once again thinking about Hey Melissa because this story lives in my brain like a little worm that wants to slowly kill me. anyway I've thought of exactly what changes I think would've made the story work better in my opinion so uhh here's my Hey Melissa script doctor I guess djskfjdsk
cut Paul's dog story. I get what the intention was, it's meant to be a full-circle thing at the end, but I just don't think it works the way it was meant to. it muddies the story too much and makes Melissa's motivation more complicated than it needs to be. if in every timeline she's trying to kidnap Paul to keep him as a dog (and she hates and kills dogs), why is this framed as her breaking point? why does she like him at all? and why does him just meowing convince her? cut all that, simplify it. Paul's a cat from the start. give her little club a bit of a clearer and simpler base logic: men they hate are kept as dogs, men they like are kept as cats. Melissa's been wanting a cat for so long, and she's had her eyes on Paul, and she's finally got him where she wants him.
Paul still denies that he's as good of a person as Melissa thinks he is, but instead of telling the dog story, have him just. lose his temper and be kind of a dick to her. he wanted to let her down easy, but she just keeps pushing. goddammit Melissa, he'd like you more if you'd drop this. he's made it clear he's not interested. she's not his type, he doesn't like the things she does. they're not compatible. and he's dating Emma right now anyway. can she please just let this go and stop pestering him so they can at least stay friends? Melissa's clearly upset, barely holding back tears, but says she understands. Paul now feels guilty, asks if there's anything he can do. Melissa asks him to feed her dog. the dog is Ted, and Melissa knocks Paul out. Paul wakes in the cage, afraid he's going to be defingered like Ted, but Melissa assures him no, she would never declaw a cat. Ted's a dog, see, he's a nasty, filthy dog pretending to be a man, he needed to be taken off the streets to keep everyone else safe. but Paul? Paul's a sweet kitty who's just confused and thinks he's a man, thinks he knows what he wants, thinks he's happy. thinks he doesn't like her back. he broke her heart, but that's okay, he's just a feral cat who doesn't understand that he's safe with her. he bit and scratched her because he doesn't know what love really is. he just needs to be trained and socialized. in time he'll understand that all Melissa wants is to love him, and he'll come to love her, too.
add like. one scene or moment to ground the tone and force the viewer to sit in how horrific this would actually be. one mention of Ted's wounds being infected, or the guys being cold and malnourished. just like, a single line, or a brief exchange between Ted and Paul would be enough. keep it light and absurd the whole rest of the time, but one moment that takes the situation more seriously would add a lot, I think.
have Emma bitch Melissa out after their exchange. do not have her just walk away crying, let her get MAD. let her rip into this freak who's boasting about having stolen her guy. who does Melissa think she is?? someone who deserves a cup of milk to the face, Emma thinks. it's full of spit, by the way. fuck you. and fuck Paul. you assholes deserve each other. and Emma starts crying then, at the end if her rant, and realizes she's. a lot more hurt than mad, actually. more hurt than she'd expect to be about Paul. fuck, she'd thought there was something special about him. but he's just another asshole. and then she storms out crying.
foreshadow Paul's decision to stay with Melissa. one moment of him starting to kind of like being here. she's scratching his chin, or petting his hair or something, and he's enjoying it a little. has to snap himself out of it, like he forgot for a moment that this is a waking nightmare. would give the ending more of an ambiguous terror, that maybe it's not just the bump on his head, and there was something in him that was being won over, because we saw it.
at the end Paul apologizes to Melissa for breaking her heart, thanks her for being patient with him. he always wanted to be a good man, but he never believed he was. but Melissa believed he was a good cat, and now he is. she made him what he could never be on his own. and to make up for hurting her, he'll be hers until he dies.
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snakeskin
Finally connecting the dots, Joe blurted out, "You're fae?"
Nicolò's smile fell into a grimace. "Ye—n—we don't—like to be called that."
"Um. I'm... sorry?"
"It is not untrue, but only because your language is hopelessly poor when it comes to describing the many natures of magic. We are actually called—" Nicolò made a short, melodious noise somewhere between human and violin. Joe pressed his lips tighter together.
Nicky continued, "That translates best to... snakeskin songbird root-feet venom-less magnificence. I suppose just snakeskin will suit, though the —" a near identical noise "—would not like that." He looked up and gave Joe a small, private smile. "But let us not tell them."
Joe laughed nervously. "You're a snakeskin. Right."
Nicolò sobered abruptly, standing to join Joe. Joe very carefully did not flinch away. "Does that frighten you? I would be sorry to make you afraid."
Joe had always found his extreme straightforwardness charming. He hadn't considered that it might be because he was a creature who could not lie. And yet—Nicolò looked at him with the same wide seeing eyes, hovered just out of reach so hesitantly, exactly as he had when he had worked up the nerve to tell Joe he loved him.
So what did this change?
"I'm not," he said. Nicolò winced a little at what had to be traces of untruth in it. "I don't want to be, I'm just... not used to it?"
Nicolò said, "But you would like to become used to it?"
Joe nodded, stepping closer to prop his hands on Nicolò's waist. "Yes," he said. "And I will."
Nicolò sighed. "I have wanted to tell you for so long, Joe, but—we are not allowed to say it to mortals, not until they have an inkling." He paused, and then, "I hoped you would not be afraid."
Joe laughed. "Never."
They turned back to their meal, which had grown cold as Joe had his realisations.
He nudged Nicky lightly with his knee, sitting back, hoping this was the right approach to take. "So, snakeskin. Do you turn into a snake?"
Nicky looked pleased with the question, if the small, flat smile was anything to go by. "No," he said. "Snakeskin is the best translation of the fae term for ah, a shifter."
That, at least, was familiar territory. "Like werewolves," Joe said.
Nicky looked flatly at him, not so much unimpressed as deeply offended by this accusation. "Werewolves are not creatures of our magic," he said, pointedly. "Werewolves have no resemblance to snakeskins, and are not true shifters besides. They are unfortunate creatures bound to the moon by witch magic that is younger than my mother. They are mere children."
Joe raised his hands. "What do you shift into?"
Nicolò turned lightly red. "It is not a creature that roams outside the realms. We are closer to these than to you," he said, gesturing at a tree. He bit into his lip, thoughtful, and Joe wondered when it was he had learned such human mannerisms. All the fae Joe knew were creatures of perfect, icy poise. "When it is spring... I would like to share some of my flowers with you. If you would not find it strange."
Whatever misgivings Joe might have had melted away. This was Nicolò—and he knew him, even if he didn't have any idea what it meant to be a snakeskin or what his flowers actually meant. He had nothing to be afraid of.
He placed a hand on Nicolò's arm. "I would like that," he said. "And I don't want you to feel that you have to hide your snakeskin side."
Nicolò turned his palm up to hold Joe's forearm in turn. He wouldn't say thank you, of course, and Joe didn't think he had to for basic decency, but he could see his relief and gratitude there.
"Let's eat?" Joe asked.
Nicolò nodded. He poured himself some wine, took a wary sip, gave Joe a questioning look, and at Joe's encouraging—he hoped—glance, turned towards his food.
And then he unhinged his jaw until it was a foot long and swallowed the dish whole.
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im tightening and coloring this but like also i like the sketch a lot, anyway durge ahdi is a little rat and karlach is,, hot,,,,,
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