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blue-jisungs · 5 months

Note

i keep thinking about like seo yul who has been hired to be a personal guard to the reader. and she's either like the daughter of a rly noble family or a princess just someone rly highly established in society who needs protection

and yul falls in love as soon as he sees her, he's literally so whipped he would do whatever she asked him. and once she realizes that he's not gonna tell her what to do like everyone else in her life, she starts to fall too. and like he helps her sneak out and they're just idiots in love <//3

LIKE U JUST KNOW YUL WOULD BREAK THE RULES WHEN HES SO SO IN LOVE CAUSE HE DID IT BEFORE AND THAT THOUGHT MAKES MY BRAIN GO CRAZY SKDFJSK

training // calming balm

author's note. HI ZANNA CUTIE THANK J FOR THE YUL REQ LIKE I NEEDED RHAT IN MY LIFE!!! i hope u enjoy it bc personally i feel like it isnt the best thing i’ve written :(

summary. yul falls for you // soft moments w yul as your guard

word count. 3,6k

“a bodyguard?” seo yul repeated in disbelief, eyes wide and directed at his uncle. his voice echoed in the wide room as the older man just nodded.

“the l/n family just moved here and they’re a well respected people. their daughter was raised not to cause any harm and live peacefully; therefore, in case of an attack she wouldn’t be able to protect herself” park jin explained calmly. yul just nodded “it’s not going to be a permanent occupation, only until the time they find a professional guard for their daughter”

“i understand” yul bowed gently.

“i’m glad. we’ll pay them a visit in a while, i’d want you to go with me” park jin announced. his nephew didn’t say anything, just nodded. the older watched him leave the room almost as quietly as a rustle of wind.

yul was smiling gently while talking to your parents, genuinely invested in why they moved here. the tea that was served was truly delightful and he couldn’t help himself but ask for more. when the discussion topic turned into a political one, the young mage looked around the garden. the gazebo they were seated in was cozy and prettily decorated, you could see the majority of the open space with one’s bare eye.

suddenly, yul saw a movement behind the peony bushes. he straighted his back and his hand rested on the grip of his sword.

eyes trained on the bush, he frowned upon hearing some voices.

out of the blue, someone fell from the bushes with a yelp. everyone looked that way, lady l/n letting out a huff.

“there she is… gods, this child will make me die because of an heart attack one day” she mumbled.

indeed, there was a young lady standing in front of the peony bush. she was dusting off the pink flower petals and leaves from her pastel purple hanbok. everyone could notice she was saying something to herself and seemingly, she didn’t realise she wasn’t alone.

“this is our daughter, y/n” your father sighed.

you looked up and suddenly saw the four people’s gazes on you. blood of embarrassment rushing to your cheeks, you approached them.

bowing gently you greeted the guests and a young man caught your attention. it seemed that you caught his too – he was staring at you in awe.

“greetings” you mumbled and refused to look at the unfamiliar people.

“where have you been– you know what? i done even wish to know. this is your new bodyguard, seo yul” your father pointed at the young man in light purple hanbok. you smiled upon realising it had the shade as yours. sending him a nod, he bowed.

his face was truly handsome and being honest, you were glad it was him and not the older man seated next to him.

“it is my pleasure to meet you. i promise, a single hair won’t fall off your head as long as i’ll be guarding you” he said softly. his ebony irises were glued to you, enchanted by your beauty. park jin just lifted the corner of his lips in a smirk, noticing how smittened his nephew is.

“and your name is…?” you asked, ignoring the look your mother sent your way.

“seo yul, lady l/n” the brown haired man replied, his feline-alike features causing you to study his face. then, your gaze fell upon his plum-shaded hanbok with tender, blueish sewings forming peonies. how ironic.

“i like your hanbok, seo yul” you smiled and bowed, then looked at your parents “i still need to unpack my baggage so if you’ll excuse me, i shall get going”

they just nodded and dived back in to the conversation whereas the young mage’s eyes followed you until you disappeared inside the house.

you were so pretty and graceful yet – unlike choyeon – you had a rebellious spark in your eye. something in you just intrigued seo yul and he didn’t even notice when he tried to drink from an empty porcelain cup.

the young mage arrived at your residence, the warm sun heating up his skin pleasantly. the fresh air was filled with the scent of flowers that blossomed in the garden, the birds’ singing beautifully filling in the silence.

someone from the servants led him to your chamber and knocked gently, looking at the new addition to the staff.

“lady y/n is very… childish. please, don’t be afraid to tell her no if she has an ridiculous idea or a foolish request” they said. yul frowned and suddenly the door opened, your maid looking the man up and down.

“you may come in” she said and yul stepped inside.

“who is it?” your voice rung in the room yet you weren’t nowhere in sight. only when your maid came to the folding screen and stepped behind it, he realised you’re there.

blush hit his cheeks and he shook his head.

“it’s seo yul, lad–” he started.

“we’re the same age, i assume. please, don’t use any of the honorific words and nicknames” you hummed and then said something to your maid “this ribbon, please”

yul looked around the room. he didn’t spend much time with noble women except choyeon, yet he thought it’s something known that women tend to be tidy. well…

maybe your room was somehow clean, it definitely had it’s own charm. history books on the floor, along with calligraphy supplies. horse-themed ornaments scattered on the wooden furniture, makeup tools next to a pretty mirror and… empty plates.

“can you show me around the city today, yul?”

his gaze snapped up and he felt his face get warm when he noticed you caught him staring. but there was no anger or disgust in your eyes, no. pure amusement and excitement.

“of course” he nodded, taking in the sight of you. today, you decided to wear a faint yellow hanbok. the sewings at the bottom of the dress were gold and formed a beautiful scenery: young deers, forest plants and wild birds. the rest of the clothing, including the frame of your sleeves, was white. there was a yellow ribbon in your braided hair.

“we shall go, then” you grinned and energetically stormed out of the room. he looked shocked at the maid. the older lady just sighed, dramatically wiping her forehead.

“good luck” she just mumbled and seo yul chased after you, with a love-struck smile.

“so? what are you going to show me? can we see the mage place?” you asked, not even turning around when you heard his footsteps approaching.

you knew he’d say no: you heard that only mages were allowed to enter the place and after all – sadly – you were no mage.

“sure, i’ll take you to jeongjinjak. but be aware that the mages might not be too pleased to see you there” he answered casually and just when he caught up with you, you halted your movements. yul realised he had to stop and turn around, blinking.

“really?” you asked in disbelief, lips forming into a huge smile.

“of course, why not?” seo yul returned your smile.

“i thought… ah, it doesn’t matter. we should go, then” you hummed happily.

yul already knew that he won’t be able to resist you.

“oh my, it’s beautiful here” you sighed when you entered jeongjinjak. the place was spacious and quiet, the air filled with a feeling of seriousness and a scent of old books “do you live here?”

yul nodded, his hand intertwined behind his back as you two strolled around the place carefully.

“my uncle is in charge of this place” yul added. passing by some young mages that were training, you sent them a sweet smile and bowed gently.

they all stared at you in awe, immediately losing focus and stumbling over their own feet. giggling at that, you failed to notice the disapproving look yul sent them.

“i always wanted to at least possess the power ryusu” you hummed sadly “but my parents were never willing to find me a teacher, even though they know some of the stages themselves. selfish, isn’t it?”

you turned to yul and his apologetic smile. there was a certain softness in his features, a look that was different to what you always stumble upon. most of the people assumed you’re a spoiled brat and treated you this way. but yul was the only one who didn’t: he was carefully listening and genuinely cared about what you said.

“i can teach you the basics, y/n” he offered and before you could burst out with happiness, he quickly added “but it must remain a secret between us”

“of course it will” you grinned and quickly went to hug him. you realized your actions and froze, feeling ashamed of your impulsiveness. seo yul noticed that and his heart ached with a strange feeling. were you taught to suppress your emotions? “thank you so much, yul”

“it will be my pleasure, la– y/n” he smiled, ebony irises glinting with happiness. you held eye contact for a mere moment longer before there was a sudden bang.

it was the mages in training who were just staring at you and didn’t notice that they tripped over the edge of the passage.

spending time with yul became a part of your routine. however, it wasn’t a negative thing. you loved his company; for the first time ever you felt like you had a friend. someone who truly cared for you.

a knock at your door caused you to smile. yul had a specific pattern of knocking – it sounded like a tender melody, rhythmic but pleasant to listen to.

“come in!” you hummed, finishing braiding your hair. your guard entered, bowing and scanning your figure (not so) secretly.

“good morning” he hummed, stepping in. you could read it on his face that he wanted to add something but halted from doing so. ‘you look stunning today’ was what lingered on his lips, albeit his shyness prevented him from wording it out.

“what should we do today?” you asked, tilting your head.

you adored seo yul – he always kept up with your ideas and temper. most of the maids were old and always too tired to even take a short walk. even though he wasn’t your maid – and certainly, he wasn’t old – he never had a problem with taking strolls around the city or showing you the neighbourhood . sometimes it included walking through hills, high grasses and small rivers. but he was always willing to do so.

“is there something particular you wish to do?” he asked, his tender voice calm as always.

“not really, no” you shook your head.

“then, we could go–”

he wasn’t meant to finish when your mother barged into the room. her face morphing into relief when she noticed you.

“you’re here, good. do not leave the house today, i heard there are some… civil commotions in the city. and it’s been dangerous lately” she said and her eyes met yul’s. he bowed “oh, you’re here. you can go home now. y/n’s not leaving the household today”

“but mother, i–” you started.

“no. it’s too dangerous” she cut you off and left, the maids closing the door behind her.

yul watched your features grow sad and his heart sank. you lost your excitement, eyes gradually fogging with a strange, bland emotion.

“it’s fine. i’m not in the mood anymore, you can go home” you mumbled, turning your face to the window.

“i’m not in the position to disobey your mother’s orders, however i’m your guard” yul offered and carefully studied your reaction “and not to brag or be overconfident, but you’re going to be safe under my watch”

there was a ghost of a smile dancing on your lips as you played with the hem of your hanbok.

“mhm… and what if my parents found out?” you hummed, cocking your eyebrow.

“i’d take the responsibility” yul said seriously. shaking your head, you stood up.

“no need, i was just teasing you. shall we go, then? where are we going, anyway?” you asked.

“to the market. i believe you haven’t seen it yet, y/n?” he asked with a tender smile.

“no, our maids do the duty of providing food…” you hesitated and stopped yul before he left. his eyes widened when he felt your hand on his chest “how are we going to leave? it’s the middle of the day, everyone will see us”

“just trust me, lady” he hummed and slid his hand to grab yours “may i?”

you nodded. yul’s gentle and smooth hand took in yours, as if scared that he’ll cause harm. blush spreading across your cheeks, you looked away and let him lead you.

seo yul was like a cat – his moves were sharp and calculated, paying attention to if someone is coming or not. in no time, you left through the back door and the garden. finding yourself in the middle of a busy street, you looked at him with wide eyes and a smile of gratitude.

“i’ll be using this route” you grinned and saw a flash of fear go through his face.

“no, don’t do that… you’ll get hurt or…” he started and you let out a gasp, drawing some passersby’s attention.

“what is that? that colorful thing? wait, yul, are those parrots?” you yelped in excitement and he couldn’t help but laugh sincerely. his features dropped when you ran off.

“wait a moment!” he giggled, adoring your excitement.

yul walked you through the market, explaing who’s selling what. the delicious smells and colors surrounded you, mouth agape as you took in all the amazing views. the young mage was stealing glances at you and how adorable you were while doing that.

“oh, the sweets!” he hummed and noticed you look that way curiously.

“can we get some?” you asked.

“of course” he grinned, hands interlocked behind his back. he followed you slowly while you already approached the seller. eyes meeting, you stood closer to him once yul arrived.

“what are we having? my treat!” you grinned “all of them look delicious…”

“my favourite are the pine pollen tea ones” he mumbled shyly, pointing at the greenish cookies.

“well then, we’ll have each one of everything” you hummed and noticed the seller’s eyes widen.

“ah, yul!”

you both turned around and saw a man with blonde hair approach you. while yul was distracted, you said something to the snack seller.

“what a beautiful lady… my name is park danggu” the blond man bowed dramatically as you stared him up and down.

“uh-uh. nice to meet you, i’m l/n y/n” you smiled and frowned, looking at yul. he just smiled.

“that’s a friend of mine” your guard explained and noticed all the snacks are already packed, waiting for you. suddenly, yul had a strange feeling ache in his heart: he did not want you to talk too much with danggu. “shall we go home?”

“oh, already?” you pouted, grabbing the bag. yul took it from you, fingers brushing against each other. blush spread on both of your cheeks. danggu smiled upon that.

“yeah, i’m busy either way. i will see you around, yul. don’t come home too late, though” danggu wiggled his brows and was off before yul could even say something.

“he’s silly” you snickered and poked his arm. yul seemed flustered.

on your way back you chatted all the time. you decided you won’t go anywhere once you’re home, so you dismissed yul to go back (only after thanking him for his company, of course).

once back at jeongjinjak, yul was surprised to see a package addressed for him.

it turned out you bought all the pine pollen tea snacks for him and had them delivered at his dorm.

the mage couldn’t help but melt and smile absentmindedly at the gesture.

for a couple of days yul was dismissed from his duties: your parents gave him some spare time and you said you’re not in the mood to leave the house. it left him pondering if something is wrong and decided to ask you if everything is alright.

the time he spent without you made him realise something: life is bland when you’re not by his side. you’re so lively and energetic, yet so adorable at the same time. he missed you and had this tingling feeling in his heart whenever you weren’t around. yul was looking forward to the day he’ll meet you again.

after finally coming back to his duties, he went right away to your chamber. it was late and dark outside but a messenger called him, saying it was urgent. the mage thought something dangerous was happening.

“y/n?” yul asked, coming into the room. there was a couple of candles lighting up the room, shadows dancing on the walls.

“yul! let’s go out!” you whisper-yelled, grabbing his hands. a pleasant warmth spread through his body before he processed your words.

“what? i thought it was an emergency and you got hurt…” he mumbled.

“no, no. i’m fine. just bored to death… are there any horses…?” you asked hesitantly.

“h-horses?” he choked out, eyes widening. you shrugged nonchalantly.

“i feel like going on a horse ride”

you are insane.

“sure, we’ll find something” he scoffed, shaking his head. he shouldn’t be doing this; none of this, at all. he’s about to sneak out with a lady he was supposed to protect and do something that could potentially harm you. which, he was here to prevent in the first place.

but he couldn’t help it! he felt like you put a spell on him, he just wasn’t able to resist.

“we shall go then, my lady” he hummed. good thing the room was dimmed, otherwise he’d see how your face reddened with a shade of ruby-alike shade of the yin and yang jade.

yul held your hand gently and helped you leave through the window. erupting into quiet giggles when you almost stepped on his feet or when you passed the peony bush where he first saw you. under the cover of dark night sky, yul led you to a nearest stallion. he looked around, making sure no one saw you.

“y/n, do you even know how–” he turned around and gasped when he saw you already on the horse.

“can we go to the pretty fields? please…” you mumbled. yul nodded slowly and hopped on a horse too, leading the way.

“we should be back before sunrise…” he mumbled. there was a look of calmness in your face, almost unfamiliar.

wind in your hair, the sound of horse hooves pleasantly clacking against the ground underneath the starry sky caused your heart to soothe. the smell of fresh grass and yul’s silhouette beautifully framed by moonlight – it was a moment that you wanted to stay in forever.

arriving at the fields, you stopped next to a small stream. the water was rustling pleasantly, hypnotizing you. yul realized that you stopped following him and turned around, looking at you. something was troubling your mind, clearly.

“yul-ah”

even in the faint light you saw his eyes widen. cute.

“yes, y/n?” he asked, voice gentle.

“i think i… no. um, actually, no. i’ve been practising ryusu! can i show you?” you asked and he nodded, locking his hands between his back.

you put your body strength on your legs, focusing to keep your moves sharp and clean. chest moving up and down to keep your breathing regular and steady. just when you thought you got it–

“y/n, i think… my heart longs for you when you’re not present but then it acts as if it was possessed whether you hold my hand… i’d rather look at you than all of the stars or beautiful ornaments” yul said, his words carried by wind.

letting out a shaky breath, you looked at him. moonlight shining on his handsome face and somewhat scared eyes.

“why did i say that…” he mumbled.

you let out a melodic laugh and ran up to him, wrapping hands around his neck. yum was startled but held you gently.

“you fool” you mumbled, smiling against the fabric of his hanbok “my heart calls out for you too. i’ve been meaning to say that for while, that’s why i needed some time alone”

“huh?”

you leaned away and gently grabbed his face, cupping his cute cheeks.

“you’re the only one who understands me, yul-ah. i bask in your warmth and kindness, your spirit makes me feel alive– can… can i kiss you? i’m out of words” you asked. yup nodded shyly, unsure what to do with his hands.

placing your lips on his plump ones, he instinctively wrapped hus hands around your waist. pulling you closer and smiling softly into the kiss.

when you felt like you were running out of your breath, he pulled away.

“you need more training though…”

a frown formed on your face and he snickered.

“with ryusu?” you asked, unable to believe he just said that.

“no– well, yes. if you train your breathing, you’ll be able to kiss longer” a smirk danced on his lips “or the other way around. fortunately for you, i can help with such matter”

suddenly his eyes widened, the flirty behaviour disappeared in a blink of an eye.

“don’t tell your parents. or my uncle. we’re kind of… breaking the rules”

“i won’t” you smiled sweetly and tip-toed to smooch his cheek.

years spend alone without friends or love, barely with your parents caused your heart to ache in a mysterious and hurtful way. but now, with yul by your side, a soothing feeling washed over it as if someone put a calming balm. a balm called love.

masterlist <3

taglist. @laylasbunbunny ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @planetkiimchi ,, @primoppang ,, @dazzlingligth

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restlesscrybaby · 1 year

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I love your content! I've been stalking your page for awhile and I thought I'd finally send in an ask.

Jack with a chef S/O?

I LOVEEEE IT BY S YES

~ JACK X CHEF!S/O. ~

~~ HEADCANONS. ~~

☆ CONTENT WARNING : None. ☆

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh my god.

Yes. You were hired by him to cook him food. Duh. Obviously.

You were a personal chef. One to create him breakfast, lunch, and dinner whenever he wished.

Of course, falling in love was rather easy when you two were around eachother constantly when at his home to cook for him.

Oh my god. When he was sick, you cooked him so much more food. Of course, you loved to cook.

How the clean blade sliced through delicious carrots, lettuce, tomato,

How dough formed and shifted as you mixed it, kneading it with your palm and fist.

How liquid icing dripped down the edges of a beautiful cake, laced in buttercream.

How the tops of muffins gently overloaded the edge of the little container you placed them in,

How the smell of ham echoed the kitchen as you drizzled honey upon the outers of a beautiful ham.

How everything came together in the end, in a beautiful hue of smells and tastes that always made Jack full just from smelling it.

Of course, he never asked for much.

But you loved to cook and bake so much, you couldn't help it.

On his birthdays, he wouldn't truly request a cake, would simply shoo it off and say he didn't need it.

But, you couldn't help it. You baked a cake, everytime.

Glazing it in purple icing, little dollops upon the first, second, and third layer. The fourth adorning his age, at the very top, in a gold wax. You put little hysteria flowers upon the cake, made from icing. You tried to keep within his color scheme.

And rverytime, he would scowl. His nose would scrunch. Guh. Seriously!?

But, it was tasty.

He couldn't help but dig in no matter what.

Even a person on a diet couldn't resist your tasty treats.

Of course, while being together, you cooked. And cooked.

There were times you messed up, but you always got so upset knowing you didn't make it just right.

But, he was never good with comfort. He was awkward, fumbling, when it came to comfort and love. But, he tried.

A large hand placing itself upon your gentle back, as your head turned towards him. He looked to the side, focusing his vision upon a simple houseplant as he opened his mouth to speak. But, he struggled. Your creation was in the trash, you weren't too happy that you messed up, guh what was he supposed to do?

You watched, in confusion, as his mouth agaped and you watched him try to fumble for words.

But two words slipped out of his mouth, a simple 'I'm sorry'.

Of course, he tried, that's what made your heart flutter with love. He tried so hard, but you knew he wasn't too good with comfort.

He loved to help you cook too.

He was specialized in sweets, pies more of. Of course, you liked to watch him bake a pie. How he rolled the dough out. How flour coated his hands as he set the fluffy material into a metal tin. How he crimped the sides, to make little folds to outline the pie. How he mixed cherries , or applies, or plums, or whatever he could to make a beautiful patch for the insides of the pie. How he poured the mixture in, how his large hands cut some more dough, creating an upper cut for the pie, a cross-stitched design. How he popped it in the oven, not needing a timer, he got so use to baking these pies. How the smell of a sweet good filled the area with a strong aroma.

Of course, you liked to watch him do the thing he loved. I mean, that's what he boomed in business from! A pie so good, you could stick your thumb in to eat it!

When he would notice you gushing and staring, he'd get defensive.

"Hey. Don't look at me like that."

His face would turn red, going bloodshot with irritation at the idea that you were gushing anf watching him bake, as though he enjoyed it.

...

He did.

I mean, rhat was his business. What he reigned supreme in!

You wouldn't look away..

Some kind of genuine joy he took away from doing this..

Oh, I'm sure he did this so much with his parents..

Oh, yes. He definitely loves when you make him lunch for work.

Some cute little note on the boxes, some cute little designs on the food, little sticks stuck into grapes of smiley faces and hearts, blegh.

He would open the latch of his box, it made a clarifying click signaling food. Delicious food. He used his thumbs to pull open the little box, his other hands holding onto the part of the box that held still. The mouth popping open as he glanced inside.

He scowled.

Of course, some cutesy little lunch. It was delicious lunch, but god why did you make it so cute.

But, he ate it no matter what. Sitting in his office alone, taking big bites out of a sandwich you made yourself.

Don't get him started on how you made your sweets.

You always made them special for him, always some pie themes little snack in his box for food.

You loved your job.

...

He loved that you loved your job.

I mean, a lover and a personal chef?

A win-win?

Psshh, who are we kidding!

He won anyway!!

~~~~~~~~

GAAAH surry this is short me so eepy BUT THIS IDEA <333

#big jack horner #jack horner #puss in boots the last wish #puss in boots #jack horner x reader #big jack horner x reader #jack horner is so bbg

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superbellsubways · 5 months

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im so sorry for spamming your inbox so much i had another dream oh my god..

ollio and coppy were likd. brothers or some th ing. not biological more like Found Family type shit but they were causing shenanigans and i specifically rememebr them playing roblox????? Coppy roblox gamer real uhm. yeah rhat was pretty much it LOLOLOL

ollio and coppy found family is actually so silly oueee ❤️ also roblox ??!$!#?$? 😭 i wish i had funny dreams like this thank you for telling me

#speaking of coppy and family i have been thinking about some of his relatives. i think they would be other kinds of machines #like i have printer and fax machine relatives in mind #will i draw them? IDK #anyways What type of roblox games do you think they'd play #i have not played roblox in a very long time

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unsustainableeuphoria · 9 months

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awww im so honored thst im keeping u awake.

its 4am for me but rhats normal for me

im pretty in n out due to the audios im listening to 🤭 last deink isndome. and 3rd bowl is basicallu there roo ~mali

We did it everyone, Mali finished her last drink! ^_^

Of course now I'm just a teensy bit frustrated that I helped a cute girl get drunk and I can't actually reap any of the benefits; somewhere out there is a cutie who's tipsy and high and all tingly from edging over and over, desperately needing someone to take advantage of her, needing someone to fill her mouth for the oral fixation that gets worse when she's drunk and humping her pillows like a little whore and wishing someone would take advantage of her

God knows I'm gonna be up half the night thinking of new daydreams and how I would take advantage of her if I were there in person ;p

GN Mali, treat yourself to an extra big edge for being such a good girl tonight

#malisdrinkingdiary #maliasks #ueanswers

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bewby · 1 year

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I'MM LAUGHINGGG SO JARD I FUCKING KNEW IT I KNEWWWW IT I KNEW THAT CISHET MEN WHO ARE NICE TO ME ARE JUST NICE TO ME BECAUSW THEY WANT SOMETHING ROMANTIC I CAAABNIIIKJJNTNTNNN basically it was only me and my two female coworkers today at work for the late shift and they were like we haveeee to show you this voice mail you will laugh and i was like wjat happened and it turns out our only male fucking coworker is friends with this one customer that comes in everyday and rhis customer was like. in a voice mail to our male coworker. Yeah Your Coworkers AreSo Hot And I Want Them which already made me scream from laughrer but it turns oht my fucking coworker literally said to him "once seven is single she's mine i reserved her" DO YOU KBOW HOW FUCKIRKWKQHAIAOAHAVNSNEKQKQBDJDKS BRO I'M FONNA SHIT MYSELF IN FRONT OF YOU WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU RESERVED ME WHO THE FUCK SAID RHAT BE FOR FUCKING REAL PLEASE INGMNVG I'M GOLKJGGGG.. and our coworker fucking shared. our work plan today. which he is not allowed to but. he still did and therefore the customer who said we're hot came in 4 times today JUST TO FUCKINT SEEE US I'M GONNA RIPALL OF MY TEETH OUT PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE and all this time i already had a bad feeling about my male coworker btw like i never even talk to him because i knew that if i did he would assume i fucking want him which . I 'm not even gonna go in depth about how i would rather kms than be with him but digresss ❤️ hehehehehehe. anyways! i wish men could actually be nice to me for once without doing all this weird shit 🤣 like god please can you be friendly without any feelings attached like what are you a fucking monkey i'm gonna die. sorry if any of this sounds mean lmk i just can't fucking believe this

#oh yeah btw i am single but i lied because they fuckikg tried to set me up with that male coworker So i was like UMM I'M TAKEN. also #because i don't want to fucking start a relationship like that are you fucking insane #Anyways. When he came in a third time. me and my coworker fucking screamed feom laughter which was fun. i hate my job bur rhis is fun :)

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trenchcoatsbi · 6 months

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HII THERE TOMMY!!

I came here to say how I think I am kin with furina from genshin impact and is so funny because I dont know shit about genshin I just know stuff about me furina because I found stuff about my trailer and my apparent execution and had been obsessed over finding out more stuff about it or in short words I had been brainrotting over it so hard

In canon lore apparently I played the role of the hydro archon (aka the god of justice) FOR 500 YEARS even if I wasn't a true god or archon and I was just a normal human keeping a painful and lonely act that could easily break if I just slipped up a little or messed something up in my facade and all my hard work along with all my psychological torture would have not meant a thing and I would be condemming the lives of my people

Why? Well there was a prophecy about how fonteine my nation would be drowned under waters for sins that my people were born with and cannot be absolved, and only I, the hydro archon would live weeping on my throne

For this focalors the actual god created me basically an human version of her for then cursing me so I could live until she died since then I had been playing the role of a god even if I wasn't not being able to breath or to feel for myself every waking hour of my live for 500 years acting as someone else in complete loneliness

Very heavy I know—

In the end focalors got the death sentence to save the people from the prophecy and told me to live as the human, she wished "we" could have live as or something like that and now rhat's how currently my lore is and I am trying to rest because dude 500 years of opera of an act of a burden put on my shoulders— yeah I did needed that rest heh—

I am so sorry for rambling so much the lore is so awfully heavy

The thing with me being a fictionkin of her, furina is weird because its like I'm in between questioning a bit mote and now fully kinfirming a bit weird if you ask me!

Anyways again sorry for rambling and tysm for listening to me hehe <:]]!!

-(cannon divergent llulah anon) furina⭑

THIS MAKES ME EXTREMELY HAPPY, IM VENTI/NAHIDA HEHEHEHE HELLOOOO

#tom posts #llulah anon #AAAA #I EVEN RECENTLY MADE A SIDE BLOG FOR MY NAHIDA SHIFTS #WHATTT

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awizardsdisaster · 2 years

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RANT/VENT WARNING

MENTIONS OF S/A, SUBSTANCES, AND THEFT

i am going to Die if my best friend keeps flirting with someone who literally i cannot stand

fuck them. i want my best friend. Fuck The Person He Keeps Flirting With.

i hate them i legit hate them they suck i cannot deal with them all of their morals go against mine everything they do is like a big ol middle finger to me and omg i hate them

but NOOOOOOOOOOOO my best friend is fuckingr IN LOVE WITH THEM??? and if i say anything about it i’m ‘selfish’ and ‘jealous’ and jfc i hate that person j hate them i hate them so much they smoke and i’m p sure they’re gonna drink one day when they grow up like i HATE them i cannot STAND RHAT BITCH I HATE THEM SM

they support piracy and stealing and shit!!! like get the hell away from me!!!!!!! i’m a Good Persoj and they’re just NOT

LIKE I HATE THEM I WANT THEM COMPLRTELY GONE FROM MY LIFE

AND MY BEST FRIENDS OTHER BEST FRIEND IS SO FUCKING!!! HHHHH!!!!! I HAGE THEM MORE THAN I HATE MY BEST CRIENDS ALMOST PARTNER! I HATE THEM!

in one of my favorite books, the main characters figure out if they really hate someone by asking if they wish the person was never born. and you know what? i wish [shitty best friend of best friend] And [shitty almost partner of best friend] WERE NEVER FUCKING BORN

I DO HATE THEM I KNOW THAT I HATE THEM SO MUCH I WISH THEY DIDNT EVEN EXIST AAA

I SWEAR TO GOD EVERYTHING HURTS. LIKE. YESTERDAY I LITERALLY HAD A HORRIBLE FUCKING PTSD FLASHBACK BECAUSE SOMEONE I THOUGHT WAS MY BEST IRL FRIEND JUST FUCKING SA’D ME, AND NOW GUESS WHAT. IM TRYING TO DEAL BETTER AND MY FRIENDS FUCKING FLIRTING WITH THE BITCH I HATE. AND THEY DONT EVEN LIKE ME TALKING ABOUT SOMEOJE I LIKE BC HE DORSNT LIKE THEM. SO IM GOOD. I RESPECT THAT HOUNDARY. BUT DOES IT GO THE SAME WAY??? NO, OBV NOT. I OULD DEAL JUST HAVING THE PEDSON AROUND. THEY TRY TO BE NICE TO ME. BUT SEEING MY BEST FRIEND ALL LOVEY DOVEY WITH THEM FUCKING HURTS SO BAD ESP CONSIDERING HE WAS GONNA BE TRYING TO COMFORT ME TODAY SINCE I HAVE TO GET BLOOD DRAWN. IM IN CHRONIC FUCKING PAIN. IT HURTS TO WALK. AND IM GETTING TESTING DONR TODAY. AJD I NEEDED MY BEST FRIEND!!! AND I DONT GET HIM BC HE LIKES HIS CRUSH MORE THAN HE LIKES ME. I HATE IT. I WISH THAT HITCH(THE CRUSH) WAS JUST GONE. I HATE THEM. I HATE THEM SO MUCH. I HTE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HAYE THEN I HATE THEM

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runningwitches · 6 years

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Does everyone have days where they just cry their heart out the whole day because they’re so lonely and know that it’s their own fucking fault for being an annoying bitch with a fake ass personality and that none of their “friends” actually care about them or is it just me ?

#yes this was sparked by something and im tired of being left out and treated like shit the way i am by every fucking person in my life #i have one friend and she lives in sacramento (which is like ten hours from san diego) and im not even fully convinced rhat she really wants #to be my friend #like idk #im such an awful fucking human being to be around and i just want friends who care about the same shit that i do and who care about ME but #nobody fucking does that because im the worst #i really hate existing #like i really just want to fucking fade from existence i have been so happy for so long #but seeing people who you thought were your friends hang out with each other meanwhile none of them have even TALKED to you all summer #really takes a toll on your mental health #just like nobody on tjis god forsaken planet actually gives a fuck about me and im over it #its gotten to the point where im literally dealing with maladaptive daydreaming because nobody talks to me so i just pretend that fucking #fictional characters are my friends and that thu care about me even though i know its not real its the only way i can get througj the fuckin #day #im so tired of this existence i just wish one person gave a shit about me other than myself #im tired #im so so so tired of all of this #katelyn whines

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secretobsessionstuff · 3 years

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i’ve missed madix and riley a bunch lately!! so maybe when you’ve got the time (and inspiration ) would you write something for them? maybe with the phrase “hey, you passed out. don’t sit up yet, just relax.” (or something along the lines of rhat) for them? i hope you are staying well & healthy, and happy new year!!!

Sorry it took me so long to get to this prompt. Anyway enjoy this fic that is in no way inspired by my life.

“I know you’re nervous, but you have to eat something,” Madix said to Riley as they drove into the student parking lot.

It was early, around 8 o’clock in the morning, and neither of them had had breakfast yet. There was a coffee shop inside the building that Madix hoped would have his favourite donut. Next to him in the passenger seat, Riley wiped his sweaty palms on his thighs for the millionth time. Riley was certainly not hoping to eat a donut because his stomach was already queasy from the nerves. It was the master’s thesis presentation day, and he dreaded what was to come. A full day of watching presentations was not appealing, especially since he was the second to last person. Riley wished that he could have been earlier and just get it over with, but instead he had to sit through other people presenting their research.

When Riley didn’t respond – too focused on wiping the sweat on his pants – Madix carried on. “There’s still a while before we all meet in the lecture hall. At least get something to drink.”

So that’s what Riley did. He carefully sipped his tea (coffee would simply make his hands shake more) while Madix ate a decent breakfast. He munched on his donut, forever worried about his boyfriend who looked around nervously. Madix reached his hands across the table to grab onto Riley’s. “It’s going to be fine. It’ll be less than an hour and then you’re done!”

“Forty-five minutes is so long.” That is an ungodly amount of time for one person to talk continuously. Riley thought back to his undergrad thesis that was only 10 minutes and even that was terrifying! He did not want to ramble in front of a whole room for an hour.

“And the whole thing is fantastic,” Madix insisted. “You practiced for me a billion times and it always sounded great.”

“I wish it could just be you in the room.”

“Then just look at me the whole time.”

Riley let out a nervous laugh. He supposed looking at Madix for an hour straight didn’t sound too bad. “Okay yeah, yeah. It’ll be fine. It’s fine.”

Madix raised Riley’s hands to his lips and gave them a kiss. “It’ll be more than fine.” Then he pushed a donut towards his boyfriend who was looking far too pale that morning. “Now eat something goddammit.”

Later when that donut and tea were sitting uneasily in Riley’s stomach, they all found themselves in the lecture hall. Riley tapped on the table in front of him, waiting for the presentations to begin. The first half of the day wasn’t terrible. The presentations were interesting enough that Riley could forget about his own. Well, his taping fingers and bouncing legs never really forgot about what was to come, but the panic didn’t start until his time slot got nearer. By the time the lunch break came around, Riley’s stress was rising higher. Of course, he completely ignored eating again because the ache in his belly was more than a little stress stomach-ache.

His time slot was next. Every inch of his skin was on fire except for his hands that were cold and clammy. From beneath the table, he felt Madix put his hand over his bouncing leg.

Madix leaned over so that he could whisper. “Please breathe, you’re as white as a ghost.”

Riley wished that he could be a ghost and disappear. Instead, he settled for a trip to the bathroom. Maybe he could flush himself down the toilet. “I’ll be back.”

As Riley stood up from his chair, he needed to catch himself on the desk in front of him. He reached his sweaty palms out to save him from falling forward as the edges of his vision got dark. Whoa, his head felt funny. And God, his stomach felt worse. As if he were drunk, he swayed out of the door. Madix didn’t follow him but that was okay because he needed a moment to himself.

Riley felt like he was dreaming as he walked down the hallway. Once in the bathroom, he braced himself on the sink and tried to take deep breaths. Sometimes he swears that his eyes have dimmers, and in that moment, he thought for sure that someone was dimming the lights behind his eyes.

The darkness didn’t spread luckily, but the nausea was certainly spreading through his body. Oh fuck, he really did not want to be sick just minutes before his presentation. He also didn’t want to risk presenting with a vomit-stained shirt, so he knelt to the floor in one of the stalls.

The still water in the toilet taunted the choppy seas in his own belly. Actually, he wondered how his stomach could have been anything more than a dried-up wasteland. The only thing he ate or drank that day was a donut and a tea. Still, his stomach was mad and didn’t like the stress that ran through his veins.

A harsh gag came up Riley’s throat, but it was dry. Oh God, oh no! He couldn’t believe this was about to happen. His stomach spasmed again but still nothing came up. His chest burned. He didn’t want to do this; he didn’t want to be here. Another gag grated up his throat.

Meanwhile, Madix was getting more concerned with how long Riley had been gone for. The current student was wrapping up his presentation, and then there would only be the question period before it was Riley’s turn. That’s it. Madix left to find his boyfriend.

Madix opened the bathroom door just in time to hear a strangled noise come from one of the stalls. He could see Riley kneeling on the floor. Riley moaned miserably after letting out that choked gag. Madix swore under his breath and mumbled, “Oh deer…”

He stood behind Riley who left the stall door open. He watched as Riley’s shoulders quaked with each empty heave. “Well shit, Ry.”

Riley was too focused on the roiling of his gut to be surprised by Madix’s sudden appearance. He sniffled as snot ran from his nose. “Ugh – I’m sorry.” He coughed which triggered another rough retch. “I can’t. I – hic.”

“Alright, alright.” Madix got to the floor next to Riley and put his hand on the boy’s trembling back. He needed to calm him down before anything worse happened. “Remember to breathe.”

Instead of breathing, Riley decided to make thing worse for him. “Is it my turn yet?”

“I’m not sure…” Madix bit his lip in worry. “How about you focus on calming down before worrying about that.”

Riley really wanted to get up. His time had run out and no one would care that his stomach was in knots. “I have to get back.” A belch burst from his mouth that left saliva dripping from his lips. He wiped it away. He made a move to get up, but a heavy hand stayed on his back. “I haven’t actually puked yet.”

Madix clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “That’s because there’s barely anything in your stomach, baby.” He hated the fact that he could feel the tension in Riley’s muscles. He hated the way Riley’s legs shook as he tried to get up. “You’re hurting yourself.”

“What else am I supposed to do? I have to do this.”

Madix stayed quiet, unsure how to respond. He had no clue what time it was, but he guessed that the lecture hall would be waiting for the next student. Madix sighed and backed up with his hands in the air. “…If you say so.”

Riley sniffled and stood up with legs that trembled as bad a newborn deer. Once he became upright, those lights behind his eyes flickered for a moment. That dream-like sensation returned and he couldn’t tell which way was up. There came another flicker of his vision before the lights died out completely.

“Riley!” Madix shouted as his boyfriend went limp. The boy’s legs buckled awkwardly, and some unconscious part of Riley’s brain made a last-ditch effort to catch himself before blacking out. His arms came reaching out towards Madix.

“Ah okay, I got you. I got you.” Madix caught Riley before he could fall to the ground. They became a tangle of arms, and Madix wasn’t prepared to untangle the mess. He heard Riley mumbled something in his semi-conscious state, but it was all gibberish. “Shh, You’re okay.” It was good that he only really blacked out for a second.

“Ugh…Madix.” Riley’s eyelids fluttered opened, but soon closed again. There was no way for him to hold his own weight. His head rolled forward onto Madix’s chest as he was being carefully lowered to the ground.

Madix gently sat Riley up against the wall. They were no longer in the stall because Madix had stumbled backwards to catch his boyfriend. He clumsily brought them both to the floor just as Riley’s eyes began to regain clarity. Madix put his hand on Riley’s pale cheek and slightly rubbed his thumb across his dry skin.

“What happened?” Riley mumbled. He squinted in the florescent light of the bathroom and moaned in pain. Everything hurt. His mouth was dry, and the nausea was as persistent as ever. In his disoriented state, the only thing he knew for certain was that his belly was being stirred up. The thumping of his heartbeat was a ticking clock telling him that he was still screwing up. He put his hands on the ground, about to stand, but then he saw Madix’s sweet face.

“Hey, you passed out,” Madix said softly. “Don’t get up yet. Just relax.” He gave Riley’s shoulder a squeeze. His boyfriend really did look awful with dark sunken eyes and a grimace of pain.

Riley groaned and wrapped his arms around his torso. He wanted to say something to Madix, probably sorry or thank you, but the only thing that came out was a wet gag. He followed it with a weak heave, the first one to not be dry. A small amount of pale vomit spilled past his lips and landed on his shirt.

Madix cooed, feeling terrible that his boyfriend had to deal with this. “You’re alright, baby. Let it happen.”

Riley let out a shallow burp that brought with it a thin string of bile and frothy saliva. A hiccupped seized his chest and forced his shoulders forward as another small gush of sick dripped down his chin. Riley wanted to cry but his eyes were too dry. “Ugh, what am I going to do?”

“I’ll tell you what you’re going to do,” Madix said as he ran a paper towel under cold water. He came back with the wet paper and gently wiped Riley’s face. “You’re going to sit here until you feel ready to get up – until you won’t pass out when you try to stand – and then we’ll talk to someone about rescheduling. We’ll see about getting you a more private presentation.”

Riley moaned. “I don’t like any of this.”

“I know you don’t,” Madix said. “I’ll help you fix this. There must be accommodations for mental health.”

That seemed like the best Riley could hope for. He accepted that there was no way he’d be able to go on today. It was irresponsible for him to push himself anymore, and Madix managed to convince him that he didn’t screw anything up. Things happen and most people are understanding.

“However,” Madix began with an intent look, “that doesn’t mean you can just not eat or drink. Like I said, you’re hurting yourself, and I don’t like seeing like this.”

“I know...I’m sorry.”

Madix gave his boyfriend a sad smile. “No need to apologize to me.”

#emeto #emetophilia #emeto fic #sickfic #fainting #pass out #nervous stomach #puking #dehydration #faint #Madix #Riley

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ablackfangirlwrites · 3 years

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A/n First off a very huge shoutout to the super duper amazing @ayocee who's been brainstorming this fic with me ur awesome and tysm💕💕💕

Second this is Daichi a fboy fic cause I love him and I want to be hurt by him so yay...

Part 1

For as long as you could remember you wanted to be special. And after growing up and feeling overlooked in your mind you were determined to be loved. Not just anyone though; you wanted to be special too and loved by The One, But that was easier said than done you learned as you went through your life.

Maybe it was because of your lack of attention in your childhood. That you always found yourself craving attention in all the wrong places. Or maybe because even if they were the wrong person. The idea of them giving you even a little attention made your heart sore.

Maybe that’s why you fell for him?

Daichi Sawamura.

He was harmless, right? The perfect gentleman? A knight in shining armor? Your knight in shining armor when you first met him at least.

He had perfect timing when he came into your life too. You had just declared you were giving up on boys due to a long relationship with a guy that you had finally decided wasn’t going anywhere and constantly left you feeling more empty than fulfilled. You told your close friend that you weren’t going to give any attention to any guy unless he made his intentions clear that he wanted you and only you.

Besides, you were a college student, and you needed to be more serious right? And who really had times for boys?

But all your defensive walls easily came tumbling down when you got your first message from him.

-Are you Y/n L/n?

A name you had never heard of before Daichi Sawamura texted you asking that question.

It wasn’t often that you got miscellaneous messages. And curiously getting the best of you you answered.

-This is her? Do I know you?

-No...you don’t but I found your wallet at the bus stop today and looked up your name from your ID and found your insta and now I’m texting you...do you want it back?

Your eyes went wide you didn’t even realize you lost your wallet. But after scrambling and realizing the stranger was telling the truth you responded

-Omg I didn’t even know I had lost it! Thank you so so much! 😭 I’m so so grateful!

A few minutes passed before he answered you back

-No problem, I was just doing what I can to help a fellow student 😊

After that, the two of you planed out when you would meet up on campus and he’d returned your belongings.

Once you were done you couldn’t help but look up your new savior for yourself to see what he looked like. You were taken back from his profile pictures. You hadn't expected him to be so nice looking. And more something about his face felt familiar. Had you seen him before?

You discovered he didn’t have much info about himself on his profile except for a few pictures most of them, you saw were of him in a group. If anything you could tell he was athletic. All you could truly be sure of was that you were intrigued.

Eventually, the day you set to meet up finally came. The weather was nice that day, it was one of those days that the transition between summer and fall seemed to perfect the leaves were at that marigold orange color that made your soul feel at peace. While also reminding you winter was soon to come. It felt like a perfect day...besides the fact a group of your friends accompanied you.

“He could be a creep for all you know,” Your friend told you once you told them the story. And that was all the reason she needed to be there for when you were to meet up with this Daichi fellow; plus she decided to tell a few of your friends. And being the noise bunch they were they all joined you. So that’s why you were sitting in front of the main campus steps with them waiting nervously.

Because maybe he was a creep? He didn’t have any real info about himself on his social media. So you really didn’t know. But even more so what if he wasn’t? What if he was really cute? You knew he was nice at least, after all, he put in the effort to find you when he didn’t have to. And even better what if he was single?

“Is that him?” Your friend asked you taking you out of your thoughts.

You saw a man approaching. And even from far away, you knew it was him just from his profile picture. It was then you realized you had seen him before. You had a few classes with him in fact. You never had a conversation with him, and you aren’t even sure if he ever noticed you before. But as he got closer you grew more nervous because all your questions were about to be answered.

“Wow, he’s hot.” one of your friends spoke up.

Only for you anxious and knowing how unruly your friends could be taking it upon yourself to leave them and approach him on your own.

“Daichi?” You asked nervously.

He gave you a smile that made your heart beat faster, “Yes, you are…” He trailed off

“Y/n!” You said smiling.

“Ah, Y/n,” He repeated after you, “I wasn’t sure how to pronounce it and didn’t want to butcher it.”

“Yeah…” You said still smiling. His whole personality oozing off that he was charming and kind.

“It’s very pretty too.” He added.

And all you could do was bite back a smile, “Thank you. Umm, Daichi is a nice name too.” You said awkwardly trying to pay him back a compliment.

“Ooo, he’s fine!” One of your friends yelled behind you. And you were sure you could die right there.

You turned to them making a face and mouthing the words, "shut up." At them only causing them to laugh.

“Please ignore them,” You told him in a rush, once you turned around back to him.

But Daichi chuckled, “It’s fine. And thank you.” after a moment of just looking at each other. No doubt you getting lost in his dark brown eyes. It was like you both remembered why you had met in the first place.

“Oh! I have something that belongs to you.” He said reaching into his backpack.

“I believe you do,” You responded.

He passed your wallet. And you sighed with relief, “You really don’t know how much of a lifesaver you are.”

“Ah, it’s nothing,” He smiled. God how is he so cute? You questioned with each word rhat came from his lips “I’m just glad I could help.”

“Me too," you saod dreamily.

His smile never left, “well, it was really nice meeting you Y/n,” He said putting his backpack back on. And you felt yourself starting to feel sad that he was already leaving so soon. You wanted to talk to him, you wanted to get to know him, “But, we should definitely keep in touch,” He added with a wink. giving you a glimmer of hope.

“Definitely,” you answered breathlessly.

And just as quick as he got there he was gone.

You turned back to your friends now no longer having to hold back the dumb smile that was spreading across your face. “He was so cute!”

“Oh my gosh! I wish a hottie like that would find my wallet!” Your friend laughed.

You still couldn’t believe it, “He was so-so..” You were looking for the words but your phone buzzed telling you had a message.

-You’re very cute too btw ;)

“Charming,” You finished your sentence with the smile on your face growing wider, and for the first time, there was real hope in your heart that there could be a relationship brewing

#haikyuu daichi #daichi sawamura #f.boy daichi sawamura #my writing.🖤💕🖤#daichi sawamura x reader #daichi x y/n #daichi sawamura x you #daichi imagine #daichi x reader #daichi x you #haikyuu daichi x reader #haikyuu daichi x you

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edenmemes · 4 years

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game of thrones (s2) starters

❝ two cups of wine? that’s not much at all. please, have another cup. ❞ ❝ you don't need to live your whole life taking commands from old men. ❞ ❝ what did you say? did you say i can’t? ❞ ❝ i will not fail you. ❞ ❝ i don't go serving some shit king who's only king because his father was. ❞ ❝ do you want to stop me? stop me. ❞ ❝ you must be their strength. ❞ ❝ i’ve been fighting far longer than you. ❞ ❝ ‘ how can a man be brave if he's afraid?’ ...that is the only time a man can be brave. ❞ ❝ you are the biggest liar i have ever met. ❞ ❝ we looked for you on the battlefield. you were nowhere to be found. ❞ ❝ i’ve been here, ruling the kingdoms. ❞ ❝ i could show you the streams to fish, the woods to hunt. ❞ ❝ we heard you were dead. ❞ ❝ power resides where men believe it resides. it's a trick, a shadow on the wall. ❞ ❝ you don’t even have the decency to deny it. ❞ ❝ we share a common enemy. ❞ ❝ brave? a dog doesn’t need courage to chase off rats. ❞ ❝ aren’t you always so clever with your schemes and your plots? ❞ ❝ someone once told me that the night is dark and full of terrors. ❞ ❝ the king does not ask; he commands. ❞ ❝ loyal service means telling hard truths. ❞ ❝ i don’t like you. i don’t like your face. i don’t like the words oozing out of your mouth. ❞ ❝ if half an onion is black with rot, it's a rotten onion. a man is good or he is evil. ❞ ❝ a man without friends is a man without power. ❞ ❝ that’s twice i’ve warned you. ❞ ❝ no one can survive in this world without help. no one. / let me help you. ❞ ❝ i’ve never heard you hide from the truth. ❞ ❝ calling yourself king doesn’t make you one. ❞ ❝ you can’t avenge if you’re dead. ❞ ❝ these bad people are what i'm good at. out-talking them, out-thinking them. it's what i am. ❞ ❝ are you trying to frighten me with magic tricks? ❞ ❝ the histories won’t mention you but i will not forget. ❞ ❝ sometimes i wonder. if this is the price for what we've done, for our sins. ❞ ❝ it's hard to put a leash on a dog once you've put a crown on its head. ❞ ❝ wise men do not make demands of kings. ❞ ❝ it's like stepping into a dream you've been dreaming for as long as you can remember, and finding out that the dream is more real than your life. ❞ ❝ i'll remember it all until i die. rhat was the best day of my life. ❞ ❝ the more people you love, the weaker you are. ❞ ❝ it’s better to be cruel than weak. ❞ ❝ do it. all these bad people, they can’t stop you. forget about them. come with me. ❞ ❝ you're not the person you’re pretending to be. not yet. ❞ ❝ my place is by your side. ❞ ❝ would it be excessive of me to ask you to save my life twice in a week? ❞ ❝ i’ve gone too far to pretend to be anything else. ❞ ❝ you promise me these things, but you don’t know. none of us know. ❞ ❝ show me how you fight. ❞ ❝ leaving that battlefield was like being dragged off to prison. ❞ ❝ you’ll say nothing to anyone. do you understand? ❞ ❝ you can’t talk about it without blushing. ❞ ❝ i don’t need trust any longer. i don’t want it and i don’t have room for it. ❞ ❝ cleaner ways don’t win wars. ❞ ❝ i always hated crossbows. take too long to load ❞ ❝ i’m not questining your loyalty. i’m denying it’s existence. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to call me ‘your grace’ when no one’s around. ❞ ❝ you need to be careful. no one can know you’re here. ❞ ❝ this city stinks like dead bodies. ❞ ❝ where i come from, guests are treated with respect, not insulted at the gates. ❞ ❝ i’ll be silent as the grave. ❞ ❝ i understand you don’t like me, and while that saddens me greatly, i did not come here today seeking your affection. ❞ ❝ you know my family name. you have me at a disadvantage. ❞ ❝ a very small man can cast a very large shadow. ❞ ❝ what is dead may never die, but rises again harder and stronger. ❞ ❝ some say the beauty most desired is the beauty concealed. ❞ ❝ that’s exactly what they are - stories. ❞ ❝ keep out of sight. if things go wrong - you run. ❞ ❝ you want to rule? this is what ruling is. lying on a bed of weeds, ripping them out by the root one by one before they strangle you in your sleep. ❞ ❝ you might find it difficult to rule over millions who want you dead. ❞ ❝ you don’t know what i’m like. ❞ ❝ i’m not like most men. ❞ ❝ look around you. we're all liars here. and every one of us is better than you. ❞ ❝ i will love you from this day until my last day. ❞ ❝ i have heard tales of your beauty and grace, but the tales do not do you justice. ❞ ❝ you have a tender heart, just like your mother did your age. ❞ ❝ that’s a fine little blade. maybe i’ll pick my teeth with it. ❞ ❝ how do you sleep when you...have those things in your head? ❞ ❝ they’ll be singing songs about you as long as men have voices to sing. ❞ ❝ you should give me the reins. i’ve been on horseback for the past nine years. ❞ ❝ how unspeakable of me to go on and on, when all you want to do is rest. ❞ ❝ what you just did is punishable by death. ❞ ❝ tales of your courage and wisdom have never been far from my ears. ❞ ❝ you shouldn’t insult people that are bigger than you. ❞ ❝ the streets aren’t safe at night. ❞ ❝ i have come to love you from afar. ❞ ❝ would you like something for the pain? ❞ ❝ and who are you that i must bow so low? ❞ ❝ a lion still has claws and mine are long and sharp. ❞ ❝ i will keep you safe, my love. i promise you. ❞ ❝ asking me questions is bad luck. you’ll probably be dead soon. ❞ ❝ have you grown fond of me? is that it? ❞ ❝ knowledge is power. ❞ ❝ sometimes those with the most power have the least grace. ❞ ❝ how do you kill a dead man? ❞ ❝ i saw it in his eyes. hated me. he never met me before, but he wanted to hurt me. ❞ ❝ not very noble to accuse a lady of dishonesty. ❞ ❝ there’s nothing more sickening than a man in love. ❞ ❝ threaten me again and i will have you thrown into the sea. ❞ ❝ i am very good for keeping secrets for my good friends. ❞ ❝ i promised to protect them. promised them their enemies would die screaming. ❞ ❝ you’ve been having those dreams again. ❞ ❝ would you please shut up? you think you’re better than me. ❞ ❝ don’t trust anybody. life is safer that way. ❞ ❝ boil this for an hour and drink the tea. makes all your pain go away. ❞ ❝ it must be odd for you to be the disappointing child. ❞ ❝ you love your children. it’s your one redeeming quality / that and your cheekbones. ❞ ❝ nothing is worth what this will cost you. ❞ ❝ i thought they were going to kill me. ❞ ❝ i heard you suffered a terrible head wound. ❞ ❝ i know that our enemies hate each other almost as much as they hate us. ❞ ❝ do you understand we’re losing the war? ❞ ❝ wish i could stay and celebrate, but there is work to be done. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry for your loss. ❞ ❝ it’s just words to give us a little warmth at night. make us feel like we’ve got a purpose. ❞ ❝ death is boring, especially now with so much excitement in the world. ❞ ❝ i’m glad you’re not dead. ❞ ❝ more ravishing than ever. war agrees with you. ❞ ❝ i never thought i’d have reason to doubt your loyalty. was i wrong? ❞ ❝ only death may pay for life. ❞ ❝ smart people don’t find themselves in places like this. ❞ ❝ i will shield your back and give my life for yours, if it comes to that. ❞ ❝ do not speak to me like i’m a child. ❞ ❝ i want you to know what it's like to love someone, to truly love someone. before i take them from you. ❞ ❝ you may cover it up and deny it, but you have a gentle heart. ❞ ❝ there are times when i look at you and can’t believe you’re real. ❞ ❝ betray me, and you will wish you hadn’t. ❞ ❝ he who passes the sentence should swing the sword. ❞ ❝ gods help you. now you are truly lost. ❞ ❝ look around. you start thinking you know this place, it will kill you. ❞ ❝ i want you to curse and fight until your heart’s done pumping. ❞ ❝ they’ll never know what you’ve done. they’ll never know how you died. they won’t even know your damn name. ❞ ❝ you are a man without honor. ❞ ❝ does it give you joy to scare people? ❞ ❝ there’s been talk of other forces at work. dark forces. ❞ ❝ strike hard and true, or i’ll come back to haunt you. ❞ ❝ one day i pray you love someone. i pray you love them so much, when you close your eyes, you see their face. i want that for you. ❞ ❝ you are far too smart to think i will succumb to flattery. ❞ ❝ i had terrible dreams last night. i could not sleep until the sun was shining and the birds were singing. ❞ ❝ all my life i’ve been knocking men like you into the dust. ❞ ❝ you will not provoke me to anger. ❞ ❝ there are people who want to hurt me. ❞ ❝ i’m no ordinary woman. my dreams come true. ❞ ❝ i will take what is mine. with fire and blood, i will take it. ❞ ❝ you’re a sharp little thing, aren’t you? ❞ ❝ i always thought i was a brilliant liar. ❞ ❝ i’m yours and you are mine. ❞ ❝ you defend these men who insult you behind your back. ❞ ❝ we’ll stay warmer if we stay close. ❞ ❝ i would kill for you. do you know that? you’re mine. ❞ ❝ do you hear them out there? they want your head. ❞ ❝ you’re brave. stupid, but brave. ❞ ❝ don’t be afraid. i can take care of myself. ❞ ❝ a day will come when you think you're safe and happy, and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth. ❞ ❝ why do you hate me so much? have i ever harmed you? ❞ ❝ this will be my last war. win or lose. ❞ ❝ you're too smart for your own good. has anyone told you that? ❞ ❝ you have forsaken every vow you ever took. ❞ ❝ eny isn’t attractive. ❞ ❝ treat your oaths recklessly, and your people will do the same. ❞ ❝ they will all come to you, little lion, to rest a crown upon your head. ❞ ❝ the world is built by killers. so you'd better get used to looking at them. ❞ ❝ the gods have no mercy. that's why they're gods. ❞ ❝ your crimes are past forgiveness. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to leave you. ❞ ❝ if this is a dream, i will kill the man who tries to wake me. ❞ ❝ you talk about war as if you understand it. ❞ ❝ i don’t want your grief. i want my vengeance. ❞ ❝ what? what? why are you staring at me? ❞ ❝ you are the moon of my life. that is all i know and all i need to know. ❞ ❝ i’d say you possess above-average intelligence. ❞ ❝ i’ve been waiting all night. what is wrong? ❞ ❝ oh, are we friends now? ❞ ❝ never swung a sword before, have you? you look like a baby with a rattle. ❞ ❝ maybe i am dead and i just don’t know it yet. ❞ ❝ i’ve seen your face almost every day. and for that, i consider myself very, very lucky. ❞ ❝ the only way to keep the small folk loyal is to make certain they fear you more than they do the enemy. ❞ ❝ i will pray for your safe return. ❞ ❝ this is the safest place we can be. ❞ ❝ the worst ones always live. ❞ ❝ i’ve never much liked my head, but i don’t want to see it removed just yet. ❞ ❝ your childhood must have been awful. ❞ ❝ who do you fight for? ❞ ❝ now you’re arguing just to argue. ❞ ❝ i hope you gave them quick deaths. ❞ ❝ you want me? here i am. ❞ ❝ the thing about you i find so interesting is absolutely nothing. ❞

#roleplay meme #roleplay starters #long post for ts /#rp meme

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of-faunsandyellowflowers · 4 years

Text

Personal post...again

Tw: rape, eating disorder

And I'm sorry this is long but I need to get this out.

I think the biggest thing that hurts me with my mother is the fact she disregards what I tell her as exaggeration, or that I do it for attention.

It goes back to my teen years.

Middle school was awful for me. Honestly, all school was. Growing up autistic but not knowing you're autistic is....hard. it's even harder when you've got a shit load of trauma and other issues to deal with to.

When my mom found out I cut myself, instead of trying to understand why I did it, she lectured me on how she coulsnt understand why I did that because shes never felt that way. Now, I'm not saying she couldnt be upset by it....but it wasnt somethibg I was proud of. And when she told me I must be doing it for attention, I knew I probably wasnt going to be able to tell her about the things that happen in my life that are hard kater on...even though I really needed someone. It's not like she wasnt EVER there, but the really really big things....it wasnt talked about. And when it wasnt talked about, it wasnt believed.

The time I told her I was raped, barely 15, and then a few years later finding out she didnt believe me. Her reasoning? Because right after we went to dinner i was 'happy'. And that the years after I was 'sexual' with guys. Because people who are raped are supposed to be sex repulsed and numb.

I was incredibly numb. However, I've learned how to mask. Much like I've learned how to mask my autism.

Instead of taking the time to ask my counselor what coping looks like for trauma, she assumed that it wasnt that bad and determined I just wanted it and that the guy never called me back. She assumed rhat since I said I didnt want dad to know, that I didnt want anyone to know....that it must not have happened because you 'tell' a parent these things.

She only figured out I wasnt lying after having a heart to heart with my aunt and my aunt chewing out my mother for not doing more.

Then got mad I never wanted to go to the cops.

I still, dont think I would have wanted to go to the cops.

The emo kid (me) vs the star mormon football player? In a very mormon town with mormon cops? Yeah. I dont think they would have believed me.

And look, I understand that it's hard for a parent to hear that, but the lack of support I received due to my mom always deflecting it to 'it cant possibly be that bad' on top of me not even knowing I was autistic so it was incredibly hard for me to express things.....I'd say that the person going through trauma, twice in the same 15th year...is worse. And the years to come with me battling my own turmoil, keeping things in, her butting into my life to 'help' in ways that didnt help. It was based on what she believed was correct, and not what I felt I wanted in order to express myself.

Years following I developed an eating disorder which caused me to binge large amounts of junk food, hate myself after, and starve myself. I still struggle with it, but now I just dont really eat.

Instead of asking WHY I did this to myself, I got shouted at, scolded and accused of stealing money, or using hers to get things.. Instead of understanding I had an eating disorder, it was determined by my own mother that I probably was just a liar and manipulator.

The money stealing is funny too, because I hid my tattoos from her for that very reason. By that I mean, the accusation that I stole money for it when I actually saved up to get them.

I deflected whenever someone would ask me about my eating habits and would say I wasnt doing that because 1. I was terribly ashamed of the fact I was binge eating. 2. The sheer mention reminded me of my trauma and the lack of support I had in that. 3. Because if I talked about it, I remembered why I did it, and that wasn't something I wanted to talk about at all

I became incredibly hypersexual after my trauma as well. The reasonings for this are complex, but the main two being that I didnt understand the context of how to get someone to like me, beyond sex. It was basically a way for me to control the situation I didnt have control of before. Much like...trying to redo losing my virginity by just saying yes. Becayse if you say yes, it cant possibly be rape right? On top of still not understanding social things as well.

Not all people who experience this form of trauma are sex repulsed.

And like my now therapist said, me being happy right after was a way my brain coped. When something like that happens, your brain tries the best it can to cope. And that's how I coped. By faking. Which I was already good at with my masking.

Then, I got mono. This turned into a chronic thing. I already had all this mental stuff to deal with. This turned into chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. My immune system is shit. I do not rest. No support on that. The years to follow have been me figuring out what the hell's wrong with me, and my mom being wishy washy on what's real and what's not because 'if you really had that then the first doctor we went to would know'...without realizing that for many people it takes years to get diagnosed with things.

To this day, it's the same.

My mom brought up my trauma yesterday. I told her that there was more than just 2, but I wasnt going to talk about it because I didnt feel comfortable. She reiterated that I couldnt be mad at her for not believing me at 15 because 'it was hard for me to hear that abd you were happy and very promiscuous after and manipulated my emotions a lot'.

I think I have every right to be upset when someone doesnt believe me at 15 that I was raped. I think I have every right to be upset at the sheer accusation that I would LIE about a traumatic experience....that my way of coping god forbid be different than your own standards.

Beyond that though, I'm just tired.

I'm so tired of the constant wishy washyness. The constant arguments we have because she wants to make everything about her, and while I love my mother, its incredibly invalidating to state that I'm chronically ill and to be told 'you're only 26, I'm 63, get over it', then the next day be understanding. Theres so much I could get into with all this but the AMOUNT is overwhelming.

Hell, for a solid month I didnt talk to her because she stated the reason I came out as non binary was for attention. And she sidnt get why I wouldnt talk to her.

Can you just pick a fucking side? I need you to just support me instead of throwing things like 'well I have a hard time believing you because you manipulated me as a teen' when I never did that.

Theres so much I could go into. I'm just tired. The constant wishy washy, the constant blame on me and then to turn it into 'oh then it's all my fault' when I never said that.

Just fucking accept that my life isnt going to be how you pictured it. And I'm sorry that im not an easy person to understand, but it just feels like you never tried. It was always let's do it my way, and when I finally sidnt want to do that, I get punished

Im tired. I just want it to end.

And no, I cannot move out. I have no where to go. I have no money. I cannot work as much as I'd need to get enough for my own place.

The best I can do is to try to cope with the constant invalidation. Cling onto the good times. My mom isnt a bad person, and I dont think she really UNDERSTANDS how much shit affects me. I just wish shed put aside her own emotions and face reality.

#personal #rape mention #eating disorder #autism

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