#i hate how i don’t talk about Rio enough compared to the other girls

[musiclover2732]

@zexalmonth Day 4: Favorites Day

we’re ignoring that i skipped yesterday because i was too busy being a swiftie

so today is about favorite characters and WOMEN. so naturally first i wanted to talk about my favorite ZEXAL girl: Rio Kamishiro

so Rio is a character that initially didn’t like and i didn’t know why until my rewatch. basically everyone gets injected with misogyny every time she does something remotely important or cool. like, they don’t do this with any other girl but for some reason it happens whenever she’s on screen so you’re left feeling mildly uncomfortable. she is however a really fun and underutilized character and i wish she wasn’t getting fridged every five seconds cuz she’s an awesome duelist and definitely should’ve beaten her brother (it also would’ve made more sense in the narrative to to have her win and would’ve established her as a threat during both the Abyss duel and the invasion duel). not only is she a skilled duelist but she’s also super athletic and literally just wants to have fun and make friends. really Yuma should get along with her the most. she’s got a strong sense of duty and loyalty where she prioritizes others over herself but i don’t actually hate that, i think it’s something that makes her very interesting to watch cuz you can tell she doesn’t wanna do this but she is making the choice to do things for a greater good. she is so visibly torn up about the betrayal but works hard to convince her brother that it’s the right thing to do. and she puts up a good fight against Vector and Don Thousand too and nearly won. also wish we had gotten more outfits for her since we only got her uniform, the main pink dress, and the blue striped dress from Spartan City. she suffers from being a woman in Yu-Gi-Oh! but she has the potential which is all i look for.

i also wanted to use today to talk about one of my favorite ZEXAL OCs: Opal Castle

Opal is OC that i’ve had bouncing around for years. she is a doctor who works at Heartland’s hospital. she’s also a zombie since my AU involves a lot of fantasy and paranormal stuff. she’s functionally immortal (older than Astral) and often overly serious because she’s used to keeping people at an arm’s length. it’s hard for her to rely on others but even more hard for her to understand that other people want to receive support and love from her. she takes in the Kamishiro twins after the car crash but in her attempts to not act like a replacement parent she distances herself from them too much. she’s a fun character for me to work with because who doesn’t love a zombie with no social skills trying to raise to kids who are magnets for world-ending chaos.

those are the two characters i wanted to highlight for today. i don’t talk about Rio enough so i wanted to give her some attention and i’ll never turn down an opportunity to talk about an OC!

#i hate how i don’t talk about Rio enough compared to the other girls #because i really like her a lot #i have so many fun ideas with her #yes Opal’s last name is a dub joke #yes she’s inspired by that show iZombie but i never actually watched it #get used to the au because it’s mainly how i engage with this show #zexal month 2023 #zexal month #yu gi oh zexal #yugioh zexal #ygo zexal #zexal

[mrslackles]

what do you think are gg's biggest flaws?

Ooh, Anon! It’s like you’re in my head. 

I’m busy making a video (that will probably never see the light of day) about this --  my distance from the show has really helped with some super objective clarity -- so I’ll use my notes from that to help me answer. 

I’ll preface this by saying what I was most shocked by after putting down all the points was that Rio isn’t even mentioned until really far down??

Anyway, let's get into it.

These are Good Girls' greatest flaws in my opinion (and relative to season 1 -- while I think it had its flaws too, the list is far smaller and I think that's a separate post)

1. It didn't stick to its guns

What set this show apart from others in the 'Everyday person does crime (poorly)' genre was its comedic lightness, strong friendship element, relatability and emphasis on girl power.

a) By season 2, the lightness was already slowly disappearing to make way for season 3's darkness. (Quite literally; this show said sunlight scenes for WHO.) It also stopped being as fun. Remember how it genuinely used to be fun? I mean let's not forget The Best Scene Ever where Ruby shoots Big Mike by accident and we all laughed our asses off. (Compare and contrast to a similar-in-tone-and-context scene -- or even the whole episode -- like Boomer popping up behind them as Rio's package in season 3.) I think season 3 had some great lines and laughs, but in general, the fun element was completely missing for me.

b) As was the friendship. We already know Annie and Ruby basically became Beth's backup dancers in season 2, but at least then they still seemed to have some type of agency. In season 3, they rarely question Beth's (truly questionable) decisions, don't talk to her about shit like why she's still with her horrible husband and have very few true friendship moments as they did in season 1.

c) Which made it less relatable, but what also contributed was the major plot holes (it's less easy to relate when you're constantly having to remind yourself to suspend your disbelief). And, to be honest, their stupid actions. Just the most common-sense things weren't followed, like not taking your children to a crack den or not putting a hit out on a gang leader. It's frustrating watching a TV show -- where characters are supposed to learn things, have arcs and improve over time -- and feeling like you have more logical sense than all the main characters in every scene. (WHO would think a hitman was going to use a sniper rifle on people in broad daylight on the side of the road???)

d) You don't have to look any further than the title or the stans who shout "THE SHOW IS ABOUT THE GIRLS" -- or, hell, the first 10 seconds of the show where Sara is literally talking about the glass ceiling -- to know that the main characters being women is very important to the show. If not formally feminist, it was at least supposed to be empowering or feel like "girl power" (a term I hate, but we won't get into that now).

And I think it did it pretty well in season 1 -- it actually played on my favourite theme of the show, which is the world's perception of these women being what ultimately allows them to get away with so much. (Rife with opportunities for commentary about white privilege, but also a genius way to upend patriarchal beliefs.) But more and more it seemed like the show was asking you to accept empowerment as simply "these things are being done by women, yay".

And, well.

2. Its marketing

I'll keep this one short because I think we all know how messed up this situation is. Basically they're selling a show (every week!) that they're not making while ignoring all feedback on every social media platform. Which brings us to...

3. The marriage of Death

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times -- Beth's character development starts with getting rid of Dean. Her growth is stunted by him on multiple fronts and it's frustrating to viewers since she's constantly put forth as the main character. Not to mention how the audience, separately from Beth, was originally conditioned to see Dean as the scum of the earth (think of scenes like him crashing his car because he was perving on a woman jogging) so keeping them together is really... a choice. To actively root for this marriage (which seems like what the show wants, at least for the protracted moment) means either thinking Dean is a great person (which, as I said, we've only seen the opposite of) or believing he's all Beth deserves. Which leads me to...

4. Beth's (socio)path(y)

Is sociopath a 'good' word? Probably not. Have I seen dozens upon dozens of posts talking about whether Beth is one? Yes. And I see it from a huge variety of people -- from viewers who just binged the show last weekend to those who've been watching for years, the question keeps coming up. And I entirely blame the writing of the show that, by the way, I don't believe is deliberately creating Beth to get this reaction. I think she's written (and, to an extent, acted) in a way that is much too aloof and I'm not convinced it's meant to come off as cold and unfeeling as it does. Everything else leads me to believe that the audience is supposed to root for Beth, but it's just so difficult.

Beth does a lot of messed up shit that requires dialogue to sympathise with her and the inner workings of her mind, but in the later seasons Beth rarely gets to express herself verbally. And every time she does get to speak about her emotions, the dialogue is a pick-your-own-adventure between "She's in so much denial", "This person feels no emotions" and "I'll go find an analysis/fic later to explain this" (scenes like "Nothing" or "I was just bored"). Compare and contrast with some of the great scenes in season 1 where she emotes, like her paralysing shock after they first rob the store or admitting she enjoys crime, or (one of my favourites!) the one in the park where she's mimicking the other mothers beside her.

5. Brio

I said in the beginning that I was shocked Rio doesn't get mentioned until this point and that's because I've always felt like he was an integral part of the show. When people say the show is about the girls, they're truncating -- the show is about the girls getting into crime. That crime is represented by Rio over and over again -- they never bring in another criminal at his level (which is another one of its flaws, but that's also a different post); Rio is it.

And though I stand by Rio's importance, the truth is that Brio isn't as essential to the show, by which I mean that if all of the above were done well, it wouldn't be as sorely missed. In lieu of riveting plot, a fun friendship, character development and empowerment, most viewers have glommed onto Brio like a lifeboat (or ship, heh).

Unfortunately it's also what the show has most stubbornly refused to develop significantly.

It's honestly a toss-up for why I feel Brio is a flaw: is the flaw that they got together? That they never got together well enough? That the writing keeps bringing in these 'chemistry-filled' scenes that are ultimately filled with air?

I don't know. Maybe all of them; maybe just one, depending on the day.

6. Its criticism falls flat without intersectionality

This is a big one because Good Girls is *trying* to do something very clever. As mentioned previously, my favourite theme of the show is how the women's apparent innocence/vulnerability in the eyes of society is their biggest strength. The show plays with this and other interesting themes with varying levels of success, but ultimately they all fall a little flat when they don't feel intersectional.

When Ruby gets sidelined. When Turner, who sees and all but calls out by name Beth's privilege, is portrayed as the villain. When Rio is told he's gonna "pop a cap" in his young child's "ass". When the racist grandma becomes a sympathetic character whom we must later grieve. (And she really didn't have to be racist, now that I think about it? It was just that one line for laughs and that was it.) When, despite the real-world implications, Dean can loudly announce in a store that he's buying a gun to kill someone with and the show just glides past it. When Ruby has to grovel for forgiveness from Beth for trying to protect her husband and family from the system, with no acknowledgement from Beth about how their realities are different. When Rhea gets booted off the show as soon as she's done serving Beth's plot. When Rio gets treated like a prostitute for absolutely no reason. (Oh, and is accused of raping Beth and is literally spoken of as an animal and starts only existing in zero dim lighting as a one-dimensional stereotype... the list goes on.)

7. PR/The actors

I'll risk my life here to sprinkle this in because I do think it's a massive problem. The Manny/Christina of it all is just the tip of the iceberg (although wtf Good Girls? There's nothing you could do to get these two into an interview together??). The main actors do the bare minimum to promote the show and it's weird. I also think it's the height of unprofessionalism to keep characters on the show against the wishes of the majority of the audience just because you enjoy their actors (Boomer confirmed; Dean highly suspected). While, on the flip side of the coin, limiting a character's screentime because you aren't best buddies with them. Having less and less Rio when he's such a fan favourite is dumb; as is not including him in any series marketing material. It feels personal and that isn't how a TV show should be run.

8. The entire hair and wardrobe department needs a stern talking-to

#Anonymous #NBC Good Girls #also imo Matthew Lillard is weird af online #and he's lucky he has his Scooby Doo rep #anyway Reno Mae and Isaiah are my faves #on IG #ALSO speaking of wardrobe! #I saw the Fitzpatrick scene #and it was really good ngl #but also Beth LOOKED good?? #her makeup was nice again #and there were even HEELS #the granny belt was also present again BUT #the rest was really nice #last also #the intersectionality really affects every other point as well #this show's racist/tone-deafness is an undercurrent throughout #sorry this took me so long to answer Anon! #I wanted to get everything #I had to come back and add the hitman thing #because it was SO DUMB!!!!! #I will forever have a gripe with that scene #it also was only funny for the first few seconds but the director persevered

[prettywarriors]

what are some of your favorite and least favorite magical girl raising project designs? and your thoughts on magical daisy just because she's my fav

Heck yes opinion time! But first what you asked for:

Magical Daisy Good. The yellows-browns-beige works really well with both the purple accents and the minty green hair. She has pleats distributed evenly through her design, and they work in tandem with both the ribbons and with the daisies through her outfit without it getting too busy. I like her detached sleeves with gloves, and I am a sucker for practical footwear on a MG (both for them and for possible cosplayers) I’m not Crazy about the. Pouch? Asymmetrical bustle? The thing off her waist on her right. But it balances with her off-center headdress and has the same small design on it so it get’s a pass. Her hair is simple, but I like it and I think it works for her A good design for an anime (if the MGRP anime had done really well, do you think we would have gotten an in-universe magical daisy episode?)

Other opinions under the cut

Haha only giving opinions on 3 girls? I’m reading Peaceful Days now so enjoy my speed thoughts on MGRP-Aces outfits.

But first Maruino deserves so much recognition because her use of cream and dark brown in place of white and black whenever possible, combined with her chibi style and general color pallet choices, is so good. I know I’ve talked about the LN look vs the anime looks here before, but some designs would just look not nearly as good if she didn’t know how to use colors as well as she does

MGRP:

Snow White- School uniform with an armband indicating she is someone who can help, but with flowers. It’s cute, it’s fairly simple compared to other mgrp outfits, I like the big flowers on the sides of her outfit over the ones hanging from the ribbons off her back. A solid look, but not a winner in my book

Ripple- This is going to come up with quite a few of these designs but I like basically everything but the body. I like the sleeves, the geta are great, love the one ponytail with big shuriken, scarf brings great contrast to the rest of the color scheme, bikini top with ribbons attaching it to a wrapped skirt? The skirt feels like this could have been a keikogi but the top is almost wholly unadorned and overall I wish this was a better look than it is

La Pucelle- Great idea, meh execution. Knight And Dragon? Love it! The navy blue for military feels with armor and goes well with the gold&cream&brown. Her horns are cute! I like the tail- it fits the character and isn’t too large or distracting. Once again I like the arms-neck-legs but the body is. a bikini with a drapery bit off the top and the tabard. The tabard is good! But why is she in her underwear? Give pants??? 

-And yes I know swimsuits cover just as much as underwear but this isn’t a swimsuit and it’s a lazy way to cover what needs to be cover and not even try to make that area of a design more interesting. This doesn’t apply just to LP or even MGRP I have seen comments on this before and unless the character’s outfit is an actual bathing suit, try harder.

Top Speed- A wife. A halloween wife. God I lover her personality and her outfit is definitely on the simple end of mgrp outfits but very fitting. The colors are great, love the hat and the tall boots, the cape stripes might be my least favorite bit? But I feel if it was solid it would be too bland so. And the end of her braids looks like a broom. I love her. Good design.

Ruler- I hate this. But why..... Is it the navy blue is a singular piece? I liked Ripple’s scarf for contrast but maybe this piece isn’t large enough? Her head things look like two crowns on the sides of her head and their weird and. Not awful? But not great. The cape looks chunky at the end? In a weird way? Or is it the drop waist on the top. I know I don’t like the butt fluff. I do like the shoes&leggings? pants? And her crown and hair stars. bad/10 for reasons I can not place

Swim Swim- Techno demon in the accessories, pure schoolgirl in swim class in the torso. The white suit+black devil wings is good as character contrast , and her....hip...discs? have demony tails which is good, but the big headphones and floating disc things work great with the shoes but not with the rest of the outfit? This is two outfits in one but not in a good way. Pick a lane.

Minael&Yunael- They might not be super-murders but boy that’s their only redeeming trait. I do not like them as fictional people. And outfitwise? Meh. I like the chat balloon halos, and the one wing look for the two of them works, and again the use of Navy rather than pure black is good, but the old fashioned dress with a bib is. boring. and not in a simple way just not interesting? Like I think if the stiped bib thing was removed it might look better? This also might be a secret hatred of mine as I think I have figured out from a later outfit. For now- boo

Tama- Are you spotted or brown&white? Her fluff bits and legs say spotted and her ears and tail and paws say brown and white and I wish we’d pick a lane? Also not crazy about the butt-length cape. I do like the bone clasp and the hood, and you have to have big ol paws for a dog girl. She’s. Fine. Just fine.

Nemurin- Her hair clouds say magical girl, the rest says generic cute sleepy anime girl. I like the socks, and her hair, but she’s not that interesting? Don’t get me wrong she’s cute but the bulk of her design is Big PJs. The candy clasp is nice as a sweet dreams thing? Sorry Endo

Calamity Mary- Titty fur. Boots with spurs and arms with fringe and mini cowboy hat are all good, and her skirt is. A little boring but fine. But the best part of her top is the sheriff badge. If we’re committed to evil=slutty=evil, you can still make a more appealing lewd top than a bikini over some fluff. Let sluts be sexy? Stay dead bitch.

Magicaloid 44- Elementary schoolgirl but robot. Bulky but in that smooth modern look. I’m a sucker for hair horns, even when they’re metal or plastic, and she just has a good silhouette. But her colors could be better? I will say her mn art has her skirt look like a skirt, and the anime said This Is A Solid Hunk Of Plastic/Metal and I think that works better. Swap her dark brown bits for a navy to go with her skirt and i think i’d be out of complaints

Sister Nana- There are multiple MG nuns. What’s up with that. Good use of sexy belts for theme consistency, but I with there was more red up top or her shoes were a different color. 9/10 for dirty nun

Weiss Winterprison- Girl I love you why is your outfit not good as a MG look or even really as an outfit. Your practical looking boots have heels, your colors are boring and messy, you have like. belts but not enough for them to look interesting? Gurl I love you do something with this bland mess.\

Cranberry- ‘I love this’ I say threw clenched teeth. I love green and flower motifs, and I like boleros and big sleeves. But I’m not that into this? I think it’s that her top looks like a nice shirt that’s a little long and then she. Just has leggings on and a big belt. I guess the buckle is like. A big thorn? And i’m into tunics with leggings but this doesn’t? do that in a way I like? The red-blue roses are a nice contrast to the green and creme but i just. I have no idea I want to be in love with this and it’s Middling for me. More elf ear’d MGs pls

Hardgore Alice- I love alice, I am a fan of edgy spins on stuff(sorry), so I’m a bit disappointed? And I think it’s just the colors? I love the checkered pockets and the striped stockings and bows and the headband and apron and bloomers and dress shape and even her eye bags (mood). I guess I just wish there was more of the off white-maybe for the full apron? or even the bloomers? I love you please re-color.

Restart:

Keek- This bitch might win it for worst look. I like her hair color, and giant sleeves, and the cd and rubix cube are nice touches for an outfit, but what outfit. A bikini top and slightly-larger-than-usual underwear style bottom with a big plate of metal? Are those supposed to be shorts??? Points for normal shoes but take off the coat and this is nothing. And the coat isn’t much to begin with. 0/10 might take home the gold

Clantail- I wish the apron part was gone? But the colors are good tho I do have a question about the horns- they’re cute but if she can change her lower body to other animals they won’t always fit very well? And her necklaceuhhh tattoo? is odd. But she’s fine

Pechika- Good colors, like the feathers, I wish the chef’s coat had a different fit but it’s good. Could go without the tail. Also has some almost military feeling elements like the hair cross and the? epaulets? This is a spats stan account

Rionetta- Great use of colors, patterns, ribbons, has a specific look that works great for the doll dress. Hell year ball joints and weird eyes. Wonderful. I hate it. No fucking clue why. Like with the angels maybe? I hate strips? Except I don’t. Maybe just in specific situations? Or I hate multiple patterns? Rio looks good. I just see her and go into a rage. 

Nonako Miyokata- A very good look overall, just not super Magical Girl? Definitely magical miko but. The yin yang accessories feel a tad out of place- replace them with existing themes or add them in elsewhere

Magical Daisy- Still good

Nokko- This is just a maid. A cute maid with a weird choice of hair decor, but I think she got her outfit at the same shop as Milkit. *shrug*

@Meow-Meow- boy I hope I didn’t just at someone for real. I like her colors and tail, poofy detached sleeves are good, her top works with the open dress. I’m a fan of detailed edging on a piece, and it works with the pattern.  I’d’ve liked to see more of the bells that are on her wrists? I guess she had a racist accent originally though which yikes. 

Genopsyko Yumenoshima- A great sentai outfit, love the helmet ears and the tail. Not good as a magical girl outfit unless we fully dissolve the mg/sentai line. But the suit is great, slightly oversized gloves, and retro lasergun that doesn’t even work? Yesssss.

Detec Bell- Fwuffy. Great hat, love the dress, a good use of a cape, simple but very good. I feel a feel some of the ribbons could be changed up but a solid if simple design. 

Lapis Lazuline (2)- Cute starry tiger princess? I guess I’m a fan of navy and brown because i’m into it here too. Good use of the silvery details on the sleeves and dress bottom, and the links both at the cape clasp and on the boots. Really nice.

Melville- Bootleg Cranberry in every way. I like her over-pants and sleeve-cape, but the weird bib-top under the bikini top is a bad shape? Hair roses good and leg thorns do get a thumbs up. 

Cherna Mouse- If the turtle gets it’s own distinct look, why is Cherna just baby+ hamster? The hood is cute, and I dig the boots which work with the shoulder things, but said things don’t go with the toddler one piece+cape. She reminds me of Moetan and that is a bad thing.

Pfle- Ohhh this bitch. I may have been reading these books but I have no damn idea what she is up to and I hate it. Love her eyepatch tho. Super cute throne-wheelchair and it continues the bird motif. Her dress is nice but not that interesting? Seems more generic old timey fancy lady dress than Magical. Honestly I could go for some mixing up of the colors here? The dress and hair and throne all are a bit too similar. Maybe make the dress wine?

Shadow Gale- I like her look but I don’t feel it says nurse as much as it’s supposed to? Her aces profile honestly gives Rue vibes. It’s very monochromatic but I guess that works for her. Big fan of her skirt, kindof with it went all the way around. Solid design

Masked Wonder- Who? I refuse to play person5 because it’s been overhyped but isn’t this one of them? Not awful as a phantom thief outfit, but doesn’t say magical girl phantom thief at all. I do like the roses on the belt and. garters? Kindof wish we’d loose the color on the cape because it clashes more than anything with the rest of the look

Akane- I like her long hair flower. But her samurai-kimono look doesn’t feel blended well enough imo and the colors are too over the place while still being bland.

Lake of Fire Flame Flamey- Hell if I know how she looks I just love typing that name

Limited:

Weddin- Good colors, a bit too busy? The chains+roses+lace doesn’t feel well balanced. But the flame and ankle chain are balanced because Maruino is good at asymmetrical details 

Captain Grace- A pirate magical girl? Is she legit the only one from any main stream series? Well she set the bar high. The captain coat is great, multiple small anchors, the hat, and her skirt(?) is very cute. I guess the sole of the boots stands out a bit? But very solid (wait is that a tail? or a butt hook? :/)

Funny Trick- If Las vegas was a magical girl. Colors and silhouette are good, I’m just not vibing with this. sorry girl

Kuru-kuru Hime- Yiss more ballet themed outfits. Good colors, love the shape of the giant back bow. I could go without the big ribbon coming off the headpiece? It’s nice

Postarie- Buttwings! I love her hair shape, just. Not a fan of the orange and green colors? She’s a delivery girl but feels more marching band. It’s a good design, just doesn’t feel fitting? Great just not for her

Rain Pow- Now this is a sci-fiy look while still saying magical girl. The tail is yet another weird thing, and I could go without the permeant ring behind her, but the shape of her outfit is very good, and love the silly heart hair. Wish the gloves were a different color? But this is up there

Tepsekemei- Genie outfits being problematic isn’t something I can speak to, but this is a solid genie look with additions to feel different, specifically the lotuses. It’s good, and I haven’t seen flying turtles since love hina so. Good for her.

Mana- You’re not a magical girl. Maybe I just hate bibs? The hat is great and snake leg is fun, I wish her collar was actually smaller to stand out more? It’s a fine mage look i guess

Hana Gekokujou- Great use of hair color as contrast to a committed color scheme. A cute traditional bunny look. Not personally my favorite but it is Good.

7753- Big Coat! Giant heart braids! Consistent heart theme! It’s bland compared to a lot of the other outfits, and I don’t think her flat heart uhh hair? pieces? like rain pow? work as well with her. But I think she works well for a member of the resources department. Wait is her hat backwards? Amazing

Archfiend Pam- I’m mostly a fan of this. The top is great, it’s carried through at one hip, she has the weird arm guy to keep her asymmetry going on. I just wish she’d commit to either fur Or pleats as trim? Both is a weird texture choice

Pythie Frederica- This bitch took a while for her proper appearance. I love the horns on the hood, and the stars throughout work well. I really don’t care for her skirtdress though? It’s too long and in ribbons and feels almost jellyfish-y? I feel it’s supposed to feel like she’s standing in fire but that doesn’t work pass a glance for me

Tot Pop- Love hot topic. Her spiky ribbon is my favorite bit, and I’m a fan of oversized sleeves. A great mall goth look, not amazing as a magical girl look tho. The head decor feels most on brand for the genre.

Punkin- What if the three musketeers were murderous and royalty. I love the hair feather and dig the ruff, the cape honestly feels like overkill? The boots are great and I dig the pants. Once again, why tails. I know mahou-furbies has reviewed a lot of these girls with the same comment and she’s right. Pick red or blue for this look though.

Sonia Bean- Kindof busy, in a garbage way. Like her outfit is made of fancy garbage to make an old timey doll. Which is fitting. Love the dress shape. Less into the weird dangly poofs.

Jokers:

Princess Inferno- The whole princess line works well together. Quake has the least Team outfit but I feel all four work well together? Inferno’s bikini is a smidge above other tops with the fire shapes, and I like her hair, but I think she’s my least favorite princess.

Princess Deluge- Swirls and scales throughout? Armor? Gold jewelry? My biggest issue is the chain to the weapon because this is a really nice outfit.

Princess Quake- Why does your tail start in the middle of the back? I like her leotard and eye theme, and her head piece adds nice shape. Good asymmetry. shame she’s into children The hair gem is a fun touch

Princess Tempest- The apples are a weird touch? Good for color but weird as a theme? I love the leaves- honestly I’m a huge fan of the vaguely toga-y look. Are the apples supposed to be an atlanta thing? Her skirt could be a bit better but Nice

Prism Cherry- Princess of our hearts. What a color scheme. Her oversized dangly accents work well here I feel, and I love the skirt and the leaf looking ribbon behind the neck. I could do without the arm fluff, but the top garter for the skirt is a nice touch

Marika Fukuroi- My wife is a bitch and I like her so much. A much more vibrant outfit than most of the mgrp girls, the black is edgy but in a fun loud way. I love her skirt and every damn crazy flower. Her top is my least favorite with the smaller flowers connecting her top to her bottom and the frills that honestly are out of place. Great eyes

Styler Mimi- A fancy outfit that fits her theme, with a nice silhouette and simple color scheme. Ruined by the giant back powder puffs. Yes she would be fairly simple without those but they’re so garish and awkward. Good hair

Stanczyka- I thought her middrif was another hunk of plaster like the mask and now that I see it’s just skin with some stars :/ The whole head thing is good, and the fur is consistent throughout even if I’m not a fan of it. The giant sleeves are. weird. I want to like them but. Her swirly tiddys are a nice touch. The brown hair on the tail doesn’t fit

Lady Proud- For someone who lived for a lot of pages I do not remember her. Her leotard works with the sleeves to feel like an old timey dress and the way the cape is being held up to look like bat wings is nice. The green layer in her hair is an odd choice. I do dig the hair clips with the horns

Umbrain- Froggy slicker. ...Sakura did it better, the yellow and purple&red is a meh color combo sorry. I do love the candy additions for the ame(rain) ame(candy) play, and her umbrella is great. But once again I am confronted by a bib. Also her slicker is actually two pieces? Bad colors, bad body, good theme

Filru- I like the colors and the corset, and in theory the chunky knitting is very cute but I feel it’s at odds with the boots and corset. Make the whole thing chunky knitting- it’d be cute. The head doily also could be more on theme imo

Uttakatta- again, what did you do? giant overalls are good in theory, but the slits and the. bubbles? clear donuts. are just ugly. Honestly her whole look is not good, and a bubble theme has so much potential for cool shit :(

Kafuria- good use of colors, I’m not personally into the shape of her kimono as a mg dress, but the wings and the veil+such are nice

Grim Heart- this bitch. God her dress is a great shape. I think i’m not fully into her spade tail ribbons, but otherwise love? The flamingo is Silly but again as an alice fan, i do not care (ask me about kagihime for 10000 words of rage!)

Shufflin- the tiny bib haunts me but the big double sides apron card piece is a nice way to do the simple and versatile Card look. The hair is cute and i like the suit as a big piece behind the head

Aces:

Armor Arlie- chunky suit of armor. but Cute. as an armor fan in MG designs, even I think this is A Bit Much, but it has enough going for it that i think it’s a fun look

Bluebell Candy- once again Maruino kills it with using navy very nicely. A military vibe with the epilates and double breasted uhh skirt decor. honestly shocked the hat is center, and mm good hair happenings. A very nice design. still not into the weird fluff tail stuff

Dark Cutie- Great hair decorations, love the lunar details, seems to be a leotard over leggings? It’s nice. It’s not crazy grabbing or stands out that much in silhouette, but i do like it

Micchan the Dictionary- tying your coat around your neck is not valid, motarboards are not good magical girl accessesories, i personally have an owl vendetta, the red in her shoes appears no where else, and the shape of her dress is just weird. plus that hair is. not good. Oh wow. I might rank her lower than keek. oh Wow

Glassianne- this is just that alcreamie pokemon. i wish the exposed strawberry went all the way down instead of there being more icing along the bottom. she has a consistent theme and nice colors, i’m not not digging it

Uluru- said dog. 7753 and tama’s child. she looks warm but not super magical. why is she dog themed?

Sorami Nakano- gamer aesth. I could do without the hair paws, but the jumper is super cute, love the eyes and the hair tones, general color scheme, bandaid is a cute touch. A solid look.

Premium Sachiko- good colors, i like the cut of the sleeves/boots/dress, but her art has her legs blend together and that’d just the art but weird. nice use of four leaf clovers and horseshoes throughout for her luck theme. 

CG Angel Hammer- I like the flowers and the bones tail/wings. The halo thing is. odd, and it’s hard to get a great idea of her actual outfit. weird hair choice, tiny bottom but at least it has some frills. Needs more art

Patricia- acab. great colors tho and I like the shapes for the shoulders and wrist, and the light theme. The bright blue ribbons and earrings stand out well. This is actually a really solid design. 

Puk Puck- i hate this baby angel there’s too much to look at. Your bondage leg is weird! cute chest piece. you can’t have cloud swirls and drills for hair damn it. your halo also has a veil? fuck you. 6/10.

Best Outfits: Princess Tempest and Grim Heart Worst Outfits: Keek and Micchan the Dictionary and Uttakatta

#Anonymous #magical girl raising project #outfit discussion #mgrp #text #not fashion

[starrynite7114]

everything is you: six

A/N: Good afternoon! Sorry for taking so long to update, have not been in a good mindset and still not, but I want to post this just to give you guys something. It’s been hard and my confidence in my writing has been shit. It’s not something I like sharing, but just wanted to be honest with you all. I just want to thank you all for giving me such nice messages regarding my finals, it was awful, but definitely glad to have it over with. 

Currently, Snapshots and Misconstrued is almost done, just trying to work some things out with it. Two Weeks part two should be coming  up soon as well along with three requests. I’m updating the request list later, if you do not see your request, feel free to message me. 

Also, got a Rio/Reader/Angel story on the horizon. 

Thank you all for your patience and support. Hope you all enjoy this update! Love you all!

I would also like to thank @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat​ & @justahopelessssromantic​ <3 

Also, happy birthday @losolvidad0s​ <3

everything is you

one : two : three : four : five

Word count: 8088

Warnings: Angst

Masterlist tagged list: @justahopelessssromantic​ : @ifoundmyhappythought​ : @carlaangel86​ : @woahitslucyylu​ : @encounterthepast​ : @enamoured-x​ : @whyisgmora​ : @briana-mishell24​ : @bribri-82​ : @briannab1234​ : @chibsytelford​ : @agirllovespasta​ : @twistnet​ : @everyhowlmarksthedead​ : @trulysuccubus​ : @jadert15​ : @sammskellington​ : @cind-in-real-life​ :  @claytoncardenasbabymama​ : @sadeyesgf​ : @thickemadame​ : @summertimesadnesswithadashofsass​ : @gemini0410​ : @elcococruz​ : @samcrobae​ : @sesamepancakes​ : @iambabyharry​ : @blackmissfrizzle​ : @soamayansfangirl​ : @1-800-imagines​ : @phoenixhalliwell​ : @lady-pswrld​ : @dazzledamazon​  : @getyourcrayoncas​ : @fvckthisbxtchup​ : @lukealvxz​ : @scuzmunkie​ : @lilac-tea-time​ : @danie1432​ : @cocotheclown​ : @soaronmywings​ : @my-rosegold-soul​ : @buttercup812​ : @itskiranbitch​ : @angelreyesgirl​ : @sheeshgivemeabreak​ : @vicmackeybullshxt​ : @bigcreatorwombatdreamer​ : @khyharah​ : @strawberrywritings​ : @cherry-icetea​ : @fuzzy-jellyfish​ : @losolvidad0s​ : @brownsugarcoffy​ : @courtrae89​ : @prdsdjarin​​ : @blessedboo​​ : @marvelmaree​​ : @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat​​ : @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead​ : @thesandbeneathmytoes​

As always, if you want to be added to the tag list or do not see your name, please let me know!

Alena laughed as Victor told her about his younger brother Richard and all the mischief they used to partake in when they were younger. She’s met Richard a few times and he was quite a charming guy, but he definitely was not as charming as Victor.

He was the oldest of the two and their parents passed away when they were younger. The only family they had, the only family they cared for was Eddie Johnson, Alena’s boss. Victor was Eddie’s nephew, his self-proclaimed favorite nephew, though Richard states the same phrase as well. Alena liked being around them since she reminded them of her own little family. 

“Are you going with Mr. Johnson next week to Bali?” 

“No, I passed this time around since you respectfully declined yet again.” Victor wasn’t sure what it was about Alena. She was a cute girl, but she was hardly his type. But he gravitated towards her. His Uncle Eddie always raved about her and he had to get to know her. Much like her, he had a shared love for art and was actually a gallerist for a few well known painters and sculptors. Victor didn’t do it much since he found himself working at his uncle’s much more often, mostly due to Alena.

For years, they’ve become closer and closer and he learned more and more about her. And due to that, he fell harder and harder. At times he felt like an idiot for doing so, she was married, no matter what the status of her relationship with Angel was, he knew Angel had a hold over her. He wasn’t sure if it was gratitude, his son or what, but whenever she spoke about Angel, her whole face would brighten up. But he also had the greatest control over her emotions. He doesn’t think Angel purposely yo-yo’s his feelings for Alena, but it frustrated him.

Alena should move on and be with someone who would proudly tell people that they were in love with her. Not someone who kept her at limbo and had sex with her more frequently than Alena would like to admit to him. He was honestly surprised Alena wasn’t pregnant. 

“I would rather spend some time away from Mr. Johnson, he’s amazing, but I need a break. He might make me work while we’re there.” Alena took a bite of her pasta, letting out a small moan at how good the sauce was. “Absolutely insane how good that is.”

Victor couldn’t help it. Hearing her moan, it made his dick twitch. But he would never push Alena and he was pretty sure this was a friendly dinner and not a date. 

“My grandmother had the best recipes. If you marry me, I can totally share the family recipes.” He winked at her, making Alena blushed. “Speaking of marriage, how is your husband dearest?”

“He’s fine, I’m really sorry about the way he answered the phone the other night. He’s just protective and you know, territorial cause he thinks I won’t be committed to Cruz anymore.” She took a sip of the wine that she bought for their dinner. “I can assure you, there is nothing going on besides coparenting.”

“Are you okay with that?”

“Yes, of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Alena placed some salad on her plate. 

“Come on Alena, we’ve been friends for almost seven years now. You’ve always had a complicated relationship with Angel and now, he tells you he has feelings for you. It’s a rollercoaster ride with him and you deserve someone who is more stable.” He was talking of himself of course, but it was true. Alena didn’t need to be taken on this ride. She deserved more than that. 

“Angel is just projecting or something, he just thinks he’s losing me because I’m interested in you.” Alena looked up at Victor before looking back down at her food. 

He smirked at her admission and lightly chuckled. “You’re interested in me, carina?” It was his nickname for her, cute in Italian. Alena always hoped that Victor would never call her that in front of Angel and she was determined to keep it that way. She knew Angel’s nicknames held special meaning and she didn’t want him thinking that Victor had numerous nicknames for her. It was just one and if she was being honest, it was incredibly adorable.

“Maybe, I don’t know.” Alena sighed, biting her bottom lip, which Victor hated cause all he wanted to do was kiss her. 

“Alena, I would never push you. If you want to give it a shot, that’s fine, but I know the guilt is eating you up cause you’re technically married and you respect the sanctity of marriage.” Victor placed a hand on top of hers. 

Alena couldn’t help but think how much bigger Victor’s hands were compared to hers. She looked up at him and he had that warm smile he always gave her. Victor was always there for her, he was so sweet and always let her do her own pace. He never pushed her or anything. 

Once she and Angel’s divorced was finalized, she would give him a chance. 

“I have a gallery I’m setting up for next week, did you want to come and see how it’s done?” Victor knew of Alena’s passion for art. She was an amazing painter and he really wanted to slightly push her on sharing her work with the world. Hell, he wanted her to go back to school and pursue art so he could get her to do a few gallerist work, maybe even become an art handler. She couldn’t be Uncle Eddie’s assistant forever. 

“Sure! I would love that, when is it again?” Alena excitedly replied. She’s never seen an art gallery be put together before and she would love to experience that. 

“Next Tuesday, it’s at the art gallery a few blocks from our apartment.”

“Sounds good, I’m excited to see the master at work.”

Victor held Alena’s hand as he walked her down to her door, their night was full of laughter, random topics of conversations and just an overall good night. Alena forgot how it was to go on a date with someone and she was glad it was Victor that she went out with. 

“I had a great time.” Alena told him when they stopped in front of her door. 

“Same here on our lovely friendly date.” He teased her. “I’m serious about this Alena, I really want for us to give it a shot when you’re ready.”

Alena was slightly annoyed at the fact that she let herself be blinded by her relationship with Angel, well her non-relationship. He was always so hot and cold. She knew enough about relationships to know it wasn’t worth it. Their relationship was solely for Cruz and she was finally understanding that better and better. 

“I know. Thank you again.” 

Victor nodded his head, his eyes drifting to Alena’s lips. Maybe a little push wouldn’t hurt her. He leaned down, waiting for Alena to back away or anything, but she didn’t. When their lips connected, Alena froze, but eventually relaxed. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. Alena couldn’t help but compare Angel and Victor. Angel’s lips were moist, warm, and so sinfully delicious. And to her surprised, so was Victor’s. The butterflies in her stomach were going wild as Victor’s tongue slipped inside her mouth. 

He eventually pulled away, leaning his forehead against hers. He gave her one more kiss before pulling away. 

“I’m gonna go before this goes any further.” Victor chuckled. “Good night Alena.”

“Good night Victor.” She unlocked her door and leaned against it once it was locked.

God, she was in such trouble. 

============

Carla sat down on Alena’s couch, nursing the wine glass in her hands, completely enjoying her day. They went to the spa like Angel had suggested and it was the best idea ever. Carla watched as Alena smiled as she was texting on her phone. It seemed that her date with Victor went well since she had been texting him nonstop this whole day.

“Dude, put your phone down, you need a break from Victor.” Carla teased her.

“I’m not talking to Victor,” Alena laughed. “Angel is being silly and sending me pictures of him and Cruz.”

Carla had to smile at that. From what EZ told her, Angel finally realized his feelings for Alena, but was just taking his sweet ass time to tell her. The way she saw it, Angel was losing precious time because Alena seemed to be entertaining the idea of starting a relationship with Victor. 

“Ah, the husband. How are things with you and Angel?” Carla placed her wine glass on the coffee table.

“Good, the sex ban went out the door.” Alena had her phone on her lap. 

Carla had to applaud Alena for the valiant effort. She knew that she could just deny Angel for so long. She couldn’t blame her, even though she was with EZ, she could appreciate that Angel was a good looking guy. And she knew of Alena’s attraction to Angel, her love for Angel. It was sad at times knowing how much Alena gave up for Angel, how much she loved him to the point that she became the mother of his child. 

“Told you you couldn’t resist him.”

“He literally woke me up to have sex.” Alena blushed remembering how amazing that night was.

“Has Angel ever not enticed you?” Carla teased.

“Yes, there was like six months where we didn’t do anything because I really didn’t want to do anything with him. He didn’t initiate anything until I was fully comfortable with sleeping with him.” Then she remembered Angel’s words. “Cruz asked Angel for a sibling.”

“Oh, did he?” Carla was more than amused. She’s heard that before. Cruz had been asking Angel for a sibling and it was always the same response, ‘we’ll ask mommy’. Carla was secretly rooting for Angel. She watched them do this dance for so long and always wanted Alena to be happy, she knew that it would be with Angel no matter how much of an idiot he was. As much of an idiot Angel was, Carla always saw how much Angel cared for Alena. He always protected her, was there for her and she was almost sure that Angel almost killed Dante, well deserved.

“Yeah,” Alena shrugged. “But I mean we’re getting divorced in a few months, so maybe his next girlfriend.” She laughed, but Carla knew there was no humor.

“Why do you do that?” 

“Do what?”

“Put yourself down or even believe Angel would let you go.” Carla knew Angel had no plans on signing the divorce papers. “Your Cruz’s mom, do you think that after you get divorced if it even happens, that you would become a stranger?” Carla wasn’t sure if Alena knew what would happen once they got divorced, but it wasn’t what she thought that was for sure. Hell, she didn’t even actually believe that they would get divorced. Angel finally realized he’s in love with her. If there was one thing she knew for certain about Angel, she knew he wasn’t a quitter. Alena has loved Angel for so long, she was certain her friend would never believe it once he confesses. “I love you Alena, but you can be so naive. Angel would never let you go, Cruz would never let you go. I know you somehow believe that you two will get divorced and have shared custody of Cruz, but we both know you don’t want that and Angel doesn’t either.”

“Angel just likes me because of convenience. Otherwise, he would take any other women.” Ailee slightly smiled, looking down at her lap. “He said it himself that he had no feelings for me, and that’s okay.”

“You can’t possibly believe that, Angel is losing his shit because of Victor.”

“Angel is just territorial. I’ve been the one constant in his life and he’s being unreasonable, once he finds someone else to occupy his time, wouldn’t even be an issue.” 

“Stop doing that, come on Alena, give Angel more credit than that.” Carla should help Angel, especially how much of a dick she was when it came to Victor. Besides, all she wanted was for Angel to realize what he had before he lost it. The Reyes brothers could be so dense at times. “Do you,” she paused, not sure if she should even put the idea in Alena’s head cause Angel would have her head. “Do you want to pursue something with Victor?”

Alena looked at her best friend, slightly laughing. She wasn’t sure. Victor has always been there for her, he was a kind man who protected her. He was smart, Cruz liked him, and he wasn’t bad on the eye. But at the same time, Angel, she’s loved Angel for eight years now. She prayed that maybe it would fade, that she would settle with being friends with him, the old cliche, she’d rather have him than not at all. 

Then Cruz happened.

Then they got married.

And now, she was anticipating for them to divorce.

God, she felt like a fool.

She gave up so much for Angel. She didn’t expect him to do the same and she was an adult who made her choice. She never regretted it. But she wished she found someone for herself as well. 

And she felt now that she did. 

She found it in Victor. 

“Yes, once Angel and I are divorce, I want to pursue something with Victor.”

Carla felt her stomach drop and she kind of regretted asking Alena. She knew once she told EZ, it wouldn’t be long before Angel found out. Angel would raise hell knowing him and his temper. Carla wasn’t obtuse to Angel’s feelings for Alena before his own realization. The way he protected her, the way he hung onto her every word, the way he followed her around like a fucking lost puppy, it was endearing and annoying how Alena never realized Angel was in love with her. 

“Don’t use Victor as a rebound, he deserves more than that.”

“I’m not,” Alena weakly defended. “I wouldn’t pursue anything with Victor till I’m fully over Angel.”

“Alena, you’re never going to be over Angel.”

“I can do it, just need some motivation, which is this divorce. Once the papers are filed, I have to keep my distance and just interact with him for Cruz. I can do this.”

“It’s not that I doubt you can do it, I’m sure you could if you truly pushed yourself, but what I’m trying to get through your stubborn ass head is that Angel wouldn’t let you go. Do you not know Angel? He would kill a man for you if you requested for him to do so.” 

“That doesn’t constitute to love Carla. I would do anything for Angel too. I would do anything for you.” 

“Alena, that’s literally not my point.” 

“Carla, please, don’t do that. This is the reason that the hope has never faded. I want to remain friends with Angel and co-parent for Cruz’s sake. I thought you wanted me to move on, to find my way away from Angel.” 

“Things change.” Carla didn’t want to tell Alena that Angel was in love with her, that wasn’t her place. But she can dissuade her from thinking of Victor than anything more than as a friend. 

“It doesn’t matter, it’s been five years. Nothing has happened and it’s time to move on.” 

Alena was done. 

It was time to move on from Angel. 

============

“Mama, can we go to the park today?” Cruz questioned as he finished his plate of pancakes.

“Of course baby.” Alena nodded her head, taking another bite from the breakfast sandwich she made for herself.

“May I be excused?”

“You good little man.” Angel let Cruz go. He wasn’t saying he didn’t have manners, but all of Cruz’s mannerism was definitely all Alena. 

Cruz jumped down from his seat, going to the couch to watch some cartoons, something he has done right after breakfast while Alena usually cleaned up. At times he wouldn’t help her, but Alena excused him, since she wanted to talk to Angel. He was finishing up breakfast, chuckling as Cruz enjoyed his PJ Mask.

“Did you get all of your errands done?” Angel questioned. He was relieved when he woke up and Alena was bringing her stuff in this morning. He didn’t want to bug her and seemed needy, but a few times, he was itching to ask her to come home. 

“Yes, I did,” she smiled, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. 

“You know you’re due for your annual eye appointment.” Angel reminded her before he took a bite out of his breakfast sandwich and shoving hash browns right after. 

Angel loved having breakfast with Cruz and Alena. They were a real family and it always had him starting his day on a good foot. Just being able to be with his two favorite people was the best thing in the world.

It always marveled Alena how good Angel was with appointments for her and Cruz. Like routine work, doctor’s office appointments, dental visits and annual eye exams was something Angel kept track of. Her and Cruz’s inhaler and nebulizer refills? Angel was always on it. 

It was quite impressive and she was touched. 

“Am I? How are you so good at this, but forget to put the toilet seat down.” She teased him. She poured more mango juice in her cup, pouring some in Angel’s as well.

Angel chuckled. “I have to make sure you’re well taken care of cause you suck at taking care of yourself.”

“Thanks Angel,” she blushed, which didn’t go unnoticed by Angel. He did it to purposely see her blushing. 

It was so fucking cute. 

“Do you want me to make the appointment?” Angel knew that Alena absolutely loathed talking on the phone. She would become anxious, planning the conversation ahead. So from time to time, he helped her out. 

“No, it’s fine, I can do it.” She appreciated the offer. Angel really took care of her. “You can’t always make my phone calls for me.”

“That is true, but I would do anything for you cielo.” He kissed the back of her hand making Alena blush again. He chuckled. “Eres tan linda.(You’re so cute).”

They continued to eat, Angel updating Alena of the recent club happenings. She was hesitant to bring up Victor, but if she wanted a chance on normalcy, she would have to start somewhere.

“So, Victor and I went out and it was nice, we went to a museum then we had dinner at his place.” Alena paused, if they were ever going to become normal or whatever the fuck they were before Cruz, she had to talk to Angel like he was her friend, not tip toe around him. “And he kissed me.”

Angel choked on the mango juice he was drinking, looking at Alena like she grew another head. “Excuse me, what?”

“Yeah, we kissed at the end of our date.  It was nice, he was very sweet. Potential, once we get divorced.” 

Angel was fucking losing it. Did he fucking enter the twilight zone that Alena was nonchalantly talking to him about going on a date with Victor and kissing him. 

And divorce?

Maybe she’ll change her mind when he tells her how he loves her and how he wants to be with her. That he was an idiot for not moving quicker and just letting everything hang in the air. Communication hasn’t been his greatest asset, but he was going to try for her. 

He would never force Alena to stay with him, but he knew her actions were a consequence of his own doing.

“Alena, what are you doing?” 

She looked at him oddly as she took Cruz’s plate, placing it on top of hers.

“Nothing, I’m telling you about my date.” 

“You’re telling your husband about a date you went on?” Angel tried to say it in a way so she could see how insane she sounded. He knew what she was doing, trying to normalize this insane notion of her and Victor being together, to try and become just friends. She has never been just a friend to Angel.

“Yes, we’re friends right? And we know what this is. The divorce papers should be ready in the next few weeks and once it’s signed, we’re both free to,” she thought for a moment, “publicly do what we want.”

Yep, Alena had him fucked up.

“Divorce papers? Who agreed to a divorce?” Angel didn’t like this at all. He fucked up. He should have told Alena so that they could be talking about having more kids not fucking dates and divorce papers.

“We did, a few years back remember?” Alena wasn’t sure where this surge of confidence was coming from, but this was to protect herself. She’s loved Angel for so long and he was always so hot and cold, he didn’t know where to place her so she’ll do it for him.

“Alena, I don’t have any plans on ever signing those papers, you want to file them, go ahead, but we both know you don’t want for us to get divorced.” Angel shook his head in disbelief. This was partly his own doing, but he knew what Alena was trying to do. She was taking initiative since he’s been so back and forth with her. But he was taking initiative too. Alena was his wife, and they’ll remain that way. “You kissed him?"

"Yes,” Alena noticed then that Angel was stoic, keeping his emotions at bay which he did when he was trying his best to control himself. “I'm sorry, I don't know how it happened." She wasn’t certain why she apologized, but she felt that she had to do so. They were married.

"You said you had errands." Angel reminded her of her lie. Since when did Alena lie to him?

"I did and Victor wanted to go to dinner and a museum. I just, it just happened." 

“Did you sleep with him?” Angel stood up.

“No, of course not.”

“Yes because just kissing him is so much better.” Alena watched as Angel placed a kiss on Cruz head as he was sitting on the couch, watching television. He looked up at him confused. "I got shit to handle at the club, I'll be back late, don't wait up." Angel grabbed his kutte.

"Angel, please, I'm sorry." Alena wasn't even sure why she was apologizing. Angel had told her that he didn’t have anything to do today except be with them. “We’re just friends.”

“I don’t like Victor, you’ve never lied to me before and since this whole thing started you started lying to me.” Angel frowned. “If there was nothing to worry about you wouldn’t hide it and you wouldn’t excitedly tell me about a kiss you two shared.” Angel turned to face her as his hand gripped the doorknob. “Do you love Victor?”

"What?" That was ridiculous, she didn’t love Victor. 

"Do you love Victor?"

"No." And she didn’t. 

"Do you want to be with him?"

"I don’t know.” And she didn’t know. 

"Don’t know?” Angel let out a chuckle. “Sure doesn't seem like it."

============

Alena sat down at the park bench, Cruz in perfect line of sight for her. He was in the sandbox playing with a few other kids. She took out the book EZ had recommended for her a few weeks ago and opened it to the latest page she was on. Every once in a while, she would look up to check on Cruz. It made her anxious when they went to the park since she read so many horror stories of kids just disappearing. She wouldn’t know what she would do if Cruz disappeared while he was with her. 

She’s been trying to text Angel all day, but he hasn’t responded to her. In hindsight, she could understand why he hadn't responded to her, but she was hoping he would at least let her know he was okay. Maybe she approached it wrong and could have done it in a better way, but she didn’t know how else to do so. She was trying to go back to normal with Angel, whatever normal was for them two. They were friends once and were able to talk about anything, but it was different now. 

Though maybe it was disrespectful to speak about a date to her supposed husband.

“That’s a good book.” She heard someone comment beside her. “Don Quixote.”

She looked up and smiled at the person, thanking her. She noticed the tattoo on her neck, which was actually beautiful. The young woman before her was beautiful as well. Her pale skin was in contrast to her dark green jacket. She wasn’t sure why she was wearing a jacket since it was scorching hot in Santo Padre right now. But she definitely looked cute. 

“You’re Angel’s wife.”

Common knowledge in Santo Padre, not odd whatsoever. 

“Yes, I am.” Alena hoped this wasn’t one of those psycho’s who was hoping for her death so they could sweep Angel off his feet. Can they just sweep him off his feet without wishing for her death? Alena no longer wanted to be a part of this conversation, focusing her attention back on the book before her. Being Angel’s wife was quite a pain. Besides the fact he slept with almost fucking everyone in Santo Padre, all these women began to lust after him again after he got a ring around his finger and Cruz by his side. Cruz was a cute kid and it was hard to resist that aspect of Angel’s life, but she wished they would stop confronting her as if it would do something if they did. 

“I’m not here to start any trouble, I just wanted to meet the woman who has Angel’s heart.” Alena looked over at her again and she had a smile on her face, it wasn’t menacing, it was genuine. Woman who had Angel’s heart? Right, cause they’re married. “He speaks of you and your son often.”

“Do I know you?”

“My name is Adelita.” 

Alena almost gasped when the name registered. She was the rebel leader, the one she was convincing Angel to date. God, she was beautiful. 

“Oh,” Alena closed her book then. “Angel speaks of you often as well.” Alena lightly laughed. “I’m quite surprised to see you on this side.” 

“Plans have changed and I wanted to meet you. You have a beautiful son.” Alena and Adelita both looked over at Cruz who waved at his mother. “You’ve sacrificed a great deal for Angel.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“No, he didn’t. Any woman who has chosen to raise a child who is not hers is admirable, though I’m sure it came with great sacrifices.”

“It did, but I don’t regret it. They’re my family.” Alena wasn’t even sure why she was entertaining this conversation, but she had always wanted to meet the woman that Angel admired. “I have to correct your statement though, I don’t have Angel’s heart. I’m sure you know of our circumstances. In a few month’s time, we’ll be divorced so I’m sure you two can pursue whatever relationship you would like to do so then.”

Adelita laughed, shaking her head. “Angel did tell me you were planning to get a divorce.” It was comical for her since Alena and Angel were telling the stories differently. On one hand for Alena, their agreement has come to an end and it was time for the divorce. For Angel, she overheard him mentioning the divorce EZ as they drove her to her destination a week earlier and how he had no plans of divorcing her. 

Alena smiled, nodding her head. “Yes we are, will you be staying on this side of the border from now on? To be closer to Angel?”

“I think you misunderstood Alena, Angel and I only have a purely business relationship. He is quite an attractive man, but his attention is solely on you.” Adelita stood up then, Alena standing up as well. She stuck her hand out, which Alena took. “You are quite remarkable Alena Reyes, you have made a good man out of Angel.”

Adelita walked away then, leaving Alena speechless. She wondered why she even came to see her. She felt a pull on her skirt and looked down at Cruz.

“Mama, who was that?”

“Just one of daddy’s friends.” She ran her fingers through Cruz’s hair. “Did you want your juice?”

Cruz nodded his head. Alena took the juice out of the little cooler she had for Cruz’s snacks and drinks. Handing it to Cruz, she wiped the sweat on his face and back, making sure he was hydrated. 

“Mama, can I have a little brother or sister?” 

Alena wanted to laugh at Cruz’s request. It’s not like she thought Angel was lying, but Cruz has never asked her about having a sibling.

“You want a sibling?” Alena sat him on her lap, pressing her cheek against his head. “How many do you want?”

“Um, five.”

“Did you tell Daddy that?” 

Cruz nodded his head as he drank his juice. “Daddy says he wants, um,” Cruz thought for a moment. “He said he wanted 8.”

Alena let out a baffled laugh. 8 kids? Was Angel going to carry them all? What was up with her boys and wanting a handful of children running around.

“And when you ask Daddy, what does he tell you?”

“He says we have to ask you because you’re the boss.”

Alena shook her head. Her boys were too much at times. 

“How about a puppy first?”

============

Alena yawned as she exited the bathroom. She almost screamed when she found Angel sitting at the edge of their bed, fidgeting with the keys he had. 

“Angel?” She called out questioningly. No answer. He continued to fiddle with the keys. “Babe?”

Angel looked up, his watery eyes immediately got Alena. She quickly walked over to him and cupped his face.

“You okay? What’s wrong?” She frowned as the tears fell from his eyes. The scratches on his face worried her. She moved away to grab the first aid kit, but Angel grabbed her elbow and pulled her against him.

He had his head on her chest, arms tightly around her. “Please don’t leave me cielo, you’re the only person I have.”

“I would never leave you Angel.” She ran her fingers through his hair. She knew he was crying, the way his shoulders were shaking.

“You and Cruz are my family, I can’t lose you. I would go insane.” 

“Angel, you’re not going to lose me.” She pulled away, cupping his face as she wiped the tears. Angel rarely cried and when he did, she was the one who caught him and provided relief. “I’ll always be here for you.” She kissed him, knowing Angel needed some type of reassurance and it was the first thing that came to her head. 

Angel pulled her to his lap, Alena straddling him. He wrapped his arms around. One of Alena’s hands cradling his face, while the other arm wrapped around his neck. She pulled away, leaning her forehead against his. God, that kiss was definitely different when compared to Victor. When she kissed Angel, she felt that if she wasn’t sitting on Angel’s lap, her knees would go weak, her body going limp. All the worries they both had were wiped out since they were the only two people in this world, everything else blurred out.

“What’s wrong?” Alena asked.

“Ezekiel betrayed me.” Angel plopped down the bed, Alena still on his lap. 

She frowned, getting off his lap and moving to sit beside the top half of his body. “What happened?” She intertwined their hands, waiting for Angel to talk.

And when he did, he told her everything. 

At the end of the story, Angel had his head on Alena’s chest, her fingers running through his hair. His arms were wrapped around her middle as Angel listened to her heart. Alena was in shock that this all occurred. She always thought it was too good to be true for EZ to get out, but she believed that the cop may have been corrupt or whatever excuse they had given. She worried the most for Angel, his relationship with Felipe was starting to mend due to Cruz and now, she knew Angel’s trust was shattered. 

“What can I do to make it better?” Alena broke the silence that befell them after he finished his story.

“Just don’t leave me.”

“Other than that, you already know I won’t leave you.” Alena kissed the top of his head. 

“Can we have a baby?”

“If you carry it, absolutely.”

Alena and Angel both laughed. She playfully smacked him upside the head, causing Angel to flinch. He loved laying his head on her chest, just listening to her heart beating. At times, it even lulled him to sleep, but he knew sleep wouldn’t be coming soon. 

“He’s your brother Angel, I know you’re hurting, but hear him out.”

“No,” Angel’s tone was firm and left no room for argument. “You’re my family now, you, Cruz and your family are mine. I was always the outsider, but not anymore. I have a family of my own and none of our kids will ever feel second best to any of their siblings.” 

“Okay babe.” 

Angel knew this was the perfect time to tell her he loves her, to show her how much he loves her, but he wanted to settle this whole thing with Ezekiel. Once it was done, he would tell Alena everything and from them on, as it’s always been, it would be the two of them against the world. 

“I met Adelita.”

Angel froze, his eyes widening. He sat up, looking down at Alena who propped herself using her forearms. “What?”

“Yeah, she came up to me while we were at the park.” Alena noticed how uncomfortable Angel became and sat up as well, placing her hand on his. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s not weird at all. She’s beautiful and I think you two would make a good couple.” 

Angel gave Alena an incredulous look and shook his head. “Did she do anything? Say anything?”

“No, she just said she wanted to meet me and she thought I was remarkable, which was kind of odd if you think about it. I’m not the leader of some rebellious group that is giving the cartel a run for their money.” Alena went under the covers then, just so she could hide when Angel broke the news to her about him and Adelita. “You okay?” She noticed how tense Angel was. 

He was livid. How dare Adelita approach Alena. He told her, his family was off limits. No Alena. No Cruz. No Felipe. He played her game and helped her as much as he could, she should have at least respected his wishes. 

“What did she tell you?” 

“That she wanted to meet the woman who had your heart.” Alena turned to Angel, resting her head against her propped hand. “Did she meet her?”

Angel wanted to laugh at the irony and slowness of Alena. “Cielo, it’s you.”

“Look, I think we should clear the air.” Alena was surprised by her own words. She was never to be the one to clear the air and after what happened with Ezekiel, this may not be the right time, but they were here now. “I know you said you haven’t slept with anyone since we got married, which I believe you, but I just want you to know that you don’t have to try and salvage things here. We’ve always known what it was and that’s fine. Maybe we shouldn’t have sex anymore so it doesn’t,” Alena looked up at Angel when she noticed she was looking at his ringed fingers that had dried blood on it. “We should clean the blood off.” 

“So it doesn’t what?” 

“It doesn’t confuse us further.” She got out of bed and grabbed a wet cloth. She sat in front of Angel wiping off the dried blood from his knuckles. 

“I would never force you to be intimate with me Alena, we both know I can respect your boundaries.” Angel watched as Alena cleaned his wounds.

“I know, which is why I’m putting up my boundaries again. I want us to be able to be friends after all of this.”

“Alena, do you honestly think that’s going to make things better? I already told you, I have feelings for you and that’s not going to go away because you decide we’re not going to have sex. We’ve done it before, remember? Six months, no sex, which is fine, I would never force you. The most I did was kiss your neck.” Angel remembered that. Alena had asked him to back off, which he did, she eventually came to him on his birthday and after that, they’ve been intimate ever since. “It didn’t do anything for how I felt about you Alena, it just made me feel like you didn’t want me.”

“You’re so hot and cold Angel, I don’t even think you know what you want.” Alena sighed. “I don’t want to fight, you had such a long day and it’s almost six in the morning.” 

Angel stood up. “I’m gonna go see pops.”

“Angel, I, I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’ll never lose me Alena. I know I’ve been an asshole, I’m hot and cold, but I truly have feelings for you. Just give me time to fix all this shit with EZ and once it’s done, we can figure us out.” Angel walked over to her and kissed her. “I’ll see you later.”

Alena sat on their bed and sighed. The butterflies in her stomach were still running rampant after Angel’s words. She believed him, she really did, but he would most likely change his mind tomorrow.

She didn’t want to be with Victor, that was for sure.

At least not right now. Not when she was still irrevocably in love with Angel. 

============

Angel sat beside Coco on the couch as he finished his session with the tattoo artist. It’s been a whirlwind of a day and as much as he wanted to go home, he needed space from Alena. With everything going on, he didn’t know where they could go. Of course, confessing to Alena was still in the plan, but after Adelita came to see her, Angel just felt shaken. He never wanted to involve Alena in this, but he told her everything. She was like his journal, non judging and took everything in. The most important thing for her was him and Cruz, how it would affect them.

It would kill him if something happened to Alena and Cruz. 

“Alena texted me, have you spoken to her?” Coco questioned as he sat down next to his brother, letting out a puff of smoke from his mouth.

“I told her we were here and that I would be staying the night. Why?” His eyes drifted over to his brother who was currently getting the tattoo.

“You know Adelita came to see her?”

“She told me, why, what’s going on?” Did Adelita go to see her again? Did someone else? He took his phone out and there were no messages from Alena.

“I don’t know, I just don’t feel comfortable with her visiting Lenny.” Coco shrugged.

“You think I fucking do?” Angel sighed. “She isn’t going to harm Alena.”

“I don’t think she is, but I’m sure Alena’s mind is running wild.” Coco knew how deeply Alena felt for Angel. During times that Angel had a run that would take him away from Alena and Cruz for longer than he wanted which was basically a day, so Coco would stay with Alena. 

And when he did, he let her let loose and have a few drinks with him.

============

Alena giggled as she took another shot. Korean Vodka, Soju, was Alena’s favorite, specifically the apple flavor. Coco had come to take a liking of it as well and they were three bottles deep. Alena’s cheeks were red, a clear sign of her intoxication. She also had no filter, which Coco enjoyed thoroughly. 

“You know I feel stupid for taking on a role I always wanted, but not under this circumstances.” Alena rested her cheek on her palm, giving Coco a small smile. “I love Cruz so much though, I feel like he is my kid.”

“Alena, Cruz is your kid. He’s so attached to you.” Coco was surprised that Cruz didn’t throw a bigger fuss whenever Alena went back to San Diego. Though, it was a hit or miss. When he threw a big fuss, Alena would take him to San Diego, Angel following behind after a few days. Their dynamic was fucking odd, but who likes normal anyway?

“Sometimes I wish he really was, that Valeria wasn’t his mom.” Coco watched as Alena’s face scrunched up. “I was going to confess to him when he told me Valeria had his kid. I was going to tell him that I was in love with him, that I was going to Paris and if he didn’t feel the same, it was okay.” She began to cry then, letting her tears fall. “I love Angel so much, it hurts at times. But I’m happy where we are no matter how fake our relationship is. Being here for him, to raise Cruz with him, it’s more than I can ask for.”

Coco frowned at Alena’s words. He and Gilly always spoke about Alena’s love for Angel, how idiotic she could be, but at the same time, they admired her greatly. She had the purest kind of love for Angel. She didn’t become angry when he was with another person. She doesn’t hold grudges against him or anyone for that matter. She didn’t become angry when she felt rejected. She loved him unconditionally without any expectations and Coco was envious of that. They were all a bunch of misfits who did not have the best relationships with their families, they found a family in one another. Then they have Alena, someone they definitely don’t fucking deserve, who loves them as well, as an extension of her love for Angel.

When he first met her, he couldn’t believe this young woman was fucking hanging around Angel. He was closed off, but she always went out of her way to make sure he was taken care of along with Angel. And from then on, they became closer and closer. Seeing her hurting like this, it hurt him, his younger sister was suffering cause his brother was a fucking idiot.

He was certain Angel felt greatly for her too, with Cruz around, it just wasn’t the main priority. 

“Alena, you know you deserve better. You should have gone to Paris.” Coco was the one who encouraged Alena to go to Paris. Was it a dick move? Maybe, but Angel didn’t know what he had, perhaps it would have woken him up. She refused to tell him though. And he knew why. Angel would have begged her to stay and she couldn’t say no to him.

“Yeah, I should have. But when I met Cruz, I couldn’t. He looked so much like Angel. He deserved a chance to be a father. I wasn’t going to let Valeria take that away from him.” Alena wiped her tears, laughing at her silliness. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying. I like it when you come and stay with me, I miss spending time with you and the others.”

“Yeah, Angel fucking locked you down here or something ever since you two got married.” Coco teased. They held no hard feelings towards Angel. He was always protective of Alena, but that increased tenfold when they got married. “But we get it, Cruz is your priority.”

“He is.”

“Alena, it’s okay for you to cry. I know how frustrating it is for you. It’s rare for you to show any frustration, but don’t you just want to scream at times?”

“For what?”

“I’m sure this situation isn’t ideal for you. I know that you always wanted to marry Angel, but not like this.”

Alena smiled. “No, but it’s fine. Angel needs me, Cruz needs me. I’m like the glorified nanny.”

“Stop that shit Lenny, you know you’re not a fucking nanny. You’re Cruz’s mother.” Coco hated hearing Alena put herself down. She was far from a fucking nanny.

“I know, do you think Angel could ever love me?” 

“Alena, it’s hard not to fall in love with you.” 

“He didn’t though.”

Coco watched as Alena took another shot. But Angel was in love with her, he was just too fucking stupid to make a move.

============

“Running wild?” Angel wasn’t sure what Coco meant. Did Alena express to Coco that she was worried about Adelita or disclosed information she didn’t tell him about? If he was honest, he was glad Alena was close to the members, but at times, he felt that she withheld information from him and heard it from Coco instead. 

“I’m sure she thinks Adelita and you are getting together.” Coco regretted telling Alena how much Angel admired Adelita. She just gave him that smile of hers and he knew it got to her. Yet again, she was on the losing end with Angel. His brother really did a number on her.

“Is she fucking insane? I haven’t even touched another woman since we got married.” Angel knew it was easy to assume that he slept around, but he didn’t. He was devoted to Alena and that was that.

But he also knew why Adelita came to see Alena. She’s overheard Angel speak about Alena so much, anyone would be curious. 

They were across the border, bringing some supplies to Los Olvidados when Alena had messaged Angel.

============

Angel chuckled, shaking his head and replying to Alena. He knew there was some international charges, but he didn’t give a fuck. He always kept his phone on in case there was an emergency.

“What Lenny send you?” Coco questioned, trying to peak at Angel’s phone.

Angel moved it closer to his chest, shaking his head. “Nothing man, just Cruz finally jumping in the pool at her apartment building.”

“I still can’t believe you’re okay with her living in San Diego.” Coco chuckled. “You aren’t worried she’s dating people while you’re not there?”

“Careful bro, we don’t need Angel locking her down more than he already has.” Gilly teased Angel, adding to Coco’s statement. 

“Alena doesn’t need anyone, she has me.” Angel scoffed at their suggestion that his precious Cielo would even stray from him.

“Right, does she know that?” Coco was not a fan of Angel’s methods when it came to Alena. For him, he didn’t need to tell her they were it for one another, even though 

“You have a girlfriend?” Adelita surprised the three men. She was attracted to Angel and she honestly thought he was attracted to her, but she’s heard them mention the name Alena plenty of times. She thought she was just the mother of his child. 

“No, Alena’s my wife.” Angel showed his left hand.

Adelita smiled, nodding her head. “She’s a lucky woman. How long have you two been together?”

“Four years.”

“She must be one hell of a woman to have tamed you.”

Coco chuckled. “You have no idea.”

============

“I literally told Alena, it’s me and her. Always has been since we got married.” Angel extinguished his cigarette, shoving it down on the ashtray. 

“Hermano, you know why she’s like that. Talk to her. Communication is key.” Coco smirked. “And from what you told us, it’s not you and her anymore. She went on a date with Victor.”

“Victor is nothing. He’s a fucking pretentious asshole.”

"You would like Victor if he wasn't making moves on your girl. Told you, a girl like her would just stay single for so long. Her kindness was always beyond you, and someone finally noticed her. It's the day you always feared hermano, what are you going to do about it?"

"It's too fucking late for the church of Coco."

#angel reyes #angelreyes #angel reyes fanfiction #angel reyes fic #angel reyes fanfic #mayans mc fic #mayans mc fanfic #eiy

[mego42]

207 Discussion Q’s

shout out and thank you to @pynkhues for putting these together even though she wasn’t gonna be here this week

1. What was your favourite scene of the episode? Tell us why!

obvs the dubby but underrated fav is Ruby and Jane in the closet, idk exactly why but I am starved for the families interacting with each other content (screw the timeline, the most unrealistic aspect of this show is that they aren’t constantly in and out of each other’s houses with ben and sara continually being called on to babysit) so this little snippet makes me levitate

2. Was there any scene that missed the mark for you? And if so, how?

the annie and noah scenes for sure. I mostly feel betrayed bc I really liked them the first time I watched (i have a lot of built in affection for sam huntington let me live) and now I’m like BEGONE FOUL BETRAYER and feel pre-emptive fatigue over annie’s taste in men and how that’s not going to get better any time soon

3. I know time does not exist in the Good Girls universe (or in reality anymore), but let’s start with a timeline question! The implication of the opening montage is that a bit of time has past since Beth strongarmed the partnership with Rio at the end of 2.06. How long do you think it’s been? And more importantly, what do you think these early days of their partnership looked like?

I tend to lean towards at least 2 months, maybe more based on:

the number of shoeboxes and how many times Beth’s shown making a closet deposit

how lived in their annoyance over Beth’s dividing her time and Rio pushing back feels

the implication (at least how i read it) that Rio’s annoyance stems from having to track Beth down which presumably implies they’d grumbled their way into a semi-functional working relationship prior (supported by their ease with each other in 208) and if the montage has only been a month, that would be a maximum of 4 meetings and I don’t particularly think that’s enough time for them to get over being extremely prickly with each other

the fact that Beth goes to Rio for help when Jane’s missing (again, to me implies a longer period of time to get over some of their antagonism than a max of 4 meets)

I imagine their initial partnership went something like Beth being a smug brat about forcing her way in, Rio being deliberately unhelpful and trying to force her to admit she’s in over her head (while still keeping enough of an eye on things that his money isn’t jeopardized), Beth stubbornly refusing to and finding ways to rise to the occasion, Rio being grudgingly impressed, Beth being annoyed with herself for how pleased she is over that. Lather, rinse, repeat until they’ve worn a cantankerous but bizarrely comfortable groove into each other.

meanwhile, Mick, Annie and Ruby are absolutely disgusted by everything happening in front of their eyes.

4. The first scene between Ruby and Turner in this episode is a really dynamic one! It’s pretty clear that Ruby’s afraid of Turner, but what do you think Turner thinks of Ruby?

I think he sees a big cartoon canister labeled "Beth Boland Bait"

5. Taking the kids to the drop was a pretty big mistake! What do you think Beth should’ve done in this instance? Do you think saying no again to Rio was an option?

CALLED BEN OR SARA FOR A BABYSITTING ASSIST. For fucks’ sake.

And yeah, I think she could’ve said no to Rio but he would’ve kept her cut of that drop and, even worse, would’ve been able to hold the fact that she didn’t deliver that one time over her head forever more.

6. The krav maga teacher offers some sage advice telling Dean to not order the hit and instead just divorce his wife, haha. Do you think that he thought the baby hitmen would come through for Dean? Or do you think he was deliberately setting Dean up to get robbed?

I choose to believe the krav maga teacher knew exactly what kind of an idiot Dean was and set him up because the dude clearly had at least two brain cells to rub together and anyone with two brain cells to rub together would never get tangled up in a murder plot with Dean standing on the street corner telling random bystanders in detail how he wants to kill the guy that fucked his wife what do you mean established means and motive Boland.

7. During Ben and Annie’s tense conversation, Ben tells Annie that she’s hard to keep track of - she’s parent mom, cool mom, sketchy mom. In a lot of ways, this feels like a parallel to Ruby talking to Beth in the last episode and calling her ‘drug Beth, gun Beth, human trafficking Beth’. What do you make of this? And how do you think it relates to the show’s themes?

I defer to @foxmagpie’s answer because I like it a lot. 

8. The scene with the girls in the house! Tell me all your thoughts please!!!

I love this scene a lot

Beth’s channeling Rio in general but also specifically in 201 you will never ever change my mind

Sometimes I lie awake at night wishing Rio had seen it

Prayer circle that he sees a version of it in s4

Can you imagine the nightmare level of boner he would get? The sheer narcissism!!

Ruby’s obvious wish for new friends is The Most Valid

I really love the main drug den guy, I love Blake Shields’s energy, it makes the scene crackle, and I wish they’d bring him back purely bc he’s gr9

9. Annie meets Noah in this episode! What do you think of their introduction to one another? And how would you rate Noah on the scale of ‘Garbage Annie Love Interests’?

at least he’s not her therapist I guess

10. Beth has two pivotal and emotionally revealing fights this episode - one with Dean and the other with Rio. How do these fights compare? And what do you think they tell us about her respective relationship with them?

UUUNNNNNFFFFFFFF

I L O V E how hard the show goes on Dean’s obsession with Beth and Rio as the primary source of his angst

the fact that he’s trying to rope Stan into murder while looking for Jane who isn’t even MISSING but Dean had NO IDEA bc instead of giving a shit he went straight to HOW CAN THIS BE THAT GUY’S FAULT

I love how clearly they delineate that it isn’t about Beth but specifically about someone else ~*~taking~*~ Beth from him and how emasculated that makes him feel (something something something the storyline opens with the krav maga guy choking him out and then telling him to divorce her and Dean being like I reject your rational and logical solution bc it doesn’t punish the man who touched my property, idk i have a half baked thought there but i can’t pull it out of my brain)

and then it’s all underscored how little Dean’s worried about Beth and her safety by him bringing her work up specifically as a gotcha (which, unless I’m forgetting something, is p much the only context Dean ever brings it up in besides maybe the sit down fight but that’s again, about Beth acting out vs genuine concern)

Meanwhile, this is contrasted with:

Beth flipping tf out at the mere suggestion Rio would ever hurt her children, showing how deeply and instinctively she trusts him in regards to her children aka what’s been established as her Most Important Priority over and over (in the same breath that she rips into Dean for losing Jane in the first place)

which is doubled down on her immediately going to Rio for help

and he is FURIOUS at her, but the thing he leans hard on isn’t how she could have jeopardized the business deal (aka his money, what’s been established as his Most Important Priority over and over) but how she jeopardized herself and how badly she can fuck up if she doesn’t take this seriously

putting himself in a vulnerable position (presumably burning a connect, letting on that Beth means something to him beyond business) to look out for Beth’s emotional well-being

And then, just to drive it home a little further, @sothischickshe pointed out the Beth and Rio fight over Beth’s self preservation is directly paralleled with Stan freaking out at Ruby over the IA stuff because he’s worried about her and I had to go and stare at a blank wall for a few minutes to calm down.

anyway, draw your own conclusions.

11. Ruby takes Jane being missing as an opportunity to try and find evidence on Beth for Turner and, in the process, finds Jane too. How do you think this scene captures Ruby’s moral dilemma? And do you think it’s a satisfying turning point in the Ruby-Turner arc?

I struggle a lot with the Turner and Ruby plot specifically because I HATE that Turner’s ruthlessly leaning on Ruby as the weak link but I’m also ferociously attracted to him so I’m less bothered by it than I feel like I should be so mostly I just try not to think about any of it.

Idk, I see it in some ways as a continuation of Ruby’s fight with Beth and Annie in s1 where Annie said she isn’t blood. They put Ruby on the outside but when push comes to shove, Ruby still puts the two of them above her own family. As far as I’m concerned, Annie still owes Ruby a massive apology for that. Beth I let off the hook a little because by the end of the season she’s ready to turn herself in to make it all go away for all of them (I think, unless I’m misremembering, which is entirely possible bc I don’t think I’ve ever rewatched all of 213)

12. RIO GETS BETH THE DUBBY!! That’s it, that’s the question. Please discuss.

I think a lot about how the gesture is so baldly honest neither one of them can face it either at all (Rio) or without taking a shot first (Beth) which, now that I’ve typed it out, is also an interesting flip of their general MO bc under normal circumstances I’d put Rio down as the one that, of the two of them, is more willing to face stuff whereas Beth’s the one that hides from it.

#gg rewatch #gg 2x07 #gg related #shut up meg

[pynkhues]

Why does no one ever hold rio accountable for shooting dean? Like everyone hates Beth but nobody ever talks about rio almost killing Dean the father of her kids. Doing the same thing that everyone hated Beth for. Taking away rio form Marcus. Like rio almost took away Dean from his kids. I think it’s very hypocritical.

I think that there are quite a few things to unpack in that question, anon, and some of it I think is genuinely based on the way the story has played out, and the arcs of certain characters and plots, and how the chips ultimately fell with some of the themes and messaging. I also think personally though that some of it boils down to how some people within the audience feel about Rio, and some selective reading on his character and his dynamic with Beth overall.

So let’s explore that!

Prelude to a Bullet Wound

At the foundation of your ask is a pretty specific question I think about how the story depicts consequences, who it holds to account, and who is deserving or undeserving of those consequences overall. Even more specifically – although please correct me if I’m wrong! – is a question about how those consequences are dealt in the Dean x Beth x Rio dynamic.

And that’s actually a really tricky question, because I think a lot of the time we like to compare Beth and Dean’s relationship with Beth and Rio’s with the expectation that that comparison can ultimately be presented as a sort of check-list of does and does-not, which actually does the complexity of both relationships a disservice.

From history to dynamic to context to personalities to attraction, it’s all so fundamentally different when you’re talking about these two relationships, that when you start to talk about the betrayals within both of them (of which there are many in each), they’re actually pretty incomparable.

So this brings me to my first point.

Consequences, Crime and Punishment

I think one of the big misreads of this series from audiences is that Dean hasn’t been punished for what he’s done to Beth over the course of the show.

Because he actually has! Dean has been shot by Rio, like you said. He was briefly kicked out of the house, he was in a car accident, he was ousted from his own company and then he lost that company altogether, he was mugged and humiliated after trying to order a hitman, he watched his wife slip further and further away from him, had to start from the bottom in a new business, was sexually harassed by his boss then lost opportunities, and is now essentially being used as a patsy in a new criminal enterprise.

The thing is, Beth has never really been the one to punish him. She’s certainly made choices and done things that have humiliated him, but none of it was really an act to deliberately hurt him, more she made choices to be selfish in their relationship in a way she never had been (i.e. taking over Boland Motors, sleeping with Rio), but I’ll come back to that in a moment.

The fact that the story has punished Dean but Beth hasn’t is a really important distinction to make, and I think it’s crucial in unpacking both Beth and Dean, and Beth and Rio’s dynamic, as well as understanding some of the audiences hostility towards Dean’s storyline and why the audience doesn’t hold Rio accountable for shooting Dean in the first place.

It’s further underpinned, I think, by the fact that the show has rewarded Dean narratively with Beth’s forgiveness three times over (the first time being at the end of season 1 before the cancer lie was revealed, the second being the moment before Amber revealed Dean had cheated on her more than once in 2.05, and the third was with Beth’s seeming acceptance of Dean kissing Gayle [although I do think that would’ve come back up had we gotten all of s3]), and then placated him with her pity, fatigue, and the lies she’s told to keep him onside and out of her way.

It is exhausting. Dean is exhausting. The Boland marriage limping on season after season is exhausting. It’s also, I think, painfully realistic for a couple like Dean and Beth, who married at a formative age, and who’s foundation was built on Beth’s subservience, her desperate need for security and stability, and her willingness to dim her own light to brighten his.

A quick personal aside:

When my parents were in the dying days of their 30+ years relationship, their marriage counsellor told them that a relationship’s dynamic is really set within the first year of that relationship. You can change it after that, but it requires a lot of work and a deliberate effort to change that dynamic on many, many levels, and for many couples, it is too much work. It certainly was for my parents.

If you think about Beth and Dean in that context, it means that Beth’s energy with Dean is still somewhat stuck within a shell of being a neglected, private teenage girl trying to look after her sister and Dean being the son of a successful businessman, entitled with the knowledge he’d inherit that successful business one day.  

They are not those people anymore, and they both know it, but their relationship dynamic does play out that way. Dean will never see her as more than his to take care of, and Beth will forever fight the instinct to see Dean as the provider she never had growing up – something the show has addressed explicitly in many ways.

And the thing is, that’s not Beth and Rio’s relationship at all.

The foundations that they have built this thing between them on are both shakier and stronger, built on Beth’s need to survive in the moment and thrive in the future, and Rio seeing not the neglected teenage girl that Dean saw, but a fierce woman prepared to drag him for having the audacity to try and kill her in her own home.

Beth’s relationship with Dean is, in many ways, an essential component of Beth and Rio’s dynamic, simply because Beth won’t let Rio ever treat her the way Dean has and does. Beth holds Rio accountable in a way she doesn’t Dean (although very interestingly to me, she has at points looked to him to provide for her in the same way she’s looked at Dean), and it means she punishes Rio in a way she doesn’t punish Dean. She does this in no small part because Rio holds her accountable and punishes her in ways Dean doesn’t as well, simply because he expects so much more from her.

This is probably best encapsulated in 1.06, where Rio ups her drop (ergo, her degree of responsibility in the crime world) while Dean assumes she’s a victim, but it’s touched on routinely across the seasons.

Beth and Rio ultimately respect each other. Even when they’re deliberately undermining each other (usually Beth, haha) or deliberately condescending and patronising each other (usually Rio, haha), the basis of their relationship has been built on Beth showing promise, and Rio taking a chance, and grown into a complicated dynamic of control and autonomy, desire and fulfilment, want and approval, possession and abandonment, all playing out as some twisting, sexually charged game which, as I’ve said before, they both simultaneously want to win, and don’t want to play at all.

All of this means that where Beth and Dean are within a dynamic of placation and diminishment, Beth and Rio are constantly going toe-to-toe with each other either side of some line they’ve imagined up. It means they do hold each other accountable, that they ensure the other feels the consequences of their actions, that they never release their hold on the other (even if sometimes it looks like they do).

As a result though too, it does mean that that line can be crossed, and when it is, it’s almost always in a big, big way.

Uhhh, Sophie, this is a lot of meditating on Beth and Dean and Beth and Rio’s relationship for a question that was about why no one cares about Rio shooting Dean, but hates Beth for shooting Rio

Right! It is! But I also think it’s important in understanding why both acts had such different responses from audiences, and that namely boils down to the fact that I think most people saw, consciously or subconsciously, the act of Rio shooting Dean as a consequence of Dean’s behaviour, not of Beth’s, and therefore a punishment for Dean’s behaviour in the narrative overall, not a punishment of Beth.

Dean getting shot was a story-level punishment of Dean that felt earned.

It was Rio handling what Beth couldn’t, and it is satisfying to watch, particularly in the context of later seasons, because it does feel like a marked act of narrative accountability.

It’s just unfortunate that it resulted in so much of the fandom ignoring the fact that it was an incredibly harsh punishment to Beth, something that we’ve been dealing with ever since because it clearly made Beth feel like she couldn’t leave him during his treatment, and by the end of that treatment she had, once again, softened.

On the other hand, Rio getting shot by Beth was both a story-level and a character-level punishment that was ultimately unearned on either of those levels.

It’s not that it didn’t make sense in terms of the escalating push-pull dynamic that is so central to Beth and Rio’s relationship and chemistry, but that there wasn’t enough build-up for it – and Rio hadn’t done enough to deserve it – which in turn made the punishment not fit the crime (which is to say nothing of the racist optics of it). It was a damning act that, quite simply, didn’t work in the context of season 2 overall, and as opposed to criticising the writing choice, some fans chose to turn that into a hatred of Beth’s character.

A brief aside

I do always find it interesting that many of these same fans refuse to confront the fact that Beth and the girls have had relentless punishment at the hands of others – particularly Rio – since this show started, but that feels like a whole other post.

Smoke and mirrors

These two acts are interesting to look at in the context of these respective dynamics, but they’re actually not parallel events. In that sense, I actually find the act of Beth insinuating herself into Rhea and Marcus’ life a much more comparable act to Rio shooting Dean than Beth shooting Rio was.

They were different types of violence – a psychological one over a physical one – sure, but had the same underpinning themes of home invasion, involving each other’s families in the fucked-up dynamic between them, and revealing a degree of Beth and Rio’s intimacy to the other’s (ex)partner (Rio through touching Beth in front of Dean, Beth through the pregnancy lie meaning Rhea knew Beth and Rio had slept together). It also puts them both as instigators on similar playing fields. They were, after all, actions that both Beth and Rio sought out doing.

It makes for a really interesting parallel that I wish we all talked about more!

Beth shooting Rio on the other hand was a manifestation of a set-up and a betrayal, a kidnapping gone wrong, an effort to strongarm Beth into killing an FBI agent, and yeah. Not my favourite plot choice on the show, haha, so I absolutely understand why it isn’t others’ too.

A final note

Look, all story analysis aside – at the end of the day, a portion of the fandom woobifies Rio and loathes Dean too, which no doubt plays a large part in some people’s response to these two acts. You only need to look at the volume of Rio x Reader or Rio x OC fics on here and ao3 to see that there’s a big chunk of the fandom out there who projects other fantasies onto his character, which is, of course, entirely fine! It’s just a shame some of them choose to let that influence the way they view canon and publicly treat other characters on the show too.

#this is a long post folks #beth x dean #beth x rio #beth boland #rio #rhea #staying's worse than leaving #gg 2.01 #gg 2.13 #gg 3.01 #gg 3.02 #power plays #interior lives #checks and balances #sunday answers #Anonymous

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: I just got the last of my stuff from Dan’s… so that’s officially dealt with and done

Rio: You said your parents had a conference THIS weekend, right?

Buster: Yeah? So he’ll still be crying by then, but you don’t have to be, ‘cause I did say that, they’re [deets] all weekend

Rio: You don’t need to concern yourself with how he is or isn’t feeling ever again, sweet as that is, babe

Rio: Great, because I have likewise just finished convincing my mum that Nance needs some quality girl time and she, for some reason, can’t come here as per and I NEED to go to yours

Rio: I can even pull a sickie Monday so Sunday can really count too

Buster: The party I’m gonna throw is a perfect cover for why you’ve gotta be here with Nance, there ain’t a bigger cunt move than inviting everyone from school to swarm all over our house, and it’ll work for how loudly you’re gonna wanna tell me you miss me when you can get a second away from her

Rio: Even if her go-to is locking herself in her room, I’ll convince her it’ll be more fun to join in

Rio: hers is not the room I don’t wanna leave the whole time I’m there, like

Rio: 🤔 I might be able to invite some people to come hang with her

Rio: Your party will have plenty to offer for people that aren’t me, yeah?

Buster: ‘Course, it’s me hosting it, it’ll have everything

Rio: I won’t oversell it quite that hard 😏

Rio: but I know people who’ll be down

Rio: Ava went with them, or is she coming here?

Buster: Get her drunk and you can come see me play on Sunday before she’s even awake to realise you’re gone

Buster: Ava’s going to a friend’s after school on Friday ‘til they get back, probably having her own kid party, like

Rio: I can just wanna drool over the other lads on your team

Rio: she’ll think that’s standard straight girl behaviour and not bother to get out of bed for it

Rio: Cute

Buster: You can wanna before you’ve seen any of ‘em, yeah

Buster: Long as she steers clear of the Brandy in her friend’s parents drinks cabinet, it’ll be fine

Rio: The whole squads busted? Awkward

Rio: Luckily you know my actual motivation to get up at the crack of dawn

Rio: Undoubtedly, she’s smarter than us

Rio: I know all my siblings make me feel like a total idiot in comparison

Buster: Compared to me

Buster: She’s less reckless than me, but less cautious than Nance, as combinations go, I reckon she’ll do alright with that

Buster: I ain’t sorry for living dangerously though and an idiot is the last thing I feel like

Rio: I don’t need to see them to know that

Rio: Good, because if you were going to turn around and tell me not to come already…

Rio: I was scared you’d get back to London and not talk to me again like before

Rio: like, I didn’t think you would with my rational brain but that other 10% or whatever

Buster: I was thinking you’d not be able to get to London without the excuse of someone getting married or born or dying, shouldn’t have underestimated you, or how much my sister didn’t wanna come back

Rio: Mum is pretty chill, it’s more explaining it when your parents are about

Rio: or when you suddenly want to come here again

Buster: Thank Christ they never are

Rio: It does work in our favour

Rio: and if I wanna see the sights, no one is going to be mad at me staying safe and staying with family to do so, right?

Rio: it’s mainly Nance who we need to worry about

Buster: We don’t have to worry about anything, she’s preoccupied with her own shit

Rio: Yeah, can’t argue with that

Rio: or blame her

Buster: That said, we won’t take unnecessary risks

Rio: When you put it like that, I obviously want to

Rio: only the necessary ones then

Rio: because some are

Buster: Right now they all feel like they are

Rio: Tell me about it

Rio: I feel like I’ve barely been here because I wanna be with you so bad

Buster: Alright, I’ll tell you about how I hard I get when I think about seeing you again so I couldn’t come to the airport even armed with the best excuse to ‘cause a glimpse of you would mean I’d have no choice but to stay in the car and then immediately pile all your suitcases on top of me

Rio: Now I’m going to miss you even more on the drive to yours

Rio: How am I not going to just jump on you as soon as I see you

Buster: I’ll make sure you don’t see me until you can

Rio: Is it better to have the party in full-swing when I arrive or is there any chance we can be properly alone before?

Rio: Could ask Nance to get snacks and stuff for my arrival, that’s a believable amount of cheek from me and would get her out of the house for at least long enough to say hello properly if we time it right

Buster: We’ll time it right then, just ‘cause she ain’t throwing a party don’t mean she can get away with being a shit host

Rio: I think that makes sense

Rio: your friends aren’t going to just ignore me straight away, that’s just facts not being cocky

Rio: so it might take a while to get lost during

Buster: Yeah, they don’t all show up wasted, some of ‘em can handle their pre-drinks

Rio: I should hope so, even if they’re all posh boys

Rio: otherwise the friends I’m gathering could be unimpressed enough to trash your place and that isn’t the energy we’re looking for

Buster: Only if we could convince Nance to handle the clean up on her own and the line of how much of a pushover she is has gotta be drawn somewhere

Rio: I somehow can’t see it

Rio: especially as they’re meant to cheer her up, not do the opposite

Rio: At least your place is big

Buster: And I’ve only got the one sibling getting in our way, it’s fucking never-ending at yours

Rio: There is double the amount of us compared to yous

Rio: If I can handle them, this will be easy

Buster: Exactly

Rio: When we go to your match, can we go somewhere after, get some breakfast or something

Buster: My victory ain’t gonna celebrate itself, babe, and I know just the place

Rio: I’m excited 😁😁

Rio: For all of it, not just the promise of breakfast, obviously

Buster: I’d do more if I could, I want to, but it’ll look weird if I take you shopping or whatever before Nance can

Rio: I know

Rio: we can’t take those kind of risks yet

Rio: It’ll be easier when we’re a bit older and me showing up on a whim to shop is more plausible

Rio: I swear this is the worst age to be, no one totally trusts you to be an adult but you don’t get treated like the kids either when they want you to be ‘grown up’ 🙄

Buster: There has to be a way we can go from everyone believing we hate each other to not thinking it’s fucked we wanna spend time together like we used to without having to wait that long

Rio: You’d think but I can’t 🤔

Rio: Unless you want your whole perception with the rest of the fam to change too

Rio: Obviously it’s fine that we’ve got more in common, we’re closest in age

Rio: but if you don’t give the rest the time of day at all, that’ll raise eyebrows

Buster: I taught them all how to fight and play football, didn’t I? It ain’t my fault Grace isn’t into any of that, or that Nance and your brother are the real anti-social ones

Rio: Yeah, but that was a while ago now

Rio: I doubt anyone would say anything but it’ll probably be weird you showing up at fam functions again for a while

Rio: but only in a way that ultimately benefits you, they’ll think you’re growing up and being all mature

Buster: Fuck’s sake, I can hear everyone now, the bullshit they’d have to say

Rio: Yeah, it’ll make you wanna die

Rio: but I’ll make it worth it

Buster: You already have, I’ll do it for you, I’d do anything

Rio: You know I will for you too

Rio: Including ditching your sister as much as is possible without being a total bitch

Buster: She’s still as heavy a sleeper as she always was

Rio: That is a theory we’re going to have to test

Rio: There’s zero chance I can promise to be quiet all weekend

Buster: Me either, but I like our odds after my solo tests

Rio: That was so 🤓 sounding but also 🤤

Rio: Rude

Buster: Call it preparation, that’s who I am here, like

Rio: I know who you are

Buster: Good, don’t forget ‘cause of who I have to be

Rio: Up until very recently you were still treating me like you hated me, remember

Rio: I can handle it

Buster: You’ve never been here, however I’ve treated you at family functions is still toned down, Nance doesn’t hate me for no reason, you know

Rio: I’m not her though

Buster: I don’t want you to have to handle it anymore, that’s all

Rio: You have to do what you have to do

Rio: You live there, I don’t

Rio: Say what you want to your friends

Buster: Okay

Rio: It is okay

Rio: I mean, what’s the alternative?

Rio: I understand why you have to

Buster: Like you said, this age is shit, there won’t be an alternative until we’re older

Rio: Yeah, if you even think about treating me like this when you go to Uni

Rio: I don’t care what your friends think about me

Rio: it’s not like I plan to just take it anyway

Buster: You didn’t have to be so hot about it or get me thinking about how incredible the future is gonna be when the present is torturous enough

Rio: Yeah I did

Rio: can’t have you forgetting how you really feel about me

Rio: Maybe you can just stay at Uni forever

Rio: it’s practically expected you won’t keep in touch or come home enough

Rio: we can be together every day, with no one around to interrupt us

Buster: That’s settled then

Rio: 😄🥰

Buster: What time’s your flight?

Rio: [a time early enough that the party won’t be on and we’re keen

but not so early Nancy will be like umm can you not come then lol]

Buster: You really want me to keep feeling a type of way about you, yeah?

Rio: That should be obvious by now

Rio: You can’t get sick of me ever

Buster: It should be obvious by now that I won’t

Rio: Don’t

Rio: Everything’s changed for good

Rio: I have

Buster: Even if I still wanted to pretend, I can’t, I barely could before, it’s not gonna happen, Rio

Rio: Me either, I’m scared I can barely pretend as much as we need to to stop doing it in private

Rio: never mind fully going fucking back

Buster: You’ll do what you have to as well, I know you and what you can handle even if I don’t like that it’s the way things are

Rio: I’m sick of thinking about what I have to do, what I need is you

Buster: You’ve got me, whether you’re here or not, whatever else is going on in your head or what bullshit is happening around us, I’m with you for it

Rio: I love you

Buster: I love you too

Rio: What kind of thing do Chelsea girls wear to house parties then?

Buster: Nothing you ever would

Buster: It's really bad, like

Rio: 😂

Rio: Okay, I’ll look good and stand out instead of trying to match the energy then

Buster: There really ain't no alternative in this instance, babe

Rio: You won’t be into my cosplay, noted 😏

Buster: Not unless it was the school uniform you were planning on nicking, anything else they wear isn't gonna do fuck all for either of us

Rio: Obviously I have that outfit

Rio: If you can think of any valid reason I’d have that packed, like

Buster: Insisting on costumes before my birthday is a weird flex but I've done worse

Rio: They’d be fuming at the lack of notice

Rio: plus I’d never convince your sister to leave her room if she has to wear a stupid costume

Rio: next time

Buster: I do wanna see what you're gonna wear for me when you're not also dressing for a wedding/Easter egg hunt

Rio: Good thing you aren’t the only one who can rise to the challenge under pressure

Rio: I’m pretty sure I know exactly what you like, as I’ve had to dress to get your attention for years now

Rio: It’s how much attention you want your friends to be paying me too

Buster: However you dress all eyes will be on you anyway, from the moment you walk in, I can and will give you every compliment on what you’re wearing and how you look, obviously, but it ain’t stopping there

Buster: It’s everything else too, from the way you move to what you do and don’t say, it’s exactly what I like ‘cause I’ve got good taste, and if they’ve got any, they’re gonna wanna rise to the challenge of trying to get your attention

Rio: You’re the one who always knows exactly what to say

Rio: I’m so lucky

Rio: so they can try, no one but you registers for me

Buster: It’s not luck, what I say is in direct response to you and how you make me feel, the try hard girls ‘round here who haven’t ever registered for me would be lucky to get a second of eye contact Buster: You know you deserve every word and gesture

Rio: I’d attempt sympathy if I didn’t know how bitchy they were

Buster: Don’t or I’d have be more serious in offering it to the paperboy

Rio: 😏

Rio: I think I feel bad enough for both of us, it’s fine

Buster: No it ain’t, you’ve got fuck all to feel bad about, he wasn’t good enough for you, end of

Rio: I can still feel sorry for him

Rio: Obviously it was the right thing to do

Buster: He’ll feel sorry enough for himself for not keeping hold of you, as he should

Rio: Bless him

Buster: He’s not someone to waste any more of your time thinking about, like I said, it’s his loss

Rio: I’m not

Rio: All I really think about is you

Buster: As long as you’re not feeling sorry for me

Rio: I have a bit more self-esteem than that, babe

Buster: If you don’t now you will when you get here

Rio: You wouldn’t risk it if I wasn’t worth it

Rio: Likewise

Rio: There’s no pretending you aren’t just

Rio: everything I want

Buster: It’s not a risk ‘cause we won’t get caught, but I’d want you even if it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done instead of the only thing that makes sense

Rio: You know what I mean though

Rio: even if we never get caught

Rio: it could still be a total headfuck

Buster: Nothing’s gonna change my mind, however much of a headfuck it is, we’ll handle it, it’s not gonna be worse than what we’ve already had to

Rio: Seeing you before was honestly tortuous

Rio: as much as I’d dread what you would say, how much you’d ignore me and I’d have to ignore you

Rio: I also wanted to savour every second of it and it was never long enough

Buster: Seeing who you’d bring nearly killed me every time, and them, but as much as I wanted them to fuck off, it was the thought that you’d follow ‘em out if they did that I dreaded most, ‘cause yeah, for all the family functions, there was still never enough time even with every second I then spent reliving it later

Rio: I never did though

Rio: I couldn’t miss anything, even if all I missed was more ignoring

Buster: Don’t act like I could ever really ignore you

Rio: Didn’t you sometimes believe it

Rio: Think you were convincing yourself that there was something there that wasn’t

Buster: I sometimes believed you wanted me to

Rio: Exactly, we both must’ve ‘wanted’ that on some level some of the time

Rio: even if we really wanted the opposite, both could be true, you know

Buster: I don’t just do whatever the hell I want, contrary to popular belief, you know

Rio: Of course I do

Rio: This is big

Buster: I knew what I wanted then, now and always

Rio: I just wish things were simpler

Rio: but they aren’t, and I can and will handle how they are

Buster: How I feel is the part that is, and I’ll do whatever I can to keep the rest as simple as possible for you

Rio: This is better than what we were doing, that’s a start

Buster: Yeah, but I can do better

Rio: I don’t know if I can handle better 🥴

Buster: I definitely don’t believe that, babe

Rio: We’ll have fun working out who’s right

Buster: I am, but you won’t mind being proved wrong

Rio: I need it to be the weekend NOW

Buster: I can’t give you that, which is making me angry, so where are you now?

Rio: Home

Rio: Meant to be doing homework

Buster: Anyone else meant to be doing it with you?

Rio: Even if there was, you know they aren’t

Buster: [Obviously call her cos you miss her and are extra]

Rio: I love hearing your voice

Buster: It was starting to feel like forever since I’d heard yours

Rio: Day to day is so normal and boring without you I don’t even know what to do

Buster: I’ll have to keep doing what I can to make sure you’re not bored

Rio: The problem isn’t you it’s everything else

Rio: you’re never boring

Buster: Which is exactly why it’s a problem I can solve by helping you forget about everything else

Rio: I love you

Rio: so, do you actually like any of your friends or what’s the craic

Rio: I’ll be less rude to those ones if you do

Buster: Of course I don’t, what’s to like?

Rio: I don’t know, I’ve never met them

Rio: I know the people Nancy particularly dislikes, if only by name

Rio: but they’re actually your quote unquote friends, some of them might be okay, to you anyway

Buster: Come on, don’t underestimate yourself, you’ve met me and admitted to checking my socials regularly

Buster: You’ll be as good a judge as I am who to avoid at the weekend and who you could take a shot with without risking that boredom again

Rio: I was mainly giving you a chance to talk about it

Rio: I doubt anyone else is asking

Buster: And I’m giving you the chance to make up your own mind, I already said don’t feel sorry for me

Rio: I will regardless

Rio: and you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to

Buster: I know I don’t, like you don’t need my permission to treat any of the partygoers however you want to, whether I reckon they’re a cunt or not

Rio: You don’t need to be sarky about it

Buster: You don’t need to be patronising about it either, like, how that shit is is how it’s been for long enough that I know what I’m doing

Rio: I wasn’t being patronising, I was trying to talk to you but I won’t fucking bother then

Buster: That’s an impossibly quick turnaround from me not having to talk about it if I don’t want to, but fine

Rio: We’ve talked about stuff like that before

Rio: I told you how I don’t feel like one of them properly either here; so what, you suddenly don’t want to talk to me about anything important?

Buster: What do you want me to say? I’m not drunk now and I’m not Nance

Rio: Fine

Rio: I have things I should be doing anyway

Buster: Don’t be like that, you know I wanna talk to you about everything, it doesn’t mean it’s that simple

Rio: If you didn’t want to, then just say that

Rio: You don’t need to turn it into a whole thing and act like I’m the idiot for asking

Buster: That’s what I do, or did, before

Rio: Old habits and all that, sure

Buster: I’m sorry, to start a new one

Rio: Okay, we can rewind to before that whole part of this conversation

Buster: No, you’re right, we should talk about it, otherwise what I said about being able to do better, anything I’ve said to big myself up, is bullshit and I might as well get a paper round too

Rio: There’s nothing wrong with a paper round 😏

Rio: I’m not asking you to be ‘perfect’

Rio: whatever that even is

Rio: I just genuinely thought you might want to talk about it, that’s all

Buster: As a kid, but however immature that lot are, I ain’t one any more and I don’t wanna be dragged down to their fucking level, ‘cause I’m above it

Buster: So are you, my definition of perfect at least, I wanna be someone who deserves you, not the kind of cunt who feels so powerless all he can do is bitch and moan about it, but I know lashing out at being backed into a corner ain’t no better this time or what I want either, not when you’re the target

Buster: There’s usually something I can actually do, options I have, that’s who I am, but keeping the two worlds separate isn’t gonna work now that you’re the centre of both

Rio: You already deserve me, no conditions

Rio: but I’m not going to hold you to the standard you have to be with your friends, or judge you for doing it, I’d do the same

Buster: I told you they bring out the worst in me, there are no standards

Rio: How else are you meant to fill your time

Rio: We’re teenagers, not adults just because we’re not kids

Rio: You don’t have to judge yourself that harshly for it

Buster: Why not? Everyone else is, including you not long ago

Rio: It’s not something your parents can really get on board with

Rio: and only because you were being a twat to me, that’s not necessary to the rest of it, surely

Buster: I didn’t mean them, but whatever

Buster: It was all connected, part of what I had to do

Rio: No one’s gonna thank you for being a prick, especially if they can’t see your reasoning and motivations

Rio: Maybe she should be able to but she’s preoccupied with her own feelings towards it all

Rio: If you’re fed up of feeling like the bad guy, you have to find time when you ain’t, or of course you’re gonna feel like that’s who you actually are

Buster: I know

Rio: I don’t think you’re the bad guy

Rio: Ava doesn’t

Buster: She doesn’t yet, there’s loads of time for it though before I’m done with school and everyone there

Rio: Respectfully, I don’t think you’ll have to fail to protect her from bullies

Rio: Not that it is that simple, but you know what I’m saying

Rio: She’ll be, what, 12/13, when you get done with school, it’s not gonna happen

Buster: That’s not the only way to be a prick is all I’m saying

Rio: Go on

Rio: Why else do you reckon Nancy doesn’t like you now

Buster: Old habits die hard, like you said, and I’ve formed plenty she reckons are bad hanging out with them and if you’ve got things you should be doing it’d be quicker to speculate on what she don’t hate about me by this point

Rio: She’s probably jealous, though it would not be worth pointing that out

Rio: even if she thinks they’re the worst, you still have people to do stuff with and she doesn’t

Buster: Everyone who meets me is, difference is, she knows it’s not effortless, I keep my schedule full, with the good as well as the bad and put work in while she’s doing fuck all but feeling sorry for herself and jealous of what I’ve got

Rio: I think she tries, or at least did try

Rio: but it wasn’t exactly working for her so why bother at this point, right

Buster: You can’t just try once and give up, yeah I scored first time but it took ages before I knocked someone out in the ring, ‘course you’re gonna get nowhere if you don’t make what you want happen

Rio: I don’t think she wants it though

Rio: you’re making the best out of a bad situation, yeah

Rio: but she’d rather not, that doesn’t mean she loves being friendless, just it’s slightly preferable to being friends with people she doesn’t like

Buster: Nobody’s saying she has to be friends with them, the whole school ain’t against her, she’s got other options

Rio: I’m not saying she’s fully in the right, no way

Rio: She just can’t see further than what they say right now

Buster: I’ve done what I can to make her see sense

Rio: I know

Rio: I just don’t think that’s gonna happen, I’m sorry

Buster: Don’t worry, I wasn’t holding my breath or anything, I know which battles are worth picking

Rio: You’ll get there, just probably not for a while

Rio: She needs to sort herself out, it’s literally not your battle

Buster: Tell me something I don’t know, like

Rio: You clearly do feel a bit responsible

Rio: even if you could have done some things different, doesn’t mean this wouldn’t have still happened and she wouldn’t still feel like this

Buster: She’s my sister, I do have a responsibility to look out for her, but that don’t mean she’s not responsible for making it worse for herself after I’ve done everything I can to try and sort it out

Rio: I don’t disagree

Buster: Good

Rio: I’ll keep talking to her anyway

Rio: even if it doesn’t achieve much either

Buster: If anyone could get through to her it’d be you, I haven’t forgot about any the shit you managed to talk me out of when we were younger

Rio: I wasn’t that much of a fun sponge though thank you

Rio: I said yes to plenty of things too 😏

Buster: Just the things I should probably thank you for, if it wasn't more fun to focus on what you've said yes to, especially recently

Rio: It is more fun to say yes to you, especially recently

Rio: ‘scuse me whilst I enjoy the flashback 🤤🤤🤤

Buster: It's only gonna get more fun

Buster: I can't believe you're actually coming here but the frequency of those flashbacks will keep it feeling real

Rio: Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate from all the fantasies and daydreams from before though, they felt so real

Rio: [pic] that should help

Buster: It’s definitely proof I didn’t need that you won’t have any problem living up to the years of dreams I’ve had

Rio: That’s all I want right now

Rio: I can prove to you how worth it this is all going to be

Buster: It’s always fun to give you what you want, as long as you know you don’t actually have anything left to prove, I knew how worth it this is and would be before you’d ever even touched me

Rio: I have to keep proving it, I can’t take this or you for granted

Rio: I never thought this would actually happen

Rio: I’m not going to waste a second being second best, trust me

Buster: You won't, trust me, there's nobody you could come second to, this is happening 'cause we're joint first and I've never met anyone else I could say that about with a straight face

Rio: It makes perfect sense, when you think about it

Rio: Who else?

Rio: There’s no one else like you and no one else like me

Rio: We’ve both tried

Buster: Exactly, and now the only regret I have is how long I spent fighting against it

Rio: Even if I could fight it longer

Rio: I don’t want to, it’s exhausting

Buster: We don’t have to, Thank Christ, keeping it a secret will seem loads easier by comparison

Rio: Seriously

Rio: not to mention it has all the potential to be kinda fun and pretty hot

Rio: because we won’t get caught, so we can just enjoy the thrill for what it is

Buster: I object to kinda fun and pretty hot, but when we don’t get caught and you’re enjoying the thrill I’ll get you to be much more enthusiastic, like

Rio: 😅

Rio: I’m not as good with words as you, poor baby

Rio: it’s so unfair

Buster: Nah, I object to that too, you’re incredible with words and actions

Rio: Actions, I’ll agree to

Rio: Words I’ll work on

Rio: not everyone likes that

Buster: There’s nothing you need to work on

Rio: 🤏🥺

Buster: I don’t have a single complaint

Rio: I just wanted to hear you say that 😋

Buster: I’ll tell you how perfect you are as many times as you want

Rio: ‘til you can’t speak

Buster: Losing my voice is the only thing that’ll stop me

Rio: Challenge accepted

Rio: I can make it happen before that point

Buster: I’d still be able to use actions to tell you though, the actual challenge would be anyone or anything stopping me doing that

Rio: I definitely can’t pack handcuffs

Rio: LOVE to see their faces at the airport, like

Buster: We’ll think of something else to use that either you can pack or I already have in my room

Rio: I can’t believe I’ve never been in your room

Rio: still weird to think about

Buster: Yeah, like you said, some of the fantasties felt so real

Rio: I wish I could stay in there with you

Buster: Once Nance is asleep you can

Rio: I know, I just don’t wanna think of you on your own

Buster: You won’t get a chance to think about anything like that, don’t worry

Rio: Okay, so what DO I pack

Buster: Your necklace, obviously

Rio: I haven’t taken it off

Rio: it’s so gorgeous 😍

Rio: never met a boy with taste

Buster: Good ‘cause I haven’t either

Buster: You’ve met me, didn’t you think I had taste before?

Rio: You weren’t buying me jewellery and I wouldn’t want to know if you were anyone else

Buster: ‘Course not, but since when is that solely the benchmark for good taste? You’ve seen what I’ve bought myself

Rio: You can have good taste for yourself and terrible taste in girl’s stuff

Rio: You’ve seen what your friends think is hot in the opposite sex

Buster: Other lads can and they do but don’t underestimate me, babe

Rio: No more

Buster: I just wanted to hear you say it

Rio: What else do you wanna hear me say?

Buster: Right now? Everything you probably shouldn't get into the habit of saying even if Nance is out of the way

Rio: [Audio examples of that]

Rio: Can’t call it a habit yet, we’re safe

Buster: You sure? Sounds like it could be becoming a habit to me

Rio: You aren’t going to keep an eye on me to make sure?

Buster: That’s already a habit, you know that, can’t keep my eyes off you

Rio: I don’t mind some codependence

Buster: That’s a relief ‘cause it’s arguably either too early or too late for you to try and change me

Rio: I don’t wanna change you

Buster: ‘Course not, why would you? We’re perfect for each other as is

Rio: and you’re perfect

Buster: You are, but yeah, I’m keeping up

Rio: You are

Rio: on both counts, thank you

Buster: You ain’t seen nothing yet, babe, but you will, when you get here

Rio: Call me? So it doesn’t seem so far off still 😖😩

Buster: [obviously will even though he did earlier because what is chill]

[wanderlustlanguages]

Brazil study abroad roundup

So since I failed at posting during my study abroad I am going to attempt to sum everything up here. I hope this might be helpful for people who want to study abroad in Brazil in the future.

Disclaimer: This is written based on my personal experience which is of course affected by who I am (20-year-old, female, Austrian, introverted, straight, white,...) and the people I happened to meet and a million other small factors.

If you have any specific questions don’t hesitate to inbox me or send me a message.

Rio de Janeiro

I spent my exchange semester in Brazil or more precisely in Rio de Janeiro. Rio de Janeiro is without a doubt a city unlike any other (I have ever seen at least). My favourite thing about Rio is its diversity in both its population and the landscape. Rio really has it all amazing beaches, lush-greenness and a buzzing city. The city itself was probably my favorite thing about my exchange. I remember the first day I arrived and drove through the city to get to my apartment. I was fascinated by how the rich and the poor lived so close to each other and how there were 15 story buildings right in front of green hills and corporate office next to a beach.

Culture and People

The culture is completely different from anything I have ever experienced before. People in Brazil are so friendly it is shocking. Everyone seems to be open to have a chat and help you out. The one downside I found to this (as an introvert) while everyone is open to having a chat it can be hard to find real, solid friends. People tend to talk about hanging out or doing something but as you are talking about it both of you already know that it will never happen. So while in general, I cannot complain about people since they are very friendly to foreigners I have not made any real friends.

Language

However, not making friends might also have something to do with the fact that my Portuguese wasn’t really good enough to speak much when I arrived here and most people don’t really speak English. While it has improved greatly (especially my understanding of native speakers) I am still missing the practice to come up with words quickly enough to have a fluent conversation. Also, slang is still an issue while I have learned some of it there seems to be an endless amount of slang terms that I will probably never know (the fact that Brazilian Portuguese slang changes quickly and varies by region isn’t helping either):

Food

I have a love-hate relationship with Brazilian food. There’s some food I really enjoy but then there is even more food that I don’t particularly like. The food that I did enjoy seemed to get too monotonous quickly. In general Brazilian cuisine tends to be very much meat-based (being a vegetarian is still somewhat rare here) with carbs also playing a big role. As someone who prefers to eat a bit more plant-based and lighter it was a bit difficult to imagine eating a typical Brazilian diet every day. But of course, this wasn’t really an issue I just bought my vegetables in the supermarket and prepared them the same way I would have at home. But I did miss typical dishes from home and also Maki with avocado or cucumber (for some reason they only have sushi with actual fish here).

Money

Brazil is not as cheap as some other Latin American countries, especially Rio is quite expensive. I would say on average the living expenses here are as much as in other European cities (not London or Paris). The prices for food are pretty moderate with imported goods, of course, being more expensive. The metro is cheap compared to European standards and while it does cover much less area than the underground systems in most other major cities it really does take you pretty much everywhere that you’ll need to go. Uber is also surprisingly cheap. If you can split the ride it might just end up being cheaper than the metro ticket. My monthly living expenses without trips and rent were around: €500.

Housing

The rent prices vary greatly depending on the area you live in, however, in general, the standard of living is lower so even if you pay €500 a month the apartment might have all the necessities but often just doesn’t look as pretty (not an issue just something to keep in mind). I personally chose to live in an apartment in Ipanema which I shared with another girl from my university we paid about €500/month each. When choosing an area to live in you should keep in mind that there are areas that are not so safe. Personally, we booked our apartment on Airbnb but many people find theirs on facebook or upon arrival.

Trips

I managed to go on quite a few trips but getting around Brazil can quickly get complicated and expensive since it is such a huge country. If you have a place you already know you would like to visit I recommend booking the airplane ticket as early as possible the closer you get to the date the more expensive they tend to get. The cheapest airplane ticket I managed to get was about €70 (one hour flight, no checked bags). There are buses almost everywhere and they can be significantly cheaper however it is debatable whether you would rather pay €60 and drive for 14 hours or pay €150 - 200 and fly for 2 to 3 hours. For shorther distances buses are of course completely fine and you can book most of them online or buy a ticket directly at the central bus station.

Personally, I visited:

Paraty Salvador Belo Horizonte Ouro Preto Buzios Blumenau Curitiba Porto Alegre São Paulo Petropolis

Education system

Like in many countries getting a good education in Brazil means getting a private education. Since my university had a contract with a private university that’s the kind of educational environment I experienced. Personally, education is a topic I feel quite passionate about or more specifically I feel quite passionate about the belief that education should be as accessible as possible to as many people as possible (I am not going to go in-depth here about why..). The Brazilian education system is built in a way that greatly advantages people who are more well off than the average Brazilian. I personally was not a fan of my university since I felt the entire thing was just this bubble that didn’t in any way mirror the Rio that I experienced outside of university. 

Society

I touched upon this briefly in the previous section. One of the most interesting dynamics about Brazil is the society. There seems to be this strange dichotomy were Brazilians are proud of the diversity of their population yet there is some kind of deeply ingrained, probably to a large degree unconscious (like in many countries), racism going on. People who are noticeably darker in complexion are mostly still part of the poorest of the population while the richest look astonishingly European and nothing is done to change this. Brazilians are proud of their diversity yet the order of their society still reflects one of the colonial times. (I am in no way saying that every Brazilian supports the way things are. This is more a reflection of the politics going on in the country which are unfortunately corrupt to a large degree so we cannot exactly consolidate the current societal state with the actual opinion of people)

Touristy things + Leisure time

Now for a lighter topic. There is plenty to see in Rio and when I say plenty I mean a lot as in I didn’t even manage to see everything that I wanted to see. I plan to make a more comprehensive post on places to see in Rio (well-known ones and some not so well known). Leisure time is to a large degree spent outdoors on the beach, hiking, or at parties. One disadvantage of Rio is that it is a quite outdoorsy city so when it rains there aren’t many options for entertainment.

Party and dating culture

Parties here are a lot more spontaneous often happening on the street in front of university buildings. They are also a bit wilder it is quite common for one person to make out with several different people a night and it is almost unheard of that someone doesn’t drink alcohol. Dating culture from what I experienced (which is admittedly somewhat limited) is very relaxed. Casual relationships are extremely common and break-ups are usually quite pragmatic. At the same time, the macho culture is still a bit more prevalent than in many European countries. As someone who is introverted and doesn’t really enjoy casual relationships or just dating for the sake of dating it wasn’t my thing but each to their own.

Conclusion

Would I want to live here forever? No. Did I really like the experience? Yes. Brazil is what I like to refer to as an “extrovert country”. So as an introvert it can be quite exhausting to navigate the social life here even more so than in european countries since people here are very talkative and open. However, this was a thing I was prepared for and since it was a dream of mine to got to Brazil one day despite that I can’t say that I didn’t have a great time and that it wasn’t worth it. I definitely see myself coming back to see more of the country. I simply personally enjoy the openness for a short period of time but it would probably be too much for me to live like this for the rest of my life. I am also quite thankful to have been born in a european country with free education, pretty good public health care, less corruption and overall more stability. Still I would not ever tell anyone NOT to go to Brazil, or Rio especially. I like to think of Rio as the bad boy of cities. It might be a little dangerous or more uncomfortable than others but it’s just so pretty, fascinating and mysterious you can’t help but fall in love. 

#BrazilExchange #study abroad #exchange student #semester abroad #Exchange Semester #travelling #brazil #travel #rio de janeiro #portuguese #university #student #study french #study languages

[shawnimaginesarchive]

Don't wanna this to be another "What If" in my life - s.m (PART 2)

A/N: Second and last part of this. Nothing here really happened to me, now on is pure fiction.

Warnings: Mention of bullying.

Summary: Someone once told me that it's always better waking up regretting doing something than waking up thinking about what would happen if you have done what you wanted.

PART 1

..............

I changed schools at the end of that same year. We never talked again, not like before. While the years passed by, social media became a thing, we never spoked again, but we had each other in every profile I made for years. I saw him going big, I saw his fame and smiled to myself as I thought that o always knew how talented he was. My heart always got warm when I listened him to sing for thousands the songs he once played only for me.

@yourusername: Go hard or go home, right?

I made a reply to his Instagram storie. He, somehow, managed to keep following me there. It took days to him to reply.

@shawnmendes: I always played hard.

I just chuckled. That was our interaction, nothing more than some replies, always me starting the whole thing.

@yourusername: you know, I always knew you would be huge some day.

I made another reply, this time to the stories of him playing on Rock in Rio.

@shawnmendes: Funny to think that in the beginning was just you listening to those songs.

@yourusername: couldn't deny that I feel proud of myself. And you, obviously.

@shawnmendes: lol good to know.

One day I was walking home from work and saw him. It was a rare occasion him being back in town, so I just got closer to him to say hi.

"Please, don't get too close." a man who looked like The Rock tried to stop me. I raised one eyebrow and Shawn looked at him, the same second he smiled.

"She's my friend, relax." he got out from behind the security and hugged me. "Long time no see. What's up?"

"Same as usual." I shrug. "Nothing compared to be the most popular popstar at the moment, right?" I smiled, was his turn to shrug, making his cheeks get red. "You know, I got to that concert."

"Wich concert?" he raised one eyebrow.

"Ed Sheeran." I answered. He looked at me like he didn't understand just to open his mouth seconds later.

"I was going to take you." he smiled. "Not fair."

"You were too busy around the world to do that." I smiled. Part true, part a lie because Ed got to the city in the same year I talked to Shawn for the last time.

"He's going to play this weekend, do you wanna go?"

"I wish, but the tickets are gone for ages now."

"Good thing I don't need this, right?" he smiled and then I remembered, he wasn't my old school mate Shawn, he was fucking Shawn Mendes, the worldwide famous singer. Also best friends with the ginger in question. "So?"

"I would love to." I smiled.

Saying that I was nervous was an understatement. My mind kept playing all kinds of scenarios where we end up kissing in the middle of some romantic song, just for after I realize that this wasn't going to happen. I couldn't say that I forgot him, that I truly and completely moved on, it was the biggest lie in the world, but I couldn't say that I was still in love with him either. I wasn't. The big problem was that Shawn always were the biggest "What If" of my life. "What If" I had the balls to say to his face that I was in love with him? "What If" we had never stopped talking to each other? "What If" I had kissed him that day despite the stupid situation? "What If" I had said to him why I stopped talking with him? What if? What if? I hated all those questions, I hated how every single PMS I had, when all my life make no sense, I always wanted to DM him just to say "Hey, you know I was totally in love with you, don't you?"/"You can't be that stupid to never think that I stopped to talking to you because that stupid idea of accepting money to kiss me.". Gosh, I really hated how many times I asked myself if he didn't accept because he was, in fact, in love with me too, but didn't know how to react. So this night I was decided that he wasn't going to be the biggest" What If" of my life, that if I saw the smallest indicator that he wanted to kiss me, I would go for it. I was tired of "What If", for once I needed to be sure of something, anything really, in our story.

He picked me exactly 6:30PM. His white jeep stopped at my house and I wasn't really believing that we were actually, after almost teen years, going to the concert he always said he was going to take me. The crowd was insane at the place, but all that took to us was Shawn call the only and one Ed Sheeran, seconds later we got free access to the backstage. Not only I met the ginger man in person, he also gave us great VIP space. Unfortunately we weren't alone, almost all Shawn's crew were there with us and with that we didn't speak much. Not that I was expecting to have deep chats about our childhood, but I guess I was expecting something. Anything.

"I remember singing this to you." I heard Shawn saying at my ear when Ed started to sing Give me love, getting me a little scared since he was not paying attention to me at all, just talking and singing with his friends.

"I remember too." I smiled. "And that your dad almost killed you because of the noise." I laughed, getting a smile of him.

"I got a lot of screams on our late chats." he laughed. "But I didn't care, I liked talking to you, playing to you. You liked my stuff even when it was crap."

"Well," I turned to face him. "half of the songs I heard that time are now world famous songs, I guess it wasn't all crap, right?"

"They're better now." he smiled, his cheeks getting red. "Everything's better now."

"I sure it is." I smiled one last time before turning again to the stage, but he held my hand and turned me around to face him again before spinning me around, making me dance. "What are you doing?" I laughed.

"Dancing. This is a great dance song." he held my body against his, I laughed again, trying not to show that I was going insane with his touch. We danced to the end of Give love and for almost all U.N.I. We were dancing and laughing, clearly both of us pretending that that contact wasn't making us shy, pretending that we were the same friends we were that time. At some point he pushed me closer and held me tight, singing at my ear. "So am I close to you anymore if it's over? And there's no chance that we'll work it out?" I felt my whole body shake and couldn't help but sigh. "I never understood why you stopped talking to me."

"You can't be serious." I gave him a sad laugh, he looked at me with both eyebrows raised. "Are you serious, Shawn? You accept money to kiss me, your dumbass. I was head over heels for you and you actually accepted money to kiss me. And worse, you did that in front of all class. Not enough you actually tried to kiss me. How the fuck I was supposed to act after that?" he kept looking at me like I was saying the most absurd thing in the world until his face fall completely, finally understanding what I was talking about.

"You can't be serious." he passed his fingers through his hair. "You can't be fucking serious." he laughed letting me go for a moment, I kept looking at him until he got closer again "For Christ's sake, I was in love with you and I didn't know how to show this. When in hell you saw a 13 old boy act like a decent person?"

"You? You were in love with me?" it was my time to raise my eyebrows.

"I spend nights and nights singing and playing to you, God dammit." he was completely frustrated, but I couldn't help the laugh of desperation that I left out, he looked at me without understanding a single thing.

"I can't believe. I spend years of my life asking myself this, if you could be in love with me too, but I always thought that I was making you a good guy. Good guys don't get money to kiss girls. You seriously didn't thought one single time that this was the reason?"

"No!" he almost screamed. "I mean, I thought that... I don't even know. Why you didn't talked to me then? I tried to talk to you a whole week."

"Shawn! My gosh, I was humiliated!!! It was written in my face how in love I was with you and I was absolutely nothing to you, you never tried anything until the day the girl who hated me offered you money to kiss me. Do you have any idea how screwed I got after that? How many nights I slept crying, asking to God or anyone else why I was so fucking disgusting to you only wanting to kiss me if you got paid?" Shawn's face was of complete sadness. We kept looking at each other for almost all the time Ed sang I'm a mess until I broke the eye contact when Photograph started, so I just turned around to watch the song, but couldn't get it to the end, I started to feel like I was going to get sick, the nod in my stomach that I always felt when I was ready to cry out loud. "Excuse me." I said so lower that not even I heard before getting out of that space, looking for a bathroom. That backstage card was my salvation since no one stopped me while I ran to the first door I found open. It was hard to breath, it was hard to keep the tears, it was hard to think. All I wanted was scream until my throat were hurting.

"Please, open the door." I heard Shawn's voice, but didn't move a finger. "Please, please, please open the door and let me try to fix it." his voice was almost breaking.

"It's too late, Shawn. You can't fix anything now." my voice was broken, I knew I sounded like someone who was about to die breathless.

"Please, open the door. I can't..." he let his voice die. We kept in silence for some seconds, I could hear his breath outside. "I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry for making you cry, for accepting that stupid money, for never say how in love I was with you. I hate myself right now, I hate myself for making you feel bad about yourself because gosh, I workshiped you that time, you were the best part of my day, when I felt out of place you were there, behind the screen, making me feel like I worth it. And I made you feel the opposite, I can't believe that." he punched the door, scaring me. "I'm sorry, please open the door, please let me try, I don't even know how, fix it."

"I hated myself for years because of you." I said. "I felt the worse person in the world because I wasn't good enough to be your friend anywhere but online. I asked myself every day why you laughed at my face by day when by night you were the sweetest guy on earth." I beat the door with my head, letting the tears go. "I tried to move on, you know? I can't say that I'm still in love with you, but God knows how many nights I still waste asking the universe what would happen if we had kissed, if I had said how I felt about you."

"O wish I had done better. I wish I had said to you that I always wanted to push Layla's face when she made fun of you, but I was so scared. God, I was so scared of being her punch bag again that I let you be. I can't believe how stupid I was." I turned myself to face the door before opening it to see Shawn crying. His face was all red, all wet of tears. Before I could say anything he held me, hugging me so close that I couldn't breathe, but I didn't care and just let both of us cry.

"I..." I sigh. "It's better if I go home. I'll take a Uber."

"Please don't." he said. "I mean, I can take you home, I brought you here."

"That's OK." I shook my head denying. "You can go back, I'm sure Ed will look for you after the show so you two can chat. You know I don't live far away."

"Ed is the last thing I care about now. Please, let me take you home." he was holding my shoulders, I just nod. We started to walk to the exit and all the way home was in complete silence. "I'm sorry, really." he said when he got to my house.

"That's OK. Now I can finally move on completely." I looked at him. "I needed this whole thing." he leaned in my direction to kiss my cheek, but I turned around and made his lips touch mine, slowly he asked for permission so he could really kiss me and I let him. The kiss was slow, salty, full of something from the past, full of sorry and thinking how this should have happened teen years ago. I felt butterflies, I know he felt too, but it haven't any fireworks, any new feeling but the feeling of closure.

"So...?" he asked, whispering, his breath against my lips.

"I finally found my closure, thank you." I whispered back. "Next time use our story to remind you that you should always tell the girl how you feel. And don't be a dick."

"I will." he gave me a sad laugh. I got out of the car and got into the house, knowing that finally, after ten years, I finished one chapter of my life that I wasn't pretending to read again.

.................

Aaaaaaaand that's it. Maybe I cried a little, what about you? Hope you liked it.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawnbyme #shawn mendes au #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes boyfriend #shawn mendes cute #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn angst #ed sheeran #school boy shawn #shawn imagine

[milquetoast-on-acid]

I watched By Any Means (six months after it aired) so you don't have to.

Here's what happened...

This post is for you @xbleeple and all of the other Major Crimes fans that couldn't bring themselves to watching the series finale. I'm making this recap for you so that you don't have to waste your time watching. Even Sharon Raydor alive couldn’t save this terrible excuse of an ending. Along with a huge side of salt to keep you entertained.

Provenza threatens to kill Stroh about five times per episode. To anyone that will listen including Mason. Despite that Mason still lets Provenza  and Co. chase the case until the bitter end. How's that for objectivity? 

Stroh has a partner a Hacker, who is a British version of Rusty. Seriously this could be Graham P. Martin's twin in a look alike contest. When people told Duff that Rusty was annoying he said hold my beer: I've written you someone that is about a million times worse. 

They end up setting up shop in Brenda's old house and spy on the MC squad via a virus they sent to their cell phones. British Rusty Hacker Boy spends the majority of the four episodes spying on the squad while making hilarious comments like he’s at the movies. And eating popcorn...I really wish I was kidding about that...

What’s a movie without popcorn? 

Emma Rios reappears for the sole purpose of being killed by Stroh. And @blossom--of--snow wonderfully pointed out that Emma is killed in the exact same way as the victim in her very first case. Wow what a cool thing to kill another major female character (who i know hasn't been on the show in years but still) and have that death be just as needless. 

Provenza realizes that only he can keep Rusty safe (spoiler alert no he can't) because Emma's guards fucked up and let her be killed in her own swimming pool. So he becomes Rusty's guard and that comes into play later. 

The squad think that Stroh came back to kill everyone connected to him because he was dying. Turns out that was complete bullshit and Stroh only wanted money. His mother who had Alzheimers or Dementia. Which means that power of attorney for her fell to her step son and he decided to cut off Stroh's mega supply of money. So in the end, Stroh's main motivation to kill everyone who was ever involved with him is solely about money. Money that he could just as easily stolen from somewhere else. Also he had no real reason to actually kill any of these people except for his step brother who was the one to cut him off. Talk about being dumb and letting everyone on a trail straight to you!

The squad learns that Stroh was always a psycho and his mother helped him cover up his first murder. The squad hears about this from Mrs Stroh who has dementia or Alzheimer's (I really can't remember which) and suddenly remembers everything that happened in her past just long enough for them the hear about this. We learn more about Stroh's past than we do Sharon Raydor's. And her monolithic monologue descends into a campy flashback that rivals American Horror Story at it's worst. 

The squad feels sorry for Stroh because his mom was the only person he trusted ended up betraying him in the end. Also it's the reason why he hates women so much is because his mom betrayed him. Even though her continued relationship with him destroyed her marriage. Even though she helped him cover up multiple murders. And even though she betrayed him years after his first murder (who was a girl he liked). 

Stroh kills some people including his stepbrother (but not his mother) and his own partner's partner (who is a prostitute because Rusty parallels). 

Threatens that Rusty is next but never actually comes after Rusty. I honestly don't think that he ever really intended to come after Rusty. Rusty has nothing to do with his money and that was his main motivation. 

Rusty tracks down a Stroh lead because both Rusty and Ricky (who make breaks in their case) are better cops than the elite detectives who have had decades of experience under their belts. You know realism bro! Provenza chases the lead and lets Rusty and Gus go with him and of course it leads them to Stroh. 

Provenza goes alone to visit Stroh on some boat behind the house, while Buzz calls in a dead body they find. Leaving Rusty and Gus all alone, unattended so that Stroh or anyone else can find them and kill them. Great protecting Provenza!

Rusty sneaks away onto the boat because no one is babysitting him. Meanwhile Provenza finds Stroh. He is suddenly overcome with some common sense and decides against killing him. But then common sense leaves him and his dumb ass throws his hand cuffs to Stroh so that Stroh will willingly handcuff himself. 

You know instead of calling for reinforcements and just waiting it out with a gun trained on Stroh. 

Suddenly Rusty pops out of nowhere from some hiding spot. Because he got that that area before Stroh and Provenza. Because he knew where Stroh would be before Stroh knew. He shoots Stroh five times with no provocation what so ever. There is zero conversation between Rusty and Stroh. The reason why Rusty killed Stroh? Because he doesn't want anyone to know he was a prostitute. 

Provenza does the 'right' thing (just like Stroh's mother did for him) and pretends that he shot Stroh. Even though Stroh was not killed with Provenza's gun. Even though Rusty has GSR on his hands and Provenza doesn't. Even though Provenza is a buck shot and would kill him with one bullet. Remember that Provenza killed Wade Weller from a few hundred feet away from him right between the fucking eyes. Oh and hey it's all okay because it turns out that Stroh had a knife in his boot. Because justification. 

I.A. clears Provenza (no way in hell). Everyone *wink wink nod nod's* to Rusty that they know he was the one who killed Stroh and they are all totally cool with it. From Fritz to Julio. Totally cool you killed someone today, we're proud of you! Keep up that good work! 

Andy is the only one who didn't pick up on Rusty having killed Stroh. And no one tells him that his step son is a killer. Maybe one day Andy will be killed by Rusty. I don't know what is worse. Living with a person that you don't know is a killer who may one day snap from trauma like that because shit like that doesn't leave a person. Or knowing that you couldn't keep your wife's son save from himself. Even though her last dying wish was for her kids to be taken care of. 

Now time for everyone's happy endings. Provenza starts his tenure as (Lieutenant) in charge of Major Crimes as a criminal. You know trying to keep the world safe from all of those pesky criminals. Rusty starts his law career as a killer. He really made sure to make Sharon proud of him for being an adult who takes responsibility for his own actions. 

Rusty and Gus get back together after Gus heedlessly harassing Rusty who wants nothing to do with him romantically. There is zero resolution (no conversation of a reconciliation or forgiveness)  in their relationship. I mean hey, Gus as a cheater isn't that bad when you compare him with Rusty who is a killer. Also Andy is totally cool with them sleeping together, Gus asked him. And hey, their relationship is totally not toxic or anything. And they aren't bound to breakup about five times before they die but hey what is true love but dis-functionality?

Julio left them all behind for another squad because he doesn't want Mark to grow up without a father. Buzz became a real cop, but not because it was what he wanted. But because it's what Provenza said so. Wes and Cami are maybe a couple. Amy is as disgusted as I am about them in the deleted scene. Where they flirt over comparing serial killers to cereal. That leaves me scratching my head with: WTF happened to the writing?

Mike, Amy and Andrea got forgotten about and had no ending. Andy became the angry bitter widdower that Julio was and even takes over his desk because being right next to where his wife died is just too fucking painful. Oh and Ricky is actually Sharon's first born not Emily, Sharon said so. 

Not to mention that Sharon was replaced by a vase of roses that everyone stares at. 

The End.

#major crimes #here's what happened #sharon raydor #andy flynn #rusty beck #gus wallace #provenza #buzz #julio #amy sykes #mike tao #mark jarvis #rusty and gus #sharon and andy #shandy

[artificialqueens]

Cupid’s Blind Arrow (Group fic) Chapter 1 - Ginger Nut

AN: I hope yous enjoy first official chapter, and I’d like to welcome Mistress as the beta for this fic. Already she’s helped so much to improve the writing, thank you!

As the class started to file in for English they noticed all of their chairs were assembled differently. On either side of the room the chairs were set up facing each other. “Are we in a fucking courtroom or something?” asked Adore. “That’s not what a courtroom looks like dumbass, I’m surprised you haven’t seen one before,” Bianca came up behind the girl and settled a hand on her shoulder. “This looks more like…” she searched for the name. “The house of commons in London, where they debate about laws and stuff.” “Party” signed off Adore Bianca watched her eyes; she was sure they had a twinkle she’d never ever seen before. Bianca shook her head. What the hell am I thinking? Since when do I care about a twinkle in some slacker’s eye? “B, you ok?” Adore noticed Bianca almost having a conversation with herself. She worried for a minute that Bianca had actually been talking to her, and that Adore had been ignoring her. Bianca blinked a couple times and forced a half smile to her face, nodding.

“Take your seats, quit acting like you’ve never seen a debate room before. Actually, no don’t take your seats I need to tell you what seat to take” Miss Raja appeared from the corridor, shooing all remaining students into the classroom. “Ok uh, actually just take any seat right now I can’t think with you all standing there.” The students obeyed and slumped in the closest empty seat. “So today we are going to be doing something a little different. Everyone who has read Romeo and Juliet believe that the plot was one of the two following-” A knock on the door came, interrupting Miss Raja, who stomped to the locked door to let in an almost lifeless Pearl.She had a bag slumped over one shoulder and their eyes were more closed than open, so nothing was new. “Sorry I’m late” came out of her with minimal effort and volume. Raja sighed as she went to change the register to inform the office of Pearl’s now late attendance. “It’s fine just take any seat Pearl.” Pearl scanned the room for a second, surveying her options. There was a spare seat next to Laganja, yeah no. Nothing against the girl but Pearl had no energy to keep up with her; there was also one next to Max, could she really be bothered being told to sit with her legs crossed so she doesn’t “sit like a man”? fuck that. Ultimately, she left one option and took a spare seat between Violet and Vivienne. Vivienne hardly ever spoke, and Pearl had never really spoken to Violet, whatever she thought. “Stoner pit stop before class?” mumbled Violet, loud enough for only Pearl to hear. Pearl scoffed and looked up to find Violets eyes on her. The girl’s gaze had a weird effect on Pearl; It was like she could see into her soul. “No” Pearl replied, dragging out the syllable longer than she probably should have been. “I missed the bus and had to get my mom to drive me.” Violet returned a smirk, accepting Pearl’s answer, then refocused her attention to Miss Raja, about to start over. “Back to the play; people either think it is about the stupidity of youth and their lust, or they think it’s a beautiful tragedy about how love can conquer hate. One of the requirements for the honours course is that students must participate in a discussion, ensuring that they become informed of both opinions and can make their own decision. So, without any talking, if you believe that Romeo and Juliet is a play that demonstrates how children can be naïve and mistake love for obsession, sit on the left side and if you think it’s a tragic tale of two star crossed lovers sit on the right.” A second passed before Raja had to exclaim “Move!” accompanied by a hand gesture to get the teenagers to reluctantly get up. “Where are you going then?” Pearl asked Violet, who was still a bit offended by the previous stoner nickname she’d been given. Violet remained silent but stood up to cross over sides. “Love is love, you don’t have to be thirty to realise that.” With that she flipped her jet-black hair to one side and took the seat directly across from Pearl.

Katya moved up from her seat, shimmying past Ivy and Jinkx, and made her way over to the left side of the room. she liked Romeo and Juliet but she couldn’t get past the time span of the play – seriously you don’t marry a guy you met less than 4 days ago. She sat in an empty seat next to Pearl. Katya never had the chance to get to know Pearl, but she felt bad for her. The poor girl had moved from New York, and that’s like forever away, as far as Katya was concerned. Katya had known everyone else in the class since at least middle school. Pearl was cute though - not Katya’s type - but cute. She spied the others that had come to the dark side. Del Rio; that was no surprise, Phi Phi; Katya was starting to think Phi Phi had maybe given up on love considering she caught her ex cheating on her a couple of weeks back. There was also Gia, Max, Alyssa and- what? Alaska? Alaska Thunderfuck? The girl was all cheerleader and sing-songy, why was she on this side, did she get confused? She sure as hell didn’t look confused; she sat with her arms crossed, bottom eyeliner smudged and an emotionless bitch face as Alyssa talked nonsense to her. Wow. Shocker of the week. On the other side sat Alaska’s friend Trixie, a blonde bombshell by Katya’s standards. This was Katya’s first class with the girl but the minute she’d walked in on the first day, Katya hadn’t been able to tear her eyes away. She’d seen Trixie before in the corridors and at football games, but for some reason when Trixie stood in the doorway Katya’s whole world stopped, my god she’s beautiful. Suddenly her attention was averted to the girl behind Trixie; Sharon Needles. “Well I never” breathed Katya without thinking. “Hm?” Pearl looked up. Katya mouthed Sharon and motioned over to the other side. Pearl made a face giving herself an extra two chins, “Sharon? Young Love? Nah I don’t see it.” Katya narrowed her eyes to focus, her mind drew a blank. “Looks like she might not just be Sharon Needles but Sharon the love” Katya toppled over in wheezing laughter at the mediocre pun she’d just made. Pearl face palmed and settled back into her seat.

“Okay class- wait Willam you need to choose a side.” Willam folded her arms across her chest. “What if I think the play is both?” Miss Raja put a hand to her head. “Willam I don’t have time-“ Willam spread her hands and shrugged. “Listen, the play is stupid. No one would ever marry someone they just met, but teenagers also aren’t as dumb as you baby boomers think.” Raja was offended at the age comment but didn’t hold Willam to it. Instead she ushered a challenge. “Willam, you’ve just proven your strength in ability for discussions. How about you choose one side right now, but you can change your mind later. This is something you can really excel in, do lots of research …” Willam rolled her eyes and strolled over to the side with the rest of the anti-love crowd, tuning the teacher out as soon as she’d said the word ‘research’. “Willam?” prodded Miss Raja. Willam raised her head, realizing she’d been asked a question. “What? I stopped listening.” Raja sighed. “I said when was the last time you found something you could really sink your teeth into?” “Courtney Act” Willam responded. Adore sniggered from her seat – she was the only other person who really knew about Willam and Courtney. Beyond the rumor mill, Adore had caught them together on a break day last term. After promising not to tell, Adore had given Willam a high five and picked another place to smoke. around ten minutes later Willam came over and sat down next to Adore at one of the back walls of the school. Adore could only remember Willam gushing over the blonde, how she made Willam look forward to learning just to see Courtney. Willam’s lovesick smile was so infectious it could’ve made the blind man smile thought Adore. When the Aussie returned home, Adore had offered her company to Willam. Willam had tried to blow it off, “not like it was a break up or anything, a fling. That’s all it was.” The bohemian rocker saw straight through her, Willam missed her. Hearing Willam talk about Courtney – even in a comedic way – sparked a warmth in Adore, knowing Willam still thought about her. Miss Raja clapped her hands, a sound so loud the class fell immediately silent. “Okay, we’re gonna start. The way we’re going to do this is I’ll pull someone’s name from this jar and they’re gonna share their views on the play, why they think that and anyone from the opposing side can challenge that view, OK?” everyone nodded in agreement and raja went to pull out the first name. “Phi Phi” The whole class sighed in anticipation as Phi Phi prepared herself, now that Alaska looked at her, she didn’t feel that bad. Not compared to Phi Phi’s stained races of mascara, raccoon nest hair and glassy eyes. The girl used to be so sharp, everyone thought she was perfect. Alaska actually felt bad for Phi Phi, that’s saying something. Anything to distract attention from Alaska right now. “Well… I don’t really believe in love. Like it’s silly.” The teacher nodded for her to go on, “People can’t fully love someone, like that’s just not how life happens. I feel like the play represented an infatuation, which is completely different from love. When you love someone, it’s what’s on the inside. Infatuation is mainly on the outside. But like I said, love is silly. It just… never works out” The last part subsided to a mumble as Phi Phi hung her head. Everyone had heard about her breakup and she hadn’t come to school for 4 days after it happened. It didn’t matter how annoying Phi Phi was, no one wanted to catch their partner cheating. Discussions started to break out to fill the awkward silence Phi Phi had left. No one really listened to each other until Needles broke out: “Love is real.” At that everyone turned their head and found an emotional Sharon, not crying but emotional. Sharon was being stared at like a statue. What the fuck is she doing? Alaska screamed in her mind. Sharon went on, “The first time you look at someone you can tell if there’s something there, I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I believe in that connection. I can’t explain it, but I can feel it. You look at someone and you mind starts to run laps of a track but you don’t get tired, you feel… rejuvenated.” “Wow Sharon,” commented Willam. “Rejuvenated. That’s a big word for you.” Max gave Willam a discreet but firm kick in the shin to get her to shut up. Willam let out a screech “Get your sasquatch feet away from my Loub’s.” “Love is a precious feeling, anyone who’s lucky enough to feel it knows that, and they can clearly see that Romeo and Juliet loved each other. So much so that they went to extremes for one another.” The class was silent, no one could really comprehend what just happened. Sharon Needles, a person who never showed any emotion, a person who never talked about emotion, for the first time opened up her heart to reveal a warm affectionate soul. Who knew? Silence filled the room for a minute, each person taking in Sharon’s heart-felt speech. Until Alaska, who had been sitting quietly spoke up through a groggy voice and a guarded façade. “Love? You really believe that Romeo loved Juliet? He didn’t care enough to wait with her! She wasn’t dead, she was asleep, but he didn’t wait around long enough to realise that, did he?” The girls on her side of the class all tried not to notice Alaska’s hands balled into fists. “Romeo was stupid, Juliet was left with no choice, she loved him so much, I’ll say that. She was willing to leave everything for Romeo, her name, her family, but the minute Romeo saw that Juliet wasn’t awake he went down to the Apothecary to get drugs. Those drugs didn’t help with anything and Romeo died, their love along with it.” Sharon and Alaska’s eyes were locked on each other. It was like no one else was in the room. Sharon took a shallow breath through her teeth, her eyes squeezing shut. “Did you ever consider that Romeo didn’t get the drugs because of Juliet? God, not everything is about effin Juliet, Juliet likes to play the victim. Like none of this is her fault and she’s some precious gift to the world. Fuck Juliet- sorry miss- fuck her. Romeo had a life, y’know, at the start of the play he was very obviously depressed, Juliet wasn’t there for him, was she?” Violet and Pearl caught each other’s eye and Violet mouthed burn to Pearl mimicking dubbing a fire on her finger. Pearl gave a shy laugh, she kinda liked Violet. Sharon was panting. “Maybe, just maybe Alaska, Romeo wanted to die. And Juliet set him over the edge. Juliet doesn’t rule his life, and she shouldn’t dictate what he can do and when. Romeo did love Juliet but he really shouldn’t’ve. It messed up his life more than you can imagine.” Everyone flipped their eyes back to a boiling Alaska from Sharon who was sitting on the edge of her seat, face red with passion. “What the literal fuck is going on?” muttered Violet, Adore met her comment with a wide-eyed glance implying she was just as lost as Violet. “Their relationship was toxic and you know it,” Alaska stumbled, not losing eye contact with Sharon as tears began to clog her vision. Alaska don’t break she told herself, not here not now. “It was destined for failure the minute Romeo snuck into the ball. He still wasn’t over Rosaline and he threw himself at the first girl he saw. That, to me. Is. Not. Love.” “I agree with Alaska.”. Sharon rolled her eyes. “Oh, you would Phi Phi” Suddenly, the ball was back in Sharon’s court and she was frozen for a second, her usual laid-back slouch in a chair had been replaced by a vulnerable huddle at the edge. Her lip quivered for a millisecond, something no one but Alaska would be able to notice. “Did Juliet even want a relationship?” asked Sharon, a hint of hurt in her voice. “Seriously what the fuck is this? Jerry Springer?” Trixie elbowed the girl. “Violet shut up. I want all the details,” Sharon swallowed before continuing. “Like, her mother had even asked her about marrying Paris, and she told her she hadn’t thought of being in a relationship. Was her plan to just lead Romeo on, drive him crazy?!” the word “crazy” had been delivered through gritted teeth. Throughout all of this Miss Raja had bought a ticket to attend the tennis match and she let out the occasional gasp and she was given disapproving glare by Willam. “Face it Sharon, Romeo was stupid. If he really loved Juliet he wouldn’t have ran away. Who really was the one afraid of commitment.” “Bull- “ At that the bell rang for the next class but no one moved. Even Raja stood still for a moment, before realising the situation and opening the door to allow students out. Sharon darted out of the door. “Go ahead, run away from the problem like you always do!” Alaska yelled out after her. The blonde composed herself, attempting to fix the smudged eyeliner and hair that had been messed with for the whole period. Willam came up behind her and showed what little compassion Courtney had taught her “Hey, let’s not break down at school and be known as the girl who cried and had to be taken out of class - stop, let me do it, we can make it smoked instead of smudged.” Pearl sensed someone standing in front of her as she packed up her things, God I wish Miss Raja would’ve told us we didn’t need our folders and- “Hey Pearl” It was Violet, closer than she probably should’ve been. “You busy on Friday night?” Pearl, somewhat perplexed, managed to give a shake of her head. “Uh, no.” “Why don’t you come to my party? Everyone’s gonna be there, it’ll give you a chance to get to know people better.” Just when pearl didn’t think she could get any more confused, did Violet Chachki just wink at me? “uh yeah, sure sounds great?” “Cool, just ask Adore for the details and stuff but there’s one rule.” Violet paused for dramatic effect. “It’s a costume party, be creative like I know you are.” an awkward silence filled the gap between them as Violet realized what she just said. “Sorry that sounded weird I know. Uh, I meant that you’re like artsy, y’know with your sketch pad and hipster clothes.” Pearl quirked an eyebrow. “Hipster?! Seriously?” Both girls broke out into laughter at Violet’s word choice. “See ya, pearl” Pearl watched Violet go, she glided in her heel, her hair not moving an inch. Pearl smiled to herself, feeling happy for once.

#adore delano #bianca del rio #pearl liaison #violet chachki #sharon needles #alaska thunderfuck #willam belli #katya zamolodchikova #biadore #peatlet #shalaska #au #ginger nut #rpdr fanfiction #raja gemini #lesbian au #high school au #cupids blind arrow

[pxiao]

Could ya give your thoughts on Zexal as a whole and tell is it really bad. can you?

As a whole post? Seems a bit vicious even for me. But as a whole I’ll say it, z-xal fans look away because as this is my pure opinions as a Z-xal hater. My opinions could be wrong and they can annoy you but remember this is my opinion and just as you have a right to be annoyed, I have a right to my opinion. Don’t whine if you find something you don’t like on a Z-xal hate piece.  

The show is textbook at best and at worse just annoying with some horrible lessons. When the it first aired, I was willing to give it a try despite initially being put off by the character designs, if not just because I thought the fandom was being annoying. I got up to the cat girl episode till I just felt it was boring as all get out and stopped watching. It wasn’t a conspicuous decision either, I just didn’t feel like watching the next episode and I honestly forgot the show existed till Zexal 2 started and well by that point I didn’t give a damn. But I started to hear things about the show and well I honestly found it annoying and I watched it and I was right. Yoshida doesn’t seem skilled at creating characters, world building or even plotting. 

Plot wise, a lot of the logic is ignored for trauma and angst. And I know that in Yu-Gi-Oh!, logic isn’t exactly common anyway but you still need some logic in people’s actions or there really isn’t any point in watching a show. If you watch the Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged series, LittleKuriboh is doing a good job of pointing out the flaws of the Orichalcos season written by Yoshida. Like Atem’s duel against Rafael was started by Atem deciding to answer his challenge for rescue Professor Arthur … who was released for no reason before Atem even dueled Rafael and for no real reason either. Zexal is the same, a lot of episodes don’t do anything to advance the story, characters or even the world. It’s just duel of the week episodes which rarely have any effect on the world at all. Zexal’s story is generally duels of the week, some plot, more duels of the week and then final battle. There isn’t any rising action, it’s just exposition and then overdrawn climax. His attempts at “foreshadowing” are laughable. They don’t hint, they spell it out to the point we know what’s going to happen 99% percent of the the time. And lets face it, people like to watch shows that have some surprise as otherwise the show becomes a checklist and that was what Zexal felt like at times. It was less of a show and more of Yoshida’s checklist of the tropes that Yu-Gi-Oh! has done. A major plothole I found in the Barian onslaught was Shark’s attitude throughout the arc. Why did he go straight into war mode if he “knew Yuma’s feelings”. Yuma who spent the arc freaking out at the death and war that was going on, if Shark actually knew Yuma, he should know that a war is the last thing Yuma would ever want. But he spends the arc angsts over how he has to betray his friends. Why couldn’t he TALK to Yuma, while Astral is iffy, he should know how much of an influence that Yuma has on the alien and thus maybe a deal can be made. And if it couldn’t be, he could have at least tried before he lead a war that lead to his “friends” dying like a REAL ruler. 

World building, ha. He doesn’t build worlds, he builds a blank slate that the characters “live” at. Heartland has no personality at all, despite being the city of the future there was nothing unique about it. Astral world and Barian worlds are just factions at war with that represent the concepts of order and chaos and that’s from the show TELLING US. We only see the Astral world dying and nothing about it’s people, the Barian world is just not shown at all except for some red rocks. If I had to compared Astral world and Barian world to say Arc-V’s worlds, it’s depressing. Arc-V has a bit of Chaos vs Order in the form of Academia and the Resistance and the difference in writing quality is depressing. Academia would is order and we get a taste of how messed up their ideological is from Sora, Serena and Edo. We see how the public openly supports their ideas, the children believe the lies that they’re making a better war and when they’re in danger they freak out as they thought of it as a game. Hell we see how they take their ideology to the extreme in the BB arc when Sanders and the students beg for Sanders to be carded as it follows their ideals. The resistance is chaos, as Shun states they had trouble creating a defense in time and it shows. The flashbacks show duelists not in any uniform, just attacking without any formation or plan, their bases are just tents huddled together and the Resistance didn’t even have a main base, it was different branches and by the time we see it, it’s all but dead. Maiami is defined by how free the setting is, there are a LARGE variety of dueling schools from You Show, Gongenzaka Dojo, LDS, the many different schools Yuya saw and Ryozanpaku. Each having a variety of philosophies and how the public acted show they had a healthy mix of positive, loving Entertainment duels, and negative traits, their bullying of Yuya in the past. 

His characters are the worst, they aren’t really characters, just personality traits put together in the hopes of being a working personality. Most of the time, they’re just 2D cutouts. Don Thousand is a perfect example. In a story, the most important characters are the protagonist and the main enemy of the series as they shape what the show is. The worst thing you can do when making a main villain is making them easily replaceable. In the manga for Z-xal which was pretty similar to the anime Don was replaced while the story was going on because the artist didn’t like him and Yoshida EASILY replaced Don Thousand. That just proves that Don Thousand didn’t have a personality if he could be replaced by another villain so easily. In comparison, you can’t replace Zarc or Leo, they have shaped Arc-V plot and setting that if you take them out, the plot will change. He generally makes his protagonists overally perfect like what he did to Yusei in season 2 of 5D’s. Yuma is a horrible attempt to fix this, he had flaws for sure, but instead of Yuma growing, Yoshida made the show bend over backwards to make a flaw a virtue instead. The infuriating part is the show actually did a good job of showing his flaw but then everyone even the people that called out him earlier are telling to not change. You don’t make good characters that way, you destroy your show. Yoshida doesn’t do enough to build up the relationships that are supposed to form the backbone of the show and it feels hollow. A direct example is Yuya and Yuzu relationship vs Yuma and Kotori’s relationship. The couples are both childhood friends but the difference between their bonds is clear as day. Kotori is a side thought to Yuma at best and we never get an explanation of why Kotori and supposedly Yuma like each other. Their relationship development is Kotori screaming for Yuma and her getting jealous over him. Yuya and Yuzu? The first few episodes show how they understand each other the most and when something is up with one of them, they’re the first to realize it. Despite being separated for most of the show, Yuya and Yuzu continuously show support and love for each other while Yuma and Kotori barely interact despite being next to each other for the majority of the show. Arc-V shows plenty of times when Yuya puts her safety above everything and that includes his own ideals. Yuzu also puts Yuya’s safety over her own and her speeches are the only thing to reach him as the Zarc vs Ray/Reira duel showed. Fan reaction proves this, Yuya and Yuzu is one of the most popular ships in their fandom while Yuma and Kotori is hardly liked at all. And how he writes girls … Look Yu-Gi-Oh! isn’t going to win awards on how to write women unless you include Season 1 of Arc-V. But Yoshida is the worst at them, nearly every women he writes is obsessed over romance and plays little to no part in the story. Rio appeared as an independent girl that didn’t want to seen as part of Shark. And she became just that, she never made her own decisions ever and everything that came out of her mouth was about Shark and that’s it. She became his angst magnet. And based on how Aoi was written, I doubt he’s changed in Vr–ns.

Next I don’t think Yoshida understands the idea of a card game show. While card game shows are generally shonen series, they don’t have the same rules as a general shonen series. An enemy having a broken power in a regular shonen is accepted because the point of shonen is to make things unfair for the protagonist so the audience can feel something when they overcome it. That doesn’t work with card games, there has to be a SENSE of balance as card games are meant to be a game first and foremost. Otherwise the enemy comes across as overpowered to the point of ridiculousness. Don Thousand was overpowered to the point I was rolling my eye when he was literally breaking the rules of the game. From easily causing 50,000 points of damage, to summoning monsters with 10,000 and later 100,000 attack points. Don didn’t feel powerful, he felt like the writers were trying too hard to make him dangerous and instead came off as annoying.  

But the worst part of this is how Yoshida never changes. Everything that he works on has a basic plot and character types and he never varies. His writing has the same ideas in the seasons he writes. And I’ve seen how some people defend him on this because of his writing style. I strongly disagree, authors can have similar themes and ideas but they should never make a series the exact same. Kasumi Ono was the director for 5d’s and Arc-V while there are similarities in themes and character points, it’s impossible to say they’re alike at all. Or the writer for Type-Moon, compared Fate/Stay Night and Fate/Extra. They take the same concept and play with it so the story is different.  Authors don’t have to make everything original but the problem is Yoshida rarely changes the details at all.  

#zxl damn it #wow that was a lot #even for me #I'm actually kinda tired now

[writing-ro]

I’m Coming Home

Rating: G for General Audiences Fandom: The Cat Returns Characters: Haru Yoshioka, Baron Humbert von Gikkingen Ships: Baron Hubert von Gikkingen/Haru Yoshioka Tags: Romance, Haru is a pop star, Drunken Kissing, Love Confessions Also Available: AO3, Fanfiction.net

Haru has everything a girl could want, fame, fortune and a great relationship with her band’s lead singer. But it’s all fake, and she is tired of putting on a face for the world. She just wants to go home to her true love.

“Alright everyone, I’ll see you all tomorrow,” Haru said as she walked into her bedroom in the hotel suite. Once the door was closed, her smile dropped and she breathed a sigh as she pulled the blonde wig off of her thin brown hair, her chocolate eyes turning weary and tired. But it wasn’t physical exhaustion that haunted her.

She dropped her purse on the bed and walked over to the window. It was large with a seat, which she took advantage of as she opened the window. The hotel was ornate and old, much like the room she was in, so the windows weren’t sealed shut like most of the others she’d stayed in before, even in the penthouse.

She sighed again, looking over the fantastic skyscape. Paris was beautiful at night, having rightfully earned it’s name of City of Lights. And as she recalled it’s other name of City of Love, she saddened. To the world, she was in a happy relationship, but it was a sham. She liked Machida, they’d become good friends after he dumped his jealous girlfriend, but her heart belonged to another.

She thought about the one she loved, Baron Humbert Von Gikkingen, Baron to his friends. Not that he was a real nobleman, or even a human, but a magical living statue whose form was a foot-tall half-man half-cat. But under that he was a kinder man than almost everyone. He has saved her life on an adventure that gave her courage to follow her heart, and she had given it to him.

She had often visited the Refuge after their trip to the Cat Kingdom, and with each visit she grew fonder and fonder of the magic square in the hidden corner of the city and it’s occupants. With it’s magic, she was able to shrink down upon entering, a measure Baron said was to make repeat visitors more comfortable. Through tea chats and lazy days, Toto and Muta grew to become brothers, and the place in her heart that Baron held grew bigger and bigger.

It was him she first told about her secret passion, that she loved to sing. It was him who encouraged her to join Machida’s band after their singer had surgery that ruined her voice. It was him who helped teach her how to dance so she wouldn’t fall off the stage as she sang. It was him she was smiling at when she performed for the first time and he, Toto and Muta hid in the rafters of the barn. It was him who supported her when she decided she wanted to wear a wig on stage to help her walk around anonymously after they became an overnight sensation. It was him she sang to when they performed their romantic songs. It was him she wished would sing the duets with on stage, after he helped her practice one. It was him who always wrote to her when she’d gone on the national tour after winning the Battle of the Bands contest. And it was her who left to go on the world tour after that.

She remembered the last time she saw Baron, face to face. It was just a few days before she was to leave for the tour. She had come to the Refuge after dinner with the band and their managers. They’d served sake with the dinner, and she had a little more than she should have. As she tripped her way into the Bureau, after giving the door three sharp knocks, her own personal signal, Baron helped her to a chair and just gave her tea to help sober her and to settle her stomach so she wouldn’t get sick. He explained Muta and Toto were elsewhere and waited patiently while she called her mom to tell her she’d be staying at a friend’s house overnight, and that she’d be back in the morning.

She remembered he’d kept the light low so she wouldn’t get a headache once she sobered up, using candles as opposed to the gas lights. She had sat slumped against the arm of the sofa and watched him. She always had thought he was handsome, but in that light he was even more so. The alcohol had also lowered her inhibitions, so when he’d bent over her to take the cup of tea from her hands for a refill, she leaned up and kissed him.

She could tell he was surprised by the action, the way he tensed when she made contact showed it. However, when she noticed he hadn’t even moved, she pulled back. “What’s wrong Baron?” she’d asked him, tilting her head slightly.

He was blushing hard enough it could just be seen through his fur. He quickly stood up straight and turned to the tea pot, busying himself with pouring new cups for them. “I believe you might need another cup of tea, Miss Haru,” he said.

“You know your tea is more of an aphrodisiac than any alcohol, right?” she’d jokingly said, sitting up and watching him. “And what’s with the ‘Miss’ stuff. I thought I told you to call me Haru years ago.”

“I think things might be a bit different now,” was his answer, still not turning from his position. “You are, after all, inebriated, it’s never certain how it affects people.”

“I’ve wanted to kiss you since I first met you Baron. The alcohol just took away any reservations I had about doing so.” She stood, swaying only slightly. Already the tea was sobering her up, she knew she’d have to say what she wanted fast.

“And why ever would you want to kiss me, Miss Haru?” Baron turned as he asked this, seeing her walking up to him.

“Because I love you Baron, and that’s not the sake talking.” And with that, she flung her arms around his neck and kissed him. This time, he responded, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer. The kiss was chaste and passionate at the same time, Haru’s drunken ferocity countered by his calm control, never letting her push to far. When they finally pulled apart, they were reeling from the feelings they felt.

“Will you regret it tomorrow, Haru, if I said I loved you too, and kissed you again” Baron asked her, the nervousness in his voice evident.

Haru shot him a look. “Never, Baron. I don’t want to push too far so soon. What I do want is for you to keep kissing me.” And with that, she pulled his lips back to hers as she walked backwards and when she hit the couch, she let him fall on top of her.

The rest of the night they spent curled up together, talking and kissing, until Haru finally drifted to sleep in his arms and he held her until morning came. When Muta and Toto returned, he motioned for them to be quiet so to not disturb her. When she woke up, they told the cat and crow what had happened and, while they felt a little embarrassed about it, neither of them wished that it hadn’t happened. When she had to leave, he walked her to the arched entrance to the refuge and kissed her goodbye just at the point where she returned to her normal size. And for that moment, as she grew so did he and the hint of a future might have been there. Then the kiss ended and when she opened her eyes, Haru was looking down at Baron. With tears in both their eyes, they turned around at the same moment, she walking to a future they couldn’t share, and he to a world they couldn’t stay in.

That had been almost a year ago, and the tour had taken them everywhere, from Seoul to Mumbai in Asia, Los Angles to New York in North America, Rio de Janeiro to Johannesburg in South America and Africa, and finally the European leg of the tour. Their first stop was Rome, and Paris was their second. It would be another month before they would finish in England, after which they’d return to America to do a TV show. It all seemed to be a good idea at the time, but now Haru was wondering about her choice.

She closed the window again and rested her head against the cool glass. From an outsider’s perspective, the day she’d just had was perfect. They arrived in Paris early in the morning, attended a CD signing and took photos with the fans before the band was able to spend the day however they wanted. She ended up spending most of it with Machida, wandering around Paris as paparazzi took pictures and prepared them for the buzzed about question: When will there be a proposal?

It was Candy, their publicity manager who came up with the idea. The media had already gotten the story of Haru’s crush on him when they were in high school, and what better way to ride that hype but with an actual relationship. Within a few weeks, media around the world knew about Haru and Machida’s whirlwind romance and their sales and income increased significantly. The only people who knew the relationship was fake were the other band members, Haru and Machida’s families and the Cat Bureau. She’d made sure to write them about that, even if she didn’t do so very often anymore.

When the tour kicked off, Haru and Baron exchanged letters as often as they could. She’d send them to the Cat Kingdom, where Lune and Yuki would make sure the letters got to the Bureau. However, after a while, she just kept writing the same message, “I’m fine, how are you?” with some token description of whatever city they were in, or what happened on the tour bus, plane or train that day. Eventually, she started writing them, but wouldn’t send them; she didn’t want that sent to him. Still, his letters came, and they were the happiest times for her.

She sighed again and pushed herself off of the window seat. It just wasn’t worth it to her. She might have had fame, fortune, and the opportunity to do something she loved. But without the man she loved, she hated it, and she’d had enough.

She pulled a carry-on suitcase out of the closet and started throwing clothes in it. If what she took was a mix of casual and fancy styles, or large amount of shirts compared to pants and shoes, she didn’t care. Into a small duffle, also from the closet, she packed the few books she had, a couple changes of clothes, her necessities and her wallet. Her phone she left, she wouldn’t need it where she went, and she could easily get another one later on, and the same for her music, except for one CD, which held a song she’d spent months trying to find and had finally gotten a copy of a few months before; her and Baron’s song, Katzen Blaut.

Quiet as a mouse, she slipped out of her room, grateful that the other band members had turned in to their own rooms and she was the only one still awake or not busy. She left four envelopes behind her, one each in front of Machida, Candy and Hideiko, their stage manager’s, rooms. The last was on her bed and contained the same information the first three did, just put there in case someone went into her room before they found their own. She’d written them almost a week before, and she was now putting them to their purpose.

The letters all said the same thing.

I’m sorry everyone, but I can’t do this anymore.I used to enjoy this work, and I love all of you like family, but I can’t do this anymore. If I tried to keep going, I’d probably go catatonic over time, and the only way to fix it only on person can do, and you would never be able to contact him.

“In regards to the band and the tour, have Jessica replace me as the lead singer, that’s what she wants and she’s been practicing. I should know, I’ve been helping her. Ami, Neji, keep going strong; I’ll be expecting an invite to the wedding. Jon, try and settle down, or at least don’t break so many hearts, we want you to give us nieces and nephews the proper way. And Machida, follow your heart. Consider this my Dear John and ask out Go, I know you two like each other.

“Candy, Hideiko, I know you’re probably disappointed and angry at me, but I have to do this or I will slowly go mad. I’ll start ranting about cats and crows and talking statues and you’ll have to institutionalize me. This way is better for everyone involved.

“I’ll miss you guys, and I hope you write. If you want to contact me, write to the included PO box number and write the following word on the envelope: Refuge. Again, I love you and I wish you all the best, but for me, I’m going home.

With the letters delivered, Haru put her shoes on and walked out of the hotel, down the street to a bus terminal. Paying her fare, she settled in, dozing in her seat until she reached the airport. Before too long, she’d left the country and was on her way to Tokyo.

~~~

Making her way out of the airport, Haru waited a moment to look at the metropolis around her. It was beautiful, as it always was, but Haru didn’t linger too long. By now, people would know about her disappearance and she would have paparazzi and possibly police looking for her. Changing in the airport bathroom, like she had before she got on the plane in France, she hopped on a bus out to the suburbs, to the small town where she had grown up.

After getting off the bus, she walked around the town for a little bit. First she visited her old house. Her mom still lived there, but Haru didn’t, having moved into an apartment with Hiromi and Ami after the formation of the band. Now, Naoko rented rooms to college students, and was never lacking for company with her quilting friends around. Haru didn’t go up and knock on the door; she’d written her mother just before they arrived in Paris, she knew Haru’s feelings and what she’d been planning to do.

Haru then walked down the street, passing the traffic light where she’d been talking with Hiromi and ended up saving a gray, odd eyed cat and triggering the adventure that would make her who she was today.

She kept walking down to her school. The day had just ended and she watched as students poured out of the building, either mingling on the grounds or walking through the gates to the shops or home. Here, she had been Haru, the-girl-who-was-late-everyday-and-a-total-klutz, then later Haru, the-confident-girl-who-wasn’t-afraid-to-be-herself. There, her best friend was Hiromi, her other friends were Chicka and Machida and she was happy. This was also the place where she ended her adventure and started to change her life.

Finally, slowly, she walked to the Crossroads, taking in all the sights. The florist where she and Hiromi worked at, and the cafe who first sponsored the band were still open and going strong, There were a few new families walking around, but otherwise, much was the same.

She made it to the chair where Muta usually sat. He was not there, but Haru didn’t worry. She just walked to the old familiar alley, noting the man who stood and started following her. Luckily, she managed to be quick enough to lose him before long. Around that bend, through that alley, over the tin rooftops, down the stairs, around the corner and finally she saw the white marble archway of the Refuge, and through it, the lighted windows of the Cat Bureau. She paused for a moment before walking on, only one thought running through her head.

As she passed under the arch, she felt the magic wash over her. Willing it to make her change slow so she’d get across the square quicker, she noticed Toto was not on his pillar. ‘They must be inside,’ quickly interrupted her one thought, then she shook it off as she made it to the Bureau doors. Through them, and the open window above her head, she heard Muta and Toto insulting each other and Baron’s soft admonitions. Setting her bags down, she raised her hand and knocked on the door sharply three times.

The voices stopped. Haru waited with baited breath, nibbling her lower lip. After seemingly an eternity, the door opened, revealing Baron. His suit coat and hat were off and his sleeves rolled up to the elbows. He had a stunned look, like he couldn’t believe what he saw. “Haru?” he asked softly, as he slowly stretched out his hand, reaching for hers.

Haru smiled and took his hand in hers. “Hello Baron,” she said, tears of joy welling in her eyes.

Before another word could be said, Baron had her in an embrace and his lips were on her’s. After a year’s separation, the two lovers were together, and in that moment, nothing else mattered.

When they finally separated for air, Baron rested his forehead on Haru’s. “You came back,” was all he could say.

Haru smiled, pulling him closer to her and saying, her lips hovering over his, the thought that’d been running through her head since she saw the Refuge. “I came home.”

#My Fics #I'm Coming Home #fandom: the cat returns

[writingroold]

I’m Coming Home

Rating: G for General Audiences  Fandom: The Cat Returns Characters: Haru Yoshioka, Baron Humbert von Gikkingen Ships: Baron Hubert von Gikkingen/Haru Yoshioka Tags: Romance, Haru is a pop star, Drunken Kissing, Love Confessions Also Available: AO3, Fanfiction.net

Haru has everything a girl could want, fame, fortune and a great relationship with her band's lead singer. But it's all fake, and she is tired of putting on a face for the world. She just wants to go home to her true love.

“Alright everyone, I’ll see you all tomorrow,” Haru said as she walked into her bedroom in the hotel suite. Once the door was closed, her smile dropped and she breathed a sigh as she pulled the blonde wig off of her thin brown hair, her chocolate eyes turning weary and tired. But it wasn't physical exhaustion that haunted her.

She dropped her purse on the bed and walked over to the window. It was large with a seat, which she took advantage of as she opened the window. The hotel was ornate and old, much like the room she was in, so the windows weren't sealed shut like most of the others she’d stayed in before, even in the penthouse.

She sighed again, looking over the fantastic skyscape. Paris was beautiful at night, having rightfully earned it’s name of City of Lights. And as she recalled it’s other name of City of Love, she saddened. To the world, she was in a happy relationship, but it was a sham. She liked Machida, they’d become good friends after he dumped his jealous girlfriend, but her heart belonged to another.

She thought about the one she loved, Baron Humbert Von Gikkingen, Baron to his friends. Not that he was a real nobleman, or even a human, but a magical living statue whose form was a foot-tall half-man half-cat. But under that he was a kinder man than almost everyone. He has saved her life on an adventure that gave her courage to follow her heart, and she had given it to him.

She had often visited the Refuge after their trip to the Cat Kingdom, and with each visit she grew fonder and fonder of the magic square in the hidden corner of the city and it’s occupants. With it’s magic, she was able to shrink down upon entering, a measure Baron said was to make repeat visitors more comfortable. Through tea chats and lazy days, Toto and Muta grew to become brothers, and the place in her heart that Baron held grew bigger and bigger.

It was him she first told about her secret passion, that she loved to sing. It was him who encouraged her to join Machida’s band after their singer had surgery that ruined her voice. It was him who helped teach her how to dance so she wouldn't fall off the stage as she sang. It was him she was smiling at when she performed for the first time and he, Toto and Muta hid in the rafters of the barn. It was him who supported her when she decided she wanted to wear a wig on stage to help her walk around anonymously after they became an overnight sensation. It was him she sang to when they performed their romantic songs. It was him she wished would sing the duets with on stage, after he helped her practice one. It was him who always wrote to her when she’d gone on the national tour after winning the Battle of the Bands contest. And it was her who left to go on the world tour after that.

She remembered the last time she saw Baron, face to face. It was just a few days before she was to leave for the tour. She had come to the Refuge after dinner with the band and their managers. They’d served sake with the dinner, and she had a little more than she should have. As she tripped her way into the Bureau, after giving the door three sharp knocks, her own personal signal, Baron helped her to a chair and just gave her tea to help sober her and to settle her stomach so she wouldn't get sick. He explained Muta and Toto were elsewhere and waited patiently while she called her mom to tell her she’d be staying at a friend’s house overnight, and that she’d be back in the morning.

She remembered he’d kept the light low so she wouldn't get a headache once she sobered up, using candles as opposed to the gas lights. She had sat slumped against the arm of the sofa and watched him. She always had thought he was handsome, but in that light he was even more so. The alcohol had also lowered her inhibitions, so when he’d bent over her to take the cup of tea from her hands for a refill, she leaned up and kissed him.

She could tell he was surprised by the action, the way he tensed when she made contact showed it. However, when she noticed he hadn't even moved, she pulled back. “What’s wrong Baron?” she’d asked him, tilting her head slightly.

He was blushing hard enough it could just be seen through his fur. He quickly stood up straight and turned to the tea pot, busying himself with pouring new cups for them. “I believe you might need another cup of tea, Miss Haru,” he said.

“You know your tea is more of an aphrodisiac than any alcohol, right?” she’d jokingly said, sitting up and watching him. “And what’s with the ‘Miss’ stuff. I thought I told you to call me Haru years ago.”

“I think things might be a bit different now,” was his answer, still not turning from his position. “You are, after all, inebriated, it’s never certain how it affects people.”

“I've wanted to kiss you since I first met you Baron. The alcohol just took away any reservations I had about doing so.” She stood, swaying only slightly. Already the tea was sobering her up, she knew she’d have to say what she wanted fast.

“And why ever would you want to kiss me, Miss Haru?” Baron turned as he asked this, seeing her walking up to him.

“Because I love you Baron, and that’s not the sake talking.” And with that, she flung her arms around his neck and kissed him. This time, he responded, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer. The kiss was chaste and passionate at the same time, Haru’s drunken ferocity countered by his calm control, never letting her push to far. When they finally pulled apart, they were reeling from the feelings they felt.

“Will you regret it tomorrow, Haru, if I said I loved you too, and kissed you again” Baron asked her, the nervousness in his voice evident.

Haru shot him a look. “Never, Baron. I don’t want to push too far so soon. What I do want is for you to keep kissing me.” And with that, she pulled his lips back to hers as she walked backwards and when she hit the couch, she let him fall on top of her.

The rest of the night they spent curled up together, talking and kissing, until Haru finally drifted to sleep in his arms and he held her until morning came. When Muta and Toto returned, he motioned for them to be quiet so to not disturb her. When she woke up, they told the cat and crow what had happened and, while they felt a little embarrassed about it, neither of them wished that it hadn't happened. When she had to leave, he walked her to the arched entrance to the refuge and kissed her goodbye just at the point where she returned to her normal size. And for that moment, as she grew so did he and the hint of a future might have been there. Then the kiss ended and when she opened her eyes, Haru was looking down at Baron. With tears in both their eyes, they turned around at the same moment, she walking to a future they couldn't share, and he to a world they couldn't stay in.

That had been almost a year ago, and the tour had taken them everywhere, from Seoul to Mumbai in Asia, Los Angles to New York in North America, Rio de Janeiro to Johannesburg in South America and Africa, and finally the European leg of the tour. Their first stop was Rome, and Paris was their second. It would be another month before they would finish in England, after which they’d return to America to do a TV show. It all seemed to be a good idea at the time, but now Haru was wondering about her choice.

She closed the window again and rested her head against the cool glass. From an outsider’s perspective, the day she’d just had was perfect. They arrived in Paris early in the morning, attended a CD signing and took photos with the fans before the band was able to spend the day however they wanted. She ended up spending most of it with Machida, wandering around Paris as paparazzi took pictures and prepared them for the buzzed about question: When will there be a proposal?

It was Candy, their publicity manager who came up with the idea. The media had already gotten the story of Haru’s crush on him when they were in high school, and what better way to ride that hype but with an actual relationship. Within a few weeks, media around the world knew about Haru and Machida’s whirlwind romance and their sales and income increased significantly. The only people who knew the relationship was fake were the other band members, Haru and Machida’s families and the Cat Bureau. She’d made sure to write them about that, even if she didn't do so very often anymore.

When the tour kicked off, Haru and Baron exchanged letters as often as they could. She’d send them to the Cat Kingdom, where Lune and Yuki would make sure the letters got to the Bureau. However, after a while, she just kept writing the same message, “I’m fine, how are you?” with some token description of whatever city they were in, or what happened on the tour bus, plane or train that day. Eventually, she started writing them, but wouldn't send them; she didn't want that sent to him. Still, his letters came, and they were the happiest times for her.

She sighed again and pushed herself off of the window seat. It just wasn't worth it to her. She might have had fame, fortune, and the opportunity to do something she loved. But without the man she loved, she hated it, and she’d had enough.

She pulled a carry-on suitcase out of the closet and started throwing clothes in it. If what she took was a mix of casual and fancy styles, or large amount of shirts compared to pants and shoes, she didn't care. Into a small duffle, also from the closet, she packed the few books she had, a couple changes of clothes, her necessities and her wallet. Her phone she left, she wouldn't need it where she went, and she could easily get another one later on, and the same for her music, except for one CD, which held a song she’d spent months trying to find and had finally gotten a copy of a few months before; her and Baron's song, Katzen Blaut.

Quiet as a mouse, she slipped out of her room, grateful that the other band members had turned in to their own rooms and she was the only one still awake or not busy. She left four envelopes behind her, one each in front of Machida, Candy and Hideiko, their stage manager’s, rooms. The last was on her bed and contained the same information the first three did, just put there in case someone went into her room before they found their own. She'd written them almost a week before, and she was now putting them to their purpose.

The letters all said the same thing.

I’m sorry everyone, but I can’t do this anymore.I used to enjoy this work, and I love all of you like family, but I can’t do this anymore. If I tried to keep going, I’d probably go catatonic over time, and the only way to fix it only on person can do, and you would never be able to contact him.

“In regards to the band and the tour, have Jessica replace me as the lead singer, that’s what she wants and she’s been practicing. I should know, I've been helping her. Ami, Neji, keep going strong; I’ll be expecting an invite to the wedding. Jon, try and settle down, or at least don’t break so many hearts, we want you to give us nieces and nephews the proper way. And Machida, follow your heart. Consider this my Dear John and ask out Go, I know you two like each other.

“Candy, Hideiko, I know you’re probably disappointed and angry at me, but I have to do this or I will slowly go mad. I’ll start ranting about cats and crows and talking statues and you’ll have to institutionalize me. This way is better for everyone involved.

“I’ll miss you guys, and I hope you write. If you want to contact me, write to the included PO box number and write the following word on the envelope: Refuge. Again, I love you and I wish you all the best, but for me, I’m going home.

With the letters delivered, Haru put her shoes on and walked out of the hotel, down the street to a bus terminal. Paying her fare, she settled in, dozing in her seat until she reached the airport. Before too long, she’d left the country and was on her way to Tokyo.

~~~

Making her way out of the airport, Haru waited a moment to look at the metropolis around her. It was beautiful, as it always was, but Haru didn't linger too long. By now, people would know about her disappearance and she would have paparazzi and possibly police looking for her. Changing in the airport bathroom, like she had before she got on the plane in France, she hopped on a bus out to the suburbs, to the small town where she had grown up.

After getting off the bus, she walked around the town for a little bit. First she visited her old house. Her mom still lived there, but Haru didn't, having moved into an apartment with Hiromi and Ami after the formation of the band. Now, Naoko rented rooms to college students, and was never lacking for company with her quilting friends around. Haru didn't go up and knock on the door; she’d written her mother just before they arrived in Paris, she knew Haru's feelings and what she'd been planning to do.

Haru then walked down the street, passing the traffic light where she’d been talking with Hiromi and ended up saving a gray, odd eyed cat and triggering the adventure that would make her who she was today.

She kept walking down to her school. The day had just ended and she watched as students poured out of the building, either mingling on the grounds or walking through the gates to the shops or home. Here, she had been Haru, the-girl-who-was-late-everyday-and-a-total-klutz, then later Haru, the-confident-girl-who-wasn't-afraid-to-be-herself. There, her best friend was Hiromi, her other friends were Chicka and Machida and she was happy. This was also the place where she ended her adventure and started to change her life.

Finally, slowly, she walked to the Crossroads, taking in all the sights. The florist where she and Hiromi worked at, and the cafe who first sponsored the band were still open and going strong, There were a few new families walking around, but otherwise, much was the same.

She made it to the chair where Muta usually sat. He was not there, but Haru didn't worry. She just walked to the old familiar alley, noting the man who stood and started following her. Luckily, she managed to be quick enough to lose him before long. Around that bend, through that alley, over the tin rooftops, down the stairs, around the corner and finally she saw the white marble archway of the Refuge, and through it, the lighted windows of the Cat Bureau. She paused for a moment before walking on, only one thought running through her head.

As she passed under the arch, she felt the magic wash over her. Willing it to make her change slow so she'd get across the square quicker, she noticed Toto was not on his pillar. ‘They must be inside,’ quickly interrupted her one thought, then she shook it off as she made it to the Bureau doors. Through them, and the open window above her head, she heard Muta and Toto insulting each other and Baron’s soft admonitions. Setting her bags down, she raised her hand and knocked on the door sharply three times.

The voices stopped. Haru waited with baited breath, nibbling her lower lip. After seemingly an eternity, the door opened, revealing Baron. His suit coat and hat were off and his sleeves rolled up to the elbows. He had a stunned look, like he couldn't believe what he saw. “Haru?” he asked softly, as he slowly stretched out his hand, reaching for hers.

Haru smiled and took his hand in hers. “Hello Baron,” she said, tears of joy welling in her eyes.

Before another word could be said, Baron had her in an embrace and his lips were on her’s. After a year’s separation, the two lovers were together, and in that moment, nothing else mattered.

When they finally separated for air, Baron rested his forehead on Haru’s. “You came back,” was all he could say.

Haru smiled, pulling him closer to her and saying, her lips hovering over his, the thought that’d been running through her head since she saw the Refuge. “I came home.”

#My Writings #Story: I'm Coming Home #Fandom: The Cat Returns #Ship: Baron Humbert von Gikkingen/Haru Yoshioka

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Oh! I wanna hear your hyper critical opinions towards p3 (and p4 if youre up to it). I am genuinely curious as to what it is!

pDSOAPFADFJIOA;FJIA;JF;DA Ahhhhhhh if only I wrote down everything I said (I did this over a year ago). under the cut cause long:

It was easier cause I was ripping it as we played and I had some nitpicks in the dialogue (more so with like “WAIT THAT MAKES NO SENSE!” or “WHY ARE YOU JUMPING TO THAT CONCLUSION?!” kinda thing rather than a translation error). But I can’t really specify what it was cause it was so long ago. The only one that comes to mind is when they’re jerks to Naoto, it must be how she’s talking in Japan cause like.......they’re really, REALLY rude to her. Like, they do realize she has a right to be suspicious of them right? Like, don’t get me wrong, I loooooooove the animosity in some way (great foe-yay/rival shipping yay fodder for me to ship her with the MC ahuhuhu 8U) but dang I wish they made more tension (and made it even). That’s actually the one thing I thought the P4 anime did right (and trust me I don’t think that anime did a lot of things right, esp concerning Naoto...ironically XD), they really built the tension between her and the group very well. Anyway I want to go into more detail some other time, maybe when I replay the two games, but for now I’ll give you a general overview). 

Ok so all and all I think P3 and P4 are fine the way they are. They did a good job with them. P3 for being Hashino’s first hoorah into the series (also didn’t have enough time or money to include everything and had to cut stuff, LIKE THE FEMC! ;W;), and P4 for.....having such....a small.....budget....and....not a lot of time....and.....the company was struggling.....Like dang man I’m surprised we got P4. So like, compared to P5, I’m a lot easier on these two cause in one case Hashino was trying to find his style, and the other he was struggling with working with almost nothing (P5, however, didn’t have any of these issues).

Ok so like.....My biggest issue with P3 is mostly it’s characters and character relationships. P4.....I wish we could’ve hung out with Naoto earlier (even before she joined the team, that would’ve been interesting if the MC and her met up and attempted to draw more info out of each other about the case), and I wouldn’t have minded if they added more to the murder plot. 

P3....ngl the first act until Aigis show’s up is.....so....slow.....and boring....and no one is really likeable imo. I hated Yukari, I hated Junpei. Mitsuru seemed interesting but she wouldn’t hang out. Akihiko....didn’t really care for him, but I couldn’t  hang out with him. I couldn’t hang out with Yukari or Junpei if I wanted to (Yukari won’t hang out till around Aigis joins anyway, I remember from my last playthrough we tried, it was an NG+ and she snubbed us). Kenji is a moron (don’t hate him, feel bad for him, but god so boring), Kaz is a moron, didn’t do Yuko the first time (should’ve I did like her, hate I only got the first rank the first time I ever played through P3), I didn’t like Chihiro (she started off fine but was kinda creepy later on), can’t hang with Fuuka unless you have maxed courage cause eff me (not like I can ever remember her gd link anyways that’s how forgettable it is, I don’t even like Yukari but at least I remember her’s). Basically......the SL sucked balls. Major balls (I liked Maiko, the Star dude, the old couple, the Hermit, and the Devil......I guess the Tower too he was ok, and....that’s it....for outside teammate links aka Aigis and Mitsuru). Silly was not a happy camper when she popped P3 in after having fun with P4 (and esp after being told P3 was a GAZZILLION TIMES BETTER!!!!1!), tbh I took like a 4 month break from P3 and replayed P4 before I picked P3 back up (after Aigis showed up I def enjoyed it a heck of a lot more after that). Now, P3′s plot is really good and very solid, it’s P3′s strong point. My issue is that.....everything P3 does is for the sake of the plot. It does it well, don’t get me wrong, but everything about the characters is only happening cause “plot demands it.” They never felt super fleshed out, and it’s probably why they feel a little odd (maybe even flat-ish) in the spinoff games (even more so than the P4 team), cause the spinoff games aren’t relying on their (P3′s) plot. I also don’t buy a lot of their friendships (esp the males teammates with the Male MC), Yukari and Mitsuru’s is....ok (I don’t like how the game makes it feel like “oh you have a dead dad? me too! let’s be friends” as a thing, I know she’s just trying to relate and sympathize but.....I’ve seen that as a complaint come up by a lot of people, for someone so popular Yukari isn’t much of a people person in this regard, from how the game frames it that is). Also the fact you can’t friend girls. There’s not a lot of bonding moments in the game, there’s more than P5, but I still don’t feel as close to the team as I should even by the end. And gawd, Ryoji? Wut I’m friends with him now? How? When? I like the guy but I don’t think he likes me. You’d think he’d want to hang out with me cause.....PHAROS! ;W;

There’s more but I don’t want to leave you hanging, but anyway it’s just....I have a lot of issues with how the characters are handled. They’re good characters, I wish there just....more to them. But the thing is.....THIS IS AN EASY FIX! You’ve probably heard me say about the P5 manga/anime “a change in medium can do wonders” or something like that. That’s cause I have P3 to look at. The manga and movies do wonders for P3 my problems with P3. There’s more bonding, character relationships are improved yadda yadda. Yes there are issues within the manga and movies themselves...... but they do a lot of good things too. One of the things the movies did was actually......influenced by it’s P3P remake (aka establish a relationship with Ryoji, yay!). Oh man, P3P/the FeMC fixed sooooooooooooo many problems (it also added some even more awesome duality to a game that already had a lot of duality going on with it), I can talk to Yukari and Junpei from the get go (and they treat me different, and more pleasantly than when I played as the dude), I can actually hang out with the guys (and I DON’T automatically have to date them, in fact I have to work to date them, every single one), the stats for character requirements are laid out more fairly like in P4 so by the time someone is available I can probably talk to them (without having to kill myself trying to manage my social stats).But man, the first act just flows so much better when you’re able to bond with your teammates (also Rio and Saori are great SLs!). Even tho they don’t change the female SLs pretty much at all (making it veeeery gay XD), it does feel like it is at least a friendship by the end (even tho I’m literally dating everyone and you can’t tell me otherwise! 8U). I also love her personality comes across more clearing (and varied) than the males, there’s a more clear progression of her psyche than her male counterpart (it’s still there, just not as obvious, and I love how they’re inverted to each other~! :D). It’s just, with P3, the really minor changes go a LOOOOOOOOOOONG way. The only thing I would change with P3 is the minor stuff. Just add more scenes (that don’t take up time) to the game, on both sides. Gameplay wise add more SLs, alternative SLs even. Heck, if they remade the game, I think being able to go to new places would be cool (and it’d be where you’d meet your new SLs) cause man you’re in a city, you deserve to do more stuff! It’s just the little things man, the little things can make a big impact! It says something that probably my fav Persona fanfic and fav Strain42 Persona parody comicis the P3(P) ones, even tho P4 is my fav game. You change a few things around, even the medium, and it makes a difference. 

Ok onto P4. Now P4 is the opposite of P3, with P4 it’s strong point is it’s characters. The characters drive P4. P4 is character based, P3 is plot based. P4 the plot takes a back seat. This is fine, it works in P4′s favor, like how the plot worked in P3′s favor. P4′s plot is ok, it does a great job with supporting the characters. Sadly I understand if you wanted more murder mystery (or just mystery) in a murder mystery game. And in P4′s defense, again, it had a barebones budget and not a lot of time and the company was doing pretty bad and P4 still came out pretty great (was the most popular before P5 came out, lord knows if it may even come out on top again if it gets an updated graphics/gameplay remake). And it’s also really hard to keep a murder mystery going for about 70-100ish hours (and only finally solving it in the last 1/5 of the game). Also P4, like P3 (forgot to mention that above), sticks to it’s theme really well. Even making it solving it/obtaining the good ending routes semi-difficult. Sure you can deduce Adachi, but tbh it’s also difficult. They do a pretty decent job building the guy up as a friend (even more so in P4G due to the SL). Izanami is also well hidden. The game makes you work and it rewards you.

Now if I were to change stuff.....it’d range from minor to major depending on what we’re talking about. Minor would be adding more scenes of Naoto bonding (she needs it cause the late game doesn’t do her justice), and like I mentioned above, I think have a deduction off would be interesting (Naoto’s SL was one of my favs cause of how we solved a gd mystery, god I’m so mad that never made it into the anime, even as an ova, it could’ve been a great team-building filler one too). Another thing I’d add would maybe be.....something similar to quests, but instead you have to solve a mystery (which means talking to people, and investigating areas), it can range from finding a cat in a tree or finding a bully or whatever. Just something minor that can give the mystery lovers something fun to do. I’d also have Izanami/gas station attendant be an SL (she originally was the Empress before giving that to Margret). Oh I’d also like to take Margret out on “dates” (c’mon gimme dem fun shenanigans).  And.....now this can be minor or major (depending on what they do, but it’s probably more major), add another red herring. I don’t care how.....but....it would help draw attention away from Adachi. Maybe they’re added from some of the mini mysteries you solved, maybe they squeeze an extra dungeon into the game some how-some way (doubt it for the later, that’d be a major change), but another red herring would be good. 

For a Major change it’d be restructuring the plot a looooooot, adding more dungeons for more red herrings. I would actually make Dojima a red herring. He originally was suppose to be the killer (but they thought that was too dark, understandable), with Adachi as the red herring instead. Other than that I’m not exactly sure how they’d overhaul that. I mean, if they made a P4 game based off of P3P’s route (aka different route/game, different killer), I’d like to see their prototype stuff play out. Short-haired ice queen Yukiko, delinquent/bully Rise, Pretty boy Naoto (actual boy this time, also make him dateable.....what? I like Naoto 8U), 1st year MC, Female Teddie, Adult(?) Kanji, Dojima as the killer, Adachi as the red herring (Chie and Yosuke are actually pretty much the same). I’d really like to see that. 

But tbh, I don’t really know where to start in giving P4 a major overhaul (except to go with the prototype set up), possibly cause it’d mean introducing/creating new characters. But P5? I do, oh man I know where I would start (P5 is where I’d make my major changes left and right, no minor changes here...except maybe dungeon 1), I’d make soooooo many changes to P5. But that’s for another time (not now, it’d take too long). 8U

[3one3]

The Sequel - 822

Bit By Bit

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“Have you seen my bit box? Nicky’s getting a rub from the bit guards on the loose ring we travel with so I want to switch to a regular snaffle or find a bigger loose ring. Actually, first, I wanna just see if the one on the traveling schooling bridle is the same size as the one we use at home, ‘cause that one doesn’t seem to bother him. Oh, she’s on the phone,” Christina finished in a whisper. “My bad.” She spun around to continue her 360-degree survey of her gorgeous tack room to look for the miniature trunk/bit box. Half of the burgundy painted room with the stunning Brazilwood cabinetry was still in a state of chaos because the horses and equipment from the North America trip were just delivered, on Monday afternoon. Stefanie was sitting on a packing case and leaning on the tall grooming cart/storage box, on her phone. She was away at a show over the weekend too. It was back to work for both girls that morning.

Christina started catching up with the horses she left home, including Cartagena, who was known around her stable by a variety of nicknames, including “Carter”, “Escobar”, and “Santi”, which the lady of the stable was partial to. She called him Santi after Santiago Gamboa, a Colombian journalist and author whose work to which she was turned on by Juan. Dirk and Calvin got good schools too, and Socks and Kimi would as well after a snack break. Stefanie still didn’t have a job, so it was easy to change her lessons so that Christina would be free to explore the neighborhood with André when he returned from training. She was saving Kimi for that, as he was least likely to freak out on the road, dump her on her head, and take off.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” Stefanie asked as soon as she quietly ended her call.

“Have you seen my bit box?”

“Yeah it’s right over here, but I don’t think you’re getting to it until somebody moves this thing.” She leaned her head back to tap on the portable metal cabinet trapping the fancy bit box. “I thought Kyle was supposed to be doing this?”

“He would be if Tom didn’t fire his help.” So inconvenient, her coach thought, reflecting on the head groom’s dismissal of the very woman he picked to be the “at home” groom. There was some drama first thing in the morning. Strictly on the low, Christina told André, she thought Tom was a little cranky from his travels. He beat the horses home by a couple of hours, at the expense of an aggressive flight itinerary. Nevertheless, he was very dissatisfied with the state of things upon his return from the long trip. He didn’t like how the stalls were bedded. He didn’t like that the water buckets showed signs of not having been scrubbed daily. Kyle reported some other problems that he didn’t think were a big deal but apparently were indeed. The most serious strike against her was a cut on the underside of Calvin’s long and voluminous tail. It was obviously more than a day or two old and hadn’t been treated, which meant the new groom didn’t do a thorough job of grooming, or even checking over the animals regularly. The boss agreed. She had to go.

“I’m sure he’ll find someone else,” Stefanie shrugged. “Is it okay if I bring a date to your cookout?” Her question was barely audible because she totally swallowed the end of it and turned in the opposite direction. Her trainer still heard it.

“A date?” Said trainer’s face expressed puzzlement.

“My sister came to visit the weekend before this last one and we went to a nice restaurant for dinner but we couldn’t get a table, so we just ate at the bar. We weren’t there to like, meet people,” Stefanie blushed, her legs swinging faster against the front of the packing case. “We just wanted to catch up. This random guy sat next to me and I don’t even know how long he was there before he just started talking to us. He was waiting for a date- a first date. He thought the girl was standing him up because she was so late, so he invited my sister and I to take his table. We were already finished though. My sister suggested we all go sit, and we could have dessert and keep him company while he had dinner. He was really sweet,” the younger rider smiled, a deep red color coming through her cheeks. “Maybe we just felt bad for him because he got stood up? I don’t know. But he was nice, and he made us laugh a lot, and is pretty okay looking. He wanted my number. We’ve been texting...and talking...”

“Then yes, absolutely you can bring a date.” Yay! This is so good for her. Either it’s time to give up on Mario, or this is a good way to prod him a little. It will definitely get back to him, Christina reasoned. I know he has a lot on his plate right now but if he’s not leaning on her to help in a difficult time, how could they possibly have a future? This is good. I’m excited. She instantly looked forward to her little backyard party with more enthusiasm than when she invited Stefanie. André wanted to have friends over Thursday evening because his teammates had the day off and the weather was supposed to be nice. He hoped they could celebrate advancing in the Champions League. Christina thought he should have wanted to be alone with her that night since she would be out of town over the one before, but she couldn’t be picky like that. She knew she couldn’t go away overnight and then act like he ought to feel blessed to have her around. He promised to help her do the shopping and the cooking.

“Great. I’m going to go ride Dezy-mare now before you can ask me any more questions.”

And I’m going to figure out how to get to my bits, the resident World Champion thought, studying the traffic jam of equipment around the somewhat worn but still very beautiful and exquisitely made bit box. Her only route to it was crawling over top of two other full size trunks and reaching down. But first, I’m gonna find out where boyfriend is.

“Where are you come home I miss you,” she tapped out all as one run-on sentence, to André. She then did in fact crawl over some big boxes to get to the small one, and was very pleased to find that its contents were still fairly well organized by bit type and style. Only when she lifted the bar full of her many, many loose ring snaffles did it dawn on Christina that she didn’t know what size plain one she needed without having the one on the traveling schooling bridle to compare to, and that she actually wanted to compare that one to the schooling bridle she used for Nick at home.

“Chris?” Kyle asked while she was lying flat across her trunk lids on her stomach and staring into the bit box below. “Would it be all right if I put Goose in Kimi’s field for the rest of the day, as Kimi is about to come in and there most likely won’t be time enough to turn him out again when you’re finished?”

“Yeah, I don’t care. Optimus Prime might hurt him if he tries to pick on him, but they’ll probably be fine. Wait, why isn’t he in his own field?” the trainer questioned curiously while crawling backwards to get to some floor she could stand on. The bits she decided to take with her made annoying and loud sounds banging into the lids as she moved on her hands and knees.

“Carter is in it. We were putting him in Nick and Rio’s field while they were away. I was going to bring Optimus in with Kimi.”

“Oh. I forgot we’re a little short. We should probably find out if maybe he can coexist with Kimi,” she frowned once she was able to get back on her feet. “It’s a shame to give the Iceman and his little bro a whole paddock to themselves, and they’re both pretty chill.”

“Of course, but Goose has no chill. He hates everyone.”

“Well let’s give it a try tomorrow. The run is next to them anyway. Put him there in the morning and then when you’re done with the regular stuff, go move him over and stay out there to watch. Is Socks ready?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Cool. Can you find the bridles from the horse show?” Christina requested, knowing full well that she was asking an annoying favor. The nice thing about being in charge, and about Kyle being a full-time employee working for a paycheck instead of exchanging labor for housing, was that she didn’t have to feel too guilty about giving him annoying things to do for her. She didn’t have to lift a muscle in her barn for anything but riding and teaching, if that’s what she wanted. That felt more apparent to her in her new stable than the one in London. It did feel more like a professional operation than a family effort, like “home”. “I need the one with the plain-mouth loose ring.”

“What for? We have three schooling bridles with plain loose rings in the rotation right now.” Kyle looked like he didn’t feel like looking for tack that wasn’t normally unpacked anyway. He looked like Tom had been driving him crazy for hours.

“I just need it. Hang it up there for me.” His other boss nodded at the grappling hook dangling from the ceiling by the granite-topped island, and then went to amble back into the short aisle to harass her husband some more. Then she remembered she didn’t need to take the bits in her hand with her, and turned around to go back and hang them on that hook. André replied before she could get back to pestering him about coming home.

“I’m on the way, but I don’t think I’m up for the walk today. Sorry pretty girl. I need to rest.”

That’s okay. Why is he sorry? He’s the one who asked me to go on the walk. He’s the one who wants to make plans all the time. I don’t mind resting with him. If anyone knows what it’s like to have ankle pain, it’s me. I hope he’s okay though, Christina thought, sympathetic. It doesn’t seem to be getting better. He hasn’t trained since before I left. He hasn’t even really told me about what’s wrong- how it hurts. I guess he didn’t want to be whiny about it while I was away. Well if I do Rizzle Kicks and Kimi quickly then maybe I can get home in time for Munchkin’s nap and he can nap on us together. Plus those two, she added, tracking Spencer and Lucky in her periphery. They followed her out of the tack room and trotted toward the main aisle at a faster clip than she was motivated to travel.

“I have two more to ride and then I’ll come up and rest with you :)”

“Chris. Where are you going? Get on this horse. I have things to do,” Tom complained from behind her. He wasn’t supposed to be getting her horses ready. He was supposed to be home already, as a matter of fact. He was supposed to just come in to check on things and then take the rest of the day to be with his family. Christina was sympathetic toward her groom too. He worked himself into a major tizzy over what the new and then ex-help did and didn’t do, and acted as if he had so many things that needed to be taken care of right away and which would keep him there all day long. He had Kyle running around to move horses in and out in between sets of buckets he was supposed to be scrubbing in the wash stall. He insisted on tacking up and putting away all the horses Christina wanted to ride. He insisted on getting his hands on every horse on the property, himself, thoroughly. Evidently having to babysit Socks on the crossties was holding up his dramatic whirlwind assault on correcting what he perceived as damage and chaos in his domain. Tom was cranky.

“I don’t know. I was just wandering around,” his new employer shrugged. I’m jet lagged. I couldn’t sleep last night. I’m out of practice on the ride at home routine. I’m thinking more about boyfriend, and I wanted food. I’m allowed, aren’t I? She thought it was fair to take a leisurely and casual approach toward her first day back after such a long spell on the road. It didn’t quite get as bad as laziness and unconsidered, so she felt it was okay. Her right hand man wanted a more precise approach toward her posted schedule, even though he wasn’t even supposed to be part of it. She put her phone in her jacket pocket and let him lead the Dutch horse down to the back door for her so that he could give her a leg up, send her on her way, and begin readying the next and final horse of the day for her. She actually asked for a tall mounting block to be built and placed outside that exit so that getting on could be a one-person job. Tom said any kind of mounting by putting one’s foot in the stirrup and then lifting the other leg over the saddle is bad for the animals’ backs and thus unacceptable. Christina was aware of that. Leaning heavily on just one side of the horse is not ideal, and can be particularly bad when someone does it from the ground because they tend to be hanging there in the one stirrup for even longer. She wanted a tall mounting block, so that she could practically just put her leg over without even needing the stirrup. Tom acknowledged that it wouldn’t be so terrible, but he still didn’t want her using it, so it didn’t get built. She wanted one down in the space between her outdoor rings, with the jump shed and the gazebo, for further convenience. He didn’t let her have that either. She was looking forward to one day just leading a horse down to those rings and using a tall jump, like the faux brick wall perhaps, to mount up on her own, just for the personal satisfaction of defeating and defying his anal thoughtfulness.

Socks and Kimi were good boys for her, and like the others she left behind, right where they belonged in terms of fitness and sharpness. Kyle and Stefanie did well with sticking to the horses’ programs, and even if their other groom for those few weeks wasn’t up to snuff for the most elite-level operation, the animals didn’t seem to notice or care. Christina visited with each one that was still inside before she left for the day, and gave them each a carrot or left one in the feed buckets in the empty stalls. André was both bright-eyed and handsome when she got home. He wasn’t as down as the tone she read in his text. He’d either done his hair nicely that morning before going to Brackel, or he showered there and did it nicely when he was finished. He had sweatpants and a t-shirt on, but his smile, and his voice, and even his eyes all told his wife that he wasn’t in a “sweatpants mood”- what she thought of as the internal need to be dressed cozily and tucked into bed or parked on the couch to do as little as possible, while less than happy with life. He had plenty of energy. He couldn’t wait for her to change her clothes and come back downstairs to play with him and Lukas.

“Am I allowed in here, or no?” he asked facetiously on the threshold of her extravagant closet. Christina was fully installed in there. Everything was put away in a Christina-way, and she usually kept pretty flowers on the counter between two of the tall shelving units. She had black and white photos on the walls, all of which were of herself. They were mostly un-used snaps from her various fashion spreads. They were a rare nod toward a vanity André thought she didn’t really possess. And he liked it. He liked the notion that she’d grown beyond just being okay with seeing herself as a model- as a physical specimen- and grown into appreciating it enough to want to be reminded of it every single day. She was humble about a lot of things, and he loved that about her. But becoming just vain enough to put up modeling photos was a little bit sexy, and despite it proving a challenge for their relationship, the player appreciated that his wife was capable of growing as an individual. He watched her learn, change, and adapt over time. The ability to do that was something he valued in any person, but needed in his partner. André and Christina found static personality types boring and sometimes frustrating.

“I suppose you can come in,” she shrugged, feigning mild irritation. She was turning her just-removed sports bra inside out, to be hung on a cabinet handle. It was against her rules to put sweaty things directly into the laundry basket.

“You look hot in white underwear,” André commented after taking a seat on her bench. It was hers after the move. It was no longer “their” incredibly expensive Van der Rohe bench. It went with the decor in her dressing room, not his, so she claimed it. The bench was an example of another Christina quirk that her partner secretly adored. She literally treasured it. She looked after it. She wouldn’t sit on it without underwear, or if she was sweaty. Lukas wasn’t allowed anywhere near it. No shoes were ever placed on it, and she was even careful about setting certain bags down on it. For example, her backpack couldn’t go there because she often set her backpack on the ground and it could thus get the precious white furniture dirty. She looked after her nice things. She looked after things that cost a lot, and things that mattered to her. André knew some girls who got their hearts set on something expensive, absolutely had to have it, loved it for a month, and then didn’t care enough about it after all to take care of it, or be mindful about using it. He poked his girl’s right butt cheek right in the middle and then leaned over to kiss the side of the other one, outside the white cotton.

“Juan calls these my grandpa underpants.”

“And does he feel positively about that? Because that would be weird, to be honest.” And why do you think I want to hear what he has to say about your underwear, he wondered. Her odd misstep didn’t hinder his fairly fine mood. He was in some pain from trying different things with the doctor and trainers. Even just walking hurt his heel and ankle a little, so he didn’t want to go trekking around the neighborhood. He wasn’t exhausted though, or worn down, or bummed. The frustration he felt at being sidelined for so long could be ignored in favor of enjoying that Christina was home. His best friend was back around, and in small panties that looked nice on her behind and did pleasing things to her hipbones.

“He didn’t say.” I took them off before we got that far into that conversation.

“Did his grandpa wear very small underpants? I don’t know any grown men who could fit into these.” The BVB man ran his fingertip up and down the inside of the small trim sectioning off her butt into equal parts of covered and bare territory.

“That’s what I said,” she laughed over her shoulder. “I think it was a color situation. He associates white undies with grandpas.”

“I associate white undies with you, because you look hot in them.”

“Are you visiting in my sovereign territory to seduce me, or were you just so struck by my hotness after you arrived that you had to play with my butt?”

“I was going to wait until later to seduce you. I really just came here to get attention.”

“Oh, I see,” Christina chuckled. “And now?”

“I don’t know. A nice way for you to give me attention would be getting into bed with me and sitting on me in these panties, maybe without the shirt though.“

“Yeah, and then what?” She had a big smile on for him. Non-serious Schü was cute, sweet, and highly entertaining to her when she was in the mood for him. Non-serious Schü was typically only unwelcome when she was upset with him and needed the serious one, or simply too tired to be amused.

“I don’t know. You could tell me about your day- about the horses, and why you sacked Camille already. These are clean hot white underwear, yes?” the player asked for verification purposes. He didn’t necessarily want to be sat on in panties that were in the saddle all day. He was still playing with the seam around the right leg opening.

“I would love to tell you about my day.” Christina was still smiling, and she was still non-serious too, but she seriously relished the invitation to share with him the events of her Monday up to that point. He didn’t always give the impression that he actually cared about the tick-tock of her life if it didn’t directly relate to him. That was part of the disconnect that was making things tough for them before she went away. “And to hear about yours too,” she added. Again, it wasn’t just lip service. “I need the update on your boo-boo, and how the guys are doing.”

“Okay. Finish whatever you were doing. I’m going to get your ice pack, and do you want juice, smoothie, coffee, or water?”

“I love you,” she sighed, almost resignedly, while spinning in place to administer a kiss for André’s kindness. Traveling for three weeks was supposed to help repair things with Dirk, and that didn’t get to happen. It was clear that it repaired things with Tom on some level. It was beginning to feel like it might have significantly helped to repair the problems with her primary partner too.

“What would you like, Prinzessin?” he asked quietly while she lingered between his knees. He kneaded small spots at the back of thighs between his thumbs and pointers, absent a more sensical idea of how to touch her but with a need to touch her somehow. Another much loved Christina Quirk was her overreaction to kind gestures. Sometimes he forgot how easy it really was to please her. The smallest exercise of his care for her, her wellbeing, and her happiness, was a big deal to her, and one she didn’t take for granted.

“Nothing.” The rider shook her head and bent down a little for a second smooch. The first was just a peck on the cheek. The sequel was square on the mouth, and savoring. I love him so much, she reflected, blues locked on his, and hands ruining his previously perfect hair. But why does it feel so weird? Why is it like I’m almost disappointed or something that I still love him- that he’s still the sweet and caring guy who makes me feel so good?

“Let me go get your ice. You should have it on already. I’ll see you in bed, okay?” The footballer in question patted her bum and winked up at her. She stepped out of the way.