#i feel so hopeless right now

[tatoasting]

Ugh. Not feeling great about things. Considering leaving Texas as soon as possible lol but I can never escape myself

#maybe I dont like weed. maybe its such a fucking bitch that wants me to feel bad all the time #anyway cried in front of the mushroom and they just straight up didnt care lol haha fuck #I feel so hopeless right now

[lazylittledragon]

do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great

i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually

#ramble #yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am #and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. #drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks #i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me #one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know #i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary #some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier #and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless #signs that i should go to bed ^^^^ #i will resume my pity party tomorrow

[toasteaa]

Something something you stop by Neuvillette's office to bring him something and have a quick visit and the second you leave, a sun shower starts up.

Slowly at first, as if the sky itself is hesitant to let the rain fall before it opens up completely. Rain lines the streets with gold and clings to fresh flowers sitting in open stalls. A few citizens seek shelter under awnings and cafe umbrellas; one couple braves the rain and laughs on their stroll.

This rain is warm. Welcoming. Unlike the cold, unforgiving rain that follows an evening trial.

It's an embrace; a realization and a confession rolled up in one, heavy, cloudless rain.

One that you just haven't figured out yet.

#toast talks #genshin impacted #sorry everyone I had the vision of Neuvillette falling in love/realizing hes falling in love and it just starts raining #not because he's said but because it's such an intense emotion that he's rarely ever felt that it just starts raining #it's nothing compared to when he first started recognizing this feeling as love. THAT was a downpour. #It was so bad in fact that Furina literally came to check on why he was so upset and he was like #'Lady Furina I believe I may be 'in love'' #and Furina is like...'but why is it raining tho?? Are you okay???' #He's not okay. He's old he's exhausted and he's falling in love. There's a LOT on his mind right now!!! #Thinking anout that teapot line again. About how loving and being loved in return is something that he felt so strongly about. #Picking up lovesick and hopeless romantic Neuvillette in my arms and smooching him rn #okay visibilty tag time: #x reader #genshin x reader #neuvillette x reader #neuvillette x you #This is so Eclairette coded but idc y'all be indulgent with me before I explode

[ghosts-cyphera]

we love you so much angel! & we are proud of you. please don’t be too hard on yourself. 🩷

love you the most-most 💗 )-:

#tw suicide #tw depression #I’m deleting my original tags again I’m sorry #I don’t want to make you all feel worse #in short: depression relapse. I have an appointment with my gp tomorrow morning (in six hours). I’ll be alright I’m sure #I just feel really hopeless right now and staying positive feels really hard #I also self-isolate a lot when I’m down so if you don’t see me around for a while please know that I’m okay. #just recovering and hopefully getting the help I know I need #I love you all so very much #cw depression #cw suicide #lo answers

[lambpaca]

I know this is selfish of me to say, so im not gonna tag it, and im gonna censor, but god. Its getting harder and harder to feel hopeful about pale//stine. I feel guilty looking away, but i can only donate so much, and i need to be conscious of what i share. How does something so evil just get to happen? I know the stupid fucking political/economic answer. How are we supposed to save anyone when theres no limit to dead children? Who do i vote for? Who wont make things worse? Does anybody besides nameless people on the Internet care? Other victims are speaking out and doing their job, but since when did powerful nations care about what they had to say?

#this is cruel #i feel hopeless right now #but i have the freedome to look away #when others suffering dont have a choice #so i have to keep watching and speaking out and donating #its getting to me.

[august--and-everything-after]

I'd like to crowd source some information if possible.

#depression #tw depression #antidepressants #tw antidepressants #my mum is convinced that with the right drug and the right dosage that my depression will be all but cured #based on her experience with her good friend and also my grandma #i dont have enough info in either of their cases to make my own judgement but I'm skeptical #ive tried so many kinds of drugs by now and i could write an essay on the pros and cons of them all #i really need to see a mood specialist but theyre near impossible to find #this feels pretty hopeless tbh #august talking

[nabaath-areng]

Fuck Sweden as a nation for turning the woobification of our history and culture into one of our greatest exports, pretending to be wholesome and peaceful while profiting from conflicts elsewhere. For never having the fucking spine to take any stance ever and acting high and mighty for being "neutral", all while frothing at the mouth to get a piece of that colonial cake from the cool kids table where the superpowers are seated. For recognizing Palestine's sovereignty only to then consider a withdrawal of said recognition in response to the current genocide. For allowing islamophobia to get to the point it is now and then pointing fingers at jews as a whole. For giving less of a flying fuck about swedish jews during WW2 and until now, yet patting ourselves on the back and taking credit for heroic deeds done primarily by individuals.

I wish nothing but absolute hell and misery for Ulf Kristersson, who is even more spineless about his inaction than I thought possible. Who had nothing to say about the burnings of the torah and quran, only to claim that he stands for fighting antisemitism. Who puffed up his chest and was acting so tough about the things he would do once he became prime minister, only to hold up on none of his lofty promises in true conservative fashion. Both he and his lackeys (as well as their fanclubs of raging screaming bigots) deserve nothing but hurt and hell for continuing to destroy the lives of all marginalized groups in Sweden, all while shamelessly increasing their own salaries blatantly in the open, to then have the sheer and utter gut to declare that actively supporting genocide is within our best interests.

This country's audacity is one that only became possible because we sacrificed our neighbours safety for the sake of maintaining our own, because when your most recent war was in 1809 it's apparently not possible to even try and comprehend the horrors of modern warfare. That is, besides producing the tools for it to happen elsewhere.

#the complete disdain for compassion and humanity is abhorrent #not to mention incomprehensable #im sorry im all over the place bedridden cause bad pain day which makes me even more angry #because i want to strangle everyone in riksdagen with my bare hands #and like im sorry not to be a state hater or anything (sike) but how #and i mean HOW. can one claim that we know democracy #when the people who supposedly represent the rest of us #can just go ahead and do these types of things willy nilly as they please #how can we claim to have free will when the burdens of having to earn the right to life #by working to death and being left to die if we cant adapt to the system #and being actively drained too dry to dare take risks standing up #how can that ever be freedom? #seeing everything coming out of gaza in video audio images all of it #and feeling hopeless? powerless to do anything? #how is that NOT suppression? to break people down to the point they cant find the spirit to fight? #to cast other regular people as villains so that all energy is spent falling into bigotry? #social media is hell but its also one of our greatest tools now #its like being able to zoom out and see the greater overview of the stranglehold capitalism and colonialism has on the world #im not coherent at all and my thumbs are dying now i just #but sooner or later somethings gotta give re: the way our society is built as a whole globally

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

Alistair: So I'm not going with you, I see. Any particular reason? Tabris: I'm not going to risk you getting hurt, Alistair. Alistair: And you think I want you going in there and sacrificing yourself? You think I want you to die!? But there's no use arguing with you, is there? We don't have time... and you are a stubborn, stubborn woman. Tabris: You would do something foolish. Alistair: Maybe… I guess we'll never know now, will we? I guess this is the last chance we'll get… before this is finished, one way or another. Be careful in there. Tabris: I love you, Alistair. Alistair:

Guess who made the ultimate sacrifice...?

Me. It was me.

I made the ultimate sacrifice.

The achievement wasn't worth it.

#dragon age #dragon age origins #dao #alistair theirin #dao alistair #warden tabris #i'm genuinely so heart broken #i just wanted to see what ending you get when you reject morrigan's ritual since i have very strong opinions on it as i've discussed before #and it's more in character for my tabris to reject it anyway so this was the first time i did it and just...... i am hurt #like... it's such a hopeless 'what was even the point? she didn't deserve this' feeling y'know? she didn't deserve this! #and neither did alistair... he already holds so much guilt over duncan and cailan making him stay out of battle in ostagar #and then rose makes him stay behind so she can face the archdemon and die ALONE... while also robbing him of the chance to stand beside her #the way i play dao is alistair is forever in my party like i literally take him *everywhere* he is with rose the entire journey #they are partners in this forever and always and they planned to face the archdemon together but that changed with riordan's news... #and this is the first time since they met in ostagar that he hasn't been in her party and i didn't expect it to hurt so much... #plus i keep alistair a warden so he's left alone in the aftermath of a blight that took everything from him #and i know the end card was retconned but it says that he was so hurt over the warden's death #that he said it wasn't the same anymore and he fucking *left* the order and fereldan and his whereabouts are unknown after he made #a small monument for duncan in his birthplace like.... again i know that was retconned since he obviously didn't leave the wardens but OOF #oh and don't even get me started on morrigan and how she responds to being rejected like i'm chewing on all my furniture right now #there is so much to dissect in that conversation and i'm too emotionally drained to handle it right now...

[chaseprice]

,

#feels very strange that this is potentially the saddest and strangest i've felt coming up to a New Years #it almost feels worse and more isolating for this year to have been the first year for me to try professional mental health services #like at least when i was depressed and not eating and self harming when i was at university: i wasn't trying to get any professional help #like - as if Not seeking professional help is like a 'well; yeah; of course you felt bad' #and now i'm older and i do actually seek help and the start of that seeking of help was not due to acute depression #it's almost like #more pathetic that i feel the way i do right now #it's not the same kind of self hating furious at the world furious at my family self-esteem in the gutter type depression i had back then #i don't even know how to articulate what i'm feeling right now #it just feels more hopeless #i feel too old for this. i feel like i should be better by now and i feel like i should have more of a purpose and not fail so much #i'm on my second therapist due to circumstances outside of my control and ... it's genuinely making me feel like i should never #talk to anyone again

[killmymind]

i don’t think i’ve ever felt this lost in my life. tbh

#feeling sad? sure. hopeless? been there done that. anxious as hell? at least once a week. but lost? no. not really #and that’s really fucking scary because i’m not familiar with it and i just don’t know how to deal with it #i can’t stop thinking that i’m running out of time because i’m 25 and i don’t think i can afford feeling this way #taking a break from uni sounds good in theory but in reality? again. i’m 25. i need to at least achieve one thing in my life holy shit #it’s SO hard to see the good even when it’s right in front of me or someone points it out. like having a job or studying or getting to #travel or even just having friends ARE achievements but i always want More More and More i am addicted to wanting more cause it feels like #nothing i do is ever enough. and now i’m adding feeling lost because i’m finally acknowledging the fact that i don’t know what i want to do #with what i’m studying or how to get a different job in the future when i almost have no experience and everything is just so frustrating #because i simply don’t fucking know. i just don’t. i can’t afford not knowing!! everything is so messy rn you would think i’d be thriving #after seeing louis and meeting aria and traveling to germany and i am genuinely so happy those things happened but fuck man there is always #the Bigger Thing taking over and it makes me feel like an ungrateful brat i just don’t fucking know man. maybe i am an ungrateful brat #but it’s just so hard to be happy when you’re feeling so lost with everything in your life and yourself #anyway i just. needed to let that out #negative #effie talks to the moon

[aeide-thea]

something something on the one hand a lot of my alienation is correct or at least reasonable but on the other hand if i don’t try to have more (unfounded) hope that people COULD be good to connect with and COULD see me the way i want to be seen and whatnot, then i’m just building up a wall of jaded bitterness around myself and might as well be dead already (which is how i feel and how part of me wishes i were but, you know, not really, it’s just that my ““life”” as it is is empty and thankless and hopeless and i try to keep up the side but.)

#like i don’t even *want* a Relationship at this point but very arguably that’s a symptom #like i just feel a like. deep disdain and disinterest at the thought of connecting with people these daya #*days #but really it’s like. i started out *so* sensitive and ready to be delighted‚ like a little sunflower #and now i’m just like. calloused over with hopeless misery and like. i’m not wrong to disdain a lot of the institutions i do #or at least‚ some degree of skepticism is justified #but at the same time. what do we have but flawed humanity. for worse or for better that’s what there is. #anyway i’m just upset right now bc i feel alone and i feel like it’s making me a dick #but like. mounting a fake performance of affability would be differently bad for me so. #this too will pass but. hard little knot of miseryshameresentment&c. #feelingsblogging

[the-kipsabian]

.

#i had a hangman/swerve fic started that i actually didnt hate but im not gonna finish it for tonight and posting it after makes no sense so #sweeping all that under a rug i guess #cause fuck me trying to do anything anymore #i was pretty happy with the progress too but. its just not happening #i just cant make anything. i cant and trying is not worth it #and i hate fucking saying that cause i know in like two days im gonna go back on that word and start making something again #cause making anything is the only way i feel alive anymore. but then the loop starts all over again and i cant ultimately break it #i dont know what im supposed to do about this. or what i can do. probably fucking nothing cause lbr i just fucking suck and its hopeless #whatever. sorry im just being a bitch once again. im resisting so hard of just deleting everything right now #instead im gonna go be fucking useless and waste time playing video games. cause thats a better use of my time i guess #i fucking guess #night is an absolute mess on main

[welcometoteyvat]

Liyue has many stories about spirits and adepti, from bloodthirsty ancient evils, to benevolent yet reclusive auspicious beasts, to mostly harmless spirits of the land and water. Of the first, most have been subdued long before ­modern times, quelled by Yanwang Dijun and the adepti. When occasional surges of energy or ley li­ne activity reawaken their remnants, they are either dealt with by the seniors of Chongyun’s clan, who typically take the more dangerous commissions they receive, or by the Conqueror of Demons himself. Of the second—some have faded into obscurity, and others have eventually integrated into the rhythm of the mortal world, becoming part and parcel of Liyue’s prosperity. And as for the last group, they are the ones that appear most often in Chongyun’s Field Guide to Demons and Beasts. They are also… the easiest group to write entries for. Spirits of this kind are numerous, often unnamed, and—the appearance of new species is less easily disproven, if, say, one is forced to document imaginary demons because of their inability to encounter real ones.

Chongyun sighs.

a snippet from god knows where. this was supposed to be the start of a xiaoyun fic but it just turned into liyue worldbuilding exposition and i forgot how i was supposed to continue it, but i still like the way i wrote it, so here it is

#well i do know how i was supposed to continue but right now it feels totally hopeless to try anything at all so another time #maybe i'll have more motivation and not be so down in the dumps later #if you couldn't tell i fucking love descriptions and this is my number one most important writing trait #teyvat thoughts #genshin impact #chongyun #tangentially really but whatever

[shanedoesdoodles]

... shit

im starting to think there may have been an unforseen timelimit to safely come out to my parents, and i think that it may be long expired by now

#I. Do not have the energy to fullt explain at the moment #Short version: I have made a realization that my step-dad recent right-leaning behavior and jokes was not part of his weird since of humor #and now I feel very. Uncomfortable in his presence #And a bit scared since I've seen where this rhetoric can lead ( such as with my bio dad) #And. Saddened. If that's the right word #I don't think I'm ever going to be able to safely come out to them anymore #I've already had a sinking feeling about not being safe anywhere due to my identity #And now that feeling has expanded to my own house #It just. All feels a bit hopeless at the moment. And almost unreal. So many things do #Vent

[13eyond13]

Sometimes I still think about how sweet it was when that anon checked on me last year when I was posting overly dark jokes. Thank you whoever you were, that was kind

#i am so much better now but last year was a bad one for me #there was a time in the fall where i literally couldn't get out of bed just because it felt pointless #anyway my mom also forced me to make a doctors appointment and luckily my doctor is super kind and got me on a good medication #but it also was just from stuff like losing my job struggling in school and going through the hurricane etc #im just so glad that i was pushed through that by concerned folks because im enjoying life much better now and that wasnt that long ago #anyway if you're struggling badly right now pls know its not hopeless #reach out for the help youre given and try to see yourself as worth it to fight for #take it little steps at a time #celebrate the small victories like having a shower or taking a walk or answering a call #the best thing for me other than the doctor was just finding ways to be around other people more #instead of feeling defeated i had to think of ways i could fix the loneliness that was affecting me so much #i had to get proactive like i started volunteering and started a book club etc #also i just made myself be very honest with the friends i already had about my struggles and it helps with feeling closer to them #and less alone in it all #because its not that uncommon to have those kinds of struggles and it helps other people open up about their own or just know how you are #the hardest things to do were the most rewarding things in the end #volunteering gave me a reason to get out of the house meeting new people and trying new things and feeling good about myself and #i had to remind myself that i was able to offer things of value and that other people like having me around actually #like the book club is something my friend group looks forward to so much and made new friends through and i started that! #even though i was nervous about it and didnt know if theyd like it at all #other people need you just as much as you need them and thats the truth bby #p

[merinate]

.

#i miss being here #but i cant come back yet #im gonna be so fucking busy for the next two weeks that its making me sick #but also i miss venting here #life's been too much lately #and i cant even talk to anyone #and the diary is not enough #it doesnt feel right to write there #i feel so hopeless all the time #god im such a mess #alright now im gonna log out again #if you see it - no you dont🫵🏽