#idk im just tired. and sad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jefferythejelly · 2 months

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*long, deep, belabored sigh*

#discourse #<- except not really bc i am vagueing #idk im just tired. and sad #for a lot of reasons. some of which are i think v much not the reasons other ppl are mad rn lmao #like. yes it has problems yes i wish it could be better yes this absolutely sucks shit #and that is all v much part of the reason i am tired and sad #but the constant neg abt every aspect of the server also has started grinding on me. well always has i think im just reaching a limit #bc i like it! i do! theres good parts and i like them a whole lot!#idk it just rubs me the wrong way bc even if i do agree with a lot of the criticism whenever it comes from this side of the community #it always kinda feels like its in bad faith to me. like its in desire to watch it burn first and actually improve anything second #and its just like. argh #and like on the flip side. god i love this server but why does it have to be run by a guy who is the way he is #negative #yeah i think this needs that tag too lmao #idk ive been thinking abt taking a break for a little bit here and i dont think i am #mostly bc it would involve unfollowing 90% of my mutuals and i dont really want to do that #but i just wish casually sticking around like this didnt also involve. all the bullshit that comes with being in this fandom(s). lol. lmao.#anyways. i am going to go eat dinner

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porrigens · 2 months

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pegoryu valentine :3

#p5 #persona 5 #persona 5 royal #ryuji sakamoto #sakamoto ryuji #pegoryu #persona 5 protagonist #akira kurusu #ren amamiya #i made this last year LOL #sorry for not posting </3 i forget #idk when i'll post again</3 #but beleive in me ... please.... its all i have...#i just finished a big assignment in uni im so tired #i typed 5000 words in two hours #anyways i like pegoryu ryuji would bounce his leg when hes nervous #i need to replay p5 games at some point tbh the motivation isn't there for p5 anymore sad emoji

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ariose-ghoul · 4 months

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yknow what though shoutout to matt for not making darryl homophobic like with his whole thing it would've been so easy but he didn't and i do appreciate it

#dndads #im in a funk n sad n tired and i am thinking about how grant felt entirely safe telling his dad that he likes a boy #im .........#idk man i just spent like half an hour in the shadow realm

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akademiyas · 14 days

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day 17: piety

i miss barbara

#idk i think they should hang out #genshin impact #my art #diluc ragnvindr #aprilluc #its so sad how in barbaras voiceline she thinks diluc doesnt like her #i think they should be besties #also i dont think diluc prays often especially no i nthe cathedral n thats why barbara is so shocked #omg ex oomf in law!#can u tell im tired n just yapping

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scribbiesan · 8 months

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In my defense , I was left unsupervised

I also have the full comic not cut into pieces, and imma reblog this with the full comic just for funsies. I’ll be making another one after this, so it doesn’t make me sad.

Herobrine is fully immortal, and can’t really age, nor can he die right. But Steve can. He can grow old, and get blown up, and eaten by zombies and burned by lava and… well you get the picture.

Wanted Hero to have some happy memories during his long long existence.

Was listening to Siljan by Astrid Everdahl and it sounds like something for a cute moment, but it turned to angst for me.

Hope you enjoy!! Toodles!~

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skitskatdacat63 · 10 days

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2024 Chinese Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso

#hello here are your daily old man gifs!!!#every time im like no no i shant gif this no one will care #he always sucks me back in w his cute face #i just love his polite listening smile ITS SO CUTEEEE #this is MY race debrief #anyways about the race itself #im still a bit sad about the whole strat thing like agh idk if he could have done any better if not #but it was really so much fun to see him cut thru the pack like that at the end with fresh tires #it just felt so effortless and it was so hot. especially that part where he almost completely wiped out but saved it so easily???#but ofc the best part was the unintentional war criminal lockup #apparently it wasnt fully his fault but nah im blaming it on him cause its so funny #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #we do a little bit of f1 #2024 chinese gp #also man aston takes so long to upload their fernando debrief vid #i wanna stay up for it cause i missed the other one and it was too far gone to gif #so i wish i could catch it but ah i gotta sleep its so late

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redrobin-detective · 2 years

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how quickly the glamour fades

“What do you think the Captain does in his down time?” Wally asked, squirting a large amount of cheese whiz onto a cracker and eating it. He was still getting used to being the Flash, being in the Justice League alongside his uncle’s friends. They’d helped him grow as a hero and a person over the years and now he was one of them.

“I don’t know, Cap is always working,” Hal said, taking a bit of his pizza. “The guy never quits I’m telling you. If he’s not here, he’s putting out fires in the jungle or fighting space-magic-tentacle monsters or working with an apron at the soup kitchen. I don’t think he knows the meaning of ‘down time’.”

“We all have to take a break sometimes, even gods,” Wonder Woman said with a raised eye brow. She didn’t technically chastise him but Hal’s shoulder crept up to his ears anyway. “Marvel is the personification of the Gods’ will on Earth. He may not require physical rest I’m sure he must take moments to collect himself but it is, surely, none of our business.”

“I didn’t mean any disrespect,” Wally said hastily. “I’m still new here, trying to figure everything and everyone out with these big shoes to fill.” He cleared his throat and glanced over at the door Captain Marvel had exited out of a few minutes earlier. “I don’t know Marvel well, he was just a reserve member when I first met him and now we’ve moved into big leagues pretty much at the same time. I guess I’m trying to get to know my fellow newbie, he seems like a really nice guy, someone you’d want to talk to outside of work.”

“Yeah good luck with that,” Hal snorted and preemptively winced from the force of Diana’s glare. “What? Look, I love the big cheese as much as the next guy but he’s hard to pin down! He’ll smile and chat up here at the Watchtower no prob but he won’t go out for a drink, he won’t attend any of Bruce’s fancy parties. Barry used to practically beg the guy to come over and have some of Iris’ cooking and he turned him down every time.” A brief moment of silence as Hal coped with the sudden, casual mention of his best friend. “He’s friendly but not sociable.”

“Perhaps he needs time alone, away from all this,” J’onn said, walking in to stand by Diana. Without being asked, she reached into the cabinet and pulled out his favorite cookies. It could have been telepathy or simply years of love and experience. “As you mentioned, he spends much of his time battling the evils of the world, both the grand and the mundane. He may need solitude to cope.”

“Isolation doesn’t heal anything,” Wally grumbled, playing idly with the cheese whiz can. “The Titans taught me that there’s strength in community. I won’t begrudge the man some alone time but,” he sighed and set the can down. “I don’t know, he smiles like Dick does sometimes, when he’s keeping all the hurt inside. I think he could probably use someone to talk to.”

“He’s a god or something, it’s not like we can relate to him,” Hal sighed. “I’m with ya, Kid. I’d be over the moon if Cap ever decided to hang out after the battle was done but he’s just not that kinda guy.”

“Your kindness is appreciated, Wally but Marvel is entitled to his privacy. Should he ever need that listening ear you suggested, he of course knows he can come to us.” Diana smiled. Wally smiled back but still didn’t feel completely settled. There was something about Captain Marvel that never felt right, like he was only seeing a funhouse mirror version. His smiles were too perfect, his lines so cheesy, almost practiced. In a way, he almost didn’t feel real and that the real person was hiding behind this perfect cardboard cut out they all knew.

“Yeah, okay,” he frowned before perking back up. “Did you guys catch the game last nigh-”

“Don’t get me started squirt my team looked like they were sleepwalking, not playing.”

Hundreds of thousands of miles away in Fawcett City, a boy was cold and he was hungry.

“Achoo!” Billy Batson sneezed. “Ugh either someone’s talking ‘bout me or I’m coming down something.” He sniffled, wiping his nose on his threadbare sweater sleeve. “I don’t even know which is worse.”

It had been warm on the Watchtower when Bill, well Marvel, had finally left. The halls had been crowded and there’d been plenty of food and company. It would’ve been nice to stay but that wasn’t the way things worked. Cap didn’t need food to stay full or heat to keep him warm. He enjoyed the conversation but it felt so empty with the large wall he had to keep around his other life. It was safer this way, for him and for them.

The weather was turning cold and the shelters would have stopped giving out food by this late hour. Another night spent shivering and another night without a meal.

“It’s fine, you’re fine,” Billy chattered to himself as he slowly made his way back to the abandoned apartment he’d been sleeping in. “They don’t need to know about this, won’t care about another homeless kid. You’re lucky you get to know them as Marvel, you’re lucky to have Marvel.” He squeezed his eyes shut to fight back tears. It was an honor, a blessing to have the power to help people but oh did it hurt sometimes.

He wished he had someone to talk to about this but all he had was Tawney and the empty throne of the Wizard. There was the League but he couldn’t risk it, Marvel’s good standing was the only way they let him be active without giving away any details. They wouldn’t listen to him anyway, if they knew who their powerhouse really was. The illusion was hard to keep up sometimes but it was all he had.

All the way home, he hummed a tune he’d heard Black Canary humming while doling out portions of pizza and thought of the way Wonder Women’s gentle strong arms had felt around his shoulders and the sound of Lantern’s loud laughter and imagined that he wasn’t alone.

#title is lyrics from FatM Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up)#which is the most billy batson song ever #i don't actually know what I was trying to say #just wanted to hit on the inherent dichotomy of Marvel's perception vs reality #and this projection of Marvel as this omnipotent being who works 24/7 and isn't bound by human trappings #only for Billy to be crushing himself under this heavy weight #they want to know cap but think he's not into it while Billy is So Desperate for affection but is too afraid to confide #idk I was in a sad mood and thought of billy and this came out #wrote in 35 minute but 10 minutes were freaking out if Barry was still alive at this point in time before deciding eh whatever #i didnt review this at all lol just wrote the last word and hit post hahaaha #im tired

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the-ace-of-arrows · 23 days

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I don't truly experience anything

- a poem of some sort, I suppose

aromantic - I've never felt this thing that others say define us as human.

this feeling that in media seems to be the one feature that qualifies an alien or a robot as owning a soul

this one feeling that everyone seems so obsessed over

the thing behind the curtains of everything

the thing that surely, no one could ever live without, right?

I've never been with a person, thinking about how I'd love to spend the rest of my life with them and them alone

I've thought I might have, several times, with my closest friends, the ones I feel comfortable around

but it's not the same

it's not how others describe it

I've never wanted to kiss anyone

the closest I've come to romantic love is platonic

but if it is

if it turns out I'm pan- and polyromantic

if I've only ever experienced romantic love, and never platonic

then I'm still one form of love short from everyone else

I'm still less

asexual - I've never wanted intimacy the way others seem to.

I've never seen a person and felt anything like what people have described

I've never been able picture myself in a sexual setting, and I've certainly never enjoyed it when I've tried

I've never experienced an orgasm, not even sure I could if I tried

I've never felt the need to do anything of the sort

I've felt the want to, sure, but even then, not really

because I've never wanted it for it, I've wanted it to feel included

I've wanted to know what everyone else seem to revolve their life around

I wanted to understand, and to stop being so alien to the people around me whenever I just don't understand something

agender - I don't understand it

really, it just doesn't make any sense to me

never has, and tbh I just thought we'd all agreed to just go with it, because that's what everyone else did

I've never felt like a girl

I've never felt like a boy

I have yet to understand what this "feeling" is supposed to feel like

I'm me

just me

my body exists, sure

and I guess it's keeping me alive, so I'll try not to damage it too much

but it has never really meant any more than that in any way that means anything

it's a house

and you can decorate it to your choosing

and sometimes you'd like to move, but then you look at the housing market at the moment and decide that actually

the house I have now isn't that bad

and of course, you can't tear down a load bearing wall, the whole house would collapse

but otherwise, do whatever you want with what you've got, and you'll be good.

I guess in that sense I've kind of seen trans people as claustrophobic people stuck in a small attic-appartment without windows

the housing market is still horrible, and so they start by making modifications

make a window

let the air in

maybe even make a terrace on the roof out the window

doing what make them feel better

and if that so means I'll have to stop calling their house and attic, because they've expanded so much it's really a proper house now, then sure, I'll change the mailing address, why not?

agnostic - I say agnostic, but really I'm just afraid to say atheist

because I've never been able to believe

I don't even think I've ever really grasped the concept properly

but I want to

I really really do

I want to believe that there's some higher power out there

that there's someone looking out for us

taking care of us

I so badly want that comfort that others seem to get from talking into the void and somehow still feeling heard

but I don't know how

belief is such an amazing thing

belief is unconditional trust, something I'd almost call stronger than unconditional love

it's trusting that someone else will do good without any guarantee beforehand

and yet even when it comes to my closest friends, I can't do it

because I only actually believe in them if I've seen proof of it before, and that's not belief, it's a conditional trust

and I'm so incredibly jealous of the ones who are able to do so

I wish I was religious

a human - ahuman

I sometimes don't think I'm human

and I it

so much

because these are the things that everyone else call "reasons to live"

these are the traits that everyone says define what it means to "be human" or "be alive"

and so if I don't

if I never experience the reasons to live

if I never experience what it is to be human

if I never experience the essentials of being alive

then what am I?

I have no reason to live, so I'm meaningless

I'm not a human, so I'm alien

I'm not alive, so I'm dead

I'm a meaningless alien, dead to the world and to myself

a non-human, walking around with no purpose or light

a nothing

existing in the background

and even then, not really existing either

because what is existence without purpose or life?

a - the greek prefix for no, and the letter that seems to pursue my very being

a-being

a-thing

no-thing

I'm nothing

I'm nothing, wanting everything

staring at the rest of the world as if through the pages of a book that I'm doomed to only ever read and never experience myself

I hate it

I'm jealous

I want what everyone else has

And I'm crying

Somehow

I'm crying

because even with all the everything that I just seem doomed to never feel

for some reason the universe never thought to add sadness to that pile

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beautyandraage · 8 days

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i literally am thinking of kms

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alsojnpie · 2 months

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hey. um. i love him

#O_O i really love him #it's getting warmer every day and i can't draw him in a sweater for much longer #by the way. is this site going to. yknow. die #sigh........i kept telling myself I'd get better at it one day #kind of like the way i tell myself i can get together courage to speak up but i never do #using another website just sounds so depressing #im not good at social media. im tired of pretending like i can get good at it #but you can't even pretend like you can jump into a conversation if no one is having a conversation #i wanted to be part of a community here but i never could figure out what belonging looked like or how i could do it #and maybe it's my fundamental misunderstanding of that that prevents it but how can i understand it without experience #I'm so jealous of everyone who looks like they achieved what i couldn't even put my finger on. but since i didn't even understand it #i can't even be sure what exactly im jealous of #the other day i walked past a trio of friends and they had their arms around each other and were laughing as they walked #and i felt really strongly that even though I've always wanted a friend like that I'm actually fundamentally incompatible with that.#there's several reasons #but it made me feel really sad. but it made me feel a little better too. i guess it's really not my fault. maybe. i don't really know #in that moment it felt very much like something that was not my fault. and it was nice and sad at the same time #idk what's going to happen here. but one thing i know for sure is that i can have a happy tomorrow. no matter what #no matter what i have to give up on. i can find joy in other things. even in myself #and if there's one idea that he is about. it's that one

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meaningtotellyou · 1 year

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i’m still thinking and i obviously don’t wanna make this about us fans, and i imagine we’re just a small blip on her radar when something huge like this occurs but i just hope she knows that we love her endlessly and we will always be there for her with open arms :( like i just want her to know that she’s loved

#idk im just talkin #tired and sad

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leenfiend · 10 months

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i’m listening to those literary demerit episodes on dirty laundry feeling like a klance scholar rn and also shaking my fist at the fucking sky because clearly a lot of klance fic was influenced by it and god.......i wish i could live in a different timeline......we gotta do better this time soldiers. give me in character fic im on my knees begging.

#the way that sad twink keith had a fucking CHOKEHOLD ON THE LONG FICS #im smacking it away from me i dont want it #this is why i think i like later season fics better usually #bc people write them as like serious and tired and it feels more real 2 me #idk i love the early season dynamic i just wish.......idk #every day i feel like i get on here and complain about the quality of the popular voltron fics im so sorry lmao #ive found some genuinely good short ones i just was always someone who liked reading long fics but i still. cant find. good ones.#also i feel like when i say in character i mean the versions that live in my head but erm im right so....#me and all my mutuals....we're right....#colleen thoughts

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anxiously-sidequesting · 5 months

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So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."

But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ☹️

So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to

And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to

Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!

#this is all speculation btw idk if any of this is canon. how duncan feels about all this #i know i keep saying the exact same shit over and over but.... really not a fan of how the game handled duncan! sorry!#i know wizard101 isnt supposed to be about every single character gets a satisfying ending to their arc-#-meaning not everyone in the story will face consequences and/or find a happy ending and like thats fine they dont need to #but idkkkk its just imo really sad how essentially a kid suffers frrom something he cant control by himself (his ego)-#and then instead of getting help he is instead ignored (ambrose) and then manipulated and brought up by a cult #and then when it becomes super apparent how... TERRIBLE his life really is and we defeat him he just... goes back??????#we.... we LET him go back???? i mean we're not responsible for other people's bad decisions or mental health but bro....#and then when we tell ambrose he's just like “oh. too bad. well anyways-” AND IM LIKE WELL THATS THE REASON!!!!! NO WONDER HE'S FUCKED UP #NONE OF THIS IS ADDRESSED. NONE OF IT. WE KICK DUNCAN'S ASS AND THEN HE.... GOES BACK TO THE CABAL #i literally just got so desolate when (wallaru spoilers) because. okay. all that for nothing i guess #this isnt me being mad btw LMAO i know the tone probably reads as angry but im not im just disappointed #and tired. what is it with wizard101 in particular and just people suffering with no end. (me as i make my main suffer with no end)#but anyways yeah duncan has been in my head for a while. he's one of the guys that i love a lot BDKSNSKAJ #he's like a son to me and HE NEEDS A HEALTHY PARENT. HE NEEDS IT #not excusing his actions btw. he still committed crimes JRKDJSIEJ #i just have a soft spot for those villains in media who are doomed from the start yknow. (stares tearfully at morganthe and gf spider)#wizard101 #wiz101 #w101 #text posts #duncan grimwater #im not normal about duncan at all he's probably the wozard oc i feel for the most other than malorn and us

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verved · 1 year

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every day i am filled w rage at the knowledge that in the mainstream, adhd is rarely seen as the life-ruining disability it is

#adhd #like it's not just poor memory and distraction #literally every executive function doesn't work correctly #no sense of time #no internal motivation #emotional disregulation #lowkey always depressed #fatigued #sensory issues #inability to self-acess like idk if im sad or tired or hungry ever #idk what im feeling emotionally or physically half the time #sensory processing issues which also bleed into poor memory #bc you can't process audio at normal speed so you can't commit spoken instructions to memory #predisposition to addiction #poor self control #poor money management #it's like the recipie for failure at life

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fox-guardian · 9 months

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hm. maybe i Should go ahead and get an ao3 account

#ramblings with major #i was gonna like. wait. but idk #having one-shot ideas and im hesitant to post here cuz last time i posted writing here it flopped #but maybe it'll do slightly better on The Writing Website #but also it's angst and i hate writing angst it feels so embarrassing somehow #not saying writing angst in general is like cringe or smth it just Feels embarrassing for Me Specifically idk #i guess just cuz it's more Emotional than the stuff i usually end up writing #yknow what i mean #like 'oh that's what angst is to you? what are you some kind of sad person??' idk #im tired i need to sleep im truly rambling ANYWAY

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ria-the-camel · 6 months

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I'm usually pretty good at ignoring discourse and reading through the tags without it getting to me, but it's been so bad on All sides this whole week and getting worse after yesterday's episode.

Makes me a little sad to see people who all enjoy the same show getting sososo mad about it and each other.

It's a show, improvised! Oftentimes the actors make mistakes, both in character choices and the way they speak, they have to make it up on the spot and are not all-knowing fucking experts of the human psyche!

They touch sensitive topics and I get that, it feels personal. It's not though.

Remember that, this is not about you, it's about eight people in LA playing DnD as a game and as a story (which sometimes does not align well) and making mistakes. Sometimes being vague and unclear.

And it's a show, people will enjoy it in a different way than you, it makes me sad to see people going into blind rage, futilessly defending a fictional character from others' "wrong" opinions and hurting the real people on the other side instead.

Some enjoying reading into it too much, see pattern that aren't there, and it can lead to disappointment, but its self caused. This is not you, this is not about you and these are not your same problems.

There's many ways to interpret the same thing, wouldn't it be better to discuss it without ripping into each other.

#I'm tired and a little bit sad #because this show brings me a lot of feelings and i adore it #but i also like seeing what other people think! it helps me digest my own opinions #that are sometimes not the most popular and I'm fine with that #it just sucks to read people calling each other disgusting and horrible for enjoying it in a different way :/#cr discourse #throwing this into the void because i guess im not as detached as I thought #cr3 #crit role #cut to me rereading this in 2 years having no idea wtf i was talking about hahah #i just wanna see what other people think about it without ending up feeling like shit #edit: idk whybi put this in the main tag that was not necessary im just adding to the problem hahah

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