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dorotharry · 2 years

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two days to be whoever you want - part one

a harry styles fic

pairing: hslot!harry x musician!reader

summary: you can’t believe the harry styles wants you to be one of his opening acts for harryween. and the short two days you spend with him and band turns out to be the best two days of your life.

a/n: this is procrastinating from university because i am delusional and have been obsessing over love on tour. i’m vicariously living through all my beautiful american harries bc harry still hasn’t rescheduled his australian tour 🤡 THIS ALSO ISNT PROOF READ SO ILL CHECK IT IN THE MIRNING TELL ME WHAT U THUNK

You still couldn’t believe it. Today (well technically tonight) was October 29th. Tomorrow was Harryween. The biggest day of your carrier so far. Not that you had much to compare it to, but still something you were sure you would always remember.

Being the big Harry Styles fan you were, you had originally bought pit tickets to both nights of Harryween, but then covid happened and everything got postponed or cancelled and you weren’t even sure if it would go ahead. You’d kept the tickets though just in case.

Turns out you wouldn’t even have to, whoever was initially one of the opening acts (the one just before Harry’s set) couldn’t end up performing halloween weekend 2021. A blessing in disguise for you. You couldn’t believe it when you got the phone call from your manager that Harry’s team wanted you, (you!!) to open for him instead. Which meant selling your tickets of course now that they weren’t needed.

Now you had always wanted to be a singer, a musician but when covid hit and you had just finished your music degree the year before that, it seemed like a distant dream. Surely enough though, in a time of need the world needed people to lift their spirits and that’s exactly what you did. You made a TikTok account and surprisingly a lot of people loved your music. You’d built up quite a following over the 12+ months everyone was stuck inside, little did you know that Harry was also one of them.

You weren’t massive like him, but you were proud of the community you had built on the internet and you were constantly overwhelmed with the support. You’d never thought in a million years you’d end up being able to release your music, be signed with a record company, have a manager and everything else in between but you did and you were so proud of yourself.

But now all the waiting was over and the concert was tomorrow and you were (to put it lightly) freaking out. Of course it was Harryween so you had to source costumes in advance, and even though they weren’t Gucci like you knew everyone else’s would be, you were happy with them. Not only would you be settling into Madison square gardens!!! Tomorrow morning. But you’d also be meeting one of your idols of so long.

But first of all you needed to sleep, tomorrow and Sunday were going to be big days and you needed to be on your best game.

- - - - -

Waking up at 6am already buzzed, even without your morning coffee; you knew today was going to be a good day. Having previously packed your essential items the night before; all that was really required of you was to have a shower, get dressed and head to the arena. But you weren’t needed there until just before 12 so you had some time to keep yourself relaxed.

Getting out of bed, after scrolling on your phone for an hour or so you decided to meditate a bit to try and calm your nerves. It worked a little before you hoped in the shower, and started your long shower routine. Which was filled with shaving, washing hair, exfoliating. The lot. The water was also rather hot so you could use this time to steam your voice in precaution to not wanted to damage it once you started to warm up.

Once finished in the shower and dressed in some comfy clothes, you finished the rest of your skin care routine and headed out of your apartment to treat yourself to some nice breakfast and a coffee. Settling yourself in one of the cute cafes just down the road from your place you stayed there for another hour or so just keeping yourself preoccupied. By the time you were done it was 9:30 am and you figured it would probably be best to get ready to head to the arena.

Time flew by as you did some vocal exercises whilst preoccupying yourself with other things to slowly wake your voice up, and soon enough it was 11 and time to catch your uber. Fortunately you didn’t have much with you as your costumes had been taken earlier that morning by someone else to the arena, and you weren’t doing your own makeup so all you had to do was pretty much get yourself there.

Arriving at Madison Square Garden it was already buzzing with people, getting things ready and setting up the stage. The fans were already lining up, and man were their outfits awesome. You were looking forward to finding out if anyone watching the show tonight knew your music, and would be singing along.

“y/n!!” waved your manager as you walked through the back entrance and into the area where all the people keeping the show running were. “Hey Grace!” you beamed back, happy to know someone. She ran through some of the information with you, like why you needed to be here earlier for photo shoots of costumes and when your set run would be. Just as she was walking you to your change room she spotted and someone dragging you to be introduced to them.

“Jeff! Jeff!” Grace frantically yelled, still holding your arm whilst frantically waving the other one. The man turned around laughing at the both of you. Grace was a professional woman but she was also a little frantic and out there, one of the many reasons you loved her as a manager but also one of the many reasons she stood out in a crowd.

Stopping in front of the man she turned to you, “y/n, meet Jeff, Harry’s manager.” Shocked to be meeting Harry’s manager so awkwardly you smiled and took out your hand for him to shake which he took graciously. “We’re excited to have you here!” He beamed, “we’re all big fans of you.”

You thanked him, still feeling extremely flustered and said goodbyes for now as he was ushered off somewhere else. We you thought, wondering if perhaps that included Harry. Grace began leading you once again to your dressing room, this time making it without distractions. There in the door was a sign informing everyone that this was your dressing room, and you couldn’t help but let out a squeal, taking out your phone to take a photo. As you entered you noticed all your stuff including costumes were there, and it felt nice to be away from the rush of everything.

“Okay so your sound check is in an hour, make sure you’re there 5 minutes earlier in case they’re running ahead.” Spoke Grace informing you of your schedule. “The first opening act will be rehearsing before you, then you go. Then you need to be back here for hair and makeup and to get into costume straight after that. Then your needed in the photo shoot room I showed you to take photos before the concert.”

You nodded, thinking out everything in your head as Grace engulfed you in a hug. “I’m so proud of you y/n, your going to kill it out there tonight.” “Thanks Grace, I appreciate it. And thanks again for organising all this.” You responded giving her a smile.

She left straight after giving you your free time to do what you needed, one of which was to ground yourself because right now you felt like you could die of excitement.

- - - - -

The hour had passed and now you were on stage rehearsing, tonight you’d be mainly singing originals but also some covers. Then you had the pleasure of telling the crowd that Harry would be on soon. It felt like such an achievement. You still had yet to meet Harry but you knew him and everyone else was going to be so lovely. The other opening act hadn’t stayed during your set as they needed to get into costume and there was only so much time in the day, but they did stop to introduce themselves.

Grace was stood by the stage with Jeff during your rehearsal as they spoke eagerly watching you. Once you were done, you headed off and towards them with a massive grin in your face. “I can’t believe i’ll be performing up there tonight with so many people watching me, this is surreal!” Jeff and Grace looking at each other amused before looking back at your with grins just as big as yours.

“Don’t be,” responded Jeff, “if that’s how you practise, you were made to up there. I can’t wait to watch you tonight.” You blushed and looked down at your feet. “Gosh your too humble” gasped Grace cause a laugh to escape from your mouth. “Anyway darling what did I say, off you go! Go get ready we’re on a tight schedule!”

“Okay, sorry sorry.” You giggled once again heading in the direction you came before rehearsals so you could go get ready.

Once you were there, you were swarmed with people pushing you one way and the other in order to get your hair and makeup ready in time. You sat there basically acting like a doll, not wanting to get in the way of their artistry. Tonight’s outfit you were super excited for, you were dressing up as Marilyn Monroe from Gentlemen prefer blondes, and you were wearing her outfit from “Diamonds are a girls best friend.” It was an outfit you had always wanted to do and now seemed like the perfect time.

Grace had organised a hot pink gown, that looked like the original with a modern twist on it, and then you had organised all the accessories, gloves and Marilyn wig to really pull the look together. Sitting in the dressing room whilst the artists finished their work you truly were feeling pretty damn glamorous at this point. When they were done, it meant heading to the room where the photo shoots would be happening for promotional things and also person needs. You could tell Harry had just finished his sound check, and most likely him and the band were getting ready in their costumes. Something you were yet to find out was what they would be.

Arriving at the room, Grace was there once again along with all the other team members of Harry’s this time Jeff wasn’t there but some other faces you hadn’t seen before were.

“y/n! Over here!” shouted Grace with two guys besides her. One you could tell was the photographer due to the camera around their neck and the other was someone you didn’t recognise. “y/n, meet Harry Lambert, he’s the one who designed your gown for tonight,” she spoke gesturing to Harry, “and this this Anthony Pham, he’ll be taking the pictures!” she finished, gesturing to Anthony.

“Hi!! So nice to meet you both,” you responding giving your hand to shake which they both accepted. “Thank you so much Harry for designing this gown is everything and more I could have wanted.” You spoke looking down at the hot pink dress which fit your body perfectly, and hugged it in all the right places.

“It’s not problem lovely,” responded Harry. “I had to make sure you wouldn’t upstage the diva himself, so I was happy to take on the task.” He joked, giving you a playful wink causing everyone around you, and including yourself to chuckle.

“And Anthony,” you continued, “Thank you for taking your time to take my photos! I really appreciate it, and I love your photography.” This caused Anthony to smile at you and tell you it was really no trouble, but even so you felt so blessed to be treated so kindly by Harry’s team.

Eventually you were finally meant to take the photos so you got into the area and started posing. You hadn’t had many photos shoots, but you always enjoyed them. This one in particular because it felt like you were playing a character. And you could really go out of the box when it came to poses. At some point Jeff had snuck into the room and had been whispering with Grace and Harry Lambert about something which puzzled you as Grace smirked your way.

It wasn’t until the door burst open and entered Mitch, Pauli, Niji and Harry dressed up in suits that things began clicking in your head. You couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed knowing this was the first way you’d be meeting the band and Harry.

“y/n! When Grace told us that you’d be dressing up as Marilyn from Diamonds are a girls best friend, we just knew we had to get you some guys to take some of the icon scene photos.” Spoke Jeff amused as you were sure your face looked mortified.

Walking closer to you Jeff brought them over, allowing them to introduce themselves. Everyone was super lovely and said they loved your work, shaking your hand or giving you a small side hug. Then finally when it got to Harry you were nervous as ever.

“y/n, it’s so nice to finally meet you! I’m a big fan!” chuckled Harry as he gave you a nice big hug. You could literally faint right now in this moment. “I’m a big fan of yours too,” you responded smiling. Well duh you thought instantly regretting this very moment. He laughed again, as Anthony ushered the 4 men into position for photos.

You began to relax as you were able to mess around with them for some pretty funny photos you knew were going to turn out well. They were all actually really sweet guys, and it made you feel a lot more comfortable knowing that.

Once you were done with the group photos the other walked out of the way and Harry stayed out for some more photos of just you and him which you figured made sense.

“So how long have you been singing!” he asked making conversation now that it was just the two of you. “Basically all my life,”you laughed, “but I just graduated college with a degree in popular music majoring in voice.”

“Oh so we’ve got a smart one here,” he grinned. Causing you to whack his arm playfully as he stuck his tongue out. It was so easily to feel comfortable with Harry he was very good at making people feel welcome just like his staff. You were sure Anthony was getting photos of all of this.

Anthony briefly said you could stop as he showed the pictures to Grace, Jeff and every other important person in the room so they could discuss if they liked them. Based on the happy voices it seemed they did.

“So what’s your costume for tonight?” you asked raising an eyebrow at Harry.

“Can’t tell you, you’ll just have to wait to see me after your set.” He responded giving a wink, “don’t know you very well you could leak it to the fans or something.”

You fake gasped as you pretended to be hurt by his suggestions causing you both to start laughing again. Finally someone came up to you both and positioned you for the main photo you were taking. It would be Harry holding a large chunky diamond necklace and you pulling him in with it, whilst you stared directly at each other.

It all felt a little bit romantic but also mostly surreal. Holding the position you tried your best to play Marilyn and look seductive, whilst Harry wiggled his eyebrows suggestively trying to make you laugh. This man was like a 27 year old child, but you were glad because right now you didn’t feel uncomfortable in the slightest.

The photo shoot came to an end the of course they all had to leave to get into their own costumes, they all waved goodbye as Harry gave you a small hug and told you he’d be watching from side stage and to, “break a leg.”

If you thought you’d couldn’t have been more excited earlier to perform earlier, you definitely were now after meeting one of your idols, who you happened to get along with really well and who also said he’d be watching you. What a dream.

- - - -

The first opening act was on and you were side stage with Grace, the crowd was going crazy and Harry wasn’t even performing yet, it was amazing. It made you hopeful that the audience would be the same for yourself. It was amazing to see everyone in costumes as well, some people had some great signs.

Their set went by fast and suddenly it was your turn. Your band prepared themselves and on to the stage you walked, especially after Grace gave you a literal shove towards the stage. Looking back she was rolling her eyes knowing you were nervous but trying to lighten the mood. Here goes nothing you thought.

“Hello Madison Square Garden!!” you yelled into your mic. “Are you ready to for Harryween?!” The crowd went wild as they all screamed and cheered. It was crazy.

“Now I know you all want to see Harry Styles,” you started, “but first I’m going do a bit of singing to get you all warmed up and ready. Let’s party!” And your set began.

Just as you’d hoped a lot of the crowd did know your stuff. There were even a few signs in the audience that said stuff like, ‘I’m only here for y/n’. Which made you want to cry in the best way possible. You were truly giving it your all and rocking out as much as you possibly could in a floor length gown. Though you were sure Harry Lambert had tried his best to make it as movable as possible.

You were about half way through your set list when it was time for your first cover of the night. Of course you’d be singing Diamonds are a girls best friend but in a more modern and sped up version. “Now some of you tonight might know who I’m dressed up as tonight, but some of you might not. I’ve heard gentlemen prefer blondes, so I’m here as Marilyn Monroe.” The crowd screamed and one girl even through a film camera up at you which you caught, causing everyone to erupt in screams again.

“Anyway this is diamonds are a girls best friend.” You smirked moving to the back of the stage and getting in a position. The band started by playing the original songs sound, as so you began to sing.

“A kiss on the hand may be quite continental But diamonds are a girls best friend”

You grinned as everyone sung along to a classic song you could only hope you were doing justice for. Trying to act the way Marilyn does in the scene from the movie. You quickly also took a photo of the audience and then a selfie on the film camera before chucking it back at the girl from the audience.

“A kiss may be grand but it won’t pay the rental,” You shook your hand gesturing a ‘no’.

“on your humble flat, or help you at the auto mat. Men grow cold as girls grow old, And we all lose our charm in the end.”

You strut across the stage trying to be as diva like as possible.

“But square cut or pear shaped these rocks don’t lose their shape!” You snapped one of the diamond necklaces off your band member (on purpose) giving the audience a look of ‘oh no’ now still playing the part. Then threw them up in the air on the last line of the first verse.

“Diamonds are a girls best friend!”

That’s when the music cuts in and becomes what you’d like to call a more rock version of the song to fit your aesthetic. The song continued to the end, and then you played the rest of your songs. Completely forgetting to even see if Harry had been watching like he said he would.

As all things must, soon enough your set came to an end, and though it was a sad moment you knew everyone would be buzzing for Harry now. “Thank you all for having me tonight, now I may be done but the person you’ve all been waiting for is going to be here very soon. Keep that energy up!” you yelled and ran off the stage. The thousands of screams fading behind you as you got into backstage.

“y/n!!! That was brilliant!” screamed Grace running up to you from wherever she’d been watching engulfing you in a hug. “I knew you were good but gosh you really come alive out there.” Spoke a very familiar Jeff.

“Thanks guys!” You beamed, “I enjoyed every second of that!” Everyone backstage congratulated you, and you congratulated the other opening artist for their spot on performance as well. You planned on staying there to watch Harry’s set with the others so once you got a hold of your phone you casually leant against a wall, smiling as you watched some of the stories you were already being tagged in.

Looking down at your phone suddenly you could see a pair of red sparkly boots, and red fishnets. Instantly you had to look up only to be met with the cheeky grin that could only belong to one person. You face instantly mimicked his expression, as he wrapped his arms around you and nearly squeezing you to death as he raved about your performance. Lucky you were wearing foundation so he couldn’t see you blushing like crazy.

He dropped you and you thanked him, but you knew you had to say something about his outfit. “When Lambert said I wasn’t allowed to upstage you, he clearly didn’t release that would impossible when you look that damn beautiful dressed as Dorothy.” You giggled as Harry did a little twirl in his dress.

“Aw, did’ya just call me beautiful?” He spoke fluttering his eyelashes, which you just noticed had small falsies on them. “F’course, everyone knows that.” You responded whacking him.

“No but seriously,” he began, “that was awesome out there, I knew we made a good choice when we picked you to open. Tell me as soon as your having your own headline tour and I’ll be at everyone of ‘em” he smiled.

“Pft, but thank you Harry.” You smiled back, just staring at each other for a moment. “Now go kill it out there on stage, your fans have paid good money!”

That caused him to laugh as he gave you another hug. Going to run off to the band he quickly turned back to pick up toto who he’d forgotten at your feet making you burst into a cackle of laughter. “Can’t forgot toto…” he responded awkwardly as he picked up his basket. You covered your mouth to drown out the laughter a bit as he ran off after that.

That man is something else you thought to yourself. Making your way over to Grace and the rest of Harry’s team you followed them to the side stage in order to watch Harryween take fold, and boy did it.

Once the set began it’s like the audience had all gone mental, as they screamed and cheered for their hero. It made sense though, if you were in their position right now like you were going to be you would have been doing the same thing, just maybe not dressed quite as well as you were.

You danced and screamed along with everyone else side stage as Harry and the band made some epic music and memories for the night. Occasionally he’d look at you and you’d pull a funny face, and so he’d return one. Every time he spoke to a fan or read a sign you’d be giggling like an idiot, sometimes it was funny sometimes it wasn’t. Just like all the fans anything he said was funny, because of who he was.

When he sung over the rainbow you definitely let out a few tears, joining the rest of the crowd in sobs. You were sure you could ever be one of those famous musicians who just watched something and didn’t become immersed in the experience. You had come from nothing and now you had just performed for everyone at the MCG, and you were going to do it again tomorrow.

But right now you didn’t want tonight or Harry’s set list to end. Tonight you were whoever you wanted to be.

PART 2 AND 3 TO COME!!

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causticsunshine · 2 years

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i wanted to put this up here too without having to make some text post you just pass by, but if i'm not around as much for louis tour or part(s) of it, i'm honestly too burnt out on life right now to be following it as closely as i truly want to, or really to be as involved in fandom/online as much as i usually am, even though i'd really like to be.

honestly? i feel really guilty about not having the energy for louis tour considering how long we've been waiting for the first proper solo tour, having my own show just over a month away, and how closely i was following the US leg of HSLOT 2021 before and after my concert.

i try to mention when things aren't going well so it's out there in a 'just so you know' kind of way but lately... i've honestly been in a near-constant state of Bad, and i don't know what to do anymore.

(very unedited and unfiltered rambling under the cut)

i'm not even embarrassed to say that i cried three separate times yesterday and i felt so awful last night i actually talked to a close friend last night about things—and please understand i do not like asking for help or being vulnerable when i'm not doing well; if i decide to at all i always either lessen the weight of things or talk about them in a very joke-y way instead of being direct and wholly honest—and we hung out for 2 hours eating taco bell and just talking despite me being on sleep aid and them needing to pack for a trip that started today. i also called out of work today despite only working two more days this week, just because my head hurts so bad and i can't stop crying for no reason every twenty minutes or so.

and...i don't just call out like that. i'm the person who lets themself be guilted into working on their days off and when they've been super sick and definitely shouldn't be walking around in public (let alone working??), as well as staying hours after i'm supposed to go home to 'help out'. i mean, i went to work the day after one of my oldest and closest friends died, even though i was told i didn't have to come in and then only stayed for three hours anyway because i was such a wreck that i got sent home.

right now, there's so many things at once that are wearing me down that shouldn't be wearing me down the way they are. i just get so overwhelmed so easily, and i hate it. i always feel like a fucking child, like i'm totally helpless, like i'm somehow just trying to get out of doing these things i need to do as an adult because 'i don't want to' when it physically feels like the world is caving in around me at all times, no matter what i'm doing.

but i can't seem to prevent it from happening or have it affect me less.

the biggest repetitive issue i can never seem to shake is: i can never seem to make enough money to afford to move out—which would really help my mental health and overall independence and self worth—and all i've worked is jobs that i don't enjoy because they're not what i want to be doing.

BUT, i also can't do what i actually want to do either because i stupidly picked a career path that's both not respected and doesn't pay frequently enough for most people in that field, so i have to continue to take on these jobs i don't want that in turn completely overwhelm and drain me because i don't want to be doing them, so i then don't have the energy to work on the things that will help me get into the field i want to get into...over and over again.

it's just this constant cycle of 1. no money for anything but lots of time, mental health on my side for once, lots of inspiration and drive but still not quite getting anywhere and 2. having money but no time, mental and physical health constantly waging a war on me, no inspiration or drive and definitely not getting closer to where i'd like to be, and the thing that just seems to keep me down and helping me stay in these cycles is... i'm always being told i'm not doing enough. or that i'm not doing well enough. that i don't try and i just make excuses and i 'should be better now' and all these other things i don't think my family understands is not helpful.

and yes, my relationship with my family is a lot better than it was when i was younger and yes, i'm very grateful they've let me live at home and when they do listen to me and understand, it feels really affirming, but almost everything i do is nitpicked and criticized, and almost constantly.

i've been told to give up on the 'big dreams' i have because they're 'clearly not attainable' either because it's me, or because of their own problems with having to settle and wait for things.

when i'm excited about an opportunity or achieve anything on my own, there's next to no reaction from them or it's somehow just not good enough, it's a waste of time, are you sure about that, etcetera.

and when i'm not doing well and i actually try to talk to them about it, i'm told things like 'see this is why you need to talk to your therapist more'—when my psychiatrist is really just there to make sure the one medication i'm on for ADHD is okay and i'm not on the verge of k-wording myself—and 'i don't think your medication is working' when for years all there was was denial over my mental health issues and shaming over considering taking medication

trying to explain to them how i get so easily overwhelmed by the things i really don't want to but have to do so i can fucking make money and be a functional adult able to move out and live on their own, and how doing those things genuinely makes me constantly anxious, lose sleep, make me sick and depressed and lose motivation etc., just to have them understand, does not work. all it is to them is excuses, and the whole 'you clearly need more therapy' thing comes into play.

not to mention how often i'm told i'm rude, i have a bad attitude, 'you were so nice, i don't know what happened', i'm so mean to my family but not my friends... and when i've talked to friends about if i am actually rude to my family, they've all told me that, 'the worst i've heard you is frustrated and it's not even that often, and when it has happened around me, it's kinda been warranted because they said something nitpicking or ribbing you for no reason'.

like????

so when i was talking to my close friend last night, said close friend who has similar issues with a parent about the mental health and work thing, they told me they think the main reason why i can never get as well as i'd like to be for these longer stretches of time, and why managing even a part-time work schedule with my serious art things as well as my hobbies is so overwhelming and stressful and never works out the way it very easily could, is: because i'm constantly being made to feel guilty and i can never make the right decisions, so nothing i do is good enough.

to paraphrase: you try to take charge and do what's best for you while still taking into consideration things they've told you, but it's never enough for them. like you've already gotten guilted over wanting to work 4 day weeks even though you're still working these early-ass shifts all day long the days you do work, at this shitty job no one wants to work, which understandably leaves you super exhausted and overwhelmed and without the energy to work what you actually want to do, when they know how bad your sleep issues are, and how much you'd rather be doing anything else.

i only took this stupid job so i wouldn't lose my car, or put any more financial hardship on my parents for helping me out, and i'm going to be stuck at this place until i find something else slightly more bearable with benefits (hopefully, because with my health issues i need insurance and i'll be off my family's plan in july whether i want it or not), and even then i know i'm going to risk falling into these awful patterns of not sleeping and not creating and always being overwhelmed and feeling stuck again, because there's no reprieve on the criticism.

i know this was so so long and i doubt anyone will read this far but i really just... i'm too overwhelmed at this point to devote real time to or energy on the things that distract me and bring me joy. i have all these art pieces half finished because my tablet doesn't want to work half the time and i can't afford to replace it and physical painting just takes time i don't really have right now in order to finish things when i'd like to, and now i'm worried about finishing momrry fic on time because i have so much to rewrite and edit and add in and just over a week to do that while working.

i'm so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and like nothing i do is good enough. i don't know what to do to remedy this constant guilt and anxiety, or find some semblance of balance in my life that makes living worth it, or how to finally stop feeling so stuck and like i'm never going to get better or achieve anything so why bother trying.

#this is really just a big long vent post so if you'd like to ignore it go ahead #i might delete later idk i hate being vulnerable but i'm trying to be more comfortable talking about these kinds of things #because the way i talk about them now definitely does the opposite of help #and if you do read there is talk of mental health issues (not really physical health issues here but it's glossed over)#and idk unhealthy? troubling? problematic? relationship with parents/family #alex talks

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