#i don't? i dont

[mrtequilasunset]

Listen man, you guys can't be like "you guys need to be normal about asexuality" and then turn around and get weirdly judgemental when you find out someone doesn't have sex by choice. Like that's weird that some of you do that.

#like I love sex im glad we're hyping it up #but also genuinely some of you have got to learn how to be normal around people who dont want to have sex #even if you're not talking about asexuality when you say stuff like that you're still being a weirdass #im not ace myself but i keep seeing posts that come across like they're taking it personally that other people don't want to have sex #it sounds like theyre trying to prove something to someone

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[heedra]

talking to preschoolers is awesome bc they have not fully differentiated stories into 'true stories' and 'imaginary stories' yet so you will tell them about something that happened you once (coyote came out of a bush right in front of you and got startled) and they will tell you about how one time their house was full of coyotes in every room 'including five in the garage' and they're not even like, aware i think of the idea that they are technically 'lying'. they are simply telling stories about coyotes bc its time to tell stories about coyotes.

#like ppl will be like 'kids love to lie' but i think whats going on is the human inclination to storytell. which is pointedly different imo #and like to be clear im not saying they dont know there weren't actually coyotes in their house #its just that like. they don't know why it would matter

[fairycosmos]

i ❤️ doing nothing i ❤️ staring into the middle distance i ❤️ sitting and laying around i ❤️ not talking

#its genuinely what i will spend most of my life doing . i don't care #i don't care if i dont have a life

[littlelonelytree]

"Just because you see I smile...

... don't think you know what's going on underneath."

#hazbin hotel #alastor #radio demon #charlie morningstar #i don't feel like feeling anymore today your honor #i dont need slEEP I NEED ANSWERS

[ot3]

i can't believe that we're doing 'i use bro/dude in a gender neutral way' discourse in 2024 because even without the blatant transmisogyny of being unwilling to make incredibly minor linguistic concessions for the sake of not casually misgendering trans women, 'dont call people things that will upset them' is a concept literal kindergartners are capable of grasping. if someone says 'don't use these words to refer to me, i don't like it' and your response is anything but 'sorry, i won't do it again' then the kindest possible interpretation of your behavior is that you are a huge asshole that nobody should want to hang out with.

#'i call everyone dude/bro/man its equality' is just the transmisogynistic version of 'i dont see race' #like yeah i also call everyone those things. unless they say they don't want me to. and then i won't do it. huge!

[bioethicists]

this is going to sound simplistic + i promise you it's not: stop following people whose entire schtick is being cruel or fighting with others online. even if the ppl deserve it! even if it's not a ~problematic~ cruelty! even if you agree with all of that blog's opinions!

it's one thing if someone snaps back when provoked or posts the occasional "get a load of this guy". nobody needs to play up respectability for people who haven't given them respect in return. but if someone's online identity centers around being needlessly mean for laughs + they're constantly seeking out socially acceptable, easy targets for petty cruelty, that's a red flag. there's a huge difference between not taking shit/cracking a joke + mocking others as your several-hours-a-day hobby.

especially if, when they are inevitably in the wrong + mocking someone mercilessly to their 50k followers over something petty goes south (shocking!), they become extremely defensive or block everyone or play the victim or dismiss it as "well, how was i supposed to know they were autistic? i'm autistic + i don't meow in public" or whatever.

this isn't a "well i knew all along" post bcuz nobody should be shamed for being in the dark about something like this but many of the popular bloggers who have later been exposed for serious harassment or abuse should not have shocked us. if someone's blog is 90% shit like "you should light yourself on fire because you watch x anime" or "look at this so-called lesbian bitch + her ugly fucking boyfriend at a kink convention- it's giving drowned rats", should it really shock you that they are also being cruel or abusive in less internet-acceptable ways? if they've already shown you that they get a such a thrill out of being vicious that they do it daily + are regularly rewarded with thousands of followers?

#it's so bad on other social media platforms too #like the number of tiktokkers whose fame is just being MEAN but in a funny way #towards ppl who have done nothing to deserve it but also are not like. oppressed groups #half the time it's ppl who i also personally dislike or dont relate to but don't deserve like. repeated violent harassment #like sure i also dislike marvel movies but it's far more embarassing to run a blog dedicated to mocking + suicide baiting random marvel fan

[poolboyservice]

"terfs like trans men!" "trans men don't have to worry about terfs!"

Oh I'm sorry wasn't there a big thing throughout 2020-2022 where everyone was all like "little girls are mutilating their bodies!", "what happened to our lesbians!?", "scared women are pretending to be men.", and so on? Wasn't there a literal book that talked about trans men, talking about them as if they were innocent girls who were lied to and thus were destroying themselves because of it, saying how we needed to 'save them from the hypnotization!"? Weren't there numerous bloggers/youtubers who made commentary videos in reaction to Elliot Page coming out, and proceeded to rant and rave how we are losing such beautiful women and lesbians to the "transgender agena"? What about the time where it was trending to fakeclaim trans people, whom most of the targets of this were trans men? How about when people called trans men 'dykes' because "well they're not actual men, they're just confused lesbians!"?

Do I need to add more, or do you guys understand?

#if you genuinely think trans men are better off or that they aren't even oppressed I want you off my page #trans men can and DO experience transphobia and I'm so tired of people saying they don't #dont get me started on the erasure of just about everything I told you in this post #transphobia #transandrophobia #trans men #trans #franky posts

[buggachat]

do you ever think about how Chat Noir and Argos are (essentially) identical fucking twins. like two of the miraculous wielders are (kind of) IDENTICAL TWINS and NOBODY would ever guess it. just look at them. nobody would connect them. what

these two used to play as kids pretending to be each other to fool their parents. and also still do it to this day. what

#someone: wow you two look so much alike #chat noir (protecting his identity): i dont see it #argos (literally just has no idea): i don't see it #everybody else: yeah i dont see it either

[inkskinned]

the problem is that being single is seen as the consolidation prize, and not the natural neutral state of being-a-person. at the end of the movie or the book or the poetry, there is a person waiting for you at the altar, and they love you. if the play is a comedy, everyone gets married. the metaphor is about how you are not-whole. the metaphor is about how everyone is going to be happily-ever-after. the metaphor is that romantic love is the most important resource on the planet, not just all-love. all-love is not a thing, that is a disappointment. the treasure is not the friends we made along the way. the treasure is the girl you landed.

the metaphor is that you cannot be alone, that means you are broken. are you getting over someone? that is acceptable, you can be getting over someone, but not for long. you must be single because you would rather not be single. you must be single and looking to not-be-single. you must want to date, eventually.

friendship and community are never seen as being equal-to or even-better than romantic connection. that person is your one! you need to find them. you need to hunt through the sand particles until you can shift out some kind of gem. this is regardless to your own experience of the beach and the sun. you need to be somewhere with someone.

if you are taking this time alone to heal, that is so sad. everyone gives you this little pitying look. the understanding is that you are not actually happier than you were before you were single. it is seen as a sort of pity - oh, you are choosing yourself, making yourself the priority? - that isn't quite right. you must mean that you are making yourself ready for the right person. you are just laying the bed better this time. open up your heart. you'll find them, we promise!

what do you mean you're really-truly genuinely-very happy? you are probably misremembering what it was like to be in a relationship. and besides, once you meet your person, that time will look grey and bland and wasted. your person is the only way for you to see in color. so what if you have taken this time - for the first time in your entire life - to actually-for-real do the fucking work. you can be proud of yourself, sure. but the way we need to know that you got better is that you get a partner. you're healed enough for the next bad part!

people don't choose to be single, they just say they're choosing to be single - they actually mean "nobody wants to date me." it doesn't matter how many people you have gently rejected or how many times you've talked it over carefully in therapy. what matters is that you are single, and by all accounts - that means you are something worth our pity. your successes and life all seem pale in the sunlight. sure, you have done amazing things and finally found your way in life. what matters is that there wasn't a person in the room with you while you did it.

you want to tell them - that's the whole thing. i didn't know how to be alone in the room. i didn't know how to handle the silence. every moment was so sharp, and i kept choosing the wrong way to close the door. i have spent my entire life in the empty well, living in the ricochet of someone else's cruelty. for once i have built myself a ladder. for once everything i taste is all mine, every bite of sunshine and laughter. i have learned how to sleep out in the open with my memories. recently, they have started to purr.

your father rolls his eyes. listen. this isn't about you. i just want a grandchild in my future.

#writeblr #i actually didn't want a girlfriend before nat #and my dad recently said to me - raquel. i don't approve of the promiscuity #1. i am 30. #2. i had casually dated about 4 people over 18 months. #3. i do believe he was just mad that i get more girls than he ever did #i had to look this 60 yr old deacon in the eye and say. okay so i have a girlfriend first of all im just not tellin yall about her #and secondly. #OKAY???? OLD MAN I DONT EVEN LIVE HERE WHAT ARE U GONNA DO ABOUT IT #briefly considered asking nat if i could pretend we were a one night stand kind of a thing

[nexus-nebulae]

shoutout to people who don't have a "before" the trauma.

shoutout to people who don't have any sweet or nostalgic childhood memories. to people who don't remember enough of their childhood to know what the before was like. to people who lost their innocence before they ever learned the word for it. to people whose pasts were too painful to keep around in any form. to people who only knew trauma, and don't have an idea of what life would be like without it. to people who can't long for "the better days" because there weren't any.

you deserve a good future. i hope it's there for you soon.

#trauma #ptsd #childhood trauma #sorry just. feeling shitty about not having a past anymore #and please i'm so tired please for the love of god don't tag this with self deprecating shit like 'but i dont deserve anything' #you're only feeding into your mental health getting worse and you're using other peoples attempted positivity to do it #its just mean to both you and the op

[queermasculine]

I identify as butch but have lots of soft plushies in my bed... do you think I ought to remove them before I invite someone over for hookups? never see any butches with plushies tbh so a bit selfconscious

don't be self-conscious dude. hoarding plushies is a masculine trait. your ancient shepherd instinct. if i came over and saw a butch had a bunch of plushies i wouldn't be like Ew i'd be like Bro, your deep intrinsic drive to protect and shelter other creatures is being channelled into collecting all these little yarn animals and tiny cloth people? kiss me

#no but for real don't worry about the plushies it's fine #i have One and i think i'd take him off the bed for the duration (because he's a little creeper) but i dont think its a big deal either way #mail

[fernsnailz]

for some reason i spent my weekend drawing the sonic cast playing basketball

#i'll be real with you. i don't know anything about basketball #(sonic voice) fuck it we ball fuck it we ball fuck it we ball #fern's sketchbook #sth #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #tails the fox #e 123 omega #silver the hedgehog #uhm. i dont want to tag all these characters sorriess #🦔🦇🤖

[lsbn]

I'M FAT, SO WHAT? by Venus Ashu

#venus ashu #mirth magazine #edit: tumblr added a mature content label to this... don't love that #(the link takes you to venus' insta! check it out!) #i dont see many fat ppl posted on here esp in the photography + fashion + beauty areas soo i want to add some :-) #fashion #photography #beauty #fat fashion #fat beauty #fat photography #(h) post

[owlpellet]

doctors are so fucking funny; if you go in like "based on my extensive research and corroborations i think i have this Disease" they will immediately go on the defensive and ask you demeaning shit like "how do you even know this Disease exists?" but if you go in and play stupid and say "gee whiz i'm just a silly little bimbo who doesn't know a thing but i have symptom, symptom, symptom, and symptom" they will very eagerly be like "oh wow, that sounds like Disease!"

#true story btw my old doc asked me how i even knew about EDS #idk dude maybe having Symptoms and an internet connection and a few friends with it who keep saying #'dude i think you have EDS' #like okay even if i dont i obviously have SOME connective tissue disorder #if you dont think it's that don't just put me down

[driftbit]

"What will you do without new shows" I haven't watched a mainstream television show as it released in years. I'm catching up on shows my parents liked in the 90s. I'm listening to fiction podcasts with 5 fans. I'm playing a video game the creators want you to pirate. I'm watching a minecraft roleplay. I may not know what I'm gonna do but I'm sure as hell not gonna be a fuckin scab babygirl.

#wga strike #sag aftra #sag aftra strike #podcasts #don't be a scab #drift speaks #I know it's more complicated than this and I am sympathetic toward folks who dont consume media in the manner I do #this is half for the internet funnies #also the media implied is west wing/mash; disco elysium #all minecraft roleplays and like every fiction podcast ever but especially #wolf 359 #listen to wolf 359