#i am very out of the loop here

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Names revealed and returned. (context)

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#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #red vs green saga #ouyang zizhen #jin ling #lan sizhui #lan jingyi #Nameless red disciple #*Tin can crumpling sounds* #[The Nameless Red Disciple] has forfeited their name. Ouyang Zizhen is green now. #Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll! Everyone campaigned very hard! I am glad to see the final result was rather close B'*) #Nameless red disciple is sticking around still but to a lesser extent. They need to go on a gender quest now #I hope most people saw the red vs green poll. Or else this is even more wild and wacky than intended #This comic changed so many times and I'm still not sure it's as funny as I hoped it would be...oh well. #Jin Ling may one day need to go on his own gender quest but thats many years in the future #for now JL is so out of the loop on everything. He is aware gay people exist and thats it #I was looking back at old comics and noticed that LSZ and LJY were frequently standing drawn very small in the bg reacting to things #so heres a little throwback to that era B*) #This fills in for the part where the juniors fight the living corpse hoard. So there's at least a sliver of canon timeline going on #We're getting so close to the end of season 1! In retrospect I have spent too much time on this arc *even with* cutting out several comics #it's all a learning process!

[sparring-spirals]

i just love it when characters Say Things. u kno. just a real sucker for characters. Saying Shit.

Imogen saying "She's not any person. She was special. She was chosen." (Chosen, once, twice, thrice, for an early end). Ashton saying "Do I look like a person who doesn't know that?" (That things often have unsatisfying ends). F.C.G saying: "It seems kind of hard." (being alive, finding purpose). Orym saying "It always mattered." (F.C.G's life, what they chose to do with it, them). Ashton saying "I have had a lifetime, of bad hits." (Hits, and falls, and losses, that I am weathering. But I am telling you where I am drawing my lines, here and now.) Imogen saying "Laudna, you're safe!" (we chased off the shadows, you're not alone, you're safe, we're here).

F.C.G saying: "Well, I have to live."

Ashton saying: "Unfortunate, but true."

im just. such a fan of characters saying things, all the time, about all kinds of things, with all kinds of meanings. God i just. love it. when characters say shit. u feel me.

#this post brought to you by theres so many things from the last ep that are so good and so many Specific Lines to make me go feral #god characters are just out here Saying Things and i am. cheering wildly in a distant room. #critical role #cr spoilers #c3e36 #quote #bell's hells #orogorgorogoghghrhfhhr #spar speaks #ive got asks in my inbox and stuff to reblog but ive just got like 6 conversations on loop in my head #there isnt really a theme in this post sorry im just obsessed with SO many convos in this ep #anyway cheers ill get to the asks soon. probably. maybe. #character meta #??? very vaguely i GUESS #my meta #what a CRUNCHY episode #anyway if i were to make a nonexhaustive list of things im chewing on: #- bells hells (the therapist group) diving into a nightmare scape to confront and fight laudnas personal demons (see last meta) #- fcg is alive and has to live for themself now and thats Scary And Hard And Kind Of Sucks (ur so right king) but it MATTERS #- imogen darling how u doin #- ashton and his approach to powerful people and their own shifting worldview #- chetney grabbing pate and the tools off the table #- orym bud how u doin #- fearne... fearne i think youre okay rn. maybe. i think you miss laudna tho which Me Too #- LAUDNA ARE YOU OKAY #narrative meta

[me-sploh-rada-imas]

Bluza, Joker Out (translation by @grnpurplgrmln) // Lighthousekeeping, Jeanette Winterson // Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit, Jeanette Winterson // Maurice, E.M. Forster // The Price of Salt, Patricia Highsmith // Under the Udala Trees, Chinelo Okparanta

#joker out #bluza #i am on a mission to convince everyone that bluza is their queerest song yet #so here is a comparison with a load of queer literature #it really has the yearning that only gay people understand i hope that helps #not bothering tagging any of the books or authors lmao this is for a very specific audience #bluza is SO GOOD i have been listening to it on loop since it came out i am responsible for so many views on the jo subs yt video #putting it as the source because obviously that's where i got the lyrics from

[solradguy]

Whenever I see someone being transphobic on twt in a bridget thread i reply with three pictures of my mains: ky kiske from ac+r, ky kiske from rev 2, and ky kiske from strive.

it self selects for people who actually play the game. it’s canon that he’ll fight off transphobes with the blade. and if they actually played guilty gear they’d get the underlining messages

While it can be really funny to bully these guys back, please keep in mind that nothing you can say or do to these people will hurt them or waste as much of their time as what they say will stick with you or waste your time. It might be funny to send them a bunch of Ky pictures, but what they're doing is laughing that the only response the people they hate can give them is sending a bunch of pictures of anime boys.

The only thing that works is blocking them. They've turned being an asshole into a recreational sport and getting any sort of response in return is a victory for them.

#asks #Unfortunately I was an asshole on the internet once (not a vicious transphobe just a basic internet asshole) #I know exactly how these people function because I was there once... #When you don't take the person you're arguing with seriously it's very easy to laugh at every single thing they do #Which is what these guys are doing. It doesn't matter how well thought out the counter argument is. They don't care and they won't care #All you can hope for is that they're young and they grow out of it (I did) #I feel bad for them because I think about what led to me being like that decades ago. Are they going through the same thing? #I was like that because I was in a hopeless situation and hated myself and hated everyone else #People arguing back just proved my point that everything sucked and my hate was justified #It's an awful feedback loop. People being kind to me felt disingenuous. Why should they be kind? I hated them. They had no reason to be nic #I had to get to a point where I was willing to help myself crawl out of that pit before I let anyone else even get near me emotionally #I still remember the day when I realized I was being a fucked up little shit to everyone lol #Early June 2011. It was sunny with no clouds and there was a cool breeze. I was listening to In This Moment and I realized #'What the hell am I doing? Do I want to be like this forever? Get your shit together man' #It was a slow process from there but I did get out of it. Slowly. Very slowly. #There's a lot I did that I regret and can't ever apologize for because it was so long ago and the names and faces are gone now #Apologizing at this point would be selfish and only for my benefit anyway. I can only hope that what I did didn't hurt people permanently #Anyway. I've never talked about this on here before because it's the kinda shit that gets put on callout posts out of context #So. I am laying my naked soul bare and raw for the sake of underlining my original point: Internet trolls don't care

[akkivee]

idk if rei has more in store for rosho and sasara!!!! but so far his master plan for them was to bring them back together and it would be so funny in a dank way if his master plan for hitoya and jakurai was the same lmao

#vee queued to fill the void #*puts on the tinfoil hat* ​rei had a say in the pairing in the 2nd drb and insisted bat and mtr happen— #lol /j but i do still wonder y’know???? like why lol #my hypster magazine isn’t going to be here for another few weeks so i can’t quite verify it myself #but there may be some interviews with the cast based on the line homies hoods lineup #and rosasa mentioned that they haven’t seen rei in a while so they have likely been completely left out of the loop #so my hope is that rei approaches hitojaku in this very convenient stage set up here for whatever his next phase is #tho that does make me a tad concerned about what rosasa will be doing in next phase lol but when am ever not concerned about that 🥴

[beegswaz]

guy who is Severely distressed.. like a Small animal

#MY PC ISNT. WORKIMF. IT BROKE MORE. IT FIXED ITSELF AND THEN NUKED ITSELF #IT WONT LET ME PAST THE RECOVERY OPTIONS #IM JUST IN A LOOP AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO GWT OUT AND THE ONLY GUY #IN THE HOUSE WHO CAN MAYBE FIX THIS IS *SLEEPING* #WHAT AM. WHAT DO I DO. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE. I AM. #I AM VERY DISTRESSED.

[cinna-bunnie]

lmaoo not me on vacation missing my manager 😩 she's a real cup of sunshine omg.. i can Feel when we haven't had our one on one in a sec bc I'll miss talking to her and won't be as energetic bc i haven't had my fill for the week ૮ – ﻌ–ა ♡⁠ we work in different offices but it's really really nice getting to see each other in person sometimes too bc she's so so pretty and rly fun and sweet and gives incredible hugs 😔💕🥰

we always end up hanging out n talking way longer than we need to, last time she was like omg yeah let me hurry up n finish so u can do ur thing and i was like listen.. i am never rushing u i love having ur company u are always welcome to stay as long as u want i can just work right here ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა take ur time ♡⁠

#we talk and it gives me Strength fr it's not fundamentally motivational or anything i am simply a very gay girl having a great time #yeah it's some business but this is just some Girl Time 🤭 heyy girl what u up to #i look forward to seeing her again. I'm not in a rush to have to work again 😹 but god if there's a silver lining in it!! #our beloved executive director who isn't above rolling up her sleeves and doing The Work that keeps us going herself. regularly 😭 #she helps our small IT work on tickets when she can and she goes between the two offices in our half of the state regularly #so it's rly helpful w knocking out some of the in person stuff too and like. #what i really really respect about her is coming from corporate the volume of tickets itself would be an issue and they wouldn't care How #it'd just be your job to figure out how to fix the problems w other teams and make them go away #where here she understands Why we have the tickets and is actually pretty in the loop on what's going on and is super #understanding and is just sorta doing her part!! and she's a busy gal!! yet she does it all and loves it and idk she's just really cool #like not just a leader in name but she really walks the walk you know? i love u girl i appreciate you

[thompsborn]

me, 30 minutes ago: its 1 am and i should sleep <3

me, immediately after: refreshes tumblr, decidedly does not go to sleep

#i say this like its funny haha #but tbh it is mostly because i am so fucking. Devastated about the horrible shit happening to palestinians #i saw so many videos and pictures today of such horrible things that they’re suffering through right now #and im seeing it through a screen from my safe little bubble in my house and its still destroying me emotionally and mentally #i cant imagine the fear and horror they must be feeling in gaza #and the fact that they have probably felt this fear and horror for a very long time because of israel’s ethnic cleansing of their people #im in such a privileged position and the least i can do is spread awareness and i donated what i could and i have plans to reach out to my l #local government and encourage them to speak up and condemn the genocide of palestine and im looking for local protests and shit like #im gonna do what i can but i know i cant do enough as just a singular individual with low social impact and not a lot of money #but i’ll still do what i can no matter what #i wouldnt be able to live with myself knowing i sat back and said nothing while the palestinians suffered so much #which honestly i already did because i wasn’t educated about it prior to this past week and thats entirely my fault #i mean partially i know its western civilization not showing the horrors that israel has committed but i try to stay in the loop on things #and try to be aware of things happening in the world and i failed to become aware of this before now #i could have been doing more for years to try and spread awareness for palestine and i never did and i wish i could go back and change that #but i cant #but what i CAN do is speak up now that i know and spread awareness and refuse to let palestine go down without a fight #sorry this is a fandom sideblog i know ive been posting a lot on my main blog and i do need to go to bed and whatever #its just hard to sleep knowing that as i sit here safe and comfortable in my bed there are children families innocent people dying in gaza #and the world is actively and successfully trying to paint palestine as the bad guys #its fucking awful and despicable

[ghost-of-you]

You’ve made me want a t-shirt that says “back to the days when the days were better” on it.

I have 2 and I highly recommend it kspakpakapakapaka you should get one if you can.

#legit love these #and considering i made the design at 3 am after looping the song for 3 hours i think its a very fitting design lol #the circle with the old logo #i have the design in high quality if you find anywhere that would print it out in a shirt i could send it to you #it's a nice line #i was asked #anon 😌 #oh god my tags are gone #what even is the tag for shit i painted #should i have a tag for all the shit i made and posted here?

[deathtodickens]

This animation class is kicking my ass but I made a dancing llama and that is all that matters.

#early retirement things #in pursuit of arting better #only fifty more years until i have enough patience to animate bering and wells #lol jk that is not happening by my hand #the point here was to create an animated symbol instead of an animated symbol on top of a looping background and #the background loop is where my brain fumbles because i'm sure there is some easier way to do this but i am mostly figuring it out on my ow #because the instructor is very much the “i won't insult your intelligence by assuming you don't know everything i'm talking about already” #ype and i am like “no please explain it to me like i am five” #also their subtitles cover the area of Animate where all the frames are so i cannot even see what they're doing half the time #plus working 60 hours a week because im trying to be rich lol #did i mention my kitchen is still under construction #its fine and im sure the universe has a plan but right now i am juggling more than i am comfortable juggling #it's not even a bad or stressful thing it's really just an i don't want to be doing all of this at once thing #the end

[shorterstrides-fasterpace]

6:01 and have not started yoga yet. I am in a very negative mood. Really just want to cry.

6:18 -I know sitting and waiting for a better mood to appear literally never works. But I seem to be attempting it.

Going to get dressed for the day and head down stairs. Pack my lunch etc.

If anyone has extra encouragement or positive words today I will happily take them.

#last night Matt was frustrated with kitch chores. he has been carrying the bulk of the chores for months now.... #But instead of helping I am shutting down and sulking. Then sulking because I am not helping.... nice loop eh? #Uselessly feeling guilty for working out since he feels it displaces chore time #but I am just sitting here feeling guilty. not working out OR doing chores. #We were arguing last night #not about anything really. I was just hungry #and he wanted to packc his lunch and the dishes weren't done. and the laundry wasn't folded. #and he blamed it on me. when he has been asking me to work on my project more diligently.... and he is now upset because I did? #I wanted to go to bed sooner. I can't keep doing 5-6hrs of sleep a night. #I went upstairs almost on time #but then to make up and be friendly we talked for a biut an hour. so I did not get the sleep I needed. #now rinse and repeat #It is hard to do a workout when you know you will very probably have people make your life more difficult for doing it.

[salsflore]

#going back to school tmrw and i obviously have Feelings™️ abt that #warning this is a vent? post? idk not really cuz i'm not sad nor do i need comfort and theres nothing for me to really vent about but #well! i suppose you can just call it a way for me to talk about my feelings a little. but the way i am right now? i'm actually fine so if #anyone reads this then don't worry! ya know but. anyways this morning i woke up and overheard something i shouldntve #and for a moment (and what feels like the veryyy first time in my life) i considered if it was worth it to kms LOL a bit overdramatic right #to clarify i WOULD NEVER. i do not want to die but just! very briefly‚ i thought it’d be better if i did #(only for that short short short moment) did i consider if it was truly the best thing to do. like there was a possibility i really would #but i know i would never actually #and now i just wonder what i should do! i guess. like where do i go from here? what am i supposed to do to cope? #how do i get better? very obviously i don’t wanna get stuck in the same sad loop of self pity or anything! #so when therapy isn’t an option‚ and school (an unavoidable) seems to be 85% of the problem‚ what CAN i do if not just tolerate it? #what option is there for me? reach out to my friends? i feel like talking it out doesn’t do anything for me anymore #my calendar is littered with small events and reminders just so i can get by. when does it get better? where do i go from here because it #very much feels like i'm going to be stuck in this cycle forever. i know theres good intentions but i am Very tired of hearing #people say they're there for me and articles telling me to go outside and touch the flowers i! #i don't know what to do with myself anymore. i think i'm going to have to live with this feeling forever actually #but i really do want to get better. i suppose i just don’t know how #⠀mika’s chatroom !⠀

[universalsatan]

sometimes i forget how distinctly american my mother is, and how we are generally a product of our surroundings

#personal #just found out she’s pro-military!!! and she was accusing me of being anti-military because of watching x files. like girl i am 10 episodes #into this show. i have had these views for a Long time (VERY specifically about the us military). and im just like. damn. like yeah of COURS #it’s not plastered everywhere. ‘give me some peer reviewed articles’ i would but i just cant bring myself to get the energy to get stuck in #this exhausting npd abuse loop again (sounds exaggerated but im basically falling for exacerbating the situation. which is why it’s always #hit me the hardest i guess. because she Will just straight up either not mention it ever again or just simply deny it. and i’m not exactly #educated enough on the subject to remember specific points. my memory has been destroyed BECAUSE of this kinda shit and i cant recall decent #argument points anymore. not that i even particularly want to!!! read up on all this shit!!!! oh and even realizing that she was Definitely #seeing me as an Extreme. like girl what. i forgot that npd does that #reminds me of how. she’s very liberal. she was the one who got me out of the closet in the first place (bc i wouldnt do so myself) #and yet the other day. i swear she said something that was almost terf rhetoric #FUCK i HATE that my memory has already scrambled it. fuuuuuck and here i thought my memory was coming back #but it was something along the lines of implying that men Would try to get into women’s shelters etc in a skirt or smth and i #i just stopped talking i was so shocked #god. sorry didnt mean to vent lmao but im. hhh im just Tired yknow? #mandont

[lady-starkiller]

me, watching interview with the vampire and absorbing all its horrors and violence etc: goddamn I need to make some beignets this weekend

#NOLA my beloved #need to get my little self back there #except rip in peace #bc I still do not like sausage or most seafood #literally was picking it out :( #and the waitstaff were like ??? are you serious #anyway the show is good! #very intense esp in later episodes #like pay attention to warnings etc #totally out of the loop that this has been A Thing since the 80s question mark? #like I know the whole anne fanfic herstory #but I was like 'oh yeah' #'that was bc of a book series' #lol #season 2 is just daniel being like #'hey louis I'm putting you in my suitcase and we are leaving' #and he can just like vibe by himself and come to terms with trauma etc #am fully aware that everyone here is just lowkey like :/ #but by my sword #louis you are Going to therapy god bless #anyway beignets tomorrow

[dredshirtroberts]

having to physically remind myself i'm allowed to enjoy downtime especially if i've already done Tasks and Important Things.

#anyone else feel ultra bad about doing fun or enjoyable things before noon-2pm? #like the Morning is for Doing Things and you can't have fun until After Lunch #when the day is almost done and what's the point of trying to do productive things because after 2 is practically 3 which is almost 5 #which means you've got like max 7 hours left in your day which means that's closer to like 5 hours which means you're running out of time #for fun things and nothing is open or available to do and NOW you can slack off #or is that just me? #i've been unemployed for about 2 years now you'd think i'd have fixed this #i've literally already done several chores and will probably do more after i've eaten and if i'm told there are things that need to be done #(esp if i've missed them) #i've literally been sitting here playing games on my phone and watchign youtube videos #i could be playing an actual fun game instead but because it's not Slacking Off hours that's apparently illegal for my brain #i'd ask why i'm like this but i can point to several very clear factors into why this is #all of them loop back to how fervently my bio family worshiped capitalism when i was younger #as i'm sure you can guess this whole thing pairs *real* nicely with my issues being disabled most of the time #i'm just. I AM ALLOWED TO ENJOY MY TIME ON EARTH #BRAIN PLEASE CATCH UP TO THIS QUICKLY OR I'M GOING TO STRESS MYSELF TO DEATH OVER FUCKING NOTHING

[aria0fgold]

Why am I tearing up at the fic I'm writing-- looks at the time-- Oh it's 3 am... Vulnerable hours, I see.

#aria rants #feeling silly at myself for tearing up at the very thing im writing like ok gurl-- YOURE THE WRITER HERE #also maybe doesnt help that am still looping the song in the background and whenever it gets to the morse code part #it just shoots the sadness beam into my brain even tho ive tuned out most of it cuz am focusing on my fic #that morse code part is just soooo good i dont know what it is bout it but it just evokes so many emotions in me #like literally that part is just tto. tto. tto. zuu. tto. tto. zuu. zuu. zuu. tto. tto. tto. zuu. tto. #and yet its doing things to my brain and heart and just SQUEEZING and im out here just ououououoghhhghghg