#go there whenever hes feeling tired

[jefferythejelly]

*long, deep, belabored sigh*

#discourse #<- except not really bc i am vagueing #idk im just tired. and sad #for a lot of reasons. some of which are i think v much not the reasons other ppl are mad rn lmao #like. yes it has problems yes i wish it could be better yes this absolutely sucks shit #and that is all v much part of the reason i am tired and sad #but the constant neg abt every aspect of the server also has started grinding on me. well always has i think im just reaching a limit #bc i like it! i do! theres good parts and i like them a whole lot! #idk it just rubs me the wrong way bc even if i do agree with a lot of the criticism whenever it comes from this side of the community #it always kinda feels like its in bad faith to me. like its in desire to watch it burn first and actually improve anything second #and its just like. argh #and like on the flip side. god i love this server but why does it have to be run by a guy who is the way he is #negative #yeah i think this needs that tag too lmao #idk ive been thinking abt taking a break for a little bit here and i dont think i am #mostly bc it would involve unfollowing 90% of my mutuals and i dont really want to do that #but i just wish casually sticking around like this didnt also involve. all the bullshit that comes with being in this fandom(s). lol. lmao. #anyways. i am going to go eat dinner

[akkivee]

i wake up with them and these on my mind and i’m devastated tbh lmao

#this is vee speaking #i must be going thru something lol i was drawing yesterday and letting bat’s 8th live day two play in the bg #and was nearly brought to tears on several occasions LOL #these can badges circulate to the forefront of my mind every so often and i want to vomit in excitement lmao #truly i have not felt very sane lately LOL #*gently holds these* but i………………….. want them lol #i bet the rhyme anima producers saw how thirsty people got over nanami jjk who has the adult businessman appeal d o w n #and went ‘hey!!!! we have our own older tired adult appeal character that doesn’t look like a drowned cat!!!! let’s do that with him!!!!!’ #and this we have the cuntiest hitoya yet LOL #and i hope they continue to go all in on it too lol pan up shots legs spread loosening necktie shots making his vices look Fine LOL #i like jyushi’s badge because it captures his paralysing beauty very well i think 🙂 #like i stop breathing whenever i make eye contact with this can badge and i’m not joking lmao #while we’re on the subject of jjk!!!!! the way touji literally gutted gojo that one time is how i feel every time i look at kuukou’s lol!!!! #i wanna cry!!!!!!!!!! he’s so happy!!!!!!!!!!! i’m happy and it’s because he’s unalived me with his smile!!!!!!!!!!! #man october CANNOT come soon enough lol!!!!!!!!!!

[starlooove]

Ok but Lex Luther is 1000% a black capitalist who will conveniently ignore that he’s black until it’s time for him to try and cater to the community for something (“as always…Wakanda forever! Signed presidential candidate Lex Luthor”) and I genuinely think that he would not have made Kon privy to the fact that HE’S also black so just

Core four hanging at Wayne manor one day and Duke happens to walk in and he’s not rude or anything ok? Hell, he gave himself a fade so he technically had no real room to talk! It’s just…why did Kon relax his hair just to curl it again?? And badly too? Shit looks fried and he just wants to see if he can help so he kinda pulls him over and is like “what’s ur routine bro?”

And Kon has no idea what’s going on?? What is a “doo rag?” What the hell does Duke want him to “pick?” And Duke is finally upfront about it and is like “Conner…do you know that you’re black?” And Kon short circuits.

#eventually Duke hesitantly explains that NO he can use whatever products Clark has stored #YES! he should be putting lotion on everyday #You’re ashy babe it’s not leftover debris ☹️ #eventually they end up sharing wash days 😭 #Duke slowly teaching Kon how to wash his hair #i envision Kon with a frohawk but it’s up to ur imagination #and Im tired of every black character having a fade #but Duke Can pull it off ig #in other news #are y’all ready for me to steal Ace West and turn him into my own character entirely or?? #and Duke sharing his culture with Kon #and It’s a lil strange bc Black metropolitans are completely different from Black gothamites #It’s like someone from NY casually using SoFlo slang #but Kon feels warm whenever Duke teaches him a new dance or makes him try a new food #they’re besties #Tim going insane because STOP STEALING ALL MY FRIENDS #you already have Bart #are you going after cass next?? ! #casually sprinkling in my duke and Bart besties agenda #but thats another story for another day #Duke Thomas #kon el kent

[skrunksthatwunk]

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now #sigh.. i dont know. i dont know. #at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him #no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow? #it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my #best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker. #i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time. #but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh #he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him. #im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to #say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more? #just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am #and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him #and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him. #she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on. #she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken #but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him #and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not #like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him? #so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her #and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all #the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess #like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea. #but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.

[solvicrafts]

trick or treat!

both a treat and a trick because again no candy but yay for silly photos?

I THINK I've mentioned before that I have a Loki cutout? I got him back in... I wanna say 2013. And I decorate him for the holidays.

ALSO HE IS VERY TALL AND I AM *VERY* SHORT

bask in this moment for it is the only one where I will ever upload anything remotely resembling a photo of myself lol

#asks #tumblr trick or treat #everyone come point and laugh about what a NERD I used to be and still am just in a completely different way now #the one time I will ever post a photo of myself online and it's just my forehead and eyes #and Loki looking SUPREMELY disappointed and done with life #like I know it's just the lighting but he looks so TIRED in that pic and it makes me giggle whenever I stumble upon it again #also wow my room looked SO different back then #now I've got murals on the walls and ivy and fairy lights and it legitimately looks like you've walked into an enchanted forest #IT'S SO COLORFUL #it's interesting going down memory lane for me here because I didn't really feel free to express myself so much creatively back then #so my room was boring outside of the Loki cutout and looked very 'normal' #now you walk in and you feel like you're in a Legend of Zelda game because I started just letting loose and going WILD with the decor #the rest of the apartment is fairly normal if a bit messy because of my roommate and pets #then you get into my room and it's like stepping through a portal

[bat-the-misfit]

oh no

#in protest of this i'll only speak english today #no portuguese no italian #seriously the concept of this day is just stupid #you can speak your language EVERYDAY #why do you feel like you need to speak english all the time? Fuck if your followers won't get you #google translator exists for a reason #if they want to understand they can go there for free #no but i simply hate how americanized this website and the whole world is #everything spins around americans i'm tired #americans and english speakers in general the world does not spin around you #and i hate how everyone just agrees with this as if you needed “permission” to be yourself one day per year #sorry but by not speaking your language whenever you want to is literally denying a part of yourself #that's a part of you #denying it just to follow the protocol of only being able to do it once per year is just stupidity #why would you deny a part of your identity just to fit in? idc no one gets me i'm expressing myself in my native langs whenever i want to #well anyway today i'm only speaking my NOT native langs :D #can you tell why i used to be compared to my favorite character when i was younger? Lol #he'd do the same thing if he had a tumblr #anything that's an attack to what is important to us and our personal identity we WILL be against #well aNYWAY #uncle Bat is going nuts #yeah i translated that tag #good morning for DC all the rest can go fuck themselves #i translated that too it sounds so weird it not being portuguese #it just feels right in portuguese in english it sounds awkward #you see that's the importance of speaking you language at any day you want #you won't feel pressured to fit in and therefore ruin a joke that only is funny in a non-english lang #like i just did above #be against guys it's the best thing we can do to free ourselves from this americanization of everything #express your identity every single day of the year not only one day

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

“hey so there’s been a bunch of exposures recently but we’re gonna have the volunteer party this week bc it’s outdoors so we’ll be fine. yeah it’s a bunch of people all talking maskless face to face in relatively close proximity but we’re outside so any transmission would of course be impossible” be so fucking for real

#i love this place i love volunteering there. they have air purifiers around the center and tell people in no other words that if they’re #feeling unwell in the slightest they shouldn’t come in. they’re offering free tests to anyone exposed. they’re doing so much more than so #many other places and a lot of times it’s a place im able to relax a bit #but im just. exhausted. a week from tomorrow will be the three year anniversary of my dad dying from covid so im already in a bad place #plus covid in general is a trigger for me because. yknow. i watched it slowly strangle the life from my father until he was a grey #breathless husk who couldn’t walk three steps or say three words without panting. and that was when we made him go to the hospital #and then the next time he came home it was just his ashes in a bag #but it’s been four years. five if you count the early cases that popped up in 2019. and we’re still dealing with this shit #im just tired of it. im too exhausted to have a full sobbing shaking breakdown so ive gone to the other end of the spectrum and just feel #heavy and hollow. i should probably have a big cry but i don’t have the tears or energy #vent tw #im just hoping my n95 and the air purifiers were enough to keep me from contracting it at all. the worry is the n95 could’ve been loose and #sometimes the metal on the nose loosens slightly but the mask was pretty new overall so im hoping it worked to its full capacity and kept #out any covid molecules so that i didn’t contract any #only time will tell i suppose. in the mean time #im just praying a lot bc that’s the only control i have. i will be saying the shema whenever i get too stressed about it

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt. #well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

[truckstoptigers]

i remember i'd hear about how my state is one of the most dangerous places in terms of sex trafficking and i would think, what an awful thing. how terrible is it that my state has such an issue with trafficking that it's enough for it to be a well-known, well-documented serious danger/risk area.

and i still didn't think it would ever happen to me.

#familial trafficking is a very real thing and i am not okay :) #i still have a hard time coming to terms w it. i mean. thats what happened. i was trafficked. but it wasnt a stranger. #it was my fucking dad!! what the fuck!!!!! #he wouldnt stick around whenever hed bring me somewhere so it could happen. he literally left me w men he didnt even really know. #i remember one of them asked me once 'think your dad would let me keep you?' and all i could do was cry because well. #what exactly was stopping him from taking me? it sure as hell wasnt the law because me being seven fucking years old didnt matter. #im sure some of them thought about it. i just got lucky. i only got to go back home because of dumb luck. not everyone gets that chance. #sometimes i still feel like shit for using the word 'trafficking' to describe what happened to me because i know thats what it was #but it still doesnt feel like its *my* word to use. like im blowing it all out of proportion even though thats. literally what it was. #i dont know how to talk to anyone about it. just typing this made me have to put my phone down for a minute so i could try to calm down. #and then i also had to set it down for like an hour for the same reason. i just. im gonna go play minecraft for a few hours. #csa vent #trauma vent #actuallyabused #actuallytraumatized #tw trafficking #forgetting about this shit for years and having the memories come flooding back all of a sudden has been. SO difficult. #im so tired of thinking about it but i cant stop.

[the-acid-pear]

I'm hitting rock bottom <- dude whose belly aches so fucking much because he ate pork.

#luly talks #on top of the other horrors I've been feeling like shit for a hot minute now #i mean i did literally have a ptsd nightmare today and woke up w a pain in my eyes that is still going #and i had to hear my dad speak shit all day long with this anxiety crawling inside of me like the last man you'd trust loves you no more #and he won't hide it you're living with the enemy and no one will extend a fucking hand #when you don't ask for help it's a thing but when you're desperately doing so and no one cares it's... #I'm genuinely so tired #and i know i had a nightmare because i went to sleep extremely anxious #I'm so fucking tired AT LEAST I DON'T WANT TO KILL MYSELF but i just cannot do anything #i dont want to kill myself but i feel myself dying #when was the last time i could. draw? i haven't enjoyed anything in so long #i keep trying to do things and my brain clouds up my whole body tenses whenever he starts moving objects in the kitchen #i cannot go on like this anymore i need fucking help desperately

[merevide]

#been slacking on music links <- me every music link post nowadays #i wish i could post more music but it feels like i listen tot he same stuff n then post the same stufff. SO IM GONNA GO SOUL SEARCHING. #apparently i listened to over 840 artists last year but i feel like i listen to like 5 #also i’ve been tired. #anyways feel free to send in music recs whenever u want i will listen to nearly anything #anyway weyes blood. love #also i’m making pasta rn for the first time in like two months i think bc ive been tired. n didn’t wanna cook. but i am #EVEN THOUGH IM STILL TIRED i took like a three hour nap yesterday though so :p #i’m making alfredo. i love fettuccine alfredo #my text #weyes blood #Spotify

[freebooter4ever]

ignoring everybody in my phone, sorry not sorry ;_;

#i have been canceled on or weirded out too many times in the past four days #journal shit #you know how the baseball player was bragging about all the celebrities and best hiking spots he knew and how LA was better than my home? #and it turned out he wasnt a hiker at all according to his friends? #well this new guy is bragging about dancing spots in the city #im fucking tired of the bragging i dont care #but he may actually be legit so maybe next week ill think about it. i already told him i was busy this weekend #i feel like its really not actually hard to impress me #just be smart and very fucking funny have good timing and know when to surprise #like instead of bragging about something orchestrate a way for me to discover it #my point being if you're the one who introduces me to the turtle pond which is fucking free btw im going to be a lot more impressed #than the person who knows all the hot spots in town because they think it makes them look cool #or driving lmao #skilled driving is always sexy to me i am a DISASTER for someone who is good behind the wheel #i have a certain friend who im absolutely not attracted to #EXcEpT for when he is driving like fucking hell it's hot the way he takes those curves lol #one time i volunteered to ride along with him for 45 minutes both ways in LA traffic to drop off his watch for repair just so i could #watch him drive 🤣 #thats over an hour and a half of LA traffic i mean #or god timmy whenever we are together if im not making him laugh hes making me laugh i dont think there is a minute we arent giggling #why is it so hard to find someone who combines all three :( #or even just one who isnt already in a relationship :(