.I. Joe)

Serpentor kidnaps Scarlett to make her his queen. But he’s late (NEVER MESS UP WITH SNAKE EYES!)

Private talk (Transformers)

Rodimus decided to make a new movie with Ultra Magnus and Megatron. But Rodimus doesn’t like Megatron’s good ideas (FG parody, BC Meg Griffin is Megatron Griffin. Serious. Her full name is Megatron)

Punisher (Transformers)

Prowl whump.

Resue Mission (G.I. Joe)

Duke, Flint, LJ and Storm Shadow are sent to save Scarlett and Snake Eyes. Plus Cobra Commander is Mr. Krubs.

Snake’s mutation (G.I. Joe)

Scarlett begins to mutate into snake lady. Flint and Duke are Patrick and Spongebob spying on her and talk about “why snakes need nipples?” (based on fan art. No, seriously, why snakes need nipples?)

Spider’s captivity (Transformers)

Another Prowl whump. This time aftermath of rape (plus worried parents Optimus and Elita)

Transformers Prime - Shattered Glass (Transformers Prime)

Was inspired by Justice League Crisis on Two Earths. Starscream from alt universe asks Autobots for help to save Megatron and defeat the leader of evil Autobots - Optimus Prime.

Trip (Transformers)

Short drubble about stupid Prowl and Drift (based on fan art)

Unknown island (G.I. Joe/Transformers)

What if Baroness got stuck with hot Knock Out and Starscream. Nothing good. Only headache (kinds humanforms and merformers)

Virus (Transformers Prime)

Another Starscream whump

Windblade flirst with Starscream (Transformers Prime)

This is why Starscream is stupid in relationships.

#g.i. joe #gi joe #gijoe #transformers #fanfictions

[lavenderbirchtrees]

(Based on your theory of the tfa jettwins being elita-ones siblings) how would the twins react to seeing their big sis as blackarachnia??

I gotta give where credit where it’s due, it was actually @sociallyunacceptableorb who pitched the idea in the first place!!

As for that I don’t think they would know what happened to her as the twins were very “young” when it happened so for a while they assumed that their beloved sister had just disappeared and that sentinel didn’t want to talk about her in the slightest

but oh Man When They learn of her fate they’re just greatful that she is alive, however even if they wanted to see her she wouldn’t want them to see her as black arachnia and to remember her for who she was

#asks #anonymous #jetstorm #jetfire #black arachnia

[elitaxne]

┊  ❛ CHANGES ❜

♔. }

       It had taken WEEKS but finally the lengthy business trip had seen its end. Day after day had been spent in the company of Councillor Merga ( to both their chagrin ), their duty as the Council representatives of Cybertron keeping them captive at the political summit on Velocitron, though it may as well have been the other side of the galaxy. Trapped on their sister planet locked in meeting after meeting, hearings and deliberations with other planetary ambassadors while outlining the next phase of governing as the first decade since Cybertron’s resurrection neared, thankfully.

If nothing else, they had upheld their end of the bargain, and Cybertron continued to make tremendous progress in the eyes of the other colonies --- they needn’t know the rot grappling the inner sanctum of the High Council. One day, Elita hoped, the cancerous presence of the old Councillors would phase out and make way for the like-minded mecha her and Optimus NEEDED to help lead their world to prosperity, but that day seemed too far from reach at the moment, and it never failed to weigh on her processors.

Trudging down the hall from the lift to the door of her residency had never felt so long in all her life cycle, as though her pedes had been dipped in tar. The second she crossed the threshold the simultaneous relief of being home and expanse of exhaustion FLOODED over her systems, and the Councillor immediately flopped onto the lounger with a long drawn out sigh. There was still several HOURS until Optimus, the twins, and Kaal would come home, and while she had half a processor to surprise them at the Towers --- meeting them here was far more preferable. What better way than to catch them off-guard then to be waiting for when they too came home?

@oneshallstand

#oneshallstand #/ elitaprime #— · ♔ » ┊ ❛ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇs ❜「 ʀᴘ 」 #◤— · // « ♔ » ┊ ❛ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ʏᴏᴜ ❜ ╌「 ᴏᴘʟɪᴛᴀ 」 #◤— · // « ᴠᴇʀsᴇ » ┊ ❛ ᴀʟʟ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ❜ ○「 ᴍᴀɪɴ 」