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imanes · 3 years

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Hello imane! Because of the pandemic, I still have all my uni classes online & idk ive been feeling v stuck in life like ik everyone has and im v privileged compared to alot of people but just submitting assignments in the same old home environment everyday. Ik we all have to get through this but life feels joyless and dull. Just endlessly depressing. So i wanted to ask u how u idk made life exciting while u were working from home? Like any rituals or a routine or hobbies?

hi angel! tbh i don’t know if i’ve suceeded in making my home life very exciting in the last year, but there are a few things that helped. my desk used to face a wall and it got really old after a couple of weeks of always staring at purple paint all day long so i turned my desk around to face the window, and surprisingly that helped a lot. having the cats around definitely do a lot of good things for my mind too. i decluttered my space, i burn a candle every day, got a lot of comfy clothes to wear around the house. i also take showers during my lunch break lol. i have a thing for fancy drinks so i got myself quite the selection of teas, coffees and various drinks to prepare at different points throughout the day. taking walks got real old bc living in the city means taking ugly street upon ugly street for little pay-off so i don’t really have that outlet akjkfjgld. one thing that really helped me was making my own food and be diligent with my meals by making sure i was treating myself to things i wanted to eat and by trying new meals and prepping my own pickles and fermented foods! i feel proud of myself even when i make a sandwich bc i can put in stuff i pickled myself etc, and it constitutes a highlight of my day even if it’s based on something i made many days ago. i make sure i talk to my friends every day, even if it’s just to share memes. i’d say just little things make a whole lot of difference when you add them up. starting tomorrow i’m going to do that 30 day yoga challenge thing by adrienne something something because to be honest i have a LONG way to go when it comes to my physical health and i really need to start generating happy hormones by working out and involving myself physically into activities. as far as food for thought is concerned i’ve been following a lot of webinars on decolonisation, anti-racism and stuff, it’s a topic i’ve always been interested in and i feel very lucky to be able to assist to so many online conferences where scholars and activists come together to share their expertise.

as far as hobbies are concerned, i’ve taken up playing electric guitar a few weeks ago and i’m getting back into drawing and painting a little, but i wouldn’t say it’s something i’m doing to alleviate the constraints of working from home if that makes any sense, it’s more part of a long-term plan to be more creative. and as usual i read a lot! reading is my favorite thing to do, especially now that life is so boring and monotonous. fiction is literally making me feel alive by proxy as pathetic as it sounds lmao. but i’m not berating myself for that, and neither should you. yes there is a mountain of privilege involved in being able to work or study from home when so many are at the end of their rope. however, it does not invalidate the fact that after nearly a year of repetitive lockdowns, isolation and general threat to mental and physical health, there is a lot of people who feel at the end of their rope and are still trying to find the silver lining somewhere. i think a lot of people have started journaling, which is cool, and jotting down stuff they feel grateful about, which works for some people but for me it’d be counterproductive. it all comes down to trial and error and see what makes you feel alive. lately even doing my laundry has been a highlight of my days bc i love the smell of cleanliness (it’s the virgo in me...).

last but not least u can join our book club~ the link is in the bio. to be honest it’s a book club but it’s not mandatory to read, there are plenty of channels and it’s a nice occasion to chat with people about common interests. if you feel like socialising that is <3 just being able to chat about this or that w/ cool people in a positive space does wonder for my feelings of depression and loneliness.

ok i typed a lot but idk if this has been of any help lol i’m a boring person and i don’t do any spiritual stuff or think about mindfulness at all and i’ve got a laundry list of issues to deal with so i don’t even feel qualified to share advice but at the end of the day i just wanted to tell u that i wish u the best and that u find ur cruising speed, and that if u do and lose it for a bit, it doesn’t mean that u can’t get back on track!! i wish the both of us and everybody else a better future

#Anonymous

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narilgc · 4 years

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𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐇 𝐈𝐍 𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐖: an all-ecompassing overview of how may has treated im nari.

this is something i’ve been wanting to do for a while now, but only got the motivation a few weeks ago after realizing what an eventful month my muses had ! i hope you enjoy, it’ll be divided up into different sections, with a few muse mentions. enjoy !

𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒: “ i’ve been so pleased with myself recently ! i mean, i really had a hard time for the last months, not thinking i was making much progress ... now look at me ! my parents have been really proud, and now i really believe that i can make a change for them like i promised, and really support them in the future. i feel like people are starting to take me so seriously and i feel so excited about all that june has in store for me ! ”

𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒: nari often sees herself as legacy’s weak link, as she isn’t exactly idol material skill-wise. however, after transferring to legacy agency, she’s been revitalized with a new sense of confidence and energy to keep her going. the newfound experiences that she has received are assuring her that she has the capability to succeed just as much as anyone else in the company, and for once she thinks she can be proud of herself. nari’s happiness has outweighed any fatigue she might feel with the schedules, as she is more relieved than anything to have more things to busy herself with.

𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐑:

within the new sub-company, nari has begun to improve her acting skills, though she hasn’t neglected her practicing of both her singing and modeling skills.

the modeling has seemed to do her some good, as she was granted an opportunity following the april fool’s lunch to be apart of the pizza cf. she’s very excited, as it’s her first real modeling experience, and something she’s wanted to do for a long time.

she’s been shooting for the “ new faces ” series with the other actors and actresses, having a lot of fun making new friends with her company-mates !

alongside new faces, she’s had her shot at being apart of “ date lottery ”, in which she’s been paired with two partners, which tragically enough have been some of the first dates of her life.

nari’s evidently been seeing a lot of the camera’s lately, as her final appearance has been being a guest star of danbi’s v-live show.

the most exciting experience of all, however, has been her opportunity to not only audition for a role in cram school, but to be granted a lead role as kwon mijoo !

𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐒:

if it’s not for the help of friend jiae ( @lgcjiae ), she doesn’t know what she would’ve done ! as acting buddies, they’ve been working together to improve ... though they do get off task every now and then.

she’s been trying not to fall on her butt, as her and vlive partner eunji ( @lgceunji ) work to do couple yoga poses for all watching fans !

on the other hand, her and her other vlive partner jihye ( @lgcjihye ) will be working together as fellow actresses to perform scenes for their virtual audience.

she has another acting performance with a partner, though the one with daehyung ( @lgcdaehyung ) is a little more serious and with a physical audience. for the steaks !

for another episode of new faces, her and seyoon @lgcyoon are doing their best to not to get smacked in the face with a volleyball for a questionable challenge.

though a sad moment, she’s gotten to enjoy new face’s finale with one of her acting friends jaewoo ( @lgcjaewoo ), as they work the red carpet.

she’s been having her funs shooting her exciting dates with subin ( @lgcsubin ) and minseok ( @lgcxminseok ), as well as shooting for danbi’s show in which they’ve been making cute throwback outfits. ( @lgcdanbi ).

trying to live up to the “ self care buddy ” role she claims to be, she’s been trying her best to give friend akira an emotional pick-me-up. @lgcakira

though there has been some trouble in paradise !! her and jane ( @lgcjaein ) have been butting heads a bit during practice, refusing to acknowledge they’re a lot more similar than they think.

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓'𝐒 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓:

next month is the festival, meaning that nari will have her first ever interaction with fans ! she’s very happy, as she thinks it’s her time to show off her charms that she prides herself on, as much of how people see her in the future will be left to her portrayal of characters in films, so this counts !

nari wants to improve her modeling now that she’s beginning to see it as a viable career option, so she’s going to try her best to improve that !

she’s going to go really hard at practicing, as this role is a very big one to be her first ever professional tv role. there’s a lot of pressure so she wants to do her best.

she also wants to take her vocals more seriously, as singing is the second most important skill to her and she doesn’t want to get rusty ! it’s also something she has to be very proactive thinking about, as she does wish to pursue a musical acting career as well.

she’s going to have to learn to adjust to living on her own a bit better, as it’s proved to be a lot harder than she originally thought.

though she’s living alone, she doesn’t want to leave her friends behind, so will be making a conscious effort to solidify as well as to create new friendships.

amidst all the chaos, she really doesn’t want to forget about her parents, and has been growing a bt homesick as she wishes they could be there to see her.

#( not throwing away my shot :: career. )#( how do you measure :: month in review. )#( if you knew my story :: development. )#( wait for it :: queued. )

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atzfiles · 5 years

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getting to know jeong yunho

hi! i will be looking into yunhos natal chart and share some of the information i have gotten out of it! thanks to yunho, we know the exact time he was born! i am not entirely sure if the place of birth is that exact though. so as always, this is not 100% accurate and i am not saying i know everything about astrology. this is a hobby of mine which i taught myself.

Sun Aries

aries is the first sign of the zodiac which shows in their characters

they’re always first to start and always first to finish

aries people are natural athletes which, in my opinion, fits to yunho quite nicely

they cannot sit still for longer periods of time

their natural instinct is to use their bodies to get things done

they live a “simple” live, dont like long/drawn out moments and they also dont like planning ahead

aries sun are known for being direct, straightforward and uncomplicated

they also tend to live in the moment

whatever happens right now is most important to an aries

this trait can make them very impatient but also highly innovative

aries suns are also very brave

they dont like the long way to a goal, they need to take the quickest route

they also have some childlike qualities which makes them real charmers

yunho has a strong personality, entrepreneurial spirit, ambitious, self-willed and stubborn

possible downsides of an aries sun: very nervous, impulsive, wasteful, provoking and restless

Sun in V

yunho wants to be recognized for what he is doing

he has a lot of unique and special qualities and he wants people to pay attention to those

he has a flair for drama and sports (now we all know what sorta high school student he was lmao)

yunho is proud of the fact that he has such a positive outlook on life

expressing himself brings him happiness

he needs to be careful because sometimes those things can make him look like an attention seeker to others

188 Conjunction Sun in Mercury

he owns a lot of mental energy because his ego and mind are on the same level

yunho is very intelligent and he takes pride in that

he also loves to communicate with other people

he talks and expects others to listen but he himself can have a hard time listening to others, that doesnt mean he dominates every conversation

and here you can see yet again that he has great joy in expressing himself

he studies best when reading over the material rather than listening (to a teacher for example)

this also comes from the strong need to communicate

yunho cant listen and absorb information well, he has to act on it

he has his own opinions and those are set

very independent thinker

if not listened to, he can get quite butthurt

he also cant handle criticism too well when it comes to his own opinions

he has a very witty, bashful and playful sense of humor

272 Conjunction Sun in Jupiter

extremely generous, helpful, good-hearted, well-informed, friendly and possesses strong morals

seems like luck is always on his side

he attracts good and positive things like a magnet

yunho is not very competitive which, as a result, is the reason why a lot of people like him

he also loves to travel because he is interested in foreign places and people

he has a lot of faith in life and people

he does believe in orders and rules and generally dislikes people that tend to break the rules or even go against the law

very impatient with the wrong people around

he can be trusted very well, is sincere and is good at keeping promises

as mentioned before, very optimistic

laughs very easily

240 Sextile Sun in Neptune

very sensitive and dreamy

strong appreciation for music

he is naturally very compassionate

very open minded; realizes that there is more to the world than whats in front of his eyes

yunho is attracted to spiritual subjects which works in favor for musicians and artists

he can be taken advantage of because he feels strongly for those who are suffering

very humanitarian; adores animals

very imaginative, inspired and emotional

Moon in Gemini

people who have their moon in gemini tend to be very witty and charming

but they can also become very moody and irritable, especially at home or with family

very curious

a certain nervousness and worry are also known for lunar gemini

he needs way more stimulation than other people

there is a lot going on inside of him

here we can also see his urge to express himself again

lunar gemini think and talk a lot

they like their homes but tend to hate housework

yunho can get a bit messy

he does like improving his home though

re-organizing is something he seems to enjoy

very easily bored

is in touch with his own emotions but he can struggle with handling others complicated emotions

inside the family he is the one getting everyone together for a meeting

doesnt like repetitive routines

yunho likes having to do a lot of stuff

very sociable, friendly and talkactive

comfortable around a lot of people and can speak well in front of crowds

very open to new ideas

wants to talk about problems as soon as possible

sharp intellect

-57 Square Moon in Mercury

his head and heart get in the way of each other

he can be too emotional or too logical

can be very jealous and possessive

can sometimes feel the need to change partners quickly because he gets bored

imaginative sense of humor

can be hypersensitive because of mood swings

because of the what he talks, yunho tends to misrepresent himself

very happy when he can escape in his own little world

cant find his ideal world on the outside so he creates his own, imaginative world

loves drama but reacts negatively when he is the one getting criticism

Mercury in Pisces

soaks up feelings and moods from the people around him

which can affect his own mood quite drastically

very tactful, tries not to offend people

15 Trine Mercury in Lilith

can get quite provocative in communications

sees flaws very quickly

Venus in Taurus

likes sensual surroundings

looks like he would be a satisfying lover/partner

needs to be able to depend on his partner

can become very possessive of his partner

he needs “hands on” expressions of love

loyal

cant get pushed into a relationship

likes comfortable things

he needs a lot of time

his partner would need a lot of patience

“love arrives slowly, but with force”

Venus in VI

he wants to help sick and poor people all the time

wants a job in a medical or social setting

likes being of service to his partner

goes to extreme lengths so always be available for his partner

he isnt ‘showy’ with his love/bad at expressing it but much rather shows it by his availability, doing practical things for his partner or other thoughtful things

pays attention to small details

he is scared that, if the relationship he is currently in ends, he might not be able to find better

-224 Opposition Venus in Mars

from affairs over to full blown relationships; love is what gets this boy out of bed

this can get challenging in youth

he can have a hard time finding a relationship that meets his expectations

very creative

passion for romance is often channeled in his creative output

prone to have love-hate relationships (the fanfics have been right all along)

can get angry quickly but that anger disappears just as fast as it came

likes truth and justice

he never plays false, his sentiments are deep and sincere

might be into someone older because he appreciates peoples intelligence

-95 Square Venus in Neptune

his ideals are not always easy to achieve

easy going

yunho is in love with being in love

very romantic

can be a little too romantic; his romantic dreams might get shattered by the reality of relationships

sees what he wants to see rather than what really is

clings to romantic delusion which can be very dangerous and unhealthy

tends to devote his all to someone who is unreachable

he is also prone to loving someone who treats him badly all while he is clinging to an idealized image of his partner

he thinks that loving someone requires self-sacrifice

:((

Mars in Scorpio

likes to challenge himself to do the impossible

keeps his cool on the surface very well

does not let people in easily

scorpio in mars is known for having the strongest sexual stamina

even though he tends to dislike people who break the rules, he often fantasizes about breaking taboos

he like the scenario of their partner giving into them, wants his partner completely and will do absolutely anything for them

im sweating

his sexual appeal is strong enough to get what he wants

very jealous, doesnt want to share

doesnt find pleasure in compromises: needs to hear either yes or no

constantly tests himself and others

thinks that life isnt fair

Mars in XII

puts all of his energy into his working life

likes to research

jobs like a doctor, teacher, police officer would fit him well

he should try to give things a real shot instead of feeling defeated instantly

he can handle a lot of things by himself in his own unique ways

works more for others than himself

ignores his own needs and desires for others which secretly makes him very angry

takes time for him to warm up to a new sexual partner

likes to solve problems

likes to overcome obstacles

he sometimes can seem cold when he is in his work-mindset

-117 Square Mars in Uranus

tends to be eccentric and too headstrong, impatient

Jupiter in Aries

attracts good things in life

he is initiating, inspiring, enthusiastic and brave

likes doing things on his own

likes games

gets distracted easily

lucky in love and his profession

adores children

generous

yunho likes helping people in difficulty

Saturn in Taurus

dislikes greedy people

needs to learn that he is also deserving of good things in life

likes precision

a true worker

possesses all the necessary qualities to be successful in the medical field

Uranus in Aquarius

gets overly excited when starting a task but quickly loses interest

this can give others a banal impression of him

doesnt like routines

-10 Square Uranus Lilith

he can have difficulty finding a peaceful love life because he is the type to fall in love at first sight

seeks adventures which can be harmful to his relationship

Neptune in Aquarius

generosity

solves other peoples problems just to see them happy

cold facts are hard for him to absorb#

he can get quite nostalgic

Pluto in Sagittarius

love and sexuality are idealized

Ascendent in Scorpio

he has a lot of presence

their manners command respect and he lets people know he shouldnt get pushed around

very powerful and determined

he can look right through people which can make him very intimidating

he often gets confused when he earns such strong reactions from people though

yunho likes to read between the lines

values his privacy a lot, so much that it can even cause paranoia

he feels the strong urge to always be in control of his environment

he plans out every move very carefully and lets no one look into his plans

he is drawn to down to earth and natural partners on which he can rely on

he needs full commitment because flighty partners make his patience run thin

House II in Capricorn

he sees spending and making money as an adventure which can cause financial risks for him

nothing is left to a chance

likes to calculate his plans and dissects them slowly

House IV in Aquarius

he may leave the family home very early on

wants a life that is out of the ordinary

doesnt like traditions

House VIII in Gemini

this placement is known for making artistic people generally very successful

House X in Leo

great leadership qualities

the way he is seen by society grows more important to him as he gets older

wants surround himself with equally artistic/influentiual people

if you really read this far...god bless u lmao

i tried keeping this as short as possible, leaving out some constantly repetitive traits and placements and trying to combine his placements rather than to dive into each one individually. please dont forget that i am doing this purely out of fun and interest. My ask box/messages are always open if you want to talk or have questions! please also let me know which member you want me to analyze next :)

#ateez astrology #ateez #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez headcanons #yunho #jongho #seonghwa #yeosang #wooyoung #mingi #san #hongjoong

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scandeniall · 4 years

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𝖋𝖆𝖛 𝖋𝖎𝖈𝖘 𝖙𝖆𝖌 𝖌𝖆𝖒𝖊

Took me a few days bc i needed to think (and im unmotivated) but thank u for the tag lovely, talented, amazing Sam @samwrights I feel like how much I adore her writing isnt a secret so lmao

⤷ rules: make a new post and talk about some of your own favorite works that you’ve written.

✩ no limit to you

i’ve been asked about my fav fic of mine before and i always say this one. not only was it my first real dive back into fic writing after a nearly 4 year hiatus but the feedback i got on it makes me so happy. The fact that people have said that it shows a healthy relationship (which has its ups and downs) is so special to me. College au’s/ being in your 20s are also my bread and butter because thats where I am in life.

sakusa is a v interesting characther to me and even before we ever see him his talent is mentioend so i felt like the song feels by kehlani and the titled lyric “knew right from the start there was no limit to you” just fit for me.

i also like how i did potrayed the relationship and how he slowly grew more comfortable. I really liked the strutcure being a time line and its a structure I’ve only used once (in this way i think???) and i just love it

✩ the rulers [part 1] [part 2]

now this right here? was a roller coaster to write and so is the story line. Theres so much going on and a lot of moving pieces so that along with the themes arent for everyone. But, I challenged myself to write 10k and with both parts it totaled 14k.

Explores themes i never really wrote on and was really interesting how much my thought process changed during it. definitely strayed so far from the original idea. But im so proud of the word count and pushing through when i wanted to drop it.

i’m also always a sucker for bad ass reader and i feel like it shows. I’m not one for overly sensitive reader just because i’m not /anymore/ so maybe thats some projection and how i aspire to be as much of a badass as who i write

✩ bad news

i think this is the only piece i have thats really obviously hurt/comfort. Anyways this one- the theme is a little heavier (rulers has heavy moments but has the fluff/nsfw/humor sprinkled in). Its about loving someone who does things that may cause them to get killed

based off of bad news by kehlani (see a theme here lmao. i got like 2 more song fics for her too). Anyways I straight cried when the lyrics and meaning of this song hit

i talk a bit about this in the a/n but, gorwing up where i grew up and seeing people my age/peers/friends of friends dying due gun violence is heavy. I paired that with my reality of being black and that I or any dad or brother or my black friends can leave one day and not come back

but uh yeah street fighter au yes--* I do like how I didnt go the route of making it some sexy he looks hot angle. Trust me I like those too but I did the more not glamorizing angle so yeah

these 3 are a lil heavy so heres some special mentions from myself that are happier: im so into you and no face no case (this shit was so fun to write ngl. suna dream man i hate to say it)

ummm i hope im not annoying but i wanna hear u guys talk about ur works that ur passionate about bc i eat that shit up so im gonna tag: @trish-writes @watermelonsugawara @agaassi @crocyoota

#tag game #i rly liked this one #not to be cocky but i like almost everything on my masterlist-- bc for the most part i only post things that im satisfied with #everything i hated literally just sits in my drafts and will never be seen #except for [redcated] cause i hate how i potrayed the character but whatever rly #ri talks writing

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mattyslittleworld · 5 years

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I’m in a cafe in a French little corner of Toronto called Leslieville. I’ve been on the road for a few days by myself, about to start a Canadian week run. My bro hit me about booking a small cool situation and honestly I needed it. First show is a house show and I pulled up to load in...a punk girl full of patches watering plants on her deck. The house looked condemned. I walk in and the house smells like cat shit, there’s stains everywhere, food everywhere, spaced out wonderful dedicated humans, and hardcore posters all over the walls, showing the house shows they’ve thrown over the years. The punk girl said they’ve been doing shows for 6 years. They slide the couch over and setup a PA. This is exactly what I need in my soul. I grew up in these punk squats all over the world. I am this. I come from this. These people don’t know who Casanova or Albee Al are. They don’t know Fetty Wap or Tsu Surf. They know Realm Hulud and this underground culture they love applying to the outside world that pushes them away. A truth to be romanticized.

I felt like I burnt myself out a month ago. Taking my dreams and flipping them into reality - the loss of friendship and love made me march forward and demand a new life and once that door opened I ran full speed and never looked back....until Quad Studios a few months back. I looked in the mirror and found nothing of the person I was - no resemblance of that kid. That scared me. So when John hit me with this I accepted immediately and packed my shit. I just wanna have convos about challenging, progressive, active things. Trade road stories. Talk about 7inches. Hardcore and punk. I’m grateful to be able to experience both of these worlds. I asked the punk girl if there was a coffee shop and she said there’s a booouuugie one around the corner if “you like spending a lot of money” and when I got here the barista charged me 2 bucks. I love that fuck the system attitude, although at the same time I think I’m becoming a part of the system - the sold out, corporate side of the music business that we all ran against our whole lives. I mean I just wrote a song with Casanova about texting. I just rapped 4 bars with Tsu Surf about gucci sunglasses and Louie v coats and fucking in the back of an Uber.

I packed my shit and went to NYC and finally got to check out the Queens Bridge housing that Nas grew up in. They were huge. So many. It was so awesome. You can sense the pride and community. From there I just drove around NYC finding spots I used to hangout in as a kid. Blasting inspiring tunes and just vibin out.

Ended up in Spanish Harlem, Queens, China Town. Damn I love New York. At 4 am I left and started my drive to Canada with a stop at Niagara Falls, where I had a Hotel for 2 days waiting for me. I checked in and just cooled out for 2 days it was amazing. I forgot how much I love touring alone. I drove a half hour to Andy’s house and hung out with him and his wife for the night. And damn did I need that. I needed trust. Loyalty. Familiarity. Friendship. Somebody who grew up fighting like me. Who left that life behind like me. Who’s been in real trouble and seen real life hell like me. We both came so far. Beautiful.

Im currently in a hotel in Chicoutmi, Quebec. The window open, breeze coming in nice and sweet. Canadian currency everywhere. Coffee cups everywhere. Ive only eaten fruit the past 2 days. I feel good. Last night the drive was really lonely and long, but I toughed it out and here I am. Thinking back a few days ago to Toronto, I was so inspired and so electric. The hotel was right downtown and I walked all the way to Chinatown and the markets. Running around by myself blasting music. You go throughout your life knowing you need to outlive your demons - nights like that really defines that. The shows have been so cool. Great people. Great conversations. I have a few Canadians and im back in the states.

Ive been editing three music videos along the way. One of which is with Casanova. Im really proud of this. I never thought id get to such a height of being in the room with someone as famous as him. We did the song and it was amazing - but for him to double back and hit this video with me and Rob, damn. The day of the shoot I was so quiet and so awkward before I left. Is this happening? Is this really a thing? Is he really gunna show up? A model is coming. Rooms have been rented. People have been invested. Its all on us. We got there early and set up the set. Ive said it many times before on here - my life socially is completely different. Everybody in my life is brand new and not many people know of my past musical endeavors or even my past in general. But having Rob and Colgan there with me really made me happy. Through thick and thin. I didnt hear from Cass all day so I shot him a text - no answer. I was like oh my god should I call and be annoying? Called him and immediately picked up AYO WHATS GOOD MATTY! 1030 right?! And I was like damn. This dudes a good dude. I asked him if he wanted any Hennessy and he said Yeah pick me up a bottle of dusse. I was like no problem dude….hung up…looked at Rob and went…”What is Dusse?” And he was like NO IDEA LOL. Hit Colgan who was on the way like yo can you scoop Cass some Dusse on the way?? He was like WTF IS THAT!!! I was like IDK so I did the whitest thing ive ever done (Besides being a white rapper) and sent him a google image screen shot and boom nailed it in time. Cass calls and belv goes to let him and his crew in and they mob up and its on. All love from there with such a good vibe. Me and my day 1’s making history…..I remember specifically me rob and Colgan at the port Monmouth skatepark hopelessly lost of a future. Written off by our town and society. Parents let down. Pieces of local shit that’ll amount to nothing. Here we are. Roc Nation….from the basements man. With Belv in the house - without him…none of this would be possible. Killed the video and it left me inspired to see bro just get in the back of a black suburban and drive off. Like damn. Thats wealth. Mentally, and financially. Thats inspiring to me. To be that much of a millionaire but still come and put on for some kids he sees potential in.

I feel a void though. I want to share this all with somebody. Im ready for a relationship - I feel my mind and body gravitating towards that way of thinking and behavior. I think back to the days of having a home in someones heart….so comforting. I needed to run though. I needed this time. I needed to raise hell. I needed those fights, to fuck my life up. I NEEDED this. I needed to plant my feet on this planet and just get my name known. Make shit happen. The window is open right now…and a storm is rolling in off in the distance. You can see lightning. You can see the clouds darken. Wow. After this show im going to rush back here and just watch it on this sill.

I feel extremely emotional right now. Im trembling.

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paepsi · 5 years

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EXO as dumb shit I’ve done, EXPLAINED:

Suho:

See this picture here? This is me before the moving team. I was so fucking proud of myself for strapping the base of the chair to my roof (it wouldn’t fit through the trunk of me smol hatchback). I thought it was funny that it kinda looked like a kip-pah and asked my friend to take a pic for me here (see my lil peace sign next to my face? im v happy of my jew car). Little did I know that after driving to my new apartment with the whole moving team from IKEA unloading shit from the truck, I would be stuck in the fucking car. I didn't have a knife or scissors to cut the strings and I didn't want to make my dumb assery to be noticed; so instead of asking for help... I climbed out the front window and almost fell flat on my ass. When I stood up and turned around, the whole moving team was just standing there looking at me. The assholes knew I was stuck and let me suffer.

Kris & Kai:

so these moments both happened in the same night. I went to a house warming party for my friend and I didn't know what to bring as a gift, so I just bought two big bags of Hawaiian bread. Now throughout the night, the more I drink, the more impulsive I get.

I started putting the bread on people's shoulders, slowly piling them up until they noticed. Everyone was pretty wasted so there was no surprise when I had a stack of 4 1/2 buns (I ate half) on my friends shoulder. Anyways- fast forward into the night, I'm craving sweets, so I walk into my friends kitchen and find a jar of cookies. At the time I thought it was a brilliant idea to just put the Hawaiian bread in there so the kitchen looked full; a fair exchange, if you will. At least that's what I thought... I found pictures from the party and it turns out I just ended up putting in a half eaten bun sjzjsj

Fast forward into the morning of the next day, I’m hungover and I wake up wearing mismatching socks (one is mine, the other I have no idea).

I needed to get home because I had work later that day, so I hop into my car and start driving home. The whole time there was this annoying beeping sound that I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I had such a bad headache that I pulled over to see what the fuck was wrong. I got out of my car, checked the wheels, checked the under the hood, then hopped back inside. I was so frustrated that I banged my head on the steering wheel and just rested my eyes for a sec. When I opened them to look straight ahead at my dashboard, the brake light was glowing bright red. I cried.

Chanyeol:

One summer evening, I was hanging with my sister and her friends around a campfire. We were roasting marshmallows, drinking, having a good time etc. Eventually later into the night we started getting bored and one of my sister’s friends suggested playing hot potato with the coals from the fire. We’re all game like FUCK YEAH LETS DO THIS. Then we start tossing it around and realize that it’s way too fucking hot, so instead of tossing it’s just everyone spiking the coal to the next person. FYI, I have terrible hand eye coordination and I wasn’t wearing my glasses that night. Every single time the coal was spiked my way it would miss my hand and fly straight into my hair. The next day I woke up, looked in the mirror, skipped breakfast and headed straight to the salon. still looked cute or w/e so I ain’t mad

Kyungsoo:

Ahhhh, this one is actually pretty personal and happened not too long ago! My mom finally left this dirt bag she’d been married to for the past 16 years. When I say dirt bag, I mean a manipulative, abusive piece of shit. My mom was so tired during her session with the mediator for when they were deciding who was getting what; she took 30-45 minutes to talk alone with them and he took 3 fucking hours putting on this sick sob story. The mediator was so done with him too that they just let him do whatever he wanted. That meant he had the “right” to pick and choose what belonged to him in our apartment. The fucker took EVERYTHING. He took the furniture, the bedroom sets, all the electronics, the spices- HE DOESN’T EVEN COOK. However, a week before then, I bought a huge bottle of vanilla. I needed it to make edible cookie dough, which I was doing everyday out of stress. The day before he finally moved out, I came home from work to see everything wrapped/packed up. I started to get worked up and went to the kitchen to make my cookie dough. When I opened the cabinet to get my vanilla and saw it completely empty, I lost it. I literally screamed and started tearing up all the boxes, finding more shit that belonged to me and stopped when I finally found my vanilla. I went back to the kitchen, happily made my cookie dough and kicked back on "his” couch with my dirty shoes on. Later that night, the asshole came home and screamed at me. I shut him up tho when I told him I’d suffocate him with a pillow in his sleep if he dared to touch me or any of my things ever again. He didn’t stay in the apartment that night lol

Baekhyun:

I think this one might be my favorite story. It all started when a package from my mom in the mail never showed up even though the UPS tracking said it had already arrived on my doorstep. I assumed in meant the package was stolen and got really bummed about it since it had some essential items in there. My roommates felt bad and decided to cheer me up by throwing a house party (woohoo! cue the alcohol!). It started at like 3pm and went on all the way until 4 am the next day. Somewhere within that time frame while it was still light outside, slightly tipsy, I found a ladder on the side of the house and had a strong urge to follow it up to the top; and who am I to deny every desire that comes across my pea sized brain. I was half-way up to the roof when one of my roommates spotted me (let’s call him Big Ned; there were two guys named Ned in our house so we just called them Big Ned and Little Ned; Big Ned is like 6′3″ and Little Ned is like 5′4″). Big Ned started yelling at me to get down and I told him I couldn’t because it was my destiny to reach the top. He decided that there was no use arguing with me and ended up following me to the roof (even though he’s afraid of heights; bless his BFG heart). He’s kinda hard to miss, so when he started making his way up to the roof with me, it grabbed a lot of attention. Some joined us. Meanwhile, I decided to walk around and look into my neighbors yards. I saw a mess of papers in one of the alleys between our houses and joked “lmao that’d be funny if that was my package”. We laughed for a bit then looked a little closer until we realized oh fuck that’s my package. My body moved on it’s own and just kinda scrambled across the roof trying to figure out the fastest and least painful way to get off the roof. Thank the stars for Big Ben holding me back by the collar of my shirt and preventing me from jumping down onto the neighbors fence. Little Ben ended up running over and jumping the fence to get it for me. We still don’t know how it got there.

Tao:

In middle school, I had to go on this field trip to some ranch out in the countryside of Texas. I remember we were all huddled into a barn with a big stage in the back. The teachers grabbed a mic and got on stage to talk about who knows what. Idk I wasn’t paying attention, talking to my friend, in my own world. When the mics go off, everyone starts chattering. At that moment in time, I was extremely preoccupied with my shoelaces when I got a tap on my shoulder from my homeroom teacher. I think she was mad at me for not listening and told me to head up to the stage along with a few other students making their way over. Being in front of others makes me nervous, but when the teachers put a bib around my neck before I got on stage, I was too confused to think of anything else. When another teacher started handing out baby bottles filled with Gatorade to each student on stage, I had to stop them to ask what was going on. And what do ya know, I’m in a baby bottle drinking contest. Before I had time to ask any more questions, they were already counting down to start. Now listen, I’m not the type of person to back down from a challenge so ofc you know I’m gonna suck the soul out of this bich. The reason I can say this confidently is because up until I was 11 years old, I always drank out of baby bottles when I got home from school. I just really liked the feeling?? For me, nothing beat chilling on the couch, watching Teen Titans and drinking fresh cold orange juice from a baby bottle on a hot summer day. Idk but I guess it came in handy since I finished a 24oz bottle under 35 seconds. The rest of the kids weren’t even close to half way through. There’s a picture of me at the back of my school year book holding up the baby bottle like a trophy.

Sehun:

Remember my sisters friends from the campfire? Well I spent a good long summer hanging with her friend group and ended up getting kinda close to this one of the guys (let’s call him Jake). I have a really broad range of music taste and I guess he digged that so we talked a lot about music together. By the end of the summer, Jake threw a party at his house and invited me over. Ngl I wanted some dick so ofc I’m gonna go all out and break out my hot leather Madonna outfit. I head out with my sis and the house is packed by the time we get there. The whole time we’re pretty much just hanging out, drinking and dancing the night away. Some time passed 1 am (I think), I’m sorta outside making out with Jake on the side of his house. It’s getting really hot and heavy. When we finally broke apart for air, he told me he though he was in love with me. I’m screaming internally, panicking and I don’t know what to do. I could tell from way before that he really liked me, but I didn’t think it was to that extent. It doesn’t help exactly that I don’t feel the same way for him. Don’t get me wrong! He was really hot and sweet, but I just couldn’t see myself with him. So what did I tell him? Nothing. My dumb ass was in such a panic that all I could think of was that I needed to run. I did. I ran back into the house, out the front porch, spotted his skateboard and took off. I didn’t really know where I was or where I was going but somehow I ended up at the train station and eventually found my way back home.

Xiumin:

On my 21st birthday, my roommates took me out to a really nice, 5 star restaurant in the city we lived. They're buying me all the drinks I want cause heck I'm finally legal! Now, I think y'all can see a pattern of what happens when I drink. So when Big Ned got a glass of scotch and I had just finished off my last sip of wine, I wanted some too. I asked him to share, using "it's my birthday" to get my way. Ever the gentleman, Big Ben pours half his glass into my wine glass and keeps his raised for a cheers. The whole group joins in and with a shout of Mozeltov, I slam the wine glass down on the table and toss it back. It wasn't until I finished the last drop and tried to set my glass back on the table that I realized I snapped the stem in half. No one spoke, except for Little Ned, softly, "did you... did that really just happen?" Yeah. Yeah it did. Thankfully the restaurant agreed to keep the broken glass off the bill as long as I left the restaurant immediately.

Chen:

On a Saturday night, I met up with a good friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in months. We bought some snacks and drinks then drove to a marina near my apartment (new place in California). The whole night we spent catching up and throwing rocks in the water. I was still a little tipsy when it was time to go home and my friend ended up driving me back. On the way back, I opened a bag and snacked on some pizza flavored goldfish. I was about a fourth of the way through the bag when I decided I didn’t like it anymore and started tossing them out the window. We pull up to a stop light and my friend is trying to make me stop by rolling up the window, but I stick my leg out before he could close it. Next he tries to compromise and said if I wasn’t going to eat the goldfish, I should just put the bag down and remove my leg from the window. My tipsy ass told him no, I was handing out free food. I turned to look at the car next to me, asked (yelled) if they wanted any goldfish and held out the bag to them. I guess the dude thought it was funny and was just like “yeah sure why not, lifes too short to not eat goldfish from a stranger at a stoplight” alksdjflskdj

Lay:

When I was about 6 years old, I lived out in the suburbs of Fulshear, Texas. The community is really tiny and everyone knew each other. One time, I was playing hide and seek with my siblings, and decided to hide under my moms bed. While I was waiting for my brother to come find me, I fell asleep. A couple hours later I wake up and it’s dark out. The house is empty. I’m calling out to see if anyone is home, checking all the rooms. I thought maybe everyone decided to tag me “it” since I passed out. After a while of not finding anyone, the phone rings and I pick up. It’s my mom sounding out of breath calling to see if anyone found me and took me back to my house. Turns out I had actually been knocked out for 6 hours. Not being able to find me during hide and seek for 2 hrs, my siblings went to get my mom who also started looking for me. After another hour and no luck, she called our neighbors across the street to see if I went over to play with their kids. Ofc they said no and said they would call some other people in the neighborhood to find out if they'd seen me. A few hours later, the whole neighborhood was out looking for me. Meanwhile I'm at home chilling on the couch watching Teletubbies and eating goldfish (the original babey).

Luhan:

My dad took me and my siblings to the beach almost every summer in elementary school. We would always stay at this Holiday Inn right across the street from the sands. At night, we would go “hunting” for crabs with a flashlight and a fishnet. But on some nights when my dad was too tired to go out, my siblings and I would hang in the kids room at the hotel. We were fooling around and just being kids. Then we found a big case filled with tubes of paint. I was excited to do some finger painting but before I could reach for a tube, my brother stopped me to say he had an idea. He dared us lay down our sheets of paper and paint them by jumping on the tubes. Being the youngest of four, I thought this was a brilliant idea and immediately got to work. Set my paper down and lined up the colors I wanted to use. I jumped.... Only a spec of paint made it onto the paper... The rest beautifully decorated the off-white walls of the kids room. We all just froze because oh my stars we’re gonna be in so much trouble. Turning to each other, we made a very strong pinky promise to not tell a soul what happened. The next day when we returned to the kids room, the case was gone, faded splotches of green and purple remained on the walls, and a big paper taped above reading “NO PAINTING ALLOWED”.

Fun fact: my eldest sister used to write about my adventures for her creative essay homework’s in middle school.

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letsbefeminist · 6 years

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Hi, I hope I'm not bothering you but I was wondering if you had any advice for like getting your self-esteem/positive self-image back after being cheated on? My s.o. and I decided to still stay together but I'm just having trouble in the aftermath with feeling like myself, or feeling good about myself, or feeling like I'm still attractive to my partner. Also I love your blog and you're always so amazing and sweet in your replies so I hope you don't mind, thank you!

You are definitely not a bother & I’m incredibly sorry you’re even dealing with this right now. It’s a devastating thing to go through & it really can change who you are & how you see/think about yourself.

((This is gonna be looooong as hell tbh & also, thank you for being so sweet! It really made my night & I don’t mind at all you coming to me to talk! 💜💗))

Okaaay, I found out all the way back in November that my partner cheated on me. Like you, i decided to stay with him & work through things but I gotta say, this has been a challenge like no other.

Sooo, I know EXACTLY what you mean about not feeling good about yourself & not feeling attractive to the person you love so dearly. It’s incredibly difficult to feel like yourself when you’ve been betrayed by someone so close to you. By someone who’s supposed to have your back. But you’re still in there my love. It’s just a new scar, that’s all.

Like, it’s taken me months to even attempt this, but day by day lately, I’ve been stacking bricks, trying to build a wall between me & all that bullshit & hurt. Like I literally envision a wall. So yes, it is hard but it’s also doable. Even if it’s slow to happen.

You gotta remember/find out who you are outside of your relationship & outside of being cheated on. Yes, it changes you, it makes you angry & sad & sometimes it’s just agonizing to live with it but it’s not who we are at all. Being cheated on isn’t what defines us!

We are so much more than this shitty thing that happened to us. Sooo much more.

My angel, remember that you weren’t cheated on because you’re unattractive, unworthy, unlovable, or whatever. You’re gonna have to tell yourself this until you listen. Until you actually start believing it. This is legit one of the bricks for my wall & it’s going to be one of the most important ones tbh.

& yeah, this part is DEFINITELY easier said than done, but I’m closer to listening to that today than I was just last month. You’ll get there too. Biggest thing is, don’t rush. Healing takes time. Working on trusting again takes time. Working on feeling like yourself takes time. That’s okay. Believe me.

Next step to building that confidence back up is don’t fucking hate on yourself!!! My goodness, I struggle with this so every time I say that I’m just ugly or that he doesn’t love me I’m knocking a brick off my wall & I got to start over again. That’s unfair to ourselves. We can’t do that.

So every time you start hating on yourself you HAVE to make the conscious effort to quit that shit. Say something nice about yourself. I don’t care if it’s something like your earlobe is cute. Anything positive, no matter how small, is AUTOMATICALLY better than whatever hateful thing you’re saying at the moment. Work on that. Work on being nice to yourself because you’re already going through so much & without a doubt, you did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to deserve being cheated on. You wouldn’t say mean things to someone who is already hurting, so why do it to yourself?

Ask for help is the next thing on my list. Find people who boost your confidence & who you can vent to. A family member, your BFF, anyone. Ask them to be your hype man. To remind you how great you are. How fucking gorgeous & sweet you are, how damn funny & smart you are. This is especially important when you start falling into a self-hate spiral. It’s sooo easy to forget how others see us when someone so close changed the way you view yourself, but that positive reinforcement does do a lot. ((& yeah, you’re gonna be like bullshit a lot of the times, but it does help to hear it. Even if you only believe them for a minute, that’s one less minute of feeling horrible)).

You should also try to do all those things that make you feel good about yourself. The things that made you feel lovable & attractive. Whether that’s dressing up & going on a date or something more intimate & personal. Allow yourself to feel sexy in your own eyes & in the eyes of your partner.

Do the things that always seem to make your partner go wild for you (I know how cheesy this sounds😎). If they’re all like “daaaaaaamnnn,” that’s gonna feel pretty fucking good. Bask in those moments because you need that good feeling. It helps so much to feel like you’re fine as hell to your partner & if you find yourself no believing them, revert back to the above.

Also, you’re gonna have to tell your partner what you need from them. Specifically & generically. Like, that was the biggest thing for me & our relationship. I needed him to be an open book so he’s steady being open about who he’s talking to on his phone, what he’s doing on social media & so on & so forth. Like it’s gotten to the point where Im not always having to ask, he’ll just tell me. That helps build the trust back up.

I also asked him to do things that make me feel important & special again. Things that are outside of sex (this is so damn important). Like when he buys me flowers randomly or calls me beautiful when I least expect it, that feel so good. That helps me feel like I’m thought about, cared about, loved & special to him. It sounds basic but that’s what normal partners do & the goal is to feel normal within the relationship again.

You clearly love this person & want this relationship to workout so you’re also gonna need to remind yourself about how they used to make you feel. Like, at some point they made you feel like you were on top of the world. Hold on to those feelings & memories. REMIND YOURSELF THAT THE PERSON WHO MADE YOU FEEL SO GREAT IS STILL IN THERE!!! THAT THEY LOVE YOU FOR YOU!! THAT YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED!!!!

Yes, a lot has changed & you’re gonna have to accept that things can’t go exactly back to the way they used to be. So you gotta work on a better tomorrow. A tomorrow where you can trust this person again. One where you feel normal & good & attractive again. Hold onto the good memories & make even better ones. This all helps you move forward, & that’s the whole point. I know you miss those good ol’ days but those aren’t the only ones that are going to matter & getting caught up on how things used to be is just gonna depress the hell outta you. Like I’ve made myself sick doing this & I’m trying like hell to stop doing it. It’s okay to miss how things were, but if you really want to move on, you got to accept that things have changed & that it can be a good thing.

Another great thing you can do for yourself is live up the moments you feel good. Like when you had a good day, hold onto that. Be excited about that. Be proud of e v e r y single moment that you didn’t think about yourself negatively or about being cheated on, because like I said, it isn’t what defines you.

There’s a lot you are going to have to work on personally. There’s also a lot you’ll have to work on together. You’re going to have to be open when you can & sometimes you’re just gonna have to wipe the tears & keep on keepin’ on. That shit is hard but it’s for you & your relationship. It can be worth it!

Don’t be so quick to doubt yourself & the impact you have on your partner. There is soooo many qualities of yours that would make anyone lucky to have you in their life & lemme tell you, they know this.

Soo if you gotta walk around like the cockiest mofo around in order to believe it, so be it. If that’s what helps get your confidence back up, shooooo then fake it till you make it boo.

It’s gonna take so much strength & courage from you to feel better & to feel like yourself again but it will happen. It’s gonna be agonizing at times & it’ll probably be slow too but progress is progress, no matter how much bullshit you go through to get there.

But, all in all my dear, you are smart, beautiful, kind, sweet, strong as fuck, & worth loving & if you need me to remind you of that, I will. Every day I will.

I want you to be happy & it’s okay to struggle with how you feel. Just know that that’s not the end of the road. This isn’t the only chapter that’s written in your book. You have to remember all the great things about you & that happens one day at time. So be patient. Be gentle with yourself & allow yourself time to heal.

You’ll feel like yourself again one day & you’ll feel attractive & good about yourself one day too. Just know you have my support & I know exactly how you feel so if you ever need to talk shugg, I am here for you.

So let me end all this with hopefully a smile because I’m gonna send you all the great, incredible love vibes your way sugaaaaah 🌈🔮💕💚💘

#anon #(:#cheating #relationships #I love ya sugar & I hope this helps some #I got your back no matter what #💛💛💛💛💛💛

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givingoutopportunities-blog · 6 years

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CREATIVITY

As you may know being creative is and has always been a big part of my life. This aspect of CAS is the one that is less of a challenge for me. During this summer break, I got the opportunity to work at the La Paz camp for two weeks, along with other teachers and a few students. I mainly focused on helping little kids make many art projects, expressing how they feel, their families, their imagination and culture. We also got the opportunity to do other projects that represented our costa rican culture, specially because at that time we were celebrating the annexation of Nicoya to Costa Rica, which is celebrated on July 25. Since I am really used to painting, drawing and coloring, it was easy for me to help the kids whenever they needed me. Some of the art projects we made were painting rocks as ladybugs, building a “carreta” out of popsicle sticks, getting creative with leaves, making picture frames out of dried sticks, decorating small “faroles”, drawing out their families and whatever they want it to, coloring, painting and lastly learning educational but at the same time, fun songs. I felt really glad that the kids were asking for help and they liked what I did whenever I helped them. I will admit that some of these projects came with some obstacles for me and the teacher that I was working with, which was Helen. The carreta was the biggest project, in which all the kids got to make their own using a lot of popsicle sticks. However, because it actually takes time to make them and we were working with around 30 kids, it took us a while to conclude this project. Another obstacle we faced was running out of popsicle, meaning that some students didn't get to start or work on their own. Even though we had all these small obstacles, Helen and I, were able to get through them because we never gave up, we always saw the best in them and lastly we got along so well as the leaders, that helping each other was not a challenge. I also spent some time making posters with the letters of our songs, which made me practice a lot for the upcoming year. Lastly, during this camp I truly felt loved whenever I had free time and spent it doing mandalas or doodling, because many of the kids came to me and admired it, which made me feel so proud and extremely happy, specially seeing that they were all really nice. I got to give some of those mandalas away to a few girls and, well, of course I continued making them after camp ended, specially knowing that is one of my biggest passions and “talents”. I do know that there is always space for improvement when ti comes to these type of things. Which is why I always try to spend time practicing and expressing myself through all kinds of art.

Another way I expressed myself in a smaller scale was through editing photos and videos. This is something that i've never actually spent time doing, but during this break, it really caught my attention. I really love taking pictures and videos of natures whenever im home or travelling, so from this, I got to practice editing on many of the good photos i've taken. I downloaded the app called VSCO on my phone, which has decent editing tools, so whenever I had nothing to do, I would just go on my camera roll, choose a picture I really liked and would just start editing it, mostly just for fun. Now, because I got the opportunity to visit the Redwoods National Forest in California, it was a place that had really beauty sceneries, which I took advantage of and recorded. After the trip, I got home and spent some time editing all the small clips I had, making a small clip of the trip. Even though, this wasn't a really big project I had and that I did just for fun, I really gotta learn more ways of creatively expressing myself and it entertained me whenever I was bored. Of course there is the fact that I was using my phone during a good amount of time, but I feel like it was better than watching movies/videos or just going on social media.

VIDEO I EDITED:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qj1nO-rZLOk

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stvinney · 6 years

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i’ve been very down on myself lately for like letting my fears dictate my life so i decided to make a little list of how i’ve faced my fears in the past few months

took a v discussion based course and didn’t drop it even tho i wanted to!

did maybe five presentations last semester (2 of them were solo!) and did better on each one

went to japanese breakfast concert on my own and then met her!

i went on one of those circle flying swing rides at a carnival for the first time and even opened my eyes a few times during it l o l

emailed a professor about doing research w him in the spring!

signed up for an art class over the phone

did a phone interview sort of thing that i really thought i would chicken out of

i signed up for a painting class for next semester and i have no clue what to expect

Also a few things that aren’t anxiety related so much but i’m proud of anyway

Taking the art class this summer means i’m consistently making art & also i’m doing it in front of people and really challenging myself drawing from life and not photos

i’ve been going for a lot of walks

i cleaned my room! i couldn’t walk in it before and i still have a lot of stuff to get rid of but it’s so much better lol

i’ve been baking a lot and have made baguettes and challot and sour dough loafs!

i’m finally actually talking to someone i’ve wanted to talk to

i finished a novel that i read for myself for the first time in a couple years

And just a few things that im happy about/ looking forward to:

I think i’m seeing mamma mia w my roommate/ favorite person from school tomorrow

another one of my close friends came and visited me on monday which was amazing

My sister is coming home for a few days next week

my friend group from school is planning on meeting up next weekend!

going up to massachusetts in a couple weeks!

#sorry no one asked for this and i know these are mostly really minor things #but lately i've been feeling this dread about almost everything and i want to get through that #also in order to get to mamma mia i'm hopefully gonna drive on the high way for the first time tomorrow #in my two and a half years of having a license #p #don't reblog obviously

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taeminie · 3 years

Note

hiya dream girl!! take your time- the world is a whole lot!!

also yes! the slump sneakily hiding behind the first slump is the actual worst, and v demotivating. take care!! even one step forward is a step in the right direction!

oooh okay bomb, ima try and find your fave tea, it sounds really good!! i don’t usually go for fruit teas but i love to be surprised!!

you’re so right! im stuntin in these combat boots!!

ahhh i can relate to unbearable summers- they almost always leave me wishing for cooler weather. which i don’t think makes us ungrateful!! just human! also your friends getting to ride around near you is sooo cute i can’t! i wish my friends lived close enough to do that!!

alsjdhal i think maybe i’m delighted that you might not have guessed aquarius if you thought about who would send you secret admiring messages? we get a bad reputation for being cold, but if you’re an astrology person, i have a ton of leo placements that make me a bit firey for an aqua, i think 🤔 anyway, i’ve always v much connected with virgos, it feels we have that same very in our head trait going for us 😂

omg the travel show is called the misadventures of romesh ranganathan, he’s a comedian and it’s v funny and delightfully human. he’s a vegan and he takes a very ethical approach to travel, which is refreshing!! i’ve also got atots and lovely writer on my list!! and now season 2 of we best love is on my list too, now (oh the first season made me cry, ahh!)

oh yeah, please definitely be gentle with yourself! it’s hard to not feel ‘at your best’, especially for those of us who are a bit more hard on ourselves, so i hope you’re absolutely celebrating all the ways you ARE showing up for yourself and the people in your life, and that you feel more yourself soon! also you are so sweet, teaching kids is such a delightfully selfless thing, and you absolutely should be proud of yourself for reaching that personal milestone!! i’m trying to be more intentional about working out, and i know how challenging that can be, especially when you don’t feel great, so you’re an icon, for sure!!

i hope you have a beautiful day, full of beautiful things, and i hope you know you’re so appreciated for being you! take care, beautiful! xoxo

hii darling i really have no words to apologize for how late im replying u probably checked if i did and i didnt and i feel really bad for that i hope u dont think i forgot about replying. everytime i get a message from u i like to really take my time and just read it carefully because it always makes me smile. and maybe i should’ve read this sooner cause i felt like it would’ve helped a lot the past days.

i didn’t have the best week, personal life-wise.. so i wasn’t really feeling myself much. when that happens i can barely socialize or like keep a conversation (i was struggling to even text ppl irl yeah) usually i just go on the tumblr app and work automatically without thinking much about it but i like to really take my time to reply to messages.

you are so so sweet for continuing to put up with me and more than that, just being so patient. i feel really grateful for that, honestly.

i’ve just been carrying on with the routine and teaching online like i told you but yesterday i got really bad period pain and had to cancel my class which sucked :(( i’m sure we’ll retake it sometime.

and yes please please watch atots and catch up because it’s absolutely wonderful and beautiful and i’m so happy that it happened, no matter how short it was for a gmm drama.

thank u so much for the love and support i hope you’re having an absolutely lovely weekend!!! with ur boots and ur tv shows and ur loved ones hehe i’m sending u all the good vibes and lots of hugs and again i’m so sorry for the late reply. you’re a gem

😍💜💜💜💜💜

#whispersecrets #reply #💜💜💜💜#this is so late i'm the worst :(((#anonymous

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sweetnestor · 6 years

Text

odlt extra #1 | a very jet lagged valentine

‘but you havent even finished odlt yet’ shuuuuttt up

idk idk!!!! i was feeling Soft and slightly lonely on v-day for god knows what reason and i just,,,,,,, vomited this out!!! here is a teeny tiny break from all the Angst that the main fic has to offer. enjoy

PREVIOUS FICS (u should read these if ur new here)(srsly this is ethan x oc)

February 2018, aka when the European tour started.

CrankGameplays: “Happy valentine’s day! You’re my favorite person and im glad i get to experience all the things with you. Love you :)”

You’d think he would post one of the many decent candid photos he’s taken of me. You know, one where my highlight was catching the light, or one where I was smiling, or one of the two of us looking disgustingly adorable. But no, Ethan went with the photo he took of me passed out on our bed in our Amsterdam hotel room, my wavy pink hair sprawled out in an ungraceful manner. I wasn’t supposed to fall asleep, nor was he. It just happened. And now my sleepy self was all over Instagram.

Ethan was just as groggy when I shook him awake. Unlike me, he was a very handsy, cuddly being when he was sleepy. He rolled onto his side and groaned in the way he would when he wanted to hold me, so I scooted into his arms and let him.

His skin was warm and weirdly soothing. We were supposed to be getting out of bed… I was supposed to be insomniac due to sheer anxiety. Time zones were out to get us. Yet somehow, it felt like the holiday itself.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” I spoke softly into his collarbone.

He squeezed my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. “Did you see my picture?”

“Oh, did I.”

“I meant every word I said.”

Ah yes, that extra bit of validation. I smiled as I wrapped my arms around his waist. I had no idea what time it was, so I didn’t know how much time we had before we had to be in the lobby with everyone else.

“When’s the next time we’ll be alone a hotel room?” I asked, now looking up at Ethan.

He shrugged. “No idea. Why?”

“Do you think we’ll be able to sneak around like we did last time around?”

If he was struggling to wake up before, then my question sped up the process. He met my eyes, red tinting his cheeks. “Oh… I don’t know. Do you want to sneak around?”

“If we can,” I told him as I leaned in to kiss the crook of his neck. “If not then… we're alone now.”

That was all I had to say to make run late. Excuse: jet lag.

I was grumpy and tired when it was time to get up and do the tour thing all over again. I had a rough flight… or, two flights. We had stopped in London between flights, in which I had a panic attack and a case of the nervous shits while everyone else ate and tried not to fall asleep. Then, we were off to the Netherlands, where I fell asleep the second I got to the hotel. Ethan fell asleep too, but not before taking pictures of my sleeping, drooling face. I didn’t really mind that he would do that. I took my own photos of him while we were on the plane.

And that was what I posted on Instagram that morning in the shuttle on the way to the venue. I picked a selfie of me clutching a pillow to my chest on the plane ride over here. Ethan was in the seat next to me, his head tilted back as he slept. As sleep deprived and generally nervous as I was, I was seriously considering captioning the photo with something absolutely cheesy and deep. I actually started writing it out.

bellasanti: “To the guy who found me at my lowest point, who helped me get to where i am now… the person who has always been nothing but kind and wonderful since day 1. My biggest supporter and my best friend… I cant even begin to explain how lucky i am to have found you, and how proud i am of you and how far you’ve come. I love you more than words could describe 💙💖💙💖💙💖”

A small smile was etched on my face as I read the caption over and over again. I looked over at Ethan, who was practically standing as he “touched lenses” with Mark. They were both vlogging and being rather loud about it. More than a year later, and my heart still went all soft and mushy just by looking at Ethan do what he does best. Gross, I know.

Suddenly, the caption felt far too revealing. I had hit two million Instagram followers recently, plenty of which were also Ethan’s. Did I really want to expose bits and pieces of our relationship? I mean, it’s not like we interact a lot online, anyway. We liked to keep some things private. I copied the original caption, and then deleted it apart from the hearts. Then, I made the photo public. I sent the words to him in a Twitter DM instead, knowing he wouldn’t see it until much later.

He sat back down in his seat a couple minutes later, looking back at the footage he just recorded on his camera. I glanced at him once, and then continued looking through my phone.

“Love you,” I said softly and mindlessly.

He suddenly looked up, as if I didn't say that all the time, just loud enough so he could catch it. I saw him look at me through my peripherals, I could tell he was blushing.

“Love you too,” he replied, poking my cheek.

Finally, he put his camera down and pulled out his phone. Neither of us said anything more, but I was somewhat anxiously awaiting him to notice either my DM or my Instagram post. Somehow, just silently sitting next to each other while scrolling on our phones became one of my favorite pastimes.

“Aww,” he mumbled at one point.

I glanced over his shoulder once, only to see a flash of Jack and Signe on his Twitter feed. Why hadn't he seen his DMs yet? What was taking him so long?

Feeling uncharacteristically mushy, I lied my head on his shoulder. He smelled good, and he was soft and cuddly as ever. I was suddenly missing our short time alone back in the hotel room. We wouldn't be alone together until next month, and it suddenly seemed like a difficult challenge.

Last month, when the tour went West, Ethan and I did a full three sixty. Instead of angrily texting each other and crying in bathroom stalls, we were sexting and getting it on in the dressing room, the bathroom, and even once in my bunk when everyone else was asleep. It showed just how strong we had gotten over the last few months. But because of those raunchy activities from not only tour but also when we were home, I went to great lengths to make sure my birth control hadn't failed me. I didn’t have any symptoms, apart the usual anxiety nausea, but I still worked up the courage to schedule a doctor’s appointment prior to tour. So far, my uterus wasn’t occupying anything I didn’t want it to.

Ethan put his arm around me just as mindlessly as when I said I loved him. He was still scrolling on his phone, now on Instagram. This time, I saw him scroll up to my post, and he made a noise of protest.

“When did you take that?” he asked, showing me the plane selfie.

“When do you think?” I asked in response. “You have the best sleeping face.”

He chuckled. “You know you’re the only person who tells me that? Everyone else says it’s creepy.”

“I mean it is,” I said, half joking. “But you’re my boyfriend, and I always think you’re cute. Even when you sleep with your eyes half open.”

Ethan blushed and ducked his head a little. He always grew a little timid when I complimented or praised him. It was equally parts adorable and frustrating, because he never took the compliment.

“Stop,” he said softly.

“Have you checked your DMs?” I asked, unable to wait any longer.

He gave me a look and then went to open the app. “Well, what did you send me now…?” he asked in a funny voice.

I busied myself with intertwining my fingers with his. Then I kissed his hand and waited for him to read my sappy message.

“Aw…” He smiled. He was speaking very softly, like he didn't want the people sitting around us to hear. “That's real sweet… real cute…”

“I was gonna post that on Instagram, but decided that only you can hear things like that,” I replied in a voice just as soft. “And it's not just today, I feel that every day.”

“Aahhhh,” he groaned, now scooping me up in his arms.

Except, he did it in a way so my back was to his chest, and my head hung out in the walkway of the shuttle, capturing the attention of some of the people around us.

“Hey,” I said to Tyler, who was sitting in front of us.

“What’s up?” he replied casually. “Just hanging, I see?”

“Just hanging,” I repeated.

“Whatcha doing, Bella?” asked Mark from a couple of rows behind.

I turned my head and saw him with his vlogging camera. My cheeks reddened a little bit. “I’m not here by choice!”

“She said nice things and deserved hugs!” Ethan said.

“God, we’re gross,” I said under my breath before I was let go.

#crankgameplays x oc #ethan nestor x reader #odlt fic #odlt extra #ylh extra #ethella fic #sweetheart writes #stand back i thINK IM GONNA VOMIT #for real when i was writing this i was like *insert heart emojis*#now im just itching to get back to angsty sad shit lmao #anyway ill make a masterlist of all the extra one shots ive posted that have to do with this series #figured it would be nice to see bella and her boyf and her pals in a moment of Fun and Peace ya feel me #i have bella and ethans whole life all planned out lmao like #ive invested way too much time in these nerds #OH MY GOD i also have to post the angsty belliplier i promised skdhlask #maybe tomorrow or the next day

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fantroll-purgatory · 6 years

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@47098

FIRST: Alternia or Beforus or some type of AU?

Alternia!

Name (preferably include how you came up with it and why):Talpie Mammor Talpie, taken from the scientific name for a mole. Mammor, an altered version of the god of greed.

Maybe substitute Mamuna for Mammor? I know that’s kind of a nitpick, but Mamuna is a regularly accepted alternate spelling of Mammon when she’s presented as a demonness. (It’s also the name of a Slavic demonness of maliciousness and gluttony but we don’t really have to acknowledge that).

Talpie Mamuna...

Age: 6.9 sweeps

Weapon: Unsure!

Flashbang. She wants to be the center of attention but doesn’t like hurting people. Boom.

Inventory: ADVENTURE STYLE. When she picks things up, they get locked in chests. To open them again, she has to find a key hidden somewhere. She likes to keep things fresh.

I like that haha. Do the keys just get randomly scattered within the environment she’s in? Is there a certain radius? Things to think about.

Blood color: Cobalt.

Trolltag: vivaciousMoneygrubber [VM]

I do like this already. I might also recommend illustriousMoneygrubber[IM], just because of her goal to make a name for herself. Because she’s so charismatic, i think Moneygrubber definitely comes off quirky and proud despite typically being an insult.

Quirk: OBVIOUSL¥ ONL¥ THE B€$T AND MO$T AMAZING QUIRK €V€R.

(replaces Es with euro signs, Ss with dollar signs, and Ys with the sign for yen. also talks in capitals, because she likes to be heard.)

Fitting!

Special Abilities (if any): None!

Since she’s a cobalt, she DOES get the benefit of psychic resistance!

Lusus: A blind mole with Big Hands. Like Drilbur.

Oh that is so cute I love that. I definitely don’t disagree. If I Had an alternate recommendation for consideration, may I suggest a badgermole?

I recommend this mostly because of the title recommendations I’m going to be making later- but we’ll get to that.

Personality:

The most confident person in the room, Talpie is always a standout when compared to anyone she is close to. She LOVES standing out, hence her always choosing to look different. She never lets things lie, instead dragging things out until she decides that it’s over. She is ultimately insecure about her body and certain parts of her personality- IE: the loneliness and fear for personal relationships, as well as her poor eyesight due to her tenfold vision- but loves every other part of herself. She wants to project herself for the world, take it by storm, make a name for herself, yet she fears rejection or failure because of her weaknesses.

Talpie is very charismatic, extremely happy to talk to anyone who wants to listen to her. She can ramble on for hours about nothing or give solid- if not blunt- advice about most anything. She might be a bit much for some people due to her extreme advice, either giving humble advice or passion filled declarations of emotion or intuition. Other times she will shoot down people’s ideas in a heartbeat and replace them with her own. Often she will think a plan is foolproof despite only taking minutes to think it up, but because of her extreme adaptability it somehow still works out (most of the time). Her recklessness does often get people hurt, though, and while she may not show it she does always feel sorry when she hurts people. She is a compassionate person on the inside, a cold-blooded worker on the outside. Notice that that said WORKER, because no matter how much she wants to act like a cold-blooded, badass killer, she can’t hurt someone for the life of her.

She is incredibly caring. When someone is hurt, she will complain about their weakness yet carry them to safety. When someone is heartbroken, she will tell them they should have expected it yet offer them a shoulder to cry on. When someone is depressed she will be blunt and forceful, but speak in a way that will only cheer them up. She can’t handle not being the center of attention, but she will focus her own attentions to whoever she feels needs it. If she thinks you don’t actually need help, she won’t bother with you unless she decides there isn’t anything better to do. If someone gets hurt while she is about to achieve something and they won’t live if she keeps going, she will choose the life of the person ahead of her goal. She will blow it off, absolutely, and call them a fucking stupid idiot, and she WILL regret it, but she knows that she’s weak in that regard. (or, she calls herself weak for it)

She is goal driven. She knows this. She knows that she would always end up choosing her goals over the people she cares about, aside from a few special circumstances. She wants to make a name for herself, craves the validation that comes from overcoming adversity and proving everything wrong yet she fears the loneliness that has come from that endeavor so far. She fears that she will be lonely her entire life, so she tries to keep herself at a distance. She doesn’t think she can be successful and have meaningful relationships.

Her tenfold vision is the reason why she isolates herself, as well.

I love her personality and the amount of thought you’ve put into! Characters with conflicting goals and natures can be very fascinating to play with. I’m going to go through real quick and just kind of note (mostly for myself) themes I see in her personality.

High energy, impulsive/reckless, caring, adventurous, afraid of isolation and loneliness, prioritizes her aims over other people (except in life or death situations), considers herself weak for making concessions out of concern for other people, overconfident and self-conscious at once.

Interests:

MONEY

action movies (she likes to watch action movies with female protagonists b/c she is a big lesbian)

HEROINES IN… NICE CLOTHES (spandex)

GETTING SHIT DONE

WHOOPING ASS

TABLETOP ROLEPLAY (alone, she doesnt have any irl friends only online ones) saying dumb things and instantly regretting it SIMPLICITY

“Saying dumb things and instantly regretting it” really made me laugh hbhg. I feel it, Talpie. Also tabletop roleplay alone... interesting. Does she act out the scenes herself? Like some kind of... pacifist flarp? Maybe she could like writing stories too, uses the tabletop roleplaying to write down these Adventures.

Since she likes the idea of Making A Name For Herself she could maybe also be interested in military, even if just a little bit? It seems like on Alternia the best way to Get Known is to be an actor or to be Really Powerful And Influential and since most people end up growing up into the military... it’s an unfortunately efficient way to receive validation and commendation.

Title: SYLPH OF TIME

Now... I think time player probably does fit her at least adjacently, but I think in this case it might be playing too much into what she Wants To Be and isn’t providing her with enough of a challenge. I know not all titles have to Aim For Change, but she seems like the kind of character with a rocky starts who needs something to either break her down or force her to Develop.

so I’m going to shift this to... Rogue of Blood, I think.

A passive role like Rogue would be very hard for her to play, because it is something lowkey, something that is focused heavily on sharing- something she doesn’t seem very keen on. Learning not to allocate things properly would be a struggle for her.

Blood is the aspect of the bound. The tied. I think giving her a role that forces her to be more grounded and to find more bonds might be a good idea.

The Rogue of Blood passively moves around ties, moves around the relationships and responsibilities and chains that form between people. With this ability she’d be able to passively lead a group. It makes sense for someone so goal oriented and trying to shunt her into a leadership position instead of letting her do her own thing might create some interesting dynamics.

This is also why I suggested the badgermoles earlier- they’re the original earthbenders in the ATLA universe and the inverse of Breath is Blood, of air is earth. It’s something that might force her to be more down to earth.

Her inverse would be Knight of Breath, which would explain her starting out inundated with all this adventurous energy. Her intense separatism is something she uses entirely, recklessly, and hasn’t yet learned to harness. Once she does, though, she’d be able to exploit freedom and movement, shifting around obligations to leave Openness and Opportunity in its wake. Fun stuff.

Land: CASTLES and CREVICES

Love that name. I might also recommend Castles and Cells just to make some jokes about shackles wrt her aspect.

Dream Planet:Prospit

I think I Do agree with this assignment. I was a little on the fence because of her doubts, but the fact that she lives more in the moment and makes some impulsive decisions and seems to focus a lot more externally than internally sold me on it.

So with all that figured out, I can finally assign her a sign.

Scorcer, the sign of the Champion.

Now on to the redesign!:

Horns: I kept them the same! I like that they kind of look like the claws of a mole, so I thought they fit her theme

Hair: I fixed up her bangs a little to put it more in front of the horns, just to kind of push the horns back and make things look better layered. I also wanted to adjust the bangs to be based off of Evie from The Mummy! For the back of her hair I changed it to a braid as a reference to Lara Croft.

Face: I got rid of the artifacting around her eyes to make things look crisper and cleaner. I also made her mouth a bit thicker just so it would stand out more on her face.

Cape: I changed the color to match her blood. I thought the saturation would help it pop more and would bring in a more cohesive design. I also made the strings pop more. And I adjusted the back of the cape to be more rounded. I thought it made it look more like it was laying on the ground and gave it more visible weight.

Shorts: I brought in a different bright saturated blue in the same family as her blood color to give it a new range of values. It helps her pop a lot, again. And I gave her some gold snaps! Very passive reference to her greed theme.

Shoes: I liked her little leggings, so I kept them that color but gave them a more distinctive outline. I also changed her shoes. I used some of Jake’s shoes as a base, but added a steel toe and made them bright red.

Thank you for sharing another lovely troll!

-CD

#47098 #talpie mammor #talpie mamuna #cobaltblood #ceruleanblood #review #redesign #cd review #submission #technically speaking- for some reason the blog Wouldn't let me save the actual submission no matter how hard I tried

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survivorforestofhorrors · 4 years

Text

Episode 2: Puddle Thinking - Duolingo

I have been excommunicated from everyone I had good connections with besides two people.....and I’m also on a tribe with Nik. Who I’m very nervous is trying to get revenge for what happened in our last game together. Yay....

Everything went perfectly this tribal and it very much showed who I can and cannot trust. I’m hoping to pull off another big upset if our tribe loses by sending Duolingo home earlier than expected. I just don’t think I can trust tim whole heartedly with him in the game. Wish me luck! Xoxo

ok so tribal went well..i know my name was an early option but a bunch of ppl told me about it and that they were trying to shut it down. I stan Dan and Liam for that. Also had some pretty good conversations, specifically with Chips, Nik, Duolingo, Josh V, and Savannah. And I have some good relationships from previous stuff with Dan, Jessie, Liam and Austin.

Now we are on new tribes and of course im with tim....hey tim if youre reading this....fuck off

but i do have savannah, liam, austin, nik, and duolingo so hopefully im in a good position here...hopefully i can be good at challenges so ppl think its a good idea to keep me around. im also sharing idol info with austin and liam because this is the kind of thing where having more info is helpful and they will hopefully share info with me too

youtube

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not gonna be a pussy this game. I’m here to be a final girl and do final girl shit.

This tribe is so silent!!!! I hate when no one talks. I’m wondering if people feel really safe or if people are just busy. It just is annoying bc I’m trying to get this comp done and over with so I can actually enjoy my night!!

What did we mothafuckin do? THAT. Yaaasssss. I’m soooo relieved we came out on top in that challenge. Miss Daulton was sending me talking about how Grace fucked that up after the challenge lmao. He literally went for her NECK! But anyway, I’m really proud of us and I feel like 4 points is super high for a challenge like this, so let’s here it for the big brain energy!!!

Also, while idol searching I found a machete, which leads me to believe I need to use it to get to something. I’m not sure if I should go another route or stick to the route I’m at. The last time I shared stuff I found in a game, it got spread around the whole tribe. I don’t feel especially close enough with anyone on this tribe at the moment to share anything with. My hope is that Ryan is able to survive on the other tribe and can take out Tim, or someone I really don’t intend on working with. So here I am, summoning a prayer circle. Please let it be Tim

youtube

Ok, so the first round 21-person tribal went pretty well. The person I voted out left even if it was Billy. I do like Billy, but he just was not staying. Then we get split into tribes based on if we answered cats or dogs in our interview. I of course said cats as that is the ONLY answer, and I find myself on the best tribe. This is basically the tribe I would have hand picked with maybe one or two substitutions. Then Dan, Grace, Josh, and I all do this round’s competition which was a game of telephone, and we won! I’m excited that we are not going to tribal this round.

youtube

well, we have a bit to catch up on from this round so far. for starters, when idol hunting, i found a disadvantage in the next challenge which is obviously NOT ideal... but i knew hiding that from the rest of my tribe would be detrimental to my game and cause a lot of distrust--which is not something i need among a cast full of people i do not know. so, i decided to share the route i took to get the disadvantage in hopes that no one would follow it--but if they did, i knew they didn't trust me and they make themselves an easy target in my eyes. funnily enough, tim took that and tested out the route i specifically told him NOT to take. along with not having a good presence in the tribe chat, or privately, i used this against him and have begun pushing his name as the person to leave this round. i absolutely do not feel bad seeing him go, because i guess word of me spreading the fact that he had a disadvantage in the next challenge despite me sharing my route. he was obviously not pleased and began threatening me to others saying things like "he is lucky RTP is here". GIRL BYE. he thinks he has so much authority over this game with his dull and useless personality and lack of contribution to the tribe. PLEASE. get the hell out of here. BUH-BYE.

Sooooo the game is going okay for me so far happy to see two of my fav ppl here maynor and jessie. Sad we didn't end up on the same tribe but hopefully they stay safe. I did end up with like ryan , liam, zac, tim , savanna , and gavin which isn't bad but I have no harscore connections with these ppl. Me liam and ryan have a Salem alliance which I like and hope it can stay together at least for a lil bit. Its either tim or ryan going this vote I feel and to be honest I kinda hope its tim .sorry tim we just dont like connect on a personal level . Hopefully I can just keep surviving wish me luck!

I don’t know why, but I have that bad bad feeling I usually get when I feel like I’m going home. I’m trying to remain calm and just prepare for it, but if it happens, it’s gonna sting really really bad. I’m hoping an idol wasn’t in the box and the idol is a lot harder to get to, but anything could happen. I just have to trust the people that gave me their word and try my hardest to keep my head held high

#Forest of Horrors #Survivor #Episode 2

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survivor-tierradelfuego · 4 years

Text

Ep. 7: “The LIES” - Amy A

Pedro A

omg so i have 10 coinssssss....and kalle has 9...she just needs to get one more coin...and we can open the jewerly box...and see whats inside....at this point i accept anything....a steal vote ..an idol..whatever...chillleeee this is a mess im going insane...and i hope we win this next challenge

Cody A.

https://youtu.be/gQAhK73mjRc

Cody A.

https://youtu.be/GGtNE0x87pQ

Pedro A

we really need to win this challenge im scared af

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcvdxZYYvZU

James Hayden

We finished our immunity challenge about twenty minutes ago and now we wait. We got a score of 48, which I think is a solid score. Ryan was great at final guessing, Najwah and Amy were great at helping put the questions in the best order, and as a tribe we worked well together. I hope that 48 is enough for us to avoid tribal and for me to make the merge. If we have to go to tribal, I think it could be me. Let's hope 48 is enough to make me dateable.

Ryan

Once again, I am very proud of my tribe. Honestly, if we were to lose I wouldn't mind it, I might actually rather that, maybe that will be my plan for the next challenge. We need the numbers back on Maolas side

Pedro A

omg i hope the other tribes did worste than us...cause chillleeeee im in danger Olivia A.I’m super bummed about losing but also not too worried. As long as Maddison and Grae stick w our original 3 we should be fine. It’s just a matter of whether to vote out Aimee or Sarah. I’ve grown to like them both a lot so this sucks but it is what it is I guess.

Kalle N

I didn't compete in the challenge bc I'm currently moving across the country by myself and I honestly have no idea what happened today. I know Zack was gunning hard to vote me out but we won so oh well. hopefully we merge soon.

Ryan

Soooo i am very happy with the outcome of this challenge. We don’t have to go back to tribal, but Maola do. Hopefully the pre-swap Maola can band together cause I still have faith for my relationship with Maddison and Grae, but I wouldn’t mind seeing Olivia leave (even though she’s sweet)

Ryan

sooooo... fml

Ryan

I should really stop making confessions before I know what’s happening

Ryan

AHHHHHHHHH

Zack M

oh look. another challenge that's a survivor super fan's wet dream. and again, i didn't really contribute because i hate survivor wiki. BUT WE CAME IN 2ND! so we are safe. i honestly knew that james was the biggest threat and i'm not surprised his team won. i'm glad. clap clap for you james! now that means sarah and aimee are in trouble because i don't see the original maola tribe turning on each other. truly hoping sarah has talked her way in and it's aimee unless something crazy happens. i just want my original 5 alliance to be reunited! pedro opened up a little more and said he was down to work together going into the merge. he wants revenge for john being voted out and not being part of the vote? i think. regardless, i did not watch all 4 seasons of revenge on abc for no reason. i'm here to help him get that revenge because then that also give hanuha the numbers again and BAM. back to my 5, then to my 4, and then to my 3. could this actually work? please god let it for my ego. excited to see what comes out of tribal tomorrow.

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3SDeVmuzJ8

Zack M

scratch that last confession. new scores and the palena tribe is going to tribal again. i think? maybe it will change again but this is the last time i'm confessing. 2 original maola and 2 original hanuha. hopefully james has the idol because i see najwah flipping so quickly. but it will be interesting to see where she stands going into the merge. i will get justice for you james if she takes you out! again, excited to see what happens at tribal tomorrow.

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjRxkFkAuQI

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBg5F786DK0

Sarah

Wow! The Guess Who challenge tonight was so close and at first, we were going to tribal. After advantages and disadvantages were factored in, we were BARELY safe! 😅 During the idol hunt today, I knew that I obviously couldn’t find another idol but I knew that this challenge was going to come so close and that I needed to buy advantages to ensure that I was safe another round. I honestly don’t know where everyone’s head is at on my tribe because they are so quiet so I needed to buy those advantages because I really don’t want to have to play my idol before Merge.... Buying those advantages could be my subtle move in the game. I am so hoping for Merge time soon! I miss my alliance and I miss talking to my best friend for hours about everything.

Ryan

I was planning on voting out Amy, but something Najwah said irked me. She seems very sure that she doesn't want to vote James, which doesn't fill me with confidence if we go to tribal again next challenge. idk what I'm gonna do

Ryan

I genuinely don't know if im cut out for this game. I'd feel alright with cutting most people, but Najwah and Amy seem so genuinely sweet, it'll break my heart to betray either of them

Amy A

This tribal is going to be INSANE. It’s 5 odd hours to tribal council and I DON’T know who I am supposed to vote for. Ryan told me he and James are voting Naj and she told me she and James are voting Ryan and then Ryan told Naj he’s voting me! I know it’s a lot to take in! The only one I’ve Not been told to vote for is James and I don’t even wanna vote him cos he was an absolute rockstar at yesterday’s tribal. I know I’m the reason we’re here so I’m kinda bummed out about it and I trusted Ryan so much I shared my steal-a-vote with him but someone has to go and fingers crossed it isn’t me.

Amy A

Convincing the whole tribe I didn’t get the DA has been hilarious so far. Once Jay confirmed she wouldn’t reveal the name, I was set. The LIES 😂😂😂😂😂. Even insinuated Ryan cos he was scrambling so much today. Didn’t know I had it in me but I guess survivor brings out the best in you. Anyway, all the best to myself for tonight. Hope I’m still here 24 hours from now

Pedro A

im so tired...i havent been sleeping well..i just hope the next challenge is due tomorrow....rn i feel like im fourth in the tribe, which is good

Maddison

Got some good advice on my game and looking forward to implementing strategies to minimize my threat level until the end of the game.

Ben Kessler

I am hoping merge is at 12. After tonight 13 people will be left, and who knows who will have the numbers advantage. I'm currently working on Pedro who wants revenge on his old tribe and I cannot wait to break up those 3 old maolos that are on new maolo. Hopefully if we lose Pedro will be an easy vote out. And then I can slither my way in.

Najwah Last night's challenge was a real bummer. I mean, we were SO CLOSE. It's getting harder to vote people out now and even harder to trust anyone so hopefully the plan tonight works itself out. Whichever plan that is. There are a few plans floating around. Either way, whatever the outcome, I'd just like to sleep in peace tonight. I'm tired.

Ben Kessler

Pedro said that me and him were talking too much game and to "talk about ourselves". I didn't want to tell him I did not want to discuss the vacation that he is on. So now I need to vote him out next. People like talking about themselves I guess.

Pedro A

okay so i have talked with ben, zack and cody LOL.....and they all seem cool...one thing i noticed in bens profile ..is that he only has 2 contacts...that i have....weird...maybe im thinking too much

James Hayden

https://youtu.be/oGcQdHpBzhY

Aimee

https://giphy.com/gifs/gIlUSzpqN9xVhekR2r/html5 Whew!!! Just when I thought we lost this last challenge, Jay really went “GOTCHA” and gave us all whiplash. Looks like advantages and disadvantages really can make the difference in these challenges! This tribe swap really did provide a new opportunity for me in this game. Everyone here is so kind, fun-loving, and have similar vibes with me, I love it! We really all get along on a personal level and are bonding on things that aren’t game related, which is a breath of fresh air. Despite being in the minority on this tribe and coming into it with a tribe number disadvantage against three others who I suspect are aligned, it was still honestly such a blessing swapping out with less neurotic people that aren’t constantly draining me for their attention. I feel like a giant weight is off my shoulders and I can focus more on having fun. Even Sarah has been great now that we swapped and is more active, and is now chatting with me daily. I’m so relieved we haven’t had to go to tribal yet as I truly would work with each one of these people if we could all make it to merge!🌈💞 https://sinnohqueen.tumblr.com/post/166307617197 I love that the Hail Mary Reem guess really saved the day. She is iconic! A word we all love to say on this tribe 😊

Grae G

Thank god we didn’t have tribal! I’m really liking all the girls I’m playing w but my allegiance lies w my OG girls for now

Ryan

I think I’ve finally made up my mind

#episodes

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survivormagictreehouse · 4 years

Text

Episode #16 + Finale “My heart is still like THUDDING” -Ruthie

-I don't think I did so great at the final immunity thing. I bombed the trivia because I was on the way home from Orlando, with my counting endurance I put 'message one, message two...' in everything when I didn't have to because I second guessed myself so I'm sure I wasted a TON of time doing that and my winterbells score SUCKS lol. On a positive note I got 8/9 riddles so maybe there is a little bit of hope for me! If I don't win this final immunity I hope Ali will. It would be best for his game to vote me out with Gavin and Birch but I'm not sure what he will do. Ali and I have played a REALLY loyal game with one another and I wouldn't fault him at all if he cut me now because I would 100% be a vote for him to win. If I do somehow manage to win I am definitely not voting Ali because if I have to lose to anyone I would rather lose to him. I'm just kind of done with the whole 'taking people I would win against' thing. ANYWAY, I definitely won't be upset if I get voted out because that means I can vote for Ali to win and also the anxiety that comes with an FTC and answering questions is not fun. The last one of these and got to FTC I was SO inactive that I had no idea what was going on and... it was not cute LOL. SO if I do somehow win this immunity I'm going to like actually prepare something and study up so I don't make too much of a fool of myself haha. If Ali wins I may even request that he just go ahead and vote with the other two or tell him I wouldn't hold it against him because of all the times he has saved me in this game I REALLY want to go hype him up in ponderosa and be a vote for him to win. I just feel in a way that this is not my game to win, it is Ali's and I think I will be happier for him than I would for myself. I don't even know what I'm saying this is just a bunch of me rambling and thinking out loud and like... PANICKING over the fact that I may have to do a FTC and make a speech and answer questions haha. As for my game I think I played a good game but not a GREAT game. I definitely couldn't have made it this far without Ali so I'm just really glad that I played the game I always wanted with a duo that I could tell everything to and trust and that I didn't end up backstabbing or vise versa!

-That was honestly not as bad as what I thought it was going to be but I feel like I had the easy end of the deal because people seemed a bit nicer to me with their questions and statements in a way. And I just really hope that Ali and Birch are okay. I checked on Ali and I'm about to check in on Birch. I was SO nervous, and I'm still confused about the freaking water shoes I feel like it is some inside joke Chips and I have that I can't freaking remember LOLOL. My heart is still like THUDDING and hurts so much right now, I LOVE playing these games but I hate making it to FTC and having to answer questions and have the world see just how bad my anxiety is just when I think I have it under control. I will be really happy with an Ali or a Birch win and would LOVE to see most of the jurors in our position right now as well. This has been such a great game, probably one of my top five favorites and I hope that we all keep up with each other over the next few months. I feel like after this I'm going to go back into hibernation until next summer or a break of some sort but this has been a GREAT game and I hope that a few people come back to the next season of atomic so I can cheer them on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONL8cfvrRsM

-so the season is done, and the winner reveal is in just over two hours. FTC was literally a rollercoaster, and I have a lot to say to two jurors in particular, but I've decided this final confessional is not the place for it. Timmy and Jess... just know you have a big storm coming. with that said, i have decided doing a negative, resentful final confessional about this game is not reflective of my overall experience this season. so i'm going to focus on some positives: - First and FOREMOST, I wanna big myself up a TINY LITTLE BIT. Just a little bit, dont you worry jury, the self-positive content will be kept to a MINIMUM I know y'all wanna see me suffer. I achieved a lot of milestones this season, idols used to be my fatal flaw as a player but I used THREE EFFECTIVELY this season, I bodied challenges, I attended every tribal except three, voted in the majority at all tribals except one, I was apart of every big move this season without exception and I'm SO proud overall. - Some apologies! First off to Bodhi, i took Lover SO seriously and I'm kind of embarassed that it transitioned into me being so aggressive in how i spoke about him. Bodhi is so so fun and I hate that I became that bitter, resentful person, when he has never done anything to me. So yeah I have amends to make with Bodhi. I also owe Rachael a massive apology for lying so aggressively at Final Five. I also owe Cindi an apology for ever backtracking on holding Timmy Z accountable, in my RoP or at FTC. She deserved better and he deserved nothing. - I wanna say shoutout to Birch and Ruthie. Birch is SUCH a sweetheart, and I think if I lose this season, they are likely winning. Their personal growth was amazing to watch since Montenegro, I'm so proud of them for coming into their own. Ruthie is the ULTIMATE sweetheart, I have so much love for Ruthie's attitude and how she carries herself. Also wanna give love to Gavin/Cindi two others who made this season sm fun for me!! Lastly I wanna thank Olivia and Lukas. Two of the best hosts and people I've met in this community. Two people I knew from day one of Isle of Skye would be PHENOMENAL additions to the community. I have so much admiration and love for the both of them ,could not think of better hosts for my last ever game. anyway time to peace out. i came, i saw, i conquered and im proud ultimately.

So this is my last confessional :( I'm not winning, at least not from what the jury seemed to be saying at FTC, which was rough. I think Ali is winning. I've loved this game, I can't believe it is over.

Click HERE to watch the Round 16 Cast Assessment

Click HERE to see a playlist of ALL Cast Assessments

Once again, thank you to all of the 20 people who made this season what it is and congratulations to Ali for winning! We loved hosting you all so so so very much.

The best of this season cannot be explained in cast assessments or episodes; The best of this season occurred in private late night calls, movie nights, messy tribal scrambles, lessons learned, and the private messages between you all that Olivia and Lukas will never see. The best of this season belongs only to all of you and we hope you walk away with a few fond memories. We love you all!

-Olivia and Lukas

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