#i am positively broken

[prismit]

THE BEHEADED VRCHAT AVATAR IS NOW COMPLETE AND AVAILABLE ON ALL PLATFORMS!

now features a friend! :)

link is in the replies!

#dead cells #vrchat #serenade is less dynamic on the quest version but it is still there!! just follows at a fixed position; can't be held; & has no text or sfx #also please let me know if i need to use a different method to share avatars because i have no idea if the vrc website works :'D #i literally cannot find anyone talking about it at all whatsoever even though it looks to be functional so i am. very confused about it #my trust rank isn't high enough to upload worlds publicly so idk what my options are exactly :') #(also i forgot to add a sfx toggle whoops. i'll do an update for that later but i wanna actually get this posted) #edit: just realized serenade's materials are BROKEN THE OUTLINES ARE GONE AUGH #that will also be fixed when i do the aforementioned update lol #pain and misery etc (i actually love doing this but things go wrong So Much lmao) #edit 2: updated with sound toggle and fixed outlines woo!

[uncanny-tranny]

Sending so much respect and love to people whose English is "broken." Whether that is because of disability, immigration, age, you haven't been studying long - it doesn't matter why your English is the way it is.

The best thing about language is how versatile it is - that means there are an infinite number of ways to express yourself. Your broken English is beautiful! It is a vital part of the English language. It doesn't need to be "perfect" to be valuable. There are people out there who will put in the work to make sure both of you are understood, just like you are putting in the work to communicate 💐

#positivity #english as a second language #i love interacting with people who are speaking english as a second/third/fourth (?!) language. it's such a humbling experience #it just reminds me that... holy shit the world is so big and it's filled with the most beautiful people ever #and this also goes for disabled people whose mother tongue is english!!!! i also am delighted to interact with y'all! #the purpose of language is to communicate and if others can understand you then who CARES if it is 'broken' #english is such a stupid language sometimes but i love talking to all kinds of people in this language. it's a beautiful part of life #i dunno what sparked this but i want people who don't speak english 'well' to feel loved and valued because you are

[mewkwota]

To keep something very clear:

My Castlevania works are not related to Netflixvania at all.

I strongly dislike that adaptation, and am very uncomfortable with the thought of what I draw for this series being grouped alongside it. Moreso, I am not interested in any discussion on NFCV period, please keep that topic to your own spaces and away from mine.

While I cannot stop you from interpreting my work as you wish, I can keep you from looking at it if I were to find out.

Thanks for your understanding.

#this applies to anything I post even if I don't have a tag to clarify it (I shouldn't have to keep doing that) #and anything I may have made viewing it positively is sorely oudated #I may sound like a broken record but I think it's about time I updated this to be very obvious on how I feel about all this #I don't really care for engagement I just post what I like #and that damned show is something I do not like #so I will no longer be tolerant of it to preserve my sanity #(I've never had to deal with a plague like this but I may as well start learning how) #and if you take this personally after reading this I don't know what else to tell you #I am not interested in being convinced to like it again and am simply curating my space

[alienssstufff]

Your art is one of the reasons i started teaching myself to draw again at the age of 26, so i would say i feel very positive - it's just shaped and colored so well!

[ anonynotes ]

#ask stufff #there were a LOT >///< #sona #so much positivity in the inbox even before this i thankful (i am not best with words) #grateful for the kind community my art has u///u #TECHNICALLY no rules were broken here i didnt say anythinnn <3

[knifearo]

i say it all the time but being aromantic fucking rocks actually. loneliness is one thing but being aro + romance averse had me confront the amatonormative expectation of romantic partnering and you know what i'm NOT worried about now? having a partner. sharing a bed with someone. kissing someone. being held by someone. cause all those physical + emotional needs can be fulfilled by all the people i hold dear in my life and it is no loss of mine to not have a partner. and it's so radical and empowering to say that i don't care and i don't fucking want one! i like being by myself! I HOPE I DIE ALONE ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

#WILL SAY IT FOREVER AND EVER! FUCK PARTNERING! I HOPE I DIE ALONE!!! #literally the power of it. my fucking life. it's for me. and i hope i die alone #aromantic #aromanticism #arospec #aro positivity #loneliness as an expression of total detachment from other people is a separate issue from the romantic loneliness that i see. #which is so fucking lame tbh. no shame to people feeling sad that they don't have a partner specifically #not their fault that they haven't broken out of that amatonormativity yet and obvi ppl are allowed to want what they want #but like. lmao. could NOT be me at this point in my life <3 #i am enjoying who i am and the prospect of a future as myself so much... #and being totally free from that manufactured structured loneliness in the absence of a romantic partner is fucking awesome. #it's me and myself babe but i am NOT framing myself as my own partner. #i am one person and ultimately my life is about me. and i love and fucking treasure myself. and i'm so excited to die alone #talking

[shummthechumm]

since seeing a few posts about TPB and how it treats firestar’s kittypet origins as a flaw he needs to overcome, wouldnt it be amazing if the “fire alone” prophecy was failed in some way? yes, short term, he DID save the clan, but in all the arcs following this? 

(looong post under cut)

yeah he’s a decent guy, but his clan immediately turns back to the status quo. sure, lionclan united to defeat tigerclan, but the relationship between wind and thunder deteriorates as soon as windclan rebellion starts. cats within his own clan, who witnessed the impact his very not-in-accordance-to-the-code actions had on defeating tigerstar. aka ONE OF THE BIGGEST TYRANTS IN RECENT CLAN MEMORY. but oh actually everyone dislikes kittypets still in tnp. dustpelt/mousefur especially love to bring up their distaste with the state of thunderclan (”too mixed”). even brambleclaw, his own apprentice, judges cats like daisy based on the fact that she isnt clanborn. it reads as thunderclan respecting firestar in spite of where he came from, instead of them appreciating a major part of his identity that they wouldnt let him forget just a few books ago? you know? getting over their biases and learning to respect others outside the clan? 

were these xenophobic ideas not utilized by tigerstar to climb maim and torture not just cats outside the code, but those who dedicated their lives to it? is that...not a sign for introspection?? 

and on a similar note: the books really want us to know that the only reason scourge was defeated was because he didnt believe in god, which is a really weird conclusion to end this arc on. we see fireheart constantly questioning the code and using his better judgement (most of the time anyway) to do what is the morally righteous thing to do. his unique outlook on clan culture saved a lot of lives. he wanted desperately to find belonging in thunderclan, but often sacrified his safety + position to save lives. but no actually the moral we’re supposed to take is “firestar became leader and proved that his soft kittypet roots couldn’t hold him down!!!” i dont know if him being born in thunderclan wouldve changed his very justice-driven personality, but maybe not being brainwashed from infancy played a factor in many of his choices in TPB.

so with these moments where firestar starts to show some of his conditioning crack through (ex: feeling horrified at the idea of cloudpaw not believing in starclan--and wanting to SHOCK him into being a believer; etc etc), is genuinely an engaging character flaw...that should be treated as a flaw. all of these standards of what a “true warrior” should be--constantly being crammed into his head from a pretty young age; against his own sense of personal identity and moral compass. does he WANT to be seen as a true warrior? does he want away with all of these redundant rules? does he want to redefine what that even means?

even in FQ he is pretty pissed to hear bluestar trying to justify an ENTIRE BRANCH OF THEIR CULTURE being axed off because no one was willing to spare territory. while that book has other issues, its still nice to see glimpses of that characterization i like slipping through. if it was an intentional internal conflict, you can take it even further. 

this is why i like to imagine that firestar’s prophecy came from whatever ancient beings sent down the po3 prophecy (i believe in oots they downright confirmed that the ancients likely sent starclan/the tribe of endless hunting the po3 prophecy decades before even mapleshade’s time). firestar may have served as the short term solution, maybe as a way to get set up the three in thunderclan. im 90% their prophecy outdates his, anyway. what was the intent of this prophecy, truly? 

was he meant to save the clan(s) from a few one and done baddies, or was something more long-term intended. if so...did he fail???

how does firestar cope with this? does he reflect? he knows about the po3 prophecy--what if he were to learn of the manipulation his kids went through by the forces he was taught to worship? ik canon firestar doesnt rlly react to the secret reveal post po3, but...in a better series...would he stand for it? how could he react, knowing that starclan targeted his very bloodline for a prophecy far older than the clans themselves? 

in a different world, would bluestar had even accepted him had it not been for the prophecy?? where would he be then? how would he fare with the knowledge that many cats he idolized when he was younger--cats he grieved for, were roped into perpetuating the unhealthy cycle of reliance both starclan and the living clans have for each other?

......is starclan even the source of the fire alone prophecy??? if not them, then who was??>?? how far did this go?? how far is starclan willing to go to get their desired outcome?

 give me existential  firestar, PLEASE 

#rewrite tag #wc #shummy screaming into the void #longpost #longasspost #again fire shouldve partnered with scourge again #but also firestar living and realizing that his position in tc #at least in arc one #was VERY conditional...on a much deeper way than he previously couldve ever imagined #my thoughts are very scrambled i have a lot #i apologize if anything is unclear feel free to reply or rb with ur thoughts #know i mostly focused on tiger here but also brokenstar is also a monster produced directly by the clan and the codes most toxic traits #thanks raggedstar #uh oh starclan its actually not good to meddle in the lives #of living cats its not like u directly spawned chars like broken and tiger while doing so #maybe i will edit/elabortate more later i am very tired

[blackjackkent]

Merry Christmas (to those who celebrate) and Happy Holidays (to those who don't). I feel incredibly lucky to have met so many awesome people around here, to be able to throw feels at y'all and have you throw them back, to experience the craziness of the internet together. I hope you all are having an awesome holiday season and that your new year ahead is tremendous. <3

#Christmas here has been uh. hectic. my grandmother tested positive for covid this morning #so the whole family party has broken up and me and my brother are flying home tonight #big bummer of a day tbh #but I am sending tons of hugs out to y'all and hope everyone is having a great day <3 #also finished a new hector/karlach fic while I was out here that I'm excited to share once I've taken some time to edit it c: #bjk talks

[14faber]

impermanence - alex dimitrov / mediations in an emergency - cameron awkward-rich / the thing is - ellen bass / hey jealousy - the gin blossoms / mornings at blackwater - mary oliver

#brock faber YOU are cursed by the minnesotan sports narrative #if mason nevers doesn’t get an a… you will see me on kare11 #him being so red in the face and laying on the ice with his stick broken. literally had to just stare #i was literally speechless #the palpable devastation in the chip pics literally kills me #but i am going to be positive! i am so excited for next year! i’m only still 85% devastated! #brock faber #matthew knies #mason nevers #logan cooley #jimmy snuggerud #oliver moore #asw #* #ncaa #hockey #minnesota golden gopher hockey #gopher hockey #gophers #minnesota wild #wild #faber #knies #nevers #snuggerud #cooley #moore #dropping this and then going to watch atsv 😎 #long post

[feferipeixes]

vent

#content warning for detransition #it is hard to exist in the world as someone who regrets transitioning #i'm not transphobic. i support trans people. it just wasn't right for me #and yet my experiences get lumped in with people who spout hateful rhetoric #i'm not here to take away anyone's right to do anything. i believe in bodily autonomy. #i don't want to be a precautionary tale or a right wing news story. fuck terfs. #all i want is empathy #i can't talk about how traumatic my transition was without people assuming that i'm talking about all trans people #i'm just talking about me. my experiences are not normal. #i am a victim of homophobia and malpractice. i was tricked and abused. #i saw a post about detrans positivity and it was all about how you can change your mind and it's fine #it's not fine for me #there are major irreversible medical changes i underwent that i did not truly consent to #i struggle with it every day. i can't just turn back. and people tell me it's my fault. #i'm happy for people who feel supported by that sentiment but i don't feel supported by it #i need love and support for people who DO feel broken because of transitioning #the grief that people like me experience is unimaginable #and so often we have to face it alone because we are seen as traitors #i promise i still support you and your transition despite my pain #please. acknowledge that I exist.

[haunted-radishes]

At risk of reigniting discourse.....

What I meant by the NMJ cop poll: say this character's position holds a nominal duty to protect that few of its holders uphold in practice. He's expected to enforce laws, and has the authority to use any means he sees fit in order to do so, including use of violence, with little to no oversight. Does he hold himself properly accountable, or is one of his blind spots that in his place as arbiter, he unconsciously puts himself above the rules that govern normal people?

How I guess it came across: say this character is a violent asshole who's basically immune to consequences. Does he still follow superficial rules to maintain a plausible facade of morality?

#you see #in my current reading #nmj is a righteous agent of a broken system #i am looking for nuance! #everyone in this story is navigating A System #and i think the differences in their positions and approaches are interesting #and like. jgy and nmj's dynamic feels like a criminal who got off easy for his worst crime #+ the officer who arrested him for said worse crime #said criminal then went on to face disproportionate punishment for smaller crimes and harassment for perfectly legal activities #but the officer will never forget That One. and for good reason! #also that criminal infiltrated the mob and never faced charges for the crimes he committed in doing so

[every-aj-needs-an-angel]

Just finished RWRB no one look at me

#just a mess of tears and snot #i know i'm late to the party #but i just need a minute #i knew it wouldnt be anything like the book i didnt expect it to be but thats the first book to film adaptation i've just been able to enjoy #i didn’t think i would when i saw major characters were missing but holy shit #i am in awe!! i am broken and i am whole and a little part of my queer self was just fixed #i don't have the words to do it justice and i've no doubt there are better ways but that was beautiful #i don't have another word for it every second was just beautiful it was funny & silly & tender & sweet & a little bit sexy & so so beautiful #if anyone needs me i'll be in the fetus position crying about this for the next 5-7 business days #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #rwrb film

[that-one-loz-nerd]

i finished clone wars what the actual fuck why would they end it like that

#/pos #< i mean it wasnt a positive ending but it fucked me up in a good way ig #i am a broken woman #what do i even do with my life anymore #time to watch bad batch ig #or maybe rebels idk i cant think right now that ending destroyed me #clone wars

[youregonnabeokkid]

e anche oggi le madonne le tiriamo giù a secchiate

#not to be a broken record but. i had to work my ass off to get where i am in less than two years #and if were in the same position as some of the men i work with #what they are doing now to ‘help’ would be considered unacceptable #1. because it’s stuff i literally did when i first started this job #and 2. because WHY IS IT TAKING YOU THREE DAYS TO DO SOMETHING #THAT AT THE END OF THE DAY I STILL HAVE TO DO MYSELF #che cazzo raga io sono stanca piena rasa

[quietwingsinthesky]

watching taxi driver but what i am actually seeing is the elaborate alternate version im constructing in my head where lucifer has to escort sam through hell in order to save bela, who didn't deserve the fate she got, and sam is so filled with hope that he can right this wrong and complete the trial and then when they get there she's a demon <3

#'escorts' thats what lucifer intends to do anyway but it turns out that hell Likes sam #hell wants to be what sam wants. it will shape itself for him. #sam wants hallways and easy to find souls? sam is getting hallways and easy to find souls #and cages of course. sam expects cages. so there are cages. #anyway. cue lucifer getting increasingly upset that hell is out of his control. because it isn't fully in sam's either. #meaning they're both in a pretty vulnerable position. lucifer less so he could break out of this pit. not the cage but regular hell? easy. #but sam could get snagged on something on the way out. torn to bits. eaten alive. and lucifer doesn't want that. #anyway back to bela. they do find her. she's long since turned to a demon. it's a way of survival down here and she survives #and she doesn't fucking want sam to help her. in her own words she'd say how she's nearly clawed her way out of the pit herself #that sam wants to take her deeper in to take her out and fuck that she's almost made it on her own #and add to that that a demon aint going to heaven. so now what. #(well now is the time for arguing and sam being like We Don't Have Time And I Can't Leave You Behind Without Being Broken By Guilt. #lucifer (not helpful): what if i just catch her and drag her out. || Sam & Bela: NO. #i do think bela accompanies them out i think she sees that she has to #(forgot to mention. bobby is not in hell in this au. because we don't need him to save.) #anyway my point MY POINT is. they still need to save Someone. and sam's like. who am i supposed to find. #the answer is jake talley btw. who has not broken to hell in all this time. and is quite despised by the current leadership. #(also. down the bloodline to be a potential lucifer vessel. so when lucifer sees him he goes <3 hiiiii.) #and all four of them dig their way out of the pit. jake goes to heaven. he and sam have A Moment. #and bela is like cool :) thanks :) now fuck off and leave me alone i hate you die and goes to do demon shit #idk. thoughts.

[oscill4te]

sometimes a person doesnt wanna sleep bc she is avoiding tomorrow and thinks stretching the night out somehow will make tomorrow not happen

#its not that big of a deal i just may have to see my family. im sorta getting used to it actually #idk if i built these epic coping skills on my own or if its my meds. either way im like eh... i dont wanna see em but ill live #it could be fun even. i actually like my family its mostly just my dad i cant seem to feel okay around but he knows that so he avoids me & #its all good it works for both of us yeah #i am very flip floppy on family recently idk but luckily its tipping towards neutral/positive recently #despite saying all of this i still dont wanna go and its very possible i might not go idkk i genuinely wnna like. isolate forever #i feel like i broke the family by leaving so idk its like returning to a crime scene in a way. i feel guilty of how broken everything is smh #txt

[deicidedruid]

Okay so thoughts on episode 75

(Tw for mentions of abuse, religious trauma, isolation, neglect, and a lot of other intense stuff. This is a discussion of Gillion, his past, and how he’s changed. Sorry it’s kind of a ramble I just needed to get my feelings out).

One thing I have considered with Gillion Tidestrider is what drives Gillion to be so crazed in his search and defeat of evil. This episode has given a lot of context on that front. He was trained from a young age to see black and white to a disturbing degree. Since he was a child he was put in simulations not only with the enemy, but with their relations as well, such as their children. In these simulations he was probably forced to kill children, cementing in him the idea that evil is evil no matter the face. He was forced to take these actions not only for the elder’s approval but also because the situation was either kill or be killed.

With Charlie’s description of young Gillion I doubt that the elders spared any brutality when training the young Tidestrider. All the people in the simulation were programmed to kill him, and to have an immense hatred for him and his people. This creates a straw man for Gillion, an idea of the kinds of people who live on the oversea and how despicable they are. Gillion goes through this simulation again and again until the people’s faces are blurred and they just take the face of evil. When he was younger, he probably failed the simulation many times. Gillion mentions throughout the series how he’s not exactly “good” at being the Chosen One. In the sun temple he is excited at the prospect of there being another chosen one, saying “maybe he’s actually good at this.” In the flashback with Edyn in one of the earlier episodes, Gillion talks of his repeated failures.

Failure was a common theme of Gillion’s childhood. So his ideals, his antipathy towards evil, wasn’t only taught to him, it was beaten into him. As a child, in armor too big for him, he had to confront death time and time again. And the elders probably let him come close, to let him feel the consequences of evil intimately. So it makes so much sense how crazed Gillion is to fight evil. It’s pavloved into him, but also he doesn’t want anyone to feel like he did. He doesn’t want anyone else to be beaten or hurt, to feel fear and desperation. Although he gets rather brutal in his fighting of evil you can see his genuine care and empathy for the people he saves.

And in the oversea, it’s his first chance to be a real hero. For the first time Gillion is in an environment where he can actually win. In the undersea no matter how much good he did, the elders were still relentlessly disappointed in him. But in the oversea he can actually be a hero for once, a real one. He can finally save real people. That’s why I think he was so quick to make the deal with Nicklaus. He is so adamant to beat down evil, real evil, because it beat him down so many times. He won’t let others suffer like he did. This is what gives Gillion this kind of feral rage against it.

Shades of grey weren’t programmed into him, it’s evil that hurts people, evil that made him bruise and blister, and evil that made the elders disappointed in him. Tested again and again in simulation after simulation he is conditioned to butcher evil. And although his morals have changed, the deep urge inside him to hunt down evil will never dissipate. Killing is second nature to him. But there is no doubt that he has changed. After Gillion kills Grimm he doesn’t go after Anastasia because she had yet to do anything wrong. He doesn’t go after Aslana and her sisters even though they helped the empress. He doesn’t kill the king of Edison kingdom no matter the pain he caused, he doesn’t hurt Jay after she almost killed him, and there’s countless other examples.

Gillion could have easily been a villain if he hadn’t met Chip and Jay, two people that did some bad things but were not evil. They showed him that people don’t have to be perfect, that they have layers. As a kid sheltered from any kind of interaction besides the elders who he deemed as perfect people, that’s something incredibly important for him to learn. He regarded his own flaws as aberrations his doubts as failures but his friends make him realize that those things are incredibly normal. Through this Gillion realizes that the elder’s teachings are flawed. Though he still has the strong urge to hurt evildoers, his evolution of what is evil has changed. And he has evolved as a person as well, from Champion of the undersea hero of the deep, to something a bit more like Gillion Tidestrider, friend of Chip and Jay.

#rambles #gillion tidestrider #jrwi #jrwishow #jrwi riptide #I am so consumed by what happened in episode 75 #it’s all I can think about #I wonder if Gillion’s going to be completely broken down #by the time Chip and Jay find him #I wonder if he renounces his position as chosen one #to just be their friend #to be the real Gillion and not just his title #and if I keep going I will write another essay #so bye #jrwi riptide spoilers #jrwi spoilers