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prince-toffee · 3 years

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Villains

Part Three

The freezing air burned as it collided with Catra’s furry face. She shivered in her blue blanket and her thick fur coat, she turned away, angled herself so that the snowflake peppered wind hit her flipped up hood. Her face was spared. The transporter flew so quickly Catra could barely see the condensation from her mouth as it was constantly pushed off backward. It was obvious Catra wasn’t in a good mood, that much was obvious by her grumpy face and crossed arms. In fact she was writhing with rage, which kept her warm enough in the cold climate. But that, was kind of the reason she went out onto the deck of the ship - to cool off. And partially to get some time alone away from her annoying teammates. The transporter was an upgraded model of the regular skiffs, but it wasn’t that much larger, roughly around the size of a yacht, maybe two. So there wasn’t much room inside under the deck, not much space to hide from the personal-space-invading Scorpia and her lung crushing hugs, or the overly talkative Entrapta. Even though the Drylian Princess was being uncharacteristically quiet and stationary during the trip. Just giggling and chuckling to herself as she read something on her data-pad.

She was furious, not only was she sent on this dumb, cold, mission, that wasn’t the worst part. Being away from The Fright Zone meant she was away from Shadow Weaver and that was always a positive. But everything changed, everything was different, Shadow Weaver was now the ruler of the Horde, she controlled everything now! She was even more insufferable. Because now she had to even look at posters in hallways of her ugly mug. She was everywhere. For Catra it was like living in a nightmare. When she was given the rank of Force-Captain by Lord Hordak months ago, she thought that things might’ve started to be looking up. But everything fell apart the day their trio tried to enact her plan. Well, Catra claimed to Hordak that manipulating the Black Garnet was her idea, and took the credit for it, when really it was Entrapta who stated she could do so and the only one who knew how to pull it off. But Entrapta didn’t seem to mind. No matter how hard she tried, no matter how high she climbed in the ranks, it seemed like she was always going to be under her, always number two.

Before she could’ve punched something her thought process was put on hold as the sound of the deck doors sliding open and a pair of heavy footsteps moving towards her. Then a new irritation gripped her, before she even turned around she knew who followed her outside. As she turned, her guess was proven right as towering over was Scorpia. The tall and broad scorpion wore a similar fur coat to protect against the cold, only several sizes bigger. Precariously pinned between her two huge pincers was a steaming mug of hot chocolate. The way the transport was heading and the direction the wind was blowing, the steam flew right back into the Princess’ face.

“Woaw, woohoo, man it’s freezing out here. I, uh, I know you like to be on your own, brooding. But uh, I got kinda worried, you out here, cold, and you could get a... well a cold. So to warm you up a little I brought you some hot choco!” She looked around for her right to her left and noticed nothing but a landscape of white, she could barely depict icy blue mountains on the horizon. But not much else. “Maybe next time they should send us out on a mission somewhere warm, huh?” Hehe... heh...” She looked at Catra hopeing to see something resembling a smile, no such luck. Catra agreed with the statement, she way better preferred a warm location, but at least she was away from Shadow Weaver.

Catra wanted to stay cool, stay broody, wanted to show no weakness. But also at the same time it was freezing, and the magicat really could’ve used that coco, and she didn’t want to admit it, but it was Scorpia’s begging puppy eyes that totally convinced her. The cat huffed and rolled her heterochromatic eyes to maintain her ‘bad girl’ reputation. But ultimately took the mug, against her instinct and better judgement she mustered out a “Thanks.”

Scorpia’s eyes lit up and smiled ear to ear, “Y- You’re welcome!” Catra turned her face away from Scorpia as she felt a slight blush rise on her cheeks and across her nose, and she would’ve rather face the harsh stinging snow and wind than show the slight hint, tint of red, to Scorpia. She would’ve never let her live it down. The scorpion-Princess cleared her throat, “Sooo... You wanna talk about it? The Shadow Weaver thing, I mean. I know you probably don’t! But! I- I’m here for you! Even if you just need to vent or rant or whatever.”

Catra took a sip, it was pretty good, and the warmth was a welcome intrusion. “No. No, I don’t.” Months ago everything was looking up, how did it all fall apart so quickly. And now she was back at the bottom of the food chain, miserable and angry. “But thanks for the offer... How long until we get there?”

“Two hours. Hour and a half, if we’re lucky and the weather clears up. We should make it before nightfall, that’s when the temperatures really drop. At least that’s what Entrapta estimates.”

“How is our Princess anyway? Quieter than usual.”

“Oh she’s looking through some of Hordak’s data from his Sanctum. She seems... captivated... Shame what happened with Lord Hordak.”

“Mmmhmm.”

“You know Shadow Weaver says he’s dead, and I mean we did see her kill him, but you know the weird thing about that? No one can find a body.”

“Huh, weird.” Catra took another sip from the mug, a long one this time, as she looked on. She might’ve known something about that.

---

Glimmer groaned, she was so freaking tired, she leaned against the chair, practically draped over it, looking like she melted down over it. Well, it wasn’t really a chair, it was three box crates positioned in a way to imitate a chair. It wasn’t comfortable, but the alternative was standing, of which she was tired, or laying down in a sleeping bag, but she wasn’t ready for that kind of embarrassment. She folded her arms and grunted to herself. Nobody heard it, and no attention was paid to her. She took another look around the Dragon’s Daughter III, or was it IV, maybe II. Didn’t really matter. She must’ve surveyed the deck about a hundred times by then, and the scene hadn’t changed much. Bow was watching and listening to the flamboyant SeaHawk, one boot above the other on a crate, his pointing finger was pointing to the sky at nothing really. And on the other side at the front of the boat stood a golden and white giant, flowing blonde hair, bellowing skirt, knee high boots, and short pants. All accompanied with beautiful ornate designs in the gold. Glimmer couldn’t see from where she sat, but her chest armour sported a golden design, something a cross between a flower and a star, with an ocean blue stone at its centre.

In her hand gripped was a broad sword with golden ornate detail extending from the hilt forming a beautiful cross guard. Another sapphire stone at its centre. That wasn’t just any sword, it was The Sword of Protection. And that wasn’t just any ordinary warrior, she was the mythic and legendary She-Ra, The Princess of Power. Her friend.

But Glimmer noticed there was something off about her friend today, she might’ve been the indestructible She-Ra, but underneath that extra magical layer of skin was Adora, just Adora. A girl that wasn’t indestructible. She was the hero of Etheria, its so called ‘saviour’. Adora didn’t like to be called that, it made the life she lived sound official. The fate of the entire world rested on her shoulders. Saying she was stressed or anxious was an understatement. Glimmer was contemplating walking up to her and asking her what’s wrong for about half an hour now. But she had no idea what to say, what Adora needed to hear. But hey, friendship was about trying.

Before the boredom could claim her she stood up and marched over to the golden giant woman. “Hey Adodo~. You good babe?” The small pink cotton-candy Princess gave a little nervous chuckle.

She turned around to face her small friend, and on her face as always was a bright warm smile. “Hey, Glim.” It was subtle, but it was there, in her eyes, there was a hint of tiredness, it looked like she was deep in thought and Glimmer brought her out of it.

And to be honest Glimmer herself had a lot to think about. Glim felt like the Alliance was just reacting to the Horde’s attacks, they were too much on the defence and not enough on the offense. She approached her mother about that query, Glimmer proposed that the Princess Alliance should start going more on the attack, hit some key Horde outposts - Troop barracks, resource transports, and silos containing food, drink and medicine supplies. Cripple the Horde. But her majesty Queen Angella overruled the idea and stated they should priorities defending their own and their allies. And denied Glimmer’s request for more soldiers under her commanding. She was a Commander but sometime it felt more like a ‘well done sticker’ or a ‘second place ribbon’, than an actual rank. Angella said she ‘didn’t want to risk losing lives when it can be avoided’.

Coward.

That’s what Glimmer thought, but never had the bravery to actually say it to her face. But she had a feeling that the day would come when she’d oppose her mother, and insult her. And she knew the day was coming soon.

“Ah,” Adora waved her hand dismissively, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Adora looked like she was thinking about something and whether to say it, “I- It’s just the whole Shadow Weaver thing, ya know? The person who raised me now leads the Horde and I bet the Horde’s new priorities will be to bring me back in like before. I feel like I’m painting a huge target on anyone around me.”

“Adora, come on, don’t say that. We’re always under a huge target. We’re the Rebellion! Anybody who opposes the Horde is in danger. You make us stronger than ever.” She winked and gave her friend a little playful nudge.

“Heh, thanks Glimmer. I- I know that, but I can’t help but self-pity... mind me asking?”

“Shoot ahead.”

“Does Hordak seem off to you?”

“I mean yeah, but elaborate.”

“It’s just, I don’t know, he doesn’t seem like... Hordak.”

“Yeah, he’s way skinnier than I expected, like a skeleton.”

“It’s not even that. It’s... I don’t know, he’s not scary! He’s uncomfortable, he feels small, he’s sick... he’s just... some guy, just a person. After all my life seeing Hordak as this myth, this folktale, it’s hard to accept him as a person.”

“You think he’s a double, some trick by the actual Hordak? Maybe he knows the Shadow Weaver news will mess with you. There’s a lot of shape-shifters out there.”

“You know, a part of me wanted to believe that, but that part of me I left in the Fright Zone. I think that really is Hordak, I can’t know for sure, but I have a feeling... like a memory.” That last part of the sentence she whispered to herself, didn’t want to trouble Glimmer with things she herself wasn’t sure were real. She didn’t know what she saw, she could hardly make sense of the scene. She didn’t know if it was fake, a dream, her mind playing tricks on her. But there he was, his face, surprise and confusion written across it, big pointy ears, and big red eyes. She was looking up at him. It couldn’t have been a memory, could it? Adora often recalled her earliest memory being that of Catra arriving at the Fright Zone, in that applesauce cardboard box. The image she so struggled to perceive didn’t have Catra in it so it had to have happened before meeting her since the two were inseparable all their lives. That would’ve lined up with Hordak’s story of finding her as a baby and bringing her in. Adora didn’t mention any of that to Glimmer or anyone else. She changed the subject, “But anyway, how about you? How’s the long journey treating you? Enjoying the weather?”

Glimmer couldn’t help but chuckle, “So infinitely jealous of that impenetrable magical skin that resists temperature change, this cold is unbearable. And past the boredom and the shanties the trip is only horrible. Hehe. I’m actually glad my mum allowed us to deploy so far away.”

“How do you mean?”

Glimmer sighed, managing to sound disappointed and infuriated, “I love my mum, and I get her, but I really think she’s not in the right here. She’s not the right kind of leader for our war. She’s too scared. She just sits there in the castle alone doing nothing, being useless. And the Horde is rolling over us! She’s making me feel useless.”

“Glim-”

“I said that I get her, and I do! But I disagree. Plus, I feel like she sent us off on this excursion just to get us out of the way. Remember before we left she said something about wanting to talk to Hordak on her own. I still feel like she’s treating us like kids, sending us away when she has adult business to take care of, she doesn’t trust us with things!”

She-Ra shrugged, “She’s the Queen, of course she wants to personally talk to the ‘Hordak’. As for the Horde winning the tug of war for Etheria, it’s always hard to say, but we’re doing well, Glim! Last time I checked the Horde didn’t have any elemental meta-etherians. We’re in a good position.”

“...When I got captured by Catra, she was going to give herself up! Like a coward! It was you and the rest of the team that came for me! Broke into The Fright Zone for me! And she didn’t even go with you! She just sat there in that stupid castle and. Did. Nothing!...” That drew the attention of both Bow and SeaHawk, they all looked at her, worried. Adora wanted to place a hand on her shoulder, but Glimmer turned around and returned to the inside of the yacht, they didn’t talk for the next two hours.

---

Entrapta scratched Imp’s chin as he tried to fall asleep wearing a small custom fur coat, he lay there next to her keyboard. Entrapta had her feet kicked up on the desk as she looked through slides and pages of data. It was safe to say she was captivated, the screens displayed the contents from Hordak’s Sanctum, she didn’t understand everything she saw which was why she was fascinating. So much to learn, theorise about, in one place. Most things she understood, up coming upgrades to stun-weaponry, updates to troop schedules and routines, new concepts for the Horde tanks and skiffs. Once she got past all that basic stuff that’s when things got interesting.

Some sort of schematics for what Entrapta would call an exo-skeleton armour, she immediately spotted several aspects where she could’ve improved it. Then there were files under even heavier encryption, no major obstacle for Entrapta of course. She recognised the terminology and the diagrams, it talked about cell division, mitosis, and depictions of chromosomes being ‘tampered with’. It looked like he was playing with them, putting them in different sequences, altering them, seemingly creating new chromosomes. It was quite amazing, really. Cloning. Next there was the real enigma, a strange power generator, the question she had was what needed that amount of power? The armour would overheat, and that amount unnecessary for the cloning process. It must’ve been for a different project, one not listed in the files. He must’ve been very paranoid. The only thing she managed to find on this mysterious project was some set of random co-ordinates... It couldn’t be, could it?

Just then a beep went off from a panel on her right, startling Imp. The nap was ruined. She tried to pat him and calm him down, but it was too late, the little batling had taken flight. The noise signalled that the lasers and drills had finished excavating. The First Ones tech piece was quite large, largest piece she’d ever seen. It resembled an enlarged coin with their ancient alien writing on it in neon purple. Great colour, Entrapta noted. As if on cue Scorpia entered the room. With her she brought a huge rug which she easily carried under arm as she whistled to herself, while avoiding eye contact. Entrapta didn’t know what was rolled up in the rug, probably a person, judging by the rug’s length. It didn’t matter. Entrapta had more important things to take care of. She moved out to check on the FOs tech without saying anything.

Scorpia rushed into the supply closet, closed the door behind her, and placed her back against the door, double checked if anyone was watching through the slit in the door. And she unrolled the rug, throwing Adora out on the cold floor. The Adora in front of Scorpia wasn’t the same Adora she saw on the battlefield, a determined, powerful warrior. No, this one acted like a drunk. It was because of the effect of the corrupting agent, but still. She sighed, “What am I going to do with you? You keep making everything worse! Catra was already in a bad mood because of all that Shadow Weaver taking over stuff, and now you show up!”

“So all that stuff with mama Weaver is true? No way! Hordak was telling the truth.”

“Hey, hey, woaw, woaw, Hordak’s alive!?”

“Yeah, we got that skinny son of a bat in a prison cell in BrightMoon, well it’s not really a prison it’s a spare room for guests, hehe, but shhhh don’t tell Glimmer’s hot mum I said that.... Who are you?”

“Oh no, this isn’t good. Shadow Weaver will freak! Me and Catra are gonna get in so much trouble... unless... she never finds out.” Scorpia looked above to see a snoozing Imp attempting to hang upside down, unfortunately for the boy Scorpia grabbed him with haste. “Hey baby satan bat! Tell Adora’s friends she’s in here. They can get in through a back door. Get them out of here! And I promise all my granola ration bars are yours.” With a smirk he flew off.

#entrapta #catra #scorpia #adora #glimmer #shadow weaver #hordak #queen angella

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timextoxhajima · 4 years

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HOSTIS, Chapter VII: Partium, The Party

Previous Chapter (VI: Venerum)

Member: Lee Hyunjae (tbz)

Genre (by chapter): comedy, drama, angst???

Category: Short Novel/Long Series

aphrodite was talking to ares, but it was the wrong ares.

five days of being a real doctor.

patients to take care of. medical records to keep up with.

for awhile, it seemed so quiet; life was nothing but tranquil for the last five days. even lucifer next door seemed so cooped up in his own patients to deal with that he hadn’t really had the time or energy to come and annoy you.

maybe it was zeus’ way of telling you that he was done making two areses play a never-ending war. all the two of you really needed was a reminder that you were both finally in a place you wanted to be. you’ve spent most of your life studying and drowning in words and science to get here; why waste that effort by throwing yourself into a wrestling ring with him?

but zeus also seemed to be petty with how much aphrodite he was offering you.

since eric sent you home last week, you haven’t seen him since. doctor kim hasn’t emailed you or told doctor choi that you were needed in the research department, neither were you available in any given point of time to even go to the research department to look for the intern.

you felt like a young girl who just realised she had the biggest, fattest crush on the cutest guy in school, and not being able to see him was arguably one of the most heart wrenching things you could possibly feel, even at this age.

he was kind, cute, not to mention lively and enthusiastic, and god, those eyes.

your scheduled rounds were about ten minutes away, so letting yourself fall back into the pillows and feathers and wedding bells in your head wasn’t so difficult. you’ve learnt to treat ten minutes like precious treasure despite being a full-fledged doctor for only five days.

the gentle ripples of the piano playing from the stereo behind you loosens all the knots in your shoulders, and your head falls back into the seat with your eyes fluttered shut.

eric son young jae...

ding

one of your eyes open upon the duty call from the office computer, and you notice the newest email coming from another staff member you don’t recognise. giving yourself a little shake, you sit back up and click on the newest email, the contents of it surprisingly not as important as you were predicting it to be.

from: lee sang yeon (asst. head of dept)

to: the neurology dept, the neuro-research dept

subject: the NRD quarterly party

dear all,

every three months in a year, the neurology department (NRD) has a strict tradition of throwing a party to celebrate and congratulate the hard work all the doctors in our department have put in.

in these quarterly parties, we sing cheers to successful operations with high-risk, prestigious achievements and research findings, and new doctors after their 2-week-mentee period has ended.

this year shall not be any different.

despite the NRD’s unofficial events management team having some trouble finding a location to throw our party, we are pleased to share our gratitude to our new doctor, lee hyunjae, for offering his home for this grand celebration.

the party will be held this friday (two days from now) at the following address attached to this email.

do inform either me or doctor choi young joon if you are unable to be present.

thank you, and we see you there!

oh, for fucks’ sake.

of all places?

a soft sigh exhales through your nose and you minimise the window, gathering your pens and patient files to begin on your rounds.

the hallway of the ward spaces come into view once you exit the lift, and you were just about to turn into one of the wards that had three patients in them.

“good morning mrs kang.”

the voice halts you in your tracks, and you back up against the wall so nobody in the ward sees you.

“good morning doctor lee, how are you doing today? your rounds are never this early,” the frail lady, who was your patient, sounded so calm and relaxed; you could almost imagine the look on her face.

you remember the first time you met her. mrs kang was previously doctor choi’s patient, so she first saw you when both you and lee hyunjae were trailing him. she was initially cold and reserved, even to doctor choi, but with the both of you, she looked at you like she was looking at her own children.

“i decided to pop by my patients earlier today to chat with them, see if they understand why they’re really in the hospital,” you hear the clacking of the clipboard that was slotted into a holder at the end of the bed, and for a moment you wonder why he was even bothering himself with your patient. “sometimes older patients don’t really grasp the importance of their health and they just go along with the flow while their kids admit them to the hospital.”

a pause.

“how is mr yoon over there? he’s your patient, right?”

“mr yoon’s doing alright, but he’s definitely had better days,” the clipboard slides back into the slot at the edge of the bed, and you hear his footsteps shift around in the ward. “how are you doing? how’s doctor l/n treating you?”

“oh, she’s wonderful, sometimes i wonder why i couldn’t have two doctors because i’d definitely have the both of you to take care of me in my time here.”

that last line pulled on your heartstrings, and you know it was terribly unprofessional of you to even feel it, but your heart shattered upon her words.

mrs kang was a amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) patient and she was only deemed as low-risk because doctor choi gave her another year to live; all you had to do was make sure her condition didn’t spiral.

yet, it was difficult to swallow that she was aware her time was limited, and there was nothing she could do about it. if lee hyunjae has read her patient records, then he would know why she said that.

you hear a chair get lifted off the ground and it sets down barely a second later, a soft shuffling motivating you to angle your head into the ward, keeping most of your body outside.

the sight of him sitting by the hospital bed, by your patient, with absolutely no clue you were standing right outside, rippled gentle chills throughout your body. the view was so rare and unfamiliar, the disbelief that filled your chest was almost difficult to contain.

“rest assured, we will stay with you for as long as you need. if doctor l/n or doctor choi isn’t around to attend to you, then i will, alright?”

mr yoon coughs loudly, and lee hyunjae’s attention gets snatched away.

“give me a moment, would you?”

the chair doesn’t make a sound as he carefully gets up and returns to his patient, and you grasp this chance to walk in to avoid creating an awkward situation.

“good morning, mrs kang,” a polite smile automatically surfaces on your lips, and you pick up her records to tally with the one you had. “how are you feeling today?”

“i’ve had better days but definitely better than yesterday. how are you?”

“i’m going to a party on friday night, jealous?”

she scoffs before bursting into soft laughter, the sound of her happiness when you teased her making your heart feel so warm and at ease. your eyes and hands start to wander around her iv drip and her medicine schedule located by the side of her bed, and you could feel her eyes follow your every move while she comes down from her high.

“i met my husband when i went to the craziest party i had in my life,” the little story hugs your heart with warm arms while you click your pen and jot down some routinely checks.

“maybe you’ll meet yours this friday,” her eyes were glistening with such wonder, you had to physically restrain yourself from souring your nose.

“i pretty much already know everybody who’s going to the party this friday,” a pout on your face causes her to chuckle.

“staff party?”

“yeah.”

“maybe you’ll find out that someone you already know is the right one for you.”

“oh, god forbid that happens. i’m fine on my own and i always will be,” a scoff rumbles in the back of your mouth and you side-eye her as you finish up your checks.

“that’s what everybody says until they find the right one.”

you provide her with a small smile, swiftly double-checking all her needs. your pen was jotting down the last round of checks before her attention rides past you.

“goodbye, doctor lee!”

“bye, mrs kang. rest well, and i’ll see you tomorrow when i come to check on mr yoon.”

how was it that the grin on her face was given and caused by lucifer? watching him interact with her so carefully and kindly made you think you’ve just been fighting with a twin brother instead.

there was absolutely no way that it was the same person.

but you couldn’t deny the admiration for his professionalism and his dedication to his job. he didn’t need to care or have such a candid conversation with mrs kang, especially not when she wasn’t even his patient.

not just that, he didn’t even say anything horrible about you.

he could’ve, but he didn’t.

it made you feel slightly guilty, but where there was guilt, there was resent; there was a reminder that he spent half his life trying to mess with yours. his professionalism didn’t warrant any change in attitude from you.

friday comes by in a flash, and the sudden realisation that you were going to be stuck in hell the entire night, pretending like you weren’t, made you want to hurl your lunch.

eric was going to be there, and you haven’t seen him in almost a week. you weren’t entirely sure why though; firstly, because you didn’t ask anybody why you weren’t needed at the research department -- there was no reason to. secondly, doctor kim looked like he was having fun dumping a lot of the tinier pieces of research required on him. so while you were making your rounds and being the doctor you were now, eric was probably suffocating from the mounts of research information doctor kim was allocating him.

you couldn’t remember the last time you decided wearing jeans and a one-sleeved top was a good idea, but you did it anyway. your face was caked with more makeup than you usually wore to the hospital, only because you were ready to let yourself go and really soak yourself in the idea of a party, not caring that everybody there was going to be a qualified neurologist or research officer.

you had one goal tonight, and that was to win your aphrodite over.

the house looked like a set from a horror movie; you know, the one where you walk in thinking everything would be perfect but everybody dies.

maybe it was just your hatred for the owner.

“HEY!” the door swings open when you knock on it, and the unusually loud music was literally making eric scream over the bass thumping throughout the walls of the house. “was just wondering when you’d get here!”

your ankle boots give you an extra height boost, so eric was just slightly above eye level now. he takes the pack of beer from your hands and nods you into the house, a couple of other neurologists you recognise from regularly walking past them greeting you.

“where’s doctor lee?” your voice was literally inaudible, but you could hear the strained vibrations in your throat as he places the pack of beer on the kitchen counter.

“who? oh!” his eyes dart behind you and he tip-toes, craning his neck to look for the person you asked for. “i think he’s in the living room talking to someone!”

the first reaction to his response was to turn around and search for lucifer, wondering who in the right frame of mind would even want to entertain him. but you remember all the love letters he received throughout school, so it wasn’t a surprise when you see him chatting with a female doctor.

his lips were moving, and he was nodding every other second, looking like she was pi telling the story of being stranded in the middle of the ocean.

he suddenly looks up, and your eyes involuntarily lock for a moment. the non-physical contact drills shivers down your spine when you realise the last time you even looked at him was a week ago, when you saw him in the carpark before and after you tripped into eric’s arms.

eric’s voice tears your attention away from lee hyunjae though, and you lean your torso over the kitchen island to watch him fill two cups with punch.

“are you alright with punch?” his eyes look up at you through his lashes, pushing one cup across the table to you. “i normally don’t offer beer to girls.”

a chuckle pulls your lips apart, and the punch washes down your throat easily. “‘normally’, huh?”

he notices the mockery in your voice and he smiles, that gorgeous sight forcing butterflies into you.

"doesn't it feel like it's been forever since we last met?" he gestures for your cup and you slide it back to him.

"it's been a whole week," you pause and walk around the kitchen island so that he wouldn't need to risk spilling the drink all over the surface if he wanted to slide it over again. "my duties officially started this week and doctor kim didn't need us over at the research department."

"ohhhhh, so that's why..."

"you sound disappointed," you rest one hand against the kitchen island, barely keeping an arm's length distance away from him.

"i was looking forward to hanging out with you more, and i considered going over to the neuro department to look for you but i was afraid i was going to be disruptive," he hands you the cup, and you lean one hip on the edge. the drink in the cup was swirling in circles while you watched him fill his own, and from the corner of your eye you catch lee hyunjae talking to another female doctor, this time right at the foot of the stairs near the entrance of the kitchen.

"actually--" he pulls the cup away from his lips just as he was about to take a sip. blinking at him as he whirls around the kitchen before returning with a napkin, pulling out a pen from a drawer that you didn't even know why it was there, he begins jotting down his... number?

"here's my number," the blue ink on the napkin was a little pathetic, but it was adequate for all the digits to show.

you do a little imaginary punch of triumph into the air, your chest feeling a little weightless when he pushes it across the counter to you. "drop me a text and we'll hang out. even after my intern ends, we can totally get a drink together!"

blood and shyness rush up to your face, and you thank the house for having the worst lighting ever to hide your blush.

"my phone's dead and it's rude to ask for someone else's phone to save my number in."

"aw, you're such a sweetheart," the coo that comes off your tongue was packed with innuendo and you push yourself away from the table so you could shove it into your pocket. but the friction between your shoes when you make a misstep pushes you off your balance, you fall again, straight into eric's arms.

because of the slight change in height, eric now has his arm wrapped around your waist. his chest becomes your landing space for your palm, and your legs become softer when you look up through your mascara coated lashes at him.

"you really need to work on your balance."

the butterflies in your stomach intensify their movements when he pulls you up, and your arms were the only thing keeping the two of you apart.

"i do, don't i?" the blaring noise of the music gets cancelled out, and you catch the moment that eric hesitates before he leans forward into you. his chest starts to push your hands over his shoulders and the kiss becomes like a dream.

subconsciously, you start cancelling out the loud music, and for a moment you were grateful that everybody else was probably too occupied screaming at whoever it was they were talking to.

neither of your lips move, making the kiss so soft and warm and fuzzy.

it didn't last very long, but it was long enough for you to taste the bit of beer he probably had before you came.

eric slowly pulls away, his eyes immediately searching for yours to make sure you weren't in any way uncomfortable.

"oh," the realisation sinks in, and his hold around you loosens. "i'm sorry, i didn't--"

"no, no, it's fine," he releases you, and you suck your lips between your teeth, slightly desperate to taste the rest of him in your mouth.

"i'm... i'm gonna go catch up with the other... people," the effort to try to mask his embarrassment was so astoundingly adorable, you couldn't resist the large smile that broke out on your face. "i'll catch you later."

he gives you an awkward wave as he runs off, and you turn your body to look for the pack of beer you brought. your mind relentlessly throws you back to that kiss and you replay it a billion times in your head, the alcohol in the beer only making you fall more in love with something that was already over.

"hey, doctor l/n, right?"

the voice was unfamiliar, and you look up to see someone you've only seen in pictures in doctor choi's office.

"oh, yes, i am," hurriedly gulping down the beer in your mouth, you put the can down and pat your palm on your jeans. "i'm guessing you're... doctor lee sang yeon?"

he nods and offers to shake your hand, which you gladly take. there was a can of beer in his free hand as well, and it felt like he deliberately displayed it to you so you wouldn't feel too awkward.

"mhm, my apologies that i haven't been around to welcome you and... doctor lee hyunjae, was it?"

ew.

"oh, right, yeah."

"i was away the last two weeks because i was hired as a short term lecture in a local med-school."

“that’s so cool,” the beer can finds your lips again and you take a big gulp.

you spend easily the next hour talking to sang yeon, who you found out was the hospital’s youngest assistant department head.

not only that, he even praised your research work. apparently, doctor kim had already read both yours and lucifer’s research reports and both provided him with fascinating results.

but what was even more gratifying was that lee sang yeon never said a word about lucifer’s report. drinking beer while listening to sang yeon talk about your report was like eating sugar or a tub of ice cream.

most of the night was reserved for talking to lee sang yeon, looking out for eric and seeing his bright smile whenever he catches you looking at him. occasionally, doctor kim would come round the kitchen looking for more beer, but doctor choi was always around to stop him.

the night slowly settles in, and you could tell it was getting late when some of your colleagues who you just met began to leave the house.

you would’ve too, but eric was still here.

worry and displeasure start to creep up on you like mike on halloween when you spot lucifer talking to eric, but judging by the smile spread across his face, lucifer wasn’t doing much besides making the little puppy happy.

one of your colleagues was going off about one of her patients the previous year, so your attention felt so oddly torn.

nonetheless, it was slightly sickening to know that though aphrodite was talking to ares, it was the wrong ares.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter VIII: Invidia

#hyunjae #the boyz fanfic #hyunjae fanfic #lee hyunjae #the boyz #the boyz hyunjae #timetohajima

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bby-calum · 6 years

Text

“Can I kiss you?” - Tom Holland Imagine (prompt)

prompt: 7 - “Can I Kiss You?”

request: tom x reader fic where you had a holiday romance when you were sixteen together and lost your virginity there and then you meet again ten years later and you are engaged and he is in your city for a month and your fiancee is away on business so you agree to show him around and you fall in love

a/n: i loved writing this!!! thank you so much for such a good request. i hope you like it! i decided to combine it with this prompt request ive had sitting in my inbox for months and months

word count: 1,821

masterlist: (x)

“Oh shit,” you cursed. Burning hot coffee dripped down your arms, soaking the shirt of the stranger you just ran into on your way out of the coffee shop.

“I am so sorry,” he said. “Let me buy you another. It was my fault - I wasn’t looking where I was going,” his British accent was a stark contrast to your Cali girl tone. “Please, I insist.”

Reluctantly you agreed. You sat at a table in the corner, watching him as he queued at the counter, studying his face. His unruly hair flopped over his tanned skin a little as though he was three weeks overdue of a haircut, and he was in need of a shave as his strong jaw line and upper lip were dotted with stubble. With his brow furrowed, his dark brown eyes seemed familiar as he scanned the board overhead to decide on his own drink and you realised he must have chosen the same drink he ordered for you when he held two fingers up to the barrister. He had sharp, chiseled features that matched his toned body. His biceps bulged even when he held just a coffee cup in each hand, and you could make out his abs from underneath his shirt by the way the coffee soaked, patterned fabric clung to his stomach.

He sat in the chair opposite your own and you thanked him as he placed your cup in front of you. There was a silence as he took his first sip, both of you unsure quite what to say.

“I’m sorry about your shirt,” you finally said.

“No worries. I never really liked this one anyway,” he joked. His breezy coolness must have been an act, a very good one at that, as he played with his fingers, a nervous habit you recognised of someone from your past. “I’m Tom, by the way,” he smiled nervously. Tom was a common name, but there was something all too familiar about the way this man talked, the way he moved, that made you think could it be him?

“I’m y/n,” you replied, hoping hearing your name would jog his memory, if he was really who you thought he was. If he did remember you, he didn’t show it, as he didn’t so much as bat an eyelid at the sound of your name. He took a sip of his coffee.

“I used to know a y/n,” he said after a while. “Must have been a good ten years ago now. We had the most amazing sum-”

“It is you!” You interrupted him. “I knew it was you!”

“Cape Verde? 2012?” You laughed, not quite sure how the small, skinny boy you had lost your virginity to in the sand dunes late one night of your family holiday ten years ago had grown into the broad, buff man sat before you. “We had some good times that holiday, eh?”

“I never forgot that trip. My parents still don’t know I used to sneak out of our apartment each night to see you,” you laughed again.

“Nor mine,” he agreed. “What a small world.”

“Tell me about it. You wanna go for a walk along the beach?” The two of you stood up, leaving the shop, takeaway coffee cups in hand. Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear with your left hand as you walked along the windy seafront, Tom noticed the engagement ring on your fourth finger. His face grew soft. “You’re engaged?” You nodded.

“Yeah,” you exhaled shakily. “Yeah I am.”

“You don’t seem so happy about that?” Tom noticed your smile fade at the mention of your fiancé.

“No… Yes… I- I am. I mean, I was.” You stuttered. “Was?” Tom tilted his head slightly.

“When he- Mark proposed, it was one of the happiest times of my life. I couldn’t wait to be his wife. And…” you trailed off, collecting your thoughts.

“And?”

“And then the past few months we’ve been so bogged down with wedding planning and pleasing his mother and making everything exactly how she wants, we hardly really talk about anything else and I don’t think I even want to get married anymore,” you admitted. “When we’re not planning, Mark’s away on business, and I just don’t feel the butterflies in my stomach around him anymore like I did when we first started dating. I should still feel like a high schooler with a crush right? He should still make me feel like I’m seventeen again, surely? Just me and him, against the world. I… I don’t feel it anymore.”

Tom gulped, unsure of how to respond to your sudden vent. “Uhm, I-”

“Sorry. Oh God, sorry. I shouldn’t be telling you all this. I’m sure I’ll come back round to the idea of getting married again soon. This is normal right?”

“Tell me one thing, y/n. Do you love him?”

Tom’s question winded you slightly in your stomach. Sure, you did love Mark at one point in your life, and he definitely had made you happy once upon a time. But right now, as you walked along Venice Beach with your summer fling from ten years ago, you longed for a romance that was as exciting as the summer you had experienced with Tom, rather than the monotonous life you now led with Mark.

“Do you love him?” Tom repeated. You stopped walking.

“No.”

Handing Tom a beer, you slumped down next to him on the large sofa in the living room of your apartment. Mark was away with business, so you had brought Tom back to your place as the sun had started to set and the LA air grew cold. He was still wearing his stained shirt from earlier, refusing to wear one of Mark’s clean ones you had offered him. He had his feet propped up on the coffee table that your own short legs tried and failed to reach.

“Put them here,” he said, scooping both of your legs up in one arm, swivelling you around so your legs lay over him. His arm lay across the back of the sofa behind you, bending it every now and then to swig from his bottle.

“This whole day, I’ve been blabbing on to you about how much of a mess my life is and I’ve never even asked anything about yours. You’re still acting right? That’s what you were doing when we met.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Still acting, but I’m taking a bit of a break at the moment. Had a bit of a rough year last year, you see.” You hadn’t noticed his empty hand had been on your bare leg this whole time until he started stroking your skin gently with nerves.

“Oh?”

“Had my heartbroken,” he drank a large mouthful of his beer before placing the bottle on the floor next to him. “Was pretty shit.”

“You don’t have to talk about it,” you said, placing your hand on top of his that rested on your lap, giving it a small squeeze.

“No, I… s’okay. I thought she was the love of my life,” he laughed sadly. “We were together for three years, but it turns out she was only really in it for my money and had another boyfriend in New York she had started seeing during the last few months of our relationship.” You leant down to put your beer bottle next to his on the wooden floor as a tear escaped Tom’s eye. He wiped it away quickly, hoping you hadn’t noticed as you sat back once again.

“I’m sorry, Tom.”

 “S’fine, I’m over it. We’ve been apart for almost a year. I just, I never really talked to anyone about it.” He took a deep breath. “Didn’t mean to get upset.”

Tom turned his head towards you, his face so close to your own that you could feel his shaky breath tickle your skin. You played with a loose thread on the collar of his shirt, not wanting to make eye contact, knowing that you wouldn’t be able resist kissing him. His hand wriggled out from underneath yours, away from its place on your leg and up to your face, where he touched your chin, tilting it so you had no choice but to look at him.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked nervously. You didn’t say anything, instead your lips gently met his own. They were warm and familiar, and tasted of the beer you both had been drinking. His hand made its way to the back of your neck, pulling you deeper into the kiss as his tongue entered in and out of your mouth. His other hand was on your waist, tugging at the thin fabric of your t-shirt. You moved your body, straddling him.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He asked you as you both lay naked on top of the beach towel he had brought along with him. You nodded gently, excited at the idea of losing your virginity to the cute British boy you had met on your family holiday.

The beach was deserted, as it had been every night at this time that you and Tom had met up, hidden away in the long grass of the sand dunes just in case anybody happened to be walking by. It had started off so innocent, just taking midnight strolls, hand in hand, at first. Then he’d kissed you, and before long each night you had wound up naked, his fingers touching you in places no boy had ever touched you before. You returned the favour, using your kisses to stifle his moans, carefully making sure you weren’t being too loud.

It was your idea to have sex. Neither of you had done it before, and you hadn’t stopped thinking about what he would feel like inside you since you shared your first kiss. He’d managed to find a pack of condoms in one of the shops nearby to your resort and you’d gone halves on the price.

“Please. I want to do this,” you told him.

Wrapped up in your bedroom sheets, the sunlight streaming through the curtains you had left slightly open woke you up. Tom lay next to you, light snores escaping his lips as he lay on his back, his bare chest exposed. You traced his abs with your forefinger, amazed at his physique.

“Mornin’,” he said after a while once he finally awoke. He placed a delicate kiss on your forehead.

“I’m going to phone Mark today,” you told him as you lay in his arms. “I’m going to end things with him.” You had already taken your engagement ring off last night, throwing it into the city from the balcony of your eighteenth floor apartment after drinking too many beers with Tom.

“Okay, love,” his morning voice was deep and croaky. “If that’s what you want to do.”

#tom holland #tom holland one shot #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland prompt #thomas stanley holland #my works #spiderman #peter parker #harrison osterfield #haz osterfield

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bloomvroom · 3 years

Text

vent poetry

anger issue stuff/vindictive fantasies due to cptsd regarding abuser

trigger warning for violence & gore I guess _ Youve been hanging around for a while now, its been some years since you raped me Its been some years since you begged me not to leave you since you asked me “Do you really want to throw all we are away over this?” right in the same day that you raped me

And I hoped id never see your face again after I cut you out of my life and I tried to heal but you wouldnt leave me alone Dragged you inside my mind to school cuz you stalked me outside my house always in presence, moved on my fucking street and you dont like letting go of me And you tore into my family, but yknow they already hated me cuz they didnt wanna believe my dad sexually abused me they already desperately wanted to call me a liar for sure, all to keep their blissfull facade of things being all fine, they just couldnt bring it over themselves to call a 13 year old little girl a liar right back when I cut my dad out of my life too cuz he tried to fucking rape me that one weekend in his new flat after mom left him Yeah youve been the chance they waited for, if it happened more than once, surely the girl is fucking lying right? You gave them the push they needed so they finally could set themselves free from pretending like they give a damn, so they called 16 year old me a liar, oh and you told them you raped me on accident, oh but like theyd have prefered it if you had that left part out but they made do with what you gave, I did some sorta roleplays with you, so you couldnt differniate, right? Doesnt matter that they never asked for my version of the events, or that you raped me out of nowhere, no sexual activity prior to it at all, no roleplay, nothing at all, they took it from there and came up with more excuses to explain away how obviously traumatized I am, my aunts husband said my mom didnt stop me from watching violent manga porn in my childhood and thats why im so fucked up now, I have no fucking clue where he got that from, for sure, but its quite of concerning that he knew I saw that sort of media in my childhood, but for real, my dad was the one actively telling me to go look up this sort of porn, after hes been showing me lolicon anime cuz he tried to groom me with it, after he instructed me to masturbate to hentai cuz he liked watching me, ah but whatever, they dont care abt that, do they?

Cuz they only care about the way youve came into their life and gave them the blessing of finally getting to call me a liar out loud, oh youve given them what they wanted, youre so buddy buddy now, and they never wanted to question how fucking creepy it is for a guy to actively befriend the family of a girl that has claimed shes been raped by the guy, how fucking weird it is that this girl went to a lawyer to get help cuz the guys been stalking her, and how they might be part of that stalking too, oh but why would ever question anything? anyhow? why would they?

They even let you move in with them, yeah why would the guy that shes accused of having raped her and stalking her wanna move in with her family after shes refused any sort of contact with him no matter how much he pushed for it? What kind of guy would do this knowing its gonna hurt her? its gonna devastate her? Yeah, what sort of powerhungry guy would - hey what again is rape most of the time motivated by? A hunger for power? A thirst for control? Mh, I wonder - I wonder how long you can hold your breath wasting your life creeping on me, over your inability to get over that I had the audacity to leave your ass after you raped me, thinking that id just move on and not leave u for it, oh for someone that obsessed about me for such a long time its like you barely even knew me,

And I know I should feel like crying when I think of it but all I feel is the shivering in my arms and legs from the adrenaline, and the waves of rage and violent urges that wash over me when I remember what the world let you get away with, when I remember my pathetic family and their farce when I remember how much of a dissapointment youve turned out to be, You should have really known so much fucking better than that, your own mother liked to get to close to you for comfort in your own childhood, you know what it feels like to be preyed on, yet you continued the cycle of abuse its pathetic, cuz I trusted you so much, trusted you in a world where barely anybody understands what its like if a parent sexually abuses you as a child, and you knew what its like, cuz it happened to you too, I trusted you to want to be better than that, I trusted that you wanted to heal and recover just like me, but boy was I wrong

You acted out on me, got triggered for sure, but you cant heal from what you refuse to see yourself as victimized of, you never liked accepting that what your mom did to you is really that bad, you held me so tightly and told me youd never let me go now that you know that I wont judge you for what youve been through, you cried in my arms that day, when we still were a couple, and you said somewhere you know what your mom did really counted as sexual abuse but you just cant let go of the illusion that she loves you, cant let go of the illusion that it wasnt even that bad, that it didnt count cuz only women can get victimized but that it feels so good to finally get to feel vulnerable, and youd never let go of me, and you do everything to make sure what happened to me never repeats

few months later you raped me’ and now youre crying out loud for gods sake just leave me the fuck alone, I cant cope with the amount of urges to murder you I get, but sadly enough I know thats sorta what youre getting at here, I know deep inside you just hope I snap and kill you cuz you cant get what you did out of you, cant get what she did to you out of you and now youre turning it around on me, and you hate me so vehemently hate me for leaving you, hate me for having been kind to you before, yeah, hate me cuz you cant have me, hate me cause you hate yourself, hate me cause youd like to end your miserable life cuz you know you cant take back what you did, well ive no sympathy for you You can beg, and you can threaten and all I do is fantasize about gutting you like a fish, I wanna cut the skin on your back open and unfold it so you can be the angel youve always wanted to be, I wanna stitch that lying mouth of yours shut, I wanna break all your fingers so you regret having ever touched me with them in those ways, I want to step on your body as its bleeding out, I wanna crush your bones with heavy shoes, I wanna hear you break like you tried to break me that day, I wanna stuff your throat full of white feathers so you can know what it felt like to be called “purity in person” too, try coughing up how you really feel, Id like to see you try, put you on a pedastal like you put me with a noose round your neck so you can know how graceful this fall is’

Purity isnt something you can steal, you shouldnt have tried to from me, Purity is something thats not as real as people pretend it is, the childhood innocence you miss, you should admit to why you feel that way, but im out of patience to give advice, youll only obsess over, like you used to, Im saying it now, the only fantasies ive got with you anymore are those in which I torture and kill you for every day you overstayed, for every day you sabotaged me and my life, when you came into my life, and when you left me bruised and more broken than ive ever been before, sabotaged the way I tried to go to school and graduate, stalking me like you did, I tried my best to succeed in life even as you kept trying to drag me down, I kept going anyway, and I did good in my own way, I kept going slower, slower, slower, but I still went my way you could slow me down, but you could never get me to stop never get me to give up, This is one hell of a sick game youve been playing with me, why cant you just accept it? You raped me and theres no second chance after that, You can deny it, try to act like you didnt, but I know you hate yourself for it, dont make it my issue, it makes me so sick when you think I could ever feel anything more for you at this point, more than the urge to grab a knife and slice your throat just to finally put an end to this, an end to this you and me havent been a thing since we’ve been sixteen, but you feel me with such violent shine when my mind goes dark cuz youve been trying to trap me in my own room full of fear cuz you keep reminding me of the way you raped me, oh and I feel like a tiger in a cage, like a tiger in a cage and im about to rip you open with my teeth, But theyd never understand the amount of damage youve dealt to me, would they? Id be the “bad one” So why dont you do me a favour and just kill yourself? You keep clinging to a possible future you had envisioned with me, but I never agreed to that, I always told you if you do something that hurts me, ill leave ya’ and you didnt even think id really do it, I promised you to stay with you for life unless you do something thatll hurt me real bad, you promised you never would, looks like you broke our promise and yet your the one crying out loud feeling the need to make me feel just how angry you are cuz I had the audacity not to stay in an relationship with my rapist

#vent poetry

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peachescrossing-nya · 7 years

Text

Im sorry about how long this post is but idk I’ve posted before about how I’m feeling and stuff and I guess I keep doing it just because I love you guys so much. So here we go.

Lately, I’ve just been feeling so so very lonely and left out and idk. It started when one of my closest friends wasnt allowed to attend the same university as me bc her parents were in control of the money and where she was going, despite her wanting to go to the same school as me when it came to audition time. I was really stressed and I was acting up again in the depression department at that time just bc I don’t feel like I deserved to be accepted bc I thought I sucked, in addition to thinking I would never get in. So those residual feelings plus the news about her leaving to go to a university 2 hours away from where I’ll be was starting to get to me. I was dealing with drama from the toxic “friend” I’ve posted about before and people were starting to decide on prom tables. Usually no one wants to be with me and Ive known that for years because that shit has been happening for years. Being left out of things by people who claim to be my friends and stuff, etc. I was just feeling left out bc my close friend was asked to sit at a table with a bunch of other people from music who I’m also friends with and I wasn’t even considered by the person inviting them. Now this girl is really nice but we aren’t exactly close so it wasn’t really that big of a deal, but when a close friend of yours gets invited to sit at a prom table and they tell you that all they could think about was where you would be sitting, however, they weren’t sure if they could invite anyone to the table they were invited to (it sounds complicated so I’m sorry but I’m not good at explaining this shit) it feels kinda shitty I guess. It just kind of continued (and got worse) when a friend who was supposed to sit at that table wanted to give up her seat to me bc she knows I’m friends with them and wasn’t actually going to be sitting there and then the girl who invited everyone knew bc I asked politely if she had talked to my friend about her giving her seat up to me and then I guess forgot or something? And gave that seat to someone else. Also, another friend of mine invited someone to the table but my close friend didn’t invite me and idk that whole situation was just messed tf up and really made feel like shit.

I guess it might have started there bc I wasn’t feeling shitty or left out as much as during that time. I’ve sorted out my table situation and I’m actually sitting with my friend who was going to give her seat to me. (When I told her that they filled my spot I felt so bad bc she looked a bit sad idk). After this was when the drama started to really pick up with the toxic “friend” and I guess if you want to know how I’m dealing with that you can message me (I’m not dealing with it as well as I should & stuff idk but it was pretty serious and she threatened a few of us and yeah but if you’re curious I’m willing to talk about it. If you don’t want to thats fine!) But anyways that stuff with her started to escalate and it turned into this whole thing and it just brought so much more stress into our lives since it got especially bad right before our last concert/big performance at our school and we were all already stressed about that (we didn’t think we would do well bc we sucked at our last rehearsal ngl). The stress from hearing back from universities and everything was adding to everything but to cut it short most of the people in my friend group (like 92%) are going away for uni and my toxic “friend” is going to the same university as me for the same program. That sucks. I know. There have just been little things in between that have just been making me feel really shitty for the last few months.

I talked to my close friend about some stuff and I told her I would be fine but that was like 2/3 months ago and look at me now. I’m very much not ok. I went for so long without crying about this and feeling this lonely, alone, sad, idk (we’ll say 4 years. It’s been 4 fucking years and I thought I was getting better but I guess not). I started to feel left out and i started to notice how my friends don’t always include in me in conversations or interactions and I end up silent and alone despite sitting with them or being in the same room. I guess that shit just really fucked me up. Also I felt so bad today and idk…

We had an award ceremony for music and most of friends are in music so everyone was there. I got a bronze pin and a certificate so not that special but I felt like nobody really clapped or cared when they called me up. Idk if it’s just bc when I’m really nervous or overwhelmed my ears make sounds more muddled (I don’t know how to describe it but it’s like my hearing gets muffled when I’m feeling really nervous) and I just wanted to break down right there. I was happy for my friends and I clapped for them but it just seemed so much louder when everyone else went up for their awards. I looked at a few of my friends and saw that they were clapping but it didn’t feel like anyone was. I got a few high-fives from people I wouldn’t normally expect to give a high-five to me but I didn’t really feel like people clapped. Maybe its because everyone likes all the other kids more or people just don’t like me or they don’t know who tf I am but I felt like shit that entire time. (The only good side was seeing my crush there for like 2 minutes before he left but that doesn’t overshadow anything). Idk that’s just really making me feel shitty and I guess idk why I should be feeling this way bc it sounds so stupid and shit.

It didn’t help that the toxic “friend” went up to get her award and all the people who actually hate her and have shown so much disdain for her in the past were clapping loudly and I didn’t feel like anybody did that for me.

Sorry for all this but I couldn’t help it… 😢

#lyssa rambles #not ac #it's so long I know #I'm writing this on mobile and I'm still unsure of how to put keep reading stuff so you don't have giant paragraphs flooding your dash #I'm just feeling so lonely rn it sucks #I sound so stupid

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bigbadconnivingbastard · 3 years

Note

All of them :}}}}

WHY DO YOU HURT ME IN THIS WAY

Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

i dont know whether to get rid of certain people or not

Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

sometimes

If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

eh. id disapprove but i wouldnt go off the rails

Do you find it easy to trust others?

no LOL

What were you doing at 11PM last night?

playing stardew valley on the xbox, i got an iridium bar be proud of me

You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

I AM 13

What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

i just get really pissed and cut off the person

Are you close with your dad?

yea

I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

...no

What are you listening to?

You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

Do you like hickeys?

i wouldnt know

What time do you go to bed?

it varies

Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

yeah😔

Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

Do you always answer your texts?

sometimes i get overwhelmed but yea i try

Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

iiiiiiiiii dont think so?

When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

todayayaya @quackbug

Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

@katmeeliaz no homo💖

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

...I DONT KNOW??

Is anyone else in the room with you?

im on my couch rn so yea my dad's in the living room

Do you believe what goes around comes around?

depends.

Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

no, i was pretty miserable

Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

yes, but i dont know if they would care if i tried

In the past week, have you cried?

ive come close, but no

What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

bl00

Do people ever call you by your last name?

never. HAHA

Is anyone ignoring you right now?

oh for sure </3

Do you have a best friend?

@quackbug heyyyyyyy

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

i cant even remember the last person i kissed so @katmeeliaz 💋 and no

Who was your last call/text message from?

bug sent me this and they were also my last call

Are you mad at anyone?

multiple

Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yea

How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

rainy gon be 14 wooooooo

How many more days until your birthday?

273. LMAO

Do you have any summer plans yet?

yea im goin to hawaii bitch

Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

julian n russell

Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

😐

Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

i thought everyone did??

Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

yea

Do you think age matters in relationships?

depends on the mental age of both people, and whether or not its legal so i dont know

Are you available?

...i suppose? i dont know the context

How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

sits in middle school

If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

im a pussy i hate that stuff so i have no idea

Do you believe exes can be friends?

yea! although it depends on the terms you left on

Do you regret anything?

many things

Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

my dumbass read that and my mind went "DICK" so now i gotta say dick i hate it here

Did you ever lose a best friend?

mhm

Was your last kiss a mistake?

nop

Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

i dont have one thats why

Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

heard, yes

Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

yes

What was the last thing you ate?

dowitos

Did you get any compliments today?

got called creative,, so yea

Where are you going on your next vacation?

not sure, we'll see

Do you own anything from other countries?

yea i have some stuff from ireland, im in the us

Are most of your friend guys or girls?

gals

Where have you lived most of your life?

i aint ANSWERIN THAT SHIT CUZ I STILL LIVE THERE

When was the last time you took a long drive?

god knows how long ago sweats

Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

no and i dont think i ever will bc haha that shit scary

Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

ive watched and thought it was funny

Who do you text the most?

@katmeeliaz we have like 900 messages a day

What was the last movie you saw?

ffffffffuck uh I DONT REMEMBER OOPS

What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

my what now

How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

i was deadass 3 years old

Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

cuz of our birthdays yea

Do you curse around your parents?

yeah LMAO

Are you happy with where you live?

oh yeah for sure i love it here

Picture of yourself?

i dont think ive ever seriously taken a picture of myself so have my bird

Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

ive only been in one relationship so idk

Have you ever been dumped?

in a way

What do you most like about making out?

never kissed someone romantically irl before so shrug

Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

i personally think that shit's gross i would wanna save that for someone special :(

When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

iiiiiiiiiii do not remember

What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

idk i guess eyes? i like eyes in multiple contexts

Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

i believe it was bug i do not remember

Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

😐

Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

😐😐😐😐😐

What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face

im super weak to people telling me they look up to me n shit that makes my heart die

Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

what fuckin 13-15 year old am i gonna know who has a kid

Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

yes and my response was hazbin hotel memes, we still talk about it cuz it was funny

Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

i dont ever really have crushes like i rlly think i might be aromantic

Do you miss your last sweetie?

as a friend? yea. as a partner? nop

Last time you slow danced with someone?

in a past life i guess

Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

my friends' ocs yea

How can I win your heart?

i dont know myself well enough to say

What is your astrological sign?

fis- pisces

What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

still playin that stardew valley

Do you cook?

yea!

Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

yeah LOL it was like 9 months of no talking and we just saw each other like ":0000 BRO IS THAT YOU"

If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

no, i dont need one to be happy

Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

cant say

What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

nice hands,,,u gotta have nice hands so i can hold em

Name four things that you wish you had!

i cant name four, but

i want this. like pls. can i just have this on my desk or something i want it im begging

Are you a player?

Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

no?

Are you a tease?

yea :]] in a friendly way tho

Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

not yet but someday i will go to ihop with @quackbug and get cupcake pancakes

Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

yea! its a nice feeling

Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

@katmeeliaz platonically

Hugs or Kisses?

hugs..i havent been kissed enough to prefer em

Are you too shy to ask someone out?

i dont really ask people out anyways

The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

for some reason manly guys dont interest me i want a small sweetie that i can cuddl so i guess that i mean why u think he exist

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

"bae/babe" makes me want to crumple into a ball so no

If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

no because if they're being unfaithful to their partner i doubt they're very smart

Do you flirt a lot?

in a jokin way yea

Your last kiss?

@katmeeliaz platonically

Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

mhm

If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

shrug

Does someone like you currently?

maybe, i wouldnt know

Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

nah

Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

shrug again

Ever made out with just a friend?

virtually yeah but it was more of a joking thing HAHAH

Are you happier single or in a relationship?

a relationship is just a nice thing to add into your life, it wont bring you happiness, your life can be just as happy without someone if you live it correctly

6 notes · View notes

gaylilfireball-blog · 5 years

Text

Rant time (open for discussion if you want)

(Hey sheridan if you could just not read this thatd be great thanks)(but tbh i mean i cant stop you so🤷‍♀️)

Okay so yesterday i spent a better part of the day cuddling with this guy. Hes someone ive been friends with for almost a year and a half but its been a friendship mostly revolves around heloing each other through depression. Anyway last few months ive been working on actually making it a more thoughtful friendship bc he is genuinely a sweet guy.

About a week ago i hung out with him for the first time and we just walked around the mall being obnoxious teenagers and i walked with him to his apartment because he wanted to show it to me and i didnt want to make him walk by himself. Well then i was leaving and he ended up walking me back to my car at the mall. A few days after that we had planned to hang out again but this time at my house (wanted to meet the cats)

Like a day or two after that i kind of had a crisis and wasn't sure if i was developing feelings or not. I had a little crush but i wasnt sure if it was because i actually genuienly like him or if i was just latching on because he paid attention to me. He also has been pretty flirty for most of the time ive known him but its a small enough that it can still be considered friendly and him jusy being nice. I had asked about it previously and he mentioned that he tended to come across as flirty to a lot of people on accident. Anyway i did the ol' 20 questions thing and hinted out that there was a possibility of a crush but didn't mention anything after it

Hours later into the conversation he said that crush was mutual. I did make it fairly clear that i needed to figure out my jead and that i didnt know what was going on and that i wasnt promising anything. We continued the random q n a over the next day or two and it was a generally pretty open 20 questions. Didnt really not answer anything.

Well on the day he was coming over he planned to bring a movie (Rango) and i wanted to watch the black mirror movie so it was like already pre established we planmed to have casual movie day. We had both been keeping up the casual flirting and whatnot and like the night befire he had asked me if i wanted to cuddle as we watched movies. I did one of those like half answer things and basically did the "theoretically yes, realistically im anxious" but it was fine🤷‍♀️.

(I should probably preface with the fact that about 2 years ago i came out as pan rom and ace but like thats still very confusing bc honestly sexuality is hard? Ive dome some things that def werent ace and i enjoyed them kinda? More if the emotional aspect rather than any physical pleasure? But i still have very mixed feelings about said things so i dont even kmow anymore. Its kind of like i want to do and experience those things with another person (boy or girl) but like the thought if a dick kind of rly grosses me out and i dislike General nudity. So that aspect of my life is super wacky.)

(My first and only relationship was with a girl and it lasted about a year and 4 months. We lived pretty far away from each other (like a 30 min drive which was a lot bc neither of us amhad our license at the time) but we had been best friends for years prior. We did practice on the same team 12-16 hours a week together but we werent able to actually be a couple at the gym. Anyway we were already pretty close and comfortable with each other and it became like that physically as well. However i was very conflicted physically because i wanted the emotional bond that came with physical intimacy but the actual like pleasure aspect wasnt quite there. In the moment it was generally fine and enjoyable but ive never really understood like the big deal kind of? And afterwards it was kind of uncomfortable to think about so i mostly just ignored it. I also think i allowed myself to go too fast bc we knew each other really well but not necessarily in the relationship aspect. So we had been dating for 3 months maybe but i would have only seen her outside of practice like 4 times? I domt know im just kimd of scared of doing that again)

But anyway back to my story. Yesterday the boy camw to my house and it was pretty casual playing uno and joking around with each other. We started watching rango and were sitting on two pieces of a sectional together but not really together id you know what i mean. It was more of like separate cushions and i was leaning up against the wall on a pillow but our legs were touching. (He totally thought at one point he was playing footsie with me but it actually my shin. That was pretty hilarious) He also made a terrible joke "why are you using that pillow when theres a 6'2" one right here" (yes he is tall boy but i am tall girl so its fine) (i didnt take him up on the offer either.)

We had later moved to my bed to watch black mirror on my phone and were laying on our stomachs side by side. Totally ended up pressed together along oir sides and he was playing with my feet but it was warm and nice but goodness i was nervous. There was so much like tension.

I ended up flipping onto my back (bc i can only lay on my front for so long befire my shoulders and arms absolutely die) and told him he could do whatever but that i was laying on my back. He took that as an invitation to cuddle on me (it kind of was ) and thank god bc i was losing my mind. It just started out with his head on my shoulder/chest but as we got more comfortable his arm was around me and i was leaning into him.

Anyway(how amny times do you think ima say this lord) it was real nice and all but what inspired this rant was that i wish id like participated more in cuddling or like done something more with it. But then again im also like noooo dont go too fast calm doooown.

I also have the problem of like not being completely attracted to him. More of emotionally attracted but maybe im alao just attracted to the idea of him and i really could put anybody in that place? But he keeps fishing for compliments and its rly hard bc im not one to be untruthful but i look at hom and its just ?? I dont know. Thinking back to my ex girlfriend i never particularily found her attractive until we agreed there was mutual feelings and right before we dtarted dating? Then she basically became the light of my life and was perfect in my eyes. Kind of hoping that happens with this boy but i dont know.

I really just dont wanna like get his hopes uo and like keep it going that hey i like you and thrn jist kind of throw it all away later? But i also really love this whole like casual awkward flirting and im desparate for cuddles in my life. But it could also just be with anyone and i feel terrible for it.

So yeah what do??

Also thanks for actually reading through this clusterfluff mess of writing. Gosh this actually could be like a fanfic i wrote wow. Idk feel free to leave your thoughts ig. Do you want you want😂🤷‍♀️🙃

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ch99rry · 7 years

Note

1-102? 😁😁😁

omg ur gonna kill me

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

i think the last person who told me they loved me was my mother lmao so im pretty sure she meant it

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

mmmm i mean i would if they were comfortable with it. im 17 so its not that much of an age difference but im still underage but idk

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

LMAO NGL IT WAS WHEN I WAS SITTING NEXT TO MY BOYFRIEND (i feel like its too early to call him that......) DURING LUNCH. AS MUCH AS I WAS HAPPY THAT HE WAS THERE I WAS ALSO RLLY MAD THAT IM SO AWKWARD WITH HIM

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

i mean??? yeah???

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

omg yeah probably coughdominiccough

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

yepppp it was where are you by taeil i think

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

uhh my caltech hoodie and some gray sweatpants

8. How often do you listen to music?

like every minute of everyday. i will always listen to music

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

probably sweats since i dont normally wear jeans during the week (i have uniforms at my school)

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

...what?

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

both??? im very social and open with my friends but its hard for me to talk to groups of people (even if its just like 10-15 people) and people im not that close to

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

hmmm nope

13. What about ‘R’?

nope

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

UM NOPE PROBABLY NOT

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

g o d y e s

16. Are you going out of town soon?

i dont think i am

17. When was the last time you cried?

uhhh tuesday? yeah tuesday

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

yeyeye

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

mmm maybe... i kinda want a lighter brown but idk

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

PARK CHANYEOL PARK CHANYEOL PARK CHANYEOL PARK CHANYEOL PARK CHANYEOL PARK–

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

uh well the day im having is over so

idk what i disliked tbh. maybe during lunch when my bf’s friends forced him to sit with my friends and i while at the same forcing me to sit with them

that was so embarrassing lmao

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

YES YES YES YES YES except i got acne and shit on my forehead so its kinda gross

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

mmmm nah

24. What are you sitting on right now?

my bed

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

yeye!! my best friend aleks!!

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

GOD Y E S

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

aleks!!

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

nah

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

caltech

30. Does anyone hate you?

yeah definitely lmao

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

nah

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

eh not really but i’ll watch them anyway

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

nah

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

probably freshman year

35. Did you have a dream last night?

none that i recall

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

yesterday?? i think

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

mmm probably not

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

umm yes?? hopefully my bf???

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

y e s??? h ope f u l ly my b f????

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

mmm yeah! i would consider it a good day

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

nah

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

mmmm i dont think i will

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

mmm probably aleks but idk i dont remember. in a romantic way, no one

44. What’s the best part about school?

def my friends

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

yep

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

mmm nah bc all my teachers have been so chill with my friends and i bc we’re like the smart group of kids

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Y E S

48. Were you single over the last summer?

yep

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

oh god no. if my life were anything like two years ago i would probably be dead by now

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

sleeping lmao

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

nahh

52. Are you nice to everyone?

i try to be but if someone pisses me off lmao i’ll go off on them

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yepppp (i had a crush on two of my gay friends lmao)

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

ofc!! cheating is literally the worst thing you could do in a relationship (besides kill them...)

plus i dont wanna hurt jaydon by cheating on him omg :((

also who tf would i cheat on him with wtf

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

mmm yeah. not so much online but in person im p good at hiding my feelings

56. Do you think you like someone?

uh???? yes????

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

GOD I WISH

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

lmao this is a dumb question

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

probably franchesca

60. Do you hate anyone?

GOD YES

61. How’s your heart?

its... p okay rn i guess. i got some insecurities still but im in a good place rn i think

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

yeah kinda

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

lmao who do u think i am? of course i have

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

probably zu

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

nah

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

mmm i hope not!!

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

i mean. sure? if he did it in front of me, i’d be glad that hes being open but i cant imagine jaydon crying lmao

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

nah

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

mmmm rene or kat

70. How do you look right now?

like a mess

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

yes!!!!

72. Can you commit to one person?

OFC

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

mmm yeah

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

oh my god yes

75. Did you wake up cranky?

today? a little bit

76. Are you a jealous person?

yeah i get p jealous and paranoid easily

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

yes!! maybe not if u get rlly bad paranoia and anxiety but im trying to work past my paranoia and rlly enjoy this

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

nope

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

y e ss

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

go to a roller rink!!

81. Last person you cried in front of?

uhhh i dont think ive cried in front of someone in y e a r s

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

my best friend from 3rd grade

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

lmao i would like to think he is but im not sure, i’d have to ask

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

probably watching a movie. i rlly wanna watch train to busan with someone (preferrably him lmao)

85. Are you over your past?

more or less

i still think about the past year or two with kat, alex, and tay but everything before then im p okay with

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

y e

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

yep

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

first true love??? uh??? true love is a dumb concept???

also my first love already apologized for being a dick to me and i already accepted it lmao

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

uh no thanks

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

mmm nah

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

i hope so!!

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

yepp and hes a loser senior :^)))

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

nope

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

nope

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

i mean??? i guess?? he was also kind of a dick

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

ye shes p cute (it was aleks lmao)

97. Who do you have texts from?

what does this even mean

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

i would honestly cry but even if i felt crushed (which i would be) i wouldn’t be surprised bc i think all the time that im not good enough for him. besides that, i feel like the last option tbh. like after leeloo and franchesca, its me, and i know im probably overthinking that but i cant help but feel that way. so yeah i’d probably tell him its doesnt surprise me but i’d still be upset

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

nope

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

uhhh thats chanyeol

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

nah

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

yes!!!!

#98 is one of the only ones i put effort into lmao #i reblogged that post just so i could answer 98 #thank you for asking!!! <3 #Anonymous

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