#i don't even think i realized that's what the devs were going for until one of my later playthroughs

[painted-bees]

Thinking a little more on the whole "when did Margie and Raf realize they were In A Relationship?" question, and while they'd both struggle to find a definitive moment, I think there was one particular situation that arose to kinda...lock things in for them.

Sometime prior to autumn 2009, Margie was headhunted by Bioware[Edmonton] thanks to the recommendation of an old Orbital Media colleague who was trying to establish/salvage Bioware's beleaguered handheld dev team. Following a promising phone interview, she was asked to make a 30 second demo track as part of the hiring process, and met expectations well enough that she was offered a job as an in-house musician and sound designer. Which also meant that she'd have to move to Edmonton. She had been keeping Raf up to date with this whole thing, mostly because she was too excited to keep it to herself. Raf was hugely supportive and excited -for- her. 'Cus like...he plays games. He even plays Bioware games, so, yanno...very cool. But he had also assumed this was gonna be more of a freelance contract kind of thing. And so, hearing her mention that the company would cover the costs of relocating her to Edmonton comes as a weird surprise. And suddenly, he's having a real hard time being excited for her. He keeps it to himself, 'cus he'd be an asshole not to. He's been really adamant with himself, and with anyone who asks, that he and Margie are just really good, comfortable friends/roommates. But even by this point, he's kinda known and been unwilling to admit to himself that the only reason he hasn't openly recognized their relationship for what it actually is--is because the non-committal ambiguousness provides him a clean way out if he starts feeling cagey/uncomfy about anything. It was an exit door that he liked keeping open incase he needed it. But Margie had seen it differently. To her, it was a door she figured she was gonna have to leave through eventually. Because Raf would inevitably find a more serious partner to settle down with, or he'd be whisked off by some other important venture that she couldn't be a part of. She figured he was leaving that door open because his current situation was a temporary transitional stage in his life that he simply allowed her to be a part of. And so, she's not really torn-up about the prospect of leaving, especially under the circumstances. It presented an easier, more exciting transition than she might have had to face if Raf had 'outgrown' her first.

So, Margie's excited about the new job offer, and Raf's sitting there feeling like he played himself--while being wholly unable/unwilling to tell her "Hey, uh...this sucks, actually, I really don't want you to go." Because that'd require him to admit that he's been lying to himself--which sucks. But more than that, it'd require him to admit that he's been lying to her--only employing honesty as a tool of convenience to dissuade her from going and getting something really good for herself. He can't, he won't. The sudden off-key in his tone, though, doesn't go unnoticed by her, and Margie is perfectly candid about the whole "we'll visit each other, I'll stay in touch--I'm not gonna disappear on you lmao" Except that's not really...how Raf operates. Distance + time does not make this man's paranoid lil' heart grow fonder. There's never been a relationship-friend, family, or otherwise-with enough staying power for Raf to maintain it once they're no longer within physical proximity. Even if he wants to 'keep in touch', it quickly falls off. He's just known...too many people, and been too many places...his brain doesn't have the bandwidth to maintain close relationships when there's a distance. And, after a long enough pause in communication, his paranoid anxieties lift the barrier of entry higher and higher until it's almost insurmountable. People become strangers again. Always. In the end, Bioware did not get to develop any more handheld titles, and the handheld division in Edmonton is dissolved before Margie was even offered a job start date to plan her big move around. And so the whole thing falls apart before it even had the chance to get started lmao. At which point, Raf finally allows himself to be honest and say "thank god, I was fuckin' dreading an empty apartment again." Treats her to a consolatory dinner, and gets to tell her as much as he is able to figure out for himself--that he doesn't really know what he wants, actually--but that things aren't as casual and clean-cut as he thought it was. He still can't bring himself to be like "yes, romantic committed relationship, that's us, that's what we are" but he does at least take measures to establish that he'd really like to take off his shoes, place them on the rack next to hers, and close the door behind him.

#Margie takes a little while to get over the sting of disappointment with having her cool validating job fall through #but she's happy she gets to stick around with Raf too...and then soon realizes the full implications of what he tells her #over that consolatory dinner lmao #hi-note #magritte #rafael

[sunlit-haruka]

Arturo's talent confuses me a lot

Okay so on this fine 12:30 PM I was thinking about the newest QnA, and how DRDTDev said this in it

And it was always something that intrigued me a lot because I really could not figure out what it meant or why the exact ages of the cast were kept hidden. That is, until I started thinking about everyone's favorite(...?) Ultimate Plastic Surgeon, Arturo Giles. Specifically, his talent in question. Because to put it bluntly: How in the everliving FUCK is Arturo a Plastic Surgeon at his age Now you might wonder just what I mean by that, and as such let me run you down the requirements to be a plastic surgeon in the US from what I have researched:

Now obviously these are only three sources, and this is mainly referring to the US because that is where DRDT takes place, but the point still stands. For Arturo to become a licensed plastic surgeon, he would have to go through a six year program/residency for plastic surgery, obtain a bachelor's degree (or I guess whatever Hope's Peak's version of a bachelors degree is) which is canonically a four-year university in the DRDTverse, as WELL as an extra four years in medical school.

(Now fair warning, I am not the best when it comes to reading comprehension, so there might be some things in the screenshots I linked that I ultimately missed. And if so, you're allowed to (politely) point it out to me !) Even if there are a few things I misread, it still brings into question how Arturo obtained his talent when you look at his possible age Now obviously, as I mentioned before, the DT cast's actual age is a spoiler. But that doesn't mean we can't speculate based on the information we do have from the series

(A challenger has approached: Min Jeung /j) This line from the first bonus episode is the closest thing we get to a clear-cut age for the DT cast, where Unnamed Classmate / Mai says that Min is 18. Unfortunate jinxing aside, this also brings back up the fact that Hope's Peak in the DTverse is a four-year university course akin to US college (I'll actually include a screenshot this time)

So it can be assumed that this bonus episode (and I assume Xander's), takes place during their first year at Hope's Peak, and assuming that the rest of the cast is the same age they were all 18-19 during their first year. But that isn't all ! As remember, these guys have their HPA memories snatched from them, so let's cover that as well

Now, we don't know how long "a few years" could be. It could be only one year like Rose said initially, it could be two, three, hell ten for all we know. However, Min (as posted before) and Xander don't seem to have aged that much in comparison to their current appearences. So I'm going to assume (keyword here, assume) that about three years at most have been taken from them. as that would put them largely around the end of HPA. So with all of this in mind, that would mean that Arturo is around 19-22 during the events of the death game, but even with that considered, that still means that Arturo was scouted and given the title of Ultimate Plastic Surgeon at 18. And that is where my confusion lies since that...is basically impossible DRDT-Dev has clearly thoroughly researched all of the talents of the cast and how they work in the DTverse and in general seems to be very intricate when it comes to their writing, so I highly doubt they would make an oversight like this. There has got to be a reasoning for this. And I can think of three possible ones 1. Arturo is some kind of prodigy in the medical and cosmetic surgery field which could've led to him becoming a plastic surgeon much earlier in life than one typically would 2. Arturo is just straightup lying about his ultimate talent for whatever reason, possibly fabricating the license on his coat. He's obviously not faking his medical knowledge as we've seen in the actual series, but him faking his ultimate isn't exactly ruled out 3. The DRDT cast are much older then we or they realize, and there is another reason why they still look to be in their early 20s (I swear to god if this turns out to be some virtual world shit I am actually going to go insane /lh)

...Or the 4th reason that being I AM looking too deep into this, but whatever it's fun to overanalyze this shit Please let me know what you think, I'd love to hear other people's opinions on this !

#haru chats about drdt #danganronpa despair time #drdt #fanganronpa #arturo giles #drdt arturo #I did not expect my first somewhat analysis post in months to be about Arturo of all characters but eh expect the unexpected

[royalsunshinehotel]

Hey!! I saw dev in a movie a couple months ago and was completely shocked by how attractive dev is and I found your account a few weeks ago and I wanted to make a request if that’s okay

So like I read one of your preference works and I was thinking about like kinda angsty oneshot based of the Joshua madika part of the “how they fight” one were it’s angst in the beginning with the whole fight and all that and then more comfort/fluff towards the end? Thank you!!

Guilty As Sin? (Joshua Madika x f!reader)

A/N: You are struggling with internalized misogyny. Joshua's left to untangle your mean streak.

"I don't understand why we're fighting." That was a lie. Of course you know.

"How can you not understand?" Joshua snaps right back, whipping off the tie that had gotten too tight around his neck over the course of that evening.

"Joshua, she cheated on you!" You snapped, throwing your bag down and kicking off your heels. Tonight should have gone differently, you'd be on your way to the kitchen to get a snack for the two of you, but now you were going to get a snack for one person, you!

"Don't try to pretend this is about me." You hate how even his tone is, even from one room away.

"She had it coming!" No, she didn't. She didn't need you being cruel to her.

"No, she didn't!" Joshua, your Joshua, was right.

"She's not ugly, her dress was fine, and I used to love her!" The venom in Joshua's voice hits you right in the heart.

He used to love her. Why did that feel like a surprise?

"Oh. Okay." Every atom in your being falls, and you have to get away from him.

Joshua knows what he's said was a dagger he didn't even realize he'd pulled out.

"Wait, no wait, come back!" He chases you through the house, towards your shared room.

"I just try so hard! I try so hard to be the best girlfriend for you, and then she comes marching back, asking for help and you do it?"

"It's not what you're thinking!" He raises his hands in exasperation, heat rushing to his head.

You raise your pointer finger at him, "I'm thinking that I try so hard. I try so hard to be the best girlfriend for you, and you just don't even see it! You don't even care!"

"Of course I do! Don't you know I love you for that?"

A beat passes, you thank God for the break.

You start bawling first, and Joshua blinks, breathing heavily.

"I'm going to bed!" You shouted, turning on your heel, down the hallway to your shared bedroom and slamming the door behind you. Water won't stop coming down from your eyes, so you shower. You don't know how long you're in the shower for, but you don't come out until you're a prune.

Grabbing your pajamas you shiver, shuffling over to bed, exhausted. You flop down.

You pull your covers up to your neck, and fold in on yourself. Sleep doesn't come like you hope it would. Your eyes burn when you try to shut them.

Some time after, your partner comes in, the mattress bending under his weight.

"Can I hold you?" Joshua's voice comes from behind you. It's horribly mournful.

"Yes." You croak as he pulls you in.

#dev patel #joshua madika #modern love #modern love 2019 #joshua x reader

[incarnateirony]

You were in Marketing, so tell me, do you think Jensen agreed to Atomic Heart without realizing that there would be a bit of a shit storm, or do you think he and his promo team were good with the shit storm, because bottom line, it's a worldwide game and it gave him huge publicity? I mean, even the haters blaming him for the entire war really doesn't matter, as 99% of people know that is just stupid. Also, controversy about what nationality a dev is, is not going to stop gamers from buying a game. I just can't figure if Jensen stepped into this unaware, or brilliantly chose this to widen his name appeal?

I think Jensen has far better sense of bearing on media than all the people pretending to be upset off of a well known exaggerated review that intentionally warped it.

I think Jensen is fully aware that media everywhere boils down to about one of three money sources, behind just as many proxy screens. I think Jensen is aware you guys read things funded by Russia and PIF every day, or watch shows with them, or networks funded by them every day.

It's that this is all hilarious noise of people with miscellaneous agendas, and other people reacting to them inflating their importance.

Jensen is fully aware, just like every other actor in the history of ever, he's going to work down the money pipe of one of several major influencing political forces, if not multiple or all of them at the same time, and that's just how it fucking works, and this fandom really needs to wrap their head around it.

It's xenophobia, fam. Someone saw "Russian" and went digging immediately for "dirty money." And if you dig in media enough you will always find it. This is actually more "media welfare" dogwhistling, in Russian font. breaking news, game developer uses locally available funding systems to create game, more at 11.

Jensen knew that people would react to agendas and dogwhistles and that it wouldn't matter a goddamn thing or negatively impact his career, just that narcissists would waste energy yelling about it feeling like they're doing something.

Listen, I support Ukraine, but you're a fucking goof if you think this is about Ukraine. Even if you're Ukrainian, I'm sorry. Half your fucking TV still is probably Russian funded. Stop picking and choosing things to pretend to be mad about when there's a shiny actor's face attached to fight about. If you're gonna be pissed about this shit, fix it at the root, don't attack the small developers that have the sin of Existing In A Country.

I think Jensen was happy to be a shooter bicon rebelling in silent LGBTQ undertones to lead more Russians to his content, and that everyone fucked up the developer happy to do that, and made them give away all their profits.

The game dev giving all their profits to Ukraine should have ended this. You guys aren't here for truth or social justice or even Ukraine, you guys are here to argue about shit until the horse has been beaten into glue. People WANT this studio to die for NO good reason beyond the fact that some idiot convinced them it needs to, and they will not stop beating this fucking horse until they get what they convinced themselves is right.

If you are still talking about this thinking it has any meaningful bearing, I regret to inform you, you as a person are extremely succeptible to propaganda.

#atomic heart

[anger-ey]

Bunk Bed Junction gender musings

In honour of Mayzuketober beginning... I'd like to talk about my interpretation of b2j's genders.... lets go

I always thought of them as being at least SOME flavour of gender-queer, or at least gender-non conforming. I remember talking about it to a good friend of mine, and she brought up the excellent point that punk rockers often were also gender abolitionists or genderqueer. Whether b2j are an actual punk band, I'm not very sure, but them going against strict gender boxes makes sense! After all, they aspire to break against the norm, against NSR and EDM, so like.... wouldn't they also challenge gender labels?

Mayday, I think, loves being all genders. She doesn't mind using all pronouns out there, maybe even neopronouns! She doesn't believe in simply being a woman and nothing more. She is a woman, and everything else! Be it man, both, neither, and every single xenogender, all is fair game! She prefers presenting femininely, but that doesn't mean she's always a girl, yknow?? She also loves presenting in all sorts of ways, and she also has her MASC moments.... the most gender person ever, i wish genderqueer people were real. In fact, I like to think she would identify as queer, period. I don't think she would wear binders or anything like that.... she wants her twins to be free......

As for Zuke, well... it's a little different. He feels the same way about his gender and how he feels about it, but is much more attached to labelling himself and presentation. He's the type that realized later in his life that, oh, not everyone feels like they aren't a man at all sometimes. He experimented with they/them and she/her at some point in college, but he went back to he/him and feels most comfortable with that (Nadia/Eve helped with that! She was very supportive). That doesn't mean he can't have girlswag... he's never worn feminine clothing until living with May, which was the time in his life where he REALLY began chilling out and worrying less about what others thought of him. He's still working up the courage to be more feminine, though. Maybe he's a cis guy who doesn't care about his appearance, maybe he's on the nonbinary spectrum, not even he knows. He's figuring it out.

This is partially based on the fact that in-game and promos, it's implied Zuke is the feminine one, and May the masculine, or at least the way they're written to subvert tropes (may being the leader, zuke following her around), right down to devs saying may wears the pants, and zuke wearing a woman's suit jacket. Obviously, it's just speculation on my end..... don't get it twisted!!!

Thank you for reading mwah mwah xoxo

#no straight roads #nsr #bunk bed junction #angerey talks #gender stuff #queer headcanons #not explicitely m/ayzuke #just figured it was good timing #im thinking a lot about gay stuf huh.....

[spleentoon]

Wait, I just realized, Landia still has the Master Crown in Merry Magoland

Did it somehow survive Magolor's encounter with it in the epilogue??? I mean Landia's still using it to combine into one dragon, so surely it can't be a replica. Now could this just be a slight oversight on the devs' part? Absolutely. But it IS fun to think about!

Like imagine you're Magolor in this situation, right? You thought you'd defeated the very thing that you used to cause harm that even controlled you at a point. You even had an epic battle and everything. Then after having fought through another dimension starting off nearly powerless, going to a separate universe away from home all alone with versions of the previous friends you hurt, but they're a little different, then you finally make it back to your home universe somehow, apologize to Kirby and Co. by opening up multiple theme parks (if we're including dddrum dash and the anniversary collection). Then, when you open up your biggest park yet, after having researched all kinds of park games from all over and you're finally opening up, all is going well. Your previous friends seem to have at least forgiven you enough to play at the attractions. Then, slowly more people start to come by, a tree with a face, another magician with a peculiar hat, a huge fish, a gorilla-looking creature, even your old ship, the Lor Starcutter, has seemed to forgiven you enough for the events of what happened to come and play in Merry Magoland! A robot also comes by, but they're not as important. The waddle dees seem to like them, though. But then... The next person that arrives is a certain four-headed dragon that you tried to take out not only once, but twice, the second time with help and success. For some reason they've decided to come by and play, too. Something seems off about them that you can't quite make out... Until you realize what they're wearing atop their head. A certain crown you're all too familiar with. A certain crown which you'd used for harm in the past. And a certain crown that you thought you'd finally put to rest. And now, it was back, this time with someone that up until now, you were sure would hate your guts, donning it. But for some reason, they don't seem to hate you enough to attack. Why? Have they really just come here to play in the park? Have they forgiven you? It's hard to say. All you know is that they're not attacking you... yet, and that they're wearing a crown you'd thought you'd gotten rid of yourself. ...How is it back?

Okay, kind of like, mega nerded out there, but seriously-

THE IMPLICATIONS!!

#Magolor #Kirby #Merry Magoland #Kirby's Return to Dreamland Deluxe #KRTDLD #KRTDLDX #RTDLD #RTDLDX #Landia #Magolor Epilogue

[just-a-carrot]

Helloooo!!! I was looking for inspo for my own visual novel a little while back, it's set in a ballroom so eventually the keywords lead me to discovering save the last dance (and itch.io in general im a total noob to this lmao) i dont know what it was but it just like took a vice grip around me INSTANTLYY.

So I downloaded the main game today and I am actually silently cursing you because I got nothing done all day I was just like transfixed. The artstyle grew on me alot, and oh godd the character designs... God I love the designs, espcially Genzhou's. There's just so much love (even in every gruesome death scene lol) put into this it's almost difficult not to get obssesed...

Also sidenote I found it kind of encouraging almost to see that you're (self-proclaimed) older, I found that really inspirational lol. There's something that just makes me want to create and actually sit down and learn when I play your games. I guess I've always had this feeling of having all the time in the world but recently I've been feeling almost like it's too late to learn new skills (which is kind if ridicolius since I'm like smack dab in the middle of gen z). Regardless I guess your work made me realize the artistry in visual novels, I could keep going but I tend to ramble lol

ahhhhhhhh this is so sweet!! i got very weepy reading this, especially as i'm already feeling quite soft today as it was a bit of an anxious one... 😭💕

that's fascinating that you found StLD first searching for ballroom stuff!! i am always curious how people first find out about any of my games. i'm happy you enjoyed it, especially enough to go play the main game sob. i'm incredibly touched

and i'm even more touched that you've been enjoying the main game so much 😭💕💕💕 especially all the kind words about the art!! i've grown more confident in my art more recently but especially in the beginning stages of the game i was incredibly self-conscious and worried about it because it was rather odd-looking and didn't match any other typical VN styles. so that's really sweet of you to say. this game certainly has had a lot of love put into it (and blood, sweat, tears, my entire life... etc.). it is very much a big passion project and my eyes were perhaps too big when i got started, but because it dug itself so deep into my psyche and i also made some good decisions like releasing in parts, etc., i've been able to keep working on it until the end despite it taking me like 2.5+ years so far. i'm not even sure i can put into words what this game and chars have done for me and my life and the many journeys and discoveries i've made along the way

dkjfalsdkf yes... i am a millenial, i will say that much. though i don't often feel like one. except for the fact that i often have no idea what people are talking about or referencing and tend to be awkward and confused most of the time LOL this is also why my characters are all older, as well. i sometimes feel a bit strange since i feel much older than many of the others in the VN dev sphere (well, perhaps in age only, not really in mental maturity maybe LKDJAFLKDS). if this can give inspiration to others that are also a bit older though, then i am glad 🤣 i have spent much of my life going from thing to thing and never really knowing exactly what i want to do. case in point my current job has nothing to do with my master's degree. though the one constant has always been creation of some kind, whether it's drawing or writing (and now with games, doing both of those on top of scripting and coding and a bajillion other things lol). i don't think you should ever feel "too old" to do something. or to get started doing something. or to feel like you "haven't done enough" etc. i say this so strongly because i also try to reassure myself sometimes perhaps LOL it's also ok if you don't know what you want to do so you're just trying out different ideas that you're passionate about. so many of us just wanna find something that makes us feel fulfilled and passionate, that makes our hearts ache, that fills us with joy and motivation. so if you can find something that does that for you, no matter how old you are, grab it and don't ever let go lkdajfalskd

at any rate, i'm glad i could also help you discover more about VNs in general. i hope it will be helpful as you work on your own games!!! 💕

#ask: ow #ask: vn dev

[wakebymoonsleepbysun]

Possible Ch 4 Toys?

Void

This is the one I think is most likely.

There's a VHS called Report: Void, which details a doctor (Dr. White, I think, he seems to be the nicer of the two doctors we're aware of based on his line delivery. The name was mentioned in Samuel's last day so I'm just going to use it here for ease.) is reporting on subject 1322, aka Kevin. Based on the number he's one of the more advanced experiments, and I assume Void is the name of what he eventually became. In this tape he's still human, but for his monster/toy form, we can look to another of the VHS tapes.

In the Claire Harper Debrief vid, she mentions Marie waking from a Red Smoke-induced nightmare and saying she sees something "colorless". Claire herself cannot see it. Now, this could be the nightmare/skeletal CatNap, though I think Claire would have noted Marie looking at CatNap frightfully as she spoke if that were the case. I've heard some people guess it was the Prototype, as "colorless" might fit him, but I also think this is a stretch. BUT! Colorless would fit something called "Void", no?

I think Void is something that can only be seen when under the influence of the Red Smoke. (Given that his higher experiment number, he may have abilities that feel even more supernatural than the monsters we've already encountered.) This could be a way to add some depth to the gas mask mechanic, as in Ch 3 you really don't have much incentive to take it off other than it blocking your vision slightly. It's more like you see gas, put it on, go through gas, then take it off. Maybe in Chapter 4 we'll have to balance how much Red Smoke we inhale at any given time and make decisions on when it's "worth it" to put the mask on or take it off.

Baby Longlegs

The evidence for this is flimsy. There's some kind of child-like giggle during a certain point in the Home Sweet Home section, that as far as I know is never explained and doesn't really match any characters we already know.

So what else is in the Home Sweet Home? Cardboard cutouts of Mommy, Daddy, and Baby Longlegs. They seem kinda out of place, because as far as I'm aware they were part of the Game Station, not Home Sweet Home or Playcare. Mommy and Daddy play only static when their buttons are pushed, which I take to be the devs confirming they are both dead. Baby has no button, meaning their status is unknown.

Secret Smiling Critter

This could also be the one responsible for the giggle in Home Sweet Home. The existence of this toy may be a bit of a stretch, but Ollie has a line where he says there are "eight...I think?" Smiling Critters. It's possible this is just in reference to CatNap being removed from the lineup, or the fact that all the Critters but DogDay and CatNap are deceased. (Maybe Ollie doesn't realize that for whatever reason?) But I think it could also hint that there were originally even more planned and Ollie's unaware of who made the cut.

--

Now...do I think any of these will be the MAIN villain? No, not really. I feel like for meta reasons they won't hint much at the main villain until we get the Ch 3.5 round of ARGs and teasers. But they could be a side villain, on the level of Miss Delight, or a minion like Bunzo and PJ, or possibly a potential semi-ally, like Kissy or DogDay. But! I could be wrong about that too. I do think part of why Chapter 3 took so long is them wanting to get things really set up and planned out (both from a story-telling and game-design/programming perspective) for Ch 4 and 5 (because I do think there will be only 5 chapters ultimately. I feel like after that we'll get PPT 2 or some other arc). So it's possible they feel more comfortable hinting at the main villain of the next chapter this time around.

#poppy playtime #poppy playtime chapter 3 #poppy playtime theory #ppt theory #poppy playtime chapter 4 #poppy playtime spoilers #spoilers #ppt chapter 3 #smiling critters #poppy playtime void #experiment 1322 #poppy playtime experiment 1322

[code-es]

Codeblr tag game - realization

@a-fox-studies thank you for tagging me in this!!

At what point in your life did you decide that the world of computers was the one for you?

Heh this is a long one... So read if u want to know some code-es lore :p

But tldr: My dad was a software/computer engineer and his dedication and working spirit is my biggest inspiration, but programming was never a passion of mine - languages were my big thing. This was until I took a programming course and realized that programming is just like learning languages, but with rules that actually apply.

I want to tag: @xiacodes @web-dev-with-bea @compooter-blob @alica-tech @lazar-codes @zoeythebee @cloudycodes @04kid

Programming was always around me when i was younger. My father was a software systems engineer, so when i was a kid i would see him work on matrix looking code, and sometimes he'd even let me press buttons!

But i wasn't really interested in learning anything about computers... I was instead interested in art and especially languages, which was my biggest interest and passion. Then my dad passed away, and following that I'd get more and more interested in programming during my teens, partly to honor him and my family, because on my dad's side almost everyone's a software engineer. I also had an email friend I met on omegle when i was 14-15, and he was 30 something, which... now that i think of it, it was probably pretty a little weird that he wanted to be my friend... but anyways, he was a software engineer and explained what coding/programming was and following that I made my first webpage using only HTML and CSS, in my notepad hahaha!!

But... I didn't do much after that, until I was in my second last year of high school. I signed up to take a programming course for my next and final year. I've always been curious, and wanted all the knowledge I could get, so when a programming course was offered I had to take it! But it was just another small drop in my big lake of interests.

I don't think I realized that computers and programming was what I wanted to do until I visited my family in Mexico 2 years ago, weeks before starting that programming course. For some reason I always saw programming and computers as something out of my reach - i couldn't possibly learn this. However, to prove me wrong, my cousin, who studied software development at the time, showed me his projects, and what he was doing. And, I realized that omg - I could also be doing this? It's within reach!

And then I started learning python in school and I was kind of discouraged, it was so difficult! Most people had previous experience, and seeing what they could already do I felt overwhelmed, thinking I should also be doing that. But I kept coming back to the thought that this is just like learning a language: if I just expose myself to more and more content it will start making sense, and sooner or later I'll be able to form my own sentences and the computer will listen to me.

I've always loved the logic of languages, how the syntax is built, and how verbs are conjugated in accordance to gender, numerus and time in different languages. But... there are always exepctions and irregularities you just have to learn. However, programming is all logic, everything has an explanation, even the seemingly inexplicable concepts. There is always a solution, and my creativity is the limit, and that is what keeps me going.

And then! I was looking at university educations to apply for, when on a whim I found out about my current school, checked what courses they offer and saw something about frontend development. I read the description, and realized that oh my god - this is my type of programming! I get to do design and art AND code? And since studying here, I have realized that, yeah, this is exactly my field, and I love computers and I just want to learn more and more and more, always, and there are so many rabbit holes to fall into within programming.

During my time in school, I would envision myself working with something static in the future; like just going to uni, learning a job, and then doing it. Then, I remember being on studyblr, and seeing the quote "now is the only time in your life when your full time job is to learn" and I took it to heart, and that is what kept me motivated - I thought, what a privilege to just learn for a living. And that is exactly what working with software will be (:

My biggest weakness is finishing writing shit lol, my feedback in on essays was always: ok great, but dont have 3 different points where we think its gonna end but we're met with yet another finishing paragraph. So I'll just end it quickly here, thank you for reading!

#programming #studyinspo #studyblr #studying #tag game #codeblr #coding #programmer #girl coder #python #css #html #long post #code-es #academia #computer science #compsci #computers

[fala-alfredo-pasta]

I did actually have an idea for what could be a catalyst for Protag!Nagito changing his mind; Sakura. Just as her main self's determination managed to pretty much stop Class 78 actively participating in the Killing Game, what if some of Despair!Sakura's original self managed to pierce the brainwashing through sheer willpower? Not fully able to stop the compulsions Junko implanted into her, but she does become a kind of mole among the Remnants for the Class 77 survivors. Protag!Nagito realizing that if there old selves aren't completely gone, maybe the simulation idea that Gekkogahara proposed before getting shot down might not be a pipedream after all. Up until this point I picture him as being kind of a "Anti-Hero Replacement" for main Makoto. He does undergo some positive character growth and forge stronger bonds with his classmates in their Killing Game. And he does become a somewhat inspiring figure in a way the mastermind didn't intend. But it's more like the audience found his plucky determination and never-give-up attitude weirdly endearing than him being an "Ultimate Hope". And after they team up with the Future Foundation, he's a little too onboard with Munakata's brand of fighting despair. But rehabilitating the Remnants could well be the point where him and the Class 77 survivors actually do better than the Class 78 survivors in canon. Like for example, maybe Sonia decides on the location of the NWP being a secure remote area of Novoselic instead of Jabberwock Island (her homeland still being a holdout in this timeline). And insists that they fake the Remnants' death in some kind of bombing. All to ensure that the Foundation doesn't interfere with the program. And Protag!Nagito's more flawed characteristics compared to Makoto could actually become an advantage here. Like he might have an easier time relating to the Remnants post-deprogramming, with some of them feeling like they don't deserve a second chance. Plus I could actually see him clashing with Gekkogahara and insisting she come up with a method that doesn't involve amnesia. Because on top of it feeling kind of offensive after his experiences in their Killing Game and his struggles with dementia, he's just thinking "How do you think they're going to feel when they wake up from a comfy European holiday and find most of their family and friends are dead, the world is a mess, and they're the cause?!" Hell, if the Monokuma virus does happen in his timeline (not sure if Hajime/Izuru would be present or not), maybe he just drops all the bullshit. Leading the others to some hidden dev room with Usami and laying out where they really are and why they're here. Could well be one of the few Killing Games in the multiverse that ends with no murders. He let Makoto Naegi down, but goddammit him and the other survivors aren't gonna let the rest of their Kouhais down this time.

I like the idea of Nagito preferring to have them remember well—their sins basically—as a call back his own personal experience with dementia because yeah, that was always such a weird feature for the program to begin with. It’s remarkably harder to get closure from an experience you don’t even remember anymore but still visibly and emotionally have to deal with the effects of. How do you even begin to approach that? This doesn’t even touch upon the fact that you’ve basically been age regressed to a teenager again and suddenly find yourself in an adult body that’s been mutilated in so many ways. I’ve always wondered how exactly the SDR1 crew were going to approach class 77 in the event of an actual successful program—no virus detected. I also found it amusing that Makoto seemed the most skeptical of the survivors to use the program as is considering he was the one who implemented the failsafe in the event something went south (which it did of course). Makes me think that Makoto would have preferred the program worked differently and, if given the time, would have made it be a much more different experience for the remnants rather than the whole Hope Fragment school field trip concept. I’d like to see Makoto’s version of the Neo World Program now haha. Ah, the DR lore really is somethin’—oodles of fun to consider all the possible aus that could have happened with just one simple change.

#anonymous #danganronpa #komaeda nagito #fala replies #a e i o queue

[arklayraven]

No but i don't see bday events revivals happening anymore after seeing Levi not getting one. Because here's the thing...

This is like with Asmo's new bday event not happening last year, when NB was released. And then they released the bday card in Nightmare instead, starting with him.

Some expected the new bday events to continue again with Lucifer, but that would be so shitty to do on skipping Asmo and others. Just to start with Lucifer, OM devs top favorite(of the four: Luci, Mammon, Levi and now Solomon).

But noticed most Luci fans were fine if this would happen, because Asmo of all characters, is the least liked or hated in the fandom. (So of course they pulled this huge change on Asmo's bday. Not many would care, until they realize their faves were effected too. :/)

But of course, to avoid any backlash from any clear show of favoritism, they just cut the new bday events completely. And continued that new way of giving bday cards, while same time cutting the SSR bday cards. (which they could of added in Nightmare too fyi, but nah we can't have that now. That would be too giving.)

Then kept the bday events revivals going in order, until NB hit their one year anniversary. (What timing huh?)

Anyway. This shit is so fucking upsetting. It's clear og OM is dying and will be stopped completely even sooner than later at this rate. But gonna surely hear again from some deniers of this however with the typical "OG OM IS THEIR POPULAR GAME! YOU'RE STUPID TO THINK THEY WILL SHUT THE GAME DOWN AND LOSE THEIR BEST MONEY MAKER!" and shit like that.

...They have a new money maker though. Nightbringer. og OM is just running on low gas now, trying to make those stops to get the money they can still get before they feel its enough and they pull the plug.

Hate to hear me say it? When the clear signs are there to see? Then block me.

Once again, I have all rights to rant about this crap. Because as a fan, it upsets me, and I should be allowed to express my feelings, even negative ones. Over the clear lack of love, care and respect to the game and its fans now.

og OM deserves better. Even with the release of NB. It doesn't or didn't need to die. It could of kept going with updates and all. Nothing had to be cut.

It could of easily continued to be a good money maker for the devs as they see NB now to them. But no. They are putting their focus more and solely on NB now. Though when NB runs its course too like og OM, I expect another OM game down the line. Because why the hell not?

It's all about the greed after all.

#;raven's posts 💜 #;chaos in devildom 🐑

[hopeymchope]

'Inescapable' just made me experience something I've never felt before.

I have never, EVER before felt diversity or representation in media was something "forced." And I've always been QUITE bitchy towards people who say things like that. In my experience, people who complain of diversity/representation in fiction being "forced" are usually the same people who use "woke" as an insult, and they can fuck RIGHT OFF. I did not and could not see that as possible, because all representation is good, right? We should work to reflect the increasing diversity of our world in our media, of course. That can't be an objectionable thing..............

UNTIL!

Until the visual novel "Inescapable" immediately followed up a character's death AND another character taking a bullet for our POV characte (a.k.a. Harrison) AND a major "family member abuduction/blackmail" subplot event WITH:

"HOLD UP, these two women who've barely exchanged any words on-screen are TOTES IN LOVE and every character somehow knew it already (even Harrison, despite the fact that we never so much as hinted at this). AND NOW! One of them is going to approach your player character to discuss the realities of asexuality with you for half a day, completely unprompted. BUCKLE UP."

And just like that, I was brutally struck with tonal/narrative whiplash. I guess diversity really can feel "forced" if you (A) bring it up really late in your story, (B) at a weirdly inappropriate time, and (C) make claims about it that aren't supported by the story beforehand.

Based on what, Harrison??? Based on fucking WHAT?!

I'm left with the impression our devs realized LATE in development that they wanted to include more representation of the LGBTQ+ community. Hey — a noble goal! And the game already has an overt non-binary character, so it makes sense to push that farther. But rather than go back and edit what they'd done to build up to this or make the representation evident from the jump, it feels like they just... shoehorned these events into the late-game of one, maybe two routes in an extremely awkward fashion. The end result, to me, is a feeling of "Did y'all just forget that the world is burning down around us??? Is this REALLY the time for this?" in addition to that aforementioned issue of "Waitwaitwait, what do you mean all the characters find this obvious?!" (This does not at all align with their observations on one of these characters up to this point, but I'll circle back to that. Just give me a few more paragraphs.) "If this 'obviousness' is really the case, shouldn't it be something the player/reader could've seen SOME hints toward?" It's especially wild as fuck to suggest that fucking Harrison saw this coming... again, despite ALL evidence being to the contrary (don't worry; I'll circle back to that, too. Right after the next three paragraphs.)

I think there'd be value in having this representation appear EARLIER in the story. Not just for foreshadowing, but because it would increase the changes of players actually SEEING this representation! (As it stands, it's locked behind certain routes only.) Or at least maybe, y'know, make this part of the story when people aren't literally dying around us. Let me postulate some ways you could've at least built a little towards this: Maybe sometimes we catch the two ladies talking privately about something before we enter the room, and we know nothing else. Few people would assume they were being flirty or whatever, but if they were often paired off during our Free Time while you were looking for people to talk to? It'd become a very vague foreshadowing, which I think is better than nothing. Or, if you just want there to be some gay representation earlier in the story: Given how often one person in the cast comments on other cast members being "hot/sexy," have one of these girls throw in their agreement one time. These seem like solid bare-minimum hint ideas. Far better would be making their connection "obvious" to the player if it's going to be so obvious to the characters, y'know??

Not sure how you could foreshadow the asexuality very casually, though. I think you keep that reveal/discussion exactly the same except you move it to a place where it doesn't feel like we're talking about our petty personal matters while the surrounding world is burning. However, call me crazy, but I think it would've been cool to see Harrison, our player character, be the asexuality representative. That way A) it could come up much earlier in the story because we're privy to his internal thoughts, so it'd be easy and natural to do. Plus B) it'd be a GREAT excuse to get rid of all the moments in which Harrison thinks about/comments on boobs and breasts, which IMO are his least-likable, grossest moments. :P

So let me be clear: It's not that diversity and representation is ever a bad goal. It's just... y'know, it usually feels kind of natural. Because people are so varied and different by nature. We have so many skin colors, ethnicities, genders, sexualities, disabilities, etc that ofc it's cool to see that reflected in our fiction. The issue is that this VN goes out of its way to make these reveals/conversations feel completely left-field based on what precedes and surrounds them. It indeed feels "forced" as things stand. But HOLD UP.... maybe this was done on purpose???????

ALL RIGHT, IT'S CIRCLE-BACK TIME! Before I can share my theory on why maybe this was intentional, I must firstexplain both "why all preceding evidence was actually against this reveal" AND "why there's no way I believe their feelings were so 'obvious' to everyone else." Here's the background info: During the preceding literal hours of the VN, Harrison and one of the two lesbians in question have had numerous scenes of the two of them alone at night, often sitting on the beach, saying some pretty sweet/intimate things to each other (Actual Dialogue: "Whenever you're not by my side, I miss you. I miss... us.") under the moonlight while she awkwardly looks away and brushes her hair behind her ear, blushing. This woman is also the person who took a bullet for Harrison. This is our guy's go-to confidant, and it's easy to see them forming a real connection... a connection that seems like it could easily be developing towards a blatantly canon romance by the end. It would be a logical direction to take given that we regularly read Harrison's inner thoughts regarding the friends he's lost and how he can't picture anyone ever wanting to be in a relationship with him. (Side Note: By the end of this game, there are definitely routes where Harrison makes close friends. But there are zero routes where anyone ever wants to be with him, so I guess he was right about that?) And right after his closest confidant takes that bullet, during her recovery? You think they're going to have an intense heart-to-heart about their feelings. And they kind of do, becuse THAT'S when we learn she only has eyes for this other woman. In truth, her and Harrison? Why, we're told they're just good friends! And as to the other problem with the anti-foreshadowing of this relationship: The fact that the characters think her and the other girl's feelings for each other were "obvious" rings as horse shit in this context because (and again, this is all throughout the preceding hours of the game) characters have repeatedly observed that the non-confidant lesbian is isolated, all-business, cold, clinical, unemotional, etc. Kinda weird to now act like she wears her heart on her sleeve, innit?

With the preceding paragraph in mind: Why do I think this weird writing might be on purpose? Let me preface by saying: Look, I understand I might be really reaching with this theory. Maybe everything herein is just symptomatic of the lesbian/asexuality representation being inserted into the narrative at the 11th hour. It could also be symptomatic of the fact that for some reason, the characterizations/personalities of the cast are not remotely consistent across each route/ending — which causes weird dissonance on multiple occasions. But as a counterpoint, I POSTULATE THIS: Perhaps the devs were actually reverse-queerbaiting (straightbaiting...?) to make a larger point about queerbaiting in media. I think they might've been intentionally building to a straight ship just to RIP IT AWAY like that never happened and we-must've-been-fooling-ourselves-lol, because that has happened so many times to so many seemingly-queer-but-WHOOPS-not-really-don't-be-silly characters in media.

And if that's ACTUALLY why this is written this way? Well, I can't say it's a 100% successful gambit, but that does at leat make it a respectable one. In that context, it's bold, clever, shocking, and kind of hilarious.

P.S. The next time these devs want to have more diversity/representation? Maybe they shouldn't include only ONE POC among a cast supposedly pulled from all across Europe. These devs are FROM Europe, so I'd kind of think they'd know there's a lot more than just assorted crackers sprinkled across the continent... ??

#inescapable #inescapable: no rules no rescue #visual novels #queerbaiting #straightbaiting #lol idk #writing #diversity #weirdness

[a-shrieking-cloud-of-bats]

so I was playing cataclysm dark days ahead recently and after going through the starting hullabaloo I realized that they had actually removed the ability to make primitive knives. This is a big deal because you need a knife to craft basically anything in the game, including a crude bow which is what I was trying to make, silent ranged combat is a big deal when fighting zombies, and I almost immediately lost my motivation to play the game. The start I knew was gone, and it was gone for what seemed like a very arbitrary change, namely the fact that you can't get chunks of steel from breaking down lockers in your starting survival shelter anymore. You used to be able to craft the knife from scrap metal, but you need steel now. I naturally took to reddit to see if anyone else also got mad about it and found that apparently in recent years the cataclysm DDA developers were developing a bit of a renegade faction of people that did not care for what they were doing in the slightest. There was a whole group of people that were taking to the streets about how the pursuit of realism in the game was ruining it. In the moment, I agreed, because I was salty.

But… then I got to thinking. Cataclysm DDA is a sim game, a simulation of a zombie apocalypse, one of those weird little genres that people have latched onto and honestly probably gotten a little too invested in. So certainly, it makes sense that the developers, pursuing their vision, making the game they want to make instead of caving to outside pressure, something that everyone seems to mostly agree is Good Creative Practice, would…

one - make steel knives required, steel is one of the only modern tool appropriate materials especially for long term use. two - remove steel chunks from lockers; the taller then wide lockers depicted in the tile are not very thick and probably wouldn't create enough steel to create a solid knife out of without smithing work. Though they are made of steel if you're curious, I did look that up.

So why are people so mad about it if they're Doing It Right? Some people don't care about creative integrity and just want the product. Fair enough, if it was a project you Had to pay for. I don't think it means it's an unalienable right, even if you're paying for it, but I understand. Some people were okay with the simulation accuracy changes up until it effected something broad spanning like the start that they pursue. I fell into this. I don't mind changes until something interupts how I establish my foothold, then I get mad. Fair, but, doesn't really have a lot of backing. I'm not paying for it and it's the dev's game. Some people obviously liked what they were doing. And finally, some people didn't like the simulation aspects at all and made long winded arguments about how simulationism ruins games and strict adherence to accuracy is usually a detriment to how a game is played and developed. What? Isn't that the… point of a sim? It is, if you ask me. And I do agree with the point in basically any other genre.

And this happens to a lot of sim games; I've noticed a lot of people play it when they start development, when the simulation is rough and it's not super accurate, and as it develops the simulation becomes more refined and this group of people gets mad, because they didn't play it because it was a sim game, they played it because it was a cool zombie survival game. One of the genres had essentially cannibalized the other.

This is sort've a recurring issue in the like, hobbyist ascii roguelike development circle, because ascii roguelikes tend to attract very devoted people that have years of experience in the genre. They are very opinionated and tend to start throwing things when a game they like starts going down that heathen development path of simulationism or whatever. This is also a part of why the roguelike genre to this day does not have a solid set of rules for development, and by extension why you couldn't talk about roguelite vs roguelike as seperate genres on the internet without getting into a baby fight about it for a while there.

This also works in the other direction, games sometimes go too far into the mechanical side of things according to some. I played Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup for a long time, and one fine evening, during the development of 0.10, the developers decided to remove Mountain Dwarves as a playable race. People got Mad. It's probably the closest thing to an internet riot I've seen. Nearly every avenue of discussion about this game; this was before discord so like, forum threads essentially, nobody was talking about dungeon crawl stone soup on social media in those days except me and I can assure you it was getting no attention; was On Fire about how they Took Out The Dwarves. Part of this was, despite what I said earlier, mechanical. Mountain dwarves were a commonly suggested starter race for a very difficult game. DCSS was a roguelike and a pretty brutal one. I played it for years and never beat it, only got into zot once. A removal of such a simple and easy to use race would hurt accessibility and make it harder for people to get their friends into the game. But… there were other races of a similar nature. High orcs and Minotaurs basically were the same thing as mountain dwarves and this is why the mountain dwarves were removed. Minotaurs were more exotic, and they didn't want those generic dwarves in their game. This was the real reason people got mad. People just really wanted to be a generic fantasy dwarf. The fallout from this event, I imagine, can still be felt to this day. I don't really see DCSS threads anywhere anymore, and they're not nearly as populated when I do. The website is still active, so I can only assume the core fanbase remains, mostly. I wouldn't know, I don't play it anymore. I wanted to be a dwarf.

This sort've segues into my next point; Dwarf Fortress hasn't really had this problem. I suspect because it focuses more on the macro simulation elements then the micro, and also because it's been in "early dev" for basically its entire life. Sure, you get some old hands that grumble about 2D dwarf fortress vs 3D dwarf fortress, but it's pretty uncommon these days.And Dwarf Fortress was probably the source of the previous problem and arguably, in a roundabout way, the one before that. DF was, I suspect, the entry point to ascii roguelikes and ascii roguelike adjacents for a lot of people I think. A lot of people were interested in base building and mining and logistics and not really interested in engaging with the video game equivelent of an extremely ugly person that will slap your hands with a ruler if you don't do a laundry list of mundane tasks in the exact way that they say. As a result a lot of people that got into ASCII roguelikes around that time period were really into dwarves, because they fucking Loved dwarf fortress. As a result a lot of the dwarf fortress migrants to DCSS were very upset when the dwarves were removed, and there were a lot of them. A lot more then anyone expected, I suspect. Similarly,dwarf fortress was the source of a lot of the more simulation flavor ASCII games, in fact I'm pretty sure C:DDA had its start on the Bay12forums. If it didn't it was certainly bolstered by the Bay12 forums A Lot, where it would eventually float up into the more mainstream cool kid forums, gain a small fanbase there, where it would eventually spread out through the rest of the internet. Where the more traditional roguelike players started playing it early in development. Which is where we came in, ultimately.

I'm not gonna claim to know A Solution for this; I think anything that comes down to an individual's opinion is naturally going to be very difficult to resolve in general. But after a bit of thinking that's where I got.

I did go back to C:DDA, incidentally, after I cooled down and tried again with a more daring start; a venom mob protege (pseudo magical martial arts) that started in a city rather then in a shelter; more access to raw materials, more zombies, more combat oriented. Most of those starts got gimped right away because I was surrounded by zombies, some of them died to me being unfamiliar with the game after so long, and I ultimately bailed. Though that's not to insult the game, obviously, I think I've just drifted away from it. Also I'm coming to hate tap combat. Hitting an arrow 30 times to kill one enemy is something I've steadily lost tolerance for. A problem that dwarf fortress Also does not have, even in adventure mode, I note.

Just sayin.

#bats writes #and there's the writing I did over my little break

[tacetnix]

The New Year (OOC)

>// What was 2023? In retrospect, in hindsight, it's a year of frustrations. It's a year of being kicked to the curb and being hung out to dry, and at the same time it's a year that's been... reconfirming?

I started the year learning that my IT team was being deleted. That we had two weeks before we were going to be moving to the BioMed project. Up until May, I was doing thankless, menial work scraping medical-grade stickers with a razor, and applying new, shittier labels instead. They wanted us to do more and more, and somehow nothing we did was good enough.

Come my birthday, we were put on extended leave, given one or two days' worth of work with weeks of nothing in-between... and come the end of May, we're told that we were retroactively let go.

I can't express how much I have to thank the friends who helped me get through those few months of rough waters as I tried to scramble and find something new for work.

It just sucks that the only job that took me was working at an industrial paint facility, right next to unrepentant felons who got fired left, right and center for HR violations, sex-on-the-job, and threatened violence against their coworkers. Working in 100°F (~37.78°C) internal temperatures next to a 400°F furnace? Not great. Their attendance policy was draconian, and if I missed four days (even with doctor's notes), I'd be terminated on the spot. I was there for over a month, and thankfully I managed to get some interview for other IT work in the meantime. I was able to leave on good terms with the company, and started work again in another hospital.

Which has been a delight (to be back in the field) with its stresses (being verbally abused by a boss and pushed by higher ups to achieve impossible metrics). Overall, super happy to be back!! It's not perfect, but it's helped me realize I do actually want to stay in this field.

Sometime along the year though, I fell out of love with the main hyperfixation I'd been carrying since 2019: Lancer RPG. I came to realize that the community, the developers, the people they trust to champion it... will never live up to the promises that the game set out for. That at its core, it's a fundamentally flawed game that no amount of hacking or patching will fix. And for a huge amount of the year... that left me in a rut.

And that.. brings me to now.

This is a massive laundry list of shit that's gone wrong this year. But I'm happy. My wife is doing better than she ever has, I was prescribed adderall and it's helped me get things done reliably. It's the first year that I've spent since college that visiting my parents went well, and no (real) fights or personal slights happened... and we actually spent Christmas with them for the first time since... 2018, I think?

I'm devving my own game now, I've learned a ton more programming, and I'm self-teaching myself some app development! All the while I've been hungrily consuming new interests, and feel pretty positive about how everything can go from here!

The pros... don't outweigh the cons, but I'm choosing to look for the future with a smile on my face. I have my ideas of where I'd like to be, and for anything awry with my work... my work-life balance is better than it was when I drove a school bus.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to write more with you all in the coming months... and I also hope that come March, I'll still have a job that I'm working, so I'm not going nuts with stress again!

Sorry to just splurge all over the dash; if you've read this far, I hope you're doing well! Let me know what piece of wisdom you picked up in 2023! Mine is: "Be adamant that you aren't going to do overtime. Never give them an inch, because they'll drag you for a mile."

#This Thing Has Different Colors?? | OOC #// Long Post

[starsfreckled]

lil rant in coming . kinda prompted by the event . talking about gender & the fandom & ..basically a big ramble.

the story message is so darn cute. i love that amaya can tell young people that a form of love is self love & being true to oneself & your preferences. because amaya wasn't always out as NB. in 'my verse / my none tumblr wol verse / twt verse??' they came out during shb.

cause not all queer stories start with a teen figuring this out. some people are older. but people constantly shame older queer for coming out late... personally I wanted amaya's story to be one where, when they learn to forgive themself, to be themself, they also truly stand to themself. & for them, that journey takes up to shb. that journey takes them until they are 30. ( I am a not fully out yet NB person myself & I may never really come out irl because of how german works as a language & wanting to avoid troubles ).

& dunno. the fandom sometimes does not make it easy. like i know i started writing amaya as a woman but ya know. self discovery yadda yadda. I do write amaya as sb who has been living as NB since their younger years bcs I do not trust people to be able to realize why amaya may use she/her pre-shb & then they/them.

but the amount of times ppl go "well you know amaya is still kinda a she" why. cause they have a bigger chest? cause sometimes they wear a dress? cause they do not fit a stereotype of how all NB people must be androgynous? I am sorry they do not fit into this media & fandom pushed idea of how NB people must be. People really want NB people to be like a third gender when this is exactly what we are not. Legit some people still misgender amaya in asks or while talking to me. same with aze.m/asthelios.

& also ofc the eternal dispute of "amaya appears straight" cause some of their ship are with men. sorry to say, but part of it is.... if we talk about xiv canon women, as much as i love them - they all tend to fall under a same-ish archertype. we have way more diverse masc presenting characters where it is clear the devs put more love & care into them.

moen & ysayl.e were killed off for no good reason. shtola never got the same kinda development the male scions got ( nah imma say it, if shtola had been a guy the whole lifestream thing & aether sight would have had its own arc. alas it is 'haha funny we nearly saw her naked'). the moment the devs remembered minf.ilia is a really interesting character they got so scared they yeeted her off for over an expac only to have her be dead once we reunite. yotsu.yu died too. i really like zero but i am trying so hard to not be too attached bcs the game slapped she/her on 'em so all i see is a deathflag.

i am sorry then that people feel more inclined to ship their characters with the guys then. the saving grace in all of this are the rper here tbh who grab these characters & give them so much more life ( just as an example, @astherea 's shtola is just brilliant )

just no. amaya is not a straight cis woman. amaya is a deeply queer character & just 'cause they do not follow certain expectations does not mean people got the right to insist they are not queer. & I think part of it is the fandoms general stance towards femme writers & femme ocs. people see a chest & go "oh woman. probs only want to ship" when that just ain't the case... &...like. even if. why do people act like they are personally attacked by that???

i don't have a real conclusion tbh i dunno why the event made me think of all that but it just kinda got me to ramble about this even tho this is 80% incoherent screeching at nothing.

#❝ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ˢʰᵘᵗ ᵘᵖ ! ❞╱ ooc post . #rant cw #irrelevant cw

[strobarium]

big on introspective, ambient downtempo? come with me...

"History" from Sonic Mega Collection (& Plus)

... FUCK. FUUUUUCKING HELL.

i don't remember the exact year i got introduced to Sonic Mega Collection Plus (the PS2 version, since that's the console that only dominated my kid years) but it was a constant force of good in my early years. being able to play that many sonic games just freely (on top of other games that werent sonic games but were by the same devs) was so fucking nice. but the menu shit was just. something else to me-they put so much care and effort into the presentation of games!!! like the journey TO playing was even a nice comfy ride! so CASH. i miss THIS sega so much. what an era. damn.

many a memory playing this shit or watching it get played either in my shared bedroom w/ my older brother or in the upstairs living room w/ mom and/or grandma watching (this sonic shit ran in the family pmuch LOL my parents n grandma got into em before we did). one of my fondest memories regarding it was my i think, longest-running active friend lyko/khaliq seeing my i think oldest sibling playing S3&K (one of the greatest. games of all time by the way) and beating it. bro saw the ending cutscene and was Flabbergasted w how cool it was, already riding off the high (that i was also riding off of) watching Doomsday Zone get played. SUPER, FUCKING HYPE. LOL. amazing shit. the collection is worth it for it having That Alone but also THERES SO MUCH COOL SHIT ON IT!

YEAH!!! ... i'm glad i can listen to this normally again.

this was one of many songs i just couldn't put on and sit through after the 2013 event happened and my life got fucked into a hole. it was exhausting and would just leave me really depressed. things are at least different now, over 10 years later, i can enjoy this n sorta feel like a kid again healthily, i guess. its nice.

reminds me of something

.

so one thing abt the PS2s we did have (there were two, two slim models), shit was just Faulty after long enough. one basically picked and choosed games it wanted to run (that or the CDs were fucked up or...idk) and the other you had to like. induce pressure on the disk drive part to get games to run properly?... it was weird.

WELL, SOMEHOW, through basic i guess DIY shit or whatever, at one point (post-2013 event) i got the fucking console working! AND I GOT SONIC MEGA COLLECTION PLUS WORKING TOO! blast from the ...actually not at all distant PAST! it was cool being in the menu again hearing the music and goin around and looking at all the extras and stuff. seeing sonic n his friends just always makes me happy.

I BOOTED UP S3&K FOR OLD TIMES SAKE CAUSE OF COURSE I DID! HYDROCITY ZONE!!! ONE OF MY FAV VIDEO GAME SONGS EVER i was having SO Much.... fun...

slow, burn. realization. i was alone.

reliving hella cool shit but it was just me. older brother was off doing whatever the hell (not like i wanted to summon him anyway he was kind of fucking just...idk), and oldest sibling was just kind of, across the fucking country so i couldnt hit them up either. the finite nature of what i considered the most joyous period of my life i wasnt prepared to interface with and it just fucking, stabbed me so gradually i didnt even notice the pain onset somehow until it was too late. fuck. regardless of me doing what i did, that part of my life was still over. trying to recapture the magic just made me ever more aware that i had lost it, i guess. it was tough.

i, shut the game off, silently, go downstairs to my moms room and just, talk to her a little about how i. got it working. i just, lay on her bed next to her and i just. i start crying. for a while. not loud sobbing just. idk. quiet weeping. idk.

...

things are different now, is what matters. lot i've recovered from, but i do still miss playing it with my siblings. shrug. life goes on i guess.

~ E.K.S.G.

#come with me (cc) #song recommendation #music #downtempo #video game music #ambient