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femmefatalevibe · 11 months

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hi i think u give great advice so here i am in my hour of need

basically… i feel chronically lonely and romantically starved. i’m almost 21 and have never been in a serious relationship and really have not dated much. a while ago, i had a sexual relationship w someone for a couple of months in which i tried to convince myself he cared about me and dumped him feeling disgusted w myself for being so sexually vulnerable w someone who didn’t seriously care about me.

at the beginning of the new year, i really turned my life around (partly thx to blogs like yours <3) and am now the healthiest and happiest i have ever been (regular exercise, academic discipline, healthy eating etc).

even though i feel really fulfilled in my personal life, i still crave a deep romantic connection. i feel crazy waiting/searching for someone who makes me feel like a lana song. i’m just a deeply romantic person who is going insane in modern adult dating. i would rather be shot than be on dating apps or engage in casual sex but i also feel like thats my only option to try and find love (and not be celibate for another 6 months fml).

anyway, this feels very vulnerable to write out but i really value your perspective and am sure others feel the same. thanks!!!!

Hi love! Thank you for trusting me with this vulnerable part of your life and identity. Know that you're not alone: Modern dating is a hellscape for the hopeless romantic types (I'm way too cynical for this – almost 25 and have no desire to be in a "real" romantic relationship lol). For those who crave romantic/sexual connection but have an aversion to dating apps and casual sex, here's my best advice:

Leverage other outlets to satisfy your needs for emotional and sexual connection:

Invest in your friendships to get that emotional intimacy you crave. Platonic relationships can offer as much depth on an emotional and intellectual level as a romantic partner. Plus, you are more likely to have multiple friends vs. multiple partners, which allows you to engage in different types of conversations, learn about a diverse array of subjects, try out more activities, and appreciate different senses of humor/personalities along the way.

Embrace your single era to further explore your sexuality on your own terms. Try out different toys, entertain yourself with erotic novels, films, and podcasts, invest in hot lingerie or sensual perfumes/beauty and skin products, and educate yourself with books like Come As You Are, She Comes First, Yes Means Yes! and essays on female sexuality. The Quinn app is also a great example of ethical porn made by women, for women. Give yourself some alone time to get real with yourself about your likes, dislikes, fantasies, and hard nos. These self-love practices will allow you confidently and clearly ask for what you want once you find a lover you deem worthy of sharing these intimate experiences with you.

Take time for self-reflection and discover your "ideal type." Create a partner compatibility blueprint and non-negotiables checklist:

Being truly single provides you the time and space to truly get to know yourself. Give yourself the gift of introspection – consider your current lifestyle, interests, habits, values, daily routine, and any ways you plan on changing or evolving these aspects of your life over the next few years. Consider the qualities you like about yourself and those you admire in others (friends, family, coworkers, fellow students, mentors, etc.).

Complete a self-intake to reveal the qualities that would demonstrate compatibility in a partner. Clarify the personality traits, values, and lifestyle habits you look for in a partner. Then, consider your physical type and any other more surface-level qualities you look for in a partner (e.g. a certain level of education, upbringing, languages spoken, profession, morning or night person, any dietary or fitness habits, etc.) to construct your ideal type(s). While you may not ultimately end up with a partner that 100% fits into one of these personas, knowing what you're looking for helps you know what you don't and streamline your vetting process

Use this information to create a "non-negotiables" list to help you easily detect whether someone will be compatible with you from early conversations or, at the latest, after 1-2 dates. These qualities will be very personal due to our own beliefs, lifestyle, and goals – know if something like someone being a smoker, having certain family obligations, dietary restrictions, or having certain political/religious beliefs would be a dealbreaker for you.

Consider dating as a networking tool. Live your life and allow potential partners to enter your purview organically:

Do not make dating into a mission-based, isolated pursuit. Reframe dating as an organic evolution of your social life, leisure activities, and time used to explore your interests. Go out to bars, lounges, coffee shops, and parks. Join activities, social clubs, and interest-based meetup activities (book clubs, sports clubs like a tennis club, and art gallery memberships are great options as well). Take classes based on your interests – like a cooking class, language class, art class, writing class, coding class, etc. and be open to mingling. Having a shared interest is the first step to lifestyle compatibility with a partner.

Be open to accepting invitations to group dinners, hangouts, dinner parties, cocktail events/happy hours, beach days, etc. These social outings are a great way to connect with friends of friends that you probably wouldn't meet out in the wild but are more trustworthy (and are more likely to share compatible attitudes or lifestyle habits) due to your mutual connections.

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draculagerard · 11 months

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u asked for it so i am HERE to tell u about the netflix tv show never have i ever......except im not going to explain Everything super concisely bc i already have a hard enough time trying 2 explain the complexities of devi vishwakumar when my brain is Actually working but rn i am running on three hours of sleep, an energy drink that partially sprayed out of my nose, and some sour punch straws but i am going to do my best to like. idk explain it. apologies in advance bc this got so long im SO sorry. ANYWAY. never have i ever. its about a first-generation indian american girl named devi and she is like. well. not cool. her n her friends are called the "UN" which they thought meant united nations bc they're all woc but no it means unfuckable nerds. and the person who coined the term unfuckable nerds? one ben gross, aka devi's longstanding academic rival. do u see where this is going yet? great. wonderful. devi spends most of season 1 chasing after this jock paxton (who. we do love. just not with devi.) and imploding all of her personal relationships in an attempt to Not Feel the grief of her father dying. at one point she even tells her mom that she wishes her mom died instead of her dad (ouch, but also, been there). atp devi's friends, the other members of the UN, are taking a "friend break" bc she was. well kind of a bitch. so she moves in w ben (rival) for like a week and then he drives her, unlicensed, to where her mom is spreading her dads ashes and then she goes back up to the car and they go "you stayed" "yeah i just wanrted to make sure you were okay" and then KISS. KISS!!!!!!! but then paxton (jock) also likes her so she dates BOTH of them and then implodes on her and they both break up with her. and then she accidentally spreads a rumor around the school about ben's new girlfriend having an eating disorder which ends up being true. and then paxton (jock) dates her again. and then they break up after like 3 months and ben's new girlfriend (aneesa) also breaks up w ben same day and then ben and devi are like. besties for a bit. devi dates a new guy des who honestly should probably be in a relationship with his own mom instead and then he dumps her bc of his mom and THEN. after all of this. ben jokingly gives devi a "one free boink" card. (was it really a joke ben was it i dont think so!!!!) and. at paxton's graduation he sort of mentions devi but not by name and the narrator (which, i should mention the narrator for devi's inner monologue is american tennis player john mcenroe) says she doesnt get stomach knots!!! but then she and ben share an like an intimate moment in the hall and mcenroe says "there's the stomach knots" like!!!!! and THEN later that night!!!!! she goes to ben's house!!!!!!1 and redeems the one free boink card CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!! and thats where season 3 ends....

season 4 comes out in THREE DAYS and weve gotten SOOOO many spoilers for the first two episodes which (if anyone who watches never have i ever is still reading this and doesnt want spoilers please sotp reading) we find out that ben and devi DID boink and that they both thought iut was like?? bad foir the other person??? and ben just didnt know what to say so he asked if she needed him to call an uber like ben WHAT. as rae @ice-sculptures put it "can you believe that ben gross not knowing what to say after fucking led to the whole spiral of miscommunication lmfao" like they just DONT TALK devi tries to ask if he wanted to get coffee and he says NO because a basketball player at the gym told ben that devi wasnt serious about him because she put a period in the text or somethjing?? so instead he goes and dates this girl from art class margot and devi sees ben with her on the first day of school and gets. well upset. and then someone spray paints "STUPID BITCH" on devi's car and of course she thinks its margot!!!! (but shhhh it wasnt....it was actually this kid ethan....more on him later) and then like other stff happens im not super clear about that but basically at some point ben tells devi that margot doesnt want ben talking to devi anymore :( i dont rlly know much else past that i think thats where s4e2 ends??? but we do know that devi ends up DATING that ethan kid at some point but. sooo many things point to ben/devi endgame esp bc her other main love interest (paxton, the jock) is now STAFF at their high school so like?? i dont think they're going that route but im just. dsjfkhjsad SO EXCITED except i cannot watch s4 the day it comes out bc i will be seeing waterparks which. im so excitred for but also WHYYY do they have to be on the same day

i feel like i didnt explain this very well and left out a lot of like pivotal ben/devi moments but im sitting here jus.t typing and not rereading any of this im. So sorry that this is as long as it is jkhsddfsd thank u for reading this and. if u didnt read it i dont blame u szdkjhdfsakd

WOW OKAY HOLY FUCK A LOT GOING ON THERE HUH????? HELLO.

Okay okay key notes:

I already like Devi and I haven't even watched the show.

WHAT THE FUCK IS BEN DOING HELLOOOO. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM DSFJJFD

by boink im assuming it means fuck right. cause like i've never euphemism in my life

THEY END S3 LIKE THAT ?? FWERLJW

oh LORD devi's complex relationship with her mom okay i hear it

bro the miscommunication sounds SOOO bad... like they cannot communicate properly even once huh 😭

devi ends up dating WHO now???? first the guy who gave them the name un and then the stupid bitch dude?? HELP....

IT COMES OUT IN 3 DAYS??? oh shit good luck??!!

OMG youre gonna go to a Waterparks show????? have fun holy shit

anyways are you kidding ofc i read the whole thing i NEED media rants rn

#moose asks #spencer

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doeblossom · 1 year

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look- in terms of food, im picky... so i rarely end up liking what i try. however! i was surprised to fall in love with my mom's shoyu chicken. (yes its still chicken and thats one of my safe foods, but sometimes if its cooked in an unfamiliar way it turns out awful)

no. no. no. no. no. no. no. so i went into a "haunted house" one time (it was more of a walk-in horror experience) for the walking dead at universal studios. and i wanted to wait outside, but since it was just me, my sisters friend, and my sister, the friend was able to pressure me into doing it. luckily i had headphones to drown it out and i shut my eyes and covered my face but IT WAS STILL REALLY SCARY and im still upset thinking about the experience. it was awful and horrible and i was terrified (mind you, i was like 14 when this happened, but i still feel this way! when i watch night mind [a horror series analysis channel], i need comforting music, all the lights on, and my back against a wall to enjoy it.)

it's not like i hate horror. i understand the appeal, but i dont feel it! and it hurts a lot when im forced into scary things

i want a bigger bed! like a queen or king size so i can fit more comfortably with all of my stuffed animals and pillows. (im currently at a full size) and i also want a canopy bed. but theres plenty of obstacles for that: its harder to make bigger beds, its expensive, mattress shopping takes ages, im worried about a fire hazard with my LED lights on the walls... but i'd love to have a big ole bed with curtains and feel like a princess when i sleep -w-

loaded question, but my body. not even for vain reasons; i just want to be able to fit places where skinny people can but i have to squeeze past. its hard to love yourself when so many things restrict you and your movement, but its just the way it is. i still love my body, because it keeps me alive and works hard to keep it that way, but sometimes i wish i could just shrink, you know? i am not looking for fitness/diet advice! i've been fat my whole life and nothing ive ever done has been able to change that. there are a lot of factors that keep me from losing weight, and its something ive come to terms with. do not give me health, fitness, or diet advice. i mean it.

i don't really snack, actually. its just the main meals... but when i do, i like tortilla chips ^^

#tmi tuesday #again really putting the tmi in tmi tuesday #do NOT give me health advice!#in case you missed it above #seriously. insta block #answered #doe's rambles #themarvelhorse #anon #an-immortal

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vampire6bux · 3 months

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one thing about me is that my headmates don’t like me & i know it & i don really care . It is not because I am out right hate ful or mean to them or etc etc it’s just because I have a habit of a stream of tending to be Childish and Self centered and idk forget i have other people to worry about which is like Not great in my dpaurt yeah I suxk a little An I am at least aware of it . Also I’m not great because i have a habit of dumbing It down when I get called out on it and make excuses because I’m low key high key still in denial about having people In my head and that i have to worry about things other than my self But it’s not like I don’t always Come around and apologize and try to make Up for it. I guess im just a lot hard headed im trying to get out of it though. Thats why codex Doesn’t like me Ykw I am kind of shitty cause When she calls me out I just get Mad and then say she’s annoying eyck yeah not good on me Actually realizing how I sound rn. Imma change tho At least trying to. mostly trying to like Uhhh first accept that im not alone in here Because that’s where Most of this ends up stemming off of And coming to terms w that Would make everything else easief.. Idk what I’m talking about. Kind of feel bad for the way I been acting towars my bff (lie) codex Kind of treated her like shes less Importsnt than me just cause I’m bitchy about not having my body be just mine any more or at least being aware of that fact . Sorry for putting You in time out and calling you annoying during the weorst month of your life ….. oopsy .

#yea im a piece of shit some times but im self aware at least & that makes me better than #than people who do harm ful shit on purpys like satorujuu fuck dat dood #i think I’ve been making. people not like codex. e cause of the way i tal k about her #i feel kind ofr e a lly badabt it now #i wonder if the anger denial self-reclaiming weirdness happened to anyone else #or if it’s just a uniquely me thing #there are a Lot of problems that comew me and the people in my head but personally I guess thatsthd worst issue I have #codex isn’t bad She’s nice some times and is funny and has a degree in yappology

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salt-volk · 1 year

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post707883411295043585 thats part of the problem tho is yall assume that just bc stuff doesnt come out on time means theyre not working on it. as if they just sit twiddling thumbs. shit isnt slow bc they need more motivation. its slow bc they have a bare bones staff of maybe 1-2 ppl & all else is contracted work they barely have the cash for.

"right now basically nothing ever gets done" & you think adding a few dates to a list would fix that? you think they dont know theyre falling behind? that its not obvious? as if they dont already have internal set dates they aim for that just havent been shared w the userbase?

they dont need more motivation or accountability. they need more staff & more funds. all the accountability in the world cant add extra hours in the day. you can be working as hard as you possibly can & still not meet deadline bc its just not humaenly possible w the resources you have. look at the underlying problem instead of just surface optics.

they could put dates just to placate yall. but it would be an empty gesture. theyd still be just as behind as always bc the dates are not tackling the base issue. itd be the same old shit but more to get mad abt as they still fail to meet dates you asked them to set.

some of yallve never worked on large amateur creative ventures & it shows lmao. youd be amazed how fast a few months can go by & youre only doing background shit so theres still no visible progress you can share publicly. you worked every single day but still feel theres nothing tangible enough to show for it. a few months can go by fast esp when you dont have just one job & are juggling 10 different tasks w simultaneous importance bc its just you or mayb 1 other person taking on 6 ppl worth of work.

just remember were all looking from the outside. theres always backend stuff goign on we never know abt. (i know. ironically im making assumption too. but its based on so much experience w these sorts of teams. dv has all the signs. plus context clues given on stream & rare times staff communicates. textbook understaffed scope creepy amateur project tbh.)

if this were neopets or some shit own by a large company w hundreds of employees maybe itd be different. but some of yall are always gonna be miserable if you dont manage your expectations. see it for what it is instead of what you want it to be. & sometimes look at whats been accomplished. they DO get stuff done. theyre not dropping 80 updates a month, but to me it looks like they make slow steady progress. miss goals but do follow up eventually. they are literally completing tasks. & show signs of taking feedback into account. just not at the speed ppl want.

criticism makes for a better convo topic bc negative emotional response sticks in the brain longer. but were always gonna have bias if we dont appreciate good shit too. sometimes theres an attitude like "okay cool i like this, now wheres the NEXT thing" or "great finally an improvement, now why isnt THIS other thing fixed?". moving on to the next thing so quick you dont notice the effort of whats in front of you.

but once you match dvs pace & get what postion theyre coming from its not terrible. i have plenty of criticisms from a project management perspective. but in terms of other aspects ive a more lenient view considering what theyre likely working w (esp not having a dev or anyone who codes as part of core staff. im surprised theyve been able to keep afloat this long even lmao)

you dont hold an amateur experimental musician to the same standards as an international pop star w a whole team behind them, yea? but the amateur is not inherently worse, or less worthy of support. you can still enjoy both, just recognizing theyre different things. i see the vision of the amateur & choose to support patiently knowing its got a different pace than the pop idol. theyre at different spots in their career timeline & will have their own unique issues based on that. but both can be plenty good. context matters.

TLDR; there is much staff can do better at ofc (namely communication & interpretation of user feedback (like not knowing in the first place that "roadmap" usually implies dates -_-). but imo dates are not gonna fix shit bc lack of "motivation" is def not the core issue. such focus on the dates is thus unhelpful. i think some of yall dont get where dv is actually at & then put up expectations that are built to fail bc of that. not saying to let everything slide. but yk. appreciate the good where it happens. have patience. be aware what the underlying problems actually are & contextualize. tempering realistic expectations will make you much happier & able to enjoy the game for what it is.

or idk. i personaly used to be one of the main harsher critics so much i almost quit dv entirely & this perspective helped ME at least lmfao. now i play regularly much less stressed/angry abt it. ymmv.

#anonymous #mod yoshi #reply #dv roadmap #staff

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jackienautism · 9 months

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going 2 be real for a sec

i usually keep this stuff to myself since its super personal and i probably will just sound like a crazy person bu t i really just want to get something down and post it and MAYBE get some sort of like ? validation. that im not the only one who feels this way or does this LOL

so just. long story short. does anyone get like physically ill over seeing someone else like . engaging and doing "more" with a special interest slash interest youre really really into? like. just like 10 or os minutes ago somethting happened and i started lowkey shaking and shit (but maybe its just bc its real hot where i am rn but idk) and felt sick to my stomach all bc someone was engaging "more" with something i rly rly like and i just uuuuugh

ive had this feeling ever since i got into until dawn and the quarry lol...... this feeling has been occurring a lot less frequently than during like last year. which like. speaking of. when the quarry first came out the feeling came and WEEEENT....... ALLL THE TIME. like i wasnt even into the game that much yet but seeing other ppl engaging w/ and making content for it...... made me feel suuuper ill. or maybe was it when i first started getting into it? yeah i think it was when i first started hyperfixating. but anyway LOL IT WAS A TERRIBLE FEELING. AND IT HAPPENED SO OFTEN TOO

luckily its gotten a lot better in terms of the quarry. especiailly after joining tumblr and all. but until dawn? naaah its still very much there lol. as i said earlier, it doesnt happen as much as it used to (in regards to UD) but. it stilll happens. as i just fucking found out. ive settled down quite a bit now but good god

until dawn is such a dead fandom but theres just some things that when i see it it still makes me go wiiiild (negative). i dont know why. it makes feel so sick. and i dont hold it against anyone of course, it just affects me interacting w/ slash following people LOL! and it mainly has to do w/ sam and emily LMAO especiallly sam as ive come to find out.... i think its becasue ive projected sooo much of myself onto her that im like super protective and shit. like... shes not your fictional public character shes MINE. and thats not your public piece of media. its MINE. you know?

and its liike. i KNOW that there are ppl who are more into UD and have been into it longer than i have. i know that. and htat doesnt always affect me. but tthen therr are just osme other times where it seriously DOES and its just.... man. i wish i werent like this LMAO

i think thats like the. basis of it. im just. man. and its such a hard thing to shake off ): i know im just gonna have to "get over it" and "learn to live w/ it" but man!!!!!!

idk man. just seeing others "understanding" a character "more" than i do and seeing others do suuuuper in depth character analyses just..... ESP if its characters i rly relate to and basically projected every part of ,my being onto........ it makes me ill!!!!!! like genuinely!!!!!!!!!

and its like weird bc like. i was SUPER into mean girls the musical back in 2019 / 2020 and so forth. but i dont ever remember getting THIS BAD over others being "more" into it than i was. and this isnt just straight up jealousy. i know how that feels and its DEFINITELY not that. i truly dont know what makes until dawn / the quarry so different. maybe becasue this was the first time ive engaged more with the fandom? especially on tumblr? i dont know man. i dont kn ow

hopefully this makes sense. im just tired

#mine #text #vents #misc tag #not gonna force anyone to read this but if you do<3 thank u and please tell me im not hte only one who does or feels this LOL #[emma mountebank voice] ok :) i’m done #my thoughts

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saturniade · 1 year

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was brushing my teeth yesterday and thinking about dnd orcs / fantasy racisms.. wrote a lot and im not sorray!!

it’s wild and interesting to me that between the two races introduced in dnd as playable (in 5e books beyond player’s handbook), kenkus are the ones described (in Volo at least iirc) as literally cursed to not have any creativity and to be able to only copy (parrot!) whatever is around them -- which i think is flavored as Kenkus Are Great At Making Copies but should also imo mean that Kenkus Believe Whatever Everyone Else Says and Are Extremely Prone To Being Lied To And Biased bc NO CRITICAL THINKING -- while the orcs are like. made by gods to be violent or whatever? and they just choose to embrace the killing and hate and slaughtering apparently EVEN THO they can think and learn and change their ways? and some of them are literally explicitly exceptions to the violent brutal stereotype!!!

and yet ORCS are THE titular enemy of dnd. even tho they are a much more uh conscious/mindful/potentially civilised race than for example the kenkus. and i feel bad for them lol cause the orcs keep being traditional Disposable Evilguys in dnd beginning from ye olde adnd times (when honestly enemies were made in a simpleminded ways of random mishmash of folklore, media and whatever sounds cool) which were in turn inspired by lotr’s “orcs are like evil magic slop things or whatever dont think about it”. and now 5e is trying to be more inclusive and mindful about Killing A People Cause They Were Born GREEN!!! and tries to stray away from fantasy racism and “evil races” introduced to its core world like 50 years ago. but still it is IN THERE...

i mean for example it’s weird to me bc i recently played a published dnd 5e module where you fight orcs a lot of time. and in another published module which takes place in another world we play with a half-orc who experiences 0 discrimination :| and uuugh these for the lack of a better term double standards against A PEOPLE? is horrible the more i think about it lol.

i think that dnd (if not The Official Setting than the DMs in their own worlds) should either make orcs, like, either explicitly non-civilised/non-selfaware/non-conscious monsters with the intelligence of an ape at most. or do the opposite & get rid of ALL fantasy racial prejudices concerning the orc race... idk man... the kenkus have it fucking easy! i mean those guys are more than anyone sound like they can be like divinely/naturally “programmed” for evil cause they don’t have critical thinking as i mentioned. and i haven’t encountered any texts that talk about orcs being literally unable to change their ways because of divine/magical reasons or whatnot. theyre just evil just because!!

and i havent even started with the DROW and DEEP GNOMES and ALL THAT STUFF? and other "bad races” that exist solely to allow the players to be a little casually fantasy racist OR carry out a power fantasy of killing a person with higher cognitive functions and be praised or at least not thrown in jail for it. (and i mean, this scenario!!?? some people who play dnd really just want to have a smarter non-animal/elemental/monster/undead/etc enemy who makes the players come up with an actual Plan Of Attack or solve Puzzles or otherwise give the players the ability to demonstrate their tactical abilities / intelligence! and i think thats a fine power fantasy to have! i just hate that sometimes in these cases instead of coming up with wholeass villians with motivations DMs just go Uhhhhh Ok Why Should I Invent A Politically Correct Bike. Go Fight People That Are Of An Evil Race Sounds Good!!!)

and that’s what i thought and that’s where i would put my conclusions if i had anything smart or specific to say. but i think in the end the fantasy racism is something that started a long time ago and stuck around so much that it got very ingrained in dnd, or even the expectations that people have from dnd, that it’s hard to either tweak the “evil race” concept in a way which is not very dubious at best, OR turn the concept of orcs/drows/etc around that they are no longer evil at all. what do you think ?????? leave a comment down below!!!! LOL!

#yoo my post #literally such a loaded question which only got worse with time haha curse the lotr influence !!!

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the-s1lly-corner · 7 months

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hiii could i get J, P, Q an U for Slender? thanks! and i hope your day is going really well >_<

More Fluff Alphabet /w Slenderman but these letters!

my days been pretty okay! slow, but not terrible :O gonna be slow from tomorrow until next saturday so i might promote requests being open ponders not proof read!! though to be fair i dont. think i proof read any of my stuff

J (JEALOUSY)-

he can get rather possessive in general when it comes to you or his proxies so uh

don't like, try to make him jealous on purpose, it doesn't end well for anyone involved. actually don't try to tick off forest demons in general

i know i keep saying stuff like "oh god forbid someone make you uncomfortable" in these but like. slenderman is still this huge powerful creature, i know my interpretation on him is a bit silly n different but he still has roots in the 2010s fandom interpretation, you know?

there will be... a mess... is what im saying

in the case that someone is being weird with you, he's less jealous and more angry, though, of course not angry at you

though there will be hard boundaries set in place if you try to rile him up on purpose, he doesnt want to waste his time on someone whos going to toy with him like that. both in a "hey thats not really cool or healthy of you to do to me or our relationship" and also "im fucking slenderman im a old ass powerful demon, who do you think you are?"

P (PETNAMES)-

he calls you; love, darling, my dear

he likes being called; really anything under the sun, because as long as its something coming from your mouth hes pleased, because it ultimately means hes yours and youre his

q (QUESTION)-

for more context see this post! dives into lore stuff for my au/hcs but it'll help add context to this segment!:

here!

hope the link copied well enough </3 if not you can find it on my blog, titled "all entwined in one web" or something along those lines

anyways

some variant of "why do you stay"

you could have decided to be with literally anyone else, but you chose a solitary self loathing demon who eats people in order to survive, created for the sole purpose to cause issues and harm to humanity

on one hand he wants you to stick around and keep him company; but on the other hand he wants you as far away from him as possible so you can go out and live your own life without being in danger or having to put up with his whole deal

please give him lots of reassurance, its going to take a lot for him to stop asking those kinds of questions; assuming he stops asking at all

U (UPSET)-

i feel like him being upset is similar to the jealousy part of this post, but just more. broad. like hes not going to take shit if youre going to try to upset him on purpose

hes more patient if its accidental, though. diving into a previous fluff alphabet, if its an accident and something that can be helped in terms of future instances hes likely to work through it with you. he knows his time with you is short, if his partner is a mortal, and he doesnt want to waste that time

soft slenderman my beloved, let this man have complex emotions and desires and whatnot

kinda just. vanishes when he gets real upset, though, since he cant control his anger that well and generally just doesnt want you to see him like that- best way to help him like that is to just give him time

if youre the one upset hes going to listen to you, if you need someone to talk to. man of few words, advice can go fifty fifty

either gives good advice or not good advice; and thats on him being around for a long time but not really spending a lot of that time you know... interacting with others in a meaningful way

bonus if you still live at your place he's going to do a bunch of your chores for you. in. varying degrees of success, similar reasoning as above since he doesnt really have a home of his own to do like. dishes or laundry at. still bouncing between if im going to have the mansion be a part of this au of mine or not, and if so, how its going to tie in to everything

shrugs

#creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x you #creepypasta imagines #slenderman x reader #slenderman headcanons #slenderman imagine #slenderman x you

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tendouluvr · 3 years

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not telling them you’re pregnant [2] - f!reader

- little angst, hurt/comfort??, fluff

- characters: iwaizumi, atsumu, kageyama

- warnings: pregnancy, cravings, morning sickness aka throwing up, some cursing, mentions of sex, “mad” iwa makes out with your neck, atsumu pretends to faint and reader jokes about him dying :0

- wc: 1.4k, 1.3k, 1.7k (jfc thats a lot)

a/n: thank u guys for all the love on the first part <333 ily all and ty to the nonnie that requested tsumu and kags

f!reader cuz pregnancy but no specific prns/gendered terms used

[1. suna, sakusa, semi]

IWAIZUMI

#! you were planning on telling iwaizumi the big news that night

#! you missed your cycle this month, thinking it was probably just late so you didn’t care and waited for one more week to pass before worrying

#! it was almost two weeks now, your period tracker repeatedly sending you notifications to remind you to log your monthly cycle

#! but you had no cycle to log

#! thinking that you should go buy some tests, you did just that and came home to see them all turn positive

#! you were in the kitchen cooking a quick dinner when iwaizumi came home

#! he entered your home mumbling under his breath about some kid while putting up his jacket and shoes

#! “welcome home, haji!” you greeted him from the kitchen

#! “hey.” he briefly said back making you turn around to look at him

#! “you alright? what happened?” you tried starting a conversation in hopes of getting his mind off of whatever it is that seems to be bothering him

#! “some fucking kids came into the gym today, acting all obnoxious, trying to taunt me and the team because they wanted to impress some girls who probably didn’t even know them. would’ve knocked them out if it wasn’t against the fucking law.” he harshly explained his day while looking through the fridge for his protein drink

#! you tried not to laugh, turning around so he couldn’t see your face and tightening your lips together to contain yourself, but it was so funny you couldn’t help but imagine it

#! iwaizumi heard the giggles coming from you causing him to roll his eyes, “what’s funny?”

#! “nothing, should’ve just knocked them out, babe.”

#! “yea? sounds like you want to start visiting me in jail,” he makes his way over to back hug you while you continued cooking at the stove, “well then, i’ll keep that in mind next time some dinky teenager get in my face, baby.” he mumbles against your neck before giving you a quick kiss there

#! “hajjj, i’m cooking. go be horny elsewhere!” your upper half shuddered when he continued making out with your neck

#! “whatever you say, your highness.” deep chuckles come from him while he lets go of you to walk to the bedroom

#! “don’t call me that!” his laugh getting louder at your exclamation

#! later that night, you both laid in bed on your sides staring out of the window in front of you

#! “hey haj,” your voice a gentle whisper as to not wake him up if he had already fell asleep

#! “hmm?” he hums from behind you, rough, warm hands under your shirt rubbing itself on your bare stomach

#! “do you ever want kids?”

#! he was silent as he thought about what to say to you

#! “i don’t if they’re just gonna turn out like those dicks from today.” his answer wasn’t meant to be taken too seriously, he just hoped you didn’t interpret that as him saying he doesn’t want kids at all

#! “so if they don’t?”

#! “.......sure.”

#! you noticed his hesitation before he gave you an answer, trying to ignore it so your brain didn’t start analyzing too much

#! “hm, ok. goodnight, haji.”

#! “goodnight, i love you.”

#! “love you too.”

#! you told yourself that you were gonna reveal the news to him that night, but seeing that he was worked up over those kids and his slight hesitation when he answered you made you change your mind at the last minute

#! you laid awake thinking about what to do while iwaizumi peacefully slept not knowing his hand was caressing his future child

#! a few days have passed and you were still thinking about when to tell him

#! should you just say it? how would you say it? “hey, i’m pregnant.” no, that’s too blunt. “what if i told you i’m pregnant?” eh. “i’m preggo!” maybe.

#! you both never brought up the topic about having kids again ever since that night

#! but what you didn’t know was how occupied iwaizumi’s mind has been ever since you popped that question

#! he’s been imagining what it would be like to have a little him running around the house, maybe he’s a crybaby and dramatic like his uncle oikawa — who definitely would like to be the godfather, and he promises daily facetime calls everyday despite iwaizumi’s obvious displeasure — or perhaps he also finds entertainment in the godzilla franchise like his father

#! iwa thinks it would be neat to sometimes watch godzilla with someone else besides you, preferably his own kid

#! the night you asked him that question, it took him a while to answer because he couldn’t believe what he just heard. getting lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realize he forgot to answer you, giving you a quick, “sure.” once he came back to reality

#! you didn’t know this so you took his moment of silence as a sign of hesitation

#! the minor miscommunication causing you both to go into your own heads

#! you were currently looking in the full body mirror, observing the way your stomach looked and how much it’ll be changing soon to accommodate a living being inside you. your hands were moving around, curving itself against your stomach naturally when iwaizumi walked in on you

#! “babe, have you seen my hoodie? the black one, i think you were wearing it-,” his sentence cut off when he looked up from his phone

#! “what are you doing?” he asked seeing you pull your shirt back down

#! “looking at my stomach.”

#! “why? are you okay?” his voice softened at the second question wondering if you were feeling bad about yourself

#! “uh no, wait- yes, yea i’m okay. um, can i tell you something?”

#! before he could answer, you continued, “well, by tell i mean show. i have something to show you.”

#! “uh, yes? why are you so nervous?”

#! “ok, wait here.”

#! “babe-,” and you ran off leaving iwaizumi and the rest of his sentence in the room. a few seconds later, you came back holding something in your hand

#! “here.” grabbing his thick fingers to open his palm before stuffing the item into it. his eyebrows furrowed and he slowly unravels the piece of paper. you analyzed his face for any signs of anger or discontent while his eyes scanned the pictures from one corner to another

#! “w-what is..... you’re pregnant?” he whispered out, mind and body in shock as he stares at you wide-eyed

#! you nodded knowing that if you opened your mouth to talk you were probably going to cry. he falls onto the bed, sitting at the edge, then buries his head into his hands

#! “haji?” your voice lower than a whisper

#! he didn’t answer

#! but you saw it

#! you saw his shoulders starting to shake

#! “haj?” you tried again, this time lightly walking towards him

#! his cries became audible when he felt your smaller hands wrapping around his shoulders

#! “hey.. why are you crying?” you tried comforting him because it didn’t seem like his tears were going to stop any time soon

#! “shit, yn, fuck me.” he said through his cries

#! “oh?”

#! he rolled his eyes at your implying tone before grabbing you by the waist to lay his head on your chest. his breath staggered from crying, he was still crying just not as hard

#! one of your hand gently going through his hair while the other one rubs his back. the action soothing him enough to calm him down and eventually his tears stopped. “why didn’t you tell me?” his voice pouty and his sentence breaking between every other word

#! “i thought you didn’t want kids. i was scared.”

#! he raises his head so his chin is now resting on your chest, “why’d you think that?”

#! “you.. hesitated... when i asked you, remember?”

#! his eyes drifting to the side as he tries to think back on the last few days. you knew he remembered when his eyes slightly widened and his lips formed a small o, “i’m sorry, the question made me imagine things and i got lost in my train of thoughts that i forgot to answer you right away.”

#! “oh.”

#! “yea..”

#! “then, i’m sorry for assuming things and not telling you.”

#! “no, it’s not your fault.”

#! “it’s not yours either.”

#! “so.. truce?”

#! “idiot! why are we making a truce?!”

#! he giggles as he stuffs his face back into your chest but not before he bent down to give your stomach a loving kiss

ATSUMU

#! atsumu was huffing with his arms crossed across his chest, lip in a pout and eyes squinted as he focuses on the television in front of him

#! “stupid ‘samu and his stupid food. i don’t need it. if he doesn’t want to give me any, then i don’t need it. i can make my own food. stupid. stupid, stupid, stupid.” he childishly mumbled under his breath as his eyes squinted even more, shooting his glare directly at the television

#! “‘tsumu, can you come help me with this?” a voice called from the bedroom. your voice. his beautiful, lovely, awesome sweetheart

#! “c’ming.” he mumbles, slowly sliding off of the couch to trudge over to you

#! “hmm?” he hummed when he got to the entryway of your shared bedroom

#! “can you hold this up a bit, i need to get something in here.” you were in the walk-in closet organizing some things

#! he was happy to help, but you could tell from the way he was pouting and his eyebrows still furrowed that something was bothering him

#! you sighed, “what’s wrong?”

#! “nothin’.”

#! “‘tsumu....,” you gave him a knowing look

#! he was gonna have to tell you at some point, “‘samu, that food hogging pig!”

#! “oh, hey! don’t call him that! it’s mean.”

#! “dun care, his fault for not sharing. our mom taught us better than that.”

#! “you don’t share, get off his back.”

#! “i do!! why are ya siding with him?! i’m yer boyfriend! yer sweet, loving, ethereal boyfriend!”

#! you raised an eyebrow at the way he described himself, “y’sure ‘bout that?”

#! his mouth opens as if he was going to gasp but no sound came out, he just pretended to faint

#! “oh no, did you die?”

#! no answer

#! “about time, thought i was gonna have to endure it for a few more years.”

#! “hey!!” he bounced back up when he heard you say that ridiculously offensive comment

#! “fine, i’ll leave then. don’t come running back to me when ya miss yer oh so handsome future husband.”

#! you snorted before going back to organizing the closet, “hold this for me, please.”

#! he groaned from the back of his throat but went over to help you anyway

#! recently, the twins’ mom gave you guys some boxes of clothes she had put away for some time. not wanting to throw them away, she gave it to you guys and osamu to take whatever you could

#! while looking through the boxes, you dug up some baby clothes that belonged to atsumu

#! “oh my god.”

#! he swings his head over to look at you, “what? hey! that’s mine!”

#! “it’s so ugly.”

#! “i’m telling my mom you said that. she’s gonna hate you sooooo much.”

#! “‘tsum, she set you up.”

#! he faked a wail and then turned back around to ignore you

#! “y’think we can keep some?”

#! “what for?”

#! “i don’t know..what if we have kids later?”

#! “that sounds nice...but we might have twins. i don’t want that.”

#! “huh? you can’t control who and how many we get, ‘tsumu.”

#! “then, let’s not risk it!”

#! “so, you don’t want kids?”

#! “precisely, yah.”

#! you stared incredulously at him while he continued sorting through stuff like he didn’t just tell you he made up his mind on not wanting kids

#! you found out two days ago that you’re pregnant, not yet telling atsumu because you just couldn’t find the right time to sit him down and talk

#! you didn’t expect to find out now that he for sure didn’t want kids. you guys talked about it a few times throughout the years of being together, but he never gave a definite answer

#! it was usually just him teasing you, or he was running around the answer. you never pushed him to answer, you didn’t want to pressure him or anything of that sort

#! “good to know, i’ll keep that in mind.” you mumbled, distracting yourself with folding the clothes

#! atsumu gave you a hum to acknowledge your words. no one says anything after that

#! a few days passed and the topic wasn’t brought up again. you secretly stashed some of the baby clothes while cleaning, the baby was gonna come at some point whether atsumu wanted it or not

#! but what you didn’t know was that he kept a stash of the baby clothes as well. he cleared out a space in his sock drawers by stuffing everything to one side, placing a stack of clothes inside because deep down he knew that there was going to be a mini him one day

#! it was currently morning, you both having the day off so you slept in. your back was curved to mold against his well defined chest while you slept. atsumu was snoring but you learned to block it out over time (he claimed you snore as well, but was never successful on proving it)

#! your eyes shot open, feeling the familiar bile crawling up your throat threatening to come out without your permission

#! quickly throwing the arm that was wrapped around you off, you ran towards the connected bathroom

#! your disappearance making atsumu’s sleepy eyes blink open, “babe? it’s still early.” his rough morning voice whispering out because it wasn’t capable of being louder than that in the morning

#! he heard the gagging noises from the restroom, eyes shooting wide awake in concern. he trips over the comforter trying to get out of bed, hurriedly running to you

#! atsumu acted fast and was holding your hair back, warm palms rubbing circles on your back. he wasn’t sure what to say, choosing to stay silent until you were finished

#! you wiped your mouth with the back of your palm, gasping for air over the toilet seat, reaching out to hold the hand that was on your back, you whispered out an, “i’m pregnant.”

#! initially he didn’t hear you, but once he heard it in his head he gasped. “how long?”

#! “not sure, almost a month?” your voice rough from throwing up

#! atsumu was confused. eyes darting everywhere, not really sure where to exactly focus on. his mind was racing, trying to think of why he didn’t know anything for so long, “ya didn’t tell me?”

#! “how could i when you said you don’t want kids?”

#! “i’m...oh..sorry, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean for it to be taken too seriously. i only said that because of the thing with ‘samu so i thought ya could tell it was a joke.”

#! “no ‘tsumu, i couldn’t. i was already pregnant at that point and hearing you say that about having kids really affected me. i didn’t know how to tell you after you specifically said to not risk anything, how was i suppose to know it was meant to be a joke?” your voice still groggy and tears were building up in your eyes.

#! he lightly sighs then brings his hand up to cup your head, rubbing it to calm you down. “i’m so sorry, angel. i do want kids, specifically with ya. what i said was a bit dicky, but i was just being immature, i promise. i won’t joke about serious things like that again, i’m sorry.”

#! you sniffed and brought his hand up to kiss him on the palm, but he quickly yanked it away making you look up at him in shock. “ya just threw up.” he pointed to the toilet.

#! you laughed at that and quickly apologized, he carried you up so you both can stand up from the bathroom floor. atsumu gently washing your hands and around your mouth, then you swishing some water in your mouth to get rid of the throw up aftertaste

#! “wanna know a secret, babe?” he blurted out while helping you walk back to the bed

#! “what?”

#! “i kept some of the baby clothes.” a shy smile on his face as he winks at you from the side

KAGEYAMA

#! you’ve been feeling a bit sluggish lately, you weren’t sure why because it came out of nowhere

#! you decided to ignore it, but as time passes, you didn’t get any better and you even started to throw up

#! thinking back to the talk your mom gave you when you were 10, you went out to buy some pregnancy tests

#! the timeline made sense, the last time you both had sex was a few weeks ago

#! kageyama’s been caught up with practice, you were stressed, so naturally you both thought it was a good idea to let it out

#! but what you didn’t expect was having to buy pregnancy tests because there was a possibility you’re pregnant

#! granted there wasn’t any protection used and you stopped taking your pills a while ago because you guys just didn’t care anymore, so nevermind, you do see how you could be pregnant

#! but damn, one time. all it took was one time

#! shaking your head, you took your phone out to text kageyama

#! you’re not telling him over text, just letting him know you have something to tell him tonight so he can know to prepare for a talk

#! you: tobiii

#! you: i have something to tell you

#! you: tonight tho

#! you: after you come home

#! him: ok love

#! while waiting for him to come home, you lazed around and scrolled through social media for a bit. checking twitter, you were reading some tweets from kageyama’s fans, finding some funny, some adorable, and some just...weird

#! but one tweet you saw was from someone who had met kageyama at one of his previous games. the person was talking about their experience getting to meet him and they even wrote out a part of the conversation they had with kageyama

#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: omfg i just met kageyama fucking tobiiosdfjdf

#! it was a thread so you clicked on it to continue reading

#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: he’s so sighs dreamily

#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: so fucking tall. i’m 5′3 and mans all the way up there 👆

#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: OH OMH wait lemme type out one part of our convo omfg i think he has a partner?????? like an actual s/o guys not me

#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: ok i asked him smtg along the lines of what he thought abt having so many fans who are children ykk bc i was thinking he knew i was implying that these kids look up to him and stuff

#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: but this man.....is so...UNAWARE why is he like this but he said smtg like he doesnt understand how kids can be fans of him bc how can they understand professional volleyball like that and i was like ???mf didn’t u grow up playing vball

#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: so i was like oh ok :D and then asked him abt his thoughts on his future kids following in his footsteps bc i was thinking his answer would be wholesome or some shit

#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: he told me,,,,, i dont have kids and i dont want any... !!!! why does mr kagman not want kids w me :(( /j

#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: ok so like all of this happened v quickly i was like in and out in 10 seconds lmao but WAIT after he said he doesnt want kids i saw him scrunching his face up

#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: im not mind reader nor body language reader but idk he looked .. hrm sad?? FUCK IDK DONT TAKE M E SERIOUSLY IM DELUSIONAL

#! being an adult, you knew you shouldn’t be taking twitter threads of his teenage fans too seriously but you couldn’t help but reread the part where he said he didn’t want kids

#! did he actually say that or is this person rewording what he said? you now realized how you guys never really talked about having kids

#! sure, it was brought up once or twice but it was just because you were having baby fever. kageyama himself never directly told you he wanted kids or he was fine with having kids of his own

#! you sighed to yourself as you lock your phone, closing your eyes to take a nap until kageyama comes home

#! you felt yourself being shaken awake lightly, a familiar presence hovering over you on the couch made you open an eye

#! “tobio?”

#! “who else would it be?”

#! “i don’t know, a murderer?”

#! he scoffs at the slim chance of a someone breaking in to hurt you, but quickly turned his attention back to you when he remembered you wanted to talk

#! “so what’d you wanted to tell me?”

#! “oh, can you sit down?”

#! “o..kay?” he stiffly walked to sit beside you on the couch

#! “i’m uh,” think of something, “honestly, i forgot. yea, i forgot what i was gonna tell you. sorry.”

#! he raises one eyebrow to gaze at you curiously

#! “are you sure? it sounded important when you texted me.”

#! “mhm! yup, i forgot. sorry if i worried you, heh, are you hungry? there’s leftovers we can heat up.” you quickly tried to change the subject, getting up to walk to the kitchen

#! luckily your boyfriend didn’t question it further and got up to trail right behind you

#! you figured giving yourself some time before telling him after what you read was a good idea

#! are you aware that you were overthinking some tweet by a stranger on the app that is twitter? yes, you were. but you’re also human and overthinking is in human’s nature

#! it’s been three weeks and you still haven’t told kageyama the news. a part of you was ready to tell him, just let him know and you guys talk it out, what’s the worst that could happen

#! but the other part of you was scared. scared he actually didn’t want kids. scared he was going to leave you because going through with the pregnancy would drag him down. scared he would get mad at you for not being more careful when he was equally at fault

#! you know how kageyama gets when his emotions get complicated, he can’t deal with it so his one outlet is anger

#! he has no filter and says whatever comes to mind, all logical thinking leaving his brain

#! and that part of you is the stronger one

#! obviously you were going to tell him at some point, it’s not like you can literally hide the growing baby inside you

#! just not yet, not until you’re ready

#! you’re currently a little over a month, bump not really showing, but it’s there and it’s growing

#! kageyama can be a bit dim when it comes to.. most things beside volleyball, and usually you tease him about it but for once you thank whatever god is out there that he hasn’t noticed any big changes on your body yet

#! that was until you were showering, and he made the decision to enter the shower with you without your knowledge

#! humming to yourself while scrubbing your arms, you scooted back away from the water so it wouldn’t wash off the body wash you were trying to use

#! the action causing you to lightly hit kageyama’s chest making you jump from where you were standing

#! “tobio!” you screamed, turning around to throw the foamed body wash at him

#! he chuckles at your surprised expression and didn’t mind the soap you threw onto him, which was now sticking to his defined chest

#! “why were you just standing there, creep?”

#! he was still giggling when he answered you, “did i scare you this time?”

#! “what do you think?” you lightheartedly roll your eyes before going back to scrubbing your body

#! he picked the loofah out of your hand to continue for you

#! you both enjoyed the relaxing sound of running water and quiet echoed hums as he takes his time washing you when he suddenly stopped

#! opening your eyes, you looked up at him, “what’s wrong?”

#! he was just staring at you, blinking very slowly

#! “why do you look- your stomach feels- you look very-,” he sighs, “you look pregnant.”

#! now it was your turn to blink at him

#! you totally forgot that you were naked at the moment and he could easily see every inch of your body

#! blinking once more, you took a deep breath before telling him, “that’s ‘cuz i am.”

#! “y-you are?!” he jumped from his spot

#! “yea.. do you have a problem with that?”

#! “i...why didn’t you tell me?”

#! “do you have a problem with that?” you repeated

#! “n-no..so why didn’t you tell me?”

#! “you’re not mad?”

#! “why would i...?” his voice slightly turning high pitched as he dragged the i out

#! “i thought you didn’t want kids.”

#! “who told you that? when did i say that?”

#! “twitter.” you murmured under your breath

#! “what?”

#! “twitter..” you said a bit louder, still murmuring and choosing to turn away from him

#! “twitter?! why didn’t you just tell me, your real life boyfriend?”

#! “because!.... i was scared.”

#! “s-scared? baby, why?”

#! “i was scared you were going to leave. i don’t want you to leave. that night i told you i had something to tell you, that was when i found out. i backed out when you came home and i’m sorry. i should’ve just told you, i’m sorry, tobio-,” you were crying at this point, both of you standing under the water

#! “shh, shh, it’s okay. i’m sorry for not noticing earlier. you’re alright, babe. it’s okay. it’s okay to not feel ready, you don’t have to feel pressured to tell me anything, alright? whenever you’re ready, you tell me,” you meekly nodded as he pulls you into a hug, “whenever you’re ready..”

#! you both stood hugging each other’s bare body for a few minutes under the warm water

#! “that was probably the smartest thing you’ve ever said, tobi.” your voice sounding congested from the crying

#! “hey. mean.”

1K notes · View notes

myafterlifeisbetterthenyours · 3 years

Text

Welcome, Father...

"Tell us, demon scum." The male agent grabbed the light from the female agent, shoving it in his face, "Who do you work for? Satan?"

"How did you get to our world from the afterlife?"

"Why are youse killing humans?"

"When did you show up here?"

The damned agents finally stoped passing the lights about, giving him a moment to adjust to the situation.

"Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, bitch." He snapped at the humans, "First of all, we just woke up from a very nasty shock and I'm still feeling fuckin' woozy, so I'm gonna request you fetch us some coffee before we get into this. I mean, everyone gets coffees in shitty movies with scenes like this, am I right? I want something iced, bitch." Looking over his shoulder, he asked his employee, "Mox?"

Raising his nose, Moxxie began, "I'll have a Neopolitan cappuccino, more cappu than cino, make sure it's got no more than four ounces of milk, the beans won't have the right texture otherwise, and make sure they spell my name correctly on the cup they always put "Foxy" or "Roxy", I hate that."

"If you can't handle that, I'll have a Venti traditional Misto. Please use soy milk with two blond shots Affogato and Ristretto. I'd also love three vanilla pumps at the very bottom. Then, add the coffee after, then-"

"Enough!" The male agent snapped, "We aren't getting youse coffee!"

"Wow, I was getting massive douche chills just there, Mox." He told him proudly, "Congrats!"

"If we have to, we are willing to resort to torture methods to get answers out of you nasty hell beasts!" The female agent failed to sound threatening.

"When you say "tortured", do you mean physical or psychological?" Moxxie asked in his typical know-it-all tone, "Physical seems counterproductive; we would likely tell you anything if it meant an end to the pain, and you have no way of knowing what was true." He spouted at the humans.

"Or we might like it too much." He but in, "And then you got a whole new thing to deal with."

The male agent leaned down, raising a bore "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, you're stupid, huh? I can work with stupid. Daddy Likey Dummy!" Blitzø taunted the agent.

"Good one sir, Daddy likey-" Moxxie sputtered, squirming in his chair.

"You better stop laughin' at us." The female agent threatened.

"Yeah! You're the ones at our mercy!" The male agent yelled at him, grabbing his collar

"It's hard to resist, I'm really sorry. I mean, considering your approach thus far, you've had us tied up here for what, hours?" Mox cut in, "And you haven’t even had us confirm what exactly we are!" Moxxie mocked the agents like the nerd he was.

"What are you?" The female agent asked, a curious tone coming to the females voice.

"I'm a Virgo." Moxxie told her, smugness dripping from his voice.

Both Imps burst into laughter, the agents only getting more frustrated.

Just as the male agent was gonna snap at them, the door to the room suddenly swung open.

An unnatural amount 9f light poured into the room, blinding them all for a brief moment. Once there eyes adjust, they found a silhouette standing in the doorway.

They were dressed in black, looking up a distinct shine came from his eyes, the figure wearing glasses.

Walking into the room, the figure spoke, "The question isn't what they are? The question is why there here?" He spoke cryptically.

Stepping closer the male agent came to meet the stranger halfway, "Who da Hell ah' you and how'd you get in here?" The male agent demanded.

Raising his gaze the stranger wore a smile.

The agent noticeably reacted. Stumbling back "F-f-f-father Cain... W-what are you's doin here?" He sputtered.

This 'father' just smile at him, "My associates informed me you acquired two new specimens." He looked at him, "I've come to process them." He spoke menacingly.

Father cain looked over the agents shoulder, gazing at him and Moxxie. "Excellent job My child. I always knew my faith was well placed." The father told the agent, patting his shoulder.

The agent seemed taken aback, "Th-thank you Sir." He spoke, a lone tear sliding down his cheek.

"Father Cain?" The female agent asked, walking up to 'father' Cain. "Last I heard you were down at some beach on Spring break."

Smiling at the pair, father cain raised a finger, "Ive no time for such hedonistic pleasures. Not while the Lords work is to be done" He said happily.

"Now" He began cheerfully "I need a table if I am to do my work." He spoke firmly, raising a medium sized doctors bag, that seemed to appear from nowhere.

The male agent snapped to attention, quickly running about before rushing into the back room.

Walking forwards, Father Cain removed his glasses, staring down at him. "My, my, my, they certainly did a good job. Quite a pair of specimens you have here." He spoke to himself.

Raising a brow, Blitzø wore a little grin. "Oh yeah? You should see my junk, now thats a specimen." He spoke in his usual cocky tone.

'Father' Cain just smiled, slowly walking around to Moxxie inspecting him as well. "And unharmed, very impressive." The 'Father' told the female agent.

A moment later, the male agent returned, awkwardly dragging in a large wooden table. Dropping it down, he gave a few deep puffs, "There ya go 'Fatha', will this do?"

'Father' Cain smiled told him, gratefully telling him "That will do perfectly, thank you my child."

Walking over, the 'Father' placed his bag down before opening it and pulling out a myriad of odd and strange objects.

There was a series of shiny items and tools. Although a small wooden case caught his attention, the Imp couldn't help but think it didn't belong.

"Hey, uh, you guys seem pretty chummy and we'd hate to be a third wheel, so we'd be happy to leave you to it." He cut in smugly, hoping to get a rise from one of them.

And that he did, the male agent trying to snap at him, only to be tempered by this 'Father' Cain

Calming down, the male agent asked, "What did you mean, when you came in Sit. That it's not "What they are, it's why there here?'"

Smiling, Father Cain patted his shoulder, "I'm glad you caught that, I always knew you were sharp."

He smoke warmly, "I said that because, simply put. I know what they are. They are Imps." He said it simply.

That actually surprised him, even Moxxie reacted, releasing the slightest gasp.

Looking over the father just had a eerie smile, clearly happy with there reaction.

Both agents looked confused, "Imps?" They asked each other.

The father released a deep sigh, "Yes, Imps. Imps are the very lowest of the low in hell, as well as the lowest of the Hellbornes, or Hellspawn, I can never seem to remember which is the proper term."

Walking over, Father Cain placed a finger under his chin, raising his head to meet his gaze. "Your responsible for the death of a two hundred and sixty three humans." He told him coldly.

"Yeah, but I wanna know is why?" The female agent asked, "If they were just killing humans for shits and giggles, why not just kill wherever and whenever?" She asked.

Nodding his head, "Because..." Father Cain stood up, "They do serve a higher demon, but not Satan."

Standing up, the 'Father' walked to his bag, pulling a yellow folder out. "They've killed hundreds, and the only thing that connects them...? Death."

There was another pause, before he spoke again, "But not there deaths. Each person they've killed has had someone directly related to there lives die in the past decade."

Walking over to the Imps, the 'Father' showed them a series of pictures. Blitzø recognised them... they were targets they'd killed.

"There not killing them for a demon lord, there killing them for other human souls. I imagine with a the ability to travel to the human world, you've turned revenge into a buisness." He said simply, tossing the pictures to the side.

Crouching down, the 'Father' stared at him coldly before asking "Who's book did you use to get here, Demon?"

Blitzø stared back at him, the Imp doing his best to keep calm. But he could tell this human was clearly more dangerous than the other two idiot 'demon hunters'.

Standing up, 'Father' Cain told the other agents coldly, "Leave us. Remove any cameras. I dont want any sort of witness."

"What?" The female agent asked aghast, "We caught these 'Imps' there our score and we'll be interrogating them." She snapped at the 'Father', only for the the father to calmly stare at her.

Before he could speak, the male agent grabbed her by the wrist, dragging her out of the room he spoke hastily "P-please forgive her, Sir. She doesn't fully understand the importance of your work."

The female agent put a fight, but was quickly pulled out of the room, slamming it behind him.

Now with just the three of them, 'Father' Cain removed his glasses before placing them on the table.

Stretching his neck, he removed the white collar piece at the front of his shirt, placing it in his coat pocket.

"Now" he began coldly "shall we begin the fun?"

Turning around, Blitzø decided now was a good time to speak up. "Fun, aye? What kinda fun we talkin. Shots, blow, maybe a good old fashioned threesome?" He asked, hoping to get under this 'Father' Cain's skin.

He was surprised, however, when the 'Father' just laughed, glancing over his shoulder at him.

"Your tricks won't work on me demon. I'm used to your tricks by now." He spoke happily, grabbing a small gun like object. Placing that down, he inspected a series of bottles.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Blitzø spoke up. "You clearly know more us then those dumbass agent dickwads did, so... what's your game?" He asked, trying to be serious.

The human stopped for a moment, looking over his shoulder, he spoke up, "I know much about you. For instance, your the other Imps boss, hence he calls you Sir." He spoke coyly, still inspecting the myriad of items he'd brought.

"I also know you've killed people on three different continants, although I wonder how many you came up to kill specifically and how many were collateral." He spoke again.

Turning around he held a small bottle, walking forwards he leaned over Blitzø "I also know you can only get to the living world if your a succubus, a demon lord, or... you have a Grimoire."

Blitzø chuckled, "What is that some kinda fish?" He asked, trying to play dumb.

The 'Father' chuckled, shaking his head, "Besides how do you know I'm not a succubus, I can hold my own in the sack." He spoke smugly.

The 'Father' stared at him, an eerie smile crossing his lips.

"You want to know how i know what you are?" He asked coldly, cold eyes sending a shiver down his spine and not in the good way.

Before he could ask what I was, the father reach forwards, ripping a hole in his pants leg. "What the fuck?!" He yelled at him, "These are my good pants!"

Not minding him, the 'Father' removed a second bottle. "This" He showed him a small blue bottle, "Is poisen to Succubus." He said simply, opening the bottle and revealing an eye dropper, dropping two little droplets on his leg.

Nothing happened, the cool liquid sliding down and observing into his pant leg. Putting the bottle away He showed the original brown bottle, "This... is for Imps." He said simply.

Opening the bottle, it revealed another eye drop, holding it over his thigh, he dropped a single drop on his leg.

This time his whole body reacted, he pulled against his bindings as he released a blood curdling screech.

It felt like someone was jamming a molten hot poker into his thigh. It went on for minutes, the Imp whining in pain. "What the fuck do you want you sick fuck?!" Blitzø yelled at him.

A small smile crossed the 'Father's' lips before he stood up and told him "I want to show you something."

Walking over to the table, he grabbed that wooden case before bringing it over to the Imps.

Crouching down besides the both of them, he told the both of them "These are my most prized possessions." He spoke warmly, running his hand across the wooden case.

"What'cha got there? Ya dildo collection?" He tried to sound smug, though the Imp was still writhing in pain.

He heard moxxie tried to laugh, but it died in his throat, the smaller Imp still terrified by his boss's earlier reaction.

Opening the case, he revealed several colourful arrow heads, each one varying in size, shape and colour.

It took a long time, the imp looking over the arrow heads before he realised, 'Those aren't arrow heads... there demon tails.'

"Fuck..." Blitzø gasped, he heard Moxxie sputter out a similar cuss, just as scared behind him.

The 'Father' on the other hand, seemed quite proud, gently trailing his fingers across the tail heads.

"These are my life's work" He spoke calmly, "I've dedicated my life to hunting demons like you." He trailed his fingers across the tails, "Most of these are from Succubus. They can come and go from my world to yours the easiest, so most of the demons we find are Succubus."

He pointed to two crimson tail tips, "But these two... these two are special."

Leaning in, he spoke gently "These two... are from Imps." The revelation seemed to bring bile into the back of Blitzøs throat.

"Jesus..." moxxie said shakily, turning his head and throwing up.

Blitzø took a deep breath, doing his best not to throw up. Looking back at the human he found him holding up a tail head.

"This one" he told him, twirling it between his fingers, "I got at a little beach city. The city getting my attention after a giant demonic fish had popped up. Sound familiar." He asked with a smirk.

"Unfortunately most of them had used there demonic charm to escaped the police before I arrived... key word being, 'most'." He told him, turning his attention back on the tail head.

"I got this one from a succubus. She hid herself as a chubby little black woman. She played dumb, just like you, and much like you she was cocky and ignorant." Placing the tail tip into the container, he said coldly, "But now..."

He left the question open, clearly trying get in there heads. The problem being... it was working.

Standing up the human didn't speak for several long moments, before he placed the case on Blitzøs lap, gently telling him "Hold this"

Blitzø's whole body froze up, a deep sickness growing in his stomach as he felt the cool wooden case on his lap.

The human walked over to the mirror Blitzø only just noticed. The human stared at it for a long moment, the silence in the room becoming palpable.

Until the silence was dashed when the 'Father' smashed his arm through the mirror, before throwing his body back smashing the male agent through the mirror and slamming him into the wall.

Looking at his slumped form, 'Father Cain turned back to the now broken mirror, finding the terrified female agent standing there.

Releasing a deep sigh, the 'father' began climbing in through the now broken double sided mirror.

"It was your doing, wasn't it?" He asked, "I said I needed no witnesses, but you always did hold him back. What a waste of potential." The 'Father' told her, before grabbing her and dragging her through the window.

Bringing her to her knees, he grasped the sides of her head.

The woman desperately clawing at his arms. The female agent releasing a desperate cry for mercy as he began crushing her head.

Blood began trailing from her eyes and nose, crying out until her head splattered between his hands, sending a splatter of bone and brain matter across his face.

Dropping her now destroyed head, he realised it, the now sludge like head hit the ground with a wet splat.

Before the 'Father' flicked his hands, looked back at the Imps, "What the fuck are you?!" Blitzø yelled at him.

The human only smiled, walking over, he gently grabbed the wooden case before walking back over and placing it on the table.

Walking over to the now collapsed male agent, he placed his foot on the side of his head. "I... am alpha and Omega." He said coldly, staring him right in the eyes before crushing the other agents head beneath his foot.

Walking back to the table, he grabbed a red cloth, wiping his face before placing on his glasses he turned to the two Imps.

"Oh Satan... Oh, Satan please, please help me" Moxxie begged, clearly losing his shit. "Please just let me see Millie one last time, I don't want to die."

Before Blitzø could snap at his limp dick employee for showing weakness, the roof began to rumble, bit suddenly gave way, Millie falling through carrying a battle axe.

"MILLIE!!!" Moxxie practically cried, tears of joy beading in his eyes.

"MOX!" Millie cried back, rushing over and getting them out of ther bindings.

Just after that Loona broke through the door, Blitzø taking a moment to tell her how proud he was to see her in the field.

Now all free and together they turned to the 'Father', finding him still very much cool and collected, the sight sending a bone chilling shiver down his spine.

"Just in time" The human spoke, seemingly happy at the outcome "Its so good to see a family reunited."

"Now I imagine one of you have my Grimoire?" He asked inspecting his fingers. "Give it to me and I'll let you leave."

Now it was Blitzøs turn to chuckle, "Nah, I don't think so." He spoke cockily, reaching into his emergency pack for a gun.

The 'Father' just chuckled again, standing up straight he snapped his finger. And like it were choreographed, dozens of suit wearing humans burst into the room.

"Gentlemen!" He addressed them "These demonic scum have killed your commanders. And they shall do it again and again and again, until you send them back to hell." He told them, stepping into the back room.

The fight after that was one of the best Blitzø had ever had, although it would have been even better if he didn't have this injured leg.

Regardless, the whole thing was so bad ass and everyone was working together so well. He even got to see his Loony kick some ass.

Firing a missle, from his over sized launcher, he cleared what was left of the agents.

He'd though that was it, there weren't anybody left to stop them.

He was wrong.

The lights to switch to red, an alarm start blaring through the facility.

They all made for the door, only for a series of doors to slam in there face, locking them in the room.

His Loony tried desperately to read the book, but couldn't see anything in the crimson light that filled the room

It was then he heard a slow clapping, all of them turning to find the 'Father' giving them a condescending clap.

"Well done, Hellspawn, Well done. You've killed all the witnesses, depleted your ammunition and now I know you can't read the Grimoire in crimson light. Well done."

Standing before them, even outnumbered and unharmed, the 'Father' seemed to hold total control of the situation.

Before he could think of something any, all the air seemed to such out of the room, demonic whispers filling the room like shadows.

"You dare threaten my Impish little plaything~" the whispers spoke.

He knew this voice, but like his friends and family, he chose not to speak, too caught up in the moment.

Screens flew off the wall, avian footprints trailed across the floor. The bodies of the dead agents rose to there feet, eyes black as they began the intricate process of drawing some demonic symbol from there own blood.

Stepping back the 'Fther' looked about, before smiling, "Finally" He whispered, pulling out a flask and began chugging it.

Shadows seemed to slither like a million black snakes crawled across the floor, disappearing at the 'Fathers' feet.

There was a long pause before the human bent over and violently projectile vomited, throwing up what seemed like gallons of black liquid from his mouth.

The vomiting stopped, the human standing back up.

The back liquid slowly pulled itself to gathering, slowly morphing into a figure.

The black tar slowly formed into feathers, limbs and fingers, a set of crimson eyes appearing in the black goo.

The figure appeared to be Stolas. But this was not the elegant demon lord of hell.

This being was a wretched, wounded animal, covered in filth.

The 'Father' just wiped his mouth, that cold gaze returning to his eyes. Stepping forwards he grabbed Stolas by the filthy collar, staring him down.

The owl demon was a sputtering mess, coughing up black liquids as he tried to breathproperly.

The owl looked up at him.

And for the very first time in wjat was likely a millennia of existence, Stolas looked Terrified.

Not scared.

Terrified.

Grabbing at the arms of the human, the Prince of Hell sputtered out, "W-what are you?"

The human stopped, looking down at the owl, leaning down and whispered, "I am the beginning... and i am the end..."

The owl just stared up at him in horror, the humans hand coming to wrap around his throat, the demon feebly attempting to break free from his grasp.

There was a long moment where the only sound in the room was the prince's pitiful wheezing, frail little cries coming from the owl as the life was squeezed out of him.

The sounds were seemingly corked by a wet smack ringing out.

Blitzø had taken one of the agents weapons, a large knife and had impaled the 'Human' through the lower stomach.

There was a long moment of silence, before the 'human' slowly turned to look at him with that same cold gaze.

Without releasing Stolas, he pulled his arm back and smacked Blitzø, sending him sliding back to his friends.

Reaching down, he grabbed the knife, yanking it out of his back without hesitation.

Nothing came from his wound, and when pulling the knife out, no blood stained it's blade.

With knife in hand, he released the owl, letting his pathetic form hit the ground, the owl desperately gasping for breath.

Leaning down, you grasped Stolas' wrist, the owl releasing a pathetic little gasp of pain, followed by a frail little whimper as the 'Human' slid the blade across his wrist.

But what came next left them all shocked.

Bringing his wrist to his mouth, he pressed his mouth down before greedily suckling the foul blood straight from his veins.

He drank down the demons fowl blood, not making a sound cept the muscles of his throat contracting to push the fowl liquid down his throat.

The demons black blood flowed down his throat. Every demon in the room just watched, to shocked to think and to fearful to do anything as you had your way with the Prince.

After a few minutes of the 'Father' drinking the demons blood, he finally released the demons wrist. The owl quickly clutching his wrist to his chest as he desperately clawing to get away from the 'human'.

The 'Father' stood there, panting as a demons black blood stained his lips.

When he finally opened his eyes, they held a Unholy glint to them.

Wiping his lips he walked forwards, calmly packing what few items had survived the fighting into his bag before Putting on his glasses and placing the small white band into his shirt collar.

Walking past the now cowering demon Prince, he leaned over and pressed one of the buttons on the dashboard, instantly the lights returned to normal.

Stepping before the group they awaited some sort of attack, or threat, what they got instead was a single phrase "Excuse me."

He said it so simply, each hellborne took a moment to make sure they'd heard correctly.

Each of them just stared for a moment before Millie spoke up, "What?"

The human raised a brow, lowering his glasses he asked again, this time his voice cold, threateningly cold, "Excuse me."

The demons awkwardly stepped to the side, giving him a clear path to walk.

Walking past them he gave them a slight nod, "Thank you."

The demons were all in shock, silently watching the 'human' walk away from them.

"That's it?" Blitzø asked before he could stop himself, quickly slamming his hands to his mouth.

The 'Father' stopped in his tracks, looking over his shoulder, he smiled, "Kill you later." He told them playfully, lowering his glasses and giving them a wink.

He walked away, the eerie sound of his shoes on cold tile floors permanently burned into there memory.

Hey Hey, I hope you enjoyed. I really wanted to try something a bit different. I had the idea for this in my head since episode 6 came out and I just really like the idea of an unknown entity showing up with either motive or intentions clear to anyone.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, I really wanna start writing more of my own original ideas, so expect more content in the future. Bye Bye.

#helluva boss headcanon #helluva boss #headcanon #helluva boss I.M.P #truth seekers #episode 6 truth seekers #helluva boss truth seekers #helluva boss original character #not really clear what im doing #just going with the flow #my own idea

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plant-flwrs · 3 years

Note

hi love, it's me again! i just can't get enough of your writing... i'm sorry to be asking for another fic, i guess i just can't help myself. lately i've been obsessed with the fake dating thing, so i was wondering if you could write a fred x reader (basically same reader as my last request, gryffindor, same year as ron) with that? like, maybe george knows they fancy each other and makes a bet with him so they start fake datig but realise they're in love with each other? aaa thank you so much, ly

bets off // fred weasley

masterlist!

a/n: i used the same pronouns from the last request, hope you don’t mind!! i apreciate u sm ur always so active w my fics ily <3333 this is the first thing i’ve written in a while that i’m actually proud of so i hope u guys like it :D

summary: Fred makes a bet with George that entails fake dating you for at least a month. He never expected to fall in love with you.

(5k)

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Competition was healthy. At least, that’s what Fred told himself as he looked at George’s outstretched hand, a cocky smile etching the boy’s lips.

“Two weeks?” Fred asked, looking suspiciously at George.

“Two. Weeks.” George answered definitively, smirking at his brother.

Fred considered this in his head. Two weeks to get you, someone who had never previously shown any romantic interest in him, to date him for at least a month. He doubted it would be hard, for he had never had any trouble getting girls to swoon for him in the past. A few winks and charming sentiments and you would be putty in his hand. With this air of confidence, he shook George’s hand.

“You idiot!” Lee, who had previously been silently watching the exchange, called from across the table, a baffled smile on his face.

George laughed, leaning back in his chair and looking at Fred like he agreed with Lee.

“What?” Fred asked, the overly confident look still littering his features.

“You can’t win with this one,” Lee explained, shaking his head, “you either piss off Ron when this goes right, you piss of Ron when this goes wrong, you come out the git for breaking a girls heart, or you come out the embarrassed git who was rejected by your kid brother’s best friend.”

“Hey,” Fred said, faking offence, “I never agreed to ask out Harry.”

George and Lee rolled their eyes, hiding smiles as they continued their homework.

Fred was not deterred by Lee’s warnings, for he had a plan to avoid all of that. He was simply going to tell you the truth.

He found you on your way to the green house, pulling you away from a Slytherin girl you were walking with.

“He just stared at her? Like he didn’t eve-” you felt an unexpected tugging, “Ah!”

You squealed, feeling your feet stumble under you for a moment as you gathered your wits again. You looked down at the hand pulling you, following it up to the face. It was Fred, which was odd, because you two were not known for pulling at each other in hallways.

“You’re going to miss Herbology!” your friend called out to you, a worried expression on her face.

“I’ll meet you there, save me a seat!” you called back to her, turning away and following Fred as he still dragged you.

“Fred? What are you doing?” you asked him, making no effort to move from his strong grip.

“Got to talk to you,” he said airily, barely looking back at you as he pulled you down an empty corridor.

He let go of your arm, smiling down at you as you waited for him to speak. He didn’t take the hint, just looking at you.

“What did you want?” you glanced at your watch, seeing you only had a few minutes before Professor Sprout would start class.

“I have a proposition for you,” Fred drawled, a mischievous glint in his eyes as per usual, “what do ya say?”

You squinted your eyes at him, frowning, “I have to hear the proposition first.”

“Do you?”

“Yes, thats how propositions work.”

“I hadn’t realized,” he replied sarcastically, dropping his cool demeanor and letting some desperation seep into his voice.

“What do you want?” you repeated, slightly more annoyed.

“I may have made a bet that heavily relies on your willingness to do me a huge favor,” he said, a hopeful smile coming to his face.

“Oh god, Fred, what did you do?”

“George may have implied that I was in a dry spell when it came to girls,” he said, smirking, “and obviously that’s just not true. So, he suggested a bet to see if I still had my skills-”

“Your skills?”

“-yes my skills, would you listen?”

Fred leaned closer to you, his eyebrows raising as you rolled your eyes.

“Back to what I was saying,” he drew in a breath, dragging out this entire conversation, “George suggested a bet to see if I could still charm the ladies,” he wiggled his eyebrows and you quirked one of yours.

“Long story short-”

You interrupted again, “That was the short version of that story? Fred can’t we do this later, I’ve got class in,” you glanced at your watch. “two minutes.”

“No! Give me a second,” he ran a hand through his hair, putting his strong hands on your shoulders to keep you in place, “I made a bet with George that I could get you to fall in love with me in two weeks and date you for a month!”

You looked up at the boy, thinking he had gone off the end. He had to, either that or he was messing with you. Or maybe he had been slipped a potion of some sort.

“Fred,” you started, your kind tone giving Fred the impression you would agree to the plan, “you just waisted the very limited break I have between classes, successfully pulling me away from a very entertaining story about Snape, and probably making me late for Herbology.”

Fred groaned, throwing his head back in annoyance.

“I’m serious!”

You pulled against Fred’s grip, but he kept you in place. His face lit up, obviously coming up with what he thought would be a great plan. He released you briefly, digging his hands in his bag and moving crumpled papers around. He pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper, brandishing it like it was a diamond.

“This, my love, is going to get you out of Herbology this class period,” he said, unfolding the paper.

He revealed a blank piece of paper with tiny sparkles floating on the page. As he held it for a second longer, words began to form on the paper, writing something.

‘Professor Sprout,

Please excuse Y/n from Herbology this period, she came to me with a pain in her stomach and I gave her a potion to fix it. She stayed in the infirmary during the period.

-Poppy’

You had heard about these before, enchanted notes that were written in authentic handwriting and enchanted the reader to believe it, no matter what they said. Perfect for forging notes from teachers.

You stared at the paper in awe, grabbing it from Fred’s loose grasp.

“Yeah, you’re welcome. That’s the last one I have,” he said, feeling a bit remorseful having to give it up. He had been planning to use it to get out of Ancient Runes tomorrow.

You folded the paper again, putting it neatly in your bag and looking back at Fred.

“Alright, let’s go,” you sighed, allowing him to lead you to the great hall, through the courtyard, and out to the Quidditch Pitch where no teachers would be.

You sat in the stands, overlooking the empty and wet field,

“You want me to date you for two weeks?” you asked, sounding reluctant.

“No,” Fred said, sounding annoyed, “I want to fake date you for a month, but we won’t start until two weeks from now.”

You squinted, looking out at the stands on the other side of the field. You were thinking about this, finding the cons to outweigh the pros.

“What’s in it for me?” you paused, hearing Fred’s groan from beside you, “I mean, this could ruin my friendship with Ron, I get the embarrassing reputation when you fake dump me in a month, I don’t see how this is benefiting me.”

“Ron won’t care, I promise you,” Fred said acting as if this was obvious, “he lets Harry ogle Ginny all the time. And as for our fake dumping, that can be totally on your terms. I just need to win the bet with George.”

“What do you get if you win?”

Fred had hoped you weren’t going to ask that, but he was realizing you were smarter than he thought.

“Three Galleons,” he lied, looking at your skeptical face in the corner of his eye, “fine, six Galleons.”

You looked expectantly at him, waiting for his offer.

“I’ll split it with you,” he finally gave in.

He was a little upset at having to share his future winnings, but once you agreed to the bet and squealed excitedly at the possibility of some Galleons, a smile spread on his face.

Fred began laying the groundwork the next day. He made sure to send you flirtatious smiles when George was looking, waving to you in the halls, and talking to you in the common room.

You, Hermione, and Ron sat at a table in the corner, the three of you poured over a chess match. Ron was successfully beating Hermione, watching her as she tried to remember the rules he had taught her over and over.

“You can’t do that,” he said impatiently as Hermione tried to move a pawn backwards. His hand reached out and returned the piece back to where it was, and Hermione groaned.

You leaned back in your chair, closing your eyes and turning your head up towards the ceiling.

“Hello,” Fred purred from above you, looking down at you.

You snapped your eyes open, not entirely used to Fred’s flirting yet. It took you by surprise most days, and he always managed to get you when you weren’t expecting it. You looked to Ron, gauging his reaction. His eyes stayed locked on Hermione’s frustrated face, arms crossed as he waited for her move.

“Hello,” you replied, turning your head to face Fred as he move to your side.

He leaned against your chair, his hand supporting his weight as he wrapped it around the back of your chair. The top of his hip bumped into your shoulder, and you resisted the urge to lean away from him. It’s not that Fred Weasley was disgusting or anything, he certainly wasn’t, but he had a reputation. Fred wasn’t known to be faithful or respectful of the usual rules regarding relationships. He wasn’t tied down, and half the student body has seen him naked (or wanted to). You had gone through your phase of liking Fred, and that phase lasted longer than you’d like to admit. You refused to boost his ego, though, and felt determined to not let this fake dating get to your head.

Ron was still busy with his chess match, now watching Hermione’s focused gaze turn into a nervous one as she became aware of Ron’s eyes on her. She bit her lip, tapping her fingers on the table.

Fred glanced down at you, quirking an eyebrow and nodding his head towards Ron. He was showing you that Ron wouldn’t care if you two dated, testing Ron’s limits.

Fred’s hand moved slowly from the back of your chair to your shoulder. His slender fingers pressed gently on your clothed arm, moving to brush a piece of hair from your neck. He twirled a piece of your hair in his fingers, raising an amused eyebrow at Ron’s lack of reaction.

“Merlin, Hermione! I’ve taught you 100 times!”

Hermione scoffed, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms.

“Ron!” she exclaimed back, offended.

“Look,” he moved his hand to one of her pieces. He whisked it across the board, then one of his pieces, and then one of Hermione’s, and then one of his own, “Check.”

“Maybe if you had patience and didn’t stare me down every time it was my turn-” Hermione started, glancing to you for support.

Her eyes widened when she saw the somewhat intimate position you were in with Fred, her sentence dropping.

“If you didn’t take so long, I wouldn’t stare you down!” Ron huffed and pushed his chair back, standing suddenly.

He hadn’t even glanced at you and Fred, missing Hermione’s shocked expression.

“What are you doing?” she questioned Fred, sounding even more offended than when Ron was yelling at her a moment ago.

“What?” Fred replied nonchalantly, pushing his body away from yours and taking Ron’s seat.

He moved the chair closer to the table, purposefully brushing his knee against yours. You knew he was watching your face, so you kept a neutral expression.

“He was all over you,” Hermione whispered to you, as if Fred wasn’t right in front of her,

“So?” you asked, acting as if it wasn’t abnormal for Fred to ‘be all over you’.

You were internally cringing at the whole thing, at Fred’s forwardness, lying to Hermione, the whole situation.

“Something must be in the air today,” Hermione said to no one in particular as she stood from the table, “everyone’s lost their minds.”

She left you and Fred, leaving him with a smirk on his face.

“I think that went well,” Fred said, moving the pieces on the chess board around swiftly as he set it up for a new game.

You moved to Hermione’s seat so you were across from him, rolling your eyes.

“This is ridiculous, Fred,” you said, and at the sound of your genuine annoyance his eyes were on your face.

The board in front of you was set anew, white closest to you. You let yourself sit in your frustration for a moment, looking down at the board and moving a pawn. Fred made no move to his own pieces, just staring at you from his side of the table.

“What d’you mean?” he said, watching your hand retreat from the board.

“These public displays of affection- isn’t it a little ridiculous?” you said, locking your eyes on the game in front of you.

A look of hurt flashed across Fred’s face, not that you would have seen it, and he cleared his throat awkwardly. His hand lazily moved one of his pawns.

“I don’t think so, no,” he said, leaning back in his chair and still studying your face, “I think they’re quite effective.”

“They’re only effective because I’m playing along,” you moved another pawn, hoping Fred would take the bait so you could steal his pawn.

“Which I appreciate fully,” he said, leaning forward and moving his pawn exactly where you wanted him to.

You stole his piece, advancing on the board. He hadn’t even registered the game, frankly, only looking at you.

“I feel like-” you didn’t know what you felt. You hadn’t put it into words, but you knew you didn’t like it.

Fred, and older, charming, handsome boy, was showing you a new amount of attention. Fred, a boy you had a crush on almost the entire time you’ve known him, was sending you flirtatious winks in the hallways and being very affectionate. Fred, your best friend’s older brother, was trying to date you to win a bet.

“-nevermind,” you finished, realizing you could not say any of this aloud.

Fred had a quizzical look on his face, watching you as you silently sat across from him. You met his eyes for the first time since he sat down, swallowing hard. You stared at each other for at least a minute, neither of you moving or breaking the contact. His eyes had an intensity in them that you had never seen before, but they were also gentle and kind. He looked soft, his face illuminated by the faint candle light and fireplace, casting a yellow hue over his skin. His hair was grown out and pushed off his forehead, falling easily on the sides of his face. He had taken his tie off, though still in his school uniform, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His mouth, usually in a resting smirk, was thin and straight, making him look rarely serious.

You felt like it took ages, but you finally broke his stare and cast your eyes downward at the board. You looked back up at him, seeing his eyes unmoving from your face.

“Your move,” you said, raising an eyebrow.

Fred’s eyes shot to the board, and he moved the first piece he saw. His mind was racing as he tried to collect his thoughts, all of which were about you.

He had no idea what happened, but his heart was beating incredibly fast and his hands were sweating. Fred, a man who had never once done anything serious, was feeling very serious. He didn’t know what was going on inside his head, but all he knew was that he thought you were remarkably beautiful. You were perfect, really, and he could not wait for this game of chess to end so he could get the hell away from you.

Fred had never been in any sort of serious relationship. He had never dated a girl for longer than a few weeks, usually doing something that offended them (that was often mentioning how hot another girl was, or, in the worst case, snogging said other girl). He didn’t care for anything long-term, anything serious, because he couldn’t be bothered to find anyone that interesting. You, however, made his hands sweat. No one had ever made Fred’s hands sweat. No one had ever made Fred’s mind run blank.

He blinked at the board, realizing it was his turn again, and felt like giggling like a school girl. He shot his head up, looking around the common room and pretending to be in a hurry.

“Have you got the time?” he asked, watching as you looked down at your wrist- eyes flickering to your hand, which he realized he wanted nothing more than to hold in that moment- checking the time on your watch and telling him. He sprang from his chair, “I told George I’d meet him in a few, can we continue this later?”

He hadn’t even waited for an answer before he was running through the portrait hole, nearly knocking a few first years off their feet when he bumped into them.

Fred disappeared from the common room, leaving you with the chess board.

For the next few days, Fred’s flirting was non-existent. He wasn’t ignoring you, but the entire dynamic between you had shifted; something changed. He wasn’t painfully arrogant, seeming to take more effort in the way he treated you. There was no inappropriate flirting, no lustful winks. You wondered if the bet was still on.

You found out soon that it was.

You and Hermione left the library fairly late into the afternoon, but neither of you minded the time that got away from you. You spent the day doing very little actual studying, talking and laughing instead. There was a very few amount of people who could tear Hermione away from her studies, and she didn’t often like to admit that you were one of them.

“Are you going to tell me why Fred was so-” she broke off, shuddering in some sort of disgusted way that made you laugh “-touchy with you the other day?”

Hermione had been pressing a little bit every time she saw you about Fred, and you had been avoiding it every time.

“I still don’t know what you’re talking about. That was just Fred being Fred,” you insisted, rolling your eyes playfully.

The guilt of lying to your friends left you a few days ago, instead you only felt overwhelming uneasiness as your schoolgirl crush for Fred resurfaced. You couldn’t help it; the hot older boy you had liked since your first year was suddenly putting himself in compromising situations with you. So, you couldn’t tell Hermione about Fred’ bet, because then you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself telling her about your genuine crush.

“Really?” Hermione teased, bumping her shoulder into yours.

“Yes, really,” you insisted, turning the corner to the main staircase that was crowded with students wandering the castle on the weekend afternoon, “ I don’t get why your fixating on this, ‘Mione.”

Your words, however, fell on deaf ears. Her gaze was locked on something on the stairs beneath you both. You followed it, seeing the heavy stream of students starting to part. From your position, you couldn’t see much through the crowd, but soon the crowd thinned around you and you got closer.

Fred stood on the landing, a huge bouquet of flowers in his hands. You bit your lip, trying to hide the laugh bubbling in your chest. Such a grand gesture for a fake one-month relationship, this boy was determined to beat George and win those three Galleons. You felt Hermione clutching loosely to your arm, a dazed sort of look overcoming her features. You couldn’t help but laugh at this, prying yourself free from her grip and walking down the stairs to meet Fred.

He also looked sort of dazed, and with a quizzical expression you felt your face heat up under the stares of everyone in the stairwell. You came to the landing, looking up at Fred. His hand shook a little as he held the flowers, and he bit his lip harshly.

“Want to go out with me?” he asked, a surprisingly earnest voice replacing his usual smug one.

You glanced at your watch, moving to stand on your toes to reach him. You moved your mouth to his ear, speaking so only he could hear you, “You’re about a week early with this gesture, Freddie.”

He chuckled, and from being so close to him his chest bumped yours slightly. You fell to stand flat on your feet, still close to him. He looked down at you, holding the flowers between your chests.

“I don’t like following schedules,” he said, grinning down at you.

You resisted the urge to wrap your arms around his shoulders and never let go, settling instead on a bashful smile. He handed you the flowers, the brown paper they were wrapped in feeling a little damp from how profusely his hands were nervously sweating.

When he made this bet with George, he had just planned on kissing you in some busy hallway to announce the start of your relationship, as he did with most of his relationships. Somehow, though, you felt more special. His stomach sank every time he thought about the limited and fake month he’d have to with you, but he forced his way through it.

So he went to the field by Hagrid’s hut and picked the best flowers he could find, wrapping them in a brown paper and organizing them so they were perfect, because you were perfect.

He looked down at you, watching you as you held the flowers up to your face and smelled them. Your eyes were light and filled with innocent excitement, giving him an enchanting smile that showed all your teeth; you looked incredibly and undeniably happy, and that made Fred happy.

You had both nearly forgotten about the entire student body surrounding you both, watching the exchange. Fred, feeling unnerved by the vulnerability he had exhibited in such a large crowd, looked up and smiled smugly, wiggling his eyebrows. The entire staircase erupted in a somewhat jumbled mix of cheers and laughter, sending a deep red blush to your cheeks. Fred looked down at you, and in a moment of unfiltered happiness, brought his hands to your cheeks. He lifted your head from where you had ducked it to hide the blush, forcing you to look up at him with the embarrassed grin on your lips. Before he could think about what he was doing, his face was leaning closer to yours and his hands on your cheeks were pulling you closer to him. You barely had the time to register what was happening, only hearing the laughter and cheers around you get louder as Fred’s face was pressed against yours.

He was fast at first, passionate and quick as if he thought he only had a second before you pulled away. You couldn’t though, even though every bone in your body was telling you to. Your lasting feelings for Fred were telling you that this kiss was okay, that your friendship with Ron would take the backseat for a while as you let Fred press himself against you. Your thoughts were fading, being replaced with the hyper awareness of everywhere Fred was touching you. His lips slowed and his breathing became slower too. He let out a sigh through his nose, the air hitting your face and sending a brand new flush to your cheeks. His hands on your cheeks stopped pulling you towards him, now being a gentle and soft presence on your skin. His left hand was grazing your jaw, his calloused fingertips tickling the skin lightly. His right hand cupped your cheek firmly still, but his thumb rubbed against your cheekbone. You held the flowers in one hand, and it wasn’t until a few seconds into the kiss that you had even remembered you had hands. You rested your hand holding the flowers against his chest, tilting the bouquet so it didn’t hit Fred in the face. Your other hand snaked up his arm, clutching loosely at his strong forearm as it hung between your bodies.

You were both at each other’s wills, you would do anything Fred and Fred vowed to himself that he would follow you to the ends of the Earth, if you asked him to.

The spark moving through Fred’s body was nothing he had ever felt before. He didn’t feel it when he kissed Angelina Johnson, his first kiss, after winning a Quidditch match. He didn’t feel it when he drunkenly kissed Alicia Spinnet at a party. He didn’t feel anything close to this when he kissed Katie Bell in a game of truth or dare last year. You were completely new to Fred, and part of him already knew he wanted to spend every second with you from then on out.

You pulled away first, entirely and completely breathless. You looked up at Fred, mouth opening and closing like an out of water fish as you tried to find words to say in this moment. Fred just chuckled, bringing his hand on your cheek to graze his knuckles against your swollen lips. You closed your mouth, feeling okay with having nothing to say, and figuring it was better to not say anything anyways.

The crowd registered in your brain, making you feel extremely embarrassed again. You shoved your face into Fred’s chest, hiding the flush all over your face.

“Alright! Shows over, you perverts,” Fred called out, smiling widely at the group.

You heard the shuffling of feet begin around you, the traffic beginning once again. A few wolf whistles reached your ears, and you didn’t remove yourself from Fred’s chest until you were sure everyone had moved on.

Fred’s large hand rested on the back of your head, soothing down your hair. You found it oddly intimate, and you knew letting all of this happen was only setting yourself up for hurt when this bet was inevitably over, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

Pulling away finally, your flowers clutched at your side, you took a deep breath. You were bringing your gaze to look up at Fred, but a group of redheads standing behind him caught your eyes and made them widen.

“I am so telling mum you have a girlfriend!” Ginny squealed, her voice easily heard in the now empty stairwell.

Fred turned to face his family, seeing Ginny, Ron, George, Hermione, and Harry looking at him as if he’s sprouted five new limbs.

Ron elbowed Ginny, sending her a wide-eyed look, “my bestfriend is not his girlfriend!” Ron said confidently, then turning to Fred with a threatening look, “My bestfriend is not your girlfriend.”

Fred smiled nervously, “I’m not dating Harry, Ron,” he attempted to joke, only earning a laugh from George and an embarrassed look from Harry.

You peaked from behind Fred, meeting the group. You smiled at them sheepishly, meeting Hermione’s baffled eyes.

“I knew it!” she called, causing the entire group to turn their heads to look at her, “I knew you fancied her.”

Hermione looked quite proud of herself, but Ron looked fuming. Harry had sort of a ‘I-saw-this-coming’ look on his face.

“Guys,” you said, stepping towards them, “Ron.”

You gave Ron a pleading look, prepared to embarrass yourself and set the whole thing straight, even prepared to lose 3 Galleons. Suddenly, Hermione stepped between you and Ron.

“Ronald,” she said sternly, snapping Ron out from his angry mood briefly, “I hope you are not about to prevent a lovely relationship just because you have no emotional intelligence or maturity regarding these subjects.”

Your eyes widened from behind Hermione, casting a shocked glance to Fred. George and Ginny stifled their laughter, saving an embarrassed Ron some of his pride after being scolded by Hermione.

“But he’s my brother!” he whined, his anger leaving him and instead being replaced by some sort of tame disgust.

You couldn’t take it, every part of you wanted to tell them it was a bet, the galleons be damned. You looked to Fred with a warning look, only to see him digging in his pockets.

“George,” he called out, removing his hand from his pocket and clutching something, “catch.”

Fred tossed six coins at George, and George caught them with surprise.

“Bets off,” Fred said, looking painfully serious.

You felt your breath hitch in your throat, an immense feeling of guilt wash over you. You had cost Fred six galleons, even after the work he had put in. He had kissed you for the sake of it, and you couldn’t go one month.

“Fred,” you stuttered, looking at him with guilt

His mouth broke into a grin, however, and he took a few steps towards you. George watched Fred’s movements, and began pulling away the group. Ron, still standing there with a confused look on his face, was tugged away by the back of his collar.

“I don’t want to fake date you,” he whispered to you once he was close enough, tucking his hands in his pockets.

“Well, that seems like a lot of work for nothing, then-” you started, only for his lips to fall onto yours and silence you.

You couldn’t help it, again, as you let yourself melt into him. He pulled away all too soon however, resting his forehead on yours as he looked into your eyes.

“I want to date you for real,” he said, biting his lip nervously, “not as a bet.”

Your eyes widened, and once again you could not think of anything to say. You opened and closed your mouth, searching for the words, but gave up. You gave a relieved sigh, hearing the words you had dreamed of hearing since you were 12, and kissed Fred Weasley.

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