#god. he rly is having the worst time of his life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 4 hours

Note

hi miss L, i have a spiritual/religious question and i don't know anyone else who could answer it.... since i was a kid i've been attracted to tarot, spirituality, mystical explanations of the worlds workings, astrology, all that good stuff. i never used to connect my spirituality to a single higher power, and i never had any issues with this. for a few years i've been wanting more than just a disturbingly accurate tarot spread and i feel compelled towards god. i'm not sure how to word it honestly! i keep getting messages all around me telling me the saint that watches over me, and that god is there too. so here's my issue.

whenever i reach out and pray or do any kind of ritual or reach out specifically to god or a saint, my life immediately starts going haywire. yesterday i set up a small shrine in my room for my dead kitty since i've been feeling better about her passing and i prayed a little. i asked for sign that i was going in the right direction, and hours after i prayed, our sink plumbing got clogged, my cat (living) ran out and had to be caught, my mom dropped a whole bowl of food, and i wasn't able to pick up groceries bc the bank cards wouldnt work. this never happens in my household, we've been joking that we're cursed. this happens everytime i try to reach out to god. the worst time was when my mom lost her job, dad crashed his car, and i kept having panic attacks out of the blue for a week. i freaked out and took everything i said back and bathed in salt water for hours hoping i could cleanse whatever happened to me. it worked and my life was back to normal the next day.

do you have any advice? i would love to put my trust in a higher power as i've never been religious before, but smthn is going wrong somehow.

thank you for reading, i love seeing you on the dash and your music is so soothing and nostalgic. much love!! <3 <3 <3 <3

so sweet, and caring, thankyou u//u...im sorry things have been difficult :< The following message does not in any way endorse the claim that i understand God, that God could ever be understood, or that any one of us should every try to understand the -inner workings- of God ! purely my feelings v v v

i relate to ur background cus i grew up w no religion, my parents didnt talk about any kind of woo-woo stuff, my dads dad was woo-woo AF and my dad haaaaated it so he rejected all of it so i was pree much just a blank slate. but for some reason i was just REALLY obsessed w magical thinking and the like. believed in god spirits nature deities angels demons magic aliens and i was totaly engrossed in ~my secret world~. i was kinda scared of religion tho i viewed it in a bad light since i was learning about it during the george bush post-9/11 era & for some reason my child self was rly interested in consuming critique of america , iraq war / westboro baptist church type stuff , from an outsider's perspective i saw religion as something american people used as justification for committing atrocities & crazy power trips , which, i mean.. anyways

it didnt help me trust God xD but many of my beliefs remained into my teens i just didnt have any outlet for them. so i got into astrology around 15/16, started learning more about tarot & occultish type things, crytstals, all those subjects intrigued me very much. but i felt the same way as you, like, something was still lacking from it, even when i got these super profound tarot readings, or read my birth chart a million times over looking for clues about ~wtf is this stupid life for~ , i never felt safe. never felt assured, never felt i could trust myself or my future. it was an odd period, early 20s. but then kinda same as u, as my knowledge on these topics expanded i started to notice the quality of Holiness a lot more. the more i learned about different religions the more i realized how connected it all was, and how religion connects to "the occult", and magic, light and dark, i find it very hard to put into words. i just started to find myself actually really earnestly believing in God in a way i never thought i could? Like reading the bible & being completely enthralled, i NEVER woulda thought. i started to feel way safer in the world even tho im still not "christian" technicaly. but i believe in jesus now and it makes me feel safe on a cellular level.

i believe the real jesus was wholly non judgemental and loved everyone no matter what, the thing that susses me out about Religious Institutions was always the judgement that can spawn from it. misses the point of everrything in my opinion.

its kinda wild actually cus when i used to be into like, trash reality tv ghost hunting shows, i remember there was one ep where this psychic was talking about how she always prays to jesus for protection before doing a reading or entering a haunted place. that really intrigued me cus i thought jesus and psychic automatically cancelled each other out. i think that moment rly opened up the rabbitehole and it was so mundane like wtf. still rememebr it tho!

sorry im really in a typing mood tonight.. So my next point was gonna be that, just because i started to really believe in god and jesus and really PRAY for protection & guidance, my life did not get easier xD like i would say the past 6 years have been nothing short of a shit show. my life was fucked before that too tho so its hard to compare, but still, its safe to say my shift in perspective actually brought a lot of chaos into mylife. the point of it, i feel, is that i had to dismantle it in order to truly Live in the frequency of trusting God. because this was new to me! i wanted to trust God, i put out the energy of seeking God, and God was like ok hold on tight..

So now i'm here all these years later like, oh yeah God is real and i love him and it's all real. it's CEMENTED into me lol. When i used to say i trust God it still felt like i was asking permission to be able to feel that way. but now i really really do. And messed up stuff will keep happening forever because there needs to be light & dark, there can't b one without the other. But now i have faith in a really personal way that i wld never attempt to transfer onto another like even by talking about these experiences & concepts i still feel like i don't want to prove anything. except that it's worth it to keep trying, i guess :]

and OK this is really just how i feel like take it with a grain of salt , but from what i've gathered, if you believe in energy entities & astral happenings & whatnot, well. it's my opinion that the invisible low frequency parasites that feed on many ppl's dread & fear, when they're attached to u and u begin to raise your vibration, they get very upset and throw a fit. like think of a demon being exorcised, u know, u imagine it having a total fit in a desperate fight for it's life. if ur appeasing the demon and letting it use you then of course it's going to keep things on an even keel, u kno?

taking a salt bath was a good thing to do tho like one of the best things <3 its also good to have crosses or your holy item of choice around the house, light white candles, organize clutter. pray a lot like every time u feel happy and safe or notice something beautiful say thanku to God.. talk to your angels and encourage them i pray a lot specifically to strengthen them, upgrade their armor n shih...i ask them to work for my loved ones, i try to be concentrated on them, visualize them around me all the time, visualize them standing guard outside every door. i feel this kinda stuff increases ur Holy EXP and over time your spiritual armor gets stronger, bad entities move on and things in life start really flow. the trust just has to b there first, and it will be, so long as u allow it <3

it just takes time, and like i said i dont want to prove anything or be The Convincer, but if u were already having feelings to go down this path i recommend not giving up and let God carry u through those tough situations instead of seeing them as an absence of God or God's Wrath. just keep praying cus it can't hurt right, even if it's just a way to occupy your mind with kind thoughts about your friends and family, there's no downside to prayer. its your own journey so u just gotta live it and feel it out ^^ but pls dont feel u are being punished by God or demons or anything else! So many "bad" things that happen end up being neutral or even "good" in the long run. We can never foresee the reasoning behind God's plan ~~~

yeah, this was a long one, wow...i drank a energy drink 12 hours ago i think it made me hyper.. well have a swell evening if ur reading this anon!! o also i liek to listen to psalms before bed to help me feel calm i feel like it helps bring in angels. i think i will do so now, thanks for the Q i hope things improve for u very soon. Good night anon < 3 3 3 PMD 9

7 notes · View notes

actuallyitsstar · 3 months

Text

oh my god tumblr is not a functional website and it ate my next two drafted asks so prepare to get tagged in textposts but @brambleberrycottage sent The Mentalist and/or Person of Interest for the fandom ask game:

✨ send me a fandom and i'll answer with the following!

for person of interest:

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

↣ very tough choice but i am gonna have to go with shaw for this one. my second choice probably would be reese tho- but i have to go by what ao3 tags i filter the most 😭

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

↣ BEAR THE DOG.....OBVIOUSLY....... akjdhdjfhf but for real it is probably finch. finch rly is So Shaped to me. i do not want anything bad to happen to him Ever. Protect At All Costs

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

↣ FUSCO. FUSCO IS SUCH AN UNDERRATED FAVE. theres like 10 fics out there about my man fusco and ive reread all of them 100 times aldjfkfhjfgjgj this man just shows up to work every day and tries his best and he gets dragged into some of the craziest world-altering conspiracies known to man and for what ??? he just wants to come home to his son every day. but he cares about people and his friends and the world his son grows up IN, and thats why he sticks by the others no matter what he gets put thru. also he is just very funny and relatable at times akdhdjfhf

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

↣ harper!!! very much obscure but she has a cute lil arc that feels Meaningful and has such a fun energy and she has such an ~ outcome ~ (i will not spoil in case anyone who has not seen this show is thinking of seeing it) and tbh i want to learn everything about her

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

↣ elias. he is very problematic. very controversial. horrible villain crimelord etc etc. but isnt it interesting how this show plays with morality? how much nuance there is? how you slowly learn that finch is right- that there are no heroes or villains, just people doing the best they can??? elias is a terrible person that you would never want to meet in real life but hes MY terrible person you would never want to meet in real life.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

↣ this is reese hands down. sorry not sorry to the traumatized man but i do kind of enjoy you getting more traumatized

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

↣ i guess john greer ???? im not sorry, forget everything i said about nuance hes a villain akdhfdjkfhfj he is the worst im joking but if i have to pick anyone its him

for the mentalist:

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

↣ its jane. of course its jane. what we have learned about me is i am always stanning traumatized over confident (often middle aged middle aged) men in problematic career paths with emotional issues 😭 its embarrassing how consistent i rly am tbh lmao. but HES SO INTERESTING. HES SO TRAGIC. HES SO MULTIFACETED. i could probably write 600 dissertations about him

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

↣ lisbon is my girl i love her so much i will not take any notes on this she is MY five foot nothing cop with anger management issues and i WOULD die for her. shes probably my height irl but she is !!!! small. i love her

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

↣ cho is so underrated !!!!! he is there from start to finish and he gets his own arcs and his own story and he's level-headed and in charge but he's not emotionless and he's not perfect, he's very good at what he does but he makes mistakes too and he's mature enough to own up to them. his realism and commitment is bracing and reliable and brings such a steady element to the show. couldnt do it without him!!

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

↣ she's really not even on screen for more than like 0.1 seconds of flashback but !!! ANGELA JANE. i know we don't get to know much in the way of cannonical characterization but i have read a lot of fics about her. i think the most influential has to be boy wonder, which is a wonderful how-angela-and-young-patrick-met fic unfortunately trapped on the horrible formatting of fanfiction dot net, but every time i think of angela i think of this fic and it very deeply informed my love for her character.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

↣ probably laroche. deeply weird man but he just wanted to go home to his little figurines and his fluffy dog. what more could he ask for. very creepy vibe but he did his job well and he came around in the end. i would love to know what sort of life made this man happen. i think about the iconic theater episode with him every day.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

↣ aaaaa once again its jane im so sorry sir i just find your trauma entertaining !!!!!

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

↣ probably bertram because i just think he was way scarier than the sherriff sorry sljfkfjfjg

#star unasks #brambleberrycottage #so sorry i literally drafted my reply and tumblr said oopsie doopsie idk where that is !!!! and it disappeared lol #i love this website and how well it Works #the mentalist #person of interest #star.txt

6 notes · View notes

drowsystarlight · 1 year

Note

In regards to your headcannons list:

Sam Yao 16

HIII THANKS FOR SENDING AN ASK ehem okay here goes (this got long sorry)

16. Dark secrets/‘skeletons in the closet’

I have 4 things I think of in here so I’ll expand them >:) Some zrs2 and zr5k spoilers!

1. Sam gets attached to Runner Five because of his ties to the old Runner Five, Alice Dempsey. I feel like it starts like that at least. But the seasons and missions in it stretch out for months, so by the time the middle of s2 swings around I feel like Sam has worked that out (specially before the Little Lies mission in the s2 finale—his anger feels different there because it somehow really feels like it’s reserved for love and protectiveness of OUR Runner Five, and not just their number.) Don’t get me wrong though, he’s not the type to take rebounds and other people as replacement for his loss, and in zr5k i know he takes the time to heal and grieve (it’s heavily implied in there lol)—but Sam is a really emotionally driven character and I feel like him feeling affection for our runner five will be overshadowed by him losing Alice.

He’s also the type to not notice this until someone points it out. After that, he’ll think about it a lot. He won’t tell ANYBODY though. Not even whoever points it out for him (I’m thinking Maxine). He won’t elaborate and he’d rather fix it on his own instead of asking someone else and sounding like a fucking asshole since there’s really no nice way to say Hey, I think I’m starting to like this person but I keep seeing my ex in them bc of their designation so what do i do?

2. Feelings. Really deep feelings. I guess it’s not really dark but I think Sam would also hold off on telling Runner Five what he feels as long as he thinks he’s only infatuated because of Alice. Even after that—he takes a long time to show the mere tip of its iceberg. In my personal headcanon of events, Sam gets an inkling of “oh shit maybe I do like Runner Five and this isn’t just a silly infatuation anymore” when they get kidnapped in the Tightrope mission in s2. The Athena mission was honestly a shit end of that little arc bc the tone is ODD and Sam threw a fit in A Voice in the Dark but he’s knitting all chill and cool after they got tortured by Van Ark?? LMAO?? Also I was told the knitting is a reference to Odysseus’s wife waiting for him to come home and I’m just here like Hahaha s2s are you Saying he is the malewife YOU AINT SLICK

Anyway. That. And then he gets the scare of his life in the s2 finale when Sara is revealed to be the traitor—like, you can HEAR him sound so angry but also so so worried. He’d been friends with Eight longer than he knew Runner Five so Sam is well-versed with what Sara is capable of. He’d also seen it in the moments prior to this event. I personally think that when Sara cut him off of comms, his brain just went wild with worst case scenarios (haha here’s a song that makes me think of this) and it’s when he gets this dawning realization that he DOES have feelings. It’s real and oh so horrifying because it’s not that Sam doesn’t want to lose them, it’s that he can’t. He can’t afford to. Because god knows he’s hanging on a thin thread and if he loses another person he loves, he doesn’t know if he can keep going.

But he can’t say that for a million reasons; he can’t let Five know he depends on them that much, can’t let anyone know he originally started feeling this way because of their number, can’t let anyone know he’s not as optimistic and strong as he likes to seem. Apart from his affection for Runner Five, Sam keeps most of his emotions hidden under wraps because there’s rly no time to feel things in the apocalypse. I think he’d lie about it even if his actions and words betray him all the time. He doesn’t want to be seen as soft either and has somehow fooled himself into thinking that not outwardly showing his feelings equates to bravery or strength.

3. He feels alive as a Radio Operator and feels useless otherwise. I know he mentions this in AVITD but I wanted to expand on it! Sam forces himself to operate in the comms shack even when he was sick (this was a side mission in s2) and I think it’s because he sees this as his only purpose. Y’know how people say Everyone in Abel pulls their weight? And how some runners probably resent radio operators because of how they’re guiding them in safety while runners are out endanger their lives in the field? Yyyyeah. This guy probably overworks just to prove he’s pulling his own weight.

Basically; that thing that Sara said about feeling the most alive when running away from zombies, and that’s probably horrible or something? I think Sam is like that too, as a Radio Operator. He feels pride and confidence when his runners get home safely. He feels euphoric when he manages to help them evade a horde or an obstacle. And when he fucks up, he takes it twice as hard because it proves that he sucks at his job and isn’t doing enough. But he’s also afraid that if anyone knew that he feels this—like he said to Runner Five, that he loves what he does—everyone would think he’s a psychopath playing video game dolls with real people’s lives whatsoever and likes it.

4. Lastly, he would kill if it meant he could keep his loved ones safe. Sam is generally a kind-hearted person but he goes ruthless and CRUEL when it comes to people who betray his own. Y’all remember Ephraim? Yeah? He told Eight and Five to dump his ass to die since he betrayed them before. He was especially fucking cruel to Nadia for trying to kill Five. Yeah. I deadass think this guy would stab someone a billion times if it means his friends would make it. And catch this; the someone also includes himself.

#zombies run #zr sam yao #runner five #5am ish #ask games #neeks inbox #asks answered #mentally ill sam yao rights #aha #ok these r probably bitch basic but idc i like it #zrs2 spoilers #zr5k spoilers

20 notes · View notes

misqnon · 14 days

Note

yeah i definitely liked sanuso more than i liked sanji. before... before i came to like sanji. i don't think i was rly an Actual Fan though. seeing fan content of sanji (shipping content included) is part of what made me grow to like him. so ur right that a ship i like with characters i dont like would make me grow to like the characters!!

tashigi and reiju is so insanely good.. theyre perfect for each other...

LMAO ISNT THAT PRICE A BIT STEEP?? nami moment

robin definitely would notice but it would have so much more impact to have luffy intervene imo?? he is probably the most important person to both of them (arguably true for all the crew) and also he just . idk hes emotionally intelligent. hes perceptive. people dont give him enough credit. luffy is not stupid!!!!

"he and robin can be similar and enies lobby is what made everyone love her more…" YEAH EXACTLY!!! there doesnt need to be a whole arc but just show us that he isnt JUST the cool guy. i need him to cry .... i need emotional vulnerability.. please oda ..... on my knees begging for this. PLEASE Oda...

"already there babes 🫡 just doing my part" thank u

"DID. DID THEY ACTUALLY CALL HIM TRACE HEATFIST IN THE 4KIDS DUB…ARE U SERIOUS RN…IVE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE PLEASE SAY SIKE." YES THEY ACTUALLY DID. its a stupid change but HIS VOICE IS SO COOL... theres a scene where he and luffy meet on alabasta n luffy is like: hey, trace?! and trace is like "yours truly 😎😏🔥 hey luffy, whats up? 🔥🔥💪✨" and i fucking Fell In Love on first listen. i have the biggest . fattest crush on 4kids ace. why is he so suave. why is he so cool. pathetically showing my love for the worst dub's version of the best character

i was so relieved that luffy sounded different that i can forgive anything else. i don't care if the acting is worse...

AT A CHRISTIAN GALLERY???? ur so brave

"i will share embarrassing stories like my life depends on it"

(hoping i havent used this image before)

THE SPOTLIGHT ON SANJI.... THAT IS SO FUNNY...

"BUT IM TOO BUSY READING ONE PIECE" good point... reading both would be hard.. /gen

"lion…and wings…so u want to be a griffin 👁️" i did not realize this. but yes i GUESS I DO?? i like manticores and unicorns the most out of any fantasy creature but i could never be a manticore bc it means i keep my face.. and unicorn.... doesnt have cool paws... oh and i love dragons... i WOULD be a dragon but i would like to be like. fluffy.. i want to be fluffy..

"DIDN THE BEAT OUT ZORO IN THE POPULARITY POLLS ONE TIME" YEAH HE DID... i dont know maybe i just missed it?? there were a lot of ppl there... and my memory is kinda hazy.. i will be on the lookout for law next time i go to a con

"WRONG bangs my sanji gavel." I FORGOT U WERW THE SANJI MAGISTRATE..... please forgive me....

that is so cool 🥹

"also sanji’s love for mice/rats makes me fucking insane bc its the cutest thing on earth." I KNOW RIGJT... like hes a cook.. he should hate them... but he doesnt!!! hes super fond of them!!! because he had mice friends at the lowest point in his life!!!! GOD.. i also used to love mice so . thank u sanji. representing rodent lovers. im having too many moments lately where i relate to sanji.... former sanji hater becomes sanji

"SANJI LOVES MICE MORE THAN WOMEN CONFIRMED-" GENUINELY!!!

"they’re all expecting sanji to freak and kill them and then they walk in and he’s made them tiny stir fry and is calling them cutesy names." STOP THATS SUCH CUTE IMAGERY 😭😭😭 sanji would never hit a woman mouse.

"also all the fan content ive seen where ratatouille is his favorite movie. ANYONE CAN COOK!!!!! 😭" IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

"we turn a sad into a frrAAANKKYYYYYYYY" HSJDHS

"ROBIN WHYYY WAS THAT THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OFFFF SHE IS INSANE. SHE’S SO WEIRD." IN HER DEFENSE, THEY WERE RIGHT THERE. HOW COULD SHE NOT... HOW COULD SHE NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ....

"should i send some on discord as well. is that how i break the ice. images of sanji with his ass up in the air (my collection)" YES..... YES DO IT.... in return i will sned... uhmm... law!??

ok but sanji in glasses. even at the peak of my sanji hatred i begrudgingly admit that he was very attractive in those glasses...

LOOK AT HIM SOB... whole cake island was kinda his enies lobby emotional depth moment???

heres this loser

EAT

i have this sanji saved bc he looks so pathetic and sad

omg nooo how did choso get in here ...... noooo ...... that was a big accident.... completely an accident.... not on purpose at alll........

usopp out here converting more ppl to sanji likers than i am…smh. i do love the way sanji backs him up so often in canon tho, its very sweet

KNJKCDNA WAIT THE $5,000 A MONTH THING? I MEAN YES. BUT DO YOU KNOW THE YE OLDE TUMBLR JOKE IM REFERENCING? DO U REMEMBER COMMUNISMKILLS…THAT AWFUL TUMBLR USER THAT THEN WAS LIKE “i’ll shut up if u pay me $5000 a month” actually deranged and iconic. here’s a post about it

the entire crew IS important to both of them but arguably he is the only person on the crew they would listen to in a situation like that is luffy yea. he’s the mutual friend that they both love deeply and loves both of them deeply even tho they hate (“hate”) each other. AND he’s emotionally intelligent and wise!! yea!!

joining u in the begging for sad zoro. campaigning for abusing zoro in the next chapters. ready to make this meme real

NOT TRACE HEATFIST…his voice did seem cool tho ur right. i like to imagine he speaks with the emojis like you typed them. (“how are you saying that out loud-”) is the crush only on 4kids ace specifically..sorry sorry TRACE. IS IT ONLY FOR TRACE

I WANT TO STEAL ALL THESE REACTION IMAGES HAHAHA

WAIT IS IT A SPOTLIGHT. I THOUGHT THEY HAD TRAPPED HIM UNDER A CUP LIKE A BUG KJAFHBdiwjnwd

dragons. [breathes in] dude i love dragons so fucking much. i watched that documentary animal planet or discovery made where they said dragons lived in the prehistoric time with t rex and shit and BELIEVED IT FOR SO LONG. also obsessively played httyd games on the internet and other Dragon Themed Things. and i had legend of spyro: a new beginning for the gamecube and it was like my first ever video game i owned myself that wasnt a hand me down and i beat it literally 9+ times…after 9 i stopped keeping track..i loved spyro and CYNDER so much. CYNDER WAS SO COOL. THAT WHOLE GAME WAS SO COOL. just last year i started playing flight rising (but i fell off lmao)

“former sanji hater becomes sanji” KJSDBDNKJSN YEAH relating to sanji is half of why i love him. and the amount i relate to him is. way far more than i thought i would ever relate to. the pervert stereotype anime character of any given show. so mad…but also i love him a lot 😭 has become a bit of a comfort character for me UNFORTUNATELY…but i relate to his passion and his low self esteem and his self sacrificial nature and his (percieved) gender issues and even his stupid easy-to-fall-in-love shtick. god. anyways

MICE > WOMEN ‼️‼️‼️CONFIRMED

I WANT TO PUT THE SANJI FEEDING MICE AND THE CREW IS CONFUSED SCENE IN A FIC SO BAD BUT I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK ATM 😭

“sanji would never hit a woman mouse.” sanji vs. minnie mouse his hardest battle yet

ROBIN….ROBIN 😭 I WILL CONDONE ALL HER ACTIONS BC I LOVE HER BUT SHES SO STRANGE 😭

SANJI ASS IN THE AIR COMING UR WAY

dude. thank you for saying that bc. when sanji had those fucking glasses on as mr. prince in alabasta. i was simping just a little bit. and mad about it.

AND ALSO UM??? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS?? STOP BEING PRETTY???

this outfit was gay as hell by the way. like how am i supposed to believe that is a fuly straight man-

“whole cake island was kinda his enies lobby emotional depth moment???” it 1000% was down to him leaving the crew and needing to be rescued and learn to love himself and live for himself. robin and sanji are my two favorite strawhats and GOD THE SIMILARITIES ARE BRUISING. have u seen that post where its drawings of each of the strawhat “rescue teams” of arlong park, enies lobby, and whole cake?

law 1: edgy. flipping u off. deranged. a bit evil looking. kinda hot

law 2: naptime. flourishing. in his lane. never done wrong in his life. thats just a guy

“EAT” KJDBVSDAJBCJDA

NOOO THAT SANJI IMAGE GENUINELY MAKES ME SO SAD BUT HE ALSO LOOKS SO SO PATHETIC 😭 SOPPING WET CAT OF A MAN

HI CHOSO. IDK U BUT I LIKE UR HAIR. HI

here are a couple more one piece memes i have collected. i will be sending u a discord message...soon

#asks #replies #IF I DONT REPLY/REPLY SLOW AFTER SENDING U THE DISCORD MESSAGE. ITS BC I WORK A LOT THE NEXT SEVERAL DAYS 🥲#march anon #long post

2 notes · View notes

mothwingwritings · 9 months

Note

Oh please your answer to the anon who asked about what if we got pickle’s attention is just !!?!:!:!!:!:&//9:8:£/£/£/ oh my god why do I love this man so much, and I rly like how you write yujir it’s well written! Bro won’t do anything he doesn’t get benefits off he fr piss me off but I like reading what you got for him specially that three parts story.. what would you think about the ending tho? Would yuji get enough of reader and go on his life or he is going to breed reader here and there like the filthy creature he is, cause poor kats he can’t do shit about it.

LOVE YOUR FICS💗

TYSM darling! I enjoy writing Yujiro even though he is possibly the worst person ever loool :ﾟ｡⋆ฺ(*´◡`)

As for the ending, it's honestly up to Yujiro and his horrible whims. I personally feel like if he gets invested in you enough, at that point you're just kinda stuck with him because he see's you are exactly that: an investment. He put time and energy into his 'bond' with you, and he expects things in return from that. You also have the added bonus of being someone who is very loved by others, so hurting and fucking with you is like killing two birds with one stone because it also hurts those people too. If fucking you and knocking you around a bit is going to piss off Baki so much he becomes stronger and more worthy of being his opponent, all the more reason to keep doing it. <3

And your poor SO, whether is be Katsu or someone else... Just damn. I'm sorry dude. (╥_╥)

#mothwords #Yujiro is always just gonna be Yujiro and by that I mean awful and dreaful and is gonna make your life hell for as long as that brings him #even a smidge of joy :)#dreadful bastard man #I have felt for reader since I have started writing for him I am so sorry babes ILU all I promise lol #the stepsib chronicle continues

17 notes · View notes

dealsindemise · 2 months

Text

glass sword , chapters one thru seventeen thoughts n highlights. ( spoilers under cut )

starting off strong ok ! ! the trust issues this has given them both is so insane bc maven really said if i can't have her i will make sure she doesn't trust another soul ever again but especially u

it is all hers now , just like he always was . . ouch. u didn't have to say all that but u did. no matter how many times i read this i will always be devasted by mare realizing the boy she loved was never real and never hers

she's in her believing she is unworthy of literally anything era and it makes me so sad like

i rly do feel like sometimes ppl be forgetting just how Bad this was on cal , too , and on such a deeper level than Just maven betraying him. plus mare betraying him too. it's that ofc paired with elara forcing him to kill his father w his own hands , and made him still be present in his mind while he did so. like the way he later has to remind himself that she Forced Him ? ? that he had no control over it ? ? ? plus learning that she was responsible for his mother’s death all along bc he had never wanted to believe it. everyone he has ever known , cared for , grew up w , etc. turns on him all bc maven plays this forgotten son act. everything he has ever been trained and taught is ripped away from him , his future that he has spent his entire life preparing for just gone like that. his world is in ruins in like thirty different ways and the only thing keeping him alive is his desire for vengeance

" letting her tuck me in like she never has before " bitch i'll cry about it tf ? ? ?

the trust issues going CRAZY ! ! not that i blame her but damn girl

cal is so funny for dragging her taste in men i cannot lie. but also me forgetting so much of what happened in this series was extra bad bc the way i forgot kilorn's betrayal was like fake ? shit had me seething i was abt to be a menace in the worst way possible

touches pool.

mare barrow u will always mean the world to me ( this made me so mfin sad god bless )

" he is real again " girl no he isn't ! ! but her just wanting back the maven she thought she knew . . cal just wanting his brother back from before elara ruined him. i will literally cry

" and i said i would save you " , " he will save me , in his own twisted way " . stares at wall

i am so sorry for not appreciating marecal as much when i first read these books but damn y'all got me in a chokehold tn

HIS MOTHER HOLDS HIS LEASH BUT NOT HIS HEART ! ! i am absolutely not prepared for king's cage w this shit gyat damn i am so emotionally devastated

these lines absolutely eat every time but perhaps this is also a fitting place for me to leave off for the night

#⠀⠀ &⃫̠ ˗ˏ ⠀ out of character.#* / / red queen readalong #tw choking #halfway thru glass sword now i fear #having WAY too many thoughts abt it #but also the whiplash every time realizing that there was no gap between 1 n 2 #like this is all still so new ???#actually crazy

2 notes · View notes

anonymouscatloaf · 8 months

Note

hi! 2, 4, and 8 for the fandom asks? 💕

thanks for the ask <3 i took too long trying to decide how "wild" i was gonna get for number 4 then thought. go big or go home.

2. favorite ship?

right now it's gotta be the ineffable husbands bc that good omens brainrot is still going strong. i do not think i will be less insane about them any time soon.

4. wildest ship?

funniest/worst possible question you could pick bc i have had sooooo many "wild" ships over the years - side effect of just being on tumblr for over a decade and having an irl friend from middle school who was completely unhinged about everything. like, i was one of those weirdos in middle school who shipped the cartoon kid and the demon triangle. shounen anime guy and the personification of his own sword (not a euphemism) who isn't actually his real sword. a skeleton and robot tv star, but only from one very specific fanmade AU. anime disney villain high school boys that are actually centuries-old fae both individually inspired by different aspects of maleficent. teenage boy and the millennia-old game-obsessed ghost that only he can see (this applies to two ships actually). to my dawning horror i am also invested in the quasi-romantic tension between a cringefail evil scientist and an anthropomorphic secret agent platypus from a kids cartoon and found (then deleted) youtube comments proof that this apparently went back to when i was 12 (??????). more relevant to my blog theme - i was SUPER into eleven/ten when i first watched day of the doctor, lmao. that irl friend i mentioned earlier was a massive selfcest fan in general and i think it rubbed off on me. if i was even tangentially in a fandom and that fandom had a somewhat-well-known-within-the-fandom weird/controversial/crack/"ppl rly ship this????" ship, >50% chance of me shipping it bc i do not fear god, god fears me. as she should. this got long sorry.

tl;dr i can very easily be convinced to ship just about anything. but if i had to pick one single ship it'd probably be that time many many years ago in the hp fandom where everyone shipped draco with a green apple?

8. how many fandoms?

at a time? usually like, 2-3 max. currently that's good omens (death by s2, will not recover any time soon) with doctor who on a semi backburner until the 60th anniversary specials come and ruin my life i assume. less than 3 months left until my doom.

in total, ever? too many to count, definitely. honorable mention shout outs to fandoms not yet mentioned go to percy jackson (my first ever fandom), guardian/镇魂 - priest (first fandom i wrote fic for), and nbc hannibal (There's Just Something About The Murder Husbands, Man)

#cat talks #there were a lot of just Weird Crack Ships i remember from years ago

6 notes · View notes

jack-kellys · 1 year

Note

lay it on me bro: the devil’s inside (you opened the door, you gave him a ride)

((for reference it’s the opening line of “my eyes” by the lumineers))

you are so. we are so 🤝

send me a fic title and i'll think up a fic!

what's funny abt this title is that it goes a lot with what jac just posted. @we-are-inevitable and @roideny were talking about for... a while in the discord its this

anyway this is going to be like an au of the bfu au but also thats irrelevant.

essentially, jack is having the worst possible go at life. he's just been fired, his girlfriend dumped him a week before, rent is due soon, and his roommate is depending on him. everything is coming to a head all at once, and during the typical 3am panic attack in his room, jack swears something... answers him?

hey, do you need some help?

there is no one in his room, he thinks. he thinks, until a shadow shifts in his vision, toward him, and a face resides in it. not a clear one, mostly white shapes within the black expanse in front of him. rather round, friendly eye shapes for a creature of darkness.

"um," jack stutters out, "like, i'm having a panic attack, and seeing things–"

oh that's horrible! the wide eyes and shapeless form... says? jack can hear it- him, he has... a really sweet, soft voice actually. you aren't seeing things, though. i'm here. i'm here to help, just reach your hand out.

fuck it, it couldn't hurt, so jack's shaky hand reaches out. and it disappears from view? he thinks, at least, until something holds it and the waves of panic raging through his body simply lapse against the shore. his breathing evens, his head levels out. he's calm.

"cool..." jack breathes out. "thank you? thank you. it did help, um, can... i have my hand back?"

can i have your name?

"jack."

no, your name.

"it's jack, dude- thing..guy."

it's not. can i have it?

"it is, man fuck off–"

the calm is ripped away, the panic sets his heart in motion too suddenly, and his lungs can't take in air.

"fuck, fuck, it's cisco," he gasps out. "oh my god, it's cisco. stop."

and he does stop, and the shadow smiles, and jack can see his hand again because the shadow isn't holding it anymore.

thank you, jack, he says, and the shadow looks friendly again. i'll see you later! i'm happy i could help.

"what the fuck," jack breathes out. "what even is this? are you?"

oh, i'm davey. look, i have to go, but i'll be back later, so no need to miss me too much.

and then it- he's gone, and jack is left calm in his room at 3:15 in the morning.

basically jack's energies are so, so shit that they attract david, a demon, and jack gives davey his name, so basically davey is going to have a very very fun time with his personal little human and protect him from time to time. so instead of getting sent a guardian angel, jack gets sent a demon literally because his energies are so sick and twisted to the point where davey is like. someone must have literally cursed you as an infant, the occult must have gotten a hold of you, because your spiritual levels are so, so awful.

but also i think he can have dangerous magical connections as a treat

jack being a magical mystery is a concept i have thought about a lot, and idk if this is rly how i'd end up doing it, but i think it'd be kind of funny. like if jack was abt to be hit by a car davey's voice would go OH MY GOD WATCH OUT and possess jack, move him out of harm's way in time, and release him.

#any speaking of magical mysteries kath that reminds me of ur magic au huh wow wonder if thats doin alright ♥️#i could probably bang out a few scenes of this if i rly tried tbh. not a very linear story #thank u for the very in character ask LMAOO #mutuals #fizz wants to write #fizz answers #jack kelly #davey jacobs #newsies #newsies aus

14 notes · View notes

quirkle2 · 2 years

Note

WAIT WAIT if wars is exiled from his own home ,,,, the amount of dread. he would feel when LU is over and the found family is unfounded my god . like yes, he still wouldn't regret it bc it happened over him standing up for ledge, but that opens up the problem of homelessness and not to mention the spiral he'd probably go down from losing the family he's grown so used to having by his side. from how you've said it, im guessing he really has nobody to lean back on in his own time. i can see him digging his own way out and still finding a way to live happily but the way you've set it up makes at least the first few months for wars post-LU hurt and i am here for it <33

WIGGLES WIGGLES RUNS AROUND IN CIRCLES i actually have . an lu ending established in my head. i wont ramble abt it here cuz i don't wanna stray from ur ask but could y'all possibly indulge me sometime and let me ramble abt the Literal Best Case Scenario that will indeed give wars a very happy ending . it's my beloved ranch au and i cherish it deeply looks at u all like a pathetic little wet dog that's begging for scraps

BUT IF UR HERE FOR HURT,,,, i think i have some. in my head this is sort of a What If scenario—horrible-no-good-terrible-worst-case scenario—cuz i'm a little bitch boy who can't handle unfounded family and ill sob for three days straight if it ever happens for real but i can destroy him in hypothetical scenarios . for the funsies

(warning for unfounding the found family . and also additional stuff in the tags)

he Would be homeless and honestly he'd be damn hard-pressed to find any inn or business who would allow him service. imagine: he's just said goodbye to the chain and he's an absolute wreck—emotionally exhausted and Yeah rly fuckin hopeless, and he trudges to the nearest town he can find and discovers that 1) everybody he sees looks at him w malice, and 2) all of the business owners in town Refuse service to him

he discovers that somehow, at some point, false word had gotten out that their hero "abandoned" them. the stories r all different, and wars has no idea how they originated—some of them claim he simply quit and left, some say he Attacked The Queen and went rogue, some call him a traitor and accuse him of working with and fleeing to other countries, and some think he's Dead

and that . is a fucking slap to the face. he's been training 24/7 since he was 9 years old, put up w the abuse and neglect from his shitty father all the while, risked his life every day when promoted to captain to defend this kingdom from enemies and traitors alike, and when his people abandon him, they accuse him of treason and say he left his home to rot.

he walks through the streets of this town and most families are ushering their children into houses bc they heard the one-man army hero has gone mad. some of the more hostile, up-front people take him head on, spout death threats at him, swipe at him w blades and torches. he can't escape into a building bc no owner will let him in. he Has to flee

and u can imagine how the rest of his days go. search for a town, get chased out, camp in the woods and survive on scraps and dirty river water until he can find another town that prolly Won't sell him anything. he's fucked. he's truly and royally Fucked.

occasionally, he's saved by a town or two that leans toward the other side of things and some people don't believe the stories. some people think he was wronged, some believe he was Murdered, some think he simply fuckin retired, it varies. they're usually nicer to him, sometimes indifferent. the kinder people take him in, give him clean clothes and a warm meal and let him stay at the inn at a discount and sometimes even for free, if he looks particularly ragged or starved (he . is indeed lookin a little thin). he makes sure to thank them plenty

one time, he's invited into a nice family's house and they cook a hearty meal for him, offer a guest bed to rest in. and then they try to kill him in his sleep.

he doesn't take any handouts after that.

it takes a while—and i mean a while—to find somebody who's willing to let him rent a property or stay at an inn for an extended period of time. most people r wary of him, and since they've all heard the stories of how unstoppable he is, to regular old people he now seems like a monster. eventually though, he does find a place and folk who don't think he's all bad that'll let him stay if he pays well. he has plenty of money—he just hasn't been Allowed to spend any of it

that whole other ask ? the whole Point of the scarf deal, and what it symbolizes ? it's . kinda shredded into pieces in this scenario. yes, he did get better from his time in the war and Yes, the scarf still represents him finally finding a family to love and happiness to be had, but . now that's gone. his family is Gone. literally all that he has left is his mother's scarf, and even what it represents feels,,,,,,,,, soiled

he can't even visit his mother's grave. the cemetery is in castle town. he's been robbed of Literally Everything

.,, yeah ok that's all im so sorry GVIEAGYV hate to cut it short but this is too sad for me and like I said I'm a goddamn little bitch boy and if he doesn't get happiness RIGHT NOW !!!!!!!!!! I'LL DIE!!!!

i like to think he'd get better. but honestly ? that's . so much on him. all that on Such a sensitive and sweet person is a lot. i feel like he'd be miserably unhappy and hopeless for . a long time

#BUT GOOD THING THAT'S JUST A WHAT IF SCENARIO :DDDDD [my face is covered in tears]#when u think about it artemis and impa in this case Ruined His Life . [lets out the most stressed sigh you've ever heard]#once again have no idea how to tag this #tw homelessness #homelessness #tw starvation #starvation #<- he learned a Little from the others about hunting and foraging for food #it's enough to survive . but he's not getting a whole lot out of it #he's a city boy . he did not grow up having to hunt and he'd never even seen a goddamn deer before he became captain #even though the opportunity for angst is So goddamn high this is not a canon thing for like . my version of lu i guess #i need wars to be happy .#picture an image of maslow's hierarchy of needs next to me and the entire basic needs section is simply warriors being happy #torturing him is fun tho . he gets to suffer a little sometimes. as a treat #qktalks #soul-of-rei

29 notes · View notes

magnoliamyrrh · 6 months

Text

okay so. my opinions on their eyes were watching discourse that i disagree w. here goes english class essay on tumblr

starting w quickly one of the worst complaints ive ever heard, "its written in backwoods, uneducated, slave talk" "it portrays african americans as uneducated and lower class." dear lord. yes the book is written in heavy southern dialect or avve or both bc theyre basically the same thing, but it adds a lot to the book as far as im concerned. if i as a foreigner can manage to read it just fine and enjoy it, im sure you can deal w it. if i could read this when i was like 16 and had only been speaking english for 6 years rly, im sure u can cope. hurston was also an anthropologist who predominantly studied southern and carribean african diaspora, and thus her writing is heavily based on this. she also,,, was born in alabama and raised in florida, and thus, she was trying to portay not "those backwards rural folk over there" but her own people. and you can tell too, in the book, she was also trying to find and understand herself. others have called their eyes were watching god a brilliant capturing of the soul and culture of southern black ppl, and uhhH yea, id tend to agree. the fact she focused on rural peoples doesnt somehow mean she was saying all of the african diaspora is like this, and also...... .. theres nothing wrong with "uneducated" "backwoods" poor and rural people god damn get the classism out of here

but onto the main shit

a) its a grand love story love life goals. + her relationship w tea cake is feminist goals somehow

uhh,,, not quite, not as simple as that. even the summary of the book, along w many other summeries in some versions, calls it "an enduring southern love story" and to an extent it is, but also, its far from,,, something to be glorified too much. especially not as other book summaries say, "tea cake comes along and is the best thing ever a liberator etc etc"

its true that thats part of it. hurston from what i know said she wrote the book almost as a love ode to a man she fell in love with when she was in haiti, and it shows for sure. but tea cake, and his relationship with janie, isnt without problems. after they get married he steals her money, uses it to "feel like a rich man," to buy food and drinks for ppl, to buy a guitar, to party, leaving her alone for days while she wonders if he aint dead, or if he hasnt stolen her money and left her, used her - she's struggling, in pain, anxious through the roof, he finds her sitting on the floor staring into nothing when he come back. and sure, he apologizes, he explains himself with charm and humor, says he couldn't help but want to know, says he didnt wanna bring her around lower class folks out of fear she wouldnt like it - and when she tells him she'd want to be there, after that, he does always bring her w him and doesnt exclude her. he gambles the money back and comes back stabbed, bleeding, but keeping his word, "look in mah left pocket and see whut yo' daddy brought youh. when ah tell yuh ah'm gointuh bring it, ah don't lie." its playful, charming, you get drawn into his shpeel, and i think anyone whose ever had a habit of falling in love w,, , how to say, those rough around the edges, those w street smarts, can say yea, theres a charm to it. he tells her after, from that point on, they're going to be living on his money, that he's a man and thus he's gonna provide - and in truth he never steals her money again, never uses her money again despite her having it, and while she works at times, he also works more than her, and its clear hes okay w sticking by his word of providing.,, and janie forgives him for this ordeal, sure. at the same time,,, it could be said its a red flag and that yup, he stole her money once right after they got married and left her feeling bad for days, which aint alright

next, the domestic violence between them, and the jealousy too, which the book at times romanticized and portrays as normal. theres several instances of this throughout. janie talks about how he strikes her on multiple occasions, but also how she strikes him. she talks abt finding out theres consequences for trying to fight him, which is getting beat. when she gets jealous and thinks he might be sleeping w another woman, she slaps him and they fight from room to room, him trying to keep her from beating him, that time not beating her and ending up w them having sex. another time when tea cake gets jealous that a woman is trying to set her brother up w janie, even tho he knows she aint gonna leave him or cheat on him, he beats her just to show that he possesses her, owns her. he knows shes done nothing to justify the jealousy, but does it anyhow. "no brutal beating at all. he just slapped her around a bit to show he was boss. everybody talked about it next day in the fields. it aroused a sort of envy in both men and women. the way he petted and pampered her as if those two or three face slaps had nearly killed her made the women see visions and the helpless way she hung on him made men dream dreams." this line v much shows the romantization and normalization of domestic abuse. and then, tea cake goes on to talk to the other men about it, to brag about it, to talk about how bc his wife is mixed and lighter skinned you can see the marks and bruises a beating leaves on her. the other men say beating on darker black women aint the same, bc noone can tell the next day you beat them, and because they will fight you back and beat you back all night, but janie seems to just take it obediently (not exactly true in all instances, she does fight back and beat him at times) and u can see it on her skin. tea cake brags to the other men that thats why he likes his wife, and that she is wherever and however he wants her to be........ which is something janies previous husband joe said too :/ except janie seems to accept and romanticise this, while having an issue w her previous husband, when in many regards tea cake and joe are doing the same thing.

and this takes us to,, well, tea cake aint exactly a "liberator" and their relationship isnt feminism 101. its just not. yes, tea cake in a sense liberates her. he reminds her of the boy she had a crush on as a teenage girl and the bees in the bloosoming tree. he unlike her previous husbands lets her.. be. he teachers her how to play board games, teacher her how to shoot a gun, goes fishing with her, takes her to games and dances she wasnt allowed to go to before. hes proud of her for shooting better than him, and he never once tells her to shut up around pll like joe does. when shes with him she talks to other ppl, shes finally involved in community life like how she wished. they spend nights on the muck dancing, singing, gambeling, joking and talking w other people, joining the carribean dancers around the fire. its clear in a sense that throughout the progression of her marriages, janie ends up w a man who Does in some regards represent and give her freedom, and who is also much closer to lets say, an african spirit and traditions than the previous two, especially joe. janie says, tea cake made her soul come out of its hiding place, and he did.

but he also..,,, was a man of the times, and they were both people of the times. and while tea cake saw her as much more an equal than her other husbands ever did, he was also clearly in charge and their marriage was still following a series of traditional norms

janie is still in many regards submissive to him, and "like a child." despite her being older than him, he calls her a girl child, a baby girl, a little thing, makes several statements and allusions to this sort of thing a lot. he calls himself her daddy, he holds up the idea that a man ought to provide for "his woman" and take care of her. she wears blue like a young gal bc tea cake says it looks good on her. and still, yea, this isnt a one way thing in their relationship, bc janie also, especially when hes sick or wounded, calls him a boy, a boy chile, her baby, mamas him etc. and theres many times when hes all too happy to try to fulfill her wishes and needs and do what she wants. and yea, its part of how love makes you feel young, its part too of how some ppl search for that sort of parental care in their partners, especially those who havent had it much (like janie, who grew up without a father.) still, this is mostly seen the other way in their relationship

and here its important to take into account janies history of trauma and how she was raised. she was raised by her grandma, who was born a slave and raped by a white master, which is how she got her mom. her mom in turn was raped, and thats how she got janie. there is a deep history here of violence and submission - her grandma even tells her, the black woman is made the mule of the world by both white and blacl men. janie is also used to being struck by her grandmother as a child, thus, to her being hit is normalized, a part of life, and even a sign that someone cares about you a lot - loves you enough to beat you for your own good. janie is married off to a man x2 x3 times her age at 16 by her grandma, and shes expected to settle bc shes not being beat, shes not being worked too hard, and the mans got property. janie struggles throughout her entire life with the lessons and morality her grandma taught her, and her marriages taught her, even saying at some point she hates her grandma for it.... janie has been conditioned throughout her life to be submissive, and to accept violence, and while she definetely has a fighting spirit and craves more than shes told to settle for, while she certainly stands up to wanting a certain amount of independence, shes also... bound by her times, by her conditioning, and this has limits for sure.

and thus we see her submission in her marriage w tea cake, even as he gives her more freedom than others - even that phrasing, he "gives" her freedom, but really, it aint his to give is it...? not only does she forgive him for the money steling, and for the beatings, but its also shown regularly that shed much rather follow his lead w things. in many regards, shes the one that asks and does - they go where tea cake wants to go, they do what tea cake wants to do. hes the one that chooses where they get married, hes the one that chooses to go work on the muck, hes the one that tells her to come work the fields w him, and hes the one that tells her to stay home and not work... after the hurricane she tells him again, well do and go where u wanna go. and while she goes along w it, while she says well do whatever u wanna do,,,, shes still following his lead by all means. shes been sweeped off of her feet like a child, and in many regards shes following his lead, and its known that hes the boss. more equal than her other marriages, but, still

.... and so. its complicated. it sure as hell aint a relationship which is "feminist" or "liberating" in a feminist sense or a modern sense..... and yet. it would be unfair to say, it also didn't liberate her soul somewhat, and they didnt love each other

b) and this takes us to the second critique i dont agree w, that the book is outright bad bc it promotes and romanticizes violence and all this. and also its definetely not a love story at all

,,, and. yea i dont think this is a fair critique at all. i think its up to you to interpret zora's writing and what it means to you. she clearly had more than just a one sided puritanical moralistic view and feeling on all this, and yes, she wrote this book in part infleunced by a whirwind romance she had in haiti and im sure to a great extent her own life experiences. she also wrote this book in the the 1930s. there is something deeply deeply honest, raw, real, and soulful about it because of this, it is complicated in the way real life is

no, janie isnt some sort of modern day "feminist" protagonist but also. she wasnt meant to be, she just wasnt i dont think

and i dont think its,,,, fair, to dismiss this entire book and all the brilliance in it bc of that.,, or to say that they didnt love each other either. it was far from perfect thats for sure. and i do really get why some would look at all this and say yea, this isnt love. i do... but i think its more complicated that that. and i think in many ways, it is a story of people and love in the context of the, well, limitations of who they are. in the context of deep deep generation and current trauma, in the context of the times, in the context of a lot of things..... and ive said this before, to me its in many ways the same sort of conflict i had when writing that ethnography on my grand grandma and grandpa, child marriage bridal kidnapping and all that, and trying to make some sense of what love and marriage mean in circumstances like that. and i could not reach a conclusion which simply said, they never loved each other. i just couldn't no matter how much i wanted to, bc, despite how fucked it all was, that wouldnt have been the true, messy complexity of it all....... tea cake did love her, he did bring her to life, he did cherish her, he did protect her, he did see her as more his equal than other men - he risked his life for her and died for it. he was also possessive, and jealous, and physically abusive. and she beat on him too.

........ and on the ending of the book, it can be interpreted in different ways for sure. tea cake's death and the way he dies could be interpreted in many ways. it was rabies that took him, and rabies is why janie had to shoot him, but the rabies made the jealousy he had before and the violence he had before come out to a stronger extent. in a way it could be said zora ending the story w tea cakes rabies being the final issue relieves him too much of his responsibility and actions, gives janie a "justified" retaliation and end... zora also v much shows how the other black ppl shed been living w largely turned on her when she shot him, caring more for him they did her. surprisingly janie talks about how some of the white women in the courtroom pitied her and "formed a protective shield around her", while her own turned their backs on her..she hears the men say, "well, you know whut dey say, 'uh white man and uh nigger woman is de freest thing on earth'. dey do as dey please." even if soon they forgive her and feel bad for their turning on her and her treatment of her and come to their senses. and thus, were also reminded that the book is Indeed very vocal of black mens views and treatment of black women, (as well as on how colorism affects things but thsts a whole other long train of analysis) and that zora wasnt just saying and showing that all this is a-okay. she wasnt saying that the other men were all good all fine, she wasnt saying that tea cake was either

.. and as for janie coming back home. welp. i think it can be interpreted again in many ways. some say it shows she had to kill tea cake in order to truly gain her freedom, it was the final step in her coming to self and self actualization, and that the ending of the book is "feminist" in this regard. others say the ending is the ending of a great love story, with janie coming home now with her soul alive, having seen the world as she says, to rest and be at peace. she sobs of what has happened, and yet she realizes tea cake lives still in her love. a beautiful metaphor of how the dead live through the love of the living. his memory lightens up the room like a sun, she draws the fishnet of his light and love and freedom over her, she calls her soul to see.... she has also learned from tea cake in part to not care what others say, so she doesnt care that the town women want to talk shit about her.. others say, the ending of the book is a feminist disaster. it shows janie giving up control over her narrative by not caring what the other women are saying about her. it shows her shutting herself into her old house with memories of a man who really, wasnt all that great. others say, its not a feminist disaster bc while the ending means the above, in zora writing it even beautifying, were still meant to critique it

honestly by this point, not quite sure i know. id say its neither and all three all in one bc its way more complicated than just "a feminist or not feminist message" "a role model message" ,,,, but rather, something deeply real and complicated...

either way. im sure i could say more but thats most of my thoughts. i think its a pity to diminish this book either to some grand perfect love story, or to failed feminism, or whatever else. its so much more..... it is a book about deep deep trauma and pain, slavery, culture, humor, coming of age, soul, love, hope, hate, racism, colorism, women and men, religion, and beauty.... and id say, most all really, it is a story about how beauty somehow comes out of deep sorrow and pain.... reducing it into bits is a pity and disservice to its sheer raw and real spirit

3 notes · View notes

frogboyandzombieface · 2 years

Text

breathe (in the air)

chapter 9

a03 link !!! | spotify playlist

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 10 | 11

byler fanfiction - 1970′s au - aged up character(s) - multi-chapter - no upside down/no powers

words: 7314

overall summary: Mike didn’t even want to go in the first place, honestly. El and Dustin managed to convince him to tag along despite his determination to refuse, and he was quite miffed, to be honest. He considered himself to be a pretty normal guy; a little anti-social, a bit uptight due to his conservative upbringing. But he was normal. And he was going to keep it that way, no matter what his friends tried to do to get him to loosen up.

But then he was stuck at a five day hippie-filled, groovy festival called the Midsummer Splendour, full of psychedelic music, drugs, peace and love. And he meets Will, possibly comes to some realisations that he wasn’t a very normal person after all, and finds friends that he would be bonded to for life.

It’s 1973, and Mike is completely, unequivocally, screwed.

author’s note: gUYS. *janice from friends voice* oh. my. god.

im so sorry for such a long wait holy shit a LOT of things irl have happened last few months for me ive had a really bad writers block, worst ive had in a while, whilst working on a new fic that was supposed to be basically a fix-it for season 3 and 4 ( @frogboyandbongos-canon-st 😳) and like byler centric n shit. but ive been rly struggling writing that im not usually one to write like somewhat canon compliant fics ya know what i mean? i usually do au's and shit like that. anyways so yeah that took up a lot of my time most of it has been planned out, i hopefully will be able to go thru it but idk - anyways so i thought to get out of the block was to return to this and try and finish it off which worked so hell yeah !!!!!

PLEASE let me know if you enjoyed this chapter, if you guys have stuck around - not long to go until the end !! and then i might do a sequel 👀i have ideas for one, lemme know if youd wanna read it ! ANYWAYS enjoy ily all so so much sorry for the wait <3

----------------------------------------------------------------------

It had taken over an hour for Mike to calm himself down enough (with quite a lot of encouragement from El. proving for what felt like the hundredth time that Mike would’ve probably been doing nothing if not for her) to come out from behind the shower areas and back towards the van. Mainly because he hated the fact that he’d been crying and didn’t want anyone to notice the results on his face - men don’t cry, he was just a weakling - but knowing that as soon as they got back to the van El would pester him to do something about his feelings for Will was a massive factor as well. He’d only just begun to accept it all himself, he isn’t going to be able to actually do anything about it! But he knew El wouldn’t accept that for an answer, the stubborn girl that she was.

“Look, it’s going to be fine, Mike. Just be yourself and that’ll be enough.” El reassured him, her arm delicately looped around his own as she led him in the direction of the sleeping areas, Mike trying his absolute best to be inconspicuous. Probably failing, but that’s to be expected.

“Yeah, yeah, you keep saying that, when it probably isn’t going to be fine.” The caravan was already in sight by that point, and from a distance, he could see that the rest of the group had apparently already begun to settle down for the night. What could they be thinking after Mike and El disappeared for so long? He hoped they - at least he hoped Will - didn’t think that the two were secretly together or something like that, explaining why they vanished together. For all they knew, Mike left first, seeming a little out of sorts, and El followed to comfort a friend.

He could just manage to spot Will himself sitting on the lip of the van, staring out into the crowd around them; Mike’s heart skipped a heady beat in his chest, causing him to choke slightly in surprise and cough a little. El raised an all-knowing eyebrow at him, and he glared in response.

“Mike,” She began imploringly, but he only shook his head, not tearing his eyes off Will still anxiously perched on the edge of the van, leaning against the open doors, his eyes never stopping in their search for.. whatever it was, and El (surprisingly) shut her mouth, subdued. A figure behind Will with a head of curly hair tapped him on the shoulder, interrupting his concentration; spoke something to him that Mike couldn’t make out. Will lifted his head to look at them, responded with something and smiled, before the other person patted his shoulder and disappeared further into the van. It must’ve been Dustin, Mike figured, because no one else had hair as curly as that - it seemed as if he was checking on him. Had Will been sitting there by himself for a long time? Perhaps the whole time since Mike left?

Will’s gaze returned to searching the crowd - and then he and Mike, who was now only a couple of metres away, locked eyes, and everything stopped for a moment. Like one of those cliché movie moments where everything around the main character and the love interest slows down, the noise falling silent with a click of fingers until it seemed like they were the only ones left in the world. Mike almost expected dramatic, romantic music to swell in the background as Will rose to his feet, face alight, before jogging over to him and El. He could barely even feel her arm that was still linked with his. He definitely knew, though, that she was using up every bit of energy in her body not to grin wickedly like the Cheshire Cat.

“Mike,” Will greeted - a little breathlessly - slowing to a stop in front of the two friends. His hair was slightly dishevelled, looking like it had fingers running through it over and over again, shoelaces of his converse now untied and lying lonely in the dry dirt. Mike felt El briefly squeeze his arm, before letting go of him completely. He felt slightly reassured by the gesture. “Um, hi. Are you okay? You were gone for ages.. again.”

Mike tried not to flinch at the word ‘again’. Yeah, he wasn’t dealing with all this stuff so graciously.

“Nah, I’m okay, I was just.. missing home, really. Me and El just kind of lost track of time chatting.” He glanced over to the El in question, who shrugged and sent a smile in Will’s direction, and he knew that was El Language for “eh, good enough excuse.”

“Oh.. okay.” Will responded slowly, glancing between both El and Mike with an expression that clearly showed he didn’t fully believe their story. Which Mike wasn’t really surprised about; he was so smart and intuitive. There wasn’t any way he could sufficiently lie to him. And, not to mention, Mike was a notoriously horrible liar, which certainly didn’t make matters better. “I understand. Um, well, I’m gonna go back to the van- it’s already, like, way past one in the morning, and you don’t wanna see what I’m like when I don’t get my beauty sleep.” He half-chuckled.

I wouldn’t care, I want to see what you’re like every day, Mike thought to himself. But of course, he didn’t voice it, instead just saying “Okay, I’ll catch up with you in a second. I wanna get the good mattress before Dustin steals it.”

“Well, good luck with that, I think he’s done it already,” Will grinned lopsidedly; Mike couldn’t help but grin back, even though a frustrated “damn it!” burst from his lips, because that meant he’d probably have to sleep on the couch again. Dustin knew Mike was a Bigfoot - he never failed to nickname him so - he couldn’t fit his legs on the fucking thing!

It was kind of weird, actually; there seemed to be this unspoken agreement that El, Dustin and Mike were going to stay in the caravan with the other three, like they’d been seamlessly absorbed into the friend group in the small amount of time they’ve known each other. Two groups becoming one. He didn’t mind it much - sleeping in the caravan was way more comfortable than their tent.

Mike prepared himself to follow Will into the van, but El tugged on his arm, keeping him in place - he turned to look at her, brows furrowed.

“Mike, you have to talk to him.” She was grinning in that little mischievous way of hers, like she was amazed at the interaction the two boys had just had. “He so likes you. I bet he’s been sitting there waiting for you the whole time to come back!”

“Oh, shut up, Hopper, that’s not true.” He flushed brightly; he ignored her “hey, don’t last name me, that’s my thing!” and continued: “And I can’t now, anyway! I’ve got to talk to Max and Lucas first, see if he actually does like me back.. they know him best.”

El rolled her eyes, about to retaliate with some smart retort, but he interrupted her.

“Well, come on, El! We don’t know for sure. And- and this is a huge step to take.. if this goes wrong, then it’s gonna be a disaster.” He clenched his jaw. He didn’t even really know where the words were coming from, but.. he didn’t stop himself from saying them. “I.. I want Will to stay in my life, even if he doesn’t like me back, y’know? I’m not about to- about to let him waltz in and be all-” He gestured vaguely, unable to properly convey what he meant. “Amazing and beautiful and kind and all Will - and then leave and take my feelings with him. I can’t let that happen. So I need to plan this out carefully.”

El watched him for a long moment, stunned into a hushed silence; like she couldn’t believe what she had just heard.

“Oh my god,” She breathed, still staring, and her lips broke out into a grin all over again. “You really fucking like him.”

Mike flushed even redder, if that were possible - oh god, this was never going to end, he knew that. As soon as El found out about these kinds of things, she would never let go.

“El,” He warned, sensing an oncoming barrage of teasing. And he was right, unfortunately.

“You like him so much! You love him, you loveeee him!” She exclaimed gleefully, running around him and poking him, tugging on his arms and attempting to spin him around, even though he was unyielding. He glanced frantically at the people around them, terrified someone was listening in (specifically Will) and understood what they were talking about, but no one seemed to be paying attention.

“Stop, I don’t love him!” He whacked her hands away, shooting her the best death glare he could create. He liked Will, sure, but love? Jesus, Mike wasn’t that desperate. “We’ve only known each other for three goddamn days, okay, I can’t love him yet.”

“You don’t believe in love at first sight?” El pouted mockingly at him, before pretending to faint and fan herself as she comically danced around Mike. If she wasn’t my best friend, I’d murder her right now.

“No, for god’s sake! Now shut your mouth, I’m telling you!” He hissed through his teeth.

El tilted her head, studying him for a few seconds with a grin; all of a sudden, she relented, halting her movements and letting go of Mike’s hands, holding up her own in a show of surrender. “Okay, okay, you don’t love him, I get it.” She smiled, before leaning in rather dramatically to add: “Yet.”

Mike glared, opening his mouth to snap back at her, but he wasn’t able to, because he had to get interrupted again.

“What’s going on over here?” Max called from the caravan’s doors, gaze flitting between them both. Lucas stood next to her, with Dustin on his other side, and Will peeking from between their shoulders, eyebrows raised in curiosity.

“Yeah, what’s got you two squabbling?” Lucas quipped, hopping down onto the grass and moving over to them.

“Nothing! Nothing.” Mike responded, rather too quickly. “El is just being mean for no reason.” He directed the last two words at her specifically; she only reacted by giggling into his shoulder. He groaned and rolled his eyes.

“Sounds like there really is something going on, though,” Dustin prompted. Mike huffed - he really didn’t need the others’ probing questions right now - and strode past them into the van, determined to just move past this and get some sleep because it’s already past two am, thank you very much.

“Can I tell them, Mike? Please?” She hurried after him, placing a hand on his shoulder to stop his movements - he turned to stare at her with wide eyes like she’d just confessed that she was a secret German spy from the 1930’s, but she quickly whispered to him, gently entwining their fingers for a moment in a show of comfort. “Of course I’m not gonna tell them everything, Mike. But it actually might help your situation with Will if we allude to the fact that you’re interested in someone.”

“Oh, fine, alright,” Mike grumbled. “Don’t mess this up, Hopper, or I swear to god..”

“Hey, I got you.” She grinned at him, gently bumping her shoulder with his. “Also, remember, again -” She pointed a finger at him. “Last naming is my thing.”

“Well, come on, spill the beans!” Max popped up behind El’s shoulder, grinning at them both before flopping graciously onto the couch. Mike can’t resist glancing at Will - he looked just as interested as everyone else to know. Christ, if only he knew who it was about. “We’re Mike’s friends too, we’re in the circle. We deserve to know.”

“I deserve to know the most, you know! I’m his oldest friend!” Dustin exclaimed in a rather affronted way.

“Children, children, calm yourselves.” El held up her hands again. “So, basically.. Mike’s interested in someone. And I’m trying to get him to make a move,” She shot a look at Mike, who glanced away and began to whistle mock-inconspicuously. “But he refuses to do anything.”

Max gasped loudly and dramatically, placing a hand over her mouth in an act of mock shock.

“It keeps getting more and more scandalous!” She stage-whispered; her and Lucas both snickered with each other.

“Oh my god, dude! Why didn’t you tell me?” Dustin exclaimed towards Mike for the third time, throwing his hands up in the air like he’d done something insanely baffling. “You know I’m a great wingman, I’ll help you get with her!”

Mike sunk his teeth sharply into the inside of his cheek to keep from showing anything on his face.

Her.

He tasted harsh, metallic blood.

“Well- I - I dunno, I just..” Mike stammered, desperate to find something to say, to find something to at least elicit some kind of reaction from Will - who, despite staring at him for a long time, wasn’t giving anything away on his face. “I’m not so great with the flirting and the picking up chicks kind of thing, if you couldn’t tell already.”

“There’s a surprise,” Someone murmured under their breath - without a doubt Max, of course. Mike doesn’t really care, anyway.

“Shut it, guys, leave him alone.” Lucas frowned at everyone, before turning to Mike with a sympathetic smile. He felt a swell of affection in his chest for the other boy. He was always so kind. “Who is it? Is it someone you met at the festival?” He asked good-naturedly.

“Um.. yeah. Kind of.” He chuckled weakly; and of course, he had to almost give himself away by his eyes flicking to Will. If only for a moment. God, he was still standing there in that rigid, closed-off way of his, barely giving anything away. He wished he could just know what he was thinking. Was he jealous? Did he think Mike was hanging after some random girl they’d met here? How could he believe that? He’d barely interacted with anyone outside of their circle, and he was pretty sure Will knew that.

But his eyes still never left Mike.

“Well, y’know, you gotta do something! You might never see them again!” Dustin urged, coming over to grip Mike’s shoulder. Well, at least he’d dropped the ‘she’. “And I’m sure they’re head over heels for you, too. Trust me.”

“Dustin, stop,” Mike shrugged him off, firing him a surly look. “It’s not a big deal. I’m tired, let’s just go to bed, alright?”

His friend blinked at him for a moment, unsure, before he shrugged and said “yeah, sure, okay.”

The group began to disperse after that - Max and Lucas slinked away, out of the van and presumably up to the roof, because there was a loud thumping and groaning, and the van even shook slightly as footsteps pounded on the ceiling, until there was silence.

Mike frowned up at the roof, as if he could see them through the slightly rusted metal and what they were doing. “Why are they on the roof?” He asked, to no one in particular.

“Oh, they like to go and sit up there sometimes. Look at the stars, cheesy stuff like that. Get some alone time.” Will answered; Mike whirled around to see the shorter boy standing next to him, doing the same thing and looking up at the roof like they could see them. He glanced over to Mike with a small, slightly sly smile, before leaning in a little to talk under his breath. Mike tried not to be affected by it. “They’ll never admit it to anyone, but they love cliché romantic things, they do that stuff all the time.”

Mike grinned. “Aww, how adorable,” He fake-simpered, making Will giggle. “I’m definitely going to use that against them in the future, then.”

“Oh, yeah, I do it all the time. It’s great collateral.” Will nodded slowly, in a serious, solemn way. “They nick my stash, I blackmail them with their secret rom-com-with-roses-and-chocolates-watching, have-their-honeymoon-in-a-Hawaii-resort relationship.”

Mike burst into laughter; even though he’d only known Max and Lucas for a couple of days, he could picture Lucas proposing to Max in a fancy restaurant. His heart stuttered excitedly in his chest when Will began to laugh along with him. Christ, he was already so addicted to that sound. Especially knowing that he caused it.

“Well, um,” Mike began after a beat of slightly heady silence. Jesus, when did the air in the room become all thick and unbreathable? “I.. I’ve actually got something to ask them, so I’m just gonna quickly go up and do that, before, um.. I accidentally walk in on something. Or, well, not walk in, because they’re not in a room, but.. you get what I mean. Before I interrupt anything.” Fuck, I’m rambling, shut up, shut up! He firmly closed his mouth before he said any more stupid shit.

“Right.” Will raised a single eyebrow, clearly amused by Mike’s ineptitude. “I’ll leave you to that.”

“Yeah..” He trailed off, taking a few steps backwards and swinging his arms back and forth at his sides, because it suddenly got all awkward and he needed to get out of there before he made it any worse. He noticed El and Dustin both watching them out of the corner of his eye, and when they both grinned and shot him thumbs up behind Will’s back, he discreetly sent them the bird, smiling tight-lipped back at them. “See ya.”

He spun around on his heel, hurrying out of the van and out into the night again.

The temperature had dropped considerably since they’d gone inside, and he wrapped his arms around his skinny torso because he was a dumbass only wearing a t-shirt; shivering ever so slightly, he rounded the edge of the van to the right, where there was a ladder attached to the side that led up to the roof. Gripping the cold metal rungs, he hesitated, listening for whatever was going on up there - there didn’t seem to be much, except for hushed whispers and a few giggles.

“Okay, okay, Mike…” He muttered to himself, squeezing the rung for a moment to psych himself up. It didn’t matter, right? Max and Lucas were his friends. They seemed pretty liberal. He didn’t think they were going to judge.

With that, he began the descent up the ladder; once he could see over the rim of the roof, he saw that the couple were lying on their backs next to each other, facing the open sky above - Max’s long hair pooled from her head like fiery lava, long enough to hang over the edge. It occasionally swayed in the breeze.

“Really, I’m telling you, that’s Orion!” Lucas was saying, pointing a finger up to some constellation amongst the stars - Max snorted out a laugh, patting him on the chest in a consoling, but kind of condescending way.

“If you say so, Lukey.”

He wasn’t really sure how to announce himself to them - he didn’t want to just shout out “hey!” and scare the daylights out of them, but it wasn’t like he could knock on any doors.. He glanced around, wondering if there was something he could do to make his presence known, but before he could, Max’s voice rang out to him.

“You know, Mike, I can see you there. Just come here if you want to talk.” He looked up to see both Max and Lucas staring at him, matching expressions of amusement.

“Oh, sorry. Right.” He nodded, embarrassed, awkwardly clambering up the rest of the ladder until he was up on the roof with them (goddamnit, couldn’t he just be normal for once?!). “I won’t be long, I just wanted to ask you guys something..”

“Don’t worry about being long. You’re our friend, man, you can ask whatever.” Lucas reassured, smiling softly at him as he spun around on his butt to face Mike. Max nodded along with him, throwing an arm around her boyfriend’s shoulders.

“Yeah, whatever the dorkus said.” She smiled at Mike. There were a couple beats of silence between the three, while Mike tried hopelessly to find a way to word his question without raising suspicion. They all stared at each other, then Max rolled her eyes and broke the ice. “Go on, Mike. Shoot. We’re not gonna bite your head off.” She paused. “Well, no promises from me, but y’know.” She smirked.

“Duly noted.” Mike snorted. “Anyway..” He cleared his throat one last time. Might as well just go for it. Prolonging it would only make it worse. “So, um.. I have a friend who I bumped into here, who’s seen us hang out and she’s interested, and she’s making me ask you guys if you know whether or not Will is seeing anyone at the moment.” He shrugged, trying his best to act as unconcerned as possible. “Stupid, I know. But I thought I might as well.”

Max and Lucas were both silent for a few seconds. They exchanged a short glance, but it was clearly full of meaning; with the way they silently communicated with just expressions and raises of their eyebrows. Mike was terrified that they’d seen through his lies and knew that there was no mysterious mutual-friend-slash-girl interested in Will. That, in fact he was the mystery girl.

“Huh, well, no, Will isn’t dating anyone right now..” Max’s gaze flitted back to Mike, and he knew, he could see in the depths of those sharp cerulean irises, that she had seen through him. She knew the truth. “But he’s interested in someone, definitely.”

“He- he is?” Mike blurted out immediately, swallowing thickly when he realised he probably wasn’t helping his case. Will liked someone? Holy shit, Mike tried his best to hope that it was who he thought it maybe, possibly, could be.. but.. “I mean, I didn’t know. He didn’t seem like it. But then again, I don’t know him as well as you guys do..”

“Oh, no, we can totally tell.” Lucas grinned, raising his eyebrows in an odd sort of way - in fact, both of them were looking at him with these weird sly smiles on their faces like they knew something he didn’t. Like they were trying to tell him something without actually saying it. “He’s obvious as hell, man. But.. I think your, um, mysterious lady friend will be a bit disappointed, ‘cause we’re pretty sure it isn’t her.”

“Oh.” Mike blinked once. Twice. He felt his brows furrowing again, in confusion. “Who is it he’s interested in, then?”

“Hmm.. someone.” Max responded, frustratingly evasively. He fought the urge to sigh aloud, because he felt like he was going around in circles at the moment, instead frowning even harder when Max smiled at him and asked innocently: “Why do you wanna know, Mike?”

“Max,” Lucas hissed, whacking her lightly on the arm and giving her a look. He turned back to Mike with another smile. “Ignore her. It’s normal to be curious.”

“Yeah, totally.” He agreed hurriedly. “I-I don’t care that much, really, I just wanted to know. ‘Cause Will’s my friend, and- maybe I could help him, I dunno.”

“You could help him.” Max repeated slowly, as if he were a child who had just said he could recite the entirety of the square root of PI.

Mike’s face reddened to the colour of crimson in a matter of seconds. Okay, so he wasn’t exactly James Bond when it came to flirting and overall romantics, he’ll admit it. He didn’t want Will to get with anyone else, anyway. “W-well, fine. Whatever. You know what I mean.”

“Stop ragging on the poor guy, Max.” Lucas sighed, snaking an arm around her bare freckled shoulders. She rolled her eyes, though didn’t respond, only rested her head on his shoulder. “He’s been through enough already.”

“It’s fine, I think I’ll leave you guys alone now, anyway. That’s all I had to ask.” He slowly rose to his feet, smiling at them one last time prior to beginning to make his way back down the ladder to the ground. Before he could leave, though, a hand reached out to tug on his pant sleeve and a voice calling his name.

“Wait, Mike.”

He spun around to see Max reaching out to him. Her expression was completely different now; free of judgement, instead sincere and sympathetic, actually. Not pitying, which was nice, at least.

“It’s okay, y’know.” She continued.

“Wh.. what’s okay?” He echoed, though he had a feeling he knew what she was talking about.

“Just. Uh- know that we’re never gonna judge you, no matter what. And we support you. So.. don’t feel afraid to come to us if you need anything.” There was a pause. Mike hated how his throat had already begun to close up in emotion, affection rolling in his chest for the couple that he already felt so close with, when they haven’t even known each other for a week yet.

“Thanks, guys.” He managed to croak out. “That’s… yeah. Thanks.” He waved to them one last time, and with that, he climbed back down the ladder and onto the grass, stumbling slightly as he did so. He felt slightly dizzy after that; the fact that two people he barely even knew would do that for him was bizarre, and kind of terrifying if he thought about it for longer than two seconds.

Now that was over and done with, he rounded back around the corner, about to go inside - but something inside him forced him to stop short at the back doors of the van, hesitating, instead just watching the others from a distance.

Will was sitting on the couch, the same blanket that Mike had put over him the other night draped over his legs, with Dustin next to him raving on about some stupid story while El had already stretched herself out on one of the mattresses on the floor, dressed in pyjamas and an oversized jumper - that he was pretty sure was Dustin’s - flipping through a book. Mike smiled softly. But then, laughter spilled from Will’s lips at something Mike’s best friend said, his face scrunched up in delight, Dustin’s eyes sparkling with joy at making him laugh, and he froze. It struck a chord with him for some reason, flying straight to his heart into a tangle of emotions that were complicated and difficult to name. Seeing Will get along with his closest friends made him happy in a way that he couldn’t explain.

“Hey, Mike, you okay?” El asked, disrupting him from his thoughts.

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” He nodded, smiling, before stepping up into the van alongside her. “Just tired.”

“Did your little chat go okay?” El half-joked, grinning at him as he manoeuvred around the mattresses past her. For her question, he purposely stomped on her hand, making her squeak and whack his leg away.

“Fine,” He hissed through his teeth, gesturing soundlessly to Will, who was only a few inches away. “Thanks.” She rolled her eyes, waving him off in a motion that basically said “suit yourself.”

“Well, I’m wiped. We better get ready for bed.” Dustin announced as Mike made his way up to the couch, lifting himself up and stretching his arms into the air. The other man took the opportunity and jabbed him in the ribs, causing Dustin to yelp and curl in on himself. He spun around and whacked Mike on the arm, glaring. “Unoriginal!”

“Hey, I love the classics!”

“You’re a menace, Wheeler.” Will smirked, following Dustin by also getting up from the couch, padding over to his bed with the blanket still shrouded around him, the ends trailing on the floor after him. He looked so cuddly, Mike just wanted to wrap him up in his arms and never let go.

“Oh, that hurts, Will, it truly does.” He slapped a hand dramatically to his chest.

“Shut up, drama queen.”

It was a good twenty more minutes before Max and Lucas finally came down from their rooftop thrones to join the rest of them inside, finally shutting the back doors after themselves; while everyone got changed and settled down, Mike noticed that Max kept hanging around El, the two of them giggling and joking with each other whilst they brushed their teeth. Max seemed kind of.. different, while she was around her. Mike had noticed it before - the way her eyes softened and a sickly sweet smile graced her lips, how she would talk in a quiet voice to El full of sincerity, very much unlike her usual sarcastic tone. And El, too; he’d known her for ten whole years, he knew when she had a crush on someone. He really felt like there was something happening between them, some kind of spark, but… but Max had Lucas. And he knew that she definitely really liked Lucas, they loved each other, even. It was obvious to anyone with a pair of eyes. Yet.. Max seemed to like El, too.

He watched with a sour twist in his gut as Max’s smile fell slightly, her gaze flitting between El and Lucas, the latter waiting for her to join him in their bed to sleep, an uncannily unsure and nervous look on his face, while El was pretending not to notice the conflict in Max’s eyes, her expression switching from shyly joyful to impassive in seconds. Ouch, this situation is certainly worse than mine, he thought with a purse of his lips. Maybe I should try get some perspective.

“Well, um-” El cleared her throat purposely, smiling tight-lipped and brief at Max before beginning to slip past her. Mike felt guilty that he was listening in, but he couldn’t really help it - he cared about them all too much. “Better get to sleep now. I’m tired.”

“I..” Max began, but whatever she had to say petered out, leaving her silent, frowning at the floor, lost in her own world. She stood there for a couple of moments longer, clearly thinking through something, before she shook her head, jaw tightening suddenly with determination - she made her way past both El and Lucas to the last available mattress on the floor (Mike’s, which he despaired over) flopping down upon it, announcing that she “would rather sleep by herself tonight if that was okay”.

Both El and Lucas were perplexed, frowning bereft after her, not really understanding her decision. Yeesh, awkward. That’s all Mike could call it. But he knew what she was doing; by going with one of them, it could almost seem like choosing one over the other to either of them, and so she’s purposely choosing neither. Showing that she didn’t want only one of them - she wanted both of them. It was all or nothing. Mike didn’t resist smiling to himself. That was a smart decision, he had to give her that.

But that left him in a bit of a conundrum, now. He had nowhere to sleep.

“Well, um. Where am I going to sleep?” He announced, rather sheepishly, to the silent room - at least bringing the attention off the awkward moment between the resident love triangle. He raked his gaze around the room at five faces all staring up at him with wide eyes from different directions.

“Sorry, man, wouldn’t want to sleep with me, I toss and turn like a bitch.” Lucas shook his head apologetically, adjusting his position and throwing the blankets over himself. Well, guess that was off the cards, then, Mike thought with a twist of his mouth. He wasn’t about to admit that he was a tosser as well, which his friends constantly complained about.

He fixed his gaze on El, who stared at him like a deer in headlights. Please, oh god, don’t do what I think you’re gonna do, he silently begged.

“Oh, me?” She inquired faux-innocently.

“Yeah, is that okay? Can’t fit on the couch, I’m too tall.”

“Wait, come here for a second.” She gestured for him to come closer, a determined look in her eyes that told him something suspicious.

“Why?” He frowned. She was clearly up to something, he knew that.

“Just- come on,” She whispered harshly, eyes widening big to indicate she had something to tell him - he inched forward until she was close enough to whisper to him without the others hearing.

“What the hell are you doing? Go with Will!” El hissed.

“What!? Are you insane? That’s a catastrophe waiting to happen!” He basically scream-whispered back, staring at her like she’d told him she was the secret Prime Minister of France.

“Mike.” She deadpanned.

“El.” He deadpanned back, shaking his head slowly. No way could he do that. He’d give away his feelings and lose Will forever.

“Oh, okay, then,” She, out of the blue, announced loud enough for the rest of the group to hear, slowly moving to sit up on the mattress - her gaze dropped to an old mug of coffee sitting on the small table next to the couch, Lucas’s, if Mike remembered correctly, from that morning. It was still half-full.

El slowly looked at Mike. He stared at her. Then, just as slowly, she fixed her gaze back on the cup.

Oh fuck.

“No!-” He cried out at the last second, reaching out to try and keep the mug away from her, but she snatched it up well before he did and poured every last bit of it all over the mattress, exclaiming in mock-horror.

“Oh no, whoops!” She dropped the mug, scrambling up to avoid the spillage with a hand over her mouth. The sticky, foul-smelling substance sunk deep into the material, leaving behind a fuscous stain. Mike was so going to kill her. “So, sorry, Mike, looks like we can’t sleep here! I’ll have to go on the couch.” She was clearly fighting to keep a smug smirk from appearing on her face, sauntering past him and collapsing gracefully onto the couch.

“Yeah, that’s such an unfortunate coincidence.” He basically snarled the last word through clenched teeth; she only smiled back at him and waved, like everything was fine and well. There was a muffled giggling and snorting coming from Mike’s feet, and he whipped around to glare at Dustin and Max, ready to rip them a new one, but they both immediately pretended to be asleep, snoring loudly in an obvious and glaringly fake way.

God, this day was so humiliating for him so far.

To get back at them for that, he whacked them both on the back of the head, before finally submitting to his eventual fate and slowly turning around to face Will’s bed. He noticed Will’s eyes immediately dart back to his sketchbook splayed in his lap the moment their gazes met, as if he’d already been watching him. Oh, god.

Mike plunged his teeth into the inside of his cheek again to keep from displaying his nerves, gradually shuffling closer and closer to his bed until he was level with the ladder that led up to it; he hesitated one last time, glancing over his shoulder - everyone’s eyes immediately fell shut and they promptly snored, obviously pretending to be asleep when they were actually watching the interaction. Bastards.

He turned back around. Will’s eyes were still resolutely set on his sketchbook, face carefully blank. He inched forward a little more until his head was just peeking over the edge of the mattress - there were benefits to being tall, after all - and stared at Will. He was languidly spread over his bed, the blanket he’d wrapped around himself now bunched up and stuffed beside him. He looked so cosy.. His eyes were droopy already. He clearly wanted to sleep.

Not wanting to drag it out any longer, Mike delicately cleared his throat and tapped nimbly on the bed frame.

“Hey, um- Will?” He approached; Will raised his head, lips curling up into an extremely amused smile as he regarded him, one eyebrow lifted. He clearly knew what he was about to try and do. “Um.. could I sleep with you?”

There wasn’t an immediate response from the other man - he only continued to stare - causing anxiety to begin to snake up Mike’s spine and curl around his ribcage, so he continued rather nervously: “It’s just- every other bed is taken, and to be honest, I’d rather not sleep on wet smelly coffee stains, and- Dustin and Max are being dickheads-”

“Mike, it’s fine.” Will cut him off. “Of course you can sleep with me.”

Mike tried not to get too visibly flustered at the phrase “of course you can sleep with me”, but he found he was struggling slightly, cheeks bright red, and in his delay Will shifted to the left until his back was up against the wall, patting the empty space next to him.

“Come up, you dork. It’s not getting any later.” He grinned in this fond, adoring kind of way, eyes sparkling like tiny beetles - Mike couldn’t help but grin back, all previous anxiety forgotten, instead replaced with flutters and jolts in his stomach as he began to climb up the ladder, carefully crawling onto the mattress so as not to bounce Will around too much; he hesitated again, though, as a question formed in his mind.

“Um- are- are we going to top and tail, or?” He asked, hovering next to Will.

The other boy rolled his eyes, shutting his sketchbook and leaning down over the edge to place it on the desk below.

“And have your gross germy feet in my face? I don’t think so.” He shuffled and turned until he was facing Mike, adjusting the blankets over himself. He smiled at Mike, but there was a slight nervous edge to it. He could barely even concentrate on it, anyway, with how much he was internally screaming at how close they were. Only centimetres away.. “We can just sleep head to head. I mean- I think it’ll be better, that’s all.”

“Okay.” The taller boy agreed croakily.

Oh my god, I have no idea what to do. My face is going to be so close to his! What if- what if we accidentally bump in the night? What if I subconsciously cuddle him or something like that? He could somehow figure out my feelings!

“You okay, Mike?” Will posed, eyes apprehensively scanning Mike’s face, as if he was searching for some kind of clue in his expression, but Mike only smiled and nodded, letting himself finally lie down on the mattress; though trying to keep as much distance between him and Will as much as possible. He couldn’t tempt himself.

The other boy’s gaze softened; he smiled back at him, so softly, ever so softly, gently throwing the blanket over Mike, making sure it was fully covering him. There was something so tender and caring about it that he could seriously burst out crying right then and there. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Will, no matter how hard he tried - they were glued to him and his gentle figure, the way his face glowed orange in the warm light of the singular lamp that was left on in the corner.

“Night, guys.” Max called from the ground, reaching up to turn the lamp off as she was the closest, cloaking them in harsh darkness. It would’ve been pitch black if not for the moon above, and the distant lamps surrounding the stage in the distance that were left on for the late-night party goers. The group echoed her words, saying goodnight in return, before they were silent again.

Of fucking course they had all still been awake, Mike sighed inwardly.

The quiet was slightly overwhelming to Mike; he was hyper-aware of Will’s breathing in front of him, the rise and fall of his shoulders.

“Is this comfortable for you?” Mike prompted gently, as faintly as he could in case the others would hear. “I’m- not in the way or anything?”

Will’s eyes focused on him in the dark. He can just make out his figure, the slope of his jaw, the curves of his shoulders and back, the swell of his oh, so alluring lips; Mike’s body thrummed with desire.

“It’s okay, trust me. You’re fine.” There was a pause. Mike hoped his erratic, shallow breathing wasn’t audible in the near-silence. Every single hair on his body was raised high in anticipation, and Mike tried his best to make himself as small as possible. He didn’t know if he could stand an entire night right next to the object of his desires, he felt like he’d go completely insane.

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he nearly didn’t hear Will still speaking:

“It’s actually..” he paused again, eyes still locked onto Mike, so intense and full of emotion. He couldn’t stand it. “Comfier than normal.”

There was a small, almost silent shuffle at their legs and then something, a bare foot, brushed against Mike’s - his breath hitched aloud - and not because of the cold - and he froze in his movements, electricity firing up his leg like a gunshot and scattering across his body, seeping into every nook and cranny, snatching his heartbeat away for a full second. Oh, god, how could he feel all this just from feet touching? And no, Dustin’s voice in my head, I don’t have a secret kink.

Before he could react with anything, though, Will’s foot darted away after a few seconds, his own breath slight, eyes shining with anxiety, still staring at Mike. Like he too was scared. Like he, too, meant it to be something more than just a joking, friendly touch.

Do something! A voice scarily akin to El cried out in his head. How will you feel later if you never did anything about it even if it doesn’t work out?

He set his jaw in determination. He wasn’t going to lose this opportunity to pure cowardice. When Mike Wheeler set his mind to something, there was nothing that could be thrown his way that would stop him.

Shutting his eyes tightly so he wouldn’t have to see any disappointment, he slowly inched his foot forward, and connected it with Will’s. He held his breath in anticipation. They were both deadly silent, not moving a single muscle but he could feel Will’s eyes still on him - like they were almost confirming some kind of silent agreement with each other, something that they weren’t going to say aloud.

After what felt like a lifetime of waiting, there’s a little more shuffling from Will - though his foot didn’t leave Mike’s - and he spoke.

“Goodnight, Mike.” He whispered gently; he could actually hear the smile in his voice.

It was then, that he realised - it was just Will. What was he even worried about? Everything was okay. Even if things didn’t work out, he knew Will wouldn’t just stop talking to him, wouldn’t abandon him. They’d still be okay.

“Night, Will.”

Mike fell asleep with a smile on his face.

26 notes · View notes