#i always feel guilty when i don't

[ionomycin]

2023 favorites

#artists on tumblr #so colorful this year #the first pieces i have planned for 2024 are more horror themed again #doing my best to relax until the new year #i love freelancing but i haven't had a single vacation this year #so trying to actually just... not draw for a few days :') #i always feel guilty when i don't #but no matter how much you love something you need to do other things too #be a person outside of it #even if the algorithms hate that #i hope everyone has a great rest of the year #especially sending strength and good vibes to anyone working customer service over the holidays #been there #i wish a very “step on a lego” for any customer being shitty to you

[ailendolin]

The ghosts gave up so much when they told Alison it was okay to leave.

They haven't just lost the Coopers that day - they've lost all the little things Alison (and Mike) have brought into their afterlives. There will be no more war documentaries for the Captain, no more football for Pat, no more Friends for Thomas. No one will lay out their favourite books for them and turn the pages every morning. No one will put on their favourite music, dance with them or set up the chess board. No one will time the Captain's morning run or decorate the Christmas tree just like Fanny likes it.

I know they still have Julian to turn on the TV or music but with the house being turned into a hotel, they can no longer indulge in these things like they used to, not with guests around. And those guests will be staying in their bedrooms, robbing them of what little privacy they have or perhaps forcing them to give up their rooms altogether. Given that none of them used Heather's bedroom when she was alive, I think it's safe to assume they wouldn't constantly want to share their rooms with the livings.

They've lost so much when they let Alison go, and they must have known they would before they talked to her. But they set her free anyway because that's what you do when you love someone: you have their best interests at heart, not your own.

And I think that, more than anything, shows how much they've grown since Alison came into their lives.

#my heart honestly aches when I think about the sacrifice they made just so Alison can be happy #I'm sure Alison put some clauses into the contract like 'the chess board must always be set up' to make it more comfortable for them #but that only goes so far #I wonder if she realises how much the ghosts have given up for her #and I wonder if the ghosts try to hide it from her when she comes to visit #because they don't want her to feel guilty for living her life #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts spoilers #mp bbc ghosts

[fluffalpenguin]

Happy Shun Duel Links Day!!! (party popper emoji)

#yugioh arc v #yugioh arc-v #arc-v #shun #yuto #comic #duel links #sorry for the long format but OOH it looks so clean when its all in one line!!! #this almost didn't make it out of my wip jail cells because i spent 30 mins on one of the panels #using references and everything but it just looked super duper odd and it was a waste of time overall #and don't even get me started on the toning (clenches fist) nothing was looking right at one point #but enough about the process i want to talk about the comic itself #part of the motivation for drawing this was seeing all the fluffy shunyoot celebration pics during his roaming event #they ARE cute but also i really really wanted so badly to see shun's visceral reaction that didn't reduce him to mere comedic fodder #(something i'm also guilty of) #so anyway like we always say in ygos we make our own food #wow im rambling anyways the last line of dialogue i had most trouble with but also the most proud of #no shade to the writers of the show (ok maybe like a LITTLE shade) but with this comic i really wanted to reflect the feelings of both #fans of the show as well as fans that left after the ending because that was something i saw floating on jp twitter during the roaming even #and it really made me Think #also can we talk about how in the event yuya was just like hey shun i have a surprise for you!!! haha :] #he was THERE when shun said never appear in front of me ever again did he think shun would just be omg yuto :) #this is why youre my favourite (yuya) #anyways last but not least #the final yuto panel is a healthy mix of guilt + existential dread and doubt about his own existence i hope that was obvious enough

[campingwiththecharmings]

ever get the feeling some people are just...tolerating you?

#like #they don't really wanna talk to you #but they feel bad if they don't. like they're ignoring you or something. #so they do it out of...some kind of pity #or obligation #or so they don't feel guilty #like pls. if that's you know that i dnw you being my friend out of pity. #and i mean that #if you don't really like me or are meh about me #that's okay #ik i can be a hard pill to swallow sometimes #stubborn af #talking to me is sometimes like pulling teeth #low self esteem and trust issues #lol #i have a lot of issues and i get that people don't always wanna deal with my shit when they have their own #maybe i just need to accept that there's no one who really wants to put in the work it's gonna take to 'crack' me #bc i'm sure it takes hella patience and perseverance #and like for what lol. what am i even offering? #my insecurities? my awkwardness? my trauma? #don't get me wrong ik i have good qualities but #those are the things you'll have to deal with if you want to be close to me #i will make you jump thru hoops. i do not trust easily. #it takes a lot to get me to open up and ik some people will not see me as worth the effort #and that's okay #i wish it was easier for me to open up to people but...it isn't *long sigh* #sorry lol i'm on my period and rly in my head today apparently #ignore me

[fury176]

.

#oh the feeling when you come back from your neighbor's funeral #who was killed by russians on the front line with a phosphorus bomb which are prohibited to be used in the whole world #and then you go on the internet and see westerners saying how PRIVILEGED you are #that what is happening in Ukraine isn't a genocide #apparently because slavs are mostly white huh? #even though russians said countless times they're ready to kill millions of ukrainians #westerners' commentary about how the mass graves and torture chambers on photos aren't real #that russian soldiers don't rape ukrainian women #that oRdinArY rUssiAnS that laugh at photos of ukrainian children's corpses are not guilty #because it's just “putin's war” #and that Ukraine should just blow up so the west could enjoy Dostoevsky and Tolstoy in peace #i always try to be strong and rational #but more and more often i feel like i can't do this anymore

[northern-passage]

one thing i find really difficult about navigating the IF space is the direct line of contact between readers and authors. we share the same space, and i think that plays a big part in this weird blurred line we have in this community and overall lack of boundaries.

for a lot of people this is a fun hobby and while i personally try to keep it... semi-professional most of the time, it's easy to get wrapped up in having fun on tumblr (or the forums, or reddit, wherever it is that you mainly post/interact) and have a lot of personal interactions with both readers and authors alike - which is fun! i like it more often than not, but i also think that's why a lot of comments in this space can end up being really entitled, over-familiar, and inappropriate.

it's no secret that most authors get really weird messages on here, and while this is also a problem on social media at large and not just specific to IF tumblr, it is still definitely a big problem in this community.

and to be clear i'm not saying that you can't be friendly with authors or readers (i've become friends with a handful of readers myself) and i definitely don't mean to imply that there needs to be a huge divide between us; that's silly - again, most authors are readers, most readers are authors, we’re just people on the internet sharing the same space. but all of us deserve to have our boundaries respected. this is my story, and we are strangers. as a general rule of thumb: if you wouldn't say it out loud to someone you just met, you probably shouldn't be saying it to a stranger online. especially anonymously.

#i also think this is why some criticisms get so messy in this space as well #authors should not always be in the same space as the readers/reviewers #and readers shouldnt be able to directly @ authors with their extremely negative reviews esp when it's subjective #(‘’i hate this’’ as opposed to pointing out genuinely harmful content or other criticism) #for everyone's sake #& on a kinda related note: speaking as someone who has been receiving targeted harassment for *checks watch* over two years now #some people really need to reevaluate the way they interact with certain media #i think IF feels very personal due to the interactivity and the customization of the mc #but not everything is written for you. and it's fine to just not like something #without sending weird harassing anonymous messages for 2 years straight to a stranger on the internet. lol #honestly criticism is another can of worms and that's not really what i'm talking about here #but i do think that's also part of the entitlement and overfamiliarity as well #so imo it's connected a little bit. something to think about #at the end of the day my advice to other authors about this is to know your limits and know when you need to extract yourself #and know that you don't have to respond to every ask #especially if it makes you uncomfortable #and im definitely not trying to sound like the authority here this is something i've struggled with as well #like i said it is hard to navigate #and authors can be guilty of this too. wanting to defend yourself or insert yourself into conversations where you shouldn't #i've done that myself #and i've also had other authors i dont know be way overly familiar with me in the past #all of this is just an unfortunate part of online community i think. but im trying to be more mindful about it #anyways. this post brought to you by the weird messages in my and my friends' inboxes lately #i just think you should not be telling authors about pesonal bodily functions in anonymous asks #as an example. lol #personal

[statementlou]

why do you think louis said this might be the only time he plays at the hollywood bowl? do you reckon it might be because his tickets sales aren’t going well and he was told that it won’t be possible to book venues like these next tour? that made me kinda sad :((

every day I get asks being like "do you think [random thing that happened in the last 24 hours] is because Louis' ticket sales are so bad?" and it's obviously just annoying harries with nothing better to do than try to make people unhappy (TPWK!!!) and maybe they're just getting cleverer here and have tricked me, but this sounds like it might actually be a person who they are getting to with this garbage and have made unhappy so fine, I'll bite-

Louis' ticket sales are going FINE!!!! He is playing great shows every night and is on target for the tour he has booked and everything he's doing is completely sustainable and if nothing changes (which it will, for the bigger; he has been picking up more fans every year) he can keep touring like this (and playing these venues) indefinitely! The idea that every show that doesn't sell out is a failure is made up and makes no sense- if every show sold out there would be people who wanted to give them money but were unable to do so. That is not how capitalism (and growing your fanbase) work for any working musicians outside the top .00001% biggest in the world! If your venues sell out, then next time you book bigger ones, and you keep doing that until you hit a size where it doesn't sell out so everyone can buy buy buy those tickets. I can't know for sure why Louis said what he said; but he is constantly in disbelief that things are going as well as they are for him and while this album and tour especially he seems to have finally started to believe we really do like what he does and aren't going anywhere, I think that's still there and that's what I heard with that. I mean also it could be next time he plays LA he ends up in an equal size but less iconic venue and booking never lines up with that space again or something, for all I know it's really hard to get on their schedule. Hollywood Bowl is a historic and renowned venue and Louis was excited to play on a stage that has hosted so many famous people and moments and was trying to be in the moment and appreciate it (as he has been focused on making an effort to do lately) because the future is a mystery and anything that is ever happening might never come around again, but I don't think it's cause for concern.

#I've been a fan of Louis for a long time and there were definitely times when that meant being sad and worried #and it wasn't just fun and good times. #so I wouldn't tell someone who was having these stresses oh if you're unhappy just go! or anything like that #I get it #but also these days for me it's just JOY for him things are going SO WELL and it makes me sad #to see people missing out on that because they're listening to the gloom and doom squad #what do people get out of catastrophizing everything? always finding something to worry about and then telling other people #they should also worry about it? let alone making them feel guilty if they don't #it seems like a terrible way to live #and I'm sorry for the fans who are being negatively effected by these sour people #blah blah blah

[multicolour-ink]

I really need to apologise to all my mutuals who create or tag me in stuff, and I'm not able to leave feedback/comment/reblog/like for days, or ever 😔

The soul reason is because I have a lot to handle (especially recently) - and I'm either too tired or just don't have time to commit to leaving my mark - so to speak.

So this really is just a message to reassure all my mutuals that I do see the stuff you make, but I am very sorry that I can't comment on or like it right away.

#I get round to it eventually 🤷‍♀️ #just...I put pressure on myself to comment or like stuff when people show me and you're all kind #but I don't want you all to suddenly be made to feel guilty #I just can't always leave my mark - you get what I mean? #multicolour ink

[daily-whistlepaw]

daily whistlepaw until ah becomes PoV day 1167

I think I finally understand how people feel when around a crush, can't say I enjoy it

#warrior cats #whistlepaw #windclan #medicine cat apprentice #this isn't my first crush lol but this one has had me feel the strongest of feelings (and might be my first genuine crush lol) #the fact I have been building up A Lot of stress for the entire week probably didn't help. #and the fact my stomach hurt is also probably at least partially to explain by the fact I barely ate last night #but MAN seeing my (latest) crush in such a pretty dress and then go on stage and play (a goddess!!!!!!! she's a goddess) #(I already bought tickets to go see the full thing; I will die but I will die happy (I hope)) #but yeah I struggled for a good 2 hours to fall asleep and also had stomach weirdness happening the next morning #man it was not fun #(and then she came to sit next to me during class and I had to play it cool (I was too deranged on sleep deprivation to really care about #being my typical brand of weird but I do sometimes feel like an idiot around her and feel guilty because then I fear that she finds me #annoying and will hate me and I will fail this again (losing a friendship over a crush once was not that fun lol) and Traumas don't help #either at all so uh I'm just trying to spend time with her I just always feel a bit worried that I'm annoying her and it's consuming my bra #I do also still feel a little guilty about having this crush; internalized homophobia/issues around sexuality are hard to shake off #and while it's very normal and stuff I never dare to go the entire way when my brain conjures fantasies that are a little too risqué #I just feel guilty man I know I shouldn't but still it fucking sucks in my brain #and god talking about this in therapy would be a mess #I might have to eventually but I don't wanna #anyways; wild vent in the tags aside; yay a whis!

[stupid-and-cute-are-enough]

cough. here's a little super short fic i wrote bc i make those too. be sure to check out the silly extra details i added in the tags!

@get-rammed

Monty lets out a heavy sigh, sitting on the much too small couch in his room, his handler close by his side, messing around with wires in the open compartment on his arm. Something went wrong with his claws again, and management is convinced that it’s the programming or the wiring that’s the problem, sicking his handler on the problem again and again. Monty doesn’t think it’s either of those things.

He huffs again and drops his head onto his free hand, boredom clawing at his... shell. His handler bumps with a small clank.

“Sit still, you big baby. I’ll be done in a minute.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’ve never been one to sit still, sweets.”

“Yeah, well, you’re gonna today.”

He rolls his eyes again, resisting the urge to let out another huff. He knows fusing over this is only gonna make it take longer. That and… he can see the bags under his handler’s eyes. It’s late. Far later than any other employee stays, except those working the graveyard shift. It seems like even the other animatronic handlers have gone home for the day. He can tell that they’re tired, but they never bring it up to him. They probably don’t want to worry him, all things considered, but that just makes Monty even more anxious. They look half asleep already, so Monty decides to occupy them with the most meaningless conversation he can muster.

“Hey, so, like…” Monty trails off, rolling his free hand at the wrist. “I barely saw any, uh, human staff around today, even though it was super fuckin’ busy. Why’s that?”

His handler stops, blinking for a second. “Oh, it’s, uh, Labor Day. It’s like a national holiday about unions or something, and people usually get the day off.”

Monty raises a brow. “Why didn’t you get the day off?”

They snort. “You don’t get the day off, so I don’t get the day off.”

Monty hums. “... That’s pretty shitty for us then, huh?”

They laugh, patting his arm. “Yeah. It is. Hey, I just finished up re-wiring everything. Give me a test and see if everything works right?”

Monty obliges, clenching his fists and spinning them around at the wrist. He mimics plenty of movements he makes while playing on stage, and nothing stutters, nothing stalls, or makes any weird noises. His internal diagnostics show no issues, either. All seems well, so he leans back and gives a smug, shit-eating smile. One that’s familiar.

“All’s workin’,” he replies, keeping up his smile when he sees the weight lifted off his handler by the news. They don’t like being comforted. Not directly, anyway.

“Great,” they sigh, slouching into a more relaxed position. They close up the compartment on Monty’s arm, giving it one last, solid pat.

“You good to recharge and everything?” They ask, packing up their small tool bag and tossing it in some random corner of the room. They barely put it away anymore, but management hasn’t caught on yet. Or maybe his handler just doesn’t care that they’re supposed to put it away. Either is possible. “Do you want me to lay with you?”

Monty thinks as they bustle around the room, turning down the lights and doing a cursory glance at his recharge station. He does want them to lay with him. He always does. But Monty sees the exhaustion in their shoulders and feels some kind of misplaced guilt. They’re this tired because he’s a Glamrock now, not just a side attraction. He became more of a handful. He broke more. He needed them more at all hours of the day. They’re his handler. He’s tired, and he’s not even human.

“Naw,” he says, tilting his head and smiling. “I’m good.”

“Alrighty then,” his handler puts on a brave smile, grabbing their oversized Monty jacket and slinging it over their shoulders. Before, Monty would’ve teased them about being such a simp, how they don’t need his merch because they already wear his face all day, or how they could literally just zip up their uniform, but he lets it go for tonight.

“Se you tomorrow, big guy.”

Monty doesn’t comment on how today is already tomorrow.

“Goodnight, cher.”

His handler leaves, muttering about how they’ll probably need to catch a bus because they “don’t think they can drive like this,” and Monty wants nothing more than to invite them back. To give them the whole couch and let them sleep. But for all the crazy hours Fazbear Entertainment expects of them, they’re not allowed to stay overnight. No one is allowed to stay overnight, except for the night shift workers, who all had to sign crazy amounts of paperwork, and they both know it.

So, instead, Monty watches them make their way to the entrance. He watches as they struggle with their ID until the heavy metal doors rise, and they can slip out the door. He strains his eyes to see them disappear into the dark until the metal doors obscure them from view and hopes for all it’s worth that tomorrow will be easier.

___

please ignore any silly typos im p sure i got them all but its super late. i wanna post this tho so im posting it. i may or may not repost this later but like. as a better version lmao ram pls tell me if monty is OOC i was punching AIR trying to write this guy 😭 i thought i knew him well and then BAM no the fuck i dont

#i was gonna write smthn for the were-beings au first but i constantly get hung up on the concept of monty/anon having a bittersweet period #when theyre still adjusting to monty becoming a glamrock and neither of them are having a good time but dont wanna worry the other #^as the virus begin to take hold it'll that it’s not his fault they're in this situation #and Anon doesn't have the right to make him feel guilty (\they\ don't make Monty feel guilty but its best if he grows to hate them) #Fazbear Entertainment does not allow talk of unions on the premises #Monty huffs a lot bc that’s how real gators complain #i visit a rescue in my state every year and there’s always one guy that’s got a lot to say. usually morris #Anon broke Monty’s swearing filter but made him promise to never swear while he's working or else they’ll BOTH be in big trouble #i also thought way too hard about how the handlers get in/out of the building after it locks down but tbh they probably use an alt entrance #i love making up fake lore i find it fufilling #fnaf #fnaf security breach #montgomery gator #self insert #security breach monty #security breach #i rlly only ever post at the most god awful times huh #I POST BC I WANT TO NOT TO PLEASE TUMBLR #my post

[fruitsyrups]

i think your hat post is really cool and interesting but susan’s hat is a cat and i will die on this hill

this is true!!! when i was talking about the modern human hats not resembling animals i meant all of these ones

(excluding the minerva-bots and finn of course)

#wait. wait. i just thought something #finn wearing his bear hat -> bc it makes him feel connected to the humans #and martin & the hiders (that old woman with the tiger at least) not wearing hats bc they don't feel that personal connection w/ the island #ok this is so obvious but i just think comparing and contrasting finn and martin is so interesting #but i don't think martin really was a hider. i don't think he felt particularly connected to any ideology or viewpoint in particular #he's a floater #yk #martin is so interesting #i dont like the amnesia theory or whatever (that martin also lost his memory in some capacity) #like to me its just that. he was able to commit enough to start a family but not committed enough to go back to them #after being seperated & having freedom #& he just super duper avoids thinking about it bc it makes him feel guilty. but not guilty enough to do anything about it #like when he said he doesn't like thinking about minerva cause it stresses him out that doesn't come across as 'can't remember' #it very much comes across as 'nah im not gonna expend energy into thinking about something emotionally difficult' #like if he actually tried to be a dad to finn he'd have to face all the time he spent not looking for him. instd of just avoiding it all #like where's the fun in making him less Complicated. you know? #whenever finn is in the vicinity martin's always tryna get out of there as fast as possible 😭 #i guess that could also just be seen as him trying to avoid the consequences of his actions (like when he's worried finns gonna try to rip #his arm off lmao) but i personally interpret it all as a guilt thing too #none of this is related to the ask but yea 🫣

[jils-things]

i went wandering off in my pokespe gallery and had to relieve how wonderful this scene played out. no kidding

please dont read the tags i got emotional there /lh

#the.plot felt a bit confusing to me admittedly but oras did so well in trying to make franticshipping incredibly satisfactory since #at the end of rs we couldn't really tell if they settled with each others feelings yet (APPARENTLY NOT BECAUSE THEY'RE PRIDEFUL AND DUMB/JJ) #but at least sapphire still had some thoughts about it but i was kinda mad WHY DIDNT RUBY GIVE HIS HALF OF THE FEELINGS PROPERLY!!! #WELL THIS HAPPENED WHERE HE OPENLY CONFESSES ABOUT HOW MUCH HE CARES ABOUT HER AND THE WHOLE WORLD CELEBRATED #in r/s they were constantly separated from each other by WILL BECAUSE they despise each other so much #in oras - after confessing - it literally ACHES for ruby to not see her like take a fucking shot everytime he says wheres sapphire???? #THEY WERE ALWAYS AWAY FROL EACH OTHER HERE AND HE FEELS SO GUILTY FOR EVERY TIME SAPPHIRE GETS HARMED #FOR EXAMPLE; FIGHTING WITH ZINNIA AND FALLING OFF THE ROCKET - LOSING HER VOICE - RUBY HOLDING THE SECRET FROM SAPPHIRE BY PROMISING STEVEN #LITERALLY EVERUTHING SHE DOES MAKES HIM FEEL ALL THE MORE GUILTY AND HE CANT EVEN TELL HER STRAIGHT HES SORRY BECAUSE THEY'RE LITERALLY #FUCKING AWAY FROM EACH OTHRHADHDHRHSBRBDBSHSHSHE #AND WHEN THEY FINALLU MEET UP VIA TROPIUS AND RAYQUAZA SHE TELLS HIM TO SHUT UP AND HOLD HIS EMOTIONS FOR NOW. THAT'S HOW DESPERATE HE WAS #TO SEE EHR AGAIN AHAHAHAHTDTHHGG IM SO INSANEEE #AND AT THIS MOMENT HE ALMOST EMOTIONALLY CONFESSES WITH TEARS HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE HER AGAIN BECAUSE WORST COMES TO WORST HE'LL NEVER SEE #HER IF HE TRIES TO SAVE THE WORLD BY HIMSELF FROM THE METEORRRRRR AKAAJAHAAJ #AND THATS WHY HE INVITES HER TO SAVE THE WORLD TOGETHER AS CORNY AS IT SOUNDS BUT ITS BECAUSE IF HE'LL DIE HE WANTS TO DIE WITH HER AAAHSGDV #AND SAPPHIRE'S REACTION WAS FAINTING WHICH TBH WAS A COMEDIC MOMENT FOR SUCH AN IMPACTFUL DIALOG FROM HIM BUT AJDHSJHDS MAKES ME HAPPY #y'all don't even get me started how this plays out when stevaide is in here DON'T EVEN #~ rambling #i just woke up and i chose violence (franticshipping) #pokespe hours

[theultracharmingladynoire]

I am just so tired of everything but I can't do anything about it

#I can change this situation if I work hard and sincerely....but I just.... can't? #I just feel more physically tired day by day and it feels like I am being lazy and not trying hard enough #But I just. Can't. #Like one surface level I do understand it's just that I am not in a really good place mentally but sometimes it just feels so...bad #I don't know. I have been feeling a lot of unpleasant feelings towards people I though I loved and cared about and it is really troubling m #And then there's this situation of me just not being good enough. And it's so frustrating #I just. There's this person who I have been really envying for a while. I felt very guilty to admit it but I don't know man. Especially whe #I can't bring myself to completely envy and dislike them out of pettiness....it just feels so Wrong And Bad #But I don't know....why do I feel like I can't do anything about this when I can if I try #Why can't I just try to change this. Change myself #I am surrounded by people who support me always....yet I can't do better and I can't do ENOUGH #It just.I don't know. On one hand I wish I was better because I do have a bit of an ego and I want to relish that feeling of winning #On the other hand....I want people who I love to be proud of me. #But I can't because I am too lazy for this can I #It's like I've hit this slump and I can't get out of it #I've tried so much to get out of it....everyone around me tells me not to let myself get too deep into whining and negative emotions and #give up...but man is it so fucking hard not to. It makes me loathe myself that #I feel like running away from my responsibilities when I don't even carry them out. I haven't done shit to feel like I need a break #I don't know I just really am dissatisfied and disappointed with my current self now. #N rambles

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#sigh. another vent post.... #almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people #uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW #don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am #but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks #anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone #so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific #person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't #Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out #without feeling guilty either way. I hope. #.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again #.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this #but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it #and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it #and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus #and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it. #......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really #picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for) #mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr #......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that #post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when #ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly #fuck #...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself #........sigh #....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for. #thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise #won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise #................fuck. im going back to bed

[titansarmy]

bianca di angelo really projected HER fatal flaw on her brother and we all just accepted it. 

#if we had just gotten a little bit more about her we would have seen her holding grudges like no other #she would have resented so much about the demigod world and HADES omg daddy issues girl #ok maybe nico also holds grudges but i think to a lesser extent and TBH his main grudge has always been the one against bianca #other than that ???? percy???? that was certainly a thing but it was so tied to his grudge against bianca that well it IS about bianca #and i mean. an argument can be made about nico being more forgiving bc bianca WARNED HIM but i don't buy that completely #i think he can have tendencies towards it but it's not really him and at the end of the day he can take a step back and see the big picture #but the bianca situation was MASSIVE he needed years to be able to take enough steps back to finally understand and see what led bianca to #her choices #anyways. nico di angelo ur fatal flaw is not grudges. #stubborn maybe??? jealous??? he's a lot actually idk what word would encapsulate his character best #i think he would meet his end bc he's stubborn tho. i think he doesn't know when to stop and THAT will kill him. #but i think all of this ties to the fact that he feels guilty. even in tsats they discuss this and i do think that is truly the core of nico #he feels guilt over what he has done and didn't get to do and even for others #can guilt be a fatal flaw?? if it can i'll take that one for nico

[spoofymcgee]

i have written again! this is very exciting for me because i have had no time for such this summer and it was driving me up the wall. so. have a fun little angsty piece about morrigan coping-spoiler alert, not super well-with her childhood, and jupiter being there for her.

#morrigan crow #jupiter north #nevermoor #my interpretation of jupiter is that he isn't always there and he isn't always the best and he has other responsibilities #and he's surrounded morrigan with people who can care for her when he can't because at the end of the day he does #have responsibilities and other things that are also important #like any parent! but especially one in what is essentially public service #but when she really really really needs him he manages to be there because he's captain jupiter fucking north and if he can't be there when #she needs him then it isn't worth it #anyway #that's the rant about jupiter i couldn't fit into the fic #so have some trauma and some 'our brains get fuckin weird about things and we don't need to feel guilty for feelings because we can't #control them' #my writing