#extra points for being sung by the hero in an I Want song and later reprised by the villain in the main Villain Song. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

popculturebuffet · 3 years

Text

Ducktales: The Treasure of the Lost Lamp Movie Reviewcap! (Patreon Stretch Goal)

Hello all you happy people! And we have a special review today for two reasons. The first is that this is my second patreon stretch goal review, having hit the 15 dollar goal back in march thanks to my wonderful friend Emma, the same patreon whose responsible for the Green Eggs and Ham Reviews, who helped me hit the 15 dollar goal. As a result you fine people are getting three movie reviews each based on a Disney Afternoon Movie with Treasure of the Lost Lamp today, a goofy movie at the end of the motnh for a weeklong tribute to my favorite dogmandadguy. Extremley was going to be part of it but the length of this review convinced me otherwise, but I will be doing it this summer so keep an ear out. If you want to help me hit my next stretch goals do yourselve a favor and zip on over to my patreon YOU CAN FIND MY PATREON HERE. My next stretch goal at “OH Look 20 Dollars” would give everyone patreon and not, a monthly review of Darkwing Duck as decided by my patrons, reviews of BOTH season 2 mini series from Ducktales 87, introducing Fenton to the world and blighting it with Bubba before the 2017 series fixed him, and as a brucey bonus added last month a review of Danny Phantom the Ultimate Enemy. And if that wasn’t enough if you help me get to the goal after that at 25 unlocks another trilogy of disney film reviews, this time for the proud family and recess movie and the best kim possible movie, and dcom period, so the drama as well as Bryan Lee O’ Malley’s two stand alone graphic novels, lost at sea and seconds for you Scottaholics in the audience.

The other reason now the shilling’s done. is that the plan WAS to review this back to back with Treasure of The Found Lamp, to the point the orginal review had a whole thing about that, why it was delayed etc... but now that review’s been scrapped all together as something sudden and wonderful happened. After just kinda giving up someone came through with a translation of Della’s first apperance so presumibly i’ll be doing that as part of the build up to mother’s day, and since I still want ot do maternal instincts too, and already had to let the Floyd Gottfredson birthday special slide away as well... it had to go as I want to leave the only open space on the schedule for the lovely person who found the story for me. But this review is still done, i’m very proud of it so join me under the cut won’t you?

Behind The Scenes: Before I get into it i’d just like to note this article from SyFy Wire. It , along with articles I found via wikipedia citations, was an invaluable resource.

The film was an experiment: It was an experiment to see if one of their tv properties could bring in theatrical money, to see if a movie made on a cheaper budget and still rake in decent money, to see if a film could be made being outsourced to several diffrent places, and to see what one of those places, their recently aquiried french stuido, could handle this kind of work.

The film, if succesful would be the first of Disney’s MovieToons line, a series of films based on their shows. As you can tell by the fact only this movie and Goof Troop happened and the Movie Toons label wasn’t applied to that one it very much failed. While the film was warmly recevied by people who liked the show general audiences didn’t turn out for it. As a result the MovieToons label was scrapped, future projects with it were canceled.. but the stellar work put in by the french stuidio lead to it perserviering for several more decades and lead to them working on the Goofy Movie, which we’ll get to later this month but needless to say was a MUCH bigger hit with a much bigger budget.

As for why the film failed... I have two theories. THe first is that parents were stupid back then and didn’t want to pay to see something on the big screen they could see on tv’s. This is a stupid mentality to me as generally a movie of a tv show puts in a ton of extra effort and usually goes bigger and dosen’t go home. It’s a likely theory given most liscened films of the era didn’t do quite well, with all three hasbro films tanking. And look I get Transformers the Movie is cheesy and killed a lot of people’s childhood toys, but damn if it ain’t aweosme.. and also something I need to cover at some point. Thankfully this died out by later in the 90′s with Rugrats getting a hugely succesful if flawed film, a better sequel and a third one that was also a crossover with the wild thornberries.

And even now in 2020 we’re getting the Loud House and Rise of the TMNT movies sometimes this summer, we were SUPPOSED to have gotten the bobs burgers movie this summer but arne’t because Disney is being a dick about it.

And we got a phineas and ferb movie last year. With this trend hopefully thsi means we’ll get a Ducktales 2017 movie at some point since season 4 left a huge sequel hook laying right there to grab for a feature film. One final note: The film was conceptually thought up as a 5 part serial like “Treasure of the Golden Suns”, “Catch as Cash Can”, “SuperDucktales” and “Time is Money, something that DOES show as the movie weirdly has act breaks. In a feature film. Yup.

The Guest Cast:

I won’t go into the full cast since I’ve sung Alan Young and Russi Taylor’s praises PLENTY on this blog before, and I plan to go into Beakly and Launchpad’s actors when they show up in the pilot movie. But i’d be remiss if i didn’t talk about our three guest actors for our three new parts.

First up is Merlock voiced by legend and if I had a hall of fame, hall of famer Christopher Lloyd.. I need to get me one of those. Lloyd is of course known for playing Doc Brown in back to the future but has done countless other films, voicework, and other good stuff. Among his MASSIVE filmography includes The Back to the Future Trilogy (Already mentioned it but it bears repeating), Star Trek III, Who Framed Roger Rabbit as the pants destroyingly terrifying Judge Doom, The Addams Family duology as fester, a role rip torn would ironcially play for the animated series made to captalize on said movie, Hey Arnold! The Movie, The Oogieloves in The Big Ballon Adventure (Look everybody needs money sometimes okay?), and Art of the Deal: The Movie, which was not, thankfully an ego filating nightmare made by trump himself but a film made by funny or die parodying his terrible book and having Llloyd return as Doc Brown. TV Wise he’s known for Taxi, Back to the Future the Animated Series, Cyberchase and he most recently popped up on Big City Greens. How I missed that ep I.. do know as I haven’t watched season 2. Gonna fix that later this month. Lloyd is utterly awesome, a great guy and thankfully still alive at the time of this writing, so I was happy to have him here.

Less familiar to me but still known is Rip Taylor, a comedian known for his flamboyant unique way of speech and his marvelous mustache. He showed up in things occasionally and always seemed like the nicest guy and his passing in late 2019 truly is sad. He does a terrific job here but more on that in a moment.

Finally we have Richard Libertini, a comedian I never really saw in anything besides this who according to IMDB was most famous for his ablility to do a foreign accent. I REALLY hope all of them aren’t as horribly racist as this one. We’ll.. get to that in a sec as it’s time for the plot!

A Treasure Uncovered:

We open our film gorgeously. The animation is great in the film, having some rough edges I chalk up to the film’s hectic production, the studio being new at working at disney properties, and the film not being meant for HD. That being said a few rough spots here and there aside.. the film looks ungodly gorgeous. Like most theatrical films based on a cartoon it takes an already great style and makes it look great. It feels like a more fluid evolution of the cartoons look and it’s a shame we didn’t get more movies in this style for both this show and others, ESPECIALLY Darkwing Duck. Can you imagine a Darkwing Duck movie with this lush animation? Hopefully we’ll get one eventually.

So our heroes are going to somewhere in the Middle East. That’s.. that’s all wikipedia gives me and all the film gives me. As usual Scrooge is after treasure in this case the Treasure of Collie Baba, the greatest thief there ever was based obviously off Ali Baba from 1001 nights and that one Beastie Boys song.

youtube

It’s here we find the WORST thing about the film, the thing that makes this a hard one to watch depsite otherwise being pretty good, and that makes my skin crawl knowing i’m a white man and a BUNCH of white guys, Ducktales series creator who did the voice casting for this character, the writers who wrote him, the direector disney them fucking selves who thought this was okay.

The film has some horrible steroytping. It starts with a bunch of backgorund guys surronding Scrooge, with crooked teeth and steotypical voices. This on it’s own is odious.

It somehow gets worse. Then we meet one of our antagonists. We meet Dijon.

This Fucking Guy

Djon is horribly offensive reminding me of other such luminaries in being ungodly offensive yet somehow getting put to film as Jar Jar Binks (With all respeect to his poor actor Ahmed Best, this is not his fault), Rob Schinder as a Sterotypically asian preist, Skids and Mudflap, Rob Schinder as a sterotypically mexican bandit, The Whitewashed cast of The Last Airbender, and Rob Schinder as a stereotypically asian preist. What i’m saying is Djon is an AWFUL, horribly offensive character.. and that Rob Schinder should be shot up into space, not to watch cheesy movies, he’s not funny enough for that, but instead to be sent to a satlitie that’s liveable, but also filled to the brim with spring loaded boxing gloves. Just tons of boxing gloves that feel like getting punched by a heavewight boxer all hidden... they could hit his legs, his face, his nuts, his face and his nuts, the point is he’s in constnat pain unless he moves carefully.

And lest you think i’m exaggerating for starters this is his design.

It just screams “vaugely but sterotpyically middle eastern” along with cowardly. The fact he’s also a literal rat is just the icing on the cake made of broken glass, shrapnel and broken DVD’s of Transformers; Revenge of the Fallen. They say if you eat a reveng eof the fallen dvd John Tutoro appears at the foot of your bed and watches you while you sleep.. and by they I mean me. It was a bad bet. I got rid of him with some insese and a bribe of five dollars.

Oh but that’s just design.. when he talks it’s MUCH worse. His voice is like if they took Apu from the simpsons and said “This but MORE offensive”, and his perosnality is WORSE. He’s a thief.. and not in the endearing loveable rogue way but he’s a pick pocket and a running “Gag’ is that he’ll often grab eveyrthing within reahc. As the deisgn shows he’s a coward running at every opportunity. Oh and to top it all off he’s the willing servant of the white coded, given all ducks in this series are white coded and voiced bby white actors, big bad. And the actor is naturally VERY white to make this cocktail of offensivness so complete that if Disney ever got rid of this film I GUARANTEE the republcian party would be running in with accusations of cancel culture gone amok and never shutting up about this like they did the muppets. Which for the record THEY DIDN’T CANCEL THEM, YOUR POINT IS ILLEGITMATE, THEY JUST WANTED TO BE SENSTIVE YOU GHOULS.

I do have a reason for bringing up Disney’s content warnings... most damming of all given just how DEEPLY uncomfortbale this character is.. there isn’t one for this movie. I double checked: There isn’t even wanring notes on the website. It’s just.. on there. And given just how ghastly a sterotype Djon is.. that’s not right. Seriously they DID put them on certain episodes of the show, theyk now this sort of thing is wrong and they done wrong.. but for NO reason they haven’t done so for a film released 31 years ago. Around the same time as the series and just offensive as that show at it’s worst if not more so. This is flatly inexcusable.. par for the course for Disney’s incompetence but still horribly furstrating, disgusting and shameful.. which has been the theme of the last three days really. I expect better because when it comes to putting that warning label on this stuff, they usually are better. First the scheduling mixup and now this. You already do a handful of things wrong Disney why add this to the list?!

It’s just draining not only to run into another Disney Fuckup after a weekend of dealing with one of their worst in recent memory, but just to watch Djon. To see this horrible caractrure saunter onto the screen and go on with his harmful schtick, to see that THIS is what Ducktales 87 reduced non white people to more often than not. It’s remarkable just how throughly and awesomely Frank and Matt completely and totally reversed this. Instead of horrible sterotypes in the reboot, we got TONS of loveable people of color, an endearing latino hero, a smart african american buisness woman who takes no shit but is still a consumate professional, and an egyptian HERO with an intresting story and a strong moral code instead of this horrible reminder that racisim in media was such an afterthought not ONE person brought this up during the scyfy wire stuff or in any inteview i’ve seen. No one cared. Djon was POPULAR enough that he got three episode sin the series. THREE FUCKING EPISODES. This film could be GOOD.. but it’s just so bogged down EVERY FUCKING TIME this artists interpreitation of what Tucker Carlson sees when he looks at a middle eastern person I had to pause to compose myself and had to take a break writing this review to avoid tyiping this in all caps and using the phrase YOU RACIST MOTHERFUCKERS every other sentence. And again i’m white, I get this is second hand offensiveness.. I do... but it dosen’t mean I can’t be offended other white people were so callous about other cultures behaviors this happened.

And what makes me feel worse.. is that I just sorta... never thought about white people voicing non white characters. Things like this I noticed sure, I realize now part of the reason I didn’t like this movie the first time I saw it was this alex jones version of a looney tune, but I do feel shame for not noticing or caring long before this. Sure I loved it when a character of color got played by a person of color.. but I didn’t realize just how deep that problem was and how LONG it went on for before the outcry post george floyd and the call to action lead to most shows still going course correcting. It’s why stuff like this extra botehrs me: because THIS was just as okay at the time. No one blinked twice about this and odds are the creators involved still haven’t. And that.. that’s just terrible and it hurts to think about and I still have most of the movie to go.

The Pyramid of Peril:

So we do get a gorgeous unvewling scene of a box Scrooge found out about from Collie Baba’s horde that should lead them to the treasure. This scene reminds me of Indina Jones.. and I bring this up because the poster was specifically made to mimick an indinia jones poster, to the point of getting drew struzan to do it. THe creator of Ducktales objected..l but I do not get WHY. While I”m not sure if he had yet, Speilberg flat out admits the Carl Barks comics were an inspiration for Indina Jones, with the iconic bolder chase coming from a similar scene in one of Barks Stories. Gotta cover that too. So yeah I don’t get not wanting an indina jones style poster when both were inspiried by the same work and it’s just simple logic and it looks so neat. Thank you.

Scrooge finds seemingly just clothes.. and a map. Jeff Dunham’s Most Racist Puppet reports to his master, Merlock. Merlock is a.. meh villian. Christopher Lloyd does try.. but Lock is your standard evil overlord wants to take over the world type. He dosen’t have much depth, or personality and only his style saves him from dragging the film down along with Dana Carvey’s most racist disguise in master of disguise. He does have a deent shape shifting gimick and being played by Christopher Lloyd means he’s acted TREMENDOUSLY. Alan Young was apparently in awe watching him work and that’s wonderful to hear. The guy did his best. Weirdly Merlock would show up in tons of other works, mostly video games.. but even weirder he NEVER showed up in ducktales 2017. Both Djon and Gene would, Djon thankfully renamed we’ll get to all of that tommorow thank god. I need it after this. But Frank has outright said they didn’t use Merlock because there simply wasn’t anything they could do with him they couldn’t dow ith magica. My likely guess is the might of found a way to revamp him EVENTUALLY, it’s not like radical revamps weren’t there thing come on, they just had way more stories with Magica and didnd’t get around to it before the show was canceled. Just make him some sort of evil god or something. it’s what I might do. There’s a lot of angles with him. Though I would’ve still gotten christopher lloyd back. I mean most of the recasting is good but he’s still alive and deserved a better shot at things.

So Merlock sends Djonn to go with scrooge as his guide to find the treasure, as there’s something of imense power within it. And I gotta ask WHY does Merlock need a minon. No really. This isn’t a situation like reboot magica where he’s trapped in another realm. He can shapeshift into any animal. We only see him use falcon, rat, cockroach and bear but theoritically he can become anything and bear alone is still a LOT. Why does he need this sterotype even other sterytopes ar eashamed of? The film dosen’t NEED Djonn. Just let Christopher Lloyd monologue and leave this post 911 propogranda cartoon at home.

So our heroes nad rejected jar jar prototype head into the desert, and seemingly find nothing before finding a small pyramid all while Merlock follows desecretley as a mighty hawk.

Scrooge makes the boys and Djon dig... because they clearly forgot the “work hard” part of his ethos.

Our heroes unveil the pyramid... and while Merlock SAYS he searched the desert and I get it’s hard to see thourgh all of that.. the dude is immortal, had decades to search and had Mickey Rooney there on standby to force him to go comb the desert. I have an artist rendering of that hang on

So our heroes enter the pyramid and it goes.. really how you’d expect: there’s a bunch of traps our brave explorers have to pass, the boys minintpret a juinor woodchuck saying about loosing your marbles to mean using the ones they actually have which geninely comes in handy as they trip the traps and Rob SChinder as a carrot stumbles into one. Also launchpad is wearing a hawaiin shirt and shades. This has no baring on the plot, but it does bring the movie up a notch in my book and I question why the reboot never used this outfit. Then again they also never properly used Donald’s Quack Pack Outfit (Which bad show or not, is objectively awesome), or his Quack Shot Indiana Jones Riff Outfit, so it’s not like there isn’t a presdecnt for not giving a character a cool costume change from a previous medium. I really should do a top 12 missed opportunities list for the 2017 cartoon.. the ideas for stuff are really piling up.

OUr heroes eventually find the treasure which has insidiously clever security the more I think about it: at first I thought it had none, just a pit with some... scorpions? I mean their supposed to be but they look like they crawled out of the same stygian hole in the sky Doofus crawled out of. And if your asking me “wait which Doofus” the answer is both. Both these abominations crawled out of a stygian hole in the sky.

But the treasure is on a platform surrounded by scoprions with the only way out being the trap filled way they came in. Unless someone comes in with a full team and a bunch of lootin sacks, they aren’t getting out with EVERYTHING. They can steal SOME of the treasure but there’s no way to get any signifigant portion... and the team thing itself is an issue, something Collie defintely predicted being a thief himself: while some thieves can work well as a team, hence why we have four oceans movies 3/4 damn good, and for the record 12 is the bad one, 8 is how you do a soft reboot and a female led reboot right, a good chunk of professional crooks will turn on each other or try and swinldle... and tha’ts dangerous in a trap filled temple but hey some criminals ain’t so smart. If they all were Rudy Gulliani wouldn’t have two razzies for preparing to pull his pants down, and have waved his phone around on tv like a dare for future adminstrations to arrest the shit out of him would he?

But Scrooge has his family so they get loading. But not before Webby finds the lamp. Not knowing about it Scrooge has no intrest in it, but Webby does. We also get a really simple but hilarious gag where SCrooge dickers over the idea for a second.. before Webby picks up a Jeweled tiara to possibly take instead. The best gags to me are often the ones that just let the character’s perosnalities take the lead and bounce off each other. It’s why when I reviewed the four lilo and stitch crossovers recently I harped on character interaction as their biggest weakness: it’s what MAKES a good work for me. It’s why my faviorite comics and shows often follow a loveable group of disfunctional misfits. I like a group of big personalities who despite in theory should NOT be able to work making it work anyway. And it’s honeslty what’s made Scrooge last so long: Scrooge on his OWN is awesome.. but iwth the boys, donald, and in the case of this series and the reivival Webby and Launchpad, with people to bounce off of who he contrasts heavily with, from Launchapd’s buffonery to Webby’s inehrent sweetness in both versions, to the boys genuine honesty and sense of adventure.... it makes him truly stand out. He’s a great character on his own, don’t get me wrong.. but it’s the people around him that give him chances to show WHY. A good character on it’s own is fine and dandy.. a good character with other good characters around them is where it gets truly special.

Merlock naturally bursts in and in a VERY Black Heron move needlesly outs what micheal bay sees when he closes his eyes as a bad guy... no really he grabs the guy with his talons as he captures the treasure and reveals he’s a bad guy. I don’t even get why keep Djonn alive. He’s done all Merlock possibly could’ve needed and Merlock is ruthless... this makes no sense and only happens because they need Djonn for later in the plot.

Our heroes barely escape, rafting out on the platform itself in a thrilling sequence.. but it’s the one right after that catches my attention. Scrooge utterly defeated, having searched for this treasure for forty years and unresponsive to everyone else. The anmation, coupled with the incomprable Alan young’s acting makes this the highlight of the film for me. Beneath the armor of wealth and skill.. is only a poor old man who just lost something he’s been chasing after most of his life. Scrooge tries his hardest not to be vunerable and both shows and the original comics all use that so when he truly is devistated like this, and i’ts belivible since this treasure is a personal goal of his and as someone who has had things that they seek out specifically, loosing them always hurts. It hurts to ALMOST reach a goal only to have it crumble out under you

But while this alone is good.. what’s next makes it great. Webby sweetly offers up the lamp. Scrooge turns it down, and her genuine gesture reinvgorates him and reminds us of who he is “I’ll find it if it takes another 40 years”> Scrooge may be bitter, mean and selfish a lot of the time.. but deep down, he’s a good man and one who will not give up, and a momentary setback can only stop him so long as long as he has his family to remind him of who he truly is.. and what’s truly important. It’s genuinely sweet and to me is also a reminder of why 87 Webby is a good character: Shes’ not perfect, her main personality trait is often Girl Sterotype”.. but she’s a genuinely sweet small child with a huge heart. It’s telling that while 17′ Webby is almost completely diffren,t and far better, that heart remains her biggest strength. Sure her reboot self could kill a man nad no one would ever find the body, but it’s her heart and empathy that makes that possible and makes her Webby. That inherent loving nature is what makes Webby webby wether she’s a toddler having a tea party or a tween getting ready to intergoate a guy with a meat tenderizer while saying ‘Cute girl stuff”.

Gene Genie Let’s Himself Go:

It’s a few days later and this is the point where it REALLY becomes obvious this was written as a bunch of episodes. Though to the film’s credit while it does ake this feel like a compliation movie as a result... it dosen’t hamper the film’s quality, condiment from Rush Limbaghs’ hot dog stand does that just fine, but once you notice it it’s impossible to unotice it. Weirdly though it seems chunked up into four episodes rather than the usual five, likely cutting down an episode, though I can’t see where they cut out material frankly if they did and i’ts just as likely they woudl’ve had to make one to fill in the space.

So Scrooge is in a mood, being grumpy with his secretary Mrs. Featherly, quackfaster in all but name, and having to be sent home. So while Duckworth goes to fetch him Webby polishes her treasure at long last readying for a tea party, something the boys roundly reject because their sexist little twits and swo were the writers or executies who assumed all little boys act the same. It’s easily my biggest pet peeve with the series as a whole: anytime this crops up with the boys it turns them into the worst dicks imaginable. It’s telling this, being mean about her wantin ga tea party with her surrogate brothersi s TAME. Normally they’ll say she can’t do things because she’s a girl or mock her hobies outright instead of just be mildly dickish. And while she dosen’t look much younger Webby is VERY CLEARLY, in this series anyway, supposed to be say 5 or 6 to the boys 8-10. 7 at most. SHe’s a small child and while it is realistic for older kids to bully younger ones, it’s not fun to watch. It’s why I get annoyed at all the big sibling bully characters.. some work, but most aren’t fun to watch because there’s nothing funny or intresting about it. It’s the same deal here.

Thankfully that quickly goes away as the lamp moves when Webby rubs it and does so again to prove it did move. Huey finishes it and we’re introduced to Gene, the best part of the film. Gene is a Genie and he takes a second to dart around before messing with the appliances in the kitchen, as he was last around during the time 1001 Nights Came About. Cleverly though, and so we thankfully don’t have 80 dozen fishout of water jokes that have already been done before. As you can probably guess i’m not a huge fan of time travel fish out of water stuff. Now from another dimensoin or planet, i’m on board with with Star Vs, Steven Universe and Sym-Bionic Titan being great examples of this, as is the comic resident alien. (Despite having the wonderous Alan Tuduk the show sounds way more mean spirited and misses the entire point of the comic as given by the author in the credits, i.e. that the alien is supposed to NOT be a threat and just be gently waiting for a ride) The inverse is also good with Amphbia and owl house, taking a human and plopping them into our world. But time travel stuff just usually runs the same beats of “look at the shiny thing” and what not. The only time i’ve sene something SIMILAR work is with thor where their society is SIMILAR to vikings time but still it’s own thing.. it also gave us a classic gag in..

So yeah i’m glad they dropped this and instead had a clever way around it: Gene reads the encylopedia at the mansion. Granted it’s Scrooge so I don’t know how current it is and given this came out in 1990 thus HOW racist it is. It’s not a questoin of IF it was, but how much.

But having caught up the kids confront him with the fact he has to grant wishes. This lamp runs on what I now realize are Aladdin rules: Whoever currently holds the Lamp is the Genie’s master, they only get three wishes, and that dosen’t reset if it changes hands. The only big diffrence from the usual is Gene dosen’t have to TELL them about the wishes like Genie did, and Gene very begrudginly agrees to it. He also seem’s phsyically pained when doing so.

So since all 12 know about him, each of the kids gets a wish though it seems unfair with HDL. Their one person, they shoudln’t get 9 wishes just because their brain is spread out over three bodies.

This film continues the weird simliarties to Aladdin by attaching rules though they instead come up as a result of our heroes talking rather than the Genie just flat out tleling them: both share the “you can’t wish for more wishes” thing, a common rule in these stories and usually only broken nowadays as a clever twist as the rule is SO common place, not having it is a twist. But it is there for a reason: to limit the sheer power of a reality warping wish. The wishes can also only go so far. In a nice line, when Huey, Dewey or Louie suggests wishing for peace one earth, Gene says “No pipe dreams’ He can’t bend people or reality on THAT scale. He can bend reality as we find out, but it’s smaller scales like turning someone’s possesions over ot someone else, warping the bin into a castle, or bringing inanitamte objects to limited life. Still HUGE feats worth of a genie, so Gene’s power isn’t so nerfed it’s unusuable, but it does explain why his evil pervious ownder Merlock, more ont hat in a bit too, didn’t just wish to have eternal dominon over the earth or something. Gene can do just about anything but he can’t change the world on a fundemental level.

And I do LIKE having rules in wished based stories like this, I chalk it up to growing up with Fairly Odd Parents... though they eventually went too far in the oppsoitie direction, pulling rules out of their ass to suit the episode, instead of simply having some very standard, very understandable rules that still pose challenges but don’t outright cheat so the episode can happen.

So Webby does her first wish.. and wishes for a Baby Elephant, something Gene is against as he prefers they keep the wishes small: otherwise he gets found out, and the fight over him begins. So one of the boys wishes him away. Or Webby does. Point is it’s gone though not before Beakly sees it and Scrooge smells something is up. Our heroes try to hide gene, but gene thankfully simply dresses up like a modern kid and thus is able to pass as a friend of there staying for the night.

So with the rules established and what not the kids find a clever solution: they simply go a ways away from the mansion into the woods, far enough from town to avoid any suspcion, and same iwth the mansion and just wish for all kinds of stuff: a giant bunch of ice cream toys, standard kid wish fufillment but it’s nice... in part because the kids treat Gene like one of them. Wihle they STARTED asking him about the wishes, this starts the bonding process. Soon he will be part of the hive mind.. SOON.

Until then though after using another wish to make scrooge not mad at them for coming home late and missing dinner, that night we find out Gene’s backstory.... and it’s an utter tearjerker. As it turns out Merlock wants him back because he’s Gene’s former master and as you’d guess.. it was NOT a happy existnace, used contstnatly to do horrible things with no power to stop himself. Pompeii and Atlantis were both directly Merlock’s fault and it was only Collie Baba stealing the lamp that put an end to his hell. He also answers the two obvious questions botht he audeiince and the boys have: How the hell is Merlock still alive and shoudln’t he be out of wishes then? The first is simple. Unlike pretty much every DBZ Villian whose WANTED to do so, Merlock wished for immortality first chance he got, taking the Zamasu route instead and thus leaving him free.

As for the wishes thing it turns out his amulet, in adition to shapeshifting, also gives him extra wishes becuase fuck it.

But the boys sweetly offer to protect him.

The next day, Apu’s Cousin let’s Merlock know the maps in the mansion and Merlock has him help sneak in with Merlock taking rat form. This backfires as Mrs. Beakley notices the form and chases after him with a broom

Meanwhile Webby has her tea party with Gene after he and the boys played cops and robbers earlier, and he’s bored.. though nicely not because it’s a girly thing, but because the stuffed animals aren’t alive and she naively has him fix that. This leads to

Which sadly is jsut scrooge vs a duck toy but admit it, you want that movie for Disney Plus yesterday. Call Charles Band Disney. CALL CHARLES BAND!

Whelp Scrooge Still Sucks:

Scrooge takes for a turn for the obnoxious in the next part, but i’ts fine by me as it’s part of the plot. Naturally this reinactment of Cult of Chucky has lead to Scrooge finding out about the Genie. To his credit, Scrooge is tactical about his wishes. As said by the Duck himself “I could wish for a diamond, no the world’s biggest dimaond, no ten world’s biggest diamond, no a diamond mind, no the MINING INDUSTRY!”

The sheer power this gives him is TERRIFYING, both because of his status.. and because unlike the kids who all wished for simple kid stuff and used up their wishes quickly, he both gets how much he can do with this and could conquer the world economy if he truly wanted to.

The obnoxious part comes in as he treats Gene as not a person, figuring he’s just there and forces him into the lamp despite the kids protests after Gene grants his first wish: Collie Baba’s treasure. It also dosen’t feel like the wishing nor him using the lamp to get the tresure back goes against his hard work ethos: for the former while he is getting all this magically, he’s still having ot use his wits to get the most out of it, and he did earn the lamp itself square. For the latter, he already earned the treasure square too and had it stolen. He’s onlyg etting back what’s by all rights HIS. Granted he plans on giving most of it up for a tax break but still it’s his by right.

However the reason his assholery works is twofold: first it’s Scrooge. While he’s not a TERRIBLE person, in the comcis and this cartoon he isn’t a GOOD person either. He DOES have a good heart and will usually do the right thing, but his first instnct is always to get more money and to be a cantakerous old bastard to eveyrone and everything. While he’s subtly grew out of “I hate eveyrone and everyone hates me” as his guiding principal, it’s still his defualt reaction to most situations. But he first relents by letting Gene attend the party, part of why the Collie Baba thing stung so bad was that he’s told the historical society he’d get the treasure for years only to come back empty handed, if shrunken. But he still manages to have a good time while Asok and Merlock infiltrate.. well I’mRunningOutofINsultingNIcknamesCanYouTell steals the silverware. Yes... that.. that really happens.

Look we’re almost done, i’m almost free of this racist mummies curse. Let’s continue. Gene sees melock and freaks and drags SCrooge with him and while at First Scrooge is cranky...

No but now I want a Donkey Kong Country crossover too dammmit. And to talk about those games. Another thing for the list. But Scrooge is righ tot be a bit surly...

Okay now your just pushing it. As Gene whisked him away without telling him anything other than vauge worries... but then he gets a full idea of why Gene’s so terrified when Merlock shapeshifts into a bear and starts breaking the door down. Eh, could be worse.

Gene shrinks them to escape and Merlock leaves thinking they fled but leaves Skids Minus Mudflap to go look for them. Scrooge sneaks out but bumps into a cart running from the photo you see when you look up stereotype on google. I mean I assume.. let’s try it.

Huh you know I HOPED but I never expected...

So Google Proving My Point plans to give his lamp to the master because of his weird Torgo-Esque obession with helping a man who clearly wants to murder him but takes his sweet time doing so because plot, and Gene figuring this COULDN’T POSSIBLY go as bad as Melock getting him urges the dummy to keep him and make his own wishes.

This goes about as well as you’d expect....

Wiped Out With A Wish:

Scrooge returns home to find Watto has wished to take his poessions, fortune, everything and Scrooge gets thrown in jail for breaking into his own house. We get two great moments back to back. The first is Scrooge lamenting loosing his fortune in jail, and realizing the sheer power and risk of the lamp, especially since he worked hard to earn it, every bit of it.. and Sam Wilson’s 70′s Backstory came in and took it all in an instant.

The second is Scrooge’s family coming for him, including Launchpad , Beakly and Webby obviously and bailing him out. Though Beakly is UNGOLDLY annoying in this scene, sobbing hysterically and adding nothing and it’s not nearly as funny as the film thinks. Turns out Goliath getting buried wrapped in chains threw them out.

Scrooge takes a bit to rebound from all this.. but eventually realizes something: he knows the security of the bin inside and out. He had it put in after all. So it’d be easy enough to break in. So they gotta break in to break out the lamp, undo this nightmare, and END THIS MOVIE. Seriously this review has taken two days as is I do NOT want to miss my invincible review.

So they break into the bin, and it’s a tightly paced Scene, scrooge going in one way while the kids go the other and we even get a nice callback as the marbels come in handy to get past one of the traps. It’s just a good scene. it’s only real flaw is that Launchapd just sorta disappears as does Duckworth despite the fact their in a plane, and the bin later gets turned into a floating castle. Kinda a plot hole to not have Launchpad crash in to save htem just saying.

Scrooge eventually does get to Djonn, whose been ignoring the imminent threat of Merlock while Gene sweats it out... and this backfires horribly as Merlock hitched a ride as a roach (Though there was a hilarious scene of him getting fried constnatly by lasers when Louie went through a laser hallway, as while Louie had the directions, it dind’t take into account passengers on your head.

So Merlock remanifests in full gets the Lamp and unleashes his wrath on Tin Tin in the Congo and turns him into a wild pig.

Not you sweetie. He then forces Gene to turn the castle into a fortress and float it back to his home in parts unknown. It’s a DAMN cool scene with impressive and horrifiing animation as the bin melts and crumbles into thte castle and the kids barely make it up the stares as they shift and disolve. Really top notch stuff.

Scrooge stands up to Merlock... and this naturally goes poorlyw ith Gene begging Merlock not to respond.. and Merlock having him blow scrooge off the top of the forgtess storm eagle style, though scrooge understands. And this is the true reason why scrooge being a dick didn’t bother me so much. Because it helps create a great contrast between him and Merlock. Both thought of Gene as a tool rather than a person.. but Scrooge grew to realize he was wrong and what he was dealing with wasn’t some magical goodies creator.. but a child forced to constantly grant wishes, in sheer agony to do so no less, likely so sick of it because again and again and again people used him as a slave to get what they wanted and to hell with what Gene wanted. He realized he was terrible for making this poor boy into his slave simply because that’s his job. In contrast Merlock could give no shits and is a malevolent monster who glefully uses Gene despite the pain the wishes put him through and his protests. It’s why Gene is the best part.. he’s athroughly likeable, throughly inncoent character with tons of personality and a truly tragic and horrifying backstory and Rip Taylor acts the hell out of every scene with the guy.

Thankfully the marbles come in handy one last time and Huey, Dewey or Louie snipes the lamp away and a struggle for it insues between Scrooge and Merloc mid air. it’s fucking awesome.. and it get sbetter in how scroogewins. He simply gets rid of Merlock’s amulet, taking it then throwing it. Grante dhe COULD’EVE used it for unimited wishes.. but it was too risky to do that and as we’ll see in the ending , Scrooge realized the Lamp was too powerful to keep around for much longer and too much of a tempting target for his rogues.. not that we see them this movie as the crew wanted it to bea ccesaible and thus kept hte cast to the main cast from season 1 and just made new vilians and a new supporting character, but still.

He does use his second wish though to undue the damage Merlock had done and the bin and clan mcduck are returned to duckburg in good condition.

Time for our ending, which is genuinely and wholly touching. With the lamp too dangerous to use Scrooge considers just sending it to the earth’s core, which horrifies the kids as it’d mean Gene would be trapped there forever... if the molten lava iddn’t just outright destory the lamp and probably kill him. But Scrooge.. isn’t the bastard he likes to potray himself as. Instead he makes Gene into a real boy. He gives the poor kid HIS wish, which designrates the lamp and undoes all the spells... so Merlock is PROBABLY dead but he does return for some games so maybe not?

And so we end on two things: Gene happily playing cops and robbers with the boys finally free.. and Birth of A Nation grabbing all the loot he can in his patns and running off. Ha ha ha thank god i’m done with this prick. And no I will not be looking at his ducktales episodes unless I have to.

Final Thoughts:

This movie is OKAY. It has a solid plot, gene is a wonderful chacter, the animatoin is pretty prettay pretty good, and the voice acting as usual is excellent, with Rip Taylor being the standout.

But as my paragraphs of rage shoud’ve made Clear Djonn is just BAD. Easily the worst character i’ve encountered in my year of reviewing and some of the worst writing i’ve ran into. And that writing includes a goblin man voyerstically forcing two teenagers to make out, making jokes about santa renaming himself Clem the sceneafter he tearfully confessed to letting the elves and ms. claus die, accidental transphobia via the u-men, and Bryan Lee O malley thinking we needed more than one volume of Julie Powers being around. This was disgusting, even by 1990 standards and especially by 2021 standards and it drags the film down considerably. Without it the film is okay.. with it the film is just VERY hard to watch any time he pops up. He made getting through the movie a nightmare and while I pause a lot becaue it’s a bad habbit I did so more simply because as I said earlier in the review I could not stand him.

It makes it a hard film to recommend. If you can stomach the racisim, then it might be worth it, but be aware of what your putting up with going in. But if you can’t.. there’s no shame in that, it’s carbombya levels of bad. Which yes was a real fictoinal country. It was so bad Casey Casem quit transformers over it. True story. So yeah, it’s an okay film, on par with the series at it’s best for the most part.. but Djonn just spoils it for me.

If you liked this review, like it, share it around that sort of thing and if you want MORE disney movie reviews, in addiiton to the goofy movie one later this month, if you help me hit my 25 dollar stretch goal on patroen.com/popculturebuffet, i’ll do reviews of the Recess, Proud Family and Kim Possible MOvies (Well so the drama anyway), so help me out would you and i’ll see you at the next rainbow.

#ducktales #ducktales treasure of the lost lamp #ducktales 87 #scrooge mcduck #rip taylor #christopher lloyd #launchpad mcquack #webby vanderquack #huey duck #louie duck #dewey duck #duckworth #bentina beakley #merlock #djon #faris djinn #movies #disney plus #disney

28 notes · View notes

apenitentialprayer · 4 years

Text

Humanity’s Last Hope

Attack on Titan and the Messianic Hero

(x) tl;dr the charismatic leader of a fascist movement is often identified with the movement itself. This grants the leader an extreme amount of power, bordering on a physical god in terms of influence. Affirming the inherent worth of each human being, which must be detached from their practical usefulness, is probably the best antidote to this way of thinking I feel like the past two rants have been about subjects that people might readily associate with fascism; they’re outside the mainstream just enough that people can feel like they don’t need to worry about them; unless you’re part of a group that espouses a mystical connection among the in-group, or believe that your group is perpetually in some sort of tension with the world at large, you don’t really have to worry about changing your behaviors to prevent a fascist tendency in them. This one is different, though; almost everyone can agree that heroism is good. We like heroes. We need heroes. But how do fascists deploy the concept of the hero in ways that further their cause? There is no question that Eren Yeager’s powers make him an important advantage for the humans residing in the Walls; with his ability to transform into a Titan and direct his powers against the enemy that has kept them trapped within the Walls for a century, Yeager’s discovery becomes a determinative moment in the history of his civilization. He will either be declared an Enemy of Mankind, too dangerous to be kept alive, or an asset that the military builds their entire hope around. And, because Eren is so essential to the plans that the military has staked its hopes on, they must ensure that Eren remains alive at all costs. This reaches the point where entire squads of soldiers boldly race to their deaths in order to buy time for Eren not even to escape, but to put a larger distance between himself and his pursuer, the Female Titan. Eren is distraught by this; these are his comrades. But, ultimately, they’re making a noble choice; they know that the plan cannot succeed without Eren, and so they are choosing to give up their lives in order to make sure that the mission can succeed. They transcend the self, identifying with a broader good, and decide that their life is something they’re willing to exchange for this broader good. In that regard, they fit the concept of the Islamic shahīd (sometimes, and I would say inaccurately, translated as “martyr”), the man who gives up his life in the pursuit of a righteous cause. We love this archetype; Rogue One is built around this concept; the 54th Massachusetts Infantry Regiment is immortalized by the film Glory for the way that they fit this concept; we sing songs about going "to fight for the right, without question or pause / To be willing to march into hell for a heavenly cause." In its most sublime form, this sacrifice is the recognition that there are things in this world bigger than ourselves, things worth fighting and dying for. But, in Attack on Titan, it isn’t that simple. We know the logic at play here from the speech the leader of Squad Rico gives Eren during the Trost operation; her wording there is key. In the above, you’ll notice that in the three examples I gave, people are sacrificing their lives for causes. When the squad leader tells Eren that people are going to die during the Trost operation, she tells him that they’re dying for him. What’s more, it is now Eren’s responsibility to ensure that those deaths have meaning by achieving his goal. And both of those statements need to be unpacked. First, I’m going to suggest that there is something noble about dying for a cause greater than yourself, and that there is something noble about dying to ensure the safety of someone else. Both of those things are moments of tragedy, surely, but they also have the potential to become a moment of sublime beauty, a moment of transcendental love: the firefighter who dies rescuing a little girl, the soldier who jumps on a grenade to save his squad, a parent going hungry to make sure their kids have enough to eat. These are tragedies, but they are mixed with something greater. I’m going to argue, however, that when these two acts of self-sacrifice are mixed, we have something potentially much uglier. When a particular person becomes equated with the cause, to the point that you can use that person and the cause interchangeably, we’re talking about an ideological Frankenstein that can create very unfortunate implications. When someone sacrifices themselves for another, we have someone trading their life for another. When someone sacrifices themselves for a cause, we have someone giving up their life for a greater good. When that person is the cause, well, does that make the person a greater good than the person being sacrificed? I hope I am articulating this clearly; when a broader cause is seen as objectively good, and we are identifying a single person as that cause, we are assigning extra value to that life as if that life is objectively more important than the lives of the people who support him. The Kim Il Sung, the Hitler, the Eren Yeager.... they become an aggregate, the receptacle of the hopes and dreams and inspirations of the people who follow them, charismatic leaders that act as living figures of devotion, invaluable icons whose loss would be tantamount to the destruction of the movement itself. To invest a human being with this level of power is dangerous. I want to make a distinction between the act of embodying and the state of embodiment for a second; to work to embody one’s ideals can a worthy goal. It requires you to assess yourself, to be critical of yourself, and to work to align yourself more with your ideals. You must decrease so that your ideal (which, hopefully, is a good one) may increase. There is an inherent transcendence of the self in trying to embody an ideal. On the other hand, when you are the embodiment of an ideal, things are very different. To simply be is very powerful. To be an embodiment is to identify your needs with the cause’s needs, your desires with its desires, your hopes and aspirations with its hopes and aspirations. Someone who is embodying an ideal can be replaced; someone who embodies an ideal is irreplaceable. You get what I’m saying? Second, and this is very closely related to the above, is this idea that the sacrifice of the soldiers finds meaning in Eren’s success; we’ve spoken about the transcendental quality of race in certain forms of fascist thought in one of the previous posts I linked above. Here, however, the fascist is strictly materialist. These actions in and of themselves don’t have meaning. The heroism of the 54th Massachusetts Infantry Regiment is irrelevant to the fascist; they failed to capture the fort, and so any sacrifice there was ultimately for naught. A shahīd is only a shahīd if that sacrifice contributes to a pragmatic end. A firefighter who died saving a girl, only for that girl to die from burn injuries two weeks later, is a firefighter who wasted his life. The fascist doesn’t see the valor of the act itself. That being said, the fascist also understands that most people will see sacrifice as heroic, and will assign such sacrifices a pragmatic result, even if the connection isn’t quite clear. The soldiers who died on the eastern front did die meaningfully, because somehow the disaster on the eastern front was actually just a distraction that allowed our victory on the western front. The point is, sacrifice is only valuable when it directly helps the cause/leader in a practical way, and when sacrifice is valued even when it doesn’t seem to have had a pragmatic effect, the fascist will coopt it in order to save face. What I’m hoping you’ll take away from all this is simple; do not worship the leaders of movements. Every member of a movement is valuable, and the face of any given movement is not more valuable than anyone else. The President of the United States is not the United States. The Pope of the Catholic Church is not the Catholic Church. They are people, just like you and me, and your inherent worth is not connected to whether or not you push their agendas further in a visible way. While I’m on this topic, I’m actually going to leave off with a MAJOR SPOILER for Season 3, a spoiler that gives me hope that the fascist themes of Attack on Titan may not actually have the last word in the narrative. Towards the end of the season, Armin sacrifices himself, suffering massive third degree burns all over his body, and there is enough medicine to save only one person, either Armin or the leader of the Survey Corps. And at first a practical argument is made; Armin is clever, he has come up with many of the plans that have aided humanity so far. In other words, Armin is worth just as much as the leader because he contributes to the cause. But that’s not the argument that convinces Levi to give Armin the medicine; in a rare instant of self reflection on his hatred, Eren says that Armin deserves the medicine because he has not been consumed by hatred. Since his mother has died, he wants nothing more than to kill all the Titans he can. “But... [Armin]’s not like that. Armin cares about more than just fighting. He has dreams.” It might be true that Armin is smart, and talented, and dedicated to the cause. But that’s not why Eren wants to save him, and it’s ultimately not why Levi chooses to save him. No, Armin is saved because they see a fifteen year old boy who dreams of one day being able to see the sea. With one season left, and the manga apparently winding down as well, I think Armin is going to be the key that determines whether or not the fascistic tones of this narrative actually have the last say in the story.

#Attack on Titan #Messiah #fascism #mysticism #idolatry #long post

11 notes · View notes

enbouton · 6 years

Text

Better Call Saul Rewatch, Part 4/30: Upon This Rock I Will Build My Church

Hero (Season 1, Episode 4)

Written by Gennifer Hutchison / Directed by Colin Bucksey

This episode deals largely with identities. Jimmy is Saul Goodman, he’s Slippin’ Jimmy, he’s Howard Hamlin, he’s his own receptionist on the phone, he’s Tony Curtis in the bath scene in Spartacus, he’s a local lawyer and a local hero. It’s fitting that we open with a flashback showing young Jimmy using the name “Saul” for the very first time, and just as fitting that it’s done without fanfare: it’s tossed out as a half-joke. “S’all good, man!” Jimmy, in a garish, slithery-looking striped shirt, leads his mark down the alley where his partner in crime awaits. The unhurried pace of this sequence is very effective, suiting the stillness of nighttime Cicero and the low-key nature of Jimmy and Marco’s con.

The flashbacks on this show (with the exception of the corner-store one) all take place at night or in dimly lit rooms; here’s some good meta that touches on how Jimmy thrives in darkness. Is it significant that the first Slippin’ Jimmy con we see is one that wouldn’t work on an honest person? Jimmy needs a mark who’s willing to make off with the "Rolex”, thinking he’s got one over on the rube who settled for $1,580 in cash.

Afterwards, Marco is radiant with admiration for Jimmy— “I love watching you work”— but Jimmy says his talents are good for beer money, and that’s about all. Again: what would have happened to this guy if he hadn’t had to leave Cicero? This is not the face of a man who’s happy with where he is in life:

(It is the face of a man who’s being "haunted by the ghost of vladimir lenin” (@deadpanwalking), but I digress.)

Back in the present, Craig and Betsy stand over a pile of money and stress that what they did was “for the kids” (sound familiar?). In substance if not style, Jimmy’s pitch to the Kettlemans bears more than a little resemblance to Kim’s pitch to Mesa Verde: “What are you gonna get from me that you won’t get from those other guys? Passion. Commitment ... If you’re with me, you’re my number one client, morning, noon or night. You call me, I’m there. I would be singularly devoted to you.” But Betsy isn’t swayed: “You’re the kind of lawyer guilty people hire.” Ouch. Exhausted and beaten down, Jimmy takes their bribe.

Nacho, now released, surmises that Jimmy tipped off the Kettlemans. I like that Nacho is as smart as Jimmy. I like that the show generally surrounds Jimmy with people who are as smart as he is. Jimmy counters that Nacho didn’t need any help making himself look suspicious, and Nacho stalks off.

As Jimmy launders his money, assigning stacks of cash to “consulting fees”, “research” and “travel expenses”, he constructs yet another alternate self, this one belonging to a narrative in which he worked for the Kettlemans.

We see Jimmy getting measured for an expensive, conservative suit, yet when the tailor steps out of the room, something wonderful happens:

#it’s like watching a baby being born #a really tacky baby

But Jimmy isn’t just using his windfall to smarten up; he’s playing a long con involving a billboard exactly mimicking one of Howard Hamlin’s, ringlets and all.

Small brain: using your ill-gotten seed money to advertise your business

Galaxy brain: dressing up as your enemy, buying a provocative billboard that you know you'll be forced to take down, hiring a film crew, then bribing a worker to fall off the billboard so that you’ll get on the local news for rescuing him

“He’s… you know, a free spirit,” Kim says, having been dragged out of the office to look at it. She demurs when asked if she and Jimmy are still friends, which, tbh, is fair enough, given how Jimmy behaves around Hamlin (we’ll get into that later). There’s lots to think about with Jimmy literally dressing up as Hamlin, recreating his look down to the smallest detail. Once again he’s taking on another persona, albeit just to achieve a short-term goal. “What kind of lawyer are you going to be?” Kim will ask him in season 2. It’s a question Jimmy seems to keep asking himself.

In the midst of Jimmy and Hamlin’s clash, we get an early glimpse at the tightrope Kim is expected to walk at HHM. She shouldn’t feel the need to lie about who her friends are in order to stay in her boss’ good graces, yet she does, and later on she breaks off a friendly conversation with Jimmy to hand over a cease & desist letter. With Kim, BCS dodges the “successful woman has to choose between career and relationship” trope in favour of something much more interesting, a woman facing uncertainty and unfairness in both spheres. Kim’s relationship with Jimmy isn’t even the main reason she’s treated unfairly at work, and her allegiance to HHM isn’t what’s keeping her and Jimmy apart.

The billboard comes down, but not before Jimmy has himself filmed in front of it, first speaking to camera about the injustice he’s faced, then racing up a ladder to rescue the worker whom he bribed to take a fall. It’s fascinating to watch how Jimmy tells his story here. He hits all the right beats— patriotism, bootstraps, public service, the dream of owning one’s own business— and casts himself as the all-American underdog who “scrimped and saved” to buy a billboard only to have it snatched away from him. We’ll see Jimmy employ a lot of these tropes in his advertising later on; this is his skill at face-to-face communication writ large, but the foundation of the billboard con is his ability to create situations that he can manipulate to his advantage.

When Jimmy drags the worker back up onto the walkway and the two slap hands, we finally see his angle. Watching him on the news in the HHM boardroom, Howard mutters “whole thing’s a damn stunt” and walks off. Kim gives a little smile.

The one part of the situation that Jimmy can’t control is his brother. He has the foresight to keep the newspaper from him, but he can’t account for Chuck’s pedantic attention to detail. Of course Chuck will wonder why his newspaper wasn’t delivered; of course he’ll look outside and see that all his neighbours have theirs; of course he’ll deduce that there’s something in the paper that Jimmy doesn’t want him to see, and cross-reference this against what Jimmy told him about a sudden change in his fortune; and this, perhaps combined with the urgent care receipt that fell out of Jimmy’s pocket a few weeks prior, will concern him enough that he’s compelled to go outside.

The show has already tipped its hand re: the true cause of Chuck’s symptoms, but that’s almost beside the point here: what matters is that they are real and debilitating. As soon as he steps outside, he’s overwhelmed, his senses are deranged, and he nearly runs into the path of a car in his haste to get across the road. The chaotic, visceral sequence ends with a blackly comic cut to his neighbour’s perspective. From the outside, this proud, suffering man is just a crazy guy in a space blanket, scurrying back to his door.

Misc.

“You assume that criminals are gonna be smarter than they are,” Jimmy muses to Mike. “I don’t know. Kinda breaks my heart a little.”

IIRC, the billboard, which went up for filming in Albuquerque in 2014, was how we all found out Saul’s original first name.

A wall of glass blocks appears prominently behind Jimmy and his mark as they walk down the alley. Marco’s fake ID, in the name of Henry Gondorff, bears an issue date of July 1991.

What we see of Kim’s office is devoid of personal items, except for a pair of sensible sneakers on the floor.

Timeframe: this episode picks up right where “Nacho” left off and covers a period of about two weeks. The Albuquerque Journal is dated June 20, 2002; Chuck’s copies of the New York Times and Wall Street Journal bear cover stories that were published on June 19th or 20th (they are “Israel Acts to Seize Arab Land After Blast; Bush Delays Talk” and ”Unhappy Returns: IRS Moves to Bring Back Random Audits”).

Music

“Smoke on the Water” by Deep Purple (1972), sung by Marco

“Listen” by Chicago (1969), as Marco and Jimmy smoke

“Battle Hymn of the Republic” by Herbie Mann (1969), as Jimmy launders his money. Saul plays a different version of this song in his waiting room in Breaking Bad.

“Unsquare Dance” by the Dave Brubeck Quartet (1961), as Jimmy calls the media

References

Young Jimmy offers to take his mark to a place “a couple blocks off Cermak”. He’s referring to Cermak Road, a major east-west thoroughfare that runs through Cicero, neighbouring Berwyn, and parts of southern and western Chicago.

“Super 170 Tasmanian wool”: the “Super” number corresponds to the diameter of the wool fibres; the higher the number, the finer (and more expensive) the cloth. 170s wool suiting is very fine, soft and lightweight. More info here.

Sea Island cotton: a variety of extra long staple cotton historically grown in the Caribbean and named after the area of South Carolina:

“Sea Island cotton is the ultimate choice for any suiting connoisseur due to its unrivaled softness and second skin-like feel. This ancient fibre is now grown mainly in the paradise climates of Barbados, Antigua and Jamaica; its inherent long staple yarns create a silky yet strong surface, resisting wear while smoothing over time. Extremely scarce, it makes up just 0.0004% of longer staple yarn production.“ (Turnbull & Asser, where you can buy a Sea Island cotton shirt for £345/$456)

French cuffs: double cuffs that are folded back and fastened with cufflinks; a very formal style

Club collar: a white collar with rounded points, created by alumni of Eton College who wanted their dress to indicate that they belonged to that exclusive “club”. All in all, the elements of Hamlin’s signature look connote wealth and sophistication in a formal, conservative way.

Jimmy refers to Tony Curtis’ appearance in a particular scene in the 1960 epic Spartacus. It’s worth noting that the scene, which features two men bathing together and some heavy innuendo about “snails” and “oysters”, was considered so homoerotic that it was cut entirely by the censors and only restored to the film in 1991 (source). You can watch part of the scene here.

Kim invites Jimmy to a screening of The Thing (1982), a horror film about a group of researchers in Antarctica encountering a parasitic alien entity.

While talking to reporters, Jimmy mentions Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein, investigative journalists who covered the Watergate scandal.

The Groucho Marx mirror routine Howard refers to is this scene from Duck Soup (1933).

< PREVIOUS EPISODE: NACHO > NEXT EPISODE: ALPINE SHEPHERD BOY

#bcs rewatch #better call saul

7 notes · View notes

the-genderless-cavalry · 6 years

Text

Super roommates; Chapter 2

Summary: Virgil responded to a craigslist ad about renting a house with 3 other people. There were a few warnings. Fires, messy environment, etc. But it did say that the house mates respect boundaries and personal space. That and the extremely cheap price bought Virgil on the spot. What wasn’t listed was that his three roommates were actually superheroes. This was a terrible turn of events for Virgil, seeing as though he was the villain who owned the headquarters the Trio destroyed a few weeks ago. Pairings: Prinxiety (Romantic), Platonic LAMP

A world that sends you reeling From decimated dreams Your misery and hate will kill us all *Knock Knock* So paint it black And take it back Let's shout it loud and clear

*Knock Knock Knock*

Defiant to the end We hear the call

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* To carry on We'll carry on-

“Alright! Alright! Geez” Virgil stated, turning off the music as a sign of defeat. He got up from his bed and dragged himself to the door. Opening it and looking at the unwanted visitor with a snarl. “Can I help you?” He asked sarcastically. Logan adjusted his glasses, unfazed at the response of his new roommate. “Patton cooked dinner, come up-” That was when Logan stopped. His unfazed look turned into a shocked and confused one. He caught a glimpse of the room behind the emo. The once cyan boring room became a dark cave for nightowls and emos like Virgil.

Logan tore his gaze from the room and turned to Virgil. “How did-” Logan asked, before shutting his mouth again. He had no words to help aid him in his attempt for a sentence. He awkwardly pointed backwards, gesturing for him to go out and upstairs. Virgil stepped outside and closed the door, Logan moving to the side as he did so. “K, let’s go” Virgil’s unamused reply shattered the awkward tension.

Virgil followed Logan upstairs, every step echoing through the silent atmosphere. “How did you move all those? We didn’t notice you moving furniture to your room. You know you could have always asked help from us. We’re your house mates, so we should all get along” Logan said. Yeah, that ain’t happening anytime soon. Virgil hated heroes. So, for now, he figured he’ll play along. “Yeah, sure. Just didn’t want to bother you guys” Virgil shoved his hands in his jacket pockets.

They reached the kitchen just in time to see Patton setting down a plate of meatloaf while Roman was pouring lemonade in each glass. The table had four chairs now, unlike this morning with only three. Maybe they were too busy ruining villains’ lives to remember they have a new house mate? “Heya kiddo! I hope you’re not allergic to garlic, because I made garlic meatloaf! My special recipe” Patton winked before turning around and grabbing a bowl of salad. “And salad! Because vegetables are important!”

“No, I’m not” He said, plopping himself a seat across from Roman, who took a seat after filling everyone’s glasses with the sour-sweet beverage. As Logan took a seat across an empty chair, presumably Patton’s, Patton was cutting up pieces of meatloaf into 8 equal parts, giving each head two slices each. He also placed an equal amount of salad on the side. As Virgil stared at the food in front of him, the others were already taking their first bites. How long has it been since Virgil had a homemade meal? ...Maybe the last meal where his parents were alive? Yeah. Any meal after their death was either from a restaurant, take out or instant noodles. Surprising how he survived this long with just those three options for food. “Virgil, aren’t you going to eat? Patton put a lot of effort into this!” Roman asked, his mouth half full. When was the last time he ate with anybody? A few years, maybe? D.C and the other villains usually have pizza, so Virgil took some to his room. But now, here he is. Eating with superheroes who are out to get him.

“Virgil?” Roman asked again. He snapped out to reality and noticed the others looking at him. He felt the pressure in his chest, making his heart pump faster. “Sorry... just thinking. I haven’t had a homemade meal in a while...” Virgil said, his gaze falling to the food. “Then get used to it, you’ll be getting loads of them from now on!” Patton said, stuffing another forkful of meat into his mouth. Virgil stuck his fork into the slice of meat and cut a piece off. He brought the food to his mouth and ate it. The taste of garlic and other spices blended well together with the meat. A small smile made its way to his mouth. He took another bite. And another. And another. Until his entire plate was empty. He chugged the sweet tasting lemonade, the sugar blending extremely well with the sourness of the lemon. He hadn’t had a meal like this in forever.

“You really do look like you enjoy home cooking, huh?” Logan asked, gesturing around his mouth. Virgil took the hint and grabbed a napkin from the container in front of them that was next to the sauces. He wiped the salad dressing and meatloaf juices off his face. “Yeah. I guess so” He said. He had a strange feeling. It felt weird, painful for his heart. And yet, he loved it. He hated to admit it, but he enjoyed the company of the superheroes. Maybe they weren’t so-

The notification of his phone broke the moment. Everyone looked at Virgil. He took out his phone and cautiously checked it.

D.C.

We have work to do. Meet us at the house at 12

Midnight? Really? “Who was it, Virgil?” Patton asked as he was grabbing the plates off the table. “Just my boss. He needs me to go to work at midnight. Must be a busy night if the cashier had to tune out so early” Virgil said. He wasn’t lying, they need him to work at midnight. Hoarfrost must not have wanted to work tonight, he usually ducks out of missions so Virgil has to be called. Not his problem, he was the one getting paid instead of him. “Ah. Poker houses do have that habit, do they not?” Logan said, lifting his head from a book about trigonometry. He must be tutoring tomorrow. Patton sets the dishes in the sink, ready to wash. “Ah! Patton, I can do it” Virgil volunteered. “It’s fine, kiddo! I’m the one doing chores around here” Patton laughed it off. “But you cooked the meal! And I can’t just let you have more things to do. Just, let me do it?” Virgil insisted. He wasn’t taught that way. Even villains have manners, too. Before Patton could object, Virgil already had the plates and sponge he was holding in hand. Black gloves that seemingly came from no where protected his hands from the suds and water.

“If you insist, kiddo... but... are you really sure? You know I can just-” Patton said before noticing Virgil already started rinsing the extra food scraps off the plate. Patton sighed, defeated, before going to the living room. He looked behind him,and noticed Roman and Logan were gone. He smirked before turning back to his task. He grabbed each plate and black glazed over each one, becoming shiny clean. He knew Patton was Tidal, a member of the crystal trio who can control water, but he couldn’t let someone who has done him one solid do him another without being paid back. His parents would’ve been disappointed.

...

Virgil put all the dishes into (hopefully) it’s rightful containers and withdrew back to his room. He passed by Patton and Logan, who were already heading upstairs to turn in for the night. They both greeted Virgil a safe night and Virgil greeted them good night before separating. He noticed Roman on the couch, watching Mulan on the TV. He watched from behind the couch until finally making a remark. “So, watching a Disney movie at 9 pm?” Virgil asked. Roman looked at Virgil, his gaze looking a little offended. “You can never be too old for Disney!” Roman yelled before throwing a pillow to Virgil’s face.”Hey! I didn’t say that! I meant is this normal for you? Watching Disney movies at this time of night?” Virgil clarified. “Ah! Well, before sleeping, I always end my day with a Disney movie. It just helps give the day a good ending” Roman explained. Poetic. Really poetic. He might as well be an actual prince himself. “Would you like to join me? You’ve been watching behind the couch for a good 2 minutes” Roman invited. Virgil’s face flushed. Had he really been standing there for that long? “Sure, I have 3 more hours before I have to go to work, anyways” Virgil said before setting himself down on the couch. The hero and villain sat at both ends of the couch, as far apart as possible to avoid anything awkward happening. As extra protection, Roman set the bowl of popcorn between them- providing as a barricade for the two.

Every song that played in the movie, they both sang along. Virgil had stopped watching Disney movies when he was 12, after he lost his parents; but still remembered most of the lyrics. Roman had the majority of lyrics sung, seeing as though it was his favorite movie. Nevertheless, they still had fun.

Two and a half hours later and they finished mulan and the lion king. Virgil glanced over at the clock to see he had 25 minutes to get ready. “Well, I better get going” Virgil said, getting up. He only realized now that he and Roman were sitting next to each other. Roman grabbed Virgil’s hand, stopping him from moving out. “In that?” Roman asked, looking at Virgil head to toe. His outfit did get wrinkled thanks to the small marathon they had, but honestly, Virgil couldn’t care less what he wore. Roman thinks the world of it. When Virgil shrugged, Roman stood up and quickly ran to his room- Virgil still in hand.

They ran through the hallway and reached the view-tuber's room. They quickly got in and that was when Roman released Virgil’s hand. Roman quickly went to his closet and rummaged through the assortment of clothes. Virgil stood awkwardly, his hand holding onto the his other arm. “Aha!” Roman pulled out a purple turtleneck, a black jacket, black jeans and black camper boots. “These will fit you nicely! And just your style too!” Roman threw them to the emo before shoving him into his bathroom. “Try them on!” Roman said before closing the door. Virgil quickly locked the door and sighed. What was happening? How did he get into this situation? He examined the clothes. They were in fine condition, however the angel wing design at the back of the jacket bothered him. He simply shrugged it off and tried the combo on.

He took off his jacket and shirt to reveal scars all over his body. Scars that were once wounds he had to heal by himself. Thanks to those heroes. He had to keep reminding himself who the true enemies are. People who are sharing the same house as him. He put on the clothes and looked at himself. It was okay, he looked decent. He would have preferred a hoodie, but this is good enough. He grabbed his old clothes and walked out of the bathroom to find Roman waiting for him at his vanity. Roman beamed when he saw him. “You look stunning! I knew they’d fit you. Put your clothes in my laundry basket behind my bathroom door and come over here. I’m gonna fix your makeup” Roman said. Virgil put his clothes in his laundry basket and walked over to the prince.

Prince grabbed a few eye shadows and concealers and worked his magic on Virgil’s face. “You know, I run a view-tube channel with over 2 million subs. You might have heard about me, Prince Creativity. I make-” “Fashion and makeup videos. Yes I’ve heard of you. I used to watch your videos a lot” Virgil said, finishing Roman’s sentence for him. The egoist’s expression showed shock and astonishment. “Really now?” Roman asked, a smirk playing his lips. “I suppose I was also the one who taught you how to put on our makeup?” Virgil nodded in response. Roman looked at the vanity mirror with Virgil with a proud look on his face. Virgil looked even more dark and sinister than he was before, but it complemented his outfit nicely.

As Virgil stared into the mirror, Roman chuckled. “Your hair is an extremely dark shade of black. Almost looks dyed” Roman said. Virgil shrugged. “It’s natural, believe me” “And your eyes?” Roman cocked his head to the side, smile still visible on his face. “What about my eyes?” He checked and wanted to sigh in relief to see they’re still black. “They’re like a pair of black diamonds in the midst of a wide variety of brightly colored gems” Roman said. To that, Virgil didn’t know how to respond. Is that a good or bad thing? But before he could ask for clarification, Roman had already placed his left hand on Virgil’s right shoulder. “And I mean it in a good way. You’re a good man, Virgil Dean” That struck Virgil hard. He wasn’t supposed to be a good person. He was supposed to be a villain. A person who tries to get rid of the godforsaken hero filth that crawls on this Earth. “Yeah” Virgil laughed awkwardly before standing up. “I should get going. My boss will get angry” Virgil said, seeing Roman follow his action. “And I have to get to bed, I’m going to be making another video tomorrow, and Princes have to slay” The motto of his channel. He loved the fact that Roman could use his last name in so many motivational quotes and slogans. Virgil gave a small smile before leaving him, saluting the man in bed as he closed the door.

Virgil hurriedly ran down the stairs to see he only had five minutes to get there. Instead of hurrying, however; he simply relaxed and walked out of the door. As soon as he closed the door, he sunk into the shadows- not a single trace left behind.

4 notes · View notes

atrocitycl · 7 years

Text

PRISTIN - “Wee Woo” Review

(Music Video—Dance Version)

PRISTIN – Wee Woo

Reviewed on April 29, 2017

Regarding how the review will go, despite how many fans might appreciate “Wee Woo” as being catchy and unique or that it merely needs extra playbacks to be deemed good as many fans have claimed, I disagree that the song is satisfying or even unique. Harshly said, I find that “Wee Woo” is a highly generic pop song if we focus on certain strategies the composers have employed, and furthermore, while the song’s generic, bubbly musical concept appears as unique we still ultimately have to realize it is just that: generic.

Personal Message: It is currently “dead week” for my university—a term that refers not to the fact that professors are no longer assigning work due to the week before finals, but rather to the fact that students are mentally dead. Morbid humor aside, I do want to clarify to readers that I am indeed alive—although finals are actually happening right on May 1. This semester has been quite busy and thus, reviews for April were essentially nonexistent. In fact if correct, April saw only one review—if excluding the April’s Fool prank: EXO’s “Call Me Baby.” For this summer break, while I will be finally learning how to drive and taking up a few non-official jobs, I expect it to be quite free and thus I will spend a lot of time catching up on reviews. Furthermore, I feel inspired to finally begin learning how to write much more concisely and effectively. As a result, readers might be seeing a review every other day during summer, and even once the next semester comes around—one that will be the most challenging and busy—I would at least be able to review a song every four days versus the current school schedule of a review per week or two weeks.

And so, let us already begin focusing on PRISTIN and less on technical updates. As readers might have noticed, the prior post did involve PRISTIN: I wrote a Critical Discussion post regarding an incident the ladies and their staff had with a rather questionable “fan.” Readers who are curious should refer to the post itself as I will no longer comment on it directly. But indeed, the topic regarding genuinely obsessed fans is one that should be addressed and cared about and thus, I hope readers spend some time either reading the post or at least pondering over it.

On topic with PRISTIN, however, in a musical sense, I have planned to review “Wee Woo” at least three days after it was released. Quite clearly, three days somehow became two months or so. However, even if “Wee Woo” is no longer trending in the sense of being a recent comeback, I find that the song’s composition is fascinating and is perhaps one that entails not just a discussion on the song in of itself, but also a discussion on debut songs in general. For what I mean, especially if we bear in mind PRISTIN’s first album and those other songs that have been composed and executed, “Wee Woo” is—in my opinion—a far inferior song than many of the other songs within the ladies’ first album. “Wee Woo,” then, is what I personally term a “high-risk; high-reward” song—and in the context of how this is PRISTIN’s debut song, it actually makes sense on why a potentially weaker song would be used over much stronger songs that exist in their album.

_______________________________________________________

Song Score: 3/10 (3.00/10 raw score) - “Below average”

- Vocals: 3/10

- Sections: 4/10 (3.86/10 raw score)

Introduction, Verse, Pre-Chorus, Chorus, Rap, Pre-Chorus, Chorus, Bridge, Conclusion (Chorus)

1. Introduction: 6/10

2. Verse: 3/10

3. Pre-Chorus: 3/10

4. Chorus: 3/10

5. Rap: 5/10

6. Bridge: 2/10

7. Conclusion (Chorus): 5/10

- Instrumental: 3/10

- Lyrics: 2/10

Wee woo, wee woo, wee We are Pristin (Hello)

I’m princess of our house I like adventures I want blow the balloon that is you Pop When it pops, what will be there?

There are boys who like me lined up Oh why, why? But why aren’t you in that line? Oh why, why? Dazzling, my heart is crumbling You’re my super, super hero Dazzling, my heart is crumbling You’re my super hero Ring ring, hello? Can you send an ambulance here? When our eyes meet, I get dizzy

I like you, I like you, boo boo My heart is pounding I like you a lot, boo boo When I look at you, my heart goes Wee woo, wee woo, wee Wee woo, wee woo, wee It’s dangerous Wee woo, wee woo, wee

I’m waiting, I go crazy when I see you My heart is going at 100km I made up my mind, I want you Right now, stay right where you are

I like you, I like you, boo boo My heart is pounding I like you a lot, boo boo When I look at you, my heart goes Wee woo, wee woo, wee Wee woo, wee woo, wee It’s dangerous Wee woo, wee woo, wee

I’m rubbing the lamp baby Casting a spell so I can have you Sun, moon, stars, I’m asking them all to cast a spell Did the spell work? Let’s check

I like you, I like you, boo boo My heart is pounding I like you a lot, boo boo When I look at you, my heart (spills out) Wee woo, wee woo, wee It’s dangerous Wee woo, wee woo, wee Wee woo, wee woo, wee

_______________________________________________________

Analysis: Sometimes I do wonder if my current university-related stress is making me overly critical. But, I hope with my reasons and arguments, readers can see where my position comes from and of course, I definitely encourage readers to openly disagree with my reviews as the very purpose of them is that: to start discussions. With the review, as we can tell, the song scores disturbingly low: a three for below average. This has definitely not occurred in quite some time, but unfortunately “below average” serves as the appropriate term I would use to describe “Wee Woo.”

Already, one significant problem to “Wee Woo” is how the vocals are executed. The choruses provide the best example: much of the vocals follow an overly strained, higher pitched sound and at the choruses themselves, auto-tune has been used in the production stage to create a robotic sound. Now before further expanding that point, a clarification is needed: contrary to the belief that auto-tune is automatically used to “fix” singing, auto-tune in a majority of situations is purposefully used for merely its sound effects. After all, auto-tune rarely “fixes” singing and—as in “Wee Woo” ‘s case—it arguably does the opposite with breaking singing. Thus, it is the effect the composers are seeking out and indeed, PRISTIN are all very capable vocalists as seen in other album songs. But on topic for why this matters, the auto-tune used here and equally the overly strained, high pitched singing are detrimental to the song in whole. All of this creates an excessively mundane sound in the song as there are minimal deviations in the physical sound itself: everything—barring perhaps moments at the pre-choruses—is sung in this strained, robotic-like sound. That is definitely not beneficial if the song itself does not manipulate that for other purposes.

To compare “Wee Woo” to a song that does arguably use auto-tune to a beneficial effect, T-ARA’s “Sugar Free” is the song that comes to mind. In “Sugar Free,” the auto-tune part is to build upon the instrumental’s already robotic sounds, and additionally, the important feature in “Sugar Free” is that the auto-tuned singing is used to contrast to standard, highly tuneful vocal beltings that occur at the choruses. In “Wee Woo,” though, we do not see any of those strategies implement; rather, we merely hear auto-tune for its individual sonic appeal—and sadly, that is an unwise decision in my view as auto-tune is best used on a structural and strategic sense rather than an appealing sound. But before “Wee Woo” ‘s auto-tune is completely disregarded as useless, I do admit it has its strength in the song’s structure: the auto-tune singing and the overly strained singing create a distinctive, highlight point in the choruses and that serves as an easily identifiable climax to the song. However, this is a marginal benefit as the downside to this idea—the loss of vocal appeal and even overall sonic appeal in general—is far more significant.

As for other problems we encounter, I find that many of the song’s sections are questionable composed—even if, indeed, there are some brilliant thinking in mind. Let us examine the pre-chorus for an example. One interesting aspect to this section is how it essentially builds upon itself; in other words, the pre-choruses almost have a pre-chorus within themselves. We notice this by how the pre-chorus initiates with an upbeat, tuneful style but later transitions to a dramatic, slower style. That, though, is then used as a foundation for the transition point to send “Wee Woo” to its choruses. Quite obviously, on a superficial level, this is very creative composing—and indeed, it is and I do not wish to deny this. The composers do deserve credit for this creative and new take to pre-choruses. What is not foreseen, however, is how the pre-choruses ironically undermine themselves. On a general layer, the pre-chorus builds up the song but when the “second” or “inner” pre-chorus arrives, it ends up taking away that generated hype and instead starts the whole process right from where it began. This, though, does not create more hype in the long run. It is a method that is rather inefficient, if anything. If the song took the pre-choruses’ inner pause but then made such pause work in a manner so that when hype was built up again that the build up would then be perceived as even more intense, then this pre-chorus form would be quite beneficial. But in this case, it literally undermines its own work as any generated hype is simply removed.

Furthermore, this is also problematic when we consider how the instrumental is quite absent and plays a very passive role. Now, certainly it is typical for instrumental sounds to take a silent stance during pre-choruses as the return of said instrumental sounds can serve as a form of building hype and then reaching a climax, but in “Wee Woo,” the choruses return with a stereotypical, bouncy pop instrumental. In other words, the instrumental’s disappearance was not in hopes of creating hype as, if that was the case, the choruses would have had a much more impactful and exciting instrumental rather than the current instrumental that is plain. Thus, the expected trade of not having an active instrumental during the pre-choruses for a stronger chorus did not occur; instead, there is merely a loss of, in this case, having a stale pre-chorus for the sheer sake of it. (And of course to clarify, this is not to say all pre-choruses must have an active instrumental at play. Each review focuses on a song’s individual context, and in our case, “Wee Woo” ‘s main weakness of having minimal variety is why this structure to the pre-choruses is troubling.)

Finally, for another section worthy of mentioning—in a negative manner, that is—it would be the bridge. This section lacks in all areas: both sonically and structurally. On an aural level, the singing follows, as established throughout the song, a robotic and lifeless singing style. Structurally, the bridge’s dramatic pause fails to suit in with the rest of “Wee Woo,” and this sudden change was not gradually hinted throughout the song and thus, the bridge’s form is even more unsuitable to the song in whole.

And so, fans might be wondering if there are any possible strengths at all to “Wee Woo.” My answer: of course there are—every song has its strengths and weaknesses, after all. One strong point to “Wee Woo” is the rapping. Even if it is not the best per se, it is definitely a highlight of the song and is fluently transitioned to. Additionally, though, despite “Wee Woo” seemingly being a weaker song, we can argue that it ultimately still succeeds in a commercial sense—and this is what I hinted at earlier in this review regarding a discussion on “high-risk; high-reward.” With that cliché phrase, I hoped to capture the idea that “Wee Woo” is somewhat poorly composed not due to composers lacking the skills and knowledge or that PRISTIN are weak singers; instead, this was done to manipulate the attention PRISTIN would receive. Where the risk comes in is that, should this plan work—and I argue, it actually does—then it would be a huge success as PRISTIN would get more attention. On the other hand, should it fail, PRISTIN is left with minimally gained popularity and are rendered as a musically weak group.

To explain why the manipulation was a success and even what this “manipulation” is, for a debut song, we have to understand that the main goal is truthfully not musically orientated at all; rather, the truth is that debut songs are intended to garner as much attention as possible. Now of course, there are two main ways to approach such: through raw musical appeal or through merely getting attention such as through conceptual ideas of a comeback (examples being “cute,” “sexy,” “powerful,” “cool,” and the like). Pledis Entertainment chose the latter method with “Wee Woo”: getting attention not through music, but through sheer attention itself. This explains why the song is incredibly catchy and even excessively pop-like as all of these, even if musically unenticing, will gather attention—both good and bad. And if we follow this speculation, it also might explain why the rest of the album possesses the seemingly more complex and better composed songs: “Wee Woo” is the comeback to get attention; the rest of the album songs are for actual musical appeal.

Coming to the end of this review, what are fans to make of “Wee Woo,” then, and its relation to PRISTIN’s musical skills? Given that “Wee Woo” has led PRISTIN to gaining more popularity (and with how two members are former members of I.O.I), I do encourage fans to interpret “Wee Woo” less as a genuine musical piece and unfortunately more as a financial tool—even if this, indeed, is quite pessimistic and personally goes against what I consider music to stand for. More pessimistic individuals might claim that all pop music is composed with the intent of purely making profit, but I find that while money is of course in mind and necessary with creating music, it should never be the first priority. With “Wee Woo,” I critically believe that its intent was in fact to make money and gather attention, but at least the rest of the album songs appear to be composed with actual music appeal in mind.

All in all, while “Wee Woo” is by far one of the weaker songs I have heard in general, given that it has served its financial role, I hope future releases focus less on gaining attention and more on producing excellent songs—of which would, in turn, gain more fans for PRISTIN. Thus, fans should continue supporting the ladies regardless of their comeback song’s quality, and that those who are interested but repelled by “Wee Woo” ‘s weaker composition continue to stay interested as future releases will most likely be improvements.

_______________________________________________________

As always, thank you to all for reading whether in full or skim. I miraculously did manage to write this review in only one and a half hours—a record, perhaps. But, given that all the analytical work was done even weeks prior, this is not too surprising. Once summer break begins, readers can look forward to many reviews returning. May currently has many new artists lined up to be reviewed, after all. Until then, I will be finishing a ten-page essay (which is not too bad given I have already outlined the essay) and asking readers: “Can you send an ambulance here?”

#PRISTIN #Wee Woo #Nayoung #Kyulkyung #Yuha #Roa #Rena #Eunwoo #Sungyeon #Yehana #Xiyeon #Kyla #Kpop Reviews #Korean Pop Reviews #Song Reviews #Music Reviews #Pledis Entertainment #Music Video #Dance Practice

2 notes · View notes

piarou-neelix · 7 years

Text

Surviving VidCon Europe 2017

So, I am slowly getting back to being alive again. So far since crawling out of my bed (for the second time today) at one pm, I have only tripped twice, bumped my head thrice, and spilled/dropped stuff (drink/bread/butter/washing-powder) four times. So yay! :D Now to try and put these past days into words. In only one word is easy: AMAZING. But there is so much more to say than just that it was probably the best weekend I have had in years. So many feelings to describe, so many emotions to be conveyed. And so many people to thank.

Let's start this tale at last Thursday, April 6th, 2017. Under an indecisive sky I waited for Johanna, the fellow Vidcon-volunteer, whom I had only talked to through Skype for an awkward half hour before that day, that was going to stay at my place for the coming nights. With a delay of five hours her bus from Vienna finally arrived at Sloterdijk, and I got to meet her at last in real life. And what luck I had in having her for a guest. Johanna is a young woman with a base state of happiness that is so heart-warming and mind-soothing to undergo and be around, it is almost unreal. That being coupled with a sharp mind and a smart wit made her one of my favorite people I know through the power of the internet almost immediately. The lively and intriguing conversation we had during our short walk through the woods in Castricum after dropping off her bags at my place was a confirmation of my first instincts. After the walk we cooked together, ate our prize, and then played two rounds of Kahuna before going to bed early-ish. Friday we got up at what felt early for me then, but was to become a blessed long sleep compared to the days after. ;) Following a typical Dutch breakfast with bread with 'hagelslag' we took the train to Amsterdam. We started the day with a tour of the more typical touristy locations so Johanna could check them off of her list, after which we went to the Vondelpark where an International Nerdfighter Meeting was organized by good soul Richard. It was the first time in years that I was at a Nerdfighter meeting where I knew less than seventy-five percent of the people. The sun was a bit unsure about it all (though managed to burn me nonetheless), but I think all had a great time. There was songs being sung, games being played, and friends being gained. Johanna, me, and several others had to leave the gathering for a while, because there was a volunteer-training scheduled at the RAI. Other than finally meeting Nick who was our coordinator, I didn't learn much there and then. But I did get to meet more of my fellow volunteers, which was cool. A whole bunch of them joined us at the pizza-place that evening, which made us a group of over 60 for a reservation of 20, but after splitting in two we still had food for all, spread out over two restaurants. All in all, a good day, filled with loads of nice people. Okay, I felt a bit tired from the somewhat too much walking I had done, and my forehead almost gave light from the sunburn, but I figured I would manage. Then again, Vidcon hadn't even started for real yet, for me. :D That happened on Saturday. And oh wow, did it start. So many people eager for an event they had been waiting for for months, if not years. Lines of fans waiting for a chance to meet, touch and take pictures with their heroes, whom they had so far only seen in digital form. And that sea of enthusiasm was compressed to a stream of roiling emotions in the meet-and-greet-wristband-distribution-line. My original shift was a bit over-staffed compared to the understaffed situation at this bottleneck of the first morning, so I was transferred to help out there. And thus I got a first glimpse of what this weekend would entail for me. Hard work, and loads of smiling faces filled with anticipation and joy. In an attempt to entertain the masses while they waited, and to keep myself awake as well, I did some frolicking and goofing around, doing impromptu little dances and pirouettes whenever I had the chance. But as time moved on, it became clear that the lines were filling way faster than we were clearing them, so an extra line was created, and the time for whimsical folly was over. I know for a fact that I was by far the worst wristband-attacher of all times, but looking down and me are not the best of friends. ;) As my shift ended, my neck and eyes were hurting, as well as my fingers. But still, I was filled with an overflowing sense of warmth and happiness just because I was helping people get the best days of their lives. After a short break, and catching the first half of The Vlogbrothers' Q&A, I started what eventually became my favorite shift of the weekend: The Vidcon Booth. Seriously, I was born to stamp passports-of-joy. Enticing people to just go that one more step to get not five, but ten stamps was such fun. Coming up with creative reasons why/how people earned the stamp for “Awesomeness” was the most energy-giving thing I have done in ages. Being on various selfies I had 'forced' people to take for yet another stamp, or just seeing the weird/cute/tender/beautiful selfies being taken right in front of me to earn that precious red blob of ink. Encouraging people to write or draw something on the wall, and then later realizing they had made a little piece of art. All that and more made it the best few hours of 'work' I have ever had. I went across the street for a quick Dirk-van-den-Broek sandwhich for dinner, and then it was time for the Saturday-evening featured-creator-show. Being blown away by the facial expressions and amazing voice of Carrie Hope Fletcher and the wonderful poetry of Savannah Brown made up for the somewhat cringe-worthy Max and Harvey performance. Matthew Patrick closed the night with words of power and honesty that made me want to hug him to make him feel better, and thank him for making so many others feel better. And then it was time for the trip home. The NS had decided to work on the tunnel between Amsterdam and home, so we (Johanna and I) were fearing a replacement bus-service was to be our lot, but luckily the whole weekend we managed to time our travels thus perfect that we could catch the rerouted intercity home. Five hours of sleep is a lot more than four-and-a-half, so we were quite happy with that, indeed. :D My Sunday shifts were a lot less exciting to me. I was room-monitor in the morning, and auditorium monitor in the afternoon. But to be fair, I don't know if I could have handled much else after I started the Vidcon-day with a tumble on the concrete floor. Both my knee and my shoulder were scuffed, and turned stiff quite rapidly. But hey, the show must go on, so I kept doing my utmost best to make everyone around me have the bestest of times at this first ever Vidcon Europe. The morning-shift I decided to be the outside-monitor, as that ensured me to have a quiet start of the day, and meant less walking around with the microphone. But the auditorium was too big to be handled by one mic-walker. And at that point my energy had been adequately replenished by the many awesome fellow volunteers. So I happily went were the panels wanted me to go. The two panels during which I had my shift were very interesting and I will certainly take some of their words with me. In between all of this, there were of course the meet&Greets I myself had the opportunity to have. On Saturday I got to hug Emma Blackery, and give her a bag of fizzy peaches, proving that not all forty year old followers of her are creepy af. Sunday in the afternoon I hugged Hank Green (@edwardspoonhands.tumblr.com this is what I meant when I said I still blame you: http://piarou-neelix.tumblr.com/post/153356577720/i-blame-you), and between my last shift and the volunteer-thank-you-party, I met Hannah Witton, whom I had already met almost exactly two years earlier in Amsterdam. After hugging her, it was straight to the Nedfighter-special event, but that was a bit too noisy for me, so I retreated to the volunteers' little safe-haven of calm and quiet next to registration, where I doled out my ever-present new addiction, Verkade Bites (seriously, don't eat them, or don't blame me). Then it was time for the aforementioned volunteer-thank-you-party, where I managed to grab a bite of food as well. I was amazed to realize I hadn't even met all volunteers yet that were in the room. And all were amazing, seriously. So much friendliness and warmth in one room was invigorating to the soul, and strengthened my already high trust and belief in humanity. A (not completely) surprise-visit by Hank Green, where we caught him in a circle of high-fives, and some completely unexpected gifts were nice unneeded bonuses to an already awesome event. It all ended with the logical end, the Sunday-evening featured-creator-show. We had missed the beginning due to our 'private' party, but saw most of it anyways. Dodie and Jon Cozart were, in my humble opinion, the stars of the evening, and Kwebbelkop surprised me with the way he filled his time on stage in a positive way, but all on stage were amazing this evening. Except maybe for the herring. ;) But as with all things, even the best of the best events have to end some time, and so it went here as well. After hugs and farewells Johanna and I took our leave of the Rai to once again travel to Castricum, and our much needed beds...

...for four hours of sleep. :( Johanna, adventurer as she is, had to go to her next big memory-in-the-making, and had to be at Schiphol at six in the morning. So after a short night, and a very weirdly quiet train-ride, it was time for me to say goodbye to my new friend (for now). She took the one train, that being her first step on the road to India and a new adventure, and I took the other back to Castricum again, and to another couple of hours of sleep. And then, it was all really over. But in my mind, the event will never end. My heart, head, and soul has been changed by all the wonderful people I have met during these past four days, the new friends I made, and the words I heard. Especially the awesome group of volunteers I will not soon forget. Once again I have seen the proof that the world of the interwebs is a powerful world indeed, and that it can do the most beautiful things, and knit the most awesome communities out of yarn from many different types of stories.

#vidcon europe #vidconeurope #hank green #hannah witton #emma blackery #nerdfighter #effyeahnerdfighters #dftba #jon cozart #dodie #rai amsterdam #seriouslypeopleIlovedthisweekend

4 notes · View notes

natural--trash · 7 years

Text

Tag thing, wanted to do it for some time but now im at my comp and stuff so uh yeah anyways

Rules: once you’ve been tagged you’re supposed to write a post with eighty-two truths and then tag twenty-five people

I was tagged by @fluffyliontae

Name: tsu (just call me that, or susu or smth yknow)

Blood type: A-

Nickname(s): susu, mym

R/s: single

Zodiac Sign: libra

Pronouns: eh whatever, on some days its he > she > they but it can also be a diff order so yeah seriously whatever floats your boat

Favorite TV Shows: W - Two Worlds (same), a Persona 5 anime could be one of them but there’s none

Long or short hair: long

Height: 162cm or so

Do you have a crush on someone: romantic none, aesthetic ones? squishes? hoo boy

What do you like about yourself: my eyes, that cute scar on my hand

Right or left handed: right

List of three favorite colors: too many, i mostly like colour combos, but light blue, black and #540003 i guess

RIGHT NOW

Eating: nothing, i had brownie ritter sport a bit earlier tho

Drinking: water

I’m about to: draw

Listening to: Believer - Imagine Dragons

Kids: 0

Get married: nah

Career: I want money

MOST RECENT

Drink: water

Phone call: i think my uncle??

Song you listened to: before Believer there’s Bonfire on my spotify playlist but rn its Queen by History

HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: nah

Been cheated on: thats a long story

Kissed someone and regretted it: dont think so

Lost someone special: hmm

Been depressed: yeah

Been drunk and thrown up: never drunk alcohol

Kissed a stranger: nope

Had glasses or contacts: yeah

Had sex on the first date: nope

Broken someone’s heart: not that im aware of it

Turned someone down: kinda??

Cried when someone died: yeah

Fallen for a friend: im aro, that doesnt work

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

Made a new friend: yes

Fallen out of love: no

Laughed until you cried: yes

Met someone who changed you: mhhh dont think so?

Found out who your true friends were: kinda (I’m sorry that I’m always answering like this omg)

Found out someone was talking about you: cant remember

Kissed someone on your fb list: i dont use fb

WHICH IS BETTER

Lips or eyes: eyes

Hugs or kisses: hugs

Shorter or taller: taller

Romantic or spontaneous: platonic

Sensitive or loud: sensitive

Hookup or relationship: friendship

Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

FIRST

Best friend: have conatct with both or them but we’re not as close? although I still don’t mind lying/rolling around on his floor

Surgery: does removing my wisdom teeth count? (does it?)

Sport: swimming (I wish I hadn’t stopped)

Vacation: Turkey

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

Yourself: depends on the day (same)

Miracles: yeah

Love at first sight: i dont rly believe in romantic love, but other than that yeah has flashbacks to when x impulse bought a ps vita

Heaven: i want to

EXTRAS

How many people from your fb list do you know irl: i still dont use fb

Do you have any pets: i used to have a duck

Do you want to change your name: yeah kinda i’d prefer something gender neutral

What did you do for your last birthday: i played video games at home bc i have no friends

What time did you wake up today: idk, fell asleep again

What were you doing last night at midnight: internet

Something you can’t wait for: when i move out

Last time you saw your mom: some minutes ago

What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: how my brain is sometimes

Have you ever talked to a person named tom: yeah, had a classmate with that name

What’s getting on your nerves: loud noises in the morning, often ppl i dont consider as friends

instructions: You can tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. Put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people. No skipping.

(should i do the whole thing?? ok lemme get my phone pls note that i havent gotten the p5 ost yet)

Obtained a Berry! - DP OST

actually there comes some more Nintendo OST

Awake -BTS

Young Forever (unplugged ver) - BTS

crow tit (jpn) - bts

Mein Block - Sido

We don’t talk anymore - Jungkook

a song i do not remember what it was

Faint - Linkin Park

La la La - naughty boy

i think its time to make a new playlist bc i dont listen to some pop songs anymore

so uh yeah the whole thing it is

5 things you’d find in my bag:

tissues, a shit ton

wallet

probably some paper

charger

phone

5 things you’d find in my bedroom:

desk

clothes

stuffed animals

bed

my computer

5 things i always wanted to do in life:

Travelmore

Get a job i love

Own a cat

Get a life I like

Have ppl I’m close with that are not far away

5 things i’m currently into:

video games

persona 5, fire emblem heroes (they deserve their own point)

kpop

art

ummm edgesthetic?

5 things on my to do list:

go to a BTS concert

get a part time job

learn Japanese and perhaps Korean and get better at French

visit all the countries I still want to go to

get better at drawing

5 things people may not know about me:

I would love to study video game development but I’m too scared of what’s after that plus there’s no way I’ll get accepted hahaha

i love min yoongi and his mixtape bc he idk he helped me think that maybe not everything in my life will be shitty later and that maybe I’ll be able to be happy one day

I’m currently in a more down phase

i have problems with my sense of reality

i have a cute scar on my hand

Top 10 BTS Songs Tag:

House Of Cards (Full Length Edition)

House Of Cards [OUTRO]

Good Day

No order from here on

4. I NEED U (Japanese Ver.) 5. FOR YOU 6. 쩔어 (Dope) 7. 등골브레이커 (Spine breaker) 8. 24/7 = Heaven 9. Blood Sweat & Tears 10. Not Today

I have time

10 groups/artists you like besides Kpop/liked before Kpop:

nqrse ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

Fall Out Boy

Panic! at the Disco

DAOKO ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

Casper

Die Ärzte

I think that’s it

DAT ADAM

uhh I liked Abingdon Boys School at some point

idk the old Sido songs aint bad?

10 favorite non-kpop songs:

ダイスキ - DAOKO

BANG! - DAOKO

Das Grizzly Lied - Casper

パラサイト(Parasite) - nqrse feat.まふまふ,luz

ECHO - まふまふ (mafumafu) feat.nqrse

p much any song sung by nqrse im sorry im trash hmu and ill link you some good stuff

Believer - Imagine Dragons

Bonfire - Felix Jaehn, ALMA

Die Vergessenen 1/2 - Casper

omg i totally forgot about OSTs Toberu Mono from The Last Stiry, too much from Persona 5 liek Beneath the Mask, Last Surprise etc

10 favorite movies:

i don’t watch enough :c

10 favorite tv shows, including anime & cartoons:

W - Two Worlds

Acchi Kocchi

Psycho Pass

I’m giving up

10 things you enjoyed before kpop/enjoy besides kpop, that won’t fit in the lists above:

music

art

video games

esp atlus n nintendo games!!

cute soft stuffed animals

flight rising

sarma

collecting cute key charms

collecting cute things in general

dancing

ten tag last movie you watched: i dont know

last song you listened to: that one song mentioned above by Daoko

last show you watched: I Hear Your Voice

last book you read: Der Vorleser by Bernhard Schlink, don’t read it

last thing you ate: chocolate

if you could be anywhere in the world right now where would you be: Tokyo

when would you time travel to: itll be spontaneous

first thing you would do with lottery money: buy a loft

character you would hang out with for a day: P5 Protagonist

time right now: 23:52

the ‘or’ tag

build a snowman with v OR have a snowball fight with j-hope

get coffee with suga OR get ice cream with suga

go to the cinema with jimin OR the amusement park with jungkook

do a dance cover with j-hope OR sing a duet with jin

kiss rap monster OR cuddle suga

babysit with jimin OR dogsit with v

meet j-hope’s family OR have v meet your family

film a commercial with j-hope OR film a sketch with v

hug jimin OR hold hands with jungkook

go to paris with jin OR go to london with suga (sorry been to paris already)

film a drama with jin OR do a photo shoot with rap monster

attend an award show with rap monster OR wear couple t-shirts at the airport with jungkook

spend a lazy day with suga OR explore a city with j-hope

fall asleep next to jimin OR wake up next to jungkook

make up a silly rap with v OR a silly choreography with jin

have a fun picnic with j-hope OR a fancy date with jin

have jungkook serenade you OR have v sing you to sleep

have a dance party with j-hope OR sing karaoke with suga

go camping with jimin and v OR go to the beach with rap monster and suga

cook with jin AND bake a cake with jimin

have a sleepover with the hyung line OR a birthday party with the maknae line

celebrate halloween with jungkook, suga, v and j-hope OR christmas with rap monster, jimin and j-hope

rules: answer the questions with the first letter of your name, then tag 10 people. If the person who tagged you has the same initial, you must use different answers. you cannot use the same word twice.

What is your name? - Tsu

A four letter word? - text

A boy’s name? - Tom

An occupation? - tailor

Something you wear? - t-shirt

A color? - turquoise

A food? - tomato

Something you find in the bathroom? - toilet

A place? - Tokyo

A reason for being late? - traffic

Something you shout? - yells

A movie title? - something that starts with “the”

Something you drink? - tea

An animal? - turtle

A type of car? - tesla

Title of a song? - Tage wie diese - die toten hosen

I’m,,, maybe later @mama-kisu @metroid-fr (you can do the non kpop stuff) eh whoever wants i guess

#upgraded trash

1 note · View note

that-one-awkward-anon · 4 years

Text

The Cursed Scribe

[if i have to repost thing one more time i might just kill tumblr with my bare hands]

Steven Scriptor probably had this coming.

With how little he knew about his powers, he should have been extra careful when writing about himself. But of course, he just had to be dramatic and write about how much he wanted to die. It wasn’t how he was expecting to go out, that was for sure. As he fell from the balcony in what seemed like slow motion, his life did indeed flash before his eyes. Well, the important parts did. His first job as a news reporter, watching Morris live for the first time, discovering his powers, how jealous he was of Otis, getting fired… it all spun by in a blur. Maybe if he hadn’t written that stupid story, he would have never discovered this power, and he could have continued living a normal life. ~ Steven adored Morris. Of course, he had never actually talked to him, but he could still admire him from afar. He visited that club almost every day, just for the chance to see the white-clad singer perform. He would just stare, lost in his songs until the next act came on and he’d head back to his crummy apartment. Perhaps he should have just left it at staring. But he was just too moved, and fantasized too much. He needed to get his feelings out somehow! So late one night, he scribbled out a poem. It was teenage level stuff, honestly, nowhere near his best work. But hey, he didn’t have anyone to impress but himself. “One True Love The singer in white had a new song One directed right at him And it was beautiful. The song was about a one true love About how everything about them was perfect And how they were beautiful. Then the singer in white looked at him And he knew the song was made for him And that feeling was beautiful.” Steven forgot all about that poem by the next morning, the embarrassing paper having been crumpled up and thrown across his room after he had gotten it out of his system. And as always, right after work, he went straight from the headquarters to that little club to watch his hero. He hadn’t really connected the dots until halfway into the performance. Morris stopped for a moment to talk about how he had a new song, and how he hoped they’d like it. Then, he started singing about a “one true love”, and how “beautiful” that person was. It took a few seconds, but Steven suddenly realized what was happening, and straightened up significantly. No way. There was no way a sappy poem he had written at midnight was actually being sung about in front of him. This had to be more than a coincidence. He was barely paying attention to the song anymore, and instead left the club and made his way back home the second it was over. Perhaps it really was just a coincidence… but he couldn’t just leave it at that. As soon as he got home, he tore out a sheet of paper from his work notebook and scribbled something down. “We’re very sorry, but Mr. Annus won’t be performing today. Unfortunately, he’s completely lost his voice, and is unable to sing.” There. That was the most specific thing Steven could think of at that point. This time he didn’t just toss the paper away- he folded it up tight and shoved it in his jacket’s pocket. Only then did he go to bed. The next day, Steven couldn’t wait to just leave work. He actually ran out and back to the club the moment he was off the clock, now fidgeting in his seat waiting for Morris to come on. But when the hour struck, instead of the singer, there was a bit of a commotion, and a server nervous came onto the stage. “U-Uh… We’re v-very sorry, but Mr. Annus won’t be performing today. Unfortunately, he’s c-completely lost his voice, and is unable to s-sing,” the man mumbled into the mic. There were groans and mutters throughout the club, but Steven was silent and white as a sheet. He shakily pulled out the sheet of paper and read it over. Save for the stuttering, it was exactly as he had written it down. Once again, he didn’t stick around for much longer, and instead headed back to his apartment. He sat in silence, his mind racing with fast enough to make him dizzy. Whatever he wrote came true. He had no idea where this power had come from, but he had it now. Of course, when he was able to start making coherent thoughts again, he decided to test his limits. “Best Day, Worst Day For Steven Scriptor, this Day was made of pure bliss At the end of the day His boss gave him a raise Just because he could exist For our lovely mayor, though His car got stuck in the snow And there he would freeze In the minus degrees And end his run of the show” There. It was awfully written, but the point came across. If whatever this power was could effect the mayor, he could keep upping the ante to federal stuff. But for now, he simply folded the limerick up and put it in his pocket like before, then once again headed to bed. The next day, Steven’s little experiment had interesting results. There was a massive snowstorm seemingly out of nowhere, which came and went by sunrise. He walked to work anyways, so he wasn’t that affected by it. Halfway into his workday, he got a new job- the mayor had been in a limo that got stuck in the snow, and only now had he been freed. Alright, half of what he had written had come true- the mayor had been stuck, but he didn’t freeze to death. It was a pretty easy story, all things considered, which made the fact that he got a bonus from it all the more ridiculous. It was a good thing to note, however. Everything he had written about himself had come true, but only the nondeadly parts of the mayor’s verse had happened. Which meant that whatever power this was seemed to have a moral code of sorts. Fine by him. He never had any real urge to kill people, it was just a test. He didn’t think he had the balls to try and kill someone anyways. ~ The next couple of months were like a dream. Anytime someone was out of place in his life, Steven could just write a quick poem and fix it. Promotions at his job, a better apartment, a new car- you name it, Steven had given it to himself. There was only one thing he couldn’t fix. The person that had started going up on stage with Morris- Otis Unus. He had heard the other performer once or twice on his way to work, but had never stopped and listened. And all of a sudden, this random guy was up on stage with his hero, instead of him. Perhaps things would change if he could gather the confidence to just go up and talk to the pair. Maybe it could be a threesome? He could write lyrics for them! But no, he was stuck watching from the crowd, jealously slowly but surely building. Jealously was a truly awful thing. It came to him while he was still sitting in that club. If he could affect Morris, could he do the same to Otis? He quickly pulled out his notebook and scribbled something down. “On their way backstage, Otis tripped. He landed right on his face, and with a grunt of pain. Nobody laughed out loud, of course- they loved him. But the chuckles were there, and he knew it. He got up and made his way off the stage, a bit quicker than necessary.” There. Nothing that could cause lasting damage, but the embarrassment would be there for sure. He folded the comment away and turned his attention back to the stage. The next day, just as he had written, Otis tripped on a wire and fell flat on his face at the end of the pair’s show. There were gasps at first, then muted giggling. The man in black quickly gathered himself and ran backstage as the giggles grew louder, but the moment quickly passed. Steven slipped out of the club after that. A tiny part of him felt guilty- he was being petty, and he knew it. But the majority of him was giddy. Sure, he could never be on stage with Morris… but he’d make life hell for the person that could be. And so it went for the next couple of months. It was never anything too damaging- the logical part of Steven knew that Otis had done nothing wrong and that he didn’t deserve any of this. But the dramatic, emotional side? The side that had taken this power and ran with it? That side didn’t care. That black-clad idiot had taken Morris for himself, and he was going to pay, one way or another. Then, all of a sudden, it stopped. Morris was going on stage alone again, and Otis was nowhere to be found. Steven worried for a moment, but he managed to talk himself out of any paranoia. He had never done anything to actually hurt Otis, so whatever had happened wasn’t his fault. Besides, he had eased up on pestering the black-suited man and hadn’t written anything damaging about him in a while. So it couldn’t have been anything he wrote! A month later, news broke that Otis Unus had died. Food poisoning, the doctors said. Every newspaper in the city was reporting the story, and Steven’s place was no different. But, unfortunately, he just couldn’t put his jealously aside for long enough. “FAMOUS SINGER, OTIS UNUS, FOUND DEAD IN HOUSE: POISONING? OR SOMETHING MORE?” Yeah, looking back at it, maybe that assignment should have been given to someone else. Not once in that whole article did Steven write anything positive about the dead man. It boiled down to “he grew up alone, and he died alone, and nobody cares”. Unsurprisingly, that had led to a wave of backlash towards his company, and less than a week later, he was let go. Not that it mattered all too much, as he had spent a year giving himself anything and everything he would ever need. To say he was well off was an understatement. Still, it stung. His job had been the only place where he had friends of any sort, and now that it was gone, he realized how empty his life actually was. It only took two days of unemployment for Steven to be moping in his room all day. That sadness, however, soon turned into anger. How dare he get fired for speaking his mind?! And of course, he was never going to get another job in the journalism world with that article floating around. Without his job, he really was alone. Dammit, life wasn’t fair! About then was when he picked up a pencil and pulled out a notebook for the last time. “The End He fell from the balcony And he was scared Not that he was dying But that nobody cared” After taking a few more seconds to calm down, he crumpled up the middle poem and threw it away. He wasn’t thinking about the consequences at that point, instead storming back to his luxurious bed and falling into a fitful sleep. The next day, the poem had completely left his mind. Instead, he was feeling more refreshed than usual. Maybe writing his feelings had actually helped! He made his way out of his bedroom and to his balcony to get some fresh air, his mind no longer a storm of negativity. He leaned against the bars, taking in the chilly morning air… And then the railing snapped. ~ His death had been pretty pathetic, now that he thought about it. He didn’t have any friends or family outside of his old job, so it took a whole day for someone to even recognize who the corpse with a broken neck and bashed open skull was. But now, Steven was properly alone, and he was genuinely scared. He was stuck in a completely white field, with miles of nothing in all directions. Inside of pajamas, he was wearing what he had usually worn to work, jacket with pens in it and all. That wasn’t the strangest part of his situation, however. Time seemed to not flow the same way here, now did space feel the same. He would be walking in one direction for what felt like days, but never get tired, and never find any kind of marker. After going through the five stages of grief three times in a row, he finally accepted that he was probably in hell. He must have used his powers in a way that was considered evil, and was now cursed to be truly alone forever. That is, until he found a piece of paper. His reaction to seeing a random sheet of scrap paper was probably embarrassing, but he didn’t care. He searched through his pockets for a working pen, then quickly wrote the first thing that came to mind. “Steven asked if he could go home, and the world listened.” Suddenly, he was back in his apartment, laying in his bed. Had that actually worked?! He sat up straight, looked around his room… and felt defeated all over again. He was still wearing his usual clothes instead of pajamas, and a quick glance out of his window led to white nothingness. He was still in this hellish realm. Either way, he had some sort of comfort, even if he knew it was fake. But where to go from here? Well, he could ask about his job, but he doubted anything would actually come from that. But maybe… “Steven asked the world to tell him what he missed, and the world listened.” Suddenly, there was a strange device sitting on his lap. There was a split second of panic- it looked like a typewriter, and those things were heavy. But when his legs decidedly weren’t snapped in half, he could take a few moments to examine it closer. It took a while for him to figure out how to turn it on, but when he did, he was even more confused. It was like one of the huge machines he had seen- the ones that could figure out arithmetic and things like that in an instant- except ten times as small, and much more complex. Well, at least the bottom half still resembled a typewriter. It didn’t take him all that long to figure out what to do, all things considered. Or maybe it did, and he just didn’t feel the time passing. Either way, he figured out how to use this new device, and was understandably amazed. It was the most technologically advanced thing he could have ever dreamed of- something out of science fiction, really. But apparently, this was what he had missed while dead. After a bit more discovery, Steven managed to find his way onto something called “YouTube”. It seemed to be an infinite amount of television shows in one place! It ranged from present-day to videos from before his time, and he watched what felt like every single one, until something hit him. Perhaps someone had recorded Morris singing all those years ago! He quickly went down a rabbit hole of every old recording uploaded that he could find. Unfortunately, there was no mention of the white-clad singer in any of them, and Steven was slowly starting to grow discouraged. All of these videos, and not one mention of his hero? He was about to give up before he noticed a video on the “trending” page. Two men standing in front of a black and white background. One dressed in a black suit, and one in a white suit. They were advertising a new channel: Unus Annus. Steven was torn. He had found Morris again… and Otis was next to him. Sure, they were calling themselves “Mark” and “Ethan”, but he knew it was them. It wasn’t fair! Why had they been brought together again, but he was still alone?! Steven sat in angry silence for a while, before realizing something. Wherever he was now, his powers were still working. And if they had worked on the pair before… A much-too-evil grin started to grow on his face as he thought more. If he still couldn’t have Morris, then Otis couldn’t have Morris! And there was one sure-fire way he knew of to mess with that idiot’s life. He picked up his pen.

#oc writing #really hesitant to add to the unus annus tag #so just that tag

0 notes

dontfindyourcenter · 6 years

Text

Chapter 11: Running on empty

Rules: https://dontfindyourcenter.tumblr.com/post/177027661290/rules

Previous chapter: https://dontfindyourcenter.tumblr.com/post/177512216930/chapter-10-trial-4-trials-fourever-after

Right - I’m technically meant to be going to the Dimensional Research Lab now, but Mr. Nancy the Dewpider is about half the level of all my other pokemon, and you know what that means! TRAINING MONTAGE! Except this time, it’s a TRAINING MONTAGE WHERE EVERYONE INVOLVED OTHER THAN THE ONE BEING TRAINED IS EXHAUSTED AND VERY BADLY INJURED!

The middle of Lush Jungle. It is impossible to tell if the beads of light that do make it through the trees come from the sun or the moon. Gradually, however, small groups of morelull wander into the scene, and as we see these pokemon emit more and more blue light from the caps of their heads, it becomes easier to see our hero, Pokemon Trainer Tori, walking towards the camera. By her side is Mr. Nancy, a confident little dewpider who is clearly very excited to be a part of a team. Behind the two of them, not even bothering to walk in a cool arrowhead formation, Tori’s five other pokemon are stumbling along looking like extras in a critically acclaimed war movie. Many are visibly thinner than usual, still clearly recovering from having been badly poisoned in the third trial; the others are merely covered in bruises from having been beaten up in the fourth.

Tori frankly looks like she’d rather be stumbling along with the rest of the party; it’s clear from the bags under her eyes that she hasn’t slept in days. But hey, this is where the choices she’s made in life have led her. She has no-one to blame but herself.

Suddenly, Pokemon Trainer Tori points to the right of the screen, and the camera zooms back out - keeping Tori on the left side of the screen the whole time - until the picture is a wide screen with Tori and Mr. Nancy on one side and a wild fomantis on the other, with Tori still pointing at the wild pokemon. Tori makes some kind of gesture at her pokemon; though the only audible music is very quiet, atmospheric stuff that couldn’t possibly drown out anything, the words that Tori says are still indecipherable, as though she just has no energy left whatsoever to make legible noises with her mouth.

Mr Nancy bounds forward on his three spindly legs, but stops early enough that she is still just about on the left half of the screen. The battle starts with the fomantis using Razor Leaf, a bunch of leaves flying out from under the wild plant’s collar and flying into Mr Nancy. Some of the leaves bounce off the surprisingly rigid surface of the bubble protecting Nancy’s head, while many others cause cuts in the lower half of his body. Though clearly hurt, Mr. Nancy is quickly able to bounce back and get a critical hit with a Bug Bite attack, pulling the fomantis into the bubble around his head and clamping down with his teeth until the fomantis passes out.

Cut to Tori and her other five pokemon; though Tori is in both the middle and the foreground of the shot, the focus of the camera is still on the pokemon. All five simultaneously give a sort of satisfied shrug - particularly impressive for Digit Al the magnemite, who has no shoulders - and turn to get out of the forest, content that Mr Nancy is already a decent addition to the party and that there are more useful things that they could be doing right now, like having a bit of a sleep. Tori puts up her hand though, and all at once the camera sharply focuses on her as she sighs deeply before reluctantly saying, “No...

We should still train him.”

What follows is a truly frantic succession of scenes; they transition from one to the next with such speed that the viewer must concentrate a great deal just to work out what’s going on, subconsciously mimicking the intense effort each pokemon must expend just to keep going. The scenes, which feature sights from everywhere between Wela Volcano Park and Lush Jungle, include Wash the trumbeak trying over and over again to build a nest to roost in, only to immediately be immediately knocked out of it again by wild stufful; Nina the lycanroc resorting to Biting a wild Fletchling, unable to throw rocks any more with both her arms in slings; and Hedwig the dartrix using razor leaf against a schooling wishiwashi and somehow missing even though his opponent is more than eight meters tall. The one scene that can be seen over and over again in the montage is poor Mr Nancy desperately trying to drag one of his injured teammates to the pokemon center clearly visible nearby, only for all pokemon involved to be dragged back into battle by their apologetic trainer.

Over the top of these images, we can hear a cover of the song “Highway to the Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins. It doesn’t take long for the listener to realise that the cover is being sung by someone who has been lied to his entire life about whether or not he has a good singing voice. The singer is also very out of breath and has to pause between each word, so that it sounds like “High… way… to… the…danger, zone!” At the end of the chorus it takes a really long time for him to even get the last two words out - there’s just a really long, breathy gap, and in the middle of that he says “...to the...” again just to make sure you know he’s still trying, and by the time he says “Danger zone!” the whole thing has made the audience very uncomfortable.

Now we see Tori switch one of her pokemon out and calling Mr Nancy forward, and suddenly the montage has ended. For the second time, we’re looking at a wide-screen shot of Lush Jungle with Tori and Mr Nancy on one side of the screen, a wild fomantis on the other. In fact, the framing is almost identical, but this time the lighting is much dimmer, and Mr Nancy is much more nervous around his weird, pokemon-center-avoiding trainer.

Finally, we hear Tori shout, “Nancy, use bug bite!” And Mr Nancy defeats his opponent just like he did earlier in the montage, but this time faster, stronger, and much sadder. But with that final move, the unmistakable glow of evolution illuminates the clearing until it’s nearly blinding. When the light fades, we can see that… Wash has evolved into a Toucannon.

Tori says, “Uh… congratulations and all, but… this wasn’t really about you…”

Moments later, almost as an afterthought, Mr Nancy evolves into an Araquanid, and Tori says, “Oh, sod it, I’ll take the win. Yay, everyone!”

Fin

When I do make it to the Dimensional Research Lab, I overhear Lillie trying to train Nebby up. “Nebby, use splash!” she shouts, followed by “heh… I was pretending to be Tori.” I wonder if she knows that the thing she just said is an insult. Maybe she’s got me confused with Hau.

Lillie is here to ask if it was hard for me to face three trials in a row. I’ve never agreed with her more.

Now here’s an interesting thing; the receptionist here says I “must be here for the Dimensional Research Lab” because there’s “nothing else upstairs.” But according to the lift, the Dimensional Research Lab is on the third floor. Anyone have any good conspiracy theories as to what’s on floor two? Got to be some kind of cult meeting, right? Suggestions welcome.

Up we go to meet Professor Burnet, and if you ask me - accepting that Professor Kukui is an obvious red herring - Burnet here is Suspect Number One for the Masked Royal’s secret identity. I mean, if I were to make a Drag King persona, I’d want him to look like the Masked Royal. And she wonders aloud who the Masked Royal can possibly be, like she’s Peter bloody Parker bringing in the latest pictures of Spider-Man. I’ve got my eye on you, Burnie.

Time now to head through the tunnel in the south, and if I don’t want to organise a sextuple pokemon funeral, I’d better use some healing items. I have only two super potions left, and I begrudgingly use both of them to be safe. I decide to heal Mr Nancy and Hedwig, the two pokemon with the greatest advantage against digletts. This seems like a fair bet, since the tunnel is called Diglett’s tunnel, and Hau just told me that Diglett’s Tunnel was made by digletts, and Olivia tells me that the tunnel is simply overflowing with a pokemon called diglett.

So obviously, well over half the pokemon in Diglett’s Tunnel are zubat. These zubat love to use wing attack, a move that’s super-effective against both Mr Nancy and Hedwig. I don’t know why I bother trying to think ahead sometimes, really I don’t.

By the time I get to the end of the tunnel, my team looks nearly as fragile again as it did before I went in the bloody cave in the first place, and there are two team skull grunts guarding the exit. I do realise, though, that Donna the cubone is only one level away from evolving. Since she’ll only evolve into an alolan marowak at night, and it’s three minutes to six, I decide to use a rare candy on her, and with the health she gains from evolving, she ought to be able to take a couple of hits now. Since the only obstacles I have left are only Team Skull, I figure that’ll be enough.

And I’m absolutely right. Hau shows up and we beat the Skull Goons in a double battle, and then he saves the whole damn challenge by healing my team to full health. Thank Jesus, Mewtwo and Joseph. I’ll leave you on that little miracle.

End of chapter eleven.

#Pokemon sun and moon #Pokemon moon #Alola #no Center challenge #suicide run challenge #evolution #alolan marowak #toucannon #araquanid

0 notes