There is something wrong with Shen Qingqiu.
There has been as long as Liu Qingge’s known him, but it used to be that he spoke with the too-sharp syllables of a young master and liked to smack his fan in his palm like he was thinking of stabbing you with it. Now, the genre of ‘wrong’ Liu Qingge associates with Shen Qingqiu has more to do with the way he takes his youngest disciples for rides on Xiu Ya and keeps a specific teacup for Liu Qingge’s visits.
Can a qi deviation change one’s entire personality? Down to the way they speak?
“See, shidi?” Shen Qingqiu tilts up the scale of their latest catch with his blade. Underneath glitters a hard, reflective surface. “They’ve got two hides! Ah, only complete noobs scrape it off without clipping it from the skeleton.”
Liu Qingge doesn’t know what a noob is.
“Is it more valuable that way?” He says.
With a flick of his sword, Shen Qingqiu snatches out the top scale.
“It’s about pride! Are you cultivator or an idiot with a sharp object, hacking down everything in your path?” Shen Qingqiu grumbles. “This is good loot.
Shen Qingqiu is much more serene in viscera up to his forearms than at the Peak Meetings, Liu Qingge notes. He thinks doing this–the complaining as much as finding the creature itself–might be where Shen Qingqiu is at his most content. This is the man who grins behind his fan when Shang Qinghua spills tea in his own lap.
He raises an eyebrow at Liu Qingge. A curved, silver carapace balances in his one hand, a stack of silver scales piled inside. All finished, then. Liu Qingge offers him a hand, but Shen Qingqiu’s already risen to his feet.
Liu Qingge lowers it, but Shen Qingqiu’s already taken it with a mildly amused look on his face.
“I think we’ve moved past these sorts of formality by now,” Shen Qingqiu… wiggles Liu Qingge’s hand? He rattles it up and down and Liu Qingge doesn’t really know what’s happening. “But sure! Good job to both of us today.”
He lets go after a few seconds. Liu Qingge puts his hand down, his skin faintly tingling. Internally, he notes that in certain situations, if he gives Shen Qingqiu his hand, Shen Qingqiu will clasp it in his own.
He’ll have to pay attention to what times it would be appropriate to do it again.
“We were efficient,” Liu Qingge says in what he hopes is a normal voice. He’s fine. He clears Shen Qingqiu’s meridians all the time. “Your knowledge of the Five Mouth Mountain Pangolin is impressive.”
“Please,” Shen Qingqiu waves a hand dismissively. “If you don’t know about their three acid stomachs, you’re hardly a scholar.”
“Don’t forget the second hide,” Liu Qingge says.
Liu Qingge drops his sword for them to ride and Shen Qingqiu grins.
“Don’t quote my words to me!” Shen Qingqiu bats his shoulder with a hand, stepping onto Cheng Luan, “Eventually I’ll run out of things to tell you. Shidi, you don’t have to listen to me rambling so closely. I’ll get self-conscious.”
“I’ll make sure to forget everything you said by next time,” Liu Qingge says.
Cheng Luan sprints into the sky and Shen Qingqiu laughs. It sounds nothing like his laugh. It sounds beautiful.
Yes, there is something wrong with Shen Qingqiu. Deeply. Intrinsically. But Liu Qingge doesn’t mind so much. The parts that are wrong are his friend. And someday, more than.
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beloveds i need help
reasons to start t:
i've felt more like a guy than a girl for as long as i can remember
i've been trying to wait until i'm more mentally stable to make any long-term decisions about myself bc i'm an impulsive bitch but the more stable i get the more i care about myself and the more i want to transition so so bad
i want to read masc, i want to look nonbinary masc whether i'm dressing masc or fem, i want people to look at me and think "guy"
i want to feel like my body belongs to me and i've never felt that
reasons not to start t:
once it starts working i would have to explain to my parents who would be 1. very confused and 2. sincerely and sorrowfully transphobic (in a religious sort of way)
i'm currently a v high soprano and idk what t would do to my singing voice (also my choir director is transphobic too i'm ninety nine percent sure he listens to ben shapiro podcasts)
i'm scared i'll get on it and be so so happy and feel good and right for the first time ever and then the government will do something fucky and i'll get kicked off and everything will start falling apart and it'll be worse than if i hadn't tried at all
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