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#even if its nothing special

hitlikehammers · 3 months

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intimately entwined

rating: e (but not how you think) ♥️ cw: the deepest intimacies in the most unexpected places knocking someone on their ass ♥️ tags: established relationship, care-taking, casual intimacy, fluff, relationship development, slice of life, idiots in love

for @steddielovemonth day three: Love is wanting to do everything with someone, even if its nothing special

and yes, again: these boys probably grow up to star in the rockstar-husbands-with-the-sex-toys fic je ne regrette rien which will have a sequel flavoured revival via @subeddieweek in April whaaaaaatttt

“Another.”

And the way it’s said: it’s almost fucking expectant too, Jesus Christ, this man.

“You’re sure this is okay?”

Because, like, Eddie needs to know it is. He needs to check, then double check, then triple check because…because this feels like a wholly different step, y’know? This feels like crossing a kind of line they haven’t even dared to tiptoe near just yet, wholly different from all the other lines they’ve navigated, both reckless and careless but together, always, and that helps, in theory. It helps to know that no matter how they’ve fumbled or triumphed in this, between them: it’s been hand in hand. Before, and during, and after.

Still, though. This is…this just feels very fucking different. The kind of boundary with implications that feel heavy and expansive under Eddie’s ribs. Maybe it should seem less monumental compared to other shit they’ve done, and most of that with far less deliberation and hesitation for them, at that. But this does, it…Eddie genuinely believes this pumps weird and novel through his veins, because it is different; and incredible for it, no question. Terrifying. Wholly beggars belief, honestly, and Eddie never really understood that phrase meant but.

He thinks this thing fits it, to a T.

“I said it was, didn’t I?”

Eddie blinks, recenters: was it okay?

And this, this…brilliant perfect little shit: Eddie can hear the smirk in his voice without even looking. He can hear the amusement as much as the loose-ends of frustration. Like Eddie is being absurd here.

Which: what the actual fuck; seriously.

Like, like: goddamn seriously.

“Yeah,” Eddie answers, a little hesitant, a lot fucking dazed; “yeah you did,” because…he did. From the beginning, from even before they settled int to start this: Steve had been…vocally enthusiastic. Not that Eddie hadn’t been! He’d mostly just, he’d just been—

“You think I’m fucking with you?”

Again: without having to see Eddie clocks the eye roll, the not-even-subtle challenge in it.

Alongside the nugget of genuine hurt held for if it turns out true and that: no.

No, Eddie will not fucking have that, so.

Okay, he won’t have that, but also first:

“I mean, yeah—“ because umm…their sex life is a little undeniable.

Steve snorts; how. How

“Here and now, jackass,” he snipes back and Eddie…Eddie really and truly doesn’t fucking know what to do with this. How cal, Steve is. How focused and dedicated to the task. How monumentally and profoundly, just…

How this is sitting in his chest as so much more than the rest of it somehow in a way Eddie cannot wrap his mind around to understand and it’s frightening. Not understanding something so clearly and intimately important; so clearly fucking intimate.

“Not exactly,” Eddie ultimately settles on speaking rather than continuing to gape, continuing to stew in his terror as his heartbeat picks up but speed, it comes out more choked than he’d been hoping; less convincing by a mile as a result. “I don’t think you’re fucking with me like, like it’s something intentional,” and Eddie seeks out Steve’s gaze directly then because that’s it, that’s the hurt part he needs to root out and not crush to bits because he doesn’t crush any part of the man he loves, ever; no.

No, Eddie needs to root that out so he can draw it into the pounding in his chest warm and safe to be cradled and adored until it snuffs itself out in contented fucking joy, for being loved right. Like it deserves.

Which might be part of the problem in the present case just: this time it’s a problem for Eddie.

“Like not mean or anything,” he reiterates, to make absolute sure of this part too; “I just…”

Steve watches him as he struggles to put any part of it into words, can’t even move, or fidget like this: caught, and kinda giddily so underneath everything else, and maybe he needs to lean into that base sensation, see if he can chart his way out from the center versus stumbling around the sides:

“It can’t be, like, enjoyable,” is what he ultimately settles on saying as clear as he came because honestly, that sums up the bulk of it.

Plus he’s learned by now to trust Steve to reach around his rougher edges and find the heart of his meaning, or else, and probably more often: hold his hand as the send out a search party between them for the right words.

Because that’s still it, isn’t it: together.

And of everything else, Eddie doesn’t have to even pysch himself up to trust in that; it just it. It comes natural like breathing.

“Umm,” Steve draws out, a little incredulous; “why not?”

Why not? Why isn’t this exchange clearly one-sided?

“Because,” Eddie tries to find his words, or at least some of them: “I guess, what do you get out of it?”

Steve’s the one glancing to lock their gazes and Eddie…Eddie doesn’t feel ashamed where he might have early on. But he recognises the similar dive where it still lives in his stomach for the gentle warmth that Steve stares into him. Like he sees Eddie’s question, and loves Eddie enough that he won’t dismiss it.

“One more,” Steve instructs confidently, just-shy-of-demands.

“Steve—“

“If you hate it we never have to do it again,” Steve counters; a compromise; “promise.”

“That’s not—“ because fucking hell, as if Eddie could ever hate it.

“One more,” Steve reminds him with the patience of a saint and…Eddie’s moving almost without any thought for it at all, like his body runs the way of his heart and moves for Steve be rote, which.

Kinda, yeah.

“Blow,” Steve’s instructing and Eddie’s doing the moving-by-instinct-because-Steve-says thing again; knows he’s blinking owlishly as he purses his lips and does as he’s asked.

Blows. Ever-so-gentle.

“Okay,” Steve assesses and then grins: “okay, that’s it. Perfect.”

Eddie won’t fucking argue. Not least because it’s true.

Though he��s more invested in the perfection looking up at him like this.

“Verdict?”

And okay, Eddie thinks maybe he has words now, at least inside his head: intimacy wasn’t something he’d ever had before Steve, and frankly was never something he was hanging hopes on ever getting, again—before Steve.

But it wasn’t just because he didn’t have other options that Eddie banked on intimacy equalling sex, either. Because once he did have Steve, it just shifted to the idea of sex as a way of showing love. The more of himself he could give to Steve, the more intimate they’d become: the more of him that was Steve’s for the taking, the more of Steve he look reverent into himself, body to body: that was intimate. That was a relationship, how it looked as it grew. First time Steve came inside him. First time Eddie licked him open. First time he fucked Steve’s gorgeous goddamn thighs.

That kind of thing.

But Eddie’s not sure even the heaviest, headiest sex has ever left his heart as much of a thumping, fluttery mess as just this, which doesn’t feel like just anything: Steve. Sitting in front of him. With a bottle he drove out to Indy to get just for Eddie. Because Eddie wanted it. Because Eddie would like it. Because it might make Eddie happy and it did, it really really did, and—

Steve’s just painted his fucking nails the most gorgeous shiny black, only the slightest bit straying off on the skin, too, and it’s somehow hitting Eddie deeper than the first time they fucked, the first time they stretched each other open, the first time they 69’d in the sheets.

This is apparently what knocks Eddie on his ass for just how deep the love goddamn goes.

“That.”

“Hmm,” Eddie hums, blinking back to the moment where he was busy getting caught up in the new revelation of what intimacy looked like, not to mention caught up in admiring his nails: “what’s ‘that’?”

And Steve’s smiling beatific, incandescent, as he pokes Eddie’s cheek, no, more specifically: as he pokes Eddie’s dimple.

“What I get out of it.”

And Eddie flushes hot under Steve’s touch, then, as it all adds up and seeps in strong enough to shake his core before reshaping him from the inside out as Steve taps the little divot in his skin playfully:

“That.”

Which is how Eddie realizes full on and forever, probably something he already knew, just somewhere under the surface: the intimacy was the sharing of the joy. And in love, especially a love like this one: joy itself is the payoff.

Joy, like everything, is shared by default.

Eddie lifts his eyes, meets Steve’s smile so wide, and relishes the color on his nails as a sign of it for seeing; relishes the dizzy cadence pumping in his chest as proof for the rest of him, to feed and nurture this depth of loving for all the simple things, undimmed and forever until his heart stops doing anything at all. Because there is no pay off, even if there is always something to get out of it. Out of all of it.

Because love is them; together.

Intimately entwined to the goddamn cells.

tag list (comment to be added): @pearynice @hbyrde36 @slashify @finntheehumaneater @wxrmland

♥️

divider credit here

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marimeeko · 5 months

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I have a sudden, unsolicited opinion on the moment where Ochako admits that she fell in love with Izuku. Since it has been going around as one of those context-less, surface level articles on Google(I spotted it too)

So it's talking about the moment when Ochako is fighting Toga and she tells her that she fell in love with Izuku.

Does she use the exact wording? Yes.

Does that mean it's an end all declaration? Does it mean she is endgame with Izuku? I do not think so.

I don't think it's the final nail in the coffin to the argument for any other ship involving Izuku or Ochako. Here's why:

The admission is so anticlimactic.

We have known for a while that Ochako has complicated feelings about Izuku. We know that it has been a bit of a crush. And that has led to ANTICIPATION to see what becomes of those feelings.

But along the anticipation, we have also seen her going through some feelings of discomfort about the whole thing...unusual, for a supposed love interest of a Shonen manga!

So the audience has been waiting for a LONG time for something, anything, to happen between Ochako and Izuku that rewards that anticipation and that waffling on Ochakos part.

And for something like a supposed love confession, a line like "I fell in love with Izuku Midoriya", to heppen....

But NOT in a moment between Ochako and Izuku themselves, just also does not reward the anticipation that was built up.

She did not confirm and admit these feelings TO izuku. She admitted them to Himiko.

And that is the first time the audience hears her positively confirm that she had those feelings, blatantly.

But it TAKES AWAY from the actual relationship because Himiko received that confession...not Izuku.

We didn't get a charged confession between Ochako and Izuku. The relationship was STILL not mutually developed. It's still just a quality of Ochako, it says nothing about Izuku. The anticipation of Ochako having a crush, and changing, complicated feelings for Izuku and where that would eventually climax, where it would reach its peak for Ochako and Izuku both, instead is diverted. Kind of literally. Because it didn't happen at either chance they had to talk it out, to confess, she sent Izuku away when Himiko tried to trap him into a love discussion. She didnt bring it up before the war began even though they had such a calm moment to be able to do so. It didn't come out in the logical places. And now in the endgame, they have split up to fight different battles...Ochako has even exhausted everything she has right now to save Himiko and likely is out until we receive the wrap up.

So, the anticipation I mentioned, again, does not have a payout in the form of even a rushed battlefield confession because the two of them are fighting different battles.

Instead the audience is given the confirmation of "I fell in love with him" when he is not even present, when Ochako is not confessing to him or confronting him. It comes out with Toga, when she Is trying to reach out and level with her, it almost could read as a "I had a crush on the same boy" kind of statement. It comes out when saving Himiko is Ochakos main priority.

What I'm saying here is that Ochakos love confession for Izuku, which is usually a big deal in any story, is in the back seat to prioritize each of their other relationships and goals. Which is great that it is not forced upon us when there are bigger things happening, however it just does a disservice to the pairing itself when most of the feelings are expressed onesidedly, and an actual statement of love, if it's not even outdated because of changed feelings, means a lot less when it's not filling the gap between the two people in question. When the confession doesn't reach the other person.

(And I will go ahead and say that is kind of similar to how bkdk is right now as well, bc we have SO MUCH material on Katsukis side, about how he feels and how much he cares about Izuku, but not a lot on what Izuku feels or allows himself to feel about Katsuki. I will call that out as well.)

Like at this point, the best we could hope for, for Ochako and Izuku being a couple, is a very open note about it in the aftermath. Like maybe Ochako asks Izuku if he would like to get crepes with her. That's just enough given context clues to suggest to the audience that yes there are still some feelings there, she heard what he said about crepes and holding hands and took note of it, but also that Izuku himself is willing to explore those feelings as well. It would be Ochako finally choosing her feelings for Izuku, but without it being too sudden for Izuku to accept. This whole time we are not shown Izuku crushing on her at all it would be strange to have him suddenly initiate.

But anything more romantic and profound than that? Any dramatic reveal/confession of feelings, any chance for them to have a moment in the midst of war to have the "i love you" discussion? That has been bypassed time and time again. Horikoshi COULD HAVE WORKED IT IN, IF IT WERE A PRIORITY TO HAVE THEM ENDGAME. While no, romance doesn't have to be a priority in a Shonen, and Ochako has flipped the script on how she handles her feelings as a shonen love interest, Hori has demonstrated that threads and concepts of romance ARE part of his narrative.

And right now? Hot take, but the most romantic thread that Izuku, his main character, finds himself in, is whatever the hell is going on between him and Katsuki Bakugou.

You'd just think if the mc was going to be with a romantic partner, a girl, by the end of the story, something would have happened.

I feel like I'm going in circles past my point, but it boils down to Izuku not having any indication of interest in Ochako besides friendliness....the fact that the audience received confirmation of Ochako loving Izuku from her telling a 3rd party and NOT her subject, and the anticipation of that confession, built up for YEARS of this manga and animes run, of supposed feelings not really being paid off, if the two are meant to be the romantic end game. It also boils down to the fact that the anticipation of the confession had a CHANCE to occur with Izuku, the subject, multiple times. It boils down to again, ochako and Izukus relationship being romantic in anyway being little more than an after thought.

AND! it doesn't even guarantee that her feelings of love for him are still the same! We don't know for sure if she STILL loves Izuku!

So yeah. I hope this made sense, but it sure feels anticlimactic to have a love confession(supposedly) not even occur while the subject is present, where the audience can view it and celebrate that long awaited conclusion.

As always, these articles that pop up on Google leave a lot of context out, and are very face value. They saw Ochako say the L word and called it endgame. There is a reason I don't read them.

#bakudeku #bnha spoilers #bkdk #togachako #thoughts on romance in bnha #take with a grain of salt bc i could of course be wrong #but that is how it reads to me #honestly i would be satisfied with the scenario of ochako asking izuku on a little crepe date at the very end #bc it would still be believable #even if we dont know how izu feels #there is nothing that says he cant aay yes to a small casual date like that at the end pf their war #just dont call it a whirlwind romance cus its not #there also nothing wrong with izuku just not having a dtrong romantic interest in anyone #he has a lot going on it makes sense #just bc shonen USUALLY has this big romantic sideplot doesnt mean hori wont subvert it #he already has honestly #arguably tho he has got more romantic coded drama going on with Katsuki #BUT THATS JUST OPINION FROM A MULTISHIPPER WHO SPECIALIZES IN BKDK #anyway ochako is doing fantastic and i love her very much #ochako uraraka #at the end of the day horikoshis writing is pretty complex #he had already done Ochako a service by subverting the love interest character trope and having her focus on Himiko instead of Izuku

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cloud-ya · 5 months

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the concept of infodumping is so... alien(?) to me. I cannot bring myself to talk about something for a long time, let alone getting into details because I usually forget or don't know them. even less well do I feel when I try to rumble about something with no feedback in form of attention or understanding. I can go on about that one polish rapper or whatever concept is only known to me among the people I know and talk to, but what of it when the only thing I get is silence, a casual "cool" thrown to acknowledge my messages or a change of topic. I wonder if it's something about adults never understanding things I like and me being awful at explaining, thus preferring to just hide them or brush them off as "nothing particular" or describing them as vaguely as possible (e.g. "just a video game"); also in fear of being perceived or judged

what is the opposite of infodumping?

#feeling like my brain is definitely Not Normal™#and seeing stuff like 'ooo i could infodump about my fixations so much you would regret asking me about them lol' and like. that is not me #that cannot be me #in the end i know nothing about my special interests and cannot describe them #its just. i saw that one post with screenshot from reddit that goes something like #'people holding you hostage will let you live if you talk about something for 30 minutes'#i kept thinking about it #my dude i would probably just expect death or ask if i can pick like 3 things because no way in hell would i talk about something for #half an hour. or even quarter #i can laugh along with everyone that id throw you down a rabbit hole but honestly in my case i doubt people would even check its entrance #cloud has spoken #vent #<- ?

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coridallasmultipass · 4 months

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Shit Post venting hour let's go:

Trans Bro/Trans Dirk has endometriosis (*enBROmetriosis, because people are shitty and don't get that guys have it, too), even AFTER getting a hysterectomy, because, unfortunately, sometimes our bodies are just transphobic like that. (True story, bro...) He doesn't get symptoms regularly post-op, but when they hit, they hit like a plane-wreck - it's a huge disaster for one, and it also becomes everyone else's business.

Trans Dave doesn't have endo, but still goes through a lot of pain relievers for normal cramps. He forgot to tell Bro they were out of medicine last time.

Cue Bro stuck hugging the toilet, sick from how much pain he's in as soon as he wakes up, and Dave doesn't hear him call out for healing.

As soon as Dave hears Bro talking about Advil, he immediately remembers his mistake and realizes why Bro's been extra volatile lately (PMS/PMDD/etc).

#i know it's cringe dude but im living it and i know theres nothing more cringe than not being able to breathe bc it hurts too much to move #or waking up from not sleeping all night only to vomit as soon as you get up bc it hurts too fucking much and you didnt get meds yet #endo is a special hell my body has made for me to punish me for being too trans #ditched the uterus so my body downloaded a trojan uterus to replace it except now its all over my insides...#...even tho im on medicine thats supposed to suppress endo growth #im having a whole mental breakdown over it and saw someone talkin shit on trans dirk so this is for them specifically (blocked)#fffffuuuuuckk these cramps holy shit im dying literally any pressure on my abdomen is too tight even just my sweater resting on it #homestuck #bro strider #dirk strider #bro #dirk #trans bro strider #trans dirk strider #trans dirk #trans bro #striders #endometriosis #trans man #hoooly fk im tryn not to die rn jfc i might need to puke again #emetophobia mention #endo #enbrometriosis #art #vent #ShitPost.exe #Cori.exe #Image.exe #Create.exe #i had to stop typing tags to go puke bc the pain is so bad lollllll

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fruitybashir · 7 days

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So.

Bojan... Bojan. I feel so many things about him in this chapter your descriptions of his panic fucking broke me, they hit a tiny bit to close to home (this is supposed to be a compliment).

And Kris my dear dear Kris, constantly searching the issue in himself (mood lol) only to realise that he did nothing wrong and Bojan still left. Oufff

i will gladly take the compliment but you will also attend this weeks "had an anxiety spike reading the holidate" self help group. mandatory. heres your stamp card 📋 there will be snacks and hot beverages

#and oooffff kris dont even. dont even startt. i lowkey turned myself into a kris girlie* writing him which is 💀#lets not even talk about that.#holidate kris is so special to me if anything bad ever happened to him i will kill everyone in this room and then myself #inbox #apfel07 #and yeah that part had to hit extra hard didnt it? thinking if he can find the issue he can fix it and its all going to be okay again only #to realise there is nothing that he can do to fix it. all he can do is let it happen ...#the desperation but also feeling so helpless .. yikes

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sunforgrace · 9 months

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dramatic irony by way of knowing how the story goes while the characters are in it and can’t makes me soooo sick. you don’t know who you’ll become to each other but I do. I do. you don’t know you’ll lose each other because you’ll become entangled enough that there’s loss to be had but we do. and that’s life. they exist within the rules of their universe as much as we do where not one of us can know how this story goes and how it ends. we are living in moments that are by nature fleeting each one to become part of the past that we look back on. we can’t possibly know what our futures are and everything in life is present - until the moment it’s not. and we often don’t know. is the thing. when we’re in the moment where something or someone will be in the past after the moment is gone.

#oh if life were made of moments.#this is why the scientist and the night we met are dangerous songs. they put the ‘take me back. just for a moment take me back.’ in there #and it makes me.#but it’s Because it’s retrospective that it feels that way! it’s special because it is all fleeting. and we don’t know how long things will #last or when they’ll be over. and we never seem to yearn in the moment as we do when it’s gone. at the time it’s just life #and we can’t go back. and that’s why we wish for it. and even if we could nothing would be the same because what made it special was that #it was for its time in that present. and maybe we didn’t appreciate it then as we do now when it’s a memory

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frecklystars · 8 months

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i know nobody is online rn to read this but ;-; i gotta get it off my chest i love ken so much he means everything to me he's making me so happy and i've needed him so so so bad. he's brought me comfort when my ptsd has been so fucking unbearable and every time i'm having a crying fit over losing my tf f/os or every time i'm having a flashback i ALWAYS immediately IMMEDIATELY think about him rushing to my side, holding me and saying "hey hey it's okay, i'm here, i'm right here" and it's such a relief because i haven't been able to genuinely wholeheartedly believe any character would be willing to do that for me the entire time i've been struggling this year.

i've never gone so long without comfort from f/os, much less being triggered by the ones who used to comfort me the most. so to have barbie and ken right now is like the biggest wave of relief every single day when i wake up and the hyperfixation is still there. sometimes i will literally close my eyes and sigh in relief when i hear a song and my first thought is sebastian or ken or six or... whomever. i love being in love again. i NEED this. i love waking up and my first thought isn't my trauma most of the time now, it's ken. or it's six. or it's barbie. or it's harley. or it's officer k. or it's... yeah you get it. i needed these characters so fucking badly. every time i see a gifset and get excited over it, i feel a rush of gratitude bc self shipping has always been the glue holding me together. it doesn't feel as intense or strong as the SB musical or TF used to make me feel but i am not picky. not at all. i will take anything and i'm praying this lasts for at LEAST another few weeks please

i may not be at a sense of peace right now and i dont know when i ever will be, it could be years, but im so. so. so. so so so thankful to have these characters right now when i've needed someone so badly for so long. i hope ken knows how much i love him ;-; i hope barbie knows how much she has helped me, has saved me from one of my major triggers and has helped me to love and feel safe around the color pink again. i wish they could see me when i'm not so broken but i'm glad they're here even when i'm at my worst, i'm glad they still love me even when they deserve to see me in a much better light

#it feels so fucking terrible not celebrating my bday with my starlight. i used to buy myself cakes and put his figurine next to them #i mean i still have... a little bit over one week... i cant... let it pass by without him being involved somehow #so i might make a quick vent doodle and queue it for the actual day of my bday #i refuse to not draw myself with him at least once for my special day #its not like we 'broke up' or anything but fuck it feels so bad #he's a literal fucking ptsd trigger. how fucking insane is that #im still in shock. im still in shock over what happened to me like i cant fucking believe it #wearing his necklace makes me cry so i just leave it on my dresser #that shouldnt be normal!!!!#but im hoping that shipping with barbie/ken is going to help me feel like i can reclaim control over my ships #bc my abuser made me feel like... i had no control over my TF ships whatsoever for a solid year #so now that i'm finally free of that toxicity i'm still shakily trying to learn how to ship again #i'll have moments where i'll worry ken will try to hurt me on purpose bc im so used to my abuser telling me how abusive any f/o would be #but then i tell myself 'hey what the fuck. this is MY story. NOBODY would abuse me i dont care WHO they are'#but it's so hard to unlearn several months of abuse 😔#and even harder to look at a character who i invested so much time and energy and money into #my voice clips. my cameos. all of my steve blum autographs. my art for steve. all of it feels sad and numbing #not just stsc but everyone in any TF universe feels like... a threat and i get panic attacks when i see very specific characters sometimes #its awful. it hurts so bad. i love ken so much. but nothing compares to what i had with my TF comfort characters #but it's okay bc... ken is holding my hand and he might not understand ptsd at all but he can still squeeze me tight #and six HAS c-ptsd he GETS it. and he's there to hold me when my nightmares make me fall apart. he's my rock #vent #ptsd #sorry it's 5am i had a bad nightmare and now i refuse to sleep again #i fucking hate ptsd i fucking hate living like this i rly wish i knew how to cure myself #im exercising im eating and drinking often im sleeping as much as i can #theres only so much i can do #when does it get better?? when the fuck does it get better? im serious. not rhetorical. when does this finally heal #i dont even know if im healing or if im just distracted... but fuck ill take anything

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