#havent played it in like.. 5 years and im so :tearful: its so fun seeing all the characters again

[teethcake]

been replaying just for him tbh 

#if you look at the 1st pyre drawing i did to this one. yeah..... #havent played it in like.. 5 years and im so :tearful: its so fun seeing all the characters again #relearning the game and lore :'] #photo #photo set #pyre #pyre tariq #pyre the lone minstrel #the lone minstrel #tariq #pyre game

[thewildeast]

what do you mean theres no more “the scholar and the merchant” crossed path . i need more gay men

okay im going to ramble about the stories ive completed now spoilers! uh oh! for partitio, osvald, ochette, temenos, and hikari! (the last two, i havent completed their stories but i mention something spoilery)

i did partitio’s first since he was my first character and i needed to get him OUT of that first party slot . he’s free now . I loved the story though i was mildly disappointed in the ending (i wanted that old capitalist man to die) but tbh it wouldn’t have really fit the tone or partitio’s character to leave him for dead. plus partitio started the whole ass industrial revolution and created the concept of a department store so . that chapter was really fun by the way, i love how it actually had a permanent effect on the town and also alrond is fuckin great. the final boss was teetering on annoying for me but I think that was because i was a bit underleveled for it. overall i think it was creative, i mean it was a fucking train thats sick as hhell. but that cannon does SO much damage god.

osvald. holy shit massive mood change . like i already had a big mood whiplash when i got osvald after agnea but damn. anyway harvey is actually fucked up, way more than I already thought he was. if he wanted to steal osvald’s research and kidnap his wife and kid for their special magic blood he should’ve just killed osvald. that would’ve been the smart decision, but he’s so envious, so angry that they’re equal and he’s not better, that he decides to frame osvald for killing his wife and daughter, leaving him stuck in a really shitty maximum security prison for 5 years, then use his wife’s blood to make a chimera (okay shou tucker), lies to osvald saying it’s actually her. and it does have her voice, and i presume a bit of her mind, considering that once it begins to run out of health it starts to crumble and cry, and its tears heal osvald…its still not her though. she’s dead because harvey saw no more use in her. but hey, osvald’s daughter is still alive! and her minds been fucking manipulated so she thinks harvey is her father. jesus christ chapter 4 fucked me up. anyway the final boss battle was great. Osvald finally finding the answer through wanted to protect Elena was fucking awesome. the power of love is based and its also a giant fuck-off laser beam that transcends the elements to all foes, and reduces their shield points regardless of their weak points that costs 75 SP.

ochette’s was so good! the final boss being the companion I didn’t pick (in my case, the lājackal) almost made me cry. it was so sad, it didn’t deserve that, and im really excited to see my mom play her story because she picked the lājackal and I wanna know what Mahina could’ve been…also, the boss fight was hard as fucking hell, and extremely creative. The fact that it gets different attributes based on who you’re using??? thats fucking sick?? why did i have to be using castti so it got infinite heals every turn?? i still beat it first try but god it was hard. i still don’t like the human chief but at least she’s trying. I was really worried we were going to come back to the beastling village being overrun ON TOP of the night of the scarlet moon. oh yeah, who the fuck was the dark hunter? probably will find that out later..

also starting to see where these stories connect. The Shadow and D’arqest have been a running theme, at least in ochette’s, osvald’s, temenos’, and it’ll probably show up in hikari’s as well. plus there’s that purple fog with the creepy music that shows up sometimes (it was the same music during the part with all the corrupted people during osvald chapter 5…)

anyway im going to take a break now. i wanted to do castti’s so i could train up my lower characters but i am tired because i played for like 10 hours straight . hyperfixations suck ass sometimes i cannot stop thinking about the fuckin game and i need to fuckin sleep. holy shit i wrote a lot sorry.

#octopath traveler 2 #octopath traveler 2 spoilers #my ramble ended up very long read at your own risk. #i always feel annoying talking about my interests but i hope im not annoying. gragh .

[1028s]

me and i do this again when im 20

nickname(s): hanna!!! jus hanna is fine lmao yeah im not a nickname girl fr T_T just hanna

gender: female yupppp im a girl

zodiac: virgo!!! yes still virgo

height: 5′1 5′3 yay

sexual orientation: who knos @ this point tbh i like girls . but i keep ending up with boy sorry guys this comphet shit really addictive

time rn: 7:39pm :o!!! 6:30pm

hogwarts house: hufflepuff!!! dont ask me this LMFAO

favourite colour: i say i like green a lot but ive been leaning towards blue these days yellow is so cute but . idk all is cool

favorite animal: dogs r nice yes i literally dont care sorry but i like ants

average hours of sleep: like seven maybe six

cat or dog person: “dogs r nice yes” cats r nice too tho but i like dogs god neither

last thing i googled: “attention thank you for your attention” bc i want 2 make a version of the poster abt yuto but i cant find the meme “modern irish names”

favourite fictional character(s): u kno levi from fangirl… hes bf (best friend/boyfriend) material… ummm . . .  chen xiaoxi from a love so beautiful i kin her . and hamlet omg i LOVE him

blankets i sleep with: i used 2 sleep w two but i kept kicking one of them off so i jus use one these days two actually

favourite bands/artists: (kpop) sf9 exo gfriend twice and svt // (non kpop) one direction michael buble frankie valli + the four seasons and the beach boys lmao awwwww . . . carly rae jepsen , twice , gfriend , and sum 41

dream trip: lets go 2 south korea hell yea or or or i want 2 go back to africa or the philippines i need to go back to china or visit ireland

dream job: baker, newspaper editor, early childhood educator, asl interpreter, or jus like general translator for another language idk so cute . i think im gonna be a neuropsychologist hopefully if i get into grad school LMFAO

wearing: radiology sweater and pj shorts! shirt and shortz

age of blog: almost two years bc i made this march 19th 2015 oh my fucking god

url because…: bruh i miss na jaemin so much u have no idea he makes me so happy jus seeing him smile and like i havent seen a recent pic of him in ages like im real sad abt it :( when he comes back idk if i will go back 2 coolboyrenjun or like change to coolboyjaemin lmao i love winwin

go-to ssbb character: idk ive been trying 2 branch out from kirby so i play as the naked ross lynch looking guy sometimes (shelk or smth… shulk i think idk) i still love him

fictional character i’d date: levi from fangirl ok good answer . but i would choose zuo ran from tears of themis LMFAO 

how many blogs do i follow: 568 lmao its like 238 or something and only like twenty are active i think KSDHJDHS

what do i post about: nct and memes idk nothing much just doing my monthly roundz

do i get asks on a regular basis: no lmao only for ask games but regular basis asks seem fun no SLJHSJDHJLS

aesthetic: late night type stuff??? homey thingy sometimes too. like suburban houses w fog and then a pop of smth colorful… idk man what . . . . im a girl who likes kandi and yeah

#about me

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Seijoh Part 5

a/n: we ltr going at 5 parts and i have another part written out and im just drowning in love with these seijoh asks

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon request:

Can i ask for cute moments between manager and the boys outside of school, like how she and kyoutani probably bump into each to go feed strays etc??

yes anon!!!!!! these moments made me so soft™

IM CACKLING LIKE BLS THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS OF THE ENTIRE STAGE PLAY BC HE PLAYS OIKS SO WELL AND IWA IS JUST SO IWA AND I LIVED FOR OIKS’ ‘IWA-CHAN!’ AND IWA’S ‘RAAAAA!’ AND THIS GIF JUST SHOWS SEIJOH BEING SEIJOH AND HOW THEY WOULD REALLY ACT IF THEY WERE REAL LIKE UGH THEY DID SUCH A GOOD JOB W THE CASTING

these are the cute little moments and get ready to die of the cuteness

be warned, this isnt a straight plot or no main focus but just bits and pieces of fluff 

keeping up with seijoh episode 3467328937

as mentioned before, they dont really get to hang out a lot w you outside of practice 

youre either too busy taking care of your schoolwork, catsitting for the aizawa’s, or having you time since youve been busy w the boys all week

but there are times where you do have available time to go hang out with the boys

and they know about your schedule so they try to make memories either during practice or after practice

fortunately, kyo lives at the same street as the aizawa’s so he walks you to their house when you have a job 

but sometimes when you are just walking home, you both stop by the convenience store first and find some cat food cans and dog food cans and water 

it was a complete accident when you both found each other standing at the same aisle, holding the same things, with the same intentions, for the same animals

the alleyway where you first met is basically your second home bc thats where your babies live

since you cant exactly take in 5 dogs and 6 cats in your house, you and kyo are taking care of them in that alleyway where you feed them and build them a little shelter with blankets and stuff

this will be explained more in the next manager!seijoh part

after practice, particularly after a really productive one, the guys like to go to the ramen shop near the school to treat themselves after their hardwork

by now, the old lady who owns the shop knows their order by heart and has it ready when you all enter

yall get settled in but you go over to yahaba and snap his wooden chopsticks for him bc he never snaps them properly and ends up breaking them

meanwhile,,

you gather as much napkins as you can and place them beside kindaichi bc he makes such a mess while he eats and you have stand-by wipes for him

you make a special request to add tofu into iwa’s ramen bc the mans loves tofu so much and he still doesnt understand how the lady seems to know this despite him never telling her

your seat is usually next to mattsun bc he doesnt eat all the side dishes up like the others and you can eat some of it too

kyo sit across you and demands you eat at least 2 bowls bc you never seem to eat enough and he gets secretly concerned so he aggressively cares for you

‘kyo-san,,,, im full though’

he ‘glares’ at you

‘what you mean youre full. you didnt even finish the bowl. eat the rest and have another or youre not leaving this table’

pls what

fun fact, oikawa actually has two pairs of glasses and he gave you one in case he forgets to wear his main one and leaves it at home

so he gets to school and he just realizes he forgot his glasses and his contacts were still being shipped so he freaks out and texts you about it

but you always have the case safely tucked in your bag so you wander up to the third year floor and knock on his class door

iwa, who is in the same class as him, glares at the students who stare at you and nudges oikawa who was looking out the window

‘oi, your glasses’

his head snapped to the side and sees your smiling face and the familiar brown box being held out to him

his face scrunches and he launches up his seat and takes you in his arms

‘Y/N-CHAN IS SO RESPONSIBLE! SO NICE! OIKAWA-SENPAI REALLY APPRECIATES YOU!’

‘oikawa-san, please let me go’

you mumbled, embarrassed at his behavior in front of the whole class

once iwa has you safely on the ground, you excuse yourself and go back to class

the class still stared at the door you passed through and iwa had to bark at them to go back to their business

youre like the seijoh and younger version of goddess kiyoko

before kyo got back to the team, you usually walked home by yourself but makki actually accompanies you when he doesnt have errands to run

‘makki-san, i heard theres a sale going on for puffs’

you would mention as you walked and you would look to see his eyes light up and walk faster towards the bakery

‘cmon, y/n-chan. makki-senpai is treating you today!’

he turns into a child, a contrast to his chaotic energy in school, and he runs over to the glass where indeed, there was a sale going on for his puffs

while he was staring at what flavor he wanted, youd go to the cashier and give her your card

‘when that guy with the light brown hair with the blue and white jacket comes up to pay for his cream puffs, charge it to my card, please. whatever you do, dont take his and use mine immediately, please. ill come by later and pick it back up’

the old cashier lady felt true hope and happiness for humanity at your actions and it increased when she saw the shocked look on the boy’s face when she immediately swiped the card when he finished ordering

‘what? i havent paid-’

‘the young lady that came with you already did, young lad. shes a keeper’

he turned red

‘ahaha, no, shes our team manager’

once he finished paying and went outside, he took out his phone and dialed your number to call you

you smiled from the aisle in the convenience store down the street bc you were expecting him to call you

‘hewwo, makki-san’

he shut his eyes at how cute you sounded

‘y/n-chan, senpai wanted to treat you today!’

he whined but you bit your lip, leaving the store after purchasing a drink with the remaining cash you had

‘hmm, but i did too. you just werent too fast, senpaiiii~’

you teased and he let out a breathy laugh

‘next time i’ll be faster! mark my words!’

‘then im looking forward to it, senpai~!’

did anyone notice that he is the first one she called senpai?

to our baby yahaba

we know how he literally tried to go after yachi in that one episode so you know how flirty he is

but youve made it clear that you reject his advances and he pouts and finally accepts it so he stops it, instead actually just caring for you

ya know how he cares for the others and cheers them on?

he does the same to you

our babie notices that you are so busy taking care of the others that you forget to take care of yourself

like that time they lost to shiratorizawa, you made bentos for them all week to cheer them up

but he saw you not even eating and realizes that you were busy making the food that they like, each different to accomodate to their taste, that you had no time to make your own

he went down to your class and noticed you missing and he asks kindaichi and kunimi and they said that you said you wanted to get fresh air

since he pays attention to you, he knows you like to go to the roof to breathe

he ventures up the stairs and when he opens the door, he notices you just staring up at the sky, sitting down on the floor

‘being in an empty place like the roof doesnt compare to how lonely Pluto must feel to be outcasted in the solar system’

your comment catches him off-guard but he regains composure and makes his way to you before sitting down next to your form

‘hmm, oikawa-senpai talked to me about space one time. he mentioned the vast possibilities that stays hidden in the shadows’

you and him turn your head at the same time and share a gentle smile

‘but its up to us to find those secrets and abilities’

you finished

he nodded and went back to look at the clouds that looked like they were slowly moving but it was really the earth turning

‘i want to be a sports instructor. i want to be able to help others,,, i want to help them find those abilities and perfect them so they could fully love playing’

a chuckle escaped you and you tightened your arms around your knees, following his gaze to the blob of white that was painted on to the blue canvas

‘let other people be your universe, baba-senpai. dont let them be like Pluto. take time to find out who they are so they dont feel so lonely, okay?’

yall im tearing up right now though

as mentioned at the first part of this series, you go to the gym very early to set up for morning practice

sometimes, the four third years arrive at the same time but sometimes, only iwa comes

you noticed him put his bag down and help you with the nets before pushing the cart to finish the task for the morning

‘thank you, iwa-san!’

you thanked and he ruffled your hair

‘can you actually help me with my workout?’

you nodded and you knew his routine by now

as he got in position for a push up, you gently sat down on his back so he could start pushing up

you sat cross-legged and you counted every push up and held a timer so he could beat his previous record of 100 push ups in under 5 minutes

IWA IS LITERALLY ON ANOTHER LEVEL

once he hit 100, he collapsed on the floor and you stopped the timer at 4 minutes and 48 seconds

‘good job, iwa-san! new record!’

you cheered and he grumbled on the floor

you gently turned him over so he could lay on his back

he closed his eyes from the bright light of the gym and he raised his arms as his hands made a grabbing motion

‘hug. i want hug’

he whined and you fake gasped at this

‘iwa-san, i didnt know you could be so whiny’

‘huuggg~’

in my series, its canon that iwa is actually a whiny little babie despite that tough exterior and hes much more whinier than oikawa

you laughed before surrending, mumbling ‘yes, yes’

this wasnt the first time this happened since he asked you to do this before bc hes a touch starved babie and as a manager, you must give your team love

you climbed on him and laid your head on his chest while he mumbles happily with his arms going around you

‘just five minutes’

you offered and he said ‘mhm’

well, you both fell asleep and were woken up by scandalized and jealous yells from oikawa

to our baby libero watari

watari is actually the only player who has been to your house before

you made an off-handed comment of making bentos for the team again and he offered to come and help you make them

so here he was, standing in your kitchen, as you were cooking with him

you were chopping up vegetables and he was waiting for the eggs to boil so he was just stirring it slightly

‘wata-san, can you give me a bowl from the cabinet above you?’

he nodded and gave it to you so you could place the chopped carrots and onions in it

once the timer was done, he scooped out the eggs and placed them into an ice bowl so he could peel them later

you knew his favorite food was boiled eggs so you wanted to boil some so he could snack on them

‘can you peel one and see if theyre perfectly cooked, wata-san?’

his fingers skillfully rolled the egg on the table before peeling it effortlessly

he hummed as he chewed on the food

‘delicious?’

you asked and he turned to you, cheeks still full but he raised a thumbs up

you grinned and went back to chopping the scallions

‘actually, i didnt need any eggs for the dishes. i wanted you to snack on your favorites as i cook. its like payment for keeping me company’

his eyes shone and he hurriedly went to hug you tightly

‘i really appreciate everything youve done for us, for me. but i just want you to keep smiling okay? i know we’re a handful and we can get out of hand sometimes but you always keep us together. you must be stressed and there must be times you get angry with us and must’ve cried because of us but i hope you’ll still stay with us even through all that’

WATARI YOU MAKING ME C R Y 

lmao kindaichi’s made me laugh

so basically, we all know his famous haircut, right

but what if that was actually just a style hes had since he was young but he has naturally down hair?

the stuff he puts in it like this brand of gel is just so tough and sturdy that two washes of hair is the only thing that can get rid of it

even during practice when hes sweating the atlantic ocean, it somehow stays up

he puts gel on it and stuff after he showers to make it stick up and BOOM turnip head

but one morning, he,,,, wasnt turnip head

the boy woke up late and he didnt have time to perfect the sticking up so he went to school with his hair down and everything

you were already there since morning practice has started and kunimi told you that kindaichi texted him he would be late so you were just patiently waiting by the door for your classmate

but some guy just walked in

your eyes widened and you pulled their arm

‘um, this is for seijoh volley-’

then the words died in your mouth

‘yuu-kun,,,’

you stuttered and he placed his hands on his face to hide away

‘dont look y/n-chan!’

his shout attracted the others and then silence before the laughing and howling started

‘THESE FIRST YEARS I SWEAR!’

makki was on the floor, punching it as he laughed

kindaichi turned red and he was about to run out but you held on to him

‘i can fix it for you, yuu-kun. come with me?’

he nodded immediately and hurried away towards the back where the sun was just starting to rise

you rummaged through your gym bag and found the specific gel brand he uses 

kindaichi was SHOOK bc why the hell did you have it?

you noticed his shocked and confused look

‘i knew this would happen. we’ve facetimed before, remember? just in case this would happen, i brought backup’

his eyes glistened with tears of gratitude but you waved it away and started attempting to fix his hair

tbh you dont know why he did this hairstyle because his hair was really soft and nice and he still looked attractive either way

moving on to kunimi babie

lets face it, he probably doesnt sleep at all at night and he suffers from insomnia

and when he cant sleep, he bothers his friends

but he doesnt bother you though

which makes you sad bc you thought you made it clear that he could come to you if he was in need of something

you only found out after kindaichi accidentally blurted out during morning practice of how tired he is bc kunimi wouldnt stop talking to him at 2 in the morning

‘aki,,, you could’ve called me’

you gently said and kunimi scrunched his nose at how sad you sounded

‘you need your sleep, y/n’

‘but i want you to sleep too’

‘kindaichi’s been my contact since i was like 5 so-’

‘so you dont need me?’

your eyes watered and kunimi jumped, frantically fussing over you

‘okay, okay, y/n, okay. ill call you’

then as if they were never there, you cheered up and bounced happily

‘i’m expecting it, aki-kun!’

but at 1:43 in the morning, his finger hovered over the call button on your contact since he really didnt want to bother you

but he could already hear your whines in the morning

‘aki?’

he cursed when he heard your groggy voice

‘sorry y/n, ill hang up-’

‘no!’

you sat up, forcing to wake up

‘stay’

you mumbled and he made a sound of agreement

‘not tired?’

you asked

‘no. well, like im tired but i cant sleep, yknow?’

you laid on your bed with your cheeks puffed out, trying to think how to put him to sleep

‘we can just talk, aki’

‘about what?’

‘anything. just,,, talk to me. i want to know your favorite color, your favorite food, everything about you’

:( morning calls really hit different

last one is our mattsun babie

so like, mattsun is a TREE

im like 5′3 and hes like 6′2 so we a whole dwarf next to him

you are always dwarfed whenever you stand next to him and this little shite takes advantage of that and puts his elbow on top of your head

he likes to poke fun at you but you just pout bc you know hes all fun and games

‘hows the weather down there’

‘so mean, mattsun-san’

but his height did give him a special memory with you though

you were both left in the gym to clean up bc everyone had something to do like oiks had to go home bc takeru got sick and iwa also got sick and you just volunteered to clean up and mattsun stayed behind

you were sweeping the floor and you unconsciously started humming as you swept and started swaying a little

mattsun heard you as he pushed the carts and watched as you just swayed and twirled around and he found himself smiling at you

you noticed him stop in front of you and he bowed down, holding out a hand

‘may i take this dance, m’lady’

you laughed

‘what? whats going on?’

he softly held your hand and pulled you to him

‘you were dancing and i wanted to join you’

you nodded and looked up at him, eyes half-lidded

‘stand on my feet, chibi-chan. i can lead while you sing’

it was a random song you heard from the radio earlier but you complied while he moved with your feet on his

you giggled when he would lean down to softly kiss your forehead and shriek when he would unexpectedly dip you down

either way, at 8:34 PM, you and mattsun danced under the gym lights with no witness except you and him

ughh i really want seijoh now

you and the team share individual memories that are more special than the ones with the others bc its where you could actually be upfront with each other

its just a shame that there are 4 third years in the team that would eventually graduate and go their own separate ways after high school, leaving behind their underclassmen

they could just hope that those memories and special moments would remind them of who you were and how special you were to them since at the prime of their youth, you were their first true love

a/n: ngl i didnt expect to finish this so quick but im just in a really soft mood right now and this is to makeup for the fact that my update schedule could start becoming erratic due to my school so i hope you enjoyed this blurb!! and depending on my asks, there could only be one last part to this series unless someone requests for another specific scenario with the manager!!

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!! imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!! headcanons #aoba johsai #aoba johsai x reader #aoba josai x reader #aoba josai #seijoh #aoba johsai imagines #aoba josai imagines #seijoh imagines #seijoh manager #haikyuu manager #haikyuu!! manager #aoba johsai manager #aoba josai manager #seijoh x reader #aoba johsai headcanons #aoba josai headcanons #seijoh headcanons #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu!! fluff #aoba johsai fluff #aoba josai fluff

[wolferals]

🌸EX'S AND OH'S🌸

arón piper preference

*

*

Today was your and your boyfriends anniversary! 1 year you've spent with this doofus and he had promised to take you out tonight. Your dates usually consisted of snacks, movies or sometimes dinner at a restaurant. But rarely.

You had just gotten ready and he was about to pick you up.

The beautiful red dress fit you perfectly and your long hair was flowing down your back in some soft curls. Your makeup matched the dress and you had to give yourself some credit. You looked absolutely stunning that night.

About 5 minutes later your boyfriend picked you up.

„Hey y/n." he greeted you without really looking at your appearance. You didn't think anything of it though since he barely does. Yes of course it was shit to have a boyfriend that didnt pay much attention to you but you had gotten used to it over the past months.

„Hey." you smiled and walked over to him to give him a kiss but he just pecked your lips for a second before speaking:"We're running late."

So you walked to his car and he started the engine afterwards. „Do you like my dress? I bought it for tonight." you said smiling at him.

He gave you a quick glance while driving and replied dry:"Yeah looks good."

You could feel the tears building up so you turned away from him and blinked them away, looking out the window.

„Oh by the way, I invited Emma and Arón, u dont mind right?"

Your head shot around. „What?"

Your boyfriend looked at you and said:"I figured it'd be more fun."

You were genuinely shocked. „But its our anniversary." you spoke quietly.

He shrugged his shoulders.

That was his way of telling you that he doesnt really care.

Ouch.

At the restaurant you both sat down at a table for four and you kept swallowing your pride while all you wanted to do was run out of there and cry.

„Man where are they?" your boyfriend suddenly said to you. You had only been there for 2 minutes and he was getting impatient.

„Calm down, they will be here soon." you answered and forced a smile while taking his hand in yours.

But he pulled away instantly.

„Not now. Im stressed."

You couldnt believe him. It was your 1 year anniversary and he just ignored you or treated you like shit.

„Please?" you whispered and looked at his side.

He didnt face you, he just replied:"Stop being clingy y/n."

It hurt. So fucking much.

Sometimes you really doubted if he still loved you, and right now it was proven he had stopped.

But before you could really think about it or actually start to cry, you noticed Emma and Arón walk up to the both of you.

„Hey guys!" Emma smiled and gave you a hug.

„Oh wow your dress is so beautiful!" she complimented you and then went on to greet your boyfriend.

Arón came closer, stared you up and down and then gave you a tight hug. „You look really beautiful y/n."

You smiled at him. And you meant your smile this time.

„Its so nice to see you!" Emma exclaimed and sat down opposite of you.

Your boyfriend kept looking at Emma. While she was telling the story about her last nights dream, your „beloved" boyfriend was biting his lip and you could feel him shifting in his seat.

„Wow Emma, thats so cool!" he suddenly spoke and sent her a bright smile. She had just told how she got her ear pierced last week.

Aron seemed to find it off as well because he gave you a confused look.

„You never said anything about my piercings." you spoke and looked at him.

His head turned to look at you and he replied:"Yeah but look at hers. Its fucking cool."

-„I have the exact same piercing on my left ear."

He shrugged his shoulders.

„Guys cálmese. Its fine." Emma laughed and intertwined her and Arón's fingers on the table.

You guys then ordered your food and drinks. „Can we share the calamari baby?" Emma asked Arón.

He looked at her in disgust and replied:"I hate them you know that."

But thank god your wonderful partner was there to speak up:"Ill share them with you if you want."

You rolled your eyes at him. But the only person who noticed was Arón and he sent you a sad smile.

„Yeah sure if thats okay with y/n." Emma explained.

Before you could say anything your boyfriend said:"Its my choice though, its none of her business."

You looked to your left to pretend like he wasnt there. To pretend like he didnt just say that.

Suddenly you noticed your phone's screen light up from your lap. The other didnt seem to have noticed.

You took your phone and read the message.

„Are you okay?" -Arón.

You looked up and nodded at him.

But he didnt seem to buy it.

„If you want to talk im here."

You smiled at him and tried to focus on your dinner and the fact that your best friend was here and that her boyfriend was being nice to you. Instead of your own.

The one who kept complimenting Emma and didnt care about you at all. You werent there for him.

When the waitress brought your dinner you actually forgot about his terrible behavior for once. You started eating your delicious pasta and listened to the others talking.

At some point it was mostly Emma and your boyfriend having a nice conversation while Arón and you just sat there feeling super left out.

You could see how annoyed he was from his looks only.

He kept giving you these glances as you continued eating your pasta, sometimes he raised his eyebrow making you laugh slightly.

The others didnt notice how you two were communicating with your eyes.

You took a sip of your water and saw how Arón was grinning at you. You smiled back and then took your phone to distract yourself from his looks.

If you were completely honest, you hadnt gotten any affection in a while and just a cute guy looking at you made you feel better. Yes, he was taken. Yes, so were you. But he was attractive it was obvious.

Emma laughed at almost every of your boyfriend‘s jokes and you knew she didnt do this because he was funny, because he really wasnt.

Arón rolled his eyes at her and then gave you one more look.

And if you werent totally insane, picturing things, he scanned your upper body and bit his lip slightly.

You just ignored it but if you were being honest, it was kind of hot.

You then listened to Emma talk and subconsciously took another bite of your pasta and kept the spoon in your mouth. Without realizing you were licking on the spoon in your mouth and focused on her story.

You then did realize what was going on when a foot touched your own softly.

It had to be Arón. He was also giving you this horny ass look again.

Yes, he did kind of turn you on but you were both in a relationship. But your boyfriend was an asshole who didnt care about you anymore.

So you decided to play Aróns little game. You slipped out of your heel and slowly made your way up his leg. You didnt plan on going too far but you wanted to play with him a little bit.

He grinned at you and supported his head with his hand on the table while looking around.

He then coughed when your toes hit his knee.

Apparently this boy was sensitive.

You smiled to yourself and lowered your foot again.

Arón took a deep breath and grinned at you.

„Whats so funny?“ Emma suddenly spoke and looked between the both of you.

„Uhm.“ you started but Arón interrupted you.

„This guy over there embarrassed himself a little bit.“

They both looked around and then nodded.

„Anyway about this girl..“ Emma continued and your boyfriend only focused on her again.

Arón then excused himself to go outside to smoke and you decided to breathe some fresh air so you both walked outside.

„Jesus.“ he cursed and sat down on the stairs in front of the restaurant.

„Yeah right. They‘re so focused on themselves.“ you shook your head and sat down next to him.

He lit his cigarette and let the smoke emit into the air.

„I know... But now we can talk alone you know?“ he laughed and gave you a quick look.

„You want?“ he suddenly spoke and wanted to hand you his cigarette but you only shook your head.

„You know, thats good. I wish i could get away from it.“ he looked down to the ground and then back at you.

„Maybe you really have to start.“

He nodded and took a puff.

„Yeah i know.“

You smiled at him, then took the cigarette from his fingers and threw it to the ground to put it out.

„Hey!“ he laughed and stared down at the smushed piece of cigarette.

„You said you wanted to stop. You‘re gonna stop right now.“ you cockily said and ran your fingers through your hair.

Arón looked you deep in the eyes and then replied:“Alright, thank you. I dont know how I’d survive without you.“

You both started laughing.

„You‘re very welcome.“ you slightly bit your lip and looked up into the warm starry night.

„Maybe its good they‘re getting along so well. That way we can be alone.“

You didnt know what to say.

But you agreed internally.

„Yeah.“

He smiled and then placed his hand on your thigh.

It was covered by your dress so you didnt mind at all.

„Y/n, ever thought about how nice it is to fuck under the stars?“

You bursted into laughter and he smiled as well.

„No i havent.“

Arón grinned and eventually spoke up:“Too bad, id show you if your asshole boyfriend wasnt checking out my girlfriend all the time. But since she apparently feels the same, why dont we get out of here?“

You couldnt really reply to that.

„You know, maybe one day when all this shit is over.“

He nodded.

„One day hm? Promise?“ arón smiled softly.

You nodded at him and spoke:“Yeah one day.“

🌹🖤

part 2

#elite #aronpiper #cute #preference #omander #aronxreader #ander #preferences #smut

[asexualastarion]

For the album ask game... how about The Black Parade?

oh ABSOLUTELY. i LOVE you. this is all subject to change at the drop of the hat bc im wishy-washy and i love all of these songs anyway so

this got WAY too long so i am putting it under a readmore shhvkldlkdgjlkdsj

not including b-sides:

1. Teenagers- kind of a basic pick i know, BUT, in my defense, the song slaps. it’s such a fun song, especially when you’re singing it at the top of your lungs. the guitar part is super cool too- im trying to learn it rn but it’s a slow process bc im bad at guitar.

2. Mama- what can i say. it fucks. the old time-y feel, the harmonies/background vocals, the layers. the guitar goes so fucking hard. banging lyrics- “you should’ve raised a baby girl, i should have been a better son”??????? songs to be trans to.”but the shit that i’ve done with this fuck of a gun” is the kind of lyric that you can only properly convey if you’re screaming it at the top of your lungs. the whole ending is just. mind blowing

3. The End.- LISTEN!!!!!!!!! the end is WAY TOO FUCKING UNDERRATED!!!! oh my goddd i love it so much. i love it SO much. it’s such a perfect beginning to the song. the lyrics are great (”now come one, come all, to this tragic affair” if you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, you can find out first hand what it’s like to be me”, “another contusion, my funeral jag. here’s my resignation, i’ll serve it in drag. you’ve got front row seats to the penitence ball, when i grow up, i want to be NOTHING AT ALL!!! SAVE ME!!! GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!! SAVE ME!!! TOO YOUNG TO DIE, AND MY DEAR!!! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME JUST WALK AWAY AND TAKE ME!!). the bit with the snapping and the ooooohs is fun too. such a good song, it could honestly be 1 or 2 but my ranking system isnt based in logic and makes no sense to even myself

4. House of Wolves- house of wolves was my favorite mcr song for a good chunk of time, but as a result i’m kinda burned out on it, which is why it isn’t higher.  however it is still number four  because it’s objectively a fucking amazing song. the guitar is so fuckin fun, the lyrics are great, and it’s just. fun to dance around and sing it at the top of your lungs. you better run like the devil cause they’re never gonna leave you alone!!!!! tell me i’m a bad, bad, bad, bad man!!!

5. Welcome to the Black Parade- the big man itself. the titular song. their biggest hit. a lot of people shit on wttbp for being popular and, like, pretty much the only song of theirs to ever be on the radio anymore (and even then it’s once in a blue moon), BUT. it got popular for a reason. it’s a really good song. i love the structure of it, i love how it builds and builds and builds. the lyrics are wonderfully done- “a world that sent you reelin from decimated dreams/ your misery and hate will kill us all”, the whole “do or die, you’ll never make me” stanza is The Ultimate rallying cry. and the “im just a man, i’m not a hero” is just. ughghghdlkslakdjglsdkg. the titular song of an album entirely about death and dying and misery being SO hopeful and SO upbeat really portrays the album as a whole much differently- mcr is known as The Emo Band because, yeah, their aesthetic is dark and their songs touch dark stuff but they have never been all whiney and boo-hoo-y and melancholic for the sake of melancholy. there’s always been a positive note to their music and a lot of people just don’t get that which makes me sad. anyway. wttbp is fun and i like it and i like the drums and the trumpets at the end. marching bands fuck

6. Blood- ok so the pattern here seems to be that i favor the fun songs over the slow ones, and blood sticks with that. much like with mama, i love the old time-y feel. i love that this is like a fun little bonus ditty to end the album on. the lyrics are silly and fun and jovial, and the piano is great. love it and it makes me happy

7. Disenchanted- OUGHH. OUUUUUGH. i know cancer is objectively the saddest song on the album, but disenchanted just hits different. “when the lights all went out, we watched our lives on the screen/ i hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene” just DECIMATES me, man. the acoustic guitar is a nice change of pace, and the vocal performance is just. so fucking emotional. especially the “woahhhhhhhh-ohs” at the end. great song, makes me Feel Emotions

8. The Sharpest Lives- ok so i know this is pretty much in the middle of the list, but i want to stress that i dont hate any of the songs on this album, so even the middle of the list is pretty fuckin good imo. the sharpest lives makes me go batshit.  the lyrics are so fucking wild. “a light to burn all the empires, so bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be” is SO fuckin sick like OH my god. what a line. also “there’s a place in the dark where the animals go/ you can take off your skin in the cannibal glow/ juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands/ drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, romeo” like WHAT?????????????? GERARD POPPED OFF W THIS ONE FOLKS!! also i love how at the beginning the whisper-y vocals bounce from ear to ear. also “so why don’t you blow me......a kiss before she goes” is fuckin hilarious. honestly this song should be higher but i havent gone through a phase where i’ve been obsessed w it yet so it stays down here for now. one day it will take hold and be all i can listen to for a month straight and THEN it will climb the ranks. 

9. Cancer- makes me cry like a liddol baby. my mom doesnt let it play in the car cause it makes her too sad. twenty one pilots covered it and it was FUCKING AWFUL so the song is kinda ruined now cause i can only think about their shitty cover. like the AUDACITY. but anyway besides that the song is heart wrenching and amazing. the hardest part of this is leavin you!!!!

10. Dead!- look, i know technically the end. and dead! are the same song/ are just continuations of each other but i’m listing them separately bc dead! is, to me, the worse of the two. not that it’s bad or anything, it just doesn’t pop off the same way the end. and all the songs before it on the list do. however i do love the guitar at the beginning and the solo, and the “one! two! one two three four! LA LA LA LAs” are super fucking fun. 

11. Famous Last Words- i used to hate this song!!!! i truly did!! it’s obvs not on the top of my list now or anything, but i have grown to appreciate it a lot more than i used to. like with wttbp, it is the silver lining of the album that betrays its optimistic side. it’s a happy final message to a dark album. the ending is fucking amazing. I am not afraid to keep on living!!!! i am not afraid to walk this world alone!!!!!!

12. Sleep- Sleep is, unfortunately, just kinda boring in comparison. i almost forgot to even put it on the list. however, i do like the “the hardest part’s the awful things that i’ve seen” and the “a drink, for the horrors that i’m in. for the good guys and the bad guys, for the monsters that i’ve been” lines. also the “three cheers for tyranny, unapologetic apathy!” line. but overall it’s just. eh

13. This is How I Disappear- i have. complicated feelings on tihid. on one hand, it reminds me of my favorite oc, re, and is on their playlist. on the other hand, i have grown bored with it over time. it just doesn’t stand out to me at all really. that being said, i do really like the “who walks among the famous living dead” and the “can you hear me cry out to you” stanzas. 

14. I Don’t Love You- while i dont think idly is a bad song at all, it just simply isnt my kind of song. i do think gerard’s vocals are extremely strong throughout, especially during the “when you go, would you have the guts to say/ i don’t love you like i loved you yesterday” line. like wow ok maam please continue. but overall i just dont vibe w breakup songs bc i cant relate

including b sides: 1. Heaven Help Us

2. Kill All Your Friends

3. Everything else

4. My  Way Home is Through You

my reasoning: 

heaven help us is tied for my favorite mcr song Of All Time. everything about this song is catnip for lil old me. the angsty christian imagery, the vocals, the guitar. all of it. the lyrics make me lose my mind, especially the “will you pray for me? or make a saint of me? and will you lay for me? or make a saint of- cause i’ll give you all the nails you need/cover me in gasoline/ wipe away those tears of blood again/ and the punchline to the joke is asking ‘SOMEONE SAVE US’” and the “you don’t know a thing about my sins/ or the misery begins/ you don’t know, so i’m burnin! I’m burnin!!!” parts. like i absolutely vibe with this song so fucking hard. i sing it constantly, it’s great to sing (very stimmy for me), it sounds beautiful. i am obsessed with it through and through

similarly, kill all your friends also speaks to my very soul. i can’t pick favorite lyrics bc id just have to copy and paste the whole song. i love the build-up, i love the time progression throughout the song (it’s been TEN FUCKING YEARS since i’ve been seein your faaaaaace rounnnnnd heeeere), i love the “you’ll never take me alives”. literally everything about this song makes me emo. it just Gets Me. it’s literally about my greatest fear. all my friends growing up and moving away and getting on with their lives without me, leaving me to rot in my hometown waiting for them to return. we only see each other at weddings and funerals, so it’s time to kill all your friends so we can party when the funeral ends!! it’s probably tied with heaven help us, but i’m putting it at number two just because it didn’t hook me as strongly as hhu did. it’s more of a strong, steady favorite than a “this song has latched on to my very soul and i have to listen to it on repeat over and over and over again”, if that makes sense. it’s still in my top 5 mcr songs though

i never vibed with my way home is through you. i don’t listen to it often, and i just don’t really feel it. it’s not bad, it’s just. eh.

anyway if you’ve read this far down i love you so much. thank you for listening to me ramble, mcr means a lot and i love to infodump about my music tastes. i really really appreciate being given an opportunity to do so <3

#mcr #asks #anon #SERIOUSLY. ILY. MWAH.

[leonbastralle]

Another Quick Reply Post

i’m rly just procrastinating oops

amixofpixels replied to your post “hi guys”

Um, hugs and no talking.

amixofpixels replied to your post “hi guys”

This is not good... How to make Annie better?

you got it XD or do my uni stuff for me maybe

amixofpixels replied to your post “hi guys”

Still mega fried, eh?

yEAH it’s getting worse ;_; i rly just need a brain pause

amixofpixels replied to your post “Read More Now Works On Mobile”

So thank you for being my angel. 😘

amixofpixels replied to your post “Read More Now Works On Mobile”

I blush at being an angel. I needed it this night.

jshmfbaksfbakjsgnaksfsd it’s true you’re one of the kindest people i know ;_; did something happen??

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Okay girls, that’s it! Please don’t cause any trouble while we’re...”

IT WONT B EMBARRASSING THO

wERE GONNA B TALKING ABT THIS AGAIN TONIGHT OK

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Make your old man proud, okay? C: You’re not old. And it’s going to...”

:') dad shine im crying

dad shine is best shine no tbh i dont think theres any shine who isnt best

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

now thats some quality color matching

i NEVER EVEN NOTICED BUT THIS MADE ME SMILE EXTRA MUCH YESTERDAY

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “C: Hmmmmm…”

i can already hear the church bells

there wont b any church bells for a long time or ever but theyll be good anyway man

simxnoire replied to your photoset “C: Hmmmmm…”

MY BEST BOY IN THE DISTANCEEEEE

YESSSSSSSSS maybe a bit too far away but this is only the beginning!

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “S: Connie? You better!”

tell her Shine!

no worries ;) i feel like they’re telling ME to go through with this and not her because i need it more

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “S: Okay girls, that’s it! Please don’t cause any trouble while we’re...”

CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS PERFORMANCE

trust me i could wait for it another 4 years

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “hugs hUGS HUGS FREE HUGS ANYONE??”

i kno..... i kno i just gotta take care of That Project

that you do my gr8 professional

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “hugs hUGS HUGS FREE HUGS ANYONE??”

I WANT SOME TOO

WHO DOESNT IM SO JELLY OF MY SIMS

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Shine is now a level 10 scientist!!”

MY DADSON IM SO PROUD :’)

sAME i cant believe i got there with him and also that he didnt get fried when pressing that red button

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “This is how scientists hug, didn’t you know?”

U ok my beautiful dadsons

its for research im sure they could explain

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Shameless.”

“In this time of need” i loV

THANK YOU IM PROUD OF IT

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Care for a ride? T: What are we talking about exactly? S: Rockets,...”

WOULD U LIKE TO RIDE ON MY ROCKET 69 🚀❤️💕🚀 

nO THANKS BUT THEY SURE DO

pixeldemographics  replied to your photoset “S: And this is my rocket. T: It’s a lot bigger than I recall…weird. I...”

I lov these kids and their dorkiness they are so goals

sdfukjasnfkjasfnkajsfnaksjfanskjas THANK YOU I CRY

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Come on in, dear! Where do you want to start? T: Oh, anywhere!!”

His rocket 🚀 👀

smh thats a spoiler get out

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: Shine! Finally I get to see you in your natural habitat. S: It’s so...”

I lov this take ur wife to work day

tbh? i just did this because i needed them to boink in a rocket. i just rly had to.

fun fact: the miracle founders went on a jolly good rocket ride for their honeymoon it was wild

pixeldemographics replied to your post “Hi! Once you get this share 6 facts about yourself and send it to your...”

I lov u and love all of these and number 4 brings a big tear to my eyes and their dilated pupils

;_______________; i loV YOU TOO WITH AND WITHOUT DILATED PUPILS also i mean.......im glad that i just sucked at playing u kno

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “And then he drank a serum and got really sad… S: What is wrong with...”

I offer to take good care of him

;__; thank you

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “I honestly have no idea how dadgraab keeps up with him…”

He has a tender heart full of lov and patience 💕💞💛🧡❤️💜

he doooooooOOOOOO dadgraab is the absolute best

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “It’s so good we came out here today, isn’t it? Oh, can you hear the...”

I cant believe i havent reacted yet i am the worst and this is dA BES i lov this salty child and the sinnamon roll baby 😭👌🏼❤️

bBY U DONT NEED TO REACT UR NOT THE WORST IM HAPPY WHEN PPL W A N T TO REACT AND THIS IS FAR FROM THE BEST I COULDNT WORK OUT ANGLES BUT ONE THING I KNO IS THAT THEY ARE THE BEST

twinsimskeletons replied to your photoset “then these 2 showed up for literally 5 seconds”

YEAH WOO

basically me: OOOOOOOOO YESSSSSS WOOOO

they: *leave again*

me: ok then bye

twinsimskeletons replied to your photoset “This is how scientists hug, didn’t you know?”

can confirm

there we have it proof from an actual scientist tell me what it’s like does it hurt

pixeldemographics replied to your photo

aaaaaaaaaaAAAAA dan annie back at it again with the gr8 noses and posing and everything i LOV

..................i was........inspired by u oops

the nose is real tho

simphonics replied to your photo

yessss

i KNOWWWW best guys

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “hugs hUGS HUGS FREE HUGS ANYONE??”

I want a free hug

we’re working on this yes

(fun fact i actually rly would like to do that and i talked to some ppl abt it once and they were all like ewwwwwwwwwww no we wouldn’t want to hug strangers??? and i’m like BUT THEY NEED HUGS AND WE NEED HUGS so yeah that’s that)

#amixofpixels #pixeldemographics #simxnoire #monets-pixels #twinsimskeletons #simphonics #alfalfalegacy #replies #non-sims #saviorhide

[maybeprecocious]

day eight

again, i dont remember much from today

i was sitting outside with the others and they were telling me about things i did and said today

and i literally couldnt remember

i teared up over how proportionate humans are, apparently

we had MDT meetings (multidisciplinary team) and it scared me

simplified, it went something like this

“we cant work on treating anything until your brain is working. your symptoms could be ADHD but they also could be starvation syndrome. you most likely have starvation syndrome. we need to monitor your intake, lying and standing BP & HR twice daily.”

“why cant you just let this go. you havent had to monitor any of this until now.”

“and we failed you by not doing that.”

“no you didnt. i’m leaving.”

“you can do that, this is a voluntary hospital, but we will have to talk to your psych and you will need to do a lying/ standing before you go and you need to do a safety plan.”

“fine.”

i didnt want to do the safety plan, or any of that, but i had to leave.

i struggled with the safety plan, more than i should have

i catch the psychiatrist in the hallway

“do i really have to do this. i can just send you one from—-“

“yes. you do.”

“fine.”

he followed me back to my room

i sat down at the desk, staring angrily at the blank sheet, pen in hand

he stood there, looking at me, i didnt acknowledge him at all

he leant in

“i would be really happy if you stayed. i want you to stay.”

he walked off

“oh great thank you”

i said, shitty, sarcastically

he always wants people to leave, he doesnt ever tell me to stay, he always leaves it totally up to me

this, was odd

maybe things are not good

more likely? hes playing mind games, trying to tell me what he thinks i want to hear

little does he know that scares me more, makes me want to leave more

if i have actual problems, if others can see im actually not doing well, i need to show them im fine

i dont need to rely on anyone, or any facility

i finished the safety plan

the student nurse took my bp

she did it from sitting to standing which, works in my favour

the machine wouldnt work, repeatedly, so it took about 5 minutes to get the standing result

i stood there talking to increase it

“see! i’m fine!!”

“its still a bit low”

“but, its fine”

i was on cloud nine

i could leave

the nurses called the psychiatrist

“so, its discharge against medical advice.”

“sorry, what? he said i could leave.”

“this is a voluntary hospital, you can leave, but we dont think its best for you to go. we have to call both your parents and someone from where you live to tell them.”

“i dont talk to my mum, and if you tell my dad he’ll be mad. please, i live on my own, im an adult, my parents are never involved please, just let me go.”

“no, its a discharge against medical advice, we have to.”

“youre just saying that because you know i dont want that. youre hoping i’ll stay to avoid that. i wont. do what you have to. call them.”

“how about you think about it. come back to us at 6pm with a decision.”

“really!? really. it wont change..... fine. i’ll come back then but im leaving.”

i went and called my worker to give him the heads up, he told me i wouldnt be able to go back there tonight and would have to go to my dads.

my dad. we’ll get to that.

he also asked some questions about what had changed since i last spoke to him and after friday, whether i should really be leaving

i couldnt give him a straight answer

he helped me try to think rationally, but, barely

but enough to make me stay

at least until tomorrow

motherfucker.

at 6pm i went back to the nurses

they had the paperwork ready

they were not happy

i could see them in the fishbowl talking about me

all looking over at me at the same time

eyerolls

flailing arms

shitty stares

“i think i’ll stay. at least just for tonight. i know, maybe im not thinking clearly. but youre also fucking with me”

“good decision. thank you.”

why where they thanking me

i guess i saved them some paperwork

while i was talking to my worker, i remembered the last time this happened

my care plan was upped, and so i left

against medical advice

ended up back a week later

“oh fuck. last time, was not good.”

“what im hearing is that you can identify that it wasnt good last time. you can see the pattern. when they show care or acknowledge your mental state, you get scared and leave. it makes you uncomfortable. but somewhere in there you know maybe they are right. the fact that they can see that too, scares you.”

he put what took me 8 minutes to explain, in to one sentence. and he was right. i couldnt deny that he was right.

nobody has ever had my “best interests” at heart

especially when it comes to hospital admissions

so i dont trust them

when im in hospital, its often because i cant trust myself either

i often think harm is in my best interests

so when that is contradicted

when, someone makes logical, actual sense

i get upset

i wonder why i didnt see it first

and i still cant agree with it, but i know they are right

it highlights even further, that i am unwell

even if its just following protocol, its a sort of care

and care, people wanting the best for me, is scary

so i wont accept that

but i’ll accept that maybe i need to stay

at least until tomorrow.

i am not ready to address my eating stuff

and, they dont do that here

but they still want to address it in a way

or, monitor it

and i cant cope with that

so i will probably still leave.

there was talk of transfer or admission to an eating disorder ward

there was talk of referral to outpatient eating disorder supports, if i left

no. fucking. way.

i am scared

i am certain at times that i will die

that i will kill myself

and it doesnt scare me

but other times

im not so sure

and when i imagine carrying out my plan, i shudder

i ate 367 calories today

i broke my fast at 49hours 46minutes

i have to be ok

this is not a problem

i am fine i am fine i am fine iamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiamfineiam

not fine

but im fine, great, good, managing this

i got my leave back

i wanted to go, somewhere

anywhere

i just had to get out

the nurses were very reluctant to let me go

“wait until your nurse is back”

“if i wait much longer i’ll just have to turn around and come back”

we have to be back by 8pm

my nurse came back

she was not happy, she was making excuses and trying to make me stay

“i literally have my leave back. i can literally go. why wont you let me go.”

one of the other girls (big top energy) piped up

“if it will make it easier i’ll go with her”

the nurse agreed

i didnt want her to come

we had just been talking about it while i waited for the nurse to get back. she didnt want me to go alone. i told her i wanted to go alone. she wasnt so sure. she should just worry about herself. she is in here to work on herself, not worry about me.

“what!? you cant just enlist another patient to essentially babysit me. thats not fair on her.”

“yes! thats a good idea!”

smile on her face, i was ignored

“seriously? you are enlisting a 16 year old to monitor me while im out. i have leave. i am an adult. i am fine. i just want to go out.”

“if she wants to go i cant stop her.”

we got out of the building, she apologised, i told her it was fine and despite being shitty with the lack of trust from all parties, thanked her for taking one for the team and coming with me

i was shitty, then we got talking

we actually had fun

she understood the food stuff

we went to the supermarket and got some food i could eat to take back with me

we bonded over awful mothers (hers way worse than mine but still, oddly relatable and similar stories)

we found a half smoked cigarette on the ground near the station and decided to be gross and smoke it

otherwise it would be a waste

“if we get herpes, we’re in it together”

i said

“if we get herpes, we can say we fucked and it will be a huge thing. it would be so funny”

she said.

i laughed.

“tana mongeau would be proud”

she agreed.

i ended up giving away 1/3 of the food i bought

i kept the apples and the cucumber

im boring and actually love them

nobody else would want them anyway

my day was horrible

but it turned out ok

im not thinking about the decisions i have to make right now

they can wait until tomorrow

but i am thinking about the calories

threesixtyseventhreesixtyseventhreesixtyseventhreesixtyseventhreesixtyseventhreesixtyseventhreesixtyseven

i have burnt 2,628 calories today

i went to the gym and didnt overdo it

we also spent 20 minutes in total walking to and from the shops

but it doesnt feel like ive done enough

i havent done anything to directly combat what i ate

i will do a workout

i was asked on a maybe date today

by a girl, too pretty for me

why the fuck is she interested

we are going to a school fair

one we went to together about two years ago

it was a good day

i want to do it again

i said yes, im going with her

FUCK IT

my day was awful

but the last two hours have been ok.

why?

people.

maybe people arent so bad after all.

(im fighting off the urge to say that they are in fact, evil because they give me purpose and make me feel ok sometimes and i dont deserve that and they are a distraction from the real end goal, death, but im not saying that.

I AM OK. i’ll deal with the guilt later. fuck off.)

the wordsearches are history but i’ll keep mentioning them anyway

#where my mind is (not) #gho-lish #vent #tw #cw

[skiasurveys]

sex sex sex sex.

1. What’s your favorite position and why? i like doggy style a lot because i dont know it just feels really great and its pretty dominating..but i also like missionary but its boring but i like it when i want to feel “romantic”. lmao.

2. How did you lose your virginity? If you’re still a virgin, is there any specific reason?  I lost my virginity at 19. Basically I was preparing to bang my boyfriend ( my current one!) but I was super nervous ( I already had some trauma from the past). I was scared and stuff and so we tried and I was like Idk man im scared. Then later that night we just started to kiss and make out and he asked if I wanted to try again and I said sure so I got naked blah blah, I was sitting on him kissing hm and then bam he fucked me but it felt really awesome and nice, didn’t hurt because he was slow at it and then he fucked me from behind after i got used to it lol. Great times. That was like a year ago!

3. If you could have sex with any porn star or model, who would it be?  i dont know any porn stars and im not attracted to any models either.

4. What’s one thing in particular that makes you want to tear off your lover’s clothes? Sometimes if he looks at me a certain way or if were doing something . Or if he starts touching my thighs and/or kissing my neck 

5. Five turn ons. 1. Strong looking/masculine 2.Taller than me but no taller than 6′3 3. kissing my neck. 4. man handeling me (without being too aggressive).5. showing me off ( Not like “OH LOOK WHAT I HAVE” but being proud you have me. 6. Five turn offs. 1. Being an asshole. 2.Acting like you don’t care about me when youre around others. 3.Racist/sexist/etc 4.Creepy. 5.Hating my friends

7. Have you had any embarrassing sexual experiences?   its so embarrassing.. so I had just finished my period ( OR so i thought) and we started to fuck and it was going well.. after we finished he was like “Um i think you still have your period.” and Im like “what?” and yeah there was blood on his dick and I legit ran and cried in the bathroom like a little bitch LOL. He came after me and said it was fine and that hes done more awkward shit but DUDE...

8. Do you have a fetish? not really. I like calling my boyfriend daddy in the bedroom but i dont like the ddlg fetish at all. 

9. Have you experimented with anyone of the same sex?  no 10. What’s “out of bounds” for you during sex?  Choking, or tying me up, or like bondage stuff. I just have a severe panic attack if that happens and I dont like it and I had trauma so its actually triggering.

11. What’s the best sexual unsolicited advice you can give?  Just dont fuck them if youre not ready. 

12. Hickies - get ‘em or give ‘em? both

13. Do you like giving head? im that weird girl who actually enjoys sucking cock

14. Do you like getting head? yes 

15. What’s one thing you look for in a partner?  loyalty and companionship. 

16. How many partners have you had?  1 and im still with him :)

17. What’s your sexual orientation? Straight

18. If you’re bi/pansexual, what gender do you tend to prefer? n/a

19. Describe the best sex you’ve ever had.  Theres a few. It usually is when he goes hardcore with teasing me and kissing me. One time he was kissing me and teasing me. He ate me out for a bit which was amazing, and the he kissed me from my tummy to my lips, and he fucked me hard but slow and said I love you which was awesome. But i also had one where He was teasing me and doing lots of foreplay and he told me he owned me and that he wanted all of me and then he fucked me so good. especially when he cums inside me. MMMMM.

20. Describe the worst sex you’ve ever had. It wasnt bad but I just have depression and sometimes it hits me when were fucking and  i lost my sex drive and just didnt care and it didnt last that long but i lied i orgasmed so he could finish because i wasnt feeling it lol

21. Have you ever had a funny sexual experience? What was it? i dont know. Im sure. 22. Are you okay with rough sex?  Yess just not too rough ok!

23. How big was the biggest dick you’ve ever seen? Was it in a porn or in real life? well i mean guys in porn always have huge dicks but my boyfriend is the only one Ive had and he is pretty big.

24. Boobs or ass - which is better? ass. 25. Do you prefer sex or masturbation? sex i hate masturbating.

26. Describe how you usually masturbate. ill leave that for your imagination. 

27. Do you like tattoos on a partner or do you like them to have a clean slate, skin wise?  i dont care. either or.

28. How do you feel about daddy dom/little girl roleplaying? some people go a little too far with it. Like for example actually acting like they are 4 years old in public. You can leave it to the bedroom, please.

29. What’s your fantasy?  pay off my student loans.

30. Do you have any sexual regrets? no

31. When did you last have sex? april 1st before Connor moved! He will be back in the end of May or start of June so it will be a while before we have sex again :(

32. When did you last masturbate? last night

33. Have you had anal? yeah. Its ‘ight. 

34. Do you like to spank/be spanked?  i like to be spanked.

35. What do you want done to you right now?  well since  I havent seen my boyfriend in like a month i would love it for him to just push me against a wall. mmm.

36. Are you comfortable with getting tied up? no

37. Did you have sex in high school? nope. No one really liked me back then. I had like 2 boyfriends then and it was shitty then. I met Connor the fall after i graduated. Hilarious.

38. How old were you when you lost your virginity? How long has it been? 19 years old and its been a year now.

39. Do you like teasing or would you rather get straight to the point? teasing.

40. Sexting or phone sex?  ive done both. sexting is fun but phone sex can be pretty hot. I just dont like phone sex..i rather sext tbh

41. Have you had sex in any interesting places? One time we were hanging at our friends place and everyone had gone to bed and Connor was cuddling me on their couch and he said , “ I bet its just bothering you that you cant touch me” and im like whatever idc and then hes like “lets lowkey fuck” so we fucked on their couch while they were sleeping! It was pretty fun but nervous cus if someone walked out. oh god..and then we fucked behind a couch like 3 times while there was a party going on. cool.

42. Are you sexually active?  i guess so. since he moved its hard to say but its only for short time.

43. Have you had car sex? no our car is too small for that. but i want to.

44. Have you ever had sex with anyone else in the location you were at? (i.e., while your sister was in the other room) yes..see above

45. Why aren’t you fucking anyone right now? well the only person i would fuck is in a nother city obvs so thats why.

46. Are you able to have emotionless sex? not rly

47. Does penis size really matter? yes

48. What has been your most memorable experience sexually? theres a lot

49. If male, are you well endowed? n/a

50. If female, what’s your breast size?  34 B cup.

51. Have you ever been the other person? no

52. Have you ever cheated on anyone?  no!

53. Describe an orgasm.  i just felt really weird and shakey but it felt so good.

54. What’s the longest time you’ve had sex for? I dont really keep count.

55. What’s the shortest time you’ve had sex for?  like 5 minutes. -___-

56. If you could change the person you lost your virginity to, would you?  no

57. Have you had any pregnancy scares? Yeah kinda. my one period didnt come once and i was so scared. I bought like 3  sticks.

58. Are you comfortable naked?  kinda. Ive been with Connor for a year now and I still feel awkward naked. lol

59. Are you comfortable sending pictures of yourself to others? depends.

60. What’s your sexual comfort zone like?just dont do rape play.

61. What’s something sexual that you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up liking?  i cant think of anything

62. Do you have any piercings in fun places? (i.e., clit, nipples, dick) no

63. Would you say you’re good in bed?  i think so.

64. How do you get sex tips? internet or i ask him how he wants me to do something. like i ask him if he likes what im doing and he will tell me how he wants it.

65. Have you ever had sex with anyone while they were on their period? Have you ever had sex while on your period?  no except that one time when i thought i was fkn done but i wasnt. kill myself.

66. If you could be the other sex for a day, would you and what would you do first? idk.

67. What’s your favorite part about being the gender you are? I dont know really. I can buy cute drinks without looking dumb?

68. Slow but passionate, or fast, furious, and kinky? slow but passionate. But also depends on the mood or whatever because sometimes i want rough, sometimes i don’t.

69. Have you ever 69’d? Did you enjoy it?  yes but it feels too good to suck him while hes eating me out.

70. Have you ever done drugs and then had sex?  weed

71. Have you ever had sex with someone you’re in love with? yes

72. How are you with BDSM? Would you ever engage in it?  nope.

73. Do you like gagging on cock/having someone gag on your cock? Why?  i love gagging on his cock.

74. When it comes to oral, are you gentle? Do you use your hands too? gentle. i dont want to hurt him but if i do go hard kinda. and yeah i used my hands.

75. Okay, how do you feel about handjobs?  sometimes i do hand jobs but its only when im making him hard. Lol.

76. Have you had any unwanted pain during sex? yeah.

77. What is something that’s not sexual that can turn you on more than anything sexual?  arms? 78. Can your sexual partners be categorized by their zodiac signs? no

79. Have you had sex to music? What’s your favorite sex song? we fucked to Wish you were here by Pink Floyd.

80. What’s something you want to try in bed?  i dont know.

81. Has anyone drew blood from you during sex, whether it was by cutting, biting, or scratching? How did you feel about that? no. if there was blood from biting/scratching/etc i would feel awful.

82. Have you ever fucked someone who was sad? Did it help them emotionally or make it worse? I have fucked him when he was sad and it helped and same for me sometimes it makes me feel way better.

83. Do you like sexual anons? no

84. What’s your ideal round of sex?  i dont know.

85. Do you like the use of whipped cream, handcuffs, chocolate, and cherries?  nope.

86. Have you ever been walked in on or caught?  almost got caught.

87. Have you ever had sex in public? Would you? yes and i would.

88. What’s a good sex joke?  i dont know. 89. Do you like to be called a dirty slut or would you rather be treated like royalty?  i love it when he calls me a slut but theres a time and place during sex when i want to be slutty and then loved LMAO.

90. Are you more submissive or dominant? sub 91. What’s your naughtiest secret? i almost fucked a 33 year old when i was 18.

92. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve encountered sexually?  i cant think of anyting

93. Have you ever “stuck your dick in crazy”? Was there a lesson learned?

94. Do you like playing with balls/having someone play with yours? i like playing with them because he loves it. 

95. What’s the best nonsexual feeling?  feeling safe and loved by them.

96. Do you like feet? ew 97. Do you look at rule 34/hentai? ew....

98. Pick a random question off this survey for yourself. N/A 99. Who’s your ideal sexual partner? MY BOYFRIEND.

100. Do you have a partner right now? Would you like one? have my boyfriend :) 101. Are you accepting “applications” for a partner?  um no

#sex survey

[cheskalagran]

BYE 2018

This year has got to be the year jampacked with EVERYTHING. I might have the same motivation to write now but i gotta try for my future self. (bcos yaknow everything that I dont write eventually gets forgotten and i have no way of remembering, it just turns into a blank patch in my mind lyk 2017 lol) whatever happend to 2017??? i was scrolling through this blog and i didnt find any 2017 posts lol what??? was i in a trans or??? idk i have no memory of new year 2017. well i dont want that to happen to 2018 because theres just so much that happened so here it goes.

JANUARY- I started the year in qc.

Jan 2- I saw Mamsh for the first time in uptc. We bought my very first film roll. n Agfa Vista 200 in Satchmi.

Jan 7- i put my first film roll in. took a few shots. oh and im back in marinduque

Jan14 to the end of the month- im just in duque doing normal stuff i guess idk. More MSC days. I was really stressed about being irreg. lol

FEBRUARY-

feb 2 i went to Manila for the opening of Arts Month. IT WAS SO GREAT I NEVER FELT SO ALIVE IT WAS WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED, to live each waking day to be exposed to art. agh fun tyms. i spent 5 days in Bayview and everyday i went to luneta park for workshops and other shennanigans. While this was all happening i was also shooting for our Trends and Network (?) (subject) video. Reg was my partner in this video we were supposed to put a vissual on a poem our prof gave us.

feb 3

first time to eat yellow watermelon.

went to a baybayin writing workshop and learned how to write baybayin yay

saw autotelic, better days, sud and ben and ben that night

FEB 4- still there

feb 5- attended poetry night and saw mike coroza. saw mamsh again today and we went to national museum. It was the last day of arts month.

feb 6- i went home to duque

Feb 7- i edited my footage

~idk what date but hahaha the video i edited got 75 loooool but our prof gave us another chance to edit the shit.

feb 14- mundo- iv of spades was released. idk how this is relevant to me lol but yeah it was released on this day.

feb 17- UP fair that i wasnt able to go to. Finals week is near im so stressedt

feb 20- im editing the video again. we made a storyline instead of just putting vissuals on the poem.

feb 21- the stress was getting to me. i havent been sleeping bcos of finals and editing so i cut my hair short. the shortest it has been, they said i looked like hannah baker

~idk what date but i finally passed the video and we got 85 thank god for that curve lol~

feb 24- Im back in Manila. first time to ever play with the orchestra in a place which is not marinduque. Played in Makati along with Sta Isabel peeps.

feb 26-

Went to bgc--- to the overrated Venice grand canal place to be exact.

Saw Alex Aiono live.

Bought a new Murakami book (Wind Up Bird Chronicle) that i havent still finished until now

feb 27 to march- marinduque ++ more MSC things

March 29

practiced a viola piece for auditions sa ust but hey its 2019 and i didnt end up auditioning

Moriones festival (holy week)

Watched Baconaua a film by Joseph Laban shot in Mdq. the plot was also mdq related!!! and also socially relevant at present. its kinda about drugs--- well it is about drugs.

april 7- went to ust for enrolment

apr 8- went home na ata i dont even know

apr 13 ICON MANILA DAY1

went to manila for yfc’s 25th anniv!!!!! AAAA ICON 2018~ FULL BLAST

bRO THE THEME WAS MUSICALS AND THEY PERFORMED DISNEY AND THE GREATEST SHOWMAN THEMED THINGS HUHU MY HART IS HAPI

yfc reunion yey

APR 14 DAY 2 - FIREWORKSSS AND TALKS

APR 15- DAY 3

LAST DAY

GOT AN ICON DAVAO SHIRT

NASA ICON RECAP VIDEO AKO

APR 16 ARRIVED IN MDQ FOR FINALS

APR 19- SURVIVED FIRST DEFENSE

APR 23- FINAL DEFENSE

APR 26- SHELLY’S DEBUT

APR 30- FOUND OUT I DIDNT PASS THE UPCAT YO

MAY 3-

GRAD PHOTOSHOOT

SAGALA

MAY 8- 18TH

MAY 10- SURPRISE BDAY CELEB BY THE BEACH T^T gots a new laptop yey. got another murakami book from fiel. got a cool shirt from dem. got my fav necklace (which means so much to me since it has so much connection to who i am--- its a Sta. Claire/ St. Francis pendant from Rome.) Lola passed down a family heirloom to me--- her watch. <3

MAY 11- woke up after last night’s celeb for Graduatioooon.

May 11 to 19- stayed at home and watched movies and shi

May 20-

watched Musika sa Isla’s concert. first time that i sat out since i was so busy huhu.

Went out with Reg and went kayaking

May 21 and onwards more of doing nothing and watching movies and shii

May 29- went out with sum frends i havent seen for so loooong: isa, franz, angge, ira

Jun 2- went out with the fam and tita pina to the beaaachhh

Jun 15- My first provincial Shout!!! YBB LAGUNA!!!

Jun 18- went to shannon falls!!!! hiked and swam with the fam ++ dream favor fam

Jun 19- end of Prov Shout huhu went to amoingon with the YBB laguna team. swam some more in the beach.cried A LOT. said goodbye to fwends huhu

Jun 20- left duque for good

Jun 22- went to ust to settle thingz, dorm hopping

Jun 23- went to ust again

Jun -Jul scrabble, movies, wine, milktea, mc do and a couple of city thingz. Prepared for YCOM acad. long distance organizing with yasu huhu.

Jul 25- went home to duque for YCOM Acad!!! My first and last event as a the provincial YCOM head. cant believe we actually got to put this together huhu sml

Jul 26-28- finally had face to face organizing with the pcg. practiced songs and hosting.

Jul 29- YCOM ACAD NAAA. a lot of hard work paid off in this event. a lot if crying again. said goodbye to friends again.

Jul 30- left for Manila first thing in the morning

Aug 1- First day dorm life

Aug 2- Start of freshmen week. Freshmen pol sci orientation

Aug 3- ROARientation

Aug 4- got very drunk with batch mates uuuhhh which was wrong cos its just the first day and i probably made out with someone???uhhh

Aug 6- Tomasino na ako event. Saw Ben and ben and fourplay mnl

Aug 10-

went to cinemalaya with reg,kly and paul. was supposed to watch liway but ended up watching school service. bumabagyo rn hahahaha.

first time to ride the lrt loool

Aug 11-13- spent 3 days alone in qc aHAHAHA they were in cebu

~Lol kinda  dated a blockmate or whateva at this time uuhh~

Aug 17- parents visited manila, we went to intramuros

Aug 20- kuyas bday

Aug 21-saw reg and we watched another cinemalaya entry: Madilim Ang Gabi. sobrang slow paceeeedddd but ya it was about ejk. #SupportLocal

Aug 22 and onwards- A LOT OF READINGS

Aug 28- bar hopping with 7wonders

MORE STUDYING

Sep 5- saw Sud again in ust. org week ata??

MORE STUDYING

~kinda stopped dating that blockmate na~ ahahah

MORE STUDYING

Sep 21- saw shelly, aira, and fiel at Happy T. met someone but never talked again after that nyt. slept at fiel’s

MORE STUDYING

Sep 28- YFC GA

Sep 29- WENT TO SHE’S ONLY SIXTEEN’S 10TH ANNIVERSARY WITH MAMSH BROOOOOOO (XX: XX Makati)

ang bandang shirley

lions and acrobats

mellow fellow

rusty machine

oh flamingo

sandwich???

i forgot the others huhu

IT WAS WILD I LOVE SENA

OCT 4-5- PRELIMS ((no sleeping starts))

Oct 10-pre lims. got rly unexpected close friendships. slept at dean’s.

Oct 20- Island with shelly, ira, dean and sum binilde friends. met sum ppl. slept at mark’s

MORE STUDYING! ! !

~kinda started talking to someone i actually like~

OCT 29- FINALLY WENT BACK HOME TO DUQUE HUHU

OCT 29- went to the beach with reg trisha cavite peeps and kuya francis. saw kent kuya jm and jayson at kuya karl’s

OCT 31- inuman with friends i havent seen for so loooooong, drew, ira, pam, josh, angge

UNDAS- made my term paper about islam huhuhuhuhuhu d y i n g

NOV 3- went to the beach with yfc people huhuhu yasu mat ninyah and others. quest ang gracenote were there at villa aplaya also ahahaha

NOV 4- haaayyy left duque again :<

MORE TERM PAPER MAKING

NOV 14- first meeting of that ~someone~ im talking to. went to rou bourbon. agh i actually like this guy can u believe it

NOV 16- saw ~that guy~ again. went over to his place and met his dog

MORE STUDYING

Nov 23- saw ~ that guy~ again// study date

MORE STUDYIN BCOS FINALS IS NEAR IM DED

Nov 29- adventures with dean and mia at 3am. smoked a lot this month brOo i was ded more studying

Dec 2- mom visited me huhu lord tnx

Dec 3- Agape

Dec 8 onwards- FINALS WEEK a lot of smoking//very very very ded at this point

Dec 13- SURVIVED FINALS AND WENT OUT WITH 1POL3

Dec 15- i was high with kuya and claud

Dec 17- drank with kuya and claud

Dec 19- i was high

Dec 20- mom and micha and pau arrived

Dec 21- PASKUHAN with micha <3 ~the guy~ i was talking to ditched me lol. the dating thing was “paused” looooooool things started going downhill again but paskuhan was so fun!!!!! huhhuhuh definitely made me feel things. saaw ransom collective and spongecola <3 mia and chad r now together. micha slept in my dorm

Dec 23 and 24 and 25- christmas shenanigans in ateneo.

Dec 24- cinco ako sa nstp. i died seeing this

Dec 28- BANDERSNATCH!!!!!!!

Dec 29- went to bulacan for Kuya Oyo’s wedding cute couple

Dec 30-31- STAYCATION with the fam

DEC 31- went home and welcomed the new year. smy prof hasnt still replied for the cinco he gave me.

yaaaaalllllll 2018 was rough. a lot has happend. and im difinitely not the same person anymore. whats worse is that im kinda disappointed of what i turned out to be. :/ things are just sad. i havent been able to pick myself up until now. idk if im just in the right place or in the right time or with the right people but all u i know is that things could be in a much better place. i just hope that 2019 would put things in a better place. i cried a ton shit of tears this year. cut a few scars.left a lot of people. so much new things. it was my wildest year so far. Living independently alone, surviving college and the city life--- it was very different from what Im used to. but hey i survived and im proud of myself for that.2018 u were painful---so painful.  U made me try so hard and fail so hard at every aspect. I tried to maintain ties with friends even though it wasnt rly my thing. It was so hard for me to maintain connection agh but at least i still tried. Acads wise, I tried so hard to study for that one major prelim exam and i failed--- for the very first time, i failed a major exam. I tried to love--- yup--- thats totally not me--- i tried to date people. but lol things rly just dont work out sometimes. it be lyk that sometimes. ako pa yung dinitch HAHAHAHAH lol

the first half of the year was so fulfilling a lot of fun times. Never have i ever felt lyk i knew myself so much. everything i did was everything i wanted to do. For the first time i felt lyk i was turning out to be who i wanted to be but surprise everything turned around at the second half of the year.

it  made me feel lost it made me feel alone. its 2019 and that feeling hasnt changed. still a ton shit of anxiety. god Every holiday season i try my best to get in the holiday spirit but hah this year no matter how hard i try i wasnt just feeling it.  everything feels so static i dont wanna be like this anymore. The second half of 2018 made me feel like im the wrong place am i in the wrong place i dont know.

[himenation]

💖 BTS LOVE YOURSELF WORLDTOUR IN AMSTERDAM (ZIGGO) 131018 💖

PRECONCERT

I finally managed to get tickets, but I already bought expensive tickets on stubhub I had to sell at the venue on Saturday ;;; But first I had to go to Korean School, but I had a fever and was feeling so sick (I still am...) When we arrived at the venue, it was SO CROWDY?????!!!!! there were a lot of fans and the weather was so hot too wow :o Anyways I still managed to sell my tickets and made two armys really happy <3 

In the venue I was by myself and made a new friend and we talked so much! They were playing MVs and I couldn't wait any longer ;; My view for the stage was amazing too! I could see everything really well and I`was pretty close too :D

I posted fancams and fanpics on my twitter  

SETLIST (2,5 hr) 1. IDOL 2. SAVE ME 3. IM FINE 4. MAGIC SHOP 5. JUST DANCE (JHOPE) 6. EUPHORIA (JUNGKOOK) 7. I NEED U 8. RUN 9. SERENDIPITY (JIMIN) 10. LOVE (NAMJOON) 11. DNA 12. MEDLEY - BOYS WITH FUN 13. MEDLEY - ATTACK ON BANGTAN 14. MEDLEY - FIRE 15. MEDLEY - BAEPSAE 16. MEDLEY - DOPE 17. AIRPLANE PT 2 18. SINGULARITY (TAEHYUNG) 19. FAKE LOVE (ROCK VERSION) 20. SEESAW (YOONGI) 21. EPIPHANY (JIN) 22. THE TRUTH UNTOLD 23. TEAR 24. MIC DROP 25. SO WHAT 26. ANPANMAN 27. LOVE MYSELF

Note: I didn't film everything, I was only holding my phone at some songs at some parts, Idk how I remember everything so clearly, but they mean so much to me so probably my mind wanted to remember everything ;;

CONCERT They started Idol with lots of fireworks, am I really seeing bangtan? I couldn't believe my eyes AT ALL. The fan chants were amazing too, in my fancams Im screaming a lot AHAHHA but oh my god..... I still cant believe I saw bangtan!!! I also wanted to say they talked Dutch a lot (Namjoon: Aangenaam Kennis te maken, Jungkook: Geniet van de Show and I cant remember what the others said). And then they did the Save me + im fine and really save me and im NOT fine. it was so good SKFJKSDJFS Im fine is one of my favourite songs of ANSWER and I JUST SAW IT LIVE TOO?! And next up was Magic Shop, which is such a beautiful song. Especially singing ‘’I show you’’ to bangtan made me really teary and the precious VMIN moments too <3 I also want to say I've never seen any live performances (except the old songs, medley, mic drop, anpanman, im fine and idol)! Now Jhope and Jungkook were about to have their solo, and the dance moves in just dance of JHOPE. I need.... air, he is so good ;;;; Jungkook was still hurt and was doing Euphoria while sitting (he also did lots of choreos on the chair). And he had such a beautiful smile at the ‘high note parts’ it made me so weak and soft ;u; And I expected this song, but then I didn't expect it either, but this was another version of I NEED U and they were all wearing white and lowkey were looking like the most beautiful angels and human beings ive ever seen ;; We had to rap yoongis part too! and tHEN SJSKFJKSJ RUN RUN!!!! RUNN CAME!!!! IM SOBBING, I LOVE RUN SO MUCH?!!!! And now Serendipity was next :’) this was the most cutest, adorable, yet beautiful and so jimin performance I have EVER SEEN. He was playing with bubbles, doing a smooth choreo and smiling/giggling a lot, but the heartbeat he did? My heartbeat was total flat line at that POINT because that was TOOO MUCH JIMINess. Next up was our president: Kim Namjoon, he had so much fun performing and I did the fan chants so loudly ;; DNAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! I know I say I dont like DNA a lot, but the moment I heard the flute I screamed the fan chants so loudly and since ive been screaming for more than an hour too: I was losing my voice. BUT FIRST OF ALL, IS KING TAEHYUNG LOOKING AT JHOPE WHILE DANCING (INSTEAD OF THEIR BACKS ON EACHOTHER), THEN HE IS HOLDING JUNGKOOK WHILE SINGING? EXCUSE ME SIR.

JIMIN BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION So during this MC, the screen behind turned into a Jimin screen and it said In dutch ‘’My Angel and my world’’ and jimin is indeed our angel and our world! he was so happy and started running towards the main stage (they were on the extended stage) and he went on his knees and said things like thank you!!! I love you!! and this is my best birthday and wont forget it either!! (things like that) and the member started running (EVEN INJURED JUNGKOOK!) towards him too and hugging him ;; We all sang happy birthday to him!

Medley and then the amazing medley! they started with Boys with Fun (taehyung didn't choreo his dance :( ) but it was nevertheless really amazing! Jungkook was doing lots of choreos on the chair during this medley! During Attack on Bangtan; Jimin was sitting on the floor and looking at Jungkook and both had such a beautiful smile ;; And it was so quiet and suddenly taehyung screamed MAKE SOOMEEEEE NOOOISE and you heard a loud ‘’Bultaoreune’’ and [closed] they did the 3:33 [username himenation more closed]. their energy was mind-blowing! Especially Jimins! and suddenLY BAEPSAE CAME AN I REALY LOVE THIS SONG (they were A LOT less wild and less hoe-ing than in USA, they did baepsae how they always did it lol). but everyone jumped away from the stage to give Jhope is part anD DAMN JHOOOOOPEEEE. After BAEPSAE they dID DOPE GUYS!!!!!!!! and jungkook did the choreo while sitting, oh god I love bts so much man

Concert part 2 After DOPE they did AIRPLANE PT 2. And I havent mentioned yet how gorgeous they looked, but especially Jin! He was wearing this oversized holographic-ish shirt but looked so amazing and the namjin part [ooof], jin also accidentally exposed his abs lol (Issa win for the kimseokjinstans), but also the yoongmin part, the dance EVERYTHING! 

And... singularity came, guys.... taehyung is my bias, but he wrecked me so much this whole concert, ive been sobbing man, this man is so perfect ;; the way he sings it, his voice, dance, aura, his visuals, all A+ After singularity they did the rock version of Fake Love and they were wearing this black outfit, with lots of mesh, leather etc They looked so OOF. But the funniest part was everyone chanting I DONT KNOW NAN MOLLA (its not even part of the fanchant HAAHHA). and then finally! MR YOONGIS SOLO! MY FAV RAPPERS SOLO! He was on a table, but he was performing like he was on a seesaw (the meaning of the song is past-present though) but IT WAS SO GOOD!!! and now we were about to go emo, because jin started his solo on a piano ;; his mic didn't work properly in the beginning so the fans started to sing for him, but after one-two sentences he got his mic back and he continued and the song was so beautiful I got so teary ;; And then we had the truth untold, in other words the superior song by the vocal line ever. It was.... so...... beautiful.......... taehyung and jimin both changed their notes, which made this song more memorable. Jimin was crying though (and I think taehyung a bit too) it gave the performance such an amazing touch; how they were able to sing with such emotions. Jungkooks mic didn't work In the beginning either, so we sang for him! I was such a mess I was feeling so emotional ;;;;;;;;; im so glad TEAR was up next because rapline POPPED OFF AND CAME FOR OUR WIGS AND EVERYONE. IT WAS SO GOOD! The whole venue turned black, with greenlights and laser OH GOD and oh my god oh my god the raps oh my god. And now MIC DROP REMIX CAME UP INCLUDING THE DANCE BREAK KJFKSJDKSJKFSJJFKS jungkook didn't participate but wow THIS SONG AND THE FANCHANTS??!! THE Bodyrolls were so cool, taehyung came for my wig! 

ENCORE They all came in blue pants and their white t-shirt. Jimin also had a cap on! they all looked so handsome omg (when do they not!?) But when they sung SO WHAT, I burst into tears because I realised it was about to end ;; Jin was being very very very wild with a towel, did the shoot dance with jungkook (yes he tried to!!!) jin and taehyung did their part again, and taehyung was wearing an orange hairband (on purpose) and playing with it ;^; During anpanman taehyung was holding jungkook and singing his part, then jin came running towards jungkook and was dancing very wildly he fell on the grOUND KFJKFSKJ also our president came to jungkook too and pat his shoulders ;;; jimin gave his cap to jungkook OOOF SO MANY INTERACTIONS!!!!! and lastly... LOVE MYSELF, I cried so hard, during this song I couldn't even breathe. its one of the most beautiful songs ive ever heard and hearing those voice and message coming from bangtan really made me cry. They mean so much to me. The VMIN part had me on the floor, I couldn't handle it anymore and my friend started hugging me :( 

LAST MC Yoongi said he loved Amsterdam a lot and it was so far one of the best concerts they ever had. We were so loud! They also admitted they wanted to come here last year, but it got cancelled and they feel sorry they couldn't do a 2nd date here, but theyre coming back next year! Jhope also talked how he was sightseeing with taehyung and jungkook talked that he was thinking about things a lot lately. Jimin was being the cutie again and was copying fans, but he called us his presents too :(( Jin also talked dutch but I couldn't really understand HAHAH but then Jhope wanted say goodbye (doei) and he kept saying DOEI, DOEIDOEI, DDDDOEEII, DOEIDOEIDOEI, DOEEEEEII, DDDDOEEEI and made it sound like a sound effect and bangtan followed and they were laughing so much :’)

Jiminbar (a fansite) turned zing into jimin by advertising his birthday!! ooof the banner and the whole venue looked GREAT! 

I really loved the concert so much, and I miss them so much. I cant wait to see them again :(( theyre such great human beings, bless them T_T They know how to perform! Their vocals and dance moves are a whole another level, and if you think they sound good on CD? bish get ready for hearing it live, because it sounds so much better!!!! Im going to miss them so much, but thank you Jin, Yoongi, Namjoon, Jhope, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook for being in my life, changing it for the better, cheering me up, having good music and being such great humble human beings <3 I love you guys so much. See you next time <3 

#live report #livereport #bts #btsinamsterdam