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illycanary · 2 months

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Katara's Story Is A Tragedy and It's Not An Accident

I was a teenaged girl when Avatar: The Last Airbender aired on Nickelodeon—the group that the show’s creators unintentionally hit while they were aiming for the younger, maler demographic. Nevermind that we’re the reason the show’s popularity caught fire and has endured for two decades; we weren’t the audience Mike and Bryan wanted. And by golly, were they going to make sure we knew it. They’ve been making sure we know it with every snide comment and addendum they’ve made to the story for the last twenty years.

For many of us girls who were raised in the nineties and aughts, Katara was a breath of fresh air—a rare opportunity in a media market saturated with boys having grand adventures to see a young woman having her own adventure and expressing the same fears and frustrations we were often made to feel.

We were told that we could be anything we wanted to be. That we were strong and smart and brimming with potential. That we were just as capable as the boys. That we were our brothers’ equals. But we were also told to wash dishes and fold laundry and tidy around the house while our brothers played outside. We were ignored when our male classmates picked teams for kickball and told to go play with the girls on the swings—the same girls we were taught to deride if we wanted to be taken seriously. We were lectured for the same immaturity that was expected of boys our age and older, and we were told to do better while also being told, “Boys will be boys.” Despite all the platitudes about equality and power, we saw our mothers straining under the weight of carrying both full-time careers and unequally divided family responsibilities. We sensed that we were being groomed for the same future.

And we saw ourselves in Katara.

Katara begins as a parentified teenaged girl: forced to take on responsibility for the daily care of people around her—including male figures who are capable of looking after themselves but are allowed to be immature enough to foist such labor onto her. She does thankless work for people who take her contributions for granted. She’s belittled by people who love her, but don’t understand her. She’s isolated from the world and denied opportunities to improve her talents. She's told what emotions she's allowed to feel and when to feel them. In essence, she was living our real-world fear: being trapped in someone else’s narrow, stultifying definition of femininity and motherhood.

Then we watched Katara go through an incredible journey of self-determination and empowerment. Katara goes from being a powerless, fearful victim to being a protector, healer, advocate, and liberator to others who can’t do those things for themselves (a much truer and more fulfilling definition of nurturing and motherhood). It’s necessary in Katara’s growth cycle that she does this for others first because that is the realm she knows. She is given increasingly significant opportunities to speak up and fight on behalf of others, and that allows her to build those advocacy muscles gradually. But she still holds back her own emotional pain because everyone that she attempts to express such things to proves they either don't want to deal with it or they only want to manipulate her feelings for their own purposes.

Katara continues to do much of the work we think of as traditionally maternal on behalf of her friends and family over the course of the story, but we do see that scale gradually shift. Sokka takes on more responsibility for managing the group’s supplies, and everyone helps around camp, but Katara continues to be the manager of everyone else’s emotions while simultaneously punching down her own. The scales finally seem to tip when Zuko joins the group. With Zuko, we see someone working alongside Katara doing the same tasks she is doing around camp for the first time. Zuko is also the only person who never expects anything of her and whose emotions she never has to manage because he’s actually more emotionally stable and mature than she is by that point. And then, Katara’s arc culminates in her finally getting the chance to fully seize her power, rewrite the story of the traumatic event that cast her into the role of parentified child, be her own protector, and freely express everything she’s kept locked away for the sake of letting everyone else feel comfortable around her. Then she fights alongside an equal partner she knows she can trust and depend on through the story's climax. And for the first time since her mother’s death, the girl who gives and gives and gives while getting nothing back watches someone sacrifice everything for her. But this time, she’s able to change the ending because her power is fully realized. The cycle was officially broken.

Katara’s character arc was catharsis at every step. If Katara could break the mold and recreate the ideas of womanhood and motherhood in her own image, so could we. We could be powerful. We could care for ourselves AND others when they need us—instead of caring for everyone all the time at our own expense. We could have balanced partnerships with give and take going both ways (“Tui and La, push and pull”), rather than the, “I give, they take,” model we were conditioned to expect. We could fight for and determine our own destiny—after all, wasn’t destiny a core theme of the story?

Yes. Destiny was the theme. But the lesson was that Katara didn’t get to determine hers.

After Katara achieves her victory and completes her arc, the narrative steps in and smacks her back down to where she started. For reasons that are never explained or justified, Katara rewards the hero by giving into his romantic advances even though he has invalidated her emotions, violated her boundaries, lashed out at her for slights against him she never committed, idealized a false idol of her then browbeat her when she deviated from his narrative, and forced her to carry his emotions and put herself in danger when he willingly fails to control himself—even though he never apologizes, never learns his lesson, and never shows any inclination to do better.

And do better he does not.

The more we dared to voice our own opinions on a character that was clearly meant to represent us, the more Mike and Bryan punished Katara for it.

Throughout the comics, Katara makes herself smaller and smaller and forfeits all rights to personal actualization and satisfaction in her relationship. She punches her feelings down when her partner neglects her and cries alone as he shows more affection and concern for literally every other girl’s feelings than hers. She becomes cowed by his outbursts and threats of violence. Instead of rising with the moon or resting in the warmth of the sun, she learns to stay in his shadow. She gives up her silly childish dreams of rebuilding her own dying culture’s traditions and advocating for other oppressed groups so that she can fulfill his wishes to rebuild his culture instead—by being his babymaker. Katara gave up everything she cared about and everything she fought to become for the whims of a man-child who never saw her as a person, only a possession.

Then, in her old age, we get to watch the fallout of his neglect—both toward her and her children who did not meet his expectations. By that point, the girl who would never turn her back on anyone who needed her was too far gone to even advocate for her own children in her own home. And even after he’s gone, Katara never dares to define herself again. She remains, for the next twenty-plus years of her life, nothing more than her husband's grieving widow. She was never recognized for her accomplishments, the battles she won, or the people she liberated. Even her own children and grandchildren have all but forgotten her. She ends her story exactly where it began: trapped in someone else’s narrow, stultifying definition of femininity and motherhood.

The story’s theme was destiny, remember? But this story’s target audience was little boys. Zuko gets to determine his own destiny as long as he works hard and earns it. Aang gets his destiny no matter what he does or doesn’t do to earn it. And Katara cannot change the destiny she was assigned by gender at birth, no matter how hard she fights for it or how many times over she earns it.

Katara is Winston Smith, and the year is 1984. It doesn’t matter how hard you fight or what you accomplish, little girl. Big Brother is too big, too strong, and too powerful. You will never escape. You will never be free. Your victories are meaningless. So stay in your place, do what you’re told, and cry quietly so your tears don’t bother people who matter.

I will never get over it. Because I am Katara. And so are my friends, sisters, daughters, and nieces. But I am not content to live in Bryke's world.

I will never turn my back on people who need me. Including me.

#ATLA #Avatar the Last Airbender #Katara #Anti Bryke #Zutara #but not really #just pro-Katara #Anti Kataang

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phoukanamedpookie · 3 years

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"If what you say is true [...] then I'm sorry I didn't love you enough."

*Gollum voice* We hates the comicses! We hates them forever!

That being said, I think this part from The Search is so fascinating. In a single frame, this woman who has no conscious memory of Azula instantly recognizes that what drives her toward destructive behavior is a lack of love. She immediately understands that Azula needed love and didn't get it. She recognizes Major Parenting Fail right off the bat.

"No matter what they tell you, no matter what you think, I do love you." —Regina Mills

Regina Mills—the Evil Queen!—made some questionable parenting choices, but one thing she did right was making sure that Henry got that message loud and clear. Considering the example her own parents set, it's miraculous that she was capable of doing that at all.

Where do we see Ursa do that for Azula?

Granted, we're seeing a lot of this through the filter of Zuko's memories, so there's only so much we'd be privy to. But the fact that we have no examples to go by, none whatsoever, paints a less wholesome picture than Zuko remembers.

Being the mother of another spirited daughter who's a firebending prodigy, sees Azula's behavior exactly for what it is: a lack of parental affection, guidance, and nurturing. It says a lot about the depth of Ursa's failure that Noriko, who at the time is a complete stranger to Azula, notices this right off the bat.

"If anyone is to blame for the state of the world, it is me. I should have seen this war coming, and prevented it. You inherited my problems and my mistakes." —Avatar Roku, "The Awakening"

"If I had been more decisive and acted sooner, I could have stopped Sozin and stopped the war before it started." —Avatar Roku, "Sozin's Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters"

IMO, Ursa would deeply regret not doing more for Azula. I think she'd be horrified by her failure to notice the warning signs in Ozai's favoritism toward Azula and her failure to intervene on Azula's behalf. She'd feel terrible that Azula spent three years alone with him. She'd blame herself for a lot of what went wrong with Azula. Although Ursa's circumstances were not her fault, Azula was still her child, and it was her responsibility to ensure that Azula was truly safe and knew that she was loved. Not only was Azula never safe around Ozai, she was never loved by him either. As horrible as Ozai was to Zuko, he still had somebody who wanted what's best for him in his corner. Azula had no one. No. One.

Ironically, she makes the same mistake Roku made with Sozin. In trying to be an example of mercy and compassion, she forgot to act decisively for both of her children. If she had paid more attention to what was going on with Azula, she could've done more to help Azula before Azulon's order to kill Zuko forced her hand and pushed her out of the picture.

Ursa's failure to give Azula the affection, guidance, and protection she needed explains a lot about why she gets so clingy with Kiyi.

Yes, I know. *Gollum voice* Stupid comicses! Ruins our Ursa! Ruins her!

But her behavior and choice of words when she sees Kiyi riding the flying dolphin-fishes are telling. She panics, and when Aang brings her back, she hugs Kiyi way too tight and says, "I can't lose you again! I can't!"

It ain't just about Kiyi not wearing a life jacket or a helmet.

#ursa #ursa meta #azula #flawed human parent ursa

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my-bated-breath · 4 years

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Rage, Compassion, and the Bridge in Between

An essay on Katara’s emotions

On the spectrum of human emotion, rage and compassion exist on opposite ends. After all, rage is harsh and violent while compassion is soothing and nurturing; rage is unforgiving while compassion is all-forgiving. As such, they run a parallel course to each other, one canceling out the other whenever they do meet.

At least, that’s what we expect. We expect anger and kindness to be separate entities, and our media reflects this - a character is either severe or gentle, and in the rare case that they’re both, the contrast between their ability to hurt and their ability to heal is treated as a dichotomy. Except the human condition is not that simple, and sometimes, there is a not-so-simple story that remembers that.

In Avatar: The Last Airbender, Katara embodies the human condition - or more specifically, she embodies the duality within it. Throughout the show, her tenderness and her wrath are balanced in a way that renders her one of the most well-written female characters in children’s animation, perhaps even in all of television. Because Katara’s anger and compassion do not simply split themselves into two identities. Instead, they coexist and coalesce into one. They drive each other; they feed into each other; they are two sides of the same coin.

But how can that be true when opposite traits are supposed to clash and counter each other’s effects?

There’s no denying that at times, Katara’s anger and compassion serve to show two different sides of her. We even see this within the very first episode:

(on left) Katara: No that's it! I'm done helping you! From now on, you're on your own!

(on right) Katara: He's alive! We have to help!

At first, Katara’s irritation towards Sokka is what causes her to accidentally waterbend the iceberg open, in which the transcript describes her movements as “agitated.” However, as soon as she sees Aang, this irritation is replaced by concern for “the boy in the iceberg.” Hence, within a few minutes, we see how Katara can be motivated by compassion and rage separately.

Still, just because her kindness and anger are shown to be separate in many scenes that this separation applies to every scenario. Although Katara’s two opposite traits are opposite, that does not mean they are always opposing. Instead, they can fuel each other - her rage can fuel her compassion, and her compassion can fuel her rage.

Let’s see how.

Part 1 - Katara’s Rage Fuels Her Compassion

Throughout the series, Katara shares her grief over her mother’s death as a way to sympathize with others. In “The Southern Air Temple,” “Imprisoned,” and “Jet,” Katara tells Aang, Haru, and Jet about the effect the Fire Nation raids had on her, which establishes some of the most emotionally-charged scenes in these episodes. She is at her most vulnerable during these moments, laying bare a deep-rooted trauma in order to reach out and connect with someone else.

Dialogue from The Southern Air Temple

Katara: Aang, before we get to the temple, I want to talk to you about the airbenders.

Aang: What about 'em?

Katara: Well, I just want you to be prepared for what you might see. The Fire Nation is ruthless. They killed my mother, and they could have done the same to your people.

Dialogue from Imprisoned

Haru: Yeah. Problem is... the only way I can feel close to my father now is when I practice my bending. He taught me everything I know.

Katara: See this necklace? My mother gave it to me.

Haru: It's beautiful.

Katara: I lost my mother in a Fire Nation raid. This necklace is all I have left of her.

Haru: It's not enough, is it?

Katara: No.

Dialogue from Jet

Jet: The Fire Nation killed my parents. I was only eight years old. That day changed me forever.

Katara: Sokka and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation.

Jet: I'm so sorry, Katara.

However, these moments seem to distinctly lack any hint of anger from Katara’s end, so it may seem irrelevant to mention them here - that is, until we remember Katara had mentioned her mother one more time. Trapped in the Crystal Catacombs with a former enemy, she once again says that the Fire Nation took her mother away from her - but this time not with sympathy. No, this time she is filled with rage.

Dialogue from The Crossroads of Destiny

Zuko: You don't know what you're talking about!

Katara: I don't? How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me personally! The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.

As Katara sits down, tears forming in her eyes, it becomes clear that her grief has festered into bitterness and anger towards the Fire Nation. By now, her grief is her anger, and so it’s not just shared pain Katara is empathizing within all four of these scenarios - it’s also shared rage.

She is gentle with Aang because she knows the effects of loss (inducing the Avatar State); she is sympathetic with Haru because she knows what she would be driven to do to have her mother back (inciting a prison break by stirring the prisoners’ righteous anger); and she is moved by Jet’s dedication to the Freedom Fighters because she would fight for the Southern Water Tribe too (against the Fire Nation, although Jet’s rage blinds him in a way that Katara’s doesn’t).

Then, in the Crystal Catacombs, it’s Katara’s anger towards the Fire Nation that uncovers her hidden pain. Her vulnerability is what causes Zuko’s words (“That’s what we have in common”) to resonate with her so much, enough for her to offer to heal his scar.

Therefore, Katara’s relationship with anger and grief (whether it’s emotionally-driven similar to how Aang enters the Avatar state or self-righteous similar to her calling the earthbender prisoners to action) is the foundation for some of her most compassionate moments in the series.

Part 2 - Katara’s Compassion Fuels Her Rage

Just as some of her most sympathetic moments are rooted in understanding someone else’s rage, many of Katara’s harshest moments see her acting on the behalf of others’ pain and needs.

As the designated “mother” of the Gaang, the Gaang’s more silly and immature antics often aggravate her and cause her to reprimand them severely, a clash that features prominently in Katara and Toph’s relationship.

In “The Chase” and “The Runaway,” Katara shouts at Toph for lacking a sense of responsibility. However, her indignation does not simply stem from taking personal defense, but from wanting to safeguard the family she has found in the Gaang. Then, both these times, Toph learns the true motives behind Katara’s overbearing actions through a conversation with Iroh and Sokka, respectively.

Dialogue from The Chase

Toph: People see me and think I'm weak. They want to take care of me, but I can take care of myself, by myself.

Iroh: You sound like my nephew, always thinking you need to do things on your own, without anyone's support. There is nothing wrong with letting the people who love you help you.

When Toph talks with Iroh in “The Chase,” Iroh imparts some wisdom on finding mutual support in friendship, implying that Katara pushing responsibilities onto Toph is her way of solidifying and upholding the loving and supportive dynamic within the Gaang.

Dialogue from The Runaway

Sokka: I'm gonna tell you something crazy. I never told anyone this before, but honestly? I'm not sure I can remember what my mother looked like. It really seems like my whole life, Katara's been the one looking out for me. She's always been the one that's there. And now, when I try to remember my mom, Katara's is the only face I can picture.

Toph: The truth is sometimes Katara does act motherly, but that's not always a bad thing. She's compassionate and kind, and she actually cares about me. You know, the real me. That's more than my own mom.

As the dialogue states, “Katara’s been the one looking out for [them].” Hence, her mothering tendencies towards Toph in “The Runaway” are evoked by her wanting to avoid the danger that Toph’s high-profile scamming is beginning to place them in. In other words, she simply wants to protect her makeshift family because “she actually cares about [Toph and the rest of the Gaang]. You know, the real [them].”

Katara’s ability to empathize with others, to see past facades and prejudices, is one of her defining traits. Earlier, in the episode “The Painted Lady,” Katara manages to see beyond the people of Jang Hui’s Fire Nation background and recognize that above all else, they are suffering from war and poverty. Consequently, they are people who need her.

As such, even the notion of abandoning the people of Jang Hui (as suggested by Sokka) enrages her because Katara is someone who “will never, ever turn my back on people who need [her]!”

Still, Katara’s desire to fight for a village of strangers cannot compare to the lengths she would take to protect Aang.

Dialogue from The Western Air Temple

Katara: You might have everyone else here buying your… transformation, but you and I both know you've struggled with doing the right thing in the past. So let me tell you something, right now. You make one step backward, one slip-up, give me one reason to think you might hurt Aang, and you won't have to worry about your destiny anymore. Because I'll make sure your destiny ends ... right then and there. Permanently.

While Zuko was a bystander as Azula shot lightning at Aang, he was an active participant in his fight against Katara, whom, just moments ago, he shared an incredibly intimate moment with. But despite how Zuko betrayed Katara personally, it is the impact his betrayal had on Aang’s life (and death) that she focuses on. So even at her most threatening, Katara acts to protect someone else, Aang, the boy who is her friend and her family.

Together, all these instances reveal that Katara’s compassion is what grants her a protective instinct, and her protective instinct is what moves her to anger and violence.

Conclusion

Katara’s character provides invaluable insight into the relationship between compassion and rage, revealing how it is not simply black contrasting white, but a spread of grays and contradictions. After all, that is who Katara is. She is two sides of the same coin and the bridge in between.

Even more, that is the human condition - full of grays and contradictions, simultaneously negating and reciprocating, balancing and tipping the scales all at once. And perhaps human emotion, in all its breadth, cannot be contained to a two-dimensional spectrum where emotions can either be placed close together or on opposite ends - because humanity is of infinite dimensions, constructed from science, dictated by art. And yet, somehow it is a two-dimensional animated character who captures human complexity with such ease.

#atla #atla meta #katara #katara meta #my bated breath analyzes #my bated breath's posts #that's not to say that katara's anger cannot exist without compassion #nor her compassion without anger #but it's not mutually exclusive either #on a separate note i have more metas on katara written #so you can watch out for that #likes and reblogs are always appreciated #thank you all for reading!

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 3 years

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From Chin To Yon Rah (Part 36)

Azula reclines on the chair and stares up at the ceiling. She blows a strand of hair out of her face only to have it fall back where it had been, she does this several times more before it finally stays out of her eyes. She taps her feet together and drums her fingers upon her tummy--she is so thoroughly bored.

She hasn’t been this bored since father had sent her to spend a few idle days on Ember Island. Even that had ended up being more exciting than this. She slows her drumming and her frown deepens. She wonders if the baby knows that this is all its fault. She folds her arms across her chest.

When the front door opens Atsu bursts in first. He rushes past and darts up the stairs, scattering a trail of coins and cards behind him. Before she can ask, Hajime bursts out laughing. “Spirits, I’ve never seen someone look so angry to have some leisure time.”

“I was bored.”

“Still bored?”

She shakes her head, “confused.”

“I took him to one of his friend’s bending emergence celebration. He won a lot of goodies from the party games.”

“You celebrate discovering the ability to bend in the Earth Kingdom?”

“I think that it might just be a Wujing tradition.” She shrugs. “I got something for you.”

Her eyes sparkle with delight when he holds out a box of mochi. She reaches out and wiggles her fingers. It has been ages since she has delighted in her favorite treat. He sets it in her hands. “Thank you.”

He nods, “aside from boring, how was your day?”

She thinks for a moment. “Nope, that’s it, just boring.”

“Is it still boring?”

She pops a mochi ball into her mouth. “I have a feeling that it won’t be when Atsu gets back here.” She moves to make room for Hajime on the sofa. The man takes his seat and she props herself up against him. “Where is he anyways? With Caihong?”

Hajime laughs, “school, Rikka.”

“Oh, right. I forgot that children go to school.”

“What did you do?”

She shrugs, “went for a few years, then I was sent to war.”

“Right.” Hajime nods. “You were young…”

Azula nods, “most of us were.” Saying it out loud feels different. It makes it somehow worse. She holds her hand to her belly--at least her child won’t have to grow up hearing about a war. At least her child won’t be raised on war. Hajime cups his hand atop hers. “Can we talk about something else?”

“What do you want to talk about?”

Azula reaches for another ball of mochi. “What’s your favorite flavor?” She points to the treat.

“Green tea!” He answers immediately.

“I like strawberry.” She places the treat on her tongue.

“I guess I picked the right box then.”

Azula nods, “correct.” She nuzzles her head in the crook of his neck and closes her eyes. He squeezes her hand as a gentle breeze billows its way through the open window, bringing on it a perfume of jasmine and lily. She supposes that, for a boring day, it isn’t so bad.

That day she learns the value of doing nothing at all

.oOo.

Days later, she finally feels. And she feels everything. Everything horrible and unkind, that is. Everything that she thought she would never feel again. Everything and a touch of satisfaction and conquest.

She wishes that she could, at the very least, say that she had thought of showing mercy. But she hadn’t; mercy hadn't even crossed her mind. Granted, nothing had crossed her mind at all beyond a mechanical sense of duty. At least she can say that she had taken no pleasure in her vengeance. At least she can say that she feels sick over it. Sick and like she has just thrown away her last shot to be a better person. Her stomach twists and flutters. She can’t come back from this one. Whether she had felt it or not, hatred had consumed her, driven her, and ruined her. Deep down she is almost certain that hatred is all she has left even if she manages to burry it under strawberry fields and layers of clay. She is only hatred. Only a ghost of a woman who had died with her family. And for a moment she had fooled herself into believing that she was alive. That she could love and move forward that…

Sokka still keeps her company on and off and she can’t begin to understand why. She supposes that it doesn’t matter because she swears that he doesn’t look at her the same way anymore. And how can he after witnessing her kill a man? She is certain that he is looking at her the same way he had when they were younger--with fear, with caution.

It isn’t just Sokka. It is Zuzu and Mai and TyLee. And mother. She knows that everyone has remembered that she is a brutal and twisted monster. Agni, if Hajime were alive… she thinks that even he would look at her with disgust, he wouldn’t let Atsu see her anymore, he would take the baby from her. Her stomach lurches again; she wonders if Caihong has heard yet. Agni, she shouldn’t be around Caihong either...

She has made a perfect mess of her second chance.

Suddenly she wishes that she can have the empty numbness back. It is better than being nauseous with regret and anxiety. She thought that she had changed. She had fooled everyone, even herself.

She bunches in on herself and clutches her head. It hurts so terribly. Everything hurts. Everything is sad. She feels the bed dip and a hand on her shoulder. And this time she doesn’t yell at her mother to leave. “Where’s Sokka?” She asks, her voice soft and cracking. Usually he is the one to…

“I think that he’s checking on Caihong.”

This time she doesn’t snatch her hand away when her mother takes it. “I would have done the same thing.” Ursa speaks finally.

“What?”

“If someone had killed you or Zuko.” She replies. “I would have killed them where they stood. To kill a mother’s child…” she clicks her tongue. “It’s unforgivable.”

“There’s something wrong with me.”

Ursa shakes her head, “there would be something wrong if you didn’t detest that man for what he did to your family.”

“I killed him.” Just like she had shot the Avatar down before that. It has always been there, she realizes. Perhaps not a desire to kill but a startling indifference towards doing it if she has to.

“And he massacred an entire village. Several of them from what I hear. He and his band have a reputation.”

Azula sits up and presses her lips together considering the woman’s words. Perhaps in killing the man she had spared several others. Or perhaps his group will move forward without him.

Ursa seems to be doing some pondering something of her own. “You’ve done a lot on behalf of the Fire Nation military.” She comments. “Just like Lu Ten and your uncle Iroh.”

“Yes, and?”

“That’s how your father raised you.”

She gives a reflexive cringe, the feeling comes as a tickling in her tummy, an uncomfortable lolling.

“He raised you as a soldier.”

More than a daughter, he had done just that. “What are you getting at?”

“I’m trying to say that you have a sense of duty, Azula. There’s a difference between enjoying a kill and accepting that sometimes it’s necessary. Did you enjoy killing that man?”

“Yes, mother.” That’s just the thing, she is both prideful and shamed all the same. “I wanted him dead since the day I met him and he is dead.” But she wishes that she wasn’t thrilled. Wished that there wasn’t even a little bit of her that felt satisfaction.

“Do you think that I’m evil?”

Azula nods, “very much.” A small smile plays on her lips.

Mother gives her an eye roll and a light nudge.

“I don’t think that you’re evil.”

“What if I told you that I killed your grandfather?”

“I would tell you that I already know.”

Ursa sighs but pushes forward anyhow. “Do you know why I killed him?”

She has vague ideas. Little scraps that her childhood mind had collected for her.

“I killed your grandfather to protect Zuko.” She pauses. “Have you considered that you are not so much like your father? That you’re more like me?”

“I try not to.” She grumbles.

Ursa rolls her eyes. “If you wouldn’t either kill or die to protect your children, I would have a lot more questions for you.” She pauses.

“Did it bother you, mother? To know that you killed someone.”

Her face grows stern and distant. “You and Zuko are still alive.” She says at last. “I don’t regret it at all.”

“But did it bother you.”

She hums to herself, “at first it did, I suppose. But when I see Zuko alive and happy, it’s much less bothersome.”

“Atsu is dead. Juro never got to live.”

“But Caihong is a cheerful girl and there is a whole village of people like her that is still standing because that man didn’t have a chance to ravage it.” She pauses and gives Azula’s hand a squeeze. “I suppose that it’ll be hard to sleep sometimes but every day that you see Caihong playing with that badger-mole, it’ll get easier.”

“They’re afraid of me; Zuzu, Sokka…”

“They’re afraid for you.” She gives Azula’s back a gentle pat. “Come on, it’s been a while since you left your room.”

For once she listens to her mother. She gets to her feet and lets the woman lead her downstairs. Perhaps, others are looking at her with terror, but for once mother is not. For once, mother looks proud.

#Avatar The Last Airbender #Azula #Sokka #Sokkla #Fanfiction

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thetempestcup · 3 years

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...paving that road with good intentions, eh?

For lack of anything new, lets mock the old! Peek below for a glimpse of what you were spared in No Map’s Chapter 2. Please pardon the roughness, the ungainliness, and acne of spelling/grammar errors.

A ship is a kingdom in its own right. The privilege of being a prince aboard such a ship is that when Zuko doesn't want to do something, he simply doesn't. The why doesn't matter, because (almost) nobody dared to ask. Uncle being a prince in his own right could've employed the same strategy if not for the fact that Uncle is Uncle no matter where he is and makes people feel they can ask him anything. Katara, floating somewhere between privileged and inconceivable, had a more practical system of avoidance. When Katara didn't want to do something, she simply became too busy doing something else.

It's annoying, when she's being stubborn. It's aggravating, when she's being willful. It's disturbing when she's –

"Afraid?" She makes it sound absurd. How funny, her tone says. How silly, claim her wide eyes.

It'd be convincing if not for the fact that they're at port for the first time in six weeks and even the ship cat has been eyeing the approaching dock with a dangerous force of enthusiasm. Most of the crew disembarked hours ago. Uncle practically swam to shore.

And yet Katara is hiding in a room the size of a chicken-pig pen pretending to decorate.

She's kneeling by a long, squat chest pulled out from under the bed. The lid is a carved scene of foxes among peonies. When she sets it aside, the chest reveals yet more of the same: a collection of boxes. The green one, he knows, holds calligraphy tools (three brushes, inkstone, inksticks, water bowl, brush holder). The padded one is for needles and thread. The enameled is a medicine box. Amidst the exemplary display of containment it's easy to overlook her target, a small collection of tightly rolled wall scrolls. There are barely a dozen of them. If not for the particularly decorated rolling knobs, it'd be easy to mistake the scrolls as yet more Avatar debris.

(There was never an actual decision to keep the Avatar materials - scrolls, poetry, histories, fairy tales – with Katara, much as there was never any protest about the fact that that is exactly what happened.)

Katara unrolls one scroll, a starkly elegant landscape of rolling fog, and turns to consider its predecessor on her wall. Reflexively Zuko follows her glance even though he already knows what's hanging there. A pale, gold-flecked sea of autumn grass. Neither the fog nor the grass are appropriate motifs for the current season, but who's going to criticize?

"I can't quite..." She sets aside the fog. Picks up and unrolls another: green hills swelling in the dawn. "It's hard to decide."

It really isn't. They've been at sea well over a year now; each of the scrolls has had its chance on the wall. She could buy news ones or, better yet, give in and put tapestries to block the drafts. Except that Katara claims tapestries catch dust which is apparently an unparalleled threat to her wellbeing.

(There were tapestries, at first. Rich, fine pieces equal to the ones on Zuko's own walls. One night, a bad night, she woke up huddled in the corner, stuttering about burning alive inside a lantern. They took down the tapestries.)

"You don't have to come along," he says since it's obvious she won't say it first. "It's a formality. Uncle is perfectly capable of drinking more than enough tea on your behalf. And mine. And everyone else's."

"But you're still going."

He shrugs, but the gesture makes an awkward shift of the metal over his shoulders. Nonchalance doesn't lend itself easily to armor. "I'm only going to get it over with. We need to restock and pass through the Eastern blockade. Both are easier if...formalities are observed."

It's more of an exclamation than Zuko's granted any of the crew. It's also one third of the truth of the matter. Unspoken is this: despite the fact that Zuko and Iroh between them make up half of the most exalted Fire Nation blood in the world, they are currently at the mercy of the lowest bureaucrat. A Fire Nation controlled port can thwart them in a dozen, a hundred, petty and devastating ways. They can be prohibited passage. They can be refused supplies. They can be held up for inspection. They can be denied, detained, dismissed.

And still this is better treatment than a banished body may expect.

He doesn't realize how tightly he's crossed his arms until Katara's fingernails tap against an armguard.

#no map without water #leftovers #excerpt

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artanogon · 4 years

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Iroh dies, seven years after Zuko becomes Firelord.

aka, I am so gd sorry for this I just really wanted to write angst that focused on Azula and the rest of the royal family. tw for heart attacks, funerals, familial death, etc

—

Iroh dies, seven years after Zuko becomes Firelord. It’s time enough to fix some of the scars left on their nations and their family, but not enough, and Zuko is not even into his mid-twenties. Azula has only just reached her twenty-first birthday, and only a few months newly welcomed into their family after many hard-fought battles with herself and others.

Two weeks after Azula’s birthday, the first proper one she has with family and friends, Iroh dies in his sleep, but it is not peaceful. It is a heart attack, painful and brutal, and no one is there for him in his last moments, no one knows until a servant finds him the next morning and they all realise they have been too late.

It takes three months for Iroh’s funeral to finish. The kingdom walls are covered in banners, the curtains are drawn, and the royal household is not in proud red but in stark, mourning white.

Aang comes back from the air temples. Katara and Sokka come from the water tribe, Toph from her metalbending school, Suki from the Kyoshi Islands. Ty Lee comes with her, and Mai shows up in the palace halls more often. Zuko screams his grief, kicks the walls and the candles in his room flare, and he cries so hard he cannot breathe. He orders the servants to stop serving jasmine tea— he smelled it once and felt sick, and cried again for hours afterwards. He cuts his hair short again, the most extreme sign of mourning, and shows himself as little as possible. He is still a strong leader, because he has to be. He handles the war and organises the prayers and the blessings and the entoumbment, and thanks his friends when they give blessings of his own. Outside of his room, outside of the circle of his friends, he doesn’t look like he’s breaking at all. Azula, on the other hand. She does not leave her room at all. She will not unlock the door, she threatens and rages at anyone who tries. She will not eat, she will not speak, she does not attend the blessings or functions and refuses to even see her brother.

She mourns Iroh just as deeply, if not more than, the rest of them do. Because Iroh knew her, he understood her. He stood by her side with the same relentless kindness that he had given Zuko. He had let her yell in fury and attack him and had fought back in equal measure. He had never forced her, or fought her on his own behalf, or done anything at all like the others did. He was there, he was kind. Because he had done the same thing— had he not been the Dragon of the West, and burnt kingdoms to the ground, and laughed at his own superiority and all those who suffered for it? Azula fought her own demons, her own fear, confronted her mother herself, through the bitterness and the breakdowns and the innumerable steps backwards. But she had someone to lean on. Her uncle, who understood family, who was everything Ozai had never been. It took her years, and so many apologies, and losing so much, and things were never the same. But there had been Iroh, and then Zuko, and she hadn’t been alone. Now she is, because Iroh is gone, and the support she never knew she had started taking for granted is lost. She is so angry, and alone, and this time, Zuko fights for her and she doesn’t have the will or desire to fight back. She makes herself talk to him, and he listens, and he never demands anything of her, simply leaves her with a white dress and a squeeze on the shoulder so light it feels almost like she imagined it. This time, they fight the storm together, and he holds her up until she learns, just a bit more, how to stand on her own.

She and Zuko show up to the cremation together, in the mourning clothes of the royal family, and when the gongs ring out and the trumpets blare and the procession passes through the streets, they light the torch themselves and burn Iroh’s body to ashes. She and her brother stay in the courtyard for that entire night and a week afterwards, holding vigil by candlelight, sometimes silent, sometimes crying, sometimes burning offerings, sometimes remembering better memories.

They hang on to the only real family they have left, and though Iroh isn’t with them anymore, a little bit of his spirit lingers in the quiet smiles the siblings share and the faint scent of jasmine on the wind.

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mari-onberry · 4 years

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i want you and i want him

Read on ao3

When Katara woke up that morning, she had no idea how important the day would be. But then she got a call from Aang.

“Katara?” He whispered from the other side of the line. “We need to talk.”

If it was anyone else, she would’ve assumed he was about to break up with her. But this was Aang, and last time she checked, he was madly in love with her.

“It’s about Zuko.” He sounded nervous, his voice shaky, but Katara understood why. Zuko was his new roommate, and the two of them didn't get along that well. She just hoped that Zuko hadn’t done anything bad, since both of them were pretty open about their attraction to him, and Katara had trusted that he was a good person.

“Okay, Aang. Why do you want to talk about him?” She tried to say this as quietly as possible, since her brother was in the other room, most likely asleep.

“Well, I think I’m really falling for him,” he confessed, almost embarrassed, but continued to explain. “I keep watching the way he chews on his pencil when he gets frustrated with schoolwork, or when he falls asleep on the couch after a long day and I can hear him snoring softly. Everything he does, is just so--” Cute? That wasn’t the right word to describe Zuko, he was actually quite intimidating, “It’s just so amazing. It’s just like how I fell for you.” Katara and Aang met in high school, and the situation was quite similar. Aang watched her during class when he should’ve been studying.

Katara really wanted to keep her voice down now that they were talking about their feelings for Zuko. She hadn’t exactly told Sokka about that yet, and she dreaded even thinking about it. “Okay, so what’s the plan? Is he even available?” Zuko didn't really seem like the type to date, but that could just be because of his attitude, and Katara didn't want to assume anything about him until she actually talked to him about it. But even if he was open to dating, the odds that he would be into both of them were slim, and even slimmer that he would be open to whatever type of relationship they wanted to pose.

Aang hadn’t really thought this through, and he was mainly just counting on Katara to help him with a solution. But when asked, he thought about what he wanted out of this, regardless of anyone’s opinion about it. “I want him to know. Even if it ruins everything, even if it makes life here a thousand times more awkward, I want him to know. He deserves to know.”

Katara wasn’t surprised by this, but she would’ve taken her own approach to it. Even though she was pretty sure about her feelings, hers weren’t as concrete as Aang’s. Her feelings were only just starting, despite how intense they were. But ultimately, she agreed with him; her feelings may be just starting to grow, but she wanted to explore them with Zuko, rather than from afar. And the best way to do that was to confess. “Okay. Tonight, then? After school?”

That time frame scared him, but there was no reason to put it off. “Tonight.”

Katara was finding it impossible to focus during class that day, but once she made it through, her head was clear. After making the decision with Aang, she was determined to finish what they had agreed to do. She walked to Aang and Zuko’s shared dorm as soon as she got out of class.

Zuko answered when Katara knocked. “Katara? Why are you here?” He wasn’t used to seeing her without Aang. They went everywhere together, and she was over here almost as often as Aang was, but she was never by herself. For a split second, he let himself be happy she felt comfortable enough around him to come here alone. Then she shattered that with her response.

"Zuko, where's Aang?" She asked. She had expected him to be there. She needed him there if she was going to have the courage to do this.

"I haven't seen him since this morning. I assumed you would know where he is."

Katara swallowed her feelings. She had promised herself she would do this today, and she had no idea when Aang would be back, so she needed to do this now. Without him. Although it didn't seem like Aang to just ditch her like this, she could understand if that was the truth. But she wasn't bold enough to get right to the point. "Oh, never mind, it's nothing." She tried to sit down on Zuko's bed as calmly as possible. "It's just," she paused and stared at a point on the wall just beyond him, "There's someone I have feelings for."

Zuko was rightly shocked, as he hadn't expected Katara to be the kind of person to talk about such things so openly, and he couldn't believe she would ask him for this type of advice. "Oh," was all he could think of to say.

Katara pressed harder into the topic, now too determined to chicken out. "He is a little clueless, but I just want him to know because I'm hoping there's a chance he might like me back." She had previously hoped her words would come out sounding better than that, and she was having a hard time not beating around the bush. It was one thing to practice confessing in the mirror, but it was completely different actually saying these things to his face. Despite his awkwardness, Aang's confession to Katara was actually sweet and thoughtful, and it went rather smoothly. Granted, that was a different situation, but it also made Katara lost when it came to her confession to Zuko.

That sounds a lot like Aang, Zuko thought, and subconsciously wished he had someone that thought that much of him. And another, even smaller, part of him wished that person was Aang or Katara.

"He's kind, even if he doesn't show it all the time. He's strong and powerful, but he doesn't use that power except to help others," Katara continued to gush, and Zuko agreed with every point she made, thinking they were about Aang. Aang was amazing, and even though they started out hating each other, they had developed an unbelievably strong friendship.

Then, Zuko had a quick question that he had no idea would be such a big deal. "Aren't you already dating Aang?" When Zuko had first met them, he had just assumed they were together because of the way they acted towards each other. And when Katara looked at him blankly, he added, "I thought you were supposed to be describing a crush. But you and Aang are already together."

She just blinked at Zuko through confused eyes. "What?"

"You're talking about Aang, right?"

Katara looked about ready to laugh. "Zuko, this isn't about him." She looked Zuko in the eye, trying to clue him in on what she meant.

"Why not? He's clearly in love with you."

Katara's attempts to clear things up only made Zuko more confused. She took a deep breath and tried to explain as best she could while not outright confessing all her feelings right then and there. "I am with Aang. But that's not who I'm talking about. I'm in love with someone else."

This surprised Zuko, since Katara was the last person he ever expected would cheat, and he felt a little offended on Aang's behalf, but he humored her. He was a little curious, after all. "Really? Who is it?"

Katara almost wanted to roll her eyes; this was getting to be a little much. Zuko was completely clueless. Even though she had a plan, she was forced to improvise because of Zuko's inability to recognise love. She was also getting a little embarrassed just thinking of confessing. "Zuko..." she started, suddenly nervous. Her hands twitched toward her phone. She wanted Aang's support in this moment, since he was the one who convinced her to do this in the first place.

"Katara, what are you trying to say? You're not making any sense."

She put the phone back into her pocket and opened her mouth to say something, anything that would explain her behavior, but she couldn't think of anything but the truth, and merely thinking about confessing made her want to puke. She closed her eyes, and just before she gave up and left, she felt a soft buzz from her phone, as if Aang was there, trying to tell her to stay calm. That helped Katara to keep her head clear and think of an approach to this problem.

She moved her hand to hover just next to his arm, hesitating to commit to giving him a reassuring touch, but once she opened her mouth to talk, she knew there was no going back. She shifted her hand and planted it firmly on the inside of his wrist, inches away from his hand. "This guy I like, I didn't always like him. When I first met him, I thought he was the worst guy I had met in a long time. He was rash, and obsessive, and angry. But as I got to know him, I understood him more, and I realized that those are the things I liked about him." She slid her hand down to line up with his, hoping with all her might that he would get the hint. "And now he's one of my favorite people. Since I didn't even like him at first, it was a long way to fall." She waited for him to react, and in the dead silence she started to spiral into regret. But then, be spoke up.

"You like me?"

That made Katara pine even harder. Despite how he usually acted, he was sometimes so fragile she wished she could just hold him in place so he wouldn't fall apart. After her confession, she hoped he would let her. She slowly began nodding. "Yes, Zuko. I like you."

"But, what about Aang?" He asked, and it was a valid question. She was just about to answer it when the man himself walked through the door, flustered and out of breath. Zuko immediately jumped up, hoping Aang wouldn't see him as a threat to his relationship with Katara in that moment.

"Sorry I'm late," he said in between breaths. "I wanted to pick something up before--" he looked between Zuko, who looked more nervous than should be humanly possible, and Katara, who was still sat on the bed, a rather smug look on her face. He then knew what had happened. "Katara, what are you doing?" There was anger in his voice, enough to make Zuko jump, but Katara didn't seem the slightest bit bothered.

Zuko started to stumble over words. "I can explain, it wasn't what it looked like--"

Aang spoke right over him. "You did this without me?" He seemed hurt, but not for the reason Zuko thought.

"I'm sorry, but you were late and I was worried you had chickened out."

Aang's face melted from hurt to forgiveness, but before he could say anything else, Zuko interrupted. "Can someone please tell me what's happening?"

Aang turned towards Zuko, realizing how confused he must be. “Zuko, I know this might be weird, but Katara came here to confess to you. And if she actually waited for me to show up,” he gave a playful, teasing look at his girlfriend, “I was gonna confess, too.”

Zuko didn't know how to respond to that. “You’re kidding, right?” There was no way Zuko could believe this was real. It had to be a prank, or a misunderstanding. “Why would you joke about this? I thought you two were honest people.”

“Zuko, no, listen to us,” Katara tried to change his mind, but he was already convinced. He ran out the door without another word. Katara looked at Aang, speechless. “Well, that could’ve gone better.” Aang looked like he wanted to run after him, but he knew that wasn’t the best idea. Katara put his thoughts into words. “We should give him space.”

So, they did give him space. But sooner or later, they knew he would have to come back to the dorm, and then they would try to explain. They sat, talking, for what seemed like forever, and by that time, they were really getting worried that he might not come back. But just as they were about to give in and go look for him, they heard a shuffling at the door. They jumped up, suddenly nervous again, but once they saw Zuko open the door, face stained with tears, both of them melted.

“You’re still here?” Zuko asked, shocked that they had waited here for him. He was really convinced that they were joking with him. He tried to wipe his tears away as casually as possible before walking towards them.

“Of course. We didn't want to abandon you," Aang explained.

That made Zuko question what he previously thought. If they stayed here, they must really care.

"Zuko, it's okay. You don't have to run away. I understand if you don't believe us, but we don't hate you, and this isn't some childish prank," Aang tried to explain to him.

He started to believe them.

"Are you alright? Forget about earlier, we just want to know if you're okay," Katara said, in the most soothing tone she could muster.

Now, he wasn't sure if he believed himself. He told himself he was fine, but he had just cried for about an hour, and he was only going back to his room to retrieve his phone. He was glad that they were still there, or else he might've called his sister, and that never ended well. "I'm fine," he tried to say, but his voice caught in his throat. He didn't want to cry again, in fact, he felt much safer now that he was home and surrounded by people who cared about him. But despite that, he still could feel the tears start to come. “I’m still confused, but thank you for staying,” he managed to get out. Then, seeing Aang and Katara’s faces of pity didn't help the situation, either, and he finally gave in to his feelings and let out a sob.

That made Katara want to hold him in her arms, to help him feel secure, but she knew he wouldn’t be the most comfortable with either of them doing that. And Katara wasn’t the type of person to initiate a hug that often, and the moments for them came rarely with even Aang.

Aang seemingly read her mind, but was courteous enough to ask, “Can we hug you?”

At first, Zuko said nothing, and didn't even move an inch; he just held his face with his hands and let his body shake as he cried. They both wanted to tell him it was alright, that he could just let his feelings out, but they also knew it wasn’t really their place. That was the point of their plan to confess today, actually, to make it their place to help him. And even if that just meant being closer as friends, neither of them would be disappointed. Then, Zuko stumbled forward and leaned his face on Aang’s chest. It was quite a surprise, but Aang just went with it, wrapping his arms around Zuko as calmly as possible. He looked to Katara, who just seemed stunned, and nodded to her, giving her permission to join him in holding Zuko together. She did, and Zuko leaned into her as well, and cried into both of their shoulders. Neither of them had seen him this vulnerable, nor had they expected to ever see him like this.

Suddenly, he stood up straight and tried his best to stop crying enough to speak. “Sorry, it all just came out at once, and--” he wiped away a few tears. “And, I’ve never done this before. I’ve barely made friends with anyone, and I was ready to give up hope,”

Katara stopped him before he could continue being so negative. “Zuko, you are worthy of love. And we’re the evidence. You are loved.”

Zuko smiled.

Aang added onto what Katara had started. “You’re a good person, and now that you have us, we’ll never let anyone else say otherwise.”

His smile widened. “Thank you guys. I do feel better now. And I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but, like I said, I’ve never even had close friends before, so I’d like to try starting with that.”

“Of course, we understand. We’d be happy to be your friends,” Aang answered.

“We both still care for you a lot, no matter what type of relationship,” Katara added. “Just know that we’re here if you ever need to get anything off your chest.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Zuko replied, and felt content for possibly the first time in his life.

#zutaraang #avatar: the last airbender #atla #mari writes

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 4 years

Text

Mutilated Mannequin (Part 18)

Breakfast is strangely quiet and Azula can’t place why until Ozai clears his throat. “I called Dr. Guhira. He said that he can do some revision surgery.”

Azula laughs, a few tears threatening to spill over. “Are you serious?” She pauses. “You want me to get more surgery?”

He clears his throat again. “I thought that you might…”

“No. No more. My face is already damaged enough.” Her voice hitches.

Ozai opens his mouth but Ursa’s voice fills the quiet. “What’s going on here?”

Her farther cringes.

“He’s being insensitive again, isn’t he?”

He casts her a pleading stare but she can only work to swallow down her tears.

Her expression only seems to kindle her mother’s temper further. “You and Zuko won’t have to worry about that soon.” She slaps a stack of court documents onto the table.

Something about it makes Azula’s stomach lurch.

“Azula, I’m trying to…I’m trying to fix this.”

“Then stop telling me to get surgery.”

“It’s different than…”

“I have to get to class.” She mutters as she picks up her bag and heads for the door. She doesn’t know what she looks less forward to, a run in with Jet during gym class or the tense conversation that she is about to have with Chan.

She makes her way to his locker and loiters there, running thorough her script until she sees him sauntering up. He runs his finger though his hairline. “You want to start or should I?”

Azula shrugs.

“How did I make you feel like you needed the surgery?”

“It wasn’t just you. It was actually mostly my father.” Azula admits before recounting the comment that inspired her to get work done. He rubs his face in the way that he always does when he is particularly stressed.

“I guess that, that was pretty shallow, huh?”

“Absolutely.”

“I should have told you…” he trails off, “that you didn’t need the surgeries.”

She folds her arms and replies with a soft, “yeah.” It is all she can manage for the time. What’s done is done. She considers briefly, her father’s offer. But, no, she won’t let him goad her into another operation. Not for cosmetic’s sake anyhow.

“Homecoming probably didn’t help either.”

“No.” She agreed. Not that it was of any more use that she didn’t mention what had been bothering her so much.

“So, what now?”

Azula shrugs. “Nothing, I guess. I just wanted to let you know why homecoming ended the way it did.”

Chan nods. “Kind of glad that you did.” He scratches the back of his head. “Are things going to be less awkward now?”

“I hope so or this conversation was pointless.”

He lets out a loud curse when the bell rings.

“Don’t worry about it.” Azula dismisses. “I’ll just tell Kyoshi that I was having trouble carrying all of this.” She opens her locker and pulls out more textbooks than necessary. She hands them to Chan and picks up her bag. “"And that you were giving me a hand.”

“Ah, so you’ve discovered the wonders of being ‘helpless.’” Tops grins. “It comes in handy sometimes.”

“Is that why you’re wandering the halls?” Azula asks.

Her grin widens. “ Hell yes!”

.oOo.

Kyoshi lets her join them for frisbee. “How intense can throwing around a flimsy disk get?” She clearly underestimated the sheer chaos three of the school jocks could stir.

The absurd amount of combined testosterone wafting off of Sokka, Chan, and Jet is enough to build a future resume for a frat house.

She is thankful for it; it keeps Jet from pestering her. She lingers with Katara and Yue at what she hopes is a safe distance from the sport related pissing contest. Though she has landed herself in the center of an age old rivalry.”

“Don’t let her get the frisbee!” Yue declares as Azula sends it sailing to Katara. Yue groans as the other girl’s hands clamp down on it. The girl looks smug. She tosses the frisbee back to Azula who passes it to Yue and then it is back in her hands again. She rolls her eye, realizing and accepting that they were never going to pass it to each other.

“Mind if I join you guys?” Ruon asks.

Azula passes the frisbee to him and he flicks it to the nearest person, Yue. “Sorry about your face.” He comments.

“It is what it is.”

“Yeah. Chan was telling me a bit about it.”

She finds herself pleasantly to have such a considerable amount of support. Frankly she had been almost certain that Yue would cut her out. Granted, the girl is tactlessly truthful but she has come to know that, that’s just the girl’s personality. She supposes that she appreciates the honesty.

“Why aren’t you with Chan?”

“I’ve taken eight frisbees to the face and we’ve been playing for five minutes.” Ruon shrugs. “I’m not into extreme frisbee.”

The four pass the frisbee between one another. Azula watches it sail into Katara’s hands and Katara passes it to Ruon.

“Hey! You skipped me.” Yue complains as Ruon tosses it to her.

Azula outstretches her good arm to catch it. Before she can, a different frisbee collides with the back of her head.

“Careful, Longshot.” Jet leers. “We can’t mess up the back of her head too.”

Azula picks up the frisbee and glowers at Jet. Her gaze flickers between he and Longshot before she ultimately decides to toss it at Jet. She lands her hit square on his nose. Longshot chuckles, unaware that she still has one frisbee at her disposal. This one stikes his ear. She offers them the dullest expression she can muster, one that might even impress Mai.

“Jesus.” Ruon remarks with a half laugh. “I didn’t realize you had such good aim.”

Azula shrugs. “I have many talents.”

“I think that Longshot is gonna whine to Kyoshi.” Yue comments.

“Let him.” Azula replies. “Kyoshi likes me.” Even if she does get a lecture, the satisfaction of striking the both of them will outweigh it. Getting the last hit takes the edge off of the sting they left her with.

But still, some tingles of doubt remain.

They carry her to math class and into lunch.

She wishes that her mind would stop lingering on the petty comments. They seem so small in comparison to the kindness everyone else seems to afford her.

She arranges her food, and simply observes the conversations around her.

“Are you still taking Zuko to the comet festival?” TyLee asks.

Yue grimances. “Oh God no.”

“Aw, why not? He’s kind of cute.”

“Gross.” Azula mutters.

“The first half of homecoming was nice but then he started talking about Mai and it got awkward.” She pauses. “You still going with Kei Lo.”

“He’s nice and everything but he doesn’t like that I have to bring Tom-Tom along with us on our dates sometimes.” Mai shrugs.

“Soooo…is it too soon for me to asking him to the festival?”

“Have at him.”

Azula’s heart sinks again. She is still alone. She pretends to be interested in her meal, wishing that they would all just stop talking about dates and dances. She thinks of bringing up their sports teams, heaven knows that TyLee can talk about gymnastics for ages and Yue did love to boast about her award for her 500 meter freestyle. She doesn’t speak up fast enough.

“Are you going to ask anyone to the comet festival?” Yue asks.

And again she takes too long to answer.

“She can ask all the people she wants, nobody is going to say yes to a face like that.” Jet comments. “She couldn’t get a date before, she sure as hell can’t get one now.”

“That’s bold coming from someone who lost his date.” Chan comments.

“I’m taking Smellerbee.” He shrugs.

“Poor girl.” Yue comments, “I’d try to help her if I liked her, but she has one of those coconut haircuts and I don’t condone that kind of sin against hair.”

“It least she isn’t made of plastic. Broken plastic.”

Broken plastic…

Azula absently brings her fingers to her cheek. She hasn’t seen it yet, but she can feel the raised ridges of scar tissue.

She hears Toph enter the conversation but the words never settle. The face Jet makes brings her some satisfaction, but it is fleeting as his words echo in her head. Moreso when she catches tunes in to hear him say, “you can’t even fucking see, of course you think that she’s pretty.”

“Jet, my asshole looks prettier than you.” Toph grumbles.

“How about this? How about you leave beauty related opinions to the people who they are meant for; people who can see. Blind people don’t get to call things beautiful.”

Toph folds her arms over her chest and blows at her bangs. “Whatever I’d rather be blind then look at whatever you have going on.”

She should say something. Anything at all instead of hiding behind the rest of them. But she had thrown away most of her fight with the frisbees and the rest of it has been sapped away by Jet’s commentary.

She thinks of Ozai’s offer. Dr. Guhira has always been good to her, at the very least he made her feel comfortable and like she had a choice. She can imagine that he’d be able to perform a healthy corrective surgery.

“Good luck with the festival.” Jet’s voice cuts through her thoughts. “I bet that even that faggot Aang get more dick than you.” He offers her a final sneer before going to receive his high fives and words of praise.

Katara starts to stand and Suki holds her down. “He can’t talk about people like that, Suki.” Her grip tightens around her empty water bottle. “Did you hear what he called Aang? Aang isn’t even here!”

A mist of outrage settles over the table. And through the fog, they don’t see her get up and leave. She leans herself against the wall just outside of the cafeteria. She could give her father a call…

The double doors open and Katara emerges.

“You can get written up for ditching, you know?”

“I guess I’ll take my first write up then.” She replies. “Is this the first time…?” She looks at Azula before clarifying, “that people have talked to you like this?”

Azula nods. “I have to admit, I admire their sheer audacity.”

Katara laughs. “I always thought that you’d have some crazy comebacks.”

“Disappointed?”

Frankly she thought that she would too. She seems to have them at the ready on TyLee’s behalf and on Mai’s...and Zuzu’s if he’s lucky and she’s feeling generous. But when it comes to herself she seems to lose her bite.

“Not really.” Katara says. “I’m sure I’ll hear them soon enough.”

“Maybe.”

Katara pulls her into a gentle hug. Usually that is reserved for only TyLee to do, but today she accepts the comforting gesture.

.oOo.

She is, once again, the first person to spread her picnic blanket on the ground. This time she is bundled up in a coat and several layers of sweaters that are just thin enough to accommodate her sling.

“Hot chocolate?” Pathik offers.

Azula holds her hand out. Stargazing and hot chocolate, she supposes that she can really use that today. She takes a sip and looks at the sky until bickering from below draws her attention away.

Katara gives a little wave.

“I can’t believe that you nerds talked me into coming here again.”

“You say that every week, Yue. I think that you enjoy astronomy.” Azula speculates.

“I enjoy the idea of free hot chocolate.” She wraps her arms around herself. “It’s too cold out for this.” She gestures to the telescopes.

“Yes, but it’s the only time that you can see Canis Major.” Katara points out.

“And Venus is best seen this month.” Azula adds.

“Who cares about Venus. I still haven’t gotten to see the moon.” She shiverers and burrows further into her coat. “Look at this.” She waves her arms around at the snow. “Too cold.”

“Maybe if you’d zip your coat, you wouldn’t be as cold.” Katara suggests.

Azula hears a clatter and a muffled, “oh dear.” Katara wanders over and helps their professor pick up his telescope. When the remaining few students make themselves comfortable Pathik addresses them. “Today, I would like to start by telling a story to get us in the winter spirit…”

She never imagined that astronomy club with come with fairy tale read alouds. But then, Pathik has never been anything but whimsical. She isn’t opposed to his story choice either.

“Hey, can I share your blanket?” Katara asks.

Azula nods and tosses the blanket over her shoulder.

“What about me?” Yue asks.

“First come, first served.” Azula shrugs.

She and Katara were the last remaining people after the telescopes have been packed away. Katara looks at her phone and bites her lip, “I forgot that Sokka had an away game tonight.”

“I’m sure that my limo has some extra space.” Azula replies.

Her face slackens in relief. “For a second I thought that I’d be walking home. I mean, it isn’t that far but my nose is getting numb.”

“Yes, mine too. Just like old times.”

Katara laughs, “I never thought that I’d have to help someone change nose pads.”

“I suppose that I didn’t think I’d ever have to ask someone to help me with that.” The conversation fades out. In its place is the soft sound of sleet hitting the parking lot.

“He’s wrong you know.”

“Hmm?” Azula knits her brows. “About you not going to get a date to the comet festival.”

“Can we avoid this topic?”

“I guess we can, if you really don’t want to go with me.”

Azula stares at her for the longest time. “You...you want to take me?”

Katara’s hand squeezes hers and she nods. “I’d really like to give it a try. Jet was a horrible date…”

“So the bar is pretty low.”

“So I need something extra special to make up for it. I figured that you like a challenge.”

Azula smiles. “I do like a challenge, yes.”

“So you’ll go with me?”

Azula nods. “I’ll go.”

Katara leans forward, when Azula misses her cue, the girl rolls her eyes and pecks her nose instead. Katara brushes Azula’s bangs aside and leans in for a second try. Azula hesitates before tilting her head. The girl’s lips are meer inches from her own when two rapid horn bleats cause them both to jolt.

“That doesn’t look like a limo.” Katara mumbles, a blush creeping onto her cheeks.

“We’re having a family dinner.” Zuko calls from the car window.

“We’ll have to drop Katara off first.”

“She can come with us.” Ursa smiles. “There’s an open seat in the back.”

“Thank you Ms. Kasai.” Katara climbs into the back.

“You won’t be thanking us after dinner.” Azula whispers. “Family dinners are always…”

“Dramatic or weird.” Zuko fills in.

“Are you going to tell me about your girlfriend?” Ozai asks, tapping the steering wheel.

“Yup.” Zuko muses. “It’s gonna be weird this time.”

#Avatar #Azula #Katara #Azutara #Sokka #Jet #Yue #Toph #Zuko #Mai #Tylee #Fanfiction

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 4 years

Text

Mutilated Mannequin (Part 5)

Azula still feels out of it, for the better part of her Saturday, she remains in bed, curled up and trying not to think too much. She doesn’t know what she is going to say when she gets back to school with a bandaged nose. She could say that she had fallen or run into something but she isn’t known to be clumsy, quite the opposite. Even if she were, the alteration isn’t subtle. I

She resists the urge to touch her nose, she can’t feel it at all, not even a throb. It is as numb as she was promised.

When she finally pulls herself up, she feels sick. There is some feeling in her nose and it is the sensation of blood. She is glad for the nasal drip pads. She wanders her way to the bathroom, she knows very well that she shouldn’t. That she is only going to bring herself distress.

No less, Azula opens the door, she has to brush her teeth and comb her hair anyhow. She can’t let her hygiene got to shit because of this. Though she doesn’t plan on changing out of her pajamas; she needs at least some degree of comfort.

Her reflection looks tired and weary. Her eyes are as puffy and purple as promised, she can’t wait for that to go away. Beneath the bandages, she can’t see the exact damage that her nose sustains but it does look quite swollen. She swallows and begins brushing her teeth. She doesn’t feel beautiful at all.

She wanders into the kitchen, normally the smell of pancakes would draw her, she no longer has that pleasure. She slides into her chair.

“What happened?” Zuko asks.

Azula only shrugs.

“Your sister is getting surgery.” Ozai cuts in. “The kind that you ought to be getting.”

“I already got rid of the scars.” Zuko argues.

“Not the ones on your ear.”

“I have hair to cover that.” Zuko grumbles, he untucks his hair from behind his ear and moves it to the front. “See.” He crosses his arms. “I said I was done with that cosmetic surgery shit.”

Ozai sets his fork down with a false gentleness. “If you keep talking to me like that you will be in need of it.”

Azula silently cringes on his behalf.

“Your sister knows what needs to be done, she isn’t crying about it.”

Not that he can see, Azula thinks. But she is, she absolutely is. This first operation is already hard to swallow and he has three more lined up for her. She takes a deep breath and tries to remind herself that she wants this, that it is for the best. That if it goes well, she will finally have a date to homecoming.

.oOo.

“You need to relax, Sokka.” Katara sighs as they near her locker. “The first major debate isn’t until tomorrow.”

“Kat, I don’t have any dialogue prepared! Azula probably has a novella of points ready.”

“She can have as many points as she wants, that doesn’t make her any less cold. People want a friendly class president, someone that they can approach.” Katara pauses. “She might be really organized and extremely smart. But she’s really intimidating and hard to talk to.”

Sokka nods, “then why is she…” he lifts his hand, “and I’m down here.” He holds his other hand beneath the first.

Katara rolls her eyes, “because she scares people. And because her good friends Chan and Yue are up there.” She sighs as she pulls out an armful of textbooks. “You’re going to do fine, Sokka. You may not be the brightest, you’re kind of an annoying idiot, actually.”

“Hey!” He nudges her bicep with his shoulder.

“But you’re really funny and your easy to talk to. People like that.” She glances at the clock. “Oh, crap! I’ll talk to you at home, Sokka!” She wishes that she had more time to let him respond. Such isn’t the case, she sprints down the hall and into her first class of the day. Heaven knows that Zhao is a stickler about people being late for algebra. She certainly doesn’t want to have to solve one of his challenge equations in front of the class.

“Running late?” Yue steps in front of Katara.

“Yeah, so…” she gestures for Yue to move.

“I’ll move if you give me that dorky keychain.”

Katara looks at the adorable rubber duck dangling on her backpack. It is blue in color with a teal beak and a teal hibiscus on its head. “No way!”

“Hmmm...then I guess that you don’t want to get to class that badly.”

“Yue, you know that this keychain is…”

“Important to you? That mommy gave it to you after your first swim meet? You didn’t even win.”

“She never cared about that.” Katara mutters.

“Yeah she seemed nice, it’s too bad that she had cancer.”

Katara balls her fist. She is already going to be late, she might as well add attacking another student to her detention slip. She steps forward.

“Don’t do it Katty.” Toph calls. “I know garbage cans that are worth fighting more than she is.” Before Katara can make the decision to end her flawless record, Toph has her hand and is pulling her down the hallway. “Besides, you only have thirty seconds, maybe forty, if you’re lucky, to keep your perfect attendance certificate.

Katara sighs, but decides that Toph is ultimately right. She bursts through the door just as the bell rings.

Zhao seems to frown and tucks his stack of tardy slips back into his desk draw. “And here I thought that I’d get the honor of giving you your first strike.”

Katara, panting lightly and with a half smirk says, “not this time, Zhao.”

.oOo.

“Oh. My. God.” Yue gasps.

Azula, taking care to avoid hurting herself, buries her face in her hands, partly in embarrassment and partly in aggravation.

“You got a nose job, didn’t you?”

“And what if I did?” Azula grumbles. She feels the table dip as Chan seats himself.

“Holy shit, dude.” He mutters. “Who did you fight?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Azula replies, her voice sounds as awful as face must look. The bruising has faded some, but her eyes still appear purple and yellow in some spots.

“I got you something.” TyLee smiles. She sets an icepack in Azula’s palm.

“Thank you, Ty.” She holds it lightly over her nose.

“Does it hurt?” Mai asks.”

“Not yet.” Azula frowns. She wonders if she should just tell them exactly what had happened. She supposes that it is better for her to do so than for Yue to make a scene of it. She doesn’t have to be wholly truthful. “Look, I was helping Zuzu move some stuff around in his room and he accidently hit me in the face with one of those long wall shelves.”

Yue rolls her eyes. “Did he punch both of your eyes too? I know what plastic surgery looks like.”

“You can’t even spot the difference between your mashed potatoes and your corn.” Azula gestures to her lunch tray.

“But I can spot a nose job when I see one.” Yue crosses her arms.

“Why’d you want surgery?” Mai tilts her head.

“My father wanted me to get it, okay?” She huffs, it isn’t entirely untrue.

“Didn’t he do the same thing to Zuko?” TyLee asks.

Azula nods as Mai mutters, “I had to hold his hand the whole time. But he was extra nice that week.”

“What’s it going to look like?”

“I don’t know, Chan. Can we just eat?” She takes a sporkful of mashed potatoes.

.oOo.

Katara sends Sokka a text, asking him to pick her up from astronomy at around 4:00. She is pretty sure that he doesn’t mind, he’s been itching for any excuse to drive since he got his licence. Even though his pickup truck is a complete beater, he’s been showing it off at every opportunity.

She can’t wait until they actually begin stargazing, she already knows how to use a telescope. Being outside would grant her the freedom to distance herself from Yue. Evidently, Yue is plenty occupied for the time being and from the look of it, Azula isn’t getting any pleasure from her company this evening. Katara observes Azula collecting her belongings and moving to a different table. She can’t tell if Yue and her cluster of ditzy friends have kicked her out or if the girl had simply had enough of that nerve grating voice. Either way around, Azula looks rather isolated.

For a moment, Katara considers sitting by her, she doesn’t really have friends in the club either. But she has little trust for the girl. Her father routinely makes things difficult for Hakoda and Azula herself is ridiculously stand-offish. Besides, she can’t betray Sokka like that. She can’t see herself getting along with someone like Azula anyhow. The last time she’d tried to bond with a member of that family it ended with Zuko trying to steal Aang from her in the most pathetic breakup rebound that Katara had ever seen. No, that family is off limits, she can’t imagine that Azula is a friendly sort of person anyhow.

.oOo.

Azula taps her fingers on the desk, she just wants to look at stars and take her mind off of things. She wishes with all of her heart and soul that Yue hadn’t tagged along. She ruffles through her bag and pulls out her ice pack. She holds it to her nose and ignores Yue’s girlish giggles.

God, she is already giving her a hard time and she still thinks that this whole thing is all Ozai’s idea. She supposes that, at this point, it mostly is. She inhales deeply, she really needs to figure out how to tell her father that she doesn’t want to go through with the next three procedures.

A few droplets of blood spatter on her hand and she remembers that she needs to change the pads. She exucses herself and wanders into the bathroom. She takes another deep breath, feeling wholly uncomfortable doing this by herself. But she’d rather be alone than ask Yue for help. She brings her fingers to her nose, they are shaking. She wonders what would happen if she did this wrong. She doesn’t want to find out.

She bites her lip and returns to the classroom, lingering in the doorway and scanning the classroom for someone approachable. Yue and her cluster of fools are eliminated right away. The only other familiar face is Katara’s, though she doesn’t know the girl that well at all.

Yet, Katara is alone and away from snooping ears. Azula holds her head high and approaches the girl with a stiff, “come with me.” It rests somewhere between a command and a request. Due to her nature, Azula suspects that it sounds more so like a demand.

Katara crinkles her brow. “What for.”

This time she sounds less certain, “I-I need help with something.”

“Ask Yue?”

Azula begins to crinkle her nose and hisses in pain. “No!” She whispers through gritted teeth. “Yue is...not helpful.”

“What do you need help with?”

Azula begins walking away, hoping that curiosity will compel the other girl. She lingers by the mirror, looking down at the pads. There is a thin trail of blood leaking into her mouth. She dabs it away with one of those scratchy school bathroom napkins.

She hears a shuffle behind her. “What do you need help with?”

She motions to the nasal drip pads. “I need to swap them out.”

“How am I supposed to help?”

"I." She pauses. "I don't know, I guess that I just want someone to be here if I do it wrong. I think that you can handle this job."

"Do you want my help or not." Katara replies with a roll of her eyes.

"I wouldn't have dragged you here if I didn't."

"Then, maybe, act like you want me here. Or I'll..."

"No, don't leave." She says a little softer.

"Let's just do this thing and get back to reviewing the functions of a telescope."

Azula nods and exhales in relief.

#Avatar #Azula #Katara #Zuko #Sokka #Toph #Mai #TyLee #Aang #Fanfiction

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