#i did cry about them earlier

[getosugurusbangs]

i found a photograph my mother took of someone i don’t recognize anymore.

#HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAV GIRLS #i’m really proud of this painting actually #this also was not planned…. #this was a last minute decision to do this lol #i was gonna do a satosugu painting today but this morning i saw a post about their birthday and so i was like “…shit i need to do smth” #since they’re literally my fav jjk characters #also i reread their arc and got sad… #i did cry about them earlier #the “i’m glad i gave birth to them” panel makes me instantly tear up #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fanart #jjk art #jujutsu kaisen art #jujutsu kaisen fanart #maki zenin #zenin maki #mai zenin #zenin mai #maki zen’in #zen’in maki #mai zen’in #zen’in mai #zenin twins #zen’in twins #maki zenin fanart #mai zenin fanart #zenin maki fanart #zenin mai fanart #my artwork

[moeblob]

You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)

#moe talks a lot #i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry #and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds #LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO #shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds #BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER #i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up #i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong #after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before #YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain #oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older #and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds #holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang #sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat #but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like #welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant #anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain #im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake #but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry #anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering

[falldogbombsthemoon]

Yall haha, my dad made it so I have wifi access for one hour a day. which I can use from like 14 to 21 german time. So once my mobile data is dead, I will not be active that much ig. So please dont think I'm abandoning yall.

#vent following #its fucking ridiculous. im not a fucking child. neither is my brother #no idea what my dad wants to achieve through that. “so you can relaxe more” yeah no. being on the internet is my fucking coping mechanism. #there is nothing about relaxation there. also he did that so we'll to go sleep earlier. if it really was about that. #he would need to force me to sleep. you cant just change my sleep schedule by that #anyway its fucking ridiculous as i was on a good way of getting to sleep more early but if imma do that now he will think like #“wow. im such a good dad. i fixed all the problems my child could possibly have.” which is absolutely not the case #yk. ive always fucking struggled with feeling like people cant trust me. #and him not trusting my abilities to be responsible for myself is not helping #and then boom. im feeling shitty but wait haha my coping mechanism is currently set offline. #and like also im in extra stress atm bc school is fucking with me #not only are like a bunch of tests on the way but my fucking anxiety in school is getting so bad. #i cant sit in that facility without feeling like imma have a panic attack any minute #i am in need of fucking professional mental help. and at least one diagnosis. i dont want to do shit to myself. #but in this house hold. emotions are not talked about. feelings are suppressed and mental health is an illusion #i NEED to see a fucking psychiatrist. but i dont feel like i can to my parents about that. and technically i could go without them knowing #but someone needs to educate them. and i mentally cant be that someone #and guess whos sitting in their room crying and writing about that rn. not studying for their tests tomorrow and the day after. #i bet if my parents wouldnt have done that shit with my wifi i would be studying rn #quinns daily yapping post #rather #quinns personal hell

[illidan]

me omg im death knight!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#DEATH KNIGHT MENTION FROM VELENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN #the bonus dialogue talking to arzal'kal earlier in the quest was really funny like: #'i have so much blood on my hands......' 'real as fuck bro' 'what' 'what' #anyway hey finally did seeing red. yippee!!!! #warcraft #draenei #in game #cori #mine #i think my only let down was that the shattered sun offensive guy didn't have anything unique to say at the start?? man i wanna know-- #whats their deal these days like?? they're still in contact with velen?? hello?????? im gonna go back n see if he says anything different n #edit looking at the weapon tmogs i gotta say 2 things. #1) the bow FUCKS i wish i had a draenei hunter now OUGHHHH #2) the flavor text on all the weapons ue ue ue (sound of crying) #ok bonus update i have acquired all the funny transmog items. will i use them idk! but if i didnt have them id be sad about it

[nordfjording]

theres a response on the male suicide post that goes basically "it's not that men aren't allowed to show feelings, it's that men show emotion differently from women which isn't accepted" and I'm sure there is something to that but it's funny to me because i have four straight older sisters with what i'd call average rates of romantic relationships and every single boyfriend that's made it through our family in the last 30 years have had more classical displays of emotion than my sisters have.

which is deeply anecdotal and probably says more about my family than anything else. still funny.

ofc it doesnt matter because to my understanding it's got very little to do with how feelings are shown vs how feelings are recognized, validated, processed or regulated.

#earlier today i heard a psychotherapist explain self harm as a method of self-validation for emotional distress which #i havent had spelled out to me before but rings a lot more true to me than most other explanations ive had presented #in my own case that is #likewise - and even more anecdotal - the one of my sister's exes who killed himself #was one who WAS very expressive about his emotions and showed them in very typical ways - but whose family and closest network #did not validate what he was experiencing when he came into crisis #and whose family has a generational history of suicide. none of which has been processed. #i just. listen. you can boil it down to whether or not someone is able to cry but that is IMO such an oversimplification #because emotional displays highly individual and i DO think that's pretty accepted #imo the the question is: whether someone is allowed to react emotionally and to process their experiences #in a satisfying way #or are they expected to simply not notice or care #and whether one has acceptable routes to regulate emotions that pass the threshold of what can be handled by stoicism #so when the most expected or publically accepted emotional reaction is outward anger? well.

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

sometimes my friends are like “hey you’re doing this to cope with things but it’s not a good idea” and im like “no but it’s harmless and fine!” only to realise they’re completely right and that i regret it

#fucked up my hair so bad and genuinely i don’t know why #well i do know why actually. i was overstimulated by an earlier event and my hair was on my neck and making it worse and instead of being #rational and deciding to style it or put it up i just decided to cut it #and im kicking myself because its so uneven now and its the stupidest fucking decision i could have made and im playing it off as #‘haha funny’ but my hair means a lot to me and now i just wanna cry because it was fine before and now it’s completely fucked up and i dont #know when i can get it fixed. #it’s also similar enough to a worse coping mechanism i used to have and i think i was partly substituting for that too even though i haven’t #done it in years. four years actually which i never thought would happen #but anyway. im just pissed at myself for being a fucking idiot and not thinking about things before i did them #I don’t want anyone responding to this with ‘im sure its fine’ or ‘its a learning curve’ or some shit. just fucking don’t #if i can’t get in this weekend then i’ll probably try to fix it myself just. rationally this time. slower and with help #vent tw

[tiredassmage]

shut your fuckinG FACE you IDIOT who almost just DIED ON ME. skdfnldsaknfsadfmlsdafnsaldgnladfmsa;ld

[nathema conspiracy round 2 survived narrowly, 5(?) dead, Theron Shan learned how to share my stealth generator, etc etc]

#weeping sobbing crying loud ship blow horn noises #i'm so fucking. AAHHrghghalkdgnldsf. not normal about them. #tyr 'shut the fuCK up and kiss me you iDIOt' commander deckard #local disaster bisexuals who would literally self destruct for one another put through Situation where one almost dies more at 11 #anyway good night and good news and all that #fuck you theron i missed you fuck you goddAMN IT BOY #fuck. i thought i was. no actually that's a lie #the first time i accidentally stumbled upon the plot and spent like 3 days bracing myself and numbing myself before i did this #so this time its ALL WATERWORKS BESTIESSSS #yes i'm screaming in the tags so you don't have to DEAL WITH ME unless you're here for that then i guess hi #anyways screaming and crying about them maybe once i'm slightly more normal i'll give you actual tyr x theron screens but like #for now just have this dumbass's face #fuckin. 'that's my bf' in those eyes #poor lana bickering with them earlier when tyr was all but like ready to leap into theron's arms like WHERE. HAVE. YOU. BEEN. #he missed you. he missed you a lot. idiot. fool. #hhhhhhhhhhh anyway

[minglana]

idk what kind of stress im currently in that i cry just bc of the fact that its 12am and i can hear people speaking in the office next to my room

#maybe its the fact that the woman aggravates me so much #bc she follows /some/ of the dorm rules and she doesnt follow others #or maybe its just that things have changed so much around here that im no longer comfortable #or that /ive/ changed and im far too strict w everyone in general #or maybe that ive grown up way too used to quiet and i need my quiet time #and i cant even get ONE hour of silence in the day. not even at 1 or 2am anymore #that used to be my study hours bc thats when no one was awake in the dorms and there was complete quiet #but i cant even get that anymore bc apparently following rules is too 'hitlerian' and what do we care abt other ppl. right #and im not even talking abt myself! obviously im the one thats affected the most by it but theres like 20 other people on the same floor #that go to sleep EARLIER than the rest of us. and if you talk a LITTLE bit too loudly they can hear it too #but anyways the more i think about it and like. even if i had my required hours of quiet time. i dont think id be happy here anymore #what made me happy abt being here was having friends. and i dont have any anymore so whats the point right #actually i do (or did) have friends. but they dont seem to care that much abt me since they never even care to talk #even last yr they never asked me to sit w them or hang out w them. i always had to take everything into my own hands #and tbh that friend dynamic just doesnt rly do it for me. if you dont tell me that im allowed to do things. im simply not doing them. #as much as id like to. #ok i seem to have calmed down from crying now. i swearrrr im so done with everything. i think its seasonal depression #but im so close to wanting to end it all (as in everything. not just myself) #suicide mention #z xarre

[girlscience]

the fact it's been five fucking years and i still sob like a baby any time some character comes out and their parents accept them fucking sucks

#i did not expect to be so tense i started sweating and my jaw started hurting just from watching a silly episode of schitts creek #but here we are. #i do not like coming out stories. they are constantly stressful and i avoid them as much as possible #but i didn't know that's what the episode was going to be and then it was #and like i knew they weren't going to have his parents Not accept him but all the nerves were there #and then he told them and they just told him they loved him and wanted him to be happy #and i started crying #it just fucking sucks. all my friends know. day to day i don't think about it #but like earlier my mom asked if i wanted to do something with her tomorrow and i got nervous #because what if i do the wrong thing. what if i say the wrong thing. what if this is the day she decides i'm too queer and she brings it up #what if this is the time church gets talked about again and i can't hold it in #i have been on eggshells my entire life and i'm so fucking tired of it #i'm scared to even looking into transition. i don't feel like i can even try to date. i can't buy things i want cause what if they see them #what if i do and they stop talking to me. if i don't wait till my grandma dies will she disown me? #will i still get to see my cousins if my family finds out? will i get to go to holidays and birthdays and family dinners if they know? #it would be easier if i didn't care about them or i knew they didn't love me #but i do and i they do and so i'm scared #and i could just get it over with and be done with it and tell everyone #but i don't have a girlfriend and i'm not transitioning so what's the point #it seems stupid to tell them when i'm not changing at all. so why change my relationships with them #i don't know. i'm just fucking tired of it

[foxgloveinspace]

Hey, if you play overwatch and your name is Melo0n I only saw you where on the enemy team after we played on the same team right before you left I was trying to say hi back to you I’m so sorry. You where playing Cassidy and I was the Kiriko, you where awesome.

#very much so #I know I’m low everything cause I’m about to cry over this?? which is so dumb #and also cause I got told to play a fic character earlier and it was getting to me too #*different character. why did my phone autocorrect dif to fic?? weird #ugh #overwatch #if you know Melo0n please let them know lmao

[friend-through-teenage-nights]

Me at the slightest possibility that someone is feeling even slightly negatively towards me (no evidence needed from their side).

#HOW did I not think of this earlier #no need for therapy now I have funne Al meme #(joking I am Seeking therapy) #another fine evening of abandoning plans to cry about having to cut off yet another family member except actually it's fine #I mean they still couldn't give me a good reason why they loved me so hmmm I don't understand #my uncle is incapable of complimenting my personality without qualifying it with EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE A FREAK WHO IN ANOTHER TIME WOULD BE #SEGREGATED FROM SOCIETY #he doesn't mean to be hurtful but it is #this time it was you're an oddball but you turned out very well despite your father #rsd #rejection sensitivity disorder #I don't care if they don't like me because that involves weird and mysterious standards that I don't know because I wasn't raised by them #but apparently I will also have a small breakdown over them possibly not liking me

[intomybubble]

i love fuji ㅠㅠ he’s the cutest shoujo heroine

his relationship with sengoku is really sweet. i really like the build up between these two

#desiree talks #desiree reads #manga #shoujo #the mangaka even refers fuji as the heroine so im going with that #i just finished maid-sama earlier and i still prefer this one #the main thing that bothered me was usui not having anyone but misaki #like literally no friends #the other characters i wish had more development #like misaki’s friend with the twin tails? why couldn’t you convince me her bf wasn’t an ass with the 4ish chapters you gave them #why did aoi have to get with honoka when she knew him when he was 14 #sure they got together when he was 20 but… eehhh #i wish they has misaki actually resolve things with her dad to some extent instead of leaving him hanging for a decade #the childhood friend getting wth his crushes younger sister bothered me too a bit #since i can’t imagine being with someone who loved my sibling for a decade #i wish they showed more of him actually falling for her #since he still talked about liking misa around the time the sister was going for him #at least i sorta saw it coming #i still feel bad for the school vice president since he kept getting forced to crossdress #like i dont mind when a guy crossdresses because it makes him happy but i get uncomfortable when theyre crying when theyre forced #anyway mizutama is super cute and im sad it never got an english release #i still plan to buy a set in japanese one day along with a few other series

[loyalhorror]

tonight on "I feel like shit at 3am": I feel like shit and it's 3am

#rat.exe #I'm not going to get into it because I don't need anyone worrying about me. I have enough to deal with. #(You will note that I'm prioritising my own mental health there and not someone else's.) #(This isn't a 'if people worry about me I did something wrong' thing it's 'if people worry about me I have to deal with it') #But anyway I've felt shit for hours and I'm too restless to sleep. #And I keep relapsing today which is fucking annoying and is going to make therapy tedious on Monday unless I lie. #A lot of us were cofronting earlier and it left me super flat and washed out and I just haven't perked up since. #And now I'm awake and thinking about how goddamn unfair it all is. How anyone could have died but it had to be them. #How I can't remember them at will. #How I don't cry until I do and even then I couldn't tell you what I'm feeling. #And how if I keep on living the price will be losing people. I am always going to lose more people. #And I wonder what the point is. And I wonder if the point is worth it. #And I wonder how stupid it is to talk about this somewhere anyone can see. #negative// #depression// #self harm tw // #suicidal ideation //

[risingsunresistance]

gæ

#angel drew lesbiam earlier. so i wanted to draw gæ #the jjba isnt the weird thing here. that's canon to skyblock. but these two have never interacted. THAT'S the non-canon part 😭 #how did i even gte myself here how did i start this I DONT REMEMBER BUT I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT THEM JDHFJHD #''goat isnt scarf just sad and edgy'' YES and i want him to be HAPPY so i gave him FUNNY STAR BOYFRIEND!!!! #*sees happy character* i am gonna cause you soooooo much misery #*sees sad character* WTF WHO LET THEM CRY I'LL KILL YOU TO DEATH #awa #sb #making this non-rebloggable bc. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #also yes barry IS gonna regret falling asleep like that. he is not comfortable. this will be terrible later jdhjd

[piplupod]

me when i am full of guilt to the point that i am nauseous for like. four hours. sobbing. i hate it here sdjkl why can't i just be fucking normal for once goddamn

#i just keep wanting to cry and hide and tear my skin off fsdjkl i feel so awful about like. everything #its bc of me being triggered by smth mum did earlier sjdkl #but i just like. god. idk. i dont actually want to say anything i think maybe fjsdkl i'll just leave it here. #whats the point of this post anyways idk fdsjkl i just need to vent i guess fsdjkl #sorry yall that u have to see me be mentally ill so much fdsjkl i honestly dont know how yall still follow me #when im like this so often like. isnt it tiring to see JFDSKL idk im amazed that ppl stick around on here #maybe i should start tagging these w smth so ppl can block them at least? i'll figure it out #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[rosymorns]

the reason. like the final straw. at my old job was that the office manager kept sending out "stop doing this" emails to the whole office when I felt it was very obvious that i was the one doing it. or at least everyone else in the office would know it was me. and i have gotten several of those emails here the last few days where it's like. anyone who is really wondering who did it could easily find out who did it and it is me. and I am getting similar "i need to quit my job right now" feelings.

#we'll get back on the application train tomorrow. i do want to get out of here. #the one was. like. i made a mistake a week ago but didnt realize until the books came in earlier #except i didnt process them my coworker did and she walked around fucking screaming about how Someone Made A Mistake #and then today someone checked them out and my OTHER coworker was like 'i need to send all these emails because Someone Made a Mistake' #and im like jesus christ i know this isnt the first time this has happened #anyway that happened at like 10am and ive wanted to cry since then 🙃 #carly.txt