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islesnucks · 2 years

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Show you - Mathew Barzal x Reader (4+1 fic)

A/N: its here!! barzy fic with a lot of romcom influence and a bunch of taylor swift lyrics references

Word count: 7.2 k

Warnings: mention of alcohol, mention of illness (nothing serious but just in case) and there's one scene where the reader throws up

Summary: after hearing something he shouldn't have Mat is set on proving he is serious about dating you

Masterlist

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“One date. Promise it will be worth your time.” he said followed by his signature half smirk, usual Barzal charm full of action.

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“I’m serious, I wanna take you out on a date.”

“You don’t wanna date me, you wanna take me to your bed because I’m the only girl here that’s not dreaming of that.” You gestured to the rest of the bar, more precisely the girl standing nearby that wouldn’t take her eyes off him. “It’s kind of childish really, the more you can't have it the more you want it.”

“I don’t wanna take you to my bed.” Pause. “At least not at first.” He corrected himself followed by a wink, and if said wink caused butterflies in your stomach you were going to deny it till you died. “I wanna take you on a couple dates first.”

You deadpanned at him. He wasn’t being serious, he couldn’t be. It was Mat after all. That’s how your relationship was: he’d jokingly flirt with you, you’d turn him down. It was a game, your little playful dynamic. It was never real.

“I’m not joking.” he persisted. His tone made you doubt, it sounded like he was being genuine.

“What has gotten into you?” He looked away, there was something he wasn’t telling you and it made you equally curious and anxious not knowing. “Mathew spill it out. Right now.”

“It was an accident, okay? I swear I wasn’t eavesdropping or anything.” The way he was nervously defending himself beforehand only made you feel worse. Your heart started racing. No, there was no way he could’ve heard that- “Last friday at Beau’s, you were talking to Emma …”

Shit. He had heard it.

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.” you said, looking away as your cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

“I know, I know. I swear it wasn’t on purpose, I was going to get a beer from the fridge and you two were talking in the kitchen.”

“Forget it.”

“You said you’d date me.”

“Mat, forget it.”

“You’d date me.” he repeated, as if he himself still couldn’t believe it.

“You’re missing the ‘if’. I said I would date you if you weren’t you.” You remembered it very clearly. The if that was just impossible to ignore because was essentially part of himself.

“I don’t get it.” You didn’t want to explain it, there was no point. Nothing good was gonna come out of it, nothing was gonna change.

“You’re a great guy Mat and I really like what we have, let’s just pretend I never said that and go back to normal.”

“I’m serious about this.” He wasn’t going to let it go, you knew him. But you weren’t going to simply accept, because you also knew the consequences that would inevitably follow.

To you it was no news you liked him, how could you not? Apart from his obvious good looks, he was funny and sweet and caring and many more amazing qualities that would make almost anyone like him. But you knew it could never go past that, past a silly little crush. Because apart from being all those good things Mathew Barzal was a manwhore and that was surely going to end up with you getting hurt. So you decided to ignore whatever it was you were starting to feel and to stick with the jokingly flirting, not allowing yourself to even entertain the idea of him being anything more than a friend.

“You don’t do dates.”

“I do with you.” You rolled your eyes. “Come on, you can't just rule me out like that, at least give me a chance.”

You looked at him for a second, really taking him in. It didn’t seem like he was lying or attempting one of his stunts to just take a girl home, you had seen a lot of them. Still you weren’t going to give in and he could tell the hesitation in your eyes.

“I’m not like you Mat. I don’t fool around. I’m 99.9% sure if I let the slightest thing happen between us I’m gonna end up hurt because I can’t keep things casual and casual is all you do.”

He looked taken aback by it, like he suddenly realized the reputation he had and how it could make anyone not take him seriously.

“I’m gonna prove it to you.” he suddenly said after a moment of silence. Now it was your turn to look at him in confusion. “I’m gonna show you I’m serious about this.”

Before you could analyze what he truly meant Tito arrived, putting an end to the topic.

The bar started getting more and more crowded by the minute and in said crowd, just like every other night you went out with these two, there were girls looking over at your table, looking over at them. You were already used to it, at some point Tito was going to complain about how awkward it was making him feel and how much he missed Emma, and Mat being the polar opposite would enjoy every second of the female attention until deciding which girl was going to be his catch of the night and go for it.

Tito did as expected, however Mat was still sitting by your side pretending not to notice them. You then understood it was part of his plan to show you he was being serious about wanting to date you, how serious would he look if he went and made out with another girl in front of you?

“This must be killing you.” you told him.

“What exactly?” Mat turned to look at you. He knew what you were talking about. Tito’s ‘here we go’ got lost under the noise, but his face said it all. Everyone, prepare yourself for another round of banter.

“Not being able to take any of these girls home.” you explained, even though there was no explanation needed. “That blonde one is basically throwing herself at you. You can always accept you weren’t serious about me and go with her. I won’t be offended, I swear.”

Part of you really enjoyed seeing him try to prove himself to you, being his center of attention. But you wouldn’t get your hopes up because he still was Mathew Barzal and there was a big chance, huge chance, he just wanted to get into your pants and once you put enough resistance he would simply give up and move on to the next girl who would hopefully (and probably) give in way easily. He’d probably forget about it and go back to his old ways next week.

“No thanks. The only girl I wanna take home is sitting next to me, but as I said that won’t happen before a couple dates. I’m a gentleman.” Tito chuckled, not the world he’d use to describe his friend.

“Such a gentleman.” you added, eyes squinting in annoyance accompanied by a fake smile. However his smile wasn’t fake, he was enjoying this a little too much.

“I’m getting another one. Want one?” You nodded and handed him your glass as he got up.

You watched as he made his way through the crowd to the bar, his broad shoulders pushing through the sea of bodies moving to the rhythm of the music. Faces turned when he walked by, some because they recognized him and others simply because of his looks.

“What’s that thing about proving he’s serious?” Tito brought you back to reality, your thoughts were still stuck on Mat’s shoulders.

“Apparently he wants to date me, but it’s Mat, we both know he’s incapable of anything remotely close to seriously dating someone.”

“So he finally confessed, eh?” Your brows furrowed at his comment. “Shit, he didn’t. Just forget I said anything.”

“Anthony!” you said a little too loud earning some weird looks from the people around you. “You can’t just say something like that and then tell me to forget it!”

“Ok, look I shouldn’t tell you this, but believe him. I know Barzy is Barzy, but when he says it’s you over any girl he’s not lying. Give him a chance to prove himself.”

That only made you more confused. Tito told you to give him a chance so was Mat being sincere? Did he really want to date you? No, that couldn’t be true. Tito wouldn’t just say something like that to help his friend, it couldn’t all be part of Mat’s scheme to get into your pants, could it? Were you seriously considering giving Mathew Barzal a chance? Your plan to not get your hopes up was already off to a rocky start.

Too lost trying to make sense of everything that had happened the past hour, you didn’t notice Mat was already back with one glass on each hand and a smirk on his face. You tried to shake off that weird dubious feeling that had settled in.

“One for the lady.” he said, placing the glass in your hands and then took his previous spot on the couch between you and Tito. “So, what did I miss?” He could help but notice your change in demeanor since he had left.

“Nothing.” Tito was quick to answer, but something did happen. A lot had happened.

Your head was killing you and the ringing of your apartment’s bell wasn’t making it any better. Guessing it was just a door-to-door salesman you ignored it, but a minute later there it was again. You got up, ready to tell off whoever it was that was bothering you, but before you could even talk Mat was already asking you to let him in. Extremely confused you did so, knowing there was no point in asking for an explanation over the intercom.

“W-what are you doing here?” you said opening the door only to be met by the man himself holding a grocery bag.

“You’re sick, right?” he asked and you nodded slowly, confused as to how he could know since you hadn’t told anyone.

“How did you-” The obvious answer came to mind before you even finished the question. “Emma.”

“Well not Emma exactly.” he explained as he walked into your apartment, heading to the kitchen. “Beau mentioned earlier at practice she was supposed to be hanging out with you today but you canceled cause you weren’t feeling good.”

He placed the grocery bag on your kitchen counter and started to look through the cabinets as you inspected what was inside the bag. A small smile appeared in your lips when you recognize the containers. You tried to hide it quickly when he turned around to face you but he caught it.

“So you bought soup and my favorite dessert and your plan is to what? Look after me?”

“Yeah.” he answered matter of factly. This was clearly part of his ploy to show you he was serious about you, since you assumed he didn’t show up to take care of just any girl when they were sick. “Now go get comfy and put on a movie or something. I’ll heat this up and help you with anything you need.”

You were too tired to even attempt to put any kind of resistance against his stuid plan. Plus it would be nice to feel taken care of, especially in the state that you were in. So with a simple shrug of your shoulders you left him in the kitchen and headed back to the couch.

The possibility of Mat burning down your apartment trying to heat up the soup was real, too real; but minutes had gone by and the fire alarm still hadn’t gone off. Before you knew it he was handing you a steamy soup bowl with a proud smile on his face, he was also worried about burning down the place.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Anything else I can do for you?” He seemed eager to help, to prove himself useful.

“Not that I can think of.”

His face fell. Yes, this was all to prove he was boyfriend material. Still he didn’t want to go, it felt wrong to leave you all alone when you weren’t feeling good, he wanted to be there for you. You could tell this, it was clear in his face, and truth be told you didn’t want him to leave, it was nice having him around, especially if he was willing to play your personal maid for the day. You could also tell he wasn’t going to ask to stay, he didn’t want to bother or be a burden. You’d have to ask him to stay, leaving your pride aside because at the same time you’d be helping him prove his point.

“Could you stay? You know in case I get worse and get a fever and stuff.”

“Yes, yes. Obviously.” He tried not to sound so excited about it. He failed.

At first he took a seat on the armchair beside the couch. He crossed his legs, then uncrossed them, leaned against the backrest, started bouncing one leg, leaned forward elbows resting on his thighs, leaned back again and started drumming his fingers on the armrests. Unable to find a comfortable position, he got up and started walking around the living room, just couldn’t stay still. You could hear him, feel him pacing up and down behind you, the creaking of the floor driving you insane.

“Mat?” He stopped, finally.

“Yes?” You signaled with your hand for him to come closer and he did. When he appeared again in front of you he looked worried, ready to call an ambulance.

“Can you please stop moving around? I swear all your pacing is making me feel sicker.”

“Yeah, sure.” He sat again on the armchair and finally the only thing that could be heard was the movie playing on the tv. It lasted less than a minute.

“I’m sorry. I never really took care of someone sick, except for my sister that one time but she was 10 and my mother told me what to do over the phone so it doesn't count. I don’t exactly know what to do. Do you want water? Another blanket? Tea? More soup?”

Maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t all just part of his plan to prove you wrong. Maybe he genuinely cared. And maybe (definitely) your heart warmed at his concern.

“Come here.” You patted the spot next to you on the couch.

He sat but his eyes were stuck on the tv. He was being weird, weirder than usual. You took his hand, making him face you. He still looked uneasy, not the chill Mat you were used to.

“You’re doing a great job, okay? I’m already feeling better.” He relaxed a little. ”Now please just calm down and enjoy the movie. I chose one with cartoons so you could understand it.”

“So funny.” His words dripped sarcasm, the Mat you knew was back.

As the movie went on it was getting harder and harder to fight the sleep; to keep your eyes from closing, your head from falling. At one point you gave into it, closed your eyes and let your head rest on Mat’s shoulder. And if you cuddled closer into him, that happened unconsciously when you were already asleep.

Mat got tense at first. Ever since this started, this being him knowing he had the slightest chance with you, everything that once was normal between the two of you had a whole new meaning for him, made him feel and think and react in a whole new way. This wasn’t the first time you had fallen asleep on him. Okay, yes, the previous times were because you were too bored or too drunk at some party and needed somewhere to rest your head; you were in the middle of the club or someone’s place surrounded by people. Now it was different, you could’ve laid against the armrest but you laid against him, and you were alone in your place. It felt intimate. It made him feel anxious or maybe nervous, he wasn’t sure what he felt, but it was the good kind of feeling.

You weren’t sure how you ended up this drunk. Well, you actually did but you weren’t going to admit it even to yourself yet. Tito helped you into the uber, or maybe it was Mat? You also weren’t sure about that.

At some point you got to your place. You were changing into your pajamas when you heard a noise in the kitchen. Slowly you made your way there and almost had a heart attack when you spotted a man’s figure roaming your fridge. Almost, until you noticed it was Mat.

“Dude you scared me.” He turned around confused. “I forgot I wasn’t alone.”

“You’re that drunk?” You flipped him off. “See I was getting you a glass of cold water, but if you’re gonna treat me like that I don’t think you deserve it.”

Your mouth watered at the thought of water. You were indeed that drunk. He laughed at the look in your eyes when he mentioned water and handed you the glass, which you took no time in gulping down.

“Slow down or you're gonna-” he started to say but the look in your face told him it was too late.

“Shit.” you said and rushed to the bathroom, hand on your mouth trying to at least delay the inevitable till you reached your toilet.

Mission accomplished, you made it in time but that didn’t make what followed any nicer. In no time Mat was behind you, holding your hair with one hand and caressing your back gently with the other. It just wouldn’t stop, when you felt it was over and there couldn’t possibly be anything left in your stomach to be pushed out, there it was again.

“Still wanna date this puking mess?” you were able to joke in that rare moment your body decided to give you a break between pukes.

“I wanna date this puking mess so much you have no idea.” he said and sounded so genuine you could’ve smiled had it not been the feeling of more disgusting liquid coming up your throat.

Eventually the throwing up stopped, thankfully, and Mat helped you up from your bathroom floor. He kept his arm around you as he guided you to your room, not that you needed it but you weren’t going to complain.

You let yourself fall into the mattress the second you reached your bed, too tired (and still drunk) to care about sleeping over the comforter or the position you were in. Mat’s soft chuckled could be heard behind you, making your insides tingle at the sound. It was hot, you could admit that.

“Why did you drink that much?” he asked as he helped you get in a more sleeping-appropriate position. It was more of a rhetorical question but your drunk brain didn’t catch that. Apparently your drunk brain also felt like being honest and sharing a truth you hadn’t even shared with yourself yet.

“That bitch wouldn’t stop checking you out.” Mat looked down at you surprised. “Sorry she wasn’t a bitch, that’s not very feminist from me.”

“You got drunk because a girl was looking at me?”

“Not exactly like that.” Your train of thought wasn’t the brightest back at the party and now wasn’t much better. You were sure what you were about to explain wasn’t going to make any sense, but again your drunk brain didn’t care. “She wouldn’t stop looking at you and then she was playing beer pong and I really wanted to beat her because she was looking at you.”

“But you suck at beer pong.”

“I know. She kicked my ass.”

He laughed. It wasn’t the cocky laugh you expected after admitting you had gotten jealous over him; it was a sweet laugh. Actually what was sweet wasn’t the laugh itself but the way he was looking at you, his eyes were full of adoration. You should’ve felt embarrassed after just confessing that, but you weren’t because it was Mat. Not old stupid-fratty-dude Mat, it was this new lovely caring Mat. You could almost feel your hopes getting up but the second and the alcohol in your blood wasn’t helping.

His laughter died when he felt the way you were looking at him so intensely, intrigued by what was going on in your head. “Penny for your thoughts.”

When he spoke your eyes went to his lips and so did your thoughts.

“You have really kissable lips.” Any type of filter you had was gone because of the alcohol. “They look soft and big. I once thought you had fillers. Still kinda do honestly.”

There it was again, that laugh, that smile that made your insides burn. “You’re gonna regret saying all of this in the morning.”

“Kiss me.” The words left your lips before your head even processed them, not that it would’ve made a big difference if you had.

“What?”

“I really want you to kiss me Mat.” Your hand went up to cup his face, to draw him closer, but he didn’t move.

“And I really, really want to kiss you. Believe me I do. But it’s not gonna be like this.”

You pouted, earning a chuckle and roll of eyes from him. It took every bit of self control he had not to kiss that pout out of your lips.

“I’m gonna kiss you one day, you just wait.” Now you were rolling your eyes, cocky Mat was coming back, but just like Mat in general this was a new cocky, a cocky you could tolerate and actually liked. “When I finally kiss you it won’t be because you’re drunk and needy-”

“Hey!” You punched him in the chest, trying your hardest to seem offended. The smile on your face didn’t help you sell the part.

“When I finally kiss you you’ll want me to kiss you, there’s gonna be no doubt in your mind how serious I’m about you, how real my feelings are.”

He left you speechless. If only he knew your barrier was breaking down and you were second away from reaching that point, from falling completely head first blindly for him.

You held his gaze until you couldn’t anymore, still drunk and exhausted your body gave in and your eyes closed.

Mat thought you had passed out, if not he would have said it. “You’re the one for me, I know it. I’ll prove it to you.”

You heard him. Then you felt his lips gently kissing your forehead and lastly his steps walking away.

Mat was losing his mind, which wasn’t ideal since the game was going to start any minute. He couldn’t get the image out of his head, you sitting next to that other guy, laughing at something he said. The brain was a tricky thing because the moment he could stop thinking about it his eyes would wander to that specific sector where he knew you were sitting and it was hell all over again.

The first period ended and they were tied on 0, so even if his head wasn’t in the game it wasn’t that bad. The problem was when by the end of the second period they were down by 2, one being a puck lost by Mat because he couldn’t stop looking over where you were and the second a power play goal made on a stupid penalty he took when frustration took over.

The second intermission came and by the way Anders was glaring at him as they made their way off the ice he knew what was about to come. He took a seat next to him, which wasn’t his usual seat, and laid it on him the second Lambert was done giving indications.

“Get your shit together man. What has gotten into you?”

“Nothing. Bad day.” Anders looked at him, not believing a single word. Then he looked over at Tito sitting on Mat’s other side waiting for an explanation.

“She came with another guy to the game.” There was no need to clarify who the she was.

“Look Mat, the girl you like brought another guy to your game, it sucks, believe me I get it. But the worst thing you can do is play like shit in front of them, ok? You’re the most competitive guy I know, go there and play the game of your life, show off, make her regret it.” Mat nodded. That was exactly what he needed, to use this as fuel to play better, as motivation.

Before they left the locker room and headed back to the ice he sent you a text. It was a simple ‘meet me outside the lockers after’. He wasn’t just going to leave it like that. Yes he was the one trying to prove something and pushing for a date, but after what had happened the last couple weeks it felt like things had changed, things were heading in the right direction. This didn’t make sense, it felt like a betrayal no matter how dramatic it sounded, and he felt like he was owed an explanation.

Anders' words indeed worked because he was a completely different player that last period, even came close to scoring a natural hatty had it not been for the final bell. With his two goals and one by Pelly they completed the comeback and won the game.

You watched the clock run out of time, begging for it to go slower. Mat’s text confused you, you had no clue what it was about but it couldn’t be good. You decided it would be better to head over there and get whatever it was going on over with before the game ended and thousands of fans started to flood the hallways trying to get out. So after saying goodbye to Pete, sending him off with some lame excuse about having to catch Emma before she left, you made your way to the locker room.

You had been there before maybe once or twice, normally choosing to wait for your friends outside the arena. It felt weird, even out of place, to be there surrounded by girlfriends and wives of the players when you were neither. Thankfully the girls hadn’t arrived yet, it was just you, some stuff and guards.

Mat had apparently given your name to security because you were allowed in the private zone without any problem and just in time to see them walk down the hallway, big smiles and victorious screams after such a great comeback.

The ones that noticed you said a simple hi or gave you a friendly nod. Mat was the last to get off the ice since he had been named first star of the game and his whole attitude changed the second he saw you there waiting for him. Bad signal.

“Congratulations-” you started to say when he approached you but were cut off by his hand grabbing yours and gently drawing you some steps away from the locker room entrance. You thought he’d shower and change before you talked about whatever it was he so urgently needed to talk about, but it seemed it couldn’t wait.

He had his helmet on one hand and stick on the other. Skates still on so now he towered even more over you. It was weird to have him standing in front of you in his uniform.

“Do you like me?” he let out, cutting straight to the chase.

“W-what?” You were taken aback by it.

“Do you like me? It’s a yes or no question.” It was not that simple, even if you had known he’d ask that it would’ve taken you some time to come up with the right answer. Hell, even you didn’t know the answer to that yet. Yes, you liked him but was that the type of like he was referring to? Was it like as in friends? As in more than friends? As in friends that could potentially be more than friends eventually?

“Mat what’s going on?” You avoided his question again, hoping he’d give you an explanation and you could move on from it.

“Ok, I’m gonna assume you like me because I like you. I like you a lot. So much that I’ve been trying to prove to you how much I like you and how serious I am about this. It would be a huge fucking pity if after everything you don’t even like me.” He could feel himself getting more heated up by the second, adrenaline still running in his veins from the game.

“I don’t get where this is going.”

“If you like me, why are you going on a date with another guy? Why are you bringing him to my game? What kind of sick game is this?” Once you realized what he was talking about you had to fight back your laugh.

“This is about Pete?”

“So he’s called Pete.”

“Pete my friend. My coworker. My married coworker may I add.”

“Oh.” was all he was able to say. He stared at you in slack-jaw, processing everything.

Mat had done some pretty stupid things in his life but this had to be on the top 10. He should've known it was not what it looked like, he knew you and knew you wouldn’t do something like that.

“Yeah ‘oh’.” you replied with a smile on your face. The more you thought about it the funnier the whole situation was.

“Can we just pretend this never happened?” His cheeks turned red and he scratched the back of his neck. It was adorable to see Mat out of his element, his confident exterior completely gone.

“I don’t think I want to, you look cute freaking out.”

“I’m cute, eh?” And just like that the Mat you knew was back, embarrassment disappearing as his cocky smile grew.

“Shit forgot rule number one: never give Mathew Barzal a compliment.”

“You’ve got more rules?” He leaned against the wall and accompanied the question with a jerk of his head.

“Rule number two: he will automatically assume the worst so be careful who you hang out with.”

“Ha. Funny.”

“If it makes you feel better it showed you care. In a really stupid twisted way, but it did.”

“Good. Because I really do care.” He said with so much sincerity, looking you in the eyes, hoping you could see in his how genuine he was being.

“I know.” you replied with the same amount of honesty.

The two of you went silent, only staring at each other with bright eyes and adorable smiles. There was nothing left to say.

If you had to pinpoint the moment in which you gave up trying to hold back your feelings this would be it. You had unsuccessfully tried to not get your hopes up all this time, while truly you knew there was no point in trying, it was gonna happen anyway. The only thing left for you to do was hope it didn’t end up with you getting hurt.

As if he could read your mind Mat opened his mouth, ready to ask you that one question again, but in that moment the locker room doors flung open.

“Barzy!” Anders called him, his head peeking through the door. “You and Pelly are up for the postgame interview, go shower already.”

“I should go.” he said and you nodded. He started walking away reluctantly, not wanting to leave you, not wanting the moment to be over. You didn’t want it to be over either.

“Mat?” you called and he turned around. “Are you free on friday?”

“Are you asking me on a date?” One of his brows went up in amusement.

“Still haven’t decided if I’m calling it a date or not.” He was not going to push it, not when after all he was (maybe) getting what he had been after all this time.

“I’m free.”

“Good. We can arrange everything later.”

“Good.”

There you were again, looking at each other with stupid love eyes, unable to hide your happiness. Mat told himself he was going to wait, he was going to rush it, but God he wanted to grab your face and kiss you so much it was painful to abstain.

“Mathew!” It was Anders again, this time louder and more annoyed.

“I’m going! I’m going!” he shouted back and rolled his eyes, making you laugh. “See you on Friday.”

He leaned in to kiss your cheek, that would have to make it for now. That tingle in your stomach was back, you’d have to call it The Mat Barzal Effect because he was the one always causing it. It made you feel like a silly 15 year old with a crush, which apart from the age wasn’t that far from the reality.

“Goodbye Barzal.” you said as he walked away.

He stopped to give you a final smile before pushing the doors open and walking in. That stupid tingling again.

His teammates looked at him as he walked over to his stall, each one of them ready to chirp him about the lovesick look he had in his face and the spring he suddenly had in his step. Anders was the first. “I’m gonna assume that smile isn’t because you got named first star.”

For a not date, it looked a lot like one. You wouldn’t have spent an hour dressing and undressing looking for the perfect outfit, and another extra hour fixing your hair and makeup, if it were just two friends hanging out. Mat wouldn’t have shown up at your door with flowers if it were just two friends hanging out. Most importantly the two of you wouldn’t be this nervous if this wasn’t a date, but still you refused to call it that.

It was tense at first, a bit awkward, but once you sat on the table he had reserved everything started to ease up. There was an unspoken pact to not talk about that certain topic, the elephant in the room, the reason you were sitting at the restaurant having a lovely dinner in the first place. So you spoke about everything else.

Conversation flew but you expected it to. Nerves aside it was Mat after all, you were friends, kind of. You talked, joked, laughed; as if it was a normal night with him just hanging out like you’ve done many times before.

He was charming, he always was charming with you, but this time you saw him with different eyes. When he told you you looked beautiful for the fourth time you didn’t roll your eyes thinking it was just a joke; you thanked him and even blushed a little. This new Mat, that was exactly like the old Mat but with a different undertone echoing his words an action; this new Mat was making you fall harder than what you expected. And while the idea of free falling into him and letting your emotions run wild was tempting you had to hold yourself back.

After dinner he proposed to go for a walk in an attempt to prevent the no-date from ending. You agreed, not wanting the night to end either. As soon as you walked into the street he took your hand in his and you were about to make some snarky comment about how holding hands was only reserved for real dates, but it felt good to have his hand wrapped around yours. Plus you could take it had taken him a leap of faith and a bit of courage for him to do it so naturally by the way he was avoiding all eye contact, so you decided to be nice just this once.

You walked into a park and when you passed by a nice bench illuminated by a lamppost it felt like a divine sign that it was the time and place to have that conversation.

“Let’s sit for a moment.” you said, already dragging him to the bench by your still entangled hands.

“It’s time to have that talk, isn’t it?” You could almost see the nerves from before coming back to him.

“Chill Barzal. I’m not going to interrogate you or anything. I just have one question.”

“Ok, shoot.”

There was no doubt in your mind Mat has proven he could seriously date someone, but part of you still wondered if he wanted to date you. Part of you was terrified that the only reason he was set to prove you wrong in the first place was because that night he heard you say he could have a chance. It was cynical to think you were just a challenge for him, especially after what you had gone through the past weeks, but you couldn’t help it.

“I know we’ve always had this kinda playful dynamic where you flirt with me and I pretend you’re the most despisable man on earth, and I always took it as a joke. Was it always a joke until you heard me and Emma that night?”

There it was, the question was out in the open and Mat now held in his hands the future of whatever it was the two of you were building. He took a second to reply, a second that felt like eternity and only made the anxious feeling grow inside of you.

“Kind of. Yes.”

Your heart broke. He gave you the one answer you were hoping he wouldn’t. When it all started you told yourself you’d never get your hopes up for him exactly for this reason, but you couldn’t control it and they inevitably did. But before tonight you swore no matter how much you wanted it you’d put an end to it all if there was the slight chance his feelings and desire to date you suddenly started after realizing he simply could.

You moved your hand away from his. He noticed the impact his answer had on you and has to fix it. He couldn’t let it slip away just because he chose the wrong words.

“No. Wait.” He took your hand in his again.

“Mat-” you started to say and pulled your hand away again but he cut you off and tightened the grip.

“It’s more complicated than that.” He was silently begging you to let him explain. Since you didn’t move away he took that as a yes. “See I always liked you, ever since Emma introduced you to the group. But I know my reputation, so I knew you wouldn’t date me. I never blamed you for it, I know I haven’t been the most stand up guy when it comes to my love life. So I guess I started to jokingly flirt with you to deal with my feelings in a way. If it was just a joke then it wasn’t real.”

“And then you heard me that night.” you added. He nodded.

“And then I heard you that night. When I realized I had the slightest chance with you I knew I had to take it.”

“That was a way better answer than your first one.” you said, unable to hide your smile.

Mathew Barzal had passed the test. Any ounce of doubt that was left in your mind disappeared. He liked you, he really liked you and had done so for longer that you ever imagined. It wasn’t some shallow meaningless plan to get his way with you. Now you were ready to dive in head first fearless.

“You seriously never noticed how much I like you?” He always thought he wasn’t being that obvious, but according to everyone that had ever seen you two intercat Mat was. Sometimes he couldn’t take his eyes away from you, even when you were standing on the other side of the room. He’d laugh a little too much at a joke you made. He’d always order your favorite drink for you whenever you went out. Countless times his friends had chirped him about it. It was crystal clear to everyone, to everyone except you.

“I always thought you were joking. That and I didn’t think I was your type”

“What!?” he seemed genuinely shocked by your answer. You were a little embarrassed to admit how much you had compared yourself to the girls he would flirt with, but you had done it and it was painfully clear you weren’t the type.

“Come on, I’m not like the girls you usually like Mat. I’m not like the instagram models, new york socialites, puck bunnies, bombshells you normally pick up on bars. I’m just me.”

“Well just you is a thousand times better. Just you has been driving me crazy from the day we met with her snarky comments and roll of eyes.” You rolled your eyes at his comment but couldn’t stop the blush from creeping into your cheeks. “You're beautiful and smart and funny and nice. I thought you were so out of my league. Still think so.”

“Well you convinced me Barzal, there’s no doubt in my mind how serious you are, how real your feelings are.” you repeated his words from that night.

“You remember that?” he asked surprised.

“You didn’t expect me to?” Your eyebrow went up defyingly.

“No, no. It’s just we never talked about it after so I just assumed you were too drunk and forgot everything.”

“Mhm. And I also heard something about being the one for you.” His cheeks turned red and he looked away. A shy Mathew Barzal might be the cutest thing you had ever seen. “Are you blushing? Am I making the Mathew Barzal blush? Oh my god-”

Your words died the moment he attached his lips to yours. It was clumsy at first as you laughed against his lips, but you fell into rhythm when you tilted your head so your lips could meet firmly and happily at once. His lips were soft like you had joked that night, and they tasted like the wine you had shared over dinner. It was intoxicating, the feeling of his lips on yours, his hand in your waist pulling you closer, your hand on the back of his neck. He gripped you firmly, as if trying to stop you from escaping.

You were the one to pull away first, but his lips chased yours making you giggle. You gave him a final peck, knowing there would be plenty more kissed like this sooner rather than later. That made your heart burst with happiness.

“Would you go out on a date with me?” he asked once again, knowing this time he would earn himself a different answer. You smiled up at him.

“I don’t know…”

“Smartass.” he said in the most endearing way possible as his hand went to cup your face, drawing you closer so his lips could find yours again.

You whispered a ‘yes’ into the kiss, but were unsure if he heard it. He didn’t have to anyway, he already knew the answer.

Well hope you guys liked it!! It feels so good to be back. Likes and reblogs are always appreciated and dont be affraid to tell me your thoughts on the fic. Thank you so much!!! <3

taglist pt1:

@glassdanse @2manytabsopen @tazeboes @barbienoturbby @nilspettersson @sweetlittlegingy @mcsteamylove98 @ttylfedora @chieflawyerpastatoad @iwantahockeyhimbo @cherrymaybank @fallinallincurls @samsteel @jordiee95 @heatherawoowoo @tysonsjosty @barzysreputation @stars-canucks @farabeezers @4ambagelbites @kaitieskidmore1 @sodalatte @hotgirlhockey @matwith1t @tseggys91 @audryahoo @maximoff-xmenn @astrydiss @barzysandmarnersbitch @joelsfarabees @bitchforbarzyy @caufieldmakesmesmile @deloughreyey @thotforthedevilsils @brias1201 @besthockeyfics @ya-pucking-nerd @Dreamer1430 @hoiyheadharpies @notanaccount-anymore @wambach1 @abbisamson @mckenna4 @rosesvioletshardy @tysonjost-taylorsversion @noeaerialist @cybertradgedies @hockeyunits @canadiansassymama78 @whoeverineedtobe @siriusly-parker @captainbarnes12 @brandtsclarke @ilyasorokinn

if your url is crossed out im sorry but for some reason it wont let me tag you, also if you've changed your url and would like to still be in the taglist please let me know and obviously if you want to be taken out of the taglist just let me know no hard feelings i promise <3

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good-vs-evo · 1 month

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fenglian coded songs!

because i'm actually so ill about them </3 plus this gives flashbacks to those english assignments in high school where you'd choose songs based on a piece of literature and explain ur choices... wait u didnt. u didnt do that. uh. moving along.

time to expose my mildly terrible music taste HSDGFH

boy by isaac dunbar!

"if only we were right, seasoned with time" god. they were right person, wrong time vibes genuinely it makes me so insane to think about. i love hualian dearly, ofc, but fenglian has such a special place in my heart because just think about everything they shared and everything they did and everything feng xin sacrificed for xie lian that xl was too young and too hurt to see

"if i were homesick, you're remedy-wired / picking up herbs in the morning time / i'd wait for something more" hello? already heavy on the pining vibes, plus i love the fenglian "you are my home" vibes... sobs... fx would take care of xl to the end

tell her by bruno major!

just like. listen to it as a love letter from xl to fx...

"still she will come back around / nothing could shake her / repeat or replace her / i've finally figured that out", xl realizing how much he always needed fx, xl realizing that he was perfectly loyal but xl was too scared

"tell her she's more than i dreamed i would find / she's always there in the back of my mind / if you should see her, ask her if we'll work it out" fx was literally so perfect you don't understand dies loudly... and he definitely left a lasting impact on xl forever

leaving the last two lines for of the song as a surprise if you haven't heard it yet and you decided to give it a listen, i promise it'll be great :]

lover's rock by tv girl!

"because love can burn like a cigarette / and leave you with nothing" i have. no more to say. just. that's everything i have to say about this i could talk sm more but that's what i want to leave it at

dear my all by mingginyu!

this one's in korean, so allow me to be your terrible translator (genuinely my korean skills are so bad nobody ever taught me so let's see if i can cook) (alternatively, use google translate)

"you can tell me everything, all your secrets / i'll never hurt you again" xl to fx, telling him that he can lean on him and promising o be better this time <3

"you're allowed to rest, you've been running for so long / it's okay to blame the things that have hurt you" fx to xl, telling him that's entitled to peace and happiness after everything he's been through

i tried google translating some of this because i didn't know if mine made sense but aughhh i can't explain it but the translations on google are all... awkward? i can't tell if it's just the context of the way my family speaks korean and the way i've come to understand the use of certain words but either way i'll leave it at that SDHFGJSD

late again by peter manos!

"yesterday came and went / you are my closest friend / i'll never understand / don't want you to see me cry / even though i've seen you cry" they truly were. pretty good friends despite the way their relationship formed. they would've had a much better relationship if they weren't prince and servant but whatever that's still a trope HSDGF so we take that W. they both seem like they'd struggle a bit to be vulnerable with each other but slowly grow more comfortable and that makes me so soft

"i wanna tell you everything is alright / begging you to tell me everything is alright" this one makes me lose it. the first one gives xl vibes (wanting to tell fx that he's okay and he's sorry and things worked out okay) and the second is fx vibes (wanting to know that xl is okay, regretting leaving even though xl told him to leave, wanting to know he's safe)

untitled v.2 by cavetown!

i'm literally never gonna be free from cavetown getting associated with media i'm into am i

"i know my hands aren't warm enough to hold your cold, cold heart" fx feeling like a failure when it came to being able to save xl from The Horrors

"and i know my bones aren't strong enough to keep me from falling apart" both of them fr, they were going through it like crazy. they were constantly on the brink of collapse. someone send some help

"and did you know that every night i play your favourite songs on repeat? it helps me sleep" i think. when they were separated for so many years, they kept reminders of the other around with them. for a little bit of bittersweet comfort

back to you by flower face!

"don't fight back / don't look at me like that / don't forget I'll never quite forgive you / but i'll pretend to" okay but xl realistically thinks nobody will ever forgive him. he would eternally believe that fx holds things against him aughguhaguuhguh angst has me in a chokeholdd

"how will I release you now? / how can I forgive myself when I'm still in love with you?" yeah. pining and separted fenglian keeps me up at night can u tell lmao

"and it's always back to you again / always back to you, my friend" because it really is always back to them! time and time again it's back to them, the two of them together again in differently painful situations and it makes me die inside

i am a world class yapper, please forgive me </3 i also went hard on the angst i just i love my ships a lil angsty (<- writes fluff 80% of the time)

also i didn't forget abt the role jian lan played in fx's life during the time when xl was banished and struggling! this is just focused on only xl and fx's relationship during those times. besides, a lot of signs indicate that fx loved them both dearly, and it hurt a lot to lose them both.

#tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #xie lian #feng xin #fenglian #tgcf spoilers #hob spoilers #evo yaps

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siriuslysatorusimping · 7 months

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I just read your response to my ask and dude, I really like your reasoning for the open ending.

Hi, I’m Rai and imma trauma dump real quick if that’s chill.

I ended an engagement this year. It was a shaky engagement anyways, but I was in love and genuinely thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with this guy. And then he stole my credit card. He lied about a bunch of stuff related to money and illness. He lied to his friends about me- said I cheated on him, told people we were married and had a kid, stole money from other people.

I don’t expect an apology or reconciliation from him and at this point I want nothing to do with him. If he pulled a Gojo and showed back up begging to explain, I’d probably fight the urge to spit in his face and tell him to fuck off. And then I’d leave an never look back.

I’ve had relationships that had bad moments that I’d have given anything to try and work out, but if it wasn’t mutual than nothing was gonna come of it.

So your ending on this one resonated a hell of a lot. Rinko’s hesitation and closed off demeanor in the beginning hit a nerve that I’ve still been processing. So while part of me wants happy endings for these idiots always, I really really love this take. I keep saying how real your writing feels, and I think this and your OG works really showcase what a versatile fucking author you are, Kiko 💚

First of all, Rai, WOW. Just, wow. You are incredibly strong and I am so sorry you had to go through all of that.

I hate that you went through all of that because it's so incredibly fucked up.

ANOTHER RANT BELOW THE CUT BECAUSE I GUESS I'M IN A RANTING MOOD TODAY 🙃

I hate that, for the sake of the pain you went through, you were hurt so deeply that it was irreparable. I hate that you had to endure that pain.

Emotions, or really humans, are so complex and messy. We love so deeply, even when it's someone who doesn't deserve it, because that's just not how love and emotions work. They aren't logical. Our minds and hearts can't just look at someone we love and immediately flip a switch just because they hurt us. It's part of being human. It's part of living. So, I understand where you're coming from on all counts.

Something I also struggle with is the distinction between someone's actions versus who they are. A good person doing a bad thing and vice versa. My mind fights with itself because I am a very empathetic person. I can usually look at a situation from the other person's perspective and understand what led them there. BUT I still struggle with the idea of "you did a horrible thing, so you're now a horrible person." or "you did a good thing, so you must be a good person." because that just isn't true. People are not perfect. They make mistakes. They fuck up royally, and sometimes it's too much to be forgiven, and sometimes it isn't. But people are people. They're messy and damaged and beautiful and sometimes they're literally just assholes who don't deserve the time it would take to discard them (like your ex. Is it too soon for me to say that? He sounds like a pile of garbage, but I feel like that's more of an insult to the garbage)

I'm glad that you were able to get away, to get out, and I hope you're able to find a better happiness without that toxicity in your life 🩷

Thank you for sharing your perspective and experiences! I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day 💕💕😊

#trauma dumping with kiko #we have a new tag since i trauma dumped earlier #kiko rants #ask kiko

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thehandwixard · 17 days

Note

reverse unpopular opinion: the big kingdom hearts

its hard to narrow it down to any one thing but if i had to its the series's immense understanding of tragedy and catharsis and what makes pain important. its a deeply earnest series but not in a way (at the best of times) where it feels naive, just that it Cares about what its saying. kingdom hearts says it is important to love, even if you can't remember that love, even if you don't really remember what its for, because that love will keep existing. one of the moments of kh that sticks out to me the most (without spoilers lol) is from coded, which makes the argument that pain is good and necessary because by understanding another person's pain, you share it. it doesnt focus on healing the pain, or moving past it, it says "this is important, and you should feel this, and you shouldn't feel this alone." chain of memories says fear is a sign of a strong heart. it says someone will care, someone will miss you, and it is sad what you are going through.

like the fundamental story of kh1 is that sora's entire world is destroyed, and he's thrust into a situation he has no way of conceptualizing, and so hes basically stuck on an extended road trip with two guys bringing him Somewhere and they care about him enough but they dont really know how to talk to kids and like. yeah sora is having fun sometimes, hes feeling ok sometimes, but most of the time its just underpinned by this deep sadness of "everything is gone, and its horrible. and he doesnt get to express that in that game until its too late. smiles serenely.

its just. its a very good tragic series and a very good series about confusion and pain and tragedy and just. hearing someone out. kh2 has my absolute favorite moment related to this but its both spoilers and incredibly difficult to explain without context its just. ill try. what if there was a boy who had to disappear to bring your friend back. and you can do it and your friend will never know this happened and everything can be fine but that boy used to be your friend too. and you care so deeply about your friend you cannot feel any malice towards these people who are sapping his strength and memories, and you save the only existing picture of this boy in a box for your friend to find. to validate his existence in any small way you can, because it mattered that he existed, the things he cared about mattered. your own guilt matters too. what if everything had to turn out this way, but it hurts now, and it might hurt forever, but you can still claw your way to genuine catharsis and peace

youtube

LISTEN TO KAIRI's THEME AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THE HOPE AND MELENCHOLY AND WISTFUL TRAGEDY YOU WILL HAVE FRIENDS AND YOUR PATHS WILL DIVERGE AND YOU WILL DESTROY YOUR WORLD JUST TO LEAVE IT. you will be jealous, and this is tragic, you will be lonely, and this is tragic, you will lose yourself and the things you love, but the love meant something. what matters to you means something.

#and i am trying to be positive and not mentioning how the objective gets lost imo at some point #at some point i say knowing exactly which games fuck it up in which ways for me #kh #not even to get into kairi's beautiful tragedy but i feel thatd be going too much into missed potential #for those unaware shes why i made the paopu fruit post

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acacia-may · 10 months

Text

Some Blog Updates, My Apologies, and Words of Explanation of What Has Been Going On Around Here Lately...

I really am sorry for the sporadic way that things are having to be run around here. For everyone who has pending asks and requests from months ago, I am so sorry I can't fulfill them for you right now. I have not forgotten about you and still plan to respond to all the asks as soon as I am feeling better. In an ideal world, I would respond to all asks in the order they were received and wouldn't have so many promises still pending out there, but unfortunately, that isn't something I can do right now due to serious chronic health issues.

I have still been writing a few self-indulgent pieces as a form of escapism & coping when I can, if only to try to keep my spirits up during what has been an extremely difficult time for my health, and I hope you all understand that this isn't me ignoring you in favor of working on personal projects rather than on fulfilling my obligations. I do genuinely feel very guilty for leaving you & your asks/requests hanging, but honestly writing "self-indulgence" is generally all I even barely have the energy for at the moment when it comes to fic writing since it takes the pressure off of making something "perfect" for the one who requested it and I find a little extra energy in my own passion and self-indulgence for the topic.

That said, I started that new ask game with the song + heacanon because it was easy for me (and didn't require a lot of effort or writing on my part) so I thought it was something I could actually fulfill for you as a thank you for being patient while you all wait for the bigger, more time-consuming asks.

I really am sorry for not explaining this better before, and if anyone has been confused or hurt by this, I am very, very sorry. That was never my intention. I have included more details below the cut in case anyone wants a more detailed explanation. These are not excuses, just my attempts to explain where things are and what's going on since I understand how it may look out of context and I didn't want there to be confusion or hurt feelings.

Thank you all for being so kind and so patient and for sticking around through all of this chaos! Cheers & much love to you all, friends! Please take care of yourselves. 🥰

As I'm sure some of you know from previous posts, I have been on and off hiatus due to severe chronic health issues for the past several months. The flare of my illness plus accompanying debilitating fatigue has unfortunately forced me to give up most things in my life (both online & in the real world) while I go for treatment & try to recover. Please know that it has never been by choice that I haven’t been around.

All of that said, writing fanfiction has always been a sort of an escape for me and a way for me to cope when I’m dealing with these kinds of serious health problems, so I have still been writing a little bit whenever I am able as a sort of outlet & escapism, but it’s mostly only the most self-indulgent pieces--trying to keep up spirits during what has been a very difficult time. To be perfectly honest with you, I feel the writing I have been doing recently has not been my best work, and I know there have been lots of problems with it (i.e. continuity errors with the canon, dumb spelling mistakes, and grammatical errors ect.) which have been kindly and constructively pointed out by others or mortifyingly noticed by me then fixed--and I do feel a little insecure about the roughness of my recent work to tell you the absolutely truth. 😅 That said, since it is mostly all self-indulgent, I tell myself that it's okay that it’s not perfect because it’s just for me.

Which leads me to the matter of my inbox and all the pending asks. I am so sincerely sorry for all the delays, and I have felt so guilty for having to leave everyone hanging. However, as you have probably guessed from my bleeding heart for fictional overachieving perfectionists, I myself am an overachieving perfectionist, and I know I would feel much guiltier trying to fulfill my requests knowing that whatever I could come up wouldn’t be my best work (since I am unfortunately lacking the health and energy to do that at the moment). I always want to give my best work to everyone who writes into this blog, but this is especially true when you have already had to wait such a very long time for something I have promised. I spend a lot of time on all of my headcanon and fic requests and answers to asks because I really just want it to be perfect and good enough for the person who asked for it. Since I feel like I can’t do that right now, I have decided to put the majority of my asks on hold rather than trying to fulfill asks with what I know will be my roughest work. I promise if you do have an ask in my inbox right now, I see you and I love you. I have not been ignoring you or forgotten you. I just want to give you my best work, and I can't do that right now so I've been holding on to your ask until I feel that I can.

All of that said, I have felt so bad and so guilty for leaving you all hanging (especially while I've been working on personal projects) so I thought of that new game I made because it was something I felt I could actually fulfill and complete, since it didn't require as much effort or writing on my part. It mostly consisted of songs that I pulled from fandom, character, and ship playlists I had already made, and the headcanon tends to go with the song in such basic terms it almost writes itself: i.e. the song mentions going to the beach, so the headcanon is this character’s favorite beach activity is building sandcastles (or something like that). It’s honestly just kind of silly but I felt I owed everyone something I thought I could do (if that makes sense?). The writers ask game I reblogged is just personal questions about my writing process—easy, short answers and low pressure, so that’s kind of in the same “I can do this category.” I plan to wrap up the asks for both of these games, and I don't know what will happen after that. Maybe we'll have to keep playing easier games like that for a little while or (hopefully) I'll be feeling well enough to circle back to more serious, time-consuming asks. I honestly can't say.

In the meantime, I wanted to reiterate how sorry I am for all the delays and also if there has been any distress, disappointment, miscommunication, or hurt feelings for how things have been having to be run around here. I'm sorry this blog has not been run in the way I had hoped or planned, but please know I am still trying my best to make wholesome content for you all to enjoy.

Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck around during this chaotic and difficult time and for your continued support! Cheers & Much Love!! 💕

#blog updates #acacia's ramblings

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kamiversee · 3 months

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AAA okay thoughts, why do I feel like there's so much HINTS dropped in this chapter but my smooth brain isn't picking up on much?? well ill just let other theorists pull it out for me :D maybe it'll show to me in a dream tonight or something

Geto is a WHOLE menace but idk who he's even rooting for anymore, as you said he has been on the fence for this whole thing but he betted for us and Choso but also made the situation chaotic for Gojo, it's weird but he did say it will be a win-win no matter what (idk what that means hopefully it's not a win-win for Gojo as well) but I mean he did kinda make it better?? Reader wouldn't be able to tell some truth to Choso because she would hate to hurt him. Maybe Sugu deserves a pat on the head, that's it

Also Gojo is so hot like i know he's being a bit of a pervert this chapter but GOD his neediness, gotta get some of that lanky D- 🧍‍♀️ anyways as much as i love him, i cannot deal with him still lying to us. I can't believe he's been pining for THREE WHOLE YEARS 🗣️ stop being a coward gojo look what uve done

I JUST realized you meant a motorcycle for Yuki cause I was thinking like JUST A BIKE LMFAO and then i realized that one episode where Yuki appeared for the first time and it all made so much sense to me now

This is genuinely the calm before the storm because the reader is still SOMEHOW on the fence about Gojo and Choso so im kinda scared what will happen once she meets Gojo to burn the journal now that she's looking to make it official with Choso (I don't wanna hurt Choso anymore pls his poor heart :()

Appreciation for my favourite author because this chapter was a masterpiece like the previous chapters! I love how there's still tension in the air even if it SEEMS resolved, I love feeling on edge like something will break the seemingly almost perfect happy ending.

Also pls do not be like a mappa animator, rest when you need to 🙏🙏🙏 Burnout is NOT fun and ignore the anons who wanna rush you, there's not a lot of authors who pump out chapter after chapter every single day and YOU are a blessing. The real ones will always wait, we know how life gets :D so pls eat, drink, sleep well, and feel the amazing summer sun coming.

Slight yap ><

1. The hints dropped have actually been pretty mild recently ^.^

2. See? Someone gets that Suguru was looking out for both the reader & Gojo, either way he’d have a way of explaining himself for bringing up Sukuna 🤷‍♀️

3. Hey he wasn’t pining for three years perse, just talking about the reader >< Maybe we’ll get more lore on that another day tho…

4. HELP I MEANT MOTORCYCLE YES

5. I love how everyone’s still tense even tho nothing crazy is about to happen fr 😅

6. IM TRYING NOT TO BE A MAPPA EMPLOYEE BUT I GOT THE DRUGS & SOME PPL ARE ADDICTS APPARENTLY😭🙏

Anywho, ty for the appreciation ^.^ I’ll make sure to take care of myself dw!! <33

#kamiversee!answers

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barkspawn · 1 year

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lol then can we get "i love you, no matter what that means to you, i'm going to take care of you, even if you dont want me to" prompt from the romantic quotes prompt list with elliott? <3 i love your writing

Thank you, I'll never get used to the fact that people like my stuff. it's wild.

and tbh, I'm realizing the things I enjoy writing the most, which is suuuuuuuuuuuper helpful. so thank YOU and the others who send in prompts.

Amelia had been struggling for the past few weeks. Her depression took a turn for the worse when she heard of her father falling ill and after receiving a spiteful email from an old "friend" explaining how selfish and idiotic she was for leaving the city. It was hurtful enough to wear her down.

Amelia was keeping up with the crops okay and was trying extra hard to make the animals happy. She knew he was picking on her, but when Shane visited with a new chick and made a comment about how the crops seemed small and dinky, she felt herself hit a low. She knew he'd feel horrible if he knew, so she decided not to tell him.

Elliott was an entirely different situation. They'd been together for a year and a half and she couldn't stomach letting him see her like this. He knew something was wrong right away and decided to give her space for a few days, deciding today to be a little more persistent.

Amelia looked down at her phone as it rang. She sat on the couch with her knees drawn to her chest, just staring at the rustic painting on the wall in thought. The third time the phone started to ring she sighed, answering the call.

"Hello?" She winced, not even recognizing her own voice.

"Hey, love," Elliott started, trying to keep his tone as normal as possible, even if he was sick with worry, "I've missed you. I was thinking I'll bring some food to you this evening. We'll curl up and watch a movie."

The idea seemed nice to her, but she genuinely believed it wasn't what she deserved. Before thinking, she spoke, "Actually, I wanted to talk to you, El. Can you come by soon?"

He paused for a long moment before answering, "of course. I'll leave now. I love you."

"I love you too," she responded too quickly, hanging up and letting tears fall as a sob escaped her. This is how it had to be.

Elliot was a brilliant man with a bright and happy future ahead of him. She could not let herself be the one responsible for holding him back. It wouldn't be fair. She loved him with her whole being, which is why she had to stop this. He deserved so much more.

After a moment, she stood to clean herself up, pacing until she heard his footsteps on the porch. He gave a light knock before opening the door, his smile brightening up the entire room. He looked as handsome as ever, a small container that could only be from the saloon in his hands. His smile and his general presence lifted her spirits a bit. For a moment, she wondered if this was a mistake. Quickly, she resolved that it needed to be done. It was for him, not her.

Closing the door behind him, he set the food on the counter and moved to wrap his arms around her in a tight, loving hug that broke her heart. When she didn't hug him back, he pulled back, his hands on her shoulders.

"Amelia? What's on your mind?" He searched her face, not oblivious to her tear-stained eyes and cheeks. She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes.

"Elliott, I don't think we should see each other anymore."

His hands fell from her shoulders as he looked over her face once more. Something was wrong and she wasn't okay. He knew that. Still, his heart ached.

"I see," he responded after a long moment, "may I ask if it is something I've done or-"

"No, no, El," she interjected, tears unable to be stopped, "You've been perfect in every way.. I just can't keep doing this. I can't keep pretending I'm right for you when I'm so clearly not."

He flinched at that, cursing his own eyes for going misty, "if that is what you want, Amelia, I will not fight you. I am never far.. should you need me for anything."

He made his way to the door before stepping through, the sob that came from behind the door ripping his heart to pieces more than her leaving him ever could.

His chest tight and his eyes red, he turned back to town.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──

Elliott sat at the small fire outside of his shack, checking his phone for the millionth time before sighing and shoving it in his pocket. He poured the rest of the wine into his glass, noticing a dark figure at the end of the pier as he went to take a drink. When he focused, he saw it was Sebastian, sitting quietly on the edge.

Elliott stood, glass in hand, and headed down the end of the pier to stand behind the younger man.

"Sebastian, right?"

Sebastian looked up at him, sarcastic remark locked and loaded, but bit it back as he saw the man's face. Elliott was a little bit of a mess himself. Sebastian just nodded and stared back toward the ocean.

"You.. you're Amelia's friend, aren't you?"

"I mean, yeah," Sebastian started, his expression twisted in confusion, "why, aren't you her boyfriend?"

Elliott looked down at his glass, tracing the rim, "as of this morning, no. I'm not."

Sebastian deflated, frowning as he moved aside for Elliott to sit. He really didn't care enough about Elliott in the equation, but about how Amelia was. They'd been best friends for a year and she was head over heels for this guy.

"Sorry to hear, man," he stared ahead, his frown deeper still than usual.

"Me too," Elliott started as he sat beside him, "I just.. I wanted to ask you," his voice was quiet, almost feeling guilty for asking, "have you spoken with her in the last few days?"

Sebastian turned to give the man a confused look before his expression softened, "yeah, I guess. She canceled plans we had and she said she wasn't feeling good. Why?"

Elliott pinched the bridge of his nose, "when I saw her today, it was like she was a different person," he started, voice still shaking, "she was cold and distant. But she looked like she hadn't been eating or something of the like," he paused again, turning to look at the other man, "I'm worried about her."

Sebastian's brow knit together as he stared, deep in thought, "and, if you're cool with telling me, what did she say?"

"She said she couldn't do it anymore. She told me it wasn't me and that I was great.. she said she wasn't right for me."

Sebastian sat and thought for a long moment, frowning before he sighed, "I know her dad is sick," Elliott nodded, his frown growing deeper, "and she got this letter from an old friend. She wouldn't tell me more.." Elliott sighed as Sebastian turned to look at him, "did she seem depressed? Like what you see in those shitty commercials, but real and not forced?"

Elliott thought for a long moment. He thought about every word she said, how she seemed so tired and thin, and how she looked and sounded.

"Yeah, it was a lot like that."

"There's your answer, dude," he pulled out his cigarettes, "I'll check on her later, but she adores you. She was talking about it last week ."

Somehow, Elliott felt worse hearing that. He gave a small nod, taking a long drink of his wine, frowning as the dregs swirled around the bottom of his glass.

"Is it an awful idea to reach out to her the day she left me?"

Sebastian nodded, taking a long drag of his cigarette, "I'll swing by tonight. I have your number and I'll text you how she is. Swing by in the morning and just… do your poetic… artistic… romantic shit."

Elliott gave a small chuckle before shifting to stand up, "thank you, Sebastian. I'm very glad to have gotten your insight."

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──

Elliott woke up earlier than he usually would have, gathering some different things to take with him to the farm. He created a care package of sorts, picking up her favorite hot tea, some ingredients for different meals he knew she loved, a pair of his most comfortable pajamas (as he couldn't go and buy her a new set before going over), and a journal. He had opened up to a few pages, writing little affirmations on some pages.

He felt horrible for not recognizing how much she was suffering. He'd been there before, but not in a long time. Once he gathered everything, he sighed, heading toward the farm.

As he made his way there, his confidence waned a bit as he grew closer. He hoped she wouldn't be mad at him for coming, but Sebastian's text made it pretty clear that Elliott coming over would help her, so it was the plan. He walked up the steps, taking his time before knocking lightly on the door.

His heart dropped as he saw her open the door. She was exhausted and pale like she hadn't slept for days.

"Elliott?" She started, her voice cracking.

"May I come in?" He gestured to the bag he held with all of the stuff he had. She paused for a long moment before sighing and opening the door, allowing him to pass.

"I'm not sure why you'd come," she frowned, her arms wrapping around herself, "I'm not your responsibility. You don't have to care anymore."

He gave her a gentle look as he placed the bag down before walking over to her, his voice quiet but firm, "Amelia, I can see you're struggling. Whether or not being with me is a part of you getting better, I love you, no matter what that means to you," he started, shifting to gesture to the bag, "I'm going to take care of you, even if you don't want me to. Because you should never be alone when you feel this way, no one should."

Her gaze fell to the floor as she failed to stop her tears from falling. After a long moment, she gave a small nod.

"I'll never force it, but tell me if you should like a hug. Sometimes such a small– oof," he was cut off as she wrapped her arms around his waist almost too tightly. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her back with as much emotion as he could show. He felt her shaking, like a string had snapped that was holding her up, leaving her a crying mess in his arms. His heart broke for her, but he was so glad he was here.

They stayed like that for an incredibly long time before he pulled back to grab the pajamas from the bag and brought them to her.

"Go ahead and take a nice, hot shower. I'll make you some food. You can call me if you need me."

After a few hours, she had eaten, explained everything, and broke down once more in his arms. He just sat beside her, intently listening as she cried and spoke. She couldn't seem to look at him when she finished.

"Amelia, that woman who sent that is no friend. She is simply jealous that you were able to escape and make a new life for yourself," he started, moving to take her hand but stopping himself, "and I'm so sorry about your father. If you'd like me to be, I'll be here every step of the way. If you want me to remain at a distance, Sebastian will definitely be here as well."

She wiped away a new wave of tears, letting herself lean into him once more, "I love you more than anything. I know it's not my place to say it, but I can't just not tell you how loved you truly are."

After a long moment, she stood on her toes and pressed a small, painfully gentle kiss to Elliott's lips.

"I.. don't want to leave you, El..," she started, "I just can't stand the idea of holding you back or bringing you down.."

The small kiss gave him the push to take her hands in his, "you couldn't do either of those things if you tried. I'm right here if you still want me. And even if you don't, for that matter. I won't leave your side until I know that you're okay and happy. Now, would you like to watch a horrible movie?"

She cracked a small smile for the first time in days before pulling him into one more tight hug.

"You deserve so much better than me, you know," she sighed, "I've always considered you out of my league, but-"

"None of that," he pulled back, hushing her, "you deserve the world and I intend on giving that to you, whether you believe me or not because I love you."

She stared up at him, her smile growing for the first time in days, "I love you, El," she shook her head, "thank you for not… giving up. It would have been the biggest mistake I'd ever made.."

"So you don't want to stop seeing me?" He couldn't help the hope in his voice, relaxing when she shook her head. He continued, "I'm happier to hear that than I can begin to show," he smiled and pulled back toward the couch, "now shall we watch shoddy animatronics try to fight each other?"

She laughed, the feeling almost unfamiliar, as she moved to curl up beside him on the couch with a blanket.

This is where she belonged and she was endlessly glad he didn't give up on her.

With people who care for her this much, how could she not see herself being okay?

She rest her head on his shoulder, laughing at the movie with her hand in his.

#elliott #elliott sdv #sdv elliott #sdv #sdv fanfic #stardew valley fanfic #stardew #stardew valley #elliott stardew valley #oh look a one-shot #barkspawn oneshot

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lady0mandy · 2 years

Text

I'm so fucking frustrated

They've pushed me to my limits over and over again and the second I blow up I'm the crazy one and I'm the unstable one and they have to "walk on eggshells" around my when my mom is a borderline and narcissistic Jekyll and Hyde who raised me to fear her

I don't understand how she can't remember the things she's said to me. The way she screamed and yelled while I hid in the bathroom sobbing and the way she made me feel worthless and inadequate when she could have just sat down and had a civil conversation with me and used genuine parenting tactics to help me regulate my emotions.

The way she gave me a literal eating disorder for the way she handled meal times shouting at me and forcing me and getting in my face instead of helping me form a positive relationship with food so now I fear trying new foods and have such a limited palette and get genuine anxiety when I have to eat things I'm unfamiliar with and binge on safe foods

The way I poured my heart out to her at age 10 in the car telling her about how I was being bullied and harassed at school and instead of going to the school and helping she shouted "YOU KNOW WHAT, ARIANA IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM" and she can just forget that ever happened but 11 years later it's still engraved in my brain

The way she called me a slut and a bitch when I was 13 years old and threatened to hurt my 13 year old boyfriend just for kissing me.

I don't care what the circumstances are I would NEVER call my child that I would NEVER make her feel worthless and flawed and only deserving of conditional love.

The way she told me I had fat and needed to lose weight at 16 because she was 109lbs going into college and I tried to explain body types and bmi to her and she said "I don't believe you" and she told the guy who did my senior pictures to edit them to make me look skinnier.

The way she still sexualizes me based on the clothes I wear when they're barely revealing and I'm a grown woman.

The way she's blamed me for my mental and chronic illnesses and told me that the car accident was my fault and I did it for attention and I always have to play the victim and can't just "let" myself be happy.

She never taught me to regulate my negative emotions because she never knew how to do it herself and my kid brained soaked up all her bpd and npd traits and even after years of therapy I still haven't unlearned them all

My friends in highschool used to tell me she was abusive and I didn't believe them and it wasn't until I got a highly skilled therapist that I realized this wasnt mother daughter drama but mother daughter trauma.

And to this day she thinks she can speak to me with the most disrespectful tone and demand I cross my own boundaries and then when I match her tone I'm the bad guy and I'm the shitty unstable disrespectful and ungrateful daughter.

And I'm literally locked in my room right now because I can't be near her I can't see her because it makes me feel sick and burning mad because she will never understand and she will always be like this and I just want a mother who will speak to me with respect and help me through my problems but instead she makes them worse and then gives me money and acts like everything is fixed I DON'T WANT HER FUCKING MONEY I WANT HER RESPECT AND UNDERSTANDING

And she can go on and forget what she did this weekend but it's been 4 days and I'm still crying over it and I just wanted to die so bad on Sunday and I just can't take it anymore I can't fucking take it why the hell did she have me if she was just going to make me feel this way.

I'm 4 days away from moving across the state but I still feel so trapped physically and emotionally and financially and I hate this and I hate myself and I just feel like the 7 year old girl locked in the bathroom getting screamed at for something that could have been resolved with a calm voice, reasoning, and proper parenting

I wish I was never born I wish she didn't try for 5 years for me just to have me and make me feel this way I wish I didn't feel like I have 0 value but I do and I don't even have anyone to vent to so I'm taking it to goddamn tumblr when I haven't made an original post in years

#borderline parent #narcissistic parent #somebody fucking help me i am losing my goddamn mind and don't have what it takes to keep fighting

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kuronanox · 4 years

Text

Jazz lies - Shinji Hirako

It would be wrong to say that (Your Name) was having fun at this jazz bar that a few coworkers wanted to check out, but it definitely wasn't a place she would call fun.

Out of courtesy of some of the artists at the bar they decided to stay for about an hour and half listening to the music.

"Excuse me miss the lovely gentlemen over there bought you a nice drink." One of the bartenders told (Your Name) setting the nicely made drink in front of her.

She looked at the man who bought her the drink, he had weird teeth and a grin on his face. His hair was a bit long and girly for her taste.

By the time the performance was over (Your Name) and her coworkers got up to exit the bar. She didn't touch the drink once. The whole time it sat in front of her as the man with the weird smile stared at her most of the night.

"Awe yer really left a man hanging!" Shinji jokes as he leans against the door watching her exit.

"Sorry I don't take drinks from strangers." She responds blandly not looking at him in the eye.

Shinji just chuckles and walks out after her side by side, as a few of her coworkers were a bit ahead of them.

"Can't a man try?"

"I've seen better." (Your Name) awkwardly says looking him up and down and then straight ahead to avoid eye contact.

"Damn girls these days sure are harsh." He says with hands in his pockets. "Yer new to town?" He proceeds.

"No, just checking the place out."

"Ahh! So you will come around more often?" Shinji pipes up excited to see her more since jazz bar tended to be on the older side of age.

"Nah, Jazz isn't my vibe."

"Ouch, I thought you were cute too."

"I'm sorry but who are you?" (Your Name) stops walking and looks at Shinji with slight irritation. "Isn't it weird to talk to a man I don't even know the name of?"

"It's Shinji and this man is trying to make a friendly conversation with a cute girl."

A feeling of guilt build in her because he was rather nice the whole time, but it was always good to be defensive just in case he was a real weirdo.

"(Your Name)." She says and continues "sorry I'm just being cautious, there are a lot of sick people out there."

Shinji sighs and rolls his eyes. "It's okay baby doll I've seen sick people in my life time and I ain't one of em."

(Your Name) just smiles, she was still being careful though because he was still a stranger, but it was good to converse with someone new once in a while.

"So I'll let you go now only if I get yer number!" He grins noticing the hesitation in her eyes. "Don't worry, if you don't wanna talk to me anymore after this just don't respond to me." He assured the girl as she willingly gave her digits.

"I'll see you around." (Your Name) says bidding a farewell catching up with her coworkers.

(Your Name) couldn't help but be a bit interesting in this Shinji man because he was a sweet heart. Shinji was being a hopeless romance, but she couldn't tell if he was being over dramatic or if he was foreal.

He told her she was his 'first love' but she knew he was probably joking.

Although they didn't meet a second time they spend a few weeks sending text messages to each other. (Your Name) thought he was going to be pushy and ask her out again, but to her surprise he didn't.

Shinji genuinely was interested in her.

"Why the hell you keep smiling at your phone like a idiot baldy?" Hiyori says peaking over him curious who Shinji had been texting the last few weeks. "AHH!" She screams and snatched the phone reading a loud.

Shinji - "Good morning baby doll, how was yer day?"

"HIYORI STOP OR ILL-!" Shinji screams chasing the smaller girl as the other visords attention grew to them.

(Your Name) - "Good morning! It's been nice! I've just been cleaning my place. What about you Shinji?"

Shinji - "I'm glad you had a good day <3 I went to the store to get the newest record."

"Like I said Hiyori it's no one!" He continues as she kicks him in the face and continues to read out loud.

Shinji - "Shopping alone ain't fun, when yer going to join? I'll pay for dinner!"

(Your Name) - "is this a lame way of asking me out to eat lmao?"

Shinji snatches the phone back with red tints on his cheeks as Hiyori laughs on the floor. "Shut up will ya!"

"Oi Shinji, my books will come in handy if she decides to go out with you." Lisa seriously says flipping her book the couch.

"Hate to admit it but she's right." Kensei butts in getting ready for dinner.

"Oh shut up." Shinji says embarrassed as he walks into his room and slams the door.

To Shinji luck (Your Name) agreed to go eat with him for dinner a week after he asked her. Although it was their second time meeting the atmosphere was smooth and easy.

"Yeah! I graduated college a year ago and I work at the hospital in town!" She tells Shinji passionate about saving life's everyday. "What about you Shinji?"

Shinji was sweating because he didn't actually work. So he tightly gripped his knife and put the steak in his mouth as he smoothly played it off. "I work at a company, top secret for the government only." He winked.

"Kami I'm safe, being dead actually is inconvenient."

(Your Name) face lit up as she took a bite of her wagyu. "Nice! Never thought I'd meet someone so high in status."

"Yer not missing much baby doll, I live ina abandon warehouse actually."

Shinji grins as they take a toast together and enjoyed the view of Tokyo below them.

"So what are your future plans?" She then asks Shinji as he tilts his head.

"Oooh we already wanna start thinking about the future together?" He jokes as she laughs and playfully roll her eyes. Which for (Your Name) was good because it lighten the mood.

After dinner was finished and Shinji paid they walk down the busy streets of Tokyo admiring the views. "Isn't it pretty?" (Your Name) asked Shinji as they walked side by side with linked arms. "What? My face? Oh I know!"

"No dummy the lights of Tokyo!" She lightly flicked his forehead as he shuts his eyes tight.

"Yeah, one day I'll show you the view of Tokyo at a better place, maybe." He tells her as she happily nods her head eagerly.

The night was getting late as she grew tired but the city was still awake. "I'll see you off then? Please get home safe baby doll."

"I will! Maybe we can go out again later!"

"Of course I'll really like that." Shinji grins as she walks down her path towards home. Watching from afar Shinji shunpo to see if she got back in the house safely and after he left.

"Spill the beans how could anyone possibly like you baldy?" Hiyori asked one night as they all sat around.

"Oh shut up! I'm pretty handsome!"

"More like a hand full." Kensei added.

"That's Mashiro who is." Shinji bites back as Kensei could only agree to that statement.

"Young love, can't wait to see what the future holds for you." Rose says.

Shinji just left to his room after that, they were giving him a headache. He laid onto his bed and closed his eyes. (Your Name) was pretty, kind and mature. She had a future ahead of her, but Shinji was living in a dump with lots of roommates and plus he was basically a soul.

Shinji was surprise she stuck around as long as she did. They had went on many dates after that and he successfully earned a kiss on the 5th date.

The only problem for Shinji was the fact that he basically lied about his whole life to her, he wasn't sure if it was right to tell her the truth or wait it out.

It wasn't until 6 months into their relationship that the problem he feared worse appeared.

They had left the bar shortly after midnight, Shinji was walking her back safely to the train station, and then he would secretly watch her go home to make sure she was safe, but a drunken man had appeared from a ally way.

The drunken man was causing a problem for (Your Name) as he said some rather vulgar remarks. Shinji was a laid back man as he told the drunken man to beat it and go cat call someone else.

"Yer really pushin my buttons." Shinji tells the drunken man giving him a glare and lightly grabbing (Your Name) to safety behind him.

The drunken man crossed the line when he tried to grabbed (Your Name) shoulder as Shinji puts his foot onto his chest not allowing him to come any closer.

Before they could walk away the sound of a gun click appeared as Shinji pushed (Your Name) out of the way.

"I don't hurt humans but it seems like you want to harm someone precious to me. I don't mind being naughty just for this special occasion." Shinji grins calm and composed as he stopped the bullets from flying between his fingers.

(Your Name) was in panic mood at first because they were at gun point and then second Shinji was using some unknown godly powers to her.

"Don't worry baby doll, yer safe with me." Shinji says disappearing from her sight as he grabbed the gun from the man and broke it in pieces with his bare hands. "Don't play with toys sir, I've seen scarier!"

Of course the man got terrified and ran away scared for his life. "See ya!" Shinji calls out.

(Your Name) watched from her spot unsure what to be afraid of.

The man who was about to possibly rape her or Shinji who was lying about his identity the whole time. The tears grew in her face because of how frighten she was.

"What's wrong bab-"

"Stop, don't get any closer." She tells him as Shinji sees the water in her eyes. She looked terrified and hurt. "I can explain to you about all this."

"Explain what? That you've been lying about yourself the whole time? What are you? Some kind of god?"

Shinji knits his brows and grabs her hand lightly but she pulled away. "No. I'm going home alone tonight. I'll talk to you when I'm ready."

"I'm not letting ya walk home this late alone." He tells her as she protested but by a flash of a step they were back at her place as he set her down lightly.

"Talk to me when you are ready, I'll be waiting." Shinji says as she looks away from him obviously surprised on how they got home so fast.

"Whatever, thanks for tonight." She slightly says in a forgiving tone as she walked into her place.

He didn't hear from her in weeks, it was only 6 months together and during that period of time he felt happy and light. He didn't think about Aizen or any ill thoughts when he was with her.

Shinji knew it wasn't going to work out, they were so different and so far from each other's world yet he wanted so bad to make it work.

"Is this the common word to say that I got ghosted?" He sulks in the corner as his phone rings to see a message from (Your Name).

(Your Name) - "Meet me at the bar we first met."

Shinji walks in and spots her sitting alone but beautifully shining. She notices him and gives a small smile.

"Alright get it to it, if you wanna call me a freak I understand." He says.

"No one is calling you a freak, I just want an explanation. I had time to think and I'm sorry for the way I acted. I was scared and confused."

He takes her hands and grins. "Of course baby."

The music started to play as the bartender served them a couple of drinks.

"Just please let me finish before you ask any question. Basically you are dating a dead man, I'm from the world where souls live and we have powers that protect and balance the living and dead. Remember when we were talking about how sick people can be? Well there was a guy that got me and few of my comrades exile from the Soul Society and that is how I ended up here."

(Your Name) had to process everything, it was so unreal. At the same time she was curious and slightly interested about another world out there. Of course she wanted to be angry at him for lying about his identity, but she understood from his perspective.

"Well that was a lot to take in, you must be serious about me if you told me all this."

"100% percent, I ain't leaving soon." He sips his wine now.

(Your Name) smiles and then looks down.

"Just don't lie to me anymore. Keep everything real."

"I won't. At the mean time, I'm glad we had this talk so now I can finally use my godly powers as you say." He grabs her hands as they run out the bar.

Stumbling a bit she grips his hand tightly and follows. "Where are we going?!"

"You will see!" He shouts as Shinji hoisted her and lifts them up to the sky.

The view from Tokyo was below them and this time she could see everything.

"How?! This is so beautiful!"

Shinji was happy, although they haven't talked serious yet, he was willing to give it time and effort.

"Remember I told you I would show you a better view. Well here it is!"

(Your Name) was overwhelmed with happiness as she clung onto him. It was weird for her because they were basically standing in midair.

"We won't fall right?"

"Nah just relax I got you."

The night came to an end in a positive way as both parties understood each other and why things were the way they were. Shinji had a sense of relief because he didn't have to hide anymore.

They laid in bed at her place, god forbid he brought her back to his.

The night was cold but the room was warm, they laid peacefully and in each other arms.

(Your Name) would make sure in the future to talk about their relationship because it was a complicated subject. A human and soul together as a couple.

Everyone always says it doesn't hurt to try something new so that's what she was taking this as but genuinely she wanted to brag about how strong and cool her boyfriend was but that was for another time.

For now they both just want to cherish the easy and smooth moments together before anything complicated comes up.

"So our next challenge is to meet my peeps." He tells her as she groans.

"Are they weird like you?"

"Oh baby doll, we are a mix of hip and style."

(Author notes: Heya! I'm taking request at the moment! I'll be on vacation so I might have some time to write a few pieces! The rules are telling me a character and a general plot on what you want the story to be! Also none of my one shots have been edited.)

#bleach #anime #bleach one shots #bleach x reader #bleach imagines #bleach oneshots #shinji hirako #hirako shinji #kensei muguruma #hiyori sarugaki #tite kubo #kubo tite #bleach shinji #mashiro kuna

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inkykeiji · 3 years

Note

O.o I just finished part three for the 3rd time and can finally try to properlyrespond. Omg. So let me preface this by saying I grew up in a household with a very insane and unstable person, they should definitely be in a padded room but their S/o refuses to do anything about it. To this day they are still that way because they refuse to put themselves back together. This hits in such a hard and amazing way. Your writing is so well thought out. The depth of emotions and portrayal of such. The inability to properly explain what is going on from that characters point of view. Holy cumbs. That just hits feels. The need to fix them and to keep trying and make everything better in anyway even if it is by accepting them pushing you away or hurting you. As a people pleaser that hit my core because I get that, it is so hard to walk away from and recognize that you can't fix it for them. Thank you for working so hard on this. Your passion and ability is amazing as well as your understanding of emotional experiences and portrayal of them in an honest way that is not disrespectful. Thank you. Not sure if that makes sense but I can't wait to see what else you write! Please take care ❤

🐇

TW: mental illness and drug addiction

THIRD TIME!!! my goodness rabbit, that’s INCREDIBLE!!!! oh my gosh, seriously, thank you SO much, from the very bottom of heart, for sharing this with me. thank you thank you thank you. i’m so so so glad to hear that you felt that my portrayal was realistic and authentic, and that you could, in one way or another, relate!!! i pulled from my own struggles and experiences with mental illness while writing tomura’s parts in this piece (as both i and several of my family members suffer from mental illness) and i know that mental illness can be such a personal experience and differs in the way it manifests in each person, so to hear that you (and others!!) have felt such a way makes me so happy.

it’s very difficult, and many people get torn between (exactly what you said) caring for the person they love and getting hurt or harming themselves by staying with this person. i have watched family members do this. but you really, really cannot help them if they don’t genuinely WANT that help, if they don’t genuinely want to get better and are willing to try.

but, at the same time, i understand just how difficult it is to GET that help, how painful and exhausting it can be even though it is ultimately very rewarding in the end; sometimes the path to getting better or learning how to deal with your symptoms in a better and healthier way is just too much for some people. and that’s why mental illness sucks SO fucking bad. because there are a lot of people who wish to get better in some capacity (i’m not like, super into the term ‘get better’ because tbh for those of us with chemical imbalances in our brains...it isn’t going away, you know??? you just learn how to manage it better, but it never fully leaves) but end up giving up because it’s so difficult and so much work. it’s truly a paradox and something you have to put so much work into, so i have sympathy for those who struggle with sticking with treatment because good GOD is it ever extremely exhausting.

i hope that makes sense; i believe everyone’s mental illness is their own responsibility, all i’m saying is that i can sympathize with those who feel they aren’t strong enough for treatment (though, just in case there’s anyone in this position struggling with this: i promise you, you ARE, and it is so so so worth all of the pain and exhaustion in the end <3).

but yeah!!!! a lot of people CAN’T walk away because of that guilt or love or sense of duty they feel towards their suffering loved one.

ah thank you so much for your kind words my lil white rabbit!!! i appreciate them, and you sharing your thoughts with me, so much!!! i admire your dedication, my gosh, and i am truly so happy you enjoyed part three!!! <33333

AAAAAH RABBIT THAT HURT SO MUCH?????? THAT HURT SO SO SO MUCH LIKE OUCH but that art is sooooo beautiful!!!! he looks so pretty i’m 🥺🥺🥺 thank YOU for being amazing bb!!! and that’s totally fine, don’t worry about it!!! <33

#waaaah ily #sorry i wrote an ESSAY lmao #i just really appreciate this so so so much #just #thank you bb thank you #i hope you're doing well n getting ur daily happy brain juice!!!!#please keep yourself as safe as you possibly can <3 #🐇.anon #clari gets mail #stanley queuebrick

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dontreadthistrashgarbage · 5 years

Text

G O T 7 pt.4

"Hey kiddos!" Guerin called out in English as she entered the dorm for HEET. She had messaged them earlier that she would be stopping by. Having wrapped up breakfast with JB she had enough time to catch the boys and Eneoji before they left for work for the day.

"Noona!" Seungbin jumped up from the couch and ran to into entryway to greet her, the large white Samoyed hot on his heels. Guerin hugged the maknae in greeting then kneeled down to give her dog attention. The other five members of HEET made their way out to greet her as well. They all settled in the living room, Eneoji sprawled across both her and the typically nonexpressive Tobio next to her.

She listened as they caught her up on how everyone had been faring and some plans they had begun working on, including a possible World Tour now that they had gotten their first wins. It hadn't been long since their last promotions ended but they had all been working hard on preparing for the next comeback. Guerin asked them if she should take Eneoji home but Seungbin and Tobio asked to let her stay longer.

"Just let me know if your days get too long and you can't get away to take her out or you cant bring her to work. She needs the attention." Guerin cautioned.

"That time might be coming soon." Byoungjin said reasonably, but once he caught the pathetic expression from Seungbin he added, "But we have another couple days at least."

"I've been running with her everyday still! Sometimes people recognize us!" The American Gabriel said excitedly, "She's been giving out pawtagraphs." The pun had been a joke between him and Guerin but had become recognized fandom canon when he had let it slip in a vlive.

"Did Jackson ever make an appointment with you?" Minhwan asked suddenly, remembering his Sunbae reaching out to him.

"Yes he did, and his puppy is super adorable, we should absolutely schedule a playdate with MinNao and Eneoji." Guerin gushed.

"I haven't seen him in a while. It would be nice to see him again." Byoungjin said, happy at the prospect of meeting up with his fellow trainee.

"I met a few other people you guys know too. Mark Tuan and JB." Guerin said, though she opted to leave out that she had just gotten breakfast with the latter to avoid too many questions, "JB even came to see Mihi fly."

"I've head of JB. Doesn't he produce under the name Defsoul?" Tobio asked curiously.

"Yes, he helped me learn music composition and arrangement." Byoungjin answered, "How is he?" He turned to Guerin and she faltered.

"Ahh... we... he is nice but we kinda had a disagreement recently." She said honestly.

"What happened? Noona are you okay?" Seungbin sat up protectively.

"Yes I'm fine. He apologized." Guerin said, touched by the fifteen-year-old's reaction as she pinched his cheek, causing him to pout slightly.

"I'm not that surprised. JB was always a little hot headed." Minhwan frowned.

Guerin was shocked, "Hot headed? I would never have described him that way. I thought he was fairly laid back, even cute sometimes."

"Cute?" Minhwan coughed out a laugh, "Im Jaebeom? He hated aegyo!"

"No I dont mean aegyo." Guerin couldn't help but laugh at the idea of JB attempting full blown aegyo, "But he has... cute mannerisms? Like he puffs out his cheeks when he is thinking, or scrunches up his face when he teases, or plays up certain emotions when he gets excited." She tried to explain.

Byoungjin was looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing. You just described him very well." Byoungjin shrugged, clearly not telling the full truth.

"Yeah he had some of that too but he used to get mad and blow up a lot." Minhwan explained, "If he thought someone was being disrespectful, wasting time, not trying hard enough..." Minhwan flinched, "It wasn't fun being on the receiving end of that."

"I never would have guessed." Guerin said.

"Did you get yelled at a lot, Hyung?" Gabriel asked leader Minhwan, a slight cheeky quality to the inquiry.

"No, you rude punk." Minhwan answered back with even more sass, "But JB would have destroyed you. If you aren't careful I'll call him in to teach you a lesson." He threatened playfully, giving the younger man a couple pokes to the ribs, causing Gabriel to giggle and flinch away.

"JB had a rough childhood. His birth father wasn't a good person and he suffered for it. He talked about trying to change it. He was aware and he didn't want to be the kind of man that hurt his mom." Byoungjin said seriously. Minhwan and Gabriel looked chagrined. Everyone was quiet, unsure of what to say. Guerin processed the new information carefully, adding a bit more understanding to JB's personality.

"He must be working hard. It's not easy to overcome that kind of trauma." Tobio unexpectedly said. He wasn't as talkative as the others but when he did he had a habit of poignancy. The others nodded thoughtfully.

"What did you two fight about?" Seungbin asked suddenly.

"Oh... it's so embarrassing." Guerin hid her face in Eneoji's fur.

"Noonaaaaa, tell us!" Seungbin plied, pushing her gently and using full aegyo to get her to answer. She tried to avoid looking at him but he was too powerful.

"Okay fine." She pushed Seungbin away as he grinned in triumph and Gabriel cackled.

"He... asked me to sing a song he wrote." She said quietly.

"He asked you to sing?" Gabriel was floored.

"Noona we told you that you have a nice singing voice." Minhwan boasted. They had all spent time around her so they had heard her many times.

"Yeah but I'm not a professional. It's just for fun." She felt like she had to keep repeating it.

"Maybe he likes you." Gabriel said, then adding in English, "-likes you- likes you. Y'know?"

"Gabriel!" She said astonished, "Minhwan I can't reach, would you shove him for me."

"I don't know, he might have a point." Minhwan shrugged, trying not to laugh.

"Well he better not." Seungbin said making a face, "Noona you deserve someone nice."

"Don't speak ill of people you haven't met." Tobio scolded the youngest gently. Seungbin apologized and ducked his head. Guerin smiled fondly at the well intentioned boy before she caught another thoughtful expression on Byoungjin, who quickly blanked his face as soon as their eyes met. She didn't have a chance to question him before Minhwan changed the subject to talk about Mark and Jackson too and she forgot to bring it up again until after she had left.

"Charlie-ssi, have you eaten yet?" Jinyoung asked, coming up beside his favorite producer as she pored over a thick stack of notes.

"No, not yet..." she answered, distracted.

"That's silly, it's our meal break. Come eat with me." He said, taking a step back and gesturing toward the food truck that had been sent by his costars friends.

She glanced up, feeling regretful at having to say no to such a handsome man asking her to join him for a meal, "I can't, I want to finish this first. Besides, I'm on a diet, I wasn't going to eat anyway."

Jinyoung looked offended, "A diet?" He repeated blankly.

"Yeah, I've put on some weight and being around all these beautiful actors..." she trailed off realizing she might be oversharing.

Jinyoung shook his head disapprovingly, "Ridiculous. You're beautiful the way you are." He turned to walk away, muttering, "A diet."

She was frozen for a moment. Did Park Jinyoung just call her beautiful? She shook her head. It was probably just lip service. Still, it was disappointing not being able to eat with him. But she had eaten and drunk so much last night, she was feeling positively bloated. Shaking her head once more she turned back to her notes.

A few minutes later a plate of chicken with vegetable sides and half a cupcake was placed on the table in front of her. Looking up she saw Jinyoung settling in the chair next to her, holding a similar looking plate with the other half of the cupcake. She watched him in surprise as he nonchalantly settled in, picking up his chopsticks before meeting her gaze.

"Skipping meals is unhealthy. You should take care of your body and feed it well." His genuine smile made her heart race and she blinked to get her bearings. His smile turned slightly more mischievous as he reached over to break off a piece of cupcake with his chopsticks and raise it to her lips, "but a little treat every now and then is good too."

It took her a moment but she responded by opening her mouth and taking the bite, blushing and quickly looking around to see if anyone had seen. Jinyoungs smile took over his whole face, eyes crinkling as he turned happily back to his own meal. Charlie smiled too, then set aside her notes to dig in as well, talking with him as a few more crew members joined them at the table creating happy chatter during their break.

Guerin had met up with Jackson and MinNao for another training session, this one focusing on loose leash walking. Jackson and his puppy were both eager to learn and absorbed information, putting it into practice readily. The two humans chatted about training theory as they walked but it devolved into general chatter and joking around.

"Oh, why don't we get a coffee? MinNao can practice being calm and greeting people." Guerin suggested suddenly as they passed a shop with outdoor seating.

Jackson beamed, "That sounds great!"

"Go ahead and get seated. I'll order inside." Guerin pointed to a table on the patio.

"Wait, take my card." Jackson started to reach for his wallet.

"Nope! It's on me!" Guerin grinned and skipped away from him through the doors, ignoring his protests. He was left to make his way to the patio with his rotund red puppy. It wasn't long before Guerin reappeared with two iced Americanos, placing one in front of a pouty Jackson as she settled across from him.

"Oh MinNao, yes, I missed you too." Guerin cooed at the puppy who had begun wiggling as soon as she was back in sight, pointedly ignoring the sulking man. Jackson squinted his eyes petulantly, reaching over to his drink for a sip, not looking away. Once Guerin sat back she couldnt help but giggle at Jackson's exaggerated mood.

"Oh come on," she protested with a laugh, "Can't I buy a friend a coffee?" She returned his pout playing up the cuteness as much as possible.

Jackson let out his trademark high pitched squeal "Cuuuuute!" He exclaimed, leaning back and crossing his arms over himself defensively, dimples showing from his grin. Guerin couldn't help but laughing at his adorable reaction. The two continued their banter, intermittently reinforcing and playing with MinNao until during a lull Jackson changed the subject.

"Did you ever end up talking to JB again?"

Guerin took a moment, piecing together how she wanted to phrase the experience, "Yeah... he actually apologized. He seemed really genuinely upset with himself."

"What happened?" Jackson leaned forward curiously.

"It happened the same night we went out." She paused, "It sounds weird but he ended up at my apartment, drunk. He was really upset and apologizing a lot. I didn't feel comfortable sending him away that drunk so I let him pass out on the couch."

Jackson had no poker face. He sat back, looking disgruntled, "He spent the night?"

Guerin immediately tried to clarify, "Yeah but he was just passed out on the couch. It wasn't like... that." She floundered, "The next morning he didn't even remember but he bought us breakfast and apologized properly." Jackson still had an odd expression on his face so she tried to move on, unsure of how to phrase the scenario any better, "He actually asked me to try recording again."

"What did you say?" Jackson asked.

"I told him I'd try it." She felt strangely guilty admitting it so she avoided Jacksons gaze by focusing on taking a sip on her drink. Jackson floundered for a moment. He didn't want Guerin to set herself up for hurt again but JB was a close friend.

"If he apologized then he'll be better this time." He said, nodding resolutely, "You can trust him."

Guerin was relieved with Jacksons understanding. Him vouching for JB's character set her more at ease, "Thanks Jackson. It feels good to hear you say that." She smiled softly at him.

He beamed back at her before changing his expression to overdone disapproval to match his scolding tone, "But you don't have to let just anyone stay at your house overnight. You should be more careful!"

She laughed in shock, "Oh my god!" She exclaimed in English, "Nothing happened! It was nothing!" She said defensively.

"Still. It looks bad. Next time send him home." He said petulantly.

"Whatever." She said in English again, tsking at his attitude dismissively. They argued playfully for a bit before the conversation flowed naturally in another direction.

JB and Jackson met for dinner later that evening. They caught up with light chatter about their current projects and Jacksons upcoming schedules in China. Their discussion was light and friendly, with a lot of laughter from the both of them.

"Guerin agreed to try recording for my new song." JB brought up amidst their discussion of projects.

"Hyung." Jackson said suddenly. JB looked up at Jackson while reaching for a bite of food, "You need to be nice to her this time." Jackson added seriously. JB hesitated, remembering seeing Jackson hugging Guerin after his blow up.

"Ah..." he didn't know what to say so he shoved some food in his mouth as he thought. Jackson waited. "I was wrong that time. I was a jerk. I won't do it again." He said resolutely.

"And you shouldn't spend the night at her house either." Jackson added seriously. JB looked at his friend with wide eyes, shocked.

"I saw Guerin today. She said you came over to apologize." Jackson said, "I know you meant well... but... I told you before I like her. So I don't like you staying there overnight."

JB finished chewing and swallowed, "Ah... about that..." Jackson looked at him inquisitively, "I didn't say anything before. I thought I could give it up. But I like Guerin too." He looked ashamed, "I tried to distance myself and I got upset and I took it out on her. So I decided I need to be honest with both of you. I'm sorry I wasn't honest from the beginning."

Jackson couldn't hide his surprise. A variety of emotions passed across his face rendered uncharacteristically speechless. JB waited patiently for him to recover. After a few moments Jackson looked resolute, "We can't help how we feel. Neither of us own Guerin or have a right. Regardless, you're my precious friend and nothing is going to change that."

"Waaahhhh." JB said, impressed. He offered his hand to his friend which Jackson took and they shook fondly, "That was cool." They grinned at each other.

"I'm still going to confess." Jackson said, widening his eyes and locking eyes with JB who chuckled at his friends comical expression.

"Yeah. I think I will too." JB responded.

"Don't spend the night at her house again though." Jackson pouted at JB.

"I can't promise that." JB said breaking the seriousness, turning his gaze to food and reaching for another bite.

"Hyunggg." Jackson caught onto the shift in the mood as he whined, "Don't be like this."

"Like what?" JB played innocent, chewing and opening his arms questioningly.

"Hyuuuunnngggg...." Jackson whined more, pouting with his full body, causing JB to laugh loudly and offer the barely younger man a bite of food to satiate his sulk.

"Thanks for helping me pick out some new makeup." Charlie smiled at Mark. The two of them were meandering toward the famous makeup district in Seoul.

"It's no problem! I don't have a shoot today and I like spending time with you." He responded with a smile, but had to look away at the last part shyly. Charlie blushed, unsure of how he intended the message but she was flattered regardless.

"I usually do really simple makeup but with our wrap party soon I wanted something a bit more flashy. I figured, you're a model, you might know what you're doing." She shrugged.

Mark laughed, "Well I usually have makeup done to me but lucky you I can do some as well."

The pair entered a shop and meandered through, with Mark making suggestions and offering feedback on Charlie's questions.

"I don't know if that color would look good on me..." she said dubiously eyeing sparkly purple eyeshadow.

"Sure it will. Pair it with this lighter shade, it'll complement your hair well and go with your pink contacts." He pushed. When she continued looking doubtful he pouted at her, "You said you wanted a bolder look, don't you trust me? You should at least try it."

"Okay... I'll try it." Charlie gave in to his cute expression.

Mark beamed, causing her heart to race. He really had an unnecessarily beautiful face. An unnecessarily beautiful everything. She blinked to clear her thoughts as he grabbed the sample eyeshadows. She reached to out to take them from him but he pulled away.

"I'll do it, so you can see what I mean." Mark said. Charlie hesitated then dropped her hand.

"Okay..." She couldn't think of a reason to not let him and just hoped she could cope with proximity.

"Close your eyes." He instructed as he opened the first shade. She obeyed and tried not to flinch as he applied the colors and blended them together. It felt like forever. He was so close his breath would wash across her face and neck. His touches were gentle but precise. Her mind wanted to wander but she locked that down as best she could. "Okay." He said finally.

Charlie's eyes fluttered open, she was surprised to still see him so close to her. He studied his handiwork then nodded, looking into her eyes with a proud close lipped smile, "It looks great on you."

She felt herself blushing again and turned away quickly with the pretense of finding a mirror. Locating one quickly she looked in and gasped, "Oh, wow that does look really cool."

"Thanks." Mark stepped up behind her, still looking proud.

"Alright I'll get these then." She nodded but avoided his gaze.

"Let's find a lip color to go with it. Maybe something more neutral..." Mark said thoughtfully before turning and wandering toward the lip section. Charlie took a couple breaths before following after him.

"Boy Howdy do I got news." Guerin said, slipping into the chair across the table from her friend. The two of them often defaulted to English when speaking with each other. Charlie looked up, from her coffee. She and Mark had gone their separate ways not too long ago. She had, of course, removed the makeup before leaving the shop.

"Same." Charlie sighed in response, leaning her head on her hand as she frowned at her friend.

"Oh? Tell me about it." Guerin leaned forward expectantly, curious about the news.

"I might be imagining things..." Charlie started, then fidgeted as she tried to piece together what to say, "Probably just wishful thinking..." she trailed off again.

"Spit it out!" Guerin urged, tapping the table to snap her friend back to attention.

Charlie groaned and covered her face, "I'm just thinking ugh! So... I think I have feelings."

"Oooohhhhhh?!" Guerin sat up with a grin and wiggled excitedly, "Who is the lucky person?"

"That's the problem. Well. One of them..." she started to trail off again before she caught Guerin's gaze again and forced herself to spit out, "I think I like two people. I think I like Jinyoung and Mark..." Guerin grinned and let out an appreciative sound but Charlie continued, "And I think... they might like me? But I'm not sure. And like... what could two such handsome men see in someone like me? I must be imagining it."

Guerin scoffed, "Yeah, what could two men see in a smart, fun, sweet, beautiful, strong woman like yourself. Absolutely ridiculous." The sarcasm couldn't have been laid on thicker.

Charlie forced one corner of her mouth up into what was supposed to be a smile but was more like a disbelieving grimace, "Thanks..."

"Don't you give me that face. Give yourself some credit. You don't have to believe everything I said, even if it IS the truth. But you have a lot of excellent qualities. What's not to like?" Guerin argued.

"Come on, maybe for an average person. But these guys are surrounded by incredibly beautiful people all the time. I am so plain in comparison. I barely wear makeup and my standard is hoodies and jeans." Charlie looked increasingly despondent as she spoke.

Guerin frowned, "You might not be a movie star but give these guys some credit. Hopefully anyone you like would be decent enough to not measure a person's worth by how glamorous they can be." Charlie still didn't look convinced, "Listen I can't make you believe me. I haven't met Jinyoung but I did meet Mark. I might have been having a bad night but even I could tell, ya boi was into ya."

Charlie couldn't help but chuckle at her friends earnest and goofy way of speaking. "If you say so." She suddenly looked up, determined, "Speaking of! Any news on that front?"

"Oh, yeah. Geez." Guerin launched into the explanation of JB coming over drunk that same night. At first she told the same edited version she had told Jackson but after finishing she hesitated.

"Well it's good that he apologized." Charlie narrowed her eyes at her friends expression, "Guerin you have no poker face. What are you hiding?"

Guerin laughed nervously, "I uh... well... while he was drunk... it kinda sounded like he was confessing feelings too."

It was Charlie's turn to coo at the juicy gossip. Guerin waved her hand dismissively, "Don't get excited. When he woke up he didn't say it again. He didn't even remember."

"Mmhmm." Charlie said, sipping her coffee like Hyungwon. Guerin rolled her eyes, uncharacteristically at a loss for words. "Sounds like you've got a love triangle."

"What? With who?" Guerin gasped.

"JB and Jackson." Charlie said in a sing song voice.

"Oh stop. JB was drunk and Jackson is friendly with everyone." Guerin shook her head.

"Mmhmm." She made another point of sipping her coffee with emphasis. "You make a big production of how every man should be in love with me and you can't even notice a puppy begging for attention and a drunk confession. Come on."

Guerin could understand her perspective but still found it unbelievable. She didn't voice her thoughts again.

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