#hazbin hotel vark | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess · 3 days

Text

Headcanon

Alastor being disdainful and aloof when he sees residents playing with and cooing over their pets like fat nuggets and kiki.

But perhaps one day as he is speaking with dear charlie in an overly paternal manner that is causing lucifer to nearly snap hus cane in half, theres a ruckus from the lobby and panicked shouting.

In seconds a great bounding Thing is hurtling through the area all lolloping teeth and claws and floppy tongue.

Vaggie finds her spear knocked absently aside by a microphone staff as Alastor queries a pleasantly surprised, "...vark?"

Surprising the rest of the hotel by not aporising the shark dog thing when it actively jumps up to knock them both over. "VARK! What are you doing here? Yes its quite swell to see you too, what have you been fed? You seem a tad slim. No matter, i think i can find a lovely fresh femur for you in my kitchen, hmm, would you like that? I do believe you would."

"Uh so, how d'you know vox's pet, Smiles?" Angel asked, knowing the creature from the rare times it would gallivant about Vee tower trying to find vox, velvette or valentino for attention and treats.

That snaps alastor back into the reality of being on the floor covered in shark spit, thanks to excited licking, aand he gently moves the shupppy off him (all 7ft) to stand. Pointedly ignoring the giant shiny eyes charlie is making at the rare affectionate scene.

"Simply from association with that insipid little picture box a few decades before, when Vark was an infant and no larger than your porcine companion rotund chicken pieces." Alastor deflects.

He shoots a warning glare at Husk when the latter snorts in response. Which is ignored.

"Sure, if thats what you wanna call it..."

Sensing gossip, Angel slides back to the bar, fat nuggets swinging wildly like a ferret.in a secondary set.of arms. "Oh, gossip on the scandalous secrets of THE radio demon, huskie? Do tell."

Before anyone can, the front doors burst open as a frantic swarm of sauce drenched voxtech employees arrive, all low.performers made into tasty little enticements for the missing pet. Followed by the overlord himself,on a three way call.with vel, val and their own swarm of worker treats. Clearly all searching with different levels of desperation and arguing back and forth.

"...-ell maybe you need to check you locked the fucking door BEFORE the orgy, val, its common fucking sense!"

"As if wither of you were paying enough attention to do it wither, its not my fault Voxxy. Tell him Vel-Vel!"

"You boomers are exhausting but if you can can it for a sec, ive got some sinstagram posts showing he was headed to the hotel your old boytoy is running. Nothing new past that, probs cause'a the scrambling thing the fuxker does."

"Why Podcast and accomplices, to what do we owe this dospleasure?"Alastor drawls, all false cheer and dripping poisoned hospitality. As if he wasnt holding a gigantic shark dog thing in jos arms like it was nothing, and pointedly flicking his ears out of reach of an enthusiastic slobbery tongue.

"VARK!" The television headed overlord shouts in a mixture of joy, relief, frustration and that strange rage all parents and pet owners feel when finding a lostling safe and mostly sound. "Where have you BEEN?! Do you know how worried daddy was?"

The employees all made it very clear they had heard nothing of such a soppy statement by looking studiously at differnt floor tiles, ceiling fixtures and the wallpaper.

Through the split screen, Vel and Val were also smooshing themselves close to the screen and using their own endearments and admonishments at the shuppy. Amusing, ut grating on the ears.

Lucifer, having met and wildly exceeded his quota for social engagement for yhe day aand off the wall.shenanigans, finds his eye twitching. "Can someone explain qhat is happening here and why its happening in my daughters hotel of all places?!"

He gets a dirty look from the radio prick, but who cares.

Before vox can say anything, muting the other two, alastor speaks.

"I believe it is clear, your majesty, thatdear Vark was not having his needs met and so came to find someone who could provide that care. And is not the hotel all about second chances?" Levels the overlord, allowing Niffty to sit on his shoulder to pet the shuppy while giggling maniacally.

"HEY!" Came the trifold scandelised reply from the Vees.

"Or maybe someone left the door open at our tower and Vark came to find one of the few people in hell who spoils him rotten..." Vox trues yo snark back and trails off as if he wasnt sure where that was going. Then a maniacal glee lights up that calculating grin, as the overlord adds, "or perhaps Vark just missed his other daddy and wanted to come visit?"

That caused an uproar.

"You two was together?!"

"That is neither here nor there, my envenomed associaate, do close your mouth before a fly... ah, actually,you might enjoy that." The deflection falls flatin the face of the whole situation.

"Hah!" Comes the unexpected contribution from the King, "so all your snarky little comments about bad parenting, and here we find you abandoned your own kid!"

"Vark is only a shark dog demon, not a child." He drawls back. Pointedly ignoring the huge sad eyes vark was using at him, but skritching carefully by the shuppys gills all the same, enjoying the delighted rumble.it elicited.

Vox and the vees gasped like hed torn their hearts out and ate them in front of their eyes. A twisted mess of indignant statements about how vark was not JUST a dog, he was amazing and perfect and alastor was a bad father to say such things when they might impact the shuppys emotional development...

"Okay, this is very weird and as nice as it is to have three overlords viaiting our lovely hotel, this is getting a little weird." Charlie says diplomatically, exhausted from tbe wgole thing and also.staying up two days in a row to qork on plans for activities and counselling programs.for residents. Which was what a combination of Vagie, alastor and lucifer had been addressing prior to the Vark incident.

That seemed to snap everyone back into reality, and Vox cleared his throat, brushing off his suit and ordering semi sticky 3mployees outside. Nifty already cleaning up their soppy footprints with an almost hysterical glee.

"Apologies Princess, i am afraid you caught my team at an inopportune time..." he bluffed, straightening his coat. "Nevermind. If you could just get your hotelier to relinquish our, and by that i mean the vees, shuppy Vark thatd be great "

"...no."

"What do you mean NO?! Thats our, again the vees, shuppy!"

"In all technicality he is also mine, but really Vox... hes quite thin, are you not giving him enough livers? His skin isnt very shiny..."

"We cant all just go get sinner meat for him all the time, Al..." Vox sighs, then remembers where he is. " hah, i mean, you ancient airwave loving fucker. Hes fine, but we'll take that suggestion under advisement..."

Velvette was visibly scrolling through some sort of online store and adding gorey content (of which livers featured prominently) to the cart. Val was looking throuh a site that seemed an odd mix of sexual items as well as animal toys. No one thought too hard about the implications of that...

Sighing and acting casually bored with the whole affair to the outside observer, Alastor demured slightly by putting Vark down. "I suppose that I shall allow him to return with you for now, with a few items to tide Vark over..." Niffty blurred as she went to grab sinner bones and organs from the fridge in his room. "...but i will be watching. You may leave him here once a month for a few days so i can ascertain he is well, you know he enjoys swimming in the bayou and eating the alligators."

Theres a short.pause, before Vox buffers through the conversation to the underlying meaning. "Uh, yeah... I'll have someone draft something up. Yknow you can always come see him at the tower..."

"Not necessary at this time,Podcast. Do you agree to my terms?"

Theres a moment where the three overlords have a technological discussion, before Vox replied, "Deal." and took the outstretched hand. A blast of green and blue energy, with faint traces of intermingled pink and purple, raced outwards.

"Very well then. Niffty darling, would you be so good as to assist the picture box in returning to his vehicle and ensuring he remembers the bag of treats for Vark?"

"Okay sir!" She salutes excitedly, skittering off and dragging at Voxs pant leg.

"Now Vark, you do need to go with..." there was a deep pause as if the next word was painful, as it came out in somewhat revolted static. "...Daddy... but i will.see you again shortly. And, i believe i promosed you a femur, didnt i?"

His shadow manifested the gristly item and provided it to Vark, who lost his little.mind in excitement. Growl yapping and thindering about before coming back for a final pet, then galloping outside chewing happily.

"Okay, I'll bite... what the fuck just happened?" Angel asked. "I feel like i just watched a hell version of two divorcees making a custody arrangement for their kid "

"Probably cause ya did..." Husk muttered, and the spider spat out his cosmopolitan.

"What?!"

Charlie is trying to offer comfort to Alastor but isnt sure what to even say because the last few minutes had been pretty strange even by the hotels standards.

"So... that happened. Are you okay? Seeing an ex is always kinda weird... and with your sorta kid too? Should we uh, maybe call Rosie?"

That sbapped him out of things and the enigmatic radio host was back. "Nonsense my dwar, wverything is fine. And dear Risie has heard all she cares to stand about that capatalistic shill over the past few decades i would hazard. But perhaps i can arrange her to visit when vark is next here, she does adore the little thing. Always has a fresh heart or two to slide him under the table..."

"Hey, dont ignore me, Smiles! Are you tellin me you was like hell married to fuckin VOX?! Is that why he has the bodypillow ofy- uhforget i said that."

"Why, that is not quite an accurate statement, my pastel pal... i never inferred it was only to Vox now, did i? And-..." a pause as the previous query registers, and his overlord form bleeds through in dial eyes and antlers. " he has a WHAT?!"

His.incredulity and discomfort at the idea is undercut by the howling laughter.of the king of hell, who is near crying from mirth.

Angel is grinning up at him. "You heard me, Smiles. Ots on his bed, and he sometimes shares it with the other vees on occasion if ya know what i mean... i thought it was hate stuff, but now i know its sad ex drama its kinda funny. Does explain that one real.weird video Val got e to do with it a few years back that never aired..."

The overlord form snapped away in am instant. " ...I'd ask for elaboration, dear gellow, but i fear that it may lead to a rampage. Lst us agree to put it from our minds and never spwak of it again, deal?"

"Deal."

A very small flare of green and pink berween the clasped.hands, and both parties immediately move back to what they were doing before everything went down.

"Now, i believe a certain princess needs to go and take a well.earned nap.before she collapses.from exhaustion, hmm?"

Lucifer immediately joins in with Vaggie in attempting to coerce their beloved Charlie to nap before she falls.over. However he does shoot the smug fake smiling radio parental usurper a very pointed glare that said he hadnt forgotten the little drama that just occurred... and felt a thrill of satisfaction as the other's grin dimmed slightly.

At the bar, Husk slips another drink to Angel and a glass of cordial to Niffty (she was a menace when drunk and had access to weapons).

"Hey didja know about all... that?"

A noncommittal hum.

"Do ya think... do ya think Smiles'd let me be like a distant uncle.to that shuppy? He was fuckin adorable and i just wanted to squish his murderous little face. Always wanted to pet him the few times i saw him at work, but... i was usually busy."

Husk cant help the laugh that rumbles.out. "Legs, whether the guy likes to admit it or not he loves that sharkdog like he does Niffty, you're gonna have Vark shoved in your face so often you'll be sick of him after a bit. Heck, qhen that lot broke up i think he was honestly more ypset about losing Vark..."

Angel felt Fat Nugget wriggle about in his arms and scritxhed the demon pigs ears, eliciting a delighted.grumbling squeal.

"Heh, i get it. Things're gonna be interesting around here then, hmm, sourpuss?"

"When are they ever not, Legs?"

#hazbin hotel #alastor #vox #angel dust #hazbin hotel husk #niffty #hazbin hotel vark #headcanon and inference of a whole new shop dynamic for the hell of it

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