Polaris Part Ten
Parts: Preview, Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven (Coming soon!)
Genre: Action, drama, romance, sci-fi, etc.
Paring: Jongin x Character
Word count: 9.3
A/N: After a long time, and update! Please enjoy the part and feel free to message me your feels! Also warning for implied sexual abuse, emotional abuse, incest... yeah... I feel bad for the person going through that in this story... BUT it’s not happening. Just talked about it happened in the past.
I feel a hand touch my shoulder as I look, seeing Chanyeol looking at me. He looks over, a small smirk on his face. He looked tired, even after getting some rest after yesterday's events. Makes sense, hard to rest after something like that. He just smiles, “Trying to replace his Fighter, huh?”
I couldn’t sleep after yesterday. The adrenaline still pumping in my veins. Memories in my mind of how I almost killed Jongin still haunted me as I just nod. If that wasn’t bad, the fact that it seems like everything I’ve ever fought for was a lie still messes with me constantly. “It’s the least I could do after,” I stop, letting my words trail off, though my mind still goes… After I ripped his heart to pieces. After I tried to kill him.
The spare Fighter in front of me, the missing thruster replaced with a brand new spare that was in the the Hanger. Turns out if you say you’re rebuilding a Fighter for Captain Kim Jongin people tend to let you have whatever needed. I had my pick of the litter, and got a brand new one. I look back at the cool metal, making all the adjustments that Jongin liked for his Fighter. I know how he wanted Aryl like the back of my hand. I could have worked on that ship with my eyes closed and a hand behind my back I knew it so well. Making him a new one is going to be relatively easy. It’ll just take a few hours.
I close my eyes, remember seeing him hit the bomber. My heart in my throat in fear as I stared. It felt like an eternity for him to reappear after ejecting. It was hard to keep my eyes on him after that, so the fear was there, under my skin until it was all said and done.
“Jongin doesn’t blame you,” Chanyeol says, sitting down next to me. I should have knows he could see it. How all this was affecting me. “He thinks he’s only alive because of you. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”
If anything, that makes me feel worse. Guilty. “I just can’t believe she would do such a thing to her own brother,” I muttered, before taking a step back. I wipe the grease of my fingers, seeing it stain anyways. I frown, looking to the cockpit, “I have to replace the steering wheel with a stick, change the wheels to the smaller ones and put the protective film that he likes on the canopy.” I sigh, looking at Chanyeol. His white irises looking at me with worry. “I’ll just feel a lot better if I get this done. It wouldn’t take long if he wasn’t so damn picky, though.”
“He gets that from his Father,” I hear a voice behind me.
I turn, seeing a pale haired woman, Junmyeon with her. She smiles, and instantly I knew who she looked like. The same smile. The way way their eyes light up. She was stunning, just like Sehun. Etherions usually are. I turn, biting my lip. She looked out of place on the hanger of our transport ship. Tools, grease and the smell of the recently welded metal in the air. She was dressed in a beautiful light blue dress and heeled shoes, her hair braided into two pigtails. Someone that beautiful should be far away from places like this.
“Um… Hello,” I say, feeling incredibly awkward. “I’m Lyra Lang.”
I see Chanyeol hold back a laugh from my awkward introduction. I quickly toss him a glare before looking back at her. She smiles, walking forward. She hold out her hand, “Kim Minjee!”
I stick my hand out, seeing it dirty and calloused, “Um…”
She takes it, shaking it with a soft grip. She smiles at me, “It’s nice to meet you, Lyra Lang.” She smiles, looking at the Fighter behind me. “I take it this will be my son’s new Fighter?”
I nod, looking at it. I felt awkward here. The guilt still rising and I glanced at her again. I wonder if she would have hated me if she knew I almost succeeded in killing her youngest child? I look back to the ship, “He’ll have to paint it himself, though… but it’s the least I can do after… well, everything yesterday.”
She nods, “Is it ok if I stay here while I wait for him to wake up? I know some mechanics don’t care for people to watch them…”
“F-feel free,” I say, feeling my face heat up. “But… don’t be alarmed if you try to talk to me and I don’t hear you. I kind of get into a zone…”
“I don’t want to distract you,” She says with a smile, sitting down on one of the stools by one of the many tall tool boxes. “Besides, I have Junmyeon to talk to. I just wanted to see the woman who saved my son’s life years ago.”
I pause, just staring at her. I hear Chanyeol cough after a few seconds, causing me to look away finally. “Oh… cool,” I say, before turning around. I hear Chanyeol laugh. I elbow him, causing him to fall from his seat. He turns, talking to Junmyeon and Mrs. Kim.
Just as I thought, I got into a zone. I had to wipe down the canopy, making sure it was perfectly clean before putting on the specific film that Jongin likes on it. It’s always a pain in the ass as I sit in the seat, pressing a small plastic square to the inside of the canopy. One side of it was curved, made specifically for this. No air bubbles, as I take a sharp knife around the edges to cut away the excess. After that I change the wheels. Thankfully Chanyeol was there, using the machine to help lift the fighter so I could change the landing gear to the ones with the smaller wheels. Smaller, less weight meant that he could go faster as it’s less overall weight for the whole Fighter.
The biggest pain was the fucking steering stick. I had to deactivate the battery, empty all the fuel and then start so I couldn’t risk electrocution. Then I had to remove the seat with Chanyeol’s help and set down there and start carefully changing the hardware. The wires are specific and if you don’t connect them right, it could make the Fighter go left when they wanted to go right. Cutting the wires, twisting them with the ones that connect to the stick always leaves me with little needle like cuts on my fingers. More uncomfortable than painful really.This is the most important change I was making, so I had to concentrate on it very hard.
After an hour of connecting wires, moving hardware and reconnecting, I smile as I push the stick back and forth. Chanyeol had reconnected the battery for me so I could test it. The horizontal stabilizers moved the way I wanted them to as I moved the stick. I smile. Glad it was done perfectly. I’ve only had to do that a few times, but every time it make me nervous.
I stand, a lot more room after the seat was taken out just in time to see the from the open opening in the hanger, Jongin move, looking and his eyes landing on his mother. He was frozen in the spot, as she looks over, a huge smile on her face. I see tears comes to her eyes as she moves. Jongin bolts towards her, holding her tightly as she cried tears of joy. I smile, crouching and leaning on the edge of the Fighter. It was heartwarming, seeing them reunite.
Jongin mutters something in a language I didn’t know, as she replies back in it. I see his eyes get a little teary before he just holds her closer. She nods, “I’m so proud of you, My little Nini.” She laughs, “Though I suppose I can’t call you little anymore, can I?”
He pulls away, looking and seeing Junmyeon crying, as Jongdae walked in after Jongin. “Minseok,” He asks, looking at their second eldest brother.
“He and the Judicial head are both intrum commanders. He’s been busy nonstop,” He says, smiling fondly, “He’d have it no other way, though, since so many leadership positions are now vacant. You know him, he has to be sure that the universes know that the rest of the Syndicate had no idea about this.”
Jongin nods, “He’s good at it, making sure that everything remains calm.” He looks back at his mother, “Why the hanger, though? I thought you’d rest after traveling.”
“It took three seconds to get here,” She says, shaking her head. She smiles, before looking at me, “Besides, I wanted to meet the woman who saved you years ago, I hear.” She glances over at me, gesturing with her hand towards me, “Then I just got fascinated watching her work.”
Jongin glances over, seeing me the first time since he walked in. I feel my face flush as I just wave awkwardly. Chanyeol chokes on a sudden laugh as I frown, moving and throwing a small screwdriver at him. He dodges easily, still laughing. When I look back, I see Jongin right at the edge, looking up at me fondly.
“You’re making me a new Fighter,” He asks, the softness of his voice making me want to melt. I knew the emotions he held there, their truth and how strong they are now. He just grins at me, and I nod, not sure what else to do.
“Well… yeah. What happens if there is another attack? I’d prefer you to have a Fighter that you’re use to,” I mumble, looking away. My heart beating fast as I had to look away from him. This is bad. I’m not use to feeling like this around him and it was weird and awkward. I felt like I had to act like I normally would, try to push the feelings away for now. “J-just don’t crash this one! I’ve spend hours on it, especially on the fucking steering stick! Now, help me get the seat in so you can take it for a test flight.”
“You’re coming too,” Jongin says, nodding. Part of me wanted to say no, but I knew it was my duty as the mechanic to do so after such extensive changes. He starts to pick up the seat. I move, getting ready to grab it and help lift it in. “Someone has to be there to listen out for something going wrong, after all.”
“Well, you’re useless at it if I’m going to be honest,” I grunt, pulling the seat in side, shifting it into place.
“All I ever expect from you is honesty,” He says with a laugh. I grab the bolt and wrench. The only way to screw it in place is to hang half in the Fighter and out. I could feel my face flush, my butt hanging out as I screw the four bolts in place. I felt weird. I’ve never felt embarrassed about doing this, ever. I pout to myself as I grab the washers and nuts, pushing the release for the latch that leads to the landing gear. I slip, falling out the Fighter and onto my feet, losing balance for a moment. I feel Jongin grab my arm, holding me up as I blush, giving him a small nod of thanks.
“It’s a good thing your so small or else you wouldn’t be able to fit,” Junmyeon says, as I do a rude gesture at him. I look, seeing Mrs. Kim there, feeling embarrassed immediately. I slide into the small opening, stepping on wheel. One hand holding me up to where the bolts are as I start to secure them with the washer and nut for each one. I was an odd angle as I had to hold myself up using the oxygen pipe. Thankfully it didn’t take long as I look, making sure I didn’t damage the oxygen line. I check the oxygen tank, happy that it was about 93 percent full. It’s only used if the oxygen converter in the ship is damaged or if the canopy is damaged.
I get out, scraping my arm as I tumbled out. I frown, seeing a small cut on my forearm.
“You ok,” Chanyeol asks, looking over. If anyone knows the pain of getting constant cuts on your arms and hands over working in mechanics, it’s him.
I just wave him off, walking over and finding a roll of paper towels. I made sure to fold it easily, before placing it on my arm and grabbing the tape, wrapping it around. I smile, happy with my quick bandage as I see Jongin coming back from the rest of the ship, a jumpsuit on and the helmet from the spare in his hands.
“Kyungsoo is going to be so annoyed when he sees that,” Junmyeon says.
“I’m sure he has people in a lot more need that me. I think he’ll be fine if I didn’t go to him over a simple cut,” I say, before Jongin pushes a helmet in my hands. I look at him, pointing, “I swear, if you don’t warn me this time when you go to roll-”
He laughs, smiling, “I will, I promise Lyra.”
I stopped, feeling my heart momentarily stop seeing how he looked at me so fondly. The man before we went on this trip would have been smirking. Said something rude or flirted. Not him now, though. The real him. He looks at me like I’m the light of his life now, and part of me thinks it could be true with how warm I feel right now. I feel my face go red as I just poke him in the chest, “You’re painting it. Base color and all.” I look at Chanyeol, “Mind fueling it?”
He gives me a thumbs up.
I hear Jongin laugh as I feel my heart racing. Part from Jongin and part from going to be in a Fighter again. I quickly get in, putting on my helmet and attaching my oxygen line easily. I bucked myself in as Jongin slides in, doing the same. He connects to the radio.
“Captain Kim reporting to ATC. ATC please reply,” He says, before looking out the windshield. Chanyeol gives him the thumbs up after removing the blocks for the wheels.
“Officer number,” I hear a voice ask, hearing the sound of the woman from before, Jesimine. I could feel a small, bitter jealousy in me. I roll my eyes, pushing it away. He can do what he wants. It’s fine.
Jongin speaks quickly, “0307KJI88.”
“Reason for flight,” She asks, and I could tell she’s being very professional, which I appreciate.
“Test flight. New Fighter and I want to break it in,” He says.
“What changes,” she asks, “Sorry, we have to ask every time there has been a change to a Fighter.”
“New wheels, protection film on the canopy, new thruster and steering stick,” He says, turning the Fighter on, starting to roll out the Hanger of the ship. Right ahead of us was a take off stip, so he drives us to the edge, right in the middle as he waits.
“Just you or is there someone else,” She asks, “Sorry, we’ve been instructed to be incredibly strict about these things.”
“I’d be concerned if you weren’t,” Jongin says, flipping a switch. “Myself and my mechanic.”
“Their name and number?”
“Master Sergeant Lyra Lang, number 0307LLI36,” I say, calmly.
“Permission to fly. Try to give the scrap collection ships some room to work,” She says, “Have a safe flight, Jongin. And off the record, if you’d like something else to ride later-”
“I’m fine, thank you,” Jongin says, cutting her off before taking off.
I grip onto the handle on the back of his seat. The force making me completely lean back. Soon we’re in the air, the speed much more manageable now that we’ve taken off. I look, seeing Scrap collectors trying to get all the metal from the fight. After all, we don’t want to pollute, and that metal could be useful still.
A few passes around the island, I hear him laugh. It makes me smile, knowing how much he loves flying. He always seemed happiest when flying. “Seems to be going well,” He says over the inner comms.
“I guess you should fly it like you want to,” I say. “I don’t want it falling apart on you.”
Immediately we go into a dive. I let out a small yell in surprise, hearing him laugh. He turns, rolling as he moves towards the training area for Fighter pilots. The stone structures that teach them how to dodge. I scream, looking like we were going to hit one only for him to twirl away. He weaves in and out of them easily. The whole time he was laugh as I was clutching the handle tightly. Soon, we were heading back to the base. I felt my stomach rolling.
He lands, leaving the Fighter out of the ship. The canopy lifts, as I quickly unbuckle the belts and strapping the second helmet in the compartment for it. I move, hopping over Jongin who had just turned off the engine as I get on the wing and slip down to the ground. “Sweet ground,” I say, falling and laying on my back. It took everything I had not to puke everything in my stomach up.
Jongin’s laugh made me feel butterflies in my stomach as well as I hear someone land on the ground right next to me. I look, seeing him smiling down at me. He holds a hand down for me, “Come on. Gotta start painting her. Wouldn’t want you in the splash zone.”
“If I puke it’s your fault,” I mutter, taking his hand. He pulls me up, wincing from the pain in his side. I glance at the silver metal of the Fighter. “So,” I say, “Same paint job?”
“Maybe a little different,” He says with a smile.
“Well, I’ll leave you to it I guess. I’m going to get some sleep finally,” I say, stretching.
I see Jongin frown. The worry on his face as he seemed to pout a little, “You didn’t sleep?”
“Well, you know… guilt and stuff,” I mutter, “It doesn’t matter. I know you, don’t feel bad, ok?” I say, seeing him looked shocked I recognized exactly what he was thinking. “I’ll get over it soon. Just… you know, reconnect with your Mom and paint a fighter that’s worth my time to maintain upkeep, yeah?”
My words didn’t take the worry from him. He just places a hand on my shoulder, “I don’t blame you. I never could. You have to know that, right?”
I could feel tears coming to my eyes as I glance at the ground, “But I do.”
“Lyra,” He says, the sound of his hurt voice breaking my heart.
I shake my head, “It doesn’t matter. What matters is we have to figure out what the fuck to do now that… that everything we’ve been fighting for is a lie.”
Jongin opens his mouth, about to try and speak before we hear another voice cut in.
“I take it the fighter is good to go,” Chanyeol says, calling over.
I move, nodding at him before walking away. I made sure to walk a few steps before I let myself wipe the tears away.
Sehun sighs, looking into the eyes of Judge Krims. The man, born and raised on Mars, raised to the highest Judicial position in the Syndicate after 24 years of work. He was fairly stern, his black hair starting to go grey. He wore all black, except on the suit coat was the LEDs that show the red of the judicial branch, along with his name glowing on the left of his chest. He looked at Sehun, eyes unflinching.
Not that he didn’t expect this to happen. He knew that Junmyeon’s station records audio. In an emergency situation, it’s copied off site as well. So, even if he went in and deleted him talking about murdering a once king, he still would have been found out.
Yixing’s hand was on Sehun’s shoulder, touching it softly. The special operative looks at the older made, “Do we have a deal?”
“You want immunity for him in exchange for the proof of corruption,” He asks, looking at Yixing. He sighs, “Well, from the little I know, seems like he would have been executed anyways.”
Yixing nods, patting Sehun’s shoulder. “So? Deal?”
“Only if he also gives up the time manipulator as well,” Judge Krims says. “Give it and the information and I’ll consider this nothing more than misdemeanor protection actions.”
Misdemeanor protection actions can range from assault all the way to murder. A crime that is a misdemeanor protection murder would be something along the lines of killing someone who imprisoned people, an abused spouse killing their husband or wife, or someone killing someone else in self defence. A few years ago, a Syndicate officer was charged with misdemeanor murder charge after killing the prime minister of a planet because he was killing people in order to sell their organs.
Sehun quickly tosses the small bit of metal to the man, “Done.”
A few minutes of contractions and papers, everything set in stone. Only the Judicial head and or a member of the council could see it on his record. Yixing looked at Sehun, smiling. “I’ve gotta be here while this all goes down, but I have a few minutes.”
“Please don’t ask me about Rhys-” Sehun starts, before getting cut off by Yixing’s hand placed over his mouth.
“Your father, Sehun,” He says, quietly.
Sehun feels the familiar bubbling of anger rising in him anytime he thinks about his father. He takes Yixing’s hand, before moving to one of the interrogation rooms. This one looked in on and empty all white room, the lights off. A small table and chairs by the window, pushed forward. Readers and recorders on it. Yixing flicked the lights on, looking at Sehun.
It was quiet. Sehun could hear his own heart beating in his ears as he looked away. He turned his back to Yixing, feeling tears some to his eyes. “What do you want me to say? I regret it? No. I don’t.”
Silence met him still.
“He was an asshole. A disgusting pedophile who hurted everyone around him.” The tears fell as Sehun felt his hands shaking. The sheer force of the anger and shame he was feeling made him feel like the room was closing him on him. For years people thought he was such an amazing person. A family man with the perfect wife and perfect son that he loved just so so much!” He practically spits out, closing his eyes for a moment. “The most beloved ambassador, they called him.” He looked at the wall, covered in black foam so it could dampen the sound of speaking. “They didn’t know what when he came home at night, he’d tie his son up and force him to do sick things. Force ME to do sick things.” He glared, letting out a laugh in anger, “And my mother. She’d just let it happen and try to drink the memories away.” Sehun laughed, a little harder this time. “The story of my mother’s death was it was a tragic accident. It wasn’t.” He turned, looking at Yixing, seeing the spy with tears in his eyes.
In that moment, he didn’t care, though. All the anger he’s held on coming out. The truth no one knew. “She killed herself because she found out she was pregnant with another child. Left a note saying she won’t let him hurt another.”
The anger was uncontrollable, unconsolable now. “Yet she let him DO IT TO ME,” He screamed, flipping the table making it it the glass. It cracked, not shattering thanks to being reinforced. “She stood by while it happened to me. She never cared. She HATED me,” He says, taking a chair and tossing it, watching the metal of it fold in on itself and the foam there tear. Yixing didn’t even flinch, just listened. “I looked a lot like him and she hated me from the moment I was born.” Sehun’s lip quivers, “I killed him. It was so easy,” He says, looking at Yixing. “I just had to wait until he came back. He always comes from a trip and immediately find me. I hid a knife under the pillows of his bed. When he was too busy being an incestious disgusting fuck, I stabbed him. Right in the neck.”
Sehun shakes his head, wiping at the tears, “When they asked, I said someone came in. Attacked us. Since it was only a month after my mother killed herself, I told them I had a night terror and went to him for comfort. They were so fooled by the charade my father put on that they didn’t even question it. Of course he’d comfort his song after his mother died. He couldn’t possible have actually been fucking his own son since I was four.” Sehun looked up at Yixing, “The hardest part of the whole thing wasn’t having to let myself get used by him the last time. It was pretending to be sad at his funeral.”
Sehun stepped forward, “I heard you. Talking about what he did. They took the metal out and I was walking in but stopped. I… I couldn’t let that man live after he hurt you. Hurt Lyra… just like I’ve been hurt.” Sehun just stills, looking up, feeling his throat feel tight as he wipes his eyes. “I couldn’t let the possibility of him hurting either of you again. Be it then or later in life.”
Yixing pulls him into a hug, holding him tightly. “You don’t have to explain it to me, Sehun,” He mutters. “I understand. I promise, I understand.” Yixing just shakes his head, “I got a job where I got to kill men like him for a reason. I needed a way to let out that pent up anger. It’s not exactly healthy, but it works.”
The spy pulls away, wiping the tears off of Sehun’s face. “You’re not a monster. You’re still Sehun. I don’t think of you any differently.”
Sehun nods, and Yixing can’t help but think the Etherion looks younger than usual. Like his age, for once. The layer of armor cracked, letting the pain out after years of pinning it inside.
When he’s like this, Yixing knows that the best thing for him is to try and help someone. Anyone. He presses a kiss to his forehead, “Go check on Jongin. I don’t think he’s going to be doing well. I’ll deal with all this,” He says, guestering to the broken things.
A quick shove out the door was all Sehun needed. He nodded, knowing what he was doing and was thankful for it. It didn’t take to find him, after all, just asking around you’ll get the answer. He’s a fairly well known man, and draws attention even when he doesn’t want it. It took him awhile to walk out there, though. Enough time to collect himself and look presentable. Not like he just broke everything in an interrogation room. He sees him, taping off parts of his Fighter. The base layer a light beige already. Beside him, sitting down on a metal cargo box was a woman. Her hair like his. The Kim’s mother. Junmyeon told him about what Yixing found out. It was just the two of them, oddly enough. Though, the other two Kim’s are very high ranking officers and probably called to work for something. Minseok still in charge, with Judge Krims the actual highest rank. Jongdae was sleeping, having pulled an all nighter helping Kyungsoo the best he could along with the other medical officers.
Jongin looks back, smiling. “Mom,” He says, looking at the woman, “This is Sehun. My flying partner and the best friend anyone could ask for.”
The woman glances over, and smiles. Most people when they see an Etherion for the first time stop and stare, blinded by their beauty. Other Etherions are pretty much immune to the effect. Sehun nods, “Hello. Just… came to check on you.”
Jongin’s smiled twiched into a frown for a moment. Sehun could see he wasn’t exactly fine as he turned away to hide it. “I’m good. Just trying to paint my new Fighter. So much work was put into it by L-” Jongin pauses, looking towards the paints. Sehun could see his back tense, “By Lyra. I should… you know. At least make it descent.”
“Well, you’d never hear the end of it if she thought it was ugly,” Sehun remarks, moving and jumping onto the wing. “Give me the paint. Got to add my mark, you know?”
All flying partners add a mark to each other’s ships. Jongin just smiled up at him, before moving and grabbing the dark blue paint and a small, finer brush. It was handed over, as Sehun laid down, feet dangling off the wing.
“When did you two meet,” Mrs. Kim asks.
“I met this asshole after training was completed,” Sehun says, smirking while popping the top off of the paint. “A few months earlier is… well, the incident. We all heard about him. A newly fresh graduated Flyer, hero to so many. We were paired up to be temporary partners. This dickhead was always playing out of formation, racing off and generally fucking up the plan.”
“Thanks,” Jongin says, sitting on top of the latter.
“I’m not going to lie to your mother,” Sehun says, rolling his eyes. “After we landed, I confronted him. We ended up getting into a bit of a scuffle-”
“That I won,” Jongin says, and Sehun could hear the smirk.
“He did win,” Sehun says, “However, after I told him that just because he was a hero doesn’t mean he gets to act like he’s better than us, he said something that made me really see the actual problem.”
“‘I’m not a fucking hero, stop saying that,’” Jongin says, frowning.
Sehun nods, painting elegant lines easily. “He was acting out because he was… well, traumatized. He needed therapy. So, borrowed a pair of gravi-cuffs-”
“He stole them,” Jongin interrupts.
“Got them on him and proceeded to drag him to Kyungsoo. After telling him what was going on, he assigned Jongin mandatory therapy sessions before he was allowed to even look at a Fighter again.”
“After the first few, I saw that Sehun actually was looking out for me, so I went to him and apologized for-”
“Being a complete dickhead,” Sehun says, nodding. “Then, immediately after, it was choosing partners time. As the stop of both of our groups, he picked first.”
“And I picked Sehun, because no one besides you or my brothers have ever looked out for me the way he has,” Jongin says, nodding. “Best decision I’ve ever made.”
“I think getting Lyra to agree to be your mechanic was the best one you made,” Sehun says, smiling down at his mark. The date they became partners with the symbol he painted on his Fighter. A circle made of small crescent moons.
Sehun sees Jongin tense again. Now Sehun knows that it’s because of her that he was nervous and anxious. He looks over at his mother, seeing her notice it too. She seemed to want to find a gentle approach to the subject.
Sehun doesn’t.
“Why are you so nervous when Lyra is brought up,” Sehun asks, moving so he could see Jongin’s face as he finally finished taping the design out.
Jongin froze, his face pained. He stops, “Did no one tell you?”
“Obviously not,” Sehun says, looking worried.
“My sister… she implanted that nanotech into Lyra again,” He says, moving towards the paint. The inreadecent silver he used to write the name of the people who died that day. He’s memorized them all. He moves back, “She ordered Lyra to… confess that she loved me. To kiss me… then, right when I was happy and thought that she…” Sehun sees him stop, the absolute heartbreak on his face, “my sister ordered her to try to kill me.”
Sehun was stunned. He didn’t know what to say, as he sees his mother look shocked too. Mrs. Kim stayed silent, not exactly knowing what to say.
“When she failed, my sister then instructed her to kill herself,” Jongin says, his hands shaking. He looks at the bandage on his hand. “She was about to plunge the knife into her throat, so instead, I made her stab my hand and knocked her out after I managed to ask the right questions. The ones that circumvent my sisters instructions.”
“Jongin,” Mrs. Kim says, frowning. Sehun looks at her, seeing her eyes tear up too. He can’t imagine what it must be to find out that not only did one of your children almost die multiple times not even 48 hours ago, but the other one was one of the causes of it.
Jongin set the paint down, getting off the ladder. When he turns, tears were in his eyes. “I love her. I have for years. I never said anything. Never did anything about it because I…” He looked down, “Dad made us feel worthless. That unless we stayed with him and did his bidding we would be nothing. No one would love us. No one would care about us. We’d never amount to anything without him. I never said anything to her because for a very long time, I believed it. So I acted like an asshole to her, just to make her feel something for me.” He looks away, “I was scared of this. Rejection. For a moment I was the happiest I’ve ever been.” He says, “But it was a plot by Minjung. She finally saw the one weakness I had and used it and now Lyra was used as a tool of my father’s cruelty.” Sehun could see how tense he was, his hands shaking. All those emotions had to be killing him. He looked at Sehun, “I’ll finish this tomorrow. Can you ask them to put this up?”
Normally, Sehun would press the matter. He would not stop at the distractions Jongin would throw at him. This time, he thought that Jongin deserved some time to take a breather before they come back to this. After everything that’s happened to him these past few days, he deserves not having Sehun making him constantly face the things he’s trying to ignore. Perhaps he’ll even face them himself, without needing him.
“Only if you promise me not to seek the wrong kind of help,” Sehun says.
Jongin knows. He knows Sehun is going to give him time to get his head right on his own for once. To let him stop and think about what to do next. Jongin nods. He wouldn’t have been able to have someone warm his bed tonight even if he tried. “I promise,” He says, looking Sehun in the eyes.
“Mrs. Kim, would you like a tour,” Sehun asks, “I can bring you to Minseok and make him take a break for once in his life.”
She nods, sensing the want to be alone from her youngest son. “Sure,” She says. She stops before Jongin, smiling and kissing him on the cheek. “See you for dinner,” she asks, looking at him.
He nods, a small smile. The woman before him looks exactly like she did when he was younger. Etherions are beautiful, that is no doubt, but they stay that way too. They live quite a long while, about 200 years, no matter how much is in you, you’ll live that long. They looked as young as they did when they’re 25 all the way until they turn around 180. After that, they look in their forties in human years until they pass. It felt like she never left, for a moment. Jongin’s smile falters a moment. He wishes she never did. He wishes she would have taken them with her. “Sure. I love you, Mom,” He says, hugging her tightly. She was smaller than him, but taller than the average human. He can’t help but wonder if his sister would have turned out differently if she wasn’t left all alone with their father.
“I love you too,” She says, smiling.
Jongin turns, wanting nothing but to sleep and forget about everything for a bit. The weight of the thoughts and emotions taking a toll on him.
Minjee sighs, looking at Sehun. “He’s not ok,” She mutters softly. “I can feel it.”
“Me too,” Sehun mutters. “That’s to be expected, though, given what he’s just been though.”
“But that doesn’t make it any easier to watch,” she mutters sadly.
“No, it doesn’t,” Sehun agrees, looking back and seeing Jongin entering the building that he’s staying in.
Feeling my body suddenly move made me jump, fist moving before I could even take into account what was happening. A hand catches mine and I look around, seeing Jongdae just outside my room. He frowns, glaring at the person who was literally holding me captive.
“You could have been nicer,” He says, “She’s not a criminal, she’s just being questioned.” He looked angry, the dark circles under his eyes making him look mean.
The people holding me stop, both looking like humans, though probably from Mars. Their uniforms show the name of the Martian Syndicate base, meaning they are here with the head of the Judicial branch of all of the Syndicate.
My head feels like it’s pounding as I try to rub the sleep from my eyes, “Can I change first?” I look, seeing myself in my usual pajama wear. A thin strapped top and pretty short shorts are not exactly what I want to be wearing around the base. They nod, but don’t move. “Can you at least turn the fuck around?”
“No can do,” The man to my left says, Wystrian pink eyes looking at me.
“Fuck off,” I mutter, but change anyways. I decided against the uniform, instead going for jeans and a tee that had the Syndicate badge on it, and the name of the base I came from on the back. I managed up put my hair up and slip on some socks and shoes before I was being dragged out the room, my hands cuffed behind me.
“That’s a bit much,” Jongdae says, clearly pissed at how this was being handled.
“Precautionary,” The man says, keeping one hand on the cuffs at my back and the other on my shoulder, leading me where he wants me to go. “After all, she did attack another officer.”
“Have you not been paying attention,” Jongdae hisses at him, face getting redder in anger.
“But we don’t know that for sure yet,” The man says, “I’m not going to be liable if she attacks someone else.”
The other officer hold the door open, their dark skin glimmering in the sun. Their eyes pure white, looking at me and nodding. I wasn’t familiar where they are from, but they’re definitely unique. Like they had gold glitter embedded in their skin, it was stunning, honestly.
I just ignored everything, letting myself get taken into the main building. After a while, I was finally allowed to sit down. The cuff removed as I look up, seeing a man ahead of me. He looked stern, unflinching as I just leaned back against the chair.
“Master Sergeant Lang,” He says, hands on top of a file. I see my name at the corner. Obviously he would look into me after everything that went down. Best to be safe, I suppose. I look, noticing that we are the only ones in the room before looking at him.
“Executive Judge Krims,” I say, nodding.
“We’re here to discuss a few things,” He says. He’s a no nonsense type of person from what I’ve heard, so probably best to just listen to him. “As you know, we have what we call a truth serum. However, we can not force people to take it without probable cause. I’m going to ask if you are willing to do so of your own volition in order to help the Judicial officers understand what is going on.”
From one of his pockets, he produces a ember liquid. I’ve heard about this serum. The closest thing to magic that exists, in my mind. I nod, “Sure, if it will help.”
He hands it to me, and I take the lid off of the small glass vial. I take it all in one do, tasting the bitter rancid flavor. I swallow it as quickly as possible, “Ew,” I say, my face scrunched up in disgust.
“Are you Lyra Lang from Tribil,” He asks, as I notice the lights getting a bit dimmer.
“Yes sir.”
“You joined the Syndicate in order to help the people?”
I shake my head, “Not initially,” I say, the words flowing freely. “It was just to get off of Tribil and never look back. Only after that did I come to care about helping people.”
“When did you become aware of the truth of the Syndicate,” He asks.
“Yixi- Captain Zhang told me about it in our ship after he made sure it was safe to speak in,” I say, looking him in the eyes, “After, he gave me the infochip with all the information and told me to hide it since he said no one would expect me to have it. I hid it on one of the blades of my ceiling fan, and then got coins that weighed about the same and taped those on the other blades of the fan.”
“That was smart,” He nods. “Are you aware of the markings used in Tribil in order to control and sexual abuse and rape them?”
“Yes sir,” I nod, “I had one.”
“For leaving, like all other Tribians?”
“For working as… well, a prostitute, I suppose you’d say,” I say, feeling my face get red from embarrassment.
“Why?”
I was relieved I didn’t feel any amount of judgement coming from him. Which, really, is odd given he is a judge. “It was that or starve. I didn’t know, not really. I was nine, and they told me it would be servant work for food. They lied.”
The man nods, writing something down, “And no one knows this because of the mark?”
“They command us not to say anything after getting the mark. You have to get it in order to leave Tribil as a Tribian.”
He nods, “And this mark is what is used to have to attack Captain Kim?”
Hearing him mentioned made me pause. The memory of my trying to stab him and the look of betrayal on his face. I nod, “I was ordered by his sister to kill him. If I couldn’t, I was ordered to take my own life.”
“Why you,” He asks, looking me in the eyes again.
“Because she knows Jon-Captain Kim is… is in love with me,” I say, feeling my eyes well with tears. “She wanted to make it as painful as possible for him.”
“He managed to stop you, then? From killing him as well as yourself?”
“Yes.”
“Why have her own brother killed?”
“It was a operation called Clipped Wings,” I say, nodding, “The Syndicate were killing Krytons at a faster than expected pace. Soon we’d go looking and brought the fight to them, only to discover the truth.” I wipe my face with my hands from nerves. “So, the upper commanders besides… well, you, thought of plans to kill those who are the best at it. Captain Kim is the best Fighter pilot in this or any galaxy,” I say with a small smile, “I’d bet on it. For them, someone that good was a detriment to their plans.”
Krims looks up at me, a bit of a curious look. “How do you know he’s the best?”
I smile, “He thinks he’s clever, but I know he’ll get hit by laser cannons on purpose. Just enough for a superficial surface repair. In order to see me.”
“How can you tell?”
“I’ve been in a ship with him,” I say, “I’ve seen him fly. If he doesn’t want to be hit, he won’t be. It’s like he reacts faster than everyone else out there.”
“What’s your relationship with Captain Kim?”
“I.. I’ve been his mechanic for years. Friend now that he stopped acting like an asshole.” I smile to myself, “And I…” I stop shaking my head to myself, “Fuck… I love him. The idiot.”
He smiles, and I see the serious fading a bit. It seems as if he’s calming down for now. Seems like he knows I am not a threat.
“Did you know the truth about the Syndicate creating Krytons before Yixing told you that day?”
“No sir,” I say, shaking my head. “If I knew, I would have left the Syndicate.”
“And not tell anyone?”
“No one would believe me with no proof. It would have been brushed off and the other Commanders would have had someone assassinate me in order to stop me from telling everyone.” I shrug, “It would have been best to try to get from out of territory under the Syndicates control and then say something.”
He nods, opening the file. I see a hologram pop up from a flat hard drive. I see the face of a man pop up, his hair long and wild, looking as if it was taken via security footage.
“Do you know this man,” He asks, looking at me closely.
I shake my head, “No sir.”
“He’s a murderer and black market smuggler,” He says, “Are you sure you don’t know him?”
“I’ve never seen him as far as I know,” I say looking up, “I take it he worked on Tribil?”
He nods, “He’s a wanted man who was seen on Tribil, thought it was worth a shot.” He looks at me, “Are you with us? Against the upper management who made the Krytons?”
“Hell yes I am,” I nod.
He nods, smiling, “Then you are free to go. I apologize for the rough treatment. I’d rather be safe than sorry. There is someone still hiding on the base who’s still working for them.”
I stop, remembering when I was awaken to having the mark again. Seeing Minjung smirking at me after reactivating my tattoo. The man with her. “Yser. Have you found Yser? He was the one who got the marks on me and Minjung I don’t know his last name.”
He stopped, looking at me with wide eyes. He takes a radio from his side, I was him walk out, talking into it as he moves quickly. “I need every Judicial protection officer to go and find Yser Dimitrl. If he gets violent, stop him.” I look over, seeing Jongdae walk in, along with Minseok.
“Am I free to go?”
Minseok nods, looking at me with a smile. “You have just uncovered our spy.” He says, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Also...love him, huh?”
“I’m not afraid to punch you,” I say, looking at him.
He just laughs, “I’m just happy for you that you’re admitting your feelings.”
I roll my eyes, leaving him behind me as I see him immediately taken to do more work. I turn, seeing Jongdae who looked calmer. “Sorry,” He says, “At least they let me be there for the rude awakening.”
“I appreciate it,” I nod, yawning. “What time is it, anyways?”
“Seven in the morning,” He steps beside me as we start to leave the main building. “From what I know, you’ve been asleep for about a day and a half.”
“Fuck,” I say, whining. “I guess I should get actual food.”
Jongdae smiles, “Probably. Go ask Kyungsoo if he’ll cook something for you.”
“Isn’t he still busy?”
“Probably, but he likes to cook because it gives him a chance to relax,” He says, “I, unfortunately, have a lot of paperwork to do. Take some of the burden off Minseok.”
I frown, “He ok? Not overworking himself?”
“We just convinced him to go get some sleep for the first time just an hour ago,” He shakes his head, “We Kim’s love to overwork ourselves. Find it hard to rest sometimes if we know something is to be done.”
“You need sleep too, don’t you?”
He smiles, “I will after I do some of this paperwork. You have my word.”
“Be a shame if I have to hunt you down and carry you to bed,” I say, pointing at him.
“Any other time I’d LOVE to hear a woman say that to me,” He laughs, shaking his head as he waved, leaving and going back in the building.
I turn, looking at the rest of the base from here. I stretch, rubbing my neck before heading back to my room. I grab my reader, along with my personal info chip and tied my hair up as I moved.
Walking off base, it was like the island became a whole new world. News about the Syndicate everywhere, people angry and feeling betrayed. I know that a statement and press conference already happened, looking at my reader as I was waiting at a local diner for breakfast. Apparently it was worse, people at the fences of the base practically rioting. Not that I blame them. I feel used too.
That calmed down after Minseok spoke about how those involved were being delivered the justice they deserve, no matter their ranking. Nothing happening to Tribil yet, but the Syndicate should restore people that are trusted to power. Four positions on the council to fill, the only one still occupied is Krim’s, the head of the Judicial branch.
I sip my coffee, looking out my window to see the beach just forty feet away. The head of Science will probably go to Izzya M’bai. Her discoveries of nano tech and thus, the creation of EVO-Blood has saved many lives. She could be a shout for the Medical head, but she’s always been a scientist first and foremost.
I feel something move as I look over, seeing Mrs. Kim smiling at me as she shoots in. I look over, seeing Sehun and Jongin. My heart felt like it climbed in my throat after what just happened. What I just admitted.
Sehun lifts his foot, pressing it to my hip and side and slides me over before I could do so. He looked like he just got out the shower, hair still damp. Both of them pressed in the more casual uniforms, a pair of large pants with many pockets and a Syndicate shirt. Jongin’s hair looks like he just woke up, which is pretty much guaranteed since he loved to sleep in.
“What are you thinking about,” Mrs. Kim asks, looking at me.
“Who are going to be the new council members,” I say, as I see Sehun take the stand up tablet and start to order his food from it.
“Word I hear is Yixing is in contention for the head of defence,” Jongin says, his voice a bit gravely. He’s definitely was pulled out of bed.
Sehun pushes the tablet to them, as I rest my face against my hand. He looks over, “Political, Medical, Science, Defence…”
“Tryko Nvers, Joanna Lynch, Izzya M’Bai,” I say, looking over at Sehun’s curious look. “My three guesses.”
“And defence,” Mrs. Kim says, looking at me.
I shrug, “That one is always more complicated…”
“Something tells me if we put Minseok in that position, all of the rest of the galaxies will be angry,” I say, looking at her. “Perhaps in a few years, but for now, it’s best not to.”
“True,” Sehun says, “The people on the island have called down, but there are still a lot of riots.”
“Which is why we have to find everyone involved and show everyone that we are not going to let their treachery stand,” Jongin says. “I wouldn’t be shocked if they executed the commanders involved.”
“Broadcast it too,” Mrs. Kim asks, looking at her son.
He nods, “It would show everyone that these people are not what the Syndicate are about.”
“That’s true, it… fuck,” Sehun says, looking out, his eyes wide.
I turn, seeing a ship slowly landing. The gold insignia on the side of the spacecraft made my blood boil. The triangle with a pick on the inside, the symbol of Tribil. Above it, was a crown.
The Royal crest.
I stand, moving quickly. I hear Jongin call out my name before I move, running as fast as I could. My feet going the quickest way possible back on base, to the landing strip.
It can’t be.
I see the doors open, a small troop of soldiers. All in gold and black. Their uniforms ornate, the spears they hold looking more for ceremony than actual combat. I feel someone grab my arm, before I see Jongin standing next to me. I look back, seeing Mrs, Kim and Sehun running too.
When I turned back, I saw him.
He was tan, unlike his father. Tall, with his black suit with golden accents. On his head a gold crown on top of his black hair. His eyes unlike his father’s too. Still the Jurist black, the the irises are silver. He was imposing, threatening.
Memories flood to my mind, a teen smiling cruely as he ordered me around. Seeing him go from that to a young man, all the while as cruel as ever. I fought back tears as I see Minseok and Krims walking up, both looking surprised by the sudden visit.
“Welcome to Earth, your highness,” Krims says. No warmth in his voice at all. “Surprised by your sudden visit.”
“My people are worried,” He says, voice deep. “I wanted to come and find out answers. Had I known that this base was in a place like this, I would have prepared to enjoy a vacation after all our ordeals are set.” He looks at Minseok, “After all, you are letting the murderer of my father go free. For this I can not let stand.”
“Let’s talk, then,” Krims says, “We have much to discuss.”
Theo Rhys looks around, eyes meeting mine. I see the faintest of smiles on his face. He looks away, nodding and following after them, his guards walking behind. I hear his voice, loud and clear as he speaks, “While were here, I’d like to you tell every Tribian in this galaxy they are to return to Tribil until further notice.”
I felt it. The deep fear I’ve never felt since I left Tribil. A different kind of fear, as I move, walking away, shaking my head. I feel someone grab me, before turning me. I see Jongin, his face angry.
“Lyra,” He says, “I won’t let him take you. I won’t. You won’t go back, I swear.”
Before I could stop myself, I started to just sob into his shoulder, clinging onto him. “I c-can’t Jongin! I can’t go back! They’ll use me again!”
“They don’t know we know,” He mutter quietly. “They won’t get you. They won’t get Yixing. I’ll do anything I have to do in order to stop it.” He makes me look him in the eyes, “I promise, Lyra. Iz wha tri monsil, tri kree tu mo.”
“What?”
“Etherion,” He says quietly, “It means ‘It is my promise, my swear to you’. Etherions say that as a vow that they are going to do whatever the task is or die trying.” He nods at me, “You are never going to Tribil again while someone like that is in power. While a system like that is in power.”
I cling to him, my forehead in his chest as I just cry my heart out. I’m sure people must have been looking at us weird, but it didn’t matter. Jongin just held me through it all, making sure I wasn’t alone when I needed someone the most.
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WisCon 42 panel Female Friendship
Female Friendships in Our Stories panel description:
Women are often portrayed as competitive and territorial in media. In science fiction, this can be even stronger as the Smurfette principle often rules, and many of the women characters fill the "not like other girls" trope. It's rare to see genuine female friendships flourish in our stories. For many of us, the "mean girl" trope does not reflect the reality that we live in, and we're hungry for better depictions of our lived experiences. More stories are digging deeper into what female friendships can and do look like, however. Shows like Big Little Lies, Grace and Frankie, and Insecure; as well as female-led movies such as the new Ghostbusters and the Pitch Perfect series are some examples. Few of these are SFF-related though - we need more!
Moderator was Naomi Kritzer, with panelists Karin Gastreich, Crystal Huff, Lauren Jankowski, KJ, and Clarissa C. S. Ryan
Reminder that these panel notes are only my own recollections and the things I managed to write down - my notes are incomplete and likely faulty in places. Corrections and additions are always welcome. Especially please do correct me if I get names or pronouns wrong!
Also I name panelists as that’s publicly available information but not audience members unless requested by that person to have their named added.
[For context - I’ve been proposing a panel like this for years (due in large part to conversations with @prozacpark who sadly was not at-con this year) and was so excited to finally see it happen! It did not disappoint. It gave me ALLLLLL of the feelings and I plan to make some additional posts on the subject once I finish my panel write-ups. This will mostly just be about the panel itself, although knowing me I’ll add in the occasional aside. Also I’m really glad I got to this panel early enough to get a good seat up front because it filled up quickly and became standing room only with people sitting on the floor all over the place. Obviously a topic we WisCon-goers find close to our hearts.]
I neglected to get info down about the panelists introductions - sorry! I did jot down that Clarissa said she occasionally remembers to write male characters because it made me laugh. All of the panelists, I believe, are writers, so do look up their work if you want to find more female friendship rep in your reading!
Naomi started things off asking about the panelists’s fictional favorite female friendships and why they found them interesting. Her example was Anne of Green Gables - Anne and Diana. She liked that Anne comes into the friendship so needy and that Diana just accepts her as-is.
Lauren said Lost Girl’s Bo and Kenzi (YES) and that even tho Bo is attracted to women, she never sexualized Kenzi. (I especially love this in the context that Bo is a succubus and many of her relationships have a sexual component but she never turns that on Kenzi because Kenzi isn’t into that and it’s just inherently accepted between them that they are strictly platonic but deeply entwined friends - haaa see, I told you I’d have asides)
Crystal talked about Cold Magic by Kate Elliot. Crystal said she is unsure if the characters would choose their friendship over their new spouses in the end and has questions about the heteronormativity of that but overall loved the female friendships in the series.
Clarissa is a big fan of the Ghostbusters reboot. She doesn’t ship any of the women together, and finds that puts her on the outside of a lot of the fandom.
KJ reiterated Cold Magic and said that it is about cousins who are raised as sisters but who choose to be friends and the powerfulness of that choice. She also likes Kira and Dax from DS9.
Karin said she had a hard time finding examples from within SFF. She really likes the sister friendship in the Little House books, as well as Simple Magic, the Witches of Eastwick book (not the movie), and The Other Boleyn Girl (book).
Crystal talked about Alyc Holmes’s Dragons of Heaven and the transgressive ways it shows female friendship.
Naomi brought up the issues of shippiness and the line between friendship and romantic relationships and pushback within fandom.
Lauren talked about a personal story she had of a messy end of a friendship because she was told that adoption is pseudo-family as a defense of shipping adopted siblings. As an adoptee, this was very hurtful. She talked about her frustration with shippers who ship romantically and refuse to acknowledge the importance of friendship. The valuing of romance over friendship and friendship not being valid in and of itself. “Friendship is enough.” [I was kind of obnoxiously cheering this on because this is a huge issue for me. This might be the point at which I made some comment about there not being any way to dissuade shippers once they settle on a ship. For the record - I’m a huge shipper myself, I just happen to ALSO ship platonic and familial relationships and get super frustrated at fandom’s seeming inability to look at relationships in any other way than romantic.]
Crystal also talked about the extent that people will go to in order to ship something. She added “I know that my life isn’t mostly centered on getting people into bed.”
Clarissa added - why not both? She does want more queer female romances and finds herself sometimes going “oh they glanced at one another ... oooooh”. But friendship is so devalued and friendship breakups hurt!
Karin asked if making the friends sisters made the pressure to ship less - I mostly cackled from the audience, because no.
Naomi steered the conversation toward the topic of sisterhood - both literal and figurative. Also about friendship breakups. There is the classic romance plot of the couple breaking up and coming back together - do we find that in friendship narratives?
Clarissa said that Ghostbusters had an example of that at the start.
KJ said Buffy and Willow do this a couple of times.
Naomi said she often finds this in middle grade YA because this reflects reality at that age. Then asked about friendship tropes - for example she really loved the idea of blood sisterhood. She grew up in the 80′s when the idea of sharing blood = death and how doing that showed such a deep level of trust.
Crystal said it’s hard to come up with female friendship tropes because of how rare examples of female friendship are. Tropes are the things we see so much of they become ingrained.
Naomi asked - then what should be the tropes?
Karin said it’s hard to find books populated with female characters enough for there to be lots of female friendships in them. She doesn’t like the trope of the friend who only shows up when the main character is having romantic drama in their lives.
KJ she wants more examples of groups of female friends because that’s closer to real life. [YES] If these do exist in fiction, they are more in the background.
Clarissa wants more ride or die friendships. She gives Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Ghostbusters as examples of this.
Naomi wants more moments like the one in Ghosbusters where the one character was talking about her story of being haunted and being made of fun for it as a kid. The other character simply says - I believe you. This is a metaphor for sexual abuse. The validation that women give to one another around this. [Cue me sobbing tbh about being on both sides of this phenomenon]
Crystal wants more female friends who are not Mean Girls to one another. Example: Dreadnaught which is about a trans girl superhero.
Lauren talked about female friendships where the women are being supportive of one another. And women rescuing one another. Some personal stories about women rescuing one another were shared among the panelists.
KJ mentioned the graphic novel series Rat Queens.
Naomi brought up Sarah Dressen’s YA books. The example of a friend rescuing another friend from being left alone with a creepy “family friend”. The protectiveness of female friendships. [Me: crying again.]
Karin said she is all into rescuing between female friendships because we all need rescuing sometimes and thank goodness for the friends who rescue us. It’s a different dynamic than when men rescue women.
Clarissa said her “dirty fandom secret” is that she really loves hurt/comfort stories - they don’t have to be romantic in nature. An example is when she took care of a friend who had recently had surgery. She was like “wow this is so intimate - I’ve never seen your bodily fluids before.” [So much crying/laughing, thinking about taking care of my bestie after her double mastectomy last year.]
Crystal mentioned Foz Meadows - An Accident of Stars.
Lauren said that when she’s down, a friend will share pictures she’s taken of her books in bookstores to cheer her up. She also talked about wanting both more big adventure stories about female friendship, and more small snapshots of life.
Crystal said there is some of that in the Nancy Drew series, but looking back on those today - she is really turned off by the racism.
Naomi asked what is a story arc for friendship?
Crystal said that’s as varied as the individuals, and again there just isn’t enough of it in fiction to map out.
Karin talked about that initial connection or bond upon meeting someone that you know is going to become a friend. But then there is a process of trust building. The climactic moment is when that trust is solidified.
KJ said it’s more of an ebb and flow. She wants more honoring of the variety of friendships that exist as being equally valid.
Clarissa brought up a book - Stiletto? (I didn’t catch full name or author’s name) which includes the enemies to friends narrative.
Naomi said she loves enemies to friends even though she hates enemies to lovers stories.
Crystal said fiction needs to make more narrative sense than real life does, which causes us to simplify how relationships work.
Lauren wants more friendships that start with meet-cutes.
Naomi posited the question of what is a happily ever after for a friendship arc.
Crystal answered - the book isn’t over.
KJ said different friendships would have different happily ever afters.
Clarissa noted that different cultures have different types of friendships. She was talking about how our culture sees romance as the primary relationship in someone’s life and friendship is secondary or even tertiary.
KJ said she’s married to a man who is less social than she is, so she wouldn’t be able to meet all her social needs with him anyway. It’s very important to her to keep her friendships.
Crystal said friendships are often about surviving a thing together. But there is also the idea of creating something together. Naomi said fandom is often built on friendships like that.
Crystal also talked about the idea of rituals in friendships. As society has become less formal, we’ve lost some of those rituals. In fiction, we can create these.
An audience member asked about long distance friendship in fiction. Crystal said - all of my friendships are on the internet! She went on to talk about the tradition of epistolary friendships.
Naomi said the ritual of friendship these days is allowing someone to call us on the phone [HA].
Crystal brought up a book The Belles.
An audience member asked about unique sources of conflict in female friendships. Another audience member shouted out the video game Life is Strange in response.
Crystal said - let’s talk about the elephant in the room: no more conflict about boys. There can be disagreements between friends about politics or moral choices.
Naomi talked about the idea of losing a friend to a boy or the friend who only shows up when they are between relationships. Resolution to a conflict like that is the friend discovering the importance of their friendship.
KJ said another conflict involves distance - either physically moving away or becoming more emotionally distant, even a life change such as one friend having kids and the other one not.
Clarissa talked about trying to hold on to friendships through time and space as something SFF especially could explore.
Crystal added - or something like magical abilities manifesting in one friend but not the other.
Naomi mentioned fanfic about Hermione pre-Hogwarts and losing her friendships from that era.
An audience member added that part of the conflict in those types of situations would be that one friend couldn’t tell the other what was happening in their life.
Naomi loves it when the friend tells anyway because isn’t that what best friends do? They tell each other everything no matter what. The panelists all agree they hate secret keeping as plot device.
An audience member brought up a series - Heroine Complex about superheroes with secrets.
One audience member brought up Supergirl as an example and I continued while trying not to spoil current storylines for one of the panelists. I think I said it was doing interesting things in regards to how secret keeping was affecting a female friendship and also how the show in general does good at the valuing of friendship for it’s own sake.
Clarissa mentioned Cardcaptor Sakura, a manga/anime.
Crystal mentioned Gwenda Bond’s Lois Lane books.
An audience member brought up My Little Pony, someone else said Sailor Moon. Clarissa said anime/manga in general does a lot of this but we’re not on recs yet. Naomi said - oh, we’re on recs now. (lol)
Recs:
Clarissa - Princess Jellyfish. KJ - Agents of Shield for the mentor/friendships. Audience - Parasol Protectorate. Audience - Michael/Tily from ST:Disco, Call the Midwife. Audience - Hullmetal Girls, Spinning Silver. Audience - Tamora Pierce’s Magic Circle. Audience - Steerswoman. Audience - Jessica Jones.
Naomi asked - what do we want to see more of?
Karin said - just more female friendships.
Lauren said acceptance from friends for just who someone is.
Crystal said she is drawn to friendship arcs but also wants wants them normalized.
Naomi talked about found family.
KJ said more women interacting with one another in general.
Karin wants more of the female mentorship role.
Crystal suggested Meg Elison’s post-apocalyptic stuff for how female friendships function in that kind of environment.
aaaaaand phew! This was one feelsey-ride! I loved it so much and hope we get more panels like it in the future.
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